#cant remember which was actually first
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so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and
#disventure camp#disventure camp fanart#tristan vik#disventure camp tristan#ghostofsnails#my art#It would be SO tedious to post all of these separately but to be honest ive been dead for so long that i think its just funnier like this#like. yeah. just in case you guys have been wondering what i've been up to.#I have like 2 more i think but i'll give them their own post so i can explain them#ive never hyperfixated on a character like this in my entire life. usually a character hyperfix is super intense and lasts like 2ish weeks.#GUYS ITS BEEN 2+ MONTHS. AND I STILL CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR CARTOON GOTH NONBINARY SILLY PERSON#actually fuck you can i write an essay in tags about why i love them. this is tumblr. and whose even gonna read this anyways. fukit we ball#i followed dc kinda casually as a guilty pleasure for a while but i was instantly drawn to tristan when the designs for the s4 cast dropped#i was like You're telling me there's a GOTH who is UPBEAT and isnt designed like a flawless elf TWINK and is NONBINARY? ME FR????#LIKE OHH THE GOTH NB GETS TO LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD. THEY GET TO BE UNCONVENTIONAL. my aesthetic attraction to them goes crazy. vampire style.#i remember when they got revealed people redesigned them to look more generically pretty & it PAINED ME bc it missed the point SO. BADLY.#ik some people find them boring also & even tho i disagree i can see it if u dont rlly care abt alt stuff. but for me the fact theyre so#kind & upbeat & extroverted WHILE being a SUBCULTURAL GOTH is the draw bc while i do get a kick out of the exaggerated depressed goth#stereotype - its not exactly true to life and so seeing a character that looks and acts like me and real goths makes feel so seen and happy#they also capture my desire to have goth friends SO BADLY im projecting on them SO HARD. They are such top tier friend material you guys...#AND THEYRE A FASHION DESIGNER WHICH FEELS SO IN THEME WITH BEING GOTH THAT IT MAKES ME SO JOYOUS AND CRAZY.#its all so funny because im 100x more excited about getting good goth rep than nonbinary rep LMFAOOO but them being nb is SO important too#Not to mention their voice actor is FANTASTIC and elevates them SOOO MUCH. Also the amount the va is obsessed with them fed my obsession -#sooo insanely you guys.... i feed off of other peoples emotional attachments. AND THEIR ACTING FOR TRIS ADDS SO MUCH DEPTH TO THEIR#CHARACTER IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. I COULD LITERALLY WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT TRISTAN YOU GUYS. IM NOT INSANE.#god you guys this is the first time ive ever had a genuine “i feel seen” feeling from a fictional character I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE NOW.#i LOVE NONBINARY PEOPLE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. I LOVE HOW QUEERNESS AND GOTH CULTURE INTERSECTS AND HOW THATS REPRESENTED IN TRISTAN#THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. AND I KNOW THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE. WHICH JUST MAKES THEM MEAN EVEN MORE TO ME. I LOVE LIFE.#its an endless feedback loop i fear. im trapped in it & loving every second. i will be drawing them until i am in my grave & maybe after.
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what other silly little antics do you think charles and erik got up to in that cube besides play chess because my money's on book discussions. like them book clubs with suburban moms where you drink wine and talk about books you read except theres no wine i dont think thats permitted in the plastic cube prison and theres not even a club its just two old men
#xmen#x2: x men united#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap chats#living up to my username hey#born to think about silly cherik ideas forced to '''''Legally Purchase''''' and read college textbooks this SUCKS#i mean i got my book at an ''''Extremely Great' Discount'''' this week but still. let me think of old people#anyway i think they should do book discussions ... i dont remember if there was an established timeline between the first and second movies#but ive decided theres a decent amount of time until i decide to rewatch the movies. which will be thursday probably vajVLAKJ#ANYWAY MY THEORY VALID erik allowed to read while he in there ... who givin him books .. did he bring those ...#or did charles drop it off ....... please im gonna throw up ik erik gon make a crack about 'professor x' giving him assigned reading#well listen here king at least it isnt about Organizational Behavior In The Workplace😩#ok thats all for tonight#whenever i say my 'nightly cherik ramblings' im usually joking but at this point i am being routine about this vjaeLVKJAEKJ#and i say this as if its a bad thing ... the opposite i reckon ...#i cant wait until i can actually draw them jvareLK#alight bye i have to mentally prepare for my first day of the semester. later <- it is 1AM 💀💀💀💀
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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i hate how, after seeing all the possible trc hot takes under the sun, and after writing an insane amount of rps set into trc aus, my brain has decided that the ONLY pair of characters it will permanently rotate around like a set of rotisserie chickens is whelk and noah. what do you MEAN i have to keep imagining whelk as being noah's toxic ex, even though i also read them as mostly platonic? what do you MEAN i have to keep fleshing out their backstory myself.
