#cam writes shit

[the-dino-system]

Nobody listens to me anymore

[camvents]

I can’t stand her I can’t stand her I can’t stand her

I hate her I hate her I hate her

[godsfaultycreations]

Do You Want Taco Bell??

turns out he didnt want taco bell. . . noted.

Animal Crossing -> Natural Selection

[kyleiskoool]

I'm so DONE with ao3 making cam the top PLEASE HAVE YOU WATCHED THE SHOW 😭😭😭

Example one of many….

[kaisollisto]

camlil silence (i trace the silence with my lips for any part of you)

Lilith presses into her back pushing her cheek into the training mat. She can feel the frustration rolling off of Lilith in waves but it doesn't deter her. Lilith's mad, she's always mad but this feels like desperation. Camila can taste the dew in the air, she doesn't need to turn around to know, she can feel the animosity.

Lilith has something to get off her chest but something won't let her. Camila can feel a shift, a knot in Lilith's chest has tightened and she finds her opening. She slips out from underneath her using her small frame to her advantage.

Lilith's grip had faltered and Camila knows it, she slams her digging her limbs between the shoulder blades of her broad back. Camila's not strong, at least not strong enough as Lilith but she knows what feels tender, what bruises easily, what hurts.

(Lilith brushes her fingers gently down her arms, it raises goosebumps on her skin but Camila has to focus. Lilith is prattling on about wrists and their field of mobility and Camila misses her. She doesn't think about what Lilith did today and why her shoulders are tense. She doesn't think about the furrow in her brow or the paleness of her skin. She doesn't think about much other than the light filtering through the room. It softens the angular cheekbones in her face, it whispers a memory of a smile Lilith had given her wholeheartedly another time.

It's always disarmed Camila how soft Lilith smiles. Her teeth poke out from her lips symmetrically and Cam needs to know if there's any more facets to her smile. A crooked grin? A chewed lip? The questions hold a home inside of her clawing and shaking her to her core.

Camila knows how Lilith gets her scars, each one has their tells. There's a constriction in her throat every time she looks too hard. Some of them scar so bad Camila doesn't have to guess what happened. She watches the way Lilith carries herself after long missions. A jaw twisted too tight, scabs in her hands, a twitch in her eyebrow, she knows her. (But she still can't figure out how to lift the corner of Lilith's mouth with a quip).

It speaks volumes, her smiles, her scars, her mannerisms, layers of who she used to be, who she could be and Camila knows how to process information. She just doesn't know what to do with it, it sits in cabinets, in hard drives, in the absence of Lilith. She needs to break it all down, she needs to do something with it, she's just not sure what.

Lilith is complex, she's always contradicting herself in the face of emotions. That's what Camila likes about her, she's unpredictable especially when she smiles. She doesn't see it often but once or twice she catches something predatory.

She wants to see more of it, hints of it, the absence of it, a shy lip, a bold snarl, a swallowed smile, she's selfish and she wants more.

Lilith had swatted her across her forehead when she had finally noticed she wasn't paying attention. It had devolved into a harmless argument and had startled Camila, in her yearning she had missed Lilith once again.)

Even now Camila's mind drifts which leaves her flipped on her back. Lilith's forearm pins her chest against the mat and Lilith's eyes are cold. She flickers back and forth between frustration and fear. Camila recognizes the turmoil, a heavy burden that has been hefted on Lilith from birth.

Lilith doesn't want to talk about it and Camila knows it but her lips tingle, she itches to reach past her, down deep into her and touch her. Grab her hand and tell her she will be okay. To shield her, to hold her like others have done before

(and Camila has never been good at letting things go.)

But she can't, the words get lodged in her throat and she fears. She is no stranger to doubt, she knows doubt, (in dark nights, in hushed prayer sessions, in broken bones and swollen lips). Camila isn't strong enough but it's so much easier to be strong when it's her.

