#can she get homoerotic with it or something. anything else...

[warriorprincesstramp]

evil queen horny for rumpelstiltskin is so. not it... girl pleaseeeeee PLEASEEEEEEE

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Chaggie AU where Vaggie is a member of a holy order devoted to slaying monsters. As part of her becoming a holy knight, she must commune with an Angel to be granted their divine power... only something goes wrong with the ritual, and the being that appears before her is none other than the Princess of Hell.

Lute: “Gay?! She’s supposed to be HOLY!”

Adam: “Yeah, hot.”

Lute: “…let. Me. See. That. SuMMOnINg sCRiPTuRE.”

Adam: “Sure thing dude. Here.”

Lute: “This isn’t a holy rite, this is… WRITINGS OF SAPPHO!”

Adam: "Heh, heathen and homoerotic. WLWhoops?"

-

Charlie: “You should really be more careful next time!"

Vaggie: "Uh."

Charlie: "Lot’s of other demons would be thrilled to get yanked into the mortal world without a circle of binding to hold them- especially by someone as cute as you-

Vaggie: "Excuse me?"

Charlie: "And when I say thrilled, I mean in the blood and guts and screaming kinda way, NOT just in the 'can feel hellfire in my cheeks' kinda way. Safe summoning is important!!”

Vaggie: “Why’re you drawing the circle in yourself, then. With your… claws.”

Charlie: “Because you didn’t?” (dusts fire off her hands) “Anyway you should be good now, ask me anything!”

Vaggie: “You’re seriously not taking advantage of being summoned but not bound?"

Charlie: "I'm taking advantage of the view!"

Charlie: (beat)

Charlie: "Of the, mortal world, I am enjoying the pretty scenery."

Vaggie: "It's dark."

Charlie: "I'm enjoying the beautiful knight. Night. Night without a 'K'. Not knight like YOU'RE a knight, not that you aren't beautiful-"

Vaggie: "I'm. What."

Charlie: "The one who should be talking now! Not me. I think I've done enough talking for now. I think I'm good on having said stuff recently. I think I should be quiet for a bit."

Vaggie: (gay) (not immune to adorable ladies) "WHY are you here. You're not, what I expected."

Charlie: “I'm not the usual demon- As hell princess I get first dibs on all summons! After dad anyway.”

Vaggie: (of COURSE she's a princess) “Why answer this one.”

Charlie: “You’re missing an eye? It looks painful?"

Vaggie: "...so?

Charlie: "?? I thought maybe you wanted help with that.”

Vaggie: "It's a penance. You can't help with it."

Charlie: "oh."

Vaggie: “...That’s it? You're not here for anything else?”

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: “You um. You look very cool in that armor.” (cringes) “Awesome.” (cringes more)

Vaggie: “Are you a siren or a succubus or something.”

Charlie: “What!? No! No I’m just, I just think girls are hot! Cool! You look great!! …girls all look great, and you’re a girl, and you…”

Vaggie: “…”

Vaggie: “Do you need any demons slayed?”

Charlie: “Ahaa, no.”

Vaggie: “Holy quests completed?”

Charlie: “No?”

Vaggie: “Are you gonna eat me.”

Charlie: “N-not on the first date- I- OH YOU MEAN ACTUALLY-? No no no! I don’t, I’m, I don’t eat souls. Or people.”

Vaggie: “So what’s the catch here. The price.”

Charlie: “Nothing. I just wanted to help.”

Charlie: “Okay and maaaaybe have a nice conversation for once. Kinda short on them in hell.”

Vaggie: “… is there ANYTHING I can help you with?”

Charlie: “Well I just broke up with-”

Vaggie: “I’ll kill them.”

Charlie: “-and I could really use a date for the ball, I mean! No killing needed!! Dad isn’t going again, mom’s um, busy. And it’ll be a lot less awkward if I already have a dance partner, you know?”

Vaggie: “You want me to find you a dance partner.”

Charlie: “Oh no I, I was hoping- do YOU dance?”

Vaggie: "Me."

Charlie: "If you want to?"

Vaggie: “You’re asking me to go to hell.”

Charlie: “Shit. Right, dumb idea. It’s my home but, yeah. It’s not like anyone enjoys being here.”

Vaggie: (fuck she's cute) (fuck she's SAD)

Vaggie: “No one does? What about you?”

Charlie: “I… just wish the people would be nicer. A place is the people who live there, right?”

Vaggie: “…”

Vaggie: “I’ll come.”

Charlie: “You wha?”

Vaggie: “I’ll come to the dance.”

Charlie: "But- hell! Why-"

Vaggie: "Hell’s a better place than I thought."

Charlie: "You've never even BEEN here!"

Vaggie: "I've met you."

Charlie: ".... I'm not... the usual demon."

Vaggie: "I'll take my chances. I'll need to borrow a dress though. All I have up here is, armor."

Charlie: "I can, I can change that. A dress. N- no problem."

Vaggie: "It's a deal then." (holds out hand) "A dance for a dress?"

Charlie: (takes her hand and shakes it eagerly while bowing) "ITS A DATE!"

Vaggie: (chuckles) "Yeah, I guess that's a better word for it."

Charlie: "And I PROMISE when we dance I WON'T trample your toes with my hooves!"

Vaggie: "... should I just keep the sabatons on?"

Charlie: "I promise to find you a dress that goes good with your armored shoes so your toes don't get trampled on."

Vaggie: "We're gonna be quite the pair, aren't we."

Charlie: "Heheh~"

-

Lute: "WHAT HAPPENED WHY WAS THERE FIRE AND BRIMSTONE INSTEAD OF HOLY LIGHT WHY WERE YOU COMMUNING WITH A FIEND SO LONG IS IT DEAD DID YOU KILL IT???"

Vaggie: "Does taking her heart count?"

Adam: "Whoooo VaGEEE! Totally FUCKED that demon huh!!"

Vaggie: "Mm, not totally sir."

Vaggie: (smiling) (softly to herself) "Not on the first date."

[frownyalfred]

Are Cheating Clark: this grabbed my brain and won’t let go, but Lois is a very good, badass reporter. She’s been to war zones, and to military camps. Once she realizes what’s going on (because she’s too smart to not figure it out), she sits Clark down and shows him just how much homoerotic subtext/implications there are through history between soldiers/warriors.

“There’s no shame in finding something special with someone who fights along beside you, Clark. Honestly, I expected it sooner. Am I a little upset that your biology didn’t pick me? Yeah, sure. But it’s not anything I can control, or you. I’ll get over it. It just means you’re human after all.”

She puts her hands on her hips and stares down one of the most powerful beings on her planet.

“If you fuck anyone else, though, I will NOT be happy.”

Lois Lane giving her husband the most frightening, overly-detailed hall pass of all time is SO funny to me, even though it's angsty. Like, alright, you get a pass this ONE time because your Kryptonian cells say you need to fuck your best friend! But if your little cells keep saying you need to fuck the rest of your friends, I will carve them out of you with Bruce's Kryptonite :)

Girlbossing and managing her husband's affair, that's absolutely Lois.

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 18

ISAT/Two Hats Spoilers as always! CW: Homoerotic fight scene What? Who said that?

"Hmmmm…" [You ponder deeply, looking over the collection of daggers on display at the town's blacksmith.]

"What's up? None speaking to you?" [Nille chimes in, noticing the look on your face. Does having a mouth again really make us that easy to read?]

"No, they aren't… I'm not sure a dagger feels right anymore."

"Oh? Well what else would you get? I can't exactly see your scrawny butt using a big hammer." [She teased with a smirk. You rolled your eyes some.]

"Riiight, and who destroyed that sadness standing over you when we first met~?"

"I had that under control! I was just making it think it had me!" [You both laugh, even she couldn't pretend that was true.]

"But to answer your question, I'm not quite sure, something agile still but…"

"How about a rapier?"

"NO! No no no! The Housemaiden uses one of those."

"… And?"

"… Just… I'd rather not… Have that constant reminder." [She rolls her eyes but drops it. It seemed the only thing preventing another talk was the fact you were in public.]

"Okay, uhhh... Oh! What about one of those?" [She asked, spotting a rack with several whips hanging off of them.]

"Oh… Oh yes, that actually sounds nice~." [You say as you walk over to it, glancing about at them all hanging, finding a lovely looking one with lightless and darkless diamond patterning across its whole length.]

"I think this will do perfectly~."

---------------------------------------------------

[The sound of 3 booming CRACKs sound out in a row as you try to snap your new whip across the practice targets setup. You manage to split the first in half, but your swings go wide on the follow ups, missing the other two.]

"Hey! Not bad! You're a natural at this!"

"Not bad?! I only hit one blinding target!"

"... Vale, have you ever used a whip before?"

"Not that I can recall, no."

"Uh huh, and you just expected to be great at it first thing?"

"I mean, I used paper craft pretty well first thing~."

"Well yeah, that was instincts. If you're a paper type now, that's gonna come a lot more naturally. Stress of combat and all, you don't think you just act."

"Hmmm... You make a good point... Maybe there's some more sadness nearby we could try and track down?"

"You wanna go hunting sadness' now?!"

"Well how else am I going to get better at this?" [Nille smacks her own face gently in a facepalm before sighing out.]

"Alright, alright, if you're set on this..." [She begins, placing a hand on your shoulder.]

"Now think fast!" [She shouts before using her other arm to scoop under your leg, suddenly lifting you over her head and tossing you over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.]

"WH-HEY?!" [You cry out, tumbling across the grass and sliding to a stop. You look up at Nille, her hammer now out, playful grin on her face.]

"If you're so set on a fight, I'll give you one pretty Vay~!"

"N-Nille?! Y-You can't just toss me like that!!"

"Actually I can, pretty easily in fact!" [She beams with a bright laugh, your face burns in a fluster as you grumble, readying your new whip, holding your other hand in a paper sign.]

"F-Fine! But you asked for it!"

"Don't hold back for me now Vale, I won't for you!" [She remarked with a wink, then suddenly rushing towards you.]

[You step back in surprise, not expecting her to actually approach with such intent. She raises her hammer, preparing to swing. You finally snap out of it and bring your hand forward, summoning a shield like before. Nille's hammer swings right through it, dampening the blow but still sending it slamming into your side, knocking you over and tumbling a bit again.]

"Ack! H-Hey!!"

"Oh come on, you're paper type now, you barely felt that!"

"Y-Yes but STILL!!" [You shout, more so protesting about getting tossed around than anything else. She pays no mind to your pleas as she begins to rush at you again. You wonder how she's so blinding fast with that massive hammer.]

"Gonna have to go on the offensive soon~!" [She taunts at you. Alright, we can figure this out, there's got to be some way we can slow her down somehow... Wait, didn't Odile have a craft like that? Yes! We've seen it countless times! You take a breath for a moment, trying to replicate the ritual she performed when using it, sending a lethargic wave towards Nille to help weigh her down some.]

"Oooh, got some other tricks up your sleeve?" [She calls in surprise, though it doesn't seem to affect her as much as Odile's ability did. It would have to do for now, taking a defensive stance and flourishing your new whip. She swings high as you duck below, swapping her momentum to slam down before you barely manage to jump back out of the way.]

"C'mon! Go on the offensive Valey!" [She encourages, you snap your whip forward, coiling it around the neck of her hammer. With a heavy tug and pulling paper gesture, you manage to yank it free from her grip, tossing it upwards and spinning off behind you as you watch it fly overhead.]

"Hah! What are you gonna do no-ACK!!" [You begin to tease, turning back to Nille who was suddenly moments away, tackling into you and sending you both sliding across the ground, skidding to a stop. You stare up at her in stunned silence. She chuckles some, seeing your face.]

"HAHA! Here's a tip, Vay. Never let your guard down." [She teased... then perked up some, noticing your face with her own darkening, quickly getting up off of you... Our face feels hot. Are we blushing?...]

"Heh, uhh... Sorry about that, got a little carried away there." [She mumbled some, holding out a hand to help you up, taking it and easily getting lifted off the ground.]

"But good hustle! Seems like you got a few new moves to work with!" [Her face is still dark, she's trying to change the subject, you recognize this tactic... Why is our face burning?! You try to shake the sensation away.]

"R-Right~! Guess we won't have to worry much next time a sadness comes around~!" [You remark, desperately trying to slip the mask back on. You both stand in awkward silence for a moment.]

"... W-We should probably get back to the Inn."

"O-Oh yes! I'll uhh... meet you there, I wanted to stop by the local tailor first~."

"Oooof course you do."

Get ready for some new official outfit designs next Vale chapter~

[possamble]

i wonder if you have any thoughts about how marcille always seems to dislike it when falin wears men's clothing ( i bet she wears it out of its comfiness rather than because she prefers masc style tho, although i hope both lolol) and super short hairstyle

I wonder if it's just her interest in cute feminine fashion in general or maybe there's something more

For the clothes, at least, it's like... Marcille is probably more horrified by the clothing being actually made for and marketed to men than anything else. I bet she'd be fine if Falin wore the exact same things but they were in the women's section, or at least, branded unisex. She would be so so silly about arbitrary stuff like that in a modern setting.

The hair I think is a tangled issue of Falin's resemblance to Laios getting a little too obvious for Marcille's mental health, and Marcille's own very intense relationship with how (female) mages should treat their hair. Also, since it's mostly a joke doodle, I kind of took it as a flanderized Bad Taste Marcille being horrified by a woman with short hair because she buys into gender norms. Some people are... weird about what women do with their hair and unfortunately I can fully see how Marcille can be weird like that in a vacuum joke setting.

(there's also something to be said about how this kind of femininity policing could also be used as plausibly deniable homoerotic subtext. like, girl, why do you care that much about how cute another girl looks? hm?)

[bonesbonesbones69]

A GTN Fanmix

It's done!!! I can't believe it. I spent so much time on this, I had so much fun. I'm still doing final touches on the HTN playlist but it will also be done so soon. For now: Gideon.

