#can i just give you money and one sentence of description and then you go do your thing

[coquelicoq]

i love fan jian he is my favorite guy. i love everything about him. the emperor just said with a soupçon of menace "fan xian est rusé. n'a-t-il pas appris de vous?" and fan jian replied "je suis bon et innocent. je n'ose pas accepter cette appréciation" like butter would not melt in his mouth. JE SUIS BON ET INNOCENT. he said that to the emperor who is like thiiis close to shooting him with an arrow just for funsies. the emperor goes "bon et innocent?" like did you really just say that to me bro. they're both having so much fun even though bixia is trying to be like don't test me i could end you. but could he really? could anybody bring themselves to do anything to that little face. god. i am obsessed.

[yulin-pop]

⤷ ✧ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬

order 85 | scenarios | Riddle, Leona, Azul | Gender Neutral

❀ NOTE: Can you guess what my inspo is? (In English class my nose randomly started dripping blood)

Small description of blood (nosebleeds specifically)

➺ Riddle Rosehearts

It happened at the worst time, during a small tea party with Riddle. With Trey serving tea and all these little pastries you felt like nothing could go wrong.

You felt something come out of your nose and you sniffle, just dismissing it until it doesn’t stop.

“MC…” Riddle gives you a harsh look.

It was sorta embarrassing when Riddle gives you that look. “Sorry sorry maybe something triggered my allergies!” You cover your nose and then you look down at your hand, you understand why he was staring.

Riddle rushes over to you with a hand towel and presses it against your nose while he leans you forward.

“Does it hurt? Are you okay? What did you do??” He continuously asked questions one after another.

Even after you insist you’re fine and nothing in particular caused it, he’s adamant on keeping an eye on you.

“I think you need first aid…” He says while staring at you from the other side of the table.

“Riddle I’m fine—“

“I can’t let you leave, maybe you need a check up.”

༻ Leona Kingscholar

You were talking to him, you weren’t there to talk to him because you wanted to but you just owed Ruggie a favor and he asked you to get Leona and bring him back at Savannaclaw.

He was laying on the floor looking the other way while you stared down at him. “Look, Ruggie really needs you.”

“He can wait.” He grumbled.

“He said right now. Seriously he sounded really concerned when he sent me.” You tried to reason with him.

You went from politely asking, getting angry, whining, then to just pleading. Throughout the entire time he didn’t look at you once.

In the middle of your sentence you sneezed, you felt something drip out of your nose and you quickly covered your nose with your hand.

“Bless you herbivor…” he trailed off and turned his body towards you.

“Sorry this is kinda gross.” You said while covering your nose more.

“You’re bleeding.”

“It’s alright this will go away.” But it just kept going, with his napkin you had no idea what to do.

He stared at you trying to clean your hand up and also your nose until he had enough. He mumbled under his breath before picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“I’m only doing this because I don’t like the smell of blood. Let’s go to the infirmary.” Though when he said that, you couldn’t see the look of concern on his face.

⊱ Azul Ashengrotto

He was locked up in his office as per usual but you had some business to deal with. You had a temporary deal where to work for Mostro Lounge for money just for a week. Despite being a temporary employee you had the same expectations.

“Azul, please…” You bowed deeply to him. “Just let me go home early.”

“I don’t see why. It’s only been 3 hours and you have 2 more. Why not just finish off your shift for today.” He replied back with a displeased look.

“Because I have homework! I need those hours for studying.” You argued. He simply rolled his eyes and returned back to his paperwork.

“Very well, if you leave though you are terminated and won’t receive any compensation for the hours you’ve worked this week.” He said calmly with a smug look on his face.

You were about to grab him and shake him around. Until you sneezed, you covered your sneeze with your arm and held it there, feeling something was wrong.

“Your sleeve, that’s not sanitary for customers. You should get changed.” He grabbed a tissue and held it out to you. You removed your arm away from your face and stayed silent.

He almost yelled, key word almost, and stood up rushing over to you. “I don’t think this is normal for humans?! There’s so much blood…”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to get the uniform dirty.”

“I don’t care about that.” He abruptly said, “You need first aid.”

Even when you protested and guided you into his seat and pulled out the first aid kit.

[maniculum]

Perlesvaus (Evans translation)

So I'm taking another stab at reading the Sebastian Evans translation of Perlesvaus, for... reasons. Or the High History of the Holy Graal, as he titles it -- funnily enough, the people who put out this reprint apparently looked at the title, said "we're not doing that", and spelt it Grail on the cover.

Despite the bizarre choices in diction, it's still pretty fun, and I want to share some particularly entertaining bits of this text with y'all. (For those of you who aren't up on the two different translations of Perlesvaus and don't know what I mean by "bizarre choices", the Evans translation is from 1898 but pretending to be from, like, 1498.)

N.B.: Marginal notes in red are from the last time I tried this -- they stop showing up roughly a quarter of the way through the book, because that's when I decided to buy the Bryant translation instead.

I just find this funny because "who cares?" strikes me as such a modern thing to say. To me it is a phrase that seems most natural coming from a teenage character in late-20th-century media. But nope. "Who careth?"

This is here just for the bizarre scene. We have three women coming into the throne room (riding mules directly into the building, by the way). One is carrying a severed head decorated with silver and gold. Another has "a pack trussed behind her with a brachet thereupon" -- you can see from the notes that I had to look up "brachet", found out it was an old word meaning roughly "female scent-hound", and then had the mental image of this woman carrying around a beagle in a baby-bjorn.

Again something I find funny. Gawain just leaping through the air to interpose himself between the horses and this hermit, like he's trying to take a bullet for them. This is entirely because he is 100% certain the hermit will handle the saddles incorrectly, and when the hermit assures him he actually does know how this stuff works, Gawain calms down & lets him do it.

This is, for my money, one of the funniest things in all of Perlesvaus, which is saying something because it is a bonkers text. This lady rolls up and provides that description, and the hermit recognizes who she's talking about. Like, "oh yes I did see a knight with a heart of steel and the navel of a virgin". I want to give this description to a sketch artist. (I kind of want to throw it at an AI just to see what it comes up with, but you know. I don't want to encourage the machines.)

This time I'm nit-picking the translation, because that strikes me as a misplaced modifier. Obviously it's meant that Gawain is unaware of events, but the sentence is constructed to make it sound like it's referring to the building itself, which is of course unaware because it's a building and isn't aware of anything. (Also, side note, I like the phrase "as methinketh!")

One more, and I'm leaving this for now...

Here is a case where I was going to complain, but on further examination, I must hand it to Evans. I assumed that he was just randomly archaizing, but I looked it up after uploading this photo, and according to the OED, this was a valid alternate spelling of sovereign from the 17th to the 19th century. (Interestingly, the latest attested example on the OED is from 11 years before this translation was published, meaning this is evidence it was in use slightly longer than the OED entry would suggest -- does anyone know if there's still a way to submit instances of a word to the OED?)

[adventuringblind]

Band-Aids are for Speed

Lando Norris x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Street Racer AU

Summary: The five times she patched Lando up, and the one time he patched up her.

Warnings: Injury descriptions, broken bones, cuts, bruises, blood, illigal street racing, car accidents

Notes: Author is not a doctor but has watched medical dramas... don't judge my knowledge!

Side Note: I hope le requester enjoys this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

The first time she met Lando, he was siting in the emergency room waiting to be stitched up. She quietly hums to herself while setting up as the other nurse changes places with her.

The deep gash on his arm makes her wonder what he did to get it, but she also knows better then to ask. He doesn't look like he's in the mood to talk anyway.

It takes approximately three minutes for her to retract that statement. "So, you come here often?"

The question takes her so of guard that she doesn't know what to do with it aside from take the next few seconds to process. Is it not obvious that she works here?

"Do you mean the hospital? Or in this room specifically?" She laughs lightly at the ridiculousness of her patient and blames the minor blood loss.

"Nah, I mean in my presence." He smirks.

She tries to focus on her work. "Can't say I have."

"Would you like to be in it more?"

He gives her his number before he leaves. He dots the 'i' in his name with a heart.

She texts him the second she gets him to ask if he's bless her with his presence again.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

In the few months they've been seeing each other she's learned that Lando is obsessed with cars. It's cute when he jumps into excited rants about his favorite subject.

With the amount they've been talking, it's not shocking that Lando texts her in the evening. She assumes it'll be another silly joke. Instead she's met with frenzied sentences and misspelled words about need medical attention.

She doesn't hesitate to drive to his place. In hindsight, she really should've asked him why he didn't go to A&E when he's bleeding all over the bathroom floor.

"Please tell me you didn't get jumped." She kneels down and sets about getting him a position where she can see what she's doing.

He groans in pain as she moves him. "Nope! It was spectacular though."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I crashed the car but still won." He lets out a triumphant hoot.

This man can never give her all the details at one. "You got in a car accident?! How is that winning?!"

"Because I won the money... duh." He's definitely delirious now. Probably has a concussion. "Oh, I didn't tell you? I street race."

There's that strange part of her that is intrigued and curious to know more, specifically because that adds to his sex appeal (like he wasn't hot enough already). The logical side of her brain that is currently staring at Lando bleeding says otherwise. "Uh, no... you didn't."

"Well isn't that unfortunate! You coulda seen me crash today if you had."

Lando is half asleep by the time she is done. She's barely able to wrangle him into bed with how uncoordinated he is. It's useless keeping him awake.

She turns the lights off and is about to leave - "Will you stay?"

"I can, yeah, do you want me on the couch or is there another bedroom?"

"In bed with me. You can stay here - with me."

Against her better judgment, she does.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

She doesn't usually work the weekend shift but one of the nurses is on vacation and she could us the extra hours. She leaves her phone on vibrate in her pocket in case of a 'family emergency.'

Said emergency being Lando who is more accident prone on the weekends. Somehow, less accident prone in the car and more when he's doing normal people tasks.

Sometimes she wonders if her gets hurt on purpose just so he has an excuse to see her. She keeps telling him he doesn't need one - just in case - but he still calls and she goes. It's not like she has much else to do with her time aside.

She really shouldn't be shocked when he ends up in emergency clutching his arm. He gives her a bashful smile and tries to awkwardly wave. "Hi."

"And what, my love, are you in for this time?"

"I slipped on the stairs..."

Another male, a tall brunette who she knows as George, hits him playfully on the head. "No he did not! This idiot decided it would be a brilliant idea to tie a skateboard to the back of Alex's car and sit on it while Alex drove."

She throws a stern look at Lando and his smile goes from bashful to downright embarrassed. "You're lucky it's just you're arm."

By the time he's set free into the world to make more impulsive decisions, she makes the executive decision to make him wait until she's done working. He puts a pout on his lips, but it goes away when she sends him to the cafeteria.

They drive home listening to the indie station. The one he's made her fall in love with.

"Thank you, again."

"You've got to stop thanking me, Lan. It is literally my job." She laughs a little at herself for that one.

