#not of their fight and not of their relationship but of WILL’S CHILDHOOD TOOLS FOR ESCAPISM

[counting-stars-gayly]

They’re not going to rebuild Castle Byers because Will can’t rebuild his childhood, which is the reason he destroyed Castle Byers in the first place. He’d been trying to hold on to a level of carefree ignorance that no longer existed for him. The problems Castle Byers saved him from have been replaced by new problems that are bigger and stronger than a child’s fort. He needs to face them differently. Thank you and goodnight

[convenientalias]

Why Nirvana in Fire Wins at Revenge Story with Identity Porn

Nirvana in Fire was my first ever cdrama that was a revenge story with identity porn. Since then, I've seen many other dramas along similar lines. A League of Nobleman. Blood of Youth. City of Streamer. Fighting for Love. Legend of Anle. Long Ballad. Princess Weiyoung. Rise of Phoenixes. Sword Dynasty. Weaving a Tale of Love. Word of Honor. Some of them are quite good but none of them really hit the same way. So, apart from the fact that it was the first one I ever watched, I thought I'd made a brief list of reasons why I think Nirvana in Fire is the best.

Lin Shu's Identity

I just appreciate that when shit went down and Lin Shu's whole family and army and many of his friends were killed and he became a man on the run, he was a full-grown man (okay, still pretty young, but definitely not a child) with his own life and even an army position.

A lot of these identity porn dramas will have their MCs meeting ppl for the first time in many years, in disguise, but they only knew these ppl when they were children. Childhood friends are great and all that, but can they hit as hard as the complicated, fleshed out relationships that Lin Shu had and lost? He had a friendship of many years with Jingyan. He had an engagement and a longstanding friendship with Nihuang. He has friends from the army, younger cousins playing the role of "we don't even understand what happened back then and maybe that's better", older friends and relations who he actually knew as an adult.

Simultaneously, his past identity increases the threat of discovery for Lin Shu. He's a known factor to many, many people in the capital. Yes, they think he's dead. But small things like a hazelnut allergy or his mannerisms or his previous friendships with people are still memorable enough that even with a completely different face, if he's not careful, he might give himself away. He's not infiltrating a group of strangers or people who only knew him as a kid. He's infiltrating a group of people who were close to him for many, many years of his life.

HOWEVER. Lin Shu's identity is not so important that everyone in the capital is still obsessed with him twelve years later (with some exceptions). This isn't Mysterious Lotus Casebook where we're all still pining for Li Xiangyi, because...

2. The Chiyan Case Wasn't Even About Lin Shu?? (Also, No One Cares About That Ancient History Anymore (Jingyan, Sit Down))

The Chiyan case wasn't about the Lin family at all, really.

No one specifically wanted Lin Shu dead or had a big grudge against his dad or anything. It's all about power, military and political. For some conspirators, it was just about getting a leg up in court. But mostly, it was about Prince Qi, the previous crown prince. The Lin family just happened to be friends with him and ended up in an uncomfortable (highly murderable and frameable) position.

Lin Shu may mourn his family, but for the majority of the show, he doesn't talk about it. He doesn't talk about his mother and his family back at the capital either committing suicide or being killed indiscriminately. He only mentions his father's name a handful of times in the whole show. Lin Shu's drive is that his father's ARMY was killed, tens of thousands of men. That's the weight on Lin Shu's shoulders: the death of all these innocent men because they were in the way. The Chiyan Case; the Chiyan Massacre. The denouement of Lin Shu's victory (not to give too many spoilers) is not just his father's name being cleared of a treason charge. It's when there's finally a memorial put up for the Chiyan Army, with memorial tablets that he can publicly visit to pay respects.

Why does this make it a better revenge story with identity porn? A couple reasons. First, Lin Shu is very much the center of the story and has very personal beef, but he treats himself like a tool and his objective isn't about himself or familial connections (they're part of it but they're not everything). He doesn't even know all the people he's avenging. That's fine; he'll still carry that weight. I just think it's neat.

Second, the fact that the Lin family (and the whole Chiyan Army) were really just collateral damage for getting rid of Prince Qi really emphasizes just how careless the current regime is of the value of human life.

Third, as Meng Zhi says when Lin Shu comes to the capital, everyone at court is busy with their own little power struggles and no one has time to care about Lin Shu or protect him. Lin Shu's like yeah that's fine :) I'm not anyone's focus anymore and the Lin family has been swept under the rug like we never existed :) and no one even talks about the Chiyan case anymore for fear of being accuse of treason :) that's all okay because I'm about TO MAKE THIS EVERYONE'S PROBLEM ANYWAY and honestly the fact that everyone's trying their hardest to forget will just make them more oblivious when I come to fuck them up.

3. All Of This is Whose Fault, Again?

That's right, folks, we're in a show that knows that when shit goes down at court and your family gets framed for treason and the emperor orders them executed, sure, you can blame the conspirators who framed them all you want, but also, YOU KIND OF DO HAVE TO BLAME THE EMPEROR.

People have said enough about how great this is on a thematic level of accountability but seriously I've seen so many shows dodge this. ~It's not the emperor's fault bc he was misled by these conspirators~ or ~the emperor is only a puppet emperor, if he actually had power instead of this evil person, he would put everything right.~ Or, if they dare to blame the emperor, maybe he's just an evil emperor and was bad all along. NIF says yeah, he was lied to on many levels. There was a whole complicated conspiracy going on and many people to blame. But he could have taken things slower. He could have required better evidence. He could have trusted people who had supported him for many years, at least enough to listen to their side of the story BEFORE KILLING THEM. And why didn't he? It's not because he's an idiot. It's because he's an emperor, and emperors don't like seeing other people gain enough power to even potentially become a threat. It's because he wasn't looking for the truth, he was looking for an excuse to kill. And he's not unusually evil for that; this kind of callousness towards murder and grasping for power at all costs is more the norm at court than any kind of honor or morality.

The Emperor's a nice guy sometimes! He used to fly kites with Lin Shu when he was young! His sons give him a headache, but honestly, relatable, they'd give you a headache too! He likes Consort Jing and honestly, who wouldn't! And he killed one of his sons, one of his closest friends, and an entire army, and he would do it again without hesitation. He's not especially evil. Being an emperor is bad enough.

4. Other Bad Guys

It's worth mentioning that Lin Shu's opponents are not stupid.

Xie Yu and Xia Jiang, Prince Yu and the Crown Prince, even the Empress and Noble Consort Yue: They aren't all geniuses, but they aren't idiots flailing around in spite. They're pretty smart, and if Lin Shu wants to take them down, he has to be smarter.

It's also worth mentioning that this is not one of those shows where the protagonist happens to take down his opponents mostly by standing still and just defending himself when they lash out at him. This seems like an obvious thing in a revenge drama, but the number of times I've seen the opposite, the protagonist swearing revenge and then just struggling with self preservation.... but no. Lin Shu has A Plan. He is going to be proactive and actually take his enemies down. Admittedly he will do this by revealing their past misdeeds but this isn't a case of "the misdeeds will just happen to pop up". This is a case of "I will actively unearth skeletons from where you threw them in a well in an abandoned manor".

TO SUM UP

Without going into the things that make Nirvana in Fire a great show in general (great acting, good pacing and plotting, good costuming, and so on and so forth) I think the main things that make it hit for me as a revenge story with identity porn are 1) letting the MC's past identity be that of a grown man who actually had a life (more connections to the past, but also more to lose and more danger in the present as a result), 2) the fact that the offense that the MC is avenging wasn't even like a personal thing to the offenders (bc! it's fucking infuriating!), 3) the fact that the drama is willing to face the root of the problem (the problem is both corruption at court and the fact that the highest arbiter is flawed, not just individual conspirators), 4) the supply of multiple good antagonists, and 5) LETTING THE MC ACTUALLY, ACTIVELY PURSUE REVENGE AND THAT'S THE MAIN PLOT AND WE AREN'T SPENDING MOST OF OUR SCREENTIME ON SIDEPLOTS AND ROMANCE OR MERE SELF PRESERVATION. These may not seem like large things but my friends, you would be surprised how many revenge dramas I've watched at this point that can't do them.

ok I'm done ranting. Feel like most of this is actually stating the obvious but I'm just in a mood and had to get it out. (...also possibly I've been let down by some revenge dramas lately but I won't get into it. it's okay. we can't all be Nirvana in Fire; only Nirvana in Fire can be Nirvana in Fire.)

[liviawildrose]

𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐫𝐚𝐬

what even are chakras?

chakras (from the sanskrit word cakra, meaning “wheel” or “disc”) are spinning vortexes of subtle energy that exist within your pranic body (also called the “subtle body”). they’re not physical organs, but energetic hubs where mind, body, and spirit meet.

chakras were described as energy centers (padmas, or “lotuses”) that store prana: life force, within the subtle body, which is different from the physical body.

this subtle body is composed of nadis (energy channels), koshas (layers of consciousness), and chakras (energy hubs).

the original chakra texts were written in sanskrit, and the most detailed source comes from the shat-chakra-nirupana, a 16th-century tantric text that laid out the seven main chakras and their symbolic, spiritual, and physiological associations.

they influence your thoughts, emotions, physical health, spiritual growth, relationships, and even your damn bank account.

when your chakras are healthy and flowing freely, your whole life aligns like sacred geometry. when they’re blocked or chaotic? expect spiritual lag, emotional glitches, physical illness, and endless chaos.

important to note:

in the original tantric system, chakras weren’t “self-care tools” they were maps to divine awakening used during intense yogic, meditative, and kundalini practices to transcend ego, illusion, and reincarnation. it was liberation tech, not lifestyle inspo.

but now, in this modern age of energy work, psychology, and soul evolution, the chakra system has become a universal template applicable to everyone, not just yogis. and we’re gonna fuse that original wisdom with real psychology, real healing, and real magic.

origin of the chakra system

• earliest references to energy centers show up in the Vedas (ancient hindu scriptures) around 1500–1000 BCE.

• the shat-chakra-nirupana, a 16th-century tantric text, outlined the 7-chakra system most people know today.

• the system was never meant to be aesthetic it was part of a serious spiritual practice to activate kundalini shakti, the dormant divine feminine energy said to be coiled at the base of your spine.

originally, chakra work was about liberating the soul from illusion (maya) and achieving moksha (spiritual liberation). but in today’s world, chakra healing can help you:

• release trauma + emotional baggage

• align with your highest self

• create energetic flow in your career, love life, and creative path

• experience divine connection + psychic expansion

how do chakras work?

imagine 7 power stations wired along your spine. each one governs a certain aspect of your physical body, emotional world, mental patterns, and spiritual connection.

when they’re:

• balanced → energy flows freely = peace, joy, purpose, radiance

• blocked → stuck energy = fear, fatigue, illness, toxic patterns

• overactive → too much energy = burnout, anxiety, ego overdrive

• underactive → not enough energy = apathy, insecurity, numbness

your 7 main chakras

1. root chakra – muladhara

“i exist. i survive. i am grounded.”

