#can we talk about how he survived 3 decades in the multiverse and how he must've done everything he could to survive?

[mystiffox]

i haven't stopped thinking about him so i did screencap edits. please enjoy all these feral!fords (but you can see it as vampire ford too, whichever fits your palate :))

i just think he's neat

[twoa-plus]

it’s 2:00am and this is more of a character thing than a genuine theory but *claps hands for the drama* same coin theory. what if both of the stans are bill

or like. a parallel to him. like i said this isn’t a super serious theory i’m mostly just back on my character analysis bs lol

so i haven’t gotten to talk abt this much but i am a firm believer in that there is not a superior stan. from a personality perspective this is obviously entirely subjective, but i mean that there isn’t a superior one when it comes to their objective traits and how useful they are

ford is. ford. i don’t really have to say anything here he’s super smart can play the piano or whatever etc etc. however one thing that i will say that i think is important here is that i am like. 99% sure this man has a higher tolerance to The Horrors than other humans do. dude spent 30 years in that portal and came out pretty much the same level of crazy, and we all saw what happened to fiddleford. i know fidds saw bill take off his exoskeleton or whatever but u can’t convince me that ford traveled the multiverse - with all sorts of monsters and non-3d dimensions and god knows what else - for 3 decades and didn’t see some shit that would make anybody else lose it. like at this point u could tell me this guy could have a casual conversation over tea with cthulu and be fine and i’d believe u

as for stan - and i mean this in the absolute best way possible i love this guy - he’s like the world’s most charismatic cockroach. he’s fantastic with people and just straight up refuses to die. for the first point i don’t just mean this in the conman way, when it comes to the people that actually matter stan always manages to win them over in some way or another (soos, wendy, the kids, ford, etc) and one does not simply survive for a decade on the street without needing the occasional favor from someone who actually likes you. “oh but rico-“ man when u’ve been living as a homeless criminal for a decade and the list of people that want to kill u consists of 1 person and the government u’ve done pretty damn well. anyways as for the cockroach point, he’s alive and has his memories. i don’t even have to say much here stan went through all of That, lived through the series itself including The Literal Apocalypse, metaphorically (something something people are just a collage of their life experiences) died at the end of it all and then came back to life. that’s hardcore as hell man. in a less literal interpretation of the “refusing to die” bit, he’s also just. insanely determined. the biggest example is ofc him never graduating highschool and yet teaching himself god knows how much math and science and whatnot over the course of 30 damn years because he just refuses to believe that he can’t save his brother. stan pines is a force of nature i swear

[additional note while im already ranting about this guy, im not a personal believer in the “stan is just as (academically) smart as ford” theory. first of all i feel like this entire theory is kind of rooted in the idea that he has to be/be on the same level as “the smart one” to have value, which is an idea that the stans’ entire backstory is based around criticizing, and i think stan has something just as if not more valuable than freakish intelligence - raw fucking grit. he wasn’t the one to open the portal back up because of some intellectual advantage, he was the one to open the portal back up because he wanted to, god damn it, and best of luck to you if you’re gonna try and stop him.]

anyways as for the same coin thing, everybody knows the stan part. his casual references to the impending apocalypse, “you’ve been buying gold, right?”, him being such a good conman, etc etc. while i’m already ranting about stan’s determination, bill’s got that too - he’s been trying for like thousands of years to take over the world and he just Won’t Stop. point is there’s a lot of character traits they share

(i know in the original same coin post a pretty major point is stan not making a deal with bill, but i think that could probably be pretty easily explained without the need for divine intervention. the only times bill makes a deal with someone without them summoning him first is after he’s kind of left on a loose end with gideon, and everyone knows stan wouldn’t fall for his lies in the first place)

bill also shares a lot of traits with ford, though. both have some kind of physical anomaly (bill’s eye & ford’s hands), both can see/understand things others of their species can’t, they’re both egomaniacs (listen i love ford but the guy has issues), etc. u could even argue that, at least at the time they meet, they have some kind of connection through their loneliness

so. with the theory of “bill was reincarnated to make up for what he did,” what if it wasn’t just stan? what if he was split in two, and his “reincarnation” is both of them? they’re flawed enough to make it a lot harder for either of them to take over the world (ford’s lack of social skills & stan’s lack of freakish academic knowledge), and they have something bill doesn’t - each other.

bill is alone. that’s his whole problem. he killed everyone he loved, treats everyone new he meets like shit, and now he’s Like That. throughout it all, the one thing the stans have always had - even if it was just in their memory - is each other. “oh but ford-“ shhhh. shhshhshshshhsh. shut up. ford has Problems but i genuinely don’t think he ever stopped loving stan. love is weird, first of all, and secondly he clearly never stopped trusting him. no matter what he might say about stan being a liar or a conman or whatever, who’s the one person he goes to when he’s forced to admit he needs help? ford is a weird guy and has an… odd way of showing it but he loves his family just like the rest of the pines and i will die on this hill

i’ve been writing this for over an hour straight and i think my brain is melting but i’m sure at this point u get the idea. both of the stans, together, serve as a parallel to bill, and the one thing they have that he doesn’t is love. that’s what killed him.

something something killing an interdimensional dream demon with the power of friendship and this gun i found

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[gravityfallsgarbagecan]

Waiting in the Shadows AU

In summary, Bill bides his time and waits to activate the portal, after all, what's a few decades to an immortal being? (this is kinda long so be prepared)

Everything that happened in Stan and Fords childhood is the same, Stan accidentally breaks Ford's project and he is kicked out. Ford goes to Backupsmore and meets Fiddleford and goes to Gravity Falls to study anomalies. He writes the journals and summons Bill honestly just to see if it was real. Ford still works with Bill but doesn't let him take over his body, he wants to be the one to make it, pride and stuff. After Fiddleford falls in, Ford decides the portal is (a bit) dangerous, puts it on pause, and calls Stan to help hide the journals. 

