#but... is there a scrap of... of reason in what I'm saying? can people care but never be there unless they need something?

[blimbo-buddy]

Daisuke = Satyriac

A really easy decision to make, a lot of the Satyriac's cultures of always partying, living carefree lives and generally being outgoing really fits with his character. I would imagine though that not many Satyriacs in this universe would be apart of Pony Express due to the restrictions of the company. How Daisuke joined the company would likely change. But it still safe to say that he'd be a Satyriac

Scrapped alternative: Snake People - Because of their agoraphobic culture it didn't seem right to me to make Daisuke one. Of course, Daisuke being a Satyriac was always going to be the endgame but I wanted to think of who else he'd likely be.

Pterosapiens - I think the fact that they live to be just 23 makes me think that his parents would be rushing to get him some kind of job experience though because they're a more philosophical species focusing more on living generally, it made me think against this idea. Though still a depressing thought

Swansea = Tool Breeder

With a human species as technologically advanced and baffling as the Tool Breeders I just had to make Swansea one. It's very self-explanatory why I made him one and there's no real deeper meaning behind it all. I imagine that he never truly gets used to the cold steel of the Tulpar, as he's used to living in organic, biologically modified homes. He may also need lots of accommodations due to being a semi-aquatic human species. He keeps his tools away from Daisuke because he's not gonna try and fucking repair a broken organism because some dumbass handled it too hard

Scrapped/Considered alternatives: None - I think he's one of the characters that is set to be one human species

Jimmy = Symbiote

Yes, the little guy on the top of the host's head. Trust me I originally was going to go for another species but something about the Symbiotes just felt very "Jimmy-Esque" to me. Maybe it's the fact that the Symbiotes offered their hosts, "an ability to think in return of total submission". I also think that Jimmy would choose a nice but respectfully rough looking host, rough in the way that you'd imagine those respectful rough working-class people. It's also just funny to imagine little parasite Jimmy being flung around I'll be honest.

Considered Alternatives: Killer Folk - This was actually who I had in mind with Jimmy at first and I'd actually still consider making him a Killer Folk. But I think that the Symbiotes fit him just a bit more, but I'm not against switching his human species around

Anya = Snake Person

So Anya as a character actually has a lot of options open with what she’d be. Much like Jimmy she’s a character whose assigned human species here can be any of the options given. In the end though I chose the Snake People purely because they generally remind me of her in some way. What really got me was the fact that they're described as being culturally agoraphobic, and one part of the definition describes it as, "extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one's own home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult."

Considered Alternatives: Pterosapien - Definitely a really depressing option, due to the fact that the species only lives to 23 - because of heart disease- it'd really be a race against time for Anya to get into medical school. I also think that, due to her lack of opposable thumbs/hands, accommodations provided by Pony Express are the bare minimum and would really show how little they care about their employees

Bug Facers - Honestly I don't have a solid explanation for this. A part of me is a bit iffy on this because of the species' culture of xenophobia towards the others and the assault by Jimmy being some sort of "reason" for why Anya was wrong to join the other human species on the Tulpar or whatever

Curly = Killer Folk

To me, the Killer Folk seem like the perfect generic human species and that somehow fits well with Curly. Not to call him generic though, I think that it's common to associate him with generic animals. He'd definitely be on the side of condemnation for old, conservative cultural beliefs. I also feel like if Jimmy was instead a Killer Folk as well, it would have Curly subconsciously gravitate towards his side more, as a strange instinctual bond as two Killer Folks

Scrapped/Considered Alternatives: None - Like I said, I feel like this "generic" human species works well for Curly in some way

you guys aren’t ready for my All Tomorrows x Mouthwashing crossover au

[celtrist]

Why does Vassago already have merch, we haven't even met him yet

[medicinemane]

.

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[tiredsmashbros]

SMG34: LIPBITE COMIC WIP UPDATE

oh boy... i know a bunch of folks are hyped for this comic... and boy oh boy are ya'll's prayers going to be heard... kind of... butt for the celebration milestone, and granted majority are from this comic, i thought it was best to give EVERYTHING that i have currently.

starting off STRONG with what you freaks most want: the completed pages. andddd yep that's it that all that i have done LMAO. i've been fixated on my own smg4 oc: tsb, and during the end of my summer was unfortunately fucked over by some personal issues that fortunately got resolved last minute good grief the anxiety prevented me from drawing the gays sigh... aNYWAYS LINEART WIPS!!!!

here are linearts i have completed / in the progress of!! want to aim like i did in the past by finishing up lineart first, and then speed through with color + minor rendering. the reason i have a few colored is to test out what it would look polished and my god... i have improved A LOT. THESE GAY PEOPLE GIVE POWER I AM NOT KIDDING BELIEVE ME IM NOT CRAY- anyways onto wip pages!

jumpscare: tsb stickman sketches. oh yeah. this is how i sketch and i blame sensei eiichiro oda /j. and in case anyone is unable to understand it {i don't blame u LMAO}, smg4 wakes up from the dream and is startled to see mario by his bed. they have a short convo before mario leaves, and we get a job to smg4 in the bathroom trying to put up a brave face. until the moment he leaves he's stunned due to seeing smg3 at his front door. will i elaborate more on specifics or unwritten dialogue? NOPE! gotta keep secrets to make it even more enjoyable at the end!!

currently at 13 sketched pages total, but this is probably gonna be reaching towards 20-ish pages, surpassing part two, but it will depend on how i come up with how to end it. additionally to confirm there will be a PART FOUR / chapter 3, to end this story. my goal is to have it done before i finish my senior year, or at least during the summer after i graduate bc good lord who knows whats gonna happen.

and lastly, before i end this crazy update, SCRAPPED PAGESSS!!!!!

