#and oh how many movies have an interesting premise but have annoying 20 somethings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

Text

The Weekend Warrior Home and Semi-Theater Edition 7/10/20 – GREYHOUND, PALM SPRINGS, THE OLD GUARD, RELIC and More!

I hope everyone had a good 4th of July weekend, even though movie theaters don’t seem any closer to opening, and I believe some in certain areas even closed! New York City just hit Phase 3 this week, and I’m not sure Phase 4 even includes movie theaters. Let’s not even talk about L.A. as it will just depress me. I literally have no idea what’s going on or if movies being back in theaters nationwide by the end of this month is even realistic. There are a lot of available movies this week, and I did my best to see as many as possible, but honestly, I’m getting a little burnt out watching movies on my computer and even on my TV set (the few times I can), so we’ll see how far I get this week. Hold on tight, because this week is gonna be a doozy! (I actually wanted to write a defense of Quibi and its content, but I’ll have to save that for a quieter week.)

Believe it or not, Tom Hanks has a new movie out this week, too, but it’s only on Apple TV+, since Sony decided to sell Hanks’ fictitious submarine drama GREYHOUND to the relatively new streaming service. Surely, that can’t be a good sign, right? Directed by Aaron Schneider (Get Low), it has Hanks playing Commander Ernest Krause, who is put in charge of his first fleet of ships to sail across the Atlantic Ocean’s notorious “Black Pit,” bringing supplies and troops to Europe during America’s early days in World War II. The area of the Atlantic got its name because the planes that normally escorted the fleet to keep an eye out for German UBoats would have to turn back. As Captain of the USS Keeling aka Greyhound, Krause is solely responsible for dozens of ships and men.

Greyhound is a classic case of “Well, it looked good on paper,” because when you have a piece of fiction by C.S. Forester and one of America’s most beloved actors wanting to make it into a movie, what could possibly go wrong? Well, I’ll tell you. As someone who generally loves submarine movies and movies with great sea battles, certainly this movie was made for me, but no, although there are a few decent CG battles, the majority of the movie involves Hanks calmly stating orders to his men from the control deck of the Greyhound, as they take evasive measures to protect the fleet from the UBoats. Really, it’s mostly about Hanks, because other than Stephen Graham in a small role, none of the other men on the Greyhound have much personality. The movie even has the audacity to waste a great actor like Rob Hunter on a nothing role as the ship’s cook who brings Krause food and coffee he never has time to eat or drink anyway, because fighting the Germans is very busy work indeed.

While some of the firefights do bring a much-needed level of excitement, there’s otherwise no real stakes or tension, because you always know that Hanks’ boat will never be sunk. Every once in a while, Hanks will ask for coffee or his slippers to change things up. That’s how boring this movie is. And then, despite all the “non-stop fighting,” they somehow have time to stage an elaborate burial at sea when the ship is hit by enemy fire. Maybe this would have been a better movie seen in theaters, but probably not. It’s absolutely astounding how boring this movie is, but if naval speak gets you hot then Greyhound might just be the movie for you!

Now that that’s taken care of, let’s try to get some of the other movies, hopefully some of them are better than Greyhound.

Andy Samberg stars in PALM SPRINGS (NEON/Hulu), the new romantic comedy and first feature from director Max Barbakow. Calling it a “romantic comedy” wouldn’t really be doing the movie justice, since it’s more of a quirky comedy that offers more than the simple Sundance rom-com formula of Samberg’s previous Sundance movie, Jesse and Celeste Forever. The movie begins with Samberg’s character, Nyles, waking up at a wedding with his horrid girlfriend Misty (a very funny Meredith Hagner). At the wedding, Nyles gives a rousing speech (despite no one knowing who he is) then connects with the bride’s sister, Sara (Cristin Milioti). But wait, maybe you think you know where this is going but when the two go off somewhere private to “hook up,” it’s rudely interrupted by someone trying to kill Nyles, and well, it just gets stranger from there.