"Yeah, but, that's not all. You're the only person who doesn't freak out on me for doing stupid shit. Like I know I shouldn't do it but it gives me that adrenaline that racing does." The sincerity in his voice nearly takes her off guard.

"I can't tell what to do, but I'll always be there when you need a patch job."

"And I'll be there when you need a ride." He winks.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

The first time she's at one of Lando's races, she can feel the thrumming in her heart. The excitement of the start and the fear that he could possibly die doing this.

He jogs over to her right before the start. His hands clumsily find her waist and he smash his lips on hers. "For good luck." He whispers as he pulls away.

She doesn't let go, however. She pulls a band aide out of her pocket and sticks it to his hand. It's a crayon, but she highly doubts he'll care to much.

"What's this for?"

"I had a little girl today who told me that Band-Aids give you speed. I thought you might try it."

"When I win, it'll be all because of you."

Lando does win. She buys more Band-Aids with some of the prize money.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

She's there when the crash happens. The boys had deemed her the official medical personnel. Which she's glad for, since they are the ones getting her to the crash site. In record time - it has to be - she's sure she's never gone this fast before.

She dives out of the back of the truck to the driver side door. Lando sits there, a few visible cuts, but he's smiling at her. She has half a mind to give the boy an earful, but refrains since he did just crash.

It takes her, Alex, and George to get him out of the car and into the truck. She stitches him up before they go home. In her car, mind you, since the one Lando drove is out of order.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be - just - please remember that I can't fix every kind of injury."

They curl up in bed together. The long night having drained them both of their energy.

"Maybe, but at least my odds of surviving until my thirties have gone up with you around."

"At this rate, you're more likely to die doing dishes then driving."

"That was one time!"

♡♡♡♡♡♡

It wasn't supposed to be this way. She was supposed to go home, not end up back at her job.

Granted, she's here for a different reason now. One that's not her fault and she's pissed about it. She's going to explode with emotions. Her body hurts so much.

Fucking drunk drivers. Who gave them the right to say it's her fault? Telling her she's lucky it wasn't worse.

A soft knock at the door draws her attention. Lando stands there look mildly disheveled. Still, he has his hands on his hips and rolls his eyes. "Whatever am I going to do with you, my love? Always getting into accidents!"

He comes to lay beside her on the bed and she wiggles to make accommodate him. He pulls out a box of bandages from his pocket and proceeds to put them everywhere she has a new mark.

The stress of it all finally breaks through. She sobs into his shoulder and clings to his sweatshirt. "Thank you."

"Hey, none of that. I owe you for all the Band-Aids you've used on me and all those times you've patched me up."

"Does this mean I can drive your car now? Since I have extra speed?"

Lando raises his eyebrows. "Maybe not drive, but I can think of other things we can do with speed." He wiggles said eyebrows suggestively.

"How about, a speedy recovery? You have plenty of those."

"Alright fine, a speedy recovery - and I'll be here for all of it with a plethora of crayon Band-Aids because I bought them all just for you."

[dre6ming]

Little bean - the delicate beginning rush series

Read the whole series HERE

Pairing: Austin butler x fem reader actress/singer

Warning: smut 18+ , descriptive sexual content, fluff

Plot: expecting your first baby with Austin, you throw a gender reveal party, inviting all your close friends

Word count: 1.6k

A/n: in the timeline of my story Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn get back together and are married, so deal with it. Also a cute cameo from Hugh Jackman himself.

More of my work- Masterlist

"Hey there bean!" Austin sighs against my swollen tummy, spreading his fingers over the stretched out skin. I groan feeling the baby instantly wake at the sound of Austin's voice. It's way too early in the morning and I was planning to sleep until late in the afternoon, so it's a little annoying that Austin could not wait until later to start conversations with our baby. "Hey mama!" He says excitedly, kissing my belly, before sliding up to catch my lips in a warm wet kiss. I breathe into his mouth and tangle my fingers in his hair, pulling at the roots, making him moan. "I wanted to sleep some more!" I argue, turning my head to the side to avoid his lips teasing him. " 'm sorry I just love seeing you like this.." Austin explains, looking down at my stomach, blinking slowly, his hand drawing circles on my bare skin. My heart feels heavy with love, looking at him treat the small human that's cooking in my body as a treasure no money could buy. "Make love to me Aus!" I beg, arching my back, pulling him close to me, bathing in the warmth of his figure. 

"Anything for you my darling" Austin sighs moving his hand down my belly and below the waist band of my pj pants, moaning when is fingers make contact with the sleek gathering in between my legs. When I became pregnant I had the fear that maybe he won't find me as sexy as he used to, that I'll grow as big as a stuffed turkey and he'll think of me as repulsive. I know it's stupid that I ever thought those things, considering it's Austin that we're talking about, but I couldn't shake the anxiety off of me. 

His lips bring me back to reality, soft and tender, kissing me and swallowing every moan and whimper. I caress is bare back, sliding my hands up to tangle in his hair, scratching at his scalp, making him shake, his hips pushing against my side, giving me a good feel of his erection. 

Austin is quick to work me out of my clothes and get on top of me, entering me in one move. "You are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen in my life." He confesses, leaning over my belly to kiss my forehead as he starts to move. "You're gonna be the best dad Austin!" I tell him truthfully, cupping his cheek, my thumb brushing over his flushed skin. He starts moving slowly and the angle as me rolling my eyes in the back of my head as he hits that spongy spot inside me. "Fuck, this is so good!" I moan digging my fingers into his biceps, leaving crescent moon indents.

"Fuck honey y/n I'm so close!" His hand moves between us to touch my clit, as his moves speed up a little. I feel pleasure taking over me, warming my whole body, coming in a wave from head to toe. "I'm -" I don't get to finish the sentence as my orgasm hits me and I squeeze around him, feeling him twitch inside me, warm ropes of cum coating my velvety walls. "Shit!" Austin exclaims, his moves coming to a halt as he starts to pepper kisses on my face, neck and everywhere his lips can touch. 

I start to giggle and soon enough it turns into a full laugh as he gets up to go to the bathroom, coming back with a wet washcloth to wipe me. "What are you laughing about?" He asks smiling for ear to ear. "Remember after I told you I was pregnant, that you were scared of having sex?" I can't control my laughter and soon enough he joins in. "I really thought I would shake the baby too much or maybe poke her, don't laugh" he argues, settling back in bed, wrapping me in his arms. 

"Her? How do you know? You didn't peek did you?" I was really hoping Austin didn't just ruin my surprise, we are supposed to have some of our closest friends come over for a gender reveal party tonight and the only person who knows the gender is Roxanne, who's supposed to think of an original way of revealing it to us. "I didn't, but I have a feeling." I hum , cuddling closer to him. "A feeling? And what shall we name her if she's a girl?" I ask, biting my lip. "Well in your list of names I did peek, I liked Manon, means light right?" I look at him in awe, brushing some strands of hair out of his face. "What?" He asks at my dumbfounded face. "Manon is my favorite too, I'd like a little girl with your hair and my eyes running around." I dream and can already picture it so clearly. "Well we have a party to put together before that, Tay should be here with Joe, in.." he looks over at the clock on the nightstand "30 minutes" 

———————————————————

"Ok sit down mama, you need to rest, you're seven months pregnant for gods sake!" Taylor scolds me, pushing on my shoulders to get me to sit down in the chair as she bosses around Joe and Austin. "So you really don't know what Roxy's got planned?" I ask for like the millionth time. "No and even if I did, I would not tell you." Her eyes look very stern and I know I shouldn’t push any further, but I'm bored and curious. The bell rings and I get up excitedly to open the door before she can. "I got it!" I shout

"Timmy!" I scream and hug him close, he had told me that he wasn't gonna make it, due to filming schedule. "Surprise!" He laughs hugging me. "And how's my nephew or niece?" He asks rubbing my tummy. "Very jumpy, I have to pee, every five minutes." I half joke. "Hey, guys!" Blake and Ryan show up at the door, right behind Timmy. "Blake , Ryan, hi guys, no kids today?" I ask seeing as they are alone. Having known them for so long, meeting them right after they had their last baby, it was like boot camp for motherhood. "Well the older ones had parties of their own and grandparents are visiting so Inez and Olin wanted to stay with them." Blake explains, hugging me tight, kissing me on the cheek. 

"Are we the first to get here?" Ryan asks. "No, Tay and Joe are here already, getting the place ready with Austin, Timmy just beat you here by a minute." I tell them, inviting them all in. 

After them the rest of the people start coming in slowly, Austin's dad, his sister and her family, Hugh and his girlfriend, my mom, Billie and Finneas with his girlfriend, Pedro and his sister, Jack and Margret, Aaron and his wife, James Austin's friend. The small LA house filled up pretty quickly with some of our dearest friends and family. 

"Where are Roxy and Joshua?" I ask Austin frustrated that half of the party has passed and they had yet to show up. Before he can answer, Hugh approaches us with a big smile. He became like a good father figure to me after playing alongside him in Deadpool and Wolverine, but that bind only became stronger a few years later when we did a movie together, playing father and daughter, a movie for which we both received Oscar's, his first and my third. "Hugh!" I say wrapping my arms around his neck, standing on my tippy toes. "My god you look so happy and healthy, I'm so proud of you y/n. You too Austin, you make such a good team!" 

Before I get to respond to his beautiful comment, the doors to the back yard open and Roxanne comes through them. "Come people, come and watch magic!" She dramatically smiles turning around, motioning for us all to follow her to the pool. In the back yard I instantly start laughing when I see, Joshua hanging over a fish tank. "Behold, each of you will draw a stick and the lucky one to draw the short stick, gets to sink Joshua, who will turn the color of the specific gender of our million dollar baby."

We all laugh, going around  each drawing a stick then excitedly looking around to see who gets the short one. "It's me!" Taylor says, going over to push the button making Joshua fall in the fish tank, instantly going pink. My eyes fill with water as my heart leaps in my chest with joy. Austin picks me up, spinning me around. "I told you!" He says proudly, kissing me, making space for our friends that come to congratulate us.

Later we are sat at the table, eating cake, laughing, when Joshua enters the room, still stained pink. "Um Roxy are you sure this dye is supposed to be washable?" He asks, concern clear on his face. "Uhm, no... I never said washable, I said it will wash away.... Eventually." She says dropping her head. Laughter erupts around the room and I look around, feeling so safe and happy in the family that I made.

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[satancopilotsmytardis]

Welcome to the Drabble-A-Thon! We're back, baby!

What is it?

From December 1st to December 8th, I will be offering 1,000-word drabble commissions for $5 through Ko-Fi!

How does it work?

If you make a donation of $5 on Ko-Fi, and give a 1-2 sentence description of your drabble idea in the donation note, I will write a 1,000 word* story! The story will be posted publicly on Ko-Fi, and cross-posted to Tumblr as well**. These will be done on a first-come first-serve basis, and I will keep a post on Ko-Fi and Tumblr updated on what number submission I am on. Because I don't know how many prompts will be given, I can't give a firm estimate on when the pieces will be delivered, so the queue will be the best way to see when your request is being worked on! 