CONTENT WARNING : NSFW SKETCHES !!!! PLEASE LOOK AWAY IF YOU ARE A MINOR OR DON'T LIKE THIS TYPE OF STUFF!!!

oh boy... dont draw comics while sleep-deprived at 6am... idek what i was even aiming with this ngl other than just for fun, but i scrapped it due to not being what i had in mind for the story. if it doesn't serve a purpose or narrative, its bye bye YEAH BYE BYE THIS IS THE CLOSEST NSFW UR GONNA GET FROM ME HAHAHAHAHA- i say that despite writing a nsfw jojo wattpad smh im only confident doing it in words good lord. btw not watermarking these bc i gen don't care since they're legit scrapped {left top part was kept and completed} so idk what to do with these. im just throwing it and walkin away

now to end with this update, i can hear your question, "when will this be done?" and to answer that question: i'm not entirely sure due to my heavy focus on my smg4 oc: tsb, but my best chance is postponing my oc lore a bit and complete this before november UOIYGJDSIUHJKDWSXYUGHJKCS but we shall have too see...

if you want to join the ping list comment on this post LMAO [click]

ignore below if you're not from the tsb birthday partydddjdhdhdjd

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thurs: smg34 is canon in the tsb universe / au. though most of their encounters are platonic or best-friendy-way, they eventually express their feelings to one another and start dating 3/4’s way of the tsb storyline arc. tsb is a supporter of his friend's relationship and admires and takes inspiration from their relationship heavily to input his future love life. yearning to be in a similar position... to learn what is to really love someone... or what it's truly like to be loved...

[azzibuckets]

good luck babe [pazzi]

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

summary: angsty pazzi fic to good luck babe bc why not

word count: 2.2k

part 2 | masterlist

It's fine, it's cool. You can say that we are nothing, but you know the truth.

“Azzi? Nah, we’re just messing around.”

It seemed like time stood still once Azzi heard those words. She suddenly felt dizzy with the shots of vodka she’d been taking earlier, shots off Paige’s body, and with this unfamiliar feeling slicing like a dagger in her chest. She looked down at her dirty Shirley, the bitterness of the alcohol now overwhelming her mouth and drowning out any flavor of the sugary grenadine.

But she couldn’t fall apart, not here when everyone in the bar was celebrating their win over Texas, and when she knew that the gossip surrounding her and Paige’s situationship circulating around campus like a wildfire meant that eyes would be trained on them the entire night.

What’s worse, Paige had said those words without any hesitation at all, almost scoffing at the idea like it was ridiculous. Like it could never happen. And Azzi was not by any chance a daydreamer, she always prided herself in being reasonable and logical, but she would be lying if she’d said she’d never indulged in creating scenarios in her head of what a future with Paige would look like.

When a few drunk students shoved by Azzi, casting her dirty glances for blocking their way, she startled out of her frozen stupor. Plastering a smile on her face that felt foreignly wide on her lips, she forced her legs to move towards the group. “Hey!” she said, a little too loudly and a little too enthusiastically.

Paige cocked an eyebrow, instantly knowing something was up, but Azzi looked away before the blonde could fully read her facial expression, a skill she’d perfected from years of going through life together.

And guess I'm the fool. With her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof

Azzi regretted everything, for coming to celebrate and get drunk when she had an exam tomorrow she should’ve been studying for. It was almost embarrassing, really, how easily she folded whenever Paige showed up to her dorm. Paige hadn’t even had to say a word tonight, only snaking her hands under Azzi’s shirt for the younger girl to change her mind, throwing on some light makeup and following her best friend out to Ted’s and leaving her laptop still open on her desk.

She felt stupid now, for thinking she was special whenever Paige begged her to go out with the team. It was clear she didn’t even want Azzi’s presence, only enjoyed the power she held over the younger girl, dragging her around like she was a doll.

But she’d had enough. She wanted to salvage any scrap of self dignity she had left, before Paige made her look like a total and utter fool. Azzi finished the last of her dirty Shirley. Paige’s eyes lit up, her hand reaching over to grab the cherry from the bottom of glass, but Azzi shifted her body and set the glass down on the bar top aggressively. “I’m going home,” she announced, wiping her mouth.

���Already?” Paige wrinkled her nose. “It’s only 10.” It was this cluelessness of Paige’s, how she truly had no idea what would make Azzi want to leave this stupid bar, that made her snap.

