shaniquajane

[shaniquajane]

Reflection (Amarta)

REFLECTION

What did you learn? I didn’t really technically learn much about the troubles of being a parent- per se- (because my mum does often elaborate on that topic) but I was able to kind of learn first hand about how it felt to have to take care and be responsible for someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Of course, I wasn’t able to properly learn but I think that I learnt a lot of valuable lessons and I learnt about the impact of small decisions that are made by parents, such as, taking their eyes off their baby for even a second. Also, although I don’t really know exactly what it feels like, and I hope I never will, I did feel a little bit of the “humiliation” of what it must feel like be a teenage mother. I felt this when everyone was staring at Arif and I when we walked around places, and I felt them silently judging us. Although it is obviously not the same form of judgement, I did feel a little bit of what it must feel like. Furthermore, I learnt about the difficulties of having a baby whilst having to also worry about studies and the way babies may disrupt your daily routines. It was very difficult for me to do work whilst taking care of my baby because, when I was in school, for example, I would have no choice but to hold her. 

What was the best part of this experience? The best part of this experience was probably also the worst part of this experience- and that was being able to put myself in someone else’s shoes. It was very interesting to be able to learn so much, simply by doing a little bit of research and by holding around and having to take care of a baby doll every day for 10 days. I feel very happy that I am able to now respect my mother, my dad, my sister, and all the other parents I know because of this experience. Because even though it was very difficult for me to take care of Shaniqua and to research a lot in order to plan for her future, it is nothing compared to having to carry, birth, and take care of an actual baby and raise him/her for 18 years (sometimes even more). So, I now greatly appreciate the small things that my mother was able to do while raising 4 children, sometimes with as little as a few weeks of paid maternity leave, like not getting me kidnapped. 

How was this experience like having your own child? To be completely honest, I do not think that this project greatly resembles the experience of having to take care of a real, live baby. However, I do think that there were some similarities- like I mentioned before. First of all, I had to keep an eye out for Shaniqua 24/7 and I had to make sure that she was in my sight at all times- and that I was holding her properly, that she was comfortable, and that she was in the right hands. This is similar to having your own child because, although this section is, of course, heightened significantly when taking care of an actual child, having a baby comes with a lot of sacrifice in terms of time and selflessness. Another thing was that I had to wake up at 2 am once. It was only once, however, and I was probably only up for 10 minutes, while some parents have to be up for hours; I really felt like I didn’t want to go through with it and that I really wanted to go to sleep. The last thing that I think resembled having an actual child the most was having to do so much research and planning. Arif and I had to spend hours planning various things for my child, some of the things that I didn’t even consider have to be planned. It made me realise how hard it must be to have an unexpected baby, and weirdly, made me even more pro-choice as I, to some extent, understand the fear that comes with having an unexpected baby. 

Are you ready to have a child as a teenager? Why or why not? No, I am definitely not ready to have a child as a teenager. This is because I am beyond unprepared to have a child, both physically, and mentally. I am a highly unorganised person and I don’t think that that side of my personality would go very well with a child of my own. 

[shaniquajane]

Reflection (Arif)

REFLECTION:

What did you learn? I learnt some new things about parenthood involving the things that you should and should not do with a baby, how to care for it, and the challenges that come with having a child. One of the first things I had to learn was how to hold and carry the baby around. At first, when I held Shaniqua (my baby) her face was against my shirt, so she couldn’t really breathe. Also, I did not take into account a baby’s lack of head control, so I had to learn to support the head and carry the baby properly. Unfortunately, I also had to learn about some things that should be common sense, like not putting the baby on the edge of a table or near cables, etc. In the research that my partner and I had to do, I was surprised to learn about some of the costs of having a child, or the amount of little details that had to go into the diet, or the vaccinations. Also, I found out what it was like to carry a “baby” around in public.

Overall, what did you think of this experience? All in all, this project was fun, but also educational and served its purpose to teach me some things about parenthood and childcare. I enjoyed carrying Shaniqua around, sometimes, but she was a bit heavy. To be honest, however, I kind of overestimated the things that I would have to do in this project, because a lot of it was research, and I would have liked to have to change its nappies/diapers, or get woken up by the sound of it crying. From the interviews and research, I know that these things aren’t anything to be happy about, but I would have liked to experience it for future reference.

What was the best part of this experience? The best part was learning about taking care of the baby, because some of it was quite interesting, like the many small things that might go into problems like teething, or diets. Also, I got to find out some new things from my parents about things they did to raise me, and it was funny to try and imagine what I was like as a baby.

