#buuuut I have exams

[verycluelesscreature]

Eeeeeeeeeee, hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!

[silostosstuff]

I made a playlist

[orcelito]

My brain is. Goop. Running at about quarter speed right now. It's a little bit embarrassing, actually.

[lvndrdaaze]

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHÆÆÆ

The Diluc fic you just made was Soo ✊✊🔛🔝🔝

🔥🔥🔥

What I meant by 'spoil' I meant like like like shopping cuddling and shit like that but THISSS this is even BETTEEERR

And, as promised (WOMAN OF MY WORD)

When marimba rhythms start to playDance with me, make me swayLike a lazy ocean hugs the shoreHold me close, sway me moreLike a flower bending in the breezeBend with me, sway with easeWhen we dance, you have a way with meStay with me, sway with meOther dancers may be on the floorDear, but my eyes will see only youOnly you have that magic techniqueWhen we sway, I go weakI can hear the sounds of violinsLong before it beginsMake me thrill as only you know howSway me smooth, sway me nowOther dancers may be on the floorDear, but my eyes will see only youOnly you have that magic techniqueWhen we sway, I go weakI can hear the sounds of violinsLong before it beginsMake me thrill as only you know howSway me smooth, sway me nowWhen marimba rhythms start to playDance with me, make me swayLike a lazy ocean hugs the shoreHold me close, sway me moreLike a flower bending in the breezeBend with me, sway with easeWhen we dance you have a way with meStay with me, sway with meWhen marimbas start to playHold me close, make me swayLike a lazy ocean hugs the shoreHold me close, sway me moreLike a flower bending in the breezeBend with me, sway with easeWhen we dance, you have a way with meStay with me, sway with me

—🎼🎶🎵 ANON

agdjahshsj I'm so sorry, my brain has been turned to slush by smut fics and I thought you wanted smth smutty 😭😭 I'm so glad you liked it though!! if you'd like smth fluffy for Diluc I'll write it when I'm finished with the request I'm working on at the moment... 😈

I've also been considering writing a fluffy prompts list for ppl to request from... who knows when I'll get around to that though sjahdksjs

[pinkpeccary]

well if it isn't the consequences of my actions

[moths-daily]

We're back!

hi everyone :-) so our break ended up being longer than anticipated, and i apologise for that, but we are back! I'm still finishing exams, so I don't have the time to do moth of the day, buuuut we shall compromise, and for (indefinite amount of time) i will be doing moth of the week!

thank you to everyone who sent encouraging messages :-)

[suhnshinehaos]

yikes! | nct 96z roomies

synopsis : the one where your ex makes an appearance and your roomies have some... choice words pairing : nct96z [ tn, kn, dy ] x gn!reader genre/s : university + roommates au, fluff, one-shot smau contains : swearing, a cheating, asshole ex

read more nct 96z roomies ! date gone wrong / hoodie thieves / exam week pickup

from reese, with love <3

okay it's getting late here buuuut i missed my nct roomies and this idea crossed my brain hahaha thank you for reading ! as always i'd love to know what you think- all your replies/asks/rbs are much appreciated ! hope you're all doing well and taking care <3

[princess-glassred]

This is probably one of the weirder IT ideas i've ever pitched but here:

Imagine all the losers are having a sleep over and they start talking about how much of a dick Henry is and how it'd be nice if they could get some kind of payback for all his misdeeds. So then everyone starts having these very elaborate fantasies of over the top revenge that fits their personalities/personal experience with him. They're all very silly and some are even quite cruel, but they're all in good fun and genuine healthy outlets for kids who have been bullied by him all year round.

Bill's is quite simple, he pulls up on Silver when Henry is in desperate need for a ride home and Bill, the kindly dude he is, offers his bully a ride. He also very gently tells Henry rider safety is top priority, so he hands him a helmet that is unfortunately very very girly (it's purple with sparkley flowers on it~). Henry gets on expecting a fairly gentle ride, but Bill is nuts and silver just happens to be the best damn bike in the world, so they proceed to have a ride of comically dangerous proportions. It's like they're in irl happy wheels, Bill is riding over spike pits, leaping through the air, rolling upside down, all while Henry screams like a little bitch and cries for his daddy.

Richie's is pretty great, his idea happens to take place at the dentist office where his father works. Henry's in here for his first check up in I don't know how long, but Richie comes in to inform him that Mr. Tozier just so happens to be out, BUUUUT he's seen his dad work on other peoples teeth before, so he's sure he can do an okay enough job. Richie turns on this little stereo his dad keeps in his office and starts playing weird al's "like a surgeon". He then proceeds to run around the room like Patrick bateman before doing an invasive and somewhat humiliating check up on his mouth. He brutally insults his teeth and informs him he will need braces and head gear, and not just any head gear either but "The dorkiest, biggest, stupidest, ugliest head gear ever made by human hands" and he HAS to wear it 24/7. But that's not all! Richie also informs him that he's very multitalented, not only is he an impressionist and not only is he a good dentist, but he's also a junior optometrist, so he can give him a good old eye exam. Turns out his eye sight is even worse than his teeth though, and the only obvious solution is to give Henry big ass coke bottle glasses. One painful dental exam later and Henry looks like a bigger dork than Richie ever did. :)

Mike is not a very vengeful person, so he's not super into the idea of humiliating Henry, however, he does like the idea of getting a one up on him a little. His revenge fantasy is really just the concept of Henry working for him. Mike's got a successful farm and Henry comes to him groveling as his little scrappy farmhand like "Mr. Hanlon, sir, my back hurts, may i please, perhaps, possibly, maybe, if it doesn't inconvenience you, take a break?😔" and Mike just shooes him back to work. Then, because he knows Henry is such a good little worker he hands him the bolt gun and tells him to crawl into one of the pens and kill one of heir massive hogs. When Henry shows hesitance because these hogs are lowkey terrifying, Mike shrugs it off with a little "Now Henry, you're a big boy, you can handle it." and then PUSHES him into it like how he pushed him down that well. He cannot, in fact, handle it, because the moment Mike turns his back Henry starts screaming for dear mercy while Mike doesn't give a single flying fuck.

Eddie's fantasy is quite similar to Richie's but it takes place in a doctors office and i imagine it's all black and white like a 1950's b movie. Henry comes in claiming to be suffering from some awful unknown disease that nobody but Eddie could possibly help him with. Eddie cackles like a mad scientist and calls in nurse Richie to help him do the phsyical check up. They do a very thorough examination that includes giving him like 20 different shots of "medicine" that's really just water. He then diagnosis Henry with an awful, terrible, absolutely terminal case of "I'matotaldouche-osis". The symptoms include "Bad hygiene, ugly hair, and being totally insufferable every day of your life.". There's sadly only one cure for this fatal disease, complete amputation, they'll have to amputate his legs, his arms, his ears, and possibly even his waste (Eddie's doesn't really know how he'll do that, but i'm sure he'll figure it out through trial and error). Cue the comically large buzz saw.

Stan's revenge starts out with him bird watching as per usual, when he spots an ultra rare breed of bird; the mullethaired prick, native only to Derry and commonly found in flocks of other species of prick. How wonderful. Unfortunately though it IS an invasive species, so Stan must take it out humanely. He shoots a blow dart at "it" which instantly paralyzes Henry, but of course the revenge is not quite over yet. Stan takes Henry's body and paints him grey with some very quick drying paint, then plops him right ontop of a new fountain for his bird buddies. He even poses him all mean and tough looking like he did before. All his bird buddies really like it, especially the pigeons, who think he makes a great bathroom. That's what we really need as a society, less bullies, more birdbaths, right?