She grabs Lilith, (she can feel herself lingering on the jut of her forearm, the muscles are tight and she can't let herself get lost in familiarity,) the material of her shirt feels soft. Her hands screw up against the material bunching them up, Lilith's going to grumble at her for the wrinkles, and yanks her down.

Lilith can sense her predictability and jerks her head to the side narrowly avoiding a head on collision. Camila feels her hiss tickle her ear but she pays it no mind as her hand falls on the left side of her face and plants a soft kiss on her cheekbone. The skin bends to her touch and her cheekbone has never felt softer.

She doesn't dare to go further but she longs for it, she can feel an inky memory ghosting her skin but her treacherous thumb anchors her to the present as it lingers on the fold of the corner of her mouth. She doesn't press down just skims lightly. She can feel the soft hairs of her face and it's different yet the same as always. It's still Lilith but if she lingers she can feel scarred tissue.

Camila's huffing, the only sound between them and if she were braver she would give Lilith another kiss, a kiss dappled underneath her lashes. (The softest part of Camila reaching for the softest part of Lilith.) Her hand twitches on instinct to press up and kiss her again but she holds still. She can feel Lilith's gaze boring into her but she's not ready for what answer lies in her face. She skirts around the slopes of her face, taking in the contours of her skin. They're unfit for a warrior, a fighter like Lilith, Lilith whom's only mistake was being born to a lineage.

(And Camila can understand Lilith's anger, can feel a familiarity with it. They shouldn't be here, fighting, hurting, and dying.)

She is pinned at the mercy of Lilith but that's just who Camila is. She's drawn to the hunt, the danger and she wants to be devoured by her. But most importantly she wants her, she wants Lilith so deeply that any part of her fills some depraved part of her.

And Lilith answers, she presses their lips together in a hunger Camila has missed. She lurks at the edges of her lips teasing her, taunting her. Her teeth scrape against every corner of her lips and she gets lost in it. It douses her on fire, scratching angry Lilith biting into her face, searching for the same depraved thing inside of her.

It's hot and messy and Lilith is whimpering into her mouth, a pathetic sad noise that breaks Camila's heart. It keens between them and Camila does her best to hold it with her lips. She presses harder into Lilith swallowing everything she has to give and it's enough. Her hands wander hurriedly on her, in places she couldn't touch before: the underside of her ribs, the fat of her stomach, the dips in between her shoulder blades.

She debates pulling back to hug her, hold her, to kiss her, to burrow into her, there's too much to do and so little time. She feels Lilith push away from her, her fingers fold delicately over the shape of her mouth. They trace her lips as Lilith heaves inches away from her face and Camila has to swallow the urge to taste them. She's content to feel as the fingers flex and move across her face.

She presses her fingers against Lilith's cheek and she knows that something's changed for them, for the better.

[jewishcissiekj]

Am I scared to get too close to friends platonically and did I not have an actual best friend since 7th grade because the last time I thought I understood someone and was incredibly close to her everything went horrendously wrong and now she's not around anymore and I can't help but to think I could've done something to prevent it and I really could have but it doesn't matter anymore or am I making some connection that isn't there

[cowes]

just finished under the bridge (2024) and wow... what a terrible way to handle such a sensitive topic. rebecca talking about her book is her/the writers talking about the series and i just don't think their vision came across as intended.

e.g. rebecca says it's about young girls of victoria - about violence and isolation. and one of the final ~poignant lines is "it's mercy and mercy alone that transforms the human heart". i see what they were trying to go for, a look into the psychology of what could make someone do that terrible thing and then the psychology of what could make you come to terms with that and forgive.

BUT it ended up being a lot of focus on how sad it made rebecca and warren feel. and that focus just got more and more intense the further into the story - like, as more about the murder was revealed, it became more about rebecca, rather than the killers and, crucially, reena. just bizarre.

in an episode (can't remember which), rebecca says that she doesn't want to write only about reena because that would make it just a sad story. and.

well.

it IS a sad story.