What was the worst part of this experience? I think the worst part of this experience was walking around in public with Shaniqua, because it can get so awkward. No one really said anything to me or Amarta, but from some of the looks, I think some people thought that we were pretty weird, or even crazy. The thing is, I think that being teenagers and carrying around these fake babies might have added to the embarrassment, so I was sometimes reluctant to hold the baby.

How was this experience like having your own child? To be honest, I don’t think this experience was too much like having my own child, since there was aspects to parenthood that were missing, like the things I mentioned in the second question or the fact that the baby was not real. Since the baby wasn’t “alive”, I don’t think that I was pushed to be as careful as I would have been with a real, living human. If I had been looking after a real baby, she would have cried, peed, pooed, and taken up more of my attention and time since she would have moved. So, I don’t think that this experience was very realistic.

Are you ready to have a child as a teenager? Why or why not? No, I don’t think that I’m ready to have a child as a teenager, because I still don’t really know how to be a “parent” in terms of mental and emotional upbringing. This project helped me understand how to raise a baby regarding its health, but when I child is older, I think that it would be important to know how to get them to be happy, intelligent and confident as they get older. Also, babies and teenagers are pretty different in many ways, so even if this project had made me the ultimate baby parent, I would still need to learn about raising a teenager.

[shaniquajane]

Day Ten (Amarta)

Today was my last day with Shaniqua. I spent quite a bit of time with her, although Arif took care of her last night and he kept her for most of the morning. I am sad that she will no longer be a part of my life, furthermore, due to the fact that I have had ten days to get to know her and take care of her, it will feel weird not having her there all the time. It will feel weird to not have to hold her all the time and worry about her. I think I will miss her a lot. 

[shaniquajane]

Parent Interview (Mary Collins)

First piece of advice for any new parent? Enjoy every moment even when you’re so exhausted you can’t think straight because babies are special and they give us hope that the future will be better.

What should you not do? You should not listen to people who tell you that there is only one way to bring up a baby. That is the most important one. You also shouldn’t focus only on your baby- you have to also focus on yourself because you need to have enough energy to look after your baby and you cannot do that without taking care of yourself. Keep yourself as healthy as possible.

How do you ensure that the baby is healthy? For the first 6 months, give your baby 100% breast milk- unless you are faced with a situation in which it is impossible. Don’t listen to women or other parents who tell you to feed your baby formula. When your baby starts eating solid food, delay salt and sugar for as long as possible- recommended age to start introducing salt and sugar is 2 years old. 

What activities should you do with the baby? Talk and sing to them and read them stories. This helps them to develop language which has a large impact on everything else and it shows them that they’re loved. It can also make them feel more comfortable because they are able to associate you with a sound. 

What do you do in terms of the relationship between the baby and other family members? You give each family member some attention. So, if they have an older brother or sister, try and spend some alone time with that older brother or sister as often as possible, although that may be hard. For the actual bonding between the baby and other family members, give them as many opportunities to play with each other as possible. 

What is the best part about having a baby? The love that develops between you and the baby and just the general fact that it makes you a better person because it helps you focus on making the world a better place in the future for your children. There is a huge difference between “I don’t want a nuclear war because I don’t want to die in one”, and “I don’t want a nuclear war because I want my children to have a good future and I don’t want them to die in one”. It gives you hope that the future can be a better place and it gives you a sense that you are contributing more to that cause.

What is the worst part about having a baby? Lack of sleep.

Did having a baby help you develop as a person? Yes.

[shaniquajane]

Family Planning Methods

ABSTINENCE

PROS 1. Only form of pregnancy prevention that is 100% effective. 2. Biggest probability of not gaining STDs. 3. Some teenagers may be concerned that their partner is only with them for sex, abstinence may make them feel secure in the fact that that is not the case. 4. Costs nothing and no side effects

CONS 1. Abstinence means different things to different people, and some forms of "abstinence" can still spread sexually transmitted diseases. For example, oral sex or anal sex.  2. Studies have shown that teenagers who break their promise of abstinence are less likely to use protection- which means that it may cause the complete opposite effect. 3. Some argue that abstinence teaches young women the wrong message. It pushes the idea of women should stay virgins but for men, it doesn’t matter as much. It has shown to have a direct connection to an increase in slut shaming. 

HORMONAL IMPLANTS

PROS 1. May cause very light or no menstrual cycles- which many girls may consider a large pro. 2. Very effective form of birth control. 3. Can be removed when the woman is ready to become pregnant. 