• sanskrit: mula = root, adhara = support/foundation

• location: base of spine, pelvic floor

• element: earth

• color: red

• mantra: LAM

• gland: adrenal glands (fight-or-flight center)

• body link: spine, legs, bones, colon

• psych themes: survival, money, stability, belonging, family, safety

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: anxiety, disconnection, poverty mindset, fear of abandonment

• overactive: hoarding, controlling behavior, stubbornness, material obsession

• trauma imprints: childhood neglect, abandonment, physical abuse etc.

when balanced:

• you feel safe in your body and the world

• you can build structure and discipline with ease

• you attract abundance + grounded stability

• you trust life even when it’s hard

healing tools:

• grounding meditations

• red foods: beets, root vegetables, chili

• physical touch, body-based therapies (somatic work)

• walk barefoot, work with hematite, black tourmaline

• build routines + financial structure

• affirmation: “i am worthy of safety and abundance.”

2. sacral chakra – svadhisthana

“i feel. i create. i allow pleasure.”

• sanskrit: sva = self, adhisthana = dwelling place

• location: lower abdomen, 2 inches below navel

• element: water

• color: orange

• mantra: VAM

• gland: reproductive system

• body link: womb, bladder, hips, genitals

• psych themes: sensuality, emotions, creativity, pleasure, intimacy

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: numbness, shame, low libido, creative block, disconnection from body

• overactive: hypersexuality, addiction, obsession, drama

• trauma imprints: sexual abuse, body shame, religious guilt, heartbreak

when balanced:

• you radiate magnetism, sensuality, and artistic flow

• your emotions move freely without controlling you

• you’re tapped into your divine feminine and creative life force

• you allow yourself to feel pleasure without guilt

healing tools:

• sensual dance (belly dance, twerking, slow flow yoga)

• sacred baths with rose + orange oil

• creative practices (painting, singing, scripting)

• orange calcite, moonstone

• inner child + womb healing

• affirmation: “i honor my body. i deserve to feel good.”

3. solar plexus – manipura

“i act. i choose. i claim my power.”

• sanskrit: mani = jewel, pura = city → “city of jewels”

• location: stomach, between ribs and navel

• element: fire

• color: yellow

• mantra: RAM

• gland: pancreas + digestive system

• body link: liver, gallbladder, intestines

• psych themes: identity, ambition, boundaries, ego, self-discipline

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: low self-esteem, indecision, victim mentality

• overactive: arrogance, perfectionism, aggression, burnout

• trauma imprints: bullying, strict parenting, humiliation, failure shame

when balanced:

• you’re decisive, empowered, and assertive without arrogance

• you have strong boundaries and healthy self-esteem

• you feel motivated and energized to go after what you want

• you become a natural leader

healing tools:

• sunbathing, breath of fire, core exercises

• wear yellow, work with citrine or pyrite

• personal power rituals (write + burn limiting beliefs)

• practice saying “no”

• affirmation: “i am the author of my life. i am enough.”

4. heart chakra – anahata

“i love. i forgive. i connect.”

• sanskrit: anahata = unstruck, infinite sound

• location: center of chest

• element: air

• color: green / pink

• mantra: YAM

• gland: thymus (immune system)

• body link: lungs, heart, arms, hands

• psych themes: compassion, forgiveness, empathy, romantic love, grief

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: isolation, coldness, fear of intimacy, bitterness

• overactive: martyrdom, people-pleasing, jealousy, attachment

• trauma imprints: loss, betrayal, rejection, emotional neglect

when balanced:

• you feel deep connection to others and to life itself

• you radiate unconditional love without losing yourself

• your immune system strengthens (yes, real science backs this)

• you can forgive, grieve, and love again

healing tools:

• breathwork (especially heart coherence)

• ho’oponopono (forgiveness prayer)

• emerald, rose quartz

• write love letters to self

• self-compassion meditations

• affirmation: “i am love. i radiate unconditional compassion.”

5. throat chakra – vishuddha

“i speak. i express. i tell the truth.”

• sanskrit: vishuddha = purification

• location: throat and neck

• element: ether (space)

• color: sky blue

• mantra: HAM

• gland: thyroid

• body link: vocal cords, mouth, jaw, ears

• psych themes: communication, truth, expression, listening

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: fear of speaking, introversion, repression

• overactive: gossip, interrupting, dominating convos

• trauma imprints: being silenced, punished for truth, gaslighting

when balanced:

• you speak with clarity, confidence, and integrity

• your voice becomes a tool for healing and influence

• you can express yourself artistically and emotionally

• you’re deeply heard by others

healing tools:

• chanting, singing, vocal toning

• write + speak affirmations out loud

• journal your truth

• use lapis lazuli, blue lace agate

• affirmation: ��my voice matters. i speak my truth with grace.”

6. third eye – ajna

“i see. i know. i trust my inner wisdom.”

• sanskrit: ajna = to perceive, to command

• location: forehead, between eyebrows

• element: light

• color: indigo

• mantra: OM

• gland: pineal gland (melatonin, circadian rhythms)

• body link: brain, eyes, sinuses

• psych themes: intuition, imagination, perception, clarity

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: confusion, over-intellectualizing, lack of faith

• overactive: paranoia, delusion, dissociation

• trauma imprints: disillusionment, spiritual rejection, fear of intuition

when balanced:

• you trust your intuition without needing external validation

• you see life symbolically, not just literally

• dreams become vivid and prophetic

• you develop inner wisdom + spiritual intelligence

healing tools:

• meditation (especially vipassana + visualization)

• dream journaling

• limit screen time

• work with amethyst or labradorite

• third eye massage

• affirmation: “i see clearly. i trust my soul’s vision.”

7. crown chakra – sahasrara

“i transcend. i merge. i remember who i truly am.”

• sanskrit: sahasrara = thousand-petaled

• location: top of the head

• element: pure consciousness

• color: violet / white

• mantra: OM

• gland: pineal + pituitary

• body link: brain, nervous system

• psych themes: spirituality, divine connection, oneness, transcendence

imbalanced symptoms:

• underactive: atheism, existential dread, lack of purpose

• overactive: spiritual bypassing, superiority complex

• trauma imprints: spiritual rejection, religious abuse, nihilism

when balanced:

• you experience oneness with the universe

• you tap into divine downloads, flow states, soul alignment

• you feel limitless, guided, and expansive

• you recognise yourself as a vessel for higher love + wisdom

healing tools:

• meditation in silence

• crown chakra mudras + breathwork

• read sacred texts / study universal wisdom

• selenite, clear quartz

• fast or detox occasionally

• affirmation: “i am one with the divine. i am infinite consciousness in form.”

how to activate, align, and master your chakras daily

• do chakra meditation

• listen to solfeggio frequencies for specific chakras

• wear color-coded outfits / makeup to amplify each chakra

• eat chakra-aligned foods for lunch + dinner

• pull tarot spreads for each chakra to check your energy

• speak chakra mantras out loud in order to harmonize your field

• visualize golden energy spiraling from root to crown every night

[team7-headquarter]

Team 7 is for the fans who can stomach complex and interesting relationships that evolve with time and follow a nonlinear progress.

They're some of the most traumatized individuals in Konoha and one girl who has zero preparation to deal with it. Compared to Team 7, all the other teams were normal. Neji was a slave and Hinata was neglected, but they still had their clan around them, okay? Even when Rock Lee was probably a bullied orphan, his story is closer to Sakura's at worst. Everyone else had healthy families or they were at least regular people.

Do I really have to make emphasis on the Team 7 men's backgrounds? It is a miracle they were as "normal" as they were. It is a miracle only Sasuke became an antagonist.

If you don't like Team 7's dynamic that's okay. It is your opinion and everyone is entitled to have one. But don't claim they didn't care about each other like it is a fact. They do not have perfectly healthy relationships, but it doesn't mean they don't care or that they don't consider each other important. They live in a highly militarized world that they struggle to comprehend because the system has targeted them since they were kids. They didn't have the benefit of a family who taught them or gave them a good example on social behaviors (yes, even Sakura�� her parents are nonexistent and irrelevant to the canon).

Sasuke used to have a clan and you can see it in the way he first interacted as a kid with Naruto and Sakura. His behavior afterward was a direct result of political machinations that were in place from the very beginning of the Shinobi world. It's the same with Naruto; Sakura and Sasuke were his first friends after a life of having no one, so of course he is "obsessed" with them. Kakashi Lost everyone and then they make him responsible for the saddest + most problematic kids in Konoha. Sai was tortured and trained to dismiss feelings and he had to learn how to smile. Sakura was a normal 12 years old girl forced to navigate those circumstances and guess what: it was their model of friendship she adopted. Her friendship with Ino was somehow chill (friends who could have been codependent, but rather become rivals so they could both grow on their own), but that was her only friendship and the influence and impact of a life with Team 7 was too great for her not to adapt herself to it.

Yamato is the normal one. That's how insane the situation is...

Maybe in another life Sasuke and Naruto could have the childhood friendship of Shikamaru and Choji or the type of chill rivalry between Neji and Rock Lee. Maybe in a world where they didn't have the fate of the world on their shoulders, they were more normal. Maybe in that universe Sakura would have been properly guided so she doesn't believe her growth is only measured in beauty or making a boy notice her; maybe she would be confident enough as a child to better navigate her friendship with Sasuke and Naruto, instead of having to learn it through trial and error. Maybe Sai would have grown with the social tools to be in a no-awkward friendship, maybe he'd openly connect with others through art and not insults. Maybe Kakashi's regrets would be less and their weight wouldn't hamper on his ability to connect with his students. Maybe his own PTSD would not stand in the way.

As it is, Team 7 is full of individuals who fight for the right to form connections despite the odds being against them. They hold to each other with both hands despite the fact it'd be easier and less painful to let the other die. They don't care if their friendship is not perfect, they still want it.

It's unhealthy, it's insane, they shouldn't have to do it, but they want to. Because. They. Care.

[chaaistained]

☕︎ tea for two; gwen x barry •°

arrowverse dr — aesthetic archive [[ moodboard + desc + playlist ]]

.

.

