#can I say ? I have the mental capacity of a minor

[bunveh]

I hope my dad doesn’t bring up marriage again 😞

[pedrospatch]

safe and sound

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Your daughter has a nightmare—her daddy makes it all better.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. slight canon age deviations (Joel is 56, Ellie is 17) READER’S AGE IS NOT SPECIFIED. she’s a child bearing adult woman so do with that information what you will. established relationship, reader and Joel have a toddler (her age is not specified in fic but she’s 3 ish years old), reader has NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION and neither does their child except she has Joel’s eyes and his dark curls, no mentions of her skintone. Joel and Ellie are fine bc he deserves it, Joel’s an overprotective girl dad, reader is the chill parent. implications of a toddler being told about clickers, bad dreams, almost smut, Joel and reader get cockblocked, SOFT Joel who comforts his babygirl, mention of Sarah towards the end. very minimal editing.

word count: 2.3k

a/n: listen, i love me some daddy joel but tonight i needed a bit of actual daddy joel. this was whipped up last minute bc i haven’t had the best weekend and needed some comfort. also i didn’t have the mental capacity or energy to come up with a moodboard, so gif it is.

Joel looks down at the old, worn book in his hand.

Winnie the Pooh.

He never would have imagined it. This.

Reading a bedtime story to a toddler. His toddler.

He’s in his fifties—he shouldn’t have a toddler.

He shouldn’t have a teenager, either.

Yet, he has both.

The toddler has his blood, the teenager doesn’t.

But that doesn’t matter to him.

Joel still considers her to be his own kid.

Only, she’s not a kid anymore, not really.

She’s seventeen now. She doesn’t need him much anymore, not the way that his toddler needs him.

“Ellie’s not coming home tonight,” you’d said from where you stood at the stove, stirring in chunks of potato and chopped carrots into the pot of stew in front of you. “There’s a birthday party down at the bar. She’s going with Dina and Jesse.” You can feel the look of disapproval on his face and add, “I said she could go, Joel. She asked me permission.”

“She didn’t ask me,” he’d gruffed. He looked down at the little girl sitting in his lap, scribbling away on an old state map. He had given it to her along with the pack of crayons he’d found during patrol when his group stumbled across a schoolhouse. Though crumbling on the outside, the inside had remained untouched throughout the last two decades—little coats hanging over the back of little chairs, papers scattered all over little desks, little lunch boxes still stored in their cubbies at the back of the room. He instructed the group to search for anything useful, anything that Jackson’s teachers could use for the children in their classrooms. Joel knew that taking without trading was against the rules, but that did nothing to stop him from secretly slipping the box of crayons into his jacket pocket when no one had been looking.

His daughter’s squeals of delight when he’d gifted them to her had been well worth the theft.

“Because she knew you’d say no to her.”

“I would have. Kid’s got no business going to a bar at her age. She’s fuckin’ seventeen years ol—”

The little girl had gasped and stopped coloring.

“Daddy said a bad word.”

You’d turned around and glared at him. “He did.”

She looked up at him with her wide, brown eyes.

Those she’d gotten from him. His dark curls too.

Everything else?

Her smile, her nose, her softness?

That was all you.

“M’sorry, babygirl,” he apologized, sheepishly.

“S’okay, daddy.”

And back to coloring she went.

“Joel, let’s face it. Ellie’s growing up. She’s turning eighteen in a few months and truth is, she has one foot out the door.” Crossing your arms, you leaned back against the counter. “She was telling me how she wants to turn the garage into her own space.”

“There a reason she ain’t talkin’ to me ‘bout this?”

You’d smiled wistfully at him.

“Because she knows this is hard for you, Joel.”

It is hard. Because even though she isn’t his, she’s his and he’s afraid to lose her somehow.

Joel manages to snap himself out of his thoughts.

Rosemary’s now fast asleep, her well loved stuffed bunny rabbit wrapped in her arms. She’s a handful for him during bedtime—she has too much energy and most nights, you have to step in and help him. But tonight, after her bath, he had warmed a glass of milk for her to drink and it seemed to have done the trick because within minutes of him reading to her, her eyes fluttered closed.

Joel sets the book down and leans over to brush a kiss onto her cheek, quietly whispering goodnight. “Sweet dreams, babygirl.”

He switches off the lamp on the bedside table and steps out of his child’s bedroom, being careful not to wake her as he closes the door behind him.

“I still can’t believe she fell asleep within minutes,” you say, staring at him in utter disbelief. “How?”

“Gave her a glass of warm milk before I tucked her into bed,” Joel explains, tugging on a pair of faded black sweatpants. He peels off his shirt and tosses it onto the floor before climbing into bed. “Worked like a fuckin’ charm. She’s out like a damn light.”

You set your book down and raise an eyebrow.

“Joel, I brushed her teeth before her bath.”

“I brushed them again after she drank it, darlin’.”

He outstretches his arm, beckoning for you.

Grinning, you scoot closer to him, draping an arm over his bare chest. “It’s only nine,” you tell him. “I have no idea what we’re going to do with all of this free time we have. Rosemary’s asleep, Ellie’s gone for the night.” You slowly drag your hand down his chest and over his stomach, a finger skimming the waistband of his sweatpants. You hear the way his breath catches in his throat and tease, “I guess we can actually get some good sleep for once, huh?”

Groaning, Joel rolls over and pins you down to the bed as he positions himself on top of you, his eyes glazed over with lust. “We can sleep,” he murmurs as his mouth hovers over yours. He reaches for the buttons of his flannel you’re wearing and begins to single-handedly pop them open only to find you’re not wearing anything underneath. He groans once more. “Or I can make you feel good. S’your choice, baby.”

You gasp as he nips at your chin and starts trailing his lips lower, peppering kisses down the length of your body. Heat blossoms in your lower belly as he settles himself between your thighs. Hooking both arms around them, he nibbles at the soft spot that is right below your navel, the spot you hate, but he adores. Having a child had changed your body and while you two seldom had time to yourselves to do anything of this nature, when you did find time, he never failed to make you feel like you were still just as beautiful to him, if not a thousand times more.

“Fuck,” you whimper. “Please, Joel.”

“Please what, sweetheart? What do you want?”

His voice is low, husky.

Your hands reach down and tangle in his curls.

“Your mouth, Joel. Please. I need your—”

The sound of a teeny knock at the door makes you both freeze on the spot.

“You heard that, right?” you ask him breathlessly.

There’s a second teeny knock.

It’s then followed by an even teenier voice.

“Mommy? Daddy?”

“Fuck,” Joel hisses, scrambling off the bed. “What the hell is she doin’ out of bed?” Picking his t-shirt up from the floor, he quickly throws it on, ignoring that he’d put it on inside out. Watching you as you fumble to button his flannel, he calls, “Just give us one second babygirl, alright? We’ll be right there.”

“I’m decent,” you tell him, getting the last button.

Nodding, Joel opens the bedroom door. His knees protest when he squats down, lowering himself so that he can meet Rosemary’s tearful gaze.

“S’matter, Rosie Posie?” he asks her in a soft voice that he reserves for his girls. “What happened?”

She sniffles. “I—I had a bad dream, daddy.”

You sit on the side of bed and wait patiently.

Joel has it handled. He always has it handled.

He never stopped knowing how to be a father.

“You had a bad dream?” he repeats, frowning.

Rosemary nods, clutching her rabbit to her chest.

A single tear slips down the side of her little face.

Joel reaches out, gingerly wiping it with his finger.

“M’sorry it scared you, babygirl. Tell you what, just for tonight, how about you sleep with me and your mama in our bed? That sound good?” With a small labored grunt, he scoops her into his arms. She is getting heavier and you often tell him it’s not good for his back—he can’t care less. He’ll keep picking her up until the moment his little girl decides she’s a big girl and doesn’t want him to pick her up. Joel carries her over to the bed and sits her on your lap and reminds her, “But this is just for tonight, Rosie Posie. Tomorrow night you’re back in your own big girl bed, alright?”

“Okay,” she nods again and leans against you, tiny shoulders slumping.

“Rosie? What was your dream about?” you ask her gently, wrapping your arms around her. She hardly ever has nightmares—she’s too young to know the world outside the commune’s walls, smart but still too little to understand why she cannot go outside the gates. “What did you dream about, honey?”

She hesitates, then answers, “Monsters.”

“Monsters?” Perplexed, you glance at Joel.

He seems to be just as confused as you are.

“Who did you hear that word from, babygirl?”

“Robbie.”

Your neighbor’s unruly, troublemaker son.

Joel’s jaw clenches slightly. “Thought I told you he ain’t allowed to be around her. The kid is nine, ain’t got no business bein’ around Rosemary. Little brat ain’t nothin’ but a bad influence. He’s always up to no good.” He shakes his head at you. “Said I didn’t want that boy anywhere near our daughter.”

“The kids were out playing in the snow today,” you remember. “He must have been there too. It’s kind of hard to tell who is who when they’re all bundled up and flinging snowballs at each other, Joel.” You shoot him an apologetic look. “Rosie was having a blast playing with everybody—I’m sorry. I suppose I should’ve paid more attention to who was around her.”

He bites back a sigh. He knows it’s not your fault.

Rosie’s too good of a girl, too pure and innocent to know that not everybody is her friend.

“Rosie, what did Robbie say to you?”

Again, the child hesitates.

“He said—he said monsters live outside. They bite people and turn them into monsters too. He said it happened to his daddy.” Rosemary’s eyes flit from you to Joel. “He said it would happen to you, too.”

Your eyes widen in shock. “He said that to you?”

Hands curling into fists, Joel reminds himself now isn’t the time to let his anger take over. “S’not true at all, babygirl.” He reaches over and slides her out of your lap and onto his. Like you, he wants to lie—tell her those monsters she was told about are not real, that they don’t exist. But they do exist and as much as he wishes he could keep her from finding out about all that lies beyond Jackson’s walls, Joel knows that one day, she will. “Listen to me. M’real sorry to hear ‘bout Robbie’s daddy, baby. But I can promise you, that ain’t gonna happen to me.”

She points a chubby finger at you.

“What about mommy?”

“Ain’t gonna happen to her either.”

Rosemary drops her hand, fear clear in her tone as she asks the both of you, “What about me?”

“Of course not,” you say, smoothing back her dark curls. “You’re safe here, honey. As safe as can be.”

Joel nods. “Your mama’s right, darlin’. You’re safe,” he reassured her. “You’re safe and sound.”

“I am?”

He gives her body a warm, gentle squeeze. “Mhm. Always will be. Y’know how I know that, babygirl?”

“How?”

“‘Cause. As long as daddy’s around, he will always protect you,” he promises her. “He’ll never, ever let anythin’ bad happen to you, Rosie. I swear it.” Joel kisses the top of her head, his gaze meeting yours. He murmurs his oath quietly, “On my life.”

Flashing him a small, grateful smile, you reach out and touch his forearm and he places his hand over your own.

“And mommy too?” Rosemary questions him.

“And mommy too.”

“And Ellie?”

“And Ellie,” he nods, firmly. “M’always gonna keep my girls safe. S’long as I’m around, you’re all safe.”

Rosie tiredly snuggles into his chest, yawning.

“What about you, daddy?”

“Huh?”

You squeeze his arm. “Think she’s asking you who is supposed to keep you safe, Joel.”

The little girl nods sleepily. “Yeah. Who?”

“Well.” Joel’s throat bobs nervously. He knows the moment he says what he’s about to say, there’s no going back. Not that he never planned to tell Rosie about her sister, but he’d always imagined doing it when she was older and understood death. “I—uh, I have an angel in the clouds who looks out for me. She watches over me, keeps me safe and sound.”

Rosemary’s curiosity is all that is keeping her from completely passing out in his arms.

“Really? You have an angel?”

Your heart squeezes tightly in your chest. “Joel—”

He lightly shakes his head.

“S’fine sweetheart. I don’t mind tellin’ her.”

Rosie’s fighting to stay awake just a little longer.

“Daddy? What’s your angel’s name?”

Joel answers in the steadiest voice he can muster.

“Her name was—her name is Sarah.”

“Sarah,” she mumbles, her eyes closing. “S’pretty. Your angel has a really pretty name.”

“The prettiest name,” you agree, softly.

Rosie yawns again. “Daddy?”

“What is it, babygirl?”

“Will you tell me stories about Sarah? Please?”

Joel chuckles, rubbing her back. “I sure will. I have plenty of them to tell, Rosie Posie. But not tonight. I’ll save them for tomorrow ni—”

You cut him off. “Joel?”

“Yeah?”

“She’s out cold.”

He glances down and sure enough, she’s asleep.

Moments later, the three of you are in bed. Rosie’s in the middle, curled up against Joel’s chest—your chest is pressed against her back but you’re being careful not to sandwich her in too tight in between your bodies.

In a beam of silvery moonlight shining through the bedroom window, you meet Joel’s gaze.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

He chuckles. “For what? Doin’ my job and soothin’ our daughter after a bad dream?”

You smile at him.

“For being so good to her. To me and Ellie.” Lifting a hand, you reach over and cup the side of his face in your palm. “You’re so good to all three of us and I can’t even imagine what we’d do without you.”

Joel turns his face, brushing a kiss into your hand.

“I mean it,” he says, quietly. “S’long as I’m around, you girls will always be safe and sound.”

credit divider @saradika-graphics

[mullet-mother]

Eaten, Stuffed, or Mounted?

My first oneshot - ever

TW: Smut below the cut, MINORS DNI

I have a fun tidbit of information for you.

Did you know that when you crash your car the radio doesn’t stop playing?I was made aware of that lovely fun fact after swerving to avoid that damn deer. 

I finally got my ass out of the house for the first time in months after persistent pestering and coaching from my friends to go to their New Years party. I wouldn’t say I was excited, but I was trying to be—hence the obnoxiously loud music blasting through my car’s speakers. I shouldn’t have taken that curve so fast—the visibility was absolute garbage with the snow. The animal jumped out so quickly; I reacted instinctively, and the black ice spun my wheels when I tried to avoid flattening the buck, sending me careening into the trees on the embankment. As I said before, the radio doesn’t stop playing when you crash. I hadn’t considered that my death would consist of me bleeding to death by myself on the side of the road with the speakers blaring ‘Party Rock Anthem’.

What a ridiculous celestial discharge.

When I opened my eyes, I was most certainly not in Kansas anymore. My eyes and nose were not prepared for the onslaught of stimulus they received. It was so, so red. The smell of rust and sulfur stung my nose and eyes. The sounds of screaming also did not help the overwhelming feeling of dread I started to experience. 

While I wasn’t particularly shocked that I ended up in hell, this was also not what I had expected. So many religions have their own versions, most commonly the lake of fire and brimstone. I was not expecting the burning city, dead bodies littering the streets, porn on every billboard, and the twisted and exotic forms of the…residents. It felt like I had entered the most twisted version of ‘Grand Theft Auto’ that someone could have conceived. 

It took only seconds for me to snap out of my shock, when I heard a shout in my direction. I scrambled to my feet and cursed, realizing I was in the insufferable heels and dress I decided to wear for the party. This also made me acutely aware of the difference in my body, but at the time I didn’t have the mental capacity to absorb what had changed, but the heels I wore made the hooves I now had nye-impossible to stand.   A large bear of a man—quite literally—was approaching me with a grin that made my hair stand on end. 

“Going somewhere all dressed up like that by yourself? Or are you just out to get fucked and your cute little tail pulled?” His disgusting maw was drooling and it had nearly made me gag.

It was made apparent that even in death I had no sense of self preservation. 

“Go fuck yourself, you rip-off build-a-bear fuck stain!”

It had slipped out of my mouth faster than I could react, and our big furry friend was not pleased. 

The growls that left his chest and the elongating teeth were not comforting. “You. Fucking. Cunt. I wanted to fuck you, but now I’ve got something else in mind.” His mouth seemed to grow wider, but it was the change in smile on his face that made me bolt so fast I nearly got whiplash as I kicked my way out of those god-awful heels.

I don’t think I’ve ever run so fast before, my hair whipped by my face, my legs burned, and the acrid air stung my lungs with each breath I gulped into my body. I heard him behind me, snarling, screams of other demons, and curses as he barreled them over in his pursuit. I leapt over bodies and pools of blood; I couldn’t remember ever having the ability to run like that. In hindsight, deer can be fucking quick.  I could feel him getting closer and made a sharp turn around a corner in hopes to lose him. 

I landed face first into what felt like a designer pillow. I looked up slowly as a pair of slender arms grabbed my waist to steady me. Mismatched eyes looked down at me with a face of shock, which promptly shifted to confused. I gaped up at the demon in surprise. His confusion shifted to a dazzling smile with a shiny gold tooth. He tried to speak but was quickly interrupted.

“Y’know I usually charg-”

“Please help me; I’m being chased; he’s going to kill me; please help me!”

The tears began to stream down my face before I could stop them, and I began to violently shake.  I don’t know if it was the adrenaline or the fact that I hadn’t had a chance to even absorb my current situation, but I threw every ounce of trust into the stranger that had caught me. 

The demon’s eyes hardened and the smile dropped to a grimace. His arms tightened around my waist, and he quickly ushered me into a limo waiting down the sidewalk. 

He sat me down next to him and turned to look at me. The dazzling smile that he had before returned to his face. He slung his arm around me and pulled me right back up to the fluff on his chest.

“ Nice to meetcha; I’m Angel.”

Angel brought me to the hotel with him, but it was Charlie who insisted that I stay. While I wasn’t necessarily interested in redemption, Charlie was kind, and well…free rent. I was quickly introduced to the rest of the hotel, and became integrated rather quickly. I tried to help where I could, and soon joined the flow of cleaning, cooking, and helping to maintain the state of the hotel. I felt comfortable with the seemingly found family, including a certain Strawberry Pimp.

It was a shock after settling into my body with its new modifications. That fucking deer gave me a lovely parting gift on top of sending me into that tree. While my tattoos were still in their rightful place, the rest of my skin had faded to an off white, almost grey. Hazel eyes shifted to a black sclera and lavender iris. I gained soft ears and an unruly tail spotted with the same rainbow highlighting my black hair. The hooves were definitely an adjustment, no more pedicures for me unfortunately. 

That was six months ago.

Angel became my best friend within hours, we began spending our nights watching TV dramas and bothering Husk at the bar. He also started to pick up on my attraction for the buck in the hotel. I couldn’t deny my interest, but I most certainly pretended to unless it was in the confines of Angel’s room at 4 AM after copious amounts of alcohol. But that’s all it was, attraction.

Alastor and I started out with a friendly disposition; we weren’t friends per-se but we bantered and laughed at ridiculous jokes when in the same company.

That devolved into sarcastic quips and jabs, hiding coffee cups, and constantly trying to get a rise out of each other.

It started when he refused to change the radio station. While I enjoy jazz and the classics as much as anyone—I need variety. “Alastor, please. I have asked you THRICE now—and very nicely I might add—to change the station to something else.”

He continued to ignore me and hum along to the song currently playing and it was starting to really, piss me off. 

“Peepaw, I understand that you’re always reliving your ‘golden years—I get it! But if I have to listen to one more grainy, barely audible man groan about how he’s lonely, I might lose my mind.” 

“My dear, I understand your lack of appreciation for culture and class, but I will not be changing this station. End of discussion.” 

The fucker had the audacity to smirk at me. 

“Class? I’ll show you class, you audacious, virgin,  fuckboy!” 

The radio began to whirl with the changing of stations, moving back and forth—glowing the same purple as my eyes. Then suddenly it stopped, and the most obscene music I could possibly think of began to blare from the radio. A classic - CPR by CupcakKE;

Want your dick soaked? Place it down my throat

Tongue tickle yo' dick but not telling a joke

Peddle in this pussy that's how you rock a boat

It get live in this pussy, I'm not talking Periscope

“What in the fresh hell is that?”

The disgust on his face was absolutely priceless. He demanded that I turn it off, change it. He tried to switch it back himself, but I very clearly said;

“My dear, I understand your lack of appreciation for culture and class, but I will not be changing this station. End of discussion.”

I then began changing the station whenever I damn well pleased. He got one request to change it and if he fought me on it I would put on my most devious hits, all outrageously filthy. This turned our little friendship to a sparring match. 

Husker thus named me the resident ‘shit-disturber’, and ‘almost worse than him’. Both him and Vaggie were absolutely convinced I had a death wish. 

That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I just loved seeing his ears flatten out and his smile strain. During my inquiry into whether or not he bleats after the discovery that I have my own (albeit embarrassing) squeak, I thought his head was going to pop off with the crack from his neck. The radio-static was so loud I had to cover my ears—and it was so satisfying.

Angel teased me relentlessly and told me he ‘can’t stand the sexual tension’, which I denied vehemently, as much as I might have wished there was. While he and I constantly teased each other he was always a gentleman regardless. I also found the tall, dark, and creepy vibe rather sexy, but I’d settle for imagining that there’s sexual tension and pushing his buttons.

Which is exactly what I’m going to do today during breakfast. 

As I come down into the dining area everyone is conversing amicably, Alastor looks content, casually sipping his coffee at the head of the table. Unfortunately for him, I had the most delightful thought last night, and I have been impatiently waiting to make it known to the group.

I quietly go to the kitchen and make my iced coffee; the excitement building in my chest. As I go to sit down I can feel the smile on my face spreading even wider.