CONS 1. Does not protect against STDs. 2. Hormonal implants requires minor surgery- which some people may be put off by, also requires minor surgery to remove the implant. 3. Can cause side effects such as irregular menstrual periods, depression, nervousness, hair loss, and weight gain. 4. Some people experience mild-severe infections in the area that the capsule is implanted.  5. It is not completely universal because it cannot be used by women with certain medical conditions and by women who use certain medications.

FEMALE STERILISATION

PROS 1. Extremely effective against pregnancy- will provide protection from pregnancy forever. 

CONS 1. No protection against STIs 2. Very expensive- prices can range from $1000-$2500. 3. Requires minor surgery. 4. It is permanent- so should only be done by women who are 100% sure they do not want to have a child. Undoing sterilisation is possible but not always effective and requires major surgery- also very expensive. 

BIRTH CONTROL PILLS

PROS  1. If used correctly, highly effective against pregnancy.  2. Usually causes a very light menstrual cycle 3. Decreases cramps and acne during your period to a large extent. 4. Makes you less likely to get ovarian and uterine cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, ovarian cysts, and anemia. 5. It depends on your health insurance, but your birth control may be free.

CONS 1. Doesn’t protect against STIs. 2. You need a doctor’s prescription. 3. May be hard to keep up- you need to make sure to remember to take them daily at the same time. 4. Can occasionally cause side effects such as nausea, increased appetite, headaches, and, very rarely, blood clots 5. Another form of birth control that isn’t completely universal, as it cannot be used by women with certain medical situations or women taking certain medication.

MALE CONDOM

PROS 1. Lowers risk of both STIs and STDs by a large amount. 2. Very easy to attain. They are not expensive, can be bought at most drug store, and you do not need a prescription.  3. Allows men to have an active part in preventing pregnancy. 4. Lowers risk of pregnancy 

CONS 1. It can only be used once, so can turn out to be expensive for one who is sexually active. 2. It can break 3. Not 100% effective

FEMALE CONDOM

PROS 1. Lowers risk of STIs, STDs, and pregnancy. 2. It doesn’t interrupt sexual activity as much as male condoms because it can be inserted way before sexual activity. 

CONS 1. May move, be noisy, or uncomfortable. 2. Not 100% effective- and they are new, meaning that we don’t know yet just how effective they actually are. 3. Can only use once and pretty expensive- around $2.50 each.

WITHDRAWL/ “PULLING OUT”

PROS 1. Natural, so no side effects 2. Doesn’t cost anything 3. Like male condoms, it allows men to be an active role in preventing pregnancy. 

CONS 1. Doesn’t protect against STIs or STDs 2. Proved to be largely ineffective 3. May decrease sexual pleasure of woman since need to always be thinking about what is happening during sexual intercourse 4. Requires a lot of trust- as the control is all in the man.

ADOPTION

PROS 1. You can help make a child’s life a lot better and give him the opportunity to have a proper family and be in a loving and nurturing environment. 2. In many cases, adoption will provide benefits for the birth mother.  3. You can still get a child that you can love as your own, without the challenging, mentally, and physically draining process of pregnancy. 

CONS 1. Adopting a child is typically a long, drawn-out process. It can be very difficult legally and will take a lot of your time. It can take anywhere between months to even years. Sometimes, doing that can turn out to be a big disappointment if your paperwork is not sufficient or if the biological parents decide to back out. 2. Adopting a child also costs a lot of money. 

SURROGATES

PROS 1. For those who are in an LGBTQIA+ relationship, for those with medical conditions that prevent them from going through pregnancy safely, or for those who struggle with infertility, surrogacy is often a great answer to complete a family. 2. Surrogacy allows for genetic connections, which adoption often does not allow you. This also ensures that you are involved. 3. Surrogacy involves fewer surprises than adoption because a legally binding contract outlining everyone’s expectations will be negotiated and signed before the embryo transfer.  4. Surrogacy does not only create a meaningful relationship between the parents and their surrogate child, but also often the parents and the surrogate parent. Many intended parents become close with their surrogate and her family during the process, developing meaningful bonds that can last a lifetime.

CONS 1. Surrogacy can be extremely complicated. It often involves complex medical procedures, and surrogacy laws. There is a lot to consider about whether or not you are performing this surrogacy legally and safely.  2. Because of the number of people and services required to complete a successful surrogacy, surrogacy can be expensive. 3. You need to fully trust the surrogate parent, as you will have little control with what is going on because of the fact that you are not the one carrying the baby.

IVF TREATMENT

PROS 1. A significant increase in pregnancy rates.  2. Donor eggs or sperm may be used so that the child is biologically rated to at least one parent. 3. Embryos created via IVF can be frozen and stored for use during subsequent cycles 4. Genetic testing is available and can prevent genetic diseases from being passed on.

