#can i feel normal for even just a day I've had enough of this.
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my number one .á
Paring; art x reader
Synopsis; You'd always been your own worst enemy. Your anxiety liked to jump out at the worst times yet your ever-doting boyfriend was determined to be there every. single. time.
Even if that meant missing his match.
Requested; anon
Notes; tysm for the request <3 i kinda based this on my own anxiety and the methods I've been taught over the years
Masterlist
âI donât wanna be annoying.â
âYou're not being annoying.â
No matter how many times he says it, you never believe it. How could you not be annoying, especially when youâve woken him up at 3 a.m. for what must be the third time this week?
Art sighed, pulling you closer to his chest. His hands rubbed over your back in soothing circles as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. âJust follow my breathing, okay?â It was a saying so common that it seemed to fall from his lips without a thought. It was almost like a lifeline of sorts knowing that no matter what youâd always have the steady beat of his heart only a phone call away whenever your own decided to forget how to beat on time and needed reminding.
It was equally a blessing and a curse. A blessing to have someone like Art who would drop everything to come at your beacon call but a curse that you needed him in that way.Â
Even now when he should be preparing for another tournament - against which school you canât remember but then again your only thought right now is being able to focus enough to breathe - heâs here with you tucked around a corner from your class as you try to calm your breathing.
The moment heâd gotten your text.
Please come
Need you
Heâd left the court without a second thought and made it to the building in record time. âYouâre okay.â He soothed running a thumb over your cheek as he held your gaze. âYouâre okay just breathe. In and out.âÂ
He hated seeing you like this. No matter how many times it happened heâd never shake that feeling of nausea that would swim in his stomach whenever your breath seemed to catch and your eyes grew distant. It made him want to just wrap you in his arms and protect you from anything and everything that left you feeling even slightly anxious.
You were his entire world and it hurt him to know you were your own worst enemy.Â
âCâmon.â His hand intertwined with yours as he grabbed your bag. You both walked quietly back to his dorm your heart rate slowly going back to normal as you both walked.Â
âDonât you have practice?â You frowned as he placed your bag on his bed turning to watch as you shut the door. âItâs fine.â He smiled trying to reassure you as he opened his arms. âI can practice later youâre more important right now okay.â He sighed pulling you against his chest.
The practice could wait right now all he cared about was you.Â
âÂˇË ŕź *âÂˇË ŕź *âÂˇË ŕź *
Not now, please god not now.
Art had already been so busy the last few days that youâd purposefully tried to leave him alone. He needed to train and you didnât want to get in the way and worry him more then he already was.Â
Heâd only left his dorm an hour ago to get ready for the match and youâd been fine. Better then fine actually youâd had a great morning and for a moment youâd thought that maybe youâd go three full days without your anxiety rearing its ugly head.
And then it proved you wrong.
âArt Iâm fine.â You could hear his concern down the phone as you sat on his bed, mentally counting your breaths to try and keep some semblance of calm. âYou sure? I can come back for a-â
âNo. No stay there and just relax okay? Iâll come find you before it starts.â You could almost picture the concern in his eyes as he sighed before relenting. If you said you were fine you were fine, pushing you would only make it worse.
âOkay but call me if you need okay? I love you.â
âI love you too.â You smiled slightly tracing shapes over his covers as you ended the call. The room was starting to feel too small as you sat, the air almost stuffy. Nothing had even happened and yet you could already feel the anxiety building.
The pit in your stomach swirled as your hands grew clammy no matter how many times you wiped them on your jeans.
You were fine.
You had to be fine.Â
Taking a breath you stood pacing the small space as you tried to halt the attack. Breathe in for 10 out for 10.
In for 10 out for 10.
âFuck.â Your voice shook slightly as tears began to prick at your eyes, your chest heaving as you tried to pull in a breath that wasnât there.Â
Your eyes darted around the room as you looked for anything to help but came up empty. You couldnât call him. You knew the minute you did heâd drop everything and you didnât want that.
No matter how bad this was - and it was bad by your standards - his match was more important.
Wiping the tears you sat back down closing your eyes as you tried to talk yourself through it.
You were fine.
âÂˇË ŕź *âÂˇË ŕź *âÂˇË ŕź *
The breath heâd been holding since youâd spoken on the phone a few hours ago seemed to finally release as he spotted you in the crowd. His eyes lit up and a bright smile pulled at his lips as he made his way through the crowd towards where you stood, your own eyes lighting up when you noticed him.
âHey.â He grinned pulling you in for a chaste kiss. âYou came.â
âOf course I did.â You laughed but it was strained. Your smile slightly too tight as you fixed the cap over his curls. âYou ready?â You asked pulling back ever so slightly.Â
âYou're shaking.âÂ
âNo, Iâm not.â
âYes, you are I can see your hands.â Art sighed his smile pulling into a frown as he took your hand in his. âYour freezing as well.âÂ
Your face was still pulled into a tight smile but he saw right through it. The slight draw in your brow and the redness around your eyes gave you away almost immediately. Before you could say anything else he was pulling you through the crowd and behind the bleachers.
You swallowed back the tears which burned at your eyes. It had taken the whole two hours since the phone call for you to calm down even an inch and even now you still felt sluggish in your own body.Â
âArt mâfine.â Your voice shook as you closed your eyes.Â
âNo your not.â He shook his head pushing a strand of hair from your face. âWhy didnât you call me?â You always called! It was bad enough knowing youâd walked from the dorms to the court like this but knowing youâd very possibly been like this since heâd last called you?
His own heart was racing at the thought.
âI didnât wanna distract you.â His hand was now rubbing over your shoulder as you wiped at your eyes. âI know how much this means to you-â
âThe match doesnât matter.â He shook his head gently, tilting your chin up. Part of you already felt better just being near him, his presence a comfort in itself.
âNothing matters more than you.â He smiled his eyes filled with warmth as his thumb flicked away a tear. âIâm not playing until I know you're okay. I canât play knowing you're feeling like this.â
He pulled you closer rubbing a hand over your back. The match would never be more important than you - hell tennis would always come second to you. The fact the thought even crossed your mind was enough to have him debating putting the racket down and pulling you back to his dorm.
âPromise me you're still gonna play.â You whispered tucking your face into the crook of his neck as you breathed in the gentle scent of his aftershave for a moment. Your lungs seemed to work again as you pressed closer, sinking into his body.
âWeâre not talking about tennis.â He murmured balancing his chin on your head. âYou're all that matters.â
He meant his words, every single one of them. Sure he would play in the tournament but only once he knew you were okay, until then it was the last thing on his mind.
Tennis could never hold a torch to his love for you.
#challengers#art donaldson#challengers 2024#challengers movie#art challengers#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson imagine#art donaldson fic#art donaldson smut#art donaldson x you#art donaldson x y/n#art donaldson fanfiction#art donaldson fluff#art donaldson drabble#challengers x reader#challengers x you#challengers x y/n#challengers fanfiction#challengers fic#patrick zweig#patrick zweig x reader#tashi duncan#.mine#.challengers#.artdonaldson
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STRANGE ADDICTION
âť 01. BEAUTIFUL DEATH
a/n: i have rewritten this chapter about two times just to get it right. i want it to feel like the show, but also i'm a perfectionist when it comes to posting in a new fandom. this story has been in my head since s1 dropped and well it feels great to finally put it somewhere. even if the love for silco has sorta died down. i've had the most fun writing this so i hope you enjoy!
summary: dinner with an old friend leads to revelations about your past. about whether you chose the right path - the future meant for you. or if time indeed stands still beyond what science and magic tells you.
word count: 4.5k+
pairing: silco x f!reader; viktor x f!reader (platonic)
warnings: not explicit, angst, friendships, flashbacks, arguing, hesitation to tell the truth, pining (not by reader), the haunting of past relationships.
NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST
The sun beat down harder than ever before. A bright scorching ball of light that seemed intent on searing through the fabric of your gown. Although you weren't entirely opposed, given the weight of the material that clung to your skin.
It seemed that the sun favored topside more than anywhere else. You'd known this for a while, your eyes fixed on the horizon at each turning of the clock. Dusk assumed its duties for the day, bringing forth the moon that hid until the time was right to reveal herself. Flames licked across the sky and suddenly you were a child again. Stunned by the magnificence and beauty of something so normal.
When you were younger you held the belief that only those in the grand city would be able to witness this. To watch as sunset broke along brilliant blue before sinking belowâaway from the towers of the grand house.
Although the term house felt humble and dishonest given the lavish setting. Castle seemed like a better word. Or kingdom.
Piltover. The land of progress.
How ironic that just below the surface lay the vastness of a city that thrived on the opposite. You felt like royalty amidst the opulence around you. Someone who was crowned long ago by the people who deemed you worthy enough. Yet it wasn't that long ago that you were a young kid vying for a glimpse at a clear sky. Topside rarely accepted those that didn't belong; unsurprising but still a bitter disappointment.
How you managed to trick themâfool their witsâinto allowing you access escaped you.
This felt too extravagant. So unlike the person you once knew. It felt fictional. A tale as old as time now finally bestowed upon someone like you.
"Unbelievable," you muttered, eyes wide at the brilliant orange that painted itself over pinks and yellows.
A voice echoed in the distance, someone calling your name, and with a sigh you were pulled away from the ambience of this view. You preferred a chance to stay here but you recognized the lilt of his voice, the familiar drawl of his words. With a sigh you let go of the balcony railing and turned towards the room you were staying in. His room. He offered and gave no room for an argument.
That didn't stop you from trying.
"Dinner is being planned," he announced, balancing his weight on the cane held in his tight grip.
"All this trouble isn't necessary." Pulling the chair by his bed close, you took the opposite one with a grin. "I'm not that important."
He huffed, long and loud enough to keep you quiet. "I don't see you often enough. Dinner is the least I can do."
"Viktorâ" His hand went up before you could state your caseâthe argument ready to fly off the tip of your tongue.
"I've argued with you enough over the years to know when you will start." His smile is warm, an old piece of the past that still resides in the back of your mind.
"I call that an unfair advantage," you muttered.
"I would call it strategy."
"Strategy requires the mind of a politician," you joked. The words rolled out of your mouth with ease as you scrutinized the man before you.
He shrugged. "I've got politician friends."
"Right."
Over the years you often wondered where your paths might cross again. Where on the timeline of your lives Viktor would once more become your ally. You both found one another in your younger yearsâwhen things were simpler. The time in your life where you were starting to be recognized for your mind and him with his mind.
Two intellectuals forged in the fires of the Undercity. At one point in your life this might have felt humorous. Almost ironic.
Now you tried to grasp at what kept the two of you together. Especially since your step back away from the atmosphere of progress.
"Iâ"
"While you are here, would you mindâuhâlooking over the research I have accumulated over the years of your absence?" The notebook he draws from the table beside him is crammed with scraps of paper. The binding was ready to burst at the seams. A sight that so utterly and undeniably the young man you met in the Undercity. "I trust your intelligence more than mine sometimes."
You could recall the hours spent pouring over books, each one filled with information you never thought you'd have the opportunity to learn. They brought the both of you closer to something that he felt would do the world some good. Knowledge was power in Piltoverâyou simply learned to utilize it for your own good. As a way to escape the past you tried your best to ignore.
Flipping to the first bookmarked page, you attempted to discern his writing. At times it was illegible, but you knew it better than yours. After years of looking at the same scratch marks and symbols, you were able to pick through Viktor's work with ease. Your heart stuttered at the research before youâthe truth that rang silently in his hopeful expression.
"You want to find a power source?" you exclaimed, glancing up to see his eyes grow apprehensive.
Of course he would be wary about this. Every line scribbled, each night of hard work, all amounted to his life's legacy. The weight of his name was placed on loose pages and ink that bled between the compact journal. Running your finger over the foreign symbols etched onto each page and margin, you felt their powerâthe meaning behind each mark made.
"Viktor it's..." You wanted to call this emotion pride but the word felt minuscule given how much effort had been put into this. "Magnificent."
He grinned, settling back with a sigh of relief. "My partner Jayceâwho you will meet tonightâhas made a remarkable discovery."
"Remarkable is putting it lightly," you cut in, absentmindedly following the curve of the largest rune on the page, marking it in your memory.
Ducking his head, you watched his hands clasp together tightly, his thumb pressing against the pulse point of his wrist. "I have to do something...that will help."
That much you could understand.
"Ever since I've known youâ" Shifting, you felt the skirt of your gown tug upwardsâyour leg exposed to the slight chill in the evening air. "You wanted to be remembered as a great scientist. Someone whose mind would be their legacy. I think you're closer to that than you think."
He scoffed. "I only told you that to stop the questions."
"About where you came from? Or something else."
The silence gave you enough of an answer. Explanations of his past came with little to no details. Merely stories that were fleeting, sinking beneath the depths long before you got a chance to figure them out entirely. He remained a mystery to you even now. Although...you couldn't say you were any different.
"Did you ever want that for yourself?" He leaned closer, his gaze attempting to pry beneath the depths of your mind.
"No," you breathed, catching one last glance at the sky. "It has always been better for my name to die with me."
"That I don't believe."
"No?" His eyes burned into the side of your face. A silent plea to finally let him in on the secret. To spill about the past you couldn't even accept for yourself.
Even as the years passed quicker than you could comprehend, Viktor never changed. Despite his age now surfacing across his face, he still felt familiar with each new slight wrinkle and faint mark that hadn't been there before. Beneath the fancy clothing and grim expression, he was still the boy you once knew. The ravenous scientist with a hunger to know more.
A man on a never ending journey for knowledge.
"You're brilliant," he said. "You always have been. I never quite understood why you chose to only be a..."
"A healer?" He nodded. "I didn't fit into Topside as smoothly as you did."
Whether he wished to admit it or not, the turmoil that tore through his body and mind was there. Hiding beneath the surface. Even as he refused to meet your gaze. Time may have intertwined you with him, but his dreams remained differentâhis hopes were vast enough to drag him away from the life you once knew.
Where he found the grandeur of a scientist working for someone brilliant, you found solace in your small shop surrounded with various concoctions and potions. A space that let you be the person you were always meant to be.
"You're talented enough to make a name for yourself. If you let me talk to the counselâ"
"No." The word sliced the air swiftly, silencing him with the sharp end of a whip.
He froze, drawing you out of the stupor your mind hastened to put you in. Upsetting him was the last thing you wanted, but you knew if he didn't stop now things would already be too late. Viktor had a tendency to escalate matters far more than necessary. It's why you were hesitant to even take his callâto give him leeway back into your life like this.
"Why?" he asked, his brows furrowed and eyes piercing through to the depths of your mind.
The answer lay at the back of your tongueâclear and ready to be pronounced with ease. But saying them out loud felt like a feat you'd never be able to manage.
"There are things in my past that are better left where they are," you replied, brushing off the way he looked at you.
A puzzle yet to be figured out. A math problem that held a solution to fix all that was broken.
But that was the thing...you couldn't be fixed. There remained no potion, no herbal remedy that could heal what had torn you to shreds. Who shattered you beyond repair.
Viktor left to pursue his Topside dreamsâhis pride in himself larger than anything you'd seen. Yet you remained behind. You stayed in the darkness of the Undercity with the promise to one day find himâto celebrate your dreams together. But that was before the battle plans, before you were recruited to help heal those that couldn't heal themselves. Before...him.
When it came down to it, you found yourself in a life far different from the one you dared to imagine with Viktor. The intention to follow him still existed somewhere as a fading dream that might never come true. But once you grew up, saw the world for how it was, you understood why you would never receive the same welcome he did.
You were a soldier first above it all and that was the one thing he would never know.
The secret you held in the confines of your heart.
"My past is the same as yours," he said. "We come from the same land. Surely if they accepted me, they will do the same for you."
You didn't fall in love with the devil.
The words that would never see the sunlight of Topside.
Reaching forward, you pat his knee in a gesture that offered a friendship despite all the secrets. Viktor would do what he wished; you couldn't stop him. That had always been the way of things since you were younger and so it would remain.
Merely two people who once offered to save one another from the bleak aspect of a future ready to eat you alive. Yet now there you were as adults. Sitting close enough to be friends yet miles a part from where you originally started.
You snapped the notebook shut and handed it back to him with a reluctant smile. The distaste of keeping him in the dark was pungent in your mouth, but this choice wasn't up to you to decide. It was always a mutual agreement between two people that were forced to be parted. He wouldn't speak about what happened and you'd do the same.
You were always meant to become a ghost of the Undercity and he a ghost of Topside.
Two fates that were never to intertwine again.
"Tell me," you said, moving to the still open balcony doors. "What's your partner Jayce like?"
He straightened in the chair, relief crossing his face at the realization that he hadn't offended you by pushing too far.
"You will like him."
"Oh I don't know about that," you drawled, a sly smile crossing your lips. "Don't you recall the night of the dinner party?"
He cringed as the memory of that disastrous debacle came to mind. You got into it with a certain doctor he befriendedâa man with an ego large enough to choke the very air out of any room. The night ended with you unceremoniously chucking your drink into the man's face to save yourself the harsh act of slapping him. You refused to see Viktor for weeksâyour own self worth having been burnt to the ground and defiled.
"I did not know he was going to insult you the way he had."
Scoffing, you leaned your back against the balcony railing. "You knew he wasn't good."
"Unfortunately that I did know." He stood on shaky legs, the clack of his cane against marble echoing off the walls as he joined you. "I can promise that Jayce is nothing like that."
"I'll determine that for myself." You sighed, glancing up at a darkened skyâthe stars shimmering bright enough to rival the moon. "Besides, dinner is just us, right? Not a surprise interview to induct me into your hall of science. Because as flattered as I amâ"
His laughter spilled over into your chest as he nudged your shoulder with his. "There will be no inducting. Not if you don't wish for it."
