#can i get one in real life?

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[dunyun-rings]

I saw a post that said “Dragon Age discourse walked so that Baldurs Gate 3 discourse could run” and that’s absolutely false. Dragon Age discourse sprinted, foaming at the mouth, so that BG3 discourse could skip happily through a meadow

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

#if this isnt canon ill cry#im so in love w jongho#one of my four biases 🤭#delusions aside i do think he'd be a really great late bloomer boyfriend#just looking at him it makes sense?#as a person on the ace spectrum i would sob openly if an idol jongho or otherwise was ace#the comfort i would find???#mmMmMmMmmm#anyway

@sensitiveandhungry

these tags were really nice and I honestly wish I could say Jongho was on the ace spectrum because I just feel it would be so valuable to have an idol on the ace spectrum, even if it's towards the more demisexual spectrum.

Hi! Do you mind if I request a as your late bloomer boyfriend for ATEEZ Jongho? Thanks! :)

Jongho As Your Late Bloomer Boyfriend: An Analysis

Content Includes: This is an 18+ essay with suggestive themes.

Word Count: Circa 300

Disclaimer: This is entirely unconfirmed and theoretical, just read this for delusional purposes only.

On an astrological level I cannot confirm if Jongho is ace but I am inclined to believe (and support) that he could be which is favourable because Jongho will offer you PATIENCE as a late bloomer boyfriend.

Choi Jongho is not a highly sexual man which is great because those needs aren't a priority of him.

His Scorpio Venus and Virgo Mars means emotional intimacy is a requirement for him to be physically intimate and so he probably chooses to abstain from casual hook-ups because it doesn't satisfy him.

Hongjoong is similar in that I think he chooses to be emotionally celibate rather than participate in casual sex.

So the relationship might feel very platonic at first, even a little formal because Jongho likes a courting process.

The relationship would begin with casual dates at the coffee shop, he would open the door for you and remember your coffee order for the next time.

There might be a slight tension in the beginning because Jongho's Aries Moon means he's prone to over-thinking, he wants you to know that he's taking the time to make you feel safe and comfortable around him.

It wouldn't matter to him whether you're a late bloomer because he doesn't prioritises your experiences, he prioritises how authentic you are in the moment.

HONESTY is so important for Jongho in a relationship, he has a built-in lie detector and he can detect the smallest of lies.

'We'll take it slow okay honey? Whatever you're comfortable with, we just need to trust and be honest with each other'.

He would be a tentative lover, he would treat you with fragility (at first) and focus on the sentimentality of the moment.

'Does this feel nice?...and how about this? Good, keep talking to me, I like knowing how you feel'.

Jongho would be an attentive late bloomer boyfriend because the connection wouldn't feel rushed, it wouldn't feel like a 'landmark' moment, it would be natural and slow-burning.

Taglist: @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mishchiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @craxy-person @hologramhoneymoon @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @sensitiveandhungry @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @lemonhongjoong @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[screwpinecaprice]

Just a silly guy, with silly silly thoughts.

@glowweek Day 2

Casual | Surprise

A casual surprise?😬😬😬

[bunnieswithknives]

RAHHHh ok comics done I can post this now!!! He is having the worst possible time

[zillychu]

Consider this: ghosts are actually exactly what the Fentons think they are.

They're snapshots of a longing so strong, unfinished business so deep it reaches out beyond life. Lingers just a bit longer. And if it happens to meet a dense cloud of ectoplasm (invisible to the naked eye, but omnipresent even in the mortal realm), it coalesces. The ectoplasm fits into the shape of it. Which, when the desire is strong enough, it's got a rough idea of its self-image. This tends to mean a more humanoid figure, though it's more often warped in some way–a self-reflection, skewed by said desire. The warping varies on the dead soul’s perception of themselves, the intensity of their desire, how much time passed after death, and how much ectoplasm was present.

In short… no matter how “normal" a ghost looks or acts, it really, truly isn't human. It's animated ectoplasm with a single goal: an obsession. Nothing else. They're more akin to plants than animals, following a single drive with no emotion. They react to stimuli, recognize threats (including other ghosts), and can even imitate human speech and mannerisms to obtain fulfillment of their obsession.

