#can i get a hell yeah i really tried
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you can't fight the moonlight
#rk1k#dbh#dbh fanart#detroit become human#rk1000#conkus#dbh connor#dbh markus#can you believe i used the sims with sexc mods as reference lmaooo#can i get a hell yeah i really tried#its been years i drew something slightly sexc
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Eddie x fem!reader (reader wears lingerie, no other descriptions of reader given except mentioning hitting that spot just right)
Contents: lingerie, both are a lil pervy tbh, humiliation, crying, praise kink, sub!Eddie, this is literally just horny ramblings
18+ only
It wasn't every day you came back to your house and your best friend had broken in. Maybe, every other week at best.
Usually, Eddie would be high eating your snacks (you were thinking about getting a lock for the cabinets). Or he would be watching whatever show you recorded and tease you about spoiling it (you threatened to use the VHS to beat him over the head and strangle him with the VHS ribbon if he did).
But, you had no clue Eddie was even in your house today. His van wasn't parked in your driveway when you came home. His shoes weren't in a haphazard pile at the front door. You had 0 clue he was there.
Not until you heard a thump coming from your bedroom. Which, your first thought went to the knickknacks you had that someone could be stealing (they wouldn't cause to a normal person it was junk but to you they were memories).
You grabbed a knife from the kitchen (you weren't gonna die without a fight, besides you learned a thing or two from the horror movies Eddie made you watch). You quietly pushed your bedroom door open and-
Shit.
Eddie was standing in your room in front of your mirror. Miles of pale skin just on display, scattered with contrasting dark tattoos he had. Nothing on, save for your lilac lingerie.
The palest purple lace bra, you can see from the back isn't even clipped correctly, missing the hook entirely. But the color is striking on Eddie. The lace thong cuts high on Eddie's ass, and you try not to gawk at the little black heart tattooed on his cheek. Eddie's scars seem softer amongst the lace.
How often did Eddie do this? Come over and put on your lingerie? Stand in front of the mirror and rub his fingers over his one hardened nipple. You couldn't see from where you were, but you knew his cock was hard. He'd be leaking all over your underwear, marking them.
Eddie lets out a little moan and it ignites a fire in your gut. You lick you lips as you watch Eddie, which maybe makes you a pervert but really it is your house and he is wearing your clothes so if anyone is-
Fuck why is it so hot?
"So-" you clear your throat. Eddie let's out a screech (that you are pretty sure ruined your eardrums) as he whirls around. He tries to cover himself with his arms, curls in on himself. And Holy cow he is hard.
He is big, so big, the tip just peeking out of the waistband of the panties. You can see the pearly translucent precum already dripping onto the underwear.
"I- fuck, I'm aha listen I can exp- i can explain!" Eddie fumbles over his words. You blink a few times tearing your eyes away from his massive dick (oh it would feel so good it would hit every spot just right).
Eddie's face is red, tears welling up in his eyes. "Oh Baby, no," you rush over, pausing when Eddie flinches. You gently put a hand out on Eddie's shoulder, drawing him into a hug, " It's- it's okay. Please don't cry." "Don't hate me." You gasp in shock, pulling back to look in his eyes," I could never!"
Eddie's eyes are wet, filled with unshed tears. His nose is turning a bit red, from embarrassment, shame, or sadness you can't tell. But his cheeks are such a pretty pink you think it'd look nice elsewhere on his pale skin.
Eddie hides his face with his hair, shuffling his feet a bit. "So..." you pause unsure how to ask it politely so you just go for it," I can see this is a kink thing...but like, what kind?"
Eddie shrugs," Wanted to feel pretty..." You frown," You are pretty Eddie." Eddie shakes his head and gestures to his abdomen," Not with these."
Eddie really should not be drawing your eyes any further south then his face. Cause your pulse kicks up and the fire inside you lights back up your spine. You can't help but notice his dick is still hard as a rock.
"You are too pretty." "Not really." "Yes!" Not-" You shove Eddie lightly, causing him to stumble back and fall onto the bed. Eddie's eyes widen in shock as he peers up at you.
"Don't talk about my best friend that way! You are too pretty. And handsome. Funny. So talented," You sigh and step forward, into Eddie's parted legs. Eddie leans up on his elbows and blinks rapidly at you. "You're so fucking pretty Baby." You murmur, hand reaching out lightly touching his thigh.