"Good." The clock across the room ticked away with expedited forceâas if speeding up the flow of time to get you out of here. Yet you found yourself longing to stay, to remain in this small bubble. "Does he know who I am?"
"He knows what I've told him."
"All good I hope," you humored him, offering a placating smile that could be mistaken for charm. In the hopes that you'd make it through this night unscathed.
"There may have been a few stories." Swatting his shoulder, you ignored the shift he made towards you. "Are you okay?"
"Of course." You clutched the railing behind you until your knuckles hurt, your gut filled with the foreboding dread that came with treading the waters of your past. "I'm perfectly okay," you replied confidently.
Even if the words rang with the transparency of a lie.
Piltover at night held no comparison after witnessing the beauty of sunset. Yet after three glasses of wine and a dinner large enough to feed the village, you felt the thrill of excitement fill your chest at the thought of exploring parts you'd yet to see. Looping your arm around Viktor's you fell into step beside himâmere feet behind Jayce and a woman they introduced as Mel.
Of course, you knew who she was. Everyone in the city knew her name, but for the sake of a peaceful dinner void of any politics, you didn't make that fact obvious.
"It was a nice dinner," you said, the breeze off the water skimming the bare skin of your back.
"We should do it again." His voice remained steady, like a piece of home you never thought you'd get back. His eyes however...screamed something entirely different.
A divot in the road you weren't prepared forâone you didn't see yourself wanting.
"We should," you agreed, finding a spot against the railing. The blue of the ocean gleamed beneath the light of the moon. Truly Piltover at its finest. "Maybe next month?"
The irritated sigh slipped past his lips before he could reign it in, but that was all you needed to understand his intentions. You'd been afraid of this since you came to visit him the very first time. An execrable feeling weighed heavy in your stomach as time went on and his silence prevailed.
He stood beside you now with hope in his heart. The voices of Jayce and Mel faded into the background as they walked further away. And you were left with the friend you never wished to loseâthe boy you longed to keep knowing.
"I haven't saidâI should have said it already butâ"
"Viktor," you interrupted, standing upright.
Suddenly the wine and the excessive amount of food didn't sound like a good idea after all. Your heart pounded against your chest, reverberating through your entire bodyâeach nerve alight and waiting for the worst possible scenario to this outcome. He'd been your oldest friend, someone you counted on when you had no one else and the thought of ruining that left you feeling sick.
Each second he looked at you as if you held all the answers to what he pined for made your heart twist painfully.
With a shaky breath, you finally relented to the truth. "I can't."
"What do you mean?" His cheeks flushed vermilion as he fixed his gaze back to the water.
Shutting your eyes to collect your thoughts carefully, you sighed. "I know what you want meâusâto be and I can't...give that to you."
"Oh."
"I do care for you." Somehow the words echoed with hollow deceit, despite how true they felt in your heart.
"It's because of him."
You reared back, startled. "What?"
His eyesâplagued with sorrow deep enough to slice right through youâmet yours waiting for a different answer. An explanation as to where your heart belonged. But you stood as still as stoneâunable to form thoughts let alone coherent words. He ripped right down to the bone, pulled at your weak tendons and bit down on frayed nerves.
Yet he wasn't done.
"I'm not oblivious. When you finally came to Piltover you wouldn't tell me about what you did when I wasn't there. I only assumed you had feelings for someone. A man you didn't wish to speak about."
You exhaled slowlyâthe icy chill of relief swallowing you whole. "Oh...yes I...there was someone."
"Do you still love him?"
Glancing across the water, you glimpsed the bridge standing tallâa beacon of this city's hope for progress. But to your eyes it felt like a separationâa division between the two worlds of your life. One filled with enough pain to leave you staggering where you stool and other...a world of grandeur that overflowed with the option of peace.
At one point you had wanted to watch it burn. His betrayal tainted everything good about that place. A scar carved deep enough to leave an everlasting wound that never healed. You longed to forget itâto rid yourself of the memories he plaguedâbut you still knew one day...you'd stand upon that same ground again.
"I don't know," you breathed, the past clawing its way up your throatâshoving towards the very front of your mind.
BEFORE
The streets were overrun with people as they moved and flowed like the waves on a shore. You felt shoulders knock into you, exasperated glances thrown your way as you fumbled with the plants still gripped in your hands. They grew at the edge of the bridgeâhidden in the shadows as a safeguard from the sun. Dirt packed itself beneath your fingernails, mud coating the thin fabric of your pants from where you dug.
"You should really have that looked at," you grumbled, shoving the plant into your satchel.
Garnering no response, you were left to get lost in your own thoughts. Whether or not he was actually in pain didn't concern you. Not when you had a job given by Vander who insisted you focus solely on healing rather than fighting. It's not as if you entirely disagreed with himâyou were more than happy being a healer rather than a soldierâyou simply couldn't figure how this would help in the long run.
What exactly were you supposed to do when people acted stubborn and brash?
"What are you writing?" he barked, stopping abruptly. You rammed into him with a sneer.
"Nothing that's of any concern to you." Shoving your pen and notebook into the bag, you watched as he huffed in response, turning away. "I'll tell you again since you seem to be hard of hearing. You should really have your woundâ" He stopped, eyes flashing over his shoulder with a glare. ââlooked at."
"You sure do talk a lot," he snipped.
"It's a gesture of kindness. You don't have to be an ass about it."
How did you manage to get stuck with this man? You were more than capable of sneaking around the border of Topside without anyone's help. Vander assigning you an escort seemed synonymous with the actions of an older brother being overly protective. Yet you weren't related in any way shape or formâyou were simply someone who understood the need for change.
Arguing would get you nowhere and so you did your best to ignore his quick glances. Coming up with a correct judgment for what you found took precedence over the man in front of you.
The heat of the day seeped into your clothesâsticking to your exposed skinâthe longer you trekked back. If it were possible to steal some time, you'd search for that small pool you and Viktor used to play atâjust to submerge yourself in cold water. But with a guard at your side, you were left with only one option. Dreaming about weather cooler than this.
"You're walking too slow," he called over his shoulder.
The desperation for escape called to you, begged you to leave him behind and go somewhere quiet. But before you could sprint in the opposite direction, he turned. Ignoring him didn't seem to be a well thought out solution, but that never stopped you from trying. Even as he glared at you.
What little sunlight remained began to dip below the horizonâa sight you'd neve grow tired of. If only you had the chance to see it over the ocean with a clear sky above.
"You need that fixed before we return." Avoiding the incensed glare directed your way, you settled on the edge of a wall.
"What I need is for you to keep going. So I can go home."
"Listenâwhoever you areâI know that when you return you're going to be questioned about why you're in pain. Either you let me patch up that wound or you get Vander. Your pick."
The arguing ceased with a defiant raise of your brows, lips curling into a sly grin that pinned him where he stood. There really was no other option than submission. What was a quick check before you were on your merry way. Much to your delight, he seemed to come to the same conclusion as he joined you on the wall, undoing his vest with an indignant sigh.
Silence filled the empty space between you. Slipping between the cracks and shadows that cast across his angular face. You'd seen him before on the edge of your vision, leaning against the bar with a book in his faceâlong fingers trailing the rim of his glass absentmindedly. Whether you liked it or not, the two of you differed.
Where you wanted to roam, he longed to be back making plans with Vander instead of trapped in the task of guard duty for a healer he'd never met before.
"Who shot you?" The glow of sunset illuminated the pale skin beneath his shirtâa long jagged scar etched into the skin threw you off for a moment as your fingers searched for blood.
The sharp wince in his face said you'd found it. "I couldn't see their face."
Nodding, you moved his hand to keep the fabric up and out of the way. A quick rummage in your bag for the salve you made earlier caught his attentionâturquoise gleamed in your peripheral, prying you open with enough ease to jar you down to the bone.
"The bullet only scraped you. This should help close it up by the end of the week." You pressed the dark mixture along his wound, catching the subtle flinch he tried to smother. "Sorry."
"I'm fine," he mumbled in a whispered tone.
"I can fix it up properly when we return. Get you a real bandage to keep it from getting worse."
You nearly missed it. That slow imperceptible grin that curled at the edge of his lips. But your eyes latched onto it like a kid with candy, savoring the quick glimpse of something surreal. It threw you off balance, forced you to reckon with the thought of never knowing him before today.
Ethereal. Empyrean.
He sat before you a stranger with the eyes of a fond ally. A friend you had yet to be properly introduced to. It seemed he harbored the same thoughtâhis mouth forming the question as if it fell right out of your head and into his lap.
"You're a friend of Vander?" Slipping his vest back on, you noticed he left it unbuttoned.
You found you preferred it that way.
"So are you. I've seen you...uh...with him. Around the bar you know."
The quiet echo of the water lapping at rocks and voices in the distance didn't feel bitter, but rather settled the nerves leaping beneath your skin. It was nice to sit there and watch the night sky show itself to the world once again. Eventually you'd be forced to return to a life that teemed with a clear understanding that hung over everyone's heads. There would be a fight. An inevitable battle for what you believed was right.
But for this transcendent moment you basked in the few moments of peace life allotted you.
The calm before the storm.
"I don't know your name," you admitted, turning your head slightly to catch his gaze already faced in your direction. "Vander never told me."
If he caught you in the middle of a blatant lie, he didn't call you on it. You could tell he saw right through youâthe glint in his eyes shining brighter than moments before. This wasn't a clarification for Vander's sake or the battle. You wanted to know his name for yourself. A small token of the man you may never interact with again save for tonight.
After a moment his voice came with a soft breath of air. "Silco."
Teeth dug into your lip to keep the blooming smile at bay. "Silco," you said under your breath.
He latched onto it, dug his fingers into the tangible feeling they created in his chest, and felt a smile pulling wider at his own mouth. You said it again, unable to stop yourself as a thrill of excitement fluttered at the base of your stomach. So simple, so smooth off the tip of your tongue. Yet filled with enough power to stir your chest with a feeling you wished to inspect further.
The lilt of it hung in the air as you turned back to the sky with a satisfied hum, relishing in the time you had left with him at your side.
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A part of Richard's isolation from the group that I would like to put forward is this:
I truly do believe the group care for Richard as a friend, even when their relationships start to spiral out of control near the end. But that care isn't always present throughout their lives, the same way most people aren't constantly obsessing over their friend's feelings 24/7, and he cannot understand it.
It's not just the stuff you would typically think of that proves this to me, like the twins going out of their way to include him, companionable rambles with Bunny, making food with Francis. The most obvious instance of this is Richard being excluded from the Bacchanalia, and yes, this obviously sucks as someone trying so desperately to be included and a part of the group, but also makes so much sense from their perspective.
If Richard had been normal, he would have been so weirded out! This could be a convenient excuse, but it could just as easily be the group showing their own desires to be accepted by HIM, in a kind of reverse of roles that Richard naturally doesn't want to pick up on, because that would be seeing them human, and fallible, and SIMILAR TO HIMSELF. Unthinkable!
Something I've not seen discussed is the little aside when he first falls in with the group proper and relates that they had found him just as aloof as he had found them. Their inviting him to Francis's house was simply an urge to impress him, and I can't see any other way of reading it than that. If they had simply wanted to include him, but didn't care about how he saw them, they could have simply kept inviting him to their houses and out for lunch.
But, it's the moments that also double as little instances of ostracism that really interest me: Camilla saying Henry didn't want to do another pig ritual because he thought it would upset Richard, the group telling him they've already involved him enough and that he shouldn't participate in Bunny's murder. The general reading of this (that I've seen so far) seems to be that Henry did these things purposefully to keep Richard apart from the group, he didn't know him as well as the others, an unknown quantity, someone he didn't care for as much since he hadn't known him as long. But there's a lot of ambiguity there as well, and I think what makes things so compelling is that uncertainty. It could be purposeful, or unintentional, or some inextricable combination of the two.
(As an aside- ironically, I believe Henry may care about Richard the most out of anyone in the group. Helping him while he was sick, worried about seeing Richard drunk during the day, it's all rather sweet, and I don't believe it was entirely some machievellian scheme.)
However, I like to see the isolation as mostly, if not entirely unintentional, because that makes it so much more cutting to me. It's subtle. They don't put any special thought into doing it, they justâŚdon't even think how these things could make him feel.
The worst part is, as far as I remember, Richard never fully engages with his feelings about this, but they are felt so much through the story and his actions within them. They are moments that sunk deep within his psyche like a stone that's dropped into water and swallowed immediately without a trace. It sits very still inside him, unmoveable.
His acceptance of these moments as they are happening to him is likely a result of his history of loneliness and being apart from others. There is nothing unusual to him about this, that it would require further thought from him within his narrative.
A large part of Richard's isolation is due to his glorification of the people he deems worthy, which continues even after he begins to see their flaws. Despite them, he still can't bear to see them torn down to his level, people he can relate to instead of glorify or look down upon. I think there is an element of self destruction to this, not wanting to understand so he has an excuse to punish himself for self perceived deficiencies.
It's very intriguing, this uncertainty of how much of Richard's isolation from the group is imagined, or perhaps even self imposed in a kind of feedback loop, where he feels pushed away and so pulls himself away from them, to anonymous parties with people he professes not to care about, takes pills and sleeps for days, to numb himself from the pain of their rejection.
And in the process, this feeling of isolation is enforced, becomes more a reality through the concrete evidence he has produced by himself. Maybe the group see his behaviour and think he needs space, they give it to him. He feels lonely, he says nothing. Because he would rather freeze to death than ask for help.
#the secret history#tsh donna tartt#donna tartt#long post#richard papen#henry winter#This is such a ramble#but I stayed up until 3am to finish the book and am absolutely sick with obsession right now
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SimĂłn stared at the product and wondered about it. He never used. He followed that old rule, don't get high off your old supply, but the thing is, this wasn't his supply. He was just the transportation. He brought the stuff in, he brought the stuff out, and that was it. Didn't pay much but it did pay enough but as he looked at it he wondered if it was time for a promotion. If they were going to drag him back in then why should he remain on the sidelines?
It was something he had to seriously consider. If he had the blessing of the cartel, maybe, just maybe he could pull it off. But without their approval? He'd be dead. You don't run from Los Tigres, at least not for long, so if he were to become a dealer he'd have to be a partner.
Still, as he looked around his cramped rundown and dusty trailer he started to wonder if this was his only move. He didn't have many job prospects but he had a lot of ambition. Maybe this was his opportunity...
Tuesday morning and yep, still doing chores. We're planning to hire a maid soon because honestly otherwise this place would be a little too much for me to handle. I do think it would be a temporary thing. I'm not sure if I want Flora growing up to be spoiled, thinking someone will always do her laundry and clean up after her, but who knows how I'll feel about it once the maid checks in. Maybe they will spoil me. It's hard to imagine myself as one of those pampered player wives but I feel like that's the path I'm going down.
As for Flora I'm taking care of her the best I can which of course includes feeding her right from the source. There are a lot of benefits to it, health wise and I've heard it helps with bonding. Not that we'll need help with that because I feel like I've already completely connected with her! She's growing so fast too, every day I can see her getting just a pinch bigger, or maybe I'm imagining it?
Overall, life feels perfect right now! I know I keep saying this but I really can't imagine that I would be in this spot a year ago. A beautiful baby girl, a beautiful house, and an umm, yeah, a good looking but somewhat goofy boyfriend! I just feel so good that even a plain apple salad gets me excited!
I'm really pouring as much of myself as I can into this new social media thing when I do get free time. I want to feel productive and I know taking care of Flora is being productive but like I've said, I don't want that to be my only thing. I know being a mama means limited free time too but I'll manage. I think my new career is off to a great start as well!
As for Pascal, well, you can probably guess. Yep. Working out and of course without his shirt. If you've got it, flaunt it, is what I always hear.
And I'm trying to get it back with a little more free time given to me or at least enough time to hop on the treadmill. I have my mind set on losing this baby weight and I am also motivated by the fact that Pascal does this every single day so I can do it too!
I did spend most of my day on the treadmill and got a solid workout in. I feel so much better! I can't head to bed though without checking in on Flora who was whiny and wriggly and needy and this time I bottle fed her. I also hang out with her a little, chat with her a little, and let her know I love her more than anything in the world. How could I not? Look at her!
Pascal is out for a road game and that's why I've been here home alone for most of the day. I was going to slip into bed but I remember I have to check my socials before sleeping. Which means just seeing the reaction to my last video and interacting with people here and there and also checking in on Pascal's socials since I'm nosy and he's my guy so I have a right to be a little nosy. That's normal right?
Is it also normal that he's liking this woman's post?
Frida Varela - Next Episode 9.4
#The Sims#The Sims 4#ts4#Sims#Sims 4#sims legacy#my sims#generation 1#soot#sims of our time#frida varela#sofia prats#pascal alcocer#florencia alcocer#simon barrera#tw: drugs#tw: drugs mention
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Copper hoped that he hadnât overstepped with Dorothy. After all, he barely knew her, and here he was asking her about her private feelings. But it went against Copperâs nature to ignore someone who was upset, and that was especially true when it was someone he knew, no matter how minimally that may be. Luckily it didnât seem as though Dorothy was offended. On the contrary, Copper felt like maybe she wanted to talk about it. Nodding, he agreed, âYeah, and then when those days just keep coming, then everything starts to bleed together; everyday starts to feel the same, and soon youâre not just having a string of bad days. Thatâs just your life.â For a moment after saying this, Copper just sat there lost in thought; he knew very well what that was like. But then he snapped out of it, saying, âWow, sorry, I made that really dark, didnât I?â Copper wasnât sure how much Dorothy knew about what heâd gone through, but he wasnât about to bring it up now.