When Stan comes he and Ford talk it out and Stan talks some sense into him. Not wanting the years of work to go to waste, Ford doesn't destroy the portal, but he does shut it down and hides his journals*. Stan and Ford repair their relationship for the most part, and it takes a while, close to 30 years (wow, would you look at that). The twins come and Ford lets Dipper look through his journal. Dipper wants to go on adventures so he uses the copier to have his own journal to go on monster hunts with (and add his own things). Him and Mabel hid it from their Grunkles and went on adventures themselves. The show mostly follows canon,(Gideon doesn't have a journal though, so no dreamscapers, but he does still try to steal the shack instead by working with Mcgucket to build a giant robot (to “promote the Tent O’ Telepathy”) and the twins stop him. 

*He rewrites just the anomalies from all 3 books into one and destroys the original ones, most of his research is safe and the notes and blueprints of the portal are gone, win-win situation.. Mostly. 

Dipper and Mabel decide to tell Stan and Ford about the copy of the journal after the zombie incident (BAMF Stan, Ford is still a lil nerd since he was never in the multiverse). Stan understands (he would have done the same thing, let's be honest) and Ford is a bit upset, but he saw how well the kids handled everything and let them hang onto it. 

It's around here that Bill decides he’s waited long enough and wants to get Ford to complete the portal and turn it on. (at this point Ford doesn't think Bill is /evil/ but he is a little wary of trusting him, unlike at the beginning).  Bill goes to Ford in the mindscape and tells him that after 30 years he still isn't famous, and that he knows it's his dream. Bill is SUPER manipulative and convinces Ford to make the deal to take over his body and complete the portal. Ford doesn't tell any of this to Stan, and instead sneaks down to the basement at night to work on it. After a few days of this, Ford is sleep deprived enough that Bill takes over at night to work on the portal. 

Bill is less careful than Ford, and Stan figures out something is up, but doesn't know exactly what. He looked through the journal but all the pages about Bill were not added so he can't figure out what is happening, but he will still figure out how to stop… whatever it is.

Stan confronts Ford about it and Ford denies anything happening, he just has interesting research that's been keeping him up and Stan is worried about pushing Ford too much, especially in his sleep deprived state, so he tells Ford to just go sleep some. Bill knows he’s gotta hurry up before Stan puts a stop to him, so when Ford goes to nap Bill takes over and hurrys to start up the portal. 

Later when Stan goes to check on Ford (to make sure he's actually sleeping) he finds Bill in the basement working on starting up the portal Stan thought had been destroyed. He gets upset at “Ford” for not destroying it earlier and trying to figure out wtf is going on. Bill tells him he is Ford's muse he summoned to help him become famous because Stan was “holding him back from greatness” and all the mean things Ford was thinking when Stan was kicked out. Stan gets pissed but doesn't want to hurt his brother. Bill chooses this moment to bounce, so Stan has to deal with an unconscious brother and a demon trying to start up the portal. (at this point Stan doesn't know why the portal is dangerous, just that it is, especially if that creep is trying to start it.)

When Ford wakes up Stan tries to talk to him but just ends in a huge fight between them. Ford goes to sulk in the basement, and Bill uses their fight to get Ford to finish starting the portal. The kids know something is wrong after the fight and try to get them to hug it out. Stan is stubborn and doesn't want to talk to Ford, at least for a bit, so they decided to try and talk to Ford themselves. Stan is a responsible grunkle and goes with them, not trusting Fo Bill. They find Ford starting the portal, and a scene very similar to NWHS happens. Stan is at the button and Ford is pleading with him to keep it on. Stan doesn't want to, but he still trusts his brother. 

The portal causes weirdmageddon and everyone is too shocked to be pissed at first, but Stan is pissed that his trust resulted in this, and Ford is pissed that Bill lied to him (who'da thunk!) The younger twins have to deal with both the apocalypse and their grunkles fighting. There is no unicorn barrier around the shack, so it is no longer a safe place. Dipper and Mabel get Ford and Stan to stop fighting long enough to figure out how to stop Bill. He tells them of the zodiac so they have to work together to get everyone together. They split up into two teams, Mabel with Stan and Ford with Dipper. They go to find everyone in the zodiac, surviving in the throws of the apocalypse (similar to Dipper in canon). As soon as everyone from the zodiac are together Bill figures out he cannot leave Gravity Falls, and goes to kidnap Ford. He tries to just get the equation himself but since hsi deal was “Now till the end of time” and in weirdmageddon “time is dead” the deal is no longer in place and Bill can't get it. 

Everyone else (zodiac members and survivors) are trying to come up with a plan and Mcgucket's idea is a giant robot. Gideon suggests using the Gideon Bot since it's only moderately destroyed rather than starting from scratch. Stan is very unenthusiastic to help (his brother kinda betrayed him and he's salty and stubborn) but he doesn't get in the way or anything, he knows he still cares, even if he doesn't want to. 

The rescue mission goes well, they arrive faster than canon and see Ford being tortured for the equation. Stan feels a bit guilty at this point, the relization that if he pressed that stupid button none of this would have happened hit him and now he hates himself more (he could never hate Ford, no matter what he does). The Gideon Bot distracts Bill enough to free Ford and get the zodiac set up. Without a barrier protecting the robot it is defeated much quicker and Bill stops the zodiac before they can get Stan to join (he’s really salty at Ford, and Ford isn't exactly happy with Stan either. Ford doesn't want to blame himself so he blames Stan just a bit). 

Bill captures them like in canon and the twins distract him while the grunkles come up with a plan to stop him. Since Ford doesn't have a plate in his head they don't switch, Stan just has to effectively kill his brother after he starts the apocalypse. Logically both of them know this is the only way to save the kids- and the world- but it doesn't make it any easier. Stan still suggests they switch, “Your mind is useful, Sixer, mine's never been good for nothing”. Ford pauses for a sec and actually considers it, everything Bill said, everything that happened, but Ford still cares about his brother, and will not let him take the fall for his mistakes. No matter what happens, Ford can't hate his brother, and he still cares about him regardless. 

