#c) absolutely no impulse control

[janevolturi]

jasper having to tell bella THREE TIMES to stop being horny about edward while waiting for charlie to arrive at the house BRO

[bruhstories]

guilt

summary: you're looking for an end to your misery and guilt, but find healing instead. pairing: dante sparda x succubus!reader | game-oriented warnings: reader has a death wish and suffers from meltdowns, unprotected p in v, fighting sex?? swearing, descriptions of reader's demonic form, afab!reader, fighting for dominance, slightly sub!reader, some aftercare w/c: 5.1k

a/n: aight, here it is! i hope y'all don't mind a bit of build up lol

You were created with one purpose to fulfil — weaken humanity.

And you did. For centuries, you crept into the dreams of soldiers, doctors, priests, kings, disturbing their peace with your beauty, syphoning their life force with your body. You ruined marriages, impaired armies, even, all in the name of the King of the Underworld. But not without guilt.

See, when Mundus selected you for his demonic crusade, he overlooked one particular flaw that you managed to hide quite well — compassion. Not that you were the first demon to give a shit about humans, but you were one of the few who experienced shame so strong that you considered death to be a form of penance.

Only, death wouldn't have brought humanity any benefit. So, you ran away, slipped through a gate between the worlds and hid away for decades, until you were sure no demon was looking for you anymore. Inspired by Sparda's selflessness, you picked up odd jobs, helping the humans you once actively tried to destroy. You were a village teacher who disappeared, a military nurse who died on the battlefield, a firefighter who burned, a police officer who got shot — even if a body was never found — all while battling your own demons.

When you were born, you were born with a weakness, an insatiable, aching hunger for sex, an urge you needed to suppress and control. And it consumed you, like lava flowing through your veins that burned holes through your skin. Some days were easier. Others weren't, because when it rained, it poured, and you locked yourself inside of your bathroom, submerged in ice cold water just to stop the impulses from taking over. Your body, your real, demonic body, decorated with blood red scales, and a serpentine tail to match, with horns and slitted pupils, were harder to control when the urges hit, and you felt bad lying to your boss when you called in sick.

Because of your abstinence, the carnal cravings became frequent, more violent than ever before, and you knew the only way to go back to normal was to give in to them every once in a while, but you couldn't. You couldn't break the humans that took you in when you needed them the most. There were only two options left — to die, or to fuck.

You met with Enzo at the Bull's Eye Bar, hood over your head to hide the horns, gloves to hide the talons. You didn't take your sunglasses off, not wanting to scare the one man that knew the truth about you. He sat down next to you, but you quickly moved away, leaving one barstool between the two of you. The last thing you wanted was to rampage through the bar and kill him.

"I'm not afraid of you, kid. It's just a bad day." He tried to comfort you, but you shook your head.

"I think my time's up, Enzo." Your voice was meek and raspy.

"Don't be dramatic! Buy me a drink and let's talk about it."

You smiled at his optimism (and opportunism), accidentally flashing your fangs, and while you could tell Enzo was taken aback by them, he didn't leave. So, you bought him a drink and talked about it.

"I don't think I can take it anymore. Just being here makes me want to... jump your bones." You cringed at your own words.

"Who would've thought I still got it at my age?"

"It's not funny. You know that would kill you."

"I know." Enzo sighed. "Listen, I know a guy-"

"No. Absolutely not." You shook your head and sat up ready to leave.

"Sit down, girl. I'm not finished." He grabbed the glass full of ice-cold water that you ordered and splashed you with it.

"Why on Earth did you do that?" You froze, shocked by Enzo's behaviour.

"To cool you off. Did it work?"

"I- well- yeah, actually." You felt your body temperature go down.

"Good, now listen."

It was a stupid idea, but it was an idea nonetheless, better than the one you had, anyway. The red neon sign in front of you almost blinded your eyes, particularly the silhouette of the girl, but you walked closer to the building and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, you decided to push open the door, letting yourself in. Your heels clicked on the wooden floor as you wearily approached the front desk, with nothing but a rotary phone and the photo of a beautiful woman on it.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" Your voice echoed in the building, and you didn't dare to stray away from the desk.

"Shop's... closed."

Turning on your heels, you looked to your left to see a man with wet white hair sticking to his cheekbones, wearing nothing but a pair of leather trousers, beads of water dripping down his bare chest. God, he was stunning, and it did little to help your condition.

"I'm sorry, but I really need your help." You could barely breathe. "Enzo sent me."

"Still, shop's closed." He shrugged and walked past you towards the stairs. Underneath the landing was a white fridge, and the man opened it and grabbed himself a beer.

"Please, you're a devil hunter. Dante, right?"

"That I am."

"Good, because I need you to hunt one for me. Please." You begged him again, and after a few sips from his drink and careful consideration, he sat in his chair, feet propped on the antique desk.

"Alright, I'll bite. What am I hunting?"

You sighed, pulling down your hood and removing your sunglasses while your heart beats quickened.

"Me."

He paused drinking, blue eyes staring at you, and even though he was trying to hide it, you could tell he'd never seen the type of demon you were before. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you unbuttoned your trench coat, letting it fall down and pool at your feet, then took off the gloves. With each article of clothing you peeled off, more of your demonic nature was left exposed, but you had enough humanity in you to not strip all of your clothes. You wanted to die with dignity.

"Please be quick." Squeezing your eyes shut, you felt hot tears roll down your cheeks. You didn't want to die, not really, but you would be doing humans a favour if you did.

"Save your tears. Devils don't cry."

Dante was harsh with his words, but he was right — you didn't deserve that, you weren't human. But then, why were you afraid? Why did you feel centuries of guilt haunting you in your last moments? Why could you see the face of every man and woman you tormented in their sleep whenever you closed your eyes? Was that not human enough?

"I'm sorry, I can't help it." You said, eyes still shut and your fingers tugging at the hem of your dress.

"What kind of demon are you?" He asked, and you sighed.

"What difference does it make? You kill all kinds of demons, don't you?"

"Just curious." Dante nonchalantly said.

You opened your eyes, slitted pupils following him through the room. Was he stalling? Was he even the man Enzo recommended? You were hoping for a quick, clean death, not an interrogation.

"I'm the worst kind." You said, praying it would irk him, make Dante want to kill you faster. "The cowardly kind. The kind that shows up in your dreams and torments you, sucks the life out of you for sustenance, that makes men lose their minds. Not blood and gore, but pleasure and pain. And I am begging you to end my life."

"Why?"

"Why does it fucking matter?" Your voice lost its sweetness, now dark and low. "What matters is I hurt people, lots of people." You dropped down on your knees, lifting your dress inch by inch. "And I wanted to be like him, like Sparda, wanted to be good!" Your sharp talons clawed at the skin on your cheeks, leaving burning marks under them. "But I can't fight it anymore, it's eating me alive! Please, Dante, please do something!"

You were hysterical at that point, sobbing, screaming in pain, dripping with sweat. Dante found your eyes — full of both lust and grief — and your body shook spasmodically, like you were possessed by yourself.  Your hips rolled, thighs squeezed together while you tore the collar of your dress, wriggling, writhing in pain. So much pain. That was your penance.

He was genuinely shocked by the conflict within you, the battle you fought for God knows how long, and he could tell you regretted it. In fact, Dante pitied you.

"Kill me, kill me-" You choked on your words, throwing yourself at his feet. "Please, please, please-"

"I'm not gonna kill you." Dante stepped back, then crouched next to you, one hand placed on your shoulder.

You flinched and hissed at the man, his touch sending a wave of heat through your body, but you propped yourself on your elbows and pushed yourself back, as far away from him as possible, crawling into a corner. There was very little sanity left in your brain, and you eyed the door — you had to run again, or else you could have hurt him. Leaping towards the door, you found yourself caught by his arms, and he overpowered you with ease, holding you while you tried to fight him.

"Let me go!" Your fists slammed against his bare chest. "Please, I need to go, need to feed, need to fuck-"

Agony. You were in agony. Dante swept you off your feet, knocking the wind out of you as he threw you on his shoulder to carry you. You tried to put up a fight, tried to wrestle out of his grasp, but he was much, much stronger. Almost like he wasn't human at all. Dante practically dragged you to the bathroom, forcing you into the bathtub, despite your protests. But he was doing you a favour, really.

The cold water snapped you back to reality, even if it was momentary, and your convulsing body relaxed. Your breathing and heart beats slowed down, and you sighed, watching the tub fill with water. Dante opened the window, and the cool late-night breeze tickled your skin.

"How did you know about the temperature?" You whispered, too ashamed to even look at him.

"Hell's cold. Thought you might be homesick." Dante leaned against the edge of the bathtub and you snorted at his remark. "You got a name?"

"Y/N."

"Your real name." He folded his arms across his chest.

"I'm trying to forget it. Trying to die, too, but you're making it harder." You scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, not happening." Dante turned the tap off. "Enzo knows about you." It wasn't a question at all.

"Yeah, he believed I could change. So did I, but I guess I'm a demon through and through. Any reason why you didn't shoot me on the spot?"

"Eeeh." He shrugged. "Guess I saw potential in you. You're pretty weak, though."

"Gee, thanks, Dante." Your finger tapped on the surface of the water, creating small ripples.

"No, that's a good thing. It means I don't need to tie you up while I figure out a solution." He rubbed his chin, and your eyes followed his hand, stopping on his white stubble. Shit, he was a little too handsome for his own good.

"Not to be rude, but are you out of your mind? There is no solution, only death."

"But you don't want to die."

You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Of course you didn't. But what choice did you have?

"How long until your next... meltdown?"

"I don't know, a week? Two? They're becoming more frequent and less... bearable." You shivered, and Dante stepped away to bring you a towel.

"Anything else I need to know?" He helped you stand up in the tub.

"This is awkward, and contradictory, but feeding helps me regain control."

"Feeding?" He rose a brow.

"You know what I mean."

"I really don't."

"You do, and I don't wanna say it." You snatched the towel from him and dabbed it on your skin.

"The first step is acceptance. Don't be a prude, it doesn't suit you." Dante closed the window while you stepped out of the bathtub, water dripping down the tiled floor.

"What, are you a psychiatrist? Fine, it's sex! I need to have sex!" You said that a bit too loudly. "There, happy?"

"Well, it definitely makes it easier." He closed the gap between the two of you, backing you up into the bathroom corner.

"You're crazy. It'll kill you."

He laughed. Dante full on laughed in your face while you stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Believe me, it'll take more than that to kill me, princess. But, by all means, if you have a better idea, spit it out."

"I can't, I'm not ready." You shook your head.

"Bold of you to say that. You know, considering you're a sex demon and all." Dante's harsh observation stung you, and again, tears fell.

"You're an asshole." You whimpered like a wounded dog. "A first-class asshole. You don't even know how hurtful that was. You don't even know me."

"Am I wrong?"

"Yes! Yes, you are! I have to kill to survive. Do you know how fucked up that is? I can't believe Enzo sent me here. I'm leaving." You pushed him away with all the strength you could muster and opened the bathroom door.

"If you leave, you'll end up hurting someone. Or yourself." Dante said, and you froze.

Maybe he was right, maybe he could help. He did overpower you, and humans couldn't really do that. You spent too much time away from Hell to keep up to date with the news, but you heard rumours of half-demons. Sparda's offsprings in particular.

"Who are you?" You turned to look at him.

"Just someone who's not so different from you. Stay and find out. Or leave, and I'll have to hunt you."

He knew how to bargain.

"Can I at least have some dry clothes?"

His shirt was big on you, swallowing your entire body in it, but it was comfortable, and most importantly, dry. Dante offered you a beer, but you politely declined — alcohol riled you up. He offered you a spare room in his strange shop, and you locked yourself inside of it, refusing to sleep. Your hunger wasn't just physical — it transcended into the realm of dreams, and you didn't want to torment the man who wanted to help you. But he was kind enough not to pressure you into sleeping with him, even if deep down you knew that was the only way to keep you sane.