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🗝️ you’ve now unlocked the teacup couple of my arrowverse dr ≈

some people look at love as a mere chemical reaction — a compounded concoction of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin — mixed in with a couple other self imposed sensations and there you have it, the recipe for romance. simple and efficient.

gwen wasn’t entirely sure she understood what love was, her first boyfriend felt like an obligation to their shared childhood, raised only a few houses apart. barry, on the other hand, thought he knew all about love, a trauma bonded tourniquet held onto his heart when he looked at his best friend, the girl he loved his entire life, who never noticed him as anything more.

moving through life with a goal so vast and daunting, it seemed impossible, the two of them were left chasing after these desperate attempts at reconciling their past. leaving them with no time to even consider anything more for their future.

but sometimes the impossible becomes the future. sometimes the path that gets carved from bloodied, dirt ridden hands, is the very path that you are meant to lead.

what other explanation is there? how is it possible for gwen’s path to converge with barry’s when he resides halfway across the world and she crosses into his city limits in an attempt to flee a fight too far gone?

there’s no point in trying to find meaning in what has become matter, there’s no point in trying to dissect the compounds of a chemical reaction that has already erupted inside the glass beaker you have for a heart.

all they shared was a handshake and with every day that followed, gwen felt her soul thundering with every spark in barry’s eyes. and that terrified her ..

she who was deigned a weapon, a tool, an asset to clean up the mess made by those in power. she who donned the name of an animal, a beast shackled to her loyalties, bound by family and fortune. she who was deemed a rogue… how could he love somebody like her?

yet all he sees is a woman, cloaked in intrigue and elegance, harbouring a fire so fierce it renders him speechless, holding the power to literally bring him to his knees and yet he’d willingly crumble before her every time if it meant he could make her smile, hear her laugh, look into her eyes. she wasn’t just loved, she was worshipped.

and for that, barry allen was the only being on the planet who understood and respected the threat that was the tigress, enough for him to be the only one she’d listen to.

it’s polarising, a relationship between an ambush personified and the literal embodiment of sunshine, but maybe the burn of his sun is just as troubling as the comfort of her solemnity, for there can’t exist thunder without lightning.

listening to : gwen x barry — when lightning strikes ━━━━─────────────●── ⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤ ↻

now playing :

၊||၊▸ glad you came — glee cast

၊||၊▸ i found — amber run

၊||၊▸ feel something — jaymes young

၊||၊▸ wonderwall — oasis [cover by zella day]

၊||၊▸ i wanna be yours — arctic monkeys

၊||၊▸ iris — the goo goo dolls the irony is acknowledged

၊||၊▸ someone to stay — vancouver sleep clinic

၊||၊▸ sweet serenity — pixie mccann

၊||၊▸ runnin’ home to you (guitar version) — grant gustin

၊||၊▸ start of time — gabrielle alpin

don’t swallow the tea leaves ! for they leave you a message 🍂

the og golden retriever nerd that i fell in love w at ten years old ahshdjdj ive had this in the drafts for ages bcs istg the only thing that takes long is the desc and yet . i smash it all out in ten mins… it’s literally just my procrastination, i’m creative enough to write smth in one sitting and yet i still hold off till the “last minute” every. single. time. so.. yeah :) anyway here you go !! a dr relationship post ib my lovely little flower bud @elysian-fawn <333 also, again, the playlist is ordered to fit the series of events of my dr hehe. and finally — THANK YOU FOR 500 !!!!!

chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

2025 © chaaistained

[aromanticbugyuri]

I am still on tlok phase to no one's surprise, I've noticed something about Bolin after rewatching and actually paying attention to the scenes...he just gets objectified a lot, maybe it is just me but back and forth he is always seem as a "the lovable idiot" by others.

[Gif ID: A gif of Bolin from the legend of Korra, he is leaning his face on his hand, with a relaxed smile while blinking. End of ID.]

To get to my point I am gonna go back to his backstory, his parents died and Bolin became homeless alongside his brother, normally children in these sort of situation are easily exploited by adults which is what happened.

Bolin seemed more naive than Mako, he is younger and Mako probably sheltered him, basically becoming the "parent" in the situation, incredible traumatic and it lead him to developing a rough exterior towards others because he knew that people like him and Bolin would be taken advantage by others.

This leads me to how Bolin views himself, he fights for a living and it might have lead him to develop a complex, Bolin is the "naive one" to contrast Mako being the "tough one", he holds the responsibility his father or mother should have but neither of them have that luxury.

[Image ID: two images from the legend of Korra, both featuring Bolin wearing his NukTuk outfit. The first one is a black and white image of Ginger and Bolin, she is holding into him while staring at the viewer, meanwhile Bolin has a fierce expression on his face with one hand raised, pointing at the viewer. The second image is Varrick, whose only hands are featured, doing a camera gesture at Bolin, with a confused expression. End of ID.]

Him becoming an "actor" made me think that all those years of being a fire ferret really did something to his self esteem, dressing up as a stereotype of a water tribe attire that shows off his body, like that isn't bad per say, Bolin knows he has a good body because that's a "tool" for him to work.

Years later that scene finally makes sense. All his story arcs didn't truly make sense to me at first because it felt like Bolin was being tossed around, now it made sense because he would allow himself to be tossed around by others if that meant he received the validation and love that he lacked as a child that got his childhood taken away from him.

Deep down Bolin just wants validation for others, he just wants to be liked for something and maybe deep down he knows he is being exploited by others but that's literally how he grew up, by being exploited. He sees this as a normal thing, so to Bolin being wanted or liked means being exploited.

[Image description: three screenshots of the legend of Korra. The first one is Bolin with a sad expression holding a flower bouquet with Pabu on his shoulder, watching Korra and Mako kiss. The second one features Bolin and Opal beifong, she's kissing his cheek while he looks surprised. The third one features Eska and Bolin standing next to each other. End of id.]

Do you see a pattern in those relationships Bolin had with women? He always tried to impress them, seeking for their validation, everyone likes validation but on Bolin case there are patterns to it, he doesn't notice how Korra isn't interested nor how Eska was being controlling towards him(I do say that Opal may be the exception to the bad pattern thing but my point stands).

Conclusion:

I wanna study him under a microscope byee<33

Edit: Let's not forget that there was a INCREDIBLE unnecessary scene of Bolin kissing Ginger against her consent and it was played for jokes. It was extremely out of pocket and I felt very out of character (to me at least), it sucks.

[twilightkitkat]

Thoughts on Origins Victor? My theory is that he accepted his inner animal because when his mutation emerged it gave him an opportunity not to be a victim anymore. (The movie doesn't state this but i think we all know from sub context that Thomas beat him regularly) And he was so brutal and arrogant because being the man meant having to come to terms with the abuse he suffered and so he lost himself in his animalistic side. He wanted Logan being like him too because for him it meant strength and not being vulnerable. But all in all he cared about Logan deeply. He loved him. When he encouraged him to kill him later on he didn't wanna die. And he knew Logan wouldn't have done it. But during that moment he could feel Logan's animal side breaking to the surface stronger than ever before and wanted to encourage his little brother to fully submit to it. So that he would become strong. Because Logan's empathy and morals were weakness in his eyes. A weakness that Logan needed to be freed from in order to overcome his emotial pain.

So what you think?

I think that Victor's childhood trauma definitely played a vital part in shaping who he became. He was used to being seen as less than, to getting beaten, to being constantly reminded that he was beneath everyone. This manifested into an obsession with hierarchy and being the "apex predator" to overcompensate for how he felt as a kid, weak and beneath the feet of those above him. He lived life by the status quo, and so if he wanted to survive he needed to claw his way to the top of it the only way he knew how: violence.

His need for the control he never had in his childhood manifests into a perverted form of sadism. He likes being in power and playing "god" over whether people live or die. He likes seeing how terrified people are of him, because it means he has the power. It comforts him to know how far he's come and that he isn't the same weak little kid he used to be. It's nice to be respected, even if that respect is built on fear and only kept through violence.

Victor is also characterized by a remarkable lack of empathy, which leads me to believe he either was born with or developed ASPD. His lack of empathy isn't what drives him to kill, that's for the reasons stated above, but it makes it easier for him to detach himself from it all. In the Origins movie, he never seems to view his victims as "humans." He views them as means to an end so that he can get to Logan or as victims or tools to display his dominance to those around him. He doesn't feel remorse for his actions because he has difficulties understanding "normal" emotions and he isn't thinking of people as dynamic individuals with lives and hopes and dreams.

This especially affects his relationship with Logan. Logan also struggles with empathy in some cases, but not to the same degree as Victor. Logan sees people as they are—people. He is capable of detaching himself from them to some extent, which is why he was able to stay with Victor throughout the wars and continue fighting, but not entirely. When they start killing civilians outright, not just nameless soldiers who signed up for battle, Logan can't take it anymore. He snaps.

And Victor doesn't understand this. His lack of empathy isn't just for the people he kills, but for Logan, too. It isn't that Victor doesn't care about Logan, but he can't understand him. What does he mean, he feels bad? Doesn't Logan get that those people don't matter, that they're just tools to let them climb up the ranks?

It's why he feels so betrayed when Logan walks away. To him, Logan left him over a squabble about toys. He thinks that leaving because he kills people is a petty reason, and that Logan would leave him over just that. After all they've been through. All Victor's done for him.

Logan, to Victor, is someone he's entitled to. He's the only person who's immortal like him, who has been by his side since the start. Their relationship is unhealthy and a little coercive but Victor cares about Logan in a way he doesn't for anyone else. He loves him. Getting "betrayed" by Logan was what caused Victor to finally crack and go fully to the dark side, even if he was heading there anyway.

Victor thinks that Logan's morality and humanity are weaknesses. Victor gave into his animalistic side because it gave him more power and it made people fear him. It made him a sharp and unpredictable tool, a wild animal with a loose leash at the top of the food chain. Exactly where he wanted to be.

But Victor doesn't understand that Logan doesn't want that. Giving in completely to becoming an animal means denying yourself the ability to be human. To have human luxuries and emotions and comforts. It's denying the other half of himself. And Victor is fine with that, because he views that half as weak and useless, but Logan isn't.

In the end, Logan's soft side is just as much of a strength as it is a weakness. It lets him be both a human and an animal. It lets him form genuine connections and emotional bonds. It gives him strength and a network of support and a greater purpose. Something to fight for.

Victor only sees this when it's too late. He goads Logan into almost killing him because he wants to prove, once and for all, that his ideals are correct. That Logan was an apex predator like him, that he was just as much of animal, that they were one and the same and there was no denying his roots. He wanted to prove that Logan was like him because he wanted to walk the same path as him. (To have someone who understood him. The only "human" luxury he'd allow.)