*The finished drabble will be a minimum of 1,000 words, if I go over by a bit, that is on me, and just a fun bonus for you! 

**Ko-fi has strict guidelines for NSFW material, and anything rated "Explicit" will only be able to be posted to Tumblr. If you would like a PDF copy as well, please provide an email address to send it to in your message!

Are there any rules I should know about?

First and foremost, please make sure that you read my general commission guide which can be found here. Keep in mind I do not write Sub!/Bottom!Tomura or Dom!/Top!Dabi. If you have a question about your concept that is not answered by the guidelines, please feel free to DM me on Tumblr before donating! 

In addition, please note that 1k isn't a lot of words, so try to keep concepts simple enough to be executed within that amount of story! 

These drabbles also cannot be add-ons to other existing stories. For example, no drabble prompt can be for a story set after the end of Changing Currents, or an exploration of Dabi's time on the streets before Tomura adopted him in A Cat by Any Other Name. These are for stand-alone pieces in order to keep things simple and not conflict with the canon of my existing works! 

Can I donate more than $5 to get a longer story?

No. This is a drabble-a-thon! While you are welcome to donate however much you would like, every $5 only gets one 1k word story. If you would like to donate $10, then you are welcome to put two drabble prompts in your donation note which will then both enter the queue and be posted! Every multiple of 5 is eligible for a new prompt! 

If you would still like a longer story from me, then you can always DM me about setting up a full commission! 

I want to participate, but I want to remain anonymous/I want to be tagged by a name other than the name used for the donation.

No problem! If you want to remain anonymous, simply put your name as "Anonymous" in for your name/nickname, and you can then type your prompt in the message box. You can send this message privately, and only I should be able to read your prompt! 

If you want to be tagged by your Tumblr username, then you can also add that in your message and I will tag you appropriately when your prompt is posted! 

I want to participate but I don't have any idea what to ask for!

Coming up with story prompts can be hard! You can send in 1-2 sentences of your idea, or you can simply send in a kind of AU, a rating, or a kink (or a few of them 👀), and let me take it from there! If you really, really can't think of anything at all, then just send in "Free Style", and I'll come up with something to fill the drabble! This is meant to be fun, please don't feel any pressure!

I want to participate, but I don't have any money!

That's absolutely okay! Please do not feel any pressure to participate! Money is tight for a lot of people right now and your needs, safety, and comfort come first! 

My question wasn't answered here! 

Please feel free to DM me or send an ask on Tumblr! I'll do my best to answer! 

Thank you so much to anyone who chooses to participate! I can't wait to see what stories we're able to bring to life! 

[flowerandblood]

Sweet kiss, sweet blood (5)

[ dark vampire! • Aemond x female ]

[ warnings: fingering, smut, angst, kissing, drinking blood ]

[description: A centuries-old vampire lives in Victorian England, bored and discouraged. His old friend sends him a letter, inviting him to his new country house. Aemond arrives there to rest. Next to the property, there is a small chapel, visited by the faithful. It turns out that at night, a young lady prays in it. Sexual tension, profanation, murder, blood drinking.]

I owe the idea for this wonderful series to: @qyburnsghost

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

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After what he said everyone around him froze in shock. He thought he was a goddamn imbecile. He wondered how he could say something like that without thinking, without planning. The words flew out of his mouth before he could process them.

However, he decided, surprised at himself, that he would not back down from them. He wanted to see what would happen. His gaze darted to the side, Criston stared at him enraged, his mouth pressed into a tight line. Mr. Whaterfield didn't know what to say for a moment, completely bewildered.

"But… but ser, my daughter is already engaged." He mumbled, pale, not expecting this turn of events. Aemond smirked at his words.

“As far as I know, your daughter did not agree to marry Pastor Smith.” He said low.

Mr. Whaterfield shot a quick, reproving glance at his daughter who looked down in horror. Her entire body was trembling. Aemond thought, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, that he had just given her a nervous breakdown. There was nothing he could do about it.

He had to have her for himself.

"I… everything's already settled…" Mr. Whaterfield said uncertainly, but Aemond cut him off mid-sentence.

"I don't want her dowry. I don't lack money. I have properties in several towns and villages. I can give you one as a summer residence. I will gladly introduce you to the salons in London. You can even meet the royal family there. Consider my proposal together with your daughter. Have a nice day." He said succinctly, as he put the top hat on his head and started walking towards his horse.

Criston followed him in shock, bidding everyone a quick goodbye. He caught up with him after a while on horseback, blocking his way, looking at him enraged.

"Have you completely lost your mind? What did you not understand about my request not to pay attention to us? Now the whole Mantfield will gossip about us!" He growled, enraged, his vampire fangs gleaming in the sun. Aemond was not impressed. He thought maybe it was better.

“Proposal is a human thing.” He grunted low, looking away, unfazed. Criston laughed at his words, looking at him in disbelief.

"Are you mad? Are you going to marry her?" He asked amused, coming closer to him. "When are you going to tell her she won't have children with you? That you won't share the autumn of your life with her because you'll never grow old? That instead of soup for dinner you'd be happy to suck the blood from her neck?"

Aemond stared at him with pursed lips. He skirted him on horseback, moving unhurriedly towards his mansion. Behind him, he heard a loud, drawn-out sound of rage escape from Criston's mouth.

"You bastard!" He shouted after him.

Aemond had never been so eager for night to fall. Criston didn't speak to him, locked in his bedroom. He decided that was even better. He had hoped that Miss Whaterfield would come to the chapel, if only to talk to him about his proposal. He had to be alone with her, he felt that he couldn't take it anymore.

In the evening he was sitting on the sill again, looking out the window. His whole body was tense with anticipation and desire. He felt his manhood harden at the thought of her, standing in front of him again in her nightgown. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from touching her this time.

From tasting her.

He froze as he saw a warm glow of light in the undergrowth. His mouth parted, his breath quickening, as he saw her figure slowly emerge from behind the trees, heading for the chapel.

He got up at once, wearing nothing but nightgown tucked into black trousers and boots. He wanted to see her as soon as possible. He practically ran through the park. He felt himself pumped up by some strange, unknown energy.

As he entered, Miss Whaterfield gave him a sharp look, pulling the shawl that was wrapped around her shoulders more tightly around her. She frowned and pursed her lips at the sight of him.

"You're an impudent bastard." She said angry, desperate, hurt. "You think you can just come and buy me?"

She stared at her intensely, his jaw clenching at the unpleasant tone of her voice. He narrowed his eye, his gaze dangerous, glittering. She swallowed at the sight, taking a step back.

“I had to make your father an offer. He is a materialist who deeply believes in God and will do what is more profitable to him. Is he not?” He asked, and she shuddered at his words, her gaze full of pain. He knew, looking at her, that though she didn't want to admit it, she agreed with him.

"My opinion doesn't matter?" She asked quietly, pressing her lips together. He took a step closer to her, but she took a step back toward the altar.

“Your opinion is of the greatest importance. He's just not to interfere." He grunted, as he took another step toward her like a wolf lurking among lingers on a deer. He decided he wasn't going to let her slip away this time.

He will enclose her in his claws and devour her.

She swallowed hard, her hands tightening on the fabric of her shawl as she stepped back again, her back suddenly hitting the stone altar bench. She stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm not going to marry you. Nor pastor Smith. You both deserve each other." She whispered, her lip quivering slightly, her eyebrows twisted in pain.

Aemond pursed his lips at her words, feeling as if a needle had been driven into his body. He didn't like the feeling. He smiled menacingly, animally, finally standing over her, looking down at her.

“Say one word and I will leave. You will never see me again.” He purred, looking at her expectantly.

He saw her whole jaw quiver, her body shivering, but not from the cold. He saw the hesitation in her gaze, the pain, and something else. He thought with satisfaction that she was a complete mess.

"Say it." He hissed, coming so close to her that their bodies were practically touching. She breathed raggedly, terrified, looking pleadingly at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

She didn't want it.

She didn't want him to leave.

She drew in a sharp breath and shivered as he ran his cold fingers over her cheek. His thumb parted her lower lip slightly, revealing her fleshy, soft, pink texture. He waited for her to tell him to stop, but she couldn't make any sound.

He could feel how fast her heart was beating, how intensely her hot blood was pumping all over her body. He thought that a moment more and he would taste her, sink his fangs into her neck.

He wanted to try something else with her first.

His free hand touched her thigh, hidden under her nightgown. He felt her shudder, gasping for breath, looking at him imploringly, terrified. His fingers lifted the thin fabric of her chemise, brushing over her warm skin, gliding up to her buttocks. He heard her swallow hard, her mouth parted in disbelief.

"I'm going to touch you there. I won't hurt you." He whispered low, looking at her with determined, thirsty eye.

Her lips parted wider in a helpless moan as his hand slid between her warm thighs. His fingers ran over her hot, juicy entrance, throbbing and quivering. He sighed at the sensation, his mouth gaping in delight at her condition.

Her hand tightened on his arm, as if to hold him back, but there was no certainty in that grip. He rested his forehead against hers, looking at her softly.

"Easy." He murmured, his fingers starting to glide painfully slowly in a circular motion around her pearl, spreading her wetness over her throbbing skin.

She moaned softly, surprised and terrified by the pleasure that his touch brought her, her thighs trembling all over. Her grip on his arm loosened, her breathing quickened. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her nipples peeking out from under her chemise, hard and perky. He licked his lips at the sight.

"Just like that. Let me take care of you." He whispered.

He leaned lower and brushed his cold lips against hers, full, soft, hot, swollen with desire. His fingers between her thighs quickened their movements, pressing her harder. His other hand from her cheek slid down and tightened in her hair.

He kissed her greedily, almost animal, sucking her lips, wetting them with his saliva and tongue, making her moan sweetly into his mouth.

Her hands tightened on the material of his chemise, the sensation making it increasingly difficult for her to stand on her feet. A short, low moan escaped his throat as he felt her thighs part slightly for him.

He kissed her long and sticky, their lips wet with their shared liquids. Her scent made his head spin, he could feel her blood pulsing through her veins, all for him. His manhood was all hard.

He sped up the caresses, feeling that he wouldn't last much longer. His finger, massaging her clit began to tease her entrance from time to time.

She moaned helplessly into his mouth, shivers of pleasure ran down her spine as she felt it, not taking her lips off of him. He slid the tip of his finger into her, and she froze, horrified, gasping for air.

"Shhh. It's okay." He purred reassuringly, sliding his finger deeper into her, his nose brushing over hers.

They both gasped as he pushed him all the way in, then began to slide him in and out with the loud, wet, shameless click of her moisture. He felt her fleshy, hot structure tighten around his finger.