Eddie let's out a whine before looking startled at himself. You can't help but notice his dick twitch under the pale purple lace. "You like being called pretty?" You smirk. "Like when you call me Baby," Eddie replies softly.
You aren't sure who moves first, but suddenly your arms are wrapped around each other. Your lips meet Eddie's without hesitation. His are slightly chapped but still soft, molding perfectly against your own.
You run your hand down Eddie's neck, to the pale bra strap and snap it. He gasps and you take the chance, slipping your tongue into his mouth. He tastes of weed, mint gum, and just Eddie.
Eddie moans against you, hips bucking forward seeking friction. You pull back, gasping for air. Eddie let's out a whine," No, come back-" "I ain't going anywhere Baby."
Eddie's eyes flutter shut as he bites his lip. He hums as you kiss his jaw, lightly nipping at his pulse point. He shivers against you, hips bucking forward again. You suck lightly as you decide to give him some relief.
Your hand snakes down, grasping him firmly. You lightly squeeze through the lace, giving just enough friction as you move your hand.
"Look so good in my lingerie Baby, you should wear it more often." You murmur between kisses. Eddie nods absently, gasping and moaning beneath you. "Got a red pair that has some nice straps, you'd look so metal and so so pretty."
Eddie freezes, mouth falling open. His brow wrinkles slightly as he moans, pleasure overtaking him. His hips spasm, even his thighs twitch, as he comes. You can feel your underwear get soaked along with part of his stomach.
You stroke him through it, extending his pleasure until he whimpers and pushes at your hand. You pull back, smiling softly at his face. Eddie's eyes flutter open, darting down to your lips. "Kiss?" He asks quietly, unsure. You simply smile and kiss him again.
#So listen...I wrote this in a feverish state and then sat here and stared at a wall for about 5 minutes#I am sure I could add more contents but uh my brain is not working#Literally just sitting with this scenario and nodding to myself whispering “yea...yeah”#Eddie would look so good#He tries it on all innocent but then likes the way it looks and feels and he is like OH#He is like ya know what I can wear whatever the hell I want he could buy his own but he doesn't cause money#But also something about wearing yours gets his blood pumping#He really never expected to tell you anytime soon and was definitely not expecting you to come home#But as he lays in bed next to you he can't help but be glad#And plan your future wedding but hey what happens in his mind stays in his mind...#And if he writes it in a journal with hearts and your names mashed together so what!!#He is still all mean and metal even if he wants to be called baby and held and look pretty#I love him he is rotating in my brain rn just sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees spinning in the microwave#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson/reader#eddie munson#sub!eddie munson x reader#sub!eddie munson#sub!eddie munson x you#Jade is talking
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SO funny that the only explanation for why Aric stabbed Rhian is, in Japeth's words, "because [Rhian] said things about [his and Aric's] friendship" (the full actual quote is "because you said things! About him and me! About our friendship!"). Which is such a funny way of phrasing it because that could mean LITERALLY anything. Soman why would you phrase it like that. genuinely
The only other elaboration we get on the stabbing ever is right after the first line and it's vague as to what it's actually talking about, which is where Rhian says "Because he was a monster / a sadist with no soul" (which. yeah lmao), but that could be either "he stabbed me because he was a monster" OR "I said those things because he was a monster", and the rest of the line supports the second interpretation, so we just???? don't know what made aric do it??????? This is the single most influential event in the series it literally doubled the series' length what do you MEAN there's only ever two lines about it????? ? ? ??? arbed prequel when hello
#unadulterated rambling btw. it IS 2am#seriously. what the fuck happened in Arbed. how did we get here#im not against the interpretation that rhian said one (1) wrong thing and aric got him for it#while that is slightly out of character for him in my opinion (at least by pre-book 2 standards). yeah he would#japeth girl come back what was it. japeth. please#NOT liking what japeth knowing what was said implies btw. but that's neither here nor there#this post is also missing the crucial interpretation that rhian ii is not too fond of gay people. and thats. thats what he said#also! the other really funny bit of information revealed about arbed in this chapter!#they put arics expulsion to a VOTE. they made the ENTIRE STUDENT POPULATION VOTE ON IT#that is. so incredibly funny. 498 to 1 vote. can you fucking imagine being japeth in that situation. its so joever#why would they do that “hm this student tried to kill someone. this is a perfect opportunity to exercise democratic values”#do yall see why i wanted the arbed prequel this shits funny as hell#aric once again being the most unserious character in the series. 10 year streak#sge#tsfgae#school for good and evil#the school for good and evil#sfgae#japethposting#the school of good and evil#aricposting#getting too much post mileage lately that last tag has. unacceptable
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda
#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life#when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The?????#i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol#lackadaisy#corned beef#any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing:#nicodeme savoy#mordecai heller#me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between#goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO#the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's#such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh#also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah#anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having#hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely#who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane#and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties#back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it#or really; ricocheting off of it. classic#also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand#it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i?#well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power.#you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them#ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars....#Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e.#nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk#or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not#mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing#haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol.#still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment
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tell us about ancient spanish?
