#call me out yourself 'coward' and see if i care bc i will literally just reblog it

[bi-sapphics]

some anon who is set on thinking calling me out for being inclusive and understanding lesbian history the right way pre-separatism is gonna ruin my reputation or change my mind lmao 😱 let me do it myself first then!!

[khazrablood]

Please shut the fuck up. "You think you’re unheard and small now?" So you admit that Palestinians and people of color are being ignored and subjected to violence currently under YOUR party. And you think there's a thing of being "more unheard," do you hear yourself? THESE MARGINALIZED GROUPS ARE ALREADY BEING IGNORED BY YOUR FUCKING PARTY JUST AS MUCH AS REPUBLICANS DO TO THEM. THESE ABUSED, THREATENED, AND MURDERED PEOPLE WITHIN THIS COUNTRY OWE YOU NOTHING WHEN DEMOCRATS HAVEN'T DONE JACK SHIT TO HELP THEM AT ALL FOR DECADES. NOTHING WILL CHANGE FOR THEM WITH THE VIOLENCE THEY ALREADY ARE EXPOSED TO AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH HERE ON A DAILY FUCKING BASIS.

YOU ONLY CARE BC YOUR FUCKING WHITE QUEER ASS IS FINALLY BEING THREATENED AND IN THE CROSSHAIRS SINCE BLACK AND BROWN QUEER COMMUNITIES HAD GOTTEN NO HELP OR SUPPORT FROM YOUR SELF ENTITLED WHITE ASS WHILE THEY KEEP BEING KILLED EVERYDAY IN THE GRAND U S OF A.

Also you people need to stop lying about Clinton bc she WON THE POPULAR VOTE. Blame the fucked up electoral college and the fucking white suburbanites that think voting blue for a president while voting red down the ballot makes them look and feel "fair, level headed, and totally not racist," which have an effect on the electoral college. I fucking dealt with these types and there's SO many of those insufferable twats yet Dems keep entertaining and fighting for THEIR votes instead of the marginalized communities THAT OUTNUMBER RACIST SUBURBANITES.

You pieces of shit show your racist fucking asses for someone thats running RIGHT OF REPUBLICANS with immigration and every issue adjacent to it. Just seeing the blatant racism, on par or exceeding zionazi degeneracy, has been the most despicable shit I've encountered in the year 2024. Palestinians and their supporters have been getting SWATed and falsely tipped off to FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, and ICE by YOUR FUCKING KAMALA SUPPORTERS (wow congrats, not even Republicans have done coordinated false mass reporting to immigration/the state like this for a fucking election.) But YOU wouldn't know about any of these issues bc you most likely were born here with white privilege so you won't give a rat's ass about all those federal departments bc YOUR single issue is feeling safe with your other white queer peers. Immigration affects me (a whitey like me with family outside the country!) and SO many people such as the Syrian refugees in my area and others from the Global South that have been torn apart by THIS country, that now has the fucking GAUL to complain and demonize immigrants and asylum seekers as some invading forces. So no these are NOT single issues as you white American cowards like to think when so many of this shit overlaps with the current calls of STOP SELLING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION FOR A GENOCIDE.

Also seeing how much of a goldfish brain you self entitled fucks live with, have you even SEEN or HEARD of how much of a downward spiral Trump has been going down? How Vance is also adding to Trump's lack of popularity? How incoherent he's been getting with his meltdowns bc he isn't a number 1 winner and DESPISES losing? That a bunch of Republicans are jumping ship with party lines and are supporting Kamala? I don't think she's gonna have an issue with that support. The only issues and problems I can speculate with the party are going to be dealing with the Republicans now in your boat after elections. I can only guess a prediction of them pulling Dems even more right bc of Dems prior actions of being more interested in keeping these conservatives rather than reaching out to OP and the Palestinian/Arab/Muslim communities, to every indigenous person actively being erased by both parties, to black communities that keep getting less or no help and funding for their failing infrastructures and clean essentials (holy shit is this another policy issue?) I IMPLORE you to look up the American Black Belt and see the literal squalor that Black Americans are forced to live in, as if still living in the post Reconstruction era.

We've already compromised on so many issues and the call to STOP SELLING BILLIONS WORTH OF WEAPONRY WHEN ALL OF THAT MONEY COULD BE USED DOMESTICALLY TO REINVEST INTO SCHOOLS AND INFRASTRUCTURE THAT HAVE BEEN FALLING APART (oh look another policy issue that's directly connected to this "single issue!") These protests are literally PLEADING for her to GUARANTEE seizing of weapons sales. THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM WE ARE ASKING. The whole point is to PRESSURE HER. She's the one that should be vying for votes, not the other way around. Like do you think FDR was successful by himself bc he was such a kind moral man that thought of the people? He went out vying for the support of American communists, unions, and leftists in general even when he didn't agree with these groups. He still did it bc he knew he'd be successful in rounding up this coalition. THAT was the massive factor of how the New Deal came to be bc he was pressured into making good on his word for these supporters.

Also to the stupid fucks that are "uuuhh... why is the DNC the only one being protested, what about the RNC? Checkmate Trump voter!" Why the fuck would they listen to black and brown people alongside "woke" student bodies? Use your fucking brains and use some critical thinking. When have they ever helped these communities? The Dems are the most "progressive" choice that we have to try to sway to help us, so we have been playing within the constraints of this fucking farce of a system unlike some of you schmucks like to cry about.

Also why the fuck are you flexing $500 and being upset by using that to hang over the head of OP as if they now owe you to vote for this bitch? Why do you fucking Americans make everything transactional and use it as some leverage as if you're gonna donate more if we do as you say? That's some grade A internalized white supremacy ass shit that you desperately need to work on, acting like some self important moral person. You're just a few steps away from telling Palestinians to address you with "yes master" and that they should be grateful to you for your generous $500.

Anyways, as OP stated, I made this whole sentence a clickable link to gazafunds.com so it's easier to donate $5.

Dnc refusing to allow a Palestinian to speak even if their speech is vetted and reviewed by dems before they go up but will allow israelis to come speak and will even take pictures with them... the mere presence of Palestinians offends them, yet all you dem supporters still want us to vote for them lmao.

[babymilkawa]

I’ve been binge reading your content bc it’s amazing🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️Can you do the kuroo, bokuto, Osamu with a s/o who is 5’1 with an rbf abd attitude but is also sweet & clingy and would totally help a person in need👩🏻‍🦯👩🏻‍🦯👩🏻‍🦯

Omg ty 🤧🤧 enjoy <33

scary but sweet s/o headcanons with:

kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaru, miya osamu

gn!reader :)

kuroo testuro

so a lot of people take one glance at you and shy away

you honestly look like you would kill anyone who would enter your 10 meter circle HAHAH

Kuroo gets a kick out of that tho

he loves that people find you intimidating even though you’re like tiny compared to him

he thinks you're adorable

and he loves seeing their surprised faces when you hand him a water bottle or a towel with a smile

you don’t act much different in front of the team

only those who know you really well know that you’re actually very fun to be around

you’re not the team’s manager but there have been so many times where you’ve walked in with a box of snacks, filled with each player’s favorite

when you first met the team, Yamamoto was all “I don’t like the face they’re giving me, are they always like this?”

and kuroo’s just laughing and shrugging, not wanting to spoil the fun by telling him that you can be an angel sometimes

he doesn’t really need to tell people that you’re actually very nice

you’ve proven it yourself, it’s just that on the surface you can look a bit scary

he doesn’t intrude unless people are straight up trash talking to you

then you can see him looming over them, telling them that they’re sh*tty ppl for judging someone based on how they look

but if you’re there when it happens, he’ll let you handle it

lmao imagine him lifting you up so you can punch their face at their level adhjkdhKAJHJDF

your height difference..is just..so cute..

im average height but I haven’t had any friends that tower over me to give me those warm bear hugs shdfjh sad life

bokuto kotaru

doesn’t get why ppl would see you as intimidating

like LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS Y/N AWW UR SO CUTE SQUISH SQUISH

yea he’ll squish your cheeks, rub his face on yours and people fear for his life

*dramatic intake of breath* “bokuto!”

but instead you smile up at him and kiss kiss fall in love! dudududu <- if u kno where that’s from come and collect ur kith 😤

HAHHAHDSJH

BUT IT’S HILARIOUS OMG

JUST IMAGINE YOU STANDING NEXT TO HIM LIKE >:( while he’s several heads taller than you all 😄🌈💝💫

when he’s in emo mode...most ppl would think that you’d ask him to suck it up 

but you’re rather patient and kind to him

you make fukurodani’s team look menacing but you get their ace out of his moods 

they couldn’t be more grateful

gives Akaashi some time off too 🥱

mans not getting paid enuf for playing nanny

if anyone ever talks trash about the team, you’re kicking their kneecaps off

that’s just how it is 🤷🏽‍♀️

same if they make fun of your height

bUT AWW WAIT ANOTHER IMAGINE

LIKE IMAGINE THEM WINNING A GAME, U RUN TOWARDS BOKUTO AND HE PUTS U ON HIS SHOULDERS THATS SO CUTE AHDFKJH

bokuto calls you baby owl

the rest of the team calls you mother owl WAIT NO THATS AKAASHI AHSH

ugh but I love how he can just wrap himself around you and you’re completely hidden

BEAR HUGS COME AND GET EM

miya osamu

you get teased a lot by atsumu and that always triggers a fight with them both

Obvi u know it’s playful banter

Samu will just lean his arm on your head sometimes

you duck out of the way before he can even graze a strand on your head and he goes crashing down

it’s hilarious cuz he’s tryna hide his pout

if sumu does that to you, he’s immediately whining T-T

but of course with osamu u can always make it up to him with cuddles 

honestly, you scare your boyfriend’s brother sometimes

he’ll be teasing you and you turn around with that look and he’s got ants crawling on his skin 

but o man with osamu, if he overworks himself, he’ll literally dread seeing your look of disapproval

if looks cud kill amiright

but you still tend to his wounds and make sure he’s taking care of himself

even if you look like you’re this 🤏🏻close to strangling him

ugh don’t even get me started on his fans

some of them are cowards obviously, they’ll whisper behind their back like “who do they think they are,,acting all cocky like that just because osamu asked them out..hmph”

ladies woah better watch that mouth of yours

u don’t want ur dear osamu to hear you

he will give them a look equivalent to ur rbf

power couple les go

a/n: requests are open! hope u liked it :)

haikyu!! masterlist

[angelhummel]

AND HE TELLS HER SHE MEANS SOMETHING TO HIM BC SHE WAS HIS FIRST. Absolutely NO other reason comes to mind, just that his penis was in her vagina in sophomore year.

and WHY would she want to be reminded of that?? She’s a lesbian yet knowing this Finn’s dumbass decides to go and talk about how she had sex with a guy like it would be some positive memory for her even tho she was so visibly uncomfortable afterwards judging by her expression and body language (props to Naya for the subtle acting before Santana was even written as a lesbian)

Right?? Like first of all, it's a blatant LIE bc you straight up said immediately after that you "felt nothing, bc it meant nothing" so like... Ok. And then he's literally like, "hmm, I just outed a girl to the entire state of Ohio when she hasn't even so much as told her family yet. How can I make this about me and my feelings and my penis??"

Honestly, as far as worst Finn relationships go for me, I think F*nntana is number one. Then Fla*ne (as explained before), then F*nchel, then F*rt. Oh and obviously Fu*nn is up there too. There's a lot of stiff competition

Also like. Hoo boy this may be a bit of a reach but we all know how Glee likes to handle dubious sexual situations (ie, they don't handle them) so. Knowing that Santana has slept with basically every guy in school. And knowing she uses sex like currency to gain social status. And knowing that she's a lesbian and doesn't actually want to be having sex with these guys. And even before she knew she was a lesbian, it's highly doubtful she was actually getting any kind of satisfaction out of sleeping with said guys. Aaand knowing that she literally never said no to any guy who wanted to have sex with her... It doesn't paint a pretty picture when you put it all together

And like you said, even if it wasn't written in that Santana was a lesbian yet, Naya acted it in such a way that Santana was about as detached as could be, and obviously didn't get any pleasure out of it. And even if, in the best case scenario, it was a plain old boring time for her, IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU BRING UP AS THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE YOU JUST OUTED. That is literally so cuckoo bananas to me, I'm still in complete shock

I've talked about it before and other people have said it, but the fact that the outing doesn't even seem like a stupid impulse thing makes it so much worse. The fact that Finn looks like he'd been waiting to turn around and throw this in Santana's face. That he's totally chill while saying it, and he draws it out as long as possible. Not even just calling her a coward for staying in the closet, but attacking her relationship and telling her that her literal girlfriend might not feel the same way. If it was a stupid impulsive thought, that's one thing. But he dug that knife in with a purpose and made sure it cut deep. You can't blame that on stupidity or impulsivity. He knew what he was doing

"Oh you called me fat? Well you're a fucking coward for not coming out of the closet :) You're in love with Brittany and she might not feel the same way :) You're tearing everyone else down bc you're constantly tearing yourself down inside bc you can't deal with these feelings :) See you at the mash off bestie!"

later that week...

"I fully recognize that suicide is a huge problem amongst lgbt teens and I fully think that is something you are capable of doing to yourself. I know you have a lot of 'anxiety' surrounding this 'stuff' and that's a super bummer for me. You should just accept yourself bc everyone in glee club loves you for who you are. Especially me, because I fucked you in tenth grade, and that's why you're so special to me <3"

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Sometimes I feel as if Tumblr is like high school. No offense to anyone or to you. I love you all but sometimes I just feel bad because everyone reblog famous shit that have 1000 notes on it already but no one reblogs any post with less notes or no notes at all. It feels like High school because everyone reblog every small post of cool people or famous blogs and many times these posts are just saying a single word or few words which doesn't even feel relevant or even interesting at all but the rest of the group or anyone who saw that will reblog like it's the end of the world. Now I know I shouldn't complain because we are on Tumblr and we are not supposed to make sense but damn people there are so many small blogs making posts about their headcanon which is so lovely but it has only one note, those small blogs makes so many intriguing post but these posts get lost because everyone else was too coward to reblog it.

And it also has happened quite a few many times that a small blog points something out and no one notices it and then after few days one of the cool blog points the same thing out and somehow now everyone notices it and reblogs it. Like when a quite kid tells a joke no one pays attention and they are ignored or made fun of but when a cool kid says the same joke they get all the laughs and are called funny and they get the pat on their back.

Hear me out more. I also think just like high school had 'A' table where cool kids sat during the lunch and 'D' table where introverts sat. I think the same is going on over here. The cool or popular blogs have their own group they reblog stuff from each other and so does their followers/mutuals that's why we have to scroll down the same post 10 times in a row because no one is expanding their circle to small blogs we are stuck in the same cycle of same post and yet we assume all gays are following each other. It is because we all are just stupid and following the same people our mutual is following.

Another thing is. Yk how in High school no one wants to hang out with new kid or be friends with them, it's happening something like that over here too. No one wants to reblog stuff from small blog because everyone is coward. You might think it's not like that people do reblog stuff from small blog so now I will tell you when that happens. It literally happened to me. There are like 2 popular blogs following me, we are mutuals and the rest of people following me are just normal blogs. So normal blogs like and reblog stuff from me all the time but no not those other 2 popular blog. And some time ago I made this post and I thought it won't receive more than 30-50 notes like every time but apparently this one blew up, it's close to 1k because one other popular blogs found it while spn was trending which lead into a chain reaction. The thing that baffled me the most was that those other 2 popular blog who were my mutual reblogged the post not from me but from one of the popular blog because apparently all the cool kids are reblogging it and it's not lame when you reblog stuff from cool kid. And I'm pretty much sure when I made the post that time both of them saw it but scrolled right past it because they were too coward to reblog a post with lesser notes from a normal blog. Now you will say they might have not seen it that time or how do I know. This is because I know!!! I pay attention to how people act. When I say I know trust me I KNOW!!! And it is not the first time. I also know that when I reblog some cool shit then these same people will see that post and trace it back to the op or to the person before me and then they will reblog it from them. Because reblogging something from a normal blog will taint their image.

So yes Tumblr is a lot like high school.

(I'm just sharing my experience about how Tumblr feels like. It is not directed to anyone or to you. No offense to anyone. This is just me telling some things people don't care about.)

hi nonnie! thank you for sharing this. <3

I'm sorry you're not feeling love in this space. I am here for community first and foremost, and I like to believe others are too, but I know all places have pockets that may make it feel otherwise, and of course even this little corner is not immune. I mean I know myself I've put random stuff on this dash that may have been an inside joke with some friends, but it's truly never meant to exclude and mainly just...well, just me being dumb generally. BUT. that doesn't mean people don't feel excluded, so if anything I've posted on here has added to those feelings I want to say I'm sorry. (everyone else too, if you don't understand something I post and are curious just ask! all are welcome and included here, you'll just then be sorry you asked bc its generally nonsense you don't even need :D).

I don't think of myself as a 'big' blog, but I do have a thing on here that I use to support smaller blogs who create content (head canons included!). I actually try to seek out smaller or newer blogs that create so if I do look at notes its the opposite end of the spectrum - I try to reblog the posts with LESS notes so they get more circulation). so! if you ever have a content OR head canon post for me to boost, please check out #creativecaviar in my pinned post, and use any option in there to get it to me :D I'd be happy to help in any way.

just keep putting your love and your voice out there. believe in yourself and YOUR validity, in your shine. it'll come right back at you, like a reflection. I promise! and I believe in you, and your value and voice here, and elsewhere in the world. you are a valuable addition to the universe, you and your unique and lovely self. you are worthy. you are not less than. trust that <3

feel free to vent any time. I care :)

[winetae]

wall to wall (m.) 01

↳ in a pornographic movie, refers to a series of sex scenes with no plot.

⇁ female reader x hoseok 

⇁ smut, porn star!au

⇁ sex work, insecurity, jealousy, slut shaming/objectification (not the sexy kind), role played scenario that includes: d/s dynamics - dom!hoseok, porn star level dirty talk, stuff that should never happen in a kitchen bc hygiene, daddy kink, impreg kink, rough sex, spanking, a lot of finger sucking, this fic is a poor attempt at social commentary

⇁ 22.5k

. . .

Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

↳ or, my contribution to the lights, camera, action collab : )

part 01 | part 02 | part 03

author’s note | inspired by the piece ‘slut-shaming: pornstars are humans too’ & the life after porn documentaries on netflix. thank u to jordan, eva, amy, venus, addie and lu for being a part of this collab !! *inserts a million heart emojis and a big fat NUT emoticon*

re:warnings, the slut shaming is done by others and can also be considered as internalized oppression. it’s something the reader struggles with and eventually works to overcome. this first part isn’t as smutty as the second but regardless i hope u can bear with me lol. ty, as always, for giving my writing a chance. i hope u enjoy it or at least take something from it !

wall2wall can be read as a sequel to my fic money shot. same disclaimer applies: this story does claim to accurately portray the world of adult entertainment

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SCENE 01 - YOU’VE GOT MALE. TAKE 01. ROLL A.

.

Today is just one of those days you wish you had slept straight through. Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t be dying from the sheer dullness of having nothing to do.

You huff out a sigh, bored out of your goddamn mind.

Head cradled in the crook of your left palm, you use your available hand to refresh your instagram feed. Much to your disappointment, nothing new shows up. The same video of a dog chasing its own tail plays on but you pay it no heed, the novelty having worn off after the first few times.

The next half hour passes by in a similar fashion, each result proving to be as unavailing as the last. You’d think that after a while you’d give up and find a new distraction to pass the time but whether out of habit or boredom-induced insanity, you persist with your fruitless attempts.

Today really fucking blows, you think glumly, the curve of your mouth thinning into a grimace. As the adorable corgie keeps the infernal cycle going, yapping and running around incessantly, you’re struck with a terrifying thought. Maybe this is how you will die - condemned to live your life stuck in the worst sort of monotony imaginable.

What you had expected to be a “quick and easy” shoot has turned into a tedious ordeal that you don’t see ending anytime soon. And whilst on-set complications and prolongations are frequent enough that they’re almost expected, today really takes the cake. Even during your rookie days, you can’t recall running into delays of this scale.

To top it off, the weather app announces a record-breaking heat - which in itself is bad enough. As luck would have it, it gets worse. The place rented out for today’s filming lacks proper air conditioning, equipped instead with electric fans that look like they’ve been around since the 1980s.

A quick glance into the vanity mirror confirms that you look as frazzled as you feel. Because of the humidity level that weighs down the air, your hair is in a right state. You fight a grimace off your face. The straggly hair coupled with the oily sheen on your face...it’s far from your best look, to say the least.

And to think thousands of people will get to see it up close in 1080p resolution... It’s a terrifying concept.

You’re already dreading the upcoming sex scenes that you’ve yet to film. It’s always a messy affair - fluids of all kind end up literally everywhere - but the sweltering heat undoubtedly makes it ten times worse. A shudder works its way down your spine.

Frankly speaking, the mere thought of having hot and wild sex in these less than ideal working conditions kills your libido. Under the glaring studio lights, surrounded by sweaty crewmen and pressed up an equally feverish body - it’s basically the porn equivalent of a fuckin’ barbecue party.

Yeah, no thanks. You’d rather be at home, with the air conditioner at full blast, nestled in the comfy cushions of your sofa as you marathon a series of your choice on netflix. Only the promised sum of money keeps you from bolting and calling it quits altogether.

“So when are you gonna drop the new boy toy?” a voice buzzes in your ear not unlike a pesky fly.

Tempting as it is to ignore it, you peel your eyes away from your reflection just in time to catch Seokjin shoot you the most unimpressed look in his repertoire, one perfectly groomed eyebrow arched in judgment.

In the background, an old ceiling fan whirs on but does nothing to cool you off. If anything, its constant rattling only exacerbates your growing headache.

“What are you talking about?" You flick a piece of imaginary lint off your dressing robe, your tone neutral.

Seokjin’s brown eyes see right through your feigned air of indifference. Months of working by your side have made him an expert at reading your body language, be it naked or clothed. A wolfish grin adorns his face as he swoops in for the kill.

“Oh come on. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Jongmin. He’s short - comes up to right about here.” Seokjin holds a hand up to his chest to illustrate his point, deliberately shaving off a few inches off your boyfriend’s height in order to antagonize you.

You bite the inside of your cheek, careful not to spit out the retort that’s perched on the tip of your tongue. It takes a great deal of effort to unclench the muscles in your jaw but you manage to school your features into an expression of polite confusion.

Seokjin frowns, dissatisfied with your lack of response. You don’t need to be a mind reader to know that he’s currently thinking of new ways to provoke you.

When the silence stretches on and he’s yet to riposte, you allow yourself  to relax again, believing that he’s given up on being an asshole.

To your chagrin, you’re sorely mistaken. The last of your self-restraint is finally put to the test as his next words do nothing to quell your irritation.

“Jongmin.” He repeats slowly, like you need it spelled out for you. “He follows you around everywhere like a lap dog. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so, you know, pathetic.”

“His name is Jimin,” you correct for the nth time.

Instantly, you reprimand yourself for playing into his games and granting him the attention he so craves. Fulfilling his twisted desire is the last thing you hope to achieve. Staying silent would be the sensible thing to do but your brain completely bypasses the memo. The moment your mouth opens it’s impossible to quash the urge to justify yourself.

Maybe it’s your pride coming into play. Maybe it’s Seokjin’s uncanny ability to get under anyone’s skin at will. Whatever the case may be, you stammer out, on the defensive, “And he’s not my 'boy toy'. We - it’s not - we’re dating.” But the word feels like a weight on your tongue. You swallow.

The statement earns you a scoff of incredulity. “Dating? Him?”

You finally set your phone down and aim a glare his way, abandoning all pretense at being indifferent because—Jesus. Is the idea of you dating that unfathomable? He’s never been this worked up over any of your other relationships. Granted, none of them have ever lasted this long but is it really any of his business who you choose to see in your free time?

“I don’t get what your problem is. What’s so wrong with me dating?”

“Have you seen who you’re dating?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

While this isn’t the first time your agent lets a judgmental comment slip from between his pearly white teeth, it’s usually not laced with spite. Seokjin is never outright hostile, preferring sweet words of manipulation and thinly-veiled insults to shows of aggression. The attempt to get a rise out of you does not go by unnoticed. His anger, this time, feels personal.

You wrack your brain, quickly sifting through your recent memories to try and figure out why he’s chosen to be such an ass today. You’re certain that you’ve filled out all the necessary paperwork required to proceed with today’s filming, and yes, after thinking it over, you know that you went to the obligatory medical checkup last week. So there really is no reason for him to bitch at you unless—

The proverbial light bulb flickers on and it all suddenly makes sense.

You’re willing to bet a hefty sum of money that the high-paying gig you turned down two weekends ago is to blame for his abnormal crotchety behavior.

Yes, that would explain it.

Due to Seokjin's well-known propensity to hold a grudge for longer than average, the odds that he’s still hung up over the lost deal are pretty high. And as much as his disappointment and frustration are understandable from a business standpoint, you don’t appreciate being used as a verbal punching bag for him to expel all those pent-up feelings.

Seokjin hums, a knowing smirk pulling the sides of his mouth upwards. Fleetingly, and not for the first time, you find it a shame that his cockiness tarnishes his otherwise handsome face. “I give it another couple of days until you get bored. How long has this gone on for? A month? How are you not yanking out your hair from the sheer boredom of dating...that."

A muscle in your jaw ticks.