He knew, more or less, where every woman's pleasure spot was. When at last he found what he was looking for, and the tip of his finger began to press on that wonderful point, Miss Whaterfield began to moan louder, her body convulsing in search of fulfillment. He suspected that she had never touched herself before and did not know what was happening to her.

"Hold on just a little longer. It will be over soon." He whispered tenderly, feeling her walls tighten around his finger faster and faster, his mouth greedily pressing and caressing hers.

She gasped and moaned helplessly in front of him, burying her face into his, her nose brushing his cheek, seeking comfort, feeling something coming.

"I…please…" She mumbled in horror, her eyes cloudy, her mouth parted wide in a deep, ragged breath, her heart beating like crazy.

As she felt an unexpected, intense wave of unfamiliar pleasure rush through her suddenly, she threw her head to the side in embarrassment, squeezing her eyes shut and moaning sweetly, holding the fabric of his chemise tight, rising and falling on his finger.

"Just like that. You've done so well." He purred contentedly, kissing her temple.

He felt the waves of orgasm coursing through her body, his finger still moving deep inside her. His lips moved lower, down her cheek, to her neck. He parted his lips, feeling the pulse of her artery under his fangs.

"Do not scream." He said softly and dug into her soft, hot skin. He took one sip, then a second, then a third.

Pleasure clouded her mind for a moment, numbing her to any pain. She didn't know what was happening to her, her body froze completely in silent terror and horror.

The taste of her made him shiver all over, his breathing quickening. Her blood was like her kisses, sweet and juicy, deliciously filling like no other that he had ever tasted. He took another sip and pressed his fingers hard into her hair. He promised himself four sips, no more.

He didn't want to kill her.

He broke away from her with difficulty, his fangs sticking out, trembling all over, feeling that instead of quenching his thirst he only made it stronger. He ran his tongue over here neck where there were now two small holes. Her blood was slowly dripping right onto her white nightgown.

He lifted his face, streams of her blood flowing from the corners of his mouth which he licked off with his tongue. She stared at him, her mouth and eyes wide open in a mixture of sensation, pleasure, pain and horror, making her eyes roll back. Her body suddenly go soft, and she slumped in his arms.

She passed out.

______

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @avgdusterfan @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @random-ocity @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @snh96 @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @aemondsfavouritebastard @watercolorskyy @astral-blossoms @randomdragonfires @amirawritespoorly @apollonshootafar @bellameshipper

Others: @talesofoldandnew @toodlesxcuddles @padfooteyes @iloveallmyboys

[nightlyrequiem]

The Other Side of Paradise

6) Bad Things, Worse Things, Better Things

Cross posted from AO3

Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6, Ch.7, Ch.8, Ch.9, Ch.10, Ch.11

You try to make the best of your life working at a small bakery in a city with rising cartel violence. One slower day, a man starts harassing your coworker. Despite the obvious threat, you stand up to him anyway. Unbeknownst to you, Valeria just so happened to be there to witness it.

A/N- All chapters containing smut will be labeled mature. The fic is fully written with the whole thing on AO3 but chapters on Tumblr will be posted one a day.

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Dual POV, Happy Ending, Plot with Porn, Graphic Violence, Inappropriate Use of a Knife, Masturbation, WLW

Valeria watches her subordinate with narrowed eyes as he delivers a verbal report. There are British soldiers in town.

"...I saw them myself." He continues. "Riding an armored truck with that colonel." Valeria's lips automatically twitch down. Alejandro. She could kill all of his little vaqueros and he still wouldn't cease being a thorn in her side. She has no doubt that he brought them here to try and take her down. Well, he can try all he wants. It's hard to catch someone without a name or face.

"Do you know their names?" She asks. "Descriptions?" The man shakes his head.

"I only saw them; I don't know their names." He says uncomfortably. "I came to tell you about them straight away. One was a white guy with a dumb haircut but the other one..." He trails off. Valeria clenches her jaw impatiently. The other one what? He needs to finish his sentences faster before she just decides he's more useful without a tongue. "He was wearing some kind of mask... a skull, he had a skull on his face."

Valeria frowns. A skull mask? Her nose wrinkles with annoyance. He sounds like an edgy pre-teen boy. Surely Alejandro has higher standards?

'Are you sure they're soldiers?" She asks. The man hesitates before nodding.

"I'm pretty sure they were. They were dressed like soldiers." She sighs, feeling a headache coming on. This is just what she needs. It's always one problem after another.

"Keep an eye out." Valeria orders. She turns and leaves the room. Walking outside to have a smoke.

She lights one and takes a satisfying hit while she thinks. She's going to have to deal with the soldiers. They can't just waltz into her town, her territory. Soldiers are no trouble for her. Nothing but mere pests, really. Valeria's mind drifts to more pleasant thoughts. It's been a few weeks since you and her had gone out to that bar. Since then, you've been speaking almost daily and she's discovering just how easy to read you are. You practically project your thoughts with every look you give her. She can see how much you want her, and who is she to deny you? She just needs to take care of a few things, free up her schedule. Valeria stubs out her cigarette and walks off to her car. Everything will be fine.

Everything just keeps going wrong. Valeria can feel herself trembling with rage. Not only was Hassan and his escorts attacked, but one of her warehouses was raided, the one holding the missiles she only just managed to obtain. Not all of them, at least. Valeria knows better than to keep all her chickens in the same coop. Still, this is a sizable loss for her. Her men were killed, and some of the missiles were repossessed. Hassan made it out at least. The only issue is, she doesn't know who attacked them. The bodies left over were not wearing British uniforms. Valeria didn't recognize them at all.

She takes a deep breath to calm herself down. She'll have to pay the corporal a visit. He's supposed to be a defense against this kind of thing. It's what she's paying him for. Unless someone offered him more money to betray her. An offence she won't take likely, if that's the case. First and foremost, she needs a break. She decides to pay you a visit. You're the only person not actively irritating her. Like always, you're standing at the counter, just waiting for your shift to be over. You look up from the book you're reading when you hear her come in. The easy smile you flash her calms her down a little.

Maybe she can understand why some people in her line of work get married. Going home to someone completely unconnected to the violence and stress must be nice. A buffer, perhaps. Not that Valeria wants to marry you. Not yet anyway. If you prove yourself to be good enough stress relief, she might consider snatching you off the market for good.

"You look stressed." You remark. She is stressed. How kind of you to notice.

"There's been a few... unexpected surprises at work but I'm dealing." She replies smoothly. That's all she's going to say because that's all you need to know. It would be such a shame if you got too curious and stuck your nose someplace it didn't belong. You seem like a good girl though. Good at minding your business.

You lean down and dig around somewhere before setting down a soft round shape. It's a concha.

"I saved the last one for you, just in case you came in today." You beam at her. "I actually took it out of the display case this morning because if I waited, they would've all been bought." You add on quietly. It's not money, or a solution to all of her problems. The last thing on her mind is baked goods. You did something nice for her though, as small as it is, and she appreciates it.

"Thank you." Valeria says, reaching and grabbing the bread roll. Yes, she thinks, she can definitely see the appeal of having someone to return home to after a long day. She sets her free hand down on the counter. As close to yours as she can get without physically touching.

"It's your weekend tomorrow, yes?" Valeria inquires. You shift your hand subtly and it presses against hers.

"It is." You nod. Looking at her expectantly. Valeria has a lot to do and work out, but she's been doing nothing but work lately. No harm could possibly come from spending one night away from the stress. In fact, the one night away might actually add a few years onto her lifespan.

"We should do something then." She hums. Brushing her thumb against your pinky.

"I'm down for whatever." You murmur.

"I know a good club, I'd love to take you there." Valeria lost the desire to go out clubbing as she entered her thirties, but the club she's thinking of is one she frequented often in her younger years. She's feeling rather nostalgic. That, and it's a good atmosphere to for... physical contact.

You smile.

"Sure, that sounds good." You say. Valeria smiles back. She can't rely on work going her way but at least she can rely on you being so agreeable.

"Great, I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight." She hopes it finally goes somewhere. There's an itch she needs scratching. She could probably find someone else to scratch it in the meantime but even though she doesn't care much for relationships she still prefers to have only one person sharing her bed at a time. A night out with you is exactly what she needs to take her mind off of all her current problems.

[dreambigdreamz]

Inside the brain of a writer

(me talking to myself)

the mental process of writing a smut fic

the usual warnings ofc proceed with caution.

wheee i’ve been reading some ahem hotd stuff ahem and i think i can pull off my very own as well 🌚🌚🌚

yass eomer and lothiriel’s wedding nighttt

actually no i’d die writing

for many reasons

julie write a sample for me please

should i just ai generate this

oh loth why on earth would you say that

quick, make her drown another flagon of wine to avoid the embarrassment 

BAHAHAHA i’m 6k word count and not yet halfway guysss

NO BROTHER YOU CAN’T READ THIS

because lothiriel is undressing eomer 🫢

*hysterical giggles as the world dissipates internally*

what on earth am i saying to a 11-year-old

shit he’s taking up the discussion

he says eomer should be allowed to undress himself to show ‘manly’ independence

shut the f up kid you don’t know anything about the romance of unbuttoning and revealing the man’s body

“stahp ahaha i can’t imagine it i’d DIE”

*dies for three months before guilty sense kicks back your arse to continue working on the wip*

drag myself through the shit like it’s no big deal

eomer without armour 💗💗💗

eomer without shirt 👀🥹🫢🌚🤡

should i or should i not put a full description of his… 

nope 

KEEP IT POETIC NOT GRAPHIC

will there be a blowjob

but i won’t know how to describe how it tastes so no

functioning on the last single braincell

once read a headcanon saying eomer will give you no less than 3 o’s and i stand by that

is ‘reverberate’ smth to do with vibrations or vertebrates

his voice being deep and gruff his voice being deep and gruff his voice being deep and gruff HIS VOICE—

what does ‘convulse’ mean

could i maybe find a use for it to be included in the writing, even though i don’t know what it means?

i mean, i’ve seen it written but never bothered searching up 

gets up in the middle of the night to search up thesaurus

“TREPIDATION” IS SUCH A NICE WORD inCLudE iT iN By aLL meAns

….if only i gave half the effort for my academics…..

if he gives her oral, remember to get him to wipe off his mouth before he kisses her again because

you don’t know what it tastes like 

+ somewhat disgusting and shameful (ahh little purist me)

“did you finish your smut fic lol”

“haha nearly! was up till one am last night writing it” (i normally sleep at 8 pm)

“he’s penetrating her now ehehe”

*deletes last message*

keep your purist virgin opinions out of this and Let Them Have Fun!!!!