Yeah!
so. In the beginning of my comic (I'm assuming you havent read it, if you have I'm sorry) the main character is getting established as sort of a "master bullshitter" and very lucky. He's not stupid, the reason he's alive is because he reads situations quickly and lies very well... and at this point my editor had been repeatedly treating him with this sort of bumbling idiot trope, so I was already a bit frustrated.
He's caught as a stowaway on a pirate ship, and is bullshitting a treasure hunt so the pirates keep him alive long enough that he could escape. So, he makes a fake treasure map in Spanish, hoping that the pirates won't know any... because if they can just kill him and take the map, they will. And one of them knows Spanish!
So, the joke I put in to resolve the situation (which I kept) was "but can you READ Spanish?" where he's banking on the pirate's illiteracy, and he lucks out because she can't read.
but my editor wanted him to say "but do you know... ancient spanish?" which makes no sense and isnt funny LMAO to me.
There were a lot of instances like this, but this is the one I remember the most because my editor like. argued with me on putting ancient spanish in there... It was a back and forth for a good bit.
#like. they can see the map. in his hands.#if she knows spanish and can read it. she will know he is lying#and they will kill him#it doesnt resolve the situation#and its also not funny. like. what the hell does ancient spanish even mean. its nothing.#like I would have much rather resolved the situation by no one knowing spanish.#cause that requires him to stay alive to read the map. which was his goal. this whole time...#so her joke wasnt funny. makes no sense like. historically. AND doesnt even address the situation.#like a good edit understands the intent of the situation.#she gave a lot of what I like to call 'lateral edits' where they dont fundamentally change a scene at all#but they dont really make anything better. like it's not getting worse but its not helping anything either?#but then she had some edits that made things worse...#so I would do some of the lateral ones to sort of appease her and then she wouldnt notice that I didnt do the ones that made thing worse#but this was in the very beginning so I was combatting all the things I didnt want to do. instead of just not doing them#I'm not even getting edits anymore at this point in my career LOL#my second editor was amazing. she was sometimes slow to understand the point of a scene but she offered some really amazing edits#my current editor does literally nothing#she has not given me one note. like literally not even one. she sort of offhandedly said “enjoying reading it!” like ok... great...#and then my first editor. well. ancient spanist LOL#there were a few things I said I fundamentally refuse to do and she kept. asking. me. to do them#one time I had to argue with her that I wouldnt make a joke making fun of hairy men??? like I like hairy men what the hell???#ANYWAYS. yeah. thats ancient spanish#tried to be short but all my jokes are like extremely contextual so its hard to get enough context for them to make sense
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Imagining a scenario where at some point Dante and Lady get married purely for practical purposes (like if she gets hospitalized so Dante can visit/make some decisions) but Lady ends up dating Trish so Dante's like
#dmc#this is crack but. i find it hilarious#if we're doing a timeline that sort of parallels our own i'm also imagining dante being like#'don't worry you're free to divorce me once you and trish are allowed to be married! no hard feelings'#'hell we can make it a double divorce-marriage! we can get divorced at the courthouse and then you and trish get married right after!'#i really like lady/trish as a ship#i generally think of dante/lady as something that they might have tried out when they were younger but eventually realized they weren't-#into. and there were no hard feelins there. just a 'yeah sorry but i don't think this is going to work' and the other going 'fine by me'#a very gentle friends to maybe lovers or just dating back to friends#and in this marriage scenario it would basically fit right into canon. they wouldn't live together or anything#it would purely be a paper thing just so dante gets some special privileges in case something happens to lady#also the extended version of this is dante visiting kyrie at some point and she asks him how his wife is doing which makes him go#'wait. who is this supposed wife of mine?' bc he's pretty sure nero doesn't know about the marriage so how would kyrie know that??#and she reveals that she thought it was Trish which makes him laugh and say nah they're just friends. also Trish is dating Lady#which makes Kyrie go 'oh! i'm sorry. you two seemed close and nero mentioned seeing her at your place so i'd assumed...'#and dante's like 'eh no worries it's no big deal. i was wondering how you knew about lady and i but that makes more sense.'#then kyrie: 'wait. you and lady are married?' dante: 'yeah!' kyrie: 'but i thought you said she was dating Trish??' dante: 'she is!'#kyrie: '??? uh. well if you're happy i'm happy for you too.' dante: 'thanks! i'll let them know.'#erurandomness#erubabbles#eru hcs#hcs
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So finally I can talk more CR stuff after my self enforced pre-119 embargo has been lifted
and Folks, Critters, daresay I Friends: I am exhausted
But it's in a good way, mostly. But only because I have fretted myself for 2 weeks - 2 fair and acceptable weeks because people are the priority when it comes to the fires - only for the expected to be 'final showdown' to have a phase two that continues into next episode (wherein Ludinus could still appear to make things worse), meaning that I'm gonna fret myself into more exhaustion for at least another week and continue my accelerating descent into sleep-deprived madness. Other than that, I am happy with what we were given this episode.
