#bygone silly

[ancientbygone]

he is real and coming to Your house! welcome him or else

preorder open until October 15th. get yourself a lil guy here: https://ko-fi.com/s/3e86930c7f

[sainz100]

2024 Brazilian GP | x

[commandertartarsmoocher]

[hydraulic press sound effect]

[witchspeka]

I do think Shou genuinely doesn't know Mob's name, like why would he?? He never properly introduced himself, their only "proper" interaction was Mob saving him and one (1) singular line of dialogue at the end of S1

But if Shou were to pick up on anybody's naming convention it would be Ritsus... who doesn't really call Mob by name anyway...

So this was just a long winded way to say that one day Shou will slip up and accidentally call Mob "nii-san" the way you accidentally call your teacher "mom"

[vastiitas]

@bldrdsh

"we'll just have to make do." from kart

Bed rolls wet from a rocky spill into water for both horses, there ain't much other option than to either rough it out on the cold Earth or check into an inn 'til their personals dry, and the town's nearby enough that the latter doesn't seem so bad to try for. Single room left, the attendant had said, with only a single bed.

"Reckon you can take the mattress," He eyes the rickety thing, dressed in fresh sheets, swathed in fresh blankets. Cole swipes off his hat and claws his hand through water-drenched locks, "That bullet wound of your's ain't goin' to be your friend if you sleep on the floor."

[iced-souls]

They has stumbled across something uh oh—

Draw your squad like this

[chachued]

I wanted to request lando x fem reader if possible when he’s leaving for a while and they’re extra affectionate the night before with longer hugs and more reassurance, it could even get emotional??

Thank you in advance🥰

omg, yes. absolutely adorable!!! such a cute idea, this is.

━━ NEVER LEAVING | LANDO NORRIS ⁴

He never left without you, but you couldn’t come with him this time. It wasn’t easy, to say the least, but this night made it all the better.

↳ lando norris x fem!reader

W/C 0.5k

CONTENTS fluff — so much fluff, best bf lando, clingy reader, a bit of attachment issues, half proofread, short imagine

TOMORROW WAS THE DAY. Even though you begged for a day off—just to spend time with your boyfriend—today was too far busy, said your boss.

It was already late at night, so you expected Lando to be asleep already. He had to leave tomorrow morning, so you let bygones be bygones.

You didn’t know work would last so long, there’s barely enough time to be with him. And most of it will be used sleeping beside him. Everything consumed the energy that usually sparked inside you — The one that was excited to go home to him.

The key was deep inside your bag while you shuffled for it, prolonging the wait outside your door, which was insufferable. All you wanted to do was lay in bed—preferably with his arms around you.

The door handle clicked, and then it opened. “You’re home!”

“You’re still awake?” You were relieved, but rightfully worried because it is twelve in the morning.

His hand took yours, dragging you inside. “Of course, I am.”

“What’s that — And that smell?”

“Well, that is your favourite movie, with your favourite food, and your favourite snacks, actually.”

Wow. He really did it all for you.

There were candles that were already half-melted, probably the ones that were hiding in an obscure area. The line of expensive meals and cheap takeout showed a variety of food. It’s like he knew you hadn't eaten yet.

Lando couldn’t help but notice the way the light hit your face, highlighting that pretty smile of yours—melting him from the inside. “There’s also a bunch of blankets to get you comfy. I’m sure you would’ve been tired when you got home.”

“I love you so much right now.”

“You didn’t love me before?”

“Maybe,” you said, smiling.

“I love you too.”

Anxiety piled up — That overwhelming feeling.

It finally hits you he’d be leaving tomorrow morning. All this effort and it didn’t even last long because, before you knew it, he’d be gone. It hurt, and you didn’t know why.

It wasn’t the fact that he was leaving. It’s because he motivated you throughout the day, promising kisses and goods—giving a reason to be excited about life. What could you do without him?

Lando was cuddled up next to you, lying on your chest, when he heard your sniffling. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“I’m here,” he said, and in all honesty, it made the tears harder to hold in.

But you stayed strong.

“It’s just… You’re leaving, and all that. I don’t know, I feel a bit silly.”

He held you tighter, not planning to ever let you go. His eyes were heavy, but he’d stay up all night to be with you.

No amount of sleep can replace you, he thought.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can.” His hand slithered onto your cheek, wiping the loose tear. “I’m never ever leaving you.”

That was the promise he’d never dare to break.

It was insane. You felt insane. He was doing all this for you, and you felt like a burden. There was nothing you did to deserve this—

You felt his soft lips on yours—holding on for a second—and the warm embrace melted you in quick.

“Text me and I’ll fly back to you, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Alright?”

A giggle slipped out of your mouth. “Alright, yeah.”

This was home — Your home.

And it would never fall apart, not with him.

↳ bonus ; next morning ´ˎ˗

LOADING . . . ✎

all rights reserved © CHACHUED ━━ do not translate, copy, or claim my works as your own.

[cheesus-doodles]

Left Behind in Unsolicited Matrimony

Yandere Kalim

Masterlist | Beyond the Glitter of Gold

‎

still can't think of a good title :/ been stuck on this fic for so long it's not even funny ;-; not edited cause I'm just happy to get it out finally!! (p.s. i play en server with no spoilers so no spoilers please)

“W-wait,” Kalim stammered out, the tanned boy looking uncharacteristically even as the celebrations around him continued on without missing a beat. Heartbeat hammering away in his ears, garnet red eyes that would fit right in amidst the priceless stones of the Asim family’s collection were wide as they glanced between his parents. “What do you mean?”

”We have to celebrate your engagement, of course,” his father chuckled, gesturing at the full-on festival playing out in front of him, the gold and priceless jewels twinkling like stars down from the ceiling of the grand hall. “How could we not? It is a most joyous occasion.”

His heart skipped countless beats as it set a vicious beat in his chest, though his mind seemed to barely notice, thoughts pounding away against his skull like a jackhammer. The world around him felt like it was swirling along with the dancing guests even as he stood in place, his feet rooted in place as if an old tree from a bygone era. And his face looked the part as well, drained of all blood, every breath feeling more like a fight against heaving up everything he had eaten in the past twelve hours. 

‎

Engagement. An engagement. Of all things to deal with- Mind whirling, the tanned boy would have succumbed to his jelly legs if his mother hadn’t been holding on to him. What should he do now?

”Oh don’t worry about anything dear, we’ll have everything settled,” his mother reassured as she lightly squeezed his hand, no doubt mistaking the growing look of horror on his face for nervousness. “You don’t have to do anything at all.”