Copper understood what Dorothy met. âOnce when I was in college, this guy I sort of knew died. He was gay too, and even though we didnât know each other that well, when he died, it kind of hit me hard. I think itâs because it already feels like our community - whether it be the gay community, the witch community, or anything else like that - already feels so small, and then it just gets a little smaller when things like this happen.â So yeah, Copper understood exactly what Dorothy meant.Â
He hadnât been sure if Dorothy would know what he was getting at, but at her question, he exclaimed, âYes!â and smacked his hand against the table. A few people around them looked over in surprise, and Copper mumbled a quick apology to them before turning his attention back to Dorothy, speaking at a normal volume now. "It changed for me too," Copper said quietly. "One minute it was the article about Avalon, and then next..." He trailed off; the memory alone was enough to cause his heart rate to increase, vision suddenly a little blurry as he remembered how he had felt. "Sorry," Copper apologized a moment later once he had himself back under control. "Anyway, the next minute it turned to a picture of me, but like...this grotesque version of me. And the article title became 'we know what you're hiding.' I...didn't handle that well." Copper remembered how he had had to call Aris just to calm down; he didn't know what he'd do without his brother. "Is that what happened to you too?" Copper asked Dorothy.
Dorothy's words felt heavy, ominous even, and Copper shuddered because he agreed. "Yes," he answered simply, his voice quiet, like saying it too loudly would make it too real. "I've thought that ever since that weird storm," he went on. "I had a horrific nightmare that night, and I...I haven't felt right since. Since then, I feel like something is getting closer. It's like I can see it at a distance, and it's becoming clearer with each step in our direction. And though I can't tell what it is, I just know that it's not good."
Dorothy sat quietly for a moment, her gaze flickering over Copper's words as she processed them. His understanding, his empathy - it was something she hadn't expected, but that she was grateful for. There was a gentle sincerity in his voice that made it feel like he wasn't just passing the time with small talk. He got it. And that made her feel a little less alone in her frustration. "Yeah, itâsâŚ" Dorothy sighed, shaking her head as she felt completely speechless for a moment. The warmth of his understanding was comforting, but it wasnât enough to calm the storm swirling inside her. "Itâs hard," she agreed, her voice quiet but steady. "I know what you mean about those days stretching out. Itâs like⌠like you wake up and itâs not even one bad day. Itâs a string of them, and before you know it, it feels like itâs been weeks."
The mention of Avalon had her pausing for a moment, and a weight seemed to settle in her chest. It wasnât just one thing, but the whole mess - Avalonâs death, the chaos surrounding it, the memories of terrible moments in her past that it reminded her of, the strange silence that had followed, and that damn newspaper... It was all tangled up inside her, pulling at her and making it hard to breathe. Dorothy was surprised by how quickly Copper had pinpointed that it was connected to Avalon - he was right, and even more scarily correct at the mention of the newspaper. Surely he couldn't have meant...
"Yeah, AvalonâŚ" Dorothy finally said, hesitance soaked up in her tone of voice, her head nodding slowly. "It's always going to be hard to lose someone in the community, especially someone who I practically grew up beside, even if we weren't ever the closest," Dorothy's eyes flitted back up to finally meet Copper's again. "But it's also... It's a whole string of things that comes after it, and after..." did Copper have the same experience with the newspaper? Or was he talking about something entirely different? Hesitantly, Dorothy decided that she needed to find out. "The newspaper, when I was reading about Avalon... Did you see something wrong with it?" She questioned, specific enough for it to make sense if Copper had had the same experience, but vague enough to later brush off if that wasn't the case.
Her own words hung heavy in the air, and Dorothy shook her head, trying to gather herself. The vulnerability she felt was strange - she wasnât used to letting people see her struggle, but something about Copperâs quiet, steady presence made it easier. Almost comforting, in a strange way as Dorothy was so used to relying on the same specific people, or else bottling up all of her troubles. "I donât know if itâs just me overthinking things, but I canât help but feel like something's happening in town, and⌠Iâm not sure if itâs just the grief making everything harder to see straight or if thereâs really something more to all of this." Dorothy gave Copper a searching look, her voice quieter now but with a clear sincerity. "But I appreciate you asking. I guess, maybe, itâs just helpful to talk about it with someone who doesnât think Iâm crazy for wondering..."
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had to cancel something I was really looking forward to tomorrow so I thought maybe I'll go to the cinema instead to make myself feel better but there's not even anything good on shall I just off myself
#I'm just really sad.#and I'm so tired. i haven't slept well in weeks and it's really taking it's toll.#and i get triggered every fucking time I'm really getting bored of this#now i can't stop crying and i just feel stupid and it's all stupid and silly.#can i feel normal for even just a day I've had enough of this.#fuck I'm sad. damn it#not that i would even have been up for the cinema for part of the reasons i can't go tomorrow but whatever#whatever I'll just go see maxxxine when it comes out idc if it's not good
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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Like I've said, I try not to talk about it too much because it is a heavy topic, and I don't want people overwhelmed and burnt out to the point it all feels hopeless and they tune out
But the reason I do sometimes share stories like that last one about Ukraine is... I just... I really want to make sure people understand what this war is about
If russia pulls out... they fail to expand their territory and they have to go back and lick their wounds... that's it
If Ukraine gives up... they die. Towns under russia occupation are bad. Real bad. I don't share most of it because of how horrendous it is. Then people not under occupation can still have a missile hit their house at any time for not reason
It's literally a matter of life and death vs colonial ambitions
So I try to keep from bringing it up too often cause I understand the fatigue we all feel from all the horrible news we get, but this is why I feel so strongly about this, and this is why I hope that you, whoever you are reading this, also at least generally support Ukraine even if you can't keep up with all the details
I just don't want any more kids dying in missile strikes
#I follow stuff which means that I hear news like this pretty much daily; though usually they're not that young#but civilians are killed almost every day#and that's ignoring; as in literally ignoring; that a lot of the Ukrainian army right now is made up of#just normal Ukrainians trying to throw out the invaders#and a lot of them die too; and that one doesn't even end up being a blip on the radar generally#even though many of them were civilians before the invasion and only have a uniform on to defend their homes#anyway... like I said; if you don't really keep up with it#but you have a general sense of supporting Ukraine and thinking they deserve military aid; we're on the same page#thank you very much#if not; I really do wonder why; as in I'd be happy to talk about why I feel how I feel#cause I feel like there's enough information that makes a compelling case for why they deserve help#anyway... sorry; just... I just see a kid getting killed by a missile and it gets to me#and I can't do a damn thing; but I at least have to say something#and I seriously do try and minimize how much I pass on to avoid fatigue#cause I know that like... in the past when there's been major news going on#I've had people tell me they appreciate that they can scroll my blog without being reminded of it#cause they know; they know; they hear about it every second of the day already#and like... seriously; I appreciate where that feeling's coming from#I want to foster just a place where people can mostly chill#but like... I only ever hear about Ukraine from Ukrainians#(or the one Romanian I follow; but we're gonna lump them into the same basket for a moment)#so... you'll have to forgive me if I assume most people here don't know what's going on in Ukraine like I do#this isn't a judgement thing; it's just the news in the west here doesn't talk about it much like the did in the beginning#I'm not accusing anyone of not caring; I'm just saying that you'll have to forgive me#cause I've got to assume you actually legitimately don't know the latest info#and you'll have to forgive me if I assume that you don't really tend to hear that info very often from many sources#basically; I'm not judging at all; but basically if I'm wrong and this is something you're being bombarded with#forgive me for thinking you aren't; because I don't see a hint of it#except from a sphere of Eastern Europeans on here or the people I follow specifically for this on youtube#basically; know me thinking you don't hear about this isn't something negative I'm saying about you
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When Sophia rang this morning, she said she'd slept on the couch, still in yesterday's clothes, had knocked over the coffee and it had spilt everywhere and everything was wet and she couldn't even light her cigarette and
#normal people problems#also my work emails had a fit today and i clearly need to resign and i hate everything and#i could tell Sophia was in a bad mood when she rang at 5 minutes to 5pm and yet that's when i told her I'm leaving early next Monday#and that i have an exam on the 8th#she's like 'what exam?????' Jesus Christ Sophia i already mentioned it to you#it's just so hard to train the new girl#sure I'm being a baby about it all but it's just so hard and i hate it and Sophia rings every two seconds telling me to do something else#so I'm doing like several things at once and the new girl is obviously confused and i just#Jenette and Colleen did so much like not huge things just a whole lot of little things and i can barely keep up with everything#and then to show a new girl how to do things#like it takes double the amount of time to explain#aw man i didn't even put the petty cash money away#or send out the correspondence#everything's so much up to shit#i just#i feel so awful though because I'm definitely not doing enough and i know Sophia needs me to do more (invoices) but i just#I'm so dumb and everything is a mess and#i barely take lunch breaks like just eat kitkats and freddos and juice throughout the day that's it#also he barely talks to me in the office and i have to be around a married couple but at least i get to banter with Tony sometimes#Tony come on tell me about your girlfriend and we'll double date I've seen she's the man i know how double dates work#I'm violet as a boy and he is eunice and Tony is Channing Tatum and his girlfriend is Olivia and#i see nothing wrong with this
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You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food. And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that. What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media. And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.
But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.
Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.
I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.
FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.
#free palestine#gaza#palestine#rafah#israel#current events#gaza strip#human rights#childrens rights#save the children#cease fire in gaza#cease fire now#cease fire permanently#palestinian genocide#support gaza#pray for palestine#ceasfire now
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Water Wrinkles
Seven demon brothers sat solemnly in a circle around you. You did your best to ignore them. It wasn't often that you got to spend time at the human world villa, and you were intent on soaking up as much sun as you could before returning to the Devildom.
You reclined your beach chair back, crossing your arms under your still-wet hair. It was a gorgeous day. Perfect for being at the pool.
Leviathan let out a muffled sob. As the demon with the highest affinity for water, he blamed himself.
"Let us take you to a hospital," Satan insisted for the tenth time.
"They're going to laugh us out of the ER," you nonchalantly repeated.
Satan lowered his eyes and muttered, "I couldn't find any traces of a curse in the water... So how...?"
Asmodeus had his head in his hands, unresponsive. Sometimes his fingers curled around the ends of his hair. You briefly glanced over to make sure he didn't pull his hair out - that would be grounds for a real emergency.
"I can't bear to watch. Lucifer, do somethin'," Mammon whined. He was fidgeting all over the place and winced whenever he looked at your feet.
The oldest glared at you. You knew it was out of concern, but his fears were unfounded. Even Lucifer refused to listen to reason when he thought you were in danger.
"Actually, yeah. Lucifer, can you pass me a towel?" you asked. It was embarrassing having seven shirtless demons intensely staring at you. If they wouldn't let you go back in the water, maybe covering up would make you feel less self-conscious.
Lucifer didn't move. It was Beelzebub who plucked a spare towel off his younger twin and handed it to you with a shaking arm. He looked like a wet puppy, having been the one who first discovered your "condition" and swept you out of the pool.
Belphegor hadn't gone in the water that day. He only hogged the plush towels because of how comfortable they were and, following Beelzebub's lead, dumped them all onto your chair. Now he sat, wide awake. He was anxiously squeezing a loose chunk of concrete but at some point, without realizing, it got crushed to powder in his hand.
You had more than enough towels now.
"In half an hour you're going to forget this all even happened," you said to reassure the worry warts.
"In half an hour, you might be gone!" Mammon snapped back.
"You're going to be a wrinkled mess of skin and bones," Asmodeus weeped quietly.
Leviathan pressed his hands over his ears. Though, with nothing to cover his eyes he was forced to look at your wrinkled hands again. Based on the noises he was making, you'd think someone was torturing him.
"As I've said!" you reiterated. "All humans get wrinkly in water. Look, now that I'm drying off it's going back to normal."
Beelzebub grabbed your ankle, raising it for the brothers to observe at eye level. "I don't see a difference."
You didn't expect the sudden manhandling and slunk several inches down the lounge chair while the demons stared at your foot. Kicking and twisting your leg was futile. You modestly crossed your free leg.
"I think it's getting worse," Satan said.
"We need to take action," Lucifer decided.
Asmodeus was actively quivering now. Belphegor and Leviathan had crept behind you and started picking at your wrinkly fingers. You tried to swat them away to no avail.
"Give me 25 minutes! Literally! Probably even less, this will go away on its own! I just need to dry off."
"We need a solution now," Mammon asserted. The cogs in his brain were turning. "We need fire."
You tried to sit up, to jump up and stop Mammon before he burned the whole villa down in an attempt to dry you off, but Beelzebub had not let go and you stumbled. You grazed your knee on the concrete and winced.
A second round of panic overcame the demon brothers. Beelzebub let go, Lucifer picked you up, and Belphegor wrapped your knee with every available towel he could lay his hands on. Asmodeus and Leviathan were crying on each other's shoulders. Mammon came running back, oblivious to the second disaster that just occurred, with a flaming stick in his hand that Satan tried to keep at bay. If you got burnt on top of everything else, they'd probably go insane and destroy the human world.
In the midst of the chaos you caught a glimpse of your hand. It was practically dry. You couldn't even see the wrinkles anymore. You angrily wiggled in Lucifer's grasp as various hands fussed over you.
"Stay!!" you shouted over the clamor.
The brothers went tumbling to the ground, save for Lucifer who fought to stay rooted in place. You could finally hear yourself think again. There was primarily one thought on your mind.
"I just want to go swimming."
#eventually they're just gonna get a human doctor to live in the mansion. MC 2 is some med student who needs cheap housing close to campus.#files this under âmore fussing over MCâ#forget joint cracking. turning wrinkly is where it's at now /jk#i feel like these are repetitive so i'm not going to proofread it oops but i do enjoy writing stuff like this#obey me#obey me!#omswd#obey me scenarios#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanon#obey me x mc#obey me swd#obey me fanfic#obey me brothers#obey me x reader#obey me brothers x mc#obey me drabble#obey me hc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me belphegor#obey me mc#obey me beelzebub#obey me asmodeus#obey me satan#obey me fic
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God's TV- DC x DP prompt
Accidentally summoning a god from another dimension can happen, especially when cults are involved. However, no can could predict that the not only was the god a teenage boy but also a very bored teenage boy who didn't want to leave.
So he stayed and moved into Titans tower.
Danny is helpful (when he wants to be) but rarely goes out on missions. He says they are boring and nothing is dangerous enough to exert the effort. Instead, he minds the medical bay. Having a healer more than made up for the lack of help.
It's not like anyone disliked Danny or thought he didn't do anything it was just that he was unpredictable. Danny could be nice, considerate, and even sweet if he was working in the medbay. He could also be a pain in the ass anywhere else. He loved pranks and scaring people with his powers. He was harmless though.
No one really knew what he did all day. He was usually in his room doing something they guested. Said room was an anomaly. It was larger on the inside having been made into a pocket dimension. The appearance and organization of the room changed every time you went in.
It was after one mission that the team learned what was in the room.
A rogue had used their invention to erase Superboy's memories and they didn't know what to do. They took him to Danny who was currently rearranging the medicine by color. They hoped that his powers covered mind-altering afflictions. Unfortunately, Danny couldn't wave a hand and fix this.
Instead, Danny took the group to his room. The decor was neon Tokyo meets space right now. The furniture was currently floating and almost hitting Wonder Girl in the head with an end table. Of course, there was no gravity here.
"Stay here while I grab it," Danny said flying up the vertical corridor.
While he was gone the room rearranged itself into a contemporary format. The furniture grounded itself and shifted into a normal living room.
Danny returned with a cart and a headset. He placed a card he pulled out of the cart into the headset and put it on the dazed Superboy's head.
"Wait what is that?" Tim asked.
"It's his memories. I kept a backup in case this happened." Danny shrugged.
Immediately everyone began asking what the hell does that mean and why does he have that.
"Oh please, this dimension has this happened all the time. Amnesia is so clichĂŠ and cheap. I saw a pattern and decided the easiest way to prevent you from losing the entirety of your lives was to make save states of your memories." Danny said matter of fact.
Robin pinched the bridge of his nose.
Impulse studied the rack of cases and looking for the card with his name on it.
Wondergirl sighed, she was used to this from Robin but even he wouldn't go this far.
"What? It's not like just anyone can find these. Only you can access your own memories anyways. I just decided to repurpose my RE:Viewer." Danny pouted.
"What is a reviewer?" Wally asked flipping through the cases. Each one had titles like moves or shows with an arrangement of stickers.
"The RE:Viewer is something I created to catalog things I've seen looking into other dimensions. I don't have an infinite memory you know. But the longer I have my title the more I'll lose touch with my mortality. These things help me stay close to people by giving me the chance to remember how it feels. I also have been using them to get the stories of others. Keeping their experiences like you'd keep a TV show or movie. So many stories could have been lost to time but now they are saved. I use them to teach myself." Danny smiled.
The concept genuinely sounded interesting. Like experiencing a movie in 4d.
It had been 3 minutes before Kon took off the headset and back to his old self.
Danny pulled the input card out and it disappeared into another realm with a flick of the wrist. Danny was completely honest that the copies were inaccessible to everyone but him.
"You feeling alright Superboy? Your memory should be backed up until a week ago." Danny said shining a light in his eye.
"I'm fine. I think. What happened?" Kon asked batting the light out of his eyes.
"Explanation later. Take a nap first. You aren't concussed at least." Danny informed.
"What are the stickers for?" Wally said pointing at the rainbow of colors the card cases had.
"Just the emotions associated with the experiences. Orange is comedy, red is action, pink is romance, and blue is tragedy." Danny listed. "That one with the pink is one of my favorites. I meddled a bit in that world. Two people who had never met fell in love at two points at different times. One of them was doomed to die but I worked my magic on a mirror that allowed them to meet once. They shared notes left in different places for the other months ahead. Makes you believe in true love. A real tear-jerker."