What felt like a mountain to climb after 118 caused such deflation in the fandom has slowly turned a corner thanks to Bell's Hells', well the ones who have known each other longer than a week, will to protect one another; to save Imogen and Imogen's will to get back to her friends. Now Imogen - God Eater Imogen might we add - is free, Predathos is diminished further of power, the Hells are temporarily powered up via boons, and finally, FINALLY, we have an Option C for the god stuff: mortality, similar to how they did on Downfall. A chance for the gods to humble themselves which in a way can gauge their understanding better of what the world and its inhabitants need, to stand alongside their children as family that can be empathised with, rather than denizens living above and away that cannot be understood. Granted it won't be perfect, but no option was perfect - even the Divine Gate has proven not to be perfect - and at least this one is better than death or departure, and it will indeed be up to them to make that choice.
There is still the matter of Predathos and maybe/likely Ludinus of course, as well as trying to convince the gods of this alternative, so everything is far from over, but there is a bit more hope now and I am equally frightened and excited to see the next episode - more than I was for 118 and 119 - and its outcome.
#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e119#bells hells#predathos#exandrian pantheon#c3 spoilers#Dorian once again proving his quality and big props to Fearne and Laudna as well in the ep#still Braius you dick - you may've suggested mortality but you're a dick for stealing the mask and BH deserve to chew you out for it#the option of gods being mortal will be a culture shock to many of them but some (like the Everlight) will probably happily go for it#Azzy though he will not take it with grace; only survival with additional plotting - but perhaps that'll beget future stories down the line#honestly I feel like the Wildmother and Lawbearer will struggle to agree to it - given their nature as lovers and having to be separated#it's hilarious though that Vecna tried to become a god for centuries and now 30ish years later he may have to go back to being mortal again#someone here mentioned Vax raising the Matron like Purvan did and I can't help but imagine Vax and Keyleth raising a kid Matron#not thrilled about Imogen still being a vessel mind you but compromises are abound and aplenty right now#still hope the other Hells get a chance to shine; Ashton may've broken Ludie's concentration but it was overshadowed by Power Word Stun#Predathos really had it in for them in combat - maybe it recognized the Empress? - Chet's not had many openings to come in clutch either#so yeah just something clutch for Chet and Ashton (could you say Titan combo with Fearne?) to shine a good spotlight on them would be nice#also the other ships had some bits can mine get some feeding? I get they're fighting for their lives so priorities but like please?#should've known after Lucien that Matt'd go 2+ stages...felt like Ludie was stage 1 and 2 though - might be 5 stages if he shows up again#if Predathos is now the entire Hallowed Cage does it count as an object? Asking for a Titan friend who doubles damage to objects...#it'll be interesting to see how they use the 2 extra levels - especially casters with a potential 9th level spells now#I have like a backlog of fanart to like as well which I'll get to but I'm on 799 and my autistic brain wants something particular for 800
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honestly i don't think i'm satisfied with tdp s7
#specifically the final episode#felt like a really solid season until then#just so much shit introduced for THE SERIES FINALE#“no we're not going to do anything with the idea that Zym can both fast travel & TALK”#“oh yeah (comma) this is what I sound like” ARE YOU KIDDING ME#yes. it would be questionable if zym never talked. because he's an archdragon and all archdragons introduced can talk. BUT WHY.#WHY WAS THE LAST EPISODE THE ONE THAT DID ANYTHING ABOUT IT#there's so many new concepts that randomly popped up for whatever purpose and there was no explanation as to why they're here#and. i. hate. the fact. that avizandum. looked like that. yet the dragons tried to talk to him. you fucking idiots he's not there#i also hate what they did for aaravos. they didn't follow any plan or explain what they did to him. is he dead is he sealed? who knows!#AND. GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. I can see why they made Callum yap so long to keep him from actually dying but dude!? wtf!?#felt like a villain over-explaining his plan and it felt like I was being talked to like a five-year-old. not fond of that.#i also can't get over the ending where Ezran is talking to the crowd and it's so obvious what're just png characters.