That was the furthest thing from his concern, was what he wanted to scream at the thought of his lungs, though Kalim couldn’t exactly voice that sentiment, the ornate gold jewelry that decorated his tanned skin jingling slightly as his arms fell listlessly to his side. What had gone wrong for him to be in this situation? “But why?” The Scarabia housewarden asked shakily. “I thought-” 

“Well, we set it all up for you as a surprise! Your birthday is so soon, we couldn’t help it,” the older lady continued, grinning from ear to ear as she nudged her son playfully, her eyes slightly glassy as she harkened back to those good ol’ days. “And we found the perfect girl for you. You remember her, don’t you Kalim? That girl you tailed around so much when the two of you were kids.”

Yet despite his parents’ hearty laughs as they exchanged memories and stories about the silly, happy child from his past, the glitter and glamor and the cheers that surrounded him, no matter how he tried with his usual brightside glasses, Kalim couldn’t make himself see the upside of this situation he found himself in. Turning it upside down, inside out, all he could see was that should he simply agree, there would be but a single path for him to follow, a path he had no will to see through, and no way out. 

Because there was no future the white-haired boy wanted to be a part of that didn’t include you.

To his right, a nameless servant scrambling forward caught Kalim’s eye, the man respectfully pouring out another glass of wine for the Asim matriarch before disappearing back into the shadows. It wasn’t anything momentous by any stretch of the imagination - in fact, it would have happened dozens of times a day, but that was all it took to drag the thought of you straight to the front of his brain again: the silent labor of the Asim staff would have been another part of his life he wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for you pointing it out. You were everywhere, everything.

And then of course, the question of you. What about you?

‎

Whirling around, eyes that could have been mistaken for shimmering rubies under the candlelight of the chandeliers overhead desperately searched the joyous, dancing crowds for you. And he found you quickly enough in a quiet corner of the hall, one gentle hand wrapped delicately around a glass of some kind, your silhouette hidden partially behind a set of drapes. Yes, there would be where he expected you to be, given you had always preferred the calm and silence as opposed to this chaotic party vibe not too dissimilar to Scarabia’s on a regular day.

This was supposed to have been nothing more than a prime opportunity to show you the wonders and splendors of his homeland, the Land of the Scalding Sands. Sure, you weren’t particularly favorable towards the riches and glamor that were the cornerstone of his life, refusing to accept even a single bangle that he hardly knew existed without being all but begged and whined into giving in; but the white-haired housewarden wanted you to see what laid beyond just the Asim family and their vast wealth. The depth of history of the land and people that grew side by side, the vibrant colors of its culture and heritage; there was so much to be seen and experienced. He fell in love with it, its past, present and future, over and over again, so maybe you would too.

All daydreams of the could-be were however shattered in an instant, when from a slight shift of your figure revealed your companion to be none other than Leona Kingscholar, that braided mane of dark brown hair and lion ears unmistaken. 

Kalim’s gut dropped. Wait. When was he invited? More importantly, why were you talking to him?

‎

All logic pointed to Leona having been invited by the Asim family, being the second prince of the Sunset Savannah and Kalim’s upperclassman. But watching you chattering along with the tanned beastman without missing a beat like old friends, it didn’t feel right for him to just be standing here. And you only confirmed his worst fears when you chuckled at something the Savanaclaw housewarden said, to which the other laughed along, his hair swaying elegantly with his moment with an ease Kalim would never hope to be able to achieve. Was that a blush on your cheeks?! 

The niggling doubt started to emerge, a trickle at first, taunting voices emerging like a hidden spring seeping out of freshly defrosted ground. And then it began to pour out as the floodgates opened, an uncontrollable torrent. You had no interest in Kalim, they whispered, no matter what he did. You would never be interested in him, not while he still had so many competitors for your eye. 

Jealousy that Kalim never knew he possessed snared his heart, ugly, ugly feelings that he never wanted to acknowledge he even had in him making themselves known.

All he could see was you and Leona, the rest of the world blurred into a background blob, the ringing in his ears only growing louder with every passing second as your infuriating conversation continued blissfully unaware of his stares.

If only. If only Leona wasn’t there. There was nothing more that Kalim wanted in the moment but to hurt the Sunset Savannah prince, wanted to get rid of him, to make sure he leaves and never be able to speak with you again; the feeling churned deep in his chest, a rage ignited that he couldn’t seem to control, his fists both balled up tight to his side. He could make it happen, couldn’t he? The voices taunted, the light breeze as if they were brushing up against his ear. Even if he wasn’t royalty and Leona was, Kalim could wield the might of his family and make it happen.

‎

You seemed to have felt his stare on you, the Scarabia housewarden subtly noted, as you shifted, looking around for the gaze on you.

It took but a blink as your eyes met his for Kalim to shake back to reality, watching your face visibly brighten as you started to make your way towards him, threading your way through the crowd as you eagerly waved in his direction. His world instantly lightened along with your expression, his once-heavy heart even starting to flutter slightly, though that warm feeling didn’t last long, his parents still musing the good ol’ times to the side catching the corner of his eyes.

Actually, come to think of it, this really was one of those times he rather you weren’t here.

It was too late for that now, and the grin he forced himself to wear felt unusually uncomfortable.

”Here you are, Kalim! We’ve been looking all over for you,” your footsteps stuttered to a pause, and you leaned in slightly, the concern washing over your expression. “You look pale! Are you alright?”

“Oh! You must be the classmates we’ve heard so much about!” The Asim matriarch stepped forward, grabbing your hand and giving it an enthusiastic shake. “Welcome to the Scalding Sands! Kalim’s just a bit too nervous right now since we’ll be announcing his engagement."

But you didn’t seem to notice the horror once more setting in on the young Asim’s face as that wretched word fell out of his mother’s mouth again, your hand instead flying up to cover your mouth in surprise. “Oh! Congratulations Kalim!” His gaze instantly snapped to you. No. It wasn’t true. You weren’t supposed to know that. He didn’t want to be engaged. 

What the white-haired boy wanted was to deny, deny, deny everything and anything to you, but his mouth was dry and his voice didn’t seem to want to work. And so all he could do was watch.

“Yes, thank you,” his father graciously accepted, shaking your hand once his mother finally let go. “We’re so very excited.”

“I’m sure you have a lot to discuss, so I will take my leave,” you politely nodded, excusing yourself from the situation. 

Leona wasn’t far behind, that infuriating smirk decorating his face as he too said his congratulations before sauntering off after you, and Kalim’s garnet eyes trailing your pair up till the two of you disappeared from the hall to parts unknown.

‎

He was the one that had asked to bring friends over, and had been caught with his metaphorical pants down. How was he supposed to get out of this situation now? Chasing after you was what his heart was screaming at him, and dealing with Leona his mind, yet he simply stood, rooted to the spot, usual impulsive nature nowhere to be found.

“-so, would you like to meet her?”

Kalim turned almost robotically at the question, his gaze blank, unfocused. “What?”