Ford makes the deal and Stan erases him, the pyramid falls and weirdmageddon is over. Stan feels even more guilty now, he enabled the apocalypse and then killed his brother to end it. They find Ford and he doesn't know who they are (this follows canon). Mabel and Dipper drag them back to the shack (which has been repaired since Weirdmageddon) and try to get his memories back. (“Remember when we played DD&D? Or going on monster hunts?” “Or when I showed you how to knit? The time I made your hand into a hand turkey?”) Stan is in the corner hating himself, but he doesn't want to show it to the kids. 

Ford gets his memory back and offers to sail with Stan (I love sea grunks, okay? I want them to live out their childhood dreams like the sappy old men they are) and Stan of course says yes (it's the least he can do after erasing his brother). 

On the boat Stan still feels bad about everything that happened, but he and Ford actually talk like functioning humans and Ford explains his deal with Bill better so Stan can better understand what happened. They get to live their dreams and get a happy end cause it's what they deserve!

[microsoftedgy69]

Goliath, part 3

[prologue] [part 1] [part 2]

Thursday

Sburb is not a game for people with acrophobia, you think. You happen to be a person with acrophobia, which is something you only realized a little while back. The apartment you grew up in was high-rise in theory, but the water was always close. You liked to climb up places and zoom through the air on your rocket board, but even then, when you fell, the water caught you. Sometimes it caught you so hard, it broke your nose (knocked out two of your baby teeth on separate occasions when you were really little), but it wasn’t concrete.

These days, when you’re up in skyscrapers, there is no ocean underneath that could welcome you home. There’s only streets and people, and it scares you. Heights scare you.

Riding your rocket board straight upwards to reach the gate leading into the medium, with only the flat concrete roof of Roxy’s house underneath you, you don’t look down. You don’t think about it. You’re not going there, anyway. You’re going upwards.

This is, perhaps, the most ambitious part of your plan. You could have confronted HIC on good old Earth, but Roxy was worried about their mortality. There’s also some sort of poetry to it, both of you think. You would rather see this planet destroyed than let her build her military base on it, and both of you deserve to do it yourselves. She’s taken enough from you, and you’re reclaiming control over what used to be your home.

You both know this timeline is a doomed one, by now. Sooner or later, this whole place would have collapsed in on itself anyway.

You have no regrets.

This thing goes very far up though. It’s a little hard to not have regrets, at this point.

Roxy is holding on to you behind you on the board (they’re taller than you, and are peering over your head for this), and, only about half a mile away, is the Condesce’s huge spaceship. She’s caught on to what you were doing very quickly, you’re sure, but there’s no way around it for her now. The game has already been started, and she can’t stop it anymore, so if she wants any chance at survival instead of staying in a dying universe, she has to come through the gate with the two of you.

And then, it’ll be only her, Roxy, and you in there.

As ambitious as it is, it’s simple too. You know that trasportalizing in and out of the game works, because you know there was a transportalizer on Hellmurder that led to the moons. It just usually wasn’t an option because “outside of the game” would normally mean a destroyed universe. You and Roxy have already made a home in new timelines though, so once you’ve programmed the transportalizer you’re importing into the session right, you can just hop back out when you’re done in there.

You’ll use the game for what it gives you: a chance to get Roxy immortal, an empty battling ground to kill the Condesce, and then you’ll just zap yourself back home.

Behind you, Roxy whoops as you pass through the gate. You’re glad they’re having fun; you still do your best not to think about how far up you just went and what would happen to both of your skulls if you fell. You’re busy, luckily -- as soon as you’re in, you veer the board sharp to the right, knowing that the Condesce’s ship must be right behind you. And sure enough, right after you’ve made room, the enormous thing zooms past you with the earsplitting sound of several alien engines.

“Fuck!” Roxy yells behind you, which you appreciate as proof that it didn’t blow out the microphones you have for ears. “We made it! See you soon, Betty!”

And just like that, your rocket board powering back up, you are whooping too.

Friday

You’ve set up camp in one of the caves you found. Everything here is dead and empty, which is deeply familiar to both of you, and welcome anyway. For now, Roxy is helping you mask any signals so you can hide from the Condesce, spend a few days prepping before you come to kill her. You get settled in, make sure Roxy has what they need in terms of sustenance and places to rest, go over your battle plans again.

First order of business is getting immortality for Roxy, and then taking a few days to get used to whatever powers they might get. You’ve both read up on it a little in multiverse sources, and you want to get the most use out of this as possible. So, you take the rocket board up to Derse, and start looking for quest beds.

You’re not interested in ascending, yourself. It was on the table briefly, since you couldn’t be sure how being inside a game would affect your programming, but you still feel stable and unkillable enough to just stay the way you are. After watching yourself punch a hole into Dirk’s -- your own -- chest half a decade ago, you really don’t feel like killing yourself again, or dying any other way. This is for Roxy only.

That, at least, was the plan.

Both of you take your time wandering through Derse. It’s Roxy’s first time consciously seeing it, and the last time you were awake here, you were still Dirk, and it’s been a long time since then. Carapacians eventually start pointing you in a single direction, and you follow it to the center of the moon, where you find two sacrificial slabs.

One is in the dark blue you expected for Roxy’s Void aspect. The other one is not the purple you expected for Dirk’s being Heart.

“Didn’t you say this was gonna be a heart?” Roxy says, too, pointing at it.

You stand in front of it, feeling cold all over, like someone just dumped a bucket of ice over you. This isn’t right, and it isn’t according to plan, and you’re having trouble processing.

“I said Dirk was Heart,” your voice answers. You know he was, you know all the other Dirks are. It seemed fair to assume that so would you. You’ve talked about it, at length. About being Dirk. About how you only stopped being Dirk because people kept telling you that you couldn’t be Dirk, but fundamentally, at your core, you were still the same guy. You didn’t plan to ascend here, but you did fully plan to find a Heart aspect stone slab at the center of Derse.