“He’s not Voldemort, you coward. Would it honestly kill you to say his name?” Seokjin’s expression begs to differ. You cut him off before he can add fuel to the fire. “And I won’t get bored. Jimin’s - he’s a perfectly nice guy. We’ve been seeing each other just fine—not that it’s any of your concern.”

“Yes, he’s nice,” Seokjin concedes easily, brushing off any attempts at putting an end to the conversation. He grins, wide and smug, like he knows you can’t refute what he’ll say next. “Perfectly nice and boring. The kind of guy you’d bring back home if your parents were straight-laced folks that wanted to marry you off to a choir boy. Seriously, how the fuck did a guy like him end up in the porn industry? He belongs in a church or, I dunno, maybe some neighborhood book club - not behind a camera filming you getting flogged by a daddy dom.”

You sniff. “Just because he tucks his shirts in doesn’t—”

“It’s not just the shirts, honey.” He leans over to pat your hand in a gesture of consolation. Used to his antics, his attempt is easily blocked by a swat of your hand.

You muster the dirtiest look you’re capable of, the kind of look that sends men to early graves, but he simply smiles in response, completely unfazed.

Any person with the minimum amount of tact would know to politely change the subject. It’s unfortunate that your agent does not belong to that pool of individuals, choosing instead to be selectively blind to overt social cues.

He continues on, unperturbed, like he has a point to prove. “Believe it or not, I know you. Sometimes, for whatever reason, perhaps a lapse in judgement but who the fuck knows, you like to venture out of your comfort zone and experiment. Like with the chickenshit gingerbread spice concoctions they come out with at Starbucks to celebrate turkey season and Christmas or the cream cheese makis they make for the white crowd who want to eat sushi but don’t like anything other than white rice and seaweed. And, trust me, while I’m all for diversity and broadening your personal experiences, don’t you think there’s a reason why you always go back to your preferred choice of an iced latte with two sugars?”

“Did you just compare Jimin to a gingerbread latte?”

Okay, so admittedly you’ve made some questionable food and beverage choices in the past, but the comparison is a fucking reach. 

“You’re absolutely right." Seokjin gives a firm nod of his head, his expression serious. "Now that you mention it, he’s definitely a vanilla soy. Bland and boring. Targeted towards the middle-aged soccer moms that think veganism is a trend, not a lifestyle. Wants to be a people-pleaser but misses the mark.”

“I didn’t know it was Share Your Unwanted Opinion Time,” you grind out from behind a strained smile. “If I had, I would have said something about your receding hairline earlier.”

It’s a low blow but the way Seokjin’s plump lips curl in displeasure makes the dig worth it. One of his hands automatically shoot up to flatten the bangs that are usually slicked back with copious amounts of gel.

Offended, he spits, “It’s not receding! There’s a difference between premature balding and a bleach job gone wrong.”

"I'm not sure people care to differentiate. Looks like a receding hairline to me." You shrug while picking at your nails. “You’re nearing that age, too, so.”

“You just try looking this good at 30. Fucking try.” 

He waits for a reply but your interest has already waned. You scroll through your phone, bored once more.

Seokjin makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat at the clear dismissal. You swear you hear him grumble under his breath - something along the lines of never going blonde again - but can’t find it in you to care, not when he’s finally ceased his nagging.

"Filming in twenty!" someone shouts from outside the door.

"They’re running behind schedule," Seokjin notes after glancing down at his gold wristwatch. "How can they take more than an hour to fix the lighting? Tch. Bunch of fuckin’ amateurs."

He aims a glare in your direction as if their incompetence is somehow your fault. 

You have half a mind to glower back but miraculously withhold your sentiments. Admittedly, he isn’t wrong - the team you’re working with today keeps committing blunders even rookies wouldn’t dare perpetrate - but you’d rather get your driving license revoked forever than to acknowledge that Seokjin’s right and inflate his already unnaturally huge ego.

Something heavy plops into your lap. When you look down, the glossy surface of a magazine reflects the harsh lights suspended over the vanity table back at you.

“I didn’t want to resort to this but you leave me no choice,” he says in response to your look of confusion.

“What’s this?”

You hold up the magazine expecting the worst. It’s heavy in your hands, the pages thicker than the gossip rags you’d find in a dentist’s waiting room. 

“’s the newest issue. Came out this morning. I’d actually like it back once you’re done because I haven’t finished reading it and God knows how hard it was to get my—hey, you can stop flicking aimlessly, I saved you the trouble and bookmarked the page,” Seokjin explains a bit impatiently.

When you shoot him a glance, his attention is trained on your face, not the magazine. He barely blinks. Like a snake honing in on its prey. And that kind of intense focus - that can’t be good. After all, you’ve known Seokjin long enough to suspect that whatever trick he has up his sleeve will give him the advantage he needs to deliver the killing blow.

Gingerly, you flip through the pages like you’re afraid the magazine might self-destruct in your hands. Which would be a waste, in your opinion, since Exquis is a damn good magazine - perhaps less intellectual than Playboy, but definitely classier than Hustler. Its reputation speaks for itself. Known for hiring the best photographers and carefully combing through their models, it’s selective, only picking the cream of the cr—

Everything around you stills.

Your eyes narrow at the spread because there, on the page Seokjin’s taken great care to bookmark, a model poses provocatively on a lounge chaise near a crystal clear pool. It’s similar to a shoot you’ve done in the past but you can tell right away that the quality of this is above and beyond anything you’ve ever done. The lighting is better, heck even the barely-there-swimsuit looks like it costs ten times more than whatever you had been told to throw on at the time.

The vexation you feel only worsens once it finally registers who the model is. Her youthful and pretty face carries a permanent haughtiness that not even makeup or acting can entirely mask.

The pages crease in your hold as you flick through the rest of the spread dedicated to the up and coming talents. With every new page that has her plastered on its glossy surface you feel your stomach sink. 

2...3...4...

“Five pages,” you curse under your breath. For a magazine this renowned, it’s...a lot. Commendable, even. Your nose crinkles. “Well, fuck. me. sideways.”

Seokjin gloats, reveling in your outrage. “Hmph. I told you, didn’t I? Passing up the opportunity to work with Kim Namjoon would come and bite you in the ass.”

“Aha! So you have been a little bitch because I refused to shoot with Namjoon.” You whirl around in your chair and use the magazine to jab him in the chest. He easily steps aside, avoiding your attempt at wrinkling his trademark Armani button-down shirt.

“It was the chance of a lifetime and you knew it.” He turns his nose up and sniffs.

“That’s what you said about filming with Min Yoongi last month.” You roll your eyes. “I can’t take you seriously if you’re gonna say the same thing every time a new guy shows up.”

“Shooting with Agust D did help you gain some mainstream popularity. You’ve gotten love calls for catalog printings and your name is now automatically on the invite sheet for every C-list event in town. Namjoon would have given you another needed boost.” Seokjin folds his arms, lecturing mode switched on. You struggle with the instinctive urge to tune him out. “Sure, he’s got a niche audience, but he’s famous in his field and it would have helped expand your fa—“

“Not to kink shame or anything because we don’t do that, but Namjoon is a freak. And don’t deny it, I’ve seen his videos.”

“He’s specialized in particular—“

“You were the one telling me not to film all sorts of shit right off the bat,” you cut in, refusing to back down from your stance. There’s no way you’ll let him sweet-talk you out of this one, not after the multiple videos of Namjoon you’d binged one weekend. “Stick to one story.”

“Well, we’re not exactly ‘right off the bat’ anymore, are we? We’ve passed that stage. Right now is a crucial time in your career so you’ve got to make it count. Filming rehashed videos of the same pizza delivery guy scenario gets boring and fast. As pretty as you are, you’re not offering anything new to the table, are you?”

Fuck him. He’s right and you know it. Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman.

Still. “I refuse to work with a guy whose porn alias is Cock Monster.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Well I said no,” you insist stubbornly.

“Well if you had said yes, maybe it would be your ass cheeks getting their own two page spread in Exquis instead,” jabs Seokjin, hitting you where it hurts. 

Ugh. The reminder that Joy’s bested you yet again riles you up even more. That, coupled with the likelihood of your career ending imminently, makes you stop and think.

Your agent goes on to say, “Don’t you want the AVN for best newcomer? Where did that competitive edge go? At the rate this is going, Joy’s going to steal it from right under your nose.”

“Like fucking hell,” you hiss. The magazine bends under the strength of your grip. “That one’s mine.”

You absolutely refuse to lose out to her. Every fiber of your being rejects the idea of letting her one-up you again.

“Not if you don’t start branching out. The last time you did anything substantial or interesting was about a month ago. It’s already old news. People are going to forget you shot that sequence altogether if you don’t do anything that puts you back on the map.”

A pause. “…I really don’t want to film with someone who willingly named himself Cock Mons—”

“Fine.” Seokjin heaves a resigned sigh. “You don’t have to fuck the monster willy. Willy monster? Hm. Wouldn’t it make more sense to name himself Monster Cock and not Cock Monster? Wonder why he does th—”

You suppress a snort. “Please spare me while you can. It’s amazing, that talent for making everything sound a lot worse than it already it is.”

“Why, thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“You trying to insult someone who’s willing to find you someone else to work with? I can always ask Monster Meatstick if he’s up for—”

“No! No, that’s - not necessary.” You force out a smile that wouldn’t fool anyone into thinking its genuine. “Why would I ever insult you? You’re the best agent one could ask for.”

“That’s what I thought.” He takes your compliment, forced or not. When he smiles, smugness rolls off of him in waves. “One day you’ll realize you’re taking my talent for granted. I’ll find you another onscreen partner even though you don’t know what you’re missing out.”

“Thank you.”

“But!” He interjects and this time you don’t bother swallowing down your groan, already dreading the stipulations he has in store for you. “You have to promise to hold up your end of the bargain and try your best.”

Indignation colors your face. Your mouth falls open, retort at the ready. “When do I ever slack off on the job?! I’ve never given a half-assed blowjob in my life - and trust me, the temptation was there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay focused when the guy can’t cum on command? I once had to get my jaw realigned.”

“I’m not saying you’re slacking off,” he backtracks, switching tactics. His expression is soon replaced by the business-like smile you’re used to seeing on the regular. Tone buttery and appeasing, he tries to convince you through flattery instead. “You work hard and do a good job… I wouldn’t have signed you on otherwise. The problem isn’t with the quality of your work but with - all the rest.”

“The rest?” you parrot back dumbly, trying and failing to comprehend.

Seokjin scowl returns, unable to keep his genuine emotions under wraps.

“D’you honestly think you’re at a point in your career where you can pick and choose your jobs like this? Ever since you started dating that - that thing - your workload has significantly decreased. And not because you lacked opportunities. You had them but you turned them all down.” Visibly getting worked up over the issue, his voice rises an octave, then two. “What should’ve been a good spring board, only brought you back to square one. I know I can’t force you to take jobs if you refuse to, but I can say that your potential is going to waste. I’ve never seen someone sabotage herself like this before and it’s driving me up the wall. While I get that you’re under the delusion that you’ve found true love or whatever Disney fantasy Jungmin has sold you, you can’t turn down projects over and over again without there being serious repercussions. You’re smart enough to know this. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

Seokjin’s chest heaves as he takes in several big gulps of air, visibly out of breath after his monologue.

For him to explode like popcorn kennels in the microwave... You reckon he’d let his feelings pile up inside him for a while, silently stewing.

You’ve never seen your agent look so visibly distressed. He’s normally the picture-perfect image of composure so the sight that greets you is enough of a shock to render you speechless.

Deep down, Seokjin probably means well. There aren’t a lot of agents like him; you’re one of the lucky ones. Most girls are discarded by their agencies as quickly as used tissues once they get milked for all their worth. 

Thankfully it’s never been that way with Seokjin. He claims that he’s in it for the long run. According to him the quick buck isn’t worth seeing the light die out in girl after girl. Perhaps that’s why he takes the task of ensuring your safety so seriously. How many times has he warned you to steer clear of this or that seedy director or ban you from attending drug-heavy parties? While his behavior can come off as overbearing on the worst days, at least he cares.

Sadly, it’s more than you can say for most.

In a way, he’s the only one in this business rooting for your success—if only because his paycheck depends on how well you perform. You like to pretend there’s more to it than that.

“I’m not - what’s Jimin got to do with any of this?” you splutter, still digesting the long tirade you’ve just been subjected to. 

“Are you serious? That’s all you got from what I said?”

“Well, no, but I still fail to—”

“Do you think me a fool?” He crosses his arms tightly across his broad chest. “The only scenes you’re willing to shoot are when he’s on set. Are you a kid or something? Since when do you need supervision to shoot a sex scene?”

“N-no. It just worked out that way, okay?” In reply to his dubious expression, you force yourself to explain. “Okay, okay - I get it. Maybe I might’ve lessened my workload recently but it has nothing to do with Jimin, alright? My vagina needs rest from time to time. Just because it’s my job doesn’t mean I don’t need a break. I’m human too, not some blow-up doll.”

“You expect me to believe that he has nothing to do with it? You were perfectly fine before he entered the picture. And now that you’re all loved up you only pick—”

A knock, so timid you barely catch it, cuts off the rest of his sentence.

“Yeah? Come in, I’m decent!” you yell - not that you care whether someone sees you naked or not. The concept of modesty has long been lost on you. Some might call it shamelessness or vanity, but you take pride in how you look. And why wouldn’t you? Your body is your bread and butter. You spend hours in the gym every week so that your ass looks good no matter what camera angle.

“It’s me.”

The door opens a crack and the speaker tentatively sticks his mop of hair through the small opening. As soon as you recognize him, your heart leaps at the sight and you quickly tighten your robe together.

“Oh, speak of the devil,” Seokjin mutters under his breath.

You resist the urge to throttle him and plaster on your brightest smile instead.

“I wanted to see how you were doing. Sorry I took so long... I would’ve come earlier but they needed my help.” Jimin scratches a spot behind his ear, sheepish. “Someone tripped over the cables and smashed a camera lens so we had to find a replacement. The director threw a fit and wanted to call it quits so we’ve been trying to calm him down this entire time. He did - eventually, anyway, after he called his dealer on set.”

A disapproving frown tugs at his mouth corners and mars his otherwise perfect appearance.

You take a moment to swoon internally. You’ll never get tired of admiring your boyfriend. Unlike the majority of the on-set personnel, he doesn’t reek of weed or booze or stale cigarette smoke. His ironed clothes and immaculate appearance always make it easy to spot him amidst the hungover crew.

“That’s fine! I kept myself busy.”

Jimin returns your smile, his eyes creasing into beautiful half-moon crescents. You don’t know what kind of love-struck expression covers your face but next to you Seokjin makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a gag and a cough.

“Oh! Here, I brought snacks. I didn’t know what you liked so I just grabbed everything I could get my hands on.” He holds up a paper plate stacked with treats no doubt stolen from the catering service. “I know I kind of went overboard but I wanted to make sure you kept your sugar level up.”

“That’s sweet of you,” you coo, reaching to take the plate from him. He’s piled on the sweets so high that it’s a miracle nothing has toppled over yet. You aren’t especially hungry but take a bite out of a chocolate candy to show how much you appreciate the effort. Its gooey consistency melts on your tongue, the taste so sweet it sticks to your teeth.

“How adorable,” chimes in Seokjin, his hand grabbing a licorice stick from the mountain of candy before you can swat him away. “Thanks Jongmin.”

“Jimin,” he corrects good-naturedly, his smile not budging an inch. You think, privately, that’s what you like the most about him. Not many have the ability to block out Seokjin’s bullshit so effectively.

“Mmh,” your manager says around a mouthful of candy. “Seokjin. Pleasure.”

You elbow him while gritting your teeth. “Can you...give us a moment?”

Seokjin swallows down the treat and opens his mouth in protest. He has the audacity to look betrayed. “You’re kicking me out of our room so the two of you can get it on? Really?” 

Jimin’s cheeks flush and you quickly cut in before your agent can make matters worse.

"I just want to talk without you breathing down my neck. Weren’t you going off earlier about how I didn’t need adult supervision anymore? Well?”

“Fine. Fine! But you owe me. Again.” He grabs his portable phone charger from the vanity table before making his exit. “And don’t forget what we talked about!”

What a fucking drama queen. You have no idea why he always insists on making a scene when you know for a fact that he would’ve left of his own volition in five minutes anyway. For reasons he has no trouble disclosing, he can’t stand Jimin’s presence.

“I won’t,” you grumble just so that you can get him out of your hair faster.

The door slams shut with more force than strictly necessary. Silence hangs in the air for a brief moment before Jimin turns his warm gaze towards you.

“What was that about?” 

“Uh, nothing. You know how he is...” You play with the ends of your braided hair. “He can’t go very long without throwing a tantrum.’

“He seems very protective of you,” remarks Jimin, a thoughtful expression painting his angelic face. “I think that’s why he’s not that fond of me.”

“Nonsense,” you rebut immediately as you take his hands in yours. “Who could ever not like you?”

Jimin allows his lips to quirk into a small, self-deprecating smile that you promptly erase with a kiss. His lips feel pillow-soft against yours, and you let yoruself indulge in the feeling before pulling back.

You sigh, remembering the scene you’ve yet to film. “If only my co-star was you.”

He laughs at that. “Seokjin would probably throw a fit, huh?”

.

.

Jimin treats you to dinner that night.

He chooses the restaurant. It’s a small, quaint place, tucked into a hidden corner just minutes away from the bustling main street of the shopping district. It’s not the kind of place people stumble across by accident but judging by the occupied tables, business is doing fine by reputation alone.

The owner comes out to greet Jimin by name. They exchange warm greetings, the woman asking him how his brother’s been doing and whether he’ll stop by anytime soon.

“Ah - I’m not sure... You know how he is... I’ll let him know you said hi.”

“Tell him I’ll give him an extra serving of ribs. That was his favorite, right?”

When her eyes trail over Jimin’s shoulder and spot you, she grins so wide you’d think she won the lottery or something. “Park Jimin! You’ve gone and found a girlfriend! And so pretty, too. Ah, really...time sure flies by. I remember when you first started coming here - and now!”

You smile back, greeting her with a polite handshake. The owner is quick to usher you into a small booth in the back. She hands you the menus while patting Jimin on his shoulder. “I’ll get you drinks. It’s on the house.”

“You don’t have to do that!” protests Jimin, shaking his head. “Really. It’s not—”

“Nonsense.” She waves a hand at him. “You’ll get two more if you keep that up, Park Jimin.”

Once she knows she’s earned Jimin’s compliance, she leaves with a satisfied smile. You can tell by their genuine interactions that she’s close to Jimin. Family, perhaps? Either way, this isn’t a place Jimin tracked down on yelp. He flips through the menu with ease, like he’s done it hundreds of times before. 

“Sorry about that,” he says once she’s out of earshot. “I used to come here all the time with my family when we all still lived here. They moved and live in a different town now so we haven’t had a meal together here in years, but. I still come here. The food is good, of course, but - I dunno. I have good memories here so I thought I’d share it with you. It sounds stupid now.”

He laughs quietly, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. 

“I love it.” You can’t help but smile, cheeks hurting from the force of it. Invisible liquor runs through your bloodstream, a ball of warmth unfurling in your belly. “Thank you.”

A pause ensues. It’s one of those moments in which you’re unsure if you’ve said too much or not enough. Being here with Jimin means a lot. You’re not the most verbose person but you hope that Jimin can feel your sincerity.

Maybe your stare comes off as too intense because Jimin breaks the eye contact and clears his throat.

He fiddles with his earring and says, “The food is really good!”

Pink dots his cheeks as he attempts to change the subject. “I don’t know how long the place has been around for but the food is exactly the same. Apparently it’s the sauce they use? Auntie still won’t share the recipes with me and I’ve known her since I was a kid.”

He chatters on, gaining confidence when he notices you’re not put off or bored by his numerous anecdotes. As time passes by, he’s visibly more relaxed. His laugh is more natural, less restrained, like he’s using all the muscles in his face and not just the ones near his mouth.

It’s a stark difference from the first date, you think. Back then he had come off as quite shy, preferring to let you lead the conversation, only offering up tidbits from time to time. Now the conversation flows easily. Nothing feels forced or awkward and - it’s nice. The normalcy of it. Like a hot cup of tea before bed or the scent of the fabric softener your mother uses. It’s something you find comfort in, that you can see yourself coming back to and not growing tired of.

Seokjin can say what he wants - that Jimin’s too uninteresting, that you’re too mismatched of a couple - whatever. 

Jimin likes you for you.

When you’re out on dates or when the two of you talk on the phone late into the evening, he rarely brings up your job. Instead, he asks you questions about your favorite TV shows, your dipping sauce preferences, the first album you purchased. These small details might seem inconsequential to others but to you, they’re a welcome breath of fresh air.

For all the talks of Jimin being too average and too normal, men like him are in reality surprisingly hard to come by.

Because what you haven’t failed to notice since you began your career as a porn star is that people love the idea of you. People who avidly watch you from their laptop screen in the comfort of their own home think that you’re some type of sex goddess - that you’re basically up for anything. In their minds, you’re a fun girl who loves sex, all kinds of sex, any kind of sex, and who doesn’t have any qualities or attributes other than making people cum until their limbs go numb.

Your feelings? Not really important. Feelings would make you human and being human would ruin their favorite fantasy.

That’s what takes you a while to learn - you don’t get paid to have sex, you get paid to sell dreams.

It doesn’t bother you at first. In a way, you think, it’s like acting. The porn star people jerk off to daily is a character you play, a mask you can take off at your leisure once the camera director yells ‘cut!’.

Very quickly, you learn people don’t share the same sentiment. To them, the line that distinguishes you from your job persona isn’t blurry - it simply doesn’t exist.

In the beginning, you’d stayed optimistic. Once people get to know you past the image they’ve built up in their heads, surely they’ll realize you’re not a sex-craved addict who only has dick on the brain, right? But with every new date you accept to go on, the reality of your situation only leaves room for disappointment and barely reigned in revulsion.

Even in non-romantic situations, people let you down. Old classmates, neighbors... It pisses you off that they assume you have no self-worth just because you’re a sex worker. Stevie from 308 down the hall once tried throwing crumpled bills at you, expecting you to crawl over to him for a fifty. The memory is enough to set your blood boiling. You can’t wait until you earn big enough bucks to move out of your shitty apartment into a nice high-rise penthouse, away and above all the scum of the Earth.

“You okay?” asks Jimin, noticing the crease that burrows your brow. “The food alright?”

You blink several times, belatedly realizing you had zoned out. Guilt and embarrassment well up within you.

“M’yeah,” you swallow down the spoonful of stew stuffed in your mouth. “Sorry.”

Jimin chews his bottom lip. Finally, he settles with, “Tell me if I’m boring you.”

“No, no! You’re not.” His evident doubt does nothing to alleviate the sudden nausea swarming your lower belly. “I’m serious, Jimin. I’m - Sorry if I gave off that impression. I just - I have a lot on my mind but you’re lovely. I’d tell you if you were - you know. Promise.”

“Would you? Sometimes I think you’re too nice.” It’s not delivered as an insult, but it doesn’t exactly sound like praise, either. 

You force out a snort. “Heh. Wish you’d tell Seokjin that.”

“He’s not too cross with me, is he?” Jimin’s expression looks awkward, like he’s forcing his facial muscles to stay relaxed and mien nonchalant.

“Wh- oh, you mean because of earlier? He isn’t. That’s not him being angry. It’s not even you. It’s me. We just have - a slight difference in opinions, I suppose. If you can even call it that.”

“He doesn’t want you to date me,” concludes Jimin.

The frustrations you’d repressed earlier in the day come back. Why does Seokjin’s opinion matter? You huff, putting your spoon down.

“He’s not my dad. And even if he was, I’m grown. I can make my own decisions.” You roll your eyes. “Don’t worry about him. He’ll get over it... It’s not like it’s any of his business in the first place.”

“Still...” Jimin says, unsure. “He’s your agent. I wouldn’t want the relation between you to sour because of me.”

“Honestly, I’m convinced it’s not even you he has a problem with. We talked about it today and I think he’s getting antsy because, um, you know, I haven’t accepted any big offers lately. Like, I’m staying too much in my comfort zone or something. He says that in the long run that can be detrimental to my career.”

It’s a bit strange, discussing your work with Jimin. You both work in the same industry, Jimin as a second camera assistant and you as an adult entertainer, but outside of filming sets, you rarely acknowledge what the other person does for a living.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He wants me to branch out and try new things.”

“What, you mean anal? Gangbangs?”

“Um, yeah. All that, probably...” You have to blink several times because of the shock of hearing Jimin say that so casually. “...Is that okay?”

“Huh?” Jimin in turn blinks at you, like your question doesn’t properly register. “Oh, yeah, sure. I’m fine with it. You said it’ll be good for your career?”

“Apparently.”

“Then, yeah.” He shrugs like he isn’t bothered by the news at all. “Of course that’s okay.”

A part of you wants to push the issue, ask him why he’d be fine with his girlfriend filming intense sex scenes with random men, but that inner voice is snuffed out before the poisonous thought has time to take root.

Isn’t this what you always wanted? A boyfriend who is accepting and understanding of your profession?

You wash down your worries with a gulp or two of soju, determined not to let your own insecurities ruin the rest of your night.

.

.

Less than 24 hours after you’ve agreed to work on a worthwhile project of Seokjin’s choosing, a slew of texts blow up your phone. 

Unsurprisingly, it’s your agent. A quick scroll through your phone reveals that your agent has left you with no less than 15 messages, 1 voicemail, and 3 e-mails.