“Your finance,” his father clarified rather unhelpfully, the older man tiptoeing slightly to look around the vast hall. “I’m sure she’s somewhere here, I can call her over-”

“M-maybe later,” Kalim interjected hastily, though as much as he wanted to chase after you immediately, that would have to wait. “How bout, how bout I-” Scanning the hall instead and leaving his sentence uncompleted, Jamil was easy enough to pick out amidst the sea of guests dressed to the nines, his simple outfit and golden hair ornaments making enough of a contrast to highlight the needle in the haystack. And no doubt his trusted friend and vice-housewarden had seen what had gone down, judging from those furrowed eyebrows and concerned stare. 

A quick nod from the other and Jamil was off, quick footsteps carrying the black-haired boy down the same path you had taken just minutes earlier.

With that situation now under careful watch, Kalim turned back to his parents, laughing nervously. “How bout I go and check on the guests first?

He needed to get to you.

Fast.

[vxnuslogy]

— a proper knight.

pairing: dainsleif x gn!reader

premise: fading memories of bygone pasts are no stranger to dainsleif, but if there were two things he still remembered it's his journey with an outlander, and his beloved mentor who loved flowers.

— warnings: slight angst if you squint

— author's note: khaenri'ahn people will always hold a special place in my heart. this has been in the drafts for so long and it's finally going to see the light of day!!! thank you ray ( @mikashisus ) for proofreading this <3. art credits to @.birdsofpasssage on twt. | 2.1k words.

a knight has seven virtues: courage, justice, mercy, generosity, nobility, hope, and faith. dainsleif often wondered why faith was a virtue he must have to become a knight, it seemed silly to have in a nation that believed in no god, but he was proven wrong when he first saw you.

“the nation’s finest knight,” “khaenri’ah’s greatest talent,” and “the light bringer.” these were all the titles given to you in your many years of serving this nation. just like how his father told him, khaenri’ah’s finest knight was fearless, just, and merciful. you embodied the hope this nation craved—a guiding light. he often wondered what exactly you saw in him to take him as your apprentice. but when he asked the question, you gave no reply and asked, “what’s your favorite flower?”

dainsleif was confused—was this flower loving knight really khaenri’ah’s greatest talent, the same harsh instructor everyone feared? dainsleif let out a heavy breath when he realized he might have signed up for the wrong job. but like the first time he saw you swing the sword, all his initial doubts were quenched. you simply loved flowers because they contrasted your brutal animosity on the battlefield—a reminder of the fragile and beautiful home you grew up in and the weight of khaenri’ah’s fragile hope of the world.

yes, you were harsh, and yes, you criticized every swing of his sword, but you cared. deeply so that you would drop to one knee in front of a crying knight who profusely apologized for retiring—the burden of being a hero was too great. you would take the burden of others out of their hands and carry them yourself, even if it meant burning out the light the people gave you. 

that day, dainsleif found a new purpose for being a knight: to ease your burdens and see you rest under beds of the flowers you loved the most, free from all worries. so he trained, long and hard until all his bones began to quake and beg for rest, and even then he never stopped. he trained until he adopted your way of fighting in the bloodshed—even when bloodied and on the brink of death, turn to your comrades and give them hope; a reason to fight until the end. he learned to bask in your silent company, weaving inteyvat like second nature, as if these delicate flowers could bind both of your souls together in a silent promise. 

you were quiet in your affections and bitterly cold in your duties, but even when dainsleif hangs his head low as you appoint him his title, he feels the gentle grip on your sword. he hears the crowd cheer and applauds, he takes this as a sign to raise his head, and he’s grateful for the neutral expression you’ve instilled in him since his trainee days. one soft look in your eyes that’s directed at him and he’d go down on his knees and kiss the ground beneath your feet—offer you the stars that hang in the sky and demand a seat reserved just for you in celestia’s abode.

the both of you sneak away from the festivities and dainsleif takes this chance to ask, “why the title of twilight sword?”

he believed you wouldn’t answer—you never did—and to no one’s surprise, you simply placed an inteyvat behind his ear. gloved hand brushing his hair back and securing the fragile flower in place with khemia. 

“you’re still young, my stubborn apprentice,” you start, voice carrying years of wisdom unknown to him. “you’ll understand when you’re a proper knight.”

dainsleif furrowed his brow in contemplation. wasn’t he already a proper knight? the title given to him should prove it, so what did your words mean? dainsleif should’ve stayed in the garden until dusk arrived. cherished the already scarce moments he had with you, but you can’t blame him for the hurt you had caused because how dare you view him as a little boy. 

he’ll never have the chance to yell at you or even get mad because, by the next few days, his home will be bathed in a crimson catastrophe. dainsleif couldn’t even process anything properly as you jumped into action—carrying the sword in your hand, cape flying with the wind as you barked orders. “protect the people! you are all knights, experienced or not, your duty is to protect your home.” your voice reverberated in the chaos before diving into the battlefield head first.

you were nowhere in sight and dainsleif had never felt so helpless in battle. all the confidence he's built over the years comes crumbling down as he forces his band of knights to retreat—their defeat was already set in stone. but he couldn’t give up yet so he stayed in the fray, swinging his sword, searching for survivors, and hoping to catch up to you. he knows he’ll die if he doesn’t retreat but he can’t bring himself to be sheltered when you’re still out there, fighting for your life.

the sky burned a deeper crimson as the fury of the god’s raged on. amid the battle, you stood there, all on your own, a figure of unwavering resolve and devotion. dainsleif watched in silent agony as you took down monster after monster, racing against the time you don’t have. he knew, dainsleif knew deep down you would not come with him, and that thought makes him falter. how can you, the person who taught him to fight for all he’s cared about, suddenly teach him how to leave everything behind?

“[name!]” he shouts, voice being lost amid battle, as he runs in your direction. dainsleif feels a bile rise to his throat as he tears his gaze away from the bodies littered at your feet. the flowers you dearly loved were now revolting. “we need to retreat.”

“i cannot,” you cut down his hope like a knife. you turn to face him, all the hope he once admired in you now gone as you walk farther away from him. “leave, dainsleif. let me handle the rest.”

“i won’t leave you here to die in vain.” he catches your wrist and tugs at you in the direction of safety. “we’ve lost, light bringer. please, retreat with me.”

you break his hold on your wrist, your gloved hands stained with blood cradle his face before shoving him harshly and desperate. “my duty lies here in khaenri’ah and i will die upholding it. but you are different my stubborn apprentice, allow yourself to be more than just the twilight sword.”

“what am i supposed to protect if you aren’t there to encourage me?” he questions, unsure of his purpose if you weren’t there to help him.

but you only smile—kind and reassuring. “you will make a fine knight one day, dainsleif. do not let this one defeat sway your resolve. i did not train you to give up easily. now go,” you push him further and further as the monsters roared and the gods rained their fury.

the weight of your decision was palpable—dainsleif couldn’t bring himself to breathe as you jumped into battle once again. he wanted to be your sword, the one to aid you in battle even when he’s no more than a rusty piece of scrap metal. he wanted to scream at you, how could you abandon him so easily when he’s spent all these years staying by your side? but you still turned back, eyes no longer as hopeful as before but they still flickered faintly. 