#you know how agnostism is that u dont necessarily NOT believe in god u just dont know if thats something we can know?#thats me. with whelk. and noah. and the ambiguity on the status of what the fuck those two had going on#because the narrative forgot noah so i have to remember him myself#worlds most toxic qpr partner goes to whelk#btw i dont want them to ACTUALLY be together#just want to make that clear#i just see the potential for it. you know? i literally cant remember noah having any other named friends than whelk#whelk really WAS his gansey first. which is insane to think#(also i feel like i stole that analysis from someone but its been years since i saw it. so. apologies for that if ur the one who made that)#trc#the raven cycle#noah czerny#barrington whelk
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maybe this is a kind of obvious answer but can you talk about the symbolism of the silent princess flower in botw?
YEAH. i can <3 <3 <3 <3
so the silent princess. this flower which is so pervasive as a symbol throughout this game. most of what we are told about it comes directly from zelda in the memory where she talks about it. in the english version of the game, she says "This one here is called the silent princess. It's a rare, endangered species. Despite our efforts, we can't get them to grow domestically yet. The princess can only thrive out here in the wild. All that we can hope... is that the species will be strong enough to prosper, on its own." in japanese, she (more or less) says, "this is... it's called the silent princess, and it's an endangered flower. I started artificial cultivation [of the silent princess] a while ago, but it's not going well. it's... a princess that might become extinct." that discrepancy is interesting, i think, with the english version being altered to give zelda a slightly more hopeful outlook on the fate of the flower, musing about its potential for survival instead of thinking more negatively about the prospect of its extinction.
So. the flower's actual symbolism. It's honestly kind of heavyhanded imo, but sometimes a heavyhanded symbol still works really well. consider the flower's name, the "silent princess." consider, then, the two characters who are most obviously tied to it--zelda, the princess, who is actually named in the flower's compendium description, and link, the silent knight who seems to find the flower at every important location throughout his journey. On a certain level, the flower is representative of these characters, hence why its name evokes aspects of both of them. more specifically, though, the flower is representative of the internal struggle these two characters undergo as pieces of the bigger puzzle that is the calamity.
both zelda and link suffer "in captivity" as zelda puts it--they find themselves struggling under the weight of their destinies, zelda unable to perform to the standards of her father, link terrified to fall short of the kingdom's expectations. neither of them are able to reach their full potential when "cultivated artificially" as it were; link is mute and subdued, never showing even the slightest hint of his true personality underneath the hardened exterior, and zelda is frustrated and depressed, convinced she will never be enough to win the love and praise of her father. On a certain level, being "cultivated in captivity," being forced to live under careful observation, with a clear purpose and clear, unshakeable expectations, killed both link and zelda. link literally died at the hands of the calamity, and zelda killed her adventurous spirit and scientific curiosity in an attempt to conform to her father's expectations. when zelda, in the japanese version of the game, muses that the princess may be destined to become extinct, she is expressing kinship with the flower, believing that she, too, has no meaningful future since she can't conform to the expectations her father and her kingdom have for her. She essentially feels that if she can't be useful "in captivity" there is no way for her to live in this world, and that the only other option is "extinction."
Her more optimistic english monologue, however, is closer to the truth of the silent princess's resilience. While we know that the princess was in dire straits a hundred years ago, post-calamity hyrule sees many of the flowers taking root, often in places that were once highly-populated but have since been abandoned. what we find in a post-calamity landscape is that the silent princess, once thought to be unsavable, is THRIVING in this new world, having been released from the expectations and interference of the people trying to cultivate it. Again, this is symbolic of link and zelda: in a post-calamity landscape, we see link begin to find his voice. we see his personality begin to return--he cracks jokes, he laughs, he cooks, he takes photos, he makes connections, he buys a house and decorates it. He thrives in a world where he is not confined by the pressure to be perfect, to grow in the way that others expect of him. the silent princess can't grow in captivity, but it CAN thrive in the wild, free of outside influence, allowed to just BE.