It’s...a lot. You’ve grown to expect that kind of fanfare with him. Like any man who deals with legally binding contracts on a daily basis, Seokjin ensures that you keep your word. He can be extremely persuasive when he sets his mind to it. You’ve seen men and women alike succumb to the force of his magnetism. Back when your filmography had solely consisted of amateur sex tapes shot in bad lighting with low-grade filming equipment, Seokjin's charms alone had been sufficient to win over lukewarm casting directors and book you jobs.

SEOKJIN : hey!!!!!!!!

SEOKJIN : ???

SEOKJIN : wow. you’re leaving me on read.........the audacity. 

SEOKJIN : i raised you on my back and this is how you repay me?

SEOKJIN : do you not respect your elders in your household?

SEOKJIN : i swear if you’re blowing me off for jimmy instead of answering your calls .........

SEOKJIN : or blowing jimmy. either one.

SEOKJIN : ok it’s been 10 min. i’m chill but not that chill.

SEOKJIN : can you please stop sucking dick and read your emails. it’s important.

YOU : ever heard of multitasking? god gave us two hands for a reason

SEOKJIN : oh. nasty.

SEOKJIN : way to ruin my lunch.

SEOKJIN : well. suck down that nut sauce asap

SEOKJIN : cos what i sent you needs your undivided attention

YOU : i’m nasty?? me????

YOU : you don’t hear me saying nUT SAUCE you freak

SEOKJIN : nutté sauce

SEOKJIN : there. fixed it.

YOU : ...that’s not even a thing

SEOKJIN : well it should be!

SEOKJIN : adding accents makes it instantly classier, don’t you think? nutté sauce. has a nice ring to it.

SEOKJIN : honestly. sounds like some fancy four star french starter now.

YOU : ???? it absolutely doesn’t but ok

SEOKJIN : imagine. during a scene you just yell out

SEOKJIN : “i’d like a serving of your nutté sauce to go”

YOU : dicks would shrivel up on the spot

SEOKJIN : what? i think it’s brilliant!

SEOKJIN : my talent is wasted as an agent. should’ve been a scriptwriter instead.

YOU : yes i’m sure the oscars are weeping over the missed opportunity

He takes your sarcasm at face value, feeding you more ridiculous variants of faux french cum lingo—that which you very wisely choose not to reply to. Instead of humoring him, you open the .pdf file he’s sent your way, ignoring the near-constant buzzing of your phone as he’s no doubt pestering you for an immediate answer.

Had it not been necessary for business, you’d have blocked his number ages ago. In fact, after that nut sauce comment you’re seriously reconsidering, business obligations be damned. 

To his credit, the film project he suggests you work on doesn't sound half-bad despite its questionable title. Why anyone would choose to name it THE SPERMINATOR is beyond you.

As you read through the proposition, you’re surprised to find it’s tamer than the initial imaginary scenario you’d played out in your head. Expecting to read through a long list of unnameable kinks and dicks, the scene description is rather domestic all things considered.

Your shoulders sag in relief. You enjoy sex as much as the next person, but even you have limits you’re not willing or eager to cross. You’re a human being, first and foremost, and, contrary to popular belief, not competing in the sex olympics.

From what you’ve read so far, nothing in Seokjin’s offer seems too strenuous or perverse. The scene in question is centered around a young, newly married couple trying to conceive for the first time and the sex acts are described as “romantic insemination” - whatever the fuck that means. The only complication you can think of is that you’ve never played the part of a married couple before. None of your previous films specifically target couples or women. Is romance something you can sell accordingly?

You’re quick to shake the concern off once you remember that no one cares if your acting is shit or not. All you probably have to do is yell out ‘Daddy’ a few times mid-thrust and call it a day.

Honestly, you’re a bit disappointed in Seokjin for choosing such a safe, no-risk project - especially since he constantly advocates the risk-return trade off as the way to live by. But you’re not about to start complaining. You’d rather shoot this type of innocuous scenario than ridiculous, hentai-like scenes involving freakish get-ups and toys of monster proportions not realistically made to fit in a vagina.

The deal is perfect. Almost too perfect.

Subconsciously, you must realize something is wrong. Maybe Seokjin’s many lessons have finally rubbed off on you because there’s a persistent voice in your ear warning you that the film proposition is a trap, one that you’ve unfortunately walked straight into.

Your wariness increases when he refuses to send you the script upon request. Alarm bells ring off but by then it’s too late.

“The thing is... Director Ryu wants to try a new type of project," Seokjin says over the phone once you call him up for answers. "He thinks he’s going to pioneer a new genre of porn and revolutionize the industry - his words, not mine.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“How do I explain this without you getting the wrong idea..."

“Is this meant to reassure me?!” Dread drips from your tone. You should’ve suspected something was off from the very moment Seokjin suggested to shoot vanilla porn as your next big project. What a joke.

“Calm down, it's not as bad as - whatever you're thinking.” Too bad that his attempts to calm you down have the opposite effect. “He’s been wanting to try out a new improvisation format for his porn movies.”

“Come again?”

A beat of uncomfortable quiet passes. Reluctantly, Seokjin explains, “Which means - there isn’t an actual script to go off of. That’s why I couldn’t send it to you - because there is none. He wants it to be as realistic and natural as possible so he’s looking for actors who can go with their gut and create their own scenario instead of ones who need to be directed.”

Your resounding silence speaks for itself.

Sure, sometimes they provide scripts to act as guidelines, roughly giving the actor an idea of how the scene will unfold, but no one is expected to follow it word for word. Most porn films rely on improvisation rather than scripts because of how notoriously bad porn stars are at acting and memorizing more than a few lines at a time, and the introduction scene never lasts very long anyway for it to make a noticeable difference. Besides, after filming a handful of movies, you’ve noticed the dialogue is more or less all the same.

What bothers you is that this director wants you to carry out a movie that relies heavily on improvised dialogue. Convincingly.

“C’mon,” Seokjin tries when you refuse to deign him with an answer. “It’ll be fun. You like acting, right?”

“Seokjin...” You pinch the bridge of your nose and try to keep your composure in check. “How do I break this down for you? I think you’re forgetting the most crucial detail here - I can’t act! The closest I've ever gotten to acting is faking an orgasm and I’m pretty certain that doesn’t count."

“And you do that very well!" says Seokjin encouragingly. "You'll be fine. Don’t stress over it. Your scenes with Min Yoongi last time were perfectly acceptable!”

“That’s the thing.” Stress makes your voice raise a half-step. “He did, like, 90% of the acting! Back then, all I had to do was moan and act like a slut! Which hardly counts - I was being myself. Whatever this - thing - you’re attempting to rope me into - I’m not qualified for it.”

“Sweetheart, we’re not aiming for the fucking Oscars here.” When he laughs, it’s practiced enough to sound sincere. “At the end of the day, it’s still porn. Nobody’s expecting you to be the next Meryl. And besides,” he presses on, clearly refusing to change his mind. “This is exactly what you need right now. Something fresh, something new. If you pull this off, you’ll gain exposure.”

“If I pull it off. Big if."

“I know it sounds like a gamble. I get it, I do. But remember what I always say? High risk—”

“Yes, yes. High reward. I get it.” Your frown deepens. “There’s no way to know this will work, though.”

“A good co-star already guarantees you half of the success. And luckily for you, the guy they signed on seems like the real deal. He’s hot, you’re hot. People will pay money to see you two fuck regardless of how good or bad the acting is.”

“Well. That’s reassuring,” you say, voice as flat as a board. “Although I suppose watching porn on mute is always an option if it comes to that.”

“It was a joke!” What worries you is that it doesn’t sound like it is. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ve seen some of your co-star’s tapes. He’s got a mouth on him, if you know what I mean. Just let him lead and it’ll go swimmingly.”

“It’s one thing to follow someone’s lead during sex but you want me to - to improvise for God knows how long! That’s just asking for a disaster to happen.”

“You said you were up for a challenge!” Seokjin throws your words back at you, his tone accusing.

“And you said this would be beneficial for my career! How is making a fool out of myself going to help me any? I don’t want to be remembered as the girl who can’t act to save her life.” You want to cry in frustration. If you had wanted to act you would’ve chosen that as your major in college. “I don’t - I can’t do this. I’m not - this isn’t what I signed up for! How do you expect me to convince viewers what they’re watching is real...”

“Just—” Exasperated, he takes a deep breath. Exhales. “Trust me. When have I ever been wrong about film projects.”

Is putting your career at risk really worth it? You’re not sure anymore.

On the bright side, it’ll finally get Seokjin off your back, you reason, trying to remain positive. That in itself is worth celebrating, right?

Fine. You’ll agree to it out of pettiness. Once Seokjin realizes what a terrible idea this entire ordeal is, you won’t hesitate to rub it back in his face. He’ll never hear the end of it.

"Who am I working with, anyway?”

"Ah, hm, well." Hesitation creeps up his voice for the first time, putting you instantly on edge. "...You won't know him. He's new to the scene - got started a month or two ago, I forget."

"Great. Not only am I being used as a lab rat for this director to experiment on but you're also pairing me with a fucking rookie. Jesus.”

"He’s not half bad! He’s not bad at all, actually. I wouldn't be insisting if I didn't trust him not to blow his load early."

"Aren’t I lucky,” you deadpan. “So I don't have to worry about him busting a nut before the director gives the signal?"

“All you’ll have to do is act like a married couple with baby fever,” he talks over you, ignoring your overflowing sarcasm. “And how hard can that be? You’ve been loved up with Jumin for a month now - that’s plenty enough practice if you ask me. I know you’ll be able to sell that romantic shit to the public without too much trouble.”

“It’s Jimin,” you correct from force of habit.

You’re promptly ignored — not that you expected anything less from him.

"Just give it a thought? And get back to me when you make up your mind. The sooner the better. The offer won't stay on the table forever." Even over the line, you can picture Seokjin raising his eyebrows at you, expectant. “If you’re serious about this job, you know what you have to do.”

You both know that you’ll accept the offer. Seokjin’s got you all figured out. As much as you don’t like being pushed around, the need to prove yourself is your main driving factor. The acquaintances who sneer at you, the family members who’ve shun you, the peers who expect you to burn out after the five month mark—you’d rather roll over and die than prove their misconceptions right.

It’s a matter of pride when you sniff and reply, “I’ll think about it.”

But the decision is already made before the call ends.

.

.

SCENE 02 - THE SPERMINATOR. TAKE 02. ROLL B. 

.

Eight days later you find yourself squeezed into a brazenly short dress that zips in the front, more fit for a night out in a club than a dinner at home. It’s so ridiculously tight, you feel like a prey being swallowed down by a snake. There’s no room to breathe. You can’t wait for the scene to start, if only so you can dispose of the piece of fabric and never wear it again.

Unfortunately, your outfit gets worse because thrown over the clubbing attire is a frilly apron with small hearts embroidered along the hem. The mismatch is jarring. You’re not sure what look the stylist is going for but the end result is very...peculiar.

You comfort yourself with the knowledge that it could always be worse.

A quick glance at the digital clock on your phone confirms that you’re running on time. Good. After your last gig, the last thing you want is to spend hours waiting for the personnel to set up the cameras and sound equipment correctly.

Thankfully, today’s team works like a well-oiled machine. All that’s left are the last-minute preparations before the shoot begins.

Your false eyelashes are still drying when Seokjin elbows you sharply in the ribs. You crack open an eye to glare at him. “Ouch - ah, seriously? What is it now?”

“That’s him, that’s him!” Seokjin whispers under his breath, his gaze glued to a point somewhere beyond your shoulder. “Wooow. Aren’t you a lucky bitch? I’d gargle his nutté sauce for breakfast, if you get what I mean. He looks way better in person, damn.”

“Firstly - please never say that out loud again.” You fake a gag. “How do I buy myself a new set of ears?”

Seokjin ignores your dramatics. He shoots you a look. “You let that last guy draw a starfish on your face with his crème de la nut but did you hear me go sick?”

“That’s not the same and you know it!” Your jaw drops in indignation. “And can you stop trying to make nut cream a thing for the love of—”

“What’s this about nut cream?”

You whip your head around, mortification already etched onto your features. Your mouth opens, defense at the ready, only for your throat to clamp up.

“Oh.” You blink up in surprise because - well, Seokjin’s earlier assessment isn’t embellished. The guy is fit as fuck.

You’d seen photos in passing, had even googled his name out of curiosity, but the two-dimensional version of him pales to his real life physique. There’s a sharpness to his features that the camera fails to pick up on, a vibrancy that gets lost in the medium. 

“Hey. I’m Hoseok.” His grip is firm, assertive, and your eyes naturally wander over his form. The loose muscle tee he’s thrown on puts his toned arms on display and makes it easier to admire the seemingly endless expanse of sun-kissed skin. He’s neither too thick nor too spindly, his muscles lean and firm instead of bulging. Strong but not intimidating. “I look forward to working with you.”

“Likewise.” You swallow, mouth dry.

You expect him to leave it at that like most of your past co-stars usually do. Or worse - for him to abandon all pretenses and cross lines that aren’t meant to be crossed. As someone who has experienced it all - from standoffish to creepy and vile - nothing surprises you anymore.

But unlike your, admittedly low, expectations, his gaze is warm and friendly. He speaks smoothly, leaving no time for an awkward silence to instill itself.

“Yeah, I know who you are! I saw a video or two of yours before - you were featured on the agency’s main page last month, right? Fuckin’ genius, by the way. Best stuff I’ve seen in a long ass time.” An easy grin sits on his face, nothing about it fake or contrived. “I hope we get along today. I haven’t done much work myself - yet anyway - but I hope this can be a good experience for the both of us.”

“You’ll be in good hands,” Seokjin assures, patting your shoulder like a proud parent. “_____ here is the best talent I’ve signed on.”

“That I can believe,” Hoseok chimes, his smile never waning. “I’ve heard good stuff about you. I won’t lie - it reassured me a fuck ton when I heard I’d be working with you. The stuff we’re doing is, well, it’s a bit of a gamble at this point, but I’m sure it’ll go well because I’ll be working with you.”

For a brief, embarrassing moment, you’re robbed of words, unable to respond to his flattery. From experience, you know to be wary of guys like him. Whenever someone lays it on thick they always have an ulterior motive. But what could possibly be his?

“Seokjin’s saying that because I’m the only one who can stand his nagging,” you finally say, your shoulders stiff. Maybe it’s because you’ve just met, but it’s hard to figure him out and it doesn’t help that you’re naturally wary of strangers.

“Oh hush. You love me.” Sensing how guarded you’ve become, Seokjin mercifully offers you an out. “It was nice meeting you, Hoseok. Wish we could stay and chat but she has to get ready to film the pre-interview portion.”

“Oh yeah, that’s cool. Catch you later.”

You offer a quick smile he returns tenfold, its brightness momentarily dazzling you.

Slightly dazed from the intensity of it, you stagger behind Seokjin, sun spots dotting your vision. Your surroundings blur together as your mind tries to recover from the interaction.

“Sooooooooo?” Seokjin sing-songs once you’ve walked far enough to be out of earshot. His brows are raised knowingly, an infuriating type of smugness clinging to his features. “What did I tell you! He’s hot enough to single-highhandedly melt a glacier, huh?”

You scoff, not willing to admit anything. “He’s okay.”

“Oh c’mon. He’s baby daddy material for sure. Which works out well for you since he’s gonna pump one into you later.”

For once the grimace that crosses your face isn’t exaggerated. “Please. Stop. Talking. I’m this close to heaving out my lunch.”

You’re not even joking with that one. Attractive as Hoseok may be, any talk of baby-making is enough to dissipate any smidgens of lust.

The reminder of what the upcoming scene entails and the expectations people carry crash down on you like a pile of bricks. Although you’ve done your best to ignore the fact you’ll be acting today, the meeting with Hoseok yanks you harshly back to reality.

You’re going to act. As a married couple. Trying to conceive a baby.

Three things that have never, ever been on your bucket list are now about to be crossed out in the span of the same afternoon. To that you can only say - what the fuck is my life.

Like a mounting wave before the inevitable crash, panic crests within you. You feel it gradually build and build, flooding your lungs and every crevice of your body with overwhelming anxiety.

Seokjin sighs. “How are you going to make it through today? The whole point of the sex scene is to get you pregnant. Or fake pregnant. You know what I mean.”

“Um...” You try to laugh but it comes out shaky. Seokjin shoots you a concerned look. “I’ll be fine! Really! I can do it. It’s just acting like you said, right? It’s not like he’s actually gonna knock me up in real life. So. Totally fine. It’s fine. Perfect.”

Seokjin’s concern grows. His eyebrows pinch together and his expression turns serious. He asks with no trace of mockery, “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay!” you reply. It’s too rushed of an answer to convince him. Your palms feel clammy and you wipe them off your damned apron. “Just. Nervous. Y’know.”

His steps slow to a halt and he places a warm, heavy hand on your shoulder. The weight, familiar and comforting, grounds you to reality. “Hey. What’s there to be nervous about? You got this.”

“Yeah.” You nod. Maybe if you say it enough times you’ll trick yourself into believing it. “I’ve got this.”

“Look. Let me be honest for a second. I’ve been an agent for eight years now and I’ve seen a lot of talents come and go. No pun intended.” You smile back at him weakly. “You’ve got something...extra a lot of them lacked. I knew the moment I saw you on film you’d go far. The energy you bring onscreen is insane. I know today might seem new and strange - but so was your first ever professionally shot film, right? And you got through that fine. You’ll do great. I know it. And, not to toot my own horn, but I’m always right.”

That earns him a laugh. The nerves are still there but thanks to his pep talk it’s easier to breathe.

Despite being a big pain in the ass, Seokjin is exemplary at his job. Without him, you’re acutely aware you wouldn’t have gotten half as far as you have. Having him by your side is a reassurance in itself.

Someone calls your name, pulling you from your thoughts. When you turn around, you’re face to face with the round, bespectacled face of Director Ryu. You reckon he’s in his early forties but he acts younger than his age. It’s your first time working with him but so far he’s been nice enough, if a little full of himself. Not that you’re unaccustomed with working alongside conceited colleagues.

“Oh good, you’re back. You can get seated for the interview bit.” He points over to a chair placed in front of a pale yellow wall. From close up, you can see a paint job is in order, the old coat chipping off in several places. “Alright, this won’t last long - just need you to answer some questions on tape and we’ll be good to go.”

“Sure thing.” You nod and follow his directions, sitting still while the hair and make-up artist steps up to give your lips a final touch-up.

Strictly speaking, the before and after interviews aren’t a necessity. In your experience, directors mostly film the short question-and-answer sequence when you’re set to film hardcore sex scenes as a way to show viewers everything is consensual and that you thoroughly enjoyed the experience despite whatever might have transpired on screen.

You reckon the director wants to film you today to document the process behind his “groundbreaking film project”. Cue roll of eyes.

Somebody needs to tell him he isn’t inventing anything, you think while watching him fiddle with the camera until he’s completely satisfied with the angle. All he’s done so far is add unnecessary pressure on you. You hope Hoseok is faring better because the amount of performance anxiety you’re experiencing is an instant boner killer.

“You nervous?” the director asks once he’s done adjusting the camera lens.

While by some standards you’re still considered a newbie in the industry, you’ve done this enough times to fall into a routine. Wake-up, breakfast, get ready, arrive before call time, fill out all the paperwork and get ready to shoot your solo stills. It’s familiar enough that you’ve long stopped getting pre-performance jitters.

Today’s rush of anxiety is as surprising as it is unwelcome. They don’t want to hear that particular truth though, so you keep your reply sweet and bubbly.

“Nah,” you grin, wide and easy. “I’m super excited to film today!”

“Oh yeah? Is it perhaps because of your co-star?”

Your smile freezes for a second. Somewhere over the director’s shoulder you can see Seokjin nodding enthusiastically while giving you the double thumbs up. “Hoseok? He’s hot, sure.”

“Ooh. Already on a first name basis?”

“Hm?” you let out a noise of polite confusion, only belatedly realizing that his viewers know him better as his porn alias, J-Hope. But there’s no way in hell you’re going to yell that out loud while he’s fucking an orgasm out of you. Not only does it sound ridiculous but it’ll shatter whatever carefully crafted illusion you manage to build. “Um, yes. We’re getting to know each other. He’s very friendly.”

“I’m sure he is.” And there’s an implication there that doesn’t sit too well with you but thankfully Director Ryu chooses to move on and put that particular subject to rest.

“You ever shoot an insemination scene before?”

“Not yet.” You make sure to keep the smile on your face even if your cheeks are beginning to hurt. “I can’t wait to get to it. It’s a fantasy I’ve always had but never tried out for myself. I’m excited to film a first on camera!”

The director has yet to call you out for your bullshit so you slowly start to relax. Acting is a bit like lying, isn’t it? Maybe you can get through today after all.

You breeze through the rest of the questions, forcing out practiced laughs here and there all whilst keeping your voice syrupy sweet. It’s quick work, especially when you know what to expect. Before you know it, it’s already time to film the pièce de résistance. Everyone that’s allowed on set during filming filters into the kitchen, conversations between crew members dying down as they use their last recreational moments to check their phones.

The director’s filming style exempts you from shooting the customary pre-shoot sex stills which are essentially promotional pictures of you and and your partner in every sex position that you’ll be filming for real later on. You’re thankful for that, at least. Even with all of your on-camera experience, staying perfectly silent and still with someone’s dick inside you is no easy feat. It’s worse when you have to keep eye contact with your co-star and fake sexual gratification because the shot calls for it.

Hoseok waves at you from the other side of the room, the hair and makeup artist dusting some powder across the slope of his nose.

How can he look so relaxed?! You’re barely holding your lunch down. Honestly, it’s a miracle you’re able to now tat the butterflies are back in full force, making a mess of your stomach.

You feel queasy but try not to make it too obvious even as Seokjin comes around to check up on you. The last thing you want to do is make a scene, especially when your onscreen counterpart's demeanor is making you look amateurish in comparison.

Maybe Hoseok is a better actor than you’re able to give most porn stars credit for because try as you might, you fail to detect any nervous undercurrent in his tone. For someone who is supposedly starring in his first major project, he doesn’t seem all too bothered about how it might play out.

How does he do it?! In all honesty, if Seokjin hadn’t informed you of his rookie status, you would be none the wiser.

There’s an ease with which he carries himself, a fluidity in his movements that belies no anxiety or awkwardness. Even from this distance you can tell that there’s never a hint of hesitation in his movements or speech; he doesn’t seem self-conscious in the least. He talks and moves with the assurance of someone who has been in the industry for months, not weeks.

In that moment you envy him. You’re so nervous about the upcoming scene that it’s hard to feign an air of professional detachment.

His boisterous laugh is loud enough to carry across the room and interrupt your line of thought. When you look over at him again, you find him folded in half, hands clutching his sides, and wearing a grin so bright it eclipses the entirety of his face.

“He seems nice.”

You jump, startled by Jimin’s sudden appearance. You hadn’t even heard him draw near. With a sheepish expression, you turn to look up at him only to find him already staring off into the distance. There’s a strange look painting his face, and a small crease in his brow that usually isn’t present. When you follow his line of sight, you’re met with the image of Hoseok talking animatedly to the the small crowd that’s flocked around him.

“Yeah.” You aren’t sure what else to say. Although there’s no sarcasm attached to his words, you can’t help but find Jimin unnaturally tense.

Which makes sense, you concede guiltily. A mere stranger is minutes away from dicking down his girlfriend. You’re not sure how you’d feel if you were to stand in his shoes.

You breathe in deep, silently willing away the knot of distress in your belly. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. It’s just a job. A profession that Jimin has always been fully aware of, even before you’d begun dating.

Even as you remind yourself of the facts, it does little to dispel the lingering feelings of doubt and guilt.

“Hey.” Jimin frowns at you in concern. “You alright?”

“Yep!” you say then immediately sigh, knowing that lying to your boyfriend is pointless. “I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Nervous?” Jimin’s worry grows, the crease in his brow deepening. “What about?”

“Just—” You gesture around with your hands. “All of this.”

“Oh.” He looks genuinely surprised. “But you don’t usually get nervous... Is it the impregnation thing you’ll have to do? I know you’ve said you’re not a big fan of that. Or... Is it something else?”

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully. It’s a bit of everything yet at the same time nothing you can clearly pinpoint and put a finger on. In all logic, you know that you’re feeling disproportionately stressed out but you can’t stop yourself from feeling how you feel. “It’s not that I don’t want to film. I just - I’m worried I won’t do well.”

Jimin takes your hand between his, running a thumb in soothing circles across the surface of your skin. He repeats the motion several times until your heartbeat is completely synced to his touch.

“You’ll do great. You always do.” The lines of his mouth bend into a smile. “I’ll be on the sidelines cheering you on.”

“My very own cheerleader.” You allow yourself to relax and and smile back fondly.

As much as you worry about Jimin being upset with you filming sex scenes with other actors, he’s never been anything less than the supporting boyfriend you’ve always dreamed of. Seokjin calls Jimin’s constant presence on set maddening, but you’re thankful that your boyfriend sticks by your side while others might flee or shame you.

Suddenly, you’re overcome with emotion. Maybe it’s the stress, or maybe today you’re more hormonal than usual, but your eyes threaten to well up as you grip his palm tightly in your own. “Jimin, I—”

“Okay, lovebirds!” Seokjin claps his hands once, effectively ruining your moment. “Hand-holding time is over. We’re moving onto the more R-rated stuff.”

“Seokjin!” you hiss, upset over his horrible timing.