“carry on, dainsleif,” you whisper to him from a distance, amidst all the screams and crimson sky, dainsleif still hears you. it was not a command—it was a promise.

dainsleif’s last memory of you was the beds of inteyvats beneath your feet and the tears that stained your cheek. that was over 500 years ago, and the memory of that cataclysm was still a fresh wound in his mind. in those 500 years, dainsleif traversed through teyvat, following every and any trail of the abyss order to put an end to this madness. all the while, he found himself picking flowers from each nation, pondering which would be your favorite.

he’s always imagined your second meeting to be bittersweet; a harsh cut to the heart with you laughing at someone while dainsleif stood on the sidelines. but that wasn’t you at all, because when you do meet for the second time, it’s by a bed of sumeru roses and wild flora as you indulge in the aranara’s amusement. 

dainsleif has always thought you were meant to be like this, not a valiant knight covered in scars and blood, but an angel bathed in moonlight as you sang the kids a lullaby and wished them a good night. you were meant for flowers and crowns, not a sword or shield. 

he takes one step, then two, and then he fully stops. dainsleif wanted to approach—the yearning to catch up with the mentor he grew to love—but he was scared. who was he to disturb your fragile happiness? you had survived a great catastrophe and are now living a happy life, he no longer had a part to play in your story. this guilt for failure was his and his alone to carry. who was he to disturb your quiet sanctuary when he left you behind for 500 years?

“not going to say hello to your old mentor?”

dainsleif feels an arm drape across his shoulders, bringing him down to face your height as your other hand comes to pat down his blonde hair. “i taught you to be chivalrous and courteous. don’t tell me you’ve forgotten in a measly five-hundred years?”

500 years wasn’t a number to scoff at, yet here you were, the same hair that was swept away from your eyes and the same confident stance. you let him go and the two of you fall into a silent walk. to where? dainsleif’s not quite sure. he didn’t want to drag you into his scuffle with the abyss, he’d much rather have you stay somewhere in sumeru where you’d be safe. but he knew, deep down dainsleif knew, you wouldn’t pass up the chance to know what truly happened that day.

“you’ve been blessed with a new life,” he mentions and motions to the cryo vision on your hip. “you can leave khaenri’ah behind now.”

you only shook your head. “teyvat has treated me well these past five hundred years, but i’d much rather come back home.”

dainsleif presses his lips into a thin line and says nothing. what could he say, after all, throughout the years he’s been with you, not once has he ever convinced you to retreat. he was snapped out of his daze when your hand came to pat the back of his head. you no longer wore gloves, and dainsleif swore he could feel every callous and gentle press of your palm.

“you’re so grown up now,” you say in jest, eyes twinkling with uncontained amusement. “don’t take my last statement about you to heart, dainsleif. you have always been a proper knight, i just didn’t want to see you go so soon.”

he stays silent and allows you to pat his head like a child. when the two of you start walking again you tell him your reason for his title.

“twilight is when light and darkness merge,” dainsleif’s eyes never once left yours as you talked. you just smile and continue. “it’s a period where the world becomes uncertain, just like you. that’s why dusk is the one to give birth to dawn.”

dainsleif lets out a small sound between a scoff and laugh. “i still don’t understand why you carry the title of dusk. why not let someone else carry the burden?”

you chuckle and look over to the horizon. “i simply do not wish for someone to suffer as i have.”

“you’re foolish,” he mutters and you hum in reply. he tears his gaze from you and instead looks over to the rising sun in the distance. “why did you choose me that day?”

“you were the only knight who would willingly cross hell before he arrived in heaven.” 

dainsleif furrows his brow in confusion. even after 500 years, you still spoke in riddles he couldn’t decipher without any hints. “i have no desire to go to heaven if you’re not there. my duty will always be bound to the abyss.” 

“like a mentor, like a mentee, still so stubborn to uphold a duty that’s long passed. but even then, you’ve become a fine knight, dainsleif.” you compliment.

“i had a stubborn teacher, but they were the best of the best. the greatest knight in khaenri’ah.” there was a joking air to his response and you let out a chuckle. your hand comes to rest at the back of his head and gently pat it as you both look away from the rising sun.

“well, shall we go back home now?”

© vxnuslogy 2024. do not plagiarize, repost, or translate any of my works without my knowledge or consent in other platforms or websites.

[ancientbygone]

'cause i am a fire,

and you are

[ourserendipity]

A dimly lit room for the lonely two

(Aventurine x memokeeper!fem!reader)

Aventurine's POV

Ah yes, sunlight. Since when did he ever truly felt the embrace of dawn? The warm light promised to him by his sister, by the only one he has left; now vanished under the falling drops of suffering and agony. It had been a long time, years even ever since it all happened; the day of reckoning if you would call it that. Painful as it may be, one could not dwell in the past that much longer, for it will only break the will and soul of man, bit by bit. And in doing so, that also meant for him leaving the place called 'home'; one that used to be surrounded by lush fields accompanied by the joys of his kind, now all but a bygone memory.

Sitting on his lavish couch at the local bar in Penacony, he scans his surroundings; still the same as ever. Not a single thing had changed, so much as he remembers: The blinding lights, endless banquets of mindless entertainment to feed the masses, and most importantly of all: the alcohol. He admits that he doesn't enjoy the taste of it and yet here he is, drinking all of it in full glory as if it's the only sustenance he needs. Strangely enough, he feels as if he's content living this way; roaming planet after planet to collect the debt of those who sold their souls to the IPC for some quick cash, not like he's going to complain or anything. Gambling too is one of the reasons why he still lives to this very day, it's pretty much his whole ordeal at this point: either you go big or you go home, and it seems like he's not backing down on any games any time soon. And one of those games, one that he especially looks forward to playing: is you, a memokeeper. Though to be honest, he's more interested in getting your attention rather than to just simply snoop information about you; he has the connections to do that easily. And what do you know, one thing led to another and now, he's finally close to you; enough for him to engage and to capture you in his silly little games. But to his surprise, it seems that you know him more than he thought you would.

The feeling of being trapped in someone else's fingertips, oh how he remembers; the fear and anxiety it brings to a poor child, and how it teaches them to live by it, hoping to one day get rid of it. But he never did, instead, he'd rather bury it deeper, only to be replaced by his insatiable hunger for thrill. One would think that it's his way to escape his own harsh reality, and truth be told: it is his only way, no other choice would suffice. But somehow, it doesn't feel like what he's used to: it's rather.... soothing, calming even. He couldn't fathom to understand how a mere stranger could do something like this. Perhaps it's your powers that made him feel vulnerable and oh so weak, yet it could also be fate that tied you to him altogether, all for this one fateful encounter. And to him, he wouldn't change it one bit.