When you were mentally stable, Dante taught you how to shoot and fight, and when you lost the plot, he forced you into the bathroom, hosing you down with ice cold water. When he left for missions, you begged him to chain you up and lock you in your room, and when he came back, he brought you back to reality. But it was becoming worse than ever. The weeks between your outbursts turned into days, and you were harder to handle each time. Still, Dante didn't even try to convince you to give in. If anything, he admired your stubbornness.

It was late at night when the devil hunter came back from his mission, and the first thing he did was to run upstairs and check on you. Dante turned around on the hallway, stopping when he saw the door to your room wide open and empty. The chains that were supposed to bound you while he was gone were broken, making him think that it wasn't you that somehow escaped, but that someone, or something, broke in. A quick scan around the room and Dante concluded that there was no sign of trespassing — the window of your room was locked from the inside, and so was the front door. Nothing was different, not even the claw marks on the floor.

He frantically checked every room upstairs, calling out your name, asking where you were, but before he went downstairs, Dante stopped at the top of the staircase. He didn't check his bedroom.

His hand hovered over the doorknob and he slowly turned it, quietly pushing it open. Even with the lights off, Dante knew you were there, the outline of your body barely visible in the dim moonlight. He flicked the light switch, and there you were, sprawled on his bed in a torn shirt that left very little to his imagination. But something wasn't right. You weren't tormented by that insatiable hunger, weren't convulsing, you just looked at him through thick lashes with those slitted pupils that he came to both love and hate.

"You're here." Dante tilted his head, one hand close to his gun. Just in case.

"I am." You purred, rolling on your side, your serpentine tail coiling around your ankle.

"Why are you in my room?"

"I was drawn to it. Well, to your scent." You simply shrugged, and he couldn't understand why you were so calm, so docile. Unless...

"Have you fed?" Dante stepped closer, gun now in his hand.

"Mmm, wouldn't you like to know?" You flashed your fangs and fixed him with your eyes, like a viper assessing its prey. "What are you gonna do, shoot me?"

Damn it. You really had to go and fuck everything up. But when he took another step, he could hear, no, feel your heart thumping against your ribcage, too fast for how calm you were trying to appear. Then he saw the beads of sweat on your skin, and the claw marks on your neck, the hair strands clinging to your talons, the wound on your lower lip, and the tears welling up in your eyes. He saw how you hurt yourself for fear of hurting others.

"For a demon, you're a pretty horrible liar." He tossed his gun on the table next to his bed, and you wailed in pain, unable to pretend anymore.

You understood two things in the months you spent with Dante: that he wasn't fully human, and that he wasn't going to give up on you. Yet it didn't make yielding any easier. The last time you fed was at least a century ago. Even if Dante did let you feed off of him, there was no guarantee it would help since, well, he wasn't fully human. But he wasn't going to kill you, and you were running out of self-control.

Fuck.

"Let's get you in the bathtub." Dante's voice was gentler than ever.

"No."

"No? Y/N, I'm not gonna shoot you, that's final."

"I don't... I don't want you to shoot me." You sighed, chewing on your lower lip.

He didn't say anything, and instead waited for you to speak.

"Are you sure it won't kill you?"

"Positive." He nodded.

"Fine. Just know it won't be like with a human."

"What, are you gonna crawl on the ceiling or something?" Dante joked, but the look on your face told him you didn't find it amusing.

"I don't know, I can't remember what it's like."

Oh, you poor thing. He couldn't imagine going through centuries without feeling a touch, a kiss, even a hug. Not that he got laid often — women were drawn to him until he opened his dumb mouth, but it was their loss.

"It's alright, I'll take care of you if you'll let me." Dante promised, and you believed him.

Whether it was your desperation or his confidence, you didn't know, but you truly believed that he could help. You just really hoped he wouldn't fucking die in the process.

"Please." The word was quiet, weak, but full of desire. "I don't know how long until I fully lose it, Dante."

In the blink of an eye, he stood beside the bed, again proving that he wasn't human, and you slowly gained courage. Maybe it would be okay, maybe you would be okay. Your body reacted when you felt his presence, kneeling on the mattress to be at his level. Locking eyes, you swallowed the lump in your throat and placed your hands on his shoulders. He felt like fire under your fingertips, and it made you want to rip open his shirt, which you tried, but Dante wrapped his fingers around your wrists, holding them in place.

"Down, girl."

"I can't, I'm starving."

"I know." He pressed his lips onto your knuckles, so gentle that you thought you might spontaneously combust. "But you need to take it slowly. Don't let it control you."

You nodded, albeit the heat and pain between your legs killing you, and tried to calmly unbutton his shirt when he released your wrists. Your hands trembled, failing miserably with the first button, and while Dante pitied you, he refused to give you a hand. It was tough love, but it was necessary.

"Please, Dante, please help me, please fuck me, pleasepleaseplease-" Your incoherent babbling tempted him, it truly did, but it felt wrong. It felt like he would be taking advantage of your weakness. Men would have walked on corpses to hear a beautiful woman beg like that, and they would have been persuaded in a split second.

But Dante wasn't a normal man. You asked for help, and he would do just that, but not how you wanted. He placed two fingers onto your luscious lips, silencing your devilish tongue, and it worked, because you stopped and stared at him.

"You need to calm down." He said, and you nodded before opening your mouth to suck on his digits. "Not like that." Dante sighed, the leather trousers now very uncomfortable on him.

He didn't tell you to stop, though, because having something to suck on helped you focus on unbuttoning the rest of his shirt. God, you were something else, something equally beautiful and grotesque — a demon with a human heart.

His shirt fell on the floor, and Dante finally pulled his fingers out of your mouth. Your hands rushed to his belt, only for him to swat them away, telling you to relax, to enjoy the moment, but how could you enjoy it when your skin itched with impatience, while he had the patience of a saint?

"I need you, Dante, please. Have I not been good?" The pain in your voice mixed with the sorrowful look in your eyes had him weak, but he remained focused.

"So good." He growled, slowly losing his cool. There was demon blood inside of him, too, after all. "But I need you to stay calm, yeah? Can you do that for me?"

Another reluctant nod, even if you flesh was burning and your heart was racing. Taking a deep breath in, you dragged your sharp claws down Dante's chest, down his abdomen, past his V-line, and only then did he let you unbuckle his belt. You violently pulled it away, tossing it somewhere on the bed, and he grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and holding it in place.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, and you're going to behave."

"Can't promise that." You scoffed at his demand.

He didn't quip back, but instead pressed his lips onto yours, kissing you with a hunger greater than yours, a kiss so sloppy and wet that you thought it was his first time. It wasn't, he was just that needy, and you kissed him back, looping your arms around his neck, moving closer to him until he almost lost his balance. When he pulled away, you whimpered, pathetically begging him to kiss you again, to touch you, to fuck you, the sound of his zipper shutting you up.

"Fuck this." Dante pushed you onto the mattress so hard you bounced back. "Can't hold back anymore."

The grin on your lips should've been a red flag, but he didn't care anymore. His thick, hard cock sprung out of his boxers and you instinctively spread your legs, only for him to grab your ankles and pull you closer, earning a giggle from you.

The tip of his cock pressed against your entrance, and Dante groaned when he felt how impossibly wet you were. He really wanted to take his time with you, but he was still a man, and you were a succubus. It was never going to be slow and steady. He pushed past your slick, velvety folds, not giving you any time to adjust to his girth because you took him so well.

You arched your back when he bottomed out, power coursing through your veins as you regained life strength, and he was still alive. For now. His first thrusts were brutal, full of lust, rage, love and hatred, and you bucked your hips, brain and body overwhelmed by the sudden strength inside of you.

"Thank you, thank you!" You cried out, latching your arms behind his shoulders. "Fuck, I've never felt so good!" Your sobs echoed in his bedroom, and with the newfound strength, you managed to hook one leg around Dante's thigh, pushing him on his back.

The mattress dipped under his weight, his hands roaming all over your body to rip the already torn dress off of you. You frantically bounced up and down his cock, palms on his chest to support yourself. He let you have your fun, let you ride him as he took in your beauty, but Dante wasn't in the mood to submit. Not after the months of torture you made him go through. With a supernatural force, he sent you flying across the room, and you hissed when your shoulder blades hit the wall that cracked behind you.

Dante leaped towards you, pinning your hands above your head while you wriggled and fought against his restraint. You got a taste of power and needed more, and he was about to give it to you, but not before crushing your lips under his, reminding you that you were not in charge. Yet, you didn't want to take the hint, and instead coiled your tail around his ankle, yanking it until Dante lost balance and let go of your wrists.

What was supposed to help you turned into a battle for dominance, both with Dante and with yourself, because deep down you knew that you should've yielded, but it wasn't in your nature to submit. You slipped away from him, but he was quicker, grabbing your arm and turning you around, his chest pressed against your back. Dante held you despite your protests, before slowly bringing you down to the floor, on your knees.

"Relax-"

"Don't wanna relax-" You snarled, convulsing under his arms. "Wanna, oh-"

The words melted in your mouth when he slammed his cock back into you, painstakingly slowly rolling his hips while your eyes filled up with tears of ecstasy. You never submitted, always dominated, but the way Dante pushed your head down and fucked you felt so good that you couldn't help but lift your ass up for him to take you however he pleased.

"See? That's much better, isn't it?" He fucking cooed at you, and you sobbed.

"Yes! Yes, yes, oh, God, yes!" You cried out when the tip of his cock bullied your cervix, stretching your sore cunt out. "More, please! I need more!"

"Greedy girl." Dante's fingers bruised your hips, gripping them so tightly you thought he might rip your flesh off.

The power that seeped into your veins was minuscule compared to the the new sensation that you felt — addiction. You became addicted to him, to his touch and his scent, to his cock, like it healed something within you, like you didn't live to suck the life out of humans anymore, but to be with him and only him.

It seemed as though Dante fucked you eternally, and your once insatiable hunger disappeared with each thrust, replaced by pure bliss. Your arms wobbled under the pressure and pleasure, and you bucked your hips against his, chanting his name like a prayer.

"I'm close! Dante, I'm gonna cum!"

"You poor thing." He whispered with a hint of pity in his voice while brutally slamming into you. "When was the last time you came?"

"Never did, no man could make me cum! No one fucked me like you do!"

And Dante believed you. He believed every single word that came out of your sinful mouth, because you came to him looking to put an end to all the misery you caused through sheer sacrifice. You were desperate, and desperation made you honest.

Like clay in his nimble hands, you let yourself be sculpted and shaped by Dante into something else, something new, something better. Oddly enough, he felt the same, as though all his life he'd been navigating through a long, dark tunnel, and he finally found the light at the end.

You came undone on his cock with only his name spilling from your lips, waves of both pleasure and power coursing through your quivering body. When your arms and knees gave in and you almost hit the floor, Dante caught you, one arm around your waist to bring you closer to him. His hips stuttered while he held you, fucking you until your cunt felt hot and sticky with his cum. Slowly and carefully, Dante pulled out, and without a word, he picked you up, carrying you to the en-suite bathroom while you buried your nose in the crook of his neck.

"How are you feeling?" His voice was gentler than ever before as he placed you in the bathtub.

"Like I can live another century without going batshit crazy." You sighed, catching his wrist in your hands. "Thank you. I know you were probably disgusted by me the whole time. I'll leave as soon as I wash myself."

"Actually," Dante tilted his head, a grin spread across his lips, "I was hoping you'd stay."

He wished he could frame the priceless look on your face, with your dishevelled hair, mouth agape and glossy eyes.

"Why?"

"Think about it." Dante turned the tap on, kneeling by the bathtub. "You said you wanna help humanity, didn't you?" He asked, and you nodded. "Great. Then what better way of helping it than by hunting demons? You can already shoot, I made sure of that, and you can definitely put up a fight. Learned that the hard way."