“Good Morning Everyone!” They all turn their attention in my direction and the strangeness of my enthusiasm. I am usually…unpleasant if I’m out of bed before 10 AM, but I don’t believe anything could ruin my mood today; I could barely sleep with the anticipation of what’s about to transpire.

Alastor looks over his mug in my direction and it’s clear that he is suspicious of my jovial mood—and he should be.

“Alastor! As I was falling asleep last night I was thinking about Vox.”He inhales a sharp breath, and a new rush of excitement wiggles its way up my spine. “ His silly bit about you being venison or cooking you? I just think it’s ridiculous! You’re far too lean.”

Husk sits across from me with a look of abject horror on his face, and I can only continue with unbridled glee.“I mean, can you imagine? Deer are already gamey—with your figure, it would be far too tough to eat!”

The sound of his grip tightening on his cup and the beginnings of crackles in the air only furthers my resolve. 

He responds with clenched teeth and a static filled voice. “Is that so, little doe?”

I nod my head with a determined look on my face - seriousness overcoming my smile. “In my humble opinion yes; I think it would be better to mount you on the wall instead. I’m personally a huge fan of taxidermy.”

Alastor is barely containing his rage at this point when he asks me;

“Maybe we should eat you instead, you’re obviously the better choice on the menu with your proportions, or would you rather be stuffed and mounted on the wall instead, hm?” 

I paint an innocent smile on my face and finish the rest of my coffee out of my cup, making sure to slurp as obnoxiously as I can. I smack my lips and stand up from the table.

“Alastor, I want you to take one good look at this fat ass and tell me if it looks like I give a fuck whether I’m eaten or stuffed.” 

For a moment there is only silence,

A quick look around continues to feed my giddiness. There are looks of horror on Charlie and Husk’s faces; Angel and Vaggie trying desperately not to choke; finally my gaze falls on the man of the hour.

I don’t know if I have ever made him so incredibly mad. His face is red, teeth clenched, smile stretched to its limits. His antlers are slowly growing larger, eyes flickering to radio dials, his body getting larger. The sound of radio static and crackling is nearing uncomfortable levels. 

“Thanks for the lovely breakfast everyone! See you later for group activities.”

As I walk away, I can hear the sound of a mug shattering. On the way back to my room, I am nearly vibrating. The satisfaction of getting such a visceral reaction from both Alastor and the rest of the group was exquisite. ‘Resident shit disturber’ indeed. I’m not naive enough to believe I won’t face extreme retaliation, but I’m ninety percent sure he won’t kill me. 

The rest of the day goes as usual, and I see very little of Alastor. While I’m still riding the high of this morning, I begin to get nervous. He doesn’t attend any group activities, and while that isn’t too far from the norm, it still has my nerves on edge. By the end of the day I’m ready to crawl into bed, get off, and sleep until noon. 

I make it back to my room and slip inside when I hear the door lock behind me and the shadows in the room rising.

I am so, so fucked.

A squeak leaves my mouth when I feel myself dropping into what feels like nothing before landing roughly onto a carpeted floor. I lift my head and see a fireplace, small table, and the open expanse of what appears to be a bayou. The overwhelming feeling of both dread and excitement shoots through my body as I realize exactly where I am. 

I attempt to get up to my feet, but am forced to stay on my knees by the large clawed hands squeezing my shoulders. Alastor is bent at the waist; he’s larger than normal, with a strained smile and antlers out; his clear red eyes are the only clue to his dwindling self control. He puts his face directly in front of mine and my skin prickles from the static. 

“Hello little doe, are you pleased with your lovely little performance at breakfast?” 

“Were you not? I thought it was excellent.” 

“Why are you so intent on being a vexing little Brat?” He loses his static the moment he says ‘brat’. A clear voice filled with true frustration. 

The sound of his voice causes my cunt to slick and my body heat to rise. My cheeks flush in embarrassment, and for once in my life, I have no response. I just continue to stare into the glowing red eyes that are searching mine for some semblance of an answer. Maybe Angel was right and it was sexual tension?

His right hand comes to wrap around my throat; his left finds my hip as he guides me up off of the floor. I’m now standing in front of him, having to crane my neck to look up into his eyes, his size dwarfing mine. I can feel my breathing getting heavier and my slick soaking through the fabric of my panties.

“Tell me, What would you prefer? Being stuffed, eaten, or mounted on the wall?” His eyes narrow as he squeezes the hand around my throat, and my mouth goes dry. I try to think of a proper response, but my brain is fogged with his eyes, his cologne, and the heat consuming every inch of my body. 

All I can do is close my eyes, whimper and lean into the hand around my throat. I feel him squeeze, and I know he’s demanding an answer. I look up at him, and I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes; I can feel my heart pounding in my chest in anticipation. 

“Anything Al; whatever you want.”

I feel a tongue slide up my cheek; he groans deeply, and I can feel his claws digging into my hip. His lips hover over mine and I move to close the distance but his hands stop me. He moves his hands to my cheeks and squeezes them together, my mouth popping open.

“Open your eyes, doe; look at me. You will get whatever I deem to give you. You will not cum unless I say so, you will beg for release and will not get it until I deem you worthy of such pleasures after your abhorrent behavior. Are we clear, Brat?” 

I let out a soft moan as a response.

His smile widens and a soft phrase leaves his lips that turns me to mush. “Good girl.”

Another fall into nothingness, and my back is on soft sheets, any clothing I had gone. He’s standing at the end of the bed, studying my naked body and I’m suddenly shy being so exposed. I move to cover myself when I see the thick black

Tentacles surge from behind him to grab and trap my arms and legs. My arms are pulled above my head, my knees bent, and legs spread. The hungry look on his face has me blushing and closing my eyes, which fly back open when I feel his long wet tongue slip through my folds. It pulls a high pitched moan from my throat and a groan from him.

“Maybe I should just eat you, little brat, keep you tied to this bed just for me.”

He continues to slowly lick and suck on my clit, just enough to bring me close to the edge, only to switch techniques and rip me away from it again, fucking me with his tongue, swirling it around my clit slowly, flat tongued laps through my folds. Tears prick at the edge of my eyes before I start begging.

“Al, Al, please; I can’t take it anymore; please let me cum. I need it; please, I’m begging you!”

He just continues with a torturous pace and keeps his smile in place. 

“Fuck me; stuff me; I don’t care, please! I need to cum; I need it, please!”

He stops and brings his face to mine, a smirk there, his lips shining. “I want a nice, sincere apology from you, Brat. For your atrocious performance and disrespect today.” 

“I’m so, so sorry Al; I promise I won’t ever do it again; I’ll be so good for you. Please let me cum; please fuck me; I’ll be good!”

As soon as I finish, his lips are on mine; they’re soft and bruising. This kiss is tongue and teeth and months of repressed sexual desires. My hands are suddenly released, and I’m instantly ripping at his shirt and pants. My hands can’t move fast enough. My mind is spinning, and my body is aching with need. 

I finally feel his length hot and heavy on my cunt; it slides easily through my soaking folds and we both moan at the contact. He opens his eyes and looks into mine, always the gentleman. “I  need to hear a yes, darling,” he moves his mouth down to my neck; I can feel his teeth gently scraping against my skin. 

The softness of the question makes my heart swell in my chest, “Please, yes, Al; I need you.”

With one rough thrust, he stretches and fills me, his hips flush against mine. I’m so unbelievably full, his tip pressing and pushing against my cervix. He slowly pulls out, dragging his cock against my oversensitive walls before roughly thrusting back inside. I can feel myself gushing around him with each rough thrust in, soaking my and his thighs.

I’m babbling and crying out his name over and over. Begging him for more.“Please make me cum, Alastor; I want to cum all over your cock; I want to feel you cum inside me; I’m begging you!” My eyes are glassy and staring into his own.

He picks up his speed, ramming himself in and out of me roughly. He brings a claw down to press and circle my clit, then gently kisses my lips and whispers into my ear, “You’ve been so patient, little doe; such a good girl. Cum for me.”

One hard thrust, and a scream is ripping through my throat as hot thrumming pleasure surges through my body; I can feel my heartbeat in every cell of my body. Before I have time to recover, he continues his brutal pace, “One more, darling. I need you to give me one more.”

“I can’t; it’s too much I can’t!”

“You can; cum with me. I need to feel you milking my cock.”

He tilts my hips, and the position has him hitting that spot inside me over and over again. I can feel the tingling heat starting to grow in my abdomen once more. I tell him I’m getting close, and he doubles his efforts. Sweat drips down his forehead; I can feel his cock getting hotter inside me. He grabs my knees and pushes them to my chest, bending me in half. The position sends his cock even deeper inside me. 

I’m screaming his name, no doubt the entire hotel hearing my cries of absolute bliss. His thumb returns to my clit and presses down firmly, rubbing those perfect circles. With his mouth by my shoulder, he commands me again,“Cum with me, now.”The moment I feel him spilling his hot seed inside me and his teeth in my shoulder, another orgasm sends electric waves through my body.

I slowly come back down and open my eyes; he’s back to his regular self, seemingly relaxed. 

“Hey Alastor, I have a question.”

“And what is that, little doe?”

-“Do I just have to get you really pissed and you’ll fuck me like that again?” 

Thank you so much to the-demon-of-a-thousand-eyes for editing for me! You're amazing!

[queen-anarchy-666]

Okay so apparently kids these days don't know how to be safe online because their parents are fucking stupid and don't know anything about the internet!!!

So I'm gonna tell you teenagers how to be safe and not get abused because there is no shortage of predators on the internet. I'm gonna go from super basic things you can do to keep yourself safe to more specific instances where a predator may be trying to groom you that you can recognize. Remember though; if you are abused or have been abused it is not your fault. You deserve protection and you deserve respect as a minor, regardless of how you spend your time on the internet. Victim blaming helps nobody but predators, but there are ways you can protect yourself, even though you shouldn't always have to.

Basic tips:

DO NOT SHARE YOUR REAL NAME

DO NOT SHARE YOUR AGE

DO NOT SHARE WHERE YOU LIVE

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OF YOUR HOUSE

IT IS OKAY TO BLOCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT, REGARDLESS OF THE REASON.

Don't sacrifice your safety, comfort, or peace of mind just for someone else's feelings! Especially a stranger! Also, if you think something is off, it probably is. You need to trust your gut. SPEAK UP! Tell a trusted friend, sibling, or adult! I'm sure you've heard the phrase "silence is violence" -- this phrase goes for abuse as well! Unsafe people want you to stay quiet so they can continue to harm you or others. It is not inherently problematic to have friends who are adults, in fact it is healthy and helpful to have friends who are older than you, however we live in a world where you cannot trust many adults, so you need to be cautious of adults you encounter at all times, including ones you know well or are well known by others. It is also not inherently problematic to be asked many of the questions above, but it is important to ask yourself whether or not you want to give that information to the person asking. If not, simply tell them that you do not give out that information and redirect the conversation, or block if you feel uncomfortable.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT INSERT YOURSELF INTO ADULT SPACES.

I know it is tempting, especially with the way hormones effect judgement and your emotions, and we all want to be included, but inserting yourself into spaces you know you should not be by lying about your age is incredibly unsafe and leads to horrible situations that aren't always easy to get out of. This includes adult fandom spaces, websites, searching adult topics, NSFW blogs or accounts, and even group chats. Even if your friends invite you to these spaces, it does not mean you should neglect your safety to be accepted. It's okay and encouraged to say no. You will thank yourself when you get older!

More Specific Tips:

YOU SHOULDN'T PUT YOUR MENTAL ILLNESSES OR DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES IN YOUR BIOS ON YOUR ACCOUNTS.

Awareness and solidarity for mental illness and disabilities is very important, however predators are more likely to go after people who may have a more difficult time discerning what is normal and what is not in social situations, especially when speaking to an authority figure like an adult. Do not make yourself a target by listing the ways you struggle with social cues, understanding rules and safety, or communication. It is okay to seek solidarity, but there are predators seeking out disabled and mentally ill youths to abuse.

DO NOT OFFER INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL ON THE INTERNET.

It is dangerous to release information about your whereabouts in any capacity on the internet, especially your school where you are doubly putting your peers and classmates in danger as well. If you come into contact or into the orbit of a predator that is bent on finding you or meeting you, your school is a public place where one may feel brazen enough to pretend they know you. Even if other kids are doing it by posting fight videos or even innocent videos, doesn't mean you should.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE INSISTS THEY'RE A SAFE PERSON DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE.

People lie on the internet all the time, including in some really bizarre and meaningless ways, but there will always be people who lie to get closer to someone to make them a victim. Just because someone tells you they are against abuse or even if they advocate against it does not mean that they themselves are a safe person. Predators will do anything they can to get you to trust them, and while predators are usually very pushy and want things to go quickly, some will take their time to groom you.

!!!!BIG RED FLAGS!!!!

IF YOU SEE ANY OF THIS BEHAVIOR, RUN! BLOCK AND REPORT PEOPLE WHO DO THESE THINGS FOR YOUR SAFETY! IT'S NEVER WORTH STICKING AROUND THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE!

THEY CONTINUALLY SEND YOU SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL, INCLUDING FANART, FANFIC, AND VIDEOS.

THEY TELL YOU AGE IS JUST A NUMBER, OR LOVE HAS NO AGE.

THEY EXPRESS THE OPINION THAT MINORS CAN CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

THEY CONSTANTLY MAKE "JOKES" ABOUT MINORS IN A SEXUAL WAY OR ABOUT BEING ATTRACTED TO MINORS.

THEY EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING "LEGAL" AT THE AGE OF 18 OR FIXATE ON AGE OF CONSENT LAWS.

THEY GET ANGRY AT YOU FOR SETTING A BOUNDARY OR IF YOU MENTION TELLING YOUR PARENTS.

THEY ENJOY "LOLI" OR "SHOTA" MATERIAL OR ENTHUSE ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF CHARACTERS.

THEY CALL YOU PET NAMES THAT YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH, EVEN WHEN YOU TELL THEM NOT TO.

THEY ASK YOU HIGHLY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ABOUT SEXUAL ACTIVITY, YOUR PERIODS, OR MASTURBATION.

THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE MATURE FOR YOUR AGE, OR THAT YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE ADULT THAN THEY ARE.

THEY ASK YOU TO SEND PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF DOING SEXUALLY CHARGED THINGS, WHICH INCLUDES DANCING OR STRIPPING, OR SPECIFIC PARTS OF YOUR BODY.

THEY KEEP STEERING THE CONVERSATION IN A SEXUAL DIRECTION. THIS INCLUDES ROLEPLAY!

NONE OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL. IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR AN ADULT TO ASK HIGHLY PERVASIVE QUESTIONS OR TO BECOME PUSHY OR ANGRY IF YOU EXPRESS DISCOMFORT. BLOCK AND REPORT THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE, THEY EXHIBIT BEHAVIOR CONSISTENT WITH SEXUAL ABUSE PATTERNS.

Adults and Minors alike please feel free to reblog. It is imperative that young people who don't know these things learn them, because the only thing a predator hates more than a jail cell is a minor who cannot be abused.

[ronearoundblindly]

For the dirty A-Z headcanon game can I get an A for Steve Rogers?

From this ask game, and I love you to the end of the line, anon, because this is pretty much THE one I wanted to answer...

A - Alone Time

How does he get off when all by himself?

Does he watch porn?

Is it all in his imagination?

Does he jerk off?

Does he use toys?

In case it wasn't obvious... MINORS DNI (vaguely coded to be gender neutral for the possibility of steve x reader or stucky or whatever your flavor)

Here we go, babes. I know I've written several different versions of Steve in various universes, but this is gonna be more generalized and not involve the very specific background experiences I've written into other things. This is just my good ol' fashioned headcanon of Steve masturbating!

This man takes his time--or at least would prefer to--even when it's just him. He will gently touch/play with himself for a while before grabbing his dick. Grazing his nails over his thighs. Pinching his nipples. I think this dude really has a thing with his throat? Like he thinks about teeth along his neck or being pulled forward by it and, yes, a squeeze or two. Don't flame me, I'm just saying!

He craves foreplay, is what I mean, and I don't think Steve feels fully aroused unless more than just his genitals are involved in the act, ya know?

He watches porn, but only for examples. There's a whole lot in modern pornography that is a huge turn-off for him. Steve uses certain imagery or sounds/sayings that he found in porn and kinda edits them together for his pleasure later--like mentally edits, lord knows, because that man would not get the hang of Final Cut Pro OR iMovie, feel me?--plus that way he can imagine a certain someone's voice actually saying those things to him or doing them to him.

Which brings us to Steve's imagination which is unbelievably vivid and runs rampant. Think about it: he's a strategist. He has to see tons of possible scenarios play out all at once, analyze where that leads and where that leaves him, and then plan to thwart or redirect all that happens into an ideal outcome. Don't tell me that artist does not have an incredible mind's eye.

Then we get to Steve finally touching himself expressly to come.

He's toyed with himself for a while, maybe gotten close but held back, probably enjoyed finding friction not with his fist. For some reason, I thoroughly believe he has a thing for fabrics? This guy enjoys the glide of silk and satin. I bet his sheets are nice and slick so he can thrust against them a little and think of a pretty skirt or a dressy, formal glove.

Actual toys? Like the kind advertised as sex toys? Like the kind he'd have to purchase with money in some capacity? No. I think shy Steve hasn't figured out a way to discreetly (and by that I mean, untraceably) do that. He refuses to use anything online attached to his name--credit card or secondary/digital wallet whatever--to buy something or to tell someone what he would want them to buy for him because then that person would know! He'd keel over from embarrassment right then and there!! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!

No. What Steve will do is get seemingly useful things for innocuous reasons and play dumb blond if anyone ever insinuates it could be a sex toy. That man can and will absolutely lie like a champ to keep those secrets. That man is a super soldier but his muscles still get sore; that's what the massager is for, not his taint, nuh-uh no how. How dare you ask him!

Which brings us to the climax: his climax.

Steve prefers to finish in the shower. He's spent all that time enjoying the feel of his hands or various textures, the dry (but not painful) drag of everything before the slick lubrication of lotion or conditioner creates a welcome high under the spray of water, and then, yes, he can clean himself right off afterward. Highly efficient. Also very effective at training his brain to get off quickly in a shower if necessary.

Strategy, you guys, it's all about strategy.

Thank you for asking!

A/N: Are my answers to these like an audition for the Shameless Hoe Club? Maybe. Or maybe Ro has just lost the ability to filter herself...or care 🤭

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[illnessfaker]

y'know what i don't see talked about a whole lot in the midst of discussion around age gaps and child exploitation, and the fact that yes, children or minors otherwise should have supportive adults in their lives outside of their family or people with authority over them (because the family an authority figures are the primary sites for child abuse)?

the fact that you can 100% have very inappropriate boundaries with a child or someone underage that are purely emotional/mental vs. just concerning ourselves with the sexual or physical (though there are plenty of sexually inappropriate boundaries that don't look like typical sexual abuse due to their purely mental or emotional nature.)

like, the fact that "i had to talk some 30 year-old 'friend' of mine online out of a suicidal episode when i was 12" (and often times this comes with an implication that they barely had the capacity to manage their own mental problems at the time, were actively being abused at home, were actively self-harming, etc.) appears to be such a common anecdote is disturbing.

if you ask me the whole "children aren't your therapists" thing isn't exclusive to parent-child relationships. it's the responsibility of grown, emotionally-capable adults (not all adults are emotionally-capable, which isn't a moral judgement - if you don't feel you're emotionally equipped to support children then i'd rather you not go against that feeling i think, and simply not everyone is going to have the faculties to do that kind of thing even with self-work) to provide a sense of emotional and physical safety to children in their community rather and not the other way around. this is why it's also important to work on cultivating a sense of community and mutual support among adult peers vs. the individualistic capitalism-driven mentality of "fuck you, i got mine" and people who look at human connection as a transactional thing where your friend asking you to help move furniture for them or something is "demanding too much labor" which apparently seems to be a thing (that isn't to say there aren't situations where an exploitative imbalance is actually present, including in an emotional sense.)

in other words, when thinking about not further traumatizing and disenfranchising children more than they already are, then you can't just think about things purely in terms of the sexual or physical. idk if that's somehow controversial to say but if it is that's kinda concerning lol.