Bev just thinks it would be nice if Henry could walk a mile in her shoes, so her revenge does just that. Henry shows up to school in like a blouse, a pencil skirt, and heels while Bev's dressed in stereotypically masculine clothes. She catcalls him, insists he's only dressing that way for attention, makes a bunch of comments on his appearance that makes him uncomfortable, lots of stereotypical sexism. Eventually he snaps and tells her he is not interested, but when he tries to leave she literally attacks him with a sling shot. Of course everyone acts like HENRY'S the freak in this situation, even though he politely told her no multiple times and she attacked him with a fucking slingshot. Anytime Henry tries to point out the fact Bev literally shot rocks at him everyone's like "well why'd you wear a blouse today if you didn't wanna get hit on? Sounds like some one was being a prude". Doesn't it just suck to be demeaned based on how you dress Henry? And doesn't it just suck not to be believed when somenone of the opposite gender attacks you? And doesn't it just suck when you get called a whore or a prude even though you KNOW you didn't do anything? Doesn't it?

Ben's idea of revenge is straight out of a stephen king story, literally, he just feeds Henry the pie from thinner. He uses his intellect and knowledge of Derry's history to find where he can get his hands on the coveted pie, and then the next time he sees Henry he makes sure to tease him with it. "Oh hey Henry, i was just sitting outside getting ready to eat this entire pie by myself because i'm such a disgusting fat tub of lard. I sure do hope you don't eat it in front of me because, you know, foods about the only thing I have going for me. My fat ass would just hate to see you eat it instead of me.". So obviously Henry eats it, and as everyone who has read or watched thinner would know, he begins to lose weight rapidly until he's practically just skin and bones. Henry is so weak and frail he can't eveb bully people anymore, he can barely even stand to be honest. This continues until Henry passes out mid lunch and falls face first into his mashed potatos.

At some point during each one of these little fantasies Henry takes a moment to ask "Wait, are you doing this to me being i'm a sexist, lying, racist, antisemetic, homophobic, hypocrotical bigot?" and without fail every member of the losers club would always respond with a very enthusiastic "Yep!!".

[crusty-chronicles]

hi!! i hope you're doing well!! i was hoping if you could write an (platonic) airhead headcanon for gon from hxh?? you dont have to if youre not comfortable w writing it!

i really enjoy reading your works and i hope you have a lovely day!!!

Ah yes, another chaotic crack fic coming up.

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Gon (HxH)

For starters, there is not a single thought to be had between the two of you

Heads empty with static

You tripped and fell?

He's stumbling on your body and toppling over.

Gon got stung by a bee?

You're fighting the entire hive, only to end up having the worst allergic reaction of your life.

You wanna play in the rain without a jacket?

The both of you end up with colds the next day.

Gon can't do math and you can't read or write, so it balances out.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Poor Killua is the one who has to put up with both of you

"No Y/n. Eating a glow stick will not make you radioactive and shiny." "No Gon. You can't bake a cookie in one minute just because you set the oven to 1500 degrees."

His two best friends are complete idiots and he can't do anything about it.

But on the bright side, you and Gon are endless entertainment.

You most likely met during the Hunter's Exam.

He and Killua were surprised to see another kid taking the exam, especially one that was keeping up just as well

Leading Gon to ask his famous icebreaker question.

"Why do you wanna become a hunter?"

And immediately your face scrunched up in confusion.

"A what? I thought we were all playing a game."

"But you had to fill out an application." Killua pointed out, very suspicious of your answer.

"Really? Cuz I just snuck in."

Both boys leave it at that because #1, a new friend. And #2 you've got to be really skilled to make it this far.

Also keeps you far away from Hisoka

Like he legit fears for your life and will not let you fight him.

He's seen that clown up close and personal and doesn't want you to get hurt or, knowing hisoka, worse.

"Hisoka gave me a lollipop and told me to meet him outside."

"SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!"

Now while Gon's ditzy, he's nowhere near as clueless as you.

You're lactose intolerant?

Then why are you downing cheese sticks like you're never gonna eat again?

I'm sorry? You're allergic to shellfish?????

WHY ARE STILL EATING GNAWING ON A CRAB LEG!?!? STOP YOUR FACE IS TURNING RED!!!!

Please stop jumping into lakes to catch fish. 🥺 

You're gonna get sick and Gon wants to show you how to fish 

There is no babying

You ARE the babies.

Buuuut, Gon will mother hen you after every fight because you're ten times as reckless as him.

You got stabbed once during a fight, and instead of moving back, you pushed yourself further into the blade just to punch your attacker.

Which resulted in a huge lecture from Killua while Gon tried to stop the bleeding.

"If I see a light, should I go towards it?"

"NO!"

Tbh Gon really doesn't have any nicknames for his friends. At most he'll just introduce you as one of his best friends.

He doesn't have it in him to be mean spirited towards you like a certain assassin. 

Has a habit of encouraging your bad ideas instead of shutting them down.

Make no mistake, he knows they're awful ideas, but you're trying.

And Aunt Mito says it's the effort that counts.

Speaking of Mito 👀👀👀

She adores you

Surprisingly, you're very helpful in the kitchen.

Just not around knives, which she realized after you sliced through the cutting board.

She also likes how responsible you make Gon.

He's more observant and careful when you're around.

To put it simply, he loves you and Killua with his whole heart.

Two of the most important people he'd do just about anything for.

MASTERLIST

[telleroftime]

King of the Koopas ||| Bowser x Reader

Headcanons

———————————————

Some fluffy headcanons for Bowser inspired by his character model in the new Super Mario movie. (Because I paid a bit too much attention to him when I first watched it).

Pairing: Bowser x Gender Neutral ! Reader

Relationship: Romantic

Tone: Fluff

Warnings: Spoilers for the movie if you count description of Bowser's character model as a spoiler. There's nothing beyond that.

Bowser Masterlist

A/N: I may have one group project and one coursework due this week, alongside a seminar on Monday and an exam on Tuesday - buuuut my love for Bowser prevails.

———————————————

Bowser has multiple small scars all over his body - from his legs to his arms - all from his previous battles and any other accidents he's been in. Notably, there are a couple of small marks near the right edge of his jaw. They're mostly unnoticeable, however there is a pale shine when they catch the light, especially firelight and any hot glow emanating from the falling streams of lava.

Bowser had forgotten about them. To him, they are just one of the many cuts and bruises he's gained from fighting. They're just insignificant parts of his body. Not only that, he wouldn't see them often unless he was to look into a reflective surface, which realistically he wouldn't do that commonly unless he needs to boost his confidence and pep talk himself.

But, once you notice, you won't forget.

He wouldn't know how to react when you kiss him there.

At first, he wouldn't assume much of it. A kiss is a kiss and he will take anything he can get from you with how touch-starved he is. From your gentle caresses to your undivided attention. He'd revel in the way you tilt and angel his face, and will get all flustered and smitten and every other love related word.

However, even through his heart-eyes, he would take note of you kissing that one spot if you chose to make it a habit. It would take a while, but he would pick up on it and he'd eventually ask why you choose to kiss that spot every time, only to be surprised when he finds out it's all because he has scars there.

He would completely melt if you were to kiss any other scar on his body, especially any on his arms where he can see you.

Tough-guy who? Not Bowser. Not when he's with you.

And there would be no poker-face. He's bad enough at masking his emotions as is. If you were to look up at his face, you would see him grinning like a lovestruck teenager.

Oh, and speaking of shiny and reflective things: his scales reflect light. A lot.

The ombre of green scales on his shoulders have an almost iridescent sheen to them. They reflect the environment very well, glowing golden in the firelight and purple in the night sky. Some of the scales are glossier than others, and there's a pattern of mismatched reflectiveness.

And sometimes the scales look like scattered stars around his body.

Because of their position, it would be another aspect of himself Bowser doesn't really pay attention to. Not only are they just like any other scales to him, and he has plenty of those, but he wouldn't pay much attention to the appearance of his shoulders and neck. I doubt it would even be something his eyes flicker to when looking at himself in the mirror.

Which is why you mentioning them would throw him completely off course.

His eyes would be wide, and he'd do his best to look at the scales on his shoulders, angling his head to see what you see. He wouldn't understand why you find them so interesting, and would be too stunned to fully take in your explanations if you chose to compliment him.

You find his scales fascinating? But they're just scales... And you say they shine like stars? But diamonds can do the same thing...

He wouldn't understand at first, until he realises you like them because they're beautiful in your eyes and they're a part of him.

And then cue the tail wagging, because he would be the giddiest Koopa in his entire kingdom.