But Logan turns him down. He sneers at his way of living and leaves. He rejects him once and for all.

And when Victor reunites with him much, much, later, he sees why. Because had Victor ever been as happy as Logan looked right now? Had he ever allowed himself to be content, to not obsess over his standing or power? Had he ever just let himself be human because at least then he could be happy?

Logan looks at Wade like he's his reason for living, his life partner, the thing he's been looking for his entire life. He looks at Wade like he's his home.

When was the last time Victor felt like he had that?

[zzigzadig]

Androgyny and individuation in Demian (Hesse, 1919)

Hesse's novel Demian explores the theme of androgyny and gender ambiguity in depth, using it as a symbol of overcoming the dichotomies that define the ordinary world. Androgyny in the characters is not just a physical or aesthetic characteristic, but represents the fusion of opposites, a condition in which male and female, good and evil, spirit and body coexist without conflict, and it is linked to Jung's theories on the psyche and individuation, the process of integration of the shadow, the dark part of the personality, and of the anima, the feminine principle in men. Emil must fight and create a new world beyond binary for himself.

(long post)

Individuation is a process by which one achieves individual wholeness, in the words of Jung “one who was supposed to be”. In this process, interpretation of dreams plays a dominant role, expressing the content of the unconscious, both personal and collective (this is explained by Jung in his Psychology and Alchemy). The individuation is not a linear process, but one with deviations and extremes , which place the individual in contradictory positions and often cause unbearable moral sufferings. Before birth, when the ego has not yet truly formed, the unconscious is one with the mother and its situation is associated by Jung with that of the Ouroboros, the snake that eats its own tail. From birth, the ego begins its development and separates from the mother to look for another woman, a sexual partner that Jung makes correspond to the archetype of the anima. Hesse showed perfectly in Demian that the essential complication of this relationship is the fact that the archetype of the anima in male psychology, is always initially mixed with the image of the mother (1). Dreams are very important in Demian, more than physical events, they shape Emil's growth and desires. It’s in a “love dream” that emerges the figure of what Emil calls his destiny, which evolves from a portrait of a girl, Beatrice, yet it resembles a boy, Demian, angel and demon, human and beast, and it is described as Sinclair's truest soul. Still cis tho.

Steps of the individuation, which can be connected to specific episodes in the novel, includes: 

the assimilation of the shadow (“defeating” Kromer) 

the confrontation with the anima (portrait of Beatrice)

the encounter with the archetype of the Wise Old Man (friendship with Pistorius)

For young Sinclair, society presents itself with rigid boundaries, separating the male from the female, good from evil. His childhood is marked by a sharp division between the world of light and the world of darkness, his family corresponds to the bright world, where there is good, righteousness, prayer, etc. In the same way, men and women are two poles that intertwine only to do “mysterious grown-up” things. The father represents authority and rigidity, Sinclair’s relationship with him is not very peaceful and he  disregards his father as he grows up and has open conflict with authority such as teachers in school. Meanwhile, the mother is loving but passive, and his sisters, who embody the world of light and are seen as angels, distance themselves as they grow up, finding Emil both amusing and awkward in his teenager body. 

In the opening chapter, Sinclair expresses a longing to be part of the world of light, yet he feels unable to fully belong to it. He loses the light when he chooses the darkness. The education that Sinclair receives from his family does not provide him with the tools necessary to face the challenges of adolescence, and this pushes him to look for answers elsewhere. Sinclair’s conviction on the dichotomy of the world is challenged by the mere existence of Demian, who contradicts duality and embraces both light and dark, male and female, young and old. When Emil hears of Abraxas, the novel makes a stronger turn towards the idea of ​​a conjunction of opposites. This idea is very similar to the process of individuation described by Jung. 

“What about masculinity? Do you know how much femininity man lacks for completeness? Do you know how much masculinity a woman lacks for completeness? You seek the feminine in women and the masculine in men. And thus there are always only men and women. But where are people? You, man, should not seek the feminine in women, but seek and recognize it in yourself, as you possess it from the beginning.” (2)

Many spiritual traditions consider the androgynous as an expression of the divine. Throughout the Middle Ages, the myth of the androgynous being, seen as a model of human perfection, was present in the secret traditions of mysticism and theosophy in both the East and the West. In Islamic mysticism, divine presence often appears as an "angel-man" with an androgynous form. In Hafiz’s poetry, the beloved is not assigned a specific grammatical gender. Many translations struggle due to Hafiz’s distinctive figurative language and deliberate ambiguity (3). Hafiz’s lyrics on divine love can be reflected in the being of love dreams of Sinclair. 

The alchemical operation for the preparation of the philosopher's stone was the union between the masculine and feminine principles.Gnosticism places great importance on the myth of the androgynous being, viewing androgyny as an essential condition for human perfection—a return to a primordial, pre-formal state, free from attributes or polarizations. In particular, the Naassenes, a Gnostic sect, held that the celestial archetype, known as Adamas, was androgynous. Adam, the earthly man, was only a reflection of this divine archetype and was therefore also androgynous. Since all humans originate from Adam, the androgynous is believed to exist within each individual (4).

Most of the characters in Demian are portrayed with an androgynous or ambiguous quality, often blending traits of both youth and old age. 

Demian 

“I saw Demian’s face, I saw not only that he had not the face of a boy, but that of a man; I saw still more, I thought I saw, or felt, that it was not the face of a man either but something else besides. There seemed to be also something of the woman in his features, and particularly it seemed to me for a moment, not manly or boyish, nor old or young, but somehow or other a thousand years old, not to be measured by time, bearing the stamp of other epochs. Animals could look like that, or trees, or stones” (Demian, chapter 3 , english translation by N. H. Priday, 1923)

Since his first appearance, Sinclair himself is not sure how to describe with precision Demian, this boy surrounded by mystery and rumors, a being who seems to have already overcome the categories imposed by the ordinary world. Recalling animal and mythological images, Demian seems to come from an ancient era.

“Perhaps he was beautiful, perhaps he pleased me, perhaps even he was repugnant— I could not then determine.” (Demian, chapter 3)

These feelings of repulsion and reverence at same time happen again in the dream in chapter 2, where Sinclair suffers by the hand of Kromer and then because of Demian, this time welcoming the torture. However, beyond being merely a mentor or an object of desire, Demian also functions as a projection of Sinclair’s unconscious self, his true self. Then again in this dream in chapter 5: 

“Rapture and horror were mixed, the embrace was a sort of divine worship, and yet a crime as well. Too much of the memory of my mother, too much of the memory of Max Demian was contained in the form which embraced me. The embrace seemed repulsive to my sentiment of reverence, yet I felt happy. I often awoke out of this dream with a deep feeling of contentment, often with the fear of death and a tormenting conscience as if I were guilty of a terrible sin.”

Emil experiences deeply ambivalent feelings toward Demian, this time present in the Abraxas incarnation of his dreams, torn between an undeniable attraction and the weight of his upbringing, which has ingrained in him the notion of sin and guilt, very aware of what the terrible sin and crime is (gay gay gay homosexual), to the point of fearing for his life and giving him a reason to feel guilty about himself once more. His perception of his feelings as something forbidden, even criminal, is something present since chapter 1. His longing for Demian is expressed repeatedly throughout the novel, making the queer subtext not very subtle. 

Beatrice 

Sinclair is immediately attracted and devoted to her. He isn’t really interested in the real girl, he values only her image and what it represents to him. Also worth noting that he likes her in virtue of her boyish features and ephebic beauty. 

“She was tall and slender, elegantly dressed, and had a wise, boyish face. She pleased me at once, she belonged to the type that I loved, and she began to work upon my imagination. She was scarcely older than I, but she was more mature; she was elegant and possessed a good figure, already almost a woman, but with a touch of youthful exuberance in her features, which pleased me exceedingly.” (Demian, chapter 4)

Pistorius   

Pistorius is a character who also embodies a dual nature: he is both a mature man and a child, a mystic and an unfulfilled dreamer. Hesse uses the word "effeminate” to describe Pistorius' soft features, in contrast to the strength of the upper half of his face:

“....his face was just as I had expected it to be. It was ugly and somewhat uncouth, with the look of a seeker and of an eccentric, obstinate and strong-willed, with a soft and childish mouth. The expression of what was strong and manly lay in the eyes and forehead; on the lower half of the face sat a look of gentleness and immaturity, rather effeminate and showing a lack of self-mastery. The chin indicated a boyish indecision, as if in contradiction with the eyes and forehead. I liked the dark brown eyes, full of pride and hostility.” (Demian, chapter 5)

This description ties in with how Pistorius has an unfulfilled destiny and dream of being a leader of a new religion and how he is the prodigal son, both an adult and a child, still tied to his family and even more, the past and institutionalized religion.

Eva

The culmination of the concept of union of opposites is represented by the character of Eva, Demian's mother. She, almost worshipped as a goddess, is the leader of the circle of the elite, the individuals bearing Cain's mark, which Sinclair joins toward the end.

“There it was, the tall, almost masculine woman’s figure, resembling her son, with traits of motherliness, traits which denoted severity, and deep passion, beautiful and alluring, beautiful and unapproachable, demon and mother, destiny and mistress. [...] Her voice and her words were like those of her son, and yet quite different. Everything was more mature, warmer, more assured.” (Demian, chapter 7)

Demian is a feminine boy, and Eva is a masculine woman: mirrors of each other. In Eva, all opposites come together, not in conflict but in harmony. She represents the final stage of Sinclair’s journey, the embodiment of Abraxas. At the same time, she reflects both his idealized mother figure and his hidden desires. Sinclair’s love for Eva is not just about maternal affection. It is a continuation of his feelings for Demian, but now expressed in a new way that fits societal norms. Unlike his hesitant attraction to Demian, his feelings for Eva are open and intense, showing that she represents both acceptance and fulfillment of something he struggled with before. Her appearance and demeanor is very similar to her son, except she is a version of Demian that Emil is allowed to love, because she is a woman and not a man. In this sense, she serves as an outlet for the emotions he has repressed for years. It is difficult to separate the characters of Demian and Eva, because they, as I said, are a mirror of each other. Emil's feelings towards both of them are intertwined, nonetheless valid on their own. I think Emil loves both of them, but the fact that they are likely projections of Emil's mind complicates everything. 