Track list:

The Legend of Chavo Guerrero (The Mountain Goats)

Bitter Rivals (Sleigh Bells)

Hast Though Considered the Tetrapod (The Mountain Goats)

Mark on You (The Mountain Goats)

End Love (Ok Go)

Clear the Area (Imogen Heap)

Ask (The Smiths)

Anything For You (Ludo)

Everything I Am is Yours (Villagers)

Matilda (Alt-J)

Bleed Out (The Mountain Goats)

I know that's a lot of mountain goats. But this is my playground and I'm doing whatever I want, and you can't stop me.

Song breakdown under the cut! I get wordy, i've put a lot of thought into this playlist. Like a really embarrassing amount of thought. It's long. but also truly optional, this playlist can be enjoyed without my deep dive!! Enjoy!!

Yesssss you looked under the cut! Welcome to every thought i've ever had.

THE LEGEND OF CHAVO GUERRERO - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

One thing I love about GTN is Gideon vs. her comic hero fantasies. It's heavily themed throughout this playlist, so we're starting with the concept.

I lose my mind thinking about Gideon spending her whole life dreaming about BEING someone and MAKING SOMETHING of herself through living out the action hero stories in her comics. That's what it means to be important and wanted, to fight and win and be covered in babes. Like they do in the comics.

Lyrics:

Before a black and white TV in the middle of the night I'm lying on the floor. I'm bathed in the light The telecast's in Spanish. I can understand some And I need justice in my life; here it comes

And then of course in the months between when she leaves the ninth and when dies, she lives the action comic hero scene by devoting herself dramatically to her necromancer and dying in battle for her - a short and tragic twist on the glorious victory found in comics, but also exactly what Gideon wanted from the comics: meaning to her actions. Being someone and making something of herself.

That shit makes me emotional so we're starting here, with the legend of chavo guerrero, and Gideon's childhood hero dreams.

BITTER RIVALS - SLEIGH BELLS

Ok the playlist is about "Gideon as the Action Hero" but its ALSO OF COURSE about Gideon + Harrow's relationship because I have the same disease about it that you all do. If you clicked down to read this stupid fanmix deep dive I can guarantee you also have this disease. the disease where we love Gideon + Harrow's relationship.

So here's a song about it :)

You are my bitter rival But I need you for survival

What else can I say??

This playlist is more or less chronologically aligned to GTN itself, which is something I love doing with playlists. Accordingly, this ones about them hating each other (yet... homoerotically?) and being inextricably tangled in each other at the same time. but don't worry, I have some gooier songs later.

HAST THOU CONSIDERED THE TETRAPOD - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS (AGAIN)

But not yet! Before we get to gooey love songs we have to listen to more child abuse songs.

Held under these smothering waves By your strong and thick-veined hands But one of these days I'm going to wriggle up on dry land

And it's also about maladaptive daydreaming and the persistent belief that there is a better future for you out there!!!

Playlist title is taken from this song - "I am young and I am good" as a self-identifier in the context of escaping and growing beyond an abusive household feel so right for Gideon, who is hungry for glory, but even more hungry to just be useful and acknowledged. To show that she is good and be validated as good. She hasn't had much opportunity in her life so far, which is SO unfair, because she is young and she is good!

MARK ON YOU - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS (GET USED TO IT)

When this is over, when we leave this all behind us Deep in the moonless night, when the rescue team finds us It's gonna get so dark for you I'm gonna leave a mark on you

What's perfect about this song is how threatening it is, and the implied violence... but also how in the same breath it implies an emotional footprint and no violence is ever confirmed. Do I even have to say that it's on here as a one-two punch referencing both harrow + Gideon's fighting and ALSO Gideon's sacrifice?? Of course that's why it's on here!!

It also gets bonus points for being off of the mountain goat's album 'bleed out', which was inspired by classic action movies. The action movie vibe comes through in the song, and therefore is a beautiful head-nod to Gideon the Action Hero at the same time as its a tragic foreshadowing to the nature of the mark that Gideon does in fact leave.

END LOVE - OK GO

Ok we're getting a little romantic. It's time for some songs about BUILDING TRUST ON PURPOSE

Cause no one's gonna save you, if you don't swim for the boat No one's gonna save you, if you won't take the rope No one's gonna find you, when you're hiding in the dark No one's gonna find you

The most romantic shit in the world to me is the combo of Harrow choosing to be vulnerable on purpose, and Gideon being so ready to accept and guard that vulnerability. Harrow's choices to let Gideon in are of course so delicious because theyre marinated in how absurdly difficult it is for her. And she does it so deliberately. She does it because she NEEDS to. Because the alternative (not having Gideons partnership) is so much worse. And that's romantic to me.

ASK - THE SMITHS

If there's something you'd like to try If there's something you'd like to try Ask me, I won't say no, how could I

Ok cmon. Right??

It's the other overwhelmingly romantic thing. The thing where Gideon is so ready to be there for harrow, when she's given the opportunity. When she's asked. And this is also STILL about having to be vulnerable and purposeful to build trust. Or the bomb will get you, or the whatever.

CLEAR THE AREA - IMOGEN HEAP

Ok here's the thing - I don't believe in criticizing your own art. Like posting something and saying 'oh its so bad' or pointing out all the stuff that didn't turn out right. It's self-defeating to give everyone the first impression that the thing you made is bad, before they have a chance to create their own impressions.

HOWEVER

The tone of this whole playlist is whack. Each song alone is great, but overall, the vibe is kind of sappy and idealistic and sweet - which feels so disparate from the tone of Gideon herself. I stand by the song choices I made but god I wish the vibe was more defensive, more funny, more bitter, more irreverent, more STUPID. ‘Bitter rivals’ is the only song on this playlist with the energy I dream of. I looked at some other riot grrl music but couldn’t find anything I loved. Ok I got so mad about this that I made a second playlist just now with only 'Gideon vibes' and no songs that have anything to do with shit that actually happened in GTN. Its here, it took 10m, and its very good.

Anyways, I’m telling you now because the song 'Clear the Area' is truly guilty of being too sweet and sincere.

Having said that, it absolutely belongs on this playlist anyways and I will defend it!

You find your way back down And I'll keep the area clear. When you find your way back down, in one piece Then I'll just be waiting here, right here.

This incredibly soft song is still solidly on the track of 'building trust on purpose or else the bomb will get you'. even more than that, it's about protecting and loving someone who is so wrapped up in their own shit that they do a very bad job of reaching out. and what about that DOESNT belong on a GTN playlist!!!

ANYTHING FOR YOU - LUDO

I don't have specific lyrics I want to share out for this one, but the entire thing as a whole deserves some attention: the singer lists fantastical and daring and victorious scenarios that they, clearly an adventurous hero, has completed, and then easily says that they'd give away all best things from their adventures for the song's subject.

It's an "all in" pledge that fits comfortably in with the cavalier oath. It's the commitment!! The gravity of devotion!!

and it's ALSO ABOUT IMAGINING YOURE A HERO yes thats right we are BACK to Gideon and the Action Hero. The song doesn't actually say that all the scenarios are imagined, but the variety and fantasy hint that they could easily be imagined. At the very least, they're supposed to make us think about adventure stories and that's good enough for me.

A fun little bonus for this one is the line "but the best story I could ever tell is the one where I am growing old with you," which I'm calling out because I get a little kick out of the 'growing old' theme. There's also a line in the legend of chavo guerrero, "I don't know but i've been told, it's real sweet to grow old". Between these two songs, the easy coupling of 'I dream of heroic deeds' with 'I will grow old' is... I mean.... tragic. I'm having fun, are you having fun?

EVERYTHING I AM IS YOURS - VILLAGERS

This is one of the first songs I put on this playlist. It's significant that this song has stayed on so long, I started seriously working on this playlist a month ago (in tandem with an HTN playlist) and i've removed and replaced most of the songs I started with.

There were times when I did consider removing it - I wondered if this song was a little redundant with 'anything for you'. Both are songs about devoting yourself fully to someone else. But what this song has that 'anything for you' doesn't, is the idea that 'everything I am' comes with the bad as well as the good. It's a promise and also a resigned statement.

I find it hard to say what's going on inside Got these little walls, couldn't break them if I tried But I promise I'll be true. And I promise I'll be right Sickness and in health. In the darkness and the light I give you every side 'Cause everything I am is yours

MATILDA - ALT J

OK WAIT HEAR ME OUT WAIT HEAR ME OUT WAIT WAIT IM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS ONE

It's a little high concept but whatever this is my playlist and I can do whatever I want!! you're welcome its not another mountain goats song.

The song Matilda by Alt J is not only a classic indie hit from 2012 with lyrics so warbly theyre basically nonsense, it is also explicitly about the ending to the 1994 action film 'Leon: The Professional'. Which I am about to talk about, so if you don't want spoilers, don't read the rest of this section!

So what happens at the end of the professional (and i'm stalling writing the sentence in case you are trying to skim over this to avoid spoilers), is that Leon (the professional himself) dies taking out an enemy with a grenade. This action saves the life of a young girl (Matilda) who he's taken under his wing, and who has brought new meaning into his life. Before blowing himself up, he hands the pin to the enemy, saying 'this is from Matilda', it's beautiful i cried blah blah blah

Put the grenade pin in your hand, so you understand who's boss. My defeat sleeps top to toe with her success Oh this is from, this is from, This is from Matilda

By now we're all on the same page, it's a song about dying so that someone you love will stay alive and finding meaning and purpose in that action, it's a song about what happened at the end of GTN.

AND it's a song about an action hero

AND it is itself the artistic reverb that the action hero had throughout pop culture!!!

Alt J saw 'the professional' and thought holy shit thats meaningful i'm gonna write a song about it. Gideon read comics and thought holy shit thats meaningful someday im gonna put my own life on the line for a necromancer. Then she DID, and DIED. Which is INSANE and I cried way more than I cried at the professional.

And the playlist ends on the next song for the exact same reason.

BLEED OUT - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

What can I even say!! I'm only gonna quote a couple lyrics here but I could really go line-by-line for this entire 7 minute song.

There was a chance we'd make it through this It's safe to say now that we missed it And I will never lose hope, and I haven't lost hope I'm just realistic I will go down punching, but I will go down and my corner man won't bring me back around Bleed out I'm gonna bleed out

This is the second song on this playlist from the action-movie inspired album 'bleed out', and this song is about the endings to action movies where the heroes die. It's about the trope that happened to Leon and Gideon. It's a little tongue in cheek, it's funny, extremely genre-savvy, long, slow, and sad.

The tone, content, and meta commentary about action heroes all make this one of my favorite songs on the playlist.

Every story needs a child who believes The brave hero's gonna be just fine You only have to check the papers to see Some of these children end up just like me Bleed out I'm gonna bleed out

I was sooo close to naming this playlist “every story needs a child who believes” but it’s a mouthful. So let’s just take a moment here, deep in the playlist footnotes, to think about it.

Are you thinking about it? I'm thinking about it.

Anyways, that's the whole playlist. If you read this (any of it), thank you, I love you. I am going to miss this playlist now that I'm casting it out into the wild. But it's time. I think it's complete.

See you again when I get the final touches on the HTN playlist. which has just as many mountain goats songs. and is even better ;)

[prickly-paprikash]

Don't you just hate it when one of the biggest grifters online decides to like a piece of media you like?

Gatekeeping is wrong. Forcing someone to like something in the specific way I interact and consume a piece of media is wrong. Art is meant to be viewed through a multitude of lenses, and each individual will have their own way of interpreting that creation. And that's good. That's fine. That's human.

But when an Anti-Woke Grifter who thinks alcoholism is a really cool personality trait and decides to brand everything about themselves as that; who has historically engaged and criticized films and shows and games and books in bad faith; who has put down women and POC's and Queer representation in media; who is one of the biggest dicks in the online space decides to actually pay attention to an art that is pretty much dipped, coated, laminated, and injected with fucking GAY, ANTI-PATRIARCHAL ENERGY—that's when I get mad.

For those not in the know, Critical Drinker has posted a review for Blue Eye Samurai, saying he likes it.

You know... Blue Eye Samurai?

The show that oozes Queer Wrath? Feminine Rage? Curb-Stomping Toxic Masculinity and the Patriarchy whenever and wherever it can? That Blue Eye Samurai?

See, he's done this before with Arcane.

He says he likes it. Him and his ilk say that, "Finally, the wokies have done something actually good!" and point to Vi and Jinx as strong female characters written well!

But they also say, dang, feels like all the men in that show are idiots and that they had to be dumbed down to make room for the rainbow-haired girlies brigade. Who have all remarked that Vi and Caitlyn's relationship is forced and being shoved down our throats because god forbid women like women!

I got sick of watching his Arcane review halfway, and this was before I knew what a douche Critical Sucker was.

So I ain't watching his Blue Eye Samurai review. Why?

His Glass Onion review was done in bad faith.

I didn't like She-Hulk, but that's because that show was a byproduct of abused VFX animators, creatively bankrupt executives, and writers desperately trying to manage a convoluted shared universe that continues to buckle under its own weight. Political Stinker over here thinks that it's pandering, stupid, feminist garbage. He is one of the biggest Anti-Feminist voices in Youtube.

Him and his incel brigade have an obsession over hating Captain Marvel and Brie Larson. These basement dwelling cucks rant and rave over a mediocre duology and an actress that just lives in their tiny heads rent-free.

He says that they are removing men from leading roles and roles of great importance!

So why would I want to listen to an inebriated libertarian's opinions on a show that has become the show for lesbians, trans mascs, and other lovely brands of gay and feminism that he oh so despises? He'll most likely praise the action and violence and shit like that, then probably say that Mizu and Taigen's homoerotic rivalry isn't gay actually. Or that Mizu and Akemi's narrative foils don't scream enemies-to-sapphics. Or that Mizu, WHO'S NAME MEANS WATER AND HER ENTIRE CHARACTER REVOLVES AROUND FLUIDITY ISN'T IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FLUID IN HER GENDER AND SEXUALITY.