And now here he is, dancing with you in this dimly lit room, hands intertwined at each other, bodies a few inches apart. His eyes couldn't get enough of your own; and he never will be satisfied. Your gaze of awe as you lead him in this dance ever so softly, tranced at the murky abyss that he had willingly reopened just for you to see, is something he thought he would ever do, especially to the likes of you. Strange it may be, he couldn't be bothered by it, in fact, he feels lighter now, elated even. He had finally felt the return of daw creep up to skin, sending shivers down to his spine as the two of you spin around, arms that would shortly depart and link back to each other made him feel something; it made him feel that he is something. It felt as if he had his own worth; one that could not compare to the unsurmountable riches of the IPC nor the undeniable powers held by his cornerstone. To him, he would forever cherish this moment, unchanged; even if it meant for him to risk everything he has. For he is like a moth, knowing the dangers of the fiery light and yet achingly yearns for its touch, willing to sacrifice its wings to feel even the tiniest bit of warmth he was never spared his whole life.

But it would seem that all of this would abruptly end; a lie within a dream. The deeper he went to the light, the further he spread his wings to fly farther, only to realize that the light he was chasing was no longer there. Rather, only the shadow remained on its stead, its stature still on the carpeted floor they were both roaming around. After that 'dance' of theirs ended, only did he realize that he was the light all along; all alone in his own little world. This moment would've been everlasting had he not let her be engulfed by his own abyss. Perhaps he should just remain in this dimly lit room for a while, to relish the remaining stains of your shadow he had been looming onto, hoping that he would meet you again, not in this dreamy illusion, but to the reality he wishes to return to; a dimly lit room, just for the lonely two.

(HERE IT IS! SKSJSKKKDKSJAKAUAJWUA I'm sorry it took me a while to finish this, I was still daydreaming about this for like days 😭😭 Anyways, now that I've finished this one, I think I would do an Aventurine x Singer!Fem!reader tho idk if I'll ever do that. If you have any suggestions, feel free to drop some and I'll probably brainrot abt it before fully writing something. ALSO! Thanks for the support y'all 💖💖 I'm still genuinely new to tumblr despite lurking around multiple fandoms silently and honestly, I'm still trying to adjust and to hopefully fully utilize the features tumblr has. So once again, I give y'all my heartfelt thanks for the 100+ notes and to your kindness for reading my brainrot of a work dkjskajaiajaia Love y'all!!)

[blugerine]

I’m just now realizing the geniusness of the dance scene in season 2 and how taking a “comedy” show seriously reveals so many new things about it.

NOTE: I have no idea if Neil Gaiman wrote this scene with the intention of it being interpreted in this way, but I really think it sheds so much light on why Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship seems like it went nowhere but downhill ever since season 1.

I feel like because New Omens is marketed as a “comedy show”, viewers usually go in with the intention not to take things too seriously (except for the more emotional beats that are signaled by somber music and intense acting *cough cough*), but as a result of that, we (or at least, I did) missed out on seeing some scenes differently because we originally wrote it off as “just a silly bit”. I definitely did that during the scene where Crowley performs the “apology dance” in front of Aziraphale because he left him alone to take care of Gabriel. I kept thinking about that scene over and over again in my head because it always seemed much more intentionally childish to me than any other goofy scene we see the husbands get up to in season 2 and even in season 1, and I just realized now a reason why that might be the case.

When Crowley comes back to the shop and has to apologize to Aziraphale, the first words that come out of his mouth are “I’m back”, and both him and Aziraphale know those words aren’t enough for Aziraphale to take him back, so what’s the next best thing? The apology dance! When Crowley initially resists the idea of performing the apology dance, Aziraphale reminds him that he’s done the apology dance numerous times in the past, listing all the specific years over the centuries to really get his point across until Crowley relents. After Crowley begrudgingly finishes the silly dance, the audience share a good laugh, Aziraphale is content enough to accept him back, and the fight they just had all seems so “stupid” now in comparison to the bigger fish they have to fry.

Now, what’s the problem in this scene? Or rather, why is this scene such a big deal in regards to why they broke up at the end of season 2? That’s because it’s, again, another example of how they always DANCE (quite literally) around the actual problems in their relationship that result in them constantly breaking up. And this has been happening for CENTURIES, time and time again, they always default to pushing their problems under the rug, letting bygones be bygones. They believe they’re forgiving and forgetting, but as Aziraphale keeps recounting all the years he’s done the apology dance, it’s very clear that they’ve actually never forgotten any of those previous instances of frustration and words of venom they’ve hurled at each other. Instead, they’ve opted to pretend they’re over it, onto “bigger and better” things to do as a distraction. The only time they start conveniently bringing up past wounds is when they have YET ANOTHER breakup scene.

The dance is performed so childishly because of the childish way they deal with the problems that arise in their relationship. Despite knowing very intricately about the infinite vastness of the universe, of mankind’s greatest strengths and weaknesses, they were not made to view themselves as having human emotions, and they were not trained to make compromises that did not threaten their very existence. Crowley and Aziraphale both started as angels, and Crowley wanted God to compromise with him about keeping the universe around for more years than She had planned. But God doesn’t take suggestions, so Crowley’s angelic status was quite literally burned from him as he was sent down to Hell, which traumatized him greatly, and made Aziraphale exist in fear of the divine punishment that came to those who disobeyed God.

As such, Aziraphale and Crowley have so little understanding of how to compromise in a healthy manner, because the first time one of them tried to do it, it ended terribly for both of them, and they subconsciously vowed never to do it again. That’s why, when one of them wants to apologize, it’s almost like a child’s idea of what one is. There’s no addressing of why Crowley’s so desperate to abandon everything and run away, or why Aziraphale is so adamant on staying, even when it clearly hurts him to do so. There’s NO reasoning or compromise. There’s NO talk other than “I was wrong, you were right”. It’s either your side or my side, or we never see each other again.

Aziracrow represents a very realistic on-and-off relationship, where two broken and codependent individuals cannot compromise for fear of divine punishment or even just fear of losing the one that means the most to them. And their little dance? It’s just one of the many times they’ve tried to ignore their very real and important relationship (and character) issues, and it just continues to rot away their relationship time and time again. It’s like putting a bandaid over an infection, but they’re both immortal and everything’s working against them to actually work on healing that infection from the inside out.

So yeah, the dance scene is fucking brilliant because no one saw that coming until you actually finish season 2 and think back on it. Again, maybe I’m just being delusional reading into a scene that wasn’t a big deal, but if Neil did write it with this intention, then I think the way he disguises meaningful insights into broken relationships, tortured characters, and religious trauma through the use of comedy to be really. fucking genius.

And really sad.

I think I might cry a bit after this actually.