[tarantulas4davey]

last sentence tag game

tagged by: @lailuhhh

Rules: Write the latest line from your wip (or post where you last left off in your art) and tag as many people as there are words in the line. Make a new post, don’t reblog.

It takes until Race is sitting up sharply on the couch, the warm, dark hands of his older brother tight around his wrists, to realize that the person screaming is him. He breathes harshly, rough in and out of his spasming lungs, throat raw from all the noise he was making. His face is wet with tears, he realizes.

Albert’s laugh is still echoing in his ears.

tagging:

@we-are-inevitable @roideny @jack-kellys @enter-plot-holes-here

[whyisntketchupasmoothie]

.

[fortjester]

the fic ive written in my head of gideon & all the other lyctor cav’s ending up trapped in a river bubble house together is so funny. wish i could actually write it

[vilda-ravenhill]

Hiiii hej hejsan halloj idk how to do this post but this is mainly Vilda's blog. You can read about them and their friends here. Hunter is just an accidental time traveller along for the ride who might turn up (sometimes.)

Player TJ (they/it) follows all sso blogs that aren't too whiney abt the game in general, esp artists 🫶 Aideen be with you + love is real <3

[the-dino-system]

me: *feeling like I have no empathy and that that makes me a shitty person*

also me: *gets concerning text from friend I don’t talk to much and literally tell him I don’t care how much gas costs I can get more gas I can’t get more Daniels*

[camvents]

have acquired the bl@de, cannot get it out though

[unproduciblesmackdown]

spent the evening reading through all of the like galley pdf copy of the 2 trans 2 furious zine and a great time start to finish like it was Not an effort to keep at it despite its being like 160 pgs. and despite my not having ever seen a f&f movie or really especially directly "correctly" being interested, though i'd ofc love to see any of the films like live & in person w/a bunch of trans strangers, say

laughed and teared up multiple times and thought about how impressive and creative entries were and like, the momentum was easy, everything was engaging and intriguing and invigorating and enriching....and Printed Editions (that ship to US & canada) are still available for pre-order, for about another week (also the window given for us going over the digital copy for edits/corrections lol) soooo. again i like haven't seen any f&f movies, and that didn't impede anything at all, and it was a fantastic time:

and another reason i'm like Oh My God So Appropriate To Have Sent In An Entry is how, like, it's all transformative fun and serious yet not somber Media Analysis on media you don't have to have actually even seen, or "like" straightforwardly, or at all, or be the "correct" audience for, or have an "intended" interpretation, lol, lmao....like this is Extremely our shit out here lol, what one is up to all the time in the world of Billions Series Analysis like, personally haven't even seen it, i'm not cishet enough to be the intended audience or otherwise sharing various particular assumed perspectives that are occasionally required to even parse, much less enjoy, some material....and yet!!

and like, if there was an all-autistic contributor's fun fan media analysis / commentary / parody / exploration / transformation / etc zine about billions? it'd be like wow how exactly me, and yet ofc i'd be at way more of a loss at what to scream abt winnie, perhaps ft. & tay, and the overall [billions]ing, much less how to actually execute that lol. it was easier to do a Very 101 Intro To: Cam Stone Exists Btw, nonbinarily, in that i limited myself to One Page so i could actually feasibly get it done, but in doing so i, as expected, could only say a fraction of what i could say about cam, were i explaining things in full / just unleashed, and skim the surface but just go "they exist btw and here's a tiny bit of further 101 info." it's not like, An Issue, b/c i don't think the [everything] that i could say would work great in full, and i can't write a great little short form piece of text about them (or winston, or anything else)....but it was also like, well if a trans f&f zine Doesn't have the trans f&f character in it then what are we doing, and We Know Of Cam Stone, so the most feasible [handing out a flyer] version of telling ppl they exist has gotta be done