"What about the black stickers?" Wally asked.
"Don't touch the black ones," Danny said darkly, smacking his hand away. "You don't need to know about those. I don't like thinking about them."
"So you just take the memories of others and put them inside your machine to replay later?" Batgirl asked. "Isn't that kind of wrong?"
"No, I asked permission. I usually pull them aside at some point and ask. If it's my memories (that's the green stickers) I don't need to. The rainbow ones are simulations. Like a video games." Danny responded patting her on the back for not being to hard on him about this admittedly weird situation.
"So what's the black one with the rainbow sticker?" Wally asked picking up the case that was obviously stuffed in the back.
"STOP TOUCHING THOSE!" Danny yelled pulling him away.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#dc x dp prompt#dp x dc prompt#danny fenton#danny phantom#young justice#batgirl#superboy#wonder girl#red robin#dc robin#tim drake#dc impulse#wally west
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PRETTY AS A PRINCESS âĄ
pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader
summary: you and logan have to work on halloween, but on the bright side, that means you get to dress up. and even better, you get to give him a little preview of the costume you've chosen.
cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, ddlg, slight dumbification
wc: 3.2k
a/n: reblogs, comments, and asks are appreciated <33
kinktober slot: day 29 - ddlg
"You sure you don't need my help in there?" Logan calls to you.
"I got it. Just gimme a second," your voice responds, slightly muffled from the walk-in closet door separating the two of you, "So impatient."
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, a smile rising to his lips. Normally, that comment would get you a small swat on the ass, but he decides to let it go for now. You were in a particularly good mood today. The two of you had been assigned a mission next week that fell on Halloween. At first, you'd been unhappy about that, but then the professor informed you that it meant you were going undercover at a Halloween party - which meant you got to dress up.
For the past couple weeks, you'd been thinking about this costume choice as if it was the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. There were just so many options as you'd put it. So many colors and cuts.Â
He knew you, so he knew it'd be something cute. But thus far, you hadn't actually shown him what you picked. Today it arrived in the mail, which is why tonight, you made a big deal of revealing it to him.
"Are you ready?" you finally ask.
"I've been ready. Let's see it."
The closet door creaks open. Before you exit, you peak your head out, flashing him a quick smile. Your excitement oozes from every pore on your body, flooding the room as you finally step out from behind the mahogany.
His prediction had been right - you look very cute. You strut out to him in what seems to be a princess costume. A tight corset wraps around your waist while frills and lace compliments your bust. The skirt goes down to your mid thigh, flowy and sweet while teasing enough flesh to be seductive. A sparkling tiara rests atop your head, and long, smooth gloves cover you fingertip to elbow.Â
Skipping over, you stop in front of him. "So... what do you think?" you ask with a coy cock of your head.
His eyes scan you up and down, but of course, his mind has been made.
"Do you really have to ask?" he teases, "You look beautiful."
A bright smile spreads over your face when the inevitable answer hits your ears.
He chuckles at the reaction and reaches out to grab your waist. He really does adore this little get-up. It suits you just right, and on top of that, he can already tell how it makes you feel.
From the beginning of your relationship, Logan had a suspicion you'd be into this kind of thing. The whole princess thing. And along with that, the whole daddy thing.Â
While you could be fierce in the field, sharp and quick, there was another side to you. A side that liked things soft and gentle, that yearned to be taken care of. It was the same part of you that came out when he sat you on his lap, running the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. The part that made your head go fuzzy and your eyes glossy when he'd speak in a lower tone or call you a sweet name.
Over the course of knowing you, he'd found there were more triggers than delicate touches and tender words though. It was easier for you to slip into this dreamier headspace when you were tired or sad. You also liked when he took over simple tasks for you. But another one was definitely when you felt pretty. That always seemed to bring the d-word out from between those plush lips.
He found it a little odd at first, but he loved you. He could roll with you calling him daddy if that's what you wanted. And after a while, it didn't seem so strange anymore. He found himself craving your voice ringing out those two syllables, calling for only him when you felt your most vulnerable.
He spins you around between his thighs and kisses the warm back of your neck. The zipper on your dress hadn't been pulled all the way up. His fingers find the small metal piece to tug, pulling on it a little to tease before fixing the garment.
"Were you gonna wear it like this to the party, babydoll?" he asks, voice slipping into that lovingly condescending tone, "Give everybody there a nice show?"
A giggle bursts from you. Vibrates up your sternum through your throat and from your mouth. With how close he is to you, he can feel each bit.
"No," you say as if it's obvious. From your cadence alone, he can tell his set of suspicions was correct. You're starting to slip.
"So you need daddy's help then?" he mocks, dropping his voice. His teeth nip at the shell of your ear, tugging a little and beckoning more laughter from you.
"I guess..."
"You could've just said that then. I know my little girl can't be expected to do everything on her own."
You hum with petulant agreement. Your head tilts back to rest on his shoulder at the same time the back of your dress closes up. He kisses up your spine, the metal teeth chasing his lips.
"There we go," he says with a small pat to your hip.
You turn around to face him again. The fabric of your skirt flies up a little with the mini twirl. He smooths it back down for you before gazing at those eyes glimmering with admiration.
"Could you help me with my socks and shoes too? I accidentally forgot them out here."
"Did you now?" he smirks. He knows your games. If he doesn't offer to do things for you, then you make sure to create a situation in which the chances of that happening increase.
"Mhm," you say, nodding up and down in big bobs.
"Well go get them, and bring 'em here."
Obeying the command like it's a second nature, you pad over to the chair by the closet and dig inside the package to get the matching pieces to this outfit. He watches you pull out ivory thigh highs with little bows at the meshy hems and a pair of dainty heels.Â
The items swing back and forth at your sides as you waltz to him. He takes them from you and sets them on the mattress. Standing up, his form rises above your own. He guides you so that your positions are reversed. Your thighs press against the blankets before he guides you down to sit.
"Be a good girl and sit still for me now. We'll get you all dolled up," he directs.
In a move no one else besides you ever sees, he crouches down before you. He gets on his knee and grabs one of the socks off the bed. The material stretches under his careful fingers as he prepares it for you. One of his hands takes your ankle, boosting your leg up.
The thin, white fabric slides over your foot first. Just as he did with the zipper, he kisses your ankle, then your calve, your knee and then your thigh. He feels your pupils lock on him. He doesn't even have to look up. His mind knows the way theyâre dilating while set upon him.
He shimmies the sleeve around your leg, making sure the little bow sits at the front. "That look right?" Now his eyes look up at your own.
The two small spheres look as he'd imagined, blown-out and ultra-focused on him. Your bottom lip is between your teeth too. "Mhm. Thank you, daddy," you answer softly.
"No problem, baby."
Now, he moves to your other limb. He repeats the process. Smooches land on your skin, flowing along the path the sock follows. That one gets put in the proper place too. He pushes your legs together, looking at the pair next to each other. The bows sit there staring back at him. He didn't know how he was supposed to focus on whatever you were actually going to this halloween party for when you looked like this.
"Cute, huh?" he asks.
You nod and smile.
After seeing your legs closed, the only natural next move would be to spread them apart. His thumbs hook against your inner thighs, the rest of his digits curling over the rest of the doughy flesh. He pushes them away from each other. The growing distance causes the silky skirt to ride up and allows him to see what you wear beneath your pretty dress.
Matching panties. The same kind of lace that framed your collar fans across your pelvis. It's fashioned in the same style and color as the rest of what you're wearing. He can feel heat pooling between his legs just from a quick glance.
"Are these new too?" he asks, tugging you to the edge of the mattress and pushing your skirt away.
"Yeah... Do you like them?" you check.
"You're smarter than that, baby," he says. He leans in and presses a kiss to your cunt over the fabric. The gesture's so chaste, but you feel your tummy flutter with the first beat of arousal.
"I just wanna make sure since I got them for you," you tell him.
"All for me? Never knew you could be so thoughtful, sweetheart."
You scoff and pout at him from above. "Yes you did."
He laughs softly at that and pecks your inner thigh a few times as penance. "Maybe. I guess you can be sweet when you wanna."
His tongue flicks out to lick back up to the new panties. The scent of your desire grows more prevalent. He knows you're getting wet for him. Bringing one finger up, he traces over the cloth, from where your slit is to your cute little clit. He does that a few times before hooking around the entire section and pulling it aside. Like he expected, your folds glisten for him.
"Poor baby. Is daddy getting you all messy?" he coos with a smug look.
"Yeah," you whimper. The shudder you'd been repressing washes over your body.
"It's only right I clean my pretty princess up then, hm?" he asks, still mocking you with his eyes.
You nod again, your confirmation wordless this time.
He brings his face to your center and lays a more passionate kiss upon the slick skin. His lips engulf your sex, his tongue dancing against your clit teasingly. Instantly, you whine and dig your gloved fingers into the sheets. Your legs find their places on his shoulders, convincing him to lean deeper into the junction of your thighs.
His tongue flattens, lapping your pussy with a nearly feral lust. It's no secret that Logan loves your taste. Not a drop of you goes to waste if he can spare it. He feels your thighs quivering against each side of his head and brings his free hand to rest on top of one. The security of him holding you there settles you slightly. But the position also gives him leverage to keep you close.
He sucks on your clit and then fucks his tongue into you. You try to writhe. Your hips buck at the onslaught of pleasure flaring up at your core, but he has an inhumane grip on you. You haven't cum yet, but you're gushing onto his face all the same.
"Daddy," you mewl, barely able to get the word out, "You're gonna ruin the underwear."
He's rock hard now at the whiny sound of your voice. You always get that way when you're near the edge. Your lip starts to wobble. Your voice gets pitchy as your demands grow needy. The look in your eyes just makes everything you say sound like begging.
Not one to normally be interrupted, he twirls the tip of his tongue around your bundle of nerves. But the words you spoke begin to register in his brain, and he reluctantly pulls back. His eyelids droop down with lust. Your fluids coat his chin and make some of his facial hair shimmer from the wetness.
"That's true, baby. Can't get these all soaked and destroyed before the party."
He rises to his feet again, pulling your panties all the way off simultaneously. Then his hands drop to his pants. He rids himself of his belt and undoes his fly.
"Plus, I think I have another way I can show you how much I like this new dress."
Taking his cock out, he tugs on it a few times. A few pearls of precum bead at the tip. His favorite part about getting his dick out is watching your reaction to it. No matter how many times you've seen it, you still seem so in awe. You marvel at the size and the way it flushes. Your eyes track the veins sprawling over it and sneak a glance at the heavy set of balls hanging below his shaft. He doesn't think you could look any more longing if you tried.
You're already soaked, so all he has to do is line up and slide in. Whining as he pounds himself into the hilt, your eyes start to go starry. He gets a firm grip on the swell of your hips in order to drag himself back and then pump himself forward again.
"Daddy... slow down," you pout, "s'too big."
He chuckles at your performance and slams in again just as hard. "No, no. C'mon, baby. Daddy needs this. He's gotta show you what you do to him in this little dress. And I know you can take it."
His hips continue to bump your ass as he thrusts back and forth. It's easy for him to find the rhythm you like. He settles into it and rocks in and out of your tight cunt. It feels like pure, concentrated bliss for him; always does. Your velvety walls, spasming and sucking on his cock. Silently crying 'more more more.'
"Pretty girl... we're gonna be doing this at the party too if you're not careful," he grunts.
You babble and squirm on the bed, lazily nodding at the sound of his voice. It's so cute, he thinks. The way you go dumb so quick and easy.
"Mhm. You're gonna drive me crazy. Might have to pull you into one of the bathrooms and bend you over the counter. See how cute this outfit looks from the back," he continues.
Your back arches off the plush surface. A physical stamp of approval on his plan.
"Gonna have you screaming so loud everyone there hears and knows what a good girl you are for your daddy," he breathes.
Leaning down, he removes a hand from your hip and brings it to cup your jaw. The pads of his fingers dig into your fleshy cheeks. Your lips puff out a little, begging for a kiss. He gives you a quick peck but never stops the ricocheting of his pelvis.
"You're so precious," he murmurs against your skin.
Meanwhile, his hips seem like their mission is to obliterate you down below. They ram forward and back, jostling your body on the bed. You can barely find the will to choke out "Daddy, daddy, daddy. Can I cum? Please."
Your voice is wrecked, even pitchier than before. He bobbles your head into a little nod with his hand. Your glassy eyes stay on him the whole time though.Â
"Yeah, you can," he agrees.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," you babble and fling your arms around him to keep him close. Not that he was going anywhere. He stays balls deep in you through the sensation of you tightening up and gushing all over him. Your walls flutter and squeeze. You writhe like you're possessed, and your eyes give that same impression as they roll back. Half-words spill from your lips begging, "Da- Plea- oh fuck-"
"Language, baby," he chides mockingly, his own tone growing strained.
You respond with total sincerity though. "'m sorry, daddy. Just- hnnngh- just feels so good."
"I know it does. Too much for you to handle, hm?"
You shake your head but the motion is so wild, it barely comes across as a declaration of disagreement.
"Use your big girl words, sweetheart," he coos. His desire tightens between his hips. He feels the familiar pressure and the way his balls draw up with the need to spill inside you.
"I can do it- ah!" you squeal, "I can take it. Just want daddy to finish inside."
His face falls down to rest in the crook of your neck. "If that's what you want, princess."
They're the last words he gets out before a groan rumbles in his chest. His release fires out with fervor. Spills into you in strong ropes. You sigh, eyes rolling back as warm satisfaction fizzles in your belly. The sensation melts you down from the whiny mess you had been into a boneless, whimpering puddle.
He pants against your skin. Hot puffs of air hit your neck as he starts coming down. Slowly, his cock slides out of you, popping out with a squelch. Two thick fingers find your hole and fuck the cum that was leaking out of you back in. You whimper at the intrusion to your sensitive cunt, but he smirks at you.
"Shh, shh, shh. It's ok, baby. We don't want any of this getting on your pretty dress, do we? Can't make a mess of it yet."
Your head bobbles in lazy agreement. He continues pumping his fingers into your soaked entrance while placing gentle kisses all over your face.Â
When he finishes, he pulls your panties and his pants back up and then recedes to his knees again. He takes the heels from the bed and slides your feet into them. Taking care to make sure the strap is in place, he fastens the buckle on each and then lets them fall to the floor.
"Think you can walk in those still? Or did daddy get you too dizzy?" he asks.
"I can," you huff.
Pushing yourself off the bed, your legs wobble like those of a baby deer. You move across the bedroom, swaying a little but not enough to topple over and crash to the ground. He can tell you're waddling slightly, probably from the cum slowly seeping out of you again.
The costume looks gorgeous as ever with all the pieces put together. You readjust the tiara on your head and do a little spin for him before heading back over to the chair you initially pulled this dress from. You fish out what seems to be a basic wolf mask and show it to him.
"I got this for you," you beam.
His eyebrows raise incredulously. "I'm not wearing that."
You give him a look of your own, seconds away from stamping your foot. "Yes you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"Am not."
"Are too! You have to dress up, Charles already said!" you insist and bring the mask to him, "Plus don't you wanna match? It's like beauty and the beast."
He barks out a laugh. "Is that what I am to you? A beast?" he teases, pulling you close again.
"Well yeah, but in a good way," you grin.
"Hm. We'll see. I'll think about it," he says.
You're about to whine out a please, but he stops you with a kiss. He knows he'll be hearing tons of that for the next few weeks.
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett x you#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#marvel x reader#marvel smut
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Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser
(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)
Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.
And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.
The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.
Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.
He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.
He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.
And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.
He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.
Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.
It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.
There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.
So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.
But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.
Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly
They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.
Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.
But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.
So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.
I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimcurly#jimcurl#jimmy x curly#curly x jimmy#tagging it as a ship bc I imply they have less than platonic feelings toward each other#No guy implies that his boy best friend is his home and he's his unless the two are in love#They love each other#it's an abusive and toxic codependent relationship#but what they feel for each other is genuine#anyway#Typical Mouthwashing trigger/content warnings obviously
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The Video (18+)
Pairing: Best friend!Hwang Hyunjin x afab!reader
Genre: Smut (MDNI), bit of feelings
Word count: just under 3k!
Warnings: Idol!au, subby!Hyunjin, slightly perv!reader, recording, (maybe a bit dub con because he doesn't mean to send it but reader watches it anyway), mommy kink, masturbation (both but separately), Hyunjin fantasizes about reader, reader fantasizes about Hyunjin, lmk if I missed anything!!
Summary: Hyunjin finally gets some alone time after weeks of hard work and decides to use his time to... relax. The next day he ends up sending you something on accident that sets off a big change in your lives, with or without either of you really realising.
Note: My first ever fic!! :3 Inspired by a video I saw on phub. (@cbini (Ems isn't on Tumblr rn she still wanted to be tagged so I hope it's ok), @comet-falls, @hyunsvngs, @mnwrld and @skz-hell lmao hello everyone, writing blog reveal!!đ here's this fic I've mention to all of you as an anon<3 (depending on who you are I'm either âď¸anon, đžanon or sounding anonđł)). To anyone reading this please give me literally any feedback (comment, reblog, anything!), I want to know if this is good or not since it's my first ficđđŁ
Please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works!
It's been exactly three weeks since Hyunjin's had any time for just himself, though it feels like months at this point.
Recently everyone's been running around like headless chickens and between vocal trainings, dance practices and the studio, there hasn't been much time to just relax and recharge. Preparing for a new album really is the busiest time of an idols life.
There hasn't even been time to see family or friends, which is common during busy spells like this, but always dissapointing to think about. Now even more so, with how much he's been wishing to spend time with you, one of his closest friends... who also happens to be his crush. Not that he'd ever let you know though, not in a very long time.