“Some people actually care about their classes,” Azzi retorted, instantly knowing it was a low blow by the flash in Paige’s eyes. Paige hated stereotypes, especially when people assumed she was stupid just because she was a woman, or a blonde, or an athlete. But Azzi smoothed over the guilt by recalling what Paige had said earlier. Messing around. As if kissing each other senseless and holding each other to sleep every night was messing around.

Paige looked around the group warily, noticing the curious glints in everyone’s eyes and the stares they were getting from others. Grabbing Azzi’s arm, she led her away from the prying ears. “You know you can’t make a scene in front of them,” Paige hissed. “Unless you want them spreading shitty rumors.”

“Oh, so now I’m making a scene?” Azzi didn’t get angry often, and whenever she did, it was usually at her siblings for being a pain in the ass. It was certainly never directed to this girl that she loved, had loved for the past five years and didn’t want to ever stop loving. But it wasn’t her choice. Paige didn’t want her. So she let the bitterness consume her. “God, you’re so high and mighty on your moral horse.”

“I’m just trying to protect you,” Paige said. “Some of these people are nasty, Azzi. They always spin up the wildest stories.”

“Fuck off, Paige.” Azzi knew she was being immature, but she turned on her heel and forced her way through sweaty bodies and out of the bar. Emerging from the doors, she thought she’d managed to lose Paige in the chaos when a hand grabbed hers and forced her to turn around.

“Dude, what is up with you?” Paige’s eyes searched Azzi’s in desperation, hoping that she could read her and understand her like she always did. But the heat in Azzi’s glare was unrecognizable, and Paige had utterly no idea what to do.

I don't wanna call it off. But you don't wanna call it love. You only wanna be the one that I call baby

“What are we, Paige?” Azzi was shivering now from the cold, having forgotten her jacket inside. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to retain body heat.

Paige folded her arms, the frostiness in the air seemingly getting to her too. “What do you mean?”

“Stop playing around. You know what I’m talking about.”

Paige ran a hand over her face. “You’re putting me on the spot right now, Az.”

“On the spot?” Azzi’s voice was wild and frantic. “What’s so hard about this, Paige? Because it’s not hard for me. Not at all.” She wasn’t cold now, not anymore, the pent up fury running its full course throughout her body and heating her up in the worst way possible. “You say we’re just friends with benefits, but last week we made plans for you to stay with my family for a month this summer. That’s not something friends do.”

“Well, we’re not just friends,” Paige said pointedly. “We’re best friends.” From the way Azzi’s face fell, Paige knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it came out of her mouth. But Paige had never been good at this, at expressing her feelings, especially when it came to Azzi. Azzi made her feel like no one else could. Azzi’s touch always electrified her entire being, a high that made everything else in the world pale in comparison, as if Paige was born solely to experience the feeling of her skin on Azzi’s. And even when they weren’t physically near, Azzi’s smile from across the room always managed to turn her to putty, a person without any semblance of self control. So Paige was scared, honestly, of the power that Azzi held over her, because whenever she was with Azzi she’d never think. She could only let her amped up emotions, always on overdrive, control her. So Paige pushed Azzi away emotionally, refused to ever talk about her feelings for the younger girl with anyone, and especially not with Azzi.

“Okay,” Azzi turned away, sniffling, her cheeks damp and eyes scratchy and red. “I guess that’s your answer.”

Paige’s heart pulsed so fast she thought it would explode from her chest. She’d seen Azzi crying before, and she’d always hated the sight. But Azzi crying because of her? God, it was another feeling altogether, like she’d fucked up her entire life and there was no going back.

Paige reached out, but Azzi turned further so that her entire back was to her. “Don’t,” she whispered weakly, and Paige’s world stopped.

You can kiss a hundred boys in bars. Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling.

“I’m worried for her.”

Paige stared down at the floor, studying the hardwood, the grooves in the panels.

“Did you hear me?”

Paige’s fingers ghosted her temple, trying to chase away the headache she could tell was starting to form. She’d been having a lot of these lately, migraines so bad she had to close the curtains and burrow herself in her bed for hours. Her mom called it heartache, but Paige rolled her eyes at that. It was probably because of the stress from finals along with the pressure of basketball season. It was nothing she couldn’t get over with a couple pills of Tylenol.

“Yes, I heard you.” Paige’s voice was rough. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”

“What the fuck happened to you?” Caroline’s eyes pierced Paige, her tone shifting dramatically from concerned to frustrated. “I feel like we don’t even know you anymore.”

“Excuse me?” Paige glared at Caroline, willing her stare to hold some sort of heat to it, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t be angry at Caroline when she was angry at herself too.

“When did you become so scared?” Caroline cocked her head, studying Paige as if she was someone she didn’t recognize. “You used to be so fearless. Especially when it came to Azzi. You never stopped fighting for her.”

Paige looked away. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means that you’re fucking weak, Paige.” Paige cringed at the caustic bluntness of her friend’s words. “You’ve been hiding in your room for weeks. You haven’t even tried talking to her.”