[ddarker-dreams]

i think Gojo & chrollo are the hardest to score. Gojo is waaay too popular so he has so many option while chrollo is... not mentally well...to say the least lmao

🕵️‍♂️ i've appreciated the input from my fellow terrible men enjoyers. since the poll is almost at its conclusion, i'll go ahead and give my thoughts, ranked from 'ez +1 husband obtained' to 'requires enough effort that i'm disrespecting myself as a woman with how hard i'd have to try.'

chrollo - listen. hear me out on this. is he a criminal? yes. a murderer? yes to that as well. overall terrible person with very little capacity for genuine emotion? absolutely. however! i'm cute. he'd start off by regarding me the same way one does a penguin who keeps tripping over its feet in the zoo. mild endearment and amusement. next, i regale him with my witticisms. they might not all land but the tripping penguin aura will keep him around anyway, if not just to see what nonsense will happen next. then he can hear my major and go :) heh. the rest is history. wedding bells but in minor key to symbolize the impending doom.

scaramouche - the main hurdle to overcome here is the looming threat of disintegration. i'm a very happy-go-lucky person so he'd probably want to strike me with lightning just to ruin my day. the trick here is to catch him when he can't expose his harbinger identity. that'll buy me enough time to win him over, although, whether or not this is a good idea is up for debate. this fella has a lot of insecurities to work through. my extroversion would endanger the local population (and ecosystem).

gojo - i'd probably end up in a similar camp as utahime at first. i'm easily mortified by people who just say whatever comes to mind, i'd find his lack of tact grating. more pressing than that, however, is that since i'm a girl, my chances of surviving in the jjk universe plummet exponentially. i'd get killed off in an unsatisfying way right when my character development started getting interesting. on the 5% chance i survive, we'd have pretty good chemistry because we're both annoying and cannot shut up.

blade - i hate to admit it, but i'm not sure i could pull this one off. my 20 stat in CHA would ricochet off him because there's no way he'd stick around long enough to fall for my charms. if by some miracle i could have a few interactions with him, i'd have to pass the hardest skill check. there's a 99% chance he'd ghost me because he thinks i deserve better than an 800 year old cursed man who is trying his best to die. is he wrong? not really. should i pass the skill check though, it'd be cute. we're complete opposites. i'm always smiling, wearing bright colors (especially pink), have light hair... then there's him. constantly glaring and dressed for a funeral. adorable vibes ngl.

[siriuslyobsessedwithfiction]

Baghra Morozova is one of the most selfish fictional characters ever written. Not only she possesses no empathy, she has never had an aspiration or an ambition in her life. This is probably LB's fault because she didn't give her a personality except being a bitter nihilistic pessimist, but let's discuss the harmful ideology she lived by and tried to install into his son and Alina. And how Aleksander refused to learn that lesson from her.

Wanting doesn't make someone weak, nor it is a problem.

Darkling's infamous words "The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak" is purely an echo of his mother's teachings. Because Darkling's whole source of strength and motivation since he was thirteen was the want to make a better world for Grisha. Or at least a world where they wouldn't be hunted and shamed for existing. After centuries of loyal servitude to awful rulers he managed to create a safe haven for Grisha, but even there, they were serfs.

There is no denying that Baghra was an intelligent, ruthless, powerful, cunning and unfeeling woman. Unlike her son, who was prone to sentiment even though she did her best to weed it out of him, Baghra was not particularly emotional even when she was young. I don't know if she had some sort of mental condition or she was just that kind of person, but she lived for centuries and never had a dream to become anything. Creation of her son Aleksander served only one purpose to her - so she would have someone like herself. Someone she could share loneliness with. Because I cannot call Baghra's and Aleksander's relationship companionship. She made that decision when she was young, and after raising him, she often left him to his own devices, but never actually let him out of her clutches. She abandoned her other children because they weren't Darklings. She did not want a family, she wanted a reflection of herself who she could have a conversation with. Aleksander should have just brought her the mirror from "When water sang fire" which could create an illusion of a person's reflection being sentient.

Anyway, back to the point. Baghra was a part of a prosecuted minority for centuries and never tried to make a difference. Nor did she support her son when he tried. I can understand how at first she was solely focused on survival and that mindset stayed with her, but after both of them were centuries old, why didn't she do something? She clearly didn't fear death. She is content to sit in her hut, stroke fire and spit venom for eternity. Which is funny, because she's supposed to be inspired by Baba Yaga from Slavic fairytales, but she reminds me more of Nacarqeqia, a stereotype of a lazybones layabout lit ash-raker from fairytales, who has capacity to do heroic things by outwitting the opponents, but chooses to sit by the dwindling fire and complain and daydream instead.

When your kind has been subjected to genocide for centuries, it's not "greedy" and "corrupt" to take drastic action.

Tolkien pushed the narrative I agree with, that war is always horrible and it's not something to be glorified, which lots of works in fantasy tend to overlook. I agree with Baghra that power corrupts. But like @aleksanderscult and @stromuprisahat have already discussed in their analysis posts (check out their work), Aleksander did not want power for himself or to lift Grisha above other people. He wanted his kind to have basic human rights. I don't understand what LB was trying to say. That fighting for freedom of your people is bad? And Baghra is convinced it's best to do nothing, because humanity is already too messed up and there's no point in trying. Some wise ancient advisor she is.

What actual humanitarians think about not taking action to help your people survive

Nobleman Ilia Chavchavadze was a Georgian public figure, journalist, publisher, writer and poet who spearheaded the revival of Georgian nationalism during the second half of the 19th century and ensured the survival of the Georgian language, literature, and culture during the last decades of Tsarist rule. (A.k.a "Saint Ilia the Righteous". Ironic, I know. Like Baghra's father, Ilya Morozova in Shadow and Bone. But I wouldn't compare them.)

In his publication "Letters of a traveler", Chavchavadze writes his inner monologue, where he worries about his country and contemplates what to do, as he returns from Russia to his homeland. He writes:

"I went out from my room and looked over at Mqinvari, which they call Mount Kazbek. There is something noble about Mqinvari. Truly can it say: the heavens are my head-dress and the earth my slippers. It rose in the azure sky, white and serene. Great is it, calm and peaceful, but it is cold and white. Its appearance makes me wonder but doesn't move me, it chills me and does not warm me — in a word it is Mqinvari /frozen/. Mqinvari with all its grandeur is to be admired but not to be loved. And what do I want with its greatness. The world's hum, the world's whirlwind and breezes, the world's ill or weal makes not even a nerve in his lofty brow twitch. Although his base stands on mother earth his head rests: in heaven; it is isolated; inaccessible. I do not like such height nor such isolation nor such inaccessibility." This is Baghra's life in a nutshell. Not bothering to engage, standing still, isolated for centuries. Her connection to making at the heart of the world, her gift, her life, wasted.

Aleksander is different. He's constantly in danger, he is dangerous but in a different way, he stumbles, crashes, redefines himself, pushes forward no matter what to achieve his goal. -

"Thank God for the desperate, mad, furious, obstinate, disobedient muddy river Terek! Leaping from the black rock's heart he goes roaring and shouting on his way. I love his noisy murmur, its hurried struggle, grumbling and lamentation. The river is the image of human awakened life, it is a face mobile and worth knowing.

Stand still but a little while and dost thou not turn into a stinking pool and does not this fearsome roar of thine change to the croaking of frogs! It is movement and only movement, my Terek, which gives to the world its might and life."

I hope we can all understand this metaphor and what it stands for, I believe I have explained enough.

[macaroonff]

YAY okay so Can I pls request an angsty comfort fic where Jungwon comes home from practice and he’s already been having such a bad day and then reader says something small but because he’s already upset she makes him cry and she’s rlly confused why he’s having such a strong reaction when he’s not usually the type to. Then she suggests they go for a walk to the park and he opens up to her and they talk things through

Here you go! I really appreciate a good comfort fic and I hope you like it anon! Thanks for being my first request (❁´◡`❁)

We'll be alright- Yang Jungwon

Y.J.W x gn!reader (Idol boyfriend Jungwon)

↳ Wc: 1.9k

↳Angsty fluff, hurt comfort

♪ Jasmine- DPR Live

By the time Jungwon had reached the familiar door to your shared apartment, he could barely feel his arms from the weight of the backpack he had carried, as though the entire day’s mistreatment was packed in that small vessel. If that wasn’t enough, his back hurt from the excessive dance practice, where even Ni-ki looked fatigued from exhaustion due to the demands of their concert a month later. That coupled with how his entire day went wrong didn’t help him. From burning his fingers while trying to make simple pancakes to packing your sports shoes for his practice which- being two sizes too small- didn’t fit him well. Did he still use them? Yes because he didn’t want to hear anything from the choreographer nor waste time looking for another pair, even if it made his ankles hurt. Did his day also get worse when a bird decided his shirt would be the perfect urinal while he was waiting for a cab back home; after his manager left early to drop the others to the dorm while he had to stay in the longest meeting of his life, discussing concert plans that he knew weren’t feasible? Yes, and he quite literally and metaphorically felt like shit. 

He had already had two weeks of longer days, with his schedule extending beyond what he was used to, longer than the most arduous of comeback preparations. So far, he was just grateful that he hadn’t collapsed from fatigue and that the worst he felt was due to a few minor aches in his body. But today? Today he truly embodied exhaustion, from the physical aches getting exponentially worse, to his mental capacity being drained. Unlike before, he didn’t even have the energy to pretend like his usually stoic self, his head both empty yet throbbing with the entire day’s happenings, affecting his mental peace. He reaches out a fragile finger to ring the doorbell, taking him longer to press it. He leans his head against the door, from where he can hear your footsteps coming closer, and he tries to smile for you, a tiny one settling on his dehydrated lips. You swing the door open, to which he stumbles a little, but gathers himself placing his backpack on the floor, the temporary weight off of him.

You close the door behind him, and see him lean against the wall, removing his shoes with heavy steps, not even bending down. You take in his detached presence, a frown settling on your face, your previous excitement sinking. Jungwon seems to sense this in your disappointed eyes. “Babe it’s movie night,” your exasperated voice brings him out of his thoughts, “you promised you’d buy popcorn from the store?” you ask him, looking down at his empty hands.

You see him take in a deep breath, his hands clenched into fists before he stretches them out. “Let’s do it another day,” he whispers emotionless, pushing past you as he heads towards the bathroom. You’re stunned by this, as despite the increasing distance between the two of you, he’d volunteered to at least continue with movie nights. At first you’d assumed the distance was because of work, like it always was, but unlike before, Jungwon didn’t come ranting back to you about what went wrong, instead he’d silently wash up and go to bed, no goodnights whispered, no kisses bestowed. It was almost like he didn’t love you anymore. You did consider the fact that you might be overthinking it all, but you’d heard of the 'three year rule', the exact stage you were with him at right now. It was hard keeping such insecurities aside when he barely communicated with you.

Him volunteering to make time for you through tonight’s movie night was what eventually broke you away from those thoughts, and you started bubbling with enthusiasm, looking forward to today after an entire week of planning. If after so many days, he couldn’t even care about popcorn, of course you’d feel as hurt as you currently do. Did it not matter to him at all? Was it just you who was so invested in this activity, or the relationship?

“Do you not love me anymore?” you voice out frustrated. You see him pause, his back that is towards you stiffens. He turns around and you see slow-moving teardrops rolling down his face, to which you’re taken aback. “Jungwon?” you hesitate.

“I really want to freshen up, please,” his voice breaks. You remain silent as you watch him walk away again, confused. You sit back down on the sofa, thinking about everything that could possibly be going on in his head.

You lay your head against the warm cushion and close your eyes. What made your usually patient boyfriend this upset? And what wasn’t he telling you? Did he not trust you anymore? It was now time for your head to be swirling with demoralising thoughts. You hear the door unlock, and open your eyes to see your boyfriend's puffy ones, his T-shirt patchy and wet, which you’re not sure is because of his tears or the shower. “Are you busy?” you ask softly, noticing his eyes shift. 

Jungwon felt guilty towards you, and he really didn’t mean to break down in front of you. Furthermore, the fact that you doubted your love meant that there were other underlying issues in your relationship, something he knew the cause for. For the past few weeks, when you’ve been trying to initiate conversation, Jungwon, too depressed and exhausted to say anything, ignored you unintentionally. He felt bad that his work was getting in the way of his love for you, something he promised you, and himself, would never happen. He knew he couldn’t ignore it any longer, and neither could you.

“Not really, I just don’t think I want to watch a movie right now,” he replies, knowing he didn’t have the mental capacity for the thrillers the two of you usually enjoyed.

“Let’s go for a walk then, I think we both need it.” an idea you throw at him, getting up and grabbing your overcoat. He follows you, this time grabbing his jacket and the correct shoes, a matching pair of Converse that he’d bought with you.

Before the two of you had officially started dating, he’d always notice you on his morning walks with Maeum, confident, and joyful, headphones on. From then on, he used your interactions with Maeum as an excuse to initiate conversations, which ended up with him taking you on an official date. Walks were symbolic in your relationship, a dedicated bonding event for the two of you, something you’d subconsciously agreed to. 

Like previous walks, you intended for this one to be just as meaningful, glancing at him in between steps. His tears had dried in the cold air, and his own steps, although still heavy, had become somewhat faster. His hands fiddled with the zip of his hoodie, opening and closing it rapidly, and his hair still wet, had drops seeping into his shirt every time he left it open. 

You realise how your steps become more rapid as you reach the park, the same one where you’d first met him. You weren’t excited per say, you just happened to walk with more urgency, a sense of foreboding settling in your heart. As your rushed steps get you farther away from him, you feel someone’s hold on your wrist. You look back and see his hand that had stopped fidgeting, gently held on to you. His eyes had softened, and he looked at you concerned. “Slow down love,” he says, breaking the silence that had been a bystander on this walk. He pulls you closer, interlacing your finger as you continue to walk at a slower pace until you reach a bench. Jungwon removes his jacket and places it on the bench, motioning for you to sit. Once he’s sat behind you, he looks at you properly, eyes observing every part of your face, following the noticeable question mark imprinted all over. 

“I love you y/n, and I’ve never stopped loving you,” he finally lets out, to which your brows furrow. A part of you is relieved, but also more frustrated, as contradictory as it sounds. You were relieved that he didn’t hate you, and that there was hope in the relationship, but more of you was upset at how his actions didn’t follow that, confused at what made him so disheartened. “Then why have you been so distant? What made you so upset, if not for me?” you ask.

He holds your hand again, taking a deep breath in, releasing a shaky sigh. “Honestly, I’m so exhausted. It’s work that’s got me feeling so muddled. It’s evidently my passion which makes me happy, but at the same time it demands so much of me that there’s none left for me to give to you, or to myself. The past few weeks have been hell, and today feels especially bad. It’s like nothing’s been going my way, starting from burnt breakfast, to the choreographers scolding me for holding everyone else back, to the confusion in the meetings. Everything just feels so burdensome, even though I’m used to it.” he reveals with no pause, letting everything out.

You gulp at this confession, a part of your heart breaking with every word coming out of his mouth. You hated seeing him like this: absolutely dejected. You knew better than everyone how hard he worked, and how hard he tried to make things easier for everyone, reducing their burden, which is why it hurts to see him bottling everything up within himself. You gently put his head on your shoulder, engulfing him in a hug as warm as you can gather. “I’m so sorry,” you whisper, “I didn’t know.”

You can feel him smile, and at the same time he sobs a little, tears now collecting on your coat. “It’s not your fault, I was being so selfish,” he replies in between breaths. You rub circles on his back, trying to ease his pain. You feel him relax in your arms and you sigh. “Jungwon, you know you can lean on me right? Please don’t keep things like this to yourself. Please trust me, so we can go through hardships like this together.” 

You hear a soft hmm against your shoulders. He looks back at you, once he’s done crying, and you wipe any tears settled on his cheeks. “How’d I get so lucky?” he whispers as he kisses your eyelids, when you realise that you’d shed a few tears too. You smile, as his lips eventually meet your own. “I’m sorry”s and “it’s okay”s are whispered in conjecture to “I love you”s in between the long kiss, until a dog disturbs the two of you by pawing on your legs. You laugh, and eventually get up. Jungwon stretches as he stands up, his hands thumping his back. “Does it hurt?” you ask concerned. “A little,” he replies shyly. 

“We should get back then, I’ll give you a massage,” you offer, taking his hand in yours. “Really?” he perks up at the thought, his voice becoming louder, as he gets more excited, a stark contrast to an hour ago when he entered home wearily. This time you’ll be going back home together, a sense of calm inhabiting the two of you, confident that it’ll be alright. 

---

[fayes-fics]

A Job Well Done

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, Modern AU

Summary: Quickie, office sex after being reunited.

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, quickie vaginal sex, office sex, semi-public sex, workplace sex, exhibitionism.

Word Count: 1.5k

Authors Note: Request fill for Anon (ask HERE) who wanted quickie office sex with Benedict. This is lighthearted, almost crack in places tbh. Unbetaed. Thanks to my discord peeps for help with some ideas for this one. Enjoy <3

You barely make it through the door into the fancy corner office before clothing is wrenched open, both so desperate. You’ve been away on a business trip for two weeks, but it feels like two months. 

“Fuck, I missed you,” his words hiss on your lips as your kisses land wet and hot, open mouths just taking from each other.

“I missed you too,” you can barely gasp, fighting off your knickers under your skirt.

“Shouldn’t we wait until we can go to one of our places after work?” he checks.

“No, here,” you insist and back yourself against the wall, pulling him by the open fly right into you, moaning at the crush of his chest against yours.

“Really?” he sounds disbelieving, even as you roughly yank down the front of his underwear and shimmy it down his hips along with his trousers.

“Yes, really. Just make it quick,” you confirm, wiggling your skirt up around your waist, revelling in his groan as you grab his cock and pump it in your hand, standing on tiptoe to line him up with your aching pussy. 

He splutters the most adorable noise as his hot tip slides inside you, and you groan loudly in his ear.

“Say you are going to fuck me til I can't walk straight,” you command through gritted teeth.

“Okay… that,” he stumbles, still slightly stunned by the speed and ferocity this is happening at.

“Say it!” you demand.

“You already did!”

You grab his face and make him look into your eyes. “Ben. I need you to say the filthiest things to me. I'm so horny, please; don't be embarrassed.”

“We are at work! Isn't it enough we are doing this in full view of London and its recently arrived visitors!?” his voice slightly incredulous, gesturing vaguely at the floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on the crowds pouring out of St Pancras International a couple of storeys below.

“The glass is mostly reflective; they can probably barely see us,” you dismiss, hands grabbing his bottom and sinking fully onto his cock. “Fuck yesssss!” you hiss, eyes rolling back at the sheer delight of being so filled again.

“Is this revenge?” he exhales raggedly, a hand heavy on your hip as he adjusts to your heated cling. “Fucking in Ant’s office? Cos your PA told you he fucked Kate in yours?”

“Maybe,” you look askance, feeling called out but still pushing up onto tiptoes and sinking back down again as he groans with you.

His face morphs into a crooked grin, and his tone changes. “Well, why didn't you say before?” his voice turning into a velvet rumble. 

You gasp as he grabs one of your legs, hooks it over his arm and proceeds to take control just as you wanted. You moan your appreciation as he immediately starts to slam into you. You make a quick mental note that family oneupmanship is apparently an excellent motivator for him before you lose all capacity for thought.

If HR ever finds out about this, an executive fucking a junior colleague, there will probably be trouble—so it's a good thing HR reports to you. You co-founded this business with Viscount Anthony Bridgerton and have run it successfully together for the last five years. Three months ago, Anthony brought his younger brother into the firm in a decidedly nepotistic hire of in-house graphic designer after his art business stalled. You fought Anthony about the optics of it until about three seconds after you clapped eyes on one Benedict Bridgerton. And then, well, you agreed your company definitely needs someone to design PowerPoint templates or whatever he does. You resisted flirting with him for precisely two weeks, just enjoying his arse walking up and down the corridors every day doing fuck knows what.

But then it was the work party, and honestly, who can be held responsible when Anthony manages to score a whisky sponsorship? You'd be a lousy co-founder if you didn't indulge, frankly. And so you did. And you proceeded to flirt outrageously until Benedict took you up to the roof terrace and had you screaming at the London skyline. Since then, well, you've been together at every opportunity. It's especially thrilling that Anthony doesn't have a damn clue about it, either.

“I'm going to fuck you til you can't walk straight,” he growls, just as you wanted, slamming into you so hard your bra strap catches on the textured wall through your shirt.

“Oh fuck yes,” you mewl your appreciation, tipping forward to bite his neck, not entirely gently, until he hisses and moves faster.

Then, as if he can read your mind, still buried inside you, he suddenly picks you up, spins around, and almost throws you down onto Ant’s glass desk, never leaving your body.

“Oh, you fucking genius,” you compliment, grabbing his shirt greedily and pulling him on top of you, uncaring that you are sending Ant’s stationery and fancy tchotchkes flying. Your mouths meet in an artless, hot-breathed kiss, and then he starts to move again, wrapping your legs around his hips and standing up to drive into you hard.

You start to yell his name and all the praise you can think of, knowing Ant’s office is soundproofed like yours. His cock drags all the places inside that turn off your brain, not capable of anything but chasing more and now and more again. 

“Not so sure the glass is particularly reflective, by the way,” he states almost casually as he keeps pounding into you. “Pretty sure we are drawing a crowd.”

“Then fuck me really good,” is your only breathy response, unwilling to tip your head back and look down at the people below. At least at this angle, they shouldn’t be able to see his cock ploughing into you. And everything else is covered by clothing… mostly. You could just be having a very vigorous wrestling match. Kind of.

“Exhibitionist, hmm?” he hums, leaning over you and kissing down your neck.

“You’re the one who took me on the roof terrace our first time,” you point out, closing your eyes and enjoying the slide of his warm lips on your skin as he thrusts so deep you swear you’ll still feel it tomorrow.

“Guilty as charged,” he murmurs, bemused, a little out of breath now, his tongue lathing hot on your throat.

Then, there’s no talking for a while as you skate closer to your peaks. Desperate hands grab bodies and table edges, growling and moans, hot wet kisses, the sturdy glass desk withstanding his harsh strokes even as your whole body rolls on the surface. 