It feels almost like a blessing, getting back to the dorms from practice late in the evening and realising... he's got the place all for himself, at least until his roommates get back from the studio.
Changbin had messaged him earlier, telling him that they'd probably be there well past midnight, so there was no use waiting up for them. To him though, this was the very opposite of an issue. With that much free time, he'd definitely be able to... make himself comfortable, so to speak.
See, not having time to relax also means he'd basically had no time to get off. The best he'd been able to do had been quick little sessions barely once a week in the shower right before passing out on his bed from the exhaustion of working hard.
The realisation that he'd be able to do anything he wants during his time alone is enough to get his dick twitching in his jeans and he decides the shower can wait until later.
Hyunjin goes to his room and locks the door after himself even though he's alone, it's just become a habit after so many years living with his members. He sets his bag down next to his bed and thinks through his plan.
Hyunjin has a little secret, which is that he loves recording himself do dirty things that range from more vanilla to much less vanilla. Something about the thrill of being recorded even if no one will ever see it just... makes him so fucking horny.
He opens the camera of his phone, puts it to video mode and presses record. Moving his hand off the lense and setting it down where he normally sets it, on the carefully placed pile of books on his desk, he sits down on his bed.
"Hmm... I hope the angle's good... It's been so long since I've had time for this", Hyunjin sighs with a pout and brushes his hair out of his eyes. He knows the camera won't see it though because he's made sure the stand, his pile of books, is at a level that cuts off his head perfectly.
Hyunjins hands run down his body slowly and he exhales deeply, just loud enough to get picked up by his phone. Once they reach his jeans he unbuttons them, unzips the zipper, then pulls the jeans down just enough to expose his underwear. Hyunjin pulls his shirt up over his stomach to be held in place under his chin, rubs his hand over his bulge and hums.
It's been so long since the last time he's been able to take his time making himself feel good. It's almost embarrassing how quickly he's getting hard.
He takes his dick out his boxers and then spits on the palm of his right hand. It's dirty and wet but it just turns him on even more. He grabs his dick with the hand and slowly moves his fist up and down, to spread the saliva and precum all over his dick to make the slide easier and wetter but to also get himself to full hardness.
"A-ah, ohh... that's so good... Feels-fuck, feels so good", Hyunjin sighs. It really won't take him too long to cum, he just knows it. He's been pent up for far too long.
He tries to think of something to help his issue and immediately thinks of you, no matter how embarrassed or dirty it makes him feel.
When you first started showing up in the dirtiest corners of his mind he felt so ashamed. Now it doesn't matter to him anymore. You'll never find out so why feel bad?
He continues to move his hand on his dick while thinking of you. The last time the two of you had time to hang out together you'd worn the lowest cut shirt he'd ever seen on you. He had tried so hard to act normal around you but whenever you bent down he'd been able to see into your shirt.
"Haah, fuck..." , he squeezes himself a little harder at the memory. Everytime you moved he could see your bra poking out from the top, black and lacy. The entire time he'd been doing his best to not bust in his pants. Oh, what he'd give to be able to see your tits. They always looked so soft and they'd probably fit perfectly into his palms.
Whenever the both of you would hang out at yours, watching movies and just hanging out, you never bothered to wear a bra. Why would you? It is your house where you want to be as comfortable as possible.
The feeling of laying down on your couch watching a movie with you on top of him, in just a t-shirt, will end up driving him mad one day. Everytime he'd felt your nipples poking into him he'd almost moaned out loud.
"Hngh... Oh my god, please... m-mommy!", he lets out pathetically, moving his fist faster. God he just wants you to use him, to do anything you want to him. The thought makes him whine desperately.
One of the most common fantasies for him is you on top of him using him to get off, not caring about if he's close or not. You'd sit on his face and ride it until you cum. He could probably cum untouched like that. All he'd need was tasting you and seeing you cum, just for him.
All the sudden he remembers the phone recording him and he shudders. He imagines what your reaction would be to seeing him like this. Would you be disgusted or delighted? Would you tell him what to do and how to touch himself? Maybe you'd touch him... He hopes you would.
"Mommy... please touch me, aah- oh!", he runs his thumb over the head of his cock just right and his thighs twitch but he keeps them open, in perfect view to the camera.
Throwing his head back he imagines you riding him. You'd be so tight and wet around him. Maybe you'd tie his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be able to touch you... he'd really like that. You'd feel godly around him, Hyunjin thinks.
"Fuck, oh fuck! Mommy I'm-haah, I'm so close, please!", his dick twitches desperately. You're so gorgeous, to him you're the sexiest person he's ever seen. He feels himself getting so close that tears spring to his eyes.
"Ah- 'm gonna... mommy, gonna cum...!", he whines out long and loud. It takes Hyunjin two more strokes to let go and he cums the hardest he's cum in weeks. He doesn't even register whispering your name. Hyunjin leans back on his left hand and keeps stroking himself through it.
The feeling is overwhelming, so much so that his thighs start twitching pathetically and the tears in the corners of his eyes fall. He's getting incredibly overstimulated but he keeps going, wanting to keep enjoying the feeling, just a bit more.
He squeezes himself one last time and suddenly everything on him feels gross and dirty. He's just had the best orgasm in weeks so it's no surprise that he came a lot, everywhere. He even managed to get some on his chin.
"Fuuck... Did you-haah... did you enjoy that?", he chuckles to the phone. It takes a while for him to come down from the high, the twitchiness and the feeling of euphoria lingering in his body. Once he's capable of standing up again he stops the video.
With his body feeling like jelly, he takes off all his clothes, drops them into his hamper and prepares to shower, at last.
Hyunjin wakes up to his alarm the next day feeling more refreshed than he's felt in weeks. He shuts off the still ringing alarm and quickly gets up from his bed to get dressed and go eat breakfast.
Checking the calendar on his phone to make sure he knows his schedule for today, he makes a note of one thing; he'd have a lot of time alone at the dorms today too, since he's only got a dance practice and a recording session today, which obviously means 3racha will stay behind to stress about their songs while Hyunjin can return early. Maybe this time he should continue the latest piece of art he's been working on after he gets back?
Hyunjin gets through the day well enough.
After eating breakfast he messages you a "Good morning pretty <3 please remember to drink water!" like every morning when he has time for it. He gets to the practice room only five minutes late, which is a record this early in the morning, because usually he ends up sleeping in at least ten minutes (which makes Chan scold him for being such a heavy sleeper).
He does well at practice, even though he ends up a little exhausted. That's nothing new though, with how hard they always work to be the best they can be.
The rest of the members leave to take a break but Hyunjin decides to stay behind to film the solo choreography he's been working on for fun. Once he's happy with how it's turned out, it's time for him to go record his lines.
The recording session goes smoothly, without hundreds of retakes and everyone's satisfied with the result. Afterwards they decide to order some take-out, as a reward for a job well done... and also because they're all feeling too lazy to even think about going to the dorms to cook.
While eating Hyunjin finally realises to check his phone again. "Good morning, take care of yourself too!! :)" is your response to what he sent earlier. It's nothing more than a kind response but it makes him grin to himself like the fool in love he is.
"Yaaah!! Hyunjinnieee, what's making you smile so beautifully?", Changbin leans towards him with his signature flirting-with-Hyunjin grin, mouth half full of rice.
"It's nothing," Hyunjin responds back to him cheeks red, "and don't talk with your mouth full hyung... Do you not have any respect?"
Changbin decides to drop it in favor of eating more delicious food.
"Oh come on... we wanna know!!", Han pouts at him from his seat on the couch in the room. Hyunjin shoves another mouthful of food in his mouth to avoid the embarrassement of explaining how a single text messaged from you manages to make his heart beat out of his chest.
Once Hyunjin's done eating he's free to go back to the dorms and just like he suspected the rest of his dormmates stay behind to work some more, although they all whine at him to stay to explain the previous mystery. He declines and they all keep their sad puppydog eyes on him until he's out the door.
He keeps texting you during his ride, all the way to the dorms. Once he's in his room Hyunjin decides to just change into some clean clothes. He's too excited to talk to you and get to painting, he can wash up later.
He lays in his bed to keep texting you and at some point your conversation changes from how your day's been going to talking about dancing and he mentions how he just today filmed a new choreography bit he's made for fun.
âŁď¸:
Can I see what you've been working on? :)
I'm sure it's really good, you always are!!
Jinnie:
Well... since you asked so nicelyđ
[video sent]
Quickly sending the video Hyunjin exits out the messaging app, feeling so giddy he can't help but squirm around on his bed. He still can't believe someone like you could be interested in seeing him dance.
It might seem like a small thing for most but he feels himself turning red just thinking about the way you look at him while he talks about something so important to him. It makes the butterflies in his stomach every time you're near go crazy. It's so attentive, like you actually care and are interested in his interests... and maybe even...?
'No' , he thinks to himself. There's probably no way you could ever actually be interested in him, not in the same way he's interested in you at least.
He leaves his phone charging and finally gets out of bed to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He'd need it if he wanted to stay up late to work on his newest art piece.
Hearing the familiar 'ping' notification of receiving a message makes you open your phone again and just like you thought, Hyunjin had sent you the video of his latest masterpiece of a choreography. Not waiting a second you press the video just to see.... Hyunjin take his hand off the camera and set the phone down on the desk in his room he draws on. He sits down on the edge of his bed and says something, you aren't really sure what, because the volume's too low. In confusion you turn it up more.
Hyunjin sighs and reaches up to move his hair out his face, probably. You can't see it though, because the camera cuts his face perfectly off frame. Suddenly his hands run down his body to the button on his jeans. He opens it and starts undoing the zipper next. You just look at the video in shock. 'He isn't about to... to take them off is he?', you think to yourself, just as he pulls the jeans down enough to expose his white boxers and then palms his bulge.
Should you stop watching? Keep watching? How long has it even been playing? How long does it keep playing? While you wonder this you almost miss Hyunjin pull his hard dick out of his underwear and spit on his palm and... Oh God...
You've now done something you can never take back. The downright sinful view of his cock is something you don't think you're ever going to be able to forget. How do you even face him after this? After watching him grasp his dick in his hand and pump it a couple of times to spread the spit and precum around.
You exit the video, panting and absolutely soaking through your underwear. Your other hand rushes to your face to feel your cheeks. They're burning and feel like you've been standing out in the sun for hours, when in reality all you've done is accidentally watch your best friend play with himself.
You struggle to decide what to do with the video and in the end save the video without much thinking, then delete the message of it and decide to notify him of his mistake. As long as he doesn't know you saved it, it should be fine, right?
It takes Hyunjin less than 10 minutes to make and get the coffee. He returns to his room humming the tune of a song he's had on repeat recently. Setting the coffee down on the desk and taking his phone off from the charger he notices new messages from you.
âŁď¸:
Uhm...đ
Hyunjin, I don't think you meant to send that.
He looks at his screen confused. What did you mean by that? He...
Oh God.
Did he send the wrong video?
Frantically opening the video he sent earlier he sees himself, in video, move his hand off the phone camera and set it down the desk near his bed and sit down. Oh no...
"Hmm... I hope the angle's good... It's been so long since I've had time for this", video Hyunjin sighs and reaches up to move his hair from his eyes. His head may be out of frame but he clearly remembers pouting while saying this. He watches himself slowly unbutton and unzip his pants, adjusting them so that his boxers are clearly visible in frame. In the video his hand drifts towards his crotch slowly, teasingly.
He quickly exits the video and promptly shoves his head under his pillow and yells. He'd accidentally sent the wrong video while hurrying to get a cup of coffee. How could he have messed up this bad? In his panic, it takes him a moment to respond.
Jinnie:
Oh god
I'm so sorry!!
Please don't watch that!
âŁď¸:
Don't worry!!!
I stopped watching the moment you started unzipping your pantsđ
I saw nothing, promise!đ It's been deleted already!!Â
Little does he know though, you'd kept the video. You're not really sure why, but subconciously your brain keeps screaming' to finish it later, of course'.
...
Fuck it, you don't think you can wait until later.
Taking a deep breath, you open your gallery to find the video he sent you. You hesitate for a second but press play anyway. You can feel how you're already soaking through your underwear but pay no mind to it yet.
You watch him do the things you've seen already, all the way until he spits in his hand... and you pause the video. 'Is it right to watch this? I mean, he didn't mean to even send it...', you think to yourself.
But the thought of seeing him touch himself, to hear him make the sweetest noises you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine him making drives you on.
Pressing play again you dip your fingers into your pants. You rub yourself over your underwear and oh my god... you can't believe the wetness you feel after less than a minute of watching the video. You focus on the phone you're holding in your other hand and finally move your fingers into your underwear to directly touch your pussy.
On your screen you see Hyunjin start to stroke himself faster, the head of his dick a dark pink, you can feel his desperation through the screen. Without thinking you move your fingers to your clit and start rubbing it in circles, aided by the wetness of your leaking pussy.
He moans out loud and even though you can't hear it through the fog in your head, you know he's desperate. You move your fingers down to your hole and dip two of them in. You're so wet you barely need to even stretch yourself out and then he does it.
"Hngh... Oh my god, please... m-mommy!"
You push your fingers deeper and your pussy lets out he lewdest squelch which in turn makes you close your eyes desperately in pleasure. 'Mommy? When he masturbates he calls out for mommy??', the thought makes you lose your mind. You think about what it would be like if he called you mommy in the throes of pleasure.
You want to make him follow every command you give him. The way he'd look up at you on his knees with you standing above him. Maybe you could make him suck on a strap? He'd look so ridiculously delicious with his mouth full, drool dripping down his cheeks.
You add another finger and start rubbing at your clit with your thumb at the same time. The feeling makes you whimper and imagine his hands on you, teaching him how to touch you perfectly. You're getting so close and you remember to focus your screen again.
Hyunjin looks absolutely disheveled. His dick is red and throbbing, you can tell he's getting close. His voice is another thing that gives him away. He's whiny and his voice keeps cracking every time he opens his mouth. Hyunjin bucks into his hand and moans.
"... mommy, gonna cum...!", he strokes himself twice more and then finally cums. You're so close it's maddening. All the sudden you hear him... whisper your name?
It makes you go off the edge and your entire body clenches and seizes while you silently cry out from all the pleasure you're feeling. Your walls suck in your fingers with how you're clenching around them. On the screen Hyunjin twitches violently, working himself through the end of his orgasm.
You pull your fingers out of yourself and slump down on your bed exhausted, but the last 20 seconds of the video that's now over haunts you. Did you hear him right?
You gather strength to pick up your phone again and rewind the video to the part where he cums and turn the volume almost all the way up. Admittedly you end up fixating on the way his dick looks and face twists in pleasure when he cums and then he says, or more like whisper your name. Your brain blanks.
"Fuuck... Did you-haah... did you enjoy that?", he chuckles to the phone, sits in place for a bit to properly come down and then gets up to stop the video.
You're wet, confused and you can feel your heart beat out of your chest. What do you do now? How can you ever face him normally after that... Does he feel the same way you do? Is he sure he didn't mean to send it?
It's all too much to think about, so you decide that instead of thinking about it you'll clean yourself up and... crawl into a hole where no one will ever find you. Probably. The only thing you know for sure is you definitely won't be sleeping tonight.
Š lollixp0p 2024 | please do not under any circumstance copy, translate, or repost my works
#cupidâĄwriting#sub!idol#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#skz x reader#skz smut#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin smut#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin smut#dividers by cafekitsune
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comfort cuisine
đ starring. Johnny Suh x afab!Reader
đŽ preview. Youâve never felt a feral need like this before, but itâs not necessarily the primal type of drive. Instead, itâs a feeling of wanting to be close to this man- who youâve been next to for so many years, but unable to touch. Except, heâs touching you now, and you want more.
tw/cw. unprotected sex, breast worship/massaging, big dick Johnny, fingering, pussy stretching prep, 'it's finger licking good,' praise, dirty talk, masturbation, multiple reader orgasms, cumming together, creampie, soft sex, longing, fluff, etc⌠I pet names: (hers) honey.
đš rating.18+ explicit I wc. 10.8k
đ aus. aged up/widower dad!John, best friends to lovers, Chef!John, etcâŚ
âď¸ mlist + an. I'm so happy that people loved Line Chef Mark in my fic Real Talk, I received so many messages about giving Head Chef John his own love story, and this is what I came up with in the past four months :) it's a little different from what I normally do, but I wanted to continue with that 'slice of life' theme and venture into a plot line I've never tried before with widower/single dad John :)
Prologue
âIâm so sorry about this,â Johnnyâs voice distracts you from the breakfast youâre making, and you turn around from the bacon to look at your friend. âI really wish I didnât have to keep calling you and asking for favours like this-â
âJohnny,â you shut his rambling up with a pointed expression, âstop, itâs okay.â
âItâs not-â
âJohn,â you repeat, âseriously, weâre good. Given⌠the circumstances, I honestly donât mind.â
The circumstances⌠neither of you can bring yourselves to say it. You know that if you say it⌠if you say âI donât mind helping out since the death of your wifeâ Johnny will just about break down, and he doesnât have time to do that, not when heâs got to be at work for seven am, prepping the kitchen and getting ready for the day.
Even by calling this situation a âcircumstance,â you can see a half glazed expression overtake Johnnyâs face. Heâs frozen for a moment, and you take the time to study him.