“Don’t say that.” Paige tried to hold in her sob, but it came out anyways. “You don’t know anything about us. No one does.”

Caroline’s eyes softened.

Paige scrubbed at her eyes, trying to wipe away the tears now streaming down her face. “You think I didn’t try talking to her? I fucking texted and called and knocked on her door for hours.” Paige was gasping now, her shoulders shaking and hands trembling. “She doesn’t want to see me, Caro. Not now, not ever.”

Caroline reached for the girl, and she fell in her arms, tears soaking her shirt. The brunette rubbed comforting circles around Paige’s back. “You’re grieving, Paige,” she whispered in her ear. “And she is too. Neither of you are coping with it in a healthy way.”

“I messed up. I messed up so fucking bad.”

“She messed up too. Both of you made mistakes.” Caroline grasped Paige’s shoulders firmly, forcing the blonde to look her in the eyes. “But you guys need to talk and work it out. You need closure.”

“I don’t want closure,” Paige heaved. “I want her.”

*************

“Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you’ve been-”

Azzi slammed the red button on her phone, annoyed. Caroline was supposed to pick her up 20 minutes ago, but she was still nowhere to be seen.

“You sure you don’t need a ride?” Bryan’s face popped out from his apartment window.

“No, fucker.” Azzi shuffled until she was out of view so that he wouldn’t see her pathetically standing there and still waiting for a ride when he’d offered just about a hundred times. But she couldn’t stand being with him alone any longer. He was an asshole who slept with girls to add notches on his bedpost, and she was glad she’d seen through his facade during the date before it was too late.

Finally, a black Camry pulled up to to the curb. She rushed inside, slamming the door shut as quickly as possible. “What the hell,” she hissed. “You’re so fucking late Caroline.”

It was only when she looked up from buckling her seatbelt that she realized that there was someone in the back seat. Her stomach dropped at the familiar blonde hair. It wasn’t neatly put together like it usually was, but tousled and messy and down. Paige looked worse for wear, with dark bags imprinted under her eyes and her skin paler than ever, but despite all this, she still looked tantalizing, magnetic to Azzi’s eyes.

“What’s she doing here?” Azzi asked Caroline, annoyance evident in her tone.

Caroline ignored her. “How was your date?” she asked instead.

“Tell me why the fuck Paige is in the back seat.” Azzi turned to Paige again, expecting the blonde to return with a sarcastic jab of her own like the heated words they usually exchanged whenever they crossed paths during practice in the last few weeks. But Paige didn’t respond this time, only staring at Azzi for half a second before returning her gaze outside the window.

You can say it's just the way you are. Make a new excuse, another stupid reason.

Caroline’s grip tightened on the driver’s wheel. “Are you drunk?”

“Sadly, no.”

“Really?”

Azzi propped her feet up on the dashboard, counting on the fact that it always annoyed her friend. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because lately you’ve been drunk more often then not.”

Azzi could feel Paige’s stare burning into the back of her head. She gritted her teeth, hating the way Caroline was exposing her. “That’s not true.”

Caroline tapped her fingers against the wheel. “How many times this past month have I picked you up from a random guy’s house?”

Paige shifted in the back seat.

“That doesn’t mean I’m always drunk.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. I forgot about all the times you get shit faced alone in your room.”

Azzi whipped her head towards Caroline. “What are you trying to get at?” she seethed.

“You guys are fucking up the entire team. You’ve been inadvertently forcing us to choose sides and it’s always awkward whenever we hang out. You guys are gonna talk it out.”

“Like hell we are,” Azzi muttered under her breath.

A smirk spread across Caroline’s face. “Yes, you are.”

[catboybiologist]

Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for

tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.

sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:

I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.

For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.

Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.

So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.

And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.

To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.

Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.

My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.

But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.

So what's next?

Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.

I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.

I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.

Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.

[afawnable]

★ . . . god I'm newly eighteen and I'm so fucking horny. so to try and fix it I'm being the worst student known to man. turning up late. wearing the shortest skirts to show off my bare pussy. the thinnest tops with no bra so people will stare at my boobs. all so that I'll piss off my teachers so much. that they'll drag me to the staff room and lock the door.

★ . . . tell me to strip naked. and when i refuse they force me down. ripping and cutting the clothes off my body. not caring that they are literal scraps on the floor. a slut like me doesn't deserve clothes. especially when I've been such a bad girl. they'll take turns punishing me.

★ . . . spanking my ass till it's redder than the apple I stole from my math teacher that one time. then shoving my holes full of sex toys. forcing me to take orgasm after orgasm. all of them laughing at me while abusing my poor swollen cunt.

★ . . . writing words all over my body in permanent marker. like 'free use slut' 'cum dump' 'brain dead fuck toy' 'rape toy' 'breeding bitch' and more. and just as I'm about to pass out they slap me awake and drug me with asphoradic.

★ . . . telling me the main event is about to begin. forcing me to suck off and eat out all of my teachers while apologising for being such a bad girl. before forcing me to take multiple dicks at a time. stuffing me full of cum. taking me in multiple positions. recording me in the process so they can jake off to the video's later.