how long does it take a candle to burn out

“would you like to read what i have gotten so far 👉👈”

no lothiriel would never think the act “sickening” KEEP YOURSELF OUT OF THIS

YES YES YES KEEP THE CLASSICAL ROMANCE ALIVE YOU ARE SUCH A POETIC WRITER DID ANYBODY TELL YOU HAHA 😇 

but also the tension, don’t undo the tension all at once

DONT LET THEM FALL IN LOVE OVER ONE NIGHT WHAT SOAKING IDIOT ARE YOU

it takes time, it has to take time 

so no

make it an awkward messy ordeal

you are a most horrifying author, you deserve to go to hell three times over WHAT WAS THAT FOR

i know

how do i describe what his hands are doing

like one is doing smth while the other is another—

or keep it simple?

how big and strong he is x300 sentences

he’s gotta have big brown eyes / be able to satisfy / he’s gotta be big and strong / enough to turn me onnnnnn (the angelic choir version please)

his eyes turning into dark orbs 👀 a glint of dangerous light ahahahahahahahahah 

*descends into madness*

god save my soul 

no no Snow you got it wrong bby

there are no whores and sluts here

be horny without guilty

you might actually make some money out of writing this one day

big ambitions >>>

in the meantime enjoy yourself 

but seriously dude

wouldn’t he crush her bones if he collapsed on top of her

REWRITE EVERYTHING

first go and scroll through tumblr again

and spiral down into the sinful one-shots and take inspo from the masters

BUT THE AGONYYYYY (cuz u barely crawl out alive after these little visits onto that side of tumblr)

or shld i just post it and pretend nothing’s the matter and let it be and delete this entire post on making a fuss out of as tiny a thing as writing smut

fuck it i’ll go solve some mathematics

p.s. make eomer considerate at all times

p.p.s. you need to seriously decide between making lothiriel either an innocent angel or a coldhearted bitch MAKE UP YOUR MIND 

because i feel for the poor guy if she keeps acting hot n cold like this 

woe is me, the writer

i declare nobody suffers it as i do

but what if there was a toad in the bed as a prank from amrothos

[theboarsbride]

A Court of Thorns and Roses (Rant) Review.

Rating: 2⭐⭐/5 stars

Genre: Fantasy/Romance

Length: 420 pages

Review: Soooo……..needless to say I really did not enjoy this book (nor did I ever really anticipate such because this was a hate-read and I cannot stand SJM as both an author and a person lmao). This is going to be a long rant review, and I know a lot of what I'll bring up has been brought up previously in other reviews, but I will still try to provide new insight nonetheless! This review will come in segments, and can be accessed beneath the cut.

ALSO!! There will be spoilers throughout this review. Don't read any further if you don't wish to be spoiled!

AND ALSO! This is merely my opinion. If you enjoy this series, AWESOME! I'm glad for you, this just isn't for me, and I, in good faith, cannot give this book a good review.

⚠️AND NOW CONTENT WARNINGS⚠️ There will be mentions of sexual assault and overall abusive and possessive behavior. I will mark parts of the review that mention these themes with an asterisks (*) so that you may avoid that content if you're not up for reading about it.

NOW ONTO THE REVIEW!!

1. What I liked - While this was still a hate-read I don't want to be a total downer and I wanted to find something about SJM's writing that I enjoyed. Granted there wasn't a lot, but they were still there!

- To start, I feel like SJM can write really interesting and tense action scenes. The opening scene with the killing of the wolf, the naga chase scene (which, like… why are we getting naga in this very clearly English/Celtic folklore-inspired world, and to never have similar creatures featured again?), the trials Under the Mountain, etc. Just, overall, the third act taking place Under the Mountain was so fun!! Like, it wasn't great and still riddled with SJM's writing and other uhhhh questionable stuff (we'll get there), but overall I enjoyed it so much more than the previous two-thirds of the book!

- There were also some romantic moments that I thought were really sweet, and I wish we saw more of that! I wish we saw more of Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship blossom more!

Now onto stuff I didn't like…..(there's a lot)

1. The Writing and Characters - I can't stand SJM's writing style. The obvious annoyance is her overuse of em dashes, and also ellipses. Both of these were so incredibly unnecessary in her work, and only distracted me, and slowed my reading.

- And also she reuses the same sentence structure, and it annoyed me once I noticed it (ex.- i was going to the bathroom, which was white and clean and shining. Then, I went to school, a place that was dull and bland and boring.) 

- Like jfc. I wholeheartedly believe the conspiracy that no one actually edits SJM's book because good LORD.

- I refuse to believe that SJM knows, or would even care to know, how to write believable poor people. I refuse to believe that Feyre’s family has been destitute for nearly a decade - because they sure as hell don’t come across like it. Feyre’s sisters, Elaine and Nesta, act so dainty and bitchy about work and survival despite living this way for ALMOST 10 YEARS. Their mentalities, how they react to being poor, how they treat their belongings, how they treat and handle their food, how they handle their money, etc. doesn’t line up for me. I just don’t buy it.

- Also in relation to this point: Feyre is weirdly quick to let Tamlin’s servants wait on her hand and foot. Her psychology, how she thinks, and engages with Tamlin’s manor around her doesn’t fit with someone who’s spent eight years living in violent poverty and starving.

- A bit of a nitpick but, it bothers me that SJM writes Feyre as a painter yet I, for the life of me, couldn't tell you what her style is, how her artwork looks, or even what ANY piece of art looks like in this world. Feyre talks about her artistic eye and all that, but to me that description means nothing. Being a painter and liking art does nothing for Feyre's character, it's such a useless detail when it could be something that adds depth to her character and shows the reader how she views art, how she views the world, etc. This just shows me that SJM did nothing to research art, styles, and mediums, nor does she actually care about her character writing enough to utilize art as a way to elevate Feyre as a character.

- The pacing is so boring. It’s just painfully slow and stuff that could be exciting is skimmed over and never elaborated on, and all that really happens for the first two-thirds of the book is just Feyre vibing (and being passive aggressive towards) Tamlin and Lucien.

2. This is a fairytale retelling? - This book has EVERYTHING I absolutely loathe about modern day fairytale retellings - more specifically retellings of Beauty and the Beast.

- It fails as a retelling, in general, because it completely misses the point of the fairytaleS (there are multiple going on in ACOTAR) and ends up being a shallow husk of these classic tales.

- ACOTAR markets itself as a retelling of several fairytales: Beauty and the Beast, East of the Sun, West of the Moon (a Norwegian variant of BatB featuring a 'beast' that is a polar bear by day and a handsome prince by night), Eros & Psyche (a Greek myth that's widely accepted as one of the original versions of the 'monster bride-groom' narrative framework), and the Ballad of Tam-Lin (a Scottish folktale that features a man cursed by a queen of faeries). And yet I feel like it fails all of these stories, primarily Beauty and the Beast. BatB is a story about kindness and love, and loving someone for who they are as opposed to what they look like, and ACOTAR embodies the very thing I hate about modern retellings of this story: a ‘beast’ that is outwardly handsome and the only ‘beastly’ thing about him is being hypermasculine, aggressive, toxic, and cruel while offering little opportunities of redemption. Except, Tamlin isn’t necessarily all of those things. Conventionally hot and hypermasculine, yes, but he’s been nothing but gracious and nice to Feyre. And WHY is he named ‘Tamlin’, obviously being named after the titular Tam-Lin from Scottish folklore, and SJM does nothing to give this story a ‘Scottish flair’? Which brings me to my next point:

3. Worldbuilding - There is nothing about this world that convinces me that this is unique. It does nothing to differentiate itself from other fantasy worlds, or even our modern world! You can tell that there are medieval and Rococo/Georgian Europe influences, but that’s only in fashion and aesthetics. But the faeries?

- To me, they’re nothing more than conventionally attractive people with pointy ears and MAYBE magic. Tolkien elves, pretty much! Like, deadass, I pictured Tamlin looking like Legolas but jacked as fuck (AND WHY COULDN’T WE GET MORE OF TAMLIN’S BEAST FORM!?!?!?!? UUGHH!!!! BIG SAD!!). There were so few, like… FAERIE faeries, and whenever there were any the only indicators SJM would offer are differing skin tones, sharp teeth, claws, wings, etc. They just felt so uninspired and lazy (teetering between underdeveloped spectral entities or LOTR elves) … why write about faeries if you’re not going to put in the effort to flesh them out as FAERIES? I once saw someone say that what SJM is doing to faeries is what Stephanie Meyer did to vampires and honestly??? I agree.

- I will forever be bitter that SJM decided to write about faeries and did NOTHING new with fae lore.

- *I know this gets explained a little more in the second book (which… I will get to that when I write my ACOMAF review because i’ve thoughts) but what exactly is this world’s religious system? Because you never get a good feel for it. I say this because several times Lucien mentions ‘Hell’, as in capital ‘h’ Hell - Christian Hell. Why would he say this when humans are agnostic/athiest with a sparse numbr of fae-worshiping cults (and were once implied to have had a polytheistic religion that differs from our world’s Christianity) and fae worship the Cauldron and other faerie deities so like.....why would SJM not use a few extra braincells to create her own version of Hell rather than using lazy cultural shorthand that, by the logic of this book's world, doesn't work???? And this is a recurring theme in ACOTAR: lazy, underdeveloped, under explained world-building.

- *This might just be me but I hate the fated mates trope in this series. It just seems like a way to sexualize domestic abuse, and it doesn’t allow me to enjoy seeing a budding relationship to develop if we’re told that these two characters are SUPPOSED to be together and are MEANT to be in love and have sex!! (also a me thing: the way SJM sexualizes stuff is a personal ick… her ships are built more upon sex and sexual attraction rather than romantic feelings, which just isn’t for me and makes me struggle to believe people to actually be in love despite how much the author tries to convince me of such). Also the violent gender essentialism and heteronormativity :( ….it only gets worse in the second book.

- Why must we refer to everyone as male and female??? I would give this a pass if the faeries were more faerie and less human but… these fae are just humans with pointy ears, so I am deeply uncomfortable by the constant use of ‘male’ and ‘female.’ (I’m convinced that SJM is into omegaverse erotica, and I’d honestly have more respect for her if she just wrote straight-up, shameless omegaverse erotica rather than trying to write a vaguely developed fantasy story that fails to deliver on the epic plot it’s trying to sell to me.)

4. Feyre - She is a dumb protagonist (and I blame the author). She is dumb and deserves death - and you can tell that this is a plot-convenience brand of stupidity, unfortunately. Like the instance with the Puca. She suddenly sees her crippled father on Tamlin's land in Prythian in the middle of the night??? Given the wary hostility and aggression and distrust she's been displaying towards everyone and everything so far in Prythian, why isn't she doing the same in this instance???? She's said herself she is wary of faerie tricks, and acknowledged that not even whole, able-bodied humans are able to survive in Prythian without the help of a faerie, so why would she think her disabled father, who is helpless in the mortal realm, be any different??? And why would she care that her father has come for her??? Did she not wish that her family starves without her, so that they realize she's important to them and she holds them in such an embittered contempt?????