Your eyes darted to the water flowing from the tap, pondering his suggestion. Could it be? Have you found a purpose for yourself? One that didn't involve faking your death or disappearing from villages? One that allowed you to be yourself, without hiding your true nature? One where you didn't have to be so alone?

"I'd like that."

"Good." Dante's fingers brushed through your hair. "And I'll personally make sure you're not going batshit crazy."

"Gee, I'm beginning to think you actually enjoyed that."

"I reserve the right to neither confirm, nor deny."

[astrologydray]

The difference with Sun, Moon, and Rising in signs: Aries - Virgo

Aries Sun:

An Aries Sun expresses their core identity through courage, boldness, and action. They are naturally assertive, competitive, and independent, often stepping into leadership roles without hesitation. Their ego is fueled by challenge and adventure—they thrive when initiating new projects or being the first to do something. The Aries Sun radiates a fiery confidence and a pioneering spirit, seeking personal recognition through bravery and forward movement. They’re energized by conflict and quick decisions, often favoring instinct over deliberation.

Aries Moon:

An Aries Moon processes emotions with immediacy and intensity. These individuals feel things quickly and often express themselves impulsively, without filtering their emotional responses. Their inner world is driven by a need for emotional independence, and they can become easily frustrated when restricted or emotionally smothered. They need excitement and spontaneity in close relationships to feel emotionally alive. Although their emotions burn fast and hot, they rarely hold grudges, preferring to move on quickly once the fire has passed.

Aries Rising:

With Aries on the Ascendant, a person comes across as bold, dynamic, and direct. This rising sign colors their approach to the world—they initiate interactions with intensity and confidence, often acting before thinking. Aries Rising gives a warrior-like presence, and others may see them as strong-willed, straightforward, or even intimidating. First impressions are marked by a pioneering attitude and a readiness to tackle life head-on. They naturally adopt the role of a leader or trailblazer in new situations, regardless of their inner emotional or egoic landscape.

Taurus Sun:

A Taurus Sun expresses their identity through stability, sensuality, and persistence. These individuals have a strong need for comfort, security, and the tangible pleasures of life—good food, beautiful surroundings, and physical affection. They often embody patience and reliability, preferring to build their lives slowly and deliberately. Their ego is reinforced through consistency and control, and they may resist change unless absolutely necessary. Taurus Suns are typically grounded and pragmatic, with a natural talent for creating lasting value, whether in relationships, finances, or creative projects.

Taurus Moon:

A Taurus Moon seeks emotional security and comfort above all. Their feelings are steady and slow to change, making them one of the most emotionally grounded Moon placements. They often require physical touch, routine, and a calm environment to feel safe. Emotional reactions tend to be measured and rarely impulsive; when upset, they may retreat into silence or stubbornness. There’s a deep inner craving for peace and sensory pleasure, and they nurture others through consistent, loyal care. Once emotionally attached, they’re incredibly devoted—but also hard to shake from their comfort zones.

Taurus Rising:

Taurus Rising people present themselves as calm, composed, and sometimes slow-moving or deliberate. Others often see them as dependable, sensual, and grounded, with a natural magnetism that comes from their earthy charm. They tend to approach life cautiously, preferring to assess stability and security before jumping into anything. Their appearance or demeanor may reflect Venusian qualities—pleasant voice, attractive features, or a love of beauty and quality. While their inner world could be more dynamic, they outwardly project a serene, unshakable presence.

Gemini Sun:

A Gemini Sun expresses their identity through communication, curiosity, and mental stimulation. These individuals thrive on variety and are always seeking new ideas, experiences, or connections. Their ego is tied to their intellect—they want to be seen as clever, witty, and informed. Gemini Suns are social butterflies, natural conversationalists, and skilled multitaskers, but can also struggle with consistency or focus. They identify strongly with the ability to learn and adapt, often using humor or storytelling as a way to assert themselves and relate to others.

Gemini Moon:

A Gemini Moon processes emotions through logic and language, often needing to talk about their feelings before they can fully understand them. Emotional needs include mental stimulation, freedom to explore thoughts, and dynamic social interactions. These individuals may detach from heavy emotions by intellectualizing or distracting themselves with information. They can be emotionally restless and may feel most secure when they have variety and movement in their emotional life. Expressive and curious, they crave emotional connection through communication rather than overt sentimentality.

Gemini Rising:

Gemini Rising individuals come across as quick-witted, talkative, and intellectually agile. They approach life with curiosity and adaptability, often darting between interests and people with ease. First impressions are usually marked by a youthful energy, expressive hands, and fast-paced speech. They are naturally observant and can shift their persona based on their environment, making them chameleon-like in social settings. Their immediate instinct is to gather information, ask questions, and keep moving—both mentally and physically. Others may see them as sociable, clever, and a little unpredictable.

Cancer Sun:

Cancer Suns express their identity through nurturing, emotional depth, and strong family ties. Their sense of self is rooted in their ability to protect and care for others, and they’re often guided by intuition and sentiment. They crave emotional connection and safety, and they identify strongly with their personal history or heritage. Cancer Suns may be sensitive and self-protective, often retreating into their shell when hurt. Their core self is defined by empathy, loyalty, and a deep emotional memory that fuels their need to create a secure and loving environment.

Cancer Moon:

A Cancer Moon feels emotions deeply and instinctively. This is one of the Moon’s most natural placements, giving the person strong intuitive abilities and a deep need for emotional safety and closeness. Their moods can ebb and flow like the tides, and they often form strong emotional attachments to people, places, or memories. Home and family are central to their emotional well-being, and they tend to nurture others with fierce devotion. However, they can also be quite guarded and prone to withdrawing when feeling emotionally threatened.

Cancer Rising:

Cancer Rising individuals present themselves as gentle, nurturing, and emotionally receptive. They often have a soft, caring energy that draws others in, and they may instinctively take on a caregiver or protector role in new situations. Their approach to life is cautious and guided by feeling rather than logic. First impressions are marked by empathy and vulnerability, though they can also appear moody or self-protective. They often have round or moon-like facial features and a sentimental style. Others may see them as warm, compassionate, and a bit elusive.

Leo Sun:

A Leo Sun shines with confidence, passion, and a strong desire for self-expression. These individuals often view themselves as natural leaders and thrive when they’re recognized, admired, or creatively engaged. Their identity is rooted in the heart—they want to live boldly, love deeply, and leave a lasting impression. Leo Suns have a warm, charismatic presence and a deep need to be appreciated. Pride and loyalty are core traits, but they may struggle with ego or a need for validation. At their best, they inspire others with courage, creativity, and generosity.

Leo Moon:

A Leo Moon experiences emotions dramatically and with flair. They have a deep inner need to feel special, loved, and appreciated, and they may become emotionally upset if they feel overlooked or undervalued. This Moon placement is often warm-hearted and loyal, with a strong protective instinct toward loved ones. They express feelings in big, sometimes theatrical ways, and their moods can revolve around their sense of self-worth. At their core, they crave emotional admiration and need to feel like their love and presence truly matter.

Leo Rising:

Leo Rising individuals come across as bold, proud, and charismatic. They naturally command attention in a room, whether through their physical presence, style, or sheer confidence. Their approach to life is expressive and heart-led—they want to be seen, heard, and respected. First impressions often include strong eye contact, a warm smile, and a regal air. They radiate enthusiasm and often embody leadership qualities, though they may also resist being ignored or overshadowed. Others often see them as lively, passionate, and magnetic.

Virgo Sun:

A Virgo Sun identifies with being helpful, analytical, and detail-oriented. These individuals often see themselves through the lens of service, improvement, and responsibility. They find purpose in organizing, refining, and contributing to something greater than themselves—whether it’s work, health, or relationships. Their ego is tied to being competent, reliable, and productive. Virgo Suns can be perfectionists with a keen sense of observation, and they may be highly self-critical. At their best, they are humble, precise, and devoted to making the world (and themselves) better.

Virgo Moon:

A Virgo Moon processes emotions through logic and observation, often needing order and clarity to feel emotionally secure. They may not always show their feelings openly but will often express care by doing things for others—small acts of service, attentiveness, and problem-solving. They are emotionally soothed by routines, health-conscious habits, and mental stimulation. When overwhelmed, they may retreat into overthinking or become overly critical of themselves or others. Virgo Moons crave emotional stability and often find comfort in practical solutions and purposeful tasks.

Virgo Rising:

Virgo Rising individuals present themselves as modest, intelligent, and detail-focused. Their first instinct is to observe and analyze, often noticing the little things others overlook. They may appear reserved or cautious upon first meeting, but there’s a quiet precision in the way they move through the world. Others see them as practical, clean-cut, and trustworthy. They tend to present themselves in a neat, minimalistic way, often with an understated sense of style. Their approach to life is based on self-improvement, discernment, and meaningful contribution.

[pankielovesfan]

How would Fan react when learning about the reveal? Read my fun long ramble!

I need to put this down somewhere. Here is my fun not so structured analysis!!!! this is something i think a lot about. of course I do.

I doodled a small little graph of reactions I think he would go through that I will elaborate on further in the paragraphs below. I'm not sure about the order but it'd be something like these stages when processing it - most likely.

This is analyzed from the idea that Fan did not previously predict this in any way or expect it, but I do also suspect he might know! (Which, I'll explain later for his reaction to that.)

Fan's an incredibly emotional and impulsive person, he would definitely have a strong outer reaction to the information. This may be biased coming from me since Fan is my favorite to analyze but aside from Suitcase he would probably be handling it the worst after being told about it, OR just having the most notable reaction! This is considering he was not made to be a contestant but to devote his love, identity, and purpose to the show, which makes him revolve around the show much more than anyone else - since it is a built-in interest in him that he's dedicated his entire existence to, even when he tried to build himself beyond it- he still surrounds himself with Inanimate Insanity even after his elimination. It is forever tied to his mind and interests contrary to many contestants who try to separate from the show and competition entirely.

Fan's most substantial development in Hatching The Plan was the fact that there were many possibilities out there for him to discover for himself (and that others were there for him through that change and discovery). While he recognizes this and states on Fan's Fantastic Features that he's trying to test his limit and push past his comfort zone (notably while in a safe controlled environment where this change can occur comfortably for him) he is still "stuck" in Inanimate Insanity whether he recognizes this or not. He is at Hotel OJ, surrounded by the contestants, and he is still on MePhone4's island, like any other contestant. While Fan has convinced himself that he is more than just a fan of the show and that he is improving as a person, this development is still slow (obvious, coming from a person such as Fan who struggles with it) and he is still heavily attached to the core of his personality - the core which he was built to be in the first place. His love for the show is so clearly his own dedication and passion, and it truly does feel like his own CHOICE to love the show as much as he does. Even if he was created for it, it is a part of him that he loves and puts confidence into.

I swear these earlier points play into this bear with me,

So once Fan is told he was created by MePhone4, after the initial shock dies down, he would be in denial of it, of course, as Fan would react to any new information he had not considered about the show. Some "It can't be"s and some "There is absolutely no way"s being said by him, especially if he had not foreseen this coming. An instinctive reaction coming from Fan (which would also apply to Test Tube) is immediately questioning it, wanting answers- most definitely from MePhone4 himself. I don't think he'd believe Cobs if he told him, maybe not even Suitcase or Test Tube, he'd need to find the evidence for it and piece together if this even made sense at all.

Once he starts to consider it and all the pieces fit together for him as he looks back on everything, he'll let go of that denial. That's when it first really hits him. One of his first reactions is positive. He'd find validation in the fact he was created specifically for the show, he'd be honored and glad he was an actual piece of the show- not just a viewer or contestant, he was actually part of the show he loved so much. Fan puts a lot of his confidence into being the number 1 fan of inanimate insanity, as everyone knows, and being questioned on this or having people challenge him always strongly shows his insecurity over it. But knowing that he quite literally is, without a doubt, the biggest fan of inanimate insanity- and that he actually had this purpose and that he was made for what he loved to do- that would validate him immensely. He would thrive on his notion for a while until the existential crisis started to leap in.