Eva is the end of Sinclair's journey, when he first meets her he feels at home, she is what he was looking for. Demian's home— Eva’s home is a garden, a new Eden in which Sinclair can love and be loved for who he really is, in opposition to his family home. Her name, Eva, also carries symbolic weight, as it is the name of the first woman, who sinned against God and the mother of Cain and Abel, this all circles back to the first encounter with Demian and the mark of Cain. Her eternally youthful appearance reminds me of another very important mother figure, the Pietà Vaticana by Michelangelo. In the Pietà, Mary appears much younger than one might expect for a woman who has lost a 33-year-old son. 

“But just as Max in years past had made on no one the impression of being a mere boy, so his mother did not look like the mother of a grown-up son, so young and sweet was the breath of her face and hair, so smooth her golden skin, so blossoming her mouth.” (Demian, chapter 7)

Michelangelo’s focus was symbolic: he depicted Mary as young, as she was when she conceived Jesus, suggesting that "chastity, holiness, and incorruption preserve youth" (5). This iconography of the Pietà, or Vesperbild, became popular in Central Europe during the 14th century, with small sculptures showing the Virgin seated, holding the body of Christ after his death on Good Friday. During the Middle Ages, Mary was considered not only as the mother of Christ but also as his bride and as a symbol of the Church. In a similar way, Eva is not just Demian’s mother, (according to students rumors in chapter 3, her lover, too) but the mother of mankind, an idea and a spiritual figure. Eva, a woman that Sinclair calls mother, lover, whore and Abraxas. Demian also has some connotations of a Christ-like figure, he embodies the Self, the archetype of psychic totality, according to Jung. 

She’s tender, loving, but also scary and confusing: the hallucination/vision of the gigantic Eva on the battlefield causes destruction, the mother who brings birth also brings death, like the hindu goddess Kali, worshipped as the mother of the universe, associated with death and destruction. 

"Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.” (6)

 This hermetic principle of polarity, expressed in “The Kybalion”, perfectly encapsulates the gender of characters in Demian. 

(1) C. G. Jung. The archetypes and the collective unconscious. 1968. (2) C.G. Jung. The Red Book. 2009 (3) D. Ingenito. Tradurre Ḥāfeẓ: Quattro Divān Attuali. Oriente Moderno.2009. (4) https://www.rigenerazionevola.it/larchetipo-androgino/ (5) Giorgio Vasari. Le vite de' più eccellenti pittori, scultori e architettori. 1550-1567. (6) The Kybalion. 1908 by "Three Initiates" (William Walker Atkinson)

[moonyskarma]

SHORT AND EXTRA SWEET . . . ask game

who said i can't answer these myself without being sent asks??

answering for my formula 1 dr ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

🍦  𑅕  TASTE  ＼  how do you leave traces of yourself? a signature scent? one of your interests? perhaps just your appearance is enough to leave a mark?

i'm quite fond of bleu de chanel... yes, okay, maybe it's a little basic, but i love it. except for that, lando always likes to point out that i always smell like cigarettes?? i literally barely smoke so idfk. multiple people have said my freckles are like constellations and that, along with my little pointy canines, are probably my defining characteristics as well

💭  𑅕  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE  ＼  what’s something you’ve always desperately wanted? something from a luxury brand? your childhood friend?

a fucking world championship. and then i got that! so... who knows. no, all jokes aside, you know what i really want? like, might give up my career if i don't get it? charles motherfucking leclerc. oh my god that man drives me INSANE. need him biblically.

☘️  𑅕  GOOD GRACES  ＼  who’s the person you trust the most? is it a family member? friend? maybe not a person, but a pet?

so there's a lot because the people closest to me are close for a reason. i'll start with my parents—definitely trust them with my life. my siblings too—my brother tom and my sister lily-rose. would die for them and vice versa! my best friends, genuinely, i trust them so much. but alright, if i had to choose one person... i suppose it'd have to be my dad.

🪚  𑅕  SHARPEST TOOL  ＼  what’s one of your most personal items? a gift from a loved one? something from a good time in your life?

i'm a sappy little sentimental motherfucker. me and my twin brother tom have these necklaces—leather cords with a little silver ring on it. it used to belong to my dad—he had both rings, but when me and tom were born he split the necklace and gave us each a ring. so it's really important to me and never take it off. that's not the only thing, because i keep literally every gift i've ever received, but that's the most important to me.

🎲  𑅕  COINCIDENCE  ＼  when was one of your luckiest moments? so lucky that you thought it a coincidence ..

monza. 2022. worst crash of my life. fighting max verstappen for third. i pushed, he pushed back, and we collided. i went spinning off the track and somehow hit the wall so hard the car fucking flipped??? genuinely do not understand how he just went "oh damn thats crazy" AND DROVE AWAY. LIKE I'M UPSIDE DOWN COME BACK??? anyways somehow i was fine?? like, obviously that was terrifying and i was so mad i almost started a brawl in the middle of the paddock but i was unharmed somehow.

🛏️  𑅕  BED CHEM  ＼  how do your express love in your relationship? physically? through gifts?

hehehe im gonna keep part of my answer to myself but i'm a very physical person. not even in a freaky way (ok maybe a little bit shh) but no i'm just a very touchy person. hugs. leaning on someone. holding hands. head on char's shoulder, stuff like that. that's also how he knows when i'm not doing well because i'll pull away and not be as touchy as usual. also, i'm a gift giver !! i'm a gift maker. i love giving gifts, i love receiving gifts. yeah.

☕️  𑅕  ESPRESSO  ＼  what in this reality gives you a boost of energy? maybe a special someone? your favorite activity? 

RACING. nothing can compare. nothing. ever. you're going so fucking fast you can barely move cuz the g-force, one little mistake could be lethal, the adrenaline.. i love racing so much.

✉️  𑅕  DUMB & POETIC  ＼  what about you juxtaposes another trait of your? do you hate the spolight but love to be appreciated? do you love taking care of people yet neglect yourself?

physical touch is my love language but if i'm not doing good i pull away from that and i'm not as touchy. also i'm kind of a hypocrite? i don't know im kind of a walking juxtaposition ...

🪵  𑅕  SLIM PICKINS  ＼  what’s something you regret settling for? did you know that there was something better out there for you? did you moan and bitch for a while or just accept it?

hm. there's been a few incidents but nothing that majorly stands out? just a bunch of little things with other drivers and stuff where i've been forced to take a penalty or agree to stop doing something when i disagree with it. (im looking at you max verstappen and the stewards)

🍼  𑅕  JUNO  ＼  are you good with kids? do they cling to you or run away in fear? do you even like kids in the first place?

I AM SO GOOD WITH KIDS i love kids so much yes. kids love me in return. i'm really good at making kids laugh? if you can't find me in the paddock it's probably because i'm playing hide and seek with another drivers kids. i want two kids.

🥠  𑅕  LIE TO GIRLS  ＼  what’s a lie someone has told to you? how did it affect you after you found out? how severe was it?

there's a few! that's always great. somebody (max verstappen is praying on my downfall i swear to god.) told me, when i had just signed with mercedes, that lewis hamilton thought i was annoying and i was genuinely devastated because he really is my idol and i wanted him to like me so badly. so that sort of led to me pushing myself harder and harder to try and win his approval? when the entire time he thought i was brilliant and never disliked me at all. that was great.

also the chapollo/lecdepp situationship era was NOT fun i'd just like to mention. me and char were so.. on and off.. for a while. idfk what the hell was up with him but he decided to pretend he wasn't in love with me for like, months, and i'd try and talk to him about it and he'd just deny everything like BITCH WE MADE OUT LIKE AN HOUR AGO WHAT DO YOU MEAN "we're just friends ollie." YOU CALLED ME CUORE MIO YESTERDAY.

🦷  𑅕  DON’T SMILE  ＼  who in this reality can make you laugh even at the worst times? do they purposely try to get a giggle out of you? is it completely unintentional?

daniel ricciardo. somebody needs to keep him away from me during more serious interviews because genuinely he will do the smallest thing, crack the most casual joke, and i'm over here falling off my fucking chair. like SHUT UP BROTHA IM TRYNA FOCUS.

🕰️  𑅕  15 MINUTES  ＼  how do you work in a time crunch? are you calm and composed or all over the place? when is a time where you’ve demonstrated this?

literally before every single race i'm internally tweaking but externally i look perfectly fine. "oh my god, apollo's so calm, how is he always so composed?" im not. im freaking out. there's always hella things to do in the few minutes right before the race starts—getting the car out onto the track, making sure everything works, that we're perfectly in our grid box, that everybody's clear, it's... stressful.

🪞  𑅕  COULDN’T MAKE IT ANY HARDER  ＼  what’s something about you that might push others away? is it the way you express yourself? how you talk? is their perception of you accurate?

i'm kind of mean? especially when i like someone? i'm kind of mean to charles. and everybody else. idfk guys. also i will not hesitate to call someone out and my PR team fucking HATESSS that. especially when i don't listen to them and say something anyway and then they have to do damage control. (sorry guys.) also x2 i'm kinda stubborn! my race engineer (claude) gets so pissed at that because he'll tell me to do something like overtake or let someone past and i just... won't.

💼  𑅕  BUSY WOMAN  ＼  what do you do for a living? how much time does it occupy in your life? have you always wanted to do this?

FORMULA ONE DRIVER. literally occupies all the time in my entire life, i'm in another country practically every week, but there's nothing i'd rather do. i was i think four? five, maybe? when i saw michael schumacher win the world championship and i just knew. i wanted to do that. i wanted to win. it wasn't until i was nine, seeing lewis hamilton win the 2008 world championship that i fully locked in and told my parents that hey, we need to move to london, i want to do that.

📰  𑅕  BAD REVIEWS  ＼  silly question! what’s your least favorite movie/show(s)? how did you come across this media? what about it is so bad? costuming? production? maybe the actors just suck.

the new lord of the rings thing—rings of power or whatever?? im not even the biggest LOTR fan but you know who is? lando fucking norris. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH BULLSHIT I HAD TO ENDURE LISTENING TO HIM RANT ABOUT THIS? don't let his little adhd gremlin personality fool you. he is a fucking nerd. idk i cant think of anything else tbh.

[splinterofpandora]

{BrightKnightUpcoming} <---------------------

--don't miss part 5 by tag🧡❤️🖤💜🤍💙💚

Stephanie Brown's Guide to the Mentorship

I love the Robin period in Stephanie's life because it shows us how kind Bruce has become towards the children. It would be fair to say that Brown was the most unideal Robin, however that was her value. With a lot of mistakes made, she kept an optimistic attitude, did things atypical even for this mask like sweet talking to citizens right during a patrol, always tried to have fun, but delved deeply into the cases of really hurt people. Bruce couldn't just give her orders like he did with Dick or Jason. But again, he was a different person and they were different kids. They were kids. Tim and Steph were teenagers.