Fuck. I'm sorry. I don't even care if he doesn't say that. He's made so many disgusting, disparaging remarks about any piece of media that shows an inkling of progressive themes that what else am I supposed to expect?

If anyone watches it and sees this, lemme know. Watching an Anti-Woke bullshit video with just myself is just straight up wading through the desert without proper protection. No thanks.

Anyway watch Blue Eye Samurai again. Because I know you watched it. Watch it again. And again. And when you're done, watch Arcane. Watch She-Ra. Watch Dragon Prince. Castlevania. Watch anything "woke". Consume trans-positive shows. Make all the haters and even the ones who like it but have no ounce of media literacy irrelevant. Let them dry out and die, please.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Storm/The Eye, Pt. 5

Believing that Weir is dead and McKay is in mortal peril, Sheppard proceeds to go on what amounts to a rampage.

The first scene of The Eye (S01E10) seems to continue the show's meta-commentary. McKay, brave toaster that he is and possibly at least partially motivated by the desperation that they can all hear in Sheppard's voice over the intercom, places himself between the gun and Elizabeth. The dialogue tells us what's going on (with the show and where it's heading):

Kolya: Sheppard put you in this position, not me. McKay: You can't do this. This is crazy. You need her! Sora: She's right, Commander. McKay: I'm not kidding. There are codes required to activate the shield – codes that only she knows. You can't do it without her! Well, you can't do this without me either. I mean, we're a package deal. You take us out of the equation and-and-and-and you don't have an end game.

The fact that Weir and McKay are a package deal is emphasized by their placement, McKay coming to stand in front of Weir and obstructing her. That is to say, the show needs to imply attraction between Weir and Sheppard to be able to explore the relationship between Sheppard and McKay in subtext, to blur the lines between the characters and their relationships. The first they could easily have done without the latter, but the latter they could never have pulled off without the former (re: the shows ties to the USAF and DADT still being a thing when it aired). It offers the cover of plausible deniability while allowing people attuned to homoerotic subtext to easily be able to recognize the narrative undercurrent.

Again, note that McKay is lying to save Weir, claiming that he absolutely needs her help to save the city. Also, it's Kolya mentioning Sheppard by name that initially makes McKay dive in front of the gun. He says "Sheppard put you into this position, not me" which has the implication that if McKay allowed Kolya to shoot Weir, Sheppard would have to live with the guilt of it for the rest of his life, and McKay wasn't about to let that happen. He hears Sheppard's name and he immediately reacts, does something really brave and heroic without even having time to think about it. Because, as I've discussed previously, he is a Big Damn Hero and this very characteristic of his is what Sheppard admires and loves in him so much, even though he doesn't even get to see it this time.

Halfway through his rant McKay realizes that he just put himself into jeopardy, and this is when he starts consciously doing the same thing he has been doing with the Genii ever since their first encounter: trying to convince them of his invaluability (and it's striking that it's always in the service of trying to save someone else, not just or even predominately himself). He has self-esteem issues, he doesn't actually believe he's invaluable. But probably since he was a child he's had to project invaluability, has had to prove to people that he is a valuable asset, to gain acceptance. He thinks that he will only be tolerated if he proves himself irreplaceable.

The characters continue lying to one another. Kolya lets Sheppard know that Weir is dead.

I want to point out two things. Where Sheppard was extremely agitated just a moment ago, willing to do anything, he is extremely and exaggeratedly calm when he tells Kolya that he is going to kill him. Of course he is very upset that Weir should have been killed on his watch. Of course he cares about Weir and is upset by this. But again knowing the outcome changed his demeanor. Sure, responding in a cool and collected way is a performance to hide the fact that he is internally shaken. But he still manages to pull it off.

Then Kolya continues with "Stay out of my way or McKay will join her." That is when we get a brief glimpse at how Sheppard is actually feeling, his internal conflict and anguish (and which is something that he has no intention of letting Kolya know, hence putting the radio down):

Now. My friends. When you desperately need something, you need something so badly that you're willing to kill for it, you start killing off things from the least important to the most important. Like when a parent starts counting down from ten when they're warning a child that unless they cease their behaviour, they're going to "get it". You don't start from one, you start from ten and count downwards.

If Kolya had thought that Weir was Sheppard's main motivation, he would not have started by killing her off. Never mind how important McKay may have been, you keep the ace up your sleeve as long as you can. And Kolya had decided that the ace up his sleeve was McKay, which is why he reminds Sheppard that he is, in fact, still very much holding him hostage.

Again, the main stream audience is going to watch the show thinking Sheppard's entire upset has to do with Weir and Weir alone. And yet we always seem to find McKay between references to Weir and changes in Sheppard's demeanor. And once more, given what we saw of their interaction in the previous episode (Sheppard barely saw Weir when the three of them were in the lab together; he was so focused on McKay it's as though she weren't even there for him; we've really had zero indication of him harbouring some hidden secret passion for her that would explain this reaction; she is not the love of his life and a budding interest would not even begin to explain his reaction here), it makes so much more sense to interpret this reaction and the events that follow as motivated by McKay. Especially in the context of him having lost Captain Holland to enemy combatants in Afghanistan, as we later learn.

Also notice that once Kolya mentions McKay, Sheppard doesn't respond. There are probably a hundred things he could have said, maybe even wanted to say. You can read it all on his face. But he doesn't say anything because he doesn't dare do anything that might provoke this sociopath further. He actually has to stop himself from saying something he might regret. He can't risk responding. Like, he physically has to force his hand down to keep from say something that McKay might end up paying for.

Sheppard was afraid that he wasn't going to be able to save the people he cares about from the storm before, but this is a whole new kind of fear. This is a nightmare of the kind he had never even thought to have. But he's going to move heaven and earth to save the man. He's even willing to kill to save him. Kill a lot of people to save him, as it turns out.

And it is also noteworthy that he immediately springs into action, here. We've seen previously how characters are incapacitated when they lose someone important to them (cf. Cowen sitting down with his legs giving way when he mourns Tyrus). Sheppard is the opposite of incapacitated (in fact, we see him incapacitated in this particular fashion in Doppelganger, S04E04, when he thinks McKay is dead, so we see what Sheppard is like when he's lost the most important thing to him; he's slow, sluggish, going through the motions). This is not a man going through the motions, this is a man on a mission.

Again we get a transition from Sheppard's emotion to the raging storm to indicate that there's a storm also raging within him. The storm is a metaphor for what's going on inside him. And the calmness with which he then proceeds to take out the Genii is him being in the eye of the storm. Because the show is subtle with the symbolism like that.

Sheppard is moving fast, he's being strategic. He's not someone that's blinded by rage on a revenge mission because someone just killed the love of his life. He's also not acting reckless, putting himself needlessly in danger and this is not because he has some payback to do and someone to kill but because he has someone to save. You can contrast all of this with Sora's behaviour later on with regards to her vengeance against Teyla.

He even stops to check his watch at one point because he remembers McKay's words about them being under a time element, that there's a deadline looming over them all -- this is reinforced by the fact that the previous time Sheppard checked his watch, it was on the balcony right after McKay had just checked his watch (unwittingly mirroring someone's actions, again a sign of attraction; although synchronizing watches is also a very military thing to do, to be sure) and told them they have just over four and a half hours until the storm hits.

We are literally told that it's McKay he's thinking about when he stops and actually asks himself, "What would McKay do?" Again reminding us of the fact that for Sheppard, McKay is a hero. That McKay is constantly on his mind.

I also need to emphasize that he is killing actual people here. Yes, they're enemies but they are also human. This is the first time we see him kill humans after the mercy killing of Col. Sumner.

McKay starts fixing the grounding station and it's really quite sweet how he attempts to make it look like Elizabeth is vital to the process to keep her alive. It's not that he's trying to be a hero, it just comes naturally to him. He's not very good with people, though, so Elizabeth both has to explain to him that they need to stall and to actually lie on his behalf. When they overhear that Sheppard has killed some of the Genii strike force over the intercom, it's again only McKay's reaction that we get to this, not Weir's. He made a mental note of it albeit he does not seem to know what to think of it. Sheppard is alive, yes. He's being hunted by people with guns. And he's having to do terrible things.

McKay really is quite rattled, never having been in this kind of situation before. And it's interesting that Weir uses Sheppard to kick McKay into gear. She actually mentions Sheppard by name: "Look, from the sound of it, if we can buy Sheppard enough time, it seems like he can take care of the rest of them on his own." Not only had she figured out that this is what would motivate McKay the best, she is actually getting him to focus by appeasing him, pointing it out to him that Sheppard is really doing quite well for himself out there. She's not telling him that they're going to be alright, she's telling him that Sheppard is safe. Because for some reason she thinks that that's what will motivate him.

And Kolya does the opposite. He's trying to demoralize them by mentioning Sheppard by name: "If you're hoping Major Sheppard can diminish our numbers, you are mistaken." And notice that he is saying this to McKay. He glances at Weir a few times but when he is saying this, he is looking directly and only at McKay. An angel and a devil on his shoulders, they're both using Sheppard to get to him. I find that really interesting. Now, Weir knows him and has been able to observe them for a while now. But these people are complete strangers to Kolya, and he's still figured it out.

Now, if earlier Sheppard had to stop himself from saying something that might cause McKay trouble, McKay seems to be doing the same thing. And keeping quiet isn't the easiest thing for him, does not come to him naturally. But he keeps quiet because he's trying very hard not to make things worse for the Major.

If both Kolya and Weir are using Sheppard to motivate McKay, Sheppard himself is using McKay to motivate himself:

He has a dilemma here. He's trying to think of what McKay would do in his situation but he's come across explicit instructions from McKay not to do what he's thinking about doing. That's quite the pickle! (Also hilarious that the sign can be read as implying that touching McKay is dangerous, telling him not to do it). Are you thinking about touching McKay right now? Because this is not the time, my friend.

From the pleased look on Rodney's face, Sheppard was able to correctly intuit what he would have done in the situation when he shuts down the naqada generator. It's like they're working together as a team even when they are apart.

Continued in Pt. 6

[nightmarerodent]

what do you think the Kombat Kids think of each other? Do they hate their partners? Get irritated by them? Go wild!!!

(Frost can be included if you wish to write for her!)

Takeda and Frost fight like two cats trapped inside a box that’s then shaken violently. The rivalry is encoded in their blood. However, only they are allowed to talk smack about the other. Anyone else is being disrespectful to their brother/sister and they will defend the other’s honor on their behalf. But it’s not like they care about each other or anything. Certainly not.

Cassie and Frost are the disaster couple whose stupidity is so great it has its own gravitational pull. The sheer amount of hair pulling Takeda had to go through to get Frost to realize she had a crush was insane. He is never helping that emotionally repressed lesbian with any relationship issues ever again. (Or until next week probably.)

Jin thought very little of Cassie at first. Just another dumb American that was way too sure of herself but had no idea what she was doing. Now he crashes at her place all the time and they binge Bridgerton together. Times change. They are the gay/lesbian alliance and platonic soulmates and all shall be consumed by their bullshit.

Jin and Jacqui are the two most competitive MFers on the planet. They argue constantly. They love each other but will also turn anything into a competition just to have something to hold over the other’s head. Jacqui is glad she’s an only child because if she had a brother like Jin growing up she would’ve killed him. Doesn’t stop him from being the world’s best uncle to her children though.

Cassie took one look at Takeda and instantly knew she had to corrupt that goody-two-shoes in some way. He wasn’t going to be the little prince of the Shirai Ryu when she was done with him, oh no. He was going to be just as much of a mischievous little shit as the rest of them. Her unwilling sidekick in chaos. She succeeded. It took her two years but she got there in the end.

Frost and Jacqui see themselves as the only competent ones. Everyone else the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. They get along surprisingly well. Not best buddies for all time well, but they can hold civil conversation that doesn’t end in bloodshed. A rarity for Frost.

Jacqui and Cassie are BFF4Ls and sisters. Ride or die till the end. Also view each other as a sidekick sometimes.

Frost and Jin talk shit about the others together over iced coffee.

Takeda and Jin know each other more than they know themselves sometimes. They know every tic, every habit, every tell. They are as close as two friends could possibly be. Sometimes a bit homoerotic but that’s neither here nor there. They also sometimes share only one brain cell and it’s a guess as to who has it at any given time.

Jacqui and Takeda are Earthrealm’s most functional couple. They are so lovey dovey with each other that it can rot teeth. That’s not to say that they don’t fight sometimes, because they do, but it’s always resolved quickly enough. They never try to change anything about the other and love every flaw and insecurity the other has.