You think itâs safe to say neither of you expected any of this to happen.Â
Youâd met him in culinary school- heâd been a young guy, a new dad whoâd had a daughter at nineteen, with dreams of opening his own sandwich food truck, âlike Subway, but gourmet,â heâd always explained.Â
Now, heâs a twenty four year old wreck, doing his best to climb the ladder in the food service industry, mourning the loss of his late wife, struggling to take care of his daughter, his dreams of a food truck long since forgotten in favour of chasing a head chef status to earn him enough of a salary to pay for everything in a one income household-
âSeriously,â your words snap the single dad back from his zone out, âweâre good. Iâm making breakfast for Soonbok, Iâve got her lunch packed, Iâll take her to kindergarten, pick her up after- you just have to remember I have a night shift, gotta be at my own restaurant by five at the latest.â
âFive, yeah,â Johnny nods, swallowing thickly and toying with his daughters small pink backpack. âOne day, Iâll be higher up on the food chain, and Iâll have better hours- I promise this isnât a forever thing.â
âItâs an âas long as it needs to happenâ thing, okay? Donât sweat it,â you assure him. âHere,â you take some of the crispy bacon out of the pan, putting it onto a scrambled egg bagel youâd prepared, âyou need breakfast too.â
Johnny just about melts looking at the food. âYouâre so good to me.â
You offer him a smile. âThatâs what friends are for.â
One
Johnny swears his age is catching up to him. Itâs not even four oclock and heâs feeling tired, letting out a groan as he says goodbye to the nightshift guys and heads to change out of his head chef attire in the staff bathroom. Heâd turned thirty this year, and as he looks at his face in the mirror, he thinks heâs starting to see it.
On his way out of the back door, Johnny bumps into one of his line cooks. Mark Lee is pressed to the wall where people usually lean to smoke, his girlfriend closing him in with her hands on either side of his head. Back when she was expo, everyone used to call her Sunshine, but in her dealings with Mark Lee, Johnnyâs come to realize that heâs the angel, not her.Â
âArenât you two on the clock?â Johnny jokes as he walks past.
Sunshine pulls away from Mark, offering the head chef a grin. âWeâre on a vape break.â
âSure you are,â Johnny laughs, shaking his head. âSee you two back in there, better only be five more minutes.â
âArenât you done for the day?â Mark asks, confusion written on his face, along with lipstick marks that heâs hurrying to wipe off.
âGrabbing happy hour with a friend, but be careful Mark Lee, Iâm always watching. Just because Iâm sitting at the bar doesnât mean Iâm not judging you.â
Johnny can hear Mark mutter something under his breath, and Sunshine is quick to try to calm him down, but as Johnny turns the corner to head to the front entrance of the restaurant, he hears the back door open and close, signaling the end of the little âvape break.â
When Johnny joins you at the bar, youâre chatting with Jeno, and the sight makes an unexplainable emotion tingle up his spine. Out of all the front of house staff here, Jeno might just be the biggest manwhore, and heâs had a thing for cougars for a while, although thereâs only a handful of years difference between the two of you-
âWhat are you guys talking about?â John asks, taking a seat on the dark green leather hightop stools surrounding the bar.
âWhich virgin drinks are the best,â you respond casually. âI was going to get an iced tea, but Jeno convinced me to try one of your new virgin lemon ginger fizzes.â
âThatâs called upselling, honey, you should know that, seeing as youâre in the industry,â Johnny grins.
âYeah, well, youâre the one who invited me here, so I figured youâd be paying.â You take a sip of your straw, looking at Johnny with a smirk, a playful glint in your eyes.Â
âAre we getting food?â Johnny asks. âI might as well take care of that for you too.â
âIâve got time,â you respond casually. âDonât work for an hour, lets get our ânoshâ on.â
Johnny can only laugh at your antics, turning to Jeno, whoâs watching with an amused grin. Everyone here knows you and Johnny are close, you come here often enough to see him, the two of you catching each other for a half an hour here or there between his day shifts and your night commitments.Â
Johnny orders three appetizers off the happy hour menu, two things he knows you like, and one thatâs more up his alley. âMake sure Yuta isnât back there slacking off,â Johnny warns Jeno, knowing that two of the items will be coming from the âbottom endâ of the expo line, which is where Yuta runs the show after Johnnyâs off.
âIâm sure heâll pull out all the stops for our MVP,â Jeno grins, typing the order into an ipad. âDo you want a beer? Weâve got new rotators.â
âDonât bother trying to upsell me,â Johnny scoffs. âHouse Lager, and donât fuck around with the foam.â
âYou run a tight ship here, captain,â you tease, bumping Johnnyâs elbow.
âSpeaking of-â
âDonât try to recruit me to work here again,â youâre quick to warn.
âDamn it,â Johnny shakes his head, pretending to be quite upset about your rejection. He does feel it- he does think youâd be a great member of the team, and heâd love to offer you a dual head chef position, but itâs not in his power to do so, and that fact haunts him every day. Working for a company limits what heâs able to do, and sometimes, even at age thirty, Johnny still thinks about his dream to open a food truck, with you by his side. âNo, in all seriousness, I wanted to talk to you about Soonieâs birthday.â
âRight, sheâs turning eleven soon, thatâs quite the milestone,â you grin, playing with your straw.
âI asked Doyoung if I could open early for her birthday, itâs a Sunday, I was thinking some of her friends and their parents could come in for a brunch an hour before weâre open for the public.â
âThatâs a great idea!â
âHereâs the catch, Soonie was raised on your breakfast food. As much as I try to make things for her, and I hate to admit this, by the way, she always says your cooking is better. So I was thinking⌠maybe youâd want to come in that day and help me out with all of this. With your skills, I wouldnât need Hyuck and Mark, it could be just us, and Iâm sure we could make a birthday breakfast Soonbok would never forget. It would be like old times, like back when we were in culinary school.â
He loves the way youâre smiling at him, giving him space to rant.Â
When heâs done, you cock your head to the side, only wasting one beat before you say, âIâll do it.â
âReally? I donât have to bribe you with money or anything?â
âJeeze, have I ever asked you for money, John?â You smack at his arm, clearly slightly offended. âIâm doing this for Soonie⌠and maybe a little for you too.â
âDonât go soft on me, killer,â Johnny teases. âEveryone around hereâs too soft these days.â
âSays the softest dad I know,â you roll your eyes.Â
âShh,â he warns, âdonât say that loud enough for Jeno to hear.â
âAs if everyone doesnât already know.â
The two of you continue to chat and joke, a short while later, the head manager, Doyoung, shows up carrying food. Itâs funny for Johnny to see Doyoung balancing two items on one arm, the third in the palm of his hand, but he supposes Doyoung started somewhere too, the same way John had.Â
âVIP happy hour appetizers,â Doyoung sighs, setting the food down.Â
âAs opposed to regular happy hour appetizers?â you grin, immediately reaching for a fry.
âThese are special,â Doyoung insists, âpretty sure Yuta spit in them.â
Doyoung is a pretty regal man, heâs not one to joke around- but for some reason, when Doyoung is in your vicinity, he loosens up a little. Everyone loosens up around you, you radiate a safe space kind of energy, the kind of energy that makes Johnnyâs tense shoulders relax, his smile softening.
âThen Iâll be sure to eat all of this,â you respond. âTell Yuta more spit.â
Doyoung shakes his head at you. âIâm sure Johnnyâs tried to poach you already, but if you ever want a job, you can have his.â
âHey!â Johnny laughs.
âIâll consider it,â you grin.
âAnd I expect a plate of food for this brunch thing,â Doyoung continues. âIâve heard nothing beats your breakfasts, even though you work nights.â
âSomeone has been talking about me again,â you muse, eyes shifting to John.
âWhat can I say?â He holds his hands up in defense. âI speak only the truth.â
âYour reputation precedes you,â Doyoung insists. âAnyways, have fun you two, Iâve got food to run, our new expo girl isnât filling Sunshineâs shoes too well.â
Thereâs a glint in Doyoungâs eye before he scurries away, and Johnny turns to watch the new expo girl practically short circuiting with take out orders on the line.Â
âPoor girl,â you sigh. âIt takes a certain kind of person to work in a restaurant.â
And an even more specific type to do what the two of you do as chefs.
Two
Youâve been on a few first dates this year, and this one is definitely a bottom three. Youâve had one drink, and you already feel like finding a way to slip out early.Â
Initially, youâd been intrigued by dating a man in finance, but itâs clear now that youâre in two completely different worlds- and to make matters worse, he mostly talks about himself. Heâs oozing this obnoxious confidence that makes you grimace every time you sip your drink, and not from the alcohol.
Your date is in the bathroom when Johnny calls.
âHello?â
âHey, you!â His voice warms your heart. âSo Soonie is at a sleep over tonight, and I was thinking about making a Soonbok style menu for her birthday, all Soonie style names for food and such, planning a menu just for her- are you up to anything? Can I go through it with you?â
âActuallyâŚâ your gaze shifts to the bathrooms, âIâm on a date.â
âOh.â
âItâs going so bad, and planning Soonieâs birthday would be such a better use of my evening. Listen, can you come pick me up? Iâll text you the address, you can come and call me when youâre outside, pretend itâs a family emergency or something-â
âYou got it, Iâll be there right away.â
Fifteen minutes later, youâre hopping into Johnnyâs car, letting out a deep sigh of relief.
âThat bad, huh?â he asks.
âI donât even want to talk about it right now,â you groan.Â
âHere, distract yourself,â Johnny hands you a piece of paper, and you realize itâs a mock up menu for Soonbokâs birthday. âThis is just a prototype, I was messing around with styles on some fucking site called Canva-â
âI didnât know you were good at this sort of thing,â you gasp, taking in the intricate fonts and colouring.
âThe site did all the work, trust me,â Johnny scoffs, pulling out into traffic. âRead it over and let me know what you think.â
You begin to scan the menu. Thereâs Soonie Side Up Eggs, and Boken Avocado Bennies, Soonbok Style Slapjacks and Suh Family Breakfast Sammies.Â
âIâm shocked you came up with this many names related to Soonie and Suh,â you say.
âI spent my entire shift thinking about them in the back of my mind while I worked,â Johnny admits. âTheyâre not cheesy or anything, right?â
âTheyâre definitely cheesy,â you confirm, âbut Soonie is going to love them. Youâve always been cheesy, John, and she adores you for it.â
You notice Johnnyâs skin turning a little red, and itâs not just from the reflection of the traffic light illuminating the inside of his car while you wait for it to go green.Â
You continue to study the menu, thinking hard the entire way back to Johnnyâs house.
Heâs got a modest three bedroom townhouse, with his and Soonbokâs rooms on the top floor, and the guest bedroom on the main floor with the kitchen and living room. The kitchen is, without a doubt, the heart of the home, and the two of you make your way there as soon as youâre past the threshold.
âI have some thoughts,â you admit, setting the menu down and pointing at one of the items. âSoonbok toast,â you announce, a twist on french toast, âit says here that it comes with a berry compote. I can tell that this is one of the dishes more geared toward others, because if this was really for Soonie, youâd know that your daughter doesn't even touch berry or apple crisps. She picks at the oat brown sugar on top, but doesnât like cooked berries or fruits.â
âYeahâŚâ Johnny leans next to you, scratching the back of his neck. âThat was the only one I wasnât sure on, but for brunch, you have to have a french toast option, right?â
âWe can still do french toast, but I think every menu item should be something sheâd actually love, donât you agree?â
âA hundred percent.âÂ
âWhat if, instead of berry compote, we do an brown sugar glaze type sauce?â
âThat could be doable,â Johnny admits. âShould we try to make one now?â
âCan we do it in the morning?â you ask. âHonestly, I had one drink at the bar, Iâm tired after a long shift, and Iâm ready to have a few more drinks then pass out.â
âDrinks are a good idea,â Johnny grins, already heading to the fridge. âIt will give me more time to think about how to make the brown sugar glaze, and Iâll get on top of that in the morning.â
âExactly. Chef hours are over, we can just relax,â you insist, heading to collapse on his couch.
âChef hours are never over,â Johnny reminds you, cracking open a beer and approaching so he can hand it to you.
âItâs one of the reasons dating is so hard in our profession,â you sigh, taking a swig of your drink.
âThe hours make it tough,â Johnny nods.Â
âSo does the mentality,â you remind him. âWe just⌠we think a little differently than others. Weâre all a little too committed to our work.â
âThatâs not always a bad thing, youâve just gotta find someone youâre compatible with, someone who will appreciate that about you.âÂ
âSays one single chef to the other,â you laugh.
Johnny clinks his bottle against your own before taking a large gulp. âTouche.â
Three
Johnny is doing his best to work quietly, aware that the guest bedroom is just a short distance from the kitchen as he whips up eggs for the french toast batter.Â
He manages to get all the way through to the cooking before you sleepily putter into the kitchen, adorned in one of his spare shirts for when you sleep over unexpectedly. You look adorable, but Johnny canât bring himself to focus on you as he perfects the brown sugar glaze, careful not to burn it.
âAlmost done,â he calls over his shoulder, âtake a seat then try this with me?â
âIt smells good,â you tell him, pulling out a chair at the island kitchen counter.Â
âThanks, honey, I was up last night thinking about it- had to wake up early to try it out.â He lifts the french toast onto a plate, dipping a spoon into the glaze to coat the breakfast. âI hope I didnât wake you up?â
âThe smell did,â you muse, grinning as he brings the french toast toward you, setting it down and opening a drawer to retrieve two sets of utensils.
The two of you cut into the toast, and you lift your fork. âCheers,â you grin, and Johnny touches his food to your own before you both go in for a bite.Â
The french toast is cooked to perfection, and although the brown sugar glaze is a little sweet for his liking, Johnny knows Soonieâs sweettooth will appreciate this adjustment to the recipe.
But when Johnny lifts his gaze to you, he sees apprehension in your eyes. âDid you like it?â he enquires.
âItâs really good, donât get me wrong,â you assure him quickly, âI just think⌠maybe itâs missing one or two things.â
âLike what?â
âMmmâŚâ you cock your head to the side, âwe both know Soonbok is a fan of nuts, peanut butter is her usual go to but she likes others too- what if we finely chop some pecan or walnut and add that in somehow?â
âThat could work,â Johnny nods.Â
âDo you mind if I take a crack at it?â you ask.Â
Johnny laughs. There are very few people heâll allow to use his kitchen, and luckily youâre the one at the top. Youâve been cooking here for so many years that he doesnât have to guide you to anything, you stand up and immediately go in search of details to make your french toast masterpiece come to life, and Johnny happily takes a back seat while he finishes his own creation.
You go for a bag of pecans, dumping a small amount onto a cutting board before you begin to finally chop, leaving an array of different sizes of chunks. Soonie has always been a texture specific child, and Johnny loves how you incorporate all the little quirks of his daughter into your cooking like this.
In a pan with some butter, you begin to toast the nuts, getting prepped on your bread by using the already made batter heâd created earlier. As you put the toast into the pan and check the nuts, you cock your head to the side again, an endearing trait you do when youâre thinking.
âWhat about oats?â you suggest.Â
âDo whatever you think is best,â Johnny encourages you, heading to the fridge to grab some orange juice and a nearly empty bottle of prosecco heâd opened for a recipe two nights ago.
Johnny watches you add oats to the browning pecans while he makes mimosas, and in no time at all, youâre plating the french toast, with a spoonful of the newly toasted additions, and a few spoonfuls of brown sugar glaze.
âThere,â you announce, bringing the food to the table. âI added a bit of cinnamon and brown sugar to the buttered nuts and oats while you were making drinks.â
âCheers,â Johnny grins, lifting a forkful of your creation to gently touch it to your own.
As soon as he bites into it, Johnny knows that this is a winner. The crunch of the nuts, and the oats- the added fats of the butter- the slight taste of cinnamon on the toppings-Â
âWow,â he breathes, leaning back in his chair. âSoonie really wasnât joking when she said youâre the best breakfast chef in town.â
âStop it,â you laugh. âYou made the glaze! We did this together!â
Johnny goes for a second bite. âThis is the stuff that will stick to your ribs,â he muses, not caring that the calorie content was just inflated by the addition of butter and nuts, âGood olâ comfort food.â
âNo, John, youâre a head chef now, this is comfort cuisine,â you correct him with a grin.Â
Johnny swears your eyes are sparkling as you smile at him, and it makes his heart skip a beat in his chest. Itâs times like these that he realizes just how smitten he is with you. Youâve been there for him, through thick and thin. Thereâs no way heâd be where he is now without you, and heâs not even sure if you know the full extent of it.
But at the same time, because youâre his rock, Johnny doesnât want to overstep. He canât lose you, not now, not ever. Soonie lost her mom to a car crash when she was three, and thereâs no way in hell Johnnyâs going to do something that could potentially make her lose you too.
Four
âHey, you,â you grin, finishing pouring your glass of wine while you put your favourite chef on speaker.
âHey, yourself,â Johnny responds, and you can practically hear the smile in his own voice. âListen, uh, I need to ask you for a favour.â
âShoot.â
âTwo of my line chefs called in today before dinner- pretty sure theyâre both hungover or something. Anyways, Iâm staying, and itâs a busier night than projected- Soonie is done Girl Guides at seven, and I know itâs your night off, so if youâre busy I can find someone else, but-â
âIâve got you,â you interrupt him. âGirls night with my favourite girl is a better plan than I had.â
âReally? You sure?â
âA hundred percent.â
âIâd say I owe you one, but at this point, I probably owe you more like a thousand.â
âAnd donât you forget it,â you laugh, pouring your wine back into the bottle. âTake care of work, and Iâll take care of our girl.â
A couple hours later, youâre in Johnnyâs familiar kitchen, making spiced popcorn and virgin cocktails. Soonie wants to be a chef, just like her dad, and sheâs getting better every day. You love giving her soft instructions and lending a helping hand on bigger jugs of juice that her tiny fingers canât quite hold.
Soonbok has a love for all things disney and music, and although this is probably the third time youâre watching it with her, the two of you settle in for the live action Ariel.