#i want to turn one of them into my oc. the one that was in the foreground. right next to characters that actually moved.#which is such a choice lmfao it's so obvious.#i don't know how i feel about the little teases for a spinoff series#i would be fine with them if it didn't feel like the team was going Ah! This Still Isn't Resolved Yet! We're Not Done! Winky Face ;)#in a way in a sense i feel like it highlights all the shit they *didn't* finish#NOTHING WAS DONE WITH THE NOVABLADE. ONLY WEAPON THAT CAN KILL A STARTOUCH ELF AND WAS SOUGHT AFTER BY THE MCS. NEVER USED.#and nothing was done about that promise Soren made to Terry to not hurt Claudia. that was never a point of conflict.#hell there wasn't much if any conflict between soren and claudia that episode! SOREN WAS NEVER IN A POSITION THAT HE COULD HURT CLAUDIA#JUST. GOD.#and what a nothingburger end too. new country owned by the people awesome what kind of government do you have.#i was so excited. it seemed like tdp got its shit together this season only to fail completely.#but hey. at least it's better than miraculous ladybug. which isn't actually saying anything the bar for mlb is in hell.#this message was brought to you by autixel#the dragon prince spoilers
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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To be honest the dialogue in twd is absolute ass sometimes but the actors deliver their lines with so much conviction that it kinda slips by. You yell that convoluted sentence with your whole cunt, girl.
#this post was sitting in my drafts for months but a line from Fear made me remember it again#''I will do what you tried to do to me only I won't miss''#translation: I will succeed where you failed but I won't fail#yeah bitch the floor here is made of floor#also for context nobody ''missed''. The thing he tried to do was shove him into a room full of walkers#and he did. successfully#he just somehow didn't fucking die or get a single scratch on him#this show is getting way more entertaining as it goes along but it's still stupid#also thinking bout ''we are the walking dead'' ''no we aint'' ''no you're right we aint''#thanks for shitting on Rick's metaphor dude. that was almost poignant.#and ''we got one enemy. we aint the walking dead'' ok slay I guess those two statements were related. vaguely. I think.#sorry kinda roasting Daryl specifically here. He's not the worst offender these are the only lines I can think of off the top of my head rn#also a LOT of the dialogue is interchangable between characters.#Daryl's ''Jimmy'' story in his spinoff was just a Negan monologue. hell Rick could even have told it.#they would have said it differently but again that's down to the actors.#all of this is light hearted ofc#I mean all that really matter is I'm Having A Good Time#twd#ftwd
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having completely normal thoughts (gortash wotr au)
#yeah. it’s bad. not thinking about inserting zeke but GORTASH#he’d start out as aeon for sure#his opinions on companions are so fucking awful#not nearly as awful as the kingmaker au ofc. he’d call reg a sick dog that needs to be put down because his incompetent owner failed him#anyways. this is a deranged wotr post.#of course there’s no one among the companions fit to be his/equal status#but i’d say he’d have the most positive opinions of regill and greybor. as positive as a guy thinking of them as his tools can get.#towards greybor it’s like. ok you don’t see yourself as more than a weapon and neither do i. you do your job as long you get paid i can wor#with that.#meanwhile regill he’d love to have as a knight devoted to him instead of him being a hell knight#this of course never fucking works gortash’s weird manipulation would not pull through with regill in this matter#no romance of course. except for manipulative sex with wenduag probably.#he really wants that mongrel army! will pop a fantasy viagra if wenduag needs to be ‘roughly subdued to calm down.’#he’d be a little more into it than usual because he doesn’t need to hold back with her but it’s still not a true subjugation in the end.#until later he’s like ok. i lied i don’t like sex get on the vivisection table#(aro + fucked version of grayace gortash truther if you didn’t know)#tries to refine her and the poison#he’d be awful to her in general. sees a weapon to be refined. she recognizes him as master now but her loyalty is fickle.#he’d earn all the respect flags#but still would punish her greatly for the first sign of betrayal in the abyss#oh and before this gets too long: one more for cam obviously.#sadly i don’t see a world in which he doesn’t immediately see through the mireya story and kill her in act 3#but if he didn’t. it’d be so juicy. him in act 5 learning the full story. how her father talks about her.#just stands there frozen for 10 seconds with a thousand yard stare#<- to then go no i don’t think you should kill him you should [REDACTED GRUESOME TORTURE METHOD THAT KEEPS ONE ALIVE & AWAKETHE ENTIRE TIME#in the end he’d execute her anyways but. hm. he’d get triggered for sure#i have more thoughts but i’m gonna shut up now lmao
