#can’t go forward can’t go back
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I’m so angry I picked up Charlie’s lip smacking when thinking something’s appetizing or delicious, despite him only ever doing it a single time
#spaghetti speaks#smiling friends#grinning companions#charlie dompler#he literally only does it in the Salty’s episode and yet#here I am repeatably doing the same three smacks of the lips because “ooh that’s good”#I think I have a problem#obsession#yes an obsession#running in circles around this show like that feral MS paint meme#can’t go forward can’t go back#If it invades my dreams again I’m gonna eat my fingertips
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They’re not going to rebuild Castle Byers because Will can’t rebuild his childhood, which is the reason he destroyed Castle Byers in the first place. He’d been trying to hold on to a level of carefree ignorance that no longer existed for him. The problems Castle Byers saved him from have been replaced by new problems that are bigger and stronger than a child’s fort. He needs to face them differently. Thank you and goodnight
#I know it’s sad that he destroyed it while crying in the rain but that was NOT because Mike made him sad.#he’d been sad for a VERY LONG TIME.#his fight with Mike was just the nail in the coffin#it made him realize that he’d tried his damndest but was never going to get his childhood back#that everyone else had theirs while he wasn’t looking.#the writers should have given Mike and Will a better resolution to their fight but a better resolution isn’t Mike helping Will rebuild a#child’s fort that he’s already outgrown.#Mike is not responsible for the destruction of castle Byers because he’s not the one who stole will’s childhood#and he can’t repair castle Byers because he can’t repair will’s childhood. they both have to move forward for the rest of their lives.#ITS SYMBOLIC#not of their fight and not of their relationship but of WILL’S CHILDHOOD TOOLS FOR ESCAPISM#also if the mindflayer is partially a metaphor for will’s sexuality and for growing up#then do you REALLY think it’s a coincidence that he sense the mindflayer right after destroying a symbol of his childhood escapism#and says ominously ‘‘he’s back’’? like come on be serious#stranger things#byler#byler s5#byler rain fight#byler s3#will byers#mike wheeler#will byers analysis#st5 predictions#symbolism#stranger things rant#this is probably horribly written because I’m tired but whatever
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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one of the really fun things abt thinking abt ur ocs is when you realize you’ve gone from a concept to a story. and it’s got themes and shit
#one of my major themes is really having fun with is the idea that you Can’t Go Back.#the past is gone and you can’t go back to it.#you can make memories and carry them with you but you have to move forward and you have to LIVE#anith lost pebs closest relationship and aria lost her past and her home and her divinity#and there’s no return to those things for either of them#but there is a future for them to face together
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asoiaf thesis statement
#asoiaf#i forgot how stupid this job makes me when i’m done there’s nothing going on upstairs#this is the most coherent i can get it#you can’t be looking back. or you get lost#except to go forward you must go back. oops!
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Season 1 & 2 Sasha may have been completely fucked up and evil, but he hit the slay button every time
#chewing his character design in my teeth#his red s2 armor??? THATS SO COOL#the facial scar that serves as a reminder of how he can’t ever go back and can only move forward with his fucked up and evil schemes????#HELL YEAH!!!#please know what I’m referencing with the hit the slay button#amphibia#sasha waybright
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genuinely distraught at the idea that people dislike Catcher in the Rye. What do you mean you dislike Holden ? Yes he’s a whiney self righteous teenage boy, but like he’s just very blatantly depressed ??? He blames himself for his brothers death ?? He’s just a kid ??
Maybe it’s just cause everything Holden is saying and feeling connects so closely to my own experiences with depression and growing but he just feels like a deeply realistic kid. He makes stupid decisions and he spends the entire novel just trying to make a “meaningful connection” with someone. He feels entirely alone and as such obsesses over ideas and people that are ultimately meaningless but he attributes such value to them. And even more than that, the end of the novel is hopeful. He’s going to keep living for his little sister, he’s going to try again at another school. Just- even the title of the novel “catcher in the rye”- he wants to help people. He wants to save people from the reality of the world that hurts him so.
#sparrow speaks#/lh like I care#I just#relate to him too much#He keeps trying to go back to the past#Before he was like that before he hated everyhting#And he very clearly can’t see anyway forward#HES DEPRESSED#BORDERLINE SUICIDAL#Idk just Holden caufield#catcher in the rye#He means so much to me#it’s probably his fear of intamcy and general depressed attitude but I also always read him as ace#And bi but that goes without saying#holden caulfield#fiction#novel#Sorry I’m posting about 9th grade required reading do you still like me ?
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It’s really funny to me that Alice Isn’t Dead is called that, because when you first listen to it, Alice is very much not the character whose life you worry the most about. Like, Keisha, I am so glad your wife is alive, but I’m more concerned about you right now. A guy literally devoured a dude (not sexually) AND an omelet (also not sexually) right in front of you, and it seems like that doesn’t even make the top 10 worst things that happened to you this month. how are YOU not dead yet?