While Johnny is primarily a chef, back when you were in culinary school, he used to sing to himself when he was working. He was always quiet, but loud enough for you to listen to his beautiful voice. Like her father, Soonbok has a way with music, and you adore watching the eleven year old belt out Ariel songs.
Sheâs tuckered out from Girl Guides however, and about halfway into the movie she cuddles up next to you, her eyelids beginning to droop.
When Johnny comes home as the film is ending, Soonie is fast asleep, and you quickly motion at him to be quiet as he steps through the door.
Johnny is careful as he sets his keys and bag down, kicking off his shoes and putting away his jacket. He tiptoes toward the two of you. âHow long has she been out?â he whispers.
âHalf an hour or so,â you respond in a hushed tone. âHow was work?â
He lets out a sigh. âCould have been better, but Iâm home now. Should I get this little one to bed?â
You nod, watching the way Johnny bends down to gently lift his daughter off the couch. She stirs in his arms. âDaddy?â
âHi, Soonie,â he beams down at her. âDid you have a good girls night?â
âCan y/n stay longer?â
Johnnyâs eyes shift to you, and a smile forms on your lips. âI guess I canât say no to Soonie, can I?â
âHereâs the deal, Soonie, y/n can stay longer, but Iâve gotta put you to bed. You had a long day, didnât you, sweet girl?â
âUh huh.â Soonie yawns, cuddling closer to Johnnyâs chest, and the sight makes you melt.
Johnny carries her out of the living room and up to the second level. He takes some time tucking her in, and then he comes back down to join you, holding two beers in his hands.Â
âSo two line chefs called in, huh?â you prompt, tucking your legs up and making room for the large man on the sofa.
âI expected it from Haechan, but Markâs generally pretty reliable. His girlfriend was on shift today, so I know he wasnât skipping to be with her- Iâm guessing they got pretty messed up last night.â
âTheyâre young,â you point out, accepting a beer from him. âWe used to be young.â
âUsed to be,â Johnny laughs, taking a swig of his drink.Â
Looking at this man- this father, you realize maybe he never really got the chance to be young. At twenty five, he had a six year old, he wasn't running around blacking out and getting hung over, he was working his way up the employment ladder, dreaming about a better future for his daughter.
âYou mentioned Mark has a girlfriend, I think Iâve heard about her a few times now, itâs interesting that she was in and he wasnât.â
âIâm going to be honest, I love Mark, heâs a great kid- but, he can sometimes be peer pressured into things. Haechan has a hold on Mark unlike any Iâve seen, they bring out⌠interesting sides of each other.â
You laugh at the description, and itâs clear thereâs more on Johnnyâs mind, so you wait for him to continue.Â
âItâs nice that Mark is young and in love, I can understand that- but at the same time, I just hope he doesnât make the same mistakes I did. Not that Soonbok is a mistake, of course- I just mean that⌠life is fragile. You think youâre going to be with someone forever, and then youâre reminded of how frail things can be.â
You frown at his words. Even after all of these years, Johnny still holds so much pain about his lost wife. You want to do your best to help Johnny in every aspect of his life, especially emotional, but this is a topic you never know how to approach. Heâs right for grieving, his ex was his first love, his true love- how is there anything you could ever say to make him feel better about her passing?
You open your mouth, only to close it, and Johnny watches you intently. Sometimes he looks at you, the way heâs looking at you right now, and you wonder if he feels the same level of connection with you that you feel with him. You wonder if he wants you to kiss him, if a kiss would make him feel better, if it would - if even for a moment - help him forget about the pains heâs faced in his life.
But itâs because of the pains heâs faced that neither of you can close the distance, youâd like to think about it that way at least. Even after all these years, itâs still too early, so you simply reach out and gently squeeze his hand.
Johnny offers you a smile, and youâre glad that in some small way, maybe youâve helped him.
Five
Itâs a pretty slow day after the lunch rush, so Johnny is sitting in the back office with Doyoung while they pick at their food. They often eat together once things settle down, and today is no different.Â
What is different, however, is the topic of conversation Doyoung brings up. âHowâs y/n doing?â he asks, taking a bite of his salad.
âSheâs good. She helped me lock in a french toast recipe for Soonieâs birthday, so that was pretty helpful.â
âThatâs nice,â Doyoung nods, âbut Iâm more interested in whatâs going on between the two of you.â
âWhat do you mean?â Johnny asks, looking up from his schezwan beef noodle bowl.Â
âI mean, you two have been friends for a long time. Thereâs a lot of history there.â
Johnnyâs shocked that Doyoung is bringing this up. Out of all of the chefâs coworkers, he had not pegged Doyoung as being the man to bring up relationship gossip, and the whole thing takes him off guard for a moment.Â
âWeâre good friends,â Johnny says finally.
âI know that,â Doyoung rolls his eyes. âWhatâs holding you back from being more? Itâs clear how much you two care about each other.â
Johnny looks down at his food, using his chopsticks to play around with a red pepper. âWe do care about each other,â he confirms. âShe was there for me with Soonie when no one else was, and Iâll always be grateful for that.â
âSo why donât you tell her how you really feel about her?â Doyoung presses. âItâs obvious in the way you look at each other- a smart woman like y/n, Iâm shocked she hasnât figured it out for herself by now.â
âI think, because of our history, thereâs this⌠invisible line,â Johnny tries to explain. âThings are good the way they are now, if I try to mess with that⌠I could lose everything. And I wouldnât just be losing it for myself, Iâd be losing it for Soonie too.â
Doyoung lets out a breath, turning to face Johnny. âI get that itâs hard, but, youâve got two paths ahead of you. If you give it a try, it could either end well, or badly. But if you keep yourself in this weird middle friend zone place, itâs like youâve created a house at the crossroads, and that will never lead you anywhere.â
âWhen did you become so wise about love?â Johnny scoffs.
âSumi has helped me with it,â Doyoung admits. âI met her here, we started off as friends. Iâm her manager, so I had my own reasons for never taking the leap. I had my own house at the crossroads.â
âWhat made you finally give it a try?â
âShe was there for me when my dad died,â Doyoung frowns. âAnyone can be there for you when things go badly, but when a woman truly gives her all to making things easier on you- itâs not something that should be ignored. After everything you and y/n have been through, you both deserve to give it a try.â
âHow are you so sure sheâd want to give it a try?â
âBecause she looks at you the way you look at her.â
Six
Cooking with Johnny might just be the easiest thing in the world. Youâd thought that, due to it being Soonieâs birthday, maybe tensions would be high, but as the two of you collaborate in the kitchen, bumping hips and easily communicating, things feel as they always have: easy.Â
Within fifteen minutes, the two of you have seamlessly cooked thirteen breakfasts for yourselves, Soonie, her four friends, and six adults⌠well, seven, if you include the Boken Avocado Bennies youâd whipped up for Doyoung.
While there are a number of staff puttering around doing pre-opening tasks, itâs Doyoung who takes the time to help you and Johnny bring all the food to the table. You love watching the stoic manager announce the Soonie-inspired brunch food names, and itâs clear that Soonbok is also enamoured by the shift in Doyoungâs countenance.Â
Before everyone begins to eat, you take a group picture on Johnnyâs phone, loving the massive smile on Soonieâs face.
As youâre about to sit down, Johnny asks one of the other moms to take a picture of just you, him and Soonie. With the two of you on either side of the birthday girl, you canât help but think that this feels like a family picture.Â
In a way, Johnny and Soonie are your family- but in the same breath, youâre cognisant of the fact that - had circumstances been different - it would be Soonbokâs mom in this picture right now, and not you. These are shoes that can simply never be filled, no matter how much you wish you could.
The thought isnât one you like to hold on to, and itâs a thought thatâs popped into your head innumerable times throughout the years. Taking your seat next to the birthday girl, you watch her try the french toast, her eyes lighting up.
On top of her own food, Soonie picks at yours and Johnnyâs. Both of you are more than happy to share so she can taste more than just one of the special items Johnny had concocted for her.Â
Brunch is full of laughter and girlish giggles that light up the deserted restaurant. Itâs clear how important Johnny has made Soonie feel today, and that brings you more joy than you could ever express out loud.Â
As things wind down, you and Johnny begin clearing plates to the dishpit. The two of you are shoulder to shoulder, and youâre overwhelmed by an odd sense of longing that you canât quite describe.
Johnny turns to you, mouth opening as if heâs about to say something- but as servers pass behind you, itâs clear that thereâs no room for him to say whatever it is that he wanted to say to you.
You clear your throat, watching a line chef pop up next to Johnny to stack the dishes for dishwasher prep. âYou should go back to Soonie,â you tell him, âIâll finish up with the cleanup.â
âAre you sure?â he asks.
âOf course, itâs Soonieâs day, go be with her.â You offer him a smile, and Johnny reacts by reaching out to squeeze your hand.
Without another word, he leaves you to your thoughts, and the feeling of need thatâs growing steadier and steadier in your chest.
Seven
Johnny doesnât know quite what to do with himself. Soonieâs birthday was yesterday, and today's day shift had been quite slow. Heâs feeling restless with Soonie over at a friendâs place tonight, and he tries to drown himself in liquor- whether it be to chase away the loneliness or to gain courage, heâs not sure, but by nine oclock, Johnny finds himself dialing up your number.
âHey, you,â you answer.
âHey, yourself,â he grins. âWatcha up to?â
Thereâs a pause, and Johnny can hear people in the background. âIâm out actually.â
âOh?â Johnnyâs spirits dampen. âOut on another hot date?â
âNot so hot actually.â
Johnny bites at his lip. âIâll let you go anyways.â
âItâs alright, I stepped out when you called. Do you need something?â
âI guessâŚâ Johnny takes a breath. âI got into the liquor-â
âSay no more, Iâll be right over.â
Eight
âSoâŚâ Johnny grins as the two of you head into his kitchen, âhow did the date go?â
You scoff, watching him pour a glass of wine. âHow do you think it went? Iâm here with you, arenât I?â
âI mean⌠I am pretty hard to compete with,â Johnny flashes you a sexy grin⌠and proceeds to knock over the glass of wine. âShit- fuck!â
âListen, you go take a seat, and Iâll clean this up,â you laugh, watching him lumber toward the sofa. You make quick work of the mess, and when youâre done, you approach him in the living room.
âCome sit,â he prompts, patting the spot right next to him.
âSomeoneâs feeling awfully cuddly today,â you giggle when he grabs your hand to pull you down where he wants you, leaving no space between the two of you.
âWhat can I say? Iâm a cuddly drunk.âÂ
âI can see that,â you note, assessing him.
His gaze dips to your lips, and your skin tingles.Â
âThank you for yesterday,â he says quietly.
âI told you, I was happy to help for Soonieâs special day.â
âItâs not just that,â he insists, âyouâre always happy to help. I seriously-â he swallows thickly, âI seriously couldnât have done anything Iâve done without you.â
âDonât be so self deprecating,â you warn him, gently pushing his shoulder. âYouâd have gotten anywhere you wanted, with or without me.â
âI still donât have a food truck,â Johnny pouts.
Youâd thought maybe heâd given up on that dream- although youâve held onto hope for Johnny, more than he knows. âNow that you mention it, actually,â you say, pulling out your phone, âIâve been looking at food trucks for sale online for a minute, and-â
Johnnyâs gaze softens. âYouâve been researching for me?â
âJust a little,â you brush it off, trying to find the listing that youâd saved three days ago. âI found this decent looking one at a good price-â
âI think I love you.â
âHuh?â you freeze.
âI didnât mean it,â Johnny says immediately, and your heart sinks. âI donât think I love you, I know I do.â
âJohn, please, thatâs the liquor talking.â
âDrunk words are sober thoughts,â he insists. âLook, youâve always been there for me. We work together- and not just because weâre both chefs. Something about this,â Johnny gestures between the two of you, âit just works, and I know Iâm not the only one who sees it.â
âYeah?â You decide to play a little coy, seeing as this confession is coming from a drunk man. âAnd who else sees it?â
âDoyoung, for one.â
âDoyoung?â You let out a laugh. âHave you been gossiping about me with him?â
âI swear I didnât bring it up,â Johnny defends himself. âDoyoung said I look at you with love, and that⌠that you look at me the same way.â
âWell⌠maybe Doyoung needs to get his eyes checked?â
âDonât play with me,â Johnny begs, pulling you closer. âThereâs always been a line between us, one weâve both been too scared to cross⌠but, I think-â
âNow youâre crossing it,â you finish for him. âWhat made you want to do that?â
âSoonieâs birthday,â Johnny admits. âOur little family picture.â
âOur family picture,â you repeat, melting inside at the fact that heâd viewed the photo in the same light you had.
âYeah.â Johnny nods. âOur family. Mine, and yours.âÂ
His hand finds your thigh, and you canât help but reach out to cup his cheek, stroking your thumb across his angular bones. âIâm not sure what to say,â you admit.
âWe donât have to say anything,â Johnny assures you. âJust kiss me, and we can forget about the world for a minute.â
Your heart is racing in your chest as you hesitantly close the distance between your lips. Itâs a gentle first kiss, but it soon grows hungry, and youâre not sure if thatâs due to his appetite or your own.
His tongue swipes across your lip, and you open your mouth for him, letting out a soft sigh as you get lost in the feeling of the man whoâs been your best friend for years.
His hand on your thigh squeezes, and before you know it, heâs pulling you onto his lap. Your knees dig into the sofa on either side of him, and youâre hesitant to fully sit down- a kiss is a kiss, but grinding on Johnny is something else entirely.
âJohnny,â you whisper, throwing your head back to look at the ceiling, wondering how you got into this situation.
âYes, honey?â He presses kisses along your throat that have tingles shooting up your spine.
âYouâre drunk,â you say finally.
âIf Iâd known you liked me too, I would have done this ages ago.â
âItâs not about that,â you laugh. âItâs about the fact that youâre drunk, and I want you sober when we do this.â
âDo what?â he teases, squeezing your hips, his tongue grazing over your jugular.
âYou know what,â you retort with a huff. âLook, youâre right about the line neither of us wanted to cross.â
Johnny pulls away from your throat, looking up at you. âHuh?â
âThe line. The unspoken line. All these years, something has been there, between us- but, we both respect your wife, we respect Soonie- I think⌠I think the time is right for this now, well, not right now, but, once youâre sober again.â
âYouâre right,â Johnny concedes.Â
âHow about we watch a movie, then we can go to sleep.â
âYouâll stay over?â Thereâs a boyish excitement in his voice and it makes you melt.
âUh huh.â
âWill you stay in my bed with me?â
âJust for cuddles, but only if you promise to drink a bunch of water before we sleep, I donât want you hung over in the morning.â
Johnny grins. âYou got it, honey.â
Nine
Johnny wakes up next to a warm body, and itâs the first time in years. Your presence is the only thing that proves to him that last night wasnât a dream, some twisted fantasy- No, youâre real, and youâre here, and youâd kissed him back-
He stays cuddled with you for a while, basking in the glow of being in love, truly in love, and finally able to admit it to himself. Itâs been so long since his wife, and part of him had forgotten the feeling- maybe thatâs why it had taken years for him to realize how much he adores you.
After a while, Johnny decides he needs some water- and he wants to make breakfast for you. He wants to spoil you the way you spoil him.
Johnny is careful as he exits the bed, taking one last look at your peaceful face before heading down to the kitchen.
Itâs easy for Johnny to get lost in the act of cooking, focusing on bacon at first before switching to eggs. As it was a few days ago, the smell of food wakes you up, and soon youâre joining him by the stove.
âWatcha making?â you ask, wrapping your body around his.
God, the feeling of you is- fuck, he canât even describe how good it is.
âWanted to make you breakfast,â he tells you, plating your food first. Once he has you settled and sitting, he quickly throws together a breakfast sandwich for himself.
âYou and your sandwiches,â you laugh, digging into your bacon and eggs.
âHow did you sleep?â he asks, coming to join you.
âSo well,â you tell him, bumping your knee against his own, âeven if someone snores.âÂ
Johnny can only laugh, heâs dealt with Soonbok complaining about his loud snoring for years. âHow are the eggs?â
âGood!âÂ
Youâre so chipper this morning, and he loves it. Johnny takes a bite of his sandwich- youâd cooked the eggs at the brunch birthday two days ago, and he realizes Soonie was right. âYour eggs are better,â he muses. Â
âIâd planned on making breakfast for you, but you jumped the gun, big guy.â
âI wanted to pamper you for a change.â
âCooking is my love language,â you tell him. âIâm excited to make you breakfast more often.â
âI like the sound of that,â he smiles.
âWhenâs Soonie come home?â
Johnny checks the clock on the stove. âIn an hour or so.â
âAs much as Iâd love to see her, I think maybe itâs better if Iâm not here when she gets home,â you say thoughtfully. âSheâs a smart girl, I bet sheâd be able to tell that something is up.â
âShe definitely would,â Johnny confirms. âI donât think Iâll be able to keep my hands off of you that much if you stick around.â
You giggle, reaching over to squeeze his knee.
âHow are you feeling about last night?â Johnny asks.
âIâm feeling good, how about you? Still remember all of it?â
âIn perfect detail,â he breathes. âAlthough⌠a little reminder wouldnât hurt.â
âOh, it wouldnât?â you tease as he leans in, cupping your face so he can press his lips to your own.Â
God, youâre such a good kisser. It just works. Itâs hard for him to even pull away, but he doesnât want to overwhelm you.
âTake me out on a date,â you say.
âHmm?â
âA date,â you repeat. âJust because weâve known each other for years doesnât mean we can skip steps.â
âI respect that,â Johnny nods. âIâve got a busy week, and it will have to be a night where Soonie is out, but⌠weâll make it work.â
Johnnyâs so certain it will work, because things between you have always worked, and he canât wait to see where this takes you.Â
Ten
Itâs been a week, but finally Johnny found time for that date night. Soonie is out with friends again, so itâs the perfect opportunity to get some alone time with the man whoâs been on your mind constantly.