“It’s fine.” Jimin shakes his head. “He’s right, shoot’s about to start anytime soon. I need to get ready, too.”

“Right.”

Reluctantly, you let go of Jimin’s hand.

“Don’t pout.” He laughs and presses a quick, chaste kiss to your mouth. “I’ll wait for you after filming and we can go grab dinner. Italian sound fine?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” You bob your head eagerly. “I’m literally dying for carbs. Italian sounds more than perfect.”

“Good.” 

You can’t resist sneaking in one last peck before Jimin retreats behind the cameras and you’re pulled to stand in front of a granite kitchen tabletop. Director Ryu is waiting for you, Hoseok already by his side.

From close-up, your co-star looks even more striking. The make-up artist’s work highlights his features without going overboard. The lines of his face are sharp, like every single one has been meticulously drawn. What usually would give someone a hostile and unapproachable impression is balanced out by the liveliness that lights up his eyes and his wide smile that looks almost too big for his face.

“It’ll start in the kitchen and then we’ll work out way to the bedroom.” Director Ryu points down the hallway. “I was thinking of keeping it all in the bedroom but nothing screams domesticity more than kitchen scenes, right?”

“Uh-huh.” You give a polite nod. Next to you, Hoseok coughs into his fist.

“Depending on how this goes we might have to take several takes - just keep that in mind.”

That’s nothing out of the ordinary. Sex scenes are never filmed in one take. There’s always one thing or another - a smoke break, a flaccid dick, a lighting fixture that needs to be changed. A 45 minute porn movie is the result of the editing team that painstakingly goes through, cuts and assembles hours of footage.

“Remember,” Director Ryu instructs, one hand cocked on his hips. “You’re still stuck in that honeymoon phase. All the two of you want to do is fuck like horny bunnies but your husband’s been away all day. Both of you have been waiting for this reunion for hours and hours. I want to feel that level of tension, got it?”

Hoseok nods like a dutiful student, his expression comically serious. You’d laugh if it wasn’t so inappropriate.

“Yep. Ok. Got it.”

You just want the director to stop talking so that you can get this over with quickly. The monologue is just delaying the inevitable.

Director Ryu spends extra minutes setting up the scene, emphasizing how in love and passionate the two of you should behave, describing how long you’ve been wanting to try for a baby, going into explicit detail about what the sex scenes should convey to the viewers. He just goes on and on and on with no end it sight.

At this point even Hoseok is growing restless. His feet refuse to stay still and his eyes dart around the room as if his attention is drawn elsewhere. It’s Hoseok’s constant fidgeting that draws Director Ryu out of his monologue. He finally senses that there’s a unanimous decision to start filming and retires behind the camera to settle himself in his appointed chair.

Hoseok shares a long look with you. “Is he always like that?”

“God, I hope not.” You lower your voice to whisper, “Seokjin - my agent - he says apparently Director Ryu wanted to make a career off of documentaries once he graduated from film school but quickly switched genres once he saw how little filming the mating habits of koalas was earning him.”

“Ah,” Hoseok nods conspiratorially before his features shift into something more serious. “Hey. Before we start, is there anything you’re not comfortable with? I know this scene is supposed to lean towards vanilla but you never know... I’d rather make sure. Just in case.”

You blink, taken aback. Hard limits aren’t really discussed outside of hardcore scenes. Sure, everyone is given a safeword before shoots begin but even screaming out “STOP!” or “Can we take a break from filming?” is enough to put the filmed scene on hold.

“Ah... No. I’m okay. But thanks for asking.” A moment passes and you add, “Is there - are there any words or kinks that bother you?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “Not for this one. Just - if there’s anything you’d rather me not say or do, don’t hesitate.”

You nod in reply, not sure of what else to say. Unfortunately your past experiences with men have made you suspicious of any form of flattery or kindness.

Soon, though, you relax. What reason is there for Hoseok to deceive you? Maybe he still has that rookie mindset. You can relate to the eagerness and the desire to do well you’d had in your early days of filming.

“Alright. Good luck, Hoseok.”

His smile is so bright that it erases your previous doubts. Surely someone with ill-intentions wouldn’t be able to smile like that, right? You return a tentative smile of your own. Something akin to understanding seems to pass between you. Although you don’t know Hoseok and he doesn’t know you, you trust him enough for this scene.

The moment is broken when Director Ryu directs Hoseok to wait outside the camera’s line of vision and you’re left alone in front of the kitchen stove.

Any moment now, you think. A telltale silence falls over the staff members as they all anticipate the director’s signal for the scene to start.

The first few seconds are always tricky. You’re no actress. There’s no switch inside of you that flips on and off as soon as the director commands “ACTION!” and “CUT!”. The world around you doesn’t fade out, your ‘porn star persona’ doesn’t claw its way out from within you and lunge for the nearest available dick. Sometimes, if you’re not attracted to your onscreen partner, you find your mind drifting off, making an inventory of your fridge and wondering what you’ll be able to cook up for dinner with two eggs and leftover rice.

When Director Ryu shouts “ACTION!” and slams down the plate, you freeze up. Usually you have an idea of what to say or do, but the words and actions won’t come to you this time.

Someone behind the cameras lets out a light cough. Oh right, you blink down at the simmering pot of water in front of you. The cameras are recording you making an utter fool out of yourself.

The spike of humiliation forces you into action. You’re more professional than this, damn it. You give the water a tentative stir, movements wooden and stiff. It’s hard to concentrate. All you can do is watch as the water simmers to a boil, the sound of bubbling water like a roaring current in your ears.

A door creaks open, signalling your onscreen husband’s return home.

To your horror, you find that you’re unable to move, as if your limbs had forgotten their primary function.

Before the scene had started, you had envisioned yourself throwing yourself into the arms of your loving husband and welcoming him home with a shower of kisses and words of affection. You had internally rehearsed it, had even thought of what you could say to him between pecks, but the reality is far removed from what you had practiced.

“Darling?” Hoseok’s voice is soft but loud enough for you to hear him over the angry sounds of boiling water. The vowels he uses are rounded, different from the bright pep in his tone from earlier. 

You want to respond but your tongue feels like lead, too heavy in your mouth to articulate and form the proper reply. What are you supposed to call him, anyway? Honey? Hoseok? A nickname derived from his name? What do newlywed spouses call each other? Why couldn’t you give this more thought before the cameras began rolling?

Panic balloons inside you, threatening to burst. For a terrifying and mortifying second, you think that you’ve gone and ruined everything. The muscles in your shoulders bunch up and you half-expect the director to shout ‘CUT!’, give you a public scolding for missing your cue and berate you for your overall ineptitude.

Hoseok’s arms wrap around your middle before you have time to agonize any further. Just as you suspected, his arms are strong, the lean muscles flexing as he readjusts his hold around your waist. What you don’t expect, however, is the unadulterated warmth he radiates. His body burns hot; even through the layers of clothing separating the two of you, his warmth seeps through. But it’s strangely comfortable, not unlike basking in the afternoon sun during the last days of summer. You let yourself melt into his embrace.

“You’re not even going to say hi?”

With your back turned to him, you can’t be sure, but you imagine the pout playing at his lips. He tucks his chin in the crook of your shoulder. If he feels any awkwardness, he doesn’t let it show.

Miraculously, your mouth seems to be in working order again. It takes you a few seconds too long to find the appropriate answer, but it finally comes before the director can cut in to make any remarks.

“If I turn around right now, I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you,” you explain. “And - I don’t want to ruin our dinner.”

Just to keep up the pretense, you add a handful of spaghetti into the pot of water.

Hoseok lets out a hum from behind you. He’s standing close enough for you to feel the vibrations low in his throat.

“I hate it,” he says after a stretch of silence.

You pout. “What? My cooking? What’s wrong with it?”

“No, silly. I hate -” he sighs, buries his face in your neck before looking back up so the camera can capture his expression. “I hate not being with you. I missed this.”

He hugs you from behind before kissing your neck. It starts off innocuous - his lips pressing short, chaste kisses down the column of your throat. Quickly, however, his mouth lingers on your skin.

“Ah - don’t. I’m cooking!” you shriek when his teeth scrape over a sensitive spot under your jaw. Your protests are half-hearted and go by unacknowledged. The pot of pasta could overflow right now and no one would care, least of all you.

Hoseok noses your neck while he tightening his grip around your waist, the movement bringing his hips flush against your lower back. You give the pot in front of you a very unenthusiastic stir, attention focused instead on the way his lips tenderly skim the surface of your skin, testing and teasing. The sensation feels nice - and keeps your mind off of the several cameras directed your way.

“But I went all day missing my princess,” he sighs, open mouthed against your neck. “Spent all day thinking about you.”

“Y-you did?”

“Mhm.” He gives your exposed shoulder a peck. Then another. “Thought about your cute little laugh.”

His line catches you off guard. Your mouth opens but no sound comes out.

Porn is often crude and to the point. You’re used to men complimenting your body parts or praising your skills in bed. You’d never minded, either. But Hoseok’s choice of words make you eager in a different way.

“What else?”

“Well, your cooking, for sure. Without you I’d be eating out of ramyeon packets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

You let out a snort.

“That’s true. Your cooking is so horrible it’s offensive.”

“Hey now. Don’t be mean.” He pokes your cheek before pinching your chin to turn your head towards him. “I can cook a decent omelet.”

Hoseok’s a good few inches taller than you so you have to strain your neck to be able to look him in the eyes. The slight discomfort barely registers. You’re too transfixed by the way he stares at you. It’s hard to place the expression because you’ve never seen it on a fellow actor before. Normally, the men you work with stare you down with hungry and lustful intent, but there’s none of that in Hoseok’s gaze.

The expression on his face cannot be described as innocent, either. He licks his lips, drawing your attention to the pretty lines of his mouth delicately curved into a smile.

“I missed the way you feel in my arms.” His voice sounds deeper, this time. “I missed holding you close to me. Kissing you. Reminding you how much I love you. I missed the look in your eyes when - “

“When?”

He smirks. “You sure you want to hear it? What if you can’t keep your hands off of me after? I don’t want to be held responsible for soggy pasta.”

“Hoseok,” you whine, one of your hands reaching down to slap at the hold around your stomach. 

He tightens his hold around you and your breath hitches, suddenly all too aware of how firm his body feels behind you. The smirk on his face widens as he leans forward to confess his next words.

“I was thinking about how I miss the look on your face whenever I make your pussy sloppy with my cum.”

“Hoseok!”

One moment he’s crooning sweet words of affection, the next he’s spitting out filth. The quick back-and-forth gives you whiplash but you can’t say you dislike it. Unlike the tired and overused clichéd porn scenarios you’ve filmed in the past, Hoseok’s unpredictable behavior has the advantage of keeping you on your toes.

“You missed it too, hm?” He kisses your neck, lips soft and warm. “Kept thinking about how pretty you sound. So, so pretty. Especially when I give you what you want.”

“How would you know what I want?” You turn your head forwards so you can pretend to check up on the cooking pasta. “You were away all day.”

Hoseok’s eyes flash dangerously.

“How would I know?” he parrots back, his tone sweet and mocking. Something about it sends tingles down your spine and has you standing up straighter. “I always know what my pretty wife wants. I know because your body can’t lie to me.”

His hands wander, one of them inching up the material of your frilly apron to reach between your breasts. The movement is slow enough for a camera to zoom in and follow its trail. Hoseok rests his hand on your left breast and gives it a squeeze.

“See?” He repeats the action. “Your heart’s racing like crazy.”

You swallow audibly, finding it hard to come up with a witty riposte.

He continues with a chuckle, “You can’t deny it, can you? Your body’s too honest for your own good. It’s okay. You don’t have to say you missed me. I know.”

His self-assured way of talking makes it easier for you to react. This - the cockiness, the playfulness - you’re familiar with.

You roll your eyes and continue to give the pot in front of you a few additional stirs only for your breath to hitch when he starts to grind his hips against your lower back in time with your stirs.

Fuck is your only coherent thought. He rolls his hips so well it’s impossible not to imagine them doing something else. Your bottom lip grows numb from how hard you bite it.

“Of course I missed you.” You keep your tone as light as possible, determined not to show that his words and actions affect you.

Hoseok’s eyes narrow. He removes his hands from around you but keeps his front pressed against your back. He smiles again, dimples poking through.

“You don’t sound convinced... That’s fine.” It sounds like the beginning of a challenge and you soon learn why.

His nimble fingers play with the knot of your apron and you tense, expecting him to make quick work of your clothes and dive straight into dessert, so to speak. Once again, he surprises you by leaving the apron alone, hands falling to his sides.

His knees hit the floor, the noise startling you. Before you have the chance to truly react, he’s quick to pull your hips backwards until your back is arched. The sudden change in position forces you to adjust your stance so as to keep your balance.

“Hoseok?” you start to question but he cuts you off with a tut and light smack to your ass.

“You just keep your eye on dinner like you were doing before.” His fingers play with the hem of your short dress, stretching the fabric until it bunches up around your hips and leaves your lacy thong on display. “You can do that, right?”

Flustered by the position he’s maneuvered you into, with your hips thrust back obscenely, legs splayed wide and pussy on show, you grip the wooden spoon in your hand with more force than necessary. “It’s just pasta. I can manage.”

Maybe you sound less indifferent than intended because Hoseok seems more amused than offended by your feinted nonchalance. He barks out a laugh, his hands spreading the meat of your cheeks aside to get a better view of your lace-covered bits.

Privately, you wish you could witness his reaction. If there’s anything that turns you on, it’s knowing how much someone else wants you. If feels good to know that you’re wanted and desired. Even if fucking is part of your job description, the act needs to be mutually enjoyable for you to be completely satisfied.

“Sure.” The lilt in his voice is so sweet that it borders on condescending. “While you do that, I think I’ll have my appetizer.”

It’s corny, overused and a little degrading - exactly the type of one-liner you’d ordinarily find in porn - but he gives you no time to call him out for it. As soon as he’s done talking, he wags his tongue out and drags it across the red lace, and the repeated up and down motions quickly dampen your panties.

You notice with great frustration that he takes care to avoid your clit, focusing instead on licking broad stripes over slit and, to your surprise, around your rim.  He doesn’t stop until your underwear drips with the accumulation of your essence and his saliva. The soaked lace rubs against you, the rough texture adding pressure to your most sensitive zones, until you can’t tell if the extra sensation is a blessing or a curse. Your hips jerk forward every so often, unsure if you’d rather lean into or escape his torturous games. Because as amazing as Hoseok’s tongue feels, you know your body well enough to be able to tell that this particular tempo won’t bring you to your peak.

An appetizer, he had called it. That’s exactly what the teasing ministrations feel like - a small sampling before the main course. It’s satisfying and maddening in its own way. Good, but not enough to satisfy your ravenous appetite.

He unearths himself from your dripping core, chin shiny with your juices.

“Keep focus,” he instructs as he slots two fingers inside of you. You’re wet enough that they slide in without too much difficulty, the stretch making your stomach clench. “I thought you said you knew how to cook pasta.”

Against your will, you force yourself to focus on the bubbling water in front of you. As much as you want to push your hips back and ride his fingers until you’re pushed over the edge, you can’t take the humiliation of messing up pasta - even if it is for the sake of a porn scenario.

It’s fucking pasta! You have to be seriously inept to mess up such a simple dish...

But what should have been an effortless task becomes more challenging than expected. Hoseok refuses to go easy on you. If anything, your stubborn silence is all the motivation he needs to thrust his fingers inside of you harder, curving them at an angle that makes your knees wobble. You struggle to keep any incriminating noises at bay but despite your best efforts, several muffled moans slip out one after the other.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, the logical side of you points out how dangerous all of this is. What if, during your impending orgasm, your body seizes up and knocks the boiling water everywhere during the process? You quickly switch off the gas stove at the thought. Better be safe than sorry.

Just then, Hoseok adds his tongue to the mix, his fingers relentless in their pursuit of your pleasure. You bite back a curse as the wooden spoon slips from your hold and clatters to the floor.

“Ah fu - Oh God,” you stutter, hands holding on to the edge of the counter for dear life.

You’ve been eaten out God knows how many times in your life, but not many have instinctively known what really gets you going. Hoseok laps at your core, tongue collecting the moisture that seeps through the fabric of your ruined panties, while his fingers scissor you open for his cock.

Your stomach clenches as you imagine how well he’d fill you up. Who the hell would ever want pasta for dinner when Hoseok could feed you his cock instead? Definitely not you, that’s for sure.

It’s easy to picture it. All he’d need to do is stand up, unzip his pants and spear you open with a practiced roll of his hips. Maybe he’d make you toss a salad while he fucks you from behind, slapping your ass whenever you forget to keep stirring the ingredients together. Or perhaps he’d let you ride his dick on the kitchen floor, too impatient to make it to a more comfortable surface.

Your imagination knows no bounds. Once you start, you can’t stop thinking of more lascivious scenarios, each one more daring and debauched than the last. The heat between your legs becomes unbearable and still, you ache for more.

Hoseok pulls away from the apex of your thighs and snorts, the sound pulling you out of your depraved thoughts. The pace of his thrusting slows down without stopping completely, his fingers still pressed deep within you. Your arms tremble as they try to keep you upright, knuckles white from the strength of your grip around the counter’s edge. You exhale shakily.

A whine works its way into your voice. “Why - why’d you stop?”

Ignoring your protests, he pops his fingers out of you and indulges in one last lick of your swollen pussy, before gathering to his feet. He rolls down your dress back over your bum and peers over your shoulder, acting as nothing had ever happened.

“Thought you said you’d take care of dinner, hm?” Hoseok has the gall to hum in disappointment.

Your mouth opens in outrage. “You!”

Hoseok pouts. “I thought we said you wouldn’t blame me for any soggy pasta.”

“You’re impossible,” you say without any real heat to your words.

“But you love me that way.”

He smiles as he leans in to kiss you, lips sticky and warm. You follow the pace he sets as best you can, unaccustomed to the way he takes his time - like you’re a delicacy that demands to be savored and not gulped down. On-screen kisses are usually rushed, messy, with too much tongue. They’re a scripted affair, more for show than out of real affection. When men tuck back your hair behind your ear or palm your cheek, it’s only to better angle your face for the camera.

There is something intimate about the way he holds you, the way he looks at you. Inwardly, you can't help but admire his acting skills. There’s something tender about the way he handles you that’s distinctly different from any of your previous onscreen partners. Sure, you’ve shot vanilla sex scenes before, but never of this variety. None of the male actors’ performances have made you wish, even fleetingly, foolishly, that the scene was real.

Hoseok pulls up for air before your mind can wander off completely, his panting mouth a hairsbreadth away. Lips touching but not quite.

Blearily, you blink your eyes open. You’re close enough that your noses brush against one another, your breaths mingling together. Hoseok’s eyes remain closed throughout, like he doesn’t want the moment to end. He looks so content that you can’t bring yourself to do anything else but melt further into his embrace, gaze drinking in the minute details of his face - like the tiny moles dotting his cheekbone and upper lip and the pretty curve of his eyes.

“And cut!”

You both jump away from each other, startled. For a second there, the storyline you’d been instructed to follow had slipped from your mind. You’re unsure if the lapse in judgement is good or bad but you don’t let the question linger in your thoughts. You’ll have plenty of time to dissect your performance at a later time.

“Good, good. That wasn’t what I was expecting but I don’t think anyone has any objections?” Director Ryu claps his hands. “Fifteen minute break sound good everyone? Then we’ll relocate to the bedroom to shoot the next part.”

There’s a general hum of agreement from the crew members. Chairs and various other equipment scrape the floor as the personnel prepare to migrate to the other room for filming. Jimin’s gaze meets yours briefly but all he can do is smile weakly in your direction before he’s ordered to help push some of the equipment down the hall.

Someone comes up to you with a bottle of water while another steps closer to blot the beads of sweat near your hairline and reapply a layer of lipstick. The make-up artist knits her brows in concentration until she’s satisfied with the touch-ups. She then moves on to Hoseok, make-up palette and brush at the ready, and grumbles loudly about the sticky residue covering his face. You hear Hoseok bellow a laugh, the sound so infectious that even the make-up artist joins in. 

You sip your water through a straw, careful not to smudge your freshly applied lipstick, and check your phone for any missed messages.

“Was all of that okay?”

“Hm?” You look up and are surprised to see Hoseok stare at you expectantly. “I, uh, know some girls aren’t into ass play. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before jumping the gun but I figured - since you said there wasn’t anything major you were adverse to filming...”

His voice trails off.

“I liked it.” The admission is an easy one. “It did take me by surprise, but - I don’t have any complaints.”

“Ah, really?” Hoseok’s mouth corners upturn in relief. “That’s good to know. I was thinking - for the next scene - what if - I mean, are you okay with calling me Daddy?”

You tilt your head as you mull over the proposition.

“Daddy?”

“It’s not - you don’t have to. But listening to Director Ryu go on earlier made me think of something we could do. I think it fits well with the general idea. What do you think?”

“I’m fine with it.” Using the title doesn’t make you squeamish so you shrug in compliance. It’s not the first you’ve had to incorporate a daddy kink into the scene and it likely won’t be the last. You don’t see why you wouldn’t or shouldn’t do it with Hoseok. “I’ll follow your lead like I’ve been doing.”

It’s only as you’re following him towards the bedroom that you recall that you’ve yet to get to the crux of the scene - the damned impregnation kink. Even though you’re considerably less nervous than you’d been an hour or two ago, the thought of begging someone you barely know for something so intimate makes your stomach flip-flop. You don’t even have unprotected sex with Jimin and he’s your boyfriend.

Speaking of Jimin, you try to sneak in a peck or two before filming but Director Ryu intercepts you before you can make a beeline to where Jimin’s stationed behind a camera.

“How are you feeling?” The overhead light reflects off his round glasses and makes it impossible to hold eye contact unless you want to become semi-permanently blind.

“Good---”

“Wonderful. Well, we’ve positioned cameras here, here, and over there. There’ll be another camera man who’ll film with a handheld camera for closeups. Just keep that in mind. I know we’re giving you free-range to do what you feel is best and most natural but I’d hate to ask you to re-shoot because the camera couldn’t capture the both of you properly.”

You nod and he continues, “Also - please remember that you’re acting as a horny young married couple. I remember at that age I was up for anything, you get what I’m saying? People think just because you put a ring on your finger the sex automatically becomes stale. Fuck that. Show people married couples are freaks in the sheet.”

“Uh... Alright. I’ll keep that in mind.”

He claps a hand over your shoulder. “That’s the spirit.”

Freaks in the sheet? What did he expect you to do? Try out all the sex positions in the Kama Sutra?

“What did he want now?” Hoseok leans over to whisper once you’re seated comfortably on the bed. You’re hoping the mics don’t pick up the conversation but would rather not take the risk of being overheard bad-mouthing the director.

Shrugging, you say, “Just that this scene should be spicier.”

Hoseok raises his brow, lips quirking into a smirk. “That so?”

The same cockiness you’d caught a glimpse of during your escapade in the kitchen is back and the memory you associate it with makes the back of your neck prickle with heat. You clear your throat and avert your eyes.

Thankfully Director Ryu interrupts before Hoseok has the chance to fluster you further. You follow each of the director’s voiced directives until you’re comfortably seated on Hoseok’s lap, dress hitched around your waist because of how far your knees are spread on either side of Hoseok’s thighs. There’s a quick, last minute adjustment as Director Ryu ensures that the camera in the left corner picks up on everything it’s supposed to.

Satisfied, he lets you take the reins from there, then gives the cameras the signal to begin rolling.

You don’t waste a moment, taking his earlier commentary to heart. It’s your turn to pepper kisses all over Hoseok’s golden skin, leaving faint traces of rouge behind like an artist signing their own painting. You stop a few times to admire your work. Lip prints and lavender bite marks color his skin and the sight awakens a possessive streak you didn’t know you had.

Your enthusiasm to mark him up gets a little out of hand.

"Mhm." Hoseok grunts when you lick over a sensitive spot under his jaw. "Slow down, princess. There's no rush. We have all night."

He cups his chin between his hands so you have no choice but to relent and direct your gaze up at him. You’re pleased to see that he’s not completely indifferent to your touch; despite his instructions to take it slow, the smoldering look in his eyes tell a different story.

He runs the pad of his thumb over your lower lip, the pink flesh no doubt swollen. You take the digit in your mouth, unprompted, and run your tongue against its underside, wishing that his cock could fill your mouth instead.

Hoseok makes a noise low in his throat, not quite a growl but close.

"And I intend to take my time with you." The look he levels you with promises a night full of mind-numbing pleasure. Ribbons of heat curl around the base of your spine. "Want to make you feel good."

"You do," you agree, words muffled around the thumb you refuse to let go of.

You take a hold of his wrist and free your mouth, only to quickly replace it with his forefinger and middle finger. The stretch of two digits makes you moan lewdly.

Hoseok’s eyes darken. He lets you play for a few more seconds before he takes back control, his fingers pushing deeper into your mouth until they hit the back of your throat. You swallow down a gag, but his fingers don’t let you rest for long. He drags them over the flat of your tongue, watching as spit dribbles down past the sides of your mouth, and repeats the motion, pumping into your mouth steadily like he would a cock.

As nice as it feels to be filled with his fingers, whether in your cunt or mouth, you’re ready for more. Subconsciously, your hips grind down in his lap, shifting this way and that until you’re perfectly seated over his hardened length.

Drool is pushed out of your mouth as Hoseok squeezes a third fingers in with the other two. You suck harder, hoping that all your efforts will spur Hoseok into finally fucking you. The knowledge that he has to, at one point or another, keeps you from whining and begging pathetically for his cock. You can exercise patience if you put your mind to it; you’re sure of it. 