I don't think age was the deciding factor, but it was a case where he could be relied upon. More complex topics, easier connection on a thinking level, he knew she wouldn't listen under pressure. Stephanie was the first person with whom Bruce fully tried to decide to behave differently and accept how different by his standards she was.

He didn't feel guilty, and he did get something out of it when she, during a mission, would say things to him like, "Oh, you're talking to Barbara? Tell her I said hi!"

Her dismissal as Robin was also easy. Because he knew she'd screwed up, but it wasn't a big deal. And when they continued as Batman and Spoiler or Batman and Batgirl, they kept the contrast of the relationship. He had her back as a partner and could rely on her, but he also knew it wouldn't be intuitive and direct, which was the case with Cass, Dick, Tim.

Robin, in terms of his function, was Bruce's responsibility, for in every case, even under Drake, took its origin from Wayne's consent or dissent. But Stephanie's career as Robin began with a deal. And it wasn't more firmly in his control because Batgirl and Spoiler were never a direct result of his actions.

Stephanie taught him to separate the masked heroes who went after Batman and his inner circle. In the future, this will allow for the start of Batman Incorporated.

Damian Wayne, or you have all the time in the world🤍

Damian was a difficult kid. He could be violent. He constantly put himself above others. He would get into fights even when he was treated well. He could get into fights with other family members for no reason at all. And he didn't really listen to his father half the time. But he didn't have a childhood either. Jason grew up in pain, but at least for a minute he was allowed to be a child. Dami was immediately born a leader, and he had to prove superiority. So this boy needed a special approach.

What's most interesting is that although Bruce used all the lessons learned to raise him, he also came up with a lot of new ones. For example, he became not just affectionate toward his son, but gave him many hugs and revelations. Family events, fun holidays, playing ball with the dog...Wayne and son have become an ordinary family in the best of senses.

Very importantly, Damian wanted to be a decent son and a cool Robin, one day becoming Batman. We see an understanding of the importance that Dick had in the beginning, but which for Bruce is not an obsession now. Wayne helps his son overcome his inner demons, and now even a literal part of him, part of Batman, can live free. Can choose. Bruce kills the idea of the mantle being an extension of himself.

And here's what else he does as he studies his new Robin. He helps destroy all the negative aspects that are out there. Turn them into strengths. Cruelty? Why are you angry? Arrogance? Why do you need it? Humiliation? Is that how you defend yourself? From what? He keeps asking questions, and he answers them to himself as well. Bruce now knows that he cannot make better someone until he is better himself, however he will not push to achieve it.

And that's how he gets an answer to one of the big questions. Was Batman, as a symbol, a tool against Evil and Chaos. It was. But should it remain that? The answer took some time...

I'll teach you everything, but I have nothing to learn. Duke Thomas.

Duke was not a complicated issue because all the complicated issues had been resolved by then. So we just talk about support every step of the way. I think the most interesting thing about Duke in the context of Batman is the lack of “over”.

There's no excessive control here like there was with Dick. There's no excessive guilt and fight of position like there was with Jason. There's no horizon of trust like there was with Tim. There is no fear of legacy as there was with Cass. No miscommunication in individual moments like with Stephanie. No Damian's prejudices. He also spent a long time trying to figure out how not to accept Barbara's injury as a mistake. I don't think it's identical to Jason because Gordon had just moved on and wanted to talk, but that had to be accepted too. And Duke himself was simpler as a person.

Damian's been a fighter since the beginning, for example. Thomas trained for this. He doesn't have that big a line, but we can do an all-media analysis.

In Batwheels, we see a cute kid who is bought ice cream and allowed to play with his sister. This is exaggerated if you read the comics. But that's how it works in the comics, if Duke was in the beginning and Wayne always had it inside. What I'm trying to say is that Thomas is important, but as an indicator of Bruce's global willingness to make Batman only and only a symbol.

Bruce can be without Batman. Batman can be without Bruce. It's no longer a legacy issue. It's a question of how you want to spend your old age. Or who you want to spend it with...

[beifong-brainrot]

The more I think about it, the more I think Bolin could easily embody that "human treated as a weapon/tool, who also believes that of themselves" tropes.

Like, it is not a stretch to say that Bolin has been "used" at least three times by antagonists of the show. By Kuvira, for his unique bending abilities and his good reputation, by Varrick for his looks, charisma and popularitu and by Eska for physical labour and her... um... you know I think I'll need to make another long post about Eska's weirdly intense attachment to Bolin.

In these relationships there is an onbious pattern, Bolin letting a more assertive/experienced person take the lead and order him around. Even when he's hurt or humiliated or frightened, he keeps his head down and does what is required of him until some big event (usually only vagely related to his current predicament ) allows him to "break free".

But without a decisive push, Bolin often appears unable or extremely unwilling to disobey the people he views as currently 'in control of him'. Often he's manipulated or pushed into something he's uncomfortable with, or explicity doesn't want to do, even hurting those he cares about.

Sometimes I wonder if even Bolin subconsciously sees himself as just a tool for others to wield and command. That it's easier to let others take charge than to think for himself, than to deal with the responsibility of governing himself. A responsibility he was never taught to handle.

This, as most analysis of Bolin ties back to his traumatic childhood and his codependent relationship with Mako.

Bolin grew up following Mako's lead. He never got to peel off from Mako, never got to slowly build up his independence, as children in more stable environments do. Because seperation from his brother would usually mean danger.

Hell, Mako often acts like a strict parent, since he had to step up to the role. However, often Mako tends to disregard Bolin's own agency and preferences in favour of Bolin's physical safety. Which isn't a bad thing, and Mako was doing as best he could, however this does obviously lead to Bolin being a little stunted in the decisionmaking department.

Bolin lacks agency, as a person. He relies on others leading him. One of the reasons him and Korra get along so well. She's headstrong and decisive and can easily direct him. This is probably why he also gravitated to Kuvira after Korra became incapacitated. He even explained to Mako that "Kuvira is basically just like Korra".

Bolin likes to be given a purpose and that purpose is given to hin by other people. You can see how lost he is when left to his own devices. I mean, Mako left him alone for like 2 days in B2 and Bolin immediately glued himself to Varrick like an abandoned baby koala. And the only times he was able to stand up to Mako, someone who often guides him, is when Bolin is, let's say, "wielded" by someone else (Varrick or Kuvira respectively). It's also fucking painful that whenever Bolin does branch off from Mako, he's always slapped back down, because the person who lead him "astray" turned out to be a villain.

Especially between seasons, and post B4 when team Avatar isn't together, isn't actively driven to do something, Bolin gets lost.

He's aimless in times of peace. He bounces from career to career, unable to focus on anything, because he's so used to tob being directed to fight, to literally survive. It's also important to note that he started training under Toza when he was like 13, no wonder all he can do is combat.

This, coupled with his lavabending being one of Bolin's most prominent skills (also note that lavabending is the only discipline of earthbending we've seen that can't easily be translated into building or art. Lavabending is pure destruction, at least in the form we're shown.).

Korra has her Avatar status, wisdom gained through adversity and her determination. Asami has her company, her ingenuity and drive. Mako has his detective work, and deductive skills. Bolin's just a good fighter and occasionally lifting the mood.

How is he meant to exist in times of peace?

Even though he is clearly uncomfortable with conflict.

Does Bolin have any interests? Things he likes to do other than eat? Other than perform and contort himself for other people to like him?

I thought the mind control plot from Rote could've started an arc of Bolin realising he can be more than a pawn or a tool, but alas, the comic was dissapointing on many fronts, including this one.

I know Bolin is supposed to be the imamture comic relief character, but he's very compelling and multifaceted to me. He has a lot of potential to be a groundbreaking character, however it doesn't seem like the creators are going that way. So um. That sucks.

Also this whole thought process came to me from listening to She was a bird, I was an arrow and thinking of weilin so that's the context of this analysis lol.

I'm gonna need to clear these thoughts up after a while, but hey, enjoy the silly Bolin rambles

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[xhoneygirlxx]

my salvation

Eddie Munson x reader

summary: when it all becomes too much, you go to one person.

warnings: established relationship, mentions of mental health issues, depression/anxiety, panic attack. pronouns not used, Eddie calls reader pet names (baby, sweetheart, honey, etc.). modern au!, current technology and movies mentioned. bad writing and not proofread, if there are any grammar mistakes pretend like it's not there. pictures used do not describe reader in anyway, only used for aesthetic purposes. 18+ Minors please go away :)

a/n: as someone who deals with panic attacks, sometimes all i want is for someone to just hold me. there's moments where i don't want any questions asked because i can become embarrassed very easily which makes it worse. if any of you guys are dealing with mental health issues, just know that you are loved, and my page is always a safe place <3

The room is shrouded in darkness, the only light is the yellow shine of the streetlamp outside your room. When you got home from work, you told Eddie that you needed to lay down, physically drained from the week you had just had. Your boyfriend being the angel he is, helped you into the bed and placed a wet kiss on your head, telling you if you needed anything just to call for him and he'd be there.

Work had been a nightmare recently, your whole department swamped with ten times the work you're used to due to an overflow of paperwork. Your boss, Doug, had been an asshole to you in particular, even though you weren't even the head of your team. It didn't matter because he made it a point to single you out, ride your ass all week, and when all was said and done he never thanked you for all the late shifts you pulled to get it all back together.

The whole way home all you could think about was your bed, curling up under the blankets, and just turning the whole world off. It was Friday night and rather than spend time with your boyfriend that you hadn't seen all week because of conflicting working schedules, you were laying in bed too exhausted to do anything else.

However you couldn't sleep, your eyes screaming to rest, yet your mind couldn't shut off. There was something happening, swarm of emotions starting in your mind, and you were trying everything to keep out of the eye of the storm.

As you stare up at the dark ceiling you could feel the burn behind your eyes, crawling it's way out to be released. Your body was sinking further and further into the bed like a cement block. The tingle of your fingers had alerted you, setting off the bells and whistles in your head.

The room that you were once in is now gone, replaced by grey skies and dark water. The waves are choppy, quick, and strong, pushing you around like a ragdoll being chewed on by a dog. Kicking your legs and pushing your arms, you try to stay afloat.

The pounding of your heart is loud, beating deafeningly in your ears like a kick drum. It's constant, it's overwhelming, and you can't control it. Your mouth won't open, refusing to cooperate like you swallowed a bunch of super glue, trapping it shut.