- Tamlin and Feyre have no chemistry. It just feels like I should be shipping them because this is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast and all that, but I just don't. SJM is relying heavily on a fairytale framework while also doing nothing to even try to convince me that these two characters are meant to be together. Their relationship is so dry and it feels like the attraction comes from nowhere, and only starting with physical attraction - which, to me, goes against the message of BATB, of loving someone for who they are rather than what they look like. The two of them, respectively, have more chemistry with Lucien than each other. Hell, why not make them a throuple???🤨 now THAT I'd ship because all three have banter, and any interaction with Lucien is so much fun to read.

- Also……how the fuck did Feyre not figure out Amarantha’s riddle?

5. *Rhysand - Yes. He gets his own section because I HATE him - and I HATE that he is destined to be the endgame love interest. He is a character we’re meant to root redemption for but I fucking refuse. And this is why.

- Rhysand has the perfect set up to be a scary asf villain, not a love interest. We will talk more about Rhysand and why he and Feyre are a ship I refuse to get behind, but that will be reserved for future updates. 

- For now: Rhys is great for a scary villain! He is night incarnate, he has snark, he has an imposing presence, and he can invade the minds of others......and he invades Feyre's mind, which she described as being immensely uncomfortable and painful, and she is afraid. Mind you, he does this without her consent. Keep in mind that everything he does beyond this point is without her consent and he is doing it as himself and for his own gain, not the influence of love pollen or magic. He is doing it while totally aware and sober. That's why he is a horrible person and a creep.

- He does many things without Feyre’s consent. He tortures, assaults, drugs, and harms her all without consent without anything else compelling his will other than himself.

- He forces her into a deal in which she is to spend one week a month in the Night Court with him, and he does this by twisting and pulling her broken arm when she refuses. He drugs and assaults her by making her drink faerie wine (which she refuses to drink as she was warned against doing so), dresses her scantily clad AGAINST HER WILL, covers her in paint so he knows where people all touch her AGAINST HER WILL, and makes her perform lap dances until she gets sick and then makes her all do it again AGAINST HER WILL. After catching her and Tamlin stealing a moment, he pushes her against a wall and kisses her WITH TONGUE to make it seem like he was the one that muddied the paint on her body rather than Tamlin. All of this he’s done AGAINST HER WILL.

- Have I mentioned how he does this against her will yet??? Did I emphasize enough that Rhysand does all this to Feyre without her consent???

- Rhysand is an evil creep that I refuse to redeem. What he did for Feyre Under the Mountain is awful and not at all deserving of redemption. And I don’t care if he says ‘I did this to help defeat Amarantha and save my court’ or ‘I did it to make Tamlin more mad and to kill Amrantha instantly’ or ‘I did it for your own good.’ I don’t fucking care, those are the excuses of an abuser. He didn’t need to literally torture and assault her.

- Also, on that note: why does he do this for the sake of making Tamlin more mad? Like??? Tamlin saw his court be cursed, he was sexually harassed by Amarantha ever since he was a child, and he witnessed Amarantha torture a woman he loves. Why would he need anything more to make him kill Amarantha faster? This argument fails to work for me. Fuck you, Rhysand, I hate you.

6. *Calanmai - This gets its own section because it’s just… so messy, and I wish to blame SJM for it’s messiness because the characters are all victims to her insensitive, careless writing.

- This is a very weird scenario??? Because, let's be frank, Tamlin assaulted Feyre and Feyre is a victim... HOWEVER. on multiple occasions she is told by FAERIES THAT HAVE EONS OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THIS WORLD, THEIR CULTURES, CUSTOMS, AND ACCOMPONYING DANGERS to stay in her room and that this is not safe for humans, especially her once the Great Rite occurs because Tamlin will be drawn to her. But she goes against these warnings, going to the festival and leaving her room before dawn. 

- HOW DUMB ARE YOU FEYRE??!?!?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID???!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?! JUST UUGGHHH!!!!!!!! 

- And then there's Tamlin. With how the Great Rite is explained, it's like he is possessed by some springtime magic so that he is a vehicle for said magic? So the scene where he pins Feyre and bites her is almost set up like he both is and isn't possessed? It's more like he's drunk off of love pollen?? I don't know, but to me I think that both are and are not at fault - they are because Feyre didn't listen to SEVERAL warnings in a situation that is obviously unsafe for her and Tamlin could've prepared better by explaining things to her and setting up safeguards, and they aren't because Feyre is a victim and Tamlin is being possessed by a power that's greater him (which is kind of implied to be something he really doesn't want to do). Again, this is a very weird and highly uncomfortable situation - both are victims to SJM’s writing.

- Ultimately, the situation of Calanmai is poorly written and handled on SJM's behalf. It feels like her trying to eroticize a moment of assault, which in of itself is gross (bear in mind that this was initially published as a YA novel - and I initially read it as a YA novel in middle school), and to introduce Rhysand, the second half of this love triangle, which there are so many other ways this could've been done. And the fact that the assault is brushed off and treated like a friendly joke without having actual discussion about it makes it worse. - This is arguably the most 'fae' thing in this book so far? Like it feels so fae because of connections to celebrating springtime and fertility, and drinking and festivals, but at the same time this just feels like an oversexualization of traditional pagan beliefs by being a massive orgy?

- Just. Ew. Sarah J Mass, you’re gross for writing a moment like this and not being responsible enough to execute this concept with more nuance.

7. The Ending - This is really brief, but boooooo to Feyre being resurrected with all the powers of all the High Lords. :(

- (Also I know that Rhysand hints at him and Feyre being mates and uugghhh kill me now)

So these are my main thoughts regarding ACOTAR… It’s a fantasy romance that should be advertised more for it’s romance than fantasy elements as the fantasy-action takes a major backseat and acts more as a subplot to the main romance. It’s a fantasy world that is underdeveloped and is full to the brim of underutilized lore. It butchers existing faerie lore, and leaves much to be desired. Characters are unlikeable and stupid, and the only thing that got me through this book was Lucien.

SJM I do not like you, and I cannot wait to return to write about my hate for ACOMAF.

[practically-an-x-man]

For Talk Shop Tuesday: Tell me about an OC/story you haven't written anything for yet!

Oooooh thank you!!

Talk Shop Tuesday

Now that's a really tough choice... I have SO many OC/story ideas that I haven't shared yet, and I'm really excited about all of them!!

I think I'll go into a little more detail about that story I was telling you about with that other ask game a few weeks ago:

First, the OC. Christina "Chris" Carver. Still need to flesh out the details and give them a bit of a revamp (I think the main thing I've decided is that they're bigender, and switch between going by their full name or nickname depending on how they're feeling), but the short version is that they get visions of the future. These visions come in the form of short, uncontrollable bursts of sensory input, and they have to decode what they mean. These visions are more powerful and impactful the closer they are to happening - which makes things incredibly difficult, as the hardest ones to decode are often the ones that need to be deciphered the fastest.

Their interactions with their visions are meant to model OCD and Tourette's - not in the sense that I'm trying to "magic-ify" these real disorders by turning them into telepathic visions, but in the sense that they in-universe have both of those conditions already and their visions weave in alongside them, so their visions are only another symbolic layer to what they already experience. It's a hard concept to describe, but I promise it'll make sense in the fic.

Anyway. Chris had previously been living in a small town, since the reduced interactions with others meant fewer painful visions to deal with, but they've just moved to New York to pursue a bigger career. They've managed a few months with minimal visions, just landed a job in journalism and are working their way up little by little, have been painting in their free time...

And then they're on the subway one day - normally they'd walk, since the constant press of bodies is hard both on their real-world sensory issues and increases the risk that they'll fall into a vision, but they're running late and they don't have a choice - and they bump into someone hustling the other way. Both go sprawling, and Chris is thrown into the most powerful vision they've ever experienced.

"Tick tick boom. Twelve and thirteen. The train off the tracks. Fahrenheit four-fifty-one. Off the tracks- get out, get out, there's a bomb!" [that's not a final description by any means, but that's the structure of how Chris' visions look to other people - at first just scraps of phrases that seem random, then fall into place as they recognize what the event is]

Chris tries to usher people out of the subway, but most don't believe them and brush them aside. A bomb goes off at 12:13 PM, injuring Chris amongst hundreds of others, and killing several more.

When the scene is investigated, witnesses and police assume that Chris knew about the bombing because they were part of the group that set the bomb (and later tried to bail out on the plan) - and because there's no evidence for foresight or telepathy being real, there's nothing to refute that idea. Chris is arrest, their apartment is seized, and they're looking at a life sentence if they can't prove themself innocent.

It looks like a lost cause: even in a normal, non-superpowered case, they don't have the money for a lawyer good enough to get the charges dropped. But it just so happens there's a local lawyer who happens to be very familiar with superpowered defense... and likes to work pro bono.

Oh yeah. We're bringing in Matt Murdock. And maybe Jen Walters too, if I can work her into the story (I came up with this idea before she entered MCU canon, but I'd love to bring her in). It's basically going to turn into a superpowered My Cousin Vinny. They need to prove in court, without any doubt, that foresight is real and Chris is unconnected to the crime, and they have to do it in a way that can't be passed off as a pre-prepared stunt or lucky guess.

And I'm going to work in some fun antihero-y shenanigans too, of course. Chris recognizes Matt as Daredevil from the moment they shake his hand ("Red leather, yellow leather. The devil's in the details- oh. You're him.") and their visions are going to play into some of his ventures as well as their own. It's going to be a fun one, for sure.

[fromasgardandback]

Automotive Plant's Secretary

Eddie Munson x Reader

description: Y/N L/N is the central secretary at the Automotive Plant Wayne Munson works.

word count: 1.2k

warning: nothing, literal fluff

masterlist | oneshots

Y/N went to work early that morning to set up for the bosses' meeting. She never understood why they couldn’t do it themselves, but she was getting paid for the boring and mundane work. Although she hated the executives of the company, she adored the workers. They were always kind to her when they came in and visa versa. At least once a week she would bake sweets for them and leave the container on her desk. The notes on top of the Tupperware were always different, but each one with a smiley face. Sometimes families would come in to surprise their loved ones who were hard-working and only a few would make a regular appearance. One of those guys just so happened to be Eddie Munson, the old classmate she had a massive crush on. His uncle worked on the floor and said hello to Y/N each morning and goodnight at the end of the day. If she was having an off day, he would make sure to cheer her up. If her day was particularly hard and stayed silent, when everyone left he would give her a hug with an encouraging word or two. Needless to say, she loved Wayne.

“Good Morning, Wayne. I made chocolate chip cookies.” Y/N smiled up at him.

“Good Morning, sweetie. Thank you, these look delicious.” He smiled back taking a cookie, wasting no time in eating the entire thing.

Most days were busy and quiet. If the floor was hard at work and not much chit-chat going on, you can hear the executives mucking it up in their offices without a care in the world. They cared little for their employees and only if they made them more money or not. It was hard for Y/N to see the contrast between white-collar and blue-collar workers. They deserved better, that’s why she baked and tried her hardest to be kind to all of them.