He'd try to be acceptant of it, and this time around he would be in denial of his own emotions. He'd try to show how well he was taking this and to pride himself in being the biggest ii fan ever, so he puts up a confident front which is obviously not normal to anyone who sees him. He'd try his best not to think about the other implications of his existence being made for reality TV. He would try his best to appear in control and unburdened to prove to both others and himself that he was taking it well. I don't think this stage in his realization will go on for long. I think this would fluctuate a LOT depending on his mood.

At one point he does start to question himself. He overthinks his existence and his emotions, and if they are genuine- what if what he feels is fake? Just generated love? What if he truly doesn't like Inanimate Insanity? What's a real feeling from him and what's a fake one?! A million thoughts that some may not even make sense but this is where the existentialism really gets to him. Every time he felt excitement or love for the show, was that even his own emotions? Was that just made by MePhone4 so he could get some appreciation for his show- and maybe he'd get mad that MePhone4 kept dismissing him. Maybe he'd wonder why he was made if he's not being recognized and rewarded for how much dedication- if it was even his own- that he put into appreciating MePhone4, a dedication that was going unnoticed or deemed annoying by him.

Something I mentioned earlier, about Fan learning to embrace new opportunities for himself and about how he was still trapped in the show. He realizes he is forever tied to the show, and all his attempts at making changes for himself and being more than just a fan suddenly feel... meaningless to him. All he was ever made for from the start was to be a fanboy of the show, and he had tried to build himself around that. But those efforts were for nothing if this is all he ever was- just a fan. That was his entire identity, he was never anything other than that. This is all that could ever come out of him. So what was the point in trying? His shell might've been the only place he'd ever felt safe in anyways- and once he remembers it, his old coping mechanisms seem incredibly tempting. Fan would retreat back into his shell. Things just seemed so much simpler if he did, he wouldn't have to deal with all this overthinking if he just stuck to what he was made for, something he already had found so much comfort and significance in. He uses his shell to cope once again, regressing, turning back to his purpose. This would be how he copes with this new information, by embracing what it taught him that he was. He'd be in this state for a while, he'd probably try to pretend he never even learned anything and creating a false reality of his own security. Being a fan is still important to him, and something he feels so deeply about that he's urged into fully embracing it again. early season 2 fan is back babyyyy!

Not sure how long it would go on for, or even how long it would take for him to go through these stages, but this is somewhat of the process I believe he'd have! I think Suitcase and Fan should have a talk about dealing with all of this. possibly. I feel like it will boil down to "if it feels true to you, that's all that matters." for Fan dealing with this. I could definitely see Suitcase saying something similar to him.

As for him reacting to it after already having theorized this would happen or at the very least suspect it, I think it would go similar to that one drawing I made. He'd be proud at first, and it wouldn't sink in as fast because his pride comes first! But to have it actually confirmed to him would then send him into that same realization as stage 3 of processing it. Something something, it goes the same after this.

Anyways i love fannnn i could talk about him for hours boy i love you i wonder if we'll even get everyone's reactions to the reveal or if they'll even tell anyone else but if we do Fan would definitely have a prominent reaction to it <- guy who loves fan saying this. look at this bias

[suhkusa]

EGOIST 20.

PAIRING. Atsumu Miya x f!Reader

CW. angst, hurt no comfort, the aftermath of past chapters

A/N. me when

-> MASTERLIST.

Everything you did was on impulse. 

You acted before thinking things through rationally and it was chaotic.

Your heart and head hurt so bad, you felt like there was nothing more that you could do except sob and mull over your mistakes.

Mistake.

You felt absolutely stupid for thinking something was different. Something would change. But the universe came around and found the worse way, the worse person, to prove you dead wrong. 

To make matters worse, you were depressed and jobless. At this rate, you’d have to move back home with your family and work at a local retail store, and you were not going back to that lifestyle if you could help it.

On the brighter side, your emails from news outlets and your notifications from social media had finally begun to slow. At this point, it’s been a week since the initial incident.

The only person you’ve kept in touch with from your former job was Kiyoomi. According to him, the emails hadn’t slowed on his end, but that was to be expected since he was the center of many fangirls’ attention.

He’d keep you at least a little sane when you felt your mentals decline. 

As for the other man, you hadn’t heard or seen anything of him. Which was definitely for the best. You were actually surprised he hadn’t shown up at your door, because your threat to call the police if he came was half-empty.

And you absolutely hate yourself, because even though you know he did you extremely wrong, there’s a sliver of you that misses him. That wishes that he hadn’t been the cause of all your hurt so that he could be the one who is comforting you.

But the world is cruel and so was Atsumu.

———

You had expected it to take months to find a new job, but after you had helped manage a champion team, the calls came in faster than you could answer.

There were too many good offers, even offers from teams that MSBY had beaten. You took the easy way out of each call by telling them that you’d get back to them ASAP. You’d probably have to research the teams and players before really considering or accepting a job offer. 

Other than job-hunting, you found yourself at home nearly all day. You’d play video games with Sakusa or just do some cleaning around the house. You’d found a new hobby with gardening in your spare time. Though, you weren’t very good at keeping them alive.

If not doing any of that, you’d be caught up in your head. Whether it be thinking of the past or worrying about the future, your line of thought would somehow find its way to him. You’d scold yourself every time, but you couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts. You’re scared that if you were to see him, you’d crumble all over again. You don’t know if you had it in you to turn him away, even after everything.

A knock at your door causes you to jump. You quickly get up to open it to Kiyoomi.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” you bow to him jokingly, before he walks in. 

“I was here two days ago, not too much,”

You laugh before the two of you walk to your living room, making yourselves comfortable.

“How has the unemployed life been treating you?” he asks as he begins to connect his Nintendo Switch to your TV.

“Good, actually. I got like almost 8 different job offers, I think one of them is actually from an overseas team,” 

His eyes widen at that, “Impressive,”

You nudge at him, “Yeah, I’m actually considering that one, it might be in California? But it’s far, but at the same time maybe that’s not a bad thing,”

“Could finally get away from all this madness,” Sakusa adds, taking your remote to switch the source. 

“Mm, yeah. But at the same time this is my home and I don’t feel like I got closure with—”

Sakusa’s head snaps your direction, his eyes look at you knowingly causing you to stop. “Don’t start,”

You groan in distress, “I can’t,” you throw your head back, “I’m a mess,”

He uses the Switch controller to select a game, giving you the other controller. “Maybe you should seriously consider that overseas offer. It’d be a nice change of scenery, and it’s not a forever thing. At the end of the day you could always come back. I think you being here reminds you too much of him, and it’s not doing you any good,”

Your eyes widen, “Woah, so serious, Omi,”

His eyes squint at you, “I am serious,”

You laugh, taking the controller into your hands.

“I will though,” you continue, “You’re probably right, I might just need to untether myself from this god forsaken country for a while. Too many bad memories,”

“Thank you, Kiyoomi,” you smile, clicking the button to ready up your character.

“Anytime,”

———

Atsumu considers going on hiatus. Contrast to you, you’ve been on his mind 24/7. Atsumu always hated those stupid “everything reminds me of them,” jokes, but now he seriously relates.

He can’t drown himself in other women or alcohol. Because it feels wrong. He finds himself needing and wanting to be loyal to you, even though he hasn’t seen you in more than a month.

Atsumu avoids asking Sakusa about you. Mostly because the last time he did ask, Sakusa told him off. He opted to make burner accounts to see what you were up to on social media. Unfortunately for him, you stopped posting almost entirely before turning your account private.

He knew he was getting borderline obsessive but he couldn’t help it. He was already fighting the urge to go to you himself everyday. To try and ask around to anyone and everyone who may know what you’ve been up to.

Atsumu knows all of this is wrong of him. He was the one who did you wrong. Nothing he’d do would ever make it up to you. 

Everything was working against him. 

After you left that day, he had told Angie off and blocked her once and for all.

When he found out you had resigned, he almost considered quitting. 

He wanted to curse every higher being for allowing things to turn out this way.

But nothing could compare to how he felt the day he eavesdropped on Kiyoomi’s phone call. His phone call with you. He stood by the doorway of the locker room as he listened as closely as he could.

After so long he’d finally gotten something, crumbs, of what you were doing. Though it was definitely not what he had expected or what he wanted. 

“You’re taking the job?” Sakusa sounds excited, Atsumu assumes he’s talking about you getting a new job, “That’s good, sounds like a good offer,”

There’s a pause, and he guesses that you’re probably saying something in response from the other end.

“Are you nervous though? The U.S is pretty far, but California is cool from what I’ve heard,”

Atsumu’s heart sinks to his stomach. California? You were leaving the country?

His mind is running wild. Atsumu obviously knew you’d eventually find a new job, but he had thought you’d still be within arms reach. Close enough for him to reach out to you when he feels like the time is right. But across the globe? Atsumu is so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t register the sound of Sakusa ending the call with you or him coming out of the locker room. 

Atsumu nearly jumps at the other man’s voice, “Oh, you,”

He has no words, and just stares at Sakusa. “You heard, huh?”

“Good for her, she’ll finally be able to get away from you.”

The words from Sakusa are like a slap in the face, and if he was talking about anyone other than you Atsumu would’ve let him have a piece of his mind. But Sakusa was right. 

He didn’t want to sound conceited or boost his own ego, but he probably had some part in your decision making. And while in the past, he probably would’ve felt some sick gratification from driving you far away. But now it just made him feel sick. Just sick. 

Atsumu is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wants to see you, to try and change your mind, he knows his efforts would be wasted.

Still, would it really hurt to try?

© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.

[baconcolaqueen]

Some BaconCola Headcanons:

Tord is the only one who can call Edd “Edward” without any sort of backlash:

“Edwaaaaaard!!”

“What?”

“We’re out of bacon.”

“Ok? Go get more yourself.”

“But I’m comfy :(”

“*sigh* I take it you want me to have some delivered?”

“Yes please :)”

Tord usually keeps to himself. Most of the time he’ll stay locked away in his room and come down only to grab a snack.

- he lives mostly off of cheese burgers, bacon, and Red Bull. The occasional Monster Energy.

- he also has a carton of milk in the fridge with his name written on it in purple sharpie. He drinks straight from the carton

Tord isn’t one for cuddling, hugs, and excessive affection. If he wants attention, he WILL make it known. Edd, on the other hand, is all for PDA.

- Tord does his best to not be seen cuddling Edd but it’s obvious something is going on between the two just by his reaction:

*Sitting on the sofa reading a magazine*

*laying with his head on Tord’s lap watching TV*

“Hey, has one of yall seen my new-”

“What?! Nothing happened!”

*stands up quickly, throwing Edd on to the floor*

“Ow…” <- (Not mad b/c he’s used to it by now)

Edd and Tord have weekly game nights. A few of their favorites are Minecraft, Mario Kart, COD, GTA, War Thunder, and TF2.

- Matt and Tom will often join them but Mario Kart is usually just between the two of them

- Tord grinds War Thunder too much. Like, it’s a genuine problem. (Especially tanks. Specifically Sweden.)

- Edd got Tord a pair of cat ear headphones for his birthday. He was ecstatic.

- Tord is that one person always yelling at the top of his lungs

- all four of them have their own desktop computers where the play Minecraft, War Thunder and TF2 as a group

- Edd and Tord both have their own game consoles in their rooms

“HELVETE!! This asshole!”

“Tord, it’s ok, I’ll rejoin in a bit.”

“No!! This guy is seal clubbing! He isn’t getting away with this.”

“Dude, calm down.”

“*NORWEGIAN RAGE*”

“Good job Tord. Now all four of us are dead because of your impulsiveness.”

“Edd, I told you that I need you to practice with me before going in blind. You don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Oh, hush your one to talk. You’re on this game 24/7.”

“So? It’s called a hobby.”