Also worth noting that there's a side quest in botw which involves a legend that if you swear your love on a freshly-picked silent princess, you and your partner will "live a charmed life." there's definitely something to be said about The Zelink Flower being the subject of a romantic legend. but that's not actually the point of this post. anyway
#i cant remember if it's ACTUALLY implied in game or not but i always thought that that legend was probably why the princess was endangered#in the first place. too many people picking it to try and make their love last#which says something about the way love can hurt i think. especially potent a la zelda and her father#because you know he didn't MEAN to hurt her. he loved her. but he wanted her in captivity and she couldn't grow there#anyway. yeah. breath of the fucking. wild. agh#zelda analysis
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I sent an email to the admissions dept for the school with the radiography program I'm interested in (despite it maybe not being feasible for me as the most competitive program in the state outside of MD programs) and they replied sooner than I expected to set up a call talking abt transcripts and I am so crazy nervous
#oughh bro i have to send over my lackluster transcripts with a whole lot of Ws and Cs and an F#and go like okay so i know it LOOKS bad but... hear me out.....#i know the worst that could happen is the guy tells me theres just no way im getting in without an associates first#which sucks because i already have a bachelors i dont wanna have to redo gen eds ffs#they only admit like 20 people into this program a year so i feel like i cant mess up talking to the transfer admissions guy#he might actually remember 😵💫 even if my embarrassing transcripts wont be memorable enough#like i did end with a 3.5 gpa but also i was in school for like 8 years and i did exceptionally bad#for a variety of reasons including but not limited to: family deaths. (toxic family stuff). poverty. coming out. twice.#my grades shot up once i was eligible financial aid finally and not paying out of pocket while working 1-2 jobs#it still looks terrible#idk how to have the confidence of the average cis white man who walks in with a 2.1 gpa to an interview for med school#personal stuff#im so nervous#like#if this maybe works out and things maybe go to plan i might have like. an actual career? that i enjoy? that feels fulfilling?#a career that can actually go places? so many modalities to choose from. i can help people. and i can go home at the end of my day#and make art and not think about whether what im making is furthering my career or not#also xrays and radiology are just. soooo cool. i love bones. and organs. i looove getting imaging done at my appts because then i get#to ask them questions about what theyre doing n how it works.#i wish id felt more confident when i was younger that maybe i could succeed in sciences
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i get english names are harder to get puns but whats with 'gregory'? if there is a meaning its not one normal people know and the point isnt you have to look up some obscure origin. in japanese it is a bit obvious its 信 (shin) literally 'belief'. but also works cause to die is 死ぬ (shinu) and can conjugate to 死んだ (shinda). if he was introducing himself in a way im pretty sure is possible he could say 御剣信だ (mitsurugi shin da) which sounds like 'mitsurugi died'
#maybe im wrong about that but i find it so funny#hes dead so hes called died#i mean i know maybe its too much of a stretch and not really intentional? cant even remember if that sentence is something people say#if you flip it around you get 'the dead mitsurugi' which would be even better but theres no way to get that sentence#unless he was like 信だ。御剣信 with just his first name then clarify like a reverse bond but theres no reason he would#no i dont care if thats not the canon pun it is to me#actually ive got no way to tell how native speakers would percieve these#ace attorney#gregory as in gregarious? like sociable i always think of sheep it was a year 8 spelling word
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whos your favorite of the crusaders from part 3... i think i love baofu the most tbh
#persona 2#baofu#jjba#jotaro kujo#noriaki kakyoin#joseph joestar#muhammad avdol#jean pierre polnareff#persona 2 eternal punishment#kaoru saga#p2ep#p2#this is making me laugh stupid hard ITS NOT EVEN A GOOD BIT. THIS IS A STUPID BIT. but its really funny to me right now#im too lazy to type out context for this just search like the words ''baofu'' and ''joestar'' and youll probably find it#i mean. if tumblr search decides to work. but thats not up to me#(all jokes aside if u like cant actually find it just send me an ask and ill find it for u)#...should i tag this. i might tag this. i think im gonna tag this i want to really confuse and/or annoy someone#maybe even both if im lucky#and in case you were wondering (which im sure you were not):#i did actually google heights for this and try to make it roughly accurate. like i put a stupid amount of effort into this#not that much. but like for what this is? wayyyy too much time went into it#its okay though i had fun. peace and love on planet earth#muffin mumbles#edit: just remembered i think tumblr only shows the first few of ur tags im going to move the character tags to the front#so if these tags seem like theyre in a weird order. Thats probs why
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hm have i ever considered that people thinking my fic is abandoned is actually part of the metanarrative about the theme of the fic that includes "not forgetting about or valuing less something that is unpolished or 'half-finished' because it still can communicate full moments of genuine human existence and understanding between reader and writer" so actually I should stop being irked by 'is it unfinished' comments and just appreciate the way they nicely add onto this fully constructed and definitely deliberate quality of of metanarrative? no i have not but i am thinking that now and it is funny.