He picks you up in his old Dodge truck, compliments your outfit, and refuses to tell you where youâre going or what the plan is.
When you arrive back at his place, youâre honestly not even surprised. âLet me guess, you took me to the best chef in town?â
âYou know all my lines, honey,â he grins.Â
âSo, chef, whatâs on the menu?â
âI thought maybe youâd take a seat and let me cook for you.â
âAs if Iâd take a back seat,â you scoff. âWhat are we making?â
Johnny had made hand made fettucini before heâd come to pick you up. You let him take lead in making a white wine, garlic cream sauce with button mushrooms, spinach and crispy prosciutto, but you insist on being his sous chef and taking care of the chicken.
The smell is heavenly, and as he finishes it all off with fresh herbs, you think you start to drool a little.
âFor a guy who claims to specialize in sandwiches of all things, youâre pretty good with italian,â you muse as you take your first bite and nearly moan.
âIâm pretty good with a lot of things,â Johnny laughs.Â
âLook at you being all cocky.â
âYou love it.â
Heâs so right.
The two of you chat and laugh together while eating. Itâs one of the best meals youâve had in a very long time. When dinner is over, Johnny suggests a movie. As the two of you settle on the couch, he prompts you to come closer, and soon, the two of you are cuddled together as if itâs the most natural thing in the world.
Heâs so warm and comforting- you find yourself dozing off a little, although, maybe itâs something of a food coma from all the pasta.
Johnny brings his lips to your ear, and you shiver when he asks, âShould I carry you to bed, honey?âÂ
Part of you wants to tell him youâre not Soonie and you wonât be calling him daddy any time soon- but another part of you wants to lean into this. Itâs been so long since you felt like you could be babied, and if anyone is going to bring out that side of you, itâs going to be Johnny.
âWonât I be too heavy?â you ask, cognizant of the stairs heâll have to climb.
âHave you seen my arms? I wonât drop you, honey, I promise.â
You allow him to scoop you up, and you feel like a giggling school girl again as he takes you up to his room. âDo you have a shirt I could wear to sleep?âÂ
âChoose anything,â he tells you. âWhen youâre changed, you can join me in the bathroom, I went and got a toothbrush for you.â
Before you know it, youâre cuddled in Johnnyâs bed, wearing panties and one of his big shirts. Heâs pressed to your back, his mint tinged breath warm on the nape of your neck. Thereâs no pressure for sex, no pressure for anything other than the situation at hand, and you can tell youâre both very content with it.Â
Soon, youâre drifting off to sleep in the arms of a man whoâs been a cornerstone of your life.
Itâs a deep, dreamless sleep, and it passes in the blink of an eye. You awaken to light beaming through his window, a warm body behind you, and something hard pressed against your ass.
You laugh to yourself- morning wood isnât something men can help. Even so, you stir a little, adjusting to get more comfortable.
Johnny releases a sleepy groan.
You stay still, not wanting to wake him, but it feels like the damage is already done when he wraps you tighter in his embrace. âMorning,â he whispers, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
âHi,â you respond lightly.
Now itâs Johnnyâs turn to shift, and you feel his body tense when he does so. âFuck,â he goes to pull away, âsorry, I uh-â
âItâs okay,â you assure him, grabbing his forearm so he canât move away, âkeep cuddling me.â
Johnny returns, flush against your back, his hard cock pressing even more firmly to your ass.
âAre you sure youâre alright with this?â he asks.
âMore than okay with it.â
âYeah?â He leans forward, pressing his lips to your throat. âAre you okay with this, too?â Johnny mumbles, his hot breath fanning across your skin.
âUh huh,â you sigh, wiggling your bum back against him and arching your neck to give him better access.
His hand finds your hip, gently squeezing you through the shirt youâre wearing. His lips are soft against you, but thereâs a need in his motions too, and he begins to grind against your ass.
You let out a groan when he finds the sweet spot just below your ear, and he licks at it, making you moan louder.
âAre we going to do this?â he asks, nipping at your earlobe.
âFuck it, yes.â You canât hold back anymore, you turn in his embrace, quickly mounting him and smashing your lips to his own.
Johnny grins into the kiss, holding your hips while you settle on top of him, grinding down against his clothed cock while your tongues begin to clash.
His kisses have you seeing stars, your mind going blank except for him.
Soon, his hands slip under your shirt, slowly grazing up your sides. âCan I take this off of you?â he asks.
You open your eyes to look down at him, studying his pretty lips and his chocolate eyes.Â
Instead of responding, you sit up, grabbing the hem of the oversized T and lifting it over your head, tossing it to the side and baring yourself to your best friend for the first time.
âFuck,â Johnny groans, gaze falling to your tits. His hands stay at a respectable location on your hips, and you grab one to lift it to your breast, adding pressure so he knows heâs allowed to give you a test squeeze.
Johnny begins to massage you, and you throw your head back, releasing a groan, swiveling your hips against him.
His thumb brushes over your hardened nipple and you mewl loudly, core throbbing from the stimulus.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he whispers, propping himself up so he can take your nipple into his mouth.
You cup the back of his head, keeping him on your chest while he worships you. His other hand finds your neglected breast, gently pinching and massaging while he sucks on your sensitive bud.
âJohn-â You donât even know what to say, youâre entirely wrapped up in him.Â
Youâve never felt a feral need like this before, but itâs not necessarily the primal type of drive. Instead, itâs a feeling of wanting to be close to this man- who youâve been next to for so many years, but unable to touch.Â
Except, heâs touching you now, and you want more.Â
Johnny pulls away from your breasts, cupping the back of your head and drawing your lips to his again. âWe should take our clothes off,â he suggests.
âThatâs the best idea youâve had all week,â you laugh.Â
He helps you off of him, and you lay next to each other for a moment, both fumbling to get naked. As soon as youâre fully nude, Johnny rolls on top of you, slotting between your thighs. His lips find yours again, and his free hand trails down your body, teasing through your pussy lips.
âYouâre already so wet,â he muses.
âIâve wanted this for a long time,â you admit.
âMe too,â he assures you, capturing your mouth with his own while he teases a finger into your hole. You push your hips up, wanting more, and you latch onto his strong shoulders, moaning into the kiss.
Johnnyâs a big man, and his finger is enough to have you wriggling below him. âEasy, honey,â he grins, looking down at you with eyes full of adoration. âGotta stretch you open.â
âFuck,â you groan- does this man read erotica in his spare time? How is a thirty year old, single dad, this well versed in dirty talk even though youâre pretty sure he hasnât been laid in forever?
He adds a second finger, curling them to find your gspot. As he pumps his hand, lips pressed to yours in a mad frenzy, you can hear your wetness with each motion.Â
It feels unreal- have fingers alone ever done a number like this on you?
Johnny twists his hand a little, knuckles dragging along your sensitive inner walls. Itâs like heâs trying to carve out a space for his cock, although, you know now that this wonât be enough. Heâs thick and throbbing on your hip, his length so large you think he might just blow your entire back out when he slips it into you.
Even though youâre eager to be - for lack of a better word - impaled on him, Johnny takes his time kissing you, his fingers continuing their motions. âWanna rub your clit for me?â he asks, moving his mouth to your neck. âI want to watch you cum.â
Your toes curl at his words, and you bring your hand to your pussy, drawing circles on the sensitive bud while he continues to stroke your inner walls.
Your core throbs around him, whimpers of pleasure escaping you.Â
âYouâre being so good for me, honey,â Johnny tells you, making your insides flutter even more from the sincere words of praise.
Cumming hasnât always been the easiest thing in the world for you. There are many partners youâve had who never had the wherewithal to get you there- but somehow, Johnny just knows you. Or maybe, itâs because he knows you- because you feel safe with him, that you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.
It also helps that itâs your own fingers on your clit, you know exactly what you like, what pressure, what motions- the digits working you open are just an added bonus that have you seeing stars as you make your way to your peak.
âJohn,â you gasp, tits pushing up toward his chest when your back arches. âIâm gonna-â
âLet it out for me,â he encourages you softly. âYou deserve it.â
âI deserve your cock,â you whine, shocked at your own blatant neediness.
Johnny only laughs. âAfter,â he assures you, âI promise.â
A few more circles of your clit has the cord in your stomach snapping, your orgasm washing over your like warm summer waves. Your entire body tingles with delight, gasps leaving you as your pussy fully throbs around his fingers, your clit pulsing with desire.
âSo pretty,â he whispers, bringing his lips to yours.
From the way he smiles against your mouth, you can tell he doesnât care that youâre moaning so much he can hardly kiss you.
Itâs a closeness youâve never felt before, and he helps you through your orgasm until youâre pulling your hand away in favour of grabbing his shoulders.
Johnny takes his fingers out of your core, and you watch under hooded eyelids as he brings them to his lips, sucking them clean and releasing a groan. âEverything you do tastes better than what I bring to the table.â
You laugh. Heâs such a fucking chef.
âSome might even say itâsâŚâ you stifle a giggle, âFinger licking good.âÂ
Johnny lets out a laugh, eyes lighting up. God, you love this soft, laughter infused sex- youâve never experienced anything like it.
You grab the back of his neck, drawing his mouth to your own. You can taste yourself on his tongue, and thereâs something so erotic about it. He moans loudly, rubbing his cock between your wet pussy lips.
The tip of his cock is stimulating your clit and it sends jitters through you. You can feel how soaked you are, and you wouldnât be surprised if this ended with a wet patch on his bed from how turned on youâve been throughout this whole experience.
Johnny seems intent with grinding against you, but youâre lacking patience today, and you reach between your bodies to grab his cock.
Johnny breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours and looking down at where youâre gripping him. He doesnât say anything, his gaze shifting back to your own. Thereâs a question in his eyes, and youâre both aware that this is the final line. Once you cross this, thereâs no going back.
You bring his cock to your wet hole, and with very little effort, you help guide the head of his cock inside of you.
âFuck,â Johnny groans immediately, fists bunching at the pillow on either side of your head. âYouâre so tight- are you sure youâre good with this?â
âYouâre just- fuck,â you whimper as another inch sinks into you, âyouâre just big!â
âMaybe youâll have to get used to it,â he grins, pushing deeper.
You moan loudly, clawing at his shoulders. âMaybe I will,â you gasp.Â
He brings his mouth close to your own, until your lips are just brushing, eyes meeting when he says, âIâm looking forward to it.â
As he kisses you, he pushes fully into your warm, wet, throbbing core. His hips are flush to your own, and you swear no oneâs ever been this deep inside of you.
Your legs shake on either side of his hips, body suspended in this odd purgatory-like place between extreme pleasure, and an uncomfortable feeling of being stretched more than youâve ever been stretched before.
âAre you good?â he asks, lips moving to your cheek while you struggle to aclimatize to his cock.
âYeah,â you nod quickly. âJust- fuck me, it will be easier.â
âIf you say so, honey.â
The first thrust has your toes curling, eyes clenching shut with pleasure. A sound thatâs never come from you before leaves your lips- a sound youâve heard in porn, but always thought was an overexpression.
Your fingers dig into Johnnyâs shoulders, and he holds you close, mouth finding your neck while he begins to fuck you.
Although, would this be called fucking?
The fluidity of his motions- the way youâre clinging to each other- it feels more like making love, and your skin tingles with the realization.
âJohnny?â you whisper.
âYeah?â
âTell me you love me again, like you did when you were drunk.â
âI love you,â he says immediately, holding you even tighter. âI love you so much that sometimes it hurts.â
Your entire body both relaxes and is set on fire by his words, your core throbbing desperately around his massive cock.Â
âJohnny-â you whimper.
âTell me you love me too,â he pleads.
âI love you too,â you whisper, threading your fingers through his hair and bringing his face close to yours so you can look up into his eyes. âI love you too.âÂ
Johnnyâs hand finds your thigh, hiking it higher on his hip. Somehow, he hits even deeper now, and you wriggle below him, more sounds of pleasure escaping you and filling the room.
âYou sound so good, honey- I wonât last if you keep squeezing me and moaning-â
âThen donât last,â you gasp. âWant you to cum.â
âWhere should I cum?â
âInside- Iâm on birth control, just- fuck, Johnny, cum inside.â
He groans, pressing his mouth firmly to your own, his tongue dancing along yours as his motions get even faster.
Youâre clinging to him for dear life at this point, and when he slips a hand between your bodies to rub your clit, you nearly begin to cry from how good it feels.
âLove the way your pussy sucks me in when we play with your clit,â he tells you.Â
Fuck, fuck, fuck-
âDo you think you can cum for me again? I donât want to be the only one cumming.â
âYeah, yeah- fuck, yeah, I can cum again,â you whimper desperately.
âLet me know when,â he instructs, adjusting his motions ever so slightly so each thrust has his cock dragging against your gspot.
You let out a squeal of delight, your thighs shaking around his hips, stomach muscles clenching almost painfully-
âFuck, John, Iâm there- shit, fuck-â
Johnny shuts you up with his lips against your own, and for a second time, your orgasm hits you.
Your core clamps down incredibly hard on his cock, and Johnny groans deeply above you, fingers twitching on your clit. He keeps his pace, and a moment later, you feel his cum filling you up, coating your walls with warmth.
The feeling of his large length throbbing in your own oversensitive hole has your entire mind going fuzzy, and you kiss him like a woman lost, like a woman so completely in love that nothing else matters.
You ride out your orgasms together, until youâre both shaking. Only then does Johnny come to a stop on top of you, kisses turning to a more gentle nature as he holds you close.Â
âI love you,â he tells you again.
You smile, blinking up at your best friend. âAnd I love you.â
Epilogue
The two of you are in the kitchen cooking brunch. Johnny is pressed to your back, watching intently, asking all sorts of questions about how you cook eggs to make them so delicious and superior to his own.
âThe secret ingredient is love,â you tease.
Johnny can only laugh, holding you tighter.
Heâs so lost in you, that he loses track of time, and as the two of you are sitting down to eat, Soonbok walks through the front door. She stops in her tracks when she sees you, letting her little overnight bag slip to the ground.
âOh, hi, baby,â Johnny stands up immediately.
âHi, daddy,â Soonie says, allowing her dad to pick her up for a hug while her eyes shift to you.
âDid Sabrinaâs mom drop you off?â Johnny asks, looking out the door to wave at Soonieâs friendâs mom as she drives away.
âAs always, daddy,â Soonie laughs. âI didnât know y/n was coming over.â
âSurprise,â you grin, also standing so that when Johnny sets his daughter to the ground, she can run to give you a hug of your own.
Once Soonie is done squeezing you as tight as her little arms can muster, she looks between you and Johnny. For some reason, Johnny feels his heart beginning to race, thereâs a knowing in his daughters eyes.
âWhatâs going on?â Soonie asks finally.
âY/N and I just had a little sleep over,â Johnny tries to explain, and the concept isnât a new one, you sleep over frequently⌠in the guest bedroom.
âSoâŚâ a wicked grin appears on Soonbokâs face, âDoes this mean youâll stop trying to get me to call her auntie now?â
âWhat?â Johnny lets out a surprised laugh.
âYou heard me, daddy,â Soonbokâs smile widens. âDoes this⌠does this mean weâll be a real family now?â
Johnny lets out a shuddery breath. In the years youâve been helping raise Soonbok, Johnny has broached the idea of her calling you Auntie Y/N, as a respect thing, and his daughter has always refused. Had she seen the connection this whole time? Has this been something Soonbok has wanted ever since she was a five year old with an inquisitive mind and an even more discerning eye?
Johnnyâs gaze shifts to you, and you flash him a warm smile.
âYeah, baby,â Johnny picks up his daughter. âWe can be a real family now.â
âď¸Â mlist + an. Thank you so much for reading! This was such a fun project for me, thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me to write for Chef John, he deserved his happy ending :)
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đŽ preview. The man ordering canât see you lying on the floor of the food truck. He has no idea whatâs going on- and you feel like tempting fate a little. You bring your hand to your pussy, beginning to rub yourself through your pants, adjusting the vibrator ever so slightly as it buzzes inside you. Johnny nearly drops the tomato heâs holding, quickly tearing his gaze from yours. Youâve never seen him trying to focus this hard- and failing. What had been your torture initially, has just become his own, and you kind of love it.
cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, exhibitionism (fucking in a food truck), use of vibrator while helping a customer, vibrator as a makeshift gag ball, breast worship, fucking with half your clothes on, fingering, multiple reader orgasms, big dick Johnny, pussy stretching, dirty talk, praise, breeding kink, etc⌠ I petnames. (hers) honey
đšÂ rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.1k I teaser wc. 230
đ starring. Johnny x afab!Reader
bonus
You love working with Johnny. Sure, it had been rough at first, getting his food truck on its feet, but itâs been two years, and with some insanely good marketing, youâre now running one of the top trucks in the city.
Itâs a joy to watch Johnny fulfill his dreams every day- his odd obsession with sandwiches of all things has only added to your connection. Watching him smile and charm guests makes your heart swell with joy, and on the rare occasion Soonie comes to do the register and take orders, it feels like youâre just one happy family.
Today, however, is a weather disaster. The forcast had mentioned light sprinkles, but cuddled next to Johnny looking out at the torrential downpour, you both feel a little bamboozled.
âYou know what would make this more fun?â Johnny asks.
âCustomers?â you suggest.
âYes, but also⌠I got you something.â The chef flashes you a sly smirk, and you pull away from his shoulder to asses him.
âAm I going to like where this is going?â you ask.
He was single for so long- and thereâd been so many sexual things heâd missed out on during that time, but the two of you are making up for it every moment you have alone. You suppose this is a moment alone, so youâre not really shocked that his mind is in the gutter.
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