I’m not sure how much of the plot and the early twist would be considered a spoiler, although maybe not if you’ve watched the trailer. Essentially, Sara follows Nyles into a cave where there’s some sort of dimensional thing that returns them back to the beginning of the same day over and over. They go to sleep or they die, and they’re right back at the start of the day, so yup, it’s basically a similar Groundhog’s Day premise that we’ve seen in movies like Happy Death Day, Natasha Lyonne’s Russian Doll, Before I Fall or others, but it’s all about what Barbakow, writer Andy Siara and the two leads do that make Palm Springs so much more entertaining and even deeper.

I have to be honest that I wasn’t familiar with Milioti at all before this film, so this ends up being an amazing spotlight for her talent, and similar to Rashinda Jones in Jesse/Celeste, she makes Samberg that much easier to palate. Not that I dislike Samberg, but I’ve never been the biggest fan when he’s given free reign like in movies such as Hot Rod. (But I did like Popstar: Never Stop Stopping, so maybe he’s grown on me.) I will admit that I’m a sucker for a good wedding-based romantic comedy—as seen by recent ones like Plus Oneand Destination Wedding -- and with its odd quantum physics twist, Palm Springs continually finds new ways of exploring the tenuous existence that is a new relationship. Oh, I should also mention that Roy, the guy trying to kill Nyles, is played by JK Simmons, and while it’s definitely a smaller part for one of my favorite actors, he also plays a significant role in the story.

You’ll probably know right away if Palm Springs is your kind of movie, but the mix of quirkiness and honest heart and emotion makes it one of Samberg’s better endeavor. It hope it allows us to see much more of Ms. Milioti, since I think she’s quite wonderful as well. Palm Springs can be watched on Hulu or in select drive-ins starting this Friday, and since it is this week’s “Featured Flick*,” I hope you’ll check it out! (*I changed the name of this just to see if anyone is paying any attention… or even reading.)

Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernández’s comic, THE OLD GUARD, has been turned into a movie directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood (Love and Basketball) that will hit Netflix this Friday. It stars Charlize Theron and is written by Rucka himself, and it’s a fairly high concept action movie involving a group of “immortals” – warriors who aren’t able to die, so they’ve lived for hundreds of years and are now hiring themselves out as hired mercenaries. When they learn there’s a new immortal awakening, they seek her out to recruit her.

I generally like Charlize Theron in action mode as seen in Mad Max: Fury Road and Atomic Blonde, and she’s pretty kick-ass as Andromache the Scythian aka Andy, the leader of the Old Guard. Kiki Layne from If Beale Street Could Talk offers a nice counterpoint as her trainee in the form of Nile, the newest immortal, who discovers that she can’t die while serving as a soldier in the Middle East. The rest of the cast includes Chiwetel Ejiofor, Matthias Schoenaerts and others, who are all okay, but I just wish there was more to the story than just watching them have to deal with a lame corporate villain named Merrick (Harry Melling), who wants to harvest their blood to create life-saving pharmaceuticals for others.

While I liked the flashbacks to historic times showing Theron’s Andromache in another light, the stuff in present day is rarely as interesting. I’m not sure I ever would have thought of Bythewood doing action, even though she was supposed to do a Silver Sable/Black Cat movie at one point, but her fight scenes pretty fairly impressive, but she doesn’t lose sight of losing the focus on characterization, at least in terms of the two women.

The Old Guard isn’t bad, and it really would have benefited from being seen on the big screen, but I’m not sure it really offers enough with its concept other than a few decent fight scenes. Personally, I felt it paled in comparison to Netflix’s other recent action film, Extraction, at least in terms of the story and characters.

A horror movie that got a lot of lavishing praise out of Sundance is Natalie Erika James’ RELIC (IFC Midnight), which you may remember me mentioning last week, because apparently, it opened in a few drive-in theaters last Friday. I had been looking forward to this due to the amount of praise it got from Sundance, comparing it to the likes of The Babadook or Hereditary.

The story revolves around Emily Mortimer’s Kay and her daughter Sam (Bella Heatchote) travelling to their grandmother Edna’s country home in Australia after she’s reported missing. Edna (Robyn Nevin) soon returns and is behaving oddly, and with Gran clearly not herself, Kay has to figure out if she’s possessed by something or just suffering from advanced dementia.