CONS 1. IVF is not covered by all medical insurance policies, so you may have to contribute a significant amount of money. 2. Even though they are often successful, it is not 100% certain that they will work. 3. The process of testing and administering fertility medication can be uncomfortable 4. You have to take a lot of time outside of your existing schedules as it takes a lot of trips to the doctor’s office. 5. Fertility medication is known to have side effects that cause discomfort.

TRADITIONAL PREGNANCY

PROS 1. You and your partner will have a full biological connection to the baby. 2. Some consider pregnancy to be a great learning experience, because of the great amount of physical and mental endurance it takes to get through one. 3. There are the more “social” benefits to pregnancy, including not having people judge you if you don’t feel like lifting, walking, carrying, or traveling. Furthermore, people will be more likely to help you out in a situation of need. 4. Your menstrual cycle will stop. 5. You get bigger breasts, which some women may consider a pro. 6. You do not have to TTC!

CONS 1. A traditional pregnancy is not universal and probably won’t be suitable for LGBTQIA+ couples, someone who is infertile, or someone with a medical condition that disallows them from going through a pregnancy. 2. Pregnancies take a lot of physical and mental endurance. First trimester issues: nausea, sore boobs, puke, food aversions. They also take up a lot of time. 3. They can be very expensive. 4. You can look and feel extremely bloated. 5. You are not allowed to drink. 6. The actual birth process is very painful.

[shaniquajane]

Top - Family photo!

Middle - Shaniqua’s birth certificate worksheet!

Bottom - Shaniqua’s birth certificate!

[shaniquajane]

Cost to raise a child (0-18 yrs + university)

First Year Expenses Total estimate : Rp 106,368,000

Housing Total estimate : Rp 1,699,228,800

Food (until 18 yrs) Average Rp 100,000 per day x 365 x 18 Total estimate : Rp 657,000,000

Transportation Average Rp 200,000,000 per car x 3 (change every 6 years) Total estimate : 600,000,000

Clothing Infant - Toddler (0-3) Average Rp 372,288 per month Child - Teenager (3-18) Average Rp 691,392 per month  Total estimate : Rp 13,402,368 + Rp 124,450,560 Total estimate : Rp 1,378,522,928

Vaccines  HepB - Rp 163,571 per dose (Total : Rp 490,714) RV - Rp 919,192 per dose (Total : Rp 2,757,576) DTaP - Rp 417,173 per dose (Total : Rp 1,251,519) Hib - Rp 127,000 per dose (Total : Rp 318,000) PCV13 - Rp 1,688,510 per dose (Total : Rp 5,065,530) IPV - Rp 664,800 per dose (Total : Rp 1,994,400) IIV - Rp 208,414 per dose (Total : Rp 416,828) MMR - Rp 273,764 per dose (Total : Rp 273,764) VAR - Rp 1,232,805 per dose (Total : Rp 1,232,805) HepA - Rp 249,300 per dose (Total : Rp 498,600) Meningococcal - Rp 1,622,112 per dose (Total : 4,866,336) Total estimate : Rp 19,166,072

Other healthcare Total estimate : Rp 289,985,760

Education (not including university) Total estimate : Rp 1,175,898,240

Miscellaneous  Total estimate : Rp 470,678,400

University Average private college 4-year tuition : Rp 525,431,328 University allowance :  Rp 664,800 per week Average university allowance : Rp 138,278,400 Average book cost : Rp 25,000,000 Total estimate: 688,709,728

TOTAL ESTIMATE Rp 8,444,914,784

[shaniquajane]

Infant Nutrition 

[shaniquajane]

Vaccination Plan

We have decided that we would like to take our child to have regular vaccinations. There are many reasons why we chose to do this. First of all, immunisations could save Shaniqua’s life. We have heard that there are many diseases that are near close to extinction, almost purely because of the existence and the progress of vaccinations over the years. Secondly, they can help protect that people around Shaniqua as it prevents the spread of a lot of diseases. It will also probably help us economically in the long run, as we won’t have to worry as much about expensive hospital bills due to our child being in hospital for a long amount of time because of an extreme illness that could have been easily prevented by getting immunisations. Furthermore, we do not think that vaccinations are dangerous towards Shaniqua. Vaccines are only given to children after a long and careful review by scientists, doctors, and healthcare professionals. Of course it may hurt her for a few seconds, but it’s incomparable to the pain that she would go through if she got a life-threatening disease. 