Your on-screen husband decides to test that resolve.

His other hand starts to wander south, his fingers toying with the short hem of your dress that’s been rucked up even higher with all your rocking and grinding. The movement of your hips slow, your brain unable to keep up with the stimuli coming in all directions.

A crack resounds in the room, the sharp sound startling you more than the sting that accompanies it. Hoseok’s palm rubs over the heated area, only inflaming it further.

“And who told you you could stop?”

The second slap is notably harsher than the first, and your hips automatically lurch forward hoping perhaps to lessen the impact of the sting.

You know he doesn’t expect a verbal answer; his second hand keeps your mouth plugged up, making any attempt at talking unintelligible. It doesn’t stop you from trying, only because you know the muffled protest are greatly appreciated amongst viewers. And if the way Hoseok’s digs his fingers into your smarting ass cheek is any indicator, you’re confident that he also enjoys your squirming and messy display.

“Keep moving, princess. I need both your holes nice and wet.”

The way his voice dips an octave makes your stomach twist in arousal. You long to tell him that you’re sufficiently wet enough for him to slide his cock inside right away but all you manage are pitiful garbled words.

He raises an eyebrow at your delayed response and your hips move before he can smack the globes of your ass for a third time. You have an inkling he’ll only hit harder with the intention of leaving marks of his own all over your skin.

It’s a careful balancing act, but you figure it out as you go. Bounce too fast and the fingers in your mouth will make you gag. Move too slowly for his liking and he won’t hesitate to add to the collection of handprints on your ass.

You lose track of how long he makes you play this game. Your mind focuses on sucking while keeping your jaw slack enough to accomadate the width of three digits. Drool pools down your chin, and you’re certain whatever the make-up artist had done to your lips is now ruined. Worse off are your panties. At the stage they’re at now, you’ll have no choice but to throw them out. Hoseok’s pants might need be as unsalveagable as your thong, you think inwardly, judging by the large, dark wet spot you’re currently sitting on.

“Mmh, good girl.” 

He gently slides his fingers out, strings of saliva attached. He hums in satisfaction at the lewd sight and rubs his fingers across your swollen lips and shiny chin, spreading the fluids and what’s left of your lipstick over your mouth. You swallow, mouth sore from being used roughly for so long.

“This hole is sufficiently wet, I think,” he appraises, eyelashes fluttering before he casts a long look down your body until it reaches where you’re seated on his clothed erection. “Let’s check this one too.”

The way he smirks at you but makes no move to check himself lets you know that he expects you to do the work.

You let your hands trail down your body slowly, cupping your breasts as you do, enjoying his hooded gaze and the way his cock twitches beneath you a bit too much. When you reach the hem of your dress, you lift your hips up to pull the fabric up to your navel giving an unobstructed view of your lace-covered pussy.

Hoseok stare intensifies but you don’t feel any embarrassment from the scrutiny. “Well you certainly look ripe.”

His fingers toy with the delicate string of lace around your hips. He lets the material snap against your skin a few times before he grows bored or impatient with his own game and gives the lace a harsh yank. It tears easily and the leftover scraps fall into his lap.

“... But just to be sure -” His hands grip your waist and manhandle you onto your hands and knees. Your head spins from how suddenly he’s moved you around to his liking that your arms give out and you fall face first into the clean smelling bed sheets. “Gotta give my favorite hole of yours a better look.”

His hands hoist your hips at a higher angle so that your soaked center is visible for the cameras to pan onto. Hoseok slides in two fingers easily, then a third. Loud, obscene noises echo in the otherwise quiet room, noises that are quickly joined by your unabashed moans of pleasure.

Your core is on fire. Hoseok’s fingers are just as good as you remember them to be. No, better. The three fingers pump into you in measured strokes, the drag slow enough to keep you dangling over the edge without pushing you over.

Hoseok spanks your ass, hissing between his teeth as you clench around his fingers, no doubt imagining your inner walls hugging his cock instead. 

“Christ. You’re always such a soft, wet little thing down here,” he croons in dulcet tones. “I could play with you all day.”

You thrust your hips back, shameless.

“Please! Please Daddy, I’ll be so good, I just - please - I nuh, need it. Need your cock fucking me full. I’ll take it so good, you know I will. Want you to - please! Daddy, I need your cum.”

“Shit.”

He fumbles in his haste to flip you onto your back. He crawls over your body, and you watch fascinated as he dives down to kiss you like a man starved. He looks almost feral, pupils so dilated the brown of his eyes is almost gone.

Heat blooms in your stomach as he kisses you deeply. The press of his lips against yours renders you a little less coherent as time ticks on, every brush of his tongue making you a little more dizzy with want.

Everything about him burns. It feels like being kissed by the sun itself. Every caress, every lick and nip leaves you feverish all over, like your drunk off his touch.

"Let me," he says, pinching the zipper of your dress between his thumb and index finger.

You wrap your hand around his and guide his movements. His gaze never leaves yours and it makes shivers run down your back. Even though you're the one controlling his movements for the time being, the look in his eyes makes it abundantly clear that the control you wield is only temporary.

When your dress finally falls open, you try not to preen too much under the reverent look that falls over Hoseok’s face. Your back arches a little off the bed, pert breasts thrust towards him - an appealing offer he doesn’t dare refuse.

Hoseok circles a thumb around your nipple, rubbing and flicking until it hardens into a stiff peak.

You wonder, distantly, how this looks like from the outside looking in. The man in front of you is a stranger in all senses of the word. Yet the way he touches you - like there are years of built-up affection behind every gesture - makes you second guess everything you know.

"Fuckin' love your tits.” He sighs, awe reflected in the dark of his eyes. "Love playing with them. Love how wet it gets you, how hungry your little pussy gets."

"Please,” you mewl, his words igniting a new wave of heat. It rolls over your body, leaving no extremity untouched. You burn from the inside out with raw desire.

You squeeze your own breasts in a bid to get him to touch you more. Hoseok merely chuckles, finding your desperation entertaining. One of his hands reach down between you to play with the wetness that clings to your core like a second skin and it takes everything inside of you not to rub yourself against him like a bitch in heat.

"What is it, princess?" His lips quirk into a smirk like he already knows the answer. "You're looking quite needy. How did you manage to hold it in all this time?"

“Stop teasing,” you growl, the lack of friction making you irritable. "I need your cock. And why - why do you have so many fucking clothes on?”

He chuckles, chest vibrating in amusement.

“Take them off,” you insist. Then, you grudgingly tack on a “Please” for good measure.

As hot as Hoseok looks like in his “work clothes”, he looks infinitely better naked, you decide as he chucks off his button-down shirt and gets started on his leather belt. With each new piece of clothing that gets discarded, the anticipation building inside of you skyrockets.

You take a moment to soak in his lithe figure, not bothering to hide how affected you are by the view. He’s nicely sculpted; you can tell right away that he takes care of himself. Swimming or dancing maybe? You hesitate between the two. His muscles are lean, nothing like the bulging biceps and thick forearms typical of the stereotypical gym rat.

Hoseok’s dick is, unsurprisingly, as pretty as the rest of him. It’s long and curved, a prominent vein running along its underside. The thatch of pubic hair that rests above his dick is neatly trimmed, the dark hair contrasting with the tan skin of his abdomen and the rosy hue of his erect length. Your eyes swoop down his thighs, licking your lips unwittingly at the alluring sight presented to you.

“Daddy,” you say, the whine in your voice unmistakable. “Want your cock.”

For a brief moment you’re tricked into believing he’s given in to your demand, but find yourself disappointed when he contents himself with rubbing his hardened member between your thighs, the glide slippery thanks to the copious amount of your essence that’s pooled there.

“Like this?” Hoseok asks, tone too sweet to be anything but mocking. The head of his cock bumps into your swollen bundle of nerves one, two, three times. You keen, your hips canting upwards in a bid to get more friction. “Want to rut against me until you get nice and creamy?”

He uses his right hand to spread your slick lower lips so that he can nestle his cock snuggly between them. He rolls his hips, the undulations fluid and dirty, and smirks at how you moan brokenly beneath him.

Your stomach clenches. “Need it in me."

"You'll get it," he promises after kissing you sloppily, lips sucking on your tongue. His breath is ragged but his voice steady, firm. "I'll give you everything you need. Make you cum so many times you know who owns this sweet pussy."

He speaks so surely, carries himself with so much confidence, that in the moment you can't help but believe him. The line between staged and reality blurs and you find yourself nodding eagerly, begging him as best you can to give you what you want.

The first tentative push of his dick wipes you clean of coherency. He slowly eases himself into you, reaching forward to lace his fingers with yours. It’s - more intimate than you expected. He squeezes your hand tightly in his when he finally manages to bury his entire length inside of you.

“Perfect.” He kisses the side of your temple before drawing back, his hard cock dragging deliciously against you. With a fluid hip thrust, he slides back in and you feel the stretch moreso this time around. The curvature of his cock has him pressing up against your walls in a way that robs you of breath.

"Daddy! Hh - ah, oh God. You're too b-big."

"Mhm, that's right. Daddy's fat cock is splitting you open. I'll plug you up with it later so none of my cum will leak out."

Every time he pulls back, your pussy clamps down tightly around him, unwilling to be empty even for a second.

Hoseok’s nostrils flare in arousal. He grabs your left tit and squeezes, using it as a hold to better fuck into you. With his body hovering above yours, his hand staking claim of your breast, and his cock drilling into you, you have nowhere to go. Pinned to the bed and unable to do anything but take everything he delivers, you wrap your legs around his waist and moan.

"Daddy's gonna fuck some babies into you,” he rasps, his eyes dark pools of lust. "Gonna breed your sweet pussy over and over. You'll be so full of my cum that you'll be pregnant with my babies for sure."

“Oh fuck. Yes, yes - oh my nhhg.” You sob as Hoseok drives his cock into you with more force. While the piston of his hips isn’t rushed, he pulls out to the tip only to slam back in to the hilt every time. The stretch burns in a good way and the sound of your moans are rivaled only by the wet, obscene sounds from your coupling.

"Fuck. Your cunt just - shit." He cracks down a hand against your ass and you shriek, not expecting it. "You're so tight, holy shit."

"Want it. Want you to fuck me good."

"I will," he says lowly, the promise reverberating deep in his chest. "I'll fuck you until you're begging me to stop. Fill you up so much, you'll be bloated with it."

And it should freak you out, the imagery he paints with his words, but the thought of laying there and him fucking you so well that you won't be able to feel your legs has you gushing out more wetness.

"Mmmh.” Maybe he can feel how soaked you are because he comments, “This is my favorite hole of yours, princess. Always so fuckin' drenched. I bet we’ll have to throw out the sheets again." He chuckles. "You must be hungry for it, right? I made you wait so long. No wonder your pussy is clenching like that. It needs a big, fat cock to milk dry."

“I missed it,” you cry, body skidding a little higher up the duvet each time he fucks into you. Your eyelashes flutter, lids heavy. It’s hard to concentrate, let alone form words, when your brain feels like complete mush. “I - I need your cum. Daddy, please.”

"Don't worry, gorgeous. I've got you. Daddy will feed your cute pussy his cock."

"Th-thank you, Daddy."

"Love you," he murmurs. It’s a quiet confession, lost somewhere in between the mattress creaks, the loud slaps of Hoseok’s hips slamming against yours, and the string of whimpers and groans pulled from your throat. It’s quiet but you hear it.

One of your hands reach up to pull him down by the neck so that your lips meet. He kisses you open-mouthed. It’s a filthy kiss, one that makes you moan into his mouth. You’re certain that if you had been standing your knees would have wobbled.

When you let up for air, Hoseok’s staring you down, his red-bitten lips plump and shiny.

"Love this pussy. So sweet and wet for me. Always for fucking swollen, like it's waiting to get a pounding. Love that. Love how eager you are to be bred by my thick cock."

The impregnation kink is - a bit much. You've never really imagined having kids, at least not anytime soon. You can’t even keep your plants alive for fuck’s sake.

But the way he suggests it is nothing like what you had imagined. His suggestions are - vulgar and primal. Like the urge to fuck you full of his cum is biological and he can’t smother it.

For a moment, you let yourself entertain the thought of being his breeding bitch - of laying on your back and letting him fuck load after load of cum inside you until your pussy physically can't accommodate any more. Of not having any other worries or thoughts but take his cock every moment of the day.

"You just got tighter.” He curses under his breath, voice thick with arousal.  "Such a warm little hole. Taking everything I give it. You'd take anything if it meant getting bred by me, right?"

“Yes, yes,” you chant, pleasure coiling inside of you. “Give me more! I need it."

"Shit. You can't handle more, princess," he tries to reason. "Daddy needs to be gentle with you. Your hole is so small, it'll hurt if I go harder."

"Daddy promised to fuck me.” You whine, uncaring if you sound too bratty and demanding. "B- Breed my hole. It's yours. Puh-please use me."

"God." Hoseok groans, his features twisting in what looks to be pain or pleasure. With tremendous effort he pulls himself out of you and your eyes widen in panic.

“What? Daddy why? I thought—”

He shushes you, reaching somewhere overhead to grab a fluffy pillow. "Just wait a sec, okay? There you go.”

The pillow is placed underneath your hips, keeping them elevated. When Hoseok takes his glistening cock in hand and directs it back in, you both moan in unison.

"Oh fuck, I’m gonna, ah,” you gasp as your mind goes blank with pleasure. The new angle is heaven on earth. It’s almost too much, too quick, but Hoseok’s firm grip on your hips prevents you from alleviating the pressure.

"Take it." He grunts, brows knit together. Every powerful snap of his hips makes your breasts bounce, your breath hitch. Without his hands keeping you pinned down, your head would have collided with the headboard by now. "Be a good princess and take your fucking."

He gains momentum, the new angle facilitating the slide of his cock. He drags the flat of his palm down your thigh and takes a hold of your knee before hoisting it up over your shoulder. The stretch burns the back of your calves but you’re so fucked out, you can’t even find the words to complain.

When you glance up, it’s to fall upon the sight of Hoseok brushing his sweaty fringe out of his face. His cheeks are flushed pink, his skin dewy from the film of perspiration wrapped around his body. Beads of sweat trickle down his heaving chest but he chooses to forgo a quick break. On the contrary, he pushes in deeper like he’s determined to carve out a permanent space for his cock.

"Just gonna keep you here,” he huffs, his eyes the shade of cloudless night sky. “Everyday I'll fuck my cum back inside of you so that you'll always stay full. Want to fuck you forever. Don't want this to end."

"Want it too," you sob, orgasm hovering just on the periphery. "Want you to keep me full forever. Ugh - oh fuck! Hoseok- I'm—"

"You gonna cum around my cock, princess?" He angles his hips downwards, relishing in the wanton cry it elicits. "Gonna give me everything?"

"I'm yours," you profess, jaw slack with pleasure.

It doesn’t take much more for the orgasm to crash over you, Hoseok fucks you through it, groaning as your inner walls spasm around him. He breathes out curses, lip drawn tight between his lips, and doesn’t wait for the last waves of your orgasm to abate to chase after his own end.

In the throes of your pleasure, it doesn’t register then that Hoseok has been holding back all this time. If you thought he had been fucking you hard before, it’s nothing compared to now. He growls and bends forward, forcing your leg to stretch even more, and pushes in and out of you at a pace that makes you scream.

You don’t even have time to come down from your first high that you’re already thrown towards your second. Hoseok plugs your mouth up using two digits, his fingers a firm pressure against your tongue. Your eyes roll back, too overwhelmed from the feeling of being stuffed on both ends.

“God, I could fuck your holes all fucking day.” His rhythm begins to falter as the pressure inside of him grows, his movements frantic and less controlled than they’ve ever been. “How about that? I’ll fuck my princess’ mouth properly next time, stretch it out nicely. Then you’ll let me have your ass, hm?”

Shit, shit, you whimper around his fingers, spit bubbling down the sides on your mouth. It’s scary knowing you have no way to stop the oncoming destruction.

“Yeah, I can tell you love that. You’re gonna cream my dick again, aren’t you?” You can’t tell if the sound he makes is a laugh or a grunt. All you know is that you feel like you’re about to burst. “C’mon, be a good girl and milk my cum out. You better get every last drop.”

There’s an underlying threat in his command. You do your best to obey his words, not wanting to disappoint.

Hoseok pushes his cock in as deep as it can go and grinds his hips into yours. His cock reaches so deep that you swear he might hit your cervix. And considering the nature of the scene you’re portraying, maybe that’s what he intends.

He swipes his fingers through the mess of your cunt, zeroing in on your sensitive clit. He swirls some of your fluids over it before giving it a sharp pinch that makes you cry out. Your hips fly off the pillow but Hoseok is quick to pin you back down. The never-ending drag of his cock along your walls paired with the rough ministrations to your clit is all you need for the pressure inside you to snap.

Above you, Hoseok moans, low and throaty, as he finally dumps rope after rope of warm cum inside of you. He throws his head back, exposing the collar of purplish bruises you sucked onto his skin earlier. Something about the view satisfies you immensely - not that you’d dare voice these thoughts out loud.

Hoseok’s strength gives out and he sags onto your body, his breath warm against your skin. He feels hot, like a furnace, but strangely it’s not uncomfortable. It’s almost like having a personal heating pad; the soreness of your muscles melts away with each passing moment.

Much to your displeasure, your post-coital bliss doesn’t last forever. He's given the signal to pull out and obeys, careful to keep your hips propped up so that his load of cum won’t slosh out. He’s still got a role to play, after all, and the end goal is to get you pregnant.

A cameraman walks forward to zoom in on your swollen and used pussy - physical proof of your exploits. The haze lifts. You become more aware of the people standing on the outskirts of your vision, lighting or sound equipment in hand.

“And that’s a wrap!” Director Ryu calls, his cheeks stretched to accommodate the width of his grin. “Good job everybody!”

You breathe out a sigh, glad your day is finally over. Seokjin walks up to you with a robe for you to throw on and you nod in thanks, slipping the satin gown over your sweaty body.

Around you, the staff start milling about, putting the equipment away and gathering their belongings. You pay them no heed, your attention focused on getting changing into showering and changing into comfortable clothes. You’re in the middle of taming your messy hair when your stomach erupts into growls, reminding you of your hungry state. What you’d do for a big slice of piz—

You remember your date with Jimin and speed up, not wanting to make him wait around for you any longer. It’s not hard to spot him - he’s waiting outside of your dressing room, can of coke in hand.

Something about his smile feels off.

Maybe it’s the way his eye corners don’t crease or the slight strain the curve of his mouth that betray him.

Your expression falls. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing - it’s nothing, don’t worry,” he says after a short, tense moment of silence. The look on your face must have reflected your feelings of doubt because he proceeds by reaching out and pulling you tight against him. Pressed up against his shirt, you can smell the faintest trace of the fabric softener he uses and its scent, familiar and sweet, mollifies you somewhat. “You did amazing today, baby. As usual.”

The compliment you’ve been waiting for makes the sides of your lips rise automatically. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Almost too well.” He hums, one of his hands stroking the back of your head.

“Well, I can’t take all the credit, “ you admit. “The results wouldn’t have been half as good if Hoseok hadn’t been my partner. He’s new in the game but he doesn’t act like it, does he?”

“He doesn’t, no.” Jimin agrees. “He’s... he’s something, alright.”

Your grin widens. All your worrying had been for nothing, in the end. The shoot had gone without a hitch, all of the set members coming up to you with praises of a job well done. You can’t recall the last time any of your performances had elicited such a response post-filming. Even Director Ryu looks particularly pleased, a permanent grin etched onto his features as he reviews the tapes. The knowledge that you’ve done well fills you with a pleasant giddiness that warms your insides and makes your cheeks hurt from how wide your smile stretches.

“Oh good, you’re still here.” Hoseok beams. A damp towel hangs around his neck and the ends of his hair are wet like he’s just gone and doused his head under the bathroom faucet. “I was worried you had left. I just - thanks for earlier. I had a lot of fun! If the chance presents itself, I hope we can work together again.”

“Thank you.” You want to praise him too, know that his performance deserves it, but your next words are cut off before they have the chance to form. Jimin steps closer to you, his grip on your hip tightening suddenly.

When you glance up to check on your boyfriend, he’s sporting a serious expression that you’ve rarely seen before. He doesn’t look angry, but it’s clear as day that he isn’t too pleased with the present situation. His face is closed off, cold, unwelcoming - so drastically different from the usual cherubic sweetness you’re accustomed to seeing.

You’re at a loss for words, unsure of who to address first. What’s going on?

Hoseok senses the sudden change in atmosphere and chooses to tactfully retreat.

“Good work, man.” He nods at Jimin and then shoots you a wave. “See you around sometime, ______ !”

Your eyes follow his exit before you turn to face Jimin again, hoping the smile on your face masks the worry you feel bubbling on the inside.

“Jimin what - I mean, are you sure you're okay?”

Jimin returns a strained smile of his own. “I’m fine.”

Your gaze lands on his right hand that’s still squeezing your waist. It borders on uncomfortable but you try not to let it show. You must not do a very good job at schooling your features because Jimin quickly apologizes for his behavior.

“Sorry.” Jimin lets you go once he notices your discomfort. “I just - I don’t know. You’re right, I’m not acting like myself. I think...seeing you say that stuff and act that way just - I’m not sure why, I guess - Since usually the sex isn’t like that, it caught me off guard.”

“You didn’t like that I acted like I was in love with him.”

“Would anyone?” he shoots back, smile sardonic. “It just looked so convincing in the moment. I guess it got me worked up.”

Sure, Hoseok is hot. If you had to work with him again, you would in a heartbeat. It’s not often you land a colleague you’re so sexually compatible with, who also happens to be so well-mannered and good-looking. It’s like hitting the jackpot, really.

But - just because you’d fuck him again for professional reasons, doesn’t mean that you’re interested in him beyond that.

“Jimin. I don’t want to be with anybody else but you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” The muscles in his face relax. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

.

.

It’s not until later, as he fucks you uncharacteristically hard in the backseat of his car parked in the back lot of the film studio, that you begin to wonder if things really are as idyllic as you believe them to be.

.

.

.

[faemytho]

I’m not really in the hazbin hotel fandom ((I love the show don’t get me wrong I’m just not in the fandom)) but I kinda wanna see what you mean? Also I figure you’re still okay with people shipping him just either the fact that people ignore that canonical he is aroace sex repulsed or use it as a “oh we just have to fix him” trope (which fuck that trope)

Same asker that admitted to not really being in the hazbin hotel fandom but liking the show- thought it over and i actually don’t know how you could do Alstser (can’t spell bare with me) without having him as aroace sex repulsed without having him look barely anything like the original- maybe apart from that fic you made a while back

-

okay so, in regards to this post i made earlier about aroace romantic/sex repulsed alastor, that was a headcanon. (i said, and i quote, its canon bc i said so, but in reality ive fooled u all it was just a headcanon i even said so in the tags)

my headcanons aside, alastor IS canonically ace, as referenced by this tweet below (and hey, canon bi character!!! we love that!!)

there is also a footnote on the HH wiki that says alastor is aromantic as well, but the footnote links to a four hour stream video, and i do not actually have the patience to comb through it to see if that's true or not (or if it even came from the mouth of vivzie)

uh, yeah. here's the link to the stream, in case anyone wanted it/was curious.

canonicities aside, lets get one thing out of the way:

i am all for ignoring canon, using fandom to do whatever you want, ect ect, all power to the fans and whatnot, do what you want and be free because its fiction

which means, yes, i am 1000% okay with people shipping alastor with whoever they want! with angel, with charlie, with husk, with vaggie, with nifty, ect ect ect, i don't care, ship what you want, be free, live your best life.

my problem, though, is this: literally nobody in this fandom knows how to write an ace character. and when they do write him as "ace", its OFFENSIVE.

i cannot COUNT the amount of alastor fics ive read where he's supposedly written as asexual (and its usually even tagged in the fic tags, "asexual character"), then ends up sexually attracted to his given partner for that fic, and when they actually go to do the deed, alastor is infantilized to, well, hell and back. and by that, i mean a few things.

he either:

doesn't understand his sudden sexual attraction and/or sexual feelings

doesn't understand what's going on during the sex scene

doesn't know the proper terms for body parts and sexual processes

is HIGHLY feminized and is categorized as "submissive" while the partner becomes the "dominant" and continues on with the sex scene

not only is that fourth one misogynistic and homophobic (an entire other can of worms about how feminine sub/masculine dom in homosexual relationships enforces toxic heteronormativity, aka, the idea that one must "be the girl" and one must "be the man"), but all four of these together are aphobic when you realize, "hey, alastor is an ace character".

off my point a little bit, but ANY relationship (gay, straight, and/or otherwise) should not be using sub/dom as a model to follow - sub/dom is a BDSM kink thing; it should NOT be the normalized sex model for ANY relationship.

there's nothing wrong with kink! but doing BDSM wrong can severely hurt/mentally damage either partner if done incorrectly. normalizing it means that so many young people don't actually understand what sub/dom actually means, and even less the consequences if done wrong.

but back to my point: asexual people get infantilized. and we get infantilized often, because people think "oh, you're not interested in sex/you've never had sex, so you must not 1) know anything about it, 2) know anything about the real world and how nitty gritty it is to survive out here"

basically, ace people get treated like children. a lot.

here is a fantastic article that explains the rampant infantilization of both aro and ace people, and why it is aphobic to do that.

i highly recommend you all read the article, because it is fantastically well written and concise. here's my favorite paragraph:

"Society conditions us to believe that a lack of romantic or sexual attraction is a transitory period. This viewpoint assumes an inevitable progression from a nonsexual to sexual state of being that marks entry into adulthood. Similarly, engaging in romantic relationships is recognized as a milestone of maturity. This stereotyping results in the infantilization of all aromantic and asexual spectra people, especially those who are entirely romance and/or sex-averse. It also incorrectly characterizes asexual people as sex-negative, even though personal sex-aversion and general sex positivity are not mutually exclusive. Moreover, the idea of “being ready” to progress from friendships to romantic and sexual relations undermines the value of platonic relationships, which are integral to our community."

i'm going to move on to one more point, because i know if i don't, i'll get SO many alastor allo-pologist authors whining and screaming about how ace people can have sex too

and yes, here's the thing: asexual people can have sex, can want to have sex, can be sex positive... but that doesn't change the fact that to be not-asexual (or allosexual, if you'd like to use proper terms), you have to be sexually attracted or experience sexual attraction - WHICH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAVING A LIBIDO, AND ITS NOT SOMETHING ACE PEOPLE CAN DO/HAVE.

what ace people can have:

a libido

sex

sexual arousal

sex drive

kinks

a partner they're not necessarily sexually attracted to, but trust to have sex with them anyways

what ace people can't have (unless they're not actually ace and are instead allosexual):

sexual attraction to someone

wanting to have sex with a specific person because of this attraction (a partner, celebrity, people they find explicitly attractive)

still confused? don't be!

here's a post where i better explain the difference between sexual attraction vs sexual drive and what that means for ace people

to close this out, im going to attempt to summarize why im so pissed about this.

alastor is canonically asexual.

he may be sex negative, sex neutral, or sex positive; we don't know, but this is fandom and we're allowed to headcanon him however we wish - we can even headcanon him as not asexual!

which is great, yea, but when the ace character is the fan favorite...

people constantly and consistently write alastor as "ace".

which would be GREAT! if they ever did it correctly.

here's what i see most often. instead of headcanoning him as not asexual, they've heard something about how ace people can have sex anyways!

so for woke points, they slap their alastor ship/sex fics with the "asexual character" tag, and write alastor in one of two ways

uwu baby "ive never said a bad word in my life and i dont understand how the world works" asexual

allosexual, but call him ace anyways

both of those are aphobic. i have yet to come across ONE fic where alastor's asexuality (negative, neutral, or positive) is written, and labeled, CORRECTLY.

you know, it actually hurts MORE when he's written as "ace (actually allo)" than it does if people just headcanon him as not asexual.

alastor is a successful serial killer. he has spent decades in hell.