Then, with a dangerous smirk, he winds a hand between your bodies and flicks his thumb against your clit, and you scream. It’s the little extra sensation you need to break, calling his name, your nails scratching down his clothes, biceps clinging to him as your pussy clenches hard around him, floating somewhere on a blissful cloud, eyes screwed shut, as he growls at your vice-like grip on his cock. A few artless thrusts, and then he is stilling, groaning loudly in your ear and collapsing on top of you as he spills inside.

After a few panted moments, you feel yourself returning to the room, the power of speech returning.

“Oh god, that was just what I needed,” you huff, sated, a fuzzy, languid, bone-deep satisfaction only he can seem to provide. 

“You are welcome, boss,” he sasses with a playful smirk.

“You don’t report to me,” you point out, swatting his arm gently.

“Shame… I think I’d get an excellent review and a hefty raise if I did,” he gloats a little, dropping a quick kiss on your lips.

“I will neither confirm nor deny,” you volley back, pushing him off your body and standing up, shuffling your skirt back down your legs. 

You feel a little unsteady in your gait as you dip down to collect your underwear from the floor.

“There are, however, two things you can do for me?” you smile as he rezips.

“Anything…” 

“Tidy your brother's desk,” you nod towards the mess. He rolls his eyes, accepting his fate, seeing as it was his decision to throw you upon it.

“And?” He prompts you for the second thing as you make final adjustments to your appearance.

“Be naked in my bed by the time I get home,” you breeze as you reach for the office door handle. “Feel free to tie yourself spread eagle to the bedposts if you’re feeling adventurous,” you end with a wink.

“How exactly am I supposed to do that with only one set of hands?” you hear him call after you as the door closes behind you.

With a huge grin, you saunter down the corridor, phone in hand, already texting him a reply.

Y/N: You’ll figure it out. You’re the artist, after all.

BB: I’m a landscape painting artist, not an escape artist.

Y/N: potayto, potatoh…

BB: I’m getting a round of applause from what looks like a stag do outside, by the way…

Y/N: See? There’s your glowing performance review. 

BB: … 🤷‍♂️

Y/N: 😘

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @amygdtjhddzvb

[willalove75]

Alcina's New Maid Pt. 17 Lady Dimitrescu x Reader

Summary: You have your final few days of training and the morning of the meeting finally arrives.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI. Very brief mention of suicide (while talking about Donna's past and her parents). No details mentioned, just mentioning the act itself. If you want to skip that part, skip to the dialogue after the paragraph starting with **.

Tags: fluff, light angst

Notes: Part 17! Sorry for the teeny tiny cliffhanger but we were reaching 5k words so I had to cut it off. Next chapter will dive straight into the meeting! Also, I re-read most of this the other day but I'm sick and don't have the mental capacity to go over it again so apologies for any errors!

Click here for the rest of the series

Gif source

The following morning Cassandra woke you up before sunrise again for your last full day of training. Once you were warmed up she started sparring with you again and showing you different ways to get out of different kinds of grapples.

After breakfast she brought out one of her old daggers and handed it to you and taught you how to use it properly now that Karl was making you one of your own. Cassandra showed you how to wield it, and the different ways you can use it for defense and the occasional attack. Once she was satisfied with your movements she ran inside and grabbed a wooden dagger and used that to spar with you.

The first hour of the sparring session ended with her poking you with her wooden dagger in at least eight different places that would kill you. She grabbed Dani and used her as a model to point out where the main arteries in the body were and how to hit them to either kill your opponent or cause massive damage.

She continued sparring with you and teaching you how to block the most important parts of your body to avoid death or severe injury. After a few hours you were finally getting the hang of it and you decided to take a quick break for lunch. Zina brought out your lunches again and Bela and Daniela joined the two of you, all of you eating in the courtyard.

When you finished eating Cassandra quizzed you on the locations of the major arteries again and had you practice sheathing and unsheathing your dagger while you digested. After about an hour it was back to sparring. Once more you sparred with Bela and Daniela but this time they had the wooden dagger. Bela was hard to hit due to her defensive nature and you were able to get a few hits on Daniela because her moves were so erratic and chaotic. None of the hits you landed would have done much damage - no less kill someone - but the fact that you were able to hit her at all meant you were progressing well.

"Okay, now you'll have mother, Aunt Donna and Uncle Karl there to help you if shit goes sideways so you won't have to fight Miranda alone." Cassandra says.

"Which is a good thing because if you fought her alone you would definitely die." Daniela adds in.

"Oh yeah, without a doubt. You'd be super fucked. But even with the three of them Miranda is still stupid strong so it'll still be a really hard fight. Lets team up, you and Dani and me and Bela and we'll do a team match. This will encompass everything, grapples, defense, the daggers, you gotta be on your toes."

The match started and Daniela immediately went after Bela and Cassandra headed directly for you. You were able to fight her off for a decent amount of time before she grappled you. When you realized her grip on you was too strong you were able to grab your dagger and stab her in the leg and get out of it. Even though you missed the artery it was still enough damage to knock her off her game for a moment and get out of her grip.

It felt wrong attacking the girls. Even though you knew a stab like that was the equivalent of a papercut to them. Attacking them wasn't something you enjoyed. Although if you were being honest, attacking anyone wasn't something you enjoyed so at least when you go to stab someone else when they attack you you won't feel as bad as you do when you stab one of the girls.

Bela was able to knock Daniela down and headed over to you to assist Cassandra. Two on one was tough and you didn't last long at all. Although you lasted longer than you thought you would - meaning you were able to fight them off for about a minute instead of immediately being subdued. Bela managed to pin you down and when Daniela finally got over to you, Cassandra was quick to pin her, winning them the match.

The sound of applause rang through the air as Alcina walked over.

"Well done girls. Cassandra, your swordsmanship with the dagger was fantastic, Bela, wonderful defense, Daniela, I don't know how you always manage to keep your sisters on their toes, even after all of these years. And draga, you did a fantastic job, you held your own well. I'm very proud of all of you." She says with a smile. "Now girls, go get washed up, dinner will be soon."

The girls swarm up to give their mother kisses on her cheek and head inside. Alcina walks over to one of the benches and sits down. She pulls you into her lap and holds you close.

"I am very impressed draga mea, truly."

"You are?"

"Yes, I saw you stab Cassandra in the leg to get out of her grasp. Your quick thinking was impressive my love."

"Thanks. I really hope a fight doesn't break out at the meeting. It's one thing sparring with the girls, but with Miranda? I don't know, it makes me nervous."

"It makes me nervous too draga mea. But I'll be there with you and I won't let anything happen to you. Donna and Karl also swore to help protect you so you will be okay." She says.

"I'd hate to be the reason anyone got hurt."

Alcina kisses you on the head and you look up into her golden eyes. She smiles down at you and places a knuckle under your chin and leans down, capturing you lips with hers.

"I won't let anything happen to you, draga mea. I promise." She whispers against your lips.

"I know." You reply before kissing her again.

Alcina nuzzles you and the dinner bell rings.

The two of you walk into the dining room and the girls swarm in. Hunger hits you the moment you smell the delicious food and as soon as your plate it piled you dig in.

Alcina lets you sleep in a little the next morning and just as you're getting dressed the breakfast bell rings. After breakfast Cassandra reviews some of the things she's taught you over the last few days and the two of you finish up right before lunch.

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly. Cassandra does another quick review with you after dinner and once the two of you are finished you head into your room and find Alcina drawing herself a bath.

"Ah, draga, there you are. How was it?"

"It was good, I was able to retain almost everything she taught me."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. Would you like to join me?" She asks as she finishes taking off the rest of her clothes and steps into the tub.

You nod and pull off your clothes and toss them in the hamper. Alcina lifts you into the tub and sits you down in her lap with your back against her chest. Once you're comfortable you let out a sigh and lean into her. Alcina wraps her arms around you and kisses your neck.

You're completely enveloped by her, by her scent, by the feeling of her skin against yours, her warm breath skating across your neck. As stressed as you are over tomorrow's meeting you can't help but feel relaxed in her arms. When you're with her like this you feel more safe than you ever have in your life. Even after everything - all of the pain, the hurt, the heartbreak, she's still the one that brings you more comfort than anyone else ever has. If you tried making sense of it you'd surely get a migraine. But right here, in her arms, you're safe. And that's all that matters.

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" You ask her.

"It's difficult to know how to feel when I don't know what her intentions are, draga. If it were solely about the hunters I would say I am prepared and looking forward to coming up with a plan to deal with them. Although yes, the hunters will certainly be discussed because they are a topic of concern, I know Miranda and I know she's not asking you to be there to solely take notes."

"Are you afraid of her?"

Alcina pauses for a moment to contemplate your question as her fingers mindlessly trace patterns across your skin.

"Yes and no."

"How so?"

"I am not afraid of her for myself. She is incredibly powerful and even though it would not be easy, she could certainly kill me. But I know she won't. She needs myself and the rest of the lords to keep the village under her thumb as she searches for her perfect vessel. And since I do most of the work she knows that killing me would be a mistake. But I fear for the day that she deems us unnecessary because when that day comes, she won't hesitate killing all of us. Her power is nearly limitless and I have no doubt that she will do anything and everything to succeed in finding a suitable vessel for Eva. Even if it means destroying everything around her to do so. Until then she will do whatever she feels is necessary to keep us, the lords, in line. I'm also worried that she is going to try and hurt you to hurt me. I wouldn't put it past her to do something like that again and that scares me, draga mea."

She sighs and holds you tight, nuzzling her nose into your hair. As you take in her words, the word "again" sticks out.

"What do you mean 'again?'"

"Lets finish up in here and I'll tell you in bed."

You nod and you both finish bathing. After drying off and putting on pajamas you crawl into bed and curl under Alcina's chin. Alcina holds you close and continues.

"Many years ago, decades ago at this point, Karl had a paramour. It wasn't someone he truly loved but he did care for them. They were a worker at his factory and the two of them began spending time together. Karl began slacking off to spend more time with them; Mother Miranda got wind of it and she was less than pleased. One day they went missing. Mother Miranda called a meeting and none of us knew why until we arrived and saw Karl's paramour chained down at her feet. She said they were nothing but a nuisance and they were only causing trouble, distracting Karl from her goal of finding a perfect vessel. She ordered Karl to kill them and he refused. Mother Miranda was going to kill them but instead I offered. Karl was furious but I knew that whatever Miranda was going to do, she was going to make them suffer horrifically because Karl refused her. She relented and I was the one who killed them. It was the only time I ever apologized to someone before I killed them. They knew that this was a mercy kill and that Miranda would have done much worse so it was also the only time someone had thanked me for doing it. Miranda was pleased and allowed me to take their body back to the castle to do what I pleased with it. Karl came over the next day and he was so angry, he thought I drained their blood and turned them into one of the vineyards scarecrows. But I didn't, instead I cleared a small spot on the edge of the woods and had them buried. Karl was grateful and after we had a conversation he understood why I did what I did. Karl was still relatively new and hadn't seen Miranda's wrath like I had. He knew refusing her would anger her but he didn't realize she would have taken it out on their paramour instead of himself."

"Is that why he hates Miranda?"

"One of the reasons. He hated her well before that incident. She had kidnapped him and infected him with the cadou when she found out that he was one of the descendants of the four founders of the village. He never got a say in the matter like I did. She just took him and forced it upon him."

"That's so horrible. Why didn't he just leave after he got the cadou?"

"It's difficult to explain but in the end he wasn't able to. Miranda would have hunted him down. Once we were given the cadou, whether or not we had a choice in the matter, we were forced to stay. She was also able to influence him to stay."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone takes to the cadou differently. I have a theory that those with a higher affinity to the cadou are less affected by Miranda's control. To a certain extent, Miranda controls the mold because her powers were given to her by the Black God, which is where the mold comes from. Since the cadou contains the mold, by extension Miranda has a certain amount of control over it."

"So can she control you?"

"Not necessarily. I believe she has a certain amount of influence over me, but no, she cannot control me because I have a higher affinity to it. For example, the moroaicǎ and lycans have almost no affinity to the cadou so Miranda can control them if she wanted to. In the past she has, but she generally she views them as a waste of time so she gave Karl the job of overseeing the lycans and myself the moroaicǎ."

"So how can you tell who does and doesn't have a higher affinity to it?"

"My theory is that the more mutated the subject, the less affinity they have towards it. The moroaicǎ and lycans are at the bottom, they are the most mutated and most easily controllable therefore have the lowest affinity. Next comes Salvatore, whom you haven't met yet. He is severely mutated and will do anything to please Miranda. Next I believe is Donna. Although her only mutation is on her face, she is very mentally unstable which leads me to believe that Miranda can more easily influence her."

"How is she mentally unstable?"

Alcina lets out a sigh as her fingers dance across your skin.

**"It is quite a tragic story. Many years ago, before she received the cadou, her sister, Claudia, died. Donna was very young when it happened and her parents were unable to deal with the death of their child so they committed suicide together leaving Donna all alone."

"Oh my god, that's horrible."

"It was horrific. After they died she isolated herself and developed severe depression and anxiety. When she received the cadou, she took part of hers and put it into Angie and now primarily uses Angie to speak when she's around mixed company."

"Wait, so Donna is that chaotic?"

Alcina laughs and shakes her head.

"Gods no, Donna uses Angie to speak but the cadou granted Angie her own personality. Part of me believes some of the things Angie says are the thoughts Donna would never say out loud but that is just mere speculation."

"So how do you know when it's Donna talking or Angie?"

"Donna's voice comes through Angie."

"Oh, got it."

"Yes. So because of Donna's mental illness, she is more easily influenced by Miranda but since her and I have formed and alliance that influence has been fading."

"How about you and Karl?"

"Based on my mutation theory, I would be next given," Alcina gestures to her body. "and Miranda does have some influence over me, but not much. I have retained enough of my own cognitive abilities to not fall completely under her influence. There are times where I can feel her influence and if I so chose to I can ignore it. But the pull is there."

"Is it hard to ignore?"

"In the beginning it was, but now not so much."

"Can she tell when you ignore it?"

"Yes, but only because when I do, I am not doing what she wants so she knows her influence on me has failed. Whether she knows I consciously ignore her or not is still a mystery."

"So Karl has the highest affinity to the cadou?"

"As much as I loathe to admit it, yes. Which is also why I refuse to relay this theory to him because I would never hear the end of it. But he has no visible physical mutations, at least that I am aware of. And he hates Miranda more than any of us. He refuses to do anything she asks unless it directly benefits him and he has no desire for her acceptance or approval."

"Do you have any desire for her acceptance or approval?"

Alcina pauses for a moment and you look up at her. She has a faraway look in her eyes before she looks down at you and sighs.

"Truthfully? Yes." You feel the hairs on your arms raise at her answer. Not that you're completely surprised, but hearing her say it out loud makes it real, too real. "It's complicated. There is a part of me that yearns for her acceptance. There's a part of me that's willing to do nearly anything for her. I understand how ridiculous that may sound but after so many years of being under her rule, it's difficult to not want acceptance from the person who essentially created you. And since she rarely shows her approval of anyone the thought of being one of the few becomes almost addicting. She has done a lot for me. She saved my life, although it was under false pretenses. Still, I am still alive because of her. She gifted me the girls, gave me the castle, the vineyard, and the business so I had a way of supporting myself. She has done a lot for me, for my family. In a way in feel indebted to her for those things. But at the same time I hate her. I can't stand what she's done to me, how she's manipulated me and used me over the years." She tightens her grip around you as she thinks back on her past history with Miranda. "I despise how she treats my daughters poorly. I hate that after everything I do for her, after everything I've done, she still views me the same as the rest of them. It aggravates me to no end."

"So you hate her, but at the same time you want to be her favorite? You know that sounds crazy, right?"

Alcina chuckles and rolls her eyes at you.

"I said is was complex, draga."

"Complex is an understatement." You say with a laugh.

Alcina shakes her head and runs her fingers through your hair. An unsettling energy fills the room as the two of you think about tomorrow's meeting.

"Even though I feel that pull of her influence, even though I crave her acceptance, I will never let her hurt you. I don't want you to think for a moment that I won't do everything I possibly can to protect you, draga."

"I know." You say, cuddling into her more.

"Good. Now try and get some sleep draga mea. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

Her fingers comb through your hair and you feel her nails scratching at your scalp. She holds you a little closer after pulling the duvet over the both of you.

Even though you're tired you can't seem to fall asleep. Anxiety begins to creep its was into your chest and you cling to Alcina a little tighter.

"Rest, draga. I can hear your heartbeat from a mile away."

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

"So am I, but you need to sleep."

"I can't."

Alcina lays you on top of her, resting your head on her chest. One of her large hands scratches at your scalp as the other traces patterns across your back.

"Close your eyes, draga mea. I have you. I will protect you, I promise."

"I know you will. And I love you so much for that."

"I love you too."

Alcina starts singing, her fingers moving perfectly in time with the song and your eyes start to flutter shut. Even though you don't know what song it is since it's in Romanian, whatever she's singing is soothing and begins to lull you to sleep.

Alcina hears your breathing and heartrate settle and knows you finally drifted off. She finds herself having a hard time falling asleep - she's too anxious about tomorrow's meeting. But the soft sounds of your snores help her to relax and a little while later she dozes off into a restful sleep.

The following morning you wake up in the same exact position you fell asleep in; laying on top of Alcina with her arms wrapped tightly around you. Alcina feels you stir in her arms and brushes the hair away from your eyes.

"Good morning, draga mea." She says with a kiss to your head.

"Good morning." You say with a yawn as you stretch out on top of her and curl back up in her arms. "Did you stay here all night or did you get up to work and pull me back on top of you when you came back to bed?"

"No, draga." She says with a chuckle. "I stayed here all night with you."

You didn't say anything in response, just a light chuckle and then you nuzzled your face into her neck. Here in bed, in her arms, it was safe. You were safe. There wasn't a single part of either of you that wanted to get out of bed this morning. Neither of you wanting to leave the comfort and safety of each others embrace. The thought of starting the day made you a little anxious but after taking a deep breath and filling you nose with the scent of Alcina's skin and shampoo, your anxiety melted away and you relaxed into her.

"Can we stay here forever?" You asked as your lips brushed against her skin while your face was buried into her neck.

"I wish, draga mea. I wish." She sighed.

Reluctantly, the two of you finally got out of bed. The meeting was taking place in the chapel at the castle shortly after breakfast so both you and Alcina started getting yourselves ready for the day.

Alcina put on her usual floor-length cream dress, leather gloves, pearls, and her hat. The two of you decided that it was best that you wore the uniform that her handmaidens normally wear. She was sure that Miranda knew the relationship between the two of you was past the point of you just being her handmaid but in order to keep appearances up you both decided wearing the uniform was the way to go.

Once Alcina was finished fixing her hair and makeup the two of you headed down to the dining room for breakfast. Just as you were walking in the girls swarmed in and appeared in their seats.

"Good morning mother!" The girls said in unison.

"Good morning daughters." She said.

You could tell the girls wanted to ask how you and Alcina were feeling about the meeting but none of them dared to. They could tell Alcina was already on edge and they didn't want to make her worse. The nerves in your belly slowly but surely began to build as the time to leave creeped closer. Even though you weren't hungry you forced yourself to eat a decent meal because you knew you were going to need the energy.

Breakfast was quiet and the tension in the air steadily built as the time passed. Every so often you would look over at Alcina and every time you did you noticed she was further and further away mentally. You could tell that her mind was heavily focused on the meeting and that the newspaper in her hand was just a front. The only reason you knew that was because she stayed on the same page throughout the entire meal yet burned through at least four cigarettes. She looked as if she was rereading the same sentence over and over again as her mind wandered. By the time breakfast was over her eyebrows were so closely knit together they nearly became one.

When the girls finished eating they all kissed their mother on the cheek and wished her luck at the meeting. Daniela and Bela gave you a hug before they left and Cassandra punched you on the shoulder and mumbled "don't die." before swarming away.

As the girls left Zina entered the dining room.

"Pardon me, my Lady." She said to Alcina, whose eyes were back on the newspaper. "Lady Beneviento and Lord Moreau have arrived."

Alcina looked up and nodded before taking a sharp inhale and putting the paper down. She took one final drag of her cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray and downed the rest of her wine in one large gulp. Removing the napkin sitting on her lap, she carefully dabbed the corners of her lips and looked towards you and back to Zina.

"I made sure the chapel was stocked with extra wine. One bottle of sanguis virginis and the rest of your finest vintage, my Lady."

"Thank you Zina, your fine attention to detail never goes unnoticed."

"My pleasure, my Lady."

"Ready, draga?" Alcina asks you. You nod in response and she stands up. "We shall be off then."

As Alcina walks past Zina, Zina hands her her cigarette holder with a lit cigarette already sitting at the end. Alcina nods at Zina with a small smile and leaves. As you walk past Zina she stops you by putting her hand on your shoulder.

"Be careful." She whispers with a small squeeze before removing her hand and heading back towards the kitchen.

Alcina expertly guides you through the castle halls. Once you leave the main part of the castle you notice that the halls are less ornate. The smooth stone walls slowly turn more jagged and unkept and the cracks in the floor grow until the stones beneath your feet are uneven. You've never seen any part of the castle in such a state of despair before. Alcina doesn't say a word the entire time. The juxtaposition of her and your current surroundings is a fascinating one. Her steps are purposeful and she's as elegant as ever as she strides through her domain. Alcina is a woman of elegance, of nobility, she's a queen roaming the halls of her castle. Yet the current surroundings show evidence of disarray. The further down the hall you walk the worse it gets. Alcina would never let the main areas of the castle look like this. If a spec of dust is left behind she throws a fit. You wonder why she's allowed this area to fall apart so much, seemingly without care.