Conclusion: You are just as likely to find this group of chuckle heads bickering as you are to find them all asleep together in a cuddle puddle. Found family relationship goals right here.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

god i don't know if the greats would ever tell virion their trigger events. i think like. strider would never. none of them know except virion's parents and like. chungus (bc theirs are so similar) and grayson (bc codependent homoerotic relationship and they need to tell each other Everything). those r the only ones who know his trigger event. if virion ever asked strider would probably just say "i don't like to talk about it, it's in the past ok???" and then he would like. teach virion how to stab someone in the ribs or something. bro is NOT talking about his past he is as tight lipped about it as he can be!!! but virion knows vague things about it. bro has picked up on Details based on shit that strider's done or said. he knows strider was homeless for a good while and that he was a foster kid, but he doesn't know much more. no one else needs to know because it's not their business

grayson?? he's already so weird about his trigger event. when he was a rogue the public knew the surface level stuff--fell out a window when he was ten, broke his ankle, u know--but i don't think he would ever like. tell Anyone the full extent of it. they do NOT get to know about how he sat on the ground alone for half an hour screaming for his mom while his foot was literally sideways and then he triggered and dragged himself to the front door of his huge fucking house and struggled to ring the doorbell so she would actually come and get him. no one gets to know. he tells virion the surface level story that everyone else knows and that's it. virion doesn't need to know the rest and neither does anyone else. except maybe anna sol. she can know. but only because it's her and she's the reason he's with them in the first place and she's really easy to talk to and they're besties. and also strider because he's just so easy to talk to. virion though?? he doesn't need to know about all of That

ram...... he has no intention of telling anyone Anything. they don't need to know about the shitty game of russian roulette he fucked up in college. solstice Kind Of knows and grayson and strider sort of have an idea of it but ram has never divulged that information, they only know vague information from news reports from when they were in houston. but i think at some point, virion is fucking around with a gun because he's bored and ram left one lying around--unloaded and with the safety on ofc--and ram walks in and sees him fucking around with it and fucking FLIPS. he scolds virion for being unsafe and stupid and immediately gives him a crash course on gun safety. ram is shaking, because even though he can tell the gun isn't loaded and there's no danger, he didn't notice that at first, all he saw was his nephew with a gun in his hand and he panicked. and something about his trigger event definitely slips out during his lecture. "i lost someone really important because i didn't know this shit, okay? you HAVE to be careful with firearms, vee, if i lost you i think i would--" *realizes what he's talking about* "vee i think your parents would kill me. okay?" virion. VERY much wants to ask about it, he's curious as hell like any kid would be, but he's old enough at this point to know when some things just. don't need to be talked about. but he knows the initials on the bandanna ram wears to cover his face in costume aren't ram's own initials. he knows how ram clings to it and keeps it safely tucked in his pocket when he's not wearing it. he Knows ram lost someone. he can vaguely gather what happened and he doesn't push it.

min did tell virion she got her powers in a leviathan attack, but it's because virion saw an endbringer attack on the news when he was like idk eight or something and he asked what they were and min was like Ah. okay. alright. so she sat virion down and explained that the endbringers were like natural disasters, unavoidable and devastating. and they can be very scary, but that's what the heroes are for!!!! and min was there when an attack happened once, and that's how she got her powers!!! she is smiling while explaining this and she is not going into detail about the many bodies and seeing her university get destroyed and flooded and triggering and gaining water/ice powers and being led to a shelter by tide and the shelter getting destroyed and immediately double triggering and gaining the ability to change parts of her body and feeling like she can't even physically hold herself together for five fucking minutes and her limbs were dissolving into water and and and-- he doesn't need to know!!!!! that's a lot to put on a kid!!!! she is telling him that it was like a hurricane going through a town, it was dangerous and there was lots of rain and it was really stressful and that stress caused her to gain her powers!! and that's just how it is with endbringer attacks!!! but GOD. she is Thinking about all of it. the details. the bodies. tide. the greats finding her in the aftermath. Everything. but he doesn't need to know the details. he doesn't. the others know because most of them were There and she has since told alphonz and gus about it but virion is a kid. he doesn't need that baggage

CHUNGUSSS MY BOY i think he would have shared the most about his trigger event out of all of them. he was always very open with virion about a lot of things. virion asked how he got his powers and he was a little bit older at this point (he'd never asked before because No One Else has ever shared much about their triggers and he assumed gus wouldn't share either) so gus was like. more willing to share. and he saw his trigger as something Less Traumatizing than a lot of the others because no one died or anything, so he thought yeah i can share with the kid. might as well, he deserves to know!!! chungus voice well kid i was bullied really badly in school and one day after gym class i stayed late and waited for everyone to be gone so i could shower, because it was better to be late to my next class than to smell like sweat the whole day and make the bullying worse, you know? but a bunch of the other students were waiting, and the moment i was naked they came back in and beat the shit out of me. and i was mortified and i hurt and i genuinely thought they might try to kill me, and that's when i triggered. i got really strong and became really hard to hurt. they didn't notice, i just laid there until they were done and then i got dressed and walked home. skipped the rest of the school day and my mom yelled at me for it, but i wasn't bruised or nothin because of my new powers so she didn't know what happened. and i just went to school the next day and they kept doing shit to me until your parents found me. virion voice holy shit uncle gus that fucking sucks. chungus voice yeah well that's trigger events kid!! shit sucks!!!! but i'm here now and things are better. now come on i'm gonna teach you how to throw a right hook

ohhh alphonz. his ass did NOT talk about his fucking trigger event. he is Not Okay!! he only talks about it with min (endbringer buddies!!! ^_^) and like. MAYBE gus. and even then they don't know the full extent of it. but virion sees alphonz sitting in the corner of the flower shop loft in his breaker state totally out of it one day and he asks min hey, why does that happen? why does he do that? and min exchanges a Look with ram and she puts her hands on virion's shoulders (reaching up at this point bc she's like 4'8 and he's a lanky teenager) and gently says well. you know how i got my powers during a leviathan attack. alphonz got his during another endbringer attack. the simurgh. it... took his entire family. and to this day we're not... really sure if the simurgh like..... did something? to him?? we don't think so, but that could be part of it. regardless, sometimes he just gets a little lost in his own head. i'll go help him out, okay? you go help ram make dinner, we're having chili ^_^ and virion just watches her approach alphonz, forming ice over her body so he doesn't burn her, and virion just turns away and helps ram make dinner. he doesn't ask for anything more about alphonz's trigger event, but from that point on, whenever he sees alphonz like that, he'll either go get min or just sit across from him a safe distance away and talk to him about anything he can think of and hope that it helps (it does).

[tabithatwo]

there's a reason that so many people are intensely anxious about whether yellowjackets decides to keep classifying jackie and shauna a "vague teen-girl homoerotic-ish friendship" or to follow through and cement what that type of relationship actually is and actually means. and i've seen a lot of conversation about why it doesn't matter and if it doesn't matter to you, then i'm so happy for you (and jealous of you L O L) but if you're curious to understand WHY it matters fucking DEEPLY to so many people, gather around and buckle up while i attempt to explain it

first let me tell you why we're all acting like animals with lesbian-television induced zoochosis as we wait for 2.02: all signs point to this episode being the big one for jackie in particular (and for jackie and shauna as a relationship), so there's an assumption that the teased makeup scene is in this episode. that scene is what a lot hinges on.

(if you are on board with the narrative arc and already set on the make or break moment of that scene, you can skip ahead to NOW MY FINAL ACTUAL POINT a few paragraphs down)

there's been a distinct narrative arc ramping up to a big reveal (i already have very strange and mixed feelings about sexuality being used a reveal, but for a character like shauna, in a show intentionally meant to capture the tricks we play on ourselves in our minds, i would be absolutely on board with it) that said, the moment is now.

since the pilot, we've been on this journey of shauna's sexuality. sex is central to her character in a way that it isn't to any of the others. we meet her in 2021 masturbating on her daughter's bed, she goes on to have an affair with adam, we explore her boredom in her sex life with jeff, we see it improve post affair/murder. in 96 she has sex with jeff in the pilot, she grapples with the results of that sex for the rest of the season, she's quickly on board with the orgy/murder/shroom fest. (there's more to her and sexuality - rabbits representing her and jackie etc, but that's another post for another time.) suffice to say, sexuality is central to shauna.

in 2.01 shauna's sexuality is again central and even more explicitly sapphic/jackie central. "the thought of you with someone else always scared me. but it also turned me on. someone else's tongue in your mouth. their smell on you. I used to think that made me some kind of pervert." this show is smart. it's thoughtful. that's why we love it. giving us this line in 2.01, after showing shauna watch him with only one other person in the entire show (jackie in 1.01) is not an accident.

likewise, "say it" used in 2.01 by hallucination/ghost jackie, paralleling shauna's "say it" in 1.01 (asking jeff to say he loved her) is not accidental.

(gifs from 2.01 from @yellowjacketsgifs)

this show is very thoughtfully and intentionally weaving the jackie shauna romantic, sexual, obsessive love threads. i'm not going to go into exploring every moment between them that is sapphic (there are plenty of threads doing that, most people who follow me have seen it and understand it, i'm operating on the assumption that the people interested in this post understand that already).

2.01 gives us adult shauna referencing sexual arousal related to jackie. it then shows her being fucked by jeff in front of a painting of herself that is disfigured and decaying. and finally, we get the confirmation that shauna is cannibalizing jackie in 96 (leading to jackie's own disfiguration and decay). we've been led to understand shauna as a sexually driven and deviant character, and a lingering almost-reveal in 96 to jackie's corpse/hallucination/ghost hangs over us.

if this confession doesn't happen, if they walk back the gay, if they refuse to cement the realness of their romantic, sexual love in this moment, it's hard to understand why they'd build this perfect narrative arc just to ignore it and go on to cement it with something else later. anything is possible, but it really lends itself to a forever vague depiction. confession may be too narrow of a word, but what it encapsulates to me is something that you cannot ignore even if you want to - an i love you, a kiss, an i wanted you and i couldn't have you. (even the beginning of one of these, followed by an interruption that delays this heightened narrative arc would mean not losing hope.)

there have been constant interviews with the writers walking the gay back and forth, acknowledging and dismissing it in the same breath, and if that's happening to mask a reveal coming at the peak of this arc, then that makes sense. but if that's the language being used and no reveal is coming, it feels that this is the language we will always get for them.

NOW MY FINAL ACTUAL POINT- it fucking matters if they keep it vague. yes, that's how it goes in a lot of real life relationships like this. yes, it's common for young sapphics to have these relationships and never call them what they are. but that's the very fucking point i'm making.

these "friendships" do not happen to straight girls. i've seen some people say "i'm a lesbian, but even i had platonic friendships like this." and to that i say, i also didn't understand that straight girls don't do this shit for a long time. but they don't. there is no homoerotic tension in a friendship between two heterosexuals.

but women are told time and time again that there is. that everyone thinks girls are pretty. that all female friendship is just intense like that. that it's a part of growing up. and it's gaslighting. it's a thing we tell young girls to keep them in a box, to force them into comphet, to push their feelings down and away, to not rock the boat. it runs so deep we don't always realize we're doing it.

saying it's fine because there are cemented canon lesbians in the show is a cop out. and i understand the urge to say it - we're used to taking the scraps we can get from lesbian media and saying thank you. we don't bite the hand that feeds us, because not much food is coming. and i'm thrilled that i'm watching acknowledged lesbians on my screen, that i get to see their relationships. i love tai and van and tai and simone. but that doesn't fix this. saying be happy with what you got doesn't make sense here. this isn't a situation where jackie and shauna read as straight and viewers are trying to mash them together with no cause. if you think that, i really don't know what show you're watching. it's clear, it's intentional, it's direct.

and so many sapphic women have been constantly told, both in media and in their real lives, that what they had or have with women was less real because it was complicated. was less real because comphet or bisexuality or confusion existed along side it. was less real because they don't look or seem gay. because they never called it what it was. because they were young.

that, in media, it's enough to watch two girls engage in sapphic love without ever calling it that. without showing the audience what it was explicitly. masking it the same way society does and allowing for room to argue that it was platonic. that, in real life, it's enough to experiment. to think quietly about your attraction to women. to smother it, because every woman feels that way.

shauna is the pinnacle of comphet. everything about her screams it. and that's never an accident in creating a character. it includes nuanced and intense depictions. to pretend that it isn't possible for a show this smart to cement the reality of their relationship, while allowing shauna to retain the repression that comes with it as a characters is silly.

they can call it what it is in a million ways. and they are tight-roping the line so very carefully, leaving a small scrap of doubt. if they don't tip it over that line, it's intentionally holding shauna and jackie, both as individuals and together, in the purgatory hell that so many women who see themselves in these character have had to claw their way out of.

and the prospect of that from a show that you love, a show that knows how to depict lesbianism and sapphic love when it wants to, a show that is intentionally curating this entire dynamic in jackie and shauna, is painful.

[zonaenthusiast]

Which kpop group do I think suit every mugiwara the best? And would they be a boy group or a girl group stan?

This is because yesterday I had a specific revelation and I started thinking about it in general, so here are my ideas:

Luffy as Seventeen

Luffy has been one of the ones I've had to think about the most but then it occurred to me that he would really like Seventeen. They have a very fresh and fun concept in general that really suits Luffy and they are one of the very few groups that, despite being together for almost ten years, have never lost members. And that's even stranger considering there are so many of them. They love each other as much as the mugiwara love each other and Luffy would adore them (get it?) for that.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Zoro as The Boyz

For Zoro I have come up with several groups that could fit very well with him like Ateez or Stray Kids, but I have ended up opting for The Boyz because there is a very specific homoerotic component in their music that very few groups are able to replicate. The bisexual energy they give off reminds me too much of Zoro not to choose them.

Bg or gg stan? Both, but their concept has to be dark.

Nami as (G)I-DLE

This is the revelation I had after listening to Gidle's new song, Nami would fucking love them. Just pure female representation and empowerment. Gidle's last three comebacks (Tomboy/Nxde/Queencard) are three different representations of how a woman can express her femininity and all are valid (Nami in particular is so Queencard coded and Robin would be more Nxde coded, I think).

Bg or gg stan? I think she would like some bgs but she would be mostly a gg stan.

Usopp as EXO

NOW HEAR ME OUT because I know this one sounds weird, but I think Usopp would love Exo's storytelling. The clone lore? He would eat that shit up. Besides, I don't know why but I think Usopp wouldn't listen to just anything and Exo is one of the most talented groups there is, so...

I think Usopp would like groups that focus on storytelling or have very defined concepts, Vixx would be another option that I think fits him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Sanji as Girl's Generation

This one was also very clear to me. Sanji would listen to ggs exclusively and I feel that only the most iconic gg would be the right choice for him. He would be so Yoona biased. And he is one of those who would know her choreographies to perfection.

Bg or gg stan? As I said, gg stan exclusively.