★ . . . they make sure all my holes get bred. to the the point where I'm covered in so much cum it's disgusting. but don't worry any cum that doesn't find it's way into my holes they'll make me lick myself self clean. a bitch like me shouldn't waste perfectly good cum.

★ . . . at one point the female teachers start feeling neglected and a bit left out while the male teacher rape all my holes. so they get out there straps and have there way with me. suffocating me while making me suckle on there massive tits forcing me to drink their milk like a good girl.

★ . . . and when my mouth isn't busy sucking on big fat heavy breasts it's it's busy chocking on nine inch straps and sucking on fat juicy pussy lips. the are loaded with my cum so I'm forced to taste myself over and over again.

★ . . . suddenly the door opens and in walks the principal vice principal and the school parent committee. the moment I see them I beg for them to help me to save me from his mess. but they just join in stripping down to nothing and joining in on the fun.

★ . . . I don't know at what point I stopped fighting them. maybe when they tied me down to the coffee table and started pouring hot wax over me. or maybe it was when I felt all of those hands touch and grope me. twisting my nipples leaving angry red bites and hickeys all over my body and shoving stuff in my holes to keep me nice and plugged. wouldn't want any of that spilling out now would we?

★ . . . or maybe it was when my best friends mom was riding my face. while she smacked my tits red with a flog. smacking harder when she noticed I slowed down telling me to put more effort in saying it was the reason I was such a bad student. and scolded me for being a bad influence on her daughter

★ . . . "thank god my sweet jessie is nothing like this, your enjoying this aren't you getting fucked like some cheap whore god but god do you have a talent with that tongue of yours. if I had it my way i'd lock you in my basement and keep you as my pet how does that sound? I'd buy you a nice shiny collar keep you in tight skimpy outfits or better yet nothing at all, turn you into mine and my husbands favorite bitch. what was that? no? I can't hear you guess your mouth is so full of pussy it's left you speachless not like i'd give a whore like you a say anyway."

★ . . . while my or three other friends dads filled me up with there dicks. two in my pussy and one in my ass. the three of them casually talking about work and fishing. and all discussing how my parents should take advantage of having such a slut daughter.

★ . . . "if I had one like her I wouldn't stop raping her no matter how many time I would get her pregnant, not to mention she would make a fortune if I rented her out. not that a slut like you would mind isn't that right sweetie. oh my wife would love you, young dumb and so willing to spread your legs. I can't blame for jason wanting to be friends with you"

★ . . . all of them agreeing to inquire if they could 'borrow' me a couple times a week. and continued to fuck me while my teachers graded my tests from final week. all naked and now nursing glasses of wine as they enjoyed watching me get fucked to death.

★ . . . eventually the principal vice principal and the school parent committee all had to leave. but not after taking there fare share of photo's and video's of my messy fucked out form. while also covering me in one final orgasm. before stepping over my limp abused body. leaving without another look.

★ . . . leaving me with my teacher once again. who first scolded me for failing all my test. before beginning my punishment. but stopped for a second when I cried saying my parents are waiting for me. see I had been trapped in the staff room all day and the sun was minutes away from setting. but they all told me not to worry as they had called my parents to let them know I will be taking private tutoring sessions which require me to stay in school full time. and they shouldn't expect me home for the foreseeable future. and to my horror they agreed signing the legal paper work with out batting an eye.

★ . . . "your folks were rather eager to sign you over to us, though I can blame them a stupid fucking whore like you could test even a saints patience. oh don't cry love we've found something your actually good at, being a brain dead slut! isn't that amazing?"

★ . . . and with that my punishment began. rape me till I was pregnant. which I didn't even have the energy to fight. as I was too tired and not on birth control. so I was definitely getting knocked up. and there was nothing I could do to stop it. while they all whisper filthy words in my ear. about how I'll definitely get pregnant with there rape baby. so I'll be forced to drop out and have to rely on them. but I shouldn't worry they'll all take turns looking after me. locking me up in there homes. keeping me naked well fucked and full of cum. letting them and there partners heck even there parents have there way with me. like the true whore that I am. but that was for later !!

[entitled-fangirl]

Two idiots in love. (P10)

Joel Miller x anemic!reader

Summary: the reader gets taken by David. And Joel will do anything to get her back.

Warnings: bruises, creepy comments, kidnapping, manipulation, name-calling, cursing

Author's note: I think 3 updates in one day is enough lmao

Masterlist

Part 1 and 11

.............................................................

Y/N woke up with a labored breath.

In fact, all of her breaths were harsh and painful.

And now that she had truly came to her senses, she couldn't remember taking her medication since Jackson.

She left her medication in Jackson.

"I started worrying you wouldn't wake up."

She sat up slowly, now realizing she was laying on cold tile in a fenced in area of the room.

And she knew that voice.

David.

She hummed, trying to collect her thoughts. 

Her shivering frame no longer had her winter coat.

Her torso was just left in a tank top and Joel's flannel.