She leads you to a large door and turns towards you. As you finish taking in your surroundings you look up at her. There must have been a look of confusion on your face as you took in the crumbling walls around you because you hear Alcina sigh.

"As you know, I take pride in keeping my castle in top shape so I am sure the passageway has been rather out of the ordinary." You nod your head in response. "This side of the castle sustained extensive damage during the war and I was never able to properly conduct the repairs. The dilapidated state ended up keeping wandering maids away and it warded off unwanted visitors. It was far too much trouble to repair it and since it provided almost guaranteed privacy for these meetings I allowed it to remain in such a despicable state."

"Got it. That makes sense." You say with a small smile. Alcina returns the gesture but her smile doesn't reach her eyes.

She takes a deep breath and exhales. Her eyes stay on the floor and she looks like she is having trouble saying something.

"Are you okay?" You ask.

"Yes. I have something to ask of you, and I hate that I have to ask this of you."

"What is it?"

"In order to attempt to keep appearances up, I don't think it would be wise for you to," she pauses for a moment. "for you to call me Alcina during the meeting." She says quietly. Her eyes flick up to yours and they're filled with concern. "I know we are well past formalities but I'm worried about Miranda as it is and if she hears you call me by my given name, I fear it will make things worse."

Alcina starts to ramble a little and you take a step forward and reach out to grab her hand.

"Hey," you say, looking into her eyes. "I get it, it's okay. I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, my Lady." You say with a smirk.

Alcina releases a breath that sounds like a sigh of relief and she cups your face with her hand.

"I truly don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve you, draga mea." She whispers.

The two of you share a moment as you gaze into each others eyes. Angie's cackle rings out on the other side of the door, effectively ruining the moment the two of you were having. Alcina closes her eyes and takes a grounding breath before adjusting her posture and putting her "countess" mask back on.

"Stay by my side and do not do anything unless I give you the okay. Understand?"

"Yes, my Lady."

She nods in approval and looks at the door and back to you.

"Shall we?" She asks.

You nod in response and she pulls a key out of the band around her hat. The door unlocks with a soft "click" and swings open. Alcina returns the key and she ducks under the doorframe, making her way into the chapel.

"Here goes nothing." You think to yourself before following behind her.

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

Here's my fma 2003 (featuring Conqueror of Shambala) character tierlist. If I had to sum up my perception of the 03 cast vs the bhood one, it would be 1) 03 is focused and interwoven, and 2) quality >>>>>>>> quantity.

To be clear: because I feel that the 03 adaptation does not labour under a desperate need to pity and empathize with its war criminals and antagonists (though it does make sure its core antagonists are more than stock-standard villains), there aren't really any characters I vehemently reject the way I did for the Brotherhood tier list. Even the characters that don't particularly catch my interest or are fairly mundane in the grand scheme of the show I see more favourably than the characters in a similar tier level in Brotherhood. Where I find the 09 anime's character lows are abysmally low, 03 highs are imho astronomical.

There are some very, very minor characters that I didn't feel the need to include (my Broho tier list similarly eschewed equally highly minor faces too). I didn't feel like such inclusions would really be in the spirit of a tierlist.

Anyway, here we go:

Lengthy breakdown below the cut [not spoiler free]:

First tier: The SSS-tier. What do I even say about these two that I haven't already repeatedly expressed on this blog? These are the characters I can't stop thinking about. Whose stories, personalities, character arcs, and tragedies I've been mentally unwell about for over a decade+. They're my obsession and they're the highlight of every rewatch for me. Whenever they're onscreen I am rendered into a rabid howling ape (joyful).

Me @ 03 Scar and 03 Lust 5ever:

Scar: My sweetie-pie honeybear sugar-muffin sillymittens babygirl. Look at my damn username. Do you think I'm normal about Scar, especially THIS version of him? A character like him, handled the way the 03 team wrote him, is not only a rarity but a fucking achievement. In a media landscape that relies on regurgitated, jagged strawmen of the violent resistance of the oppressed, of revolutionaries/radicals who exist solely for the writers to strike down with great punitivity, 03 Scar breaks the mould. He manages to subvert every derogatory caricature that a character like him should have fully fallen into, and come out a nuanced, three dimensional character who never truly relents in the fight against the state military. Where Arakawa writes Scar to be yet another in a long line of fictional radicals made to heel at the boots of the military, the fma 03 writers wrote Scar to show why the people who are targets of imperial violence fight back to the bitter end. And, man, the sensitivity they imbue him with on top of that! They allow him to be vulnerable, to struggle with his place in a world that wants everyone like him fully eradicated while also experiencing what it's like to be a pariah amongst his own people; to grapple with his past and also have the capacity to feel for those who have suffered similarly as well. He grasps that there is no half-freedoms. If Ishbal isn't free than Liore isn't free and neither will anyone else be free. He witnesses numerous times that without direct violent action the system carries on its project of wanton human misery. And it often goes unacknowledged, but this Scar does attempt the route of (relative) peace. He renounces his homicide of state alchemists, he joins a group of Ishbalan refugees and follows his master. Yet without fail they are beset by tremendous violence: state-hired mercenaries enact a slaughter of Ishbalans and destabilizing the camp, they're accosted by a racist biker gang solely because the Ishbalans stepped out of their state-designated grounds, and Yoki rats the now-nomadic Ishbalans to the state, resulting in the feds rounding them up and carting them off to a concentration camp. At that point he can no longer stomach this ineffectual path. If the victims of this systemic oppression fail to bite the hand that beats them, then the perpetuation of their suffering never ends. If he must renounce any future he could have had, if it means he must suffer and relinquish his own life, if he must turn away from Ishbala, then he will. "My sympathy will not be spent on soldiers. Neither should yours," SIR. SIR YOU DROPPED YOUR CROWN. SIR. This line alone makes me INSANE.

We get glimpses of his adolescence, the loss he and his brother suffered, and we really get to understand what solidifies Scar's hatred of alchemy early on in his life. It's not just a cultural and religious dictate against the practice (seriously, can we blame the Ishbalan religion for being anti-alchemy), and it's not just the fact that alchemy is a lethal tool of mass destruction that can be used to wipe out an entire country: it's the fact that he witnessed a writhing mass made from the corpse of someone he and his brother cared for, and the loss of his brother's sanity as he pursued the philosopher's stone to undo this travesty he committed. And yet Scar is gifted that same detested alchemy by the brother he rejects, and he has to find some greater purpose that somehow straddles his previous beliefs. He's a resistance fighter struck down, aimless since barely escaping the massacre years ago. He would have died if he stayed back, should have died when Kimbly tracked down their particular group of fleeing Ishbalans, and in a sense [name unknown] has indeed long since perished. And for so long he was unable to face the pockets of Ishbalan refugees with any confidence due to the indelible taboo that is his right arm. He's displaced and homeless, wandering the streets of his oppressors, trying to find answers to the insignia of his sibling's arm, and finally he's snapped back into action upon encountering yet one more soul perverted into an agonized form by alchemy and the state. He's principled to the core, yet not as a flawless messianic figure. His final victory, his moment of reclaiming personal love alongside obliterating an armada, is also the endpoint of his tragedy. His triumph is his grave, and god. fucking. damn it. that is so---- !!! The way he connects, reflects, and contrasts with other core characters and the overall themes of the narrative too, I-!!!

Listen, I love the mangahood Scars even with the reformist liberal bullcrap tacked onto their arc, but when I say I simp for fma Scar, THIS is the fictional man I simp the hardest for. When I say Scar is right? All versions of Scar were right to kill state alchemists, but it's 03 Scar who was never once wrong. Accept no substitutes, because no one is doin' it like him.

Lust: My darling WIFE. I would make a Philosopher's Stone just for her and no one would be able to stop me. She was one of the earliest characters I latched onto during my first watch of this show 100 years ago. No matter who I introduce to fma 03, they all walk away having fallen in love with her. She's a treasure, my sopping wet meow meow who's also more than capable of tearing anyone to ribbons. Yet more than that, I wish she could have had the tranquil human life she deserved. She's everything to me. And no matter how many times I rewatch this adaptation, Lust and her arc, her internal struggles, and the philosophical dilemma of what constitutes humanity and what are the consequences of creating a dehumanized class of people leaves me on knees. And god, the way the writers very slowly develop this growing dilemma and her individuality is astonishing. From one of the first shadows we see stalking the Elric's journey, a mysterious and malevolent femme fatale pulling the strings, a woman whose face Scar can't shake, to her assuredness in her humanity and her goal to reclaim as such, a being whose patchwork memories of who she once was slowly upending her allegiances, her having a strong knowledge in alchemy even when she literally cannot perform it because she will stop at nothing to shed her shackles, to her rebellion against Dante and the other homunculi, and- ok, you know how we watch Lust gaze at human beings and ponder at their futile existence? Seeing them as alien, and to an extent lesser? And how she can no longer deny wanting to return to humanity as her memories continue to gnaw at her? To the point that she embraces people as people? How she counters Sloth's disparaging, dehumanizing remarks against Tucker's mindless Nina clones and states "She's his daughter"? She defends the humanity even in those that the world would write off as subhumans or objects? She was an Ishbalan woman repurposed into a tool by the very people who destroyed her homeland and she will no longer be their puppet. She was never just a femme fatal, she was never just a humanoid monster, she is never treated like just another villain to be annihilated for the benefit of the protags. Like. Do you understand? Do you understand the finesse with which the 03 team wrote this character? Do you understand why people go crazy for her? Do you understand why she's a platinum-tier baddie? God, Lust is just incredible and I weep just thinking about her! Her despair causing her to desire mortality, and connection to the one remaining person from a past that many could debate was never entirely her own? UGHHHH, my HEART. Is obtaining mortality a drawn-out suicide of its own? If for a homunculus the only way to become human is to die, then was that locket Scar dredged from the grave that never possessed her body his unintentional way of making her human after all? I wonder, as her consciousness faded away once more, if she felt relief. If she felt peace. I always hope that she did.

Second tier: S-tier. Our protagonists, and a worthy centrefold for this adaptation. They're phenomenally written: their journeys and inner demons are so compelling. The way love is the fount of their hopes and traumas, what keeps them clawing through the horrors of the world, to hang tight to each other. All the while this codependence being a self-imposed punishment. Shunting out everyone else and hurting themselves and others as a result. They so desperately want to do right, but their self-destructiveness and alliance with the military leaves pain in their wake. There is no comforting and morally convenient writing contrivances to shield them from the repercussions of their beliefs and actions. These boys grow and part of that growth into adulthood is understanding that the flow of everything, that inherent and unshakable interconnectivity of life and lives, of systemic violence via state and alchemy, means they cannot live as though in a vacuum, doing as they wish and remaining ignorant and, as a result, becoming wretched. If they want to rise above destroying others, they must take responsibility, and how that differs between them is fine-tuned to their idiosyncrasies. How each brother partook in committing alchemy's greatest taboo informs how they view violence and sacrifice.

Like the entire cast, Ed and Al are so human. It's both beautiful and heartbreaking, and one of the many reasons why I always come back to this anime. I couldn't ask for better versions of the Elric brothers and I'm glad that this version of them are the ones permanently embedded in my mind as THE Edward and Alphonse Elrics.

Note: I place the CoS versions in this tier not because I see them as different characters but rather to highlight that I do love what is shown of their outcomes, and that I appreciate the way it ties well with where we last see them in the show.

Ed: A boy steeped in the dogma of his father's science. His hubris and his love tears apart what remains of his dying idyllic life, and it's something he truly never returns to. And yet, it's not all his fault. He's an orphaned child alongside his little brother, with a mind too sheltered from the true ugliness of the world yet brimming with the capacity to perform feats that few can master. His circumstances and choices lead him down a rabbit hole he can only escape by moving forward and changing. He can't flee to the past, he can't remake the present into whatever he wishes, the world carries on despite what he and his brother go through, and if he wants to be more than the monstrous humans he encounters than he has to actually fucking reflect and reconsider his perspective constantly. And he's not perfect at changing either! Some part of him still clings to what could have been, that maybe it could be possible to at least restore Al's body. He's one of the most dogmatic characters in this entire show, and the narrative does not allow him to simply remain as such and parade it around like hot shit. It's not science vs religion, it's scientism and the hegemony of the state (which can include religious institutions and beliefs) vs those seen as subjects or material for the whims of those in power. Ed actually has to contend with his bigotry too! He shoulders a sisyphean grief and guilt, and you know deep down that he will never truly be rid of that curse. Yet he shows signs in the end that he understands that he can't eternally stagnate in it; returning to a world he struggled to see as real and getting on that caravan at the end with Al and Noah felt like he could at least adapt to the task of living, even if that dream of perfect redemption remains elusive. I could babble on and on, but this all to say: I love fma 03 Ed and no bog standard shonen-ass racist is ever gonna usurp his spot for me.

Al: This version of Al is not stuck as a yes-man to his brother, and he isn't sidelined until it's convenient to wheel him back into the plot. Al's perspective on nearly everything tends to differ from Ed's. Whether it's on more inconsequential matters to, in time, major issues, Al often sees things differently from his older sibling. The 03 writers leaned heavily on the solitude and confinement of being the final vestige of a human's existence tethered to an inanimate object, and they explore this existential crisis and dysmorphia not just in the one arc everyone fails to empathize with (you know the one), but all throughout the show. There's a reason Al has an easier time understanding the perspectives of his fellows who have been literally and figuratively dehumanized. He's compassionate and sweet, and this trips people up. So many see him as a nothing more than a cinnamon roll when he's got a much harder edge than that. Far more so. Al suffers a waking nightmare 24/7, without break since he can't sleep. Though he doesn't allow that to destroy his capacity for kindness, it doesn't mean he handles every problem and obstacle with unceasing grace. He sees the utility in violence, he gets why people lash out, he wants to be fully human again and he still wants to preserve lives when he can. Al wants to think of others, but his memory is chipped in places, and his lack of bodily functions, flesh, and nervous system means he feels that others have lost sight of him too. It's a struggle to feel real when your current circumstances have you caged and alienated. You end up wanting Al's body back as badly as he and Ed do, that finally seeing him physically restored to the 10 year old body he last occupied is both a relief and utterly surreal. And without his memories, he was doomed to repeat the self-centered actions that he and his brother had to learn from over those many years. I can't see him regaining his memories being a wholly jubilous outcome for him, but having the one person who mattered more than everyone else back in his life is a trade I'm sure he would make time and again.

Third tier: The A tier. Love 'em to the bone, and even love to hate one in particular here (it's Dante. Of course). This anime has no shortage of excellent characters, and I love 'em to bits.

Rose: One of the bravest characters in this entire show's roster. An orphaned teenage girl who adheres to Letoism in the hopes that her faith and work for the church will lead to the miracle of her partner returning from the dead. After the curtain gets pulled back on Cornello, Rose has to learn to rise above the pain and live. All with the dawning riots and military invasion that will challenge her in ways most hope never befalls themselves but is a reality for the targets of imperial aggression. She doesn't back down to armed soldiers and generals, she helps plan a massive retaliation against the invading forces, and she goes on to care for Liore's orphans while working to restore a liberated Liore. (Unfortunately CoS does flanderize her. I know in my heart she would never accept the military or the Armstrong family colonizing Liore, and she wouldn't see Armstrong's alchemy as preferable to the plan she herself was a pivotal part of executing to stop Amestris.) For as feminist as everyone claims to be, post-2010 fma fans sure love writing 03 Rose off because of the horrific rape she suffers. This is not the be-all end-all of this character, and it's sus af that someone being a victim of this specific type of war crime means there is nothing else to her, and that the writers are simply racist misogynists. The story never reduces her to a "pitiable" victim, nor does it salivate at the very real sexual violence that militaries routinely employ. Fuck you if you look down on Rose. Rose is everything.

Noah: I will defend Noah to the death, and I'm taking her haters down with me. Her pain from a lifetime of being an outcast, used for her gifts and tossed into the clutches of fascists breaks me everytime. Her desperation to escape a racist hell to a fantasy world (that would have ultimately been no less cruel to her) makes sense. She gets confirmation of the impossible, of something that should have been nothing more than speculative fiction. Like the Elrics and so many others in this series, she learns the hard way that paradise doesn't lie behind fantasies. She's sullen and introverted, and this is no doubt an armour for having seen the most hidden secrets, darkness, and fragile dreams of everyone who pays the going price for her skill. How can she connect with others consciously and mutually when people pull away/avoid her once they learn she can peer into their truths? Facing the scorn of anti-Roma racism as well as the scorn for being a seer would tear anyone down. She's perpetually alienated from everyone, and she just wants to be free to exist in peace. Man, I just love her so much and want endless happiness for her. I've said it before and I'll say it forever: I love you, Noah fma!

Winry: Now this is my Winry! I never understood why the fandom pre-09 hated her so much (besides bog standard misogyny) but I was always in her corner. She has a great, balanced personality: physically and mentally strong, capable of being soft and caring, boisterous and contemplative, absolutely willing to shirk rules and laws, with a mischievous streak too. She's not a moralizing package deal to the Elrics, she's not reduced to ship fodder for Ed nor a future doting wife, she's an automail freak and she's damn proud of it. Her having her childhood friends pull away until they're no longer reachable is sad, but she has so many people in her life that she'll be able to carry on into the future. Whether the Elrics are in her life has nothing to do with the quality of her characterization here, and I stand by that forever. Also, her consistent gentle kindness towards Wrath? Providing him with automail and remaining calm even when it falls to disrepair? 03 Winry best Winry.

Sciezka: 03 Sciezka is a gift. This bookworm becoming close friends with Winry, the two of them teaming up to do some sleuthing for state secrets was some grade A stuff. She's bubbly, intelligent while still believing in the paranormal (can you blame her). I love how she stays in contact with Gracia and Elicia, and how she uses her photographic memory to continually help others. She'll trespass into a military facility, go on the run from the feds, crawl into an underground city all with Winry because damn it all, she might be terrified but she ain't spineless. Cheers, girlie. Cheers

Envy: The 03 homunculi and the necropolitics between them and the human beings who make them was the og hook for me the first time I watched Fullmetal Alchemist. And listen, who hasn't been entranced by Envy at least to some extent one time or another? Yeah, he/they/she is so gender, and we gotta recognize that. But what really gives 03 Envy their staying power imho is his far more intimate reason for being dubbed 'Envy' by his horrible mother. For 400 years they have been made a pawn, transmuted by scientist parents who likely never showed him the care and love one would want from their progenitors even when he was alive as a human being. For 400 years they helped sow misery and chaos, grew to reflect Dante's misanthropy and delight in seeing themself as superior to those who can die, those who are not banished to the underbelly of society, those who aren't seen as fundamental sins like he is. All the same, they desperately want revenge against a father who not only mistreated and abandoned them, but who then goes on to form a family he more obviously loves and humanizes. To be discarded when you wanted that love after all, and learn that the person who did this to you was indeed very capable of treating others with affection and respect, just not you! It was you who 'had' to be your father's roadbump to his own self-improvement. And that stings. Envy's anger issues make so much sense. And what I appreciate so much is that the 03 writers don't insult your intelligence here. They are not desperately trying to get the audience to forgive or excuse Envy for their hand in untold slaughter and atrocities. They present his tragedy without demanding you empathize with them at the cost of dehumanizing the victims of genocide. (I hate you forever Brotherhood). And bless the 03 crew for not making Envy a cackling, bumbling buffoon either (seriously, wtf was all of that???) Envy isn't an idiot, but they are barely able to withhold the fury that bubbles under the surface. Also leviathan-dragon Envy's design absolutely fucks and I will not entertain any argument to the contrary.

Sloth: Sho Aikawa et al, thank you. Thank you for taking the snippets of manga Ed's nightmare and making it so, SO real. And thank you, 03 team, for not settling on a one-dimensional interpretation of the definition of sloth. You gave us the perfect antithesis of the fridged mother, of the perfect martyred madonna who is nothing more than fuel for the boy/man characters and their pain. Sloth reveals the lack of autonomy and consent that comes with human transmutation. Creating a homunculus may often be done out of a despairing love due to death, but it is an act of exceptional hubris that disregards not only the pitfalls in that ritual itself but also in the desecration inherent to transmuting a being who can never be the one who died. Sloth's memories do not goad her into racing to reclaim herself, they are a toxin driving her resentment. If her previous self's love and flaws as a person led her children to pervert the rhythms of life and death, to defy the cycle of one is all and all is one and eject her from that belonging, and now she has to exist as a quiet abomination embedded in a racist fascist dictatorship? Then why should she ever accept and forgive her creators? She's one of the homunculi I grew to be utterly fascinated and awed by with each rewatch. And as a bonus, she's a solid reminder that fma 03 was doing it's own thing right from the very beginning: because we see her by Bradley's side. And we see Ed recognize what he has done the moment he spots her. Sloth's final words are some of the most haunting in this entire anime, and I will never be able to land on a solid interpretation of her intent. Her words take on just the right form to slip from your grasp, denying the Elric boys and the audience any ease of mind.