Chopper as GFRIEND

My main pick for Chopper is Gfriend because the powerful innocence concept they are known for reminds me a lot of him. I think StayC or fromis_9 concepts also fit him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Robin as Red Velvet

I don't know how to explain this but if you know about Red Velvet concepts you know I'm right. There's something so unique and peculiar about their music that matches every part of Robin's taste and personality. Red Velvet are the epitome of one of my favorite kpop concepts, which I call cute but murderous. Just watch their Russian Roulette mv and you will understand.

Robin would write a fucking essay on why everyone is wrong and Zimzalabim is actually the best kpop song ever.

Bg or gg stan? Both, as long as their music is the strangest succession of sounds you've ever heard in your life.

Franky as Monsta X

Just himbos, I don't have anything else to say.

Bg or gg stan? I think he would tend to listen to bgs a little bit more, but both regardless.

Brook as Dreamcatcher

Oh, I just know Brook would love Dreamcatcher. Women? Check. Rock style? Check. Horror concept? Check. They are perfect for him, it makes so much sense.

Bg or gg stan? Not as exclusively as Sanji because music is music, but gg stan.

Jinbe as MAMAMOO

Jinbe would love every Mamamoo member's unhinged personality as much as he loves Luffy's. He would have so much fun with them and their concepts and their music, it's a strong feeling I have.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

[mono-blogs-art]

incredible chaser game w moments (part 2) up to & incl. episode 4

the most homophobic breakup you've ever seen. just, unholy behavior. on fucking god itsuki i know you had good intentions but you're the worst for doing it like that !!!!!!!!! at least let her down easy !!!!! if i was 22 and my gf of 4 years did that to me i'd fucking go insane as well

the elevator stopped working ➡️ you are trapped in with the person you hate ➡️ you are forced to sit it out and face your fears together, ultimately bringing you closer both emotionally & physically. i love this trope and i didn't know i needed it here, but it was great. step 1 to the meowmeow-ification of fuyu complete

my prediction of itsuki running into & taking care of little tsuki and the two of them then being found by fuyu, resulting in an awkward and heartbreaking scene, came true exactly like that. i think this scene was genuinely so well done and well acted, it broke my heart. i think this was the scene that really got me to say Damn, I'm invested in this now...

^ I'm still waiting for Itsuki to bring up the similar names in conversation though. like you need to talk about that

"ohhh harumoto-san, so you're part of that team?" - itsuki (sweating in closeted lesbian): "huh? what? n-no, of course not- I'm--" - "Don't worry, it's all good, we're all into BL too!!!" ➡️falsely coming out as a yaoi fangirl to your coworkers to avoid having to talk about your own sexuality. LMAO

^ this scene only being a setup so fuyu can be homophobic on main is what makes it even funnier

why. in every gods name. would you go to your boss' home address. why on earth would you do that. at least itsuki was self-aware about it too. girl you are SO unwell

every time fuyu has kissed itsuki of her own initiative, it has been when she was drunk... can we remedy that for future episodes, please? not that consent has been an issue, their mutual feelings are obvious, but i think she should be making a move when she doesn't have any liquid courage in her. step up your fucking game, fuyu

"she's a classic tsundere, after all" - fuyu, who has been severly harassing her subordinates at work (again, there seems to be no HR department at this company) being written off as a "tsundere" by the rest of the team - I mean, you're not wrong, but you should still file a complaint against her.

fuyu's husband Kouu is the nicest man on earth. my man doesn't deserve ANY of this. he even calls her dongyu. he even calls his wife by her real fucking name like the bar is so low

fuyu treats him so badly too, man, i genuinely felt bad watching it. were the 5 years of marriage all like this? was he always just a means to you getting your revenge? i'm sick. i hope they can make up by the end of the show and have a real conversation about their feelings and relationship.

that aside, i do have some theories on kouu, his disappearance, and his own feelings as well, but i'm keeping that to myself atm...

fuyu & itsuki keep having insanely homoerotic moments in front of god and everyone on earth, I'm starting to believe the only person with a gaydar in this company is the photographer from the other office. the fact that you two haven't been found out yet is honestly a massive plot hole (lmao)

has itsuki eaten anything else but sweets (cake, in particular?) on screen yet? apart from the homemade meal at the hayashi's, whenever there's a scene of her alone or with her grandma, she's always eating cake. i wonder if it will come up at some point, but it's just something i noticed. no shade though girl i'm also (almost) 27 and if you wanna eat cake for dinner alone at home I'm your nr1 supporter

i'm never a fan of the trope of a bilingual character breaking out into their native tongue for swearing or just randomly, but it is fun that only fuyu does it and that all the other chinese characters just don't speak mandarin at all. and i'm happy they actually cast a bilingual actress for fuyu!

episode 4 was the mid-series finale, and it definitely showed. this was the best episode so far by a pretty significant margin imo.

the. silent pleading fuyu puts on to make itsuki stay at the hayashi house. the most fucking 🥺*twirling my hair cutely* AND IT WORKS TOO BECAUSE ITSUKI IS JUST AS INSANE AS YOU ARE

i would like to talk about the best scene of this show yet. i really wished it was longer and was given even more weight. in episode 4, fuyu & itsuki are sitting in the living room together at night, so far apart that they're completely out of each other's camera shots even. i found this to be the most interesting scene so far. there was genuine tension in the shot composition, the acting, the complete absence of music. just silence and their voices. "after all, it was all my fault, wasn't it? that we ended up like this?" fuyu still deep down believes that she was the reason their relationship failed. she wasn't enough, because she's fuyu, because she's a woman. she still thinks that. my heart fucking broke in two

their fight after fuyu came back home drunk was so funny. especially with their height difference... hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

after finally learning the truth about their break-up, fuyu is absolutely devastated. "you valued your promise to my mother more than the one you made to me?" just completely broken. after all this time sitting with these unresolved emotions, feelings of guilt and deep shame, only for that to be the reason? I feel so bad for her

the mutual love confession!!!!! i'm honestly a bit surprised it came so early, i thought they were just going to sleep together and not talk emotions first. but i'm not gonna complain (i just love mess) i'm also devastated that itsuki used suki while fuyu used the word aishiteru. my friends it's so bad for me right now (and them)

did. they. fuck. on. the. floor. in. the. living room.

i hope so because 1) hot and 2) although i'm still unsure as to the exact room situation of the hayashi household, don't they all have one shared bedroom??? isn't the bedroom that they're in after they've had sex (hopefully in the living room) the same one we've previously seen, where the kid also sleeps????? WHERE WAS THE KID ITSUKI. WHERE. WAS. THE. KID. WE KNOW SHE'S WITH YOU BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WHOLE REASON YOU STARTED FIGHTING!!!!!

if you had sex while your kid was sleeping soundly in the same room i'm sending both of you to superhell. i'm praying you guys just have a totally identical bed in another room. please.

if it wasn't the same bed we've previously seen from tsuki's room, that means you guys fucked in the marriage bed, which is only slightly less gonna get you sent to superhell.

in any case, happy lesbian sex to them. i know neither of you have known the touch of a woman in the past 5 years so it was probably intense. drink a lot of water in episode 5, alright? jesus.

it was also quite funny that the scriptwriter for the show tweeted out a few hours before this episode aired that "itsuki has always taken the leader position in their relationship" and that "you should watch episode 4 with this in mind" and we were all like. oh so you're telling me that fuyu is a bottom? you're telling me water is wet? fork found in kitchen??????

their lil afterglow convo in bed was just perfectly sweet. 1 point to fuyu, now presumably much more sobered up, for having the courage to ask if itsuki's gonna stay the night after all. girl you don't have to ask. i think she's ready for another 12 rounds. she's not going anywhere.

the line delivery of the "alright" (i'm gonna stay) oh my god. oh my god... oh. oh.

the meowmeow-ification babygirl-ification of fuyu is now complete

in the preview for ep5, fuyu is wearing a mixture of white and black clothes. girl... it was that good, huh?????

in conclusion:

i had a lot of thoughts on this one and i've found great joy in going deep into the twt tags for it as well. and i'm glad to see many japanese sapphics also being super vocal about the show. it's really interesting to read and interact with that side of the fandom i haven't really seen in this capacity for a (lesbian) live action show yet. i see people slowing down & brightening up footage to analyse who's taking each other's clothes off first, people just posting close-ups of Yuuka's hands, people going into Yurika's past filmography to dig up ancient clips of other sapphic roles she's played (of which there seem to be actually quite a lot?). i love to see it lmao. on a more serious note, it makes me happy to see sapphics from so far away expressing themselves similarily to myself or my other lesbian friends. it's cute!! as for cgw, part b of the series is gonna be intense, and i'm especially curious to see how they're gonna do the inevitable breakdown of fuyu again. my girl is so deep in the trenches, her temporary being on cloud 9 right now is gonna be short-lived and i want to see it happen. i hope she can really stand up for herself and make things right after all!

[duxfemina]

Hey i really loved your replies to previous asks. Can you please rank the ancient romans from best to worst for enemies to lover trope:

Catiline, cicero, Julius, Pompeii, crassus , brutus, agrippa, octavian, sulla and Marius.

This is tricky because I'm not as up on some of the beef or maybe you meant these individually rather than paired with their neighbors in the list. So I'll go with individually rating how susceptible they would be to the trope

Catiline - yeah he was DTF anything so yeah I could see him developing homoerotic passions for Cicero had he survived

Cicero - no he just does the reverse. It's only lovers to enemies for MT Chickpea because he's a petty peapod

Julius Caesar - he probably fucked some Gauls let's be real. He absolutely is susceptible to the trope and would find himself involved in it several times throughout his life

Pompeius Magnus - yes, absolutely, the man was so magnanimous with the people he defeated he absolutely probably caught the feelings for one or two of them. Of course paragon of conjugal virtue that he was, he didn't sleep with anyone besides his wife when he was married so it might just be a lot of pining and eye fucking but there's probably a couple princesses of peoples he beat who he had the hots for and of course they'd reciprocate, he's the new Alexander after all

Crassus - on the one hand he has about as much romance and yearning to him as a wax tablet on the other he DID team up with his most loathed rival Pompeius so who knows maybe under that cold exterior he was secretly dreaming of running his hands through the much lauded quaff of Pompeius Magnus

Brutus - all of Pompeius' enemies eventually end up in bed with him... politically that is. If Brutus can get past Pompeius whacking his dad I feel he could get past whatever made him enemies with someone in order to make way for growing feelings for them

Agrippa - his enemies don't live long enough to become lovers usually. But if anyone was gonna be his war torn paramour I'd put bets on Sextus. There's just something a little homoerotic about their naval rivalry.

Octavian - I mean he did marry someone he had previously exiled so yes he's susceptible to the trope. If nothing else he likes using sex to exert dominance on people (hence his sleeping with the wives of his rivals) so yeah whether directly or by proxy Octavian is definitely fucking his enemies. Don't think he loves any of them (maybe not even Livia, he respected her and she filled the image he needed) but they're certainly lovers in the coarsest sense

Sulla - like Cicero this only goes one way and it's lovers to enemies. He fucks and then quite likely ends up hating.

Marius - there is no strategy to his love life so like it might happen but not as likely because he's pretty straightforward and to the point and isn't about any kind of pining or long game. The first impression is what he's going with

[bitchkay]

Court of darkness ships

Explained *biased and /hj*

Guy x Toa

Oh this just reeks of trauma and internalized homophobia you broken broken men!

Do you actually hate him or do you hate him because your attracted to him and you've been conditioned to think that's wrong and sinful and your channeling all that into anger toward the person your the person your attracted to and supposed to hate more than anybody and the "feuding families" provides you with an excuse.

Like babe closet is glass, its giving obsession, fan behavior, go be homoerotic somewhere else😐

Mfs glare at each other so often you think they're staring into each other's eyes

Mfs are about to kiss💀💀

Spouting insults at eachother at any chance they get

Gay as hell to have an arch nemesis, tf he arching? His back?

"I can't stand the sight of you" "I hate the sight of you more" like bruh might as well be a declaration of love💀

Guy x Fenn

This fanfic.

If you tell me these two haven't had sexual intercourse you're lying.

They've literally kissed before

IN CANON‼

MULTIPLE TIMES‼‼

Guy lets that man get away with a little too much with him if you get what I mean🤨🤨

Guy x Jasper

What straight man acts like thatt!!

Again the closet is glass

You don't have to act like you not boyfriends we already know, you straight up be flirting in front of everyone anyway

Nah cus why they act like a married couple in their honeymoon phase💀💀

The other princes have a valet, Guy gets a life partner💀

These two act like they're in a polyamorous relationship with MC no matter which one MC is specifically dating

No way these two haven't kissed

They walk into a room together and the air gets a little fruitier

Hold on-

🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️

Guy x Roy

It's giving "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me"

Roy literally gets jealous when other people have Guys attention

Roy's lil boy crush on Guy is sometimes a little embarrassing like bro is whipped💀💀

Like bro is so in love with him💀💀

Guy x Lynt

Guy secretly likes being cuddled.

This pairing is proof nobody can say no to Lynt

"Let go of me, I'm not your pillow." *dosen't struggle* *makes no effort to move* *ends up either napping with him or staying there the whole time for Lynts comfort*

Lynt likes Guys smell and Guy simply does nothing about it

I bet Lynt can tell when Guy uses a new body wash

Toa x Lynt

I've learned the ship name for this qelkedia and I love it

this fic.

Nah but for real tho these two are actually besties like

Lynt was the first person to give Toa a candy when they were children, if that doesn't sound like the beginning of a budding romance idk what is🙄🙄

Like imagine it, Toa(🏳️‍🌈 in denial) crushing on Lynt this cuddly cute bean, and every time he does something cute Toas having a major internal gay panic cus "I swear I don't like men, this is just normal Lynt behavior"

The internalized homophobia is hitting😳

Lynt x Roy

Imagine Lynts consort path right

Except Lynt and Roy fall in love instead.