I feel like I have a general idea what James was trying to accomplish with Relic, as it explores what it’s like being the caregiver for your elderly parent once they’ve become debilitated by something that makes them unrecognizable, put into the context of a horror film. I ended up watching the movie twice, mainly because I had no clue what was going on during my first viewing, but honestly, this movie just ended up annoying me, and it was only partially due to the fact that I had very little idea what was going on since most of the movie is so dark. More than that, I found a lot of the movie to be incredibly dull, and comparisons to The Babadook are inane, since the only thing is that it’s a horror movie (sort of) directed by an Australian woman.

The movie also involves some sort of “evil presence�� and a creepy old house that was on the premises when Kay’s family moved in, but this information is revealed in such a dreary and confusing manner that makes it harder to figure out what you’re watching. In fact, if not for a number of eerie random images, it would be hard to even consider the first half of Relic “horror” since it’s more of a family drama about these three women from different generations contending with each other in this house. As someone who has had many conversations with my sister about what to do about my own elderly mother, I could see why this might connect with viewers, but planting this idea haphazardly into a typical horror movie just never worked for me. Relic has some good things going for it, such as the performances by the three actors (particularly Nevin), plus the creepy imagery and sound design do a lot to create a mood even if it doesn’t necessarily help with the storytelling.

The problem is that this story is told at such a snail’s pace and by the time the horror elements start kicking in within the last 20 minutes of the movie, almost everything is in pitch blackness, making it almost impossible to tell what you’re watching. Any earlier qualities worthy of praise are lost with some of the bad choices in lighting and editing, as well as an ending that’s dragged on for so long and at such a drowsy pace that any good will towards the movie will likely be lost. Ultimately, Relic is a disappointing high concept but single-note thriller that fails to deliver on the scares, instead delivering a dull and slightly unsettling family drama about aging and dementia.

In fact, I actually much preferred Jeffrey A. Brown’s horror film, The Beach House, which comes to the streaming network sShudder this Thursday. It stars Liana Liberato and Noah Le Gross as Emily and Randall, a young couple who travel to his father’s beach house to reconnect. Once there, their vacation is broken up by Jake Weber’s Mitch and his wife Jane (Maryann Nagel), but as the two couples get to know each other, a freak environmental event unleashes an infection that leads to all sorts of freaky occurrences. While there was just as much weirdness and not knowing what was going on as in Relic, at least this movie mostly takes place in the sunlight, so you can actually see things that are equally or even more disturbing than anything in Relic.

Brown’s film starts out so simply with this young couple wanting to spend some time alone together, but there’s this constant menace looming that’s foreshadowed in the opening credits, and as Mitch and Jane show up and start behaving oddly, you’ll wonder what exactly is happening to them. Things get even more disturbing when Emily is on the beach and experiences even odder and grosser circumstances that lead into the film’s “body horror” portion that will make even those with the strongest constitutions slightly queasy.

Part of why the film works so well is the small cast Brown has put together. I’ve been quite a fan of Liberato for many years, and she effectively becomes the film’s lead. Certainly, there are a few common horror tropes in place including ones that can be traced back to the likes of Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, but there’s also enough new ideas that the film doesn’t seem like retread. While I’m not 100% sure exactly what was happening in The Beach House, Brown and his cast do a good job keeping the viewer uneasy and disturbed.

Atom Egoyan’s new thriller GUEST OF HONOUR (Kino Lorber) will premiere this week as part of the Kino Marquee (and there’s lots of great stuff on there that will help support your local arthouse while you’re checking that out!) It stars David Thewliss as Jim, a health inspector whose high school music teaching daughter Veronica (Lausla de Oliveira) has been jailed over an indiscretion with two teen students.

Egoyan has proven himself to be quite a master at the thriller genre, and Guest of Honour involves a complex family drama narrative that scuttles between timelines in order to keep you guessing where things might be going. I’ll freely admit that the non-linear storytelling was somewhat confusing at first, as the movie is framed by a conversation between Veronica and Luke Wilson after the death of her father. It also flashes back to an important moment from Veronica’s childhood before her mother died of cancer, which led to other things that would affect her years later.