ALASTOR IS A SUCCESSFUL SERIAL KILLER. HE HAS SPENT DECADES IN HELL.

and you cowards are going to write him as inexperienced, ""innocent"", sexually uneducated?? i think the fuck NOT.

NOT ONLY THAT.

alastor lived through the roaring 20s. the flapper movement. the harlem renaissance. AND the sexual revolution of the 1920s. HE LIVED THROUGH ALL OF THAT. and you're going to act like he doesn't know what sex is?? we even KNOW he lived through all that because he says it himself, "i havent been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929", and 1929 was the end of all those movements and the beginning of the great depression - and then alastor died in 1933 after living a successful serial killer life in louisiana.

tell me again, why wouldn't alastor know what sex is or how it works? and if you can't, THEN STOP WRITING HIM LIKE THAT.

please please PLEASE educate yourself before you write an asexual character. ESPECIALLY if you're going to write them with a libido, and actually ACTING on that libido.

thank you.

sincerely, an exhausted sex positive asexual.

[emakenz]

was talking abt symptoms of autism to my parents and my dad put his head in his hands saying he wish the internet didnt exist and that i should go to a library. bitch. you stupid slut. i am expressing my emotions and thoughts just like you have encouraged me to do then you fucking insult me? right to jail. go to big meanie jail. i am sending you to prison.

i was saying how i present a lot of the symptoms (such as social impairment, lack of understanding in social cues, RSD, not understanding social standards and therefore not abiding by what i "ought to do" //like shaving my legs bc im a girl. hell no. hate the feeling, and im not cis, and im not your fucking doll on display//, sensory issues, difficulty processing shit, hyperfixations, etc etc) and he goes and fucking. pretty much SHAMES me for it. not outright saying it, but definitely implying that im just trying to get attention or be special or that im a hypochondriac. im sorry, but last i checked, IM the one whos taken CLASSES. AT SCHOOL. about similar shit. and you have the nerve to blame THE INTERNET for me spitting straight fire. burn in my wrath you dumb whore. im SORRY for EXPRESSING MYSELF and RAMBLING ABOUT THINGS IM INTERESTED IN. god forbid i fucking talk about anything that goes against YOUR VIEWS. you always say that you "dont push your beliefs on others" and that others "shouldnt push their beliefs on you" but yet you stand there and belittle MY BELIEFS when im the one that actually RESEARCHED what IM TALKING ABOUT. what do you know. you only have "experience" (living in a small town full of closed minded hillbillies that strut their problematic asses through life. THATS NOT EXPERIENCE. YOUVE ONLY LIVED IN ONE FUCKING CITY YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU DONT LEAVE, YOURE ALWAYS AT HOME OR AT WORK. YOU DONT INTERACT WITH PEOPLE DIFFERENT THAN YOU. YOU DONT KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT EXPERIENCE AS YOU HAVENT FUCKING LIVED OR LEARNED.). you always compare yourself to others, saying how youre laid back and lenient and the most easy going dad in town, yet when i compare literally anything saying that something is better than this (like i can say i believe that so and so is better than whatstheirface) and if it goes against your opinion, you fucking go on and on about how youre right and im wrong because im just a kid that hasnt lived. bitch you havent lived and youre 45. get over yourself you white cishet privileged motherfucker. your only "discrimination" is being poor, but that comes with living as a LOW LIFE THAT DOESNT TRY TO BETTER THEIRSELF OR TAKE AN OPPORTUNITY WHEN YOU SEE ONE. ive lived in the same broken down trailer since before i was born, ive only went to one school up until high school, (one school for elementary and middle school then the high school, thats it), i havent had a job or done anything with any impact to society so therefore im worthless in your eyes? you provided this for my life. im not going to be your doll, your pet, your servant or what have you. im a fucking person, an individual with my OWN "experience" and views and beliefs. im not following your rules, the rules that have no reason to exist other than it displeases you if i dont follow them. i try to educate myself, i research, i interact with different kinds of people, and while i may not have firsthand "experience" with much, at least i fucking try to not be ignorant. youre so willingly ignorant, you dont care about the facts, you dont trust anything or anyone. youre so skeptical of every little thing. but somehow your beliefs are the definite reality? that you hold the truth? youre so skeptical you dont even trust your own views, you claim to be open minded, then turn around and claim to be closed minded and that your views cant be changed unless proven otherwise, yet even when your view is proven against being true, you still dont believe it. you dont have the confidence in yourself to hold yourself accountable by your own words. youre an ignorant, close minded, hypocritical asshole. i love you, but DAMN you make me mad. everyone has flaws but.. damn. problematic king behavior over here, get him the crown of dumbassery. goddamn.

hes apologized and explained that he tries to be mindful and how much he has to hold his tongue and that hes being polite to me compared to others and how he wont change etc etc. thats not an apology thats a half hearted explanation of why you act that way and that you dont really feel the need to actually try. you say its hard for you to talk to me bc im so "political" and take things literally and personally (the last two are true, but if im to be officially diagnosed with autism, im throwing that in his face. ill give HIM and explanation of why I dont fit his eyes.), im not even political im just honest. if i notice you saying or doing something thats genuinely Wrong, im going to say something, i dont want to be the judgemental "millenial" (im gen z, not that it matters really) but i also dont want to just stand by without saying something. you say im so "politically correct" and it hurts me that you feel so passionate about your fragile mindset that you feel the need to call me out on my "argumentative attitude". im just trying to spread awareness, go ahead, call the pharmacist a slur, say it to their face, you coward. you wont. because you know that its wrong. if you have the balls to say it, i hope someone actually tells you off and gives you the same treatment. you couldnt handle it. being "discriminated" against, while in reality, you were the discriminater. dont fucking dish it out if you cant handle it. be mindful, respectful, and educate yourself. check yourself before you wreck yourself. or someone will come to wreck you themself to teach you a lesson.

very big vent here im tired. ignore this lmfao. everythings fine im just a petty bitch.

[angelicorn]

Chapter 4 Reactions “Why do the dementors look like crusty labias?” -My sister upon witnessing a close up of the whispers.

Chapter 1-2 Reactions

Chapter 3 Reactions

I present to you my reactions to playing FF7R for the first time. I voice recorded myself as I played through each chapter. I finished the game and will slowly be writing down most of my commentary as I played. My sister, who has no prior exposure to the lore of FF7 (sequels, movies, novellas, etc.), watched me as well and I will be including her fresh perspective here as well. I also use the word “bitch” affectionately. I call my besties by that word so if you are easily offended, don’t read.

If you hate any other ship beside your own, don’t read this. In this particular reaction, my sister and I comment jokingly at the interactions between Jessie/Cloud and Cloud/Tifa. Our reactions and preferences aren’t an attempt at disregarding any other ships out there. They’re our opinions and will never be  determining factors on the validity of your personal ship. With that said, here are our reactions!

Ok, fuck, we’re going to have to sneak out and go topside with Jessie... (sis: He’s gonna fuck her.. me: He’s going topside of the plate! Not topside of her! sis: I know, I just wanna piss you off.)

*When Cloud says all SOLDIERS receive training to operate motorbikes* Sis: If he’s lying about being a SOLDIER, why are his eyes the color of mako if all SOLDIER bois have them? me: that’s why normal people have to finish the game to find out.

Sis: JESSIE IS A HELLA THOT, SHE’D BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. Me:... Why can I totally picture that?

*Cloud tells Jessie to get off after Jessie begins narrating themselves as a couple* Sis: Do guys believe girls think this attitude is cool? Yuck.

Jessie isn’t deterred by Cloud’s foul attitude at all. You go, bitch!

*When Roche appears* Sis: uhhh... why is adult Demyx in this game? me: He doesn’t look--oh. HAHA

Cloud is so badass.

Sis: WTF IS THIS PLACE SO NICE FOR? PEOPLE BE UP HERE LIVING COMFORTABLE WHILE PEOPLE DOWN BELOW DON’T EVEN HAVE PAVED ROADS, HOW DO THESE RICH BITCHES SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THERE’S CHILDREN LIVING IN SHIT CONDITIONS RIGHT UNDER THEIR FEET?!?!?!!! ME: Tricia, relax. It’s just a game. Sis: Sorry, the social worker side of me is coming out.

The music is sooo pretty. I need to learn this on guitar.

Her house is so fucking cute.

You know what? Cloud’s kinda like a cat. Cute, but can be total bitches.

Does Jessie’s mom approve of Biggs for Jessie...? (Sis: I approve of Biggs for anybody. He should be the main character. Cloud’s “tew kewl for yew” attitude is a turn off. He’s hot though, so...)

I know I have to sneak into the room, but I wanna hear more of their conversation! (Sis: No time to fuck around, bitch. Get what you need and leave, here, let me do it. Me: No, no, you can play the whole game on your own when I’m done.)

Oh shit, Jessie has a very sweet side to her. I love this bitch.

She’s doing this cause all bc of her dad. Man, Jessie’s so special.

Cloud, Biggs, & Wedge are bros.

*gasp* IS THIS THE PROMISE SCENE? (Sis: Tifa’s so cute! Cloud’s got a lame rat tail, ew. At least he isn’t too much of a dick.)

Why are they showing so much cloti content every chapter??? (Sis: bc obviously he’s been crushing on her since they were lil churrens)

Sis: Cloud looks like he get emotional and teary eyed every time he thinks of Tifa. Like his eyes change in size and...kinda change in color. Like.. them bitches starting to look blue. Me: *gasps* I kinda see it. Definitely his eyes get bigger... Sis: He’s such a typical haole, blonde hair, blue eyes, he got the baby red flush on his face too, soooooo cute! me: You were literally shitting on him a few minutes ago, what changed? 

Sis: You’re like one hit KO-ing everyone. Did you fucking over level yourself again? Me: I...think I did. Sis: This is why you need to learn restraint.

*Wedge gets bit* Sis: Wedge is the MVP bruh

Sis: You have to fight adult Demyx again? Me: Clearly his name is Roche. His name is right there.

Holy shit, Wedge really is fucking MVP

Sis: Who are the hazmat suit lookin’ bitches? Me: The rest of AVALANCHE. Sis: There’s more of them??? Me: Did you really think all of AVALANCHE was just Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Barret and Tifa?

If you don’t let your friends look at your singed ass, you’re not truly friends. 

Cloud is chuckling! Sis: Feel, don’t conceal, bitch! LET IT GO~

Sis: Is grandma over there hitting the guard?

*Cloud mentions Jessie’s dad* Sis: Wow, did Cloud fucking just--fuck you Cloud, breaking bro code. Snitches get stitches. 

Did they have Jessie strapped up with Biggs so that Cloud won’t talk to her about her dad during the parachute dive? LOOOOL

Biggs wrapping his hands around her waist, bruh. 

Holy shit Jessie is giving me anxiety. 

Biggs’ face nearly collided with Cloud’s I’m dying. 

“pay you in full” Sis: they’re def gonna fuck tonight. Ohh my gosh, but what if she tells Tifa?

Sis: yeah Cloud, why you gotta be such a hardass?

Wedge’s smile is so precious, we need to protect him.

Sis: We’re on our way to fuck bitches~

Oh my gosh, Biggs is a sensitive guy secretly. So cute!

“Life’s a stage and love’s a play.” Wedge, who hurt you? Was it Jessie? Let me go talk to her for you.

Wedge is a cat mom? Maybe that’s why Wedge is so attached to Cloud. Bc Cloud is a grumpy cat lol.

OH SHIT. Did she just plant one on his cheek?

Sis: She wants his dick. She’s thirsty. Me: Wedge warned us about her. She’s just playing a game! Sis: Then ditch the bitch. Me: When you say bitch, it sounds mean! I don’t want to be mean to her, but I don’t want to give her hope. Decent guys don’t lead bitches on. Sis: You were trying to get into Tifa’s room at the start of the last chapter, you freak. Decent, my ass.

I’m sorry, Jessie, I love you, bitch, but...not happening. Sis: She’s so unfazed by it! See? She’s peachy beachy. She probably has other options. Now let’s see if Biggs is home! Me: I need to see what the other option would lead to.

*We paused the game and watched the no promises option* She legit pretended to be excited about making pizza for us and she changes up on us like that with her “psyche!” bull shit, oh my goshhhh, she’s playing the game! Sis: Love’s a play, life’s the stage.

Sis: Biggs is a neat freak AND handsome AND sensitive? Throw Cloud tf away. Make Biggs the main character. 

Do people just not lock their doors in this hood? Sis: If you don’t have valuable shit, there’s nothing to steal.

Tifa is in Cloud’s room! Sis: Stop trying to get them to fuck. Tifa’s not gonna let them fuck until they’re official official. She’s too classy for that.

He’s trying to get her to open up! He wants to spend more time with her! Ugh, He’s trying so hard to be aloof and caring at the same time!

Sis: She won’t share all her secrets. She has a fucking punching bag in her room, she’s strong enough to handle her issues without leaning on no fuckboi. See, look she’s changing the subject. She won’t even sit directly next to him. Cloud scares the bitch, why would she wanna get close to him after he tried to kill Jeffrey. Me: Johnny. Are you sure you haven’t played FF7 before? Sis: If I did, I wouldn’t be asking 21 fucking questions every 10 minutes.

Sis: *sarcastic* Wow, I love how he quietly says good night to her right before she shuts the door, like he can’t fucking say it to her face properly. He’s a coward! Me: Everyone is shitting on Cloud! Sis: He’s frustrating! Me: He’s traumatized! Sis: From what...? me: *realizing I may have spoiled the story for her* let’s play and find out, shall we? Sis: Woooow...

*confused bc this wasn’t in the original* Whaaaat is going on? Sis: Why do the dementors look like crusty labias? Me: Can we fucking play this game in peace? 

Sis: Holy shit, a hoard of labia dementors!

This is fucking weird. I need to use Tifa to stagger these bitches. 

THEY STOLE OUR GODDESS, FUCK NO. Sis: They ain’t do shit on her. She’s strong af, look at how little damage they’re doing to her.

HOLY SHIT JESSIE NO. Sis: damn, maybe if he fucked her, this wouldn’t have happened. me: you’re joking right? sis: obviously. but then, why are you laughing at my joke, huuuh? 

Cloud is still tryna be cool, carrying Jessie bridal style. Like um, Barret and Tifa could have easily carried her bridal style into the bar themselves. Stop stealing the show all the time.

You think Tifa’s a little jealous? sis: no, only insecure girls would think that. Jessie can’t walk and Cloud was only trying to help. Barret would probably throw her over his shoulder if he tried to help her up and that’d probably fuck up her leg more. He has a fucking gun for an arm, tf is he gonna do to help? Cloud’s just being a decent guy. A decent guy who won’t try to go into their crush’s room at night without being invited, weirdo. Me: *I’m speechless, but grinning*...

Sis: See? He can tell Tifa’s nervous. I honestly couldn’t tell at all. And he’s telling her to breathe. Jessie was clearly in distress. Tifa was too, but we couldn’t tell cuz a bitch is strong. Cloud pays attention to her too, why’d she be jealous for? You’re the insecure bitch, LOOOL, just kidding. Me: Woooow, you make a good point, but you had to use me to get there? You biiiitch!

Barret said the line! ohhh my goshhhh, my heart. 

sis: “play it cool” he says, when he’s standing fucking over 6 feet tall, buff as fuck with a gun arm, Cloud with a bigass sword, and Tifa looking fly as fuck. They stick out from the rest of these normies, talk about obvious. 

This concludes our reactions for chapter 4! 

Just a little context, my sister is studying in social work and aims to be a social worker in a few years while currently working in an office for her college that handles campus recycling, promoting eco-friendly alternatives and hosting events that promote the reduction of waste. She loves that the story is about people trying to rescue the planet and plans on playing this game herself! We are very close and don’t mind being a little mean to each other! It’s all in good fun. The whole insecure commentary my sister made was due to my personal issues I had experienced in a long time relationship I had where I caught my boyfriend of 5 years cheating on me with one of my closest friends. I bare no ill will, however, that experience left me with an aversion to dating seriously. I recognize that this incident left me with insecurity issues and always found my self questioning the sincerity of people’s actions. My sister claims that Cloud was just being a decent person helping Jessie, while I saw it as something worth being jealous over. Having my sister watch along and reacting with me is helping me view this story from an objective, unbiased perspective where it isn’t tainted by my own experiences. It’s really interesting and refreshing and an eye opening experience. I’d love to read up on any other gameplay reaction as well, so send them my way! 

[kpopshitposter]

“Come cuddle.”

Writing Prompt Meme

YAS THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS

I think this got a lil long (I love chan so much) but basically Chan comes into the coffee shop you work in (bc coffee shop AUs will never be overdone) and you fall in love with him instantly because who wouldn’t and then he makes your life better because what else would he do

Potential warning: This contains mention of a parent remarrying and getting a lil drunk at their wedding

If someone were to ask you to describe what happened in one sentence, you’d say a volcano erupted in your heart and destroyed everything in its path. That’s what it was like to fall for him. It was a violent, sudden hot mess.

You had met him by chance and were instantly smitten. He smiled so brightly and made you feel so at ease, so calm. He had this vibrant energy about him that, even when he was simply asking for coffee, you felt beautiful despite the apron wrapped around you.

You found yourself wanting desperately for him to come in. You started trying to look your best and thinking about him all day long. He’d only talk to you in short bursts, but they were always the highlight of your day. You found yourself asking for more shifts just in case he was going to come in. It was so wonderful to have some form of consistency, something to rely on. It was so wonderful to have something become familiar to you, finally, since you moved here and started university.

One morning he made a joke about you seeing each other so often that you’re basically best friends. You tried to not seem too happy about that.

He learned your name.

You learned his. Chris. You treasured this new knowledge like it was an incredibly precious secret.

He starts to ask about you - how long have you been working here? What do you do when you’re not here? It makes you feel so special, like someone cares about you, is interested in you. At first, you’re ashamed of yourself for being so taken by him, but when your world comes crashing down around you and he’s the only one there for you, your heart whispers a very gentle I told you so.

The news comes like a slap in the face. Your father is remarrying.

You’ve never even met his new partner. How could he be doing this? How could he bring a stranger into your life in such a permanent way? To make things worse, he didn’t tell you in person. Oh, no. The coward simply sent an invitation in the post. The only type of communication you’ve received from literally anyone about anything is some weird unknown number trying to call you. Since moving, not even your old friends have kept in touch with you.

When you ring him, he didn’t answer. That wouldn’t be the last time he avoids your call.

It’s barely been six months. You thought you understood him not visiting you since you moved out of the city, but the wedding is going to be near where you live, so he must have visited the venue and didn’t even think to tell you... You’ve never felt so unimportant.

Just thinking about it makes you angry, and it’s not until Chris is in front of you and looking concerned that you realise you’ve been wallowing in your thoughts. Your sniffle comes as a surprise to you. You quickly try to wipe away the tears begging to reveal themselves.

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay, because that would be a pointless question. Instead, he directs his request to your colleague. He doesn’t want to bring attention to you. You smile at him gratefully but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You find your chance to slip out the back and crumble to the floor of the car park.

You’re not sure why you’re crying. Maybe too much has changed at once. Maybe you feel betrayed. Maybe you thought out of everyone, you were a priority to your family. The last thought is the one that sticks with you. You’ve never been a priority for anyone, have you? Your father never cared about what view you might have on this, he never cared enough to introduce you two. If he doesn’t, who would?

The tears aren’t just half-there anymore. Your cries are coming out loudly. Why can’t you camouflage into this wall? Why, why, why? Why do you even bother?

The sound of your name startles you. You gasp, red eyes landing on the sweet-looking boy standing over you. You quickly try to rectify your image, fix your face, fix your hair, fix your clothes. Smile. Laugh. Be strong, for once.

He slowly kneels down in front of you. “What happened?” he looks like he really cares. You look back with distrust. “You might feel better if you talk to someone.” You continue to stare at him. “Oh-” he shifts and reaches into his pocket to bring out some tissues for you.

When you clean your face and wipe your nose with them you decide this couldn’t be more embarrassing.

“Please don’t keep it in, that will only hurt more.”

You want to ask him why he’s so nice to you, but you’re afraid you won’t like the answer.

“My dad is remarrying.” he tilts his head like he’s expecting more of an explanation than that. “I… that’s not the issue, that’s fine.” you don’t want him to think you’re selfish. You explain the full situation. How long does your rant go on for? You’re not even sure. You let it all out. You let everything out. How alone you feel.  How unimportant you must be. “I don’t even think I want to go to the wedding at this point.”

“Why not?”

“It will be so awkward and I’ll probably just end up having a mental breakdown in the middle of the ceremony.”

He’s somehow ended up sitting on the ground beside you. “Wouldn’t you regret not going? The way you feel won’t last forever.”

“Yeah, well, I might regret going, too.”

“But at least you can say you tried. You should still go. If you really can’t handle it you can leave early, but if you don’t even try you’ll always wonder. You shouldn’t assume the worst without knowing anything, maybe he cares so much about you which is why he’s scared to talk to you.”

That rings a little too true. You feel bad for jumping to conclusions and that kind of makes you want to start crying again.

“Even if it’s not awkward I’ll end up spending the entire time alone. I…” you take a deep breath and rub your face. Unless ... “Would you… go with me?”

“What?”

“I know I’ll chicken out without someone to force me.” you also might be finding an excuse to spend some time with him. “Plus, if it ends up being the worst mistake of my life it will be your fault that I went. It’s only fair you go, too.”

Chris looks like he’s thinking it over and you expect to hear don’t be weird, we barely know each other, but instead, he says “Deal. I’ll go with you, and if you end up regretting going I’ll treat you to whatever you want.”

“Yeah? Promise?” He scoops up your pinky with his own and presses his thumb to yours. You feel your whole body ignite with life.

“Yaaaay!” he cutely cheers, wiggling your hand. “It will be fun.”

So, that was that.

You exchanged numbers and smiles before you went back in to finish your shift.

That night, and every night, and every morning, and every afternoon, you spend time staring at your phone. You want to message him so much, but you had no excuses (at least, none that wouldn’t come across as totally creepy). You’d think about funny ways to continue conversations you might have had when he came into the shop, but nothing came to mind.

By the time it came to planning for the wedding you had stared at his number so much that you knew it by heart. So, when it popped up, you almost smashed your phone screen by dropped it down the stairs. It was a picture.

You hesitate before opening it and the moment you do you squeal. Oh. Wow. Is this a dream?? It has to be a dream right?!

You don’t know how to process this.

A second picture comes through shortly after - of him in a white suit.

You sit on a step and try to calm yourself down. He looks so cute it’s painful. You kind of want to cry (but you won’t, because that would be weird).

The pictures make this all feel so much more real. He’s taking you to a wedding. Shit. What are you going to wear??

Okay. It’s been 20 minutes and you haven’t replied yet.

[Text:] I love both omg!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. Way too creepy. You’re quick to delete that.