Izumi: Izumiiiiiiiiiiiii! Buddy, listen. If I can fawn over Scar who almost murders Ed and Al, I can fawn over Izumi even despite her having (non-lethally) beaten Ed and Al's asses. She has two solid reasons for being incensed by their actions since they parted ways, after finding out that the Elrics 1) joined a fascist militia, and 2) performed the one thing she hoped, taught, and demanded they never do. I'm not arguing that beating them to the extent she does is necessarily justified, but damn man, I get where she's coming from. And she treats them more sternly because, although she does see them as her children, she also understands that they have entered an adult world. If they're going to shoulder such power and responsibility, they must expect to be addressed as such. She's my imperfect acab queen. And that's another thing I love about Izumi! She repeatedly fights head-on against the state and shows them no deference whatsoever. She'll barge into a hospital and demand info from Mustang, she'll barge into the facility that kidnapped her homunculus child, hell she'll kidnap a state alchemist (Ed), and she'll partake in a coup too. All the while she never stops badmouthing the military. Izumi having performed human transmutation, training kids who go on to do the same, and having been trained by one of the alchemists who pioneered this horrid practice is *chef's kiss* storytelling. Her mangled viscera and its disabling effect on her life is never played for laughs, and we're not constantly encouraged to giggle at the "crazy strong & violent housewife". Watching her fight is also just so enjoyable, her moves are so fluid and succinct. She's a badass without feeling like a flat character. She deserved far better than to be die offscreen, but her embrace of her baby at the Gate gut punches me without fail.

Dante: Our absolutely rancid antagonist, inside and out, literally and figuratively. One of the world's most formidable alchemists who, in spite of that potential title, wishes to live a rather hermetic life. And why wouldn't she? She cannot stand her fellow humans, she believes herself to be above them while no less saddled with their qualities. Even when she can see the truth about alchemy and how it functions, she still lived a grotesque life of treating everything and everyone like pawns to be played. Lives are material and souls are fuel. Why shouldn't she get to do as she pleases when surely the human existence is too putrid to consider worthy of regard. If one is all, and people are a part of this equation, and they're so foolish and malleable, then what part of this world should she see as off limits? And the way the dead religion of Christianity becomes a decorative set-piece for her: how she views homunculi as sins of their creators, the mangled adams and eves of careless non-gods; they have the comparatively effortless immortality that she wants but she has the skeleton key to manipulating matter and energy that homunculi cannot possess. So she's their ring leader, the one who plants the seeds to ensure they continue to be birthed from The Gate. Surely she must have found in her studies of this extinct theology that apocalypses are a means of reconstituting flawed, sinful people and places. And surely she was behind the Mother Mary, Baby Jesus, and Joseph imagery that she manipulates from the 'holy' Lioran girl and her child, and the man who wasn't responsible for said child but arrives in time with a fury that can be made useful to her, who can act as a rallying zealot for the Liorans and play to a culturally religious predisposition. It's all one big, twisted morality play only she can see. Dante is obsessed with symbolism and oozes it herself. She isn't interested in the things that a woman seeking immortality normally would by your average hack writers either, and I love that! This is what makes her both so interesting to analyze and so fun to despise. And her main theme alongside songs that use her theme's motif are so fucking good! She deserves the demise she gets, a thousand-fold, but I'm glad she's the major villain this anime gives us.

Maria Ross: The one military officer I actually like with little to no reservations in this entire franchise. She takes the safety of Ed and Al so seriously that Ed, in his red water alchemic-surge state, mistakes her for Trisha when she embraces him. She goes to bat for Winry and Sciezka by helping them escape Sloth, she busts out Russell and Fletcher when they're arrested and sentenced to death, and she teams up with Izumi to fight her fellow military personnel and Archer. This Maria Ross is why I was losing my mind when Brotherhood sikes the audience out about Mustang "killing" her (though yhe Broho Maria Ross is. Eh. Nothing special). I really l love this character and her kindness. Now leave the military, girl.

Fourth tier: Yet more characters I love. These first four tiers are really for the characters that make me feel "Oh hell yeah, so-and-so is onscreen!"

Paninya: Fuck yeah, Paninya! I always want more of her, but what we see of her makes her memorable even beyond her single episode. Her appreciation for Dominic providing her with the automail that brought her back from rotting away in alleyways, and how she tries to prove the quality of his work to others makes me love her. As I mentioned in the Broho tierlist, I appreciate Paninya's mischievousness, agility, softness, and brazenness. Seeing her in the aftermath of the accident that killed her parents, with all but one of her limbs destroyed will always put my heart into a blender. There'll be times when I haven't touched fma for awhile, and she'll just spring to mind unprompted. If there's a Paninya-centric spinoff or light novel, then lemme know so I can get more of her! Thankfully in this adaptation Winry isn't some white chick berating her to follow the law, but instead a partner in crime and fast friend. If I got just a liiiiittle bit more of her in this anime, she would easily be one tier up.

Greed: Straight up the coolest homunculus. He doesn't get nearly enough time in the spotlight, but god does he leave a lasting impression. His care for the rejects of society will never not make his particular style of objectification of others oddly charming. I love how each of the English VAs for both fma anime play him, but 03's is the one I associate most with this character across continuities. I feel like Chris Patton best captures some of the skeeviness that clings to Greed's personality without making him an outright asshole. He comes across as just a bit more grimy, a bit sketchy, and it works so well with his contrasting earnestness. You can definitely feel that although Greed was never intended to be around until the end of the show, there must have been some time cut from his arc. If only his human self's romantic involvement with Dante had been a bit more expounded upon in the show, rather than being moderately hinted at and more outright stated in additional materials. But hey, what we get is so tasty that he still sits high on the list for me. Also, major shoutout to that legendary final fight between Ed and Greed. The animation, choreography, and artistry are magnificent and deserves a spotlight for being so downright addictive to watch. His death is a crater in Ed's psyche, and his melting form unforgettable to me.

Wrath: Man, I'll absolutely defend Wrath from the naysayers. Poor feral kid wanted to return to a mother, any mother, but most of all Izumi. The slim potential for Izumi, Sig, and Wrath to have lived peacefully together was there, so tantalizingly close to being realized. Then Envy and Dante catch up to him. His corruption via the red stones subtly points to what may potentially allow Dante to keep the minds of homunculi so malleable to her desires, and why she can lock and unlock their attributes and autonomy. Furthermore, Wrath highlights that to exist inside the Gate with a human(-adjacent) mind is a horrifying, inexplicable experience. He fears returning to it, he wants a mother, he has no malice until he's taught it, and he has the rare gift of alchemy he obtained from the same boys ready to tear it back from him. His propensity to wail given everything he went through and everything he lacks, with the mind of a child, isn't some "annoying" character flaw, it's an understandable reaction to a bizarre set of circumstances from one raised in hell and who escapes into the Yock Island woods for years. Wrath, you're cute as a button and I support you.

Hohenheim: Wow, this dude is mega fucked up. And I genuinely love that about Hohenheim of Light. He's an enigma, and unlike a lot of other characters whose time is brief in this anime, I rather like that he remains as such. We get hints towards the monstrous person he was for the majority of his 400+ years of existence, and the numerous atrocities and lives he extinguished in order to keep himself and Dante perpetually living. His original appearance being, as it turns out, that of the future design for Father has an interesting meta-textual crunch to it, but back before the manga even got to its own big bad, it seemed as though Hohenheim sought men who looked most like his original physical form to inhabit. Which has intriguing implications on his view of bodysnatching and what he wants of himself versus Dante's more flexible choice in new bodies. His heel turn towards trying to live as a normal person and raise a family, only to have to (poorly) come to terms that his newfound outlook means he has to accept his rapidly rotting flesh and his soul's depleting capacity to maintain a body. So he abandons his family, which sends his wife and two new children down the path of ruin. He's no angel even with this change of heart, as he sees no issue with working alongside fascist occultists on Earth to return to Amestris. We only get so much out of him regarding his acknowledgement of how he destroyed Envy's life/unlife, but the fact that he willingly forces Envy's fangs through himself as both an apology to a dying son of old, and in an attempt to reunite his two living sons makes me crazy. I love what a mess this scumbag of a man is.

Russell: The Tringham brothers are defo faves. I do have to place Russell above his little brother since I find his flaws and smarmy characterization quite enjoyable, especially as it bounces off of Ed's abrasive, equally smarmy ass. His struggle with the ethics of his studies crashing against his goals very nicely mirror the Elric's, just at a smaller scale. Love the fact that he continues to steal Ed's identity even long after moving on from Xenotime, and that it nearly lands him and his little brother the death penalty. If we could have somehow gotten more of him and his bro, they'd both be higher on the list, but hey. His plant alchemy and what that infers for all bio alchemies (chimeric vs human transmutation vs plants vs what little we get hinted at regarding non-human resurrection) makes my brain whir in the best way possible. As a plant lover myself, I gotta give props to Russell for his expertise in the area.

The Slicer Brothers: Where this homicidal pair fall flat for me in Brotherhood, they hit so much harder in fma 03. The entire Lab 5 arc shakes me to my core, no matter how many times I watch it. The quandaries on the prison industrial complex, on mass murder and the humanity of its perpetrators (which never reaches levels of maddening preachiness in favour of perpetrators ala mangahood), and the power states hold over those it incarcerates and what science is in the hands of the state were formative for me. Or rather, growing up as a teen already questioning why this world and its societies can wield so much power over people, even in circumstances where we're taught to see criminals (let alone accept such a classification) as worthy sites of state-backed torture, this arc in an anime of all things would be one of the many grains that would eventually lead me to understand why states must be opposed and prisons abolished. This pair of brothers are not ethical souls. They have done so much harm, and all the same they should never have been sentenced to an eternity of enslavement by the state. And how does their predicament mirror and contrast Al's purgatory? How does their predicament mirror Ed and Al's contribution to the deaths and suffering of others, especially as dog's of (and in Al's case, an affiliate of) the state? The suicide of the younger brother, and the murder of the eldest manage to evoke sympathy and heartache, even where they are certainly unsympathetic otherwise.

Nina: When it comes to Nina and the entire tragedy of the Tucker family arc, I am no contrarian. This poor girl, her dog, and her murdered mother, and what this does to the Elrics is a permanent point of sorrow. The memetic treatment of her story has some fma fans shrugging at her impact, but I was there when this was the version that people (outside of Japan) were introduced to her story for the first time. Her story fucking hurts. Nina was like a little sister to the Elrics, and they got to spend some time growing up with her. She was family! She was the only person in the entire world, in the entire series, nay, in the entire franchise, who could get away with calling Ed 'little' (Al was 'big brother', and Ed was 'little big brother'). The scene of the Elrics walking into Tucker's lab... The way the 03 team executes this hellish revelation is without compare. The manga's version is nothing, and Brotherhood's is a pale version to 03's. Ed, without recourse to the state's recuperation of chimera Nina, desperately releases her from the military van, only to have granted her a freedom that leads her into Scar's palm (and thereby setting him on his path to avenge the forsaken by killing those who destroy lives via the state and it's weaponized alchemy). She is liberated quickly and painlessly, yet the almost-sacred splatter of her long-gone body will forever haunt me. This story is pivotal in ways that I feel I cannot do justice describing. And her innumerable chimeric clones derived from a chimera-Tucker's pathetic attempts to undo the transmutation of his daughter, and how her philsopher's stone-rejuvenated body is truly, genuinely soulless and unmoving, unthinking, destined to rot- unlike the homunculi, unlike Al and other soul-transmuted people- speaks volumes on how the ideologies of alchemists is what actually informs their perspective on who possesses a soul and who doesn't. Nina (and the Elrics) being present to help Gracia deliver Elicia was also very sweet; she could have been Elicia's friend or even big sister, damn it! 😭 I hope that Nina, her mom, and Alexander get to coalesce into some existence of joy and peace.

Earth!Scar & Earth!Lust: Yeah that's right, a pair of cameo characters we see at the end of CoS, who have no names, no lines, and who we know nothing about beyond seeing them heading a caravan together are placed on par with major characters. Why? Because I am forever overjoyed that, in their own way, Lust and Scar aren't forgotten. Seeing alt versions who get to live together is so satisfying (especially if you're ScarLust-brained like I am). I certainly can't reasonably place them higher on the list, and any lower would betray how giddy I get when they cap off this fma continuity. So fuck it, it's my tierlist and I'll slap my 3 second fanservice characters wherever the hell I want lol.

Hughes: A character who, over the years, I have grown to have quite complicated opinions on. Long before even learning about the overtly-genocidal version of this character in the mangahood canon, I would eventually understand that even military bureaucrats and desk jockeys are required for states and their militaries to carry out their heinous projects. Regardless of his position Hughes, like all members of the state and the military, do not have clean records in the grand scheme of things. 03 Hughes never directly bloodies his hands, and thankfully we're spared from that noxious, insulting sob story about "[committing genocide] so he can live" ala mangahood. But that isn't enough to abdicate his class position against the subjects of Amestris' imperial rule. But where my bias lies, and where 03 succeeds in characterizing him, is that he manages to be interesting and lovable without being as detestable as those who were directly involved in the "Eastern Rebellion" (genocide). All the same, he is a bastard. But we get more time to cook with him, we don't get gags with this dude going cop-mode on fucking toddlers, and avenging his death is hardly a core priority to any of the central cast members when there are far, far bigger issues going down. Unfortunately I do like 03 Amestrian Hughes. But he is a fascist like all the military characters here. As mixed as I am on this dude, I can't completely hate him. Depending on the day I might bump him at least two tiers down, but that would belie my having been more positive about him for most of the time I have loved this show. The man is fun and charming! Sigh. My opinion here is a mess in part from nostalgia. At least he's fictional, but unfortunately the real world is run by millions of this exact person.

Martel: Pretty much the only true war criminal in any version of fma I just can't help but like. I can appreciate that she had no idea what it was that the state was cooking by lying to her and her cohorts about why they sent them all to Ishbal (to incite the 'right' conditions in order to manufacture consent and legal recourse to invade the country). And after realizing that they had been set-up, that they're the useful scapegoats for the state to clear itself of its political sabotage, thus earning a lifelong enemy of Amestris from her and her former colleagues-turned-chimeras is a quality use of her and the former military members of The Devil's Nest. Martel of course gets the lion's share of the spotlight compared to Roa and Dolcetto, let alone the other denizens of The Devil's Nest, and that gives the audience a chance to grow attached to her before she gets killed. I really love the friendship that grows between Al and Marta, as well as her and The Devil's Nest gang's dedication towards Greed. And the fact that she respects Greed's choice to return to the person who created him, and to accept that Ed having murdered Greed was also a choice in part made by her liberator is so mature and honourable. She's complex and fearsome, and I love her. Plain and simple.

Fifth tier: Like it says on the package, these are the people who are long gone, whose impact on numerous characters leads the living into so much suffering. What we make of those we've lost, our sense of ownership to those memories and that love, and what becomes of us in the march of time- if we could remake those we miss, they truly would not be our dearly departed. Even with alchemy death is final. And how do we respond to the agony of a death drenched in bad blood? Can we forgive them? Can we forgive ourselves? Can they ever forgive us?

I can't really slot these three higher up but without any of them this entire story would be nothing. Much like my appreciation for Hohenheim of Light being an enigma, these three remaining as such lends them a force that we have to experience through the characters left behind and the characters transmuted in the vain wish to create those you never owned. I'm compelled to want more of them, but the haze that cloaks them is an integral feature here.

The greatest lesson with these three is that alchemy does not make you a god in a sandbox world, it makes you a fool.

Scar Bro: I really respect the decision to widen the age difference between Scar and his older brother. Having him be the sole adult guardian to a young adolescent who relies on him to do right means that Scar Bro's foray into human alchemy is one of deep selfishness. It's a betrayal that irrevocably sends him into spiralling isolation, exiled yet without care for the world beyond his studies. This singular mindset and his taboo act obliterates his little brother's trust in him, their relationship basically shredded down to a single frayed thread that, only once a genocide is enacted, does Scar try to tug at to rescue him. Scar Bro is smart enough to decipher the Grand Arcanum, and his hubris so deep that he inscribes it upon his flesh. His despair that, perhaps on a grander scale, Ishbal's fall was his own doing for going against the order of the world and seeking the philosopher's stone speaks to how far he has sunk. A portend for what becomes of alchemists who seek the legend and lose perspective on the world around them. But no matter how deranged by his pursuit he had become, he still tried to save Scar. Sacrificing himself was his final apology, his right arm was both his final gift and slight against his little brother. Scar Bro is everything Scar never wants to be, the very figure of all that he rejects, and much of it for good reason. This man is intriguing as hell to me. I'm glad that Scar's final moments, his time with Lust, and what he experienced around the Elrics, ultimately helps him to reclaim his love for his older brother.

The mysterious, alluring woman whose body Lust is constructed from. She haunted Scar Bro, she haunts Lust, and she haunts Scar. We are forever left wondering what we the audience would make of her if we got to experience her beyond the perception of a pair of brothers, and the dappled perception of her undying doppleganger who would become her, or closer to being her, if she could. Would Lust have become 1:1 with this woman if she could be reconstituted into a 'True' human? Can anyone ever inhabit the outline of a progenitor, an ideal, a corpse? All we know is that she was loved. If you step into the shoes of those who knew her, it's hard not to somehow feel a little bit of that love too.

Trisha: The beloved mother of the Elric boys. She's almost angelic when we look into their recollection of her. And still, we can pick out the subtle ways that she was human all along. She is stuck in her heartache for Hohenheim, forever wishing for his return and rewarding her children for emulating his prowess in alchemy. Trisha was a young woman who had to balance raising a pair of younglings while nursing a broken heart. I don't want to see her as merely the perfect mother archetype nor the "abusive" mother simply for failing to restrain her own humanity from intermingling with how she tended to her children. She was wholly human, with all the attending layers that constitute our beings. Like Scar Bro's fiancee, she was dearly loved. And for that she is desecrated. Her homunculus wants nothing to do with her and those who would create her to become this dead woman. Her boys gave her so much happiness but that didn't save her from languishing in her own solitude. Her dying words are a testament to that perpetual depression. The gorgeous track, Bratja, is just as much about her as it is about the sins of her sons.

Sixth tier: Not much preamble for this tier. Let's get into it:

Pinako: All around cool-ass granny. I dig her design, I dig her no-nonsense demeanour, and I dig the tiny peak into the bombastic mechanic babe she was in her youth (younger Pinako was cool in mangahood too but 03's funky light hair is such an eye-catching design choice). She too hates the military to some extent, and I respect that. She opens her home to the extended family Winry brings in, and it warms my shriveled soul that Rose, her little boy, and the Lioran orphans she tends to are a part of that family too.

Psiren: Okokok, listen. Here me out. I know a lot of people shit on the Aquoroia ep (I like it, dammit) for being "meaningless filler" (it's not, it allows the Elric's journey some levity before things deepen, and it also explores grey morality and how the law cannot save people from impending disaster, AND that illegal actions can provide more relief than lying down and quietly suffering in denial). And Psiren gets hate for being a fanservicey character. People accuse her of hitting on Ed and like- yes, she does. But she's a conwoman! She manipulates cops, investigators, and little state alchemists who are actively trying to get in her way. She can see plain as day that her appearance, with a played up sexuality, can trip up the men pursuing her for her crimes. It's no less effective against a pipsqueak teen boy. Personally I never took her actions at face value; it never felt like she actually intended to do shit with Ed, she just wanted to prevent him from thinking clearly. (I don't fault anyone for still not liking that part of the ep tho, but I see this get flattened to "Psiren is a pedo" which imo is silly.) I love her conning and thievery, her design is great especially her cat burglar fit, and that she's a not-quite Robinhood figure (she steals from the rich, but she's not really giving it back to anyone more destitute). I appreciate that despite some of the good she has done for the city itself, she's quite inscrutable in her motivation. Cheers to her for evading the cops to the end. Hope she robbed the police force's coffers repeatedly too.

Rick & Leo: Love these two kids. Having them pop up throughout the show to weave in more Ishbalan perspectives into the story, while serving as yet another thematic exploration of familial dedication and forgiveness was a smart call. Contrasting their ableism with Ed's racism was also interesting, and I appreciate that it's not done as a way to neutralize Ed contending with his own bigotry at all. (This isn't mangahood; we're not playing that ridiculous fucking game where Ed wins a conversation by going "You guys suffer racism? Well my village was affected by the racism you suffer, which is your people's fault actually. Checkmate, Ishvalans.") It's sad when they learn to reject Ishbalans who partake in alchemy, thereby telling Scar to fuck off from the camp. But seeing them help the elderly Exiled Ishbalan at the end of the show was a nice way to show their growth.

Fletcher: Just such a sweet little kid. He has a good heart, and he desperately wants to save his brother from Mugear's corruption. He can't pretend like Russell wasn't poisoning an entire town so he reaches out to the alchemists they had been impersonating. I'm tickled that the Tringham brothers are inverse heights to Ed and Al. Fletcher's just a little guy!

Sig: Top tier husband material. He never blames Izumi for what she had done to the remains of their baby and he won't ever leave her simply because she can no longer bare children. This man loves her so much. Soft spoken, doting without being overbearing, what's not to love? And hell, Meat Day wouldn't be the same without Sig's spectacular form.