She finally managed to look up at David.

He smiled, "Tess… is it?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. "…Tess?"

He shook his head, "Apparently not." He held up the piece of paper again, "…Y/N?"

She couldn't stop the small instinctual light up of her eyes.

He smiled again, "There she is… pretty Y/N."

In David's hands was Bill's note to Joel. She remembers Joel keeping the paper, and it must have ended up in her backpack. 

"So, is Tess the girl?"

"Stop saying that fucking name."

His eyebrows rose, "Alright. Touchy subject." He set the paper down, "I just want to get to know you. Understand you? Is that alright?"

"L…Let me out."

"Well, that's certainly the goal." She saw him grimace, "Sorry for that bruising. Can't imagine it feels nice. I talked to James about it, and I truly apologize on his behalf."

The struggle to breathe.

It was the bruising on her neck from her attempted escape.

"Are you hungry?"

"Wh…why am I in a cage?"

David shrugged, "Have you ever had a pet bird, Y/N? You have to make sure it'll stay before you let it out. Otherwise, it may fly away-"

"-Fuck you."

"Or," he continued more harshly, "More realistically, a dog. You're wild. But don't worry. We'll domesticate you. Make you obedient and respectful. Let you eat the scraps off of the table. The others want to kill you. But I saved you. I can help you. Let me protect you."

She shook her head, "We both know I'm not really on my own."

"Right," he nodded, "your family. Your husband, how is he?"

"He's not my fucking husband."

"Well, I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts. But that part of your life, it's ending. And what I'm offering you is a beginning. But if you can't find a way to trust me, then yes. You are alone."

Y/N let out a breath, pushing herself against the wall.

"Can I ask about that?" David asked.

"About what?" She replied coldly.

"That bruise on your arm. Is that… from him?"

A bruise in the shape of Joel's fingers laid around her wrist in a deep purple. It was from cleaning his wound only yesterday, and at the time, she didn't think anything of it.

She looked up at him.

"I see." He said, "You know, people that love you- truly love you- they don't hurt you."

"How the fuck would you know about love?"

"Well, I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N."

"The same bruises are on my neck."

"Those are from James. Not me. I would never hurt you. I think you're beautiful. And beauty is meant to be treasured."

"Joel wouldn't hurt me. He's not like that."

David scoffed, "Did you see what he did to Alec at the university? Snapped his neck. You think he wouldn't do that to you?"

"No. He wouldn't." She reasoned. 

"Be serious with yourself, Y/N. That man is dangerous and cruel. You deserve someone kind and protective."

"And you think that person is you?" She scoffed.

He let out a laugh, "Of course, I wish the pretty girl likes me. Who wouldn't? But, I think that's up to you to decide."

And he left her alone with her thoughts. 

…

Joel was livid.

He could barely see through the red that clouded his vision.

In the scheme of things, they had somehow taken Ellie, too. 

And Joel didn't like it when people touched his things.

He continued to punch the man taped to the chair.

"Please," the man pleased, "I don't know any woman."

Joel stabbed a blade through the man's knee.

"Marco-"

"No, no, no, no" Joel said softly, "He can't help you. You focus right here. Or I'll pop your fuckin' kneecap off."

The man took a deep breath, "She's alive."

Joel nodded, "Where?"

When the man wouldn't answer, Joel twisted the man's kneecap with his bare hands.

"Fuck, fuck! The town!"

"WHAT TOWN?!" Joel yelled.

"..S…Silver Lake."

Joel pulled out a map, setting it on the man's lap.

The same map Y/N had used in Bill's truck.

"It's not a real town name," the man said out of breath, "It's a resort."

"A resort?"

Joel sighed and pulled the blade from the man's knee, shoving the handle of it in the man's mouth harshly.

"You're gonna point to where we are, and where your "resort" is. And it better be the exact same spot you buddy over there points to."

The man did as Joel commanded, then he spit the blade out, "Go ask him. He'll tell you. I'm not lying."

Joel nodded, then shoved the knife into the man's stomach with no mercy.

The other man held hostage yelled out at the violent act. "Why did you do that? He told you what you wanted! I won't tell you SHIT!"

"That's okay," Joel said calmly as he walked to him and grabbed a bat, "I believe him."

Joel swung the bat with no remorse.

…

Y/N was sat on the floor in a panic.

A human fucking ear laid on the ground not too far from her cage.

They were cannibals.

David came in with a plate, setting it on the ground and sliding it to the hungry woman.

But the last thing she could do was eat after seeing what laid on the ground.

He noticed her gaze and followed it, then looked back with a clenched jaw, "For what it's worth, this is just deer meat. I swear."

She let out a small cry, "Are you gonna fucking eat me?"

"I'd rather not."

"How… how could you do this?"

"There are only a few of us that know." David said, "but, I would've told you. Sooner or later."

She let out another small cry.

"It was a last resort. You think this doesn't shame me?"

She sniffled lightly and looked up at him.

David grinned slightly at the eye contact, "Your friend is no different. Didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"

"He…he was defending himself."