And another thing - if him lacking a pokerface wasn't obvious enough - his eyes glow with his emotions. Though it's mainly visible with ones of wrath and anger, they do glow. And there are stages to it. They go from his normal crimson coloured eyes and carefully climb up levels of brightness. They become a copper orange and increase in saturation to mimic the tones of molten rock.

It's almost like he takes the phrase 'seeing red' literally.

It's that glow that lets you know whether your attempts to calm him down work. If you coo at him, gently stroking and patting his arms to place him back in reality, you'd know of its effectiveness almost immediately. If it works, that dangerous glow would sizzle out, and he'd look at you with the most endearing eyes, completely forgetting what made him so angry.

There'd still be smoke puffing out of his nose, but the absence of the glow would tell you that he sees you, and that he's in control of himself.

If your attempts to calm him down don't work, you'd know to give him some space and wait patiently for him to calm himself down. He would, eventually, and he'd come straight to you.

It's also what lets you know if something you said upset him. Not like he'd ever direct his anger at you, though. It's always good to know.

———————————————

Bowser Masterlist

[miss-ery-3]

ughhhh, i don't want my blog to turn into some kind of relationship-crybaby-blog, but i do have a lot to think about atm

i dont really have anyone to talk with about this. all my friends are in happy relationships and dont really seem to take any other stance than "you cannot break up" and that just really isnt helping me

buuuut, if you aren't interested in my personal (non-ed) issues, just scroll on<333 no hard feelings

so, for now, i'll just type this into space and hopefully get some kind of catharsis i guess

it's currently 1 am and i am in my childhood bedroom and i can't sleep. my head feels like it is fucking spinning. every thought in my head is "why do i feel like this? if i feel this bad should i just stay with him? but do i actually feel in love with him anymore? it's not fair to continue being with him, if i don't actually want to. would i miss him? would i regret it?" and then just in a big ol' loop

mixed with thoughts of my friend i talked to all of friday night. his face has popped up in my head constantly since i went home at 7 am from being with him all night. i feel fucking butterflies in my stomach, and get all giggly, and i want to say his name out loud for some strange reason - until i think about what these fucking butterflies mean and then i feel sick to my stomach and want to throw up. every butterfly i feel is like taking a step away from my bf, and i literally cannot control it

i feel like an absolutely horrible person, fuckk,brnfjkgnkmrf

'cause i also keep thinking about all the things my bf have done that hurt me (i guess, to make myself feel better?? but it makes me feel a whole lot fucking worse. both because i feel like a horrible person, and because he's made me fucking sad a lot of times)

like this summer, i got my bachelors degree (a fucking big thing for me - and he knew that), and he knew that i would have my last exam in, like, the end of june. i gave him the date as soon as i could (maybe two/three weeks ahead) and then like a week before i graduate, he remembers that he has plans with his 5 best friends to go drinking

and guess what

he chooses to go drinking with his friends. he celebrates me for like... 1 hour, 2 hours max. as soon as my friends arrived he was like "oops gotta go drinking with my friends that i can see all the time. no time to celebrate my girlfriend getting her bachelors degree, although she will never ever have a day like this again. no no, gotta go get shitfaced. and i am actually not going to apologize"

also at my last birthday, i celebrated it at my parents house for most of the day, and then went home in the evening (like after dinner) to go get drinks with my friends. we had planned that he would come home to my parents with me the day before, and then we could wake up together on my birthday and he could be with me and celebrate and stuff

3 days before my birthday, he says he doesn't want to go with me to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday, because he has to read for school (it was in a holiday as well, he didn't have school for days). the weekend before my birthday he chose to go drinking with his friends (i was ofc not invited) and couldnt get out of bed for days, but whenever my birthday rolled around he had to be an A fucking student. so he cancels and then we only see each other for the last, like, 4 hours of my birthday, with all of my friends and some family - and then he got annoyed with me for getting sad

he talks over me, he interrupts me and then never asks me what i was saying, he ignores me every time he picks up his phone, he always prioritizes friends, family, work and school over me, he's really good at making me feel small (not in the good way) and stupid. he corrects almost everything i say, also stuff that i dont say, but that he just want to "clear up". he drops plans w me so easily, to be with his friends and he almost never invites me. he insists on touching my belly although i've told him it makes me very uncomfortable, and then gets annoyed when i remove his hand - because 'he likes touching it, and i shouldnt feel bad about my belly'. he often ignores my text messages if he doesnt feel like they matter to him. when i ran my first 10K he ran 11K the next day to show off (he did apologize, but i still cant believe he actually did that shit). whenever ive met his friends and family, they are better at including me in the conversation than he is: he will leave me alone with people i barely know, to go do something else (and he knows that i have some social anxiety). he gets annoyed with me over things that he believes i do on purpose, but i dont (e.g. wake up later than him?? go pee before i make coffee for us?? when i forget socks when i sleep over, and ask to borrow some of his? same w phone charger and other stuff. and he usually ends up with saying "omg its just a joke" but i can feel that it isnt. otherwise he wouldve stopped doing it). sometimes he makes jokes at my expense or is just plain rude, and when i tell him to stop, he will tell me to grow up and accept a joke, and whenever i say he makes me uncomfortable/annoyed he says "i cant take that seriously" or "thats the fun part". he is horrible at picking up after himself, and will get annoyed with me if i do it for him (i cant stand mess, and he knows this.) he wont do the dishes for days on end in HIS OWN apartment, so whenever i come to visit, i usually end up doing them, cause i cant stand mess. and he ALWAYS comes out when theres like 1 spoon left and is like 'oh gosh nooo sweety, you shouldn't have done all that.. awww.. nooo, now i feel bad.. *hug, kiss* oh well' and then go back to laying on the couch).......

ofc he also has good sides, but now that i've mentioned all the crap i have a hard fucking time remembering it. but i know that he does. he gives good hugs, he can give great advice, he usually doesnt judge the stupid things i do. he knows my quirks and he likes cooking me food. he hates rubbing my back, and will get annoyed if i ask him, but he is good at it. he has nice eyes and a cute smile. he knows a lot about the things im interested in (but usually shows off his knowledge in a know-it-all kinda way). hes creative and has good music taste

ugh, i am so sorry for this long ass rant, but i just needed to get this off my chest... if anyone actually read all this, and has some advice or... anything... feel free to send a message or a reply or something idk

i feel horrible

[kiwiivsol]

HIIIIII I've been busy with some exams and student stuff. Buuuut here's a little drawing of my boy Henry :3 Why is he with a phone? I don't know, don't ask, just enjoy it

Template made by: @jimothy-hopkins B)

Some facts about this horrible specimen

He is a serious and introverted person, he doesn't know how to socialize so he doesn't have many friends. He has no filters when he speaks, so many people don't like him very much.

Most cliques don't have much respect for him (and he doesn't have much respect for other cliques either).

Nerds are afraid of him, he doesn't bully them directly but he does intimidate or scare them. (Is that understood?) He is a little disgusted by most nerds, he only tolerates them because his sister is there.

He usually hangs out with Bryce and Chad, sometimes with Parker. He usually listens to them because he never knows what to talk about.

He has a talent with musical instruments, although he doesn't consider it that way, He spends his money on all kinds of curious instruments. His room is full of rare instruments that you probably didn't know existed.

He hates being the center of attention and crowds, but when he is playing he feels like he disconnects from the world. That is why he often participates in the ceremonies or musical events organized by Mrs. Peters.

He's terrible at art, but he tries. Mrs. Phillip really tries to support him (The reason he doesn't fail art is because Mrs. Phillip feels bad for him and because he really tries to improve)

For some strange reason he doesn't like Jimmy, Pete and Gary. He says he doesn't really know why but he doesn't like them.

[thatgoblin]

~::~ Summary: After a drunken night with a man name John, Reader finds herself in a position they had never thought they would be in. ~::~ Fem!Reader, 1st POV.