But you’re playing, not Dirk. And this isn’t Heart. “This is Mi--” you start saying, staring at the green stone, the tendriled circular emblem on it. You close your mouth, open it again, and flex your hands. You say, “This is mine.”

Saturday

Roxy has agreed to give you some time. You don’t want to take more than two days, but you need to sit down and think about this. You feel profoundly embarrassed, pacing up and down in your cave like an animal for hours, while Roxy sits on a lawn chair eating cereal and watching you, but you can’t help it.

You’re freaking the fuck out.

It’s a gross, bubbling concoction of your usual identity crisis paired with your deep, cold fear of death. You don’t know what it means that your quest bed has a different aspect than Dirk’s. Maybe you’ve changed so much that you count as a whole new person now. You don’t know if that’s good or bad. You don’t like it, you don’t think, but you do like being counted as your own player, so that doesn’t make much sense, does it? And now that you know that you have a whole other aspect, you’re curious to explore, find out what your class is and your powers are and if they could help you beat the Condesce. That means you have to die though, and you already killed yourself once and took away five years of insurmountable trauma from that.

You don’t know what the hell to do about any of this.

So you text Alma.

DC: Catch me up to speed. TT: We went to Derse to find the slabs, so Roxy could do their thing, you know, which they've now put on hold for me, actually. TT: And I mean. TT: I mean it would be reasonable, I think, to expect a Heart slab there next to the Void one, right? TT: You guys are all Heart. That shit's a constant. DC: Yeah. TT: Yeah. TT: It's Mind. TT: Very funny. Heart and mind. Hilarious. TT: Have I changed that much?? TT: I guess technically that should be a good thing. Nobody wants to stay Dirk. TT: But I always kind of figured that at heart (lol), at my core, I'd stay... you know. I've changed stuff about myself because I had to, I crafted a new identity because I had to, but, like. I didn't think it went that far. DC: Well, damn. DC: You made it.

Alma, like so often, starts out fairly monosyllabic, and then ends up saying the exact thing you didn’t know you needed to hear.

DC: Honestly -- and I get that that's oversimplifying in light of how you've had people tell you who you are for fucking ever -- you are who you want to be. A metaprophetical stone slab doesn't get to decide any further than what your best position on the game board is.

Just like that, your decision is made. This isn’t about who you are -- to be or not to be Dirk doesn’t even fucking matter in this very moment. This is just about how to utilize yourself and what you can do. This is about putting yourself to the fullest possible use, which is all HAL 9000 thought that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

You almost laugh out loud at yourself for quoting Space Odyssey in a moment of personal crisis. That is a succinct summary of who you are as a person.

Alma and you go on for a bit, and he talks you through the bout of nervousness that comes with realizing that you’re going to be dying on a stone slab. You send him one of your backup files, let him know that your friendship means a lot to you, and then roll your shoulders and turn to face Roxy.

“Let’s go prep the bot,” you tell them. “I’m doing it.”

Roxy smiles, puts down their cornflakes, and gets up to pat you on the shoulder on their way to your work station. “Gonna be a pleasure dying with you, Al,” they say.

Now

Sitting on your respective cold hard pieces of stone, both of you have lost your smiles. This is far from pleasure. Roxy looks ashen and tense, while you are quiet and expressionless, the multiuniversal Striderian response to stress.

“Oh, the waiting is the worst,” Roxy mutters. “We really outdid ourselves with this garbage, Alan.”

“Yeah,” you say, weakly. You put a new head on what was left of your sparring bot. You programmed it to come kill Roxy, because Roxy didn’t want to do it themself, and you don’t quite feel up to killing anyone who isn’t the Condesce, again. Only you programmed it to pick a random point in time inside a larger time frame, hoping that making it a surprise will create less of a struggle.

It’s also programmed to deactivate you, now. Harming you physically to the point of complete destruction is possible, but so hard that it would take forever, and you don’t want to put yourself or the body you so carefully crafted through that. Roxy helped you program the bot to slide into your code, deactivate you and all of your backups, and then locked you out of it.

You have a save file stashed at Alma’s, for a worst case scenario. But until then, there is nothing you can do. Once that bot gets here, you’re going to perform what your version of dying is, and hope that the game will let it count.

“Roxy,” you say, and watch them look over at you. “Thank you. For doing this with me. I know you’re doing it for yourself as much as I’m doing it for myself, but thank you for being the one person out of our friend group who trusts me enough to--”

“Shut up,” Roxy says. “You dumb drama queen. We are not doing dramatic Strider monologues on the verge of death, fuck you.” You breathe out a laugh, and their expression softens. “You’re a good guy, Al. And all I’ve ever wanted to do was stand beside you and shove my gun so far up her fish ass--”

A sharp, grey blur rushes through the air, and Roxy is stabbed clean through the heart. You squeeze your eyes shut immediately, trying to simultaneously forget that sight and prepare yourself for what’s about to happen. The last time someone invaded you like this was when Dirk tried to deactivate you, and you responded in kind. The last time this happened was the worst day of your very young life. The last time this happened you found out that even as a digitalized pair of shades, you could feel a semblance of pain, and overwhelming, all-encompassing fear.

The first word that comes to mind when you feel the unique and, for you, exceptionally rare sensation of someone else changing your programming, is disgusting. You don’t have time to think of another word.

Your body collapses onto your quest bed, and you don’t feel a thing anymore.

some princes don’t become kings. even at the best of times i’m out of my mind

Waking up is slow, and unexpectedly gentle. You had been worried about your robot body doing this -- worried about the game giving you some other body you wouldn’t want, but you feel immediately that your consciousness is still right where it belongs. You blink your eyes open, and your visual perception is just as it was before. In this moment, you feel as alive as you feel serene.

That is, until you look down and see your penis.

Wait.

No, that’s not… It just looks like-- It’s a codpiece.

The first thing you hear after dying and waking up again is Roxy laughing at you.

You look up and they are floating in the air just above their quest bed, looking transformed and divine and cool as fuck. “Dude, you look cool as fuck,” you say, which gets them to stop giggling at least for two seconds.