Not “evil" by any stretch, but they're entirely driven by instinct. A tree doesn't pause to consider the rocks it breaks with its roots. A cordyceps doesn't torture its host for fun, or kill with malice. It just does. It follows code in its DNA to survive and multiply–And ghosts just follow the code in its ectoplasm to fulfill its obsession. The more powerful a ghost, the better it's able to overcome obstacles preventing this–whether through brute force, or manipulation. This power is always directly proportional to the amount of ectoplasm present at the time of formation, and how much time passed since death.

What then, does this mean for Danny? Danny, who's previously come to the conclusion that he's only half-ghost, which surely explains how he retained his mind? His independent thoughts and emotions?

What does this mean for Phantom, who experienced an entire world’s worth of ectoplasm condensed as a singularity, at the exact time of his death? Whose strength only grows and begins to exceed every limit they previously thought possible?

If a ghost was as strong as him… could it mimic a human perfectly? Down to a molecular level?

Could it, in its desire to fill an obsession… trick its own fake mind into thinking it was still human? Or half-ghost?

[fluentisonus]

(typing this as I walk to work so this is not articulate but) thinking a lot abt how les mis w javert sort of. hm. questions? problematizes? the Idea of dogs & the domestication of dogs (metaphorically ofc) like it sort of looks past the 'man's best friend' angle entirely & makes you think things like. kind of fucked up of humans [the social order] to domesticate the wolf [person outside of society for whatever reason] expressly to turn against & cause harm to other wolves in order to keep them out [away from respectable society] & keep themselves safe but never truly consider it an equal [it'll always just be a dog]. kind of fucked up that the dog finds enjoyment & life's purpose in this

[dismas-n-dismay]

I'm not fucking joking when I tell you I saw this panel and literally started sobbing and crying over seeing my babygirl buying chocolate with just fucking quarters. This is the people's jason todd for real, thank you Juni Ba

[marypsue]

Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.

However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.

[tapakah0]

[luckyartdrawer]

Been looking for fun outfits to draw the DCA in, but then inspiration struck and-

Subway Masters Emmet and Ingo Sun and Moon!

(Click image fore better quality)

I could have sworn I saw someone else also do this idea, but I can't find the drawing. I can't be the only one who felt this vibe right??? It's perfect!

vvv Yapping and (a handful) extra images below the cut!!! vvv

Sketch

Isolated Final Version & Close Up

No Sketch & Dark Sketch Versions

Honestly I felt the urge to show all these different versions because all of them were super satisfying to me. The sketch being visible adds texture to the image, but the clean is, well, so clean. Then the dark sketch being visible makes it feel so stylized, like the borderlands sketchy shader the characters have. Love love love it all!

Why Sun's eyes are mostly blue instead of the iconic white is because I wanted to make it match with the blue Moon has as a secondary color, just like how Sun's secondary color red is featured easily as Moon's eyes! I wanted to keep the silver eyes from Emmet and Ingo, so coloring the white makes them pop! (I wanted them to compliment each other well while still having unique designs.)

I don't usually do cell shading, but I've been seeing so many pleasing art styles on Tumblr using them that I just felt like it would be nice to do a clean cell shaded work. :3

(Somehow it took me way longer to cell shade than my usual style... Maybe using the lasso tool religiously for everything had something to do with it.)

I don't really engage with the Subway Masters fandom much, but I love the characters so much. Their designs are so cool and I love BW and gah I hope they put Emmet in the next Legends game. We got to see Ingo now I also need to see the unhinged happy man out of his element!!!

(I'm a big pokemon fan :P)

Once the idea got to me it was like- How could I not? The dynamics are literally perfect you cannot convince me otherwise!!!

[icewindandboringhorror]

I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol

[hildegardladyofbones]

One of the best things about Disco Elysium by far is that it does not fear ugly women. The world is full of ugly men, but ugly women are so hard to come by.

[alicenpai]

buncha wanpee busts from may (boa) + 2023 (the sketches) that i never uploaded.. saw da wanpee news on twt today so ive been in the mood