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#the thing is. you should believe survivors#also my ex after we broke up tried to go to half of our mutual friend and tell them horrifying stories of abuse he was dealing with#it wasn't even planned smearing campain (I don't think it's his style). he was truly hurt. some things really di happened. some even#happened the way he told it. and some were blowed to 'I went to work with bruises every day' (he was grabbed by hand by other partner once#and had bruises because he was so white-skinned he bruised like from touch)#or how I forced him to live with other man that hated him and turned his life to hell (he forgot to mention that it was my disabled brother#he flew away from our abusive mother as soon as he turned 18 and I gave him shelter. after asking partners to consider this seriously#because it's big commitment. I also stated several times that I'm willing to move out with him if it's unpleasant. also this 'living hell'#was him ignoring my partner completely after he yelled on him several times because as he said he didn't ran away from home#to suffer yelling again)#so yeah. it didn't work that time because my friend actually know everything from me long before my ex came to them#they nodded politely and never talked to him again#but it lingers. and it majes me look really critically at any call out or accusation.#person could be really hurt. really harmed even. and still there could be biases or misunderstanding or any human messiness#it sounds like girl had a horrifying experience. it also looks like she kept illusion of being fully on board and loving it.#was it believably? or he just didn't care#did he pick her because she was young and inexperienced? or because she told him she's interested in bdsm?#did he tried to help her when she was in bad place? or was he calculatingly buying her silence?#was he creepy or was he awkward?#honestly I don't know even... what kind of proofs you can get there#like we have her statement. we have objective thing — texts and vids. we can have Gaiman own statement#so what if he will repeat what stated in messages: it was consensual she literally wrote what she want me to do etc#believe survivors. what if everything she told is true too. but also what in messages are true too#what if she was scared and hurt and also told him yes and more and please master. because people are complicated#would he accused of not reading her mind? would there be charges on not checking enough. HOW WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT#like it's all is ne genuinely trying to understand what's next and how it could be wrapped at all#for the record: even if it was absolutely 💯 consensual and girl like completely lying about everything etc#he's still clearly fucked up and things were messy for a lot of reasons. it's bad!#but there's difference between 'it was rape or coercion' and 'it was poorly planned affair and he should've be more considerate of partners#feelings'. and in any way. hope that girl gets help
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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sickening that i have to think about studying rather than 50 different fic ideas floating in my head tomorrow this should be considered a crime
#finally having creative energy#after MONTHS of absolutely none of it#only to be squandered by the fact i have exams in a month#and have done fuck all to prepare for them#see the thing is#i can pass exams in my sleep#don't ask me how ive no fucking clue#it's like magic i swear#i could get straight As if i tried#i just don't#but im still constantly guilty that im not studying#like why can't i be nonchalant about this#i just want to go about my day blissfully unaware#but like#ive already dropped out once#can't really do that again#times like these i just want to become a youtuber instead#i feel like i was built to be a video essay youtuber#my 5 hour long dissection of mako mermaids would go so hard#as soon as i get more confidence and less acne it is ON#tbh that applies to pretty much everything in my life rn#once the acne chronic pain and mental fuckery is sorted im gonna be unstoppable#way to turn around this rant to a positive note#hell yeah
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that last pic was costarring my very swanky stair lift btw lmao
#I actually did shell out for a really nice one#I'd tried out some of the cheaper ones and they just felt rickety as hell#don't let some infomercial sell your elderly/disabled family members a shitty stair lift you heard it from me#but anyway yeah that's the only way I can actually get around in my house hahaha
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