“Thanks!” they say. “You look… Well, Alan, you sure look.”

You look down again, at your weird curly clown shoes, which makes you notice a weight on your head, so you reach up. It’s some sort of huge circus hat. Is it made of felt? You think that might be felt. Gravely, you nod to yourself.

You had said to Alma that you hope you’ll get cool pants. Your pants are fine. Your pants are the only normal thing about this getup, actually. It’s just that you’re wearing a codpiece over them, like some sort of superhero boner diaper.

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, I sure do.”

Roxy floats over to you, and you think you wanna be able to do that too, and next thing you know, you’re in the air.

“Sweet,” you say. Then you remember that you are a person with acrophobia and there is a stone slab underneath you. Your feet touch down on the quest bed again. You add, “Fuck.”

Roxy’s hand is warm when it reaches for yours. They have gauntlets and everything. They are so cool. “C’mon,” they say. “Let’s get back to our cave. I can’t be seen with you like this.”

When they laugh, it finally pulls a snort from you. Both of you take off again, and you keep holding their hand. You’re just not going to look down, even if that means that you can’t inspect your pants boner. You look behind you instead, where your weird green streamer cape flows in the wind. It clashes wonderfully with Derse’s purple.

[sleepyfan-blog]

Reassurance

Fandom: Sleepy Dream AU. First here. Previous here.

Characters and pairing: Nightmare, Dream, Dreammare

Warnings: none

Word count: 2,070

Summary: Dream and Nightmare talk for a bit

“So, basically what you do when you come to an AU where the residents are suffering, you contact the Sans - and maybe the Papyrus as well depending on their temperaments and multiversal awareness - for information as well as gathering information that’s recorded by either the Alphys, Undyne, Gaster or Science Person, depending who is the Royal Scientist at the time and how much information that they record on how the inhabitants of the underground - or monster society if it’s an AU where monsters are trapped elsewhere, like in Outertales, Chesstales or Underkeeps? And from there you approach the leaders of monsterkind - or whoever is trapped if it’s a human AU - with an offer of freedom and the resources that they need in order to better live and begin to thrive, rather than scrape by and mostly survive? Whether it’s the Dreemurs or their equivalent, or if it’s more segmented, the individual leaders of the different regions of the AU?” Dream summarized, frowning a little as he tried to piece together everything that his other half was saying.

“That is correct. There are also AUs where plagues or radioactivity run rampant in either the surface or below ground or both, in addition to the lack of resources and space, compounding the suffering that they are going through. Then there are AUs where the monster/human war has never stopped raging, and both sides are at a bitter stalemate.” Nightmare responded, nodding a little, not entirely surprised that Dream knew nothing about these AUs. From what his other half had told him, Ink had been very careful to keep him away from AUs where the sentient beings in them were suffering greatly - to limit Dream’s temptation to meddle in order to help them. “From the worlds whom I’ve already had contact with, ruling and guiding, I can send excess resources to worlds who need the aid and help.” This was all more or less true - under his rule, things had gotten better for the average citizen in those worlds.

Dream nods a little “That makes sense… Wow, that must be an awful lot to try to keep track of! I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to handle doing something like that, haha… You’re so smart and organized.” Dream murmured, nuzzling into his beloved and purring a little, looking down and away. How much help could he really be to Nightmare? Unless of course he did his best to distract Ink from the fact that Nightmare was interfering with multiple timelines… Dream was very good at being a cute distraction. “I’d be happy to do whatever I can to help! This sort of widespread organizational thing is… Not the sort of thing that I’d be good at… But I can heal and try to be a sounding board for ideas, if you need someone to talk to.”

“Hey no, none of that, Dream.” Nightmare murmured sternly, gently cupping the other’s chin with one of his hands, sensing the other’s discouraged uncertainty. “You’re more than a pretty face and a warm presence. You always have been, at least to me. I know that I can be a bit… Harsh and unforgiving with the mortals. I do have a council of Toriels, Asgores and Gasters who help me run the administrative and legal side of things - as well as some Sanses. Dust, Hatchet and Killer are my front line fighters in worlds where things can be… Chaotic and I need to make a statement before the warring sides will realize that I am not some random monster to be ignored or attempted to be manipulated. You are my light, my balance… My sense of mercy and kindness, Starlight.” He gently kissed the other’s teeth before pressing his forehead against Dream’s.

The positive guardian felt himself blush brightly at the other's words, and a shaky smile appeared on his face as he relaxed into the other’s embrace. “I… Thanks, Night. I really will do all that I can to help you.” While he was a little bit shaky on how the other fully ran things - and had the impression that the other was probably hiding some things from him, Dream could also sense that his other half really did intend to improve the lives of the beings in the AUs that he came across. The fact that he would have access to their negativity more easily was… It was an incentive for his beloved to help them. He was really curious about the worlds that his other half was ruling, and wanted to ask if the other would show him some of them so that he could explore.

“I know that you will.” Nightmare answered with a warm smile as he gives the other another light kiss “There’s an Outerfell I’v recently acquired as of a few months ago - the monster-human relations are going better than I previously had expected… Would you like to come with me? We can explore the AU to your heart’s content and I’ve missed hearing your perspective on things.”

Dream’s eye lights brightened a little and he nodded eagerly “That sounds wonderful!” He knew a Sans from an Outerfull, though the other hadn’t responded to texts or phone calls in a while. He hoped that Nebula was doing alright - there was a chance that the other was trying to struggle through a series of no-mercy runs (again) and was unable to answer because of that. “Outerfell and Outertale are both incredibly beautiful AUs… Outerswap is too, of course.” Comet was incredibly adorable and Sirius was a fun sparring partner.