[WARNINGS: Brief pelvic exam, swearing, grief, sibling death, family issues, vague speak of abortion, cursing, unplanned pregnancy, vague-ish descriptions of drunk sex]

::AN-This is just part one of the series, I'll go through the whole pregnancy and maybe after. Enjoy!::

Tequila was always responsible for my mistakes. I should have kept my promise of never having more than one shot, but that quickly went out the window when I bumped into him. He was tall and handsome and smelled of scotch and tobacco. I was pretty sure I complimented his mutton chops and that’s how it started. A few beers and more than a couple of shots later, I was pressed against his door as we kissed like drunk college students during Rush Week. Eventually we made it into his house with giggles and drunk stumbling, at least getting to his bed before the main event. 

I was going to have beard burn by the end, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that I was half undressed as the man ate me out like he’d been starving for it. While I don’t remember every single detail, the broad strokes of the night were there, I knew I had had a good time at least. It probably wasn’t the olympic level of sex I thought it was at the time, it was still pretty good. The next morning, he made me coffee, told me his name was John and if I ever wanted to have another fun night again to give him a call.

“So, why haven’t you called him?” My friend Jesse asked as we sat at a table in a cafe, once I'd finished telling him about John. I had called him and asked for some adult talk because holy shit did I need it. 

“Because I honestly forgot, but now I really do need to call him buuuut I lost his number,” I said. 

“Oh no, did you get the clap?” He asked, shirking away.

“Worse,” I groaned, leaning back in my seat. 

“Ew, herpes?” He asked, scrunching his face up.

“Even worse,” I said, putting a hand to my belly. “A lot more noticeable than herpes in the next few months.” 

“Oh. . . Oh shit,” he said, raising his brows. “I mean, are you sure it’s his?”

“I’ve only slept with one person in the last four months thanks to my ex, so yeah, I’m sure it’s John’s,” I grumbled. I knew that would be everyone's question, probably even John's, but it still didn't feel great to hear.

“Sorry, just checking,” he said, holding up his hands. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. It’s. . . It’s still early and it’s not like he HAS to know as I’m not sure I want to keep it,” I said, poking my sponge cake with a fork. “I don’t even want kids. I never planned on it, not even with Paul and he was my longest relationship.”

“Oh Paul,” Jesse said wistfully. “It’s all his fault that this happened. If he hadn’t cheated on you so many times, then you wouldn’t have been looking for a rebound.”

“Well the tequila didn’t help either,” I snorted. “Doesn’t make a difference. I’ve still got to make a decision and it’s getting close to the deadline for the permanent one.”

“Have you gone to a doctor yet?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, right after I took the pee test at home. I wanted to make sure so I didn’t panic over nothing,” I said. “They said I’m about 7 weeks along. I didn’t want to do any tests other than the blood lab, and since I could give them the date of my last encounter, they were able to figure it out from there.”

“Man, that’s wild. Have you told anyone else? Your family?”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I choked out as I sat up. “They will never know if I can help it. No matter the outcome, they are not in my life for a reason.”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic?”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic. Damn right,” I huffed. It had been so long since I’d had any contact with my family. My parents were still back in Inverness for all I knew and my older brother was somewhere with the military. Last I had heard was that he’d made it to Sergeant in SAS and that was because I had run into an old friend from school. It had felt so sad to find out through gossip essentially. Someone I had been so close to growing up was now a complete stranger.

“So, if you keep it, can I be the Daddy?” Jesse asked with a grin.

“Jesse, you can barely keep your rabbit alive, I’m not letting you parent my fake plants let alone anything that comes out of me,” I groaned, shifting to sit up.

“Hey, Sassafras is doing amazing and he’s even getting a brother soon. Don’t be bad mouthing my babies,” Jesse pouted. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, rubbing my face. “I shouldn’t be taking the stress out on you. That’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

“Those hormones are messing you up, BAD,” he said. 

“Yeah, they are. I don’t get sick at least, but the mood swings are giving even ME whiplash." I was silent for a moment, contemplating the possibility of telling John. The good, the bad, and the more than likely to happen heart break if I made an attempt to have something outside of our one night stand. 

Paul had done a number on me. We’d been together since secondary school on and off, but the last four years we had become so close and in tune with each other. We could tell when the other needed something without saying anything and were genuinely happy where we were. I had been at least. It turns out he’d been fucking some hen from his work the entire time and had gotten her pregnant. When that happened, a switch had flipped and I didn’t know the man anymore. He moved out when I had gone to work one day, leaving me in a lurch with rent and a place that I had so many happy memories with him in. 

"Maybe it’s better if I just don’t tell him,” I said softly, shaking my head. “I mean, we could be really bad together. All I know is that he’s in the military and is never around. If I wanna raise anything, I want my partner to be there with me and I already hate being alone. I’d probably lose my mind if it was just me and it on our own. Besides, he probably doesn’t want something like this. Otherwise he’d have it by now.” The man was good looking, funny, and with a military career, he could have married someone and had kids with them by now. 

“True, but what if you guys work really well together?” 

I went quiet, trying not to let a fantasy of me and John form. Paul proved that it doesn’t matter how long you were with someone or how close you got, they will still break your heart when you least expect it and act like it was nothing. 

“Don’t let him ruin your future, Boo,” Jesse said, reaching over to take my hand. “He’s taken enough from you. There’s no reason to let him have more.”

“I know,” I said softly, squeezing his hand. “I just wish I knew what to do. If someone could tell me for sure if me and John would work out or not, that would be amazing.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I left my crystal ball at home,” he said, letting go. “But maybe give it a try. At least you can say you gave it a go.”

“Yeah, but I have to find the guy first and I don’t remember his number or where he lives,” I said. 

“Well, how about putting that detective brain of yours to work? You watch all those crime dramas, why not use it in real life?” He asked.

“Because this is real life and not DCI Banks,” I said, giving him a pointed look.

“Just retrace your steps. Do you remember the bar you met him at? Maybe he’s a regular,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. 

“True. That’s actually a really good idea,” I said, tapping my chin in thought. “I mostly remember what he looks like too. Well more than mostly, I could probably pick him out in a lineup. He was really good looking.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely going to help you find him. Just ask the bartender for the really good looking guy,” Jesse snickered.

“Shush. Well, it seems that the, uh, Shit, what do I call it?” I asked. 

“Are you asking me what to call the fetus inside you?” Jesse asked, raising his brows. 

“Yeah.”

“Just call it Bug. You know? Or even Bean. It’s like, what, the size of a grape?”

“Little smaller. I think the internet said it was the size of a blueberry.”

“That would be cute, but it also sounds like a safeword,” Jesse snickered.

“English people do really like beans,” I said. “Let’s go with Bean.”

“You’re English too!” Jesse cackled.

“No I’m not! I’m Scottish! There’s a difference!” I cried, throwing a napkin at his face that he easily caught. “Fucking American with your Mountain Man accent telling me I’m English. My Last name is MacTavish, that’s not fucking English.”

“I’m Appalachin, Darlin’. I’m not just any Mountain Man,” Jesse grinned. 

“I’ll be sending you back by punting you over the ocean if you don’t knock it the fuck off,” I hissed. 

“The mood swings are going to be killer with you,” Jesse snickered.

“Don’t,” I sighed. “Just don’t. But it seems I'm keeping the Bean after all."

“Good luck. I mean it. Being a single parent ain’t easy, but you’re not on your own with this. Even without John, okay?” He said, reaching over to squeeze my hand again. 

A few days after my lunch with Jesse, I was at the bar that I had originally found John at. It was packed for a Thursday night and the thick smell of alcohol was making me nauseous. Getting to the bar, I flagged down the bartender in hopes they would know him.

“What can I get ya, Love?” He asked, leaning in so he could hear me. 

“I’m actually looking for someone,” I said, climbing up to kneel in the seat so I could lean over the bar. “I don’t know if he’s a regular or not, but I figured I’d try.”

“Sure, what’s his name?”

“John. I don’t have a last name, but he’s tall and built, has dark sandy hair with a mutton chops beard. I think he’s in the military,” I said.

“Oh yeah! John Price! He and his men are regulars,” the bartender nodded. “Just saw him a few days ago actually. What do you want him for?”