“It’s called an addiction. You have over 6,000 hours on the game!!”

“Yeah, Matt has a point. You need to get out more.”

- Tord likes fnaf (obvi I had to squeeze that in somewhere lol)

Tord also has some of his old friends in Norway he plays games with. It’s absolute chaos for everyone else:

“Faen!! Hva i all verden driver du med?!”

“Du kommer til å drepe oss alle!”

“Å, hold kjeft. Det var du som lot oss klare oss selv under raidet!”

“*Incoherent Norwegian yelling*”

“*sigh* Edd go do something.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t know- just make him shut up.”

Edd and Tord have nicknames/pet names for each other:

Edd: Buddy, Cuddle Bug, Norski (lovingly), Red (Red is in the future ie. ‘Red Leader’)

Tord: Cola Freak (in his phone contacts), Blind Brit (lovingly), EDWARD!!, Edwaaaard!, EDWARD IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW-!!

Tord keeps a gun under his pillow and a switchblade in his bedside table drawer “just in case.” When Edd went to change his sheets he freaked out when he found a loaded Glock on the bed. (Hey, at least the safety was on!)

Edd and Tord both draw. Edd draws/animates in his usual messy style and Tord does more of an anime look, although he does have his own unique style.

- he also makes blue prints for machines, weaponry and robotics:

“Hey Edd! Come see this thing I drew.”

“Cool! …what is it?”

“It’s blue prints for a giant robot. This is where the engine is going, over here is the control panel, on this side is a missile launcher, and that’s where the-”

*has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about but is still paying attention anyway*

[basingstokemercury]

Didn't you just start Season 5? Because Joe definitely isn't the one they're thinking of having replace Adam in this season or the prior one, since Pernell Roberts started trying to leave the show after Season 3. It's well known what the writers were thinking on that, especially during Season 5, and Joe was not it. When you keep watching you'll see what I mean, but I don't want to spoil.

What I can say since you've already passed their first attempt at dealing with Pernell Roberts possibly leaving, was that Clay Stafford was originally created with the thought of being a replacement but that didn't get off the ground. Which is why it was a normal episode and you didn't notice.

What they're thinking this time should be more obvious. That's all I'm going to say.

So enjoy Joe's development for now, unless what made you speculate is The Lonely House. What happened is that Pernell Roberts got hurt right before filming, and the crew basically handed the barely altered script to Michael Landon and said good luck. He was even having to use Adam's mostly unaltered dialog and I agree it's jarring.

That being said how would you make Joe mature out of curiosity?

(Ask in response to this post, where I said it felt like the writers are trying to push Joe, and Ben to an extent, into Adam's role when he isn't there)

I know what the intention was with Clay (and don't really see how it would have worked, he's too much like Joe and not levelheaded enough for a cast that already makes too many impulse decisions), but it was also certainly done well as a regular episode and even leads naturally into the next one.

As for The Lonely House... I do think I remember commenting at the time that it felt like they were giving Adam dialogue to Joe, but honestly the episode didn't leave much of an impression on me, it felt pretty generic and Adam being there probably would have made little difference in quality... There is some good whump, though, and now I get to be even more disappointed at the writers moving those kinds of plotlines to Joe rather than Adam recently. Yay?

The episode that got me theorising here, though, is Five Into The Wind. An excellent episode, and one that puts Joe into the role of a leader (at first) and detective, in the kind of story that would usually be exactly Adam's forte. While it's always interesting when they put a character into a plot more suited to another and see what happens (The Jury has Hoss in an Adam Story though it still ends with Adam saving the day, and Rich Man, Poor Man puts Joe in a Hoss Story to hilarious effect), it felt like too much too suddenly for the level of authority and cunning Joe displays in a way we haven't seen all that much of, even if he does end up being wrong about the Christie-style mystery's solution.

On to how I'd approach Joe's character development and maturity arc:

Joe is absolutely quite intelligent and caring when he wants to be, but in a different and, to an extent, complementary, way to Adam.

(This is complicated a bit by the fact that, as seen in The Tin Badge and The Quest, Joe's instinct when he's trying to act grown-up is to, probably subconsciously, imitate Adam. Which makes for great stories and is distinct from Joe coming into his own as a capable person outside his family's shadow.)

I'd say that... Adam is shrewd, where Joe is devious.

That might sound like splitting hairs, so I'll explain:

While Adam enjoys a good prank and will manipulate or deceive an antagonist if necessary, he prefers clarity and honesty. He wants to be the one untangling complex problems, not making them more chaotic and hoping the enemy will be too confused to fight back. He's also, perhaps relatedly, used to power and authority, respected at home and having the naturally impressive aura that makes strangers trust him as an ally or take him seriously as an enemy - especially in the early seasons, he struggles to handle situations where he feels out of control or can't get someone to acknowledge his competence.

Joe, on the other hand, is used to not being taken seriously. He's physically unimposing, a poor judge of character, and, even in his more mature stories, often comes off as a boy trying to act older. And maybe that's why he's better at causing problems than solving them, using deception to make up for not commanding respect and pressing home whatever advantage does come his way. I think the best example of Joe's kind of intelligence is probably The Hayburner - pushing hard against everyone he finds leverage against, enjoying the feeling of control others don't usually afford him, and, as in other episodes, making the effort to act intelligently because everyone assumes he can't handle himself.

So on that front, Joe being more intelligent than in the first couple seasons and using his intelligence more productively makes sense, as long as it's still his own brand of intelligence and not just suddenly becoming Adam.

The other factor is more complicated, because Joe's emotional volatility is a major character trait and maybe the greatest flaw he consistently has to deal with.

Episodes such as Silent Thunder and The Friendship feature him trying to act with his father and brothers' emotional intelligence and, at a crisis point, almost ruining the whole thing by snapping in a tense moment rather than defusing the situation rationally.

Episodes such as Vengeance and The Last Haircut feature him letting righteous anger go too far, breaking moral boundaries to take the law into his own hands.

And, while this was more common in the early seasons and frankly I miss it, he's easily manipulated on emotional grounds and often winds up in avoidable messes because someone knew how to press his buttons.

A maturity arc that involved learning to control his impulses better would make sense, but completely erasing that flaw would leave a much less interesting character (I'd hate to see Joe's impulsivity go the way of Adam's stubbornness, which seems to very frustratingly have become an unambiguous positive since he never makes mistakes anymore).

More succinctly, the basic issue that needs to be handled is one of having the baby of the cast grow up while retaining the character dynamics that define said cast, or at least having the new dynamic be as interesting and meaningful as the original one.

How do Adam and Hoss relate to a kid brother who they can no longer coddle as a baby or dismiss as incompetent? How does Joe react when, despite all his mental growth, people still see and hear him as a child, and he still has to fight to earn strangers' respect?

And, to wrap up the original point, how does Adam handle a challenge to his role as "the clever one"? Setting aside arrogance has always been a problem for him, and his relationship with Joe, while more equal than in season 1, certainly isn't perfect yet. What happens when jealousy becomes a factor, rivalling his pride in how far his baby brother's come since the days of being constantly chased down for his own good?

[wordbunch]

SFW Alphabet: Pippin

a/n: whichever big brain anon requested this was absolutely right to do so! he is BABEY and this blog is gradually turning into a Pippin stan account? ALSO I've changed up the template for the alphabet a little bit, so you will see some new categories, yayy <3 i hope you enjoy, please be so kind to reblog and i'm looking forward to any comments <3

A = AFFECTION (how affectionate are they and how do they show affection?) He is literally if affection was a person and he isn't particularly concerned with the notion of personal space. He will show you affection in any and every way possible – endless hugs, always being physically close, giving you little gifts, and most importantly making you laugh as much as he can on the daily basis.

B = BEST FRIEND (what would they be like as a best friend and how would the friendship start?) Very loyal, and of course chaotic and fun, always with some crazy ideas. There is never a dull moment, he likes to just randomly drop by and go on a little adventure with you. However, sometimes you need to be the person who balances out his craziness and energy, so that you don't end up getting into too much trouble.

C = CUDDLES (do they like to cuddle & how?) He absolutely LOVES to cuddle, and he would never stop if he didn't have to. There is no particular favorite cuddling position – they're all equally valid because he gets to hold and be held by his favorite person in the whole world. Some days he will wrap around you as much as possible, other days he wants to be the little spoon, it constantly varies.

D = DOMESTIC (do they want to settle down; how are they at cooking/cleaning?) Quite frankly, he didn't think about any of that before you – he is fairly young after all – but the second he fell in love with you (and you reciprocated it) he was like THIS is what I want for the rest of time!!! He can be a specifically organized mess, but he is very enthusiastic about helping you and learning how to do things around the house, it's really sweet.

E = ENCHANTED (what was their first opinion/feeling about you when you just met?) He was amazed and sort of fascinated by you. It wasn't love at first sight at all, it was just some kind of instant fascination and he knew he wanted to befriend you and get to know you immediately. Very soon, however, he would start feeling a bit too giddy if he ran into you somewhere, and mention you a bit too often to his friends.

F = FIANCE(E) (how do they feel about commitment; how quickly would they want to get married?) Once he is in love with you, he is all yours, with literally no interest in anyone else. Your relationship is basically best friends in love, so he doesn't feel limited in doing anything fun – you will probably just join in anyway. It would be pretty much the same if you got married, and it means having sleepovers with your best friend every single night! So he's totally on board with that, whenever you're up for it. Maybe really fast, actually. Impulse control who?

G = GENTLE (how gentle are they, physically and emotionally?) He is a BABY. Okay yes, he can be a little shit too, but first and foremost he is a baby. He takes too many things to heart and then overthinks them; and while he can admittedly be a little bit impulsive and rash in some decisions, he would never ever act harshly towards you in any way. He literally showers you with love constantly, it's just who he is.

H = HUGS (do they like hugs, how often, what are they like?) Loves loves loves hugs, and your hugs feel like the safest, warmest place in the world. Loves giving and receiving surprise hugs from behind, quick hugs in passing, long hugs to forget about any problems… Depending on the height difference, he'd be a big fan of giving you a side hug and then walking like that – holding hands is just too basic sometimes.

I = I LOVE YOU (how fast they say the L-word) Really quickly and maybe on accident, because he can talk a lot, and it wouldn't be the first time he spoke without thinking. When his own words reach his brain, his facial expression is absolutely priceless, all wide eyes and blushing cheeks.

J = JEALOUSY (how jealous do they get and how they act then) It's extremely rare that he gets jealous, he trusts you with his life and more. If he sees someone getting a little too friendly with you, his first thought would be something among the lines of 'oh nice, they're making new friends!' but if it goes on a little too long, he will feel a bit insecure rather than jealous, and go sulk in a corner somewhere until you find him; you thought it was worrisome how suddenly you couldn't hear him talking someone's ears of or singing on a table. Just go and find him and remind him that he is your favorite person and you would never ditch him for someone else, and the cheerful mood will return.

K = KISSES (what are their kisses like, where do they like to kiss you/be kissed?) Chaotic and cute and plenty! Like previously established, he is the biggest fan of physical affection, but sometimes he still hesitates a little bit when it comes to kissing you in public. Over time he gets more confident about it, and he will just dot a bunch of kisses all over your face until you're a giggling mess. If you kiss him on the forehead or the top of his head, he will melt into a puddle of love because it makes him feel like you're proud to have him.

L = LOVE LANGUAGE (what is their love language and how they show you love) I think his main two love languages, out of the five, would be physical affection and gift giving; but not any necessarily fancy gifts: more like a pretty flower he saw by the road and thought you would appreciate, or a silly little written poem. I know it's not among the five love languages, but MAKING YOU LAUGH is his absolute favorite thing to do, and you have more inside jokes than you can count.

M = MORNINGS (how are mornings spent with them) He loves to sleep in if he can, but once he's awake, he's awake, even if somehow he woke up at 5 am. You always wake up in a tangled mess of limbs and blankets, and in the mornings is when he is quietest, until you start making breakfast together and wake up half the neighborhood with singing, laughing, doing silly voices or accidentally dropping things.