Armstrong: A war criminal who, mercifully, does not have some bullshit arc about needing to learn how to be a more obedient genocider. If we focus only on the anime and not CoS, we're shown a character who does regret his involvement in the Ishbal Massacre, but we're not drowning in some perpetual self-aggrandizing pity. Unfortunately how he's written in CoS, "helping to restore" Liore (read: colonize Liore via philanthropy) is a massive backslide on his character. They thought this showed some sort of atonement and reparation, but given his visage getting plastered all over the new city, ignoring the input of the Liorans, and his continued involvement in the military, this is anything but. At least I like him well enough in the show only (CoS Armstrong would be firmly situated in the final tier). Also, of all the military officers in fma, Hughes, Ross, and Armstrong are the only ones I can reasonably buy as caring for the Elrics. The others being far less friendly/'familial' makes sense, and Armstrong having this nosey gentleman's disposition maps better with his time escorting the brothers. Still wish Scar managed to turn his brain into slush when he got the chance, but whaddaya gonna do.

Fritz Lang: This was a pretty funny move on Studio Bones' part. Make an actual well-known real man a mirror to one of the fictional characters in another universe takes some gall. I can understand why some critique Bradley's Earth version being a Jewish man as being in poor taste (that it can be read as antisemitic to imply that a fascist non-human would be Jewish in another dimension), but, for what little it's worth, I interpreted this to be an attempt to contrast class and political positions rather than imply that Jewish people are non-humans in a convincing human disguise (which, ironically, mangahood stumbles assbackwards into playing that trope straight). Earth!Bradley's portrayal managed to feel grounded enough, and given the movie's condemnation of antisemitism and Nazism, it does appear to have been done with good intentions. (This doesn't quite eliminate the bigoted trope being both present and worth acknowledging.) Where Bradley is transmuted into a homunculus (let's recall that whoever Bradley was when he was alive was, in fact, a human and not a "humanoid pretending to be a person" all along) and used to help run Amestris as a fascist dictatorship, it feels as though the writers wanted to show that this isn't some inherent characteristic of every version of this person. I won't dictate how anyone else, let alone how a Jewish person, interprets and feels about this choice. As for myself, I enjoyed his discussions with Ed, and seeing the more introspective, softer, and more artistic representation of someone who looks like Bradley. Hope Ed checks out one of his films someday.

Alfons Heidrich: Unlike a lot of the fandom I never latched onto Heidrich, but I like him well enough. He's so blinded by his passion for rocketry that he doesn't care about working for fascist benefactors. Picture perfect example of the 'apolitical' citizenry who treat their lives and goals as without consequence in the schemes of their society's exploitative machinations. What a great example of what Ed and Roy discuss in the end of the show! The themes of the sciences as institutions that reimburse societal ills and military hegemony are crucial here. As Ed had learned in the show, an apolitical scientific lens only serves to oppress the downtrodden and treat people as obstacles or mere resources for 'progress'. Heidrich is yet another exploration of this issue. The fact that Ed finds someone who looks eerily like Al to latch onto in his Earthly purgatory is some solid mindfuckery for the severely depressed young man and the audience alike. Their dynamic is interesting for that reason. Also he's friendly towards Noah and shows her hospitality when she has nowhere to turn to. Rip, you foolish German boy.

Gluttony: This homunculus gets the least character development of all the homunculi, despite being the longest lasting member of the Seven Sins. We see him from the very start all the way to the midpoint of CoS. Just before Dante lobotomizes him she reveals that she transmuted him specifically to serve as a philosopher's stone refinery; was his human self someone she felt would be useful for such a thing? If we're to believe Dante, it's unlikely that Gluttony had been a wayward homunculus ala Lust, who escapes/is abandoned by their creator and eventually found by Dante. Because then she wouldn't have made him for that express purpose, she would have merely aligned him to be so. And that doesn't seem likely, given that the philosopher's stone is her key to an unnaturally long life, so she would indeed learn to craft a homunculus who can properly act as a factory for stones once fed the real deal. So, was she running experiments across societal derelicts, people who were either already on death's door, or those no one would miss if they disappeared, until she was satisfied at her success? Or did she know his human-self and found something she could exploit to that end? Gluttony appears to have a simpler capacity for understanding the world: is this Dante's doing, or was his human-self a person with a cognitive disabilities that Dante preyed upon? Unless there's supplemental material or interviews I'm unaware of, we will never know and can only infer what skeletons are in his past. I do really love his friendship with Lust tho. That she almost always had him by her side, that she feels hurt that Gluttony was too scared to join her in helping Scar and disobeying Dante, how much he hates Scar for paralyzing Lust with the blue locket, and how distraught he is when Lust is missing- god, when he's told that she's dead? My heart actually aches at his pain. Dante wiping his capacity for conscious thought (disturbing Envy in turn) being the misstep that finally ends her life? Perfect. Also Stone Refinery Gluttony's design in CoS is SO GOOD. It's both fucking terrifying and manages to make me feel even worse for Gluttony (and Wrath, holy shit that fight was rough). And all along, Dante had indeed succeeded in her experiment. Good thing she wasn't able to reap the benefits.

Gracia & Elicia: Not much to say about these two. I appreciate that Ed, Al, and Nina help Gracia deliver Elicia when she goes into labour while at her house. She has an open door for the Elrics, Nina, Sciezka, and Winry, which is delightful. You can understand a little bit of Hughes' enthusiasm for her. And Elicia's an adorable toddler. Can't go wrong with that.

Barry the Chopper: I for one prefer the fact that Barry terrorizes Ed and Winry as a flesh-and-blood human before getting detained, given the death penalty, and used as a soul-tethered guard for Lab 5. That episode is intense, dark, and highlights just how dangerous Ed's journey will be. Without the use of his right arm and thus alchemy itself, Ed is completely helpless: which is excellent foreshadowing for the future. Surviving Barry is when Ed really closes himself off from everyone except Al, and pushes Winry away as well as anyone else he feels is endangered by his quest. And then of course armour-Barry plucking at Al's dysmorphia, which almost tears the brothers apart, means he's managed to traumatize these boys in ways particular to each's darkest fears. However we really didn't need the transmisogynist bullcrap ala the "deranged serial killer who feigns being a woman to lure in his victims" that the writers threw in there. That's a serious blunder on the part of the showrunners. Fuck that noise. But I love how he gets offed: after helping to kidnap Rick and unwittingly leading to the Elric's reuniting and making amends with one another, Barry runs in to kill Ed. Al steps forward to protect his brother, and in swoops Scar to end the fight altogether. Having someone who nearly murders the Elrics but who has sworn off pursuing them after seeing their potential to resist the Amestrian regime, step in to murder a different serial killer who has repeatedly attempted to murder those same boys? Ooh that's good.

Denny: Maria Ross' kinda-simping sidekick lol. He's friendly enough, if not a little innocuous compared to Ross. He's goofy, which is fun. Thankfully it's not overdone either. Poor guy gets cucked by Hohenheim though lol

Lujon: This man's bargain with, and deluded love for, the devil only bought the village doomed by her master's foul play some time and nothing more. The story of his village is one of fma 03's gems. Lust herself never once entertains the sexual desires of others, and in Lujon's case, his attachment to her reads both as too familiar ala her scant memories of Scar Bro, and perhaps insincere on his part. He would abandon his own fiancee and almost-wife at the alter for someone who has been manipulating him into creating a philosopher's stone. Killing him is Lust's way of severing what others project onto her, now that she is growing closer to reclaiming herself. It may even be argued: this is her rejection of Scar Bro and what he did to her. Lujon could not save his village, he could not cure Dante's utterly horrific contagion, and so he becomes a symbol for the limitations of alchemy in most people's hands. And he could never have cared for Lust for reasons outside of himself. That's why I find him so interesting.

The Exiled Ishbalan: The man who tears open the Elric's unexamined racism. I wish he was given a proper name, but in this case, where he is rejected by his fellow Ishbalans for practicing a forbidden science, it thematically fits that he is simply known for being a pariah. He reveals to Scar the Grand Arcanum, its Ishbalan history, and its use in creating a philosopher's stone. I'm glad he gets re-integrated with the Ishbalan refugees as they're all freed to rebuild Ishbal.

Claus: I have a soft-spot for this one-off character. She's a brash little butch kid who leads the local gaggle of boys, how could I not like her? She's trying to figure out why girls and young women are going missing, and what's behind the strange sightings of ghostly women around town. Motivated by her desire to find her older sister, her bravery and cocksure attitude are a treat. It's the rare instance of familial sisterly love in this show, which slots nicely with the focus on sibling bonds overall. Though Claus must live with the terrible revelation that her sister had indeed been murdered, unlike the Elrics she will not drown in grief forever. She moves forward, at least with the knowledge that there won't be any further losses for the other villagers. Really wish her arc wasn't concluded by having her adopt a "properly" feminine presentation thanks to Ed's goading (stfu Ed, your effeminate ass does not get to lecture others about conforming to gendered expectations). Claus, get that crew cut, don that paperboy cap, vest, and pants again, and don't let anyone shame you for living the way you want.

Belsio: I like his design. And he's a pretty chill dude all around too. Smart of him to not embrace Xenotime's philosopher's stone mania as a plague sweeps through the town. He's willing to provide shelter to travellers even when they may be frauds (they're not, but he doesn't turn away the Tringhams either once he learns who they are). Solid guy all around. But woe! Lemon stealing whores upon thy.

Seventh tier: Once again, critters! And although these pups certainly aren't characters comparable to the entire human and homunculus roster, they still get to rep the middle tier. A more lateral tier to the tierlist than anything else, but they'll sit here. Den is the goodest girl, Alexander is our tragic best boy, and Black Hayate is the cutest almost-meal.

Eighth tier: Ok so. Mustang. He's in a category of his own due to my very, very mixed feelings about him. I forever want to punt this man into the sun, but where mangahood makes me want to do so with exceptional viciousness, I can actually appreciate 03 Mustang's character and where the narrative takes him. I don't think he's a crap-quality character in this anime at all (this is not the same as arguing whether he's moral or not; he's not). Where mangahood Mustang feels so performative, plastic and convenient for gaining the approval of an audience despite his prowess in ethnic cleansing and rewarding himself for feeling """sufficiently""" sad about it, this Mustang isn't depicted as the Golden Boy Colonel who gets his government leadership dreams granted. He isn't the "doting father figure" many want of him based on their perception of the mangahood version. He's cold, calculating, a conniving ladder climbing fascist who can't square his dreams of power with what power actually does to its subjects. I can actually believe that this guy is actually internally hounded by being one of the most effective individual genociders amongst genociders. And this doesn't absolve him either. Within the 2003 anime we get no false promises about Mustang doing 'right' once he sits as the head of the nation. He also never leads Amestris, period. By his own hands he wipes away this possibility, rejecting the system altogether. His smaller scale, more clandestine coup actually does help loosen the military's grip on the state (though let's remember, a state is inherently oppressive and is not cleared of its ability to wage war and violence simply because the military is not officially running it). Of course, for reasons I can only speculate about, Conqueror of Shambala retcons this ending and tries to shove Roy back into the still-functional military. It's a shit decision, even where it's left to interpretation just how far he's willing to go back within the military ranks. One of CoS' big negatives. Setting that aside, I appreciate his final convo with Ed. It's a fantastic thesis statement on both Ed and Roy's arcs, as well as tying a bow on fma 2003's themes. Best thing I can do with this guy is to imagine he forever avoids the military and state after he renounces it all post-killing Bradley.

Ninth tier: Hey, they work as villains. I wouldn't change them since we need them as is. What more can I say?

Bradley/Pride: If the 03 team had been allotted more funds and time to continue the anime, I have no doubt they would have given Bradley more time to cook with a firmer backstory. As is though, he works well as the dictator trained in juggling the affairs of a ruthless state while aiding his creator's goals. His seemingly easy and affable demeanour always felt suspect, making himself seem approachable to his subordinates while keeping an eye on useful alchemists. The subtle evidence of the iron hand he wields under that facade kept me intrigued all those years ago. So once we finally get to the revelation of what he is, and when we hear him espouse his fascist beliefs during his showdown with Mustang, it hits! Bradley highlights the hideous ideology underpinning Amestrian governance and its society. And he's not the only character who is shown to believe in their "superiority" over those they deem lesser. Fascism doesn't begin and end with Bradley, or Dante for that matter. I much prefer that we get the reveal of him being a homunculus in the latter half of the show and, imho, him being granted the title of Pride makes a bit more sense given his dictatorship and nationalism. Also, I'm glad we don't have this Bradley characterized as a wife-guy. I'm sorry but I don't need yet another example of the 'redeeming' qualities of normative cishetero nuclear coupling. He strangles his (very human) adopted son to conceal himself and would burn his mansion down around his wife without a second thought if it meant he could settle a match and keep his hold over Amestris.

Cornello: So Cornello isn't some big shot villain but his place in kick-starting the show and the fantastic execution of those first two eps really lays the groundwork for the political and philosophical tensions 03 works with. The start of the show, and the payoffs in plot, character, and world development absolutely would not have hit as well if we didn't begin this odyssey with a white Amestrian theocratic puppet installed to lead Liore. And bless the writers for not having injected 56 different fucking gags smack in the middle of the serious moments and the standoff between Ed and Cornello (or that stupid Hulk Cornello that got tossed into Brotherhood). The chimeric avian abomination he makes and then looses on Rose left a lasting impression. He was well utilized, and his story harkens towards the real life actions of major empires like the USA and its global sabotage in supplanting American-backed leaders into target nations. So I really appreciate the role this colonizer conman (a redundancy in terms but hey) has for all of fma 03.

Tenth tier: There are interesting bits to these characters, but not enough to really propel them into the higher ranks.

Lyra: A hardcore state bootlicker who dreams of becoming an enforcer someday. She never improves as a person, but that's in some ways the point. I would have loved to get a little bit more out of her, but what could be more fitting for someone who gleefully wears her patriotism and love of mass oppression on her sleeve than to have her life snuffed out by a rotting body-snatcher who plays a role in maintaining that very systemic oppression? Also her character design slaps.

Havoc: Like most of the Amestrian soldiers in this adaptation, we aren't fed some version of Havoc who is noble, nor doting or kind to the Elrics. He's (say it with me now) a dog of the military and we accept that as his role. His personality is amusing, as is his eternal failures in getting laid. There really wouldn't have been much point in developing his character tbh, even if the show got a few more episodes to cook. He works as is. And thankfully he isn't injected into Lust's story whatsoever (she is infinitely better than him and would never fail to actually kill his ass <3333).

Riza: Tbh I just don't have much to say about 03 Riza. I could easily compare and contrast her to her mangahood counterparts (as I've done with many characters so far), but I'd rather convey that she (like 90% of Mustang's entourage) never stood out to me. Her actions in rounding up the Ishbalans so that the state can maintain them again in its refugee (concentration) camps is the most despicable thing we see her do. Despite what a lot of 03's promo art may lead some to believe, she doesn't have much of a role within this adaptation at all. Her biggest moment was helping Mustang infiltrate Bradley's mansion and killing Archer. And after finally seeing the absolute Royai-obsessed genocidal angsty-romance shit that is apparently the lifeblood of the mangahood canon (and much of the fma fandom too), I'll take this less relevant, less detestable use of Riza instead. I don't hate her, I don't like her, but she's juuuust interesting enough for me to plop her (slightly) above the neutral tier.

Eleventh tier: Don't take this as a "hate" tier. I don't dislike these characters. This is a collection of characters that are either too brief and simple to gain my attention beyond what they serve in the story, or they serve their role well and are memorable for that particular episode but lack the staying power or charisma to make me think more highly of 'em.

It's a bit of a grab-bag tier since I could make a sub-tier of everyone pictured:

I prefer Rick and Leo's mom, Lujon's fiancee, the mining town dad and his son, Mason, Dominic, the Devil's Nest crew above -> Scar's master and human!Selim, who in turn are above -> Majahal's "long lost" sweetheart, the remainder of Mustang's underlings, Grumman, and Bald.

For the characters I simply didn't even put on this entire tierlist you can feasibly toss them into the neutral pile as well.

Twelfth tier: Characters I would gladly shank to death if given the opportunity. Not because there aren't others in the above tiers who I wouldn't want to stab, but this lot don't click for me as standalone characters. However, I don't begrudge their existence in the show and their utility for the tone, themes, and progression of the show/movie. Thankfully we're never berated over the head to somehow sympathize with these guys, let alone feel for them on par with or above the genuinely more sympathetic characters. We aren't made to eat the military's shit and call it gourmet here, and that's why I still appreciate what these characters bring to the table. I wouldn't remove them from the story, but I'm glad they all get theirs eventually.

Yoki: A perfect example of the class benefits of statesmen and their enforcers, and how the bureaucracy of the state is itself oppressive. It will exploit resource-rich locales, extracting wealth from a captured labour force. Ed knocking him down from his cushy position, and Lust puncturing his cranium were some quality moments. Of course, fuck Yoki for alerting the state to round up the Ishbalans. At least it made his death that much more satisfying.

Majahal: The episode we encounter this acquaintance of Hohenheim's was one of the very, very few I would agree to call a mess, but it foreshadowed some very important truths about alchemy and alchemists through the vehicle of this aging serial killer. Although he does not perform human transmutation, he does kill young women and girls to tether them to mannequins sculpted after his 'lost' love. Despite the ep's problems with pacing and wonky storytelling (it really feels like the writers were still getting a hang of things), I like how awful this alchemist was. Majahal's actions and his beliefs helps cast some serious doubts on alchemists as a class and alchemy as a practice, on Hohenheim's connections, on what seeing people as objects for you to mold to your exact liking leads to, and that the scientism of alchemy should indeed be questioned. And hey, he gets the dubious honour of being Ed's first manslaughter! Woo!

Mugear: A piece of shit mayor who willingly poisons the populace of his town in order to create red stones at the behest of the homunculi. He wants more power than what he gets from his station, and has no qualms with how many people suffer and die. That he wants to use the placentas from the increased miscarriages that are occurring because of the red water is some next level evil. Yet another example of science wielded by power in order to exploit the masses.

Marco: A war criminal who defected from the military here too, but one who isn't given the opportunity to aid a future Fuhrer with yet another war crime. He was better off quietly living as a doctor for a small town who had no other medical professionals to tend to the townsfolk. Even though he reveals the truth to the Elrics about what the "Eastern Rebellion" really was (an invasion and a massacre), there's a certain poetry to Dr.Marco having been party to the Rockbells' murders. This version of him doesn't infuriate me the same way mangahood Marcoh does, but I'm not mad about him ending up as a solid meal for Gluttony either.

Shou Tucker: To reiterate what I said in my Broho tierlist: He's a monster (in this anime, figuratively and eventually literally too), everyone rightfully despises him, and he still performed fewer atrocities than the average soldier, let alone the war criminals in this series. Seeing him used as a secret scientist in Lab 5 as a warped chimera, and slowly growing mad from his desperate urge to, like the Elrics, undo his desecration of a family member is poignant and disturbing. He is truly what Ed could have become. If not his father or Dante, or any of the state alchemist war criminals, Ed could have become Tucker.

Earth!Hughes: For fuck's sake. Yes, he's a Nazi. No, this isn't some massive departure from what Amestrian!Hughes was. The nexus of the 03/Cos/Mangahood Hughes' are a fantastic litmus test for whether or not any given person has the political acuity regarding what the material realities of fascism, nationalism, and ethnosupremacy are versus a basal reliance on optics (bad to be a Nazi, fine to willingly join the institution of an imperialist state whose purpose is to capture land and people, and commit ethnic cleansing). Unfortunately the mass of fma fans (regardless of preference for any given media or continuities) absolutely fucking fails this test in spectacular fashion. In a sick bit of irony, Earth!Hughes hasn't done any genocide yet (as the Nazi party hadn't yet gained a solid foothold in German governance), but mangahood Hughes? Oh boy. Wow, does that beloved piece of crap mass murder Ishvalans. Mangahood!Hughes literally performs more overt fascist/imperialist violence compared to Nazi!Hughes. So I'm glad this specific, extremely relevant alternative version of this character exists. Because he lays bare the gaps in people's understanding of what fascism even is, and what societal structures create the foundation for said fascism to develop, and how none of you understood Fullmetal Alchemist to begin with. Which, shockingly, includes the original mangaka too lmao

Eckhart: CoS' Nazi big bad. I can't really say I feel anything particular about her as a character since she's more a cumulative picture of a ring leader to a fascist occultist subgroup than a character in her own right. She's the exact piece of shit one would expect, and for the purpose she serves in CoS that's all well and good. There isn't any time to really develop her further than that, but I will say that her breakdown into despising and fearing the people on the other side of the Gate was entertaining. Some may say it's a bit on the nose, and they're not wrong, but it flings back into Ed's face that all people have full lives and interiority; they're all real, and as always your actions ripple far beyond your little inner world. That, and the fact that deep-seated societal racism has its roots in governance, and that it will rear up into full scale destruction. It's everyone's responsibility to fight against this. So Eckhart is a useful tool for reiterating this topic. Oh, and the way she dies, covered in the mass of beings who inhabit the Gate, causing her to appear as though she walked out of a scifi horror flick? Love it.