and it's like, it's (relatively?) matter of fact to this end of only having so much room to put in words, and definitely ending up having to squeeze lines in vs struggling to fill the space. it could've been weirder, or funnier, or hornier, but it successfully exists and maybe it's a little weird, funny, and horny (drew an Especially [ooh sexy cam stone]-tinged pic lol) and whatever is difficult for me to perceive abt my own personality infusion in whatever, like how i have to be reminded like oh right, my Art Style, the way that Eye draw lol....and of course, i can't and don't expect my one page informative crash course intro to cam stone to be able to be Everything, any more than years' worth of lots of [winston billions] material in various formats of various extensiveness from various angles has been Everything. and the zine as a whole can't be Everything but it is, in fact, So Much abt So Many Things from so many different approaches. i enjoyed everything, especially like, "An Ode to X" as in fast x, which evolves into "x" as an (implicitly nonbinary) in-universe character and i was Moved and teared up, and i see it immediately follows "Jason Statham Will Call My Dad A Pussy In Fast 12" which moved me and made me tear up, which follows an entry that's a haiku about each film, none of which i've seen, which i didn't get misty about of course but was fully engaged with and enjoys, which follows my entry

there's naturally plenty about roads and horizons and racing and speed and i'm also like, i'm a gay who can drive, and i can feel it re: the trans contributor whose entry mine follows which is about their irl experiences driving in a demolition derby, inspired by f&f. and i can feel it re: enjoying f&f beyond how you're "supposed" to, or how you would in a cishet(tm) way, and how so many of these entries had resonance, and that intrigue and engagement, and lenses on where to find explorations of gendering which will kind of Have to come up whenever anything succeeds in approaching things that are genuine and really truly more To Life, even while the point of f&f is not to be "realistic," especially about, you know, the driving and what you can do with cars, which i fully appreciate and definitely understood more for cam stone being in a story ramming through a wall outracing an avalanche hacking cop cars and defusing bombs and ramping over bucket wheel mining excavators and being swept out of the way of a train that was going full speed but silent until like 0.05 sec ago when it also burst through a wall or something? and whomever all is involved with racing like a rocket launch fr. and having fun, being yourself, and killing people, hell yeah

and like, the [this is like my autistic ass out here laser pointing at winston billions as autistic and having that lens on this media that doesn't intend it or directly invoke it] relevance also Of Course in that, through kompenso, that is where it is like yes as i have that personal symposium of ongoing compounding unfolding branching distilling consideration, analysis, appreciation, transformation, etc going on, so too does my colleague as the world's preeminent tayficionado, which is where they looked into akd's oeuvre and found the cam stone material, and passed it on to me, then passed on the [zine call for trans f&f contributions], So

and that, just like as is also found crucially in kompenso / the then preexisting & all eventually following winnie n tay material, there's that Autistic and Trans resonance. some particular quotes from this zine were especially like, oh, pointing, pointing...."Thirty minutes into my visit, I suddenly just didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t feel angry, not really very sad at all either. I just longed to be elsewhere. A different place, with different people, within a different moment. And then every cell in my body pleaded to not feel that way in all of my moments, in every group of people, in all places." ....[from a poem, ft. formatting thusly:] "It made me feel important, kind of? Like, more present? Like people talked about me a lot but never exactly about ME, if you know what I mean. I mean, of course sometimes I could feel something inside of me. A sneaking or, like, a skittering. I just kind of figured everyone feels that sometimes, like really deep down, right? It’s just that no one really talks about it, you know. That’s what I figured." ....[from a section of a contribution w/the context of the author not yet knowing that they're trans]: "but he was familiar and didn’t make me think too critically about much in the world, especially myself, especially as he never seemed too interested to ask me about me—not that I would’ve had much insight to share at the time beyond “please do not think too deeply about how I am.”"; and then, w/the context that they do realize, and have expressed, that they're trans: "but I was still learning about the concept of mattering, so I didn’t push the issue of basic respect at the time." ....from another submission, that is Sooo: "maybe i am transing Fast and Furious just by loving it" ...."Discovering, loving, and sharing this franchise (and myself) with others has been such a wildly different experience—maybe even the opposite experience—than self-policing myself into who I thought I should be. It’s nourishing, welcoming—an open invitation to learn and grow rather than an ongoing test to constantly worry about failing."