[Text:] You look good in both of them!

Uhhhh slightly too creepy. Delete!

[Text:] Whichever one you want.

Too aloof. You’re getting annoyed at yourself now.

[Text:] I like both of them, but probably the white one.

Nice. Send!

[Text from Chris:] I was worried I messaged the wrong number for a while.

He responded so quickly that you barely even had a chance to stand up.

[Text:] Sorry, was kinda busy :)

[Text from Chris:] What are you going to wear?

That sends you scrambling up the stairs and into your bedroom. Excellent question, Christopher! You start to rummage through things, finding the sexiest thing you own which fills you with the most confidence. You tidy up and sort yourself out as much as possible before sitting on the edge of the bed and positioning yourself to get a picture. You take as many as you need until you get the perfect one. You get a call from an unknown number and hang up. You don’t have time for people trying to sell you stuff or telling you that you’ve been in an accident recently.

[Text:] Maybe this? Not sure, it’s kinda old and I have a few better things…

You smile proudly at yourself. That was so smooth you can’t believe you - wait. You zoom in. You groan loudly. Underwear flung over your chair that you forgot to move! How could you not realise that?! You face plant into your pillow.

When your phone buzzes, you kind of hope it’s the grim reaper texting to tell you it’s time.

[Text from Chris:] You look amazing - you’ll be turning heads! :)

Maybe he didn’t notice or maybe he’s way too gentlemanly and sweet to comment on it. Either way, you feel yourself fall for him even harder.

After that, it’s a lot easier to message him whenever you feel like it. You send him cute dogs you say look like him. He sends you kittens he says look like you. You tell him about all the crazy customers you had and he soothes your soul with every words he sends you in response.

The day of the wedding comes and he’s waiting outside for you in the cab. You check yourself nervously 1,000 times and consider bailing 10,000 times. Your dad still hasn’t responded to any of your calls - all you’ve been getting is a bunch of random spam. Did he sell your number or something?! You don’t know whether you’re meant to be angry or hurt at this point.

Chris eventually lures you out of the house. When he sees you he smiles.

“Wow… you…” he clears his throat.

“Oh-” you play with the material by your sides, “you look really n- good!”

He seems to blush a little and covers his face slightly with his hands. You can barely even appreciate his cuteness because of how anxious you are.

He opens the car door for you and helps you slide in. You get another call from the unknown number, which leaves a voice message for the 20th time. You delete it instantly. You’re so fed up with being pestered.

The journey to the venue is filled with little glances and attempted smiles. You pat your chest to tell your heart to calm the hell down. He must be able to read your mind because he gently touches your arm.

The car stops at the venue and Chris insists on paying the driver. He even helps you out of the car. Under any other circumstances you’d probably get flustered by this, but you’re too afraid of what’s about to happen to really take it in.

You go in slowly, afraid that around any corner might be your father. You don’t see him until you enter the reception hall itself. He’s standing at the end of the aisle, wringing his hands. When his gaze finds you, he breaks out into a large smile and rushes over.

Okay. You weren’t expecting that.

He pulls you into a big hug and Chris smiles, stepping back to allow you space.

“I thought you weren’t coming!”

You’re so confused.

“I texted you that I was…” your response comes out struggled from the tight hug.

“I didn’t get anything.” your father frowns, releasing you and bringing out his phone.

“I called you a billion times, too.”

“You did? Let me see.”

You show him your call history and he blinks.

“That’s not my number anymore.”

“What?!”

“I tried calling you to let you know that I changed my number. I even left you voice messages. Didn’t you get them?”

“Oh…” you glance at Chris, “I thought it was spam so I didn’t answer any or bother with… why didn’t you text me?!”

“I couldn’t figure out how to, and since you moved out of the city it wasn’t like I could just come see you easily! When we came to see this hotel I tried to meet up with you but you kept hanging up the phone.”

You laugh at yourself, a bitter, miserable laugh. Chris was right. You shouldn’t have anticipated the worst. You shouldn’t have been so paranoid about answering the phone.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, and you bite your lip to distract yourself from your watering eyes.

“I am, too.” you sniffle.

“Who’s this?” he leans around you and offers his hand to Chris.

“Hi, I’m Chris. It’s nice to meet you.” Chris smiles, taking his hand in both of his and lowering his head politely.

“Nice to meet you too.” he looks between you both. His name gets called and he glances away. “I have to go, it’s about to start. Take a seat at the front-” he ushered a couple of apparently less important out of their seats to make room for the two of you.

You wonder how much Chris is holding back from gloating that he was right. He doesn’t seem like he is. He just seems happy and proud.

The music starts and you’re back to being nervous. You’re going to see her. For the first time. You’re going to see her.

You’re wrinkling your clothes by how tightly you’re squeezing the material over your thighs. Chris takes your hand and shuffles closer to you.

The further into the ceremony it gets, the more you squeeze him. Your father cries. That’s how happy he is. That’s how glad he was to say I do. To this woman. Whom you’ve never met.

Your family is now only going to be half-familiar to you.

You feel so guilty. You can’t be happy for him the way he deserves. Chris would remind you that regardless of the evil feelings festering inside of you, you’re still there. You showed up. You endure the entire ceremony, and now it’s time for the after-party.

You take your seats and a deep breath. Oh. Alcohol. Nice. You pick up a bottle and pour yourself some. When you offer it to Chris, he shakes his head. You’re not aware, but he wants to stay sober out of worry for you. He’s watching you in concern as you swallow gulp after gulp. You’re trying to drown your guilt.

The newly married couple make their grand entrance and you drink and drink. Their first dance. You take more sips.

You haven’t even said two words to your new mother-in-law… and you’re starting to think that was your own fault. Maybe you’ve just been ignoring signs. Maybe you’ve been too self-absorbed. Maybe the problem here is you, not your father. He deserves so much better.

“I think you should slow down.” Chris tries to take your cup away, “Eat someth-”

“Don’t. Don’t bother.” you might not regret reconciling with your dad, but you sure as hell regret coming and you definitely are starting to regret coming with Chris. You’ve probably misunderstood him, too. You’re probably thinking he’s your friend and he just feels sorry for you.

“There’s bread h-”

“Look, can you stop?!” it’s a good thing the music is so loud. “You got me here. You’re done with your end of the deal. You can leave now.”

He looks hurt and confused but you’re only seeing red.

���It’s great that he’s happy but I don’t know who that woman is. Now she’s part of my family and she’ll have to put up with me like everyone else. You don’t have to worry, you’re excused from pretending to like me.”

“I… haven’t been pretending.”

You grab your bag and stand up. The world sways. You stumble your way past the tables. You need to get out. You’re sure nobody in that room wants to see you. You get out of the hall and into the lobby, you’re determined to get outside while ignoring the strange looks. Even when you lose your balance and fall you still are only focused on escaping.

Hands on your arm are trying to help you to your feet.

You can hear your name.

Everything is so off-kilter. It’s all so wonky and impossible to see. You fall again as soon as you’re standing just by attempting to take one step.

Soon your feet are leaving the ground. You’re being scooped up in the arms of someone you can’t really make out. You’re mumbling to be put down, trying to scramble away from the arms which are cradling you. You’re too weak and apparently too quiet, so you start to shout louder. Put me down, put me down!

But some sort of exchange where you’re being shifted about is happening and soon you’re vaguely aware of being carried into the lift.

You’re able to focus a bit better when you’re still. You start to smile and giggle.

“Are you an angel?” you ask.

The beautiful man doesn’t reply. He just watches the floor number in the lift go up.

He shouldn’t have let you drink so much.

You end up falling asleep against the lovely warm chest you’re being held against. You drift in when your weight is being tilted this way and that so that a door can be opened. You’re laid down on a bed.

A wet towel is being put on your forehead and you’re being guided up into a sitting position and handed a cup of water. It’s then that you realise it’s Chris.

Ugh.

“Why are you here?” you snap.

He sighs. “Drink this. I’ll order some food to the room.”

“I said I don’t want it!” you swat and accidentally knock the cup back against Chris, wetting his suit.

“Stop it.” he sternly says, putting the cup down on the bedside table. “You’re acting childish. Don’t fold your arms at me like that. You already figured out that your dad was trying to call you so why are you still so upset?”

“That’s why! It’s my fault that he couldn’t tell me. He probably tried to get me to meet her a hundred times and I’m sure I found a way to avoid it! It’s my fault that all of this happened! It’s my fault that I felt that way and it’s my fault that I don’t know her. He probably doesn’t want a waste of space like me in his life anyway - I’m sure he was really happy to get rid of me. On top of that you’re still pretending to care!” Your phone is ringing. It’s the same unknown number as before, which must mean it’s your dad trying to find out where you are. That makes you feel even more guilty, which makes you feel worse about who you are. You hang up, which makes you feel worse on top of already feeling worse. It’s a swirling mess of emotions.

“I told you I’m not pretending.”

“Whatever! I get that you’re a nice guy, that’s really great. But it’s not fair! You’re making me like you and you probably don’t even realise! You made me feel special for all of five minutes but your work is done. It’s fine if you don’t want to be around me-” that goes on for a while. You rant about how you’ve fallen for him and how he doesn’t even care and how he’d be dumb to like you back anyway and you rant and rant and rant and Chris doesn’t interrupt you. He allows you to get it all out. He listens to you patiently, refilling the cup of water for you each time you drink it, taking off your shoes, making sure you’re comfortable. He finds some snacks which were already in the room.

By the time you’re done complaining he’s leaning over you. One hand on the headboard and the other on the bedside table.

“Do you think you’ll remember this tomorrow?” he whispers.

You’re tense and confused. You still your body and look into his eyes. He doesn’t mind the smell of alcohol on your breath as you attempt to bitterly reply “I’m sure I will.” Jackass. What is that supposed to mea-

He leans in closer and parts your lips with his own. He steals your breath.

When you start to kiss him back he places fingers under your chin.

Chris gets on the bed and straddles your lap.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

“You won’t believe my words, so I’m showing you. Is that okay?”

You’re definitely sobering up now.

“I’m thirsty.” when you say that he raises the cup to your lips. When you’re done drinking he sets it aside. “I just… I really…”

“What?” he asks when you don’t finish your sentence. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I really hate myself, you know?” you can’t believe how much Chris has seen you cry.

Chris nods. “I know.”

“What do you know? Everyone loves you.”

He shakes his head, “I’ve had really bad anxiety. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t want to be with yourself.” he dabs the towel against your forehead. He’s still in your lap.

“Oh.” You keep managing to make yourself feel guilty today.

“Eat some of this.” he picks up the biscuits he found and opens the packet. He feeds you. Your heart is beating wildly as you take it in your mouth.

“Do we have to go back downstairs?” you ask.

“I think the wedding is over now. You can talk to your dad tomorrow if you don’t want to let him know you’re okay now. I think you should sleep this off before seeing him again.” Chris is right - your dad would kill you for getting drunk and ending up in this position.

“... You think I should sleep... here?”

“Yeah. The room has already been paid for. I’ll leave.”

“N-no.” How do you say this without sounding too desperate? “Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.” Chris nods and brushes dried tears from your cheeks.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

You can barely believe that this is happening. You feel the butterflies in your stomach grow into shy dragons as he gets up and removes his blazer. He’s getting comfortable to spend the night with you. You nervously get under the covers, taking deep breaths with every movement.

You’re so shy at first, and so is he. He smiles at you when you’re both all bundled up. He takes your hand and moves it to his lips.

“This wasn’t how I imagined telling you how I felt but… I didn’t want you to be upset for no reason.”

“How long have you liked me for?”

“I’ve always kind of liked you, that’s why I kept coming back for the gross coffee you make.”

“Hey!” you both laugh.

You seem to fall asleep smiling, because when you wake up the next morning it’s still there.

There’s a moment of unfamiliarity until it all comes back to you.

Chris is still sleeping and he looks so perfect.

You try as silently as possible to get up and creep into the bathroom. You’re shocked by your own reflection. You look like a mess. As quickly as possible you start to try and clean yourself up, adjusting your clothes and your, uh, whole face, basically.

When you’re as satisfied as you can be you try to slide back into bed to pretend you just naturally always look like that, but the mattress shifting wakes him up.

He groans and stretches. He rubs his eyes and squints out at you. He smiles lazily and holds out his arms.

“Come cuddle.” he says tiredly.

You can’t believe you’re hearing this. You can’t believe last night wasn’t a dream. You can’t believe you’re actually lowering down onto him. You can’t believe this is your life now.

[atopearth]

Chrono Trigger Part 1 - A Colourful World of Different Ages

As someone who has played Chrono Cross but not Chrono Trigger, I’m curious to see why it’s so beloved haha, right now it just makes me think of Dragon Ball all the time (because of the character designs). But, I’m really liking the soundtrack and atmosphere though, it really has that nostalgic homey feel that I love about JRPGs in the past. Lmao at the maid in the Mayor’s house, she tells you that you can help yourself to all the treasure chests in this house as if it’s a treasure trove and there’s only two chests!! Lady, don’t get my hopes up! Umm, I went to the fair where Lucca is showcasing her new invention or something and I think I just ate the old man’s lunch!! LOL, I’m sorry old man. I might have to restart just because I feel bad eating it. Is Marle a princess btw? Anyway, lmao at the Biggs and Wedge in the horror house lolll. Ohhh I guess this is how the two games are similar? They both have a pendant that causes them to kinda be transported somewhere else? It’s really cool of Crono to chase after Marle when she disappeared though! I mean, who knows where she went! At least it’s not the fault of Lucca’s invention lol, since it worked properly when Crono was on it without the necklace haha. I assume that this is the past when there was a war going on and this Queen Leene that the people are saying have been found is probably Marle? Oh wait, 600 AD? It’s 400 years ago! HAHAHA omg the little green/blue Piccolo monster can ride on the ball monster hahahaha how cute. Anyway, as expected, we’re going to have to find the real queen, since if she dies, Marle/Princess Nadia isn’t going to exist~ Dunno why Marle keeps disappearing though! On another note, Lucca sure came here fast and found Crono in no time lol!

Damn, monster nuns?! Awww! A frog guy to the rescue!! HAHAHA Frog has a skill called slurp that licks a party member and heals their HP hahahaha. I guess the reason why Marle “disappeared” and came back was because Queen Leene’s life was in danger, so Marle’s existence was questioned. Lmao at everyone in the castle now saying that yeah Marle couldn’t have been Leene after all since she ate so much and had no manners🤣🤣 I feel sorry for Frog but I can understand why he blames himself, he was the Queen’s knight and yet she got captured by Yakra… At least he saved her! Lucca is pretty amazing to be able to make a gate key to keep the gate there for them to go back to their time. She’s not dodgy at her inventions at all! Well, I didn’t expect it to go well but I didn’t think bringing Marle back to the castle would make her father etc think Crono was a kidnapper. Well, it’s just the dodgy Chancellor mainly but still. Lmao at the trial, like I’m sorry I picked up Marle’s pendant before caring about her lmao, she was already standing dude! Yes, I’m such a terrible person LOL. Anyway, apparently helping the girl find her cat was enough to make Crono a good enough guy lol. I guess not eating grandpa’s lunch really helped my case too HAHAHA. Not that it matters since the Chancellor still wants to execute Crono! I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to let Crono keep his weapons whilst in jail though lmao. LMAO at the piece of paper detailing the weaknesses of the tank boss, “as long as no crazy lunatic starts hacking at it with a sword, it should be invincible” hahahaha. I love how Lucca always comes to save the day though, she’s so cool haha. Hahahah I love how the dragon tank explodes on the bridge and the Chancellor and mechanics are then used as the broken part of the bridge for you to cross (since they’re all holding on to their dear lives) hahaha. It was pretty reckless of them to all run and jump into a Gate though, like who knows where it goes?!

It’s kinda saddening that these people (in 1999 AD/destroyed future?) seem to be at the mercy of their own technology that they developed, especially when Doan said they were atop food storage but they can’t access it because the robots are protecting it. Imagine starving on top of a pile of food… Ohh wow, so 1999 AD the day of Lavos is when Lavos appeared from underground around the world and destroyed it all? I was so nervous about losing to Johnny in the race across the ruins but lmaoo it doesn’t even matter! It’s not that far! And I have to go back into the ruins to get a chest anyway loll. Omgg Robo is such a cutie! It was so saddening when his “friends” called him a defect (since Lucca fixed him and he’s not a normal robot following the functions of killing intruders) and thrashed him! Even I had trouble dealing with them though, way too many robots lol. Anyway, we really gotta appreciate how amazing Lucca is to be able to fix future machinery like dang. Now we have a new friend too! 

Omg the End of Time? It looks pretty much like the Bend of Time in Chrono Cross, it’s kinda cool how funky these things are haha. Wow, for a second, I was wondering whether 1000 AD was actually their home world and time hahaha, it was so different, I was confused! But it seems that in the underworld or whatever that’s where the fiends are living, and they hate the humans and wished that the Magus who created the Lavos killed all the humans 400 years ago? Hmm I wonder why they didn’t kill them all back then and instead decided to kill the humans around 1999 AD? I wonder if talking to Magus or stopping him from creating the Lavos will solve things… Wow, I can’t believe the war here seems to be speeding up really fast! I wonder who is the hero? On the other hand, I never realised the Commander and chef in the castle were brothers! It’s kinda cute how they’re both rough around the edges being stubborn about how their respective teams are more exhausted etc but in the end, they understand how difficult a time it is and will always help each other out. Didn’t think the king himself nearly fought to his death though, how reckless! Lmao at spiced jerky being the rations that the soldiers needed hahahaha.

Lmao at the Freelancer monster (that looks like a bird), it legit throws rocks at you hahahaha. LMAO at the sheep looking guy that says mountains are so nice, I legit kept talking to him because I felt that there must be a reason for him to be here and lolll if you annoy him enough times he gives you a magic capsule hahahah! I nearly died when he said “you’re not gonna leave me alone huh” LOL. Well, I didn’t expect to find Masamune on a random mountain! They’re so cute separated as two little kids though, yet so ugly in their combined monster form lmaoo. Well, it was to be expected that the real hero was actually Frog, but to think he has the hilt for Masamune! I feel like he feels he’s undeserving to be the hero not just because he wasn’t able to protect the Queen properly though hmmm. Dang, Ayla gets a cool introduction! Didn’t expect her to come from 65,000,000 BC though when I first saw her in the opening. Honestly though, it felt as if Crono fell in love with her at first sight haha! Anyway, it’s kinda cool to come all the way here for the Dreamstone (to fix the Masamune), it kinda reminds me of Chrono Cross when they had to go to Another World for hydra stuff since it was extinct in their own world. Glenn huh? Anyway, didn’t expect Magus to be a good looking guy! Well, he’s a bunch of pixels but I think he’s good looking! Lol!

I can see why Frog was so adamant on not going along with Crono and them before. He was Glenn, the guy who went along with Cyrus (the Captain of the castle who everyone admired, and even the King and Queen relied on him very much and still speak about him) to defeat Magus, but in the end, Cyrus sacrificed his life to protect Glenn so he could survive and retreat, yet in the end, Magus just turned him into a frog because of the “coward” he was. Not only that, but Cyrus’ last words asked of Frog to protect the queen and them, and yet the queen was kidnapped in the beginning of the story. So you can really see why he would feel so unworthy of being the hero that will save this land. But now that the weapon Cyrus wielded has been fixed (Masamune) and there are new companions enlisting for his help, I think it’s about time Frog stopped blaming himself! It’s time to show Magus that he’s not a coward! It was pretty cool to see Frog slash a mountain in half, like dang, I guess Cyrus was right to say Frog was stronger than him, he just never had the confidence since he was always stunted by his fear. Well, Ozzie is pretty annoying with his traps lmao, kinda childish at the same time though hahaha! I guess it was expected that Magus only summoned Lavos and didn’t create them since they’re beings that have stayed under the planet(?) consuming power etc to become as strong as they are to end up destroying the world in the future.

Crono and them riding the Dactyl to the reptite castle was cool haha! I feel sad for Kino that he doesn’t get to fight alongside them though, especially since he’s aware that he’s not as strong as Crono and Ayla. Lmaooo at Nizbel complaining about Crono and them walking past him even though he was flexing his muscles and showing them that they needed to defeat him before they can get to Azala hahahah. Hmm, Lavos creates these time gates? 12,000 BC time!

For now, I’m really enjoying Chrono Trigger more than I thought I would! I’ve always averted from time travel stories because I never really found them too interesting, but I really love how the idea is implemented in this, like, it’s literally fun! Not only do you get to see how different the different eras are, but I think the monsters, the people and everything is just so detailed and interesting. Like, it’s hard to forget the NPCs and stuff because they all have such personality, like whether it be the chef and the commander in the castle, the monsters playing ball with each other, and just everyone you encounter along the journey really shows how colourful the world is and how interesting it is to explore it all. The graphics may not be the best considering how old it is, but I think they’re so cute. I kinda wish Crono actually talked or nodded and stuff a bit more, but I guess it’s okay since the rest of the characters talk haha. Honestly though, I think the charm of the game is definitely in the aspect of adventuring in time and how different everything is, yet also how enjoyable it is. And you kinda get a side dose of we need to save the world from Lavos, so it has the typical JRPG feel to it as well haha. Combat is also pretty interesting! Not too hard as well so that’s great, but I really love the dual techs where two characters cooperate to do one skill, I just love watching all the different combinations!

[boy-porridge-vent]

April 9 2020 Twitter Thread Rant

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger. I'll only come here to vent or talk about my issues 

 Future TW// self harm ed suic*dal thoughts abuse idk, other stuff that is bad ig lmao This is my space to do with as I please

Even blocked my partner and best friends :) Happy now? Scum.

In fact, even just to make my abusive ex and my other cheating ex happy, I not only blocked them but blocked every from school I could find There. Now truly nobody knows me. Are you guys happy now? Forcing your victim to stay quiet & hide AGAIN? Like youve always done to me?????

Fake ass.... you claim to be my friend yet anything I tell you goes straight to my ex and drama starts again bc you pretend to be on my side hating her, then youre on her side against me Now youre taking screenshots from my friends and sending them to my ex... shady shit

call me a hypocrite yet youre being hypocritical on your story. I see haha

telling people to write in a diary instead of online, yet you've written how you feel online, you made 9-12 public posts for ~460 people to see, all with rants and venting about me, made 5 public stories about my friend and brought my name into it. When will you learn.

you say something like "you can talk shit and its ok, but when it do it, its not ok?" no, here's the problem. You do it in the wrong way. We actually keep it private and resolve our anger with friends that are also struggling bc of you and understand the situation

most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger.

when my friend posted to his story about you, it was on his PRIVATE VENT account.... what it's supposed to be used for....? Venting about how he feels abt my other ex copying him, and you giving into my ex simply bc you both dislike me. It's childish. 

You and my ex go on public ramblings for everyone to see and use direct names or usernames as if people are gonna hunt us down? Ive never done that to you. I talk about you with my friends at school sure, but online? I NEVER shared your username. NEVER shared your name. Nothing.

The only info people could use to figure out who you were was me calling you a cheater, using the word "whore" because thats what you CALLED YOURSELF as we were breaking up!!!!! And talking about your pet that you only have because of me

You also say me and many of my friends are cowards for blocking you, bc if we werent blocking you you'd be "all up in our dm's" is that why you made a whole new twitter account dedicated to calling me a clown and immediately blocked me so I couldnt find it?? Okay "coward"

I blocked you bc you've admitted to people that you stalk my instagram, you stalk my twitter, yet when i block you to make you stop (bc ive had issues with stalking before) you get mad??? youre like "ok coward, if you had nothing to hide then why did block and private"

because 1.) i dont like stalkers and you know that 2.) i made everything private bc you were literally throwing a fit about how my months and months old rants were pUbLiC and anybody could see them, so I made it private so ppl dont read about you,

now now youre mad bc you cant go through my twitter anymore without following  and you cant find anymore of your sacred screenshots. again, i have nothing to hide. thats why i havent deleted my old tweets. bc I stand by what I say.

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it

the other time i deleted was march 31? bc you decided to use your NEW bf to get onto his old account (which hadnt been active since 2017....) and retweet a vent of mine. I was like "yea no im not gonna have you stalk my twitter through your bf thats ridiculous"

after he retweeted, you went on that posting spree on instagram about how all my stuff was public. So i deleted the tweet he retweeted just to make you happy. It's either leave them public and you shame me for public tweeting, delete them but ur mad that im being fake? or make my account private and now youre mad bc you cant search through my account of 4 years like the gross rat you are

it's funny how you can also post public tweets about me for your followers to see, and when I find out I didnt say shit to you, didnt start drama with you, i took my screenshots and left. then you deleted them..... i bet if someone called you out for it you would pretend you didnt say shit until someone pulled out the screenshots bc that's what you do, you act like you did nothing until somebody proves you wrong w the evidence, then u pretend like "ohh those tweets! Um yea, uh..."

wit yo fake ass you were all our friend, you were in the friend group bc we cared about you, until you dated me on and off over and over, tried to fuck one of our friends after prom, crushed on one of my friends and your coworker, bitched at me if i didnt invite you to hangout.. even if you ween invited, dated me again while also dating someone from discord while also being sneaky with one of your neighbor guys. Calling me a crybaby for being upset about the breakup even tho you vented about your military ex for months and months..... you even went to your online discord friend who was now your ex and told him how shitty my friends and I were for not inviting you to the Halloween party..... funny thing about that... you chose to opt out. You wanted to spend halloween with your new bf, the one in college, but guess what? He left your ass to go to his own party, so after that THEN you changed your mind and wanted to go to OUR party

OUR party, which had maxed out the guest limit. You said you didnt want to go, so you got removed and replaced with somebody else who COULD and WANTED to go. Tough luck. You leave the line at the BMV, you get sent to the back. Thats how it works.