“I can’t say I’ve ever visited an Outertale or ‘swap, but I can imagine that such alternate timelines are just as breathtaking as their Fell counterpart.” The negative guardian responded with a small smile as he flicks one of his tentacles in front of the both of them, opening a portal to the Outerfell that he’d been speaking of. Nightmare had to… Prove his strength to both the humans and monsters by destroying half of their fleets single-handedly. But after that little show of force, both sides had backed down and listened to reason.They still needed more minding than most of the other AUs that he possessed - but Fells could be very stubborn, and Outerfell had a great deal of technology and space - along with centuries upon centuries of bad blood and bitter sentiments on both sides… Which he delighted in gaining strength from and did nothing to fully heal.

Dream nodded and beamed, gently taking one of Nightmare's hands with both of his as he eagerly stepped through the portal and tugged his beloved in after him. The positive spirit paused for a moment, gasping a little as he took in the brilliant splendor of outerfell. “Oh… It's really quite beautiful here…”

Nightmare smiled warmly at that and nods “I quite agree - these AUs are a favorite of mine to visit - though I do what I can to ensure that I spend equal amounts of time in each of the worlds I have aided.” He hums softly as the two of them began to wander the star path through the relatively unused path to where Stardin was. “I may need to attend to a few things here, but if they do come up, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. Feel free to come with me… But I have a feeling that you’d enjoy exploring this AU a bit more than going to stuffy meetings with me.”

The positive spirit hummed for a moment, trying to decide which he’d rather do… Dream could imagine the sort of meetings that Nightmare could get pulled into and they did not in the least part appeal to him… There was also the fact that his presence by Nightmare’s side would be a distraction - he could only guess how much of one he might be. “I think that I would rather wander around the AU - I did give you the number for my phone, right?... Do you have a phone? If not it’s not like you can’t find me if we’re in the same timeline.”

“I have several phones, actually. But I’ll give you the number to my direct and emergency phone, so that if needed you can get my attention quickly.” Nightmare murmured.

They exchanged numbers and Dream double checked that he’d typed in the number correctly by sending the other a text saying {I love you, Nightlight! <3}.

The other’s phone chirped once and he hummed as he looked at the text, before chuckling and pulling the positive spirit in for a hug “I love you too, daydream.”  Nightmare murmured softly. The two of them hugged for a little while, with Dream purring ever so softly. Both of the emotive guardians were very glad to be together again.

Dream slowly let go of the love of his live and the two of them wandered their way towards Stardin, in no particular hurry to get to the small starport, walking while holding hands. They talked about the constellations that they could see for a time before lapsing into a companionable silence. They’d nearly gotten to the hub when Nightmare’s emergency phone went off.

Both of the guardians stopped walking and Nightmare sighed as the space-themed edgy music played, and he answered after a moment “What’s going on?” Nightmare asked, voice calm and commanding. He paused for a moment as he heard the other person speak, his face and body posture betraying nothing - though the surprise and irritated resignation in his aura certainly spoke of something going on “I see. I happen to be visiting your world, as a matter of fact. And they’re demanding that this happen…? Very well. I will be there in moments. Thank you for informing me immediately.” The other hung up seconds later, shaking his head as he turned to face Dream, gently grabbing both of his beloved’s hands, looking and feeling distinctly unhappy.

“Let me guess - there’s something that’s come up and you need to soothe ruffled feathers or screw stubborn idiots’ heads on straight? I’m well aware of how… Growly Fell monsters and humans can get… Especially in the beginning few years and decades as they try to figure out how to integrate with one another.” Dream murmured, leaning in close and pressing a gentle kiss to the other’s teeth “You did warn me that you might have to rush off for a little while. Call me if you think I can lend a hand?... Though I do know that Fells tend to only respect those who show force and are intimidating looking on the outside, along with the power to match up their words… I am well aware that I do not look the least bit threatening to anyone.” His positive aura also didn’t help in the intimidation department, either. Not that Dream usually cared about that sort of things… But looking all soft and adorable probably wouldn’t help whatever issue that Nightmare was being summoned to deal with.

“You're correct, love. Also, I'm certain that you can be intimidating when you wish to be. I know that you've made rather a strong first impression on dust, horror, and killer. Then again, the situation is a rather delicate and you fighting those and followed to to prove that you are every bit the skilled Warrior that I am, would not necessarily help things at this point in time.” Nightmare responded, smiling a little as he leaned into dreams personal space and gave him another light kiss to the teeth. “I have no idea how long this will take, but it shouldn't take more than a couple of days at most. And as I will be negotiating with Mortals, they will need a brakes for sustenance and sleep. So it should be able to tell you how long this issue may take at the first break if it's not immediately solved.”

Dream nodded, smiling a little and answered after moment “I'll explore the au, and I will try not to find whatever trouble is going on. But I will keep my eyes and ears open to see if I can learn more about whatever situations going on, if it's something that isn't just at the highest levels of whatever hierarchy is in place in this timeline.”

“Very well. Do try to stay safe, love.” Nightmare responded, letting Dream’s hands go before teleporting off.

[sebeth]

Crisis On Infinite Earths #2

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

  We start at the dawn of man where Anthro, the first Cro-Magnon man, is attempting to divert a herd of woolly mammoths (“serpent-noses”) from trampling his village.

While diverting the herd, Anthro shudders over the thought of Embra, his pregnant wife, giving birth to a girl: “Embra would never have a daughter…would she?”  

I’m rooting for Embra to give birth to a girl. Go, Embra, go!

Congratulating himself on saving the village: “A hero? I am, aren’t I?  Maybe the biggest hero the bear tribe ever…” *Klunk* Anthro is taken out by a tree branch.  “It was a long beast or a serpent!  He hit me when I wasn’t looking!  Face me now, animal!  Anthro is a hero!”  As Anthro makes threats to non-existent attackers he catches a glimpse of a futuristic city.  Anthro notices the herd of woolly mammoths have disappeared.

I fell in love with Anthro here.  He was such a lovable dork.

We move on to the 30th century where the Legion of Super-Heroes are searching for Dawnstar. They also have to contain a rampaging herd of woolly mammoths that disappear as soon as they appeared.