#I'm reliving some feelings I had when I first wrote wall fic rn and it's making it easier to reread the first parts and remember all the#vibes going on. because one of the big things about wall fic is i want to feel like we're sucked in when we write/read it#and that requires a certain state of mind from me hat sometimes im hesitant to slip into#ok but i just remembered the part where kdj is like talking about how important hsy's first unfinished novel was so important to him is at#the top of chapter four which literally is a chapter that has remained unfinished for 2+ years? hilarious actually#like this mf (me) managed to invent 'unfinished chapters' in addition to his unfinished fic and the top of said chapter has a big important#thing about how the finishedness of something doesn't have to limit the way you connect to it that is sooo fucking funny of me#sorry okay i am only now pushing past the burnout/embarrassment of i cant believe my fic is unfinished when literally i was getting my#degree in neuroscience? like ok king stay in school fr. it was all okay and orv is like literally still here and im just fucking#funny for doing all this tbh hahaha am feeling some euphoria about it#personal
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This is my personal crossover event of the century
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#one of my favorite actors and one of my favorite drivers interacting??? what???#alright whos gonna be the brave soldier and write the matt damon × mark webber rpf fic-#(i read a fic w james bond/seb so imo it really wouldnt be too far off to write Linus Caldwell/Mark LMAO)#ive known abt this event practically since i got into f1 but i feel like my thoughts abt it keep developing every time i look at them again#first time: huh okay wow brad pitt & matt damon taking w mark thats really wild. f1 drivers really do be meeting w high level celebs#after i watched fight club: wow wow!! i cant believe theres pics of brad pitt with mark thats crazy!#after i watched oceans 11: omg wait oh yeah! when mark was in jaguar he was sponsored by oceans 12!!! thats sick!!!#and then recently w my increasing love for Matt Damon: WAIT OH MY GOD MARK HAS INTERACTED WITH MATT!!!! (two worlds colliding feel ig)#but i was watching some interview w matt where they referenced this happening so its relevant in my brain again so i had to post abt it#but of course in the vid the specific pic on screen was him and mark interacting and i died. like seriously i can never escape f1 and mark#mostly im freaking out bcs its truly the crossover event of all time concerning my interests specifically#but the lore behind this is genuinely really really interesting#the fact that theyre promoting a heist movie specifically and then they put a $300k diamond in the nose of the Jaguar#and then the Jaguar crashed during the race and the diamond disappeared?????? cmon literally itself could be the plot to an Oceans movie#RBR/teams sponsored by RB were so much fun back in the day!!#they had several back to back movie promotions which all were pretty fun! just a shame neither team was good back then#it was Oceans 12->SW:ROTS->Superman right? i can't remember if there was another#such a shame that neither mark nor seb were in RBR in 2005 when RBR was promoting ROTS#i think i actually wouldve exploded if there were pics of them w hayden or ewan(my prev fandom haha)#f1#formula 1#formula one#mark webber#matt damon
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not to be annoying or anything but it's been 9 years since the release of indie game undertale
#It's. One of my special interests#Like I have identifying Mediterranean animals on sight and I have memorizing every line of dialog in undertale#Those are my things. And I did recognize a seagul once by the sound while jetlagged and not paying attention so#Tbh I should probably play the game sometime. But also it'd be very funny to not play it#And then one day just like. Idk. Live stream playing undertale for the first time. But doing it w a blindfold#Check how far my knowledge spans for a person who has never once played the game#Like. I know muffets attacks are a repeating pattern. I know some attacks have audio so I'd use that as a guide#I'd go easy route on toriel and papyrus bc I know you can skip those by being bad at game#And I'm pretty sure I could memorize mad dummy patterns bc I remember there being like. A trick in the code#For if you're bad at the fight#Also you get astro food right before so I'd have good healing#So. Yeah the undyne and asgore and omega flowey fights are really the only things I have to watch out for I think??#Esp since I'm gonna do a bunch of tricks to get out of certain fights#Like. The thing with doing armor switches rapidly on mettaton for fast ratings boosts#Or the lowering of hp on mad dummy after the first hit so the fight can't last beyond a set number of turns if you're shit at it#Tbh yeah undyne is the only one that's actually scary all the way until asgore. That said I also think you can like. Skip that bit entirely#Like by backtracking before new home to get the undyne letter and doing true lab first. I think#Because that's the bit that's the true pacifist thing to do. Which actually true lab also scary#Like ok snowys mom and endogeny are easy but lemon bread and the memory heads are actually hard esp if u cant see#Also reaper bird but only after the everyman gets ate by the whimsun attack flies so I'm not super duper scared#And. I plan on temmie armor after mettaton. And bandage until then for running away from encounters#Just straight up my first time playing the game will be with a blindfold on and livestreamed#(I'd flex especially in that one echo flower room where if you kill toriel flowey taunts you with it)#But until then! Happy 9 years of being extremely neurodivergent :D