“Well, I’ve got something for him that he left when I last saw him and I only got his first name and haven’t been able to find him,” I said. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find him other than here, could you?”

“Sorry, I only know him from here. Maybe if you come back tomorrow he might be here. He usually shows up a bit earlier than this,” the man said with a shrug. I nodded and thanked him, giving him a few quid for the help. I decided that I could hang around and see if he still shows up that night while I dug around to see what I could find on social media. 

Getting a Shirly Temple, I grabbed a corner seat and spent about an hour trying to find him online, but the man was a ghost. Nothing. No Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, not even a LinkedIn. What was I supposed to do? Give my number to the bartender and hope he remembered to give it to John? That is if he would. He’d probably just toss it. There was no way I was leaving my number on a board in hopes he’d see it. That was how I would end up on a true crime Youtube channel. 

About to call it a night and escape the bar that was building a headache in the base of my skull, I shot a text to Jesse to let him know I tried the bar and at least got a last name. As I turned to put my phone in my purse, the chair opposite of me was pulled out. Looking up, I couldn’t believe my dumb luck.

“Heard you were looking for me,” John said with a chuckle. His deep, gravelly voice was just like I remembered it as he was grunting in my ear while he-

“Yes, I am,” I said with a nervous laugh. “I, uh, know that it’s been a while since we last saw one another and I planned to call you, but I lost your number.”

“You know you don’t have to make up a story if you want to have a pint with me,” he said, a soft smile peeked from under his whiskers. 

“Oh, no, I really lost your number,” I said, straightening up in my chair. “I also have the memory of a goldfish, so when I realized I had lost it, it was too late. But you’re here now.”

“That I am,” he said, nodding with a hum. Almost getting completely lost in his shining blue eyes, I quickly gave him my full name. 

It was very clear as to why I had started to flirt with him in the first place. The way he looked at me, making me feel like he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. 

“It’s nice to get a full name, after almost two months,” he said. “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m John Price.” He held out his hand for me to shake and damn it, I was melting into his touch. His hand was warm and rough, but firm. “So, were you seeking me out for an introduction or maybe I could buy you a drink?”

“Uh, I was actually looking for you because. . . Well. . .” It felt like the words were getting stuck in my throat, trying to choke me to make me leave and pretend nothing happened. 

“You want another go where we’re a bit more sober and able to have more fun?” John offered with a wink as he leaned forward to sip his beer he’d brought over with him.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. He furrowed his brow, staring at me.

“Congratulations?” He asked slowly.

“That’s why I was looking for you,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I’m pregnant and about 7 weeks along. If you do the math. . .”

“I see,” he said, nodding. Sitting back in his chair, he fiddled with a coaster, staying quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to push it or scare him, so I was patient. “And you’re sure it’s mine?” 

I had prepared myself for that question, made sure it wouldn’t bother me by asking myself that same thing over and over, but hearing his tone and seeing that flash of doubt on his face made me want to hide in shame. I didn’t shame people for how many people they had slept with and while I didn’t have sex with strangers, it felt like suddenly I was this ‘loose’ person that was trying to get every single dick they could and use the system to get free stuff. The next nine months were going to be hell on my body, but sure, I only did it for free stuff and to control a man I had met ONCE.

“You’re the only person I’ve slept with in the last four months. So, yeah. I’m very sure,” I said, feeling my chest start to tighten. Anxiety began to twist my stomach like I was wringing my hands under the table. “I don’t want anything,” I added, nearly choking on my own spit. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or the Bean anything. I just wanted you to know, so if you did want to participate at all, you could. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Again, I just thought that you had a right to know.”

“That did go through my mind,” John said with hesitation. “I know you said you don’t want anything, but it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t help out at all. A support check at least.”

“That. . . That’s up to you. I’m not going to take you to court over it. I figured if you ever want a relationship with the Bean, then we can work something out. I’ll keep you updated on anything you want to know or I can just leave you alone,” I said. That part was hard. I didn’t want to be a single mum and I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t know John. How many relationships went sour because two people had a kid and chose to stay together instead of separate because they thought it would be better for the kid? Too many. 

“I think I’d like to know,” he said, looking up from the coaster to me. “I’d like to be involved as much as I can be.”

“Okay,” I said, twisting my napkin more. “Okay, we can do that. Um, I have a doctor’s appointment next week. If you want, you can come. It’s just a general check up.” 

“Yeah, I can do that. Just let me know the time and place. Do you want to meet there or I can pick you up?” He offered, that look coming back again. John knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t tell if it was me or the Bean. That wasn’t something I thought I would need to worry about. Would he think I wasn’t fit to be a parent by myself? Did he have family that could raise the Bean and think it would be better if they did? The prospect of being betrayed to have the Bean taken away was suddenly very real and terrifying.

“We can meet there. Here’s my number, so you can keep it and I can’t lose it again,” I said, sliding my phone over to show him my number. He added my number to his phone before adding his to mine then sliding it back to me. “I’ll go ahead and send you the details. Um, okay, I just realized how, well, how silly this sounds, especially after me giving you my information, but I just thought of it. You aren’t a crazed serial killer, are you?”

John let out a bark of a laugh, his shoulders shaking as he chuckled. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m just a captain in SAS.” 

“That’s what it was,” I groaned. “I knew it was military, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was.”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly tell you,” he said, leaning forward again, much more relaxed by my ice breaker question. “So what is it that you do?”

“I’m a restaurant manager for an Italian place on the south side of town. Ciao Bella.”

“I’ve heard of the place. Always good things. I haven’t eaten there before, but now I might,” John said. 

“It’s a pretty good place. I recommend it and not just because I work there.”

The longer we talked, the more comfortable I felt with him. I still wasn't sure if he wanted me or the Bean, but it was starting to look like both of us. When I was ready to go home, he offered to drive me home and when I declined, not for lack of him trying, he walked me out to hail me a taxi. There was a bit of awkwardness at the good night part. Did we kiss? Did we high five or wave? In the end, I gave him a one armed side hug that he happily returned. 

Once I was in the taxi and down the street, my phone buzzed with a message. 

'I forgot to ask, but why do you call the baby The Bean?' I snorted and shook my head. 

'Because you English really like beans and that's the size of it right now.'

'You're English too.'

'No, I'm Scottish! There's a difference!'

'You’re right. Out of curiosity, are you related to or know a Johnny MacTavish?'

Fuck.

'Is he from Inverness, Scotland?'

'Yes. You know him?'

I had screwed up. I had seriously screwed up. I couldn't bring myself to answer him, not even when he called once I got home. It had been almost a decade and I still couldn't bear to think of him. He was supposed to be the good one. He was supposed to help me and comfort me and instead he abandoned me. If John knew him then I couldn't be around John. I couldn’t put myself or the Bean through what I had gone through the last time I’d seen him.

Once inside my flat and my door locked, I turned off my phone so I didn't have to listen to it buzz with calls and messages. How could I explain to him even the very basics to begin with? I couldn't without giving away every dirty, dark detail of why I cut him out of my life to begin with. 

Laying in bed as I felt sick, I couldn't help but think that I made a mistake. I never should have looked for John and I never should have told him. It could have been dealt with quietly and quickly and I wouldn't be so attached to it. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I started to cry. Why did I try and do the ‘right thing’ for myself? It never worked out, it wouldn’t be any different from Paul. He’d find out and he’d either leave or take the Bean or worse, would make me believe he was a good person till I truly needed him and it turned out to be a lie the whole time.

When I had ghosted John, I don’t know why I thought he’d just disappear. Why would he, after finding out I’m pregnant with his Bean, not do anything to track me down and make sure I wasn’t dead in the gutter or smuggled to another counter? While I had no information to go off of to find him other than a bar, he had plenty for me. Between my phone number, my place of work, all the information on my social media, and the doctor’s appointment that I had given the details to, I was somehow surprised to find him waiting for me at the front of the clinic the day of my appointment. It had been almost a full week since I’d seen him and had been ignoring his calls and texts in hopes he’d either talk to Johnny and find out why it was better that way or would just give up. 

“Ah, shit,” I groaned under my breath, seeing him sitting on a bench as I walked down the street from my bus stop. John had already spotted me before I could try and go another way in, giving a wave as he stood up to meet me. 

