#call the dogs of war

[soupscapes]

ITS PEARL! IVE NEVER DONE PEARL ART BEFORE!!!

[annuhnas]

They got the big guns now.. let the real life series begin

[nephriteknight]

holy shit evil anvil does it again. oh my god. incredible.

[tomialtooth]

Park is British, Lazar lives off of take out, Woods is a burger fiend, Mason's taste buds got fried on rebirth island, Bell is fed only kibble and benzodiazepines and Adler's diet solely consists of Marlboro reds. This leaves Sims as the only safe house crew member who might know how to actually cook

[altcvnningham]

he looks so good i’m going to have a panic attack

[godsfavoritelitlesilly]

I love pitting cruel bitches against each other

[stubz]

'Tired. Hungry. Wannagohome. Wannasleepbutneedtodochores. Howmuchtimeisleft?WhatifIpulledthefirealarmtogohomeearly?Capwouldn'tbethatmad-' the human's mind whirled as hunger and exhaustion took over all her senses. Being tired was something Kim was used to but hunger is always hard to ignore. Why did she choose sleeping in over packing a lunch???

Although tired and borderline ravenous with hunger the human diligently watched the younglings as they played in the park. Every part of her still functioning brain was doing it's best to focus on the children's movements and surroundings.

Look out for suspicious individuals, look out for any child doing something stupid, head count, look out for any parents coming to pick up, repeat.

'Maxcomedistractme. Kidsdistractme. NononoI'llsnapatthemfromhanger. Hangertoodangerousrightnow. Sohungrysohungrysofu-'

"Miss Kim look at my pet!" smiled Athea bringing over what looked like a giant wolf boar thing. Some of the other little ones came with her and Kim could see Fenrir walking over with a warm smile.

"They're so big and fluffy! What's their name?" Kim smiled doing her best to keep down the hanger.

While the little orc talked all about her pet the human couldn't help but have her mind drift off. Nods and hums of approval was all the human could say without fear of giving into the hanger. The wolf boar thing's fur was all that kept the human grounded, petting it like it held the secrets to the universe in its fur...god she was hungry.

"-here's a treat miss Kim!" a large cracker like object is placed into the human's hand. A treat. Food.

She eats it in one bite without even looking at it.

It's salty, meaty, crunchy, a little stale, but not bad. Texture is strange though for a cracker or maybe its a biscuit, either way the hanger is now manageable enough for her to talk.

"Mm, what is this? Biscuit-gmph?!" Fenrir grabs her by the face and shoves his hand into her mouth.

"SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT KIM!!!" the orc yells sweeping through her mouth like a full of rage dentist.

"SHE ALREADY ATE IT UNCLE!" screams Athea already behind the human ready to do the Heimlich.

"Oh my god-WHAT DID SHE EAT THIS TIME?!" shouts Max drawn in by the commotion.

'what the f#ck did I eat???' is all that goes through the poor human's head.

.

After nearly making her throw up via the spine crushing heimlich Athea performed, some more rummaging through her mouth and gums, and some human/orc diet comparisons Kim was finally declared in the clear by a nurse who was going for a walk in the park.

Said human was now hunched over holding her stomach from her new bruises. And sipping a juice box so generously given to her by one of the younglings who wanted to cheer her up after the whole ordeal.

"I am so sorry love I should have asked you if humans could eat boglin liver...or the equivalent of it like your pig." the orc apologized rubbing her back soothingly.

"Not your fault Fen, it's this idiot's fault for not asking what she's eating." frowned Max. "Seriously, how did you not even bother to look at it? If you did then you'd see that it looks like a dog treat and that would've stopped you." he scolds handing her a granola bar.

"I've been classically conditioned!"

"...what?? By who??"

"My dad! So blame him!"

"...what is classically conditioned and why did your father do it to you love?"

"Basically you train a person or animal to do something. You say a word or make a noise as they do something then give them a reward, usually food, and eventually after a long enough time each time they hear the thing they'll just do the action. Like teaching a pet commands."

"...your father treated you like a pet?!" roars the enraged orc.

"Nonono! My dad loves me! He just called everything I liked a treat! Chocolate milk, treat, pineapple, treat, favorite dinner, treat!"

"...oh so when Athea said 'here's a treat' you thought it was food you would like?" Max asked.

"Exactly! See? My dad loves me, like a person!" Kim assured her very angry giant orc.

"...I understand...but please have less blind trust in the word 'treat' as not everything is safe for humans to eat." he sighs giving her a hug.

"Honestly she'd probably be fine no matter what. She's a raccoon."

"I...cannot argue against that."

"I do not know what that is but I will assume that it is a creature that eats hazardous things and garbage. Much like you my little love."

"Again I cannot argue against that."

[fairybonesandstardust]

you can’t knowingly fuck a criminal and then turn around and get mad at them for doing something unethical, dubiously moral or illegal that directly involves you. what about this man made you think he follows the laws, is ethical or even moral? you knew damn well that he killed people for a living. how are you going to date someone whose probably on the FBI’s most wanted list (top 10) and then turn around and be surprised that he invaded your privacy? make it make sense. you can be mad at him all you want but shawty the man has proven time and time again who he is as a person. if this mother fucker is out here willingly killing bitches and has probably broken the geneva convention on multiple occasions what makes you think you’ll be exempt 😭? don’t be shy share with the class?

[medievildead]

[rimupon]

in my mind Tanya is like one of those dog breeds that in the past were selectively bred to do work and now go stir crazy when they have nothing to do bc instincts demand they be doing Job

she absolutely needs to be useful. it is vital for her self image and the preservation of her ego.

sure she wanted that Job to be Boring Paperwork originally, but also as the books go on it kinda seems like she knows that ship has sailed and she’s stuck as a frontline commander. so Job is now aerial combat.

and after the war this outlet to be useful is no longer allowed and she probably gets antsy

anyway that’s why u need to bring Tanya to laser tag or paintball or something for enrichment post-war so she can get some excess energy out

[kryhara]

I keep picturing sad edits of these cod characters set to mitski in my head like that’s all that’s going on up there idk what to do to stop it

Also Lol you can tell I always half shade stuff then give up

[soy-soi-si]

I am foaming at the mouth for roach content. How did I just get into this fandom and immediately get attached to THIS ONE MOTHER FUCKER.

[clonememesfrikyeah]

So I picked up Hard Contact today and was finally skimming through it and found this:

PRIMA DONNAS💀🖐️

[mnasthaii]

can’t decide if i think adlerbell or frank woods x bell (bellwoods? woodsbell?) is juicier

[tomialtooth]

Very interesting how in the duga ending Perseus is genuinely delighted that you're still alive and welcomes you back as his comrade with open arms and he's supposed to be the bad guy whereas the "good guys" of the game make it very clear in their treatment of you that they do not think of you as a person let alone their friend.

[jollybone]

Old COD Cold War sketch dump feat. my Bell Andrik, Naga, Stitch, Perseus and Adler