an ongoing test to constantly worry about failing....here ofc a parallel to Gendering, and, ofc, the autistic & trans [handshake] and resonance, to Autisting....i resonated with plenty, genderingly, but this wasn't a surprise or even like, my focus, and of course not all the entries themselves Textually mention [gendering], but it's like, a trans space in a zine lol, a baseline of that understanding and perspective, vs having to be actively looking. nonzero textual neurodivergence mentions, too, and other lenses of ways to be Othered / non normative, like race, nationality, religion. the overarching, Constant [omg sooo me] resonance is that of like, having this foundation of refusing Limits, of approaching a Rich Text a hundred different ways, w/different tones, and different formats, and different experiences and ideas explored. you don't need the source material to acknowledge any noncishet people textually exist (to be understood by noncishet audiences), or to be deemed Good, or Enjoyed, or your entry to be proffered as like, correct and definitive rather than One exploration you could offer up, amongst many offered by many others who could say more, again, differently....i've been like, balancing excitement for having this contribution, and its being like ooh fancy lol this is the one time i can say i have (non self-)published work, and it'll be Out There, and (including all contributors' gifted copies) apparently that ft. abt a thousand printed copies atm, and the digital distribution option hasn't happened yet....along with, like, it can't even be my comprehensive, definitive [cam stone exists btw] theoretical Ideal Entry lol b/c that would not be feasible for me to make or to be put into a zine. knowing i have Points on my side for it being crucially relevant lore (and the competition being hotter for the small form text entries, though there's other illustrations, comics, collages, edits, etc) like, yeah the strength of this isn't in its being as weird or funny or horny as anything could be, lol....but my Personality is embedded in it as per like, see: how that Journey of relevant interests and enthusiasms and engagements and perspectives and weirder, hornier, more extensive and varied works led up to and contribute to this piece's existence (such as, years of drawing winston 9000 times being part of how my drawing looked in march, when i made the cam stone piece)

and like, in not seeing everything as a test to fail, in seeing [when are you seeing things as that test to fail], &/or similarly/overlappingly seeing [when are you seeing things as a test to Prove Value to others or something and achieve person status in their eyes b/c of it] like, lol, i hope a thousand plus ppl learn cam stone exists, and it'd be fun if they enjoy that process. put in little floaty hearts as flair, just as i often do, b/c by now i just Know and Embrace that i do. and i'm not like "i hope everyone ever is blown away" b/c why would they be lol, and that's fine. like how even in [i just say some shit abt winston billions, and ofc abt myself and my experiences / perspectives through winston billions while knowing that's not what's "meant" out here probably maybe though put me through to will roland, yknow...] i'm like oh don't be thinking abt proving your value w/this specific oeuvre lol like. anyone Caring as validation like, it's too late by now, i like people liking shit and getting anything out of it but it's like, i'm doing my thing, i'm having a specific ass symposium abt quantent and billionsing "wrong" that eye enjoy, i enjoy getting any feedback/attention on shit i put out there in case ppl wanna partake, i don't enjoy any/all of it in any/all ways just so long as it's Anything, yknow. like same with interactions/attention on Me as an autistic person who actually exists, lol. speaking being exhausting when it's ppl saying shit At me, would-be "positive" attention that's from someone like deciding what i'm like or what i'm communicating and wanting something from me, that shared discussion Abt something can only be a gateway into like "normal" exchanges to "normally" socialize, finding that pattern of not being worth effort unless it's effort that gets something out of hurting you / thwarting you; all versus: i have plenty of expertise knowing myself vs needing feedback, i like doing my thing, i like doing my thing Alongside others, probably strangers, within a certain context, like being cooped up at college and socially recharging by going ""alone"" to the coffeeshop down the block, while going "with" people would generally be a mixed bag if not disheartening to even distressing. which, here i am, doing my little thing alongside strangers in this context of transgendering and fun and serious but not not funny and varying and daring and earnest materials exploring something that's about anything or everything or nothing, and not made for You, but here you are anyways, as you always have been