#alice isn't dead#night vale presents#getting back into alice isn’t dead after years bc i never got around to finishing it and#keisha is so brave and badass but also i just want her to be safe and happy#her decisions are always pretty rational for a horror protagonist but damn if it isn’t a little stressful to hear her make them#whereas a lot of horror is like “let’s go in the spooky basement! surely nothing bad will happen”#keisha’s decisions tend towards#“fuck. i don’t want to go in that basement but i have no other choice left. i can’t turn back and this is the only way forward”#so you just have to sit there going “oh no keisha. don’t go into that basement” while being painfully aware that she can’t do anything else#EXCEPT for walking right into that basement with the determination of a woman who has nothing left to lose except her life
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Pre divorce shadowpeach didn't seem to be the type to fight a lot. In fact the shadowpeach divorce probably blew up that big due to all the unsaid frustrations they never let out.
So I'm just imagining shadowpeach never fighting in an obvious way (closest to fighting would be backhanded comments or barbed words) but that just makes things more unsettling
oh yeah 100% it didn’t help that swk was always leaving FFM out of his need to get stronger and be the best and be respected. not to mention they probably never saw their times together as the right moment to voice their concerns out loud because this was their time to wind down and they just had to wait it out, wait until everything was perfect enough to have those talks
#then everything went to shit#nothing was okay#swk was trapped under mountain all by his lonesome and def going insane#then Macky visits him (i’ve assumed that memory in s4 was Macky’s 1st and last visit) and they can’t pretend everything is ok anymore#tbh it was probably super ironic for them bc it might’ve been that swk would act like nothing was wrong & everything was under control#pre-battle with Heaven with Macky being the one with some concerns. but then Macky visits acting like everything’s chill and swk can’t#thus their fight is equally harsh and explosive (bc that’s what i find fun) and they never really say they’re done with each other#but both confirm to themselves that this is probably the end of their relationship and then oops! swk is free but won’t come home#why won’t he come home? Macky isn’t sure but he knows that swk is looking carefree with some new buddies and gets pissed#(Am I placing assumptions? Yes. Do they have any semblance to canon? They do if you consider my heart and passion)#anyway mixing jttw events that lmk hasn’t confirmed: Macky dies by SWK’s hand (whether directly or indirectly)#and the divorce is set in stone (bc how can a relationship reconcile or get back if the other is dead? as far as swk knows)#fast forward to lmk and they still can’t be civil or ignore their relationship issues like before and fight/butt heads constantly bc yeah#like yeah past shadowpeach is cute & fluffy & codependent still but they don’t have that hostility like in their divorced/still married era#lmk#shadowpeach#asks
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i wanna live on my own again …. i’m so ready to put my books on a shelf and my clothes in a closet
#absolutely adore my parents but i’m just excited to Have My Own Place again. where i can unpack all my shit & decorate & stay for a year#and be back downtown tbh. the suburbs are very quiet & it’s peaceful but i feel so lonely out here#i’m gonna have to wait til october for prices to drop a bit but i’m determined to make it work#i got a dope job as a neurofeedback technician but it’s only 9-15h/week ($22cad/h) soooo that ain’t gonna cut it#little nervous cuz frankly i dunno if i can handle working more than ~30h/week rn & also. holy fuck it’s hard finding decent part-time jobs#although! last night my old manager asked if i’d consider coming back to the restaurant to host/do cash on a casual basis/for the holidays#which means i’m probably going to end up balancing 3 jobs again. which is kinda fucked up lol but it’s good money so i can’t turn it down#anyways i’m getting ahead of myself#i do feel like i’m genuinely looking forward to things for the first time in a while though#like grad school next year & tattoos this fall & hopefully making friends w new coworkers n shit. even if it’s unbelievably stressful 👍#pegasus speaks#hi btw i am alive. i just haven’t really been very interested in tumblr at all lately. which is kinda weird but probably for the best
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Let me intorduce you to one of my absolute least favorite northern weathers: ”pääkallokeli” in finnish, aka ”skull weather” !! It’s when everything is icy and slippery, and comes from ppl falling & cracking their skulls :) And boi my trusty old doc martens I’ve used every day for 3 years straight and pure ice roads don’t go well together, I have no traction whastoever and am slipping big time!! Everytime I step a foot outside it’s a gamble
#but I’ve gotten good at the art of slipping but not falling#when u start to slip; gotta not panic and not try to stop moving bc then u will fall 100% bc physics#gotta lean into the fact that u’re now slipping and swing that other leg forward so u’ll just glide instead#it works most of the time so I’m not falling everytime I go outside; very rarely actually#last winter I did like twice (ofc always when there’s ppl around bc that’s how it works; u’ll never fall on ur ass if there’s no witnesses#but the moment there is? u’re done for)#just came back from slipping my way back home and it’s always nice to walk along some person who actually has weather appropriate shoes and#then there’s you who is emotionally attached to a pair of shoes and can’t imagine wearing any other ones#(should go get new soles installed for them before I die but that’s 100€)#november 2023#2023
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do you ever think about how rhaenyra’s counselors suggested they give in immediately after jace dies ( and presumably viserys )
#AND BEND THE KNEE TO AEGON II#and that was when she said that she was going to tear him down from it or die trying but like😭#she got told by her closest advisors to give up the thing all four of her children died because of like#she’s already been so wholly devastated and heartbroken by the losses#of visenya and Luke and now she loses more children because of it and it’s just ?#inconceivable . unthinkable at that point to just ? stop#and like that’s exactly how she ends up in the frame of mind of ‘ no matter the cost / she’d either tear him down or die in the attempt ‘#because she can’t go back to that place of surrender that she was at post Luke’s death. she cant. she needs to be able to move forward and#protect her surviving children And like it isn’t even necessarily about the throne for the thrones sake#it’s about finally being safe#it’s about finally being able to make what she has left secure at any cost 😭#it’s like ? if someone has to die next let it be me. please for the love of god just let it be and not them for once#these people are supposed to be her closest counselors and after the gullet they tell her to give up and like that’s 😭
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In the monster hunter au is there a reason the werewolf curse can't be cured?