Hakuro: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Hakuro, man. I'm glad we get to see him as some peaceful family man before witnessing his hand in the Lioran invasion and, likely, the instigator of Rose's gang rape. Why do I appreciate that framing? Because it undermines a common and often very successful propagandistic framing device that encourages people to humanize genociders and soldiers. It's a counterbalance to Hughes being the "military family man, so how bad can any of this really be?" This thematic tension reveals that propaganda: "Soldiers have families too! They're just trying to protect the most important and innocent assets members of the nation! Join the front to shield loved ones from the [foreign] scourge! All militarymen are people with grand ideals and pride in their people! How can you fault them for that?" It's a consistent way to embolden a nation's populace to not only sign up for service, but to rabidly defend their troops. Look at the very real fma fans who do this, pavlov style, for both their military blorbos and real life militaries! It works! But what I think is quite clever with what 03 does with him is two-fold: 1) he is not held up as a uniquely ~evil~ member of the military, in fact he's quite average. This is what the military is. The banality of evil is that it is carried out by people who join these institutions for xyz reasons and carry out their orders without qualms (and in fact he's just as much a rank climber as Mustang). And 2) We don't focus in on him as one of the select military/government officials that, if taken down, will suddenly render the military into an ethical, positive entity. Bradley is the closest to falling into this trope, and even then this show doesn't center that thinking. So Hakuro, and all the nameless scum who fill out the military ranks, are not an extra special breed of awful. They are human cogs of the machine, and anyone can be Hakuro. Not because "all humans are evil" (thereby equivocating genociders and their targets/victims), but because signing up to be a cog means you will grind people in your gears.

Basque Grand: The brigadier general who oversees much of the military's branches in Eastern and Lab 5 in Central. He made good use of the red stones to obliterate enough of Ishbal to propel him to his current (and final) rank. The man cares only about keeping everything running accordingly and securing his standing. After everything he does to Ishbal, to Nina, to the Elrics, and learning about the experiments run in Lab 5, seeing this jackass get his brain splattered by Scar, in public, in broad daylight, while moments before gloating about the stone he was going to use to kill Scar? Absolutely one of my fave moments in this show.

Archer: A proud war mongerer thrilled by every opportunity to send an armada in to stamp their boots over a populace. He's a scumbag through and through. Having half of his body disintegrated into the Liore philosopher's stone did give us a great shot of him screaming in pure agony, and on the other hand it gave us Terminator Archer. Granted, I can absolutely see the Amestrian state scientists and alchemists toying with mechanizing human beings (it's no less horrific and unethical than all the other bio-alchemical atrocities they routinely perform). And I can see them taking the opportunity to use any of their barely-surviving military personnel as fodder; if they could roll out even more dangerous pigs why wouldn't they? But the execution of this was haphazard. The design alone is a mess, but I can see what they were going for. If anything, his design should have been pushed into emphasizing that grotesque, industrial melding of metal to flesh. Like a dehumanization of the automail artisanship, have Archer be less cognizant, have us question if he can even be said to be human/alive/the same person, hell, have him be largely incapable of speech due to having half his throat missing. Let his communication be dictated by the sounds of machine functions, with a guttural, tortured noise as a subtle backdrop to each attempt at speech. So much potential for some quality machine-human body horror, unfulfilled. Though by this point the show was in full throttle to the finish line, so there wasn't much time or money left to flesh (heh) this out in such a way that it lands. I can't totally fault the team for having this be wasted potential. And not like it would have made me like the guy, but that's the point. He serves his narrative purpose well. Get wrecked, Archer.

Kimbly: Fascist supreme, but unlike in mangahood, he isn't positioned as a strange outlier to your average Amestrian citizen, militarymen, or statesmen. He's more violent insofar that he's willing to harm his fellow soldiers (and even that's not unique given what we're shown of Archer and Basque Grand), but he's not held up as an example of the "few bad apples poisoning the jackbooted bunch". I didn't know how good I had it with 03 regarding this version of this character! He doesn't get a ton of focus, he isn't made to be an "evil badass" to the extent Brotherhood does, and we don't get this douchebag having a moment in the spotlight to help Ed defeat a homunculus after giving his version of a friendship speech. Best of all, Scar gets his revenge against the man who maimed him and murdered his brother (let alone countless other Ishbalans). Fuck this dude, but I'm glad I can stand to see this asshole in this version thanks to far less insulting writing choices!

God, I love this anime. Everytime I rewatch this show I find so many new things to appreciate. Ruminating on the subtle characterization, politics, and storytelling that each watch-through uncovers really lets me savour the passion that Studio Bones poured into Fullmetal Alchemist 2003. And as my own perspectives on the world and my political philosophy itself matured I become all the more impressed with what they cooked all those years ago. I adore stories that make me feel, and it's all the more fantastic when its done with sincerity. They weren't afraid to tell hard stories. 03 doesn't try to run it back or serve you easy outs. Yet it never feels cynical, at least not to me. Not because cynicism would be unwarranted, but because this show truly feels for the strife of its world and characters.

I'll always come back to this adaptation. Even if most people forget it exists, I'll have something truly wonderful to remember and revisit for many more years to come.

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/768609563277688832/fandom-problem-6564-im-sorry-but-i-can-never?source=share

I'm pretty sure most people who use puriteens are using it in a serious but tongue in cheek capacity, what's wrong with that? Also WHY is brat in there? Was that intentional, or are you just really really young, and/or have no interaction with people over uh, 20? Because everyone I know outside of fandom knows what the word brat is, it's a common word. It might be regional, but it's FAR from something that originated online.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

A few additional anon responses: (Previously posted on their own, but I realized we had a lot of them so I decided to edit them all into one response to save space.)

Anon:

This smells like tone policing

Anon:

Brat is literally "a child, typically a badly behaved one". I don't know what you expect! Do you expect people to spell that entire definition out to refer to children who behave badly, instead of just using a word as it's meant to be used? You do know language is a shorthand to express complex ideas, right?

Anon:

Lol. No. I didn't listen to my great grandmother use the word "brat" to describe spoiled children (seriously, have you not ever heard the phrase "spoiled brat"?), AND my mother use the word, AND myself use the word as someone in their 30s, just for someone who doesn't even know the first two things about the word to claim that using it means someone is chronically online or "immature". Usually it's quite the opposite. So much unearned confidence in this ask, when you're just patently wrong.

Anon:

You can pry "brat" from my cold, dead, hands, you uncultured swine.

Anon:

“Brat” has been used for hundreds of years as one reply pointed out. Second and longest point of all, people who are calling minors “brats,” “puriteens,” and “snot goblins,” are referring to minors invading spaces not meant for them. Friendly reminder that there was a case of a minor who was 14 on a Discord server with other minors and the moderator was an adult. You know where this is going. The adult was grooming all of those minors, showing NSFW artwork of Cookie Run characters to the minors saying that the artists and people who like certain artwork and ships are “pedophiles” and that the adult running the Discord server is “one of the good adults.” That minor was bullying a classmate over Cookie Run ships, which is how the mother found out what was going on. Not only that. The minor had a Twitter and interacted with NSFW artwork. There have also been scenarios on Twitter where minors butt into conversations about sexual content. A minor was interacting with the Azur Lane Twitter account, which is a lewd gacha game filled with anime tiddies that can be comedically large. That minor claimed that one of the (at the time) latest cards of one of the game’s characters was “fetishizing their culture.” It’s a game about battleships and aircrafts as anime waifus. There are minors that invade adult spaces and then throw a fit that they’re getting kicked out. Some obnoxious minors will fling the word “pedophile” around at any adult that tells them to get lost. I saw a 15 year old go, “I bet your pedo ass got off to that.” “That” being the adult telling the minor to stop having conversations about sexual content out in the open on social media like Twitter and to stay out of adult spaces. There are also minors who unironically regurgitate the same puritan sentiments extremist “Christians,” 90’s soccer moms, and old white guys that tried to blame GTA for gun related crimes. That is where the “puriteen” (as corny as the term sounds and looks) comes from. It’s the same puritan mentality, but being performed by younger people. To end this off on a hot take, minors should not be on social media. Because there are creeps that lurk on social media and adults who groom children into an anti mentality and antis are the equivalent of a cult. I felt chills seeing minors on TikTok saying, “I’m scared that I will become a predator for still having a crush on a character who will still be underage by the time I become an adult.” Some of the comments under that TikTok video were also thinking about seeking therapy related to that statement. If you still think people who get mad at minors who invade adult spaces are the problem even after I provide these real scenarios of minors getting involved in spaces they’re not supposed to, then idk what to tell you. Sorry that this ended up being hella long, it just annoys me to see someone invalidate adults in fandom that keeps minors out of adult spaces and labeled them as “the actual problem.”

Anon:

I think it might be you who needs to get off the internet for a while and maybe open a dictionary?

[ohwormwood]

i've lost my goddamn mind: rambling on parallels in isat and frankenstein

i need to write this down so i can try and defend my ass because it sounds crazy until you read the goddamn book and suddenly IT ALL MAKES FUCKING SENSE.

[woe, spoilers be upon ye! for both isat and frankenstein of course]

for context: i am a gender studies minor. i write on queer theory for funsies. and sometimes i like to let my hyperfixations melt together like cheese. this is the result.

Siffrin and victor. it's the fucking rampant mental illness for me. i cannot stress how many times i stopped mid-chapter and went "theyre the same fucking picture". it's fucking uncanny at times. The absolute extent of their self loathing is so in tandem that it's kind of scary. Both of them, despite not being directly involved, hold the weight of the deaths of their loved ones upon themselves (even if in Siffrin's case it was temporary, the point still stands). They both love their families so dearly???? like, to the point of self destruction and death. The absolute terror of losing your family to a force you cannot control, created by your own hand???

"I often suffered my mule to lag behind, and indulged in the misery of reflection. At other times I spurred on the animal before my companions, that I might forget them, the world, and, more of all, myself." (Shelley 67) Hello???? Siffrin???? is that you

So, as you probably guessed.... Loop is the creature in this case. The foil. The reflection. the absolute anguish of being denied humanity and comfort and love but having the capacity and inclination to love a family you cannot obtain. The simultaneous scorn yet codependence upon the other half they didn't get to choose, a need for revenge but also a profound and all-consuming self-hatred and remorse??? the self-denial of love???

"my heart yearned to be known and loved by these amiable creatures: to see their sweet looks turned towards me with affection" (Shelley 96) Head in fucking hands. loop watching the party. ough.

"if i cannot inspire love, i will cause fear" (Shelley 107) LIKE. MOTHERFUCKER. OUGHHH.

the fact that victor cannot fucking die for the vast majority of the story, spurned on by revenge and grief and self-loathing.... yeah act 5 siffrin...

I see this as like. the ISAT bad ending. Two Hats if loop had a lil chat with the king and went off the deep end. Or just loop, if they had no concept of their former self. if siffrin was a true frankenstein in that situation, i think that loop would definitely end up as a true version of the creature.

both siffrin and victor feeling undeserving of their family's love because of their actions

Oh here's the one that will send ppl over the edge: "or longed, with a devouring maladie du pays..." (Shelley 139) When i tell you I fucking almost yelled in the middle of work. I had to take a fucking pause. because the topic of homesickness and love for one's culture comes up a LOT in both of these. even if siffrin doesn't remember it.

Sidenote: i will forever and always hold in my heart that victor is ace. i am literally writing a fucking theoretical essay on this. I cannot explain here how much i have picked apart every allusion to this over the course of the text. it's genuinely a problem.

"You hate me; but your abhorrence cannot equal that with which I regard myself." (Shelley 170) i. i cannot say anything else about this but. Loop. yeah.

something something, fallen angel motifs in both the creature and loop

the creature's overseeing of the family in the cottage makes me think a lot about how loop would have seen their family interacting with who they could have been/used to be every fucking loop. but being unable to do anything about it. and then when they DO meet them. they do not recognize them and see them as inhuman. i simply fucking cry.

Anyways to end on a lighthearted note: isa is my walton. hopelessly gay. devoted to a fucking fault. secretly holds the braincells. the most loving man on gods green earth. Sympathizer 1000. Yeah.

did i need to do this? no. does it make any logical sense? absolutely fucking not. but am i going to be thinking about this for the next 3 weeks? yes. yes i am. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ohanny]

stabby murder husbands kentakim au!

does this make much sense? no. is it going to be long? yes. am i sometimes very happy about what my mentally ill lil brain cooks up while i sleep? very much so.

tony chen is a rotten super villain in every universe but in this one kenta was his assassin until he finally had enough, turned on his master during the bloodiest night known in these circles, john wick style, and then disappeared off the face of the earth. was tony running the high table? how deep does the lore go? who knows. i was asleep. my brain did not have the capacity to figure it all out.

flash forward some years. kenta is living a normal life. he has a boring office job. he’s reconnected with babe, his estranged brother who ran away from home at the first sight of sketchy activities and was spared from all of tony’s bullshit. unfortunately for kenta, babe - happily married and pregnant - is channelling all his extra hormones and boredom into a mission to socialize his hermit crab of an older brother.

which is how kenta ends up eating dinner in babe and charlie’s warehouse loft of doom, sitting opposite of kim - a regular customer at the couple’s garage and a casual friend. it’s an awkward affair because a) kim can't stop staring b) babe keeps shooting these looks at kenta all “see, i brought you a hot ginger, do something with it” and c) kenta would much rather be at home. unsurprisingly, when kim offers him a ride home at the end of the evening, kenta says no.

this turns out to be a bad call because on his way home, kenta gets jumped. it happens sometimes - after all, he was tony’s weapon for over a decade and made a lot of enemies, no one can escape their past without occasionally being haunted by it. except this time when he limps out of the alleyway, clutching a minor stab wound on his side, there is a car idling by the pavement.

it's kim, rolling down the window and telling kenta to get his ass in. against his better judgment kenta does.

kim speeds off the scene of the crime with the kind of ease and confidence kenta has only ever seen from babe. it quickly becomes apparent that he knows way more about kenta than he should because he starts asking about cameras and when kenta just stares blankly - bleeding all over the nice upholstery - kim laughs and says “don’t worry, even if you got a bit rusty and missed one, i know a guy. or two. since they live with me you'll meet them soon anyway.”

and fuck, kenta should have just trusted his instincts instead of chalking kim making him nervous up to having someone so pretty pay any level of attention to him. he finally finds his voice (and lowkey also his knife) and demands to know who the hell kim is or if he's even called that. “oh i am,” kim answers gleefully, “and you could say i’m a… freelancer.” which, great. just amazing. kenta is being kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter and his day officially couldn't get any worse.

… but it does. because once they reach their destination, the second he's ushered into an apartment he's greeted by an obnoxiously loud scream of “holy shit, he actually did it!” followed by a slightly less obnoxiously loud “our kimmy here is a big fan!” and then “oh fuck he’s bleeding all over the place, get the med kit dumbass!” and kenta realizes he wasn't kidnapped by some amateur bounty hunter. he was kidnapped by a fucking fan boy. on the bright side they do seem to be capable of basic wound care so there's that.

(yes, the trio is living their best mercenary vigilante life. kenta’s purge of tony happened right as kim was getting into the game and he went full “holy fucking shit, this man took down tony fucking chen and got away with it?” and basically became obsessed with the legendary lore of john wick kenta. so imagine how pumped he was when babe of all people introduced him to his ultimate murder crush goals)

kim: obviously you'll need to stay the night since you're so injured. You can have my room. i’ll just sleep with north and sonic.

kenta: …

sonic: you have a problem with three men sleeping together?

kenta: … no?

north: great! but if you hypothetically did you could ask kim to share with you instead because trust me, he's like super interes -

kim: shut up or i’ll evict you.

north: pls, whose day job is paying the bills here since you only take on charity cases?

kim: my name is on the lease! and i'm being a good person!

sonic: honey, you kill people.

this is where i got with my dream sequence but other things that just make sense in this verse:

the first person kim ever killed was winner. he was a toxic college hook up who kim dumped after few gos but who wouldn't take no for an answer. kim could have dealt with him being a dick on campus but then he started harassing kim’s dorm mates, north and sonic and kim just… snapped.

it all came to head on an alley behind a trashy gay bar. winner tried to grab sonic and kim honestly just meant to beat the shit out of him but went too far. when they read the news the next day it's weird. none of them regret it. they’re happy about it. and when no one knocks on their door to ask any questions, they realize how easy it actually is to get rid of a bad person.

the second person kim kills is a campus dirtbag who likes slipping shit into girls’ drinks and taking them home. they plan it all together but kim goes out alone and after… he's a mess. winner was a crime of passion in the heat of the moment but this is something different. he's all keyed up. he can't settle down and paces around their living room. a man is dead and he thinks he got off clean but only time will tell. he's nervous and elated and half-hard and full of adrenaline and it's sonic who nudges north and goes “look at the poor thing, we should take care of him.”

the night ends with kim’s head on sonic’s lap, sonic’s fingers in his hair, telling him he did well and he's so good when he cries as he's getting fucked into the mattress by north. kim wakes up sandwiched between them, in a mess of limbs. he has a very brief freak out about what the happened - the sex, not the murder - but north shushes him, telling him it’s not a big deal. “we love you, hyungie” sonic shrugs and pecks his cheek. “you two get some more rest and i’ll bring breakfast, okay?” and that's that.

needless to say kenta is in for a culture shock with the northsonickim arrangement. like he's taking a shower with kim and things are getting good when sonic barges into the bathroom, yanks the shower curtain back and goes on a rant of “kim, you gotta tell north to do the laundry because it was his turn but he forgot and now my favorite pants still have cum stains on them!” and kenta is like “um, excuse us?” but kim just rolls his eyes and proceeds to yell for north and then has an entire damn conversation with his dick out while kenta just stands there all 🧍‍♂️. (after he's done chewing north out for the laundry, he turns to sonic like “and you! we talked about this! kenta is new, we don't want to spook him!”)

the whole murder thing will be another conflict. kenta is happily retired. he killed because that's what he was raised to do and he didn't have any other options until he did. kim though? kim kills because he wants to. kim kills because he believes certain people deserve to die.

kim: i have a date with a wife beater at 2am. wanna come?

kenta: stop calling them dates. and you shouldn't be so… flippant about it.

kim, smirking while pulling on his leather gloves: don't tell me you never enjoyed it.

while kenta’s kills were always obvious hits, done using knives and guns, kim likes to deliver justice personally. he warms up using his hands and finishes the job with whatever blunt object he can pick up.

one time kenta’s boring office job takes him out of town for business and kim is climbing the walls. he calls kenta all “please quit and just become a hit man again, the pay is better and you'd be home when i need you” and kenta sighs because yes, his job is boring but he's trying his best to be normal and he has a morning meeting. so he tells kim to go occupy himself with north and sonic

kim: wait.. What?

kenta: don't you guys have sex with each other all the time?

kim: we did, BEFORE i met you

kenta: … huh. well. go fuck or get fucked or whatever before you start hunting pedestrians for stress relief.

kim: is this a trap?

kenta: no? i would never mess with whatever the three of you have.

Kim barging into north and sonic’s room, growling at them to take their clothes off and sonic’s first reaction is “oh shit, they broke up” but then kim’s like “dick first, rings second, i’m going to wife that man so hard he won't know what hit him” and everyone cheers and no one feels bad about having a pre-engagement celebration threesome not involving one of the grooms.

also, pete? did he step up after tony’s death? does he run a business like the continental? is way his weird attic wife that fucked himself over in the business and now can't step a foot outside the hotel without getting his brains blown out the less fun way? in any case he would have an eye on both kenta (because their whole… brotherhood) and kim (because kim is a wild card and truly independent and neither follows nor knows the code).

[saintmeghanmarkle]

What Harry really wants by u/stupid_carrot

What Harry really wants I was watching some clips of Harry and it just hit me. He reminds me of one of those young punks on TV shows, in a criminal gang who are desperate to prove themselves. They get upset that other people are getting promoted but they are never given any leadership positions or major roles because they are frankly... not very smart. But they are part of the gang so everyone tolerates them and give them some minor work that is within their ability. They then get very upset and in an effort to show their boss and everyone else how smart they are, they will enter into some stupid deal, or make some wtf decision that they think will make them the star of the organisation and show everyone how smart they are. Those decisions are usually very bad ones which would ultimately result in a massive disaster. Harry really gives off that kind of vibe.Whilst Meghan's motivation are for fame and attention, I genuinely believe that Harry doesn't really want those.At the heart of it, what he wants is acknowledgment that he is intelligent (unfortunately he is not) and that he can make it on his own. I think he genuinely wanted to prove to his family that he is not as stupid as everyone says he is. I see this when he tries to call the Daily Mail 'stupid' and he tries to act all logical and intellectual. But it is so obvious that everyone can see through him and it is like the dunner kruger effect, he can't see that he is not fooling everyone. That is why he is also desperate for the awards - I don't think he wants them for the attention itself (as Meghan would), but for the pat on his back to say 'well done' (even though they are purchased). He wants people to think that he is good enough to receive those awards and that is why he would never back down. It is also why (at least, at the start, I think he is probably exhausted by now) he is so desperate to prove that he did the right thing by marrying Meghan. It is not so much that he loves her, but when everyone started telling him it is a mistake, he was motivated by the desire to prove them wrong - that he is very good at making his own choice of a wife. I think that is also how Meghan got to him. She probably convinced him that they would be so independent and successful by themselves, that his family is pulling him down by not allowing him to make his own decisions etc. and how he is going to *show them* what he is capable of. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the mental capacity now to even understand and analyse what went wrong, and to see through Meghan's manipulation. post link: https://ift.tt/BcCOZ39 author: stupid_carrot submitted: July 02, 2024 at 07:56AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.