N = NICKNAMES (do they like to use cute nicknames for you/you for them?) He will use every possible existent nickname, and he is partial to coming up with silly ones, just for you. He will most definitely blush if you give him one, it makes him feel super special.

O = OPEN (when would they start revealing things about themselves; everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) He is talkative and trusting, so a lot of things might come out accidentally; and besides, he is quite easy to read anyway. However, when it comes to more emotional matters, or something serious that is bothering him, he might act a little more closed off. All you need to do is remind him once that you'll listen and try to help, no matter what it is, for him to tell you almost everything.

P = PATIENCE (how easily angered are they?) Literally never?? You've never met anyone so chill with the most 'it is what it is' attitude. The only exception is if someone else is in any way rude or threatening to you, then he won't hesitate to give them a piece of his mind.

Q = QUIZZES (how much would they remember about you – every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget most things?) It's very arbitrary, sometimes he will remember something very small and almost insignificant, but forget something more important, or the other way round. He certainly doesn't remember everything, but that's not to say he doesn't try. And it's really okay if he needs you to remind him of something every now and then.

R = REMEMBER (favorite moment in your relationship) The first time when you two spent his birthday together – you actually threw him a surprise party with the biggest homemade cake, a bunch of little presents, and of course, fireworks! There was music and delicious food, and all his friends, and you – it was one of his favorite days of all time, and it spoke volumes on how you felt about him and the things that you'd do.

S = SECURITY (how protective are they; how they'd like to be protected and how they protect you) It's a mixed bag – he is often scared of something happening to you, but also he knows you're perfectly capable of defending yourself and he likes to watch you being all tough and independent. Maybe just for the sake of his confidence, sometimes let him step in and be a little protective, it's cute. If you stand up for him when he is being criticized, he will blush profusely, and give you a shy 'thanks', but he will keep thinking about it for a while.

T = TRY (how much effort do they put into dates, gifts, anniversaries, everyday stuff) He thinks you're too special and too wonderful not to be treated accordingly, and he will try to show you that through a bunch of little things. He loves to surprise you in small ways on at least a weekly basis, but for your birthday or anniversary or something „bigger“ like that, a huge bouquet of flowers is a must (seriously, it's so big that he barely carries it without stumbling), and he will try to make your favorite dessert for you too.

U = UGLY (some bad habits of theirs) Sometimes he unnecessarily doubts himself and even questions whether he is good enough for you, but luckily you can tell when he's overthinking those things almost immediately, and then you reassure him in more ways than one.

V = VACATION (how you spend lazy days and free time) The two of you always get up to something and it’s not that common that you’re just lying around, but in case you are, it’s most likely somewhere outside under the shade of a beautiful tree, catching some sun, talking each other’s ears off and sharing some delicious snacks!!!

W = WISH (something that they really want to do/experience with you?) He wants to do every single thing imaginable with you, because you make everything better and more enjoyable just by being there – the bucket list is endless!

X = XTRA (a random headcanon for them) He is organized but in a chaotic way: while his things might sometimes look like a mess, he always knows where everything is. And he really loves taking baths with obligatory singing.

Y = YUCK (what are some things they dislike generally or in a partner?) People who are mean and/or negative, because he is the exact opposite of those things, always tries to be nice to everyone and look for something positive in every situation.

Z = ZZZ (a sleep habit of theirs) For somebody that small, he takes up an astonishing amount of space in a bed – you have no idea how someone can be so sprawled, yet sleep without a care in the world.

-

taglist my beloved @starlady66 @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings @founder-of-imladris @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-placee @valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorin-painter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3 @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @high-sea-husbands @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth @moth-makay

@bubbleyukismile @kitexvi @herstudios

[liquid-bonhomme]

Hey fam we're gunna inact in some sinful behavior again and get real for a sec here on the shitposting blog so TW: Discussion of substance abuse, mental health issues, SA, etc.

You may have noticed I took a bit of a break from posting for a bit. It wasn't entirely due to Lily's "junkie" rant here, but it was partially responsible.

A lot about Lily high key cheeses my biscuits, I've made that pretty clear. Lily and I have a . . . Strange amount in common in some regards. I'm a trans person myself, I come from a similar, shall we say, "dysfunctional home environment" Lily does. We're even both Canadian, close enough in age I grew up with a lot of the exact same regional-specific media she did. We've had some other life experiences in common.

With that said, Lily's almost like the evil funhouse mirror version of my life. I was sexually assaulted for the first time at basically the exact same age Courtney was. Lily reminds me very much of my first partner, who physically, emotionally and sexually abused me. Unlike Lily, I am from an actual multi-racial family and have had the somewhat unique experiences and gotten the somewhat unique perspective of being a white person partially influenced and organically adopted into more predominantly POC culture. I've had to come to terms with my own white privilege and the ways Western colonialism has influenced me on a level far more personal than it would be for someone from a more monoracial and monocultural family than mine. While also coming to terms with and accepting the ways my family has been judged and discriminated against for being so blended.

There's also just the fact that Lily seems to (I wonder if, on some level, intentionally) act like the alt-right caricature of a progressive leftist in the most performative way imaginable, while also clearly not actually being left-wing at all. My pet theory is that the only thing stopping Lily from going full Blaire White MAGA butt monkey is that her pride can't take it. Being treated like a useful idiot for the right to "prove" they're not bigots while treating her with open hostility in every other regard. So she's as "leftist" as she needs to be to get the 12 year olds she's trying to court on her side because they don't know any better. While being profoundly anti-labor, pro-capitalist. Even though the only reason why the alt-right hyper focus on identity politic bullshit like that is becayse it's a wedge issue that allows them to skirt around talking about actual policy.

There's also just the fact that someone can be so, confidently, shit-eating levels of wrong and stupid about the most asinine things. I actually work professionally in the fields Lily has decided her opinions are worth vomiting out into the ether. Fields people in general are way too comfortable speaking with authority on shit they know absolutely nothing about-- but Lily is for sure a special case.

Point is: I'm very used to Lily making me go into turbo big upsetti spaghetti mode. I've been aware of her for YEARS. I'm over it . . . Until I'm not.

I've alluded to it a few times already: I'm a recovered drug user, though I've struggled with general substance abuse and impulse control issues for longer. Particularly because of untreated mental health issues like C-PTSD, a dissociative disorder, gender dysphoria and ADHD. Particularly because of untreated physical health issues that just a few years ago almost killed me. Issues that caused me significant pain, mental distress, and slowly worsening disability since I was 11 years old. Went totally untreated until they came close to taking my life. It's no coincidence that I started stealing my parent's booze when I was around 12 or 13 years old.

The worst, ugliest, most humiliating aspects of yourself? Addiction will put them front and center. It will cause you to do things, act in ways, find out things about yourself you're never going to be able to unknow. You have to live with for the rest of your life.

You're aware of it-- the whole time. What a fucking creature you've become. How you are hurting the people closest to you. It's not fun. The whole time, you want to stop. But you can't. You don't know why you just can't control yourself, what you're supposed to do. You're afraid of asking for help out of fear of judgement or punishment. Drugs are mostly decriminalized in Canada and still, if someone just took access away from my poison of choice and sent me on my way with no further help--- I would have just walked into traffic.

The worst of my issues happened due to some absolutely insane levels of medical irresponsibility that I won't fully get into because they're too long to explain. But I will tell you that, already aware I had substance abuse issues, I *explicitly warned* the doctor who prescribed me the medication that I didn't feel I could be responsible to be put on anything addictive. She assured me it was not. Spoiler altert: it was addictive. A lot of addicts descent into rock bottom beginning with something they were prescribed.

Drug companies will put in these "anti-abuse" measures into otherwise addictive substances that it takes half a brain cell to circumvent. Just take my word for it.

I overdosed at least once, maybe twice on the drug I was originally prescribed. Alone. By some insane luck I survived both times without getting further medical treatment. But as I built up a tolerance what I was originally prescribed wasn't the *only thing* I ended up abusing in that period of my life. I was going to die if I didn't do something soon, and I knew it.

I was lucky. My sister drove two cities over after a night shift to my rescue and quite literally set me on the road to saving my life. My doctor was compassionate enough to allow me to get off of what I was originally addicted to at my own pace, and correctly identified I needed a medication overhaul to do so. My older brother made sure I wasn't dying of dehydration or starvation during my detox period and made sure to do the daily tasks I didn't have the mental capacity to do at that time aswell. Without them I wouldn't be here today.

NOT EVERY DRUG USER IS AS FORTUNATE AS ME, HOWEVER. And even then, recovery is not a straight line, or as simple as having certain substances kept away. It's a demon you'll be fighting the rest of your life, in many instances. Mine included. Part of getting off the harmful substances I was was getting a prescription to Adderall, as I was partially self-medicating for. Something my doctor still monitors me with to ensure I'm not falling back into bad habits with. Something Lily is CURRENTLY bitching about not being able to get a prescription for-- I wonder why, Lily.

I have now gone through THREE surgeries without painkillers. And in one particularly awful incident, was treated rather cruelly by the medical staff over refusing to take them. To quote, of all things, fucking Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, "if you live with pain long enough, you learn to enjoy the taste." But nothing is like the nightmare of chemical dependence. Pain is immaterial to that kind of hell.

I know Lily is saying this bullshit just to vaguepost about Courtney, but I don't care. Fuck her. Fuck her for daring to judge me, and those like me. That she was that comfortable being this vile about the matter publically should give you a good indication as to how comfortable even other people are to talking down to addicts.

She wouldn't have survived the shit I went through. I dare her to try. She's way too much of a little piss baby to crawl her way out of that kind of suffering.

I know this is a meme page, but I refuse to be ashamed of talking about it. If anyone would like some more information about my experience or has questions as to why Lily's opinion on the matter is dogshit and vile, feel free to dm me or send me an ask. I'll make it clear why Lily is fucking scum for having the balls to say this publically. I'll make her regret it.

[paramountinplace]

Thoughts on Van having adhd?

ADHD!Van headcanons

This is another Van headcanon that I absolutely adore, so buckle in and thank you for asking!

In my dyslexic!Van post, I talked a little about her flying under the radar with her struggles in school and I think a big part of why that happened is because of her ADHD. She got categorized by her teachers super quickly as that kinda rambunctious kiddo who sometimes talked out of turn and couldn't remember to bring her lunch (she never got one anyway) and struggled to stop her feet from tapping during tests. So, to them, her struggling with reading made sense, even though she was displaying her intelligence in other ways.

Van loves movies. I'd call her ability to remember entire plots, quote entire lines from memory, and make wildly obscure references a hyperfixation, especially since she might otherwise struggle to keep those kinds of things (complicated plots, direct dialogue) in her memory otherwise because, boo, dyslexia.

I think any impulse control issues would show up mainly in the form of her blurting out jokes that might be a little mean or stating her opinion on something before she's really thought through if she wants everyone to hear that.

She struggles to focus on tasks that don't interest her, which only compounds the issues she has with dyslexia, where reading something can be such a drag. Her brain is already struggling to process the words on the paper, but she's also completely disinterested in what they mean, so focusing on getting through the whole piece of text is really really hard.

Between those two things, she also struggles with auditory processing. I've talked about Van having a hard time with things like lots of directions, multiple people talking at once, or listening to one thing while there are a bunch of other noises going on, which are issues that can crop up with both dyslexia and ADHD, so the combination really gives her a hard time.

Sometimes Van will rush to say something that she's super excited to share or wants to get out right away before the thought goes away, but the actual speaking part of her brain isn't on the same page as the ideas part, so she'll be searching for the right words/pronounciations as she's speaking. That can make her sentences come out as total gibberish, which is super frustrating for her. It's bad enough that she'll stumble over pronounciations she's been practicing in the mirror for ages or get her words mixed up, even when she's talking slow. To be excited about something and to not be able to clearly communicate it can be upsetting. She loathes being told she has to calm down before repeating what she's trying to say because she'll usually lose it before she's calm.