“Do you want to talk about why you pulled a Houdini on me before or after the appointment?” He asked, meeting me halfway.

“Afterwards. I haven’t eaten today and I don’t have the energy to explain everything in great detail like you’ll want it to be,” I said with a sigh. 

“Why haven’t you eaten?” John asked, frowning a bit.

“I woke up late after pulling a double shift. Turns out when you’re pregnant you get tired much more easily and if you stop moving, you do fall asleep no matter where you are,” I said, rubbing my tired eyes. There were dark circles under my eyes for sure and I probably looked like I had rolled out of bed after a week of doing nothing. My clothes were wrinkled, my trainers dirty, and my hair unwashed for the last week. John meanwhile looked put together and had done everything on his to-do list for the next month in six hours. 

“Alright, yeah. We’ll go for food after this and we can talk,” he said with a nod. Turning, he opened the door for me, letting me lead the way to the receptionist. After checking in, we found a pair of seats together in the corner. As I looked around, I felt more shame creeping up. It was a government run clinic, which meant people who weren’t well off were there and that meant stereotypes. The mum with two kids screaming while pregnant with a third, one who didn’t look older than 15 with her own mother, and one who looked like she had nicotine patches on her arms as she bounced her leg and scowled at the room. It was what I could afford as I didn’t have private insurance and John didn’t seem the type to have been in a place like that before. At least in the UK. 

I began to worry if he was silently judging me, reconsidering everything about me because we were there and not some posh doctor’s office with pleasant music playing softly while pretty people with white, toothy smiles were all around. 

“Ms. MacTavish,” a nurse said from the door to the exam rooms. Standing up, John and I followed. She took my vitals and weighed me before taking us to a small room. 

“Do you want me to hold anything?” He asked softly, minding how the room made our regular voices sound like we were shouting. 

“Oh, yes, thanks,” I said, handing my purse and jacket. I hopped onto the exam table as he held my things, moving his chair closer to the head of the table instead of at my feet. At least he was being polite. We waited a bit in silence, but it was actually comfortable. It was odd, given most people would be talking about anything and everything to avoid the fact that I was about to have to take my pants off and have someone else stick their fingers inside my fanny. 

The doctor came in after a bit, knocking then coming in without an answer from me. She immediately went to wash her hands before looking over my chart, not looking at me yet. “Okay, Ms. McTavis, you are here for a regular pregnancy check up, and is this the father of the child?” She asked, misspeaking my name. The woman looked like she was either going to ask for a manager or call the police on someone for being too loud two houses down. 

“Yes, this is John,” I said, not even bothering to correct her. I probably wouldn’t see her next time, so it didn’t matter.

“And how long have you two been sexually active together?” She asked, continuing to read over my chart and make notes. 

“Um, just once,” I said, earning a raised brow from her. “We had a one night stand. What does that have to do with the visit?”

“Ah, are you sure he’s the father?” She asked, looking down at my chart to write a few things and ignoring my question.

“Yep, the only person I’ve slept with in four months.” This was a nightmare. It was one thing to go through this with just myself, but having John there to see and hear the questions was humiliating. If we had been married or a committed couple, it would be different, but because we weren’t, I was the irresponsible one.

“All it takes is just once with no condom or pill and here you are. Alright, go ahead and take your trousers and pants off and we’ll do a quick pelvic exam.” Instead of leaving the room, she drew a curtain around me after handing me a gown. I just tried to keep any signs of embarrassment to a minimum so we could get through this. 

“I can hold those for you, Love,” John said softly, once I was changed. He was standing up with his eyes down, but holding out his hand for me to give him my clothes. 

“Thanks,” I said in a near whisper, handing him my things before getting back on the table to put my feet in the stirrups. Letting out a breath, the curtain was drawn back and the doctor scooted in on her rolly stool with gloves on and ready to go. “Lube’s a bit cold,” she said, smearing it a bit before pushing in a finger then two. It felt so uncomfortable and hurt slightly, making me even more embarrassed that John was there to see it. She had to adjust my legs, spreading them wider and higher, making it harder on my body as she did the exam. 

This was completely different from him having his head buried between my legs or him seeing me completely naked on top of him. Part of me began to wonder if I was just stupid for offering to have him at appointments with this happening. I had probably scared him off for good. Parents who wanted kids, who were trying for them, this wouldn’t bother them. We had an accident and this was forcing us to be much more intimate in an alien way.

“I need you to stay there for a moment, I forgot to grab something from the supplies,” the doctor said, pulling the curtain so I wouldn’t flash anyone when the door opened. When it closed, I tried to keep my sigh quiet, but again, those fucking rooms made a whisper sound like borderline yelling. The quiet fell over us once more, but this time, John stood up to move his chair closer. Sitting back down, he was right next to the table. He reached up and took my hand in a loose hold, giving it a quick kiss as we waited. If I wasn’t so anxious or ready to throw up, I would have cried at his sweetness. 

Once the doctor came back, she finished her exam and said everything looked good and she’d see me in four weeks. After finishing her job, she closed the door behind her after letting me know to take my time if I needed to and just leave the door open when I left. John stood up, letting go of my hand, to grab some paper towels for me. I quietly thanked him as I cleaned up myself before taking my clothes back to dress. When I was done, he took my hand in his and walked me out of there. 

Outside, I felt better, but only so much. The close interior of the clinic and the chemical smell from disinfectants were not longer trying to smother me along with my embarrassment at least. Now I had to explain everything to John and expect him to be okay with it after making him sit through that?

“If you’d like, I could get you on my health plan and you could go see a different doctor,” he offered as we kept walking. I wasn’t really paying attention to the direction as my hunger was starting to overshadow everything else, my hands getting a bit shaky had him stopping us. He looked over my face as he held both my hands, silently taking stock of where I was at. “Let’s get some food in you before we talk about anything else, yeah?”

“Please,” I said, nearly bursting into tears. Goddamn hormones. Putting his arm around me, he led us to his car to drive us to the nearest restaurant. 

After we were inside and food was ordered, delivered, then devoured, that was when he started to talk again. 

“I meant it earlier,” John said, using a napkin to wipe his face clean of crumbs. “I can put you on my health plan and you’ll be able to go to a different place.”

“I appreciate it, but this is fine,” I said, tearing up pieces of bread to sop up any juices left from my meal. “It would be a mess to change providers and this is the easiest place to get to from my place by bus.”

“You know you can ask me to take you to your appointments. It’s not a problem,” he said, looking over my plate that I practically licked clean. “Want anything else to eat? My treat.”

“I feel like a broken record a bit, but it’s fine. I’m good,” I said, fibbing a bit. Ordering a small portion didn’t exactly work in my favor, but I didn’t feel comfortable relying on him much more than I already had allowed myself to. “As for my appointments, you won’t be able to take me all the time and when I hit 28 weeks I go every other week, then at 36 weeks it’s once a week. It’s a lot to ask of you and I can do it on my own. I promise, I’m an adult.”

“Even adults need help from time to time, besides, I said I wanted to be involved,” he said. When the waitress came around to ask if we wanted anything else, John turned to look at me and waited patiently. The waitress seemed to understand what he was waiting for as she turned to look at me with a sweet smile.

“I’ll have a burger and fries. Adult portions, well done,” I said after a few seconds of panic deliberating. The man seemed unable to stop himself from trying to take care of me as much as possible. That should have been a sign to me that he was a good person and would do anything for me and the Bean. He probably did that to a lot of people around him as well. The waitress took my order with a nod then was off.

“Now, about the health plan,” John said, picking up his mug of coffee. I could see the slight smile he was hiding behind it and wanted to slap it out of his hands. Ugh. He was going to drive me insane with being so nice and helpful.

“As long as I don’t have to marry you or move in with you to be on it,” I said with resignation. 

“Done,” he said. “I’ll get you the paperwork for you to fill out and that’ll be that.” 

“Sounds good,” I said. 

A quiet fell over us as he stared at me and I refused to look at him. I knew what he wanted and until he asked, and even then, I wasn’t going to offer it up. 