Yes! I think it means a lot more narratively within the whole story if it can’t be cured.
Claire’s going to have to come to terms with it, she’s going to have address that her original recklessness set her on this path and no, it can’t be changed. Things happen, irreversible, good or bad things and you can’t change that.
But just because it happened, again good or bad, doesn’t mean you can’t continue, you can’t live, you can’t be happy, things may never be the same again and that’s sometimes a really hard pill to swallow. With time and support though things may just work out.
#back when I first watched season 3 of Trollhunters and Jim got trolled that’s what I thought his arc would be going forward#like yes he made an incredibly huge sacrifice and no he can’t be human but he doesn’t have to be miserable for the rest of his life#and it just didn’t happen?#anyway#same goes for Claire cause that girl is constantly fighting every inch of the werewolf curse#trollhunters#tales of arcadia#toa#monster hunter au#asks
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Book: Irene Adler “The Woman” is a famous opera singer and actress, and one of four people to ever beat Sherlock Holmes in a battle of wits. Adler loves her husband dearly and only keeps hold of the blackmail she has over the Duke in order to keep herself safe, and will never reveal the photo to the public as long as he leaves them alone. Holmes never shows any romantic interest in Adler, or anyone for that matter, and only ever admires her for her wit and cunning.
Every adaption after: Irene Adler is a femme fatale, hopelessly in love with Sherlock Holmes, and some combination of a wanted criminal and dominatrix. Adler is allowed to beat Holmes ONCE, in order to teach him humility, but after that he needs to beat/save her in order to adhere to the status quo, and undo the lesson Book!Holmes learnt in the first place. This is somehow more feminist.
#Adler you were done so dirty#although her case is so funny#Holmes knows he can’t force Adler to reveal the location of the photo#but deduces it must be in the house so she can collect it at a moments notice#so his big plan is to get HER to reveal it for him#by executing the most fucked up plan I’ve ever read#orchestrating an audience to bombared Adler as she gets out of a carriage#have them pretend to start a fight#get ‘injured’ protecting her and taking arvantage of civil hospitality that will require her to let him into her home#and while he’s lying on the sofa he has Watson throw a cracker through the window#shout FiRE at the top of his lungs#where Holmes will immediately chase after Adler in the middle of the chaos#because in his own words ‘people instinctively grab what they value most when there’s a house fire’#spots Adler grabbing the photo#then runs out the door explaining to the staff he feels much better know and thanks the host for her hospitality#then the next morning they go back to the house to grab the photo while she’s out#only to find out she and her husband already fled#because Adler was smart enough to realize#something batshit insane happened last night so maybe they should move their plans forward and just runaway to America already#good job Holmes#that was your most subtle work to date
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Thank GOD this blog is over.
I knew, vaguely, someday, that this would probably happen. I used Gmod partly as a creative move— I felt like it created an uncanny level of detachment and distance from the world, which I felt represented sanitization and our POV character perfectly… and also because I couldn’t draw. I can draw now. That’s slightly less important and majorly less insightful artistic vision stuff.
There are rumors that the takedown notice is false. If it is, I don’t see the Gmod team going back on their choice anyway. It’s 20 years of work they have to go through and then 20 years of work to undo it for something that may come back and be real.
Now I highly doubt this means Pistachio’s little corner of tumblr is doomed, but I’m now going to go through the process of archiving this blog. Obviously if the comic is somehow taken down, I won’t be able to put it up anywhere else, but you can rest assured it’ll be safe on my hard drive.
Thank you for following Pistachio’s journey.
#I wanted to back up all my models but#I am looking forward to having storage space on my PC again#sigh#guess I’m too late#sanitizedsubject#splatoon#gmod#I know it’s going to be stupid to get emotional over this but#This was the first story I really ever. finished and published?#so even if the visuals were dodgy at times#and it looked a little ‘cringe’.#I still did this! I still did this all by myself! I planned it all out! and followed through.#And it spoke to at least a couple people.#So I’m ok with this because it’s over. I finished it.#and now I can’t turn back. I HAVE to move forward with other projects.#So I will.#find me in the silver garden.#(hint as to my new project BTW that’s not a metaphor—)
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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