Big daydreamer, which is less of an issue now than it was before. Tai will often catch Van absently doing a chore just a little incorrectly because she's off in Van-land and not really focused on the task at hand. Other times, Van's laser-focused on everything in these random bursts of energy she gets until she burns herself out.

Sometimes gets herself in trouble when she's little and playing with the others, because she'll make leaps in their imagination games that are hard to follow. They make sense to her, because her mind shot from A to F easily, but the others struggle to see how she got there without her laying out steps B, C, D, etc, which she'll often have trouble doing because her mind just did that. She's not sure why Jackie mentioning frogs made her think they had to add a wizard with special ice powers into the game, it just did. (It's because some species of frogs can produce a natural antifreeze in their bodies so they live through the winter as a frozen little block and then thaw in the spring just fine, but she doesn't realize that until ages later).

Wasn't particularly prone to sensory overload before the crash, but afterwards struggles a lot more with it, like many of the girls. She tells Tai she doesn't like going out in public sometimes because she feels like everyone is staring at her scars and it makes her "itchy."

Doesn't do well with verbal reminders to do things. It's confusing because people tend to assume because of the dyslexia thing, she won't want to have to read written reminders, but it's actually way harder to keep all the reminders in her head than it is to read a few things off a sheet of paper. She might get them a little mixed up or accidentally skip a task, but it's better than forgetting all of them because someone just told her to do five things and walked away. Tai writes down certain tasks she has to do on seperate Post-It notes, so she can toss them out as she's done them and won't get one intermingled with another.

Little!Van has a really hard time regulating herself and is super quick to get frustrated with all the things that feel so hard. She gives up on stuff that she struggles with very fast when she's younger, which sometimes just means she doesn't finish the tower she was building, but it can also mean she has a super hard time calming down when angry or upset.

I have more thoughts, but I'll put these out there for now! Interested to hear anyone else's thoughts if they have them!

[rin-and-jade]

How do you know if something is another systemmate vs an existing systemmate who is triggered? We have something going on where a systemmate who normally doesn't want to do something keeps having random intense urges to do it, so intense that they push others out of the front. When they're their "normal self" they say they don't want to do it, but when this thing happens, it's an absolutely debilitating urge. They also feel younger when it happens, but that could just be the effect of an emotional flashback, not a different systemmate. If it's someone else, we think it might be a fragment? But we don't know how to tell. Is there a way to tell? Thanks.

Hm..

Denying or refusing to act on the urge even during normal moments does not wipe away the truth that the urge was caused by another demand to fill in a certain lack or regain a sense of control. (this is still a vague conclusion. Please find the specific reason behind this urge since you do not describe any details regarding it)

The biggest hint lies at how the urge comes in strong and caused their cognitive, and or, emotional awareness/maturity to regress temporarily to compensate the overwhelm that is currently being felt. This is what you also call an amygdala hijack--especially if they also struggle to regulate and control their impulses or reaction (since the prefrontal cortex governs reasoning and self restraint, and the hijack reduce the influence to this brain region) .

If you want to discern wether it is a new sysmate or an existing one,, do two things most importantly:

Check in and ask if their memories had been consistent, with other mates vouching that nothing had been off or remembered differently.

Look back and assess deeply wether their manners or behavior had changed, both during times of triggers and during their normal state. If the changes only happen when they're overwhelmed or other reasons,, it can count as a period of burnout or along those lines.

If you caught discrepancies from doing number 1, suspect a subsystem,, or experiencing amnesia due to stress, or any other answers you have found after doing some observation and research.

If you caught discrepancies from doing number 2, it can also be a suspect for having a subsystem that comes out when triggered or experiencing a memory blackout.

Come back if you feel like it and let me know if you had found your answer, or need more help for this particular issue step by step, good luck!

- c

[republicsecurity]

Collar laws

"the collar turns an unpredictable subject into a data‑rich, safely restrained source of testimony—without the bruises, broken wrists, or civil‑rights challenges that handcuffs and arm‑bars invite. Use the tech; keep the process clean."

Why keep the collar on during interviews?

AV4I5: Three key advantages:

Silent‑Gate: Switch the collar to Blue‑Interview preset and the laryngeal filters drop ambient volume to 50 dB while allowing normal‑tone speech. You get a calm suspect who physically can’t ramp to shouting or spit abuse at you or the recorder.

Stress Telemetry: The Bio‑Vitals array overlays real‑time stress curves in your HUD. Micro‑tremor in the sternocleidomastoid, pulse variability—tells you when a question lands hot before you hear the lie.

Postural Guide: The collar’s micro‑servos nudge posture toward upright, open‑shoulder alignment; that keeps airways clear and prevents the classic “slouch and mumble” dodge. Interview audio stays clean for evidentiary playback.

SX12B: So it’s a built‑in polygraph and posture coach. Legal likes that?

AV4I5: Legal loves anything that shrinks “coercion” complaints. The collar maintains constant biometric logging—every muscle micro‑spasm time‑stamped. Defence counsel can request the packet; if we kept force at Compliance‑Safe, the data works in our favour.

ZQ77C: What’s the statutory backing? I mean—neck restraint in an interview room sounds headline‑ugly.

AV4I5: Two pillars:

Republic Security Act § 74‑J (“Non‑Lethal Custodial Aids”) grants Enforcer units the right to apply biometric control devices post‑arrest for “situational safety and evidentiary clarity.”

High Court ruling RSC v. Armitage, 08‑12‑18, which held that the collar is functionally analogous to handcuffs plus medical telemetry— therefore not a “novel search.”

Key clause: so long as the subject retains the ability to breathe, answer questions, and request counsel, the restraint is constitutional.

Internal policy OPS‑9.2 requires a Comms Recording Notification: you must state on tape, “Interview conducted under Compliance‑Safe collar control, serial X‑‑‑.” Once you say that, chain‑of‑custody is airtight.

Republic Security Code §31‑B & §31‑C (Custodial Technology)

31‑B, Sub‑para 4 authorises “adaptive restraint devices” for any detainee classified Risk Tier C or higher, provided the device logs biometric data and all activation events.

31‑C, Sub‑para 2 permits “real‑time physiological monitoring for the dual purpose of detainee safety and investigative integrity.”

Collar firmware is certified under Forensic Chain‑of‑Custody Standard FSC‑12: every mode change, impulse, or dampening adjustment is time‑stamped and cryptographically signed—admissible as evidence and immune to tamper challenges.

Judicial Precedent

State v. Marentis (RSC‑App. 608‑24) upheld collar‑logged stress spikes as corroborating evidence of conscious deception.

People v. Rhodan (608‑67) ruled that a brief bio‑vitals clamp to prevent self‑harm during interrogation was “medically prudent and constitutionally proportional.”

UK90F: Any interview‑only tricks we should know?

AV4I5:

Pulse Settle: Tap Vitals → CalmBurst. Collar emits a 400 Hz vibro‑pulse at C‑2 vertebra; average BPM drops ~12 in ten seconds. Handy before the “tell‑me‑again” loop.

Cheat Lock: If subject tries a table flip, accelerate to Red‑Stun‑Hold—800 ms, enough to freeze them mid‑lunge without cracking skulls. De‑escalate back to Blue once they’re seated. The log shows a justified spike, court nods.

Whisper Gate: Drop the voice gate to 25 dB; suspect can barely whisper, recorder still hears everything via collar mic. Keeps adjoining rooms blissfully ignorant.

SX12B: What about overreach? Any hard “don’ts”?

AV4I5: Absolutely. Policy flags:

No Respiratory Clamp longer than 2 s in interview setting.

No Neuromotor Inversion—that technique’s still restricted to Crowd‑Control Cert.

Remove or power‑down the unit immediately if counsel requests a private consultation; attorney‑client privilege overrides telemetry.

"Break those and OPS‑Internal Affairs will fry your career medium‑rare."

[theautisticdoctor]

Have you ever been screened for adhd? I see that there is a lot of overlap in adhd and autism diagnosis. How was it for you?

Autism and ADHD do have a lot of similarities, as well as ADHD and (c)PTSD. I am officially diagnosed with autism and cPTSD, but I do also score very high on the ADHD spectrum. I got asked once if I wanted to get officially tested, but I refused because at that time my brain just couldn’t handle another label. I absolutely despise labels and getting them put on me gives me massive stress, because I feel so inadequate and as a failure (I’m still working on that). My autism also got kind of buried under all the other labels that got put on me, and I felt like it was going to happen with this again. I don’t do well in adjusting or acknowledging new things and it takes ages for me to accept these labels.

Just like autism, ADHD is also a neurodevelopment disorder, which means it would have been there in my childhood, so for me it is most useful to look how I was as a child. As a child I was not hyperactive at all, only disorganised with a lot of executive dysfunction, impulsivity when high stress levels occurred and easily distracted with bursts of hyperfocus and -fixation. My brother however has always been hyperactive, impulsive, and easily distracted (although he’s also diagnosed with cPTSD). He for example as a 2 year old managed to jump out of the high chair more often than actually sit in it or rock and bounce it back and forth so hard that he would flip over with chair and all. So he is definitely an ADHD’er. Me you could have put in a corner of the room and completely forget I even existed, which therefore also happened, because I wouldn’t make a sound, wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t crawl away from my designated space. You could give me a toy and I would be satisfied with it all day, figuring out all ins and outs, when I was done playing I would start taking it apart and would put it back together, over and over again. Where my brother would throw his toys through the frontwindow of the car (literally) because he was just bored with them and needed more stimuli. My cPTSD diagnosis makes it very complicated to distinguish what symptoms are from traumatic stress and what has been there since before the structural stress (because the structural stress also started in very early childhood) from ADHD or autism.

For me I think it is more helpful to look at it from a holistic perspective instead of adding more quite meaningless labels for a group of symptoms that one might have, I just have a neurodevelopment disorder with a spectrum of symptoms. I have made an inventory of those symptoms and the scope of these symptoms is already a huge disability for which I need to make adjustments to my life. Labels should be used as a tool to help people and their support system understand, figure out and learning to cope with their symptoms. The label is solely there to serve a purpose, but it doesn’t give you any clue about the extent, severity or suffering of the person. In my practice I always tell my patients that I’m treating a person, not just the lab results or diagnoses, and I expect others to do the same with me. I hate it when people only look at results or labels and create their entire treatment plan based on that, you should look at the human that’s sitting in front of you.

The autism spectrum has a major overlap with the ADHD spectrum. This overlap includes things like sensory issues, stimming, emotional regulation difficulties, impulse control difficulties, executive dysfunction, interest-based nervous system, interconnected thought processes and patterns, hyperfixations and -focus or special interests, social differences and difficulties, communicative difficulties, rejection-sensitivity dysphoria, and making eye contact difficulties. In both disorders the amount of stress or overwhelm is what can make the symptoms worse. Some specific symptoms to ADHD are the cravings to new things and experiences, attention and focus regulating difficulties, which could make it harder to read social cues, inhibition difficulties, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness. Whereas some of the specific symptoms to autism are the cravings to routine, order and familiarity, with craving for strict adherence, intuitive disability to read social cues, self soothing through repetitive behaviour, thoughts and routines. When my stress levels rise I tend to move towards the ADHD spectrum, but it keeps contributing to my rising stress levels, so I am thinking it is more masking / coping than actually ADHD. I think, I therefore really fit the autism spectrum better than the ADHD spectrum. But I don’t know, maybe I’ll be ready one day to get myself actually tested, because it also wouldn’t really surprise me if I was.

[evermarch]

GIRL! What you mean you also writing about katniss's period in your fanfic too. Please tell me more about it, I'd love to know!