"No, he was defending you."

Her eyes left his as she took in his words.

"Can I tell you something? Be honest with you, Y/N? I'm just a shepherd tending to my sheep. And all I want… is someone to share it with. A friend."

"What about my friend?"

He nodded, "I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They'll spare him."

"W…what?"

"If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. They do what I tell them to do."

"What about my daughter?"

He smiled, "About that…"

Her heart dropped, "Where is my girl, you sick fuck?"

"JAMES!"

James walked in with Ellie in tow. Her hands were tied behind her back and she fought against the man's movements until she saw Y/N.

David smiled, "A happy reunion, indeed."

Y/N stood and approached the bars as close as she could to Ellie. "Ellie! Are… Jesus, are you alright?"

Ellie nodded.

"Let her go, David. She didn't do anything. I'm the adult here. Blame me. Just… let her go, please. Don't touch her."

The preacher sighed, "Well, I really want to, sweetheart. But… I have to domesticate the dog, remember? So, I take something that the dog loves, like…. Ellie, you said?… and I dangle her in front of the dog's nose. The dog will now do anything I say to ensure it gets what it wants."

"I'm not a dog, David."

He smiles, "No…?"

James pulls on Ellie's hair, making her cry out.

"STOP IT!" Y/N yells, "STOP! Fine! I'll do anything. Anything, please. Don't touch her!"

"C'mere then."

She approached where David stood on the other side of the bars.

His hand wandered to her cheek.

It made her remember Joel's touch.

But they were nothing alike.

David smiled, letting his voice drop to in intimate volume due to the proximity, "And now, the pretty bitch bows to her master."

He turns around, "Put the girl in there."

When Ellie is thrown into the cage, Y/N immediately takes her in her arms.

They watch the men leave the room.

"Where are you hurt?!" Y/N asked frantically.

Ellie shakes her head, "I'm fine. Just… scared."

"And Joel?"

Ellie shrugs, "I heard voices, so I did what I could to lead them from the house. Got the horse shot. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, "I don't give a shit about the horse. You're okay, and that's all the matters."

…

A few hours later, the two found themselves a little more relaxed.

David had left them alone for the last 4 hours.

"Y/N?" Ellie asked. "I have something to confess…"

The woman nods, "Okay."

"It's really bad…."

"Bad as in… you killed someone? That's not exactly considered bad anymore."

"No…I… I read the note."

Y/N froze. "What note?"

"The one Joel left for you in Jackson."

Y/N didn't know what to say, "How… when did you… Ellie…?"

"I saw it when I went to the bathroom before we left. I just… I don't know. Part of me hoped that Joel had left it for me. I understand why he left one for you, but…. I couldn't help myself. And I'm sorry for reading it."

"It's fine, Ellie. Really."

Silence.

"Did you want to know what it said?"

"Well," Y/N shrugged, "that depends. Is it something I have to know?"

Ellie considered the question, then shook her head. 

"Okay then. Is it something I'd want to know?"

Ellie immediately nodded.

"Hmm. Would this information change what I have with Joel? And with you?"

Ellie frowned in thought, then nodded, "Yeah. Big time."

Y/N sighed, "Well, I don't care then. I like what I have with you and Joel. I don't want to change it. I'd rather live life not knowing anything and having you two, then to know everything in the world and live without Joel and my daughter."

Ellie let out a shuddered breath at her response.

"Joel also said he loves you."

Y/N's head shoots up, "…what?"

"I won't get into details but… it was all mushy about how much he loves you and how you ground him… all the shit he'll never say out loud."

Y/N nodded. "I see. I hope Joel is out there looking for us then."

"Me, too."

If only they knew.

............................................................................

Tags: @lover-of-books-and-tea, @pedropascalfan221, @lottieellz101, @bambisweethearts, @hiroikegawa, @elliaze, @littleshadow17, @n7cje

[wishful-thinking64]

One Hell of an Unpopular Opinion #03

Characters like Barbie Wire, Chaz, Crimson, Octavia, and Stella only exist as plot devices to garner sympathy for other characters. _______ I knew fully well that Chaz and Crimson were going to merely be plot devices for Moxxie the more I watched Exes & Oohs. And sure enough, Chaz was killed at the end of that very episode and Crimson is yet another wacky cartoon villain that the narrative expects for you to take seriously. Both of these characters existed so that the audience could gain sympathy (or at least pity) for Moxxie being raised in a Mafia family and having been abused as a child along with being betrayed by his ex-boyfriend (who also happened to be Millie's ex-boyfriend for some reason.) Other than Moxxie's Mafia family upbringing making zero sense the more you think about it, Viv has basically done this exact backstory before in the form of Angel Dust (with the whole mobster backstory who was also abused by his father.) However, the Exes & Oohs episode and title actually stems from one of the HH mockup episodes that was originally about Charlie and Vaggie coming across Charlie's ex, Seviathan (yes, that's what Viv named him), and his sister, Helsa, while they were at a dinner party.