That's all I have to say about that.

Roy also takes care of Lynt😭😭

Who else would be fully willing to CARRY Lynt to their S rank lectures because he wants him to go to class for once and its apparently common😭😭

"Will you carry me?" "If I must"

That's his boyfriend yall.

Violet x Jasper

Tell me they're not exes. I dare you

They used to date and Jasper did something (cus let's be honest why wouldn't it be Jaspers fault) and that's why Violet doesn't trust him

"Be wary of Jasper, he is a bad bad man" "to what do I owe such slanderous claims😊" "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY"

"While I have you here, would you join me in town for a drink?" "Would you happen to be inviting me out on a date?" "Maybe I am😏" "THERE YOU GO AGAIN, FLIRTING WITH ANYTHING THAT WALKS" "you wound me, not just anyone meets my standards😏" "... do you enjoy lying Jasper?"

Tension so thick you can cut it with a knife.

Violet does however trust him and respect him as a valet but she will drag his name through the dirt if she can help it

Half the time she wont even say his name outright💀 it's always some iteration with spectacles💀💀

Idk for some reason I can see them having a reconciliation like say Jaspers in the valets quarters and Violet comes in but like is trying to avoid him but ultimately fails and then they're left alone in the valets quarters and idk have a heart to heart or some shit

Violet x Grayson

Tell me they wouldn't be drinking buddies at some point

So many times over in events and consort routes has Violet gotten drunk after being dumped by a man

Like if she was just broken up with best believe she'll pick up a bottle, and look Gray can't hold his liquor for the life of him

What ever happens happens I rest my case.

Like Grayson would obviously refuse a drink knowing he can't control himself when he's intoxicated but Violet, probably way deep in her cups by now and really emotional dosen't wanna drink alone and probably doesn't wanna be alone in general since she just got dumped so Gray gives in to keep her company promising to pace himself which doesn't work cus Grayson guzzles liquor down like juice like he doesn't know he a fucking lightweight

A grayson that gets touchy when drunk plus a Violet that gets clingy when drunk can lead to some interesting situations, situations that inevitably lead to proper conversations when sober

Again whatever happens happens, let them decide how they feel about it once they're sober

Violet x Tino

These two are besties yall

Violet complains about men meanwhile the perfect man is right there🙄

Tino has nursed her back to health when drunk after being dumped multiple occasions carrying her to bed making sure shes safe(canon)

Stop looking for love and let love find you baby girl😩😩

Like I can imagine Tino carrying an almost black out drunk Violet to her room cus another man decided to be fucking BLIND and like Tino leaving a glass of water at her bedside and Violet deciding to be clingy is like whoa Tino don't go😣😣 and Tinos like 😐girl go to bed😐/j but Violet just wants someone to hold if only for the time being. And Tino, sweet sweet hearted Tino is weak to the asks of some who truely seems vulnerable and needs a bit of comforting, stay with her until she falls asleep♡

Violet x Hawk

Idk where this one came from but I like it!

Violet x Zev

Yall remember when Zev was flirting with Violet in the princes path

Tell me they don't have history right now

*Violet turning down his date invitation*

Zev: MMM! I love it when you ignore me!😫

They went on like 2-3 dates, the issue lies where Violet is actually looking for a partner while Zev is just casually dating

Violet x Mc

These bitches gay.

Nothing about this is heterosexual.

Nah cus why both of them have admitted they wouldn't mind getting with the other

That's so gay.

Violet x Thoma

I think I've mentioned this before but I think Thoma has a crush on Violet

I've thought this for a long time and I think I've only mentioned it like once or twice

On one of the relationship charts theres an arrow from Thoma to Violet that says "secretly admires" with no corresponding arrow from Violet towards Thoma

This is different from what's for other valets because it's the only one that alludes to possible affection

The other are like how one fusses over another, or two of them train together or drink together, that would be a double arrow, or like how they respect one another, Jay and Jasper seem to receive the most respect from the fellow valets, I think one of them says spiteful towards, one teases another, another may be daunted by someone else, so one and so forth

It also says secretly admires, Thoma is as cheerful and bubbly as his master, the fact that it's a secret admiration, something he keeps to himself, leads me to believe it may be little bit more

I like the idea of Thoma having a crush on Violet it's cute

Thoma x Knight

They fight like they're not literally besties

Their mini spats are so funny tho idk I feel like the way they these each other is so full of love

They also hang out don't they, they seem like they hang out together

Thoma is Knights sweets plug for Toa

These two love each other so much guys

They makeout on the DL

Grayson x Tino

First of all they work really well together and are really good at what they do

I feel like if Jasper wasn't "the standard" for valeting they'd very well share the podium for well a rounded and high quality valet, no matter what anyone says

Along with Knight and Thoma, Grayson and Tino just really seem like they enjoy each other's company alot of the time

They're both very gentle and accommodating yet firm when it comes to their charges and it's a nice thing to think they can be that kind of support system for each other

They both also sometimes teach Knight how to cook like its giving parents😌😌

I also wanna have a threesome with them--

Dia x Fenn

... you just had to be there

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Dia x Sherry

I know what yall thinking

What?

But have yall seen they're interactions in the short stories😭😭

In Dias path itself Sherry says to mc that it would be nice to know Dia as well as her like😖 baby

In the short stories it mostly them bumping into eachother and Sherry's like wow your so pretty and you should smile more

One in particular where they run into eachother and Dias trying to get away from her(like he does with every one) and he smiles politely and says he has somewhere to go and Sherry's like wow you have such a beautiful smile, you should smile more and Dias like "...thanks😳" and blushes and at the compliment then Sherry's like gimme one more big smile and he does smile, hes like 😊 and shes like I hope you have cause to smile more often, smiles make for more harmonious communications♡

That's so cute yall

In another story they wanna borrow the same book from the library but Dias like you can have it let's her have the book but the Sherry's like we should read it together😄💖

Like?????????

Is this a slow burn romance or something😳😳

No but fr Dia acts annoyed but hes actually so nice to her😭

Rio x Sherry

Not my personal feat, I prefer them as friends

But they cute asf

I love a good friends to lovers moment

Especially knowing they're known each other since they were children

Childhood friends to lovers😋😋

Also the height difference is so cute

Rio is 6'2-6'3 and Sherry's literally 5 feet tall💀

Shorty has to crain her neck to look up at him and Rios like *lifts her up by the armpits* there😄

I also really like the idea of them having went on one date together, just one, nothing particularly special, but the context was explicitly romantic(or at least supposed to be knowing how dense Rio can be) but nothing comes of it, nothing really changes and if anything they're closer friends

Roy lowkey ships them though but the big brother in him is like nah

It's not that he doesn't think Rio is a good guy it's just that that's his baby sister!!

The day Sherry gets a paramour is the day Roy dies a little inside.

Also a Sherry x MC x Rio poly relationship is like my favorite fucking think, I love those three idiots

Sherry x MC

They're girlfriends.

Violet x Sherry

I love sapphic relationships guys1

The way these two flirt with each other is crazy

Like we're passed compliments girl you want her

They have slumber parties.

Violet x MC x Sherry poly when?????

Addis Ira x Gilbert Qelsum

These is literally the most hateful mfs.

Traumatized their children and are shitty people in general

Why are they the only kings that mutually like each others

Gilbert trusts Addis

Hes the only one of the kings that he does trust btw

And Addis dotes on Gilbert

Why are you doting on him-- are yall in a relationship🤨⁉️

Nah cus why all the other kings is like if one trusts another, the other is scared of them or one likes and the other thinks they irritating or they both just hate eachother

I bet they bond over disliking Roc Avari--

I'm stuck on Addis Ira doting on Gilbert

How you doting on a grown ass man but not yo child--

Sus🤨

Toa x Lance

Purely to annoy their dads💀

It's pure comedy to them

Moral of the story, Guy is fruity as fuck, gayest bitch in the building, Violet got hella rizz😩 and Toa and Lance are step siblings--

[mothguillotine]

Chapter 3: The Art of Being in a Homoerotic Friendship

Main Masterlist

cw: swearing

word count: 6.8k

Summary: You, Robin, Steve, and Dustin try to figure out where the Russians are in Hawkins.

When you get home that night your mom tells you that Tee is spending the night at one of her friend's houses and that she will be back tomorrow. You go and take a shower as soon as you finish eating the dinner your mom set aside for you. By the time you are all clean, you are exhausted and fall asleep in your bed rather than doing anything else.

The next morning you wake up feeling ready for the day even with the sun being covered by rain clouds. You are more excited to go to work than ever before, you get ready an hour in advance and pack a bag with spy gear. Well, not actual spy gear, more like things from around your house that might be useful like an old pair of binoculars from when your mom was really into bird watching and a pair of sunglasses that make you look like a spy.

While you are gathering your supplies you see Tee, she is wearing her green raincoat and is getting ready to go out. 

“Hey,” you greet her, “What are you doing today?”

“Uh-,” Tee says startled, “Nothing.”

“Oh- uh, okay,” you say, realizing she doesn’t want to discuss it.

“What about you?” she asks you.

“I- um you know, work,” you say gesturing to your uniform.

“Yeah,” she says, “uh, have a good Monday.”

“Uh, yeah, you too,” you tell her and you watch as she opens the front door you can see two of her friends waiting for her, one of them is Max and the other is a girl you haven’t seen before. All three of them are wearing raincoats to protect against the rain, which is coming down hard. When she leaves you grab your leftover mac n cheese and leave for work, and like every day your mom drives you to work. 

She pulls the car up as close to the door as possible without driving on the sidewalk, “I hope you have a good day. And remember your dad’s cousin is coming to spend the day with us on the forth, so make sure you get that day off.”

“Okay, mom. Thanks for the ride,” you tell her before kissing her on the cheek, “Love you.”

When you open the door the rain hits you right in the face so you run in as fast as you can shielding your eyes with your hands. Inside the mall already has crowds of people hiding away from the storm in the building. You see the same little girl who always asks for a million samples with all of her friends. The number of people already here today may be one of the busiest since you started working. It made sense though, people don’t wanna be at the pool so they come to the mall instead.

At Scoops the crowd luckily hasn’t reached the shop yet, “Hey,” Steve greets you when he sees you walk into the store.

“What's up?” you ask him walking over and leaning on the counter with your hands under your chin, “Any revelations about the spies?”

“Shh,” Steve quiets you, “They could be listening.”

“Okay, sorry.” you tell him and stand up straight, “Is Robin in the back?”

“Yeah,” he says, “She and Dustin are already working on translating the rest.”

“Cool, cool,” you mutter, “I’ll come back when I put my stuff away.”

“Okay,” he tells you, “Me and Dustin were going to go out in a bit to look around when more people show up.”

“Oh so you leave me and Robin with the hard work?” you ask him and walk to the door, “Real nice.”

“This is important work!” he shouts but you walk through the door before he can finish his sentence.

Robin and Dustin are in the same spots as yesterday, “Finally you are here,” Dustin says as soon as you get through the door.

“Sorry,” you say and walk over to your small locker, “My mom drives me.”

“Me and Steve are going out,” Dustin tells you.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say waving him off, “I know, Steve told me. I have something to help you guys out.”

You reach down into your locker and your bag. When you stand up you are holding your mom's pair of binoculars, “Here you go,” you tell him, “They’re my mom’s so be careful, please.”

Dustin gives you a thumbs-up and leaves the room presumably to go spy, “I’ll go out there and if I need you I'll call,” you tell Robin.

“Okay,” she tells you, “I’ll just be uh- working on this.”

“Yeah, you better,” you say, “Or you would be out there with me. Which is obviously torture.”

Robin laughs, “I would much rather be with you than translate some stupid Russian.”

“Yeah?” you ask, smiling.

“Oh, definitely,” she says.

“Well anyways,” you say, “I should uh- get back out there.”

“Yeah,” she says, “You should go.”

You turn and leave the room fast, thinking to yourself, why did that almost feel like flirting?

Robin was having a difficult time translating. She kept thinking back at the interaction long after it was over. Are you still thinking about it? The last sentence of Russian had been played over and over as Robin couldn’t truly focus on the words being said. Still, she is their only hope of translation so she persists and tries to shove everything about you as far down as she can.

This lasts until you tell her you need a bathroom break and her mind is focused on you yet again, “Yeah,” Robin says, “Can I use your headphones?”

“Mhm,” you tell her, “They’re in my bag.”

When Robin goes out to the counter she puts on your headphones and tries to start translating again. She goes undisturbed for a few minutes until she hears a quiet ringing noise which makes her take off her headphones. When she looks up she sees the little girl who terrorizes the three of you for samples. Robin watches as she slams her hand down on the bell repeatedly.

“I’d like to try the peanut butter chocolate swirl, please,” the girl tells Robin.

“No,” Robin says, “No more samples today.”

“Why not?” she asks.

“Because you are abusing our company policy,” Robin tells her.

“Where’s the sailor man?” the child questions.

“Sorry,” Robin says to her and turns around, “He can’t help you. He’s busy.”

“Busy with what?” she asks.

Robin turns dramatically to face her, “Spycraft.”

You hated using the bathroom at work. It was always dirty and smelled like feet. Not to mention FUCKING FREEZING. It did have the perk of only being accessed by staff which meant no wait times and you didn’t have to walk through the mall to get there since the bathrooms were in the back hallways.

In times like this, you were always grateful for bringing a sweatshirt to work. The halls were freezing which meant the bathroom was bound to be worse. You feel a shiver run through you and you pull your sweatshirt around you more. The bathroom is thankfully empty when you get there so you go as fast as possible and get out quickly.

When you get back you see Robin arguing with the sample-stealer at the counter all you hear at the end is Robin saying, “Spycraft.”

The child looks very confused and she raises her eyebrows at her, “Okay,” the child says then notices you, “Tell her to give me my sample.”

“If she said no more,” you tell her, “Then no more.”