While you're trying to save yourself from the dark abyss you were heading into, you couldn't feel your legs anymore, like you were paralyzed by impending doom.

Here in the dark bedroom that you and your boyfriend share, you lay motionless, tears rolling down the side of your cheeks onto the pillow under your head. Your chest is moving rapidly up and down, trying to find the air that it desperately needs.

You're trying everything that you learned in your years of therapy, repeating all the street names of your childhood neighborhood, counting Mississippi's, naming every thing you see, touch, hear. Every tool, every lesson that you were taught, and nothing is working. The life preservers and rafts aren't helping you survive these tsunami like waves.

You can't do this on your own, fight this battle without any teammates. You know the minute you try to stand your legs will give out on you, so there's only one thing you can do. Reaching your hand to the nightstand next to the bed, you pat your hand around trying your last weapon.

When you feel your phone in the palm of your hand, you move it quickly to your face. The words on the bright screen are hard to see with the way your neck is craned and the tears that are blurring your vision.

With whatever strength you have, you text Eddie, praying to the gods above that he can hear his phone over his video game. Without trying to alert him, you simply tell him that you need him to come to you.

You can hear him, laughing and joking with his friends on his headset. The voice of the only person who can save you from drowning is right behind that door, yet he feels so far away.

Shutting your phone off and throwing it somewhere on the bed, you continue to sit there in the darkness, tied down by the invisible chains your mind has wrapped around you.

No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get the oxygen to your lungs. The pounding of your heart is growing louder, the waves are getting stronger and stronger, pulling you completely under.

What you don't realize is that your salvation is right there, reaching his hand out and pulling you up from the angry sea.

Through the crashing sounds of the water you hear him, his voice brings you back to safety. When you open your eyes he's there, hovering over you, calling out to you like an angel at the pearly white gates.

"Baby," the mattress dips down beside you where he's sat, "Baby, hey, what's wrong?"

Blinking away the salty water from your eyes, you can see Eddie. His eyebrows scrunched up in worry, mouth pulled down with a frown. Because of the bright lamp he must've turned on, you can see his eyes, big chocolate pools swarming with concern, flickering back and forth trying to study your face.

The minute you register what's happening it all comes crashing down, the fear, the sadness, the worry. Your mouth that was once locked shut, has finally freed itself from it restraints. No words come out, only the loud sobbing that was trapped in your throat.

You can hear the shuffling from your boyfriend, the pressure of his full body weight next to you. He doesn't hesitate to hold you, engulfing you into a bear hug. You wish that you could feel your limbs, that the fuzziness that pulses through them would go away, so you could feel his touch.

Your whole body is shaking, releasing all the emotion that was trapped inside. The sound of your pounding heart is now replaced with your wailing that vibrates off of Eddie's chest. The cotton of his shirt is soaked with tears and snot, and you know that when you pull away you won't look pretty but you can't care, not when your lungs are burning with the sea water you swallowed while drowning.

"It's okay sweetheart, I got you." Eddie's voice rattles through his chest, right where your head lays. He repeats this mantra over and over again to you, like a prayer.

"I'm s-so sorry, Eddie. I'm so s-sorry." You don't know why you're apologizing and he doesn't question it, only rubbing his hand back and forth on the middle of your back.

"I'm so sorry, Eddie. P-please don't leave, leave me." The sentence is hiccupped through your crying. There's nothing for you to be sorry for, no reason for him to get up and leave you, but you can't help but repeat it over and over again.

Maybe you're apologizing because you hadn't seen him all week. Maybe you're sorry for interrupting his game session with the boys. Maybe you're apologizing to Doug for not being on top of your game at work. Maybe you're apologizing to the barista that made your drink wrong and having her remake it. Maybe you're sorry to yourself for putting up with every single thing and not sticking up for yourself. Maybe you're sorry for putting your body through torture everyday, not giving it the proper care and fuel that it needs to survive.

Every single little thing that's been bothering you is coming out now, the evidence on your boyfriends beloved Metallica shirt. You can feel your body deflate, like a balloon that's seeping out helium.

"Honey, I need you to take one deep breath for me. All I want is one big one, okay? Can you do that for me, love?" Eddie's tone is gentle even though he's demanding something you're not sure you can do.

With whatever strength you have in your body, you nod. With a whispered okay, he instructs you to follow him. His chest expands and then shrinks back down, your head moving with it. On autopilot you follow him, doing exactly what he did.

"There you go, baby. You're doin' such a good job for me."

The thing you once craved is now back within your body, your chest lighter than before. The muscles in your throat aren't tight anymore, allowing airflow back through. In that moment, Eddie's words and comfort is what brings you back down to your body. You can feel the warmth of his touch, his curls tickling your cheek.

Your teeth pulse with a heartbeat and your lips feel like your leg after you sat on it for too long. Everything is coming back to you now and you aren't scared anymore.

The cries that once ricocheted off the walls are now gone, the only thing that's heard is your breathing and small hiccups in between. There isn't a word spoken, not a question asked, just quietness. You push your face a little further into Eddie's chest, seeking refuge in the thing that just pulled you out from your demise.

After what feels like forever, Eddie finally breaks the comfortable silence. "You feelin' okay?" You don't respond verbally, rather nodding your head in response.

He hums, kissing the top of your head so lightly you almost miss it. He sits with you for a little bit longer before urging you up from your spot of comfort. Guiding you to the bathroom, he takes a cold wash cloth to your face, wiping away the stickiness of your tears and the mess of your snot with a light hand.

When you're all clean and your nose is blown, you follow him into the living room, where he sits you down. Turning off his game, he switched the tv to Disney plus to put on your comfort movie. Without another word, he moves into the kitchen where he opens and closes cabinets and the fridge.

Returning to the living room, he takes a seat right next to you, placing a plate with a sandwich on your legs. A cold bottle of water sits in his hand, you watch ringed fingers twist the cap off. Gently, Eddie puts his hands under your chin and lift the bottle to your lips, where you happily accept the cold water.

You eat your pb&j while watching Toy Story, taking a ragged breath every once and a while. When the sandwich is eaten, Eddie takes your plate and places it on the coffee table, and then hands you your water to take another sip.

Wrapping his arm around you, he pulls you into the side of his body, gripping onto you like his life depended on it. You don't mind it either, sinking into him with ease.

"My lovebug, so strong and brave. I'm proud of you." His hand pets the top of your head, pushing any loose hair out of your face.

Everything is right again, falling into place where it should be. Not everything is going to be like this, you remind yourself, nothing is ever bad when you have the love of your life sitting next to you. His scent calming you, the beat of his heart music to your ears, the heat of his skin comforting you.

__

thank you all for reading! love you all :)

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Johnny Cade and Steve Randle as Foils

Ok so the great thing about the Outsiders is how every character foils every other character in some way, but there is one glaringly obvious foiling is barely ever talked about and it drives me crazy because it’s brilliant. I’m talking of course, about the similarities between Johnny Cade and Steve Randle.

The brilliance of them as characters is that personality wise they’re almost complete opposites. Steve is cocky and self assured and has a bitter, occasionally cruel streak a mile wide. Johnny on the other hand, is unsure, quiet, and deeply kind. These differences are what people seem to focus on the most when discussing these characters, but as characters they’re actually INCREDIBLY similar.

Both of them are the members of the gang with the worst home lives, coming from downright abusive situations- yes, Dallas had a shit dad, but at the time of the book it’s established he’s living by himself at Buck’s, he’s made himself an adult and as such his home life doesn’t foil Johnny’s, not really. Steve on the other hand, still lives at home but gets kicked out every other week, and ends up crashing at the Curtis place or anywhere else he can find. His mother is deliberately never mentioned, leaving the audience to draw their own conclusions, but it’s clear Steve doesn’t have much of a relationship with her. Either she’s a doormat who doesn’t defend him when his dad is hollering or maybe even beating him around, or she isn’t around at all and she left him with his dad. Either way, Steve has an abusive father (EVEN if it isn’t physical it is DEFINITELY psychological and emotional) and a neglectful mother. We have even more backstory for Johnny whose mother is an emotionally abusive ‘selfish slob’ and whose father beats him viciously. Of all the gang, their backstories and home life are the most similar, and their characters have been shaped by it as a result. (The way Steve is sometimes vilified in this fandom for his very real responses to childhood trauma and abuse, while Johnny is universally pitied is a whole other essay so I’ll save if for another day.) 

Ponyboy even says as much early on in the book;

 “Johnny was high-strung anyway, a nervous wreck from getting belted every time he turned around and from hearing his parents fight all the time. Living in those conditions might have turned someone else rebellious and bitter; it was killing Johnny.”

Rebellious and bitter, huh? Sounds like Steve Randle to me. His presence in the book is to show what kids in Johnny’s situation but without Johnny’s kindness turn into. Yes, Dally foils him a bit in this regard too, but I think Steve is a better, more in your face example of it. Their are other pieces in the book too, that highlight Steve and Johnny’s similar upbringing and the effects it has had on them, without directly calling them out as foiling characters, such as the fact they’re the two members of the gang who Pony calls out as examples when he’s talking about starting smoking young (woohoo nicotine as a coping mechanism am I right?);

“Johnny had been smoking since he was nine; Steve started at eleven.”

Here, the linking of their names even in what Pony views as an innocuous thing- smoking isn’t a big deal to him- forces us as readers to think about why they started. Knowing that smoking is used by the greasers as a tool to help them calm down reminds us that at their core these characters aren’t so different, and they likely felt the need for nicotine to deal with horrible experiences Pony never had to. Ponyboy smokes a lot, and he started young too, but whatever his catalyst was, it wasn’t the same as Johnny or Steve’s.

Yet another attribute that links them as characters is their fierce independence. Johnny is young, and the gang is protective of him, but as his core he is incredibly self sufficient because he has to be. He finds himself places to sleep, is forced to provide himself with food, and prior to being jumped was fine walking by himself. Steve works for a living, and much like Johnny, he too has to find himself a place to sleep and food to eat on the nights where he isn’t safe to be at home. Both Steve and Johnny are also incredibly protective in their own ways, especially of their more ‘innocent’ best friends (Soda is less innocent than Pony by a long shot, but he is still used to a modicum of security that Steve isn’t.) Steve gets angry at Ponyboy on Soda’s behalf when he asks about Sandy, even though Pony had no way of knowing what happened. Johnny kills Bob for Pony and looks out for him a whole lot in the church, then later sacrifices himself when he pushes Pony out of the fire. To their buddies, their main ‘safe’ zones, both Steve and Johnny are ride or die.