Cost of Vaccines 

HepB - Rp 163,571 per dose (Total : Rp 490,714) RV - Rp 919,192 per dose (Total : Rp 2,757,576) DTaP - Rp 417,173 per dose (Total : Rp 1,251,519) Hib - Rp 127,000 per dose (Total : Rp 318,000) PCV13 - Rp 1,688,510 per dose (Total : Rp 5,065,530) IPV - Rp 664,800 per dose (Total : Rp 1,994,400) IIV - Rp 208,414 per dose (Total : Rp 416,828) MMR - Rp 273,764 per dose (Total : Rp 273,764) VAR - Rp 1,232,805 per dose (Total : Rp 1,232,805) HepA - Rp 249,300 per dose (Total : Rp 498,600) Meningococcal - Rp 1,622,112 per dose (Total : 4,866,336)

Total : Rp 19,166,072

[shaniquajane]

Parent Interview (Matt Ashworth)

First piece of advice for any new parent? First child is always the throwaway Like pancakes

What should you not do? Going green is a lie, you need a lot of nappies Don’t go for reusable nappies, because they get filled up and go bad within, like, half an hour Do not drop the child

How do you ensure that the baby is healthy? Make sure that he/she has a balanced diet Rice + chicken for five years (from experience)

What activities should you do with the baby? Take the baby to music events Have them sit on your lap after listening to music

What do you do in terms of the relationship between the baby and other family members? The baby comes before anyone else (BAE)

What is the best part about having a baby? Having them grow up and becoming interesting

What is the worst part about having a baby? You lose a lot of sleep You don’t get to spend as much time with your spouse

Did having a baby help you develop as a person? Yes

[shaniquajane]

Day Nine (Arif)

Today I held onto Shaniqua for most of the school day, since Amarta has had her for the past three or four nights. I kept her on my lap a lot of the time during class, and during lunch time, I had a friend keep an eye on her, while I played basketball. This was also the case when I did my basketball ECA.

When I got home, Shaniqua slept for a while, and I showered, changed clothes, etc. Afterwards, we had dinner, and then I did a lot of studying for my Chinese exam tomorrow. Since I didn’t want Shaniqua to get bored, I let her help me revise. She would hold up the paper with my speech on it, and then take it away when I told her to. Then, we went to sleep at about 9:30 PM.

[shaniquajane]

Day Eight

Shaniqua watching Arif play the guitar!

[shaniquajane]

Day Eight (Amarta)

I woke up to Shaniqua crying very loudly. I thought that she might be hungry, so I tried to feed her- but she seemed to have an unwillingness to eat, and when I tried to lie her back down in an attempt to calm her, she wouldn't lay flat on her crib. She seems to be in a lot of pain- it doesn't seem as if she is crying simply because she is hungry or needed a nappy change. I suspected that she may have an ear infection so, to make sure it didn't get any worse (as I've heard that ear infections in infants can sometimes lead to hearing loss and even speech delay), I rushed her to the hospital where a doctor inspected her ears. He said that they were very swollen and infected- so he prescribed her an antibiotic. He told that, in the event of future middle-of-the-night earaches, I should give her an infant pain reliever which he gave to me and keep her upright. 

Throughout the day, Arif mostly took care of Shaniqua. He had a concert during lunch time and we watched him with Izzy and Ken Ken Junior. Shaniqua enjoyed it a lot. 

[shaniquajane]

Day Seven (Amarta)

Throughout the day, I took care of Shaniqua for a little bit, but Arif took her for a lot of the time. We didn’t really do anything today- we just went straight home, had dinner, and then Shaniqua went to sleep at around 8:00. I stayed up to do some studying and she kept quiet most of the time, which was great. Today was an easy and relaxing day. 

[shaniquajane]

Day Six

Shaniqua against the view she loved (don’t worry- Anais was holding her)!

[shaniquajane]

Day Six (Amarta)

Today I got to see Shaniqua again after not seeing her for the whole weekend! I kept her for most of the day during school and after school, we went to Lotteria with Anais because I was sick and couldn’t fast that day. We got some shakes and some burgers and we chatted a little bit. We were on the top floor, on the balcony and Shaniqua seemed to really enjoy the view so Anais held her while I took a photo of her against the view. 

After that, we spent a little bit of time at school and then we went home and had dinner with my family. After that, Shaniqua watched her first movie! “F For Fake”! She seemed to be really interested in the philosophical, economical, and political theories Welles and other people have on art forgery- and she seemed to appreciate the clever plot twist. We watched “Fantasia” after that and she seemed to enjoy that one a little more :). 

[shaniquajane]

Day Five

Shaniqua learning that gamelan!