“So,” he said, setting his mug down to lean against the table on his elbows. 

“So,” I said, picking up my fork to swing a bit in my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

“You’re Johnny MacTavish’s little sister?” 

“Depends on who you ask,” I said with a shrug.

“If I were asking you?”

“Then I would say that I don’t have any siblings or immediate family.”

“And if I asked him?” I looked at his words. John was watching me, every movement, every small twitch or tell. The man was waiting for me to lie or to tell him the truth.

“Then he’d tell you he had two younger sisters. One is deceased and the other is one that he and his parents don’t talk to or see,” I said, shifting in my chair. “You didn’t tell him, did you? About me or us or the Bean?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “I thought you two might be estranged partners at first, but I did my own digging.”

“Yeah? What’d you find out?” I pulled my legs up in the chair to sit criss cross, unable to keep his gaze for too long. 

“I found out you went to secondary school as Johnny was starting the military and your sister was working at a local shop. Once you graduated, you went a bit wild, I would say. Partying and such. Then your sister died in a drunk driving accident and you disappeared for a bit,” he said. “But I’m still not getting the answer as to why you ran when I mentioned Johnny.”

“That is because he and I don’t speak. I haven’t spoken to him or my parents in almost a decade. Basically since our sister died,” I said, keeping my gaze on the paper straw cover that I was folding. John was quiet, letting me get the words out on my own time. “I had been at a party that night and had been drinking. So, I called Saoirse to come pick me up. All my friends were pretty pissed at the time, so I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Not leaving with the drunk people and getting a sober driver.” I swallowed hard, feeling my chest tighten as I tried not to let the images of that not conjure up in my head. I didn’t even get to know what happened fully till my cousin Mike told me and that was nearly two days later. 

He and my other cousin Seamus were the only family I still considered to be family. They were military like Johnny, special forces in SAS, but they were older. Mike was nearly 60 and Seamus was pushing mid 40s, but they had always been kind to me and never treated me differently. Especially Mike. He’d send presents for Christmas and my birthday, things I actually wanted while my parents would give me the bland socks or clothes that I hated. He still did when he could. All he had were his brother Paulie left as his parents were gone with no spouse or kids of his own. Mike got me through the grieving, but he never spoke up like Saoirse did. 

“She was on her way there when one of the guys that was at the party left, and he hit my sister when he was trying to race someone else that was drunk. When my parents found out where I had been and why she had been there, they blamed me for her death. Johnny wasn’t around much because he was off doing military stuff, so the only story he got was from them. I never got to explain to him what happened or find out what our parents told him. He wouldn’t look at me even at the funeral when the family was gathered together. I ended up drunk halfway through and left. No one followed me aside from my cousin Mike. He let me stay with him till I could get my own place. My parents didn’t try to find me or talk to me, neither did Johnny.” 

“I’m so sorry, Love,” he said softly, reaching over to take my hand that was starting to pick at my cuticles. “That must have been. . . That’s so hard.”

“Yeah,” I said with a snort, trying not to focus on it too much and have a melt down before I got my food. “Johnny never reached out to see if what they said was true, just trusted them despite the bullshit they always pulled with me. I have no clue what I did to them, but my parents always treated me differently. It wasn’t outright abuse, but I know they never did like me, let alone love me. Saoirse always stood up for me, whenever they gave me a hard time, she’d call them out on it. Johnny didn’t get to see much of it because he was always busy and he always believed our parents. They had never done anything wrong to him, so how could they be so bad?”

“Have you tried reaching out to him? Try explaining anything to him?” John asked, rubbing my palm. 

“I did once, but he acted like I was. . . Like I was some druggie asking for help to get their next fix. It was maybe six years ago. I saw him in passing in Glasgow. He said I needed to get help and stop asking for money, before I even said anything. Johnny told me that I was an adult and couldn’t live off of mum and dad forever. Apparently our parents had been telling him that I was constantly asking for money for beer or drugs or whatever and he didn’t question it. We used to be really close, you know? Right before he turned 16 and tried to join the military, we’d always be around one another. Him and me and Saoirse. I don’t know what changed, but once he was gone, he wasn’t my brother anymore. Just a stranger who didn’t have time or want for me.” 

Just as it was getting too much to talk about, my food arrived. While I didn’t have that much of an appetite after explaining myself, even leaving a lot out, I still needed to eat. John didn’t ask any more questions as I ate, though I’m sure he had some. Finished with my food in just a few minutes, I let my meal settle before asking my own question. 

“So, how do you know Johnny?” I asked, knowing it was something that we would have to work with instead of around.

“He and I are on the same deployment team, specialized task force if you will,” John said. “We work together and see each other almost daily when we’re not deployed.”

“So this is something that he will find out about,” I said, nodding as anxiety made my stomach roll. 

“I know you two aren’t on good terms, but I can’t hide this from him. I also didn’t know how. . . Sensitive it was,” he said. “I can tell him myself or we can tell him together, but he has to know.”

“Which means my parents will find out as well,” I said, feeling like I was losing any sense of control I had over the situation. It was quickly going into a very upsetting and unwelcome direction. 

“Possibly,” John said. “I know that this is asking a lot from you, from carrying the baby to having to speak with family you cut out of your life, but I want to make this work. I want to be there for our child and you.”

“You’re right this is asking a lot,” I said, nodding as I stood up. “I can’t do this John. I’m not even sorry, but I am being asked to do so much, no I’m being told to do so much. I know you want to be in Bean’s life, but I am sacrificing everything and you get to just waltz in like the hero with the medical plan and the money and the car to take me places. I’m not-I can’t. No, it’s not happening,” I said, walking out. John cursed before following me out. 

“Love, just wait,” he said, grabbing my arm. 

“No! You wait!” I snarled as I turned on him, yanking my arm away. “I am expected to give up everything and sacrifice my sense of safety and self worth for you! Not Bean, but you! Because you work with my brother who I haven’t seen in years and because you want me to go to the nice medical practice and you want me to do this and that and I don’t want to! I don’t have to! So just leave me alone and forget I ever found you again. I’ve been on my own long enough that I can take care of myself and Bean without you.”

“You don’t have to though,” John said. He was frustrated, scrubbing his face as he looked around to see people staring at us because of my outburst. “Just-”

“No, no justs!” I cried. “I want to be left alone. Don’t call me, don’t follow me, don’t message me, nothing!”

He looked so heart broken, so desperate to help, but didn’t know how to handle being denied. Part of me wanted to just break down into tears and hug him, plead for him to never leave me, but I knew. . . I fucking knew that this was a pipe dream. Anything he and I could ever be or have was a fantasy. As soon as Johnny or my parents found out, they’d poison John against me. Help him take the Bean if they wanted to. 

I stared hard at him for a few moments before turning to walk away. I was miles from my place, but I didn’t care. The walk would help me get rid of these feelings and wants and pointless dreams. It should have been clear from the start that I wasn’t going to have a house with a yard and a bright red door with a shining white archway. No 2.5 kids with someone I loved and an old dog or cat we found while dating. I saw who I was at the clinic. The mum with two kids screaming, a third on the way while trying to handle it all on their own. That was my future.

Days passed and John kept his distance. I didn’t attempt to contact him and he did the same. After a while it felt normal again aside from getting sick at the slightest strong smell. I hadn’t escaped the dreaded ‘morning’ sickness after all. Work was hard, but I got through it, even if it meant leaving when the food began to be cooked and coming in early. Hitting 10 weeks felt like it took forever. The mood swings were still awful and my breasts were tender and swollen. I was getting a more noticeable bump too. It was easy to hide, but standing in front of a mirror in my underwear showed that there was indeed a Bean growing inside me. 

The worst part was my blood pressure. Somehow I had very low blood pressure despite the stress I was under. Low enough that if I was still for too long I would start to pass out. A quick clinic visit had me upping my salt intake and water. It wasn’t bad if I was at home, I could just sit in the floor till the feeling passed. I hadn’t experienced it outside of the house, yet. 