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john laurens fishing legend
#john laurens#historical john laurens#historical laurens#sorry its been like 4 months i give you laurens with a fish.#historical lams#historical hamilton#my ref for this was first google image when u search white man with fish so#amrev art#my art#this is the space he occupies and will forever occupy IN MY MIND. i dont care.#drawing him like this was not a want but a fucking need#i think this is up there with hamilton yassification. personally. might actually finish this tomorrow and do a real girl post#he drives which ever truck is the gay one. cant remember
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oh yea.. its all coming together
#now i just have to code the stupid thing#idk why my brain is procrastinating thatpart bc once i get started its pretty smooth from there. i just Dont Wanna#i mean i guess i could make the graphics before actually coding it but i should probably do the code first#i need extra time to make sure everything is laid out the way i want it before i start decorating ugh#i know theres a way to like hide and show an element without redirecting to another page so it doesnt have to reload all the time#but i cant remember how to do it..... i wanna use that for my journal entries so i dont have to manually update the entries section#each time i post a new journal entry. either that or i can have smth that lets me change the content without opening the html#all pages should link back to the homepage cuz i wanna keep the nav in one place..#cursor should have a neutral and hover sprite which should be easy.. and i was thinking of using dither me this for images#to give it an old win98 effect + the vhs overlay#yapping#diary#wip#oh shit and i need to make smth to redirect to the oc hub
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#venting cause like#im going to a con overseas#and it is cheaper#yes the exchange rate makes most things cheaper#that isnt my issue#my issue is my one friend suddenly piling on top of me everything#she wants me to remember her fav guys and is asking me to buy stickers#she is giving me multiple preorders she has done for collection#she is making a spreadsheet for things she actively wants#I already have bad enough memory as is#she is more excited for this than the person#me#who is going to the convention#i just wanted to go in and have fun#im going to do her list first#and then im logging off from her#cause like#i cant deal with so much of this at once#i even had to explain that she cannot just send me the money immediately#cause i will get stressed at the sudden boost#and the preorders I had to oay first#because she was not able to get the things going in time#and somehow she asked me how much it was#woman idk??#im existing#she also used the lowrr rate#which meant she paid me back less than the actual higher rate#and honestly#im getting exhausted
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At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in
i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment
#infinite wealth spoilers#snap chats#what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO#i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed#i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was#like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting#esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english#typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others#im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily#it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO#maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in#like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok#thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE#POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time#but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter#like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts)#its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0..#BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time#i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game#and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that#if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point
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fic ramblings ignore me
#you guys remember all's fire. how i spent 2 months talking about nothing but that fic and how it was my baby and i loved it#yeah so that was actually the first fic i wrote that 160k monstrosity. so naturally i dont like it now but im still fond of it#listen the writing is.... questionable at times and there's purple prose enough to drown a man and there's just so many unnecessary scenes#bc i would throw in any scene i thought of that i found cute or Meaningful frankly JSJSJSJS#but yeah my problem being. i make it private then public every now and again cause i cant personally bear to look at it but damn#i wrote that in 2 months. blood sweat and tears. just leave it out there kai!!#bc i was just reading a fic that had a scene set in the jacques in boston and just went 😭😭😭😭😭 that was their home!!!!#so anyway. its public again LMFAO#maybe if the hyperfixation hits hard enough i can edit the other 70k fic sitting in my drafts about them meeting before the war#which i ALREADY REWROTE ONCE.#somebody help this woman shes unwell
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