She huffs and looks back toward her friends, “Let’s go.”

The group leaves the store and moves to terrorize a different worker to get free food.

“She is starting to get on my nerves about the sample thing,” Robin says to you.

“Tell me about it,” you tell her after turning around to face her, “Have you had any luck?”

“Uh-, I’ve got the first few words done,” she lies, “But one of them is giving me trouble.”

“Well, you are super smart,” you tell her, “So you should have it figured out in no time.”

Robin’s face starts to turn red, “I um, should get back in there.”

“Go,” you tell her, “I’ve got it from here.”

“Okay,” she says and backs through the door.

The shop doesn’t get too busy and you can manage by yourself while Robin translates in the back. Still, you have a few customers, you use the ice cream scoop and roll a perfect scoop of cherry chip and another of vanilla on a waffle cone. After that, you put a single cherry on top and hand it to the customer. 

“That will be $3.55,” you say to the woman who has one hand digging for money and the other is holding onto the arm of a child.

“Here,” she says and gives you the money and drags her kid away.

“Have a nice day,” you call after her even though you aren't sure she will.

As soon as she has left the store Robin comes out of the back and you turn to look at her, “I did it!”

“I knew that you could,” you rush over to her and pull her in for a hug.

Robin stays still until you let her go, “So what is it?”

“Okay, are you ready?” she asks, continuing in an equally bad Russian accent as yesterday, “A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly.”

You try not to laugh but you can’t hold your laughter in, “Was it that bad?”

“No, no,” you say trying to hold in your laughter, “The important thing is that you translated it.”

“Was it at least better than yesterday?” she asks you, which makes you start laughing all over again.

In your laughing fit you manage to get out, “Don’t do that infront of Dustin and Steve.”

“Whatever,” she says, “Help me figure out what this shit means.”

“Okay,” you tell her, “Say the whole thing.”

“The week is long.” Robin starts, “The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west. A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly.”

You stay quiet for a moment and then look at Robin, “Honestly, I have no fucking clue.”

“Ah, thanks,” she says sarcastically, “Really helpful.”

“Sorry,” you roll your eyes at her, “You know, I feel like I’ve said that a lot today.”

“I’m gonna go try and figure it out,” she says to you.

“Stay out here,” you tell her, “You don’t have to listen to the tape anymore and I’m out here.”

“Yeah,” she says, “Okay.”

Robin hops up onto the counter and gets to work trying to solve the puzzle. You take care of all of the customers that come into the store while she bounces ideas off you. Each of your ideas leads you nowhere though, instead having to reread the passage over and over again trying to come up with something. 

Until you are interrupted by a knock at the staff door. Robin opens the window and hops through then walks over to the back door. When she opens it the two of you see a delivery man standing in the hall.

“Delivery for you,” the man says.

“Thank you,” Robin says and takes the package from him. She puts it on the table and returns to the man to sign for it. When she does it takes her a moment before she hands the man the pen back, looking him over.

“Have a nice day,” he tells Robin and turns to walk down the hallway.

“Yeah, you too,” she says.

After a minute Robin goes into the hall after him, “Robs, what’s going on?” you ask leaning into the back through the window.

“I uh,” she says and holds out her hand, “One second.”

“Silver cat,” Robin says under her breath.

“What?” you ask her, unable to hear from the front.

“Silver cat,” Robin says as she runs past you as if that would explain it somehow.

“Robin, what do you mean?” you ask and chase after her pushing past Steve and Dustin who are arguing about something.

Robin runs out to the middle of the food court and stands up on a platform. You run up to where she is and stand below her. She spins around examining the room repeating the same phrase from before.

“Robin,” Steve says from behind you, which makes you turn, “What are you doing?”

“I cracked it,” she tells him and Dustin, which makes you realize what exactly just happened.

“Cracked what?” Steve asks at the same time you grab Robin's arm and say, “Holy shit.”

Robin jumps off the planter and tells them, “I cracked the code.”

Later that night just before nine o’clock all four of you go up to the roof with your binoculars. You are all wearing raincoats and are down low to prevent anyone from seeing you. The rain has gotten worse since you went in to work, each of you is soaked even with the raincoats on.

“Look for Imperial Panda,” Robin says, “And Kaufman Shoes.”

Dustin is looking through his binoculars and you are looking through yours. On the roof, you are overlooking the loading area, down below you can see a few security guards as well as delivery people. One of them is rolling a dolly with stack boxes, from the roof, you can hear him whistling. 

“Hey,” you say and pass the binoculars to Robin so she can see, “You see him?”

“Yeah,” Dustin says, “They’re with that whistling guy, ten o’clock.”

“What do you think’s in there?” Steve asks.

“Guns, bombs?” Dustin suggests.

“Chemical weapons?” Robin adds.

“Body parts?” you say finally.

All three of them look at you, “What?” Steve asks.

“Body parts,” you reiterate.

“What do you mean body parts?” Dustin asks.

“I don’t know,” you say, “Like their victims.”

“Whatever it is,” Dustin says moving along the conversation, “They’re armed to the teeth.”

“Great,” Steve says, “That’s great.”

Robin returns your binoculars and you peer through them. The security guard is letting one of the delivery people into the locked door when you look back. 

“Hey, what’s in there?” Robin asks and you hand the binoculars back.

“It’s just more boxes,” Dustin says.

“Let me check it out,” Steve says and tries grabbing Dustin's binoculars.

“No,” Dustin tells him, “I’m still looking.”

“Lemme see,” Steve says, trying to wrestle them from Dustin.

“Hang on!” Dustin yells but then suddenly the binoculars hit something metal and make a loud clang.

“Duck!” Dustin says.

All four of you move behind the wall that hides you. During the panic, Robin grabs your hand as well as Steve’s. As quick as it happens Robin lets go of Steve's hand but continues holding yours, even as you run down the stairs, and doesn’t let go until you are back in Scoops.

When you get through the back door you lock it behind you. All four of you are trying to catch your breath from running down a flight of stairs and through the back hallways. As soon as you take off your rain jacket you realize that your clothing is soaked, “Guys, we need to call the police,” you tell them.

“Oh, yeah,” Steve says, “Because the police have been so helpful in the past.”

“What do you mean?” you ask him.

“I uh-,” Steve looks guilty, like he said something he wasn’t supposed to.

“What he means is that the police can’t handle a bunch of Russian spies,” Dustin says quickly, both of them obviously trying to move on.

“Okay,” you say, “The government then.”

“That’s an even worse idea,” Steve tells you.

“No,” you tell him, “If they bring tanks and shit it would be no problem. They could just roll in and the security guys wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“We are not calling anyone,” Steve insists, “We have everyone we need right here. Right Dustin?”

“Yep,” Dustin says cheerfully.

“Robin?” you ask her, “What do you think?”

“I uh,” Robin stops herself, “I think we should investigate.”

“Really?” you ask.

“Definitely,” Robin tells you.

“Are the police really that bad?” you ask.

“One hundred percent,” Dustin says.

When you all leave that night the mall is just as abandoned as the night before. The difference is that tonight you are all silent with the only sounds being the squeaking of your shoes which are still wet. As you get to the exit you don’t see your mom out front yet.

“Do you want a ride?” Steve asks, also noticing.

“No,” you tell him, “She should be here in a bit. Besides, Robin has to wait too.”

“Okay,” Steve says, “Hey, starting tomorrow why don’t we just carpool?”

“I’m sure my mom would thank you,” you tell him with a laugh.

“Then I’ll pick you both up before work tomorrow,” then he and Dustin go out into the storm to Steve’s car.

“Do you wanna spend the night?” you ask Robin.

“I don’t have any clothes,” Robin says.

“You can borrow some of mine if you want,” you tell her then add, “You don’t have to come over if you don’t want to.”

“If you want me to, I can,” she says.

“Yeah,” you say to her, “I do.”

“Okay,” she nearly whispers.

Both of you stand there looking at each other, when Robin moves to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear you let out a breath. A bolt of lightning hits right outside but neither of you looks away from each other. Instead, you take a step towards her, “Why were you so weird about Tee wanting me to date Steve?”

“What?” Robin asks.

“Why were you so weird about Tee wanting me to date Steve?” you repeat.

“Um, I don’t know,” she says, “Steve is a douchebag.”

“Are you sure that’s it?” you ask her.

“Yeah,” she tells you, “What else would it be?”

“I don’t know,” you say, “Maybe you like me.”

“What?” she asks, “No, that’s- that’s crazy. You just shouldn’t date Steve.”

“So you don’t like me?” you ask.

“No,” Robin gulps.

“Okay,” you say and back away from her, “Let’s go.”

You run out into the rain to your mom’s car leaving Robin standing in the entrance to the mall. Robin doesn’t know why she said no, as soon as it came out of her mouth she regretted it. The fact is that she is scared, with good reason. She didn’t want her life to become a horror story but that didn't mean that her hopes and desires went away and at the moment all she wanted was to kiss you. Instead, she runs out in the rain after you and quickly hops into the back of your mom’s car.

The ride to your house is filled with you and your mom talking, she asks all the normal questions like how was your day, was it busy, do you wanna hear what Mrs. Dickerson told me from across the street? Robin sits quietly in the back, lost in her thoughts. When you get back to your house you both dry off and you give Robin a sweatshirt and a pair of sleeping shorts. 

 “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” you ask her.

“Uh, no,” she tells you, “I kinda just wanna go to sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“Oh, yeah,” you say, “Of course, I'm just gonna go eat some food.”

“Okay,” Robin says, “I’ll just go to bed.”

When you come back to your room after eating Robin is out cold. The rain is starting to calm down to the point you can only hear soft pattering. Even as you get into bed you feel unable to fall asleep, everything that happened playing through your head. So you stare up at the ceiling for what feels like hours until sleep finally takes hold of you.

The next morning you wake up to the sun shining in your eyes, the rain from yesterday stopped sometime last night. Robin isn’t in bed next to you and downstairs you hear some noises sounding like they are coming from the kitchen. When you walk into the kitchen you see Robin sitting at the island sipping a mug of coffee. 

“Morning,” you greet her.

“Hey,” Robin greets back, “Are you ready for today?”

You shrug and open the cabinet grabbing your favorite mug, “All I know is that I am still tired from yesterday.”

Taking the coffee pot you pour yourself some coffee leaving room for milk and sugar, “I still can’t believe that we found Russians at the mall.” Robin tells you.

“I know right,” you say while reaching into the fridge to get the milk, “I still don’t understand why spies would be here.”

“Well, I mean there is the lab,” she says offhandedly.

“What lab?” you ask.

“Nobody told you?” she asks.

“No,” you tell her, “Nobody said anything.”

“A few years ago there was this girl, Barbra, who went to Hawkins,” Robin starts, “We were in band together and she died because of a chemical leak from a government lab and then there was the whole thing with the Byers. It was just a big mess.”

“What happened to the Byers?” you ask.

“Well, Will went missing at the same time as Barbra,” Robin tells you, “A few days or so after he went missing they found a body in the quarry and identified it as Will. Then a few days later he comes back.”

“Did they ever figure out who was in the quarry?” you ask her.

“I don’t know they never said anything about it again,” she says, “It was like they wanted to forget it happened.”

“Well I get why Steve doesn’t trust the police,” you tell her.

“I can’t believe that nobody told you,” she says.

“I only hang out with you Robin,” you pull out the sugar and stir it into your coffee, “You should have told me. And when you say Will do you mean the same one that comes in with my sister and her friends.”

Robin nods, “Well shit,” you say, “That’s horrible.”

“Yes,” Robin agrees, “Yes, it is.”

By the time Steve gets to your house, you have had two cups of coffee and are well caffeinated, “You guys ready to catch some Russians?” Dustin asks from the passenger seat as the two of you walk to Steve’s car.

“You’re gonna tell my whole neighborhood about what we are doing,” you tell him and grab the handle to the back passenger door and Robin walks around to the driver's side.

The drive to the mall is full of Dustin talking about his plans for today's spying, “We will keep eyes on that door at all times,” he tells the three of you, Steve just nods his head and focuses on driving.

“I don’t think we will see too much from outside,” you tell him, “We need to get in there.”

“And how do you imagine we take care of the security guards?” Steve asks, “Who let me remind you, have guns!”

“Whatever,” you say brushing him off, “When we don’t learn anything today don’t blame me.”

When you get to the mall and Steve parks his car Dustin is the first one through the doors. All three of you are nearly running to keep up with him, “Dustin, slow down!” Steve shouts after him.

“Come on,” Dustin says and waves for you all to go faster.

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, “This kid is going to kill me.”

After you all get inside Dustin is quick to go off to the roof with his binoculars to spy on the Russians to gather intel for you all.

When Dustin comes back he looks at you, “You were right,” he says, “I couldn’t really see anything else.”

“So we need to get in there,” Steve says.

“That keycard opens the door,” Dustin tells you all, “But unfortunately, the Russian with this keycard also has a massive gun. Whatever’s in this room, whatever’s in those boxes, they really don’t want anybody finding it.”

“But there’s gotta be a way in,” Robin says.

“Well, you know…” Steve says and leans forward in his seat, “I could always take him out.”

“Take who out?” Robin asks.

“The Russian guard,” Steve says, like it should be obvious.

“Let me get this straight,” you say to him, “You are going to take out an armed Russian guard?”

“What?” Steve asks, “I sneak up behind him, I knock him out, and I take his keycard. It’s easy.”

“You will, with one hundred percent certainty, get fucking killed,” you tell him bluntly and he rolls his eyes, “You are delusional.”

“Did you not hear the part about the massive gun?” Dustin asks him.

“Yes, Dustin, I did,” he tells him, “And you haven't seen me in action. I wouldn’t die, because I would be sneaking.”

“Yeah,” you say sarcastically, “Right.”

“Well, please, tell me this and be honest,” Dustin says to Steve, “Have you ever actually… won a fight?”