Finally, an important scene that rounds out my analysis of them as foils, is when Dally dies and Steve breaks down crying. 

“Steve stumbled forward with a sob, but Soda caught him by the shoulders.”

Here we see Steve Randle pushed to his limit- and Steve’s breaking point leads to tears, whereas Johnny’s breaking point pushed him to kill Bob. There’s a subversion of their roles here, where the usually cold, bitter, hateful Steve shows a sensitive side, and quiet little Johnny Cade gets rough and cold. To me, this just shows once again, how they’re very similar characters, with similar trauma, that has simply shaped them differently and made them tough in different ways. Steve, with bravado, craving a fight all the time because he can’t fight the helplessness or the feelings of being stuck; Johnny, resigned to his lot in life and tough because of it, seeking out love when he knows he will never find it where he wants it; but at their cores the both of them are battered, lonely kids who were forced to grow up way too fast. 

[wilsons-journey]

Neeve Wynther

Looks like someone never told us about his twin Sister.

Both were raised to serve and kill. Yet both deal very different with all the shit in their life - but in core, both are incredible stubborn, just in their very own way:

Valefor thrives on spite - "I was dragged to my worst place, and I won't give anyone the satisfaction of dragging me further down."

Neeve on the other hand thrives on optimism - "I've been at rock bottom, so things can only go up!"

(Special thanks to Rolan (BrightwingedBat) for putting it in these wonderful words)

More about her and Valefors relationship under the cut:

Despite connected in blood - they never really bonded. Until later in their life.

Neeve was ready to give her life to the idea only to live to serve and kill. She was good in that. Everyone praised her for her incredible skills, while Valefor struggled during their childhood.

She soon becomes a valuable asset to Israfils servants. She is happy to be a tool - that makes her useful and makes her seen. The urge to feel important to someone - no matter who - gets stronger after a seemingly stranger saved her life. The feeling she got out of this situation moved something in her view. At first she saw this as granted, because she is valuable. She is needed - nothing goes without her! Its later when she understands, it had nothing to do with her - that person just did, what he thought was right in that moment.

Some years later, when her brother once again entered the organisation, she learns how easily you can get replaced. She fails in a mission and Valefor was tasked to get rid of this mistake.

Valefor offered her to let her go - let her live. Even if they spend most of their life apart and barely knew each other, he hesitated to put his sister down. Neeve in her stubbornness refused this offer, thinking if I kill him fist, I prove my worth once again and can go back.

But she looses. Both siblings take some scars from this fight - Neeve more than Valefor (I decided some of his face scars are from her). The Scars in Neeves Face and the blind eye are the result of that fight. Also a scar on her head, covered by her hair, is from that day. Valefor knocked her out to spare her life.

This head injury sadly had some lasting effects. She experiences memory loss and nasty headaches from time to time, that also triggers bad memories/nightmares or even hallucinations. In best times the head injury just makes her zone out - completely forgetting everything around her.

From that day on she had to pull through some years of extreme memory loss. But this also helps her to develop to be her own person - not only a tool. The basic urge to matter to someone still remains.

At first she tries to force friendships. Later she tries to form friendships by favors like - I do this thing for you and you're my friend. But none of this ever feels real. Not like this vague memory she had of the moment this stranger saved her.

So her life becomes a journey to find a placeor someone that cares and sees her - the real her. During this time she works as mercenary and befriends a small merchant group. Her first real relationship, that might started on favors but developed with trust. From this group she received her new Name "Neeve". From that day she no longer goes by the name Valafar, that only gave her a bad feeling after the head incident.

Some years later, to a time when Valefor broke free from Israfil, she seeks him out, in hope to reconnect with him. She hopes their connection in blood matters - automatically giving them a meaningful connectiong.

This don't work out - not as fast as she had hoped for at least. Valefor initially refused to welcome her back in his life. He still sees the stubborn, competitive warrior in her, that only seeks to be better than everyone else. And in part it's still true. She wants to show everyone how awesome she is - how strong she is.

It's in another heated fight Valefor realized the true nature behind her behavior. But also the weight of his past action - he realitzed the permanent damage he had caused to her, when he tried to spare her.

This soften up the grumpy man,... and slowly accepting Neeve back in his life - accepting her as his sister. They still have to work through a lot - like Neeve still have to learn a lot about trust and empathy. But they will work through it - giving each other something back, they never able to experience - a family.

She will settle down near Valefor's and Kyings home and open a Forge, where she crafts excellent weapons and armor. And with the difference put aside, she and Valefor have the opportunity to become a powerful duo in combat. While Valefor is best in Meele, Neeve thrives in ranged combat - making these two very deadly to face.

So it's no surprise they soon or later train together, giving Kying some rest. Before that he had to help Valefor satisfy his urge to fight. Now the demon siblings can bash their heads, while also working on their relationship.

And funny lil sidenote: She will adapt Valefors passion for music. So you can see these two kick some beats together.

And I guess from that moment on, Neeve truly starts to be more herself. Doing things she enjoys without a second thought.

Some short facts:

Neeve real name was Valafar

She is AroAce

She is a Guardian like Valefor, casting cold / blue flames

She is also part Demon

She has Chains around her arms , she uses these as an extension of her weapon. She attaches her blades to these, to turn them into ranged weapons (similar to a Kusarigama)

like her brother, she cares little for food

Her passion is blacksmithing. She values a good crafted blade and goes nuts over hit. Its the only thing she truly understands

She believes: If you try hard enough, things will work out - with that mindset she often tries to force things, like reconnecting with her brother

Thats also makes her a try hard (perfectionist) - she tries to optimizing the shit out of everything.

[notdexterousatall]

Having recently gotten back into Percy Jackson fanfiction, I can now claim my least favorite Percy mischaracterization that I am seeing all the time:

He is not cheerful.

If the first thing you're having Percy do when he meets a new person is start grinning and joking around, you have fundamentally misunderstood him. He is quiet, surly, has the look of a troublemaker, and if he's smiling at you, it's because a) he likes you and thinks of you as a friend or b) he is acting, probably to trick you into fucking up so he can fuck you up.

Nearly all of his commentary should be internal. He's a funny guy (in his thoughts) but he doesn't say much.

He's also fundamentally a very kind person, but he's going to express that through actions before words.

If anything, strangers looking at him should be thinking that he looks like his father: the same brooding look on his face, scowling - and then be surprised when he does something nice. He's got a serious case of resting bitch face.

And while I have your attention, here's my second least favorite Percy Jackson mischaracterization: he does not go around mouthing off to gods for no reason! Holy shit why does everyone have him doing that?!?

Yes he's stubborn and impertinent - but he's not stupid. His first approach every time when talking to a god is to think "ok Percy, how best to not make them mad at me and turn me into a horrible little insect?" The cases where he doesn't do that are outliers, even if they're memorable:

Meeting Dionysus for the first time: a) he's just found out he's a demigod and is grappling with the idea gods are even real; b) Mr. D is giving off serious alcoholic vibes that set off his childhood trauma from Gabe. And when Mr. D threatens him, he shuts up! He's more casual around Mr. D considering he's the god Percy is around the most, and even then Percy's go-to strategy with the guy is to avoid him whenever he can, and if he can't, to stay silent unless there's something really egregious that he disagrees with (example A being Tantalus.)

Meeting Ares on the lightning thief quest: Ares fucking whammied him with his rage aura, and even then Percy was doing his best to be polite while turning him down - because they were on a time sensitive quest!

Fighting Ares in LA: Ares straight up was part of the plot to frame Percy for the theft and drag him into Tartarus with the bolt. He was also preventing Percy from getting the helm and returning the bolt to Zeus - if Percy didn't fight him he was gonna die anyway, frankly from a number of options: Kronos rising, the gods going to war (and probably sniping each other's demigod children), Zeus!!!!, Ares himself to cover up his involvement, Hades!!!!, Poseidon for failing him, for all Percy knew (he'd never met the guy, and all he knew of the gods at that point was that they thought of demigods as tools in their arsenal, not children.) They were past the point of polite reconciliation by then, so Percy challenging him to a duel and luring him into the sea was his best option.

Hades: he is remarkably polite to Hades, even when he tries to imprison him in the underworld for the crime of nearly being sixteen, and Percy has to fight him to escape.

Hermes: he is also very polite to Hermes! Especially since a lot of their conversations involve Percy trying to delicately deliver harsh truths (about Luke) to the guy.

Artemis: pretty sure the only impertinent thing he does around Artemis is try to stand up for Bianca's right to choose her future, since he thinks she's being pressured into joining the hunt. And even that is just to advise her that she should find out what camp is like before swearing an eternal oath. And then when Bianca makes her decision, he shuts up and doesn't try to interfere with her life choices. He's very polite to Artemis! And also respects her a lot.

Apollo: lmao frankly Apollo is the one taking liberties in his relationship with Percy, considering they hardly even talk before Apollo shows up as a mortal during ToA (and by then Apollo has a massive hero crush on Percy, even he never says that explicitly). And even then, the pushiest Percy gets with him while Apollo is an immortal god capable of crushing him like a bug is when Apollo shows up to help with the quest to free Artemis, and that's pretty much just to ask for more information - which, I mean, is for the purposes of helping Apollo's beloved sister. Apollo would've helped more if he could've.

Poseidon: Percy is very respectful of his father, and even when Poseidon says he's his favorite son, Percy is wary of upsetting him. He's tells Poseidon his honest opinion as politely as he can, and pretty much always keeps in mind that it might get him smited - he just takes the risk because he honestly believes what he's saying is important. In any conversation they have, he lets Poseidon lead.

Zeus: Percy is afraid of Zeus, for good reason. I think he closest he comes to mouthing off is when he blurts out his impassioned argument in favor of letting Bessie live - which Zeus ultimately lets happen. Heck, I think the only person to tell Zeus he's wrong (other than Poseidon) is Jason?!? Put some respect on Jason's name. (Even if that did ultimately get him killed, imo.)

Like, I'm sure I missed some, because this is getting long - but the idea that Percy would get in a room with any immortal god and start mouthing off from the get-go is absurd. He has to be seriously pissed off to do that - and even then he's either going to a) temper what he says if he's trying to have a conversation or b) have already decided he's gotta fight his way out (see: Ares, Akhlys.) You know who is more likely to do that? ANNABETH. I love the girl but she absolutely lets her pride get in the way when she's talking to gods - to the point that more than once Percy has had to step in to try to smooth things over and cool things down. (See: Hermes, HERA)