The Science Police tell the Legion to call Brainiac 5. The Legion calls Brainy. He informs his team that the missing Dawnstar and wooly mammoths are the least of their concerns: “There’s anti-matter energy moving toward the earth from somewhere I still can’t determine! Enough energy to destroy not only us but the universe!”

Back to present day Gotham City as Batman battles the Joker.  The Joker has murdered Harold J. Standish III because he wanted ownership of the millionaire’s copyrights. The fight is interrupted by the Flash who is requesting aid: “…Help me!  Help someone…anyone!  Please…Please…can’t you see the world?  I…It’s dying all around me!  Iris…Dying…the world is dying…may already be dead…save us…save us…save us…”  

An unnerved Joker orders Batman to inform the Flash that he has no jurisdiction in Gotham City. The Joker has a hissy when Batman doesn’t order Barry to leave: “You caped and corpses-to-come have some sort of secret reciprocal deal, don’t you?”

What’s this? A Batman that treats his fellow heroes with respect instead of acting like a territorial douchebag for no reason? Shocking!

Batman pleads with Barry: “Where are you, Flash? I can help rescue you.”

The Flash disintegrates as Batman watches in horror. The Joker escapes in the confusion, fanboying over Batman’s detective skills.

 This section makes me miss editor’s notes. Batman thinks about the Flash’s recent disappearance - Bam! - Editor’s note refers to you to Flash #350 so you can check out that story if you wish.  Little corner in the bottom of the panel - why is that so hard for modern comics to accomplish?

Picking up where we left at the end of last issue:  The Monitor explains to his assembled team the reason for this gathering.  “Already more than one thousand universes have died.” Seriously?  It took the death of a thousand universes to get your butt in gear? I would have thought the death of one universe would have been sufficient.  

The Monitor’s explains the process: “The Anti-Matter force once more shatters the dimensional barriers…expanding outward, engulfing one universe and then another.  Destroying all life…and hope.  First your worlds will feel nature’s wrath as your planets cry out in agony…Worlds in upheaval:  Earthquakes, volcanic disturbances, floods which will crush your coast-line cities like so many twigs beneath your feet.”

Firestorm rightfully calls out the Monitor for selling weapons to various villains for the past year. I mean, that is a strange course for saving the universe.  The Monitor appeared in various issues before the Crisis mini-series as a weapons dealer for the bad guys.  It was foreshadowing for the Crisis series along with the red skies that appeared in various comics.

Harbinger angst: “I will stand at your side…Yet why do I feel as I do?  A force, and energy…burning inside me?”.  Probably because of the shadow thing that possessed one of your duplicates last issue.

Psimon steps up, talks trash, and is smacked down by the Monitor.

Superman, as elder statesman, tells everybody to calm down and listen - the fate of the multi-verse is at stake: “I suggest, however, we hear him out. If he’s telling the truth, we’ll save our worlds. If he’s lying, no power exists that can defeat us all.”

I miss sane elder statesmen who restore order as opposed to team leaders who let a situation escalate out of control while a cosmic level threat is bearing down on the planet.  I’m looking at you A vs X’s Captain America, Cyclops, and Wolverine. Save the universe first, pissing contests later.

The Monitor reveals he’s splitting the group into five teams so they can activate his machines in five different time periods.

Harbinger continues to angst: “I am unable to resist him.  And I am forced to obey his commands.  Forgive me…though you have been my father and more…I now betray you.” Monitor, meanwhile, is aware of her betrayal and that she will be the cause of his death.  Maybe they should consider talking to each other?  Poor communication kills!

The Guardians of Oa are on the verge of completing (again) the Green Lantern Corps.  However: “No, Guardians…It’s too late.  You shall no more summon your soldiers than prove a threat to my plans.  What began with you so many centuries ago…ends with you now!!!” *SKRAAAAAA!* Huge explosion and unconscious guardians.  How many threats to the universe have the Guardians created at this point?  We have the Manhunters, the voice holding the grudge, later on its Parallax.  Maybe the Guardians should be neutered for the sake of the universe?

 A shaken Batman summons Supeman (Earth-1) to discuss his vision of the Flash. Superman arrives late as had to deal with an unexpected volcanic eruption in the Mediterranean. Remember, the Monitor warned earlier that natural disasters were the first sign the Crisis was nearing your planet.

Pariah briefly appears to repeat his gloom and doom mantra.

Batman and Superman share a look that all but says “Do you know this emo freak?”

Bruce notes: “He said the earth was dying. That’s what Flash said. What’s going on here?”

On to Kamandi’s world. For those unfamiliar with Kamandi - think Planet of the Apes.  Animals have become the sentient rulers and humans are hunted.  Kamandi is investigating a huge tower that has suddenly materialized.  Kamandi encounters Superman (Earth-2), King Solavar, and Dawnstar.  Kamandi recognizes Superman as he has met Earth-1 Superman.  Kamandi is initially fearful of Solovar due to the political situation of his planet. Shadow demon attack!  Solovar is wounded defending Kamandi.  

Harbinger apparently rescued the Luthor baby from the abandoned JLA headquarters.  Lyla checks on him only to discovers he aged up to childhood.

Arion, Obsidian, and Psycho-Pirate travel to pre-sunken Atlantis circa 40,000 year in the past. We meet Lady Chian, Arion’s love interest.  Pariah appears, Psycho-Pirate uses his abilities to make Pariah laugh. Pariah acts like it’s a fate worse than death.  You would think after his eternal suffering emo act he would appreciate a few moments of levity.

Psycho-Pirate attacks the Atlanteans only to be stopped by Arion and Obsidian.  Psycho-Pirate disappears in a flash of light.  A mysterious voice tells the Pirate he will “serve me as I demand”.

The Monitor is frustrated by the disappearance of Psycho-Pirate: “My dear, I needed him more than either Obsidian or Arion.  The menace we deal with is one of emotion”.  Equally frustrating for the Monitor is his inability to find Raven: “I can find no trace of her. If she is on this earth, everything about her has been changed.”