“Okay,” Steve says, “That was one time-,”

“Twice,” Dustin cuts him off, “Jonathan. Year prior?”

“Listen,” Steve tells you all, “That doesn’t count.”

“Why doesn’t it count?” you ask him.

“Right, because it looked like he beat the shit out of you,” Dustin says.

“Steve, you will either get your ass kicked or you will die,” you tell him.

“You weren’t here last time he got into a fight,” Dustin tells you, “He got a fat lip, a crooked nose, swollen eye, a lot of blood.”

“Jesus Steve,” you say, “You will die.”

“Oh, he is exaggerating,” Steve tells you, “It wasn’t that bad.”

“It sounds like it was that bad,” you tell him.

Suddenly Robin stands up and runs to the front. All three of you watch as she takes all of the tip money and runs out from behind the counter.

“Robin?” Steve asks her but is ignored, “Hey, Robin! Hey, what- what are you doing?”

“I need cash,” Robin tells him, turning around and walking backward out of the store.

“Well, some of that is mine,” he tells her pointing at the money, “Where are you going?”

“To find a way into that room, a safe way,” she tells you all, “And in the meantime, sling ice cream, behave, and don’t get beat up. You are in charge, I’ll be back in a jiff.”

All three of you stand at the counter watching as Robin runs through the crowd of people, “Why are you in charge?” Steve asks.

“Because I am the most responsible,” you tell him, “Especially compared to the two of you.”

Then you turn and sit at the register, “Just don’t get into any trouble.”

“Okay,” Dustin says and picks up Steve’s scooper. He puts it to his lips and licks the ice cream off it, you make a disgusted face.

“Oh, dude,” Steve says and grabs the scooper from him, “Come on, man, not my scooper.”

You and Steve work while you wait for Robin to come back, which takes a while, “It is fascinating what twenty bucks will get you at the County Recorders Office,” Robin tells you all while laying down blueprints, “Starcourt Mall. The complete blueprints.”

“Not bad,” Dustin tells her.

“So, this is us, Scoops,” Robin says and circles an area of the blueprint then moves to another section, “And this is where we want to get.”

“I mean, I don’t really see a way in,” Steve says.

“There’s not,” Robin tells him then rips away the first page revealing a second, and adds, “If you’re talking exclusively about doors.”

“Air ducts,” Dustin says looking up at Robin.

“Exactly,” Robin tells him and grabs a red marker putting it on the blueprints to show the way, “Turns out, this secret room needs air just like any old room. And these air ducts lead all the way here.”

All four of you look up at the air duct, “How are we gonna do this?” you ask.

Steve grabs a ladder and brings it over to the air duct. When he climbs on top of it and examines the grate he turns around, “I need a phillips-head screwdriver.” 

Dustin reaches into his tool belt and pulls out the tool, “Here you go,” he tells Steve and hands him the screwdriver.

Steve turns back around and unscrews all four bolts holding the grate up then takes it off the vent, “Flashlight?” Steve asks, his voice obstructed by the screwdriver in his mouth, he trades Dusting the flashlight for the screwdriver, “Thank you.”

Steve clicks on the flashlight and looks into the vent, “Yeah, I don’t know, man,” Steve says, “I don’t know if you can fit in here. It’s, like… uh super tight.”

“I’ll fit,” Dustin reassures him, “Trust me. No collar bones, remember?”

“What?’ you ask him.

“Uh, excuse me?” Robin asks at the same time.

Steve hops down off the ladder and looks at the two of you, “Oh, he’s, uh… Yeah, he’s got some disease,” Steve tells you both, “It’s called, uh, Chry, uh… it’s chrydo, um, something. Yeah, I dunno. He’s missing bones and stuff. He can bend like Gumbo.”

“You mean Gumby,” Robin says.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Gumbo,” Steve tells her.

“No,” you tell him, “I’m pretty sure it is Gumby.”

“All of you shut up!” Dustin yells, “Steve! Push me!”

“Okay,” Steve mutters and pushes Dustin’s feet, “I’ll push ya.”

“Not my feet, dumbass,” Dustin tells him, “Push my ass.”

“What?” Steve asks.

“Touch my butt!” Dustin shouts, “I don't care.”

Steve climbs up the ladder and starts pushing on Dustin's ass, “Come on!” Dustin shouts, “Push harder!”

“I’m pushing!” Steve shouts back.

You put your hands into your face as they continue arguing. Then you look at Robin and roll your eyes while shaking your head at their antics. 

“I’m just gonna shove you,” Steve tells him.

“Shove me?” Dustin asks.

“Ready?” Steve asks him and without giving him much time to prepare he starts, “1, 2, 3!”

“Shit!” Dustin says in pain after Steve tries shoving him in.

“That work?’ Steve asks him.

“One more time!” Dustin shouts and then you hear the bell go off at the counter. When you and Robin turn around you see a familiar little girl.

“Ahoy, sailors!” she says, visibly annoyed at the lack of service, “All hands on deck! Ahoy! Come on! Get over here and serve me some samples.”

“I think I have an idea,” Robin tells you.

“What is it?” you ask her.

“How do you feel about child labor?”

Both Dustin and Steve are on the same page as you, “Why are we trying to get other people involved?” Steve asks.

“Dustin can't fit,” Robin tells him, “We have tried for like half an hour and what happens when Steve can't reach you anymore? You are just gonna get stuck.”

“I still don’t think this is the best option,” you tell Robin.

“Well, it’s the only one,” she says to you.

“None of you know any shorter, older people?” you ask the three of them and all of them shake their heads no.

“If there was anyone else we wouldn’t be going to her,” Steve tells you.

“I just have a bad feeling about all of this,” you tell them.

“It’s going to be fine,” Dustin reassures you, “She will be completely safe.”

“Okay,” you say, and then Dustin leaves the back room to go and get the child.

When he comes back he is with Erica, “Show me the vent,” she tells all of you.

You hand Erica a flashlight and she climbs on the ladder to look into the vent, “Hmm,” Erica says then hops off the ladder, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if you can fit?” Dustin asks.

“Oh, I can fit,” Erica tells you all, “I just don’t know if I want to.”

“Are you claustrophobic?” Robin asks.

Erica laughs and shakes her head, “I don’t have phobias.”

“Okay,” Steve says, “Well what’s the problem?”

“The problem is,” Erica tells him, “I still haven’t heard what’s in this for Erica.”

“Oh, Jesus,” you say, “She’s talking about herself in third person.”

“Yes, she is,” Erica says.

“Okay, okay,” Steve tells her, “What about ice cream? We all know that you like ice cream and we have some to spare.”

“I’ll think about it over your menu,” Erica says and walks back out to the shop.

“What are we gonna do?” Dustin asks.

“Serve her some ice cream,” Steve tells him.

All three of you prepare a mass of ice cream for her, many waffle bowls, different sprinkles, and sauces, and a huge banana boat, “More fudge, please,” Erica tells Steve and pushes the banana boat back, “Go, on.”

Steve grabs the banana boat and leaves to put more fudge on it, “All right,” Robin says and pulls out the blueprints, “You see this? This is the route you’re going to take.”

Erica looks at the red line drawn through the ductwork, “Then we just wait till the last delivery goes out tonight. Then you knock out the grate, jump down, and open the door.”

“Then you find out what’s in those boxes?” Erica asks.

“Exactly,” Robin tells her.

“Mm-mhm,” Erica says, “And you say this guard is armed.”

“Yes,” Dustin tells her, “But he won’t be there.”

“And booby traps?” Erica asks.

“Booby traps?” Robin asks.

“Laser, spikes in the wall?” Erica explains.

“What?” Robin laughs.

“You know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me?” Erica asks, “Child endangerment.”

“We‘ll be in radio contact with you the whole time-” Robin starts.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Erica yells, “Child endangerment.”

“She isn’t wrong,” you tell them.

“Uh- Erica, hi,” Dustin draws her attention to him, “We think that these evil Russians want to do harm to our country. Great harm. Don’t you love your country?”

“You can’t spell America without Erica,” she tells you all and takes a sip of her float.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” Dustin says, “Oddly, that’s, uh, totally true. So, don’t do this for us. Do it for your country. Do it for your fellow man. Do this for America, Erica.”

Erica slurps over top of Dustin’s yapping, “Ooh, I just got the chills,” she says, “Oh, yeah from this float, no your speech. You know what I love most about this country? Capitalism. Do you know what capitalism is?”

“Yeah,” all three of you say.

“It means this is a free market system,” she explains, “Which means people get paid for their services, depending on how valuable their contributions are. And it seems to me that my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. So you want my help? This USS Butterscotch better be the first of many. And I’m talking about free ice cream for life.”

Erica pinches one of the many maraschino cherries on her ice creams and plops it into her mouth.

Later that night, when most people have gone home from the mall, all five of you are standing in the back of scoops, “Okay,” Robin says after you put the helmet on Erica, “You should be all set.”

Erica huffs and tells her through the mic, “You better have a table full of ice cream for me when I get back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve says, “Get on with it.”

Erica climbs up the ladder, “Commence operation child endangerment.”

“Can we maybe not call it that?” Robin asks her.

“See you on the other side, nerds,” Erica tells all of you and disappears into the vent.

You run through the back halls and up the stairs to the roof where Steve, Dustin, and Robin are all waiting. All three of them are crouched by the edge of the roof watching for Erica to come through the door. After waiting for a while Erica finally reaches the room.

“All right, nerds,” Erica says into the mic, “I’m there.”

“Do you, do you see anything?” Robin asks.

“Yeah,” Erica says, her voice coming out a bit staticky through the radio, “I see those boring boxes you’re so excited about.”

“Any guards?” Robin asks.

“None,” Erica tells her.

“Booby Traps?” Robin asks.

“If I could see them, they'd be pretty shit traps,” Erica says, “Wouldn’t they?”

“Thank you for that,” Robin tells her.

Through the radio, you can hear Erica grunt and then a big clatter happens, “I’m in.”

All of you let out a sigh of relief, “Oh god.” Steve says and rubs his hands down his face.

A minute later the doors open revealing Erica, “Free ice cream,” Erica says into her headset, “For. Life.”

All four of you get up off the roof and run to join her in the room. 

“Took you all long enough,” Erica says when you all finally get to the room.

“Sorry,” you tell her.

“Little Stevie had to go to the bathroom,” Robin says.

“Whatever,” Erica says and walks back into the room, “Come on!”

“Let’s go,” Dustin says and walks in.

Steve follows closely behind waving you and Robin in, “Let’s not keep her waiting.”

You stand outside the room, looking at it. In your stomach, you can feel a weight, like something isn’t quite right.

“Are you okay?” Robin asks, grabbing your hand.

“I- I don’t know,” you tell her, “I feel like something bad is gonna happen.”

“You don’t have to come in,” she reassures you, “We can handle it.”

“No, no,” you tell her and lead her into the room by hand, “It’s probably nothing, just being over dramatic.”

“Okay,” Robin says, but doesn’t sound too convinced.

All three of them are waiting for you around a box, “Come on,” Dustin urges you both, “We wanna open it.”

You and Robin join them at the table and Steve brandishes a box cutter. He slices open the brown tape holding the lid closed and hands the knife to Dustin. Then he opens the flaps and reveals a metal box with a handle. Steve grips the handle and twists, pulling up, “That’s definitely not Chinese food.”

“No shit, Steve,” you tell him.

Steve rolls his eyes at you and then urges you all to step back, “Uh, maybe you guys should, you know, stand back.”

Robin, still holding your hand, grabs Erica’s as well and drags both of you back.

“No,” Dustin tells him.

“Just step back, okay?” Steve says.

“No!” Dustin insists.

“Step back,” Steve says and tries pushing him with his arm, “Seriously.”

“No! No!” Dustin yells back at him, “If you die, I die.”

“And men call women emotional,” you whisper to Robin and she laughs.

Steve just stares at Dustin for a bit until he just says, “Okay.”

Steve twists the cylinder and pulls up releasing air in a hissing noise. When he fully reveals the tube it’s full of green shit that looks like a biohazard.

 “What the hell?” Steve ponders out loud. 

“What is that?” Robin asks.

As soon as the words leave her mouth the whole room shakes, startling you all. 

“Was that just me, or did the room move?” Dustin asks.

“Booby traps,” Erica whispers.

Then the room shakes again and you can hear some sort of mechanical whirring from outside the room. 

“I thought this was a bad idea,” you say, realizing just how bad this could possibly get.

“You know what?” Robin says, “Let’s just grab that and go.”

Robin takes the cylinder out of Steve's hand and puts it in her bag. You are starting to hear more noises coming from the walls, “Robin, we need to get out of here right now.”

“I know,” she tells you and looks back at Dustin who is currently struggling to open the door.

"Which one do I press, Erica?” Dustin asks her, looking down at the panel full of buttons.

“Just press the damn button, nerd,” Erica tells him.

“Which one?” Dustin says again, “I’m pressing the button, okay?”

“Press ‘open door,’” Erica says, annoyed.

“I’m pressing ‘open door!’” Dustin shouts at her getting frustrated.

“Just open the-,” Steve starts but cuts himself off by walking over to the button panel and pressing the same button himself, “Press the other buttons.”

“Would you stop?” Dustin asks.

“I’m trying,” Steve tells him.

Robin moves her hand to rub her forehead, “Ugh, I wish I would have taken motrin before we left.”

“As soon as we get back,” you promise her.

“If they would hurry up and OPEN THE DOOR!” Robin yells mostly at the boys.

Then you hear a loud clunk and the room drops, “OH MY GOD!” you yell in terror.

“Oh, shit!” Steve says looking at the wall and when you look you realize why he is upset, you are in an elevator. Most likely going to a Russian base hidden underneath the mall.

All of you start screaming as the elevator descends further away from the surface but you realize on the way down that Robin still hasn’t let go of your hand. 

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