(Also, hello, I still have no idea how to use tumblr 💀)

Edit: Just made a couple clarifications here and there! Also, thank you so much for all the positive reception 😭!!! Reading all your reblogged tags gives me so much serotonin agsjdgs it feels so nice being in this fandom so far ❤️

[koalayoo]

ᴍᴀᴍᴀ ɪ'ᴍ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ

⟡₊˚ wriothesley x gn!reader

⟡₊˚ content: criminal reader, gag worthy fluff, sfw, silly wriothesley (lack of the real world is getting to him)

⟡₊˚ author's note: lost my 50/50 to diluc. i always knew i had a reason to hate that guy. this was supposed to be having a secret relationship with wriothesley but honestly i got off track.

⟡₊˚ based off of: this playlist. without the nsfw part.

The past year had been interesting. Becoming a convicted criminal hadn’t been on your bucket list but that’s exactly what you accomplished. Throwing your entire life away the moment Chief Justice Neuvillete and the Oratrice pronounced you guilty. The theatre went into an uproar, arms in the air and cheers of happiness cutting through the prior tensity in the air. The trials you despised watching had finally happened to you. At least you could finally call yourself a victim of Fontaine’s patronising legal system? Although calling yourself a victim is the most ludicrous thing you could do right now. You were a criminal after all.

But let bygones be bygones right? Nobody in the underworld cared about your past so it was the perfect place to start anew, if only you weren’t being accused of another crime, by the Duke of the Fortress no less.

You stand in front of him and his condescending smirk and can feel your eye start to twitch. “What do you mean I committed another crime, Wriothesley?” You beseech, unsure of whether the lack of fresh air was beginning to make your brain go dumb.

“Exactly what I said,” He replied, as if he wasn’t revealing life altering news. He held your hands and leaned back into his chair, pulling you with him. “You’ve committed a crime… and it’s time you take responsibility.”

Oh?

There was a teasing lilt in his voice there. He’s joking. Definitely. He has to be. Although it was an odd one to make. You two would never joke about this. You and him had developed something akin to a relationship within the last few months. Him hiding extra coupons into your pocket turned into him sneaking you into his office from time to time and sharing short kisses behind boxes or during elevator rides. How a lowly prisoner like you managed to catch the attention of His Grace was surprising but not impossible you learnt.

You raise your brow in question. “So… you’re joking?” You ask, confusion evident in your voice. All he does is chuckle in return.

“Definitely not, darling,” He cooed, pulling you between his legs and bringing your body closer to his. Your faces mere centimetres apart. “For the crime you committed is stealing my heart.” He seals it with a kiss, as if his lips are the gavel calling order to your sentence, bounding your heart to confinement within his greedy arms.

You pull away from the kiss, unshackling yourself from him. You don’t know whether to be endeared by the cheesiness that just ensued or to be relieved you weren’t actually charged with anything so you don't opt for either and just begin to walk away.

Wriothesley’s whines and pleads followed you to the office door.

and this type of love isn't rational, it's physical (me)

[chaobunnyarts]

The last batch of my Azem April twt art! Thank you for looking at my silly little OC's these past few weeks!

As always, prompts and notes under the cut:

21. Elpis - “Familiar” 22. Free Day - Teaching her apprentice how to fly 23. Palette Swap - Trying out some styles inspired by her friends! 24. Akademia - Bygone days 25. Modern - Gachas 26. Familiar - Ten crows bearing ten suns broke free from Pandaemonium and set both land and sky aflame. With nine arrows, Azem shattered nine suns. For her skill and mercy, the crows pledged their loyalty to her. 27. Sundering - She bade her crows to flee and survive, but they refused to let their beloved friend face the end alone. 28. Free Day - Lucky charm 29. Sabik - Ascian AU 30. A New Dawn - Onwards!

[empty-fantasies]

Cherished Dreams

in which commandment wonders if constructs dream—so, why not ask a certain construct who adores resting in the most inconspicuous places?

Character(s) Included: Wanshi

gn!reader/commandment, slight fluff, once again no plot; just merely indulging in random thoughts

An envious sight, really.

Commandment, with their human body which could not escape the grasp of fatigue and ache that accumulated over many missions, could only stare down at the slumbering construct beside them. An envious sight, really, for despite how uncomfortable his position may seem, commandment could only silently mourn for some well needed rest.

A gentle hand threaded through soft curls, curiously and unfamiliar for it was the same hand used to make the decisive move on the field. A tired gaze, having seen tragedy after tragedy, witnessing every rise and every fall of many battles, softened slightly at the slumbering sight of Wanshi. To drift off into dreamland so easily, they thought, a well deserved rest after a long mission.

The construct, though his lethargic nature remained deceptive to many, was always very much aware of his surroundings. Perceptive, like a hawk who never misses his mark. A hand reached up, slowly grasping the human wrist that flinched ever so slightly from his action. A soft stutter in the otherwise steady rhythm pulsated underneath his fingertips, perhaps out of instinct and mere shock though he simply chose not to comment on it. They remained there, however, as he peeled one eye open.

“Wanshi?” Commandment questioned, “How long have you been awake?”

A muffled groan, one merely acknowledging and contemplating whether or not to entertain right at this moment. Since you’ve entered the lounge, wanshi wanted to answer. It was habitual for such a light sleeper like him to be aware of the tiniest of noises that echo from nearby. Though he may have moved if it had been chrome or kamui who walked in. Perhaps luck was on his side today.

“Too long,” he murmured with a yawn.

Commandment could only remain silent as they mulled over their next response, having realized that they may have woken the construct the moment they stepped into the lounge. Truthfully speaking, they were simply pondering a silly question—or, at least one in which they felt was rather out of character for them to entertain given their position. Still, that did not distract them from the icy, metal fingers still wrapped around their wrist (albeit rather loosely). Quickly as they were able to calm their heart down, such a gesture had easily riled their heart for a split second. Nevertheless, they were a bit too slow to humor the strike hawk member.

“You look tired.” An observation that brought back commandment’s earlier thoughts of misery and reminded them of the reason why they chose to sneak into this supposedly empty lounge in the first place.

“That I am,” Commandment sighed out in defeat. There was no use in hiding it, anyway. If it weren’t some passing construct, then it surely would be one of the gray ravens to note how worn down their commandment looks right now. Yet, they would rather not focus on that—a moment of respite like this was rare for them and one that they would love to indulge for as long as time permitted.

“Wanshi,” Commandment began, “do constructs dream?”

Wanshi hummed, pondering the question as he closed his eyes once more. Dreams were rather an abstract thing to constructs. Vivid images that plague the m.i.n.d. one way or another would invade any construct sooner or later. For while their shell is but metal and circuits, they were all still susceptible to the mental fatigue that threatened to swallow every soldier eventually. The question itself reminded him of a time he passed on an old dreamcatcher to Commandment—a sentimental object he treasured once before. a comforting reminder that there will be something there to capture the nightmare-ish images of tragedy and the chaotic memories of bygone days centered in the star of life.