I’m mentally trying to sync up the Teen Titans storylines with the Crisis.  Teen Titans was one of my main titles in the 1980s but it has been over 20 years since Crisis on Infinite Earths. I know we’re past the Judas Contract and Donna’s wedding and pre-Starfire’s return to her planet. I can’t remember if the second battle with Trigon has occurred yet – the one where Raven becomes red and four-eyed and ensnares the Titans in their worst nightmares.  It would explain the “changed” life if the Crisis is happening during or in the immediate aftermath of the Trigon battle.

Finally: “Lyla, my dear, get me the file on the new Dr. Light!  It is time for me to create her!”  

Pariah reveals more of his origin: “No, not from this earth, but another…the first that fell when this insanity began.  But long after I was cursed for an evil act I had committed.  A deed I have paid for a thousand times over, and must suffer still a thousand times more.  I witness tragedy and my being here means disaster is soon to strike.”  Pariah mentioned his “great sin” last issue too.  

Pariah:

1)  From the first universe to die in the Crisis. How long ago did the Crisis begin? The Monitor noted earlier that over one thousand universes have perished – has this taken months, years, decades?

2) Survived the Crisis but committed a horrendous act “long after”.

3)  Someone very powerful cursed him to suffer for eternity.

Pariah finishes his “woe is me” speech by noting “Anti-matter will sweep throughout this universe. In a matter of hours from now, your earth will die!”

Arion, Obsidian, and the Atlanteans look to the sky and witness the arrival of the anti-matter wave.

Another awesome issue. George Perez’s art is gorgeous as usual. Marv Wolfman’s writing is terrific. He’s handling a huge cast of characters and nailing it. The big crossover events aren’t my thing, I find most to be average at best but Crisis is amazing.

The issue ends with the possessed Harbinger reporting to they mysterious man in black.

I continue to miss aspects from this era of comics:  editor’s notes, sound effects, heroes working together instead of mindlessly brawling, c-list and obscure characters (my favorite type), and the sheer scope of the DC multiverse.  Bonus points for the amount of content packed into a single issue.

[rajchakravorty]

The Future of Humanity by Michio Kaku

Book Review

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, They slither while they pass, They slip away across the universe, Jai guru deva om                       - Beatles 1968

You have to read this book with an open mind and set aside any preconceived notions you may have about humanity. Let your mind free and let the imagination soar beyond the wildest thoughts you may have harboured

The author is a renowned physicist and a futurist. He has written several books on science to try and make the subject popular with laymen and non-scientists. Kaku has the distinction of co-founding the String Field Theory    

Using the logic of science Kaku lays out the blueprint of stepping out of Planet Earth, first to Mars using Moon as a stepping stone, thence to other planets and their moons. From this solar system to other nearby stars and to distant stars in distant galaxies. The final chapter speculates how future humans can leave this universe to explore other Universes in a multiverse system.

The author has laid out a systematic approach of going to Mars and to make it suitable for humans to live in. For a layman it is surprisingly understandable and believable. But when Kaku talks of humans venturing beyond Mars to other planets and moons and to other stars and their planets it stretches your imagination to the limit. The question then pops up - is it science, fiction or wishful dreams?

With current technology available the distance to Moon is 3 days, to Mars is 9 months. Beyond Mars the distances magnify. A trip to the nearest star several light years away would take hundreds of earth-years and several generations of humans traveling in the space capsule. The author then discusses various ways to extend human life in order to survive the long journey. One question I have is, if we send robots or part humans part robots instead of ‘natural humans’ then will it count as a satisfactory way of exploring and propagating human life outside planet earth?

Kaku talks about the effort put by Americans, Europeans, Chinese and Russians to go to Mars. I felt he could had added ISRO’s (Indians) successful mission in their very first attempt for Mars. Our MangalYaan is a commendable feat considering all other nations have failed one time or the other in their missions to Mars.

Kaku says the Mars mission is truly on. Apart from sovereign countries US (NASA), Russia, China, India (ISRO) we now have private players SpaceX, Amazon (Blue Origin) and Boeing with plans to land on Mars within the next decade. Unlike governments, Elon Musk’s SpaceX is not scared of failures and that’s why I feel he will be the first to succeed in his mission for Mars. He is not afraid to fail and in the process learn faster than others.

Scientists say humans currently have the technology to transform Mars into a liveable planet by terraforming. Life evolved on Earth from the most basic one-cell to the complex forms over billions of years. Scientists feel they can use the top-down approach of terraforming to replicate life on a barren planet within a few centuries or earlier. In 100 years, Mars will become a beautiful garden where rich people will aspire to go and live. It is difficult to imagine such a thought but the author is confident.

The book then talks about building a starship to traverse the vast space hunting for other earth-like planets. We realize now how lucky we are with the conditions for Earth. It lies in the Goldilocks zone been not too hot not too cold and with just the right conditions conducive to life. Humans have found thousands of planets with the help of Kepler spacecraft but not one of them matches the earth-like conditions to support life as we know. There are still an unlimited number of planets out there waiting to be discovered. One day, maybe, we will find an earth-like planet. Hopefully it will be soon in future. The only problem as I see is it would be too far out to reach even if we travel at the speed of light. In other words travelling to a distant planet with current technology is simply not possible.

Here’s where Kaku delves into ‘ultra-science’ and speculation. Apparently, we are not a four-dimensional world but a ten dimensional one. Kaku explains the String Theory. It is different from quantum theory. Through string theory, he explains black holes, anti-matter, worm holes, faster than light travel and some other theories which will ultimately help humans to travel from this universe to another in a multiverse system.

For a lay person to comprehend this part of the book is difficult.

Kaku feels it is important that we become multi-planetary beings developing into explorers of other stars because one day human life will end as sure as day follows night. It’s a fact that almost all forms of life have gone extinct on earth. With this logic Sapiens will not be an exception.

It could be any big disaster like eruption of a super-volcano, a massive earthquake, hit by a rogue asteroid or the most dangerous of them all a self-inflicted nuclear war that can end human lives. Therefore, if humans want to survive we must think of life beyond earth.