Mid week 11, I finally went to the store instead of eating out. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was doing what I could. Pushing the trolly up the bread aisle, I was looking for the one type of bread I knew I could stomach when fate decided that it was time for things to come to a head. 

As I was reaching for the bread, standing as tall as I could on my tippy toes, a hand reached up and grabbed it. 

“Here you go,” a familiar voice said. I turned to look at the person with wide eyes, both of us having a moment of disbelief. 

“Hey, Soap, don’t forget the-” 

Son of a fucking bitch.

“Oh,” John said as he saw me and Johnny staring at one another. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said, never taking his eyes off me. “Just helping this nice lady get some bread.” 

I never had a hair trigger to cry before, but the moment he said that instead of saying he knew me, it broke me. Bursting into tears, I couldn’t even leave. I was sobbing so hard. 

“Soap,” John said with a growl. I tried to brush his hands away, to try and get some space, but John wasn’t letting me leave. 

“Do you know her, Cap?” Johnny asked, sounding anything but pleased. 

“Easy, Love,” John said softly, pulling me close and stroking my hair. It shouldn’t have made me melt into him so easily, I should have tried harder to leave, but I was just so damn tired. 

“Price?” Johnny said, getting gruff. 

“I know who she is, Soap,” John said. “I know who you are to her. We can do this here or we can do this in private, Sergeant.” His tone left no argument or even a choice. The three of us left the store empty handed. John had me tucked under his arm the whole time we walked to a nearby house. It was just a few blocks from mine and when Johnny pulled out his keys to open the front door, I began to sob all over again. He had been so close this whole time and we never once ran into each other. It meant we either had very bad luck or he knew where I was the whole time and never said a thing. 

John offered soft words of comfort and reassurance as he guided me to a sofa. Sitting me down, he looked off to the side and told someone to bring him a cool wash cloth and to make tea. 

“I’m not fucking English, I don’t drink tea,” I croaked between sniffling sobs. 

“Yeah, but I am and so is the Bean,” John said, giving me a smile that made his cheeks round and his eyes crease. It was the same one he’d given me that first night we met. 

He had been sitting at the bar, nursing a scotch when I came up wild and loud, climbing onto a stool so I could kneel on it to be able to lean onto the bar so the bartender could hear my order. I glanced at him and flashed a smile and a wave. ‘Hi!’ I said, giving him my name. ‘Do you like tequila?’

‘Hi, I’m John and I do like tequila.’

‘It’s grand to meet you, John! Have a shot with me!’

“Who’s Bean?” A voice asked, bringing us out of our small daze. Looking up, there stood a man with dark eyes and a curious look. 

“Gaz,” John said, clearing his throat. “Not the time.” The man nodded, handing him the wash cloth that he turned to wipe my face. Letting him clean me up, I was able to calm down and at least stop crying. The headache that came after didn’t help at all. I couldn’t take any medication for it either, so I only had a bag of frozen peas that Gaz had grabbed at John’s request to help soothe the pounding behind my eyes. 

“Seems we’ve calmed down enough that we can talk,” John said as Johnny joined us, standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed and his face sour. “There’s no good way to say this, so I might as well just say it. Johnny, your sister and I had a one night stand and now she’s pregnant.”

“Bullshit,” Johnny scoffed. 

“Sergeant,” John growled in a warning. 

“She’s not pregnant,” Johnny said, not backing down. “You two may have fucked, but she’s not pregnant. She’s just trying to get money out of you.”

“I went to a fucking doctor’s visit with her. She is pregnant and she’s been trying to avoid me and push away any help I offer her because you and your parents seem to have it out for her,” John snarled, standing up. “Now, I don’t know what your parents told you, but your sister has done everything in her power to make sure I’m not in my child’s life because you and them treat her like a plague rat. She has not once asked for a damn penny, let alone any large sum you’ve made up in your head.”

“You don’t even know if it’s yours!” Johnny cried out, pushing off from the doorframe. 

“I’m the only one she’s been with, you fucking muppet! You’d know that if you’d talk to her like a decent person, let alone a decent brother!” John snapped, getting in his face. “I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure I have a relationship with my child, at least, because it is impossible to get close to her after everything you lot put her through! I gave you the benefit of the doubt even. That you were just fed lies so much that nothing else made sense! No, this is willful ignorance now and I won’t stand for it. Your sister has been alone needlessly for years. Be a fucking man and own up to your mistakes.”

The room was deathly quiet as the two men stood there, seething as they stared each other down. 

“You know shit ain’t been addin’ up, Johnny,” a low, gruff voice said. A man with a skull balaclava stood off to the side as he watched everything. Had he been there the whole time? “It hasn’t been for a long time.” Johnny turned away from John to look at the man then to me. His snarl faded as he kept our gazes locked before walking away. “I got him, you take care of yours, Price,” the man said, calmly walking after my brother. John nodded, letting out a breath he’d been holding. 

“I. . . I’m sorry, Love,” he said softly, taking a seat next to me, his head hanging as he stared at his hands. “I know you didn’t want any of this and I’ll take you home if you want me to.”

“John,” I said, reaching over and taking his calloused hand in mine. “Thank you.” He looked from our hands to my face, his brows relaxing a bit from the worried scrunch they’d been stuck in.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. 

“I think maybe we should try things differently,” I said, bumping his head with mine. 

“Yeah?” He hummed, pulling me close to rest against his chest. 

“Dating. We should date. Start there and work our way up,” I said, nuzzling against his chest. He was wearing a soft cable knit sweater and I wanted to climb inside it with him. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in his chest as he put both arms around me. 

“I also need the insurance papers again. . . I lost them,” I said, tucking my head under his, happy in the warm and safe spot I’d made. 

“Of course,” John said, chuckling. 

“Also. . . That was really hot, you standing up for me. I don’t think I’d ever been so turned on before,” I said, hiding my smirk.

“Brat,” he snorted. “Do you want to go home?”

“Can you come with me and stay?” I asked, pulling away to look up at him.

“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away,” John smiled, leaning down to kiss me. 

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Taglist: @birdstoprey @sebbytheraccoon @pricescigar @alwaysshallow

[dilatorywriting]

I hope this doesn't come across as annoying but with summer coming up will you be able to write more?

No worries at all, my dude. And that’s the hope! My exams are the second week of May and then graduation is the very end of June so I have an entire straight month of vacation! Which is wild. I am, unfortunately, after finishing, an actual like Adult Adult now (and a doctor!!! Wild ass thought holy shit), so summers aren’t really “summers” anymore, and I will have to start working at my job. Buuuut, it is a nice, cozy GP very close to home. No more 80hr hospital weeks for this bitch lol So my wee break aside, I’ll have oodles more time in general now.

[mixelation]

i'm not sure what i want to do with deidara in reborn au but the actual most cracktastic thing would be.....

the official databooks word on deidara is that he has "explosion release," which we can presume is a bloodline limit. i forget if there are other characters with this ability, but iwa DOES have a demolitions division. so i was debating handwaving like "deidara's bloodline limit is a him-only thing, so since in this au he never joined iwa, iwa doesn't recognize him as an earth country citizen originally" buuuut part of his assigned origin story for this au is that iwa was specifically paying his (civilian farmer) family to churn out babies in hopes of making a new bloodline limit.

in other words idk how to make it NOT so it looks like konoha just parades a genin they blatantly stole from iwa into the iwa chunin exam. and i was like. how can i push this to its most insane conclusion. and what i have come up with is

a rumor starts in iwa that deidara is minato's bastard child, which he conceived on purpose to steal iwa's bloodlines. obviously

kushina, loudly in public, committing to the bit without a second thought for consequences: How could Minato do this to me?!

deidara: kushina-sensei--

kushina: it's okay. i will raise you as my own. it's not your fault your father is a dirty cheating bastard. u_u

deidara: KUSHINA-SENSEI---

tori: wow. respect, sensei

[sylveaugust]

Oh I just got reminded that I should get moving and prepare for my Charles cosplay, buuuut between my biology report, biology exam, cookie run kingdom, tumblr, and orv I’m still procrastinating and I have absolutely no idea how long this will last bc it’s my first cosplay ever and I’m gonna go low budget