Wanshi opened his eyes. His hand had let go of commandment’s own a while ago. “They do, of course,” he replied bluntly. He shuffled slightly before he pushed himself up to a sitting position. An unusual sensation stirred in his chest, as if mimicking a heavy heart attempting to let go of some deep seeded burden that nearly snapped its wire-like strings. Constructs were shells of metal and circuits; a vessel created with the intent to be a beacon of hope in the fight against the punishing virus.

“But, with you here, I’m afraid that this is all merely one long dream that I’ll wake up from the moment you leave my side.”

Maybe, in the eyes of Wanshi, constructs were silent protectors of their human life. A basin of memories that feed into these so-called dreams that he still cherishes deeply even if he may not be so open to say so himself.

[visceravalentines]

sugar stuck in your teeth

They're grimy and tired and Benson's neck is sore. Randy gives him a shoulder rub and thinks hard about the allure of being a biological organism.

2.5k words. canon divergence, boys on the run. established relationship. implied sexual content, nothing explicit. sweat and oil and general nasty. sharing of a toothbrush. so fluffy i'm spinning it up and putting it on a stick and selling it at a carnival. read on ao3 here if that's more your speed.

They spend a full day on the road. Seven hours across Texas through scrub and sand. Nothing to see. No end in sight. Randy falls asleep in the dead-eyed sun of mid-afternoon and wakes up in the dark, dry air whipping through the car from Benson's window rolled all the way down. 

"Hey." Randy sits up, disoriented, mouth gummy and tasting of bygone Mountain Dew, bladder fit to burst. "Why didn't you wake me up? You've been driving for hours."

"Didn't want to stop." Benson's voice is rough. Randy can read the exhaustion in his posture, the way he grips the wheel with both hands. "Besides, you looked like you could use it."

Randy shifts in his seat. He hasn't slept well all week. "Well…it's my turn now. Let me take over."

"Nah." Benson rolls his neck slowly. "Town's up here in like ten minutes. Figure we stop for the night."

Randy peers through the bug-splattered windshield and sees lights in the near distance. "You wanna find a motel?"

"I'd fucking love a motel. Gimme that lukewarm shower and a box spring mattress. Fucking luxury."

As it turns out, they get none of that. The only place in town has a sign that says Closed and no lights on in the lobby. Doors all locked, despite Benson's best efforts to rattle them open. 

He doesn't say a word, doesn't even curse, just slumps defeated back to the car with Randy in tow. "You want the backseat or the front?"

"Benson, I slept for hours, I can–"

"There's not another town for forty miles and if I spend one more second on that fucking highway I'm gonna peel the skin off my face."

Randy doesn't argue. "I'll take the front."

"You sure?" Benson tosses a weary look at him over his shoulder. He squeezes the back of his neck and winces. 

Randy nods. "Yeah, I'm sure." 

The front sucks. You either have to fold your legs to fit around the steering wheel, or risk nailing the thing with your arm or your head. One time he hit the horn with his knee and scared them both so bad they ended up packing up and driving through the night because neither one could fall back asleep. 

He's had plenty of rest. Benson should get the back. 

They leave the car parked in the rear lot of the motel and pick their way through the scrub in the dark to take a piss, elbow-to-elbow. Randy barely feels self-conscious anymore. At the start he used to walk ten paces away and make Benson turn around. But that seems silly now. Benson's seen and touched every inch of him. This is nothing.

Benson zips up and takes off down the sidewalk with a haphazard sense of purpose. Randy has to jog a little to catch up. Benson holds out his arm and he ducks beneath it, the weight comfortable across his shoulders. By now Randy feels like he belongs there, pinned against his side. 

He reeks. They both do. It's been three, almost four days since they last had a shower, been making do with baby wipes and clean underwear since they left Tennessee. Randy almost can't stand it. Back home, he showered every day, sometimes twice a day if work was rough. Right now, he could scrape the grime off himself with a fingernail. 

He's adjusting to this level of awareness of his own body, like he's just now cognizant of the way his skin fits. It makes him sort of anxious. But he's coping. He doesn't really have a choice. 

And it's funny–Randy doesn't mind Benson's stench at all. He's uncomfortable with his own stink, but he actually thinks Benson smells kind of…good, maybe. In a gross kind of way. It's such a foreign concept that he keeps inhaling a little too deep at this distance just to prove it to himself. 

"What're you doing later?" Benson asks, oblivious. 

Randy clears his throat. "Um…not much." 

"Oh. Huh." Benson squints down the road towards the distant light of a gas station, the only thing in town that looks alive besides the two of them. "Well, how about I take you to dinner?" 

A smile steals its way onto Randy's lips. He hooks his pinkie into Benson's pocket. "That might be nice." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

Benson takes a deep, thoughtful breath. "There's this place…Seven-Eleven?" He casts a dramatic sidelong glance in Randy's direction. "You heard of it?" 

"Yeah, I…I think so." 

"It's just fantastic. The beer list? Unbelievable. And the atmosphere, well…there's really nothing like it." He's talking with his hands, throwing them off balance. Randy stumbles happily along with him. 

"I don't know, um…I've heard they don't have Pringles. Like, the big can. Just the little ones." 

Benson scoffs. "Well, now, don't you worry your pretty little head about that. You can get two of the little ones if you want. It's on me." 

"Wow." 

"I know." 

"That's–that's really generous." 

"Well, you're gonna have to put out." 

Randy coughs out a laugh, looks at his shoes to hide the heat in his face. "Sounds, um…sounds fair." 

"Randy, come on." Benson laughs, gives his shoulder a shake. "You're giving it up for two cans of Pringles? You gotta know your worth, man." 

He'd give it up for less, but that's beside the point. "Maybe toss in some peach rings and we have a deal." 

Benson gives him a squeeze. "Fuck yeah, alright. Now we're talkin'." 

They pick their way through the snack aisles of the gas station, select a few staples they aren't sick of yet. Benson salutes the clerk behind the counter like he's an American hero. They make their way back down the road to the motel in silence save for the crunching of chips and cellophane. 

It's a beautiful night, still warm from the sun, everything orange beneath the sodium streetlights. Not a soul in sight save for them. This town looks like every other one and Randy likes that, likes that it's starting to feel like coming home when they stop for the night in a new place with a single stoplight. 

They lean against the trunk of the Chrysler and pass the Big Gulp back and forth. It's too late for caffeine so they got root beer, extra ice, because Benson likes to fish it out and chew on it. There's too many streetlights to really see the stars, but that doesn't stop Randy from trying. He sucks the sour off a peach ring and feels a little bit nauseous and a lot filthy and an overall, bone-deep sense of contentment. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Benson twist his head, trying to roll out his neck again. It's not the sharp jerk of his familiar tic, not quite, but it makes Randy nervous. He's been doing it all night. He wonders if it was something he said, something he did. He still doesn't know what exactly he's trying to shrug off every time, but he knows enough to tread that ground lightly.