I’m frequently amazed by Thewliss as one of England’s more underrated exports, but I was equally impressed by Ms. de Oliveira, whose work I was not familiar with before seeing her in Egoyan’s capable hands.

While we’ve heard plenty of true stories about the relationships between teachers with their students, Guest of Honour isn’t just about that, and it’s the way Egoyan reveals some of the story’s more interesting complexities, like Veronica’s relationship with an obsessed bus driver (Rossif Sutherland), that builds to some of the events that happen later. Honestly, I’m hesitant to reveal too much about the plot since there’s a way that Egoyan unveils various elements that makes Guest of Honour another compelling entry in the filmmaker’s constantly-evolving oeuvre.

A really interesting crime-thriller with a sci-fi twist hitting Apple TV, Prime Video and other digital platforms this Friday is South African filmmaker Tony Dean Smith’s own directorial debut, VOLITION (Giant Pictures), a film co-written and co-produced with his brother Ryan. It stars Adrian Glynn McMorran (Arrow) as James, a man constantly down on his luck who has clairvoyant powers that he uses to get himself involved in a scheme involving valuable diamonds. Just before this happens, he meets Angela (Magda Apanowicz), a young woman who gets pulled into the problems James gets into with others wanting the diamonds, and when he sees a murder, he has to do what he can to change the future.

I feel like this column’s running theme is that I’m being deliberately vague about the film’s plot, and in this case, it’s because halfway through the movie, there’s a pretty big twist that involves time travel. While that immediately makes the movie more interesting, it also makes things far more confusing. Up until that point, Volition felt like a rather weakly-written indie crime-thriller from filmmakers who may have seen Memento a few too many times. In fact, it opens with such a pretentious bit of narration I was worried the movie wasn’t going to be very good, and there was very little in the first half to keep me invested. When that new element/twist is added, McMorran’s character ends up on a far more interesting journey, and that turns Volition into a far more inventive and original story. Sure, it isn’t Primer, but if you’re a fan of the twists that come with time travel, Volition does a good job keeping you wondering what might happen next, and it does this with a mostly no-name cast, which is always quite impressive. In that way, it reminds me of The Wretchedwhich opened earlier in the year, as that was also by two filmmaking brothers taking a DIY attitude towards independent film. Volition isn’t perfect but it’s far better than I was expecting, and it’s a testament to the filmmakers’ perseverance to bring their very specific vision to the screen.

I was pretty excited to learn out about the quirky Japanese coming-of-age musical comedy WE ARE LITTLE ZOMBIES (Oscilloscope) from Makoto Nagahisa, because it’s the type of movie that I would usually see at the New York Asian Film Festival that would have been going on right now if not for… well, you know what. But it did play Fantasia in Montreal last year, so I’m sure it would have been fun seeing it with that audience. It’s certainly cute and quirky, involving a group of kids who come together to deal with their parents. Honestly, I don’t have a ton to say about it, but if you like oddball Asian films like the ones that play those festivals, you’ll know whether the film is for you. You can watch a trailer and find out where you’ll be able to catch We Are Little Zombies at its Official Site.

At least that was more watchable than Gavin Rothery’s sci-fi directorial debut, ARCHIVE (Vertical Entertainment), starring Theo James from the Divergent movies as George Almore, a man in the year 2038 who is working on an AI that is as close to human as possible, one that will hopefully reunite him with his dead wife in this new form. If you watch this, you’ll immediately think that Rothery must have watched Moon quite a lot. In fact, he was the conceptual artist and visual FX artist on Duncan Jones’ movie, and the influences of that film are so obvious it’s hard to get past it. Then again, Theo James has so little personality and charisma, he’s almost constantly being overshadowed by his robotic companions. So yeah, not recommended, and I’m a little shocked this was accepted into this year’s cancelled SXSW. Honestly, I couldn’t even get through it.

Also premiering in the Kino Marquee is Nicholas Leytner’s Austrian drama The Tobacconist (Menemsha Films), starring Bruno Ganz (Downfall) as Sigmund Freud and based on the bestselling novel by Robert Seethaler, which I haven’t read (if that isn’t obvious). It deals with the friendship between a teenager named Franz (Simon Morzé) and Freud during the Nazi occupation of Vienna, when the former travels there to work as an apprentice at a tobacco shop where Freud is a regular customer. When Franz falls in love with a music hall dancer, he turns to Freud for advice.