“Do you have any exciting plans this weekend?” She asked, leaning her elbows on the desk.

“Some chores around the trailer, nothing too exciting. Try and use my days off to relax.” Wayne replied, swallowing the last remnants of the cookie. “What about you, kid?”

“Same, nothing much other than relaxing. I might go out with some friends to a bar tonight.” She smiled at the nickname.

“Don’t get too crazy, don’t know what we’d do without you here.” He smirked, waving her off as he walked to the breakroom with his things.

The day went by fairly quickly, and now it was 1:30 pm. Only three and a half hours to go until they can all clock out. The hum of a radio blasting and turning off can be heard faintly through the entrance door and a pair of boots touching the fake hardwood floors moving closer to her desk. She looked up, only to blush and hide the heat rising to her face.

“Hey, Y/N.” Eddie smiled politely.

“Hi, Eddie. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you during a work day?” She smiled up at him. ‘Seriously? You had all of five minutes to come up with something non-embarrassing and that’s what came out of your mouth?’ She thought to herself.

“Came to drop off lunch for Uncle Wayne, he deserves something better than ham and cheese.” He chuckled as he signed the visitor sign-in sheet. 

“That’s very sweet of you, Eddie. You can go on back. I’ll let him know you’re here.” He winked at her, following her instructions and going towards to break room. Heart-pounding and the blush on her cheeks growing redder, she hurriedly went to the floor. On his way out of the building, he stopped by her desk again.

“My band’s playing at The Hideout tonight. Maybe you want to come by?” Eddie smiled nervously, quickly fixing his sentence. “Not alone of course, with friends. Or alone if you just want to be alone, but you don't have to.” Eddie failed terribly, fumbling through trying to stop talking.

“I’d love to come. My friends and I were headed to a bar anyways. We’ll be there.” She smiled at him to which he returned and a small wave while leaving.

For a few weeks, Eddie would make an excuse to come “drop” occasional things that Wayne just so happened to forget at home. He would spend at least ten minutes talking to Y/N and declare to his friends that he was going to ask her out one of these days. 

“Dude, you’ve been pining after her for years and talking with her every week. If you haven’t done it by now, you’re not going to. You’re just chicken, man” Gareth rolled his eyes sipping his beer.

“Watch how you speak to me, I am not chicken. She comes to see us play every week. If that’s not making a move, then what do you suggest?” Eddie grumbled sitting up straight, eyes boring into his friends’. 

“Y/N, go to dinner with me? That’s a start.” Jeff replied fiddling with his guitar. 

“ALL BLUNT!?” Eddie exclaimed.

“YES!” His friends yelled annoyed that he has yet to do anything about this crush, but bitch and complain.

The band was setting up the stage an hour before the bar opened to set up their gig. The moment they opened she walked through those doors with her friends smiling wide when making eye contact with him. Eddie blushed giving her a small wave, going back to tuning his guitar. Y/N sat in the back booth giving her the advantage of hiding what redness crossed her cheeks.

“Just ask him out,” Nancy commented setting down her purse next to you.

“What are you talking about?” She acted dumb, not wanting to be embarrassed by the conversation, watching her crush be his adorable self.

“How much you’re in love with Eddie. Y/N, we love you but it's painfully obvious. Just rip off the bandaid and ask him out.” Robin remarked, setting down the drinks.

“And disgusting to hear how much you think he’s hot and adorable and his eyes are so dreamy.” Steve rolled his eyes, exaggerating.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop talking about him. But I can’t ask him out. He doesn’t see me that way.” Y/N shook her head looking down. Steve laughed loudly, causing Nancy to elbow him in the shoulder.

“Sweetie, it is so clear that he likes you.” Nancy smiled. “Just go for it. There’s nothing to lose, we promise you.”

“And he’s making his way to the bar now. Take your chance. And if it goes awry, we’ll leave.” Robin nodded encouragingly.

Y/N had no other choice than to get up and face the fear of rejection from the childhood crush she couldn’t seem to shake.

“Eddie, Hi.” She fiddled with the rings on her hands.

“Y/N, you came. Hi.” He noticed, taking note that she was nervous.

“I, um, want to ask you something.” She squeaked out, not looking up.

“I want to ask you something as well.” Eddie leaned against the bar on his right elbow. They both took a short breath asking their question together.

“Would you go to dinner with me?” He asked.

“Would you go to dinner with me?” She asked. They chuckled, blushing harder than a tomato.

“I would love to, Eddie.” She smiled big, leaning into him.

“I would be more than happy to, Y/N.” He smiled wider, leaning closer to her.

[silvermoon424]

hi katy! felt like sharing this, but after some months of job searching and not going anywhere, i finally have a place interested in interviewing me! it’ll be a hybrid job, with one day going to the office and five days WFH. i really wanna try and do well on this, do you, or any of the rest of your followers, have any interview tips to help prepare?

Thanks for all you do, you’re a wonderful person! And I hope you have a happy halloween! :^)

I'm so happy for you!! That sounds awesome and I really hope you get the job!

Anyway, I definitely recommend prepping for the interview instead of just winging it. I know that sounds obvious, but you'd be amazed at how much less stressful an interview is if you've prepared for it beforehand. Obviously you're not gonna know what questions they'll ask ahead of time, but when I was interviewing I looked up different articles about the most common interview questions and tried to prepare answers for them.

Also, when they ask you "tell me about yourself," don't talk about your love of anime or your knitting hobby. You want to give like a 3 sentence overview of your work experience and skills, especially how it relates to the job you're interviewing for.

You also want to make sure you thoroughly research the company and job description beforehand. They're very likely gonna ask why you want this position, and "I need the money" or "you have great benefits" isn't the answer they want to hear. For example, for my most recent job interview for the job I landed, I said that I was very interested in the position because it allows me to expand my knowledge of accounting and because the company I now work for is a not-for-profit doing important work.

If you can't think of anything flattering to say about the company's function, just focus on the job description and compliment their company culture. At the very least, you want to have it come across to the interviewers that you have looked into their company and are interested in what they do. Yes, I know it's stupid, but you have to play ball during the interview process.

Also, always have questions handy to ask at the end of the interview! It looks really bad to not ask any questions because it seems like you're not interested in learning more about the position. When I was interviewing I had a list of 20 questions in my Notes app I could ask and just picked out the best ones. Here are some of my favorite questions; you should aim to ask 3-5 questions.

How will I be trained?

What does a typical day on the job look like?

What other roles have successful employees in this position transitioned into?

What grabbed you about my resume?

Can you tell me anything about the team I’ll be working with?

What are some challenges I can expect to face in this role?

What do you like the most about working here?

Do you have an ideal start date in mind?

That's really all the big stuff I can think of. I definitely recommend looking up articles or videos on how to prep for an interview, but also don't overload yourself with information. It's important to come across as natural when you interview, and like I said before it's impossible to know what questions they'll ask beforehand so all you can really do is have some vague ideas about how to answer some of the questions that might be asked.

Good luck, and thank you for your kind words!

[katherinecrighton]

Nuts and Bolts: Jump-Starting Stories

(Reposting a 2013 post from the Anna Katherine co-tumblr)

Because I just did this, here you go: Some simple ways to start a story, particularly if you don’t know what you want to write about, but you know you need to write something. (For money, for practice, for mental health, for whatever.)

Standard caveats apply. 1. The reason advice looks contradictory is because it literally is different for everyone — shit that works for one person won’t work for someone else. Just stick it in your toolbox and move along. 2. I will say obvious shit that you already know. Because it’s possible somebody else doesn’t. 3. You may totally disagree with anything/everything I say, oh my god, that’s fine.

::::

1. A line of dialogue. Particularly one that makes no sense, so you have to then have a second character explain it.

“You said what to the Queen?”

—Instantly you have to answer who said it, what was said, why it was scandalous, who the queen is, what she’s queen of, and who actually spoke the dialogue. Getting all that exposition in gracefully is at least 150 words right there.

2. (All of my points are going to boil down to variants of point 1, so, you know, grab a soda or something.)

3. A sudden burst of action. A nice explosion, maybe, or someone getting knocked unconscious unexpectedly. In medias res is always a pleasant place to start. You’ll want to start with a brief sentence that makes the reader empathize with whatever you’ve decided to blow up, and then destroy it in the second sentence, as that’s more fun.

"The Manor had been in the Candleford family for generations, a bit more curly-topped and hodge-podge than most stately noble homes. It burned for three days before anyone could put it out.”

—Now explain how that happened, or what happens next, or who’s affected, or who did it.

4. A vivid description. This one can be a bit tricky, as it can all too easily go on too long. I’d stay away from vivid descriptions of landscapes or weather or other (dare I say it) fairly boring things. Corpses — those are fun. Terrible kisses. A really interesting tentacle that maybe is touching something else that’s about to become interesting because, hey, tentacle.

“The running shoe was worn along the edges, and had a rubbed patch in the heel. It was pink and grey, and the laces were still tied, clearly toed off after a return to the house. The inspector stared at the shoe that lay on its side on the landing, and wondered where the other one was.”

Once you’ve got a couple of sentences of vivid description, stop and backfill with exposition — why are we seeing this thing? Who’s seeing it? What are they going to do with this information? As you can see, I couldn’t help but add in the inspector looking at the shoe — it just sort of starts to fill itself in.

5. A terrible secret that you don’t want anyone to know about yourself. Writing is frequently auto-cannibalism. You take parts of yourself and you write them into your stories to make them real. So if you need to write something, and you’re not sure what to write, dig out one of your secrets and give it to a character. 

I wrote a horror story (still haunting some editor’s slushpile [eta 2023: it was bought!]) about the weird urge I had when I’d had abdominal surgery to dig around in there afterward — I didn’t actually follow through in real life, but I decided to write a story about a character who did. Use first person POV if you have to, but it’ll definitely get something on the page.

.

+1. After you’ve got a story going, you can go back and delete whatever you started with. Nothing says you have to keep what got the motor running.

+2. If you’re interested, my sentence for this evening was: “It would be a bit much to say that the kiss was magical.”

[lokavisi]

Unplanned Book Review Time!

I don't commit to doing book reviews on this blog because my ability to get through books in any sort of timely manner is spotty at best, but I've been reading two books lately that I really wanted to talk about. Disclaimer: I have not entirely finished either of the them, though my thoughts and feelings on them are strong enough that I can tell you whether or not I recommend them. (Honestly there's enough in the intros to each book to tell you whether they're worth reading or not.) I'm gonna give the reviews below the line since this is going to be long, so before deciding whether you read more I will say one book is on seidr and the other is on general protection magic.

First up is Dean Kirkland's Seiðr Magic: The Norse Tradition of Divination and Trance. I'm just gonna say it up top: do NOT waste your time or money on this. I bought it at Barnes & Noble (I knew nothing about the book or the author but wanted to encourage B&N to keep selling stuff like this), and I really wish I hadn't given this guy my money.