"You okay?" he asks, tries to make it casual. He swallows the peach ring whole and has to fight it all the way down his esophagus. 

"Yeah." Benson nods, winces slightly. "Yeah. Just sore." He grips the back of his neck and stretches, lips hitched in a grimace. 

Randy can imagine. Slumped in a car days on end, cracking the damn thing all the time. He sets the Big Gulp on the trunk, thinks, hesitates. Commits. 

"Would you, um…would you want me to rub it out for you?" 

Benson looks at him warily as he considers the offer. He's slow to answer, but Randy is patient. Doesn't push it. Lets him think about it. 

Finally he nods. "Sure. Why not." 

Randy clambers up on the trunk and sits behind him. Benson leans back between his legs, rests his elbows on Randy's knees, hangs his head forward. The space between them is awkward all of the sudden. Too close, not close enough. Too many clothes on. Too much skin exposed. 

Randy is nervous and he's not sure why. He thinks fleetingly of their first time, his first time, and the way Benson's hands hovered an inch over his skin and shook a little bit. This isn't that, but it feels kind of the same. "You can…tell me to stop if you want. Whatever you want. It's okay." 

"How about you start and then we'll see." 

Randy brushes the curls at the base of Benson's neck hesitantly with his thumb before he wraps his hand around the muscle of his shoulder, gives an experimental squeeze. "Right…there?" 

"Higher." 

He moves his hand up and tries again. "There?" 

Benson hisses through his teeth, cringes. "Yeah. Fuck." 

Randy sets his hands on either side of his neck and squeezes gently. 

"Yeah. Right there."

Benson's all tension beneath the skin, stiff and warm under his cold fingers. Randy thinks about the color of his muscles, the white of bone underneath them. He's pretty sure he's never touched anyone like this before, not even Benson, not like this. Not friendly or sexual, just…intimate. 

"If you want me to stop, just–just say so, okay?" 

Benson grunts an affirmative. His skin is oily and his muscles are taut as bowstrings, so riddled with knots it feels like buckshot lodged in his flesh. Randy presses his thumbs in deep and pushes up along his spine, again and again, feels a flush of satisfaction as Benson melts back against the car. 

"Fuck," he moans. 

"Hurts?" 

"Yeah. Don't stop." 

Randy's nothing if not good at taking orders. He falls into a rhythm, slow and steady, works over his neck and shoulders and back again. Benson swears up a storm and lets out a low whimper whenever he hits a sore spot. 

"Sorry," Randy murmurs every time. 

Benson never replies, but that's okay. He doesn't tell him to stop either.

At first his hands are balled into fists against Randy's knees, but after a while they go slack. He relaxes, finally, allows Randy and the car to support his weight. It's a selfish thought, but Randy hopes he's the first person to do this for him, or at least the first in a long, long time. Benson doesn't have a lot of firsts left. He wants this one. 

Before long, his hands are cramping and he worries he's going to rub his neck raw but doesn't want to stop touching him, doesn't want to forfeit this new familiarity with his body. So he eases up, cheats a little bit, combs his fingers through his greasy hair and scratches at his scalp. It makes his chest feel tight, the way Benson leans into his touch with his eyes closed and groans under his breath. 

When he finally pulls away, Randy tries to subdue his disappointment, until he turns around and reaches up to hook a hand behind Randy's head. 

"C'mere," Benson mumbles, tugging him close and meeting him halfway for a kiss that tastes like peach rings and root beer. Randy grips his forearm and for a second, in his mind's eye, everything drops out and disappears into the void, save for them and the car and the stars. 

When he breaks the kiss Benson doesn't let him go, holds him in place with their foreheads pressed together. Neither of them speak. Randy focuses so hard on Benson's breathing he forgets to breathe himself. There are words, but they creep by in silence like animals in the dark. 

"We still got water in the back?" Benson says at last. 

"Mmhm." 

"I'm gonna brush my teeth. Change into my jammies." His jammies are a pair of basketball shorts made of more holes than fabric. 

"Okay," Randy says. 

Neither one of them moves. The crickets chat amongst themselves in the brush. 

"You still want the front?" Benson asks. 

"Sure." 

"Thanks." 

"No problem." 

Benson sighs softly through his nose. He lets go of him and steps back, shuffles from one foot to the other and stares at Randy for a long time, hair sticking up in all directions. Finally he goes to dig through the backseat for the water jug. 

"Looks like a bunch of fuckin' raccoons live in here," he mutters. 

Randy chuckles, looks at his hands palm-up on his lap. He's got Benson's skin beneath his nails, his sweat and oil worked into the whorls of his fingerprints. He's never been so close to another person. Spent his whole life maintaining a safe distance from everyone around him, treating his body like a blast zone. Now the idea of distance is laughable. They share everything but toothbrushes. Hell, he's been inside him. Randy always figured he would never reach that level of connection with anybody. 

He brings his hand to his face and hesitates for just a second before he sticks his thumb in his mouth. The salt of Benson's sweat is familiar on his tongue. He tastes his skin on his skin. He knows him. He knows him. And Benson knows him right back. 

He's craved this sort of intimacy his whole life. Laid awake alone countless nights and ached for it, mourned bitterly for what he never had and assumed he never would. But now he lies awake with Benson beside him and basks in how wrong he was. In how real he feels in his arms, wearing a second skin of grit and spit and whatever else. 

He doesn't want to sleep in the front. 

Randy twists to call over his shoulder. "Hey…um, Benson?" 

"Yeah?" he says around his toothbrush. 

"You think we could…both fit in the back?" 

Benson spits on the asphalt. "No." 

"Well…could we try?" 

Benson snorts. "Fuckin' clingy, huh?" he says, but he sounds amused. Randy feels those dark eyes appraising him like a pair of hands fumbling at his clothes. He tugs absentmindedly at the collar of his shirt. Well, Benson's shirt. "Yeah. We can try." 

Randy hops off the trunk and joins him in the evening routine, bumping shoulders, bumping elbows, their voices small and close in the night. 

"Gonna sweat to death together back there," Benson says. 

"That's okay." 

"If you say so. Think I might skip the jammies. That cool?" 

"That's–that's fine, yeah. That's good. Hey…is that my toothbrush?" 

"No, yours is green."

"That is green." 

"No it's not." 

"Yes it is, the light makes it look weird." 

Benson looks at the thing again. "Oh. Whoops. Does it really matter?"

Randy gives this serious consideration, thinks about his mouth and everywhere it's been. Thinks about the state of the rest of him. Thinks about pressing his body to Benson's in the backseat, sticky with sweat, breath on his neck. 

He wants to say yes, it matters, but he doesn't feel it. He tastes salt on his tongue instead.

"I guess not," he shrugs.

Benson hands it to him. 

"Your turn, then."