Apparently “showing only in theaters” this Friday is Michael W. Bachochin’s sci-fi/”psychodrama” Parallax (The Primal Group) starring Naomi Prentice as a young artist who is haunted by nightmares and who wakes up to a life she doesn’t recognize. At this point, I might as well just post the actual synopsis: “As she begins to uncover the truths of the life that she's found herself in, the gravity of her failing reality weighs heavily on her psychological identity and the reliability of her sanity is called into question.”

Let’s get to some docs, and you can probably safely assume that Harry Mavromichalis’ Olympia(Abramorama) is about Oscar-winning actress Olympia Dukakis, because it is. Featuring interviews with Whoopi Goldberg, Laura Linney, Diane Ladd and more, that covers the Greece-born actress as she opens up about her struggles with depression, suicide and drug addiction, as well as stories from some of the actors she’s shared the stage and screen with over the years.

The next doc is about the Chinese artist who probably has had more docs made about him than…well, anyone else? Ai Wei Wei: Yours Truly (First Run Features), directed by Cheryl Haines and Gina Leibrecht, covers how the artist developed his 2014 exhibition, @Large: Ai Weiwei on Alcatraz, inspired by his 2011 detention by Chinese authorities (which has generally inspired all his recent work?) Hey, if you’re a fan of his artwork, then you’ll probably want to see this doc, too.

One doc that I really wanted to see was Brett Harvey’s Inmate #1: The Rise of Danny Trejo (Universal), which had a virtual world premiere and is now on ITunes and other VOD, but my attempts to get a screener was met with absolute silence. The film documents the amazing life and career of the 71-year-old character actor and action hero who went from a life of drugs and doing hard time in prison to becoming an easily recognized and respected star, mainly thanks to Robert Rodriguez. I would like to see this movie, and maybe someday I will.

Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema will be adding Jacques Becker’s 1947 film, Antoine and Antoinette, this Friday, as well as the 1927 filming of the original Broadway play, Chicago, long before it was turned into a musical, although it does have Ginger Rogers playing Roxie Hart. Reinhold Schünzel’s original 1933 film Victor and Victoria (which was later remade by Blake Edwards for wife Julie Andrews) also joins the fairly hefty list of repertory films available, being shown as part of the “Pioneers of Queer Cinema” series.

Other movies I just wasn’t able to get to this week include Tito (Factory 25), I, Pastafari (Gravitas Ventures), The Medicine (1091), Never Too Late (Blue Fox Entertainment), Deany Bean is Dead (Global Digital Releasing) and Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets (Utopia).

Also beginning on Apple TV+ this Friday is the new JJ Abrams series, Little Voice, starring Brittany O’Grady as Bess King, a 20-something singer trying to find her voice in the rat race that is New York City. I haven’t had a chance to watch this yet but apparently, Abrams got Sara Bareilles from Broadway’s Waitress to write some of the tunes, so it should be decent.

Next week, more movies—some in theaters, some not in theaters! But most of them watchable from home in case you don’t drive or your city is exploding with the COVID after the rest of us have been in quarantine for months. Thanks bunches.

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

#TheWeekendWarrior #Movies #Reviews #Streaming #VOD #Greyhound #Relic #TheOldGuard #Volition #TheBeachHouse #PalmSprings #GuestOfHonour

0 notes

gingervsblondie · 5 years ago

Text

Blondie Meets the Boss (1939)

11:30 PM, Friday, 20 September 2019

Checked Wikipedia. This movie has the same writer, same director, and same actors as Blondie. No regenerations yet.

Welp, I checked the Wiki article for the last movie in the series, same actors still across the board. 12 years later not only was Penny Singleton still Blondie and Arthur Lake still Dagwood, but Larry Simms was still baby Alexander and the same dog Daisy was still playing their dog whose name is also Daisy.

So uh. I mean, variety’s out the window. I have committed myself to 27 more movies with all these same people. And dog.