The biggest issue? Gatekeeping. He explicitly says in the introduction, on page 13, "If I am accused of gatekeeping[...]so be it." He's gatekeeping an open practice. That sentence alone tells you everything you need to know about why you need to skip this book. But let's get into specifics:

-He goes on to say that we shouldn't teach "just anyone" interested in seiðr about it because those without an aptitude for it will cause more harm than good. How the hell do people learn anything, then? Do we not know other magic to protect ourselves and undo any potential harm that may result from practicing a magical skill? He continues by explaining a Darwinian selection process of finding the people "meant" to practice seiðr. So you know, like eugenics.

-Any time he presents a ritual of any nature, he always makes it sound like you should be doing it exactly the way he describes, even if he ends the description with "but you can work with what you have." In one chapter he details this whole ritualized journey into the woods to find a branch from a tree to make your seiðr staff, and that you shouldn't just use dead fallen branches or the like. Literally every person I know who practices seiðr has been gifted their staff, through someone's direct intentions (like as a birthday gift or something) or more indirect ways like in my own experience: I was not looking for a staff when I went on a hike with my in-laws, but I picked up a fallen stick to use as a walking stick and Odin was like, "THAT IS YOUR MAGIC STICK TAKE IT WITH YOU IT IS YOURS." And I'm not gonna argue with Odin.

-Kirkland says you should spend as much money as possible on your ritual attire. This is after he acknowledges that Thorbjorg's extravagant costume (mentioned in the Saga of Erik the Red) is not about a display of wealth, but of spiritual power. He encourages you to build up your gear one piece at a time if you're financially struggling, but my guy, even that isn't possible for a lot of folks. You're saying people need to spend loads of money for a hood to wear over your head. You could have a designated seiðr hoodie and have just as effective a practice. Seriously.

-In the same vein, he always emphasizes that all materials used in your gear should be made from natural materials. As if that is always accessible to people. Not everyone is able to spend hours in the great outdoors. A lot of plastic-based goods are easier to obtain for folks. None of that prevents or prohibits you from a healthy seiðr practice.

-He also generally uses a lot of language that, on the surface, sounds logical and sound, but when you stop to think about it is super gatekeepy. This obnoxious and harmful tone colors the entire text and is frustrating beyond words.

As if gatekeeping weren't enough, Kirkland uses some credentials and experience to indicate expertise where he just doesn't have any. While he may have earned the right to put "Ph.D." after his name, including it on this book feels like he's chasing clout and feigning legitimacy. His Ph.D. is in ecology. Not anything related to religion or history of ancient Germanic Europe. But if you don't look closely, seeing he has a Ph.D. gives the appearance that he knows what he's talking about. It's disingenuous at best and intentionally deceptive at worst. His author biography mentions that he studied Andean shamanism under an indigenous paco. That's great! Good for him! But he's a white guy acting like an authority on various shamanistic practices, as he likens shamanic practices from several cultures to scant pieces of evidence we have to seiðr practice. This lends itself to the general issue with most books on seiðr, that our genuine lack of knowledge about the practice leads folks to fill in the gaps from other oracular traditions. If you utilize something like that based on your personal UPG and use that for yourself in your practice, that is one thing. But when you are teaching others with your UPG that involves traditions often closed to folks like yourself, maybe don't try to pass it off as the most correct way to practice seiðr. He says at the beginning that he will identify his UPG throughout the text, but he fails to do so quite often as he treats his connections to other oracular practices as Truth.

The truth is, pretty much every book we have on practicing seiðr includes the author's UPG and syncretism with other oracular traditions. If you're looking for "true" traditional seiðr practices, our archeological and written records offer extremely little. Personally, I would encourage you to build your own practice around your UPG (and maybe some appropriate SPG) and the known lore/practices if you are looking to develop a seiðr practice. My friends recently reworked Diana Paxson's method to include more lore-based elements, for example. As long as you know what sources you're filling in the gaps with for your personal practice, that's fine. Just make sure you explain that to others. Do not try to pass it off like The Way to Do Seidr like this jerk was trying to. There are a few interesting pieces of actual facts or rituals, but I wouldn't recommend spending money to read just for those trace elements. There are better people to learn seiðr from. (That said, if you lack an actual teacher and are learning from sources like Kirkland's, read this and all other seiðr books with a grain of salt and the understanding that this magical practice is not something we can fully and exactly recreate. Sorry, recons. You're gonna have to acknowledge the need to develop unique modern practices.)

And now for a book that I absolutely ADORE, Amy Blackthorn's Blackthorn's Protection Magic. This is one I borrowed from a friend and would love to spend the money to buy my own copy. Not being able to take notes and highlight in the book itself has been killing me!

Amy starts the book with an exercise for you to identify your own personal ethics in regards to protection of any kind. I did not expect anything like that, but I was pleasantly surprised. That kind of a foundation is crucial in practicing any form of magic, really, so starting the book with that solid foundation is incredibly useful before you even start to practice any of the spells and protection methods she explains through out the text. This is such an important conversation that witches need to be having internally and with each other. It made me contemplate things that I never had before, and reading her own responses to the questions she poses gave me insight into other perspectives on the matter of safety and protection.

Additionally, she makes a point to explicitly address mental health and physical protection. Understanding your mental health and any potential diagnoses is not only helpful for your general wellbeing, but it also helps you in discerning things like whether someone has cursed you or your depression is hitting you really hard. Equally important, she recognizes that spells aren't necessarily going to help you when someone's fist is coming towards your face. There is an entire section of the book dedicated to physical awareness and self-defense. Blackthorn's mindful acknowledgment of the balance of the mundane and the magical is something that I wish more magical practitioners understood and promoted, whether it's in regard to protection or any other kind of magic. It was absurdly refreshing to read any sort of witch, pagan, or adjacent text that so succinctly articulates this balanced approach.

As for the actual spells and methods presented in the book, I have yet to utilize many of them. (There's a lot and I am only one person, though some things I was already doing some version of myself, like visualizations.) However, I can say that she discusses the following in regards to protection magic techniques: visualizations, crystals/grids, plants and garden arrangements, physical and situational awareness, signs that you may be hexed/cursed/jinxed, home security, essential oils, use of tarot cards, incense, and various magical correspondences (like moon phases and colors). She offers a wide variety of options that you can pick and choose, and adapt to your personal needs or means. For instance, the chapter about plants discusses particular species and arrangements for outdoor gardens, as well as ones for indoor use (particularly useful if you live in an apartment and want to utilize plants in your magic); and visualizations require no materials whatsoever and is accessible to everyone.

Blackthorn also makes a point to help you determine the authenticity, quality, and traits of your tools. She explains ways to recognize counterfeit gemstones, how certain plants need to be tended to or how they interact with other plants, and how common items can be utilized for physical protection in a pinch. She presents everything in a way that empowers you to make informed decisions about your personal safety, which is what any sort of text like this should do.

From just the introduction piece on ethics alone, I would highly recommend this book. All of the practices and methods Blackthorn discusses are written in a clear and straightforward way. She covers several bases as someone who used to work in security herself, and really drives home the need for combining magical and mundane methods of protection to keep yourself, your loved ones, and your property as safe as possible. Again, I can't sing this book's praises enough. This would be an excellent addition to any witch's library.

If you've read either of these books, I'm curious what your thoughts on them are! Feel free to reblog, comment, or hit up my asks/PMs to discuss!

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Welcome to the Drabble-A-Thon!

What is it?

From September 6th to September 15th, I will be offering 1,000-word drabble commissions for $5 through Ko-Fi!

Why is this a thing?

My job pushed back my start date by a month and a half, and I've noticed that my 3-year-old phone's screen is starting to burn out (my last phone lasted 5 years and I am incredibly salty about this). I want to take the week I'm off to try and get some outside work to start saving up to replace it and stay ahead on bills despite the delay. 

How does it work?

If you make a donation of $5 on Ko-Fi, and give a 1-2 sentence description of your drabble idea in the donation note, I will write a 1,000 word* story! The story will be posted publicly on Ko-Fi, and cross-posted to Tumblr as well**. These will be done on a first-come first-serve basis, and I will keep a post on Ko-Fi and Tumblr updated on what number submission I am on. Because I don't know how many prompts will be given, I can't give a firm estimate on when the pieces will be delivered, so the queue will be the best way to see when your request is being worked on! 

*The finished drabble will be a minimum of 1,000 words, if I go over by a bit, that is on me, and just a fun bonus for you! 

**Ko-fi has strict guidelines for NSFW material, and anything rated "Explicit" will only be able to be posted to Tumblr. If you would like a PDF copy as well, please provide an email address to send it to in your message!

Are there any rules I should know about?

First and foremost, please make sure that you read my general commission guide which can be found here. Keep in mind I do not write Sub!/Bottom!Tomura or Dom!/Top!Dabi. If you have a question about your concept that is not answered by the guidelines, please feel free to DM me on Tumblr before donating! 

In addition, please note that 1k isn't a lot of words, so try to keep concepts simple enough to be executed within that amount of story! 

These drabbles also cannot be add-ons to other existing stories. For example, no drabble prompt can be for a story set after the end of Changing Currents, or an exploration of Dabi's time on the streets before Tomura adopted him in A Cat by Any Other Name. These are for stand-alone pieces in order to keep things simple and not conflict with the canon of my existing works! 

Can I donate more than $5 to get a longer story?

No. This is a drabble-a-thon! While you are welcome to donate however much you would like, every $5 only gets one 1k word story. If you would like to donate $10, then you are welcome to put two drabble prompts in your donation note which will then both enter the queue and be posted! Every multiple of 5 is eligible for a new prompt! 

If you would still like a longer story from me, then you can always DM me about setting up a full commission! 

I want to participate, but I want to remain anonymous/I want to be tagged by a name other than the name used for the donation.

No problem! If you want to remain anonymous, simply put your name as "Anonymous" in for your name/nickname, and you can then type your prompt in the message box. You can send this message privately, and only I should be able to read your prompt! 

If you want to be tagged by your Tumblr username, then you can also add that in your message and I will tag you appropriately when your prompt is posted! 

I want to participate but I don't have any idea what to ask for!

Coming up with story prompts can be hard! You can send in 1-2 sentences of your idea, or you can simply send in a kind of AU, a rating, or a kink (or a few of them 👀), and let me take it from there! If you really, really can't think of anything at all, then just send in "Free Style", and I'll come up with something to fill the drabble! This is meant to be fun, please don't feel any pressure!

I want to participate, but I don't have any money!

That's absolutely okay! Please do not feel any pressure to participate! Money is tight for a lot of people right now and your needs, safety, and comfort come first! 

My question wasn't answered here! 

Please feel free to DM me or send an ask on Tumblr! I'll do my best to answer! 

Thank you so much to anyone who chooses to participate! I can't wait to see what stories we're able to bring to life!