Then u told your discord ex how shitty we all were & made us out to be shitheads bc we "didnt invite u" we did invite you. u chose not to go until it was too late. that was ur fault. not to mention u had been starting drama & being weirdly sexual w ppl in the group at the time

you wanted to fuck my friend after prom despite knowing he was crushing on a girl & wanted to make it work??? Wanted to suck my friend's dick in the back of the culinary room despite knowing he was with another girl? flirting w girls online despite having a partner? disgustang

even now, u JUST got w a new dude & youre already telling people abt the weird shit yall do. Ur sending him to spy on ppl from the friend group. Getting him involved even tho he's really chill & I have no problem w him??? I hated J bc he was w you, I dont wanna hate this guy too

like damn shawty u say im a hypocrite for not lettin u shit talk.... i do let u. Ive caught u saying shit on twitter & insta but Ive never made any posts abt it like u did. i saw what u said on twitter, or even our dms when u call me a crybaby? but i never posted about it like u

i couldve totally taken a screenshot of your immature dm of insults and no actual argument and posted it all over the place, but I didnt. I couldve posted your vents and rants from twitter, your main insta, and your vent insta all over the place, but I never did. Yet you can??

[jichew]

college!hyunsuk au♡part two

a/n: the long awaited part two is here!! thank you all again for the love on part one :((( idk how to make links so you if you haven’t read that, just go through my ygtb imagine tag to find that. I thought this was much needed considering all the hate suk is getting lately :/ feel free to leave any questions/asks/comments in my inbox! mwah ♡ 

so it’s been a while since the night of the party

first things first, mina and gon are a couple nowヽ(*＾ω＾*)ﾉ

you really never thought you could see any of your friends in a romantic relationship but these two go so well together uwu

they’re kind of like the resident mom and dad couple

and because of that, your two friend groups have officially been adopted by them!!

and at first you were lowkey scared of his friends ,,, esp seunghun

but when you found out he’s actually just a puppy in a buff man’s body , shit got LIT

idk what i meant by lit, it just seemed to fit

anyway

so you guys basically hang out every day, usually congregating at the boy’s place bc they’re sophomores and have their own apartment

and u and hyunsuk are basically besties now

now,,, you can’t deny you were very attracted to him before

lol don’t tell anyone but u still kinda are(๑>◡<๑)

but you just assumed it was surface level and decided he was better as a best friend anyway

so basically you guys found out you share a bunch of the same classes

and now you guys walk to all ur classes together!!!

and suk brings u iced coffee in the morning

and walks you back to your dorm at night

and sometimes you guys hold hands

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

you’re also his calculus tutor now

and in return he buys you food!!

usually that would be a pretty good tradeoff but tutoring hyunsuk is so,,,hard

“so can you complete this problem using integration by parts?”

“if you give me a kiss on the cheek, yes”

(O_O)

this man is really after your heart isn’t he

hyunsuk flirting with you is kind of a common occurence

“fuck you suk”

“fuck me yourself you coward”

(´⊙ω⊙`)

anyway,,,,,

usually it’s just harmless pickup lines

but sometimes,,,, you’ll be doing homework or listening to lecture, and he’ll just stare at you

“what r u looking at”

“how pretty you look today”

HOW DARE HE

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

and you can’t help how your heart flutters when that happens

but also, you have to force yourself to snap out of it bc this is hyunsuk we’re talking about :///

he’s just so ,,, out of your league

not only that, but you were sure he had this flirty nature around everyone

and even if he did magically end up liking you, you didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend

(◞‸◟)

sad hours: activated

so it’s been a few weeks and the guys decided to throw a party before everyone left for thanksgiving break

obviously the whole gang™ is invited

tonight,,, you are NOT drinking

bc you are a responsible individual who has decided to be the designated driver for the night

＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

but some other people have different plans

right as you guys walk in the door, your eyes are immediately drawn to hyunsuk

perhaps it’s because he looks so completely ethereal with the top few buttons of his dress shirt undone, smile glowing under the dim lights of the living room

or perhaps its because he’s taking shots like there’s no tomorrow

hhnnggggg

and your inner mom is just like

“HYUNSUK NO”

“HYUNSUK YES”

and then he downs his fifth shot of the night

so now you’re hyunsuk’s babysitter for the night

y/n, you really outdid yourself

so after maybe two hours of smacking solo cups out of suk’s hand and watching him try to wall twerk to eyes noes lips,,,

he’s FINALLY gotten tired

\( ˆoˆ )/

so now you guys are just chilling in the living room

most people have left so its just the og gang

and hyunsuk’s just laying on the sofa with his head in your lap

(^-^)

and normally you would find that cute, but you’re still kind of mad at him for getting so drunk

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

but you can’t help yourself from playing with his hair bc you’re whipped lol

anyway,,,you’re kind of zoned out of the conversation and you’re pretty sure hyunsuk is falling asleep

until you feel his hand grab yours while it’s still in his hair

which kind of brings u back to reality

and u look down at suk

and he’s just looking up at you with his eyes all crinkly and a goofy smile on his face

and he’s just like

“y/n you’re so pretty” (´∀｀)

and you’re kinda like (^.^) but also ur like

“lol suk ur drunk”

and then he’s like

“NO”

and suddenly he’s sitting up and hugging you super tight, his face buried into your chest

at first your like (o_o)

because this is hyunsuk and his face is literally in your boobs hhngg

finally you snap out of it and you’re like

“THATS IT, IM TAKING YOU TO BED”

and suddenly everyone’s just looking at you two like

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and you’re like

(・・?)

and you realize hyunsuk still has his face in your boobs

and suddenly he properly sits up

and brings his face really close to yours

and you’re just frozen like (°_°)

but you can’t help but notice how soft his lips look right now

and the way he’s staring at you, you just know he knows the effect he has on you

and you’re wondering how socially acceptable it would be if you just closed the distance with your lips

and you suddenly realize how frantically your heart is beating

“you want to take me to bed?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

this HOE

FINALLY u snap out of it

“t-that’s not what i meanthhbbdjnj”

and you’re just stumbling over ur words

and suk has that drunk dopey smile on his face again

and everyone’s still looking at u two like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and you just take his hand and drag his short ass up the stairs and make him lay in his bed

“i love a woman who’s domineering in the bedroom” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“shut the FUCK up” (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

but once suk is finally tucked in his bed

he calms down

and as ur about to leave

he grabs ur wrist quickly

and u weren’t expecting it so you kind of stumble on to him

and you guys are really close in proximity again

and he whispers in a soft voice

“y/n, you know i like you right?”

you can’t lie that your heart stutters for a second

but you smell the alcohol in his breath

so you heave a sigh

and gently kiss his forehead

“sweet dreams hyunsuk”

and you leave the room

uhhh so like fast forward two days to the monday after the party

you,,,, have kinda been ignoring everyone

ESPECIALLY hyunsuk

you’re just so

hnbbggggghhhhhdhhdhbdh

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

so here’s the thing

you like hyunsuk

you KNOW you like hyunsuk

you’ve basically admitted it to yourself that your head over heels for him

and you KNOW he doesn’t feel the same for you

but the way he acted with at the party the other day made you think different

and you’re so CONFLICTED

i mean he was drunk????

if he actually liked you, wouldn’t he act that way when he WASN’T drunk?

and it just makes you sad more than anything

so you stay in your dorm all day

and you ignore suk’s calls

because he’s been calling you since the next morning

but you can’t bring yourself to hear his voice, let alone TALK to him

and you know there’s no way he can get to you bc you’re in your dorm all day

until you hear a knock on your door

and you look through the peephole and see mina

and you’re debating opening the door or not bc you really look and feel a mess and you’re just sad and embarrassed

“I KNOW YOU’RE THERE OPEN THE DOOR OR I’ll KICK IT DOWN MYSELF”

and you lowkey believe her

so you open the door

and you look at her

and she looks at you

and then you just start SOBBING

as if you weren’t already a mess, you’re even MORE of a mess now

so mina has closed the door and guided you to your bed

and she’s just letting you cry, patting your back and whispering comforting words

and when you finally calm down

you look up at her, tear tracks marking your cheeks, your nose red and runny

“mina, i really like him” (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

“i know”

...and you’re sobbing again

and then when you calm down again you’re like

“i don’t even know why i like him!! like sure he’s good looking and sure he has great fashion sense and sure he’s nice and cares about me and takes care of me and ...”

...surprise! you’re sobbing again

and mina just lets it happen

she knows you’re going through it

and when you’re finally out of tears

she looks at you and she’s like

“it’s ok to like him. it’s ok to like a guy. so what if he may not like you back? not that that’s true, but you never know until you try! and if he doesn’t, so what? you know your worth! and you are worth so much! don’t let a guy stop you from living your life, because you are so much more than that.”

mina for president 2020

and you look up at her

(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

you’re so lucky to have her as a friend hhnng

so you’re feeling better now

and you skipped your classes on monday, because you were still getting it together

and you didn’t have any classes with suk on tuesday

and you think he knows you just need your space

bc he’s stopped calling you

but he’s still texting you

and you may have checked them and you may have squealed bc he called you babe

anyway

it’s wednesday

you know what that means

it has come full circle... the dreaded 9 am chem lecture

so you leave your dorm extra early

because you know you need the time

and you get to your class at 8:50

and right as you’re about to enter the building, you feel a hand grab your wrist

and by now, you know who it is

so you let him lead you a little away from the building where no one was

and he finally turns around and looks at you

and you can’t find it in yourself to look him in the eye

so you just look down at his hand that is still holding onto yours

and you gently pry his fingers from around your wrist

and you let your arms rest at your sides

“y/n....why have you been ignoring me”

you already feel tears coming on

but you bring your hands together in front of you, still staring at the ground

“it was only three days” you mumble

and he’s quiet for a sec

“i missed you”

lol ur rlly whipped and you know it

you finally look up at him

and he just has the most devastated look on his face

and you can’t tell if it’s the glare from the sun, but his eyes look watery

and he his lips are pouted

and he just looks like a kicked puppy

and everything in you is just SCREAMING to hug him and apologize and tell him everything will be ok

but,,,,you have to do this ... for yourself and mina ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

so you take a deep breath and look him in the eye

it takes a while for you to formulate words but

“why do you always flirt with me like that?”

“wha-“

“when you know i like you, why would you play with my feelings like that? i thought you had some respect for me, but it’s so degrading when you lead me on just to reject me later! this isn’t some game suk...”

you finally take some time to breathe and take a look at him

and his face is just blank

and his mouth is kind of open

and he’s staring at you ~like that~

and you’re about to snap at him again

but then he opens his mouth to say something

“...you like me?”

you’re kinda confused

“obviously, you know this already???”

he just stares at you for a little longer

and he kind of looks like he’s about to cry again

“...no i didn’t”

uhhh huh

now you’re the one who’s speechless

he takes a little step closer to you

your heart is starting to beat really fast again

“you know i only every flirt with you right....and it’s not because i think it’s funny, well i mean it is kinda funny -“

you: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

suk: ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

“anyway.... i only ever flirt with you... because i like you too”

he kind of whispered the last part

but you heard it

and you’re looking at the ground but you can’t help the smile growing on your face

so you just close the gap and hug him

and he’s kind of unresponsive at first

but he lets his arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him, his head falling into your hair

and you can’t see his face but you know he’s smiling bc u are too

you lean back a bit to look at him

and you notice the way his eyes keep flickering between your eyes and lips

and as much as you would love to kiss his pouty lips, you have to put ur foot down

“NOT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD WE ARE LATE FOR CHEM LECTURE”

and that’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship

･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

[hyunsracha]

see you later — yang jeongin

word count: 1.6k

summary: jeongin wasn’t ready to be king. but that’s okay, because he has you, his trusted assistant, by his side.

happy 18th birthday, lovebug!! i love u sososo much n i hope u had the bestestest day ever!!

yang jeongin.

17 years old, cute, kind, sweet

what more could you want in a prince?

jeongin had it all: a lovely kingdom, amazing parents, the best friends a guy could ask for…

and then he didn’t

just weeks before his 18th birthday, his parents set out on a trip. they didn’t tell him why they were going, so he just assumed they were going to get a birthday present for him.

but on the first night of their voyage, their ship wrecked.

no survivors.

here’s the thing: jeongin isn’t ready to be the king.

he thought he still had Years To Go !!! 

usually, kings are crowned when they’re 21, so they have a few years of adulthood to Be Adults or whatever

but since jeongin’s parents died, he would have to become king when he was 18

so he spent his last few weeks before his birthday hurriedly learning the ins and outs of running a kingdom.

so once he turned 18, he became the king!

fuck.

he still has...no idea what he’s doing…

but that’s okay, he has you!

you see, you grew up with jeongin. he was your best friend, and you were his.

but that’s probably because you spent almost every waking hour with the boy.

requirements of being the prince’s assistant, i guess!

you had other friends, like felix who took care of the horses, and chan, the assistant chef, and seungmin who worked at the bookstore in the village.

but you two were the closest!

your mother had been the assistant to the king and queen, so you spent your childhood basically learning how to assist a kingdom.

unfortunately, as an assistant, you follow your boss everywhere

your mom was on that ship, too.

so you had no one to go to for advice anymore ://

but that’s ok! you were smart! you could do this!

and you did.

you ran the kingdom behind the scenes, jeongin just put his fancy king stamp on everything. 

being jeongin’s assistant wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

jeongin was nice and he didn’t make you do a lot of things for him

except when you had arguments when you were little,,,he made you do a lot

“y/n go clean the gutters”

“bro we have a guy for that-”

“Go, Assistant.”

but you always made up!!! and then you got to hit him with pillows

“CLEAN THE GUTTERS??? THE GUTTERS, JEONGIN??”

“I’M SORRY PLEASE STOP”

but...with spending all your time together...you also saw each other at your worst

there were many nights when jeongin made you stay with him while he cried yourself to sleep

he said it was an order, but you would’ve done it anyway, even if your mom wasn’t in the wreck.

you were about 15 years old when you realized that you would do anything for jeongin, no orders involved.

it was jeongin’s 16th birthday, and you all were in the main hall playing cards.

you would usually run around in the kitchen and steal snacks, but the chefs were making jeongin’s birthday dinner and told you guys to stay out.

and it was his birthday!! so obviously u wanted him to only have good things today, even little things like winning cards

so hyunjin, that little witch (literally), put a spell on the cards so that they would work in the birthday boy’s favor.

and his smile each time he won a round…

oh, how whipped you were.

2 years later, and nothing has changed.

you’re still whipped for that smile, and that deck of cards still works in his favor.”

“hyunjin i look like a fucking idiot can you please undo the card spell.”

“uhh...about that…”

“you don’t know how to undo the card spell.”

“I WAS LIKE 17 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?”

“HYUNJIN JSJGSJ >:(((“

but what you didn’t know is that jeongin felt the same way!!

some nights, after you fell asleep, some of you guys’ friends would climb in through jeongin’s window and talk about you.

except hyunjin...he just put on an invisibility cloak and came through the front door.

“climbing through windows is for cowards.”

“you literally hid yourself from Everybody.”

hyunjin, putting his cloak back on: “and you're not gonna see me when I KICK YOUR ASS FELIX-”

he had to do this bc !!!! jeongin is very full of emotion !!!!

and who else is he gonna tell? you? NO.

he wouldn’t write it in a journal, either

“diaries are for losers.”

“i have a diary :(((“

“seungmin you’re a loser.”

but he just :(( thought you were really cute :(( and super nice :(( and your little giggles when he made fun of his etiquette teacher :((

and he either had to fess up or live with you as just his best friend and assistant forever :((

here’s the thing though:

when a child of a castle worker is born, that child becomes a castle worker themselves.

but once that child turns 18, they have a choice.

they can either give the rest of their life to the crown, OR

they can pay to get out.

but paying your way out … isn’t the cheapest thing in the world.

your mother had spent your whole life saving up the few coins she got every now and then in order to pay you out when you were 18.

it wasn’t that the king and queen were bad people!

but your mom was born a child of a castle worker, and her parents never got her the money for freedom, and she had never seen the world, and she didn’t want the same from you.

and she had saved just enough to buy your freedom.

your mother wanted you to go,

but jeongin needed you to stay.

see a dilemma?

another dilemma: jeongin doesn’t know you have the money

and your birthday is just a few weeks away!

the closer your birthday got, the more anxious you became. 

jeongin could tell; he knew you weren’t acting like yourself.

and one day he had Enough of you seeming so upset all the time, so he asked.

“y/n...what’s the matter? you seem so down lately…”

“nothing haha nothing! why would anything be wrong, i’m great!”

“y/n.”

of course. jeongin knew you better than anyone else. he could sense your lies in an instant.

“okay, okay. so my mom saved enough money for me to not be a worker here anymore once my birthday hits. and i really don’t know what to do because you need me here, right? but i’ve never been outside the castle on my own and i don’t know what’s out there and-”

“go.”

“w-what?”

“on your birthday. go. pay your way out.”

“what?” you were not expecting this. “but you need me here...to help you run things.”

“i’ll learn. i’m not a little kid anymore. i’m a man.”

“jeongin you’re not a man.”

“i’m man enough to tell you to leave.”

the look in his eyes was unfamiliar to you. it was so rare to see jeongin so serious.

“and it’s not like you can’t come back,” he took your shaking hands in his, squeezing tightly, “you’re my best friend, y/n! i’m not banishing you.”

you were relieved, “you mean it?”

“i mean it.”

you gave him one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen before you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms snugly around his neck.

not gonna lie, he was kinda sad.

his best friend :(( and the potential love of his life :(( leaving him :((

but he wasn’t an asshole, he wasn’t going to force you to stay.

so there you were. getting ready to leave the only place you had called ‘home’ for the past 18 years.

you were at the gate, bags in hand, jeongin a few steps behind him.

you stood at the open doors, just looking.

looking at the nearby village; the nearby people, many of which you didn’t know.

you thought about how many villages were out there, filled with people you didn’t know.

a lot of people...a lot of places..oh no...what are you going to do?

you dropped your bags, turning around and immediately latching onto jeongin.

“you’re scared, huh?”

there he was again, knowing you better than anyone else.

“i can’t go out there, jeongin. i’m staying. i don’t know what i’d do out there!” you cried into his chest. 

he pulled away from you, holding you at shoulder’s length.

“you’re gonna go out there and do something great. i don’t know what, and i’m sure you don’t know either. but i know it’s gonna be amazing, because you’re amazing, yeah?”

“but what about you? what about the kingdom?”

“who cares?”

“jeongin.”

“i’ll just hire seungmin. make his life miserable for a change, huh?” he winked, trying to lighten the mood.

“you never made me miserable, innie.” you were still crying, and you didn’t bother to wipe away your tears.

here’s your chance, jeongin thought to himself, here’s this person that you’ve wanted to give your everything to for years and they’re about to walk away and you don’t know if you’re ever going to see them again. don’t be a coward. just do it!

he wiped your tears away with his thumbs, leaving his hands resting on your cheeks. 

then he took a deep breath to hype himself up.

and then he leaned it.

and then he kissed you.

it wasn’t very long..because he didn’t really know what he was doing,

but it set off alarms in his head and in his heart and his soul.

oh yeah, he thought, this is definitely the love of my life.

you, on the other hand, were stunned.

did jeongin...the prince of your kingdom...your best friend...the boy you’ve been head over heels for for years...just do that thing that you saw the actors do?

wow….

“d-did you just give me a goodbye kiss?” you gaped at him.

he grinned, shaking his head,

“think of it more as a see you later kiss.”

“oh....well in that case,” you kissed him again, this time with a little more force, “see you later, jeongin.”

“see you later.”

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE���S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

[ixeliema]

Okay this is going to be pretty personal and potentially triggering so I'm leaving that here at the top. I'm going to be discussing depression and self harm here and I will tag accordingly. I will not be specific or speak of it in detail because a lot of people read posts like these at their lowest points and it does nothing but hurt already very troubled people to read.

These bubbles are covering an injury I inflicted upon myself at work today after my manager called me in to a meeting with him to speak about the amount of missed days of work I'd taken in the last two-three weeks.

How it happened doesn't matter. The only context you need for it is that I missed four days due to a contagious illness and one day due to a stomach bug that had me physically unable to leave the bathroom. I work long hours and in my store's home department. I work hard and never do things 80% or lower at work and it's exhausting at times.

Well...yesterday I had a panic attack that lasted for almost four hours and knew I couldn't work in this state. I had been curling into a ball, screaming, sobbing, (tw) pulling my hair.

I called in and my manager told me we'd need to talk about my missed days. Fine. I accept that. Today I dreaded the inevitable call back and when it happened he told me that two of my customers had filed complaints on me within two days last week.

One I will admit is justified. He was talking about gun issues and complaining that retail stores should sell guns, meanwhile I am from a college that was shot up and I am fucking terrified of guns. I don't mind not selling them. Especially in light of El Paso recently.

The other was a lady who noticed I was sweaty and tired after having to manually enter her discounts for about 25 apparel items because her digital coupon wasn't ringing right and it was a system issue. I had an injury between my fingers at the time and all the typing to fix the prices was pulling apart my scab and I had begun to bleed through my bandage. At the end of the transaction, she made eye contact with me and asked "I'm sorry...are you IRRITATED with me?" I don't remember exactly what I said but I said something like "no ma'am I'm bleeding". Well apparently 'no' means I'm still a bitch who needed reported to her manager.

The first...fine. I was out of line there. I shouldn't have let him goad me on. But the second pisses me off. Not happy because three strikes on my record is cause for termination due to disregard for customer satisfaction. This sucks a lot. But then my manager talks about my missed days and why they happened. I mentioned my sicknesses and cited a literal rule (if you are contagious or having issues with bodily fluids don't come in" at him. Yesterday I told him my situation. I was unable to breathe. See. Anything. I cited my mental illness and told him it was very bad yesterday. He kind of brushed me off. (Which in itself fucking infuriates me bc mental health isn't a goddamn joke!)

Then he told me to evaluate myself and whether or not this job is right for me. I also have a physical injury and I require a brace. Even with it sometimes I have sore days and pain that I can't control due to walking about four to five miles a day at work. It sucks but with the brace I can survive. I need this job to live after all, and I don't mind the coworkers or the job itself. It just sucks when I'm working 48 hours in a row with a lot of mental and physical barriers to my success.

He told me to my face that if I didn't feel I was capable of doing the job to quit. And then he told me he needed someone "more reliable" for the position because of the business' needs.

I kind of broke at that point. And I blacked out into a relapse of my self harm after the meeting was through. I pride myself on two things: my sense of humor even in dark times (comes with the territory of mental illness), and the fact that I strive to be reliable. My manager telling me to my face that I wasn't reliable broke me.

See I would be more understanding if he hadn't just told me that five of my six missed days were perfectly acceptable. But after he learned of the last one amd why he kind of shifted gears. And I hated it very much.

He's worked for x corporation nearly 20 years and no one will question his authority. He works hard and is pretty good with his workers. Honestly he's a little sexist and clearly doesn't think mental illnesses are a big deal, but he's good at what he does. So hearing an authority figure (the type of person I've learned to fear because I'm never good enough) tells me I'm not one of the qualities I fucking FIGHT for...I broke.

But this story isn't why I wanted to post it. Yeah I could rant about the rude manager and the customers and that dumb "customer is always right" mentality (which they could prove wrong if they just looked up the security footage for the rude lady!)

No I'm here because when I got home from working 2-11...bordering tears and panic all day and sweatier than anyone living in Arizona right now...I hopped in the bath for a soak and to give myself time to heal from the long arduous day.

My mind has been full of intrusive thoughts about my worth and how I broke my streak of being clean from self harm and how that makes me a coward. That kind of joyous stuff.

I sat up to get my phone to text my friend and saw that my knee (where my injury is) was covered in bubbles.

I don't know why...but that means a lot to me right now. Like...I'm taking care of myself after probably the worst day I've had since my dad died. I'm taking time to heal. I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my soul after a long and painful day. And it felt like for a moment, the universe understood that looking at my wound hurt me as much as the wound itself hurt. It wanted me to not dwell on it.

Obviously this isn't a magic "I'm no longer depressed" moment but for me, seeing the bubbles...a sign (at least to me) of trying to take care of myself masking the pain of my depression and anxiety.

Today has been a very tough day for me with a lot of manic episodes and a lot of depressive ones, and though I can wear the face that I'm okay...it cracked a lot today and I let my ugly side seep out. And seeing the bubbles covering my wound I deadass cried about it, y'all.

This tells me that even on your worst days, taking care of yourself and trying to find time to recover can help you to heal. And I wanted to post this because I think this story might help someone. Even just one person. Maybe even just myself someday when out of the blue I check my (very small) tag for original posts.

The TLDR of this is that this occurence kind of showed me that taking care of yourself...even in tiny, seemingly insignificant ways, can really help you to not dwell on pain as much.

And before someone hijacks this and says this won't apply to everyone...I know. But I hope someone sees this image of bubbles on a goddamn kneecap and thinks to themselves that they ought to take better care of themselves after a bad day. After a relapse. After feeling so defeated you considered suicide. Consider healing. Consider trying to help yourself, even just in one small way.

That's about all I have to say other than "fuck I work the next three days and I'm not stoked to go fake a smile as a cashier for 27 more hours even if I'm being paid"