Guess I should stop stalling then and start the damn thing huh.

OH JESUS THERE WERE TWO TV SHOWS.

So.

So there’s 26 episodes of the 1957 series, which kept Arthur Lake as Dagwood and recast everyone else, plus a pilot with someone named Hal Le Roy as Dagwood. The 1968 series had the child actors who played Charlie Brown and Lucy in A Boy Named Charlie Brown, so as a Peanuts fan I have that to look forward to. Peanuts being a comic strip that I’ve actually read extensively. See I could’ve dedicated myself to watching every Peanuts special. But that wouldn’t be funny. Also I probably have already. That series had 14 episodes, 13 of which aired before the show got cancelled.

Which, all in all, seems… maybe do-able?

Jesus that can’t be right, apparently that’s 13 hours of Blondie.

You know what?

This might take longer than I thought.

But I can’t be defeated yet. It’s day one.

It may take me longer than I thought, but I believe I can do this. I can watch all of Blondie.

Not because I want to. Not because anybody asked me too. Not even because it’s a remotely practical thing to do.

But for the goof.

I’ll do it for the goof.

For you.

So let’s keep going, shall we?

Blondie Meets the Boss.

Once I check Wikipedia and make sure there’s nothing else.

...

Alright there’s a radio series with Lake and Singleton. It was concurrent with the movies. There’s 42 half-hour episodes. They’re all on the Internet Archive.

...Fuck. I’m sorry, I’m not committing to those right now. Eventually I’ll get to them. Eventually.

There’s some animated cameos in Popeye and things like that, I’ll skip those until I get all completionist about this when I’ve watched everything else. And there’s two animated specials that Marvel made in the 80s. Those I can watch. I can watch 2 specials.

You know, after the 28 movies.

But before the 40 episodes of TV.

And the 42 episodes of radio.

This seemed less daunting when all I’d said I’d watch was 28 movies. I mean, still daunting, but the horizon was in sight.

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. 28 movies. I’ll finish the 28 movies, and then we’ll see about the rest.

ALRIGHT STARTING BLONDIE MEETS THE BOSS NOW.

11:58

So if it’s still the same kid playing Alexander 12 years later, and he’s like 3 in this, that’ll make him 15 by the last movie in 1950.

I don’t think “Baby Dumpling” Alexander can be 15? Unless they go all Outnumbered with it. I’d be down.

12:00 AM, Saturday, 21 September 2019

They got a slow motion camera for this. For a shot of the dog. Not doing like a sick stunt or anything. Just a slow motion shot of the dog walking at regular dog speed.

12:02

Dagwood keeps yelling “Blondie!” in this one. Is that meant to be his catchphrase? Which he didn’t say last time?

12:03

You want to know something funny?

Before I realized what I’d done, I was entertaining the idea of watching, as a follow-up to this endeavor when I’m done with the Blondie movies, every Family Circus special.

But now I know that I won’t be done with Blondie for quite some time.

12:06

Over the summer I watched an episode or two of The Dick Van Dyke Show. I think Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke are probably more talented comedians than the stars of Blondie, but so far the premises in Blondie have been more competent from the point of view of structuring comedy. That Dick Van Dyke Show episode didn’t have any kind of pay-off. It was weird. If I’m remembering right, the conflict was that a guy showed up and was annoying, and then at the end he left.

But on the plus side, I don’t have to watch every episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show.

12:10

Blondie just said “You’ll kill yourself!” Still concerned about ole Dick Flournoy.

12:12

ALRIGHT. I’m 7 minutes and 50 seconds in. I’m going to take a break now. I’ll finish it tomorrow. I mean what’s the rush? I’ve got the rest of my life to watch-

I’m not gonna calculate how many hours of Blondie it is in all. I’m not gonna. You can’t make me.

12:29

My dad would probably hate this thing I'm doing. He's always saying "your life is this long," and holding his two fingers up. If he goes on he says something to the tune of "if you spend this much of it on such and such…"

But on the other hand, that one AJR song said "A hundred bad days made a hundred good stories, a hundred good stories make me interesting at parties."