LMAO okay sooooo without spoiling too much i just think that it’s very important for katniss to experience her body operating as normal for literally the first time in her life. even before the games/the incomprehensibly stressful circumstances of catching fire/the war she was malnourished. perhaps not as badly as most others in the seam, or even in the town bc it seems meat was hard to come by even for peacekeepers and merchants, but she absolutely was underfed and lacking essential nutrients. so even if she was getting a period, like you said, it most certainly wasn’t quite normal or regular.

but periods aren’t just about actual bleeding or physical symptoms, ofc. her body likely never experienced the full breadth of hormonal fluctuation people go through during a healthy menstrual cycle. we know katniss is often moody and irritable because a) she’s a teenager b) she’s starving and c) she’s stressed out of her mind in constant survival mode, but she’s almost always in control. what happens when her hormones, allowed to function for the first time as they’re meant to, take control of her body like they do for most teenagers w periods? especially with all the emotional upheaval of the war and losing prim, i bet experiencing pms for the first time sends her into a tailspin. she’s probably crying a lot, eating a lot, and feels like everything is coming apart around her at the littlest things. which, compounded with the ptsd and grief, and the first time lack of need to be in survival mode, is overwhelming and causes her to act impulsively.

not to mention, of course, why we get periods in the first place. how does peeta’a presence interact with her body’s discovery of its normal function, especially this function? we know they grow back together. we know she feels that thing again. we know so after. but what happens between those things? it’s implied that katniss and peeta are at least kissing before so after. what is it that motivates katniss to kiss him back, beyond, of course, love? katniss likes kissing. she says when she’s kissing gale that it reminds her that her body’s alive. what is it like for her to kiss the person she actually loves when her body is healthy enough to urge her on?

now, of course katniss knows about periods, their symptoms, and sex/pregnancy. a pet peeve i have in fics is when people act like katniss doesn’t know about this stuff because she’s “pure” or, frankly, because readers see district 12 as backwards and uneducated or something. but katniss’ mom is an apothecary. katniss absolutely knows the clinical ins and outs of puberty. but at the same time, i bet she never really expected all that stuff to happen to *her* the way it does to other people. she’s always been in control while in district 12 up until the end of the war. why would something like a hormonal shake-up change that? i don’t think she’ll recognize what’s happening to her (im shocked by it every month, and ive had a semi-regular period for more of my life than not and i knew what to expect from like age 5). when she does realize it, she’ll likely be in denial about it.

i also think this is a great opportunity for katniss and her mom to bond and begin to repair their relationship. because for the first time, katniss actually will, palpably, *need* her mom and her expertise in a way she hasn’t in over five years.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I am so upset about Buwei's death but very curious about what is coming next. Since this is a c-drama and they can't have an immoral Emperor on the throne as an endgame, I suppose that the Yong family is going down one way or another. Let's hope they take the Qi household with them, especially Princess Pingning.

Team Prince Yan!

***

Yawn.

My lack of sympathy for this woman and her whole family cannot be overstated.

***

Did any of you care whether other people lived or died?

Fuck you both.

And the best part is that his stupid ass thought that if he was to whine in front of the Emperor about Minglan, this useless man would grant him the marriage 🤣🤣

***

He has already forgotten that she beat Buwei to death because of him, smh, and they are back to business as usual.

Human lives literally mean nothing to either of them. I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she murdered a pet hamster to hurt me, let alone a whole human being 😡😡

***

Hopefully, he will be lucky enough not to meet you in his next life.

***

Oh, boo-hoo.

How terrible for your mother and you that your delusions of grandeur are just that. Delusions. Classism is hell of a drug.

I hope you get squashed.

***

Do it!! Please! Make my day!!

***

LMAO, WHAT HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

You have literally had people raped and kidnapped, and very likely murdered. And here you are, threatening to murder more. The cognitive dissonance, I cannot 🤣🤣

***

Oh, yes, your daughter is going to be so happy in this marriage 🙄

Sooooooo happy!! Everything a loving parent would want for their child 🙄🙄

They are all literally insane. Unlimited power and wealth have rotted their brains.

***

That this needs to be spelled out for him is just 🤯🤯

And, like, we don't even go as far as Consort Yong. His own shitty mother could and would do this if he was to somehow elope with Minglan. This is also why there is absolutely no chance the Sheng family would allow this marriage to happen without the Duke and Duchess of Qi fully onboard and Minglan would never do anything that would jeopardise her entire family, such as run off with him without their permission.

***

MTE, Qi Heng, I fully agree with you on this.

Why anyone would bother to even cross the street for your worthless ass, let alone bloody their hands to get you, is very much beyond me.

***

LMAO, YOU ARE A USELESS MOTHER!

He is not a "thing", he is a whole human and you are talking about marriage here, an entwining of lives. How happy is she going to be, married to a man who resents her? Who married her only because you threatened to kill his parents and the woman he loves? Are you serious? OK, I can buy that an endlessly indulged princess will have the brain power and impulse control of a toddler and may not be able to see the full consequences of this, but what is your excuse? Moreover, what is your husband's excuse? All of you have worms for brains.

***

I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

Why must you make me agree with Qi Heng, smh?

Anyway, I can't wait to watch Zhu Yilong in something else. No love for this particular character but he's really fantastic, very subtle and very expressive.

***

Oh, thank god.

Hopefully, now Minglan can let him go and go back to being her usual intelligent self. This doomed side ship has been getting on my last nerve.

***

What the absolute fuck are you talking about, Gu Tingye? I thought you were supposed to be smart and looking out for Minglan!

Yes, please kidnap a fucking Imperial princess and see how well that works out both for the House of Qi and Sheng!

Why is everyone stupid all of a sudden?

***

How is Yuanruo the one speaking common sense all of a sudden?

Gu Tingye, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[paintingwhiteceilings]

❃EXO's chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse❃

A/N: because why have your first post be romantic or suggestive when it can be unserious and downright weird.

Xiumin/Minseok: 9/10

✾ Let’s be honest, this man is way too good at sports not to survive far into a zombie apocalypse. Pretty sure those skills will translate and be useful in some way. He can outrun them so easily that he never truly finds himself in any danger.

✾ Xiumin actually possesses functional brain cells and a good dose of common sense which means he makes good, well thought out, decisions. Unlike the beagle line, he won’t get himself stupidly killed.

✾ Despite all the chaos, he is incredibly organized, keeping precise track of what he has and needs.

✾ He can properly take care of himself and could run this thing solo. He is not dependent on others to do things for him and he strikes me as someone who is perfectly content to be on his own. The only reason he would team up with the others is for the company and because he finds their idiocy amusing.

✾ He has the added bonus that the zombies think he is adorable, like a pet, so they will keep him alive even when he does get caught.

Suho/Junmyeon: 5/10

✾ Remember that time when Suho fell asleep during carting? Yeah, he is beyond exhausted before the apocalypse even starts and will probably die by accidentally falling asleep. Suho will try to ‘rest his eyes’ and before he knows it a zombie is gnawing on his arm.

✾ Honestly trying his hardest to keep the rest of the members from dying, but instead of appreciating his efforts, they keep making fun of him for it. They are really testing his patience but he feels too responsible for their safety to leave them to fend for themselves.

✾ Not that anything he says matters, they never truly listen to him so instead he has to be the one to get them out of the dangerous situations they get themselves in.

✾ If he doesn’t get eaten due to his permanent exhaustion, he would be the type to accept his fate. The members will drive him insane to the point where he will simply give up and walk into a hoard of zombies with open arms.

✾ If you pair him up with his babies Kai and Sehun his survival rate somehow increases. Nobody touches his babies.

Baekhyun: ?/10

✾ Okay, so he either survives until the end or does something stupid and gets himself killed.  His survival rate is either 10/10 or 0/10, there is no in-between.

✾ Like Baekhyun is an ace in most games so he has the ability to outsmart the apocalypse if he puts in the effort. He is competitive enough to take it seriously, too.

✾ His survival truly depends on whether he gives in to his intrusive thoughts and let’s be fair, he has many and zero impulse control.

✾ He would, for instance, believe that he can successfully pretend to be a zombie to blend in with them. He has a lot of dumb ideas and will either act on it himself or get someone else to try it out.

✾ Obviously, his plans wouldn’t work and he, or his chosen guinea pig, would get eaten. Then again, it is Baekhyun and somehow he always manages to come out on top, so who knows, he might survive.

Chen/Jongdae: 6.5/10

✾ Okay, this man is a father so he gets to enjoy the father buff. If his family is with him, he is near unstoppable. Chen can be competitive and has a lot of energy, so technically his chances aren’t too bad.

✾ His main issue is that, well, every zombie and their mother can hear him from the other side of the planet. He is absolutely oblivious as to why the zombies keep finding him.

✾ Like Chen, please use your inner voice, zombies are not deaf and you are giving them your location whenever you talk.

✾ Will ‘accidentally’ push Chanyeol into a zombie when he jokes about being the C in CBX and finally find peace. At this point, he kind of deserves it.

Chanyeol: -10/10

✾ Hear me out, this man is a mess.

✾ Technically, he could survive but he is another one that for sure will listen to his intrusive thoughts. Like let’s be fair, Chanyeol has mastered an array of weird skills just because he can’t stand being bad at something; he will be just as determined to figure out how to survive during an apocalypse.

✾ The type to “I saw this in a film” and try it. He will quickly discover that most of it won’t work because those are movies and not real life. Still, he will have the biggest motivation to figure things out, even if most of his sources are fiction.

✾ The problem is that he is way too much into this whole apocalypse scenario. He will try to out-apocalypse the others or will make up some sort of stupid competition to kill time because sitting still for five minutes is for losers.

✾ He comes up with the “Who can get closest to the zombie without getting killed” game. Baekhyun might have helped.

✾ To be honest, it doesn’t quite matter how good his cards are in the context of a zombie apocalypse, he will probably die within a day because he has two left feet and a very intimate relationship with the floor.

D.O./Kyungsoo: 7/10

✾ Pair him up with another member, and suddenly their chances increase.

✾ His cooking skills make him so incredibly valuable. He will make sure no one starves, and can make a decent meal out of pretty much anything you give him.

✾ The others try their hardest to keep him alive because being in an apocalypse does not mean one has to eat grass.

✾ Then again, he would not hesitate to sacrifice the others to the zombies if they annoy him.

✾ The only one able to keep the beagle line from doing stupid shit with his threats.

✾ You can’t really count on him outrunning the zombies, though. We have all seen this man attempt to play soccer, he is not made for physical activity. He will not survive with his physical skills and will absolutely accept his fate rather than try.

Kai/Jongin: -100000000/10

✾ Listen, this man will die within the first five seconds of the apocalypse.

✾ It is not a question of whether he dies, more so than how. There are so many ways that he can get himself killed, even without the apocalypse playing a major factor.

✾ He could give himself food poisoning when he tries to cook or trip over his own feet when he tries to run away from the zombies. He does not really have a great sense of self-preservation.

✾ 10000% the type to think that they could befriend the zombies because “zombies are people too.” Luckily for him, the zombies do think he is adorable and won’t immediately eat him when he gets too close.

✾ But yeah, if it isn’t for the others constantly monitoring him, he is dead.

Sehun: 1000/10

✾ Last to die because his members will do everything they can to keep him alive. Maknae privileges and whatnot.

✾ He is very much dependent on his members to do basically anything, but the thing is, they would do it without question.

✾ He will complain the entire time and whine constantly.

✾ If Suho dies, you might as well kill him too. How is he supposed to sleep without his emotional-support-hyung??? So yeah, the only way to really decrease his survival rate is to eliminate his members.

✾ Honestly, we all are simply living in his world, what Sehun wants, Sehun gets. It might even extend to the zombies. He would just ask them to stop trying to eat him and they would oblige because, well, Sehun asked.

✾ He is 1000% responsible for the cure being found. It has nothing to do with Sehun finding it himself. Instead, when/if he gets bitten, the members will stop at nothing to find a way to rid him of the disease. Sleep? Who needs sleep when Oh Sehun is dying!?

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