anyways, that is to say, like, perfect that it's turned out so like "yeah you don't need to have seen the movies even" and such enriching Reflections and like, so different and yet cohesive without needing to like, painstakingly group or order things to create some Connections, they're all there, and i'm like damn yeah cam's quarter-mile V neck, so fucking true. and i'm like, this is so Me, without having to be like, "and that is b/c i have put Me on the page, in full, with utmost success, and Everyone Will Love It (Me)" lol, which was not like, a danger, but that's through all the years of going [everything is a test i'm failing / can fail at any moment] and yknow, even up to recently and this very moment wrangling with and realizing things like, hand on shoulder are you looking to "earn" some estimation of Value in others' eyes that they can only choose to give by seeing everyone as a fellow person w/inherent value who deserves basic respect. like the mortality mondays that ramped up since late january, but also since '09, but also since like forever in different forms, and back when first discovering billions and, for like the only time while we've been watching, Knowing when everything in a season will air, but also not thinking i'd get to see it, and now in a similar boat, but different (having done "nothing" on paper over the years but like, been Realizing Things, been powering up, been assigning the Value to myself and Understanding myself & my experiences further. and also other things that you Could put on paper, but yknow), and like, it's still about [grr let me see billions through, even though i don't even see billions] and still about [!!!] despite it all and things that are "unserious" and also not and who needs like a certain kind of validation from enough of certain kinds of people

anyways, the autistique resonance within it, and in the process of reading it, and having our specific path to sending something in, and making it. it's an excellent ride and it's very epic that it exists so consider that print copy preorder if you want (plus the intended eventual digital distribution option, not yet available)

[lovelywingsart]

I typically don't share writing WIPs, especially for anything not Metalworks, but also like

I had to stop writing the beginning of this story for Cam and Saren and write a section from the middle instead because it was so ungodly fucking funny to me in my head and I wanted to share it

Please note that my WIPs are just the rough draft and are typically edited before posting IF I post it so no this is absolutely not the final and there's a good chance more will be added as I go along, but you get the idea

Also yes I did absolutely start writing a story for Cams nightmares because of this post which i am still very happy with due to the symbolism I threw in for fun

Also to anyone new hello yes I VERY rarely write in order, the Sonic Forces fic series is literally the only one of my main 3 I'm writing in chronological order lmao

I write like a fucking spazz

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of my favorite horror ends up being games I 100% will never play and wouldn't enjoy playing, but that I managed to find someone who was able to convey enough to me to make me really care (though often leaving holes that I really want to fill but either can't sit through the whole playthough, or can't find the right playthrough, or... similar, you know?)

Dead Space, Marrow, Siren... all games I really like, games that have a lot (or uh... what's it called... Som... Sola... Signalis!)

But Dead Space I can't find the right playthrough, and Marrow I just crave something more from an imperfect game (video I watched is by doshdoshington)

Or supergreatfriend's playthrough of Siren is pretty much flawless... but... it's like 59 15-30mintue long videos, and the 60th explainer video is nearly 3 hours long on it's own... I always make it like 20 videos in before not being able to pay attention anymore

(Also like his playthrough of Deadly Premonition)

So you maybe see my problem, all these great pieces of horror I can really only engage with through these weird one off means that never quite leave me satisfied (like no way I'm beating MyHouse.WAD, I'm not even close to that good nor do I enjoy playing DOOM even if I respect it)

Love horror, just can't stand anything made in the genre because it all sucks and is boring and has stupid twists or pacing that annoys me and I hate everything about it except a few gems I can't interact with

But like I said, love horror