Well, 28 Blondie movies make one funny statement, that being "I am Euan O'Leary, and I've seen every fucking Blondie movie."

And I don't go to parties, so.

12:38

See I think the thing of it is: I have seen every Godzilla movie. Because I care about Godzilla. Godzilla Raids Again kick-started my love for filmmaking. Every Godzilla movie puts filmmaking as a craft on display, front and centre. And there's a magic in creating giant monsters from rubber suits and model buildings. The magic that makes filmmaking so appealing, so special to me. Suspension of disbelief.

I have no such feelings about Blondie, because I know nothing about Blondie. The Blondie movies are not particularly culturally significant. In a way I think I'm drawn to them because there are 28 of these things, and I could've gone my whole life without knowing. It wouldn't have come up. I've never met anyone who cared about Blondie, actually cared enough to know that there have been more movies about Blondie than James Bond.

And those 28 movies, I can safely bet having seen one now, are totally unremarkable. It's like how Marcel Duchamp's Readymades were objects that he was completely indifferent to, testing the limits of art by removing passion as much as possible.

Not to say I'm not passionate about watching 27 more of these movies. I relish the challenge. It's gonna be fun.

I'm thinking now I’ll just do the movies, because "I've watched every Blondie movie" is a funnier and easier to understand sentence than "I've consumed every piece of Blondie media except for the comic strip, across live action films, TV series, radio shows and animation."

Yeah. No. That's not a premise. Watching all the movies is a premise. And maybe I'll look at the other things if I'm feeling sentimental about the project and don't want it to end.

That is to say, if at the end of the 28 movies I have somehow metamorphosed into a Blondie fanboy.

Anything's possible.

1:03 PM (The next morning)

Okay, I’ve slept on it now. Time to get back to Blondie. Let’s see how Blondie in the morning compares to Blondie late at night.

1:08

Dagwood just lost his job (for the second time so far in the series.) With no bag or suitcase, he went into his office and started packing all his things into his hat.

What a loveable doofus.

1:13

Okay. So.

The dynamic of this series seems to be that Blondie wears the pants. She’s the dominant one. Whenever Dagwood’s in trouble because he can’t just explain the comedy of errors to whoever he’s in trouble with, Blondie resolves it by asserting herself.

There was just a scene where Dagwood came home having accidentally resigned from his job. Once he’s explained everything to Blondie, she takes off her frilly apron, puts it on him, and says “Whenever I’m miserable, I just take a broom and sweep and sweep! You’ll be surprised how quickly your troubles will disappear.” Dagwood looks dazed, wearing the apron and with the broom in his hand. Blondie puts on her coat and hat, walking determined towards the door to go out and fix everything. “And have a good cry, too. It’ll make you feel better.”

A while back I watched Rebel Without a Cause, the James Dean movie, which features a scene where Dean’s character finds his father cleaning up a mess whilst wearing a frilly apron, wanting to clear it away before Dean’s mother sees. And Dean reprimands him. The implication of the scene is that because his father isn’t asserting his masculinity, and because he’s letting the mother dominate him, he’s depriving his son of a masculine role model and thus traumatizing him. I found this scene pretty repulsive. It’s not just a character acting in a sexist way, it’s a deep-seeded thematic sexism on a philosophical level. It supposes not only that Dean has to aspire to be as strong as his father, and not his mother, but also that men who wear anything like this feminine apron, and it would follow any other feminine clothes, are weak, because women are weak.

Now Blondie is indisputably a strong character. And while I think the scene I just watched was meant to be played for laughs, while it’s meant to be funny that Blondie is suggesting feminine methods of coping with stress to Dagwood, she’s not wrong. “Have a good cry, it’ll make you feel better” is Blondie confidently telling Dagwood to vent his frustrations in a healthy way.

Blondie’s a fucking badass.

1:29

Dagwood’s humiliation at being emasculated is indeed being played for laughs as the movie goes on.

Blondie’s still a badass though.

1:33

Um.

1:36

Snort Watch 2019.

Somebody’s breaking into the Bumsteads’ house. Alexander says “Sic’ em, Daisy!” Daisy (the dog) walks into a cupboard. A little puppet dog hand comes around the door and closes it after her.