Now, do I think Chaz and Crimson could've had the potential to be good characters? In all honesty, no. Especially not Chaz. The guy is a harmful stereotype of pansexual people and how, "They'll sleep with anyone," which no, they won't. I'm not pansexual myself but that thought process is as gross as it is fucking stupid. The only person who I've seen even re-writing Chaz has been Loves Art23 (I mainly know her for YouTube videos being critical on Hazbin Hotel + Helluva Boss along with other shows like the disaster known as High Guardian Spice) and I think she's done a fairly good job so kudos to her for making him work. Personally, though I'm scrapping him as that gives me one less character to worry about when re-writing HB. Crimson would have to be heavily and I mean HEAVILY reworked/re-written in order for him to make any actual sense. That and I'm tired of every character having some variation of the same daddy issues in the Hellaverse. Which means he's also gonna get axed from me. Moving onto the ladies I mentioned, let's start off with Barbie Wire.

Having been foreshadowed since the pilot of I.M.P. (as seen when Tilla was still Barb's and Blitzo's older sister rather than their mother) Barbie Wire was an anticipated character by fans for years! And then her actual appearance finally happened in Unhappy Campers, an episode hated by practically everyone who saw it, and no one really cared about her showing up, other than the fact that the writers thought that having her seduce a BARELY legal adult would make for a good joke, when in reality, it only made everybody uncomfortable and several people dislike Barbie because of it. Sure, near the end of the episode she had that "emotional" scene with Blitzo that wants the viewers to feel bad for him and Barbie before she left but in the long run it didn't matter as fans barely even talk about it because of how uneventful it truly was. So, with that out of the way, would I keep Barbie Wire around for a rewrite of HB? To that I say, yes! There are several paths Barbie Wire's overall character could go in. If you're mainly sticking to canon, then what you have to work with is a former circus performer who lost her mother in a fire caused by her twin brother that left his own best friend to rot and be disabled for the rest of his life. It's very likely that this very fire, caused her to be out of a job and probably even homeless for a bit which could explain why she ended up becoming both a drug attic and a drug dealer. Homelessness is one of the few things that nobody wants to experience. It causes people to be filled with a sense of overwhelming loneliness and desperation as many of them either believe that there's nothing they can do or they do anything and everything that they can to get out of it even if that means resorting to crime. If you wanted to have her be loosely based on canon instead, you could make it to where she never learned about who started the fire and actually stuck with Blitzo well into adulthood. Have her become one of the members of I.M.P. and later down the line have her learn through someone like Fizz or maybe Cash (her and Blitzo's father) what actually went down that day. Have her be rightfully pissed off at Blitzo for screwing over multiple people along with being the one responsible for killing their mom. Anyway, let's proceed onto Stella and her daughter Octavia.

As much as the narrative wants me to hate Stella with a burning passion cause she hurts Stolas, I can't do it for multiple reasons but I'll list my top three. #01.) Stella's just as (if not even more so) stuck in this arranged loveless marriage as Stolas is. #02.) If the man I had no choice in marrying not only cheated on me with a man from one of the lowest classes in all of Hell but IN OUR OWN HOME & SHARED BEDROOM NO LESS? OH, FUCK NO!

#03.) This woman had to spend 9 months having to nourish and care for a baby inside her stomach that she had with a man that didn't even want to sleep with her. On top of that, she had to have become pregnant with Octavia when she was a young adult since current day Stolas and Stella are only in their mid 30s. I need you to let that information sink in.

In short, I can't hate Stella for loathing Viv's pathetic self insert bird twink with every fiber of her being.

Having said that, would I have Stella in my HB rewrite? Well, considering that I plan on keeping the war that happened in the bible that caused Lucifer and several angels to fall from grace, one of which being Stolas. Kind of. Allow me to elaborate, I would keep Stella as Octavia's mother but I wouldn't have her marry Stolas. I'd have her be a surrogate mother that way Stolas still gets an heir and Octavia could still exist. Speaking of Octavia...

We all know that she exists to make Stolas look like a better person as several stans of this show love to say how much of a good dad Stolas is when he isn't. He neglects Octavia frequently in favor of Blitzo and only pays attention to her when she's gone although EVEN THAT doesn't last long as shown in Seeing Stars where HE KNEW Octavia was missing on Earth but rather than ACTIVELY look for his daughter, what does he do? HE SITS THROUGH A STUPID LIVE COMEDY SHOW CAUSE BLITZO IS PERFORMING! HE COMPLETELY SIDELINES HIS OWN DAUGHTER IN FAVOR OF A LIVE COMEDY SHOW!

God, Octavia deserves so much better than to have a dad like him. I'm keeping Octavia for my HB rewrite so that this poor girl not only realizes how much of a bastard her dad is but eventually gets the found family she deserves. I don't plan for it to be through I.M.P. though. In closing, the characters of this show deserve to be better developed but especially the women in them.

_______

That was a long one to get through cause it's been on my mind for a while. Thank you all for reading through it and bye for now everybody!

[velvetvexations]

I feel like a lot of the trans women saying that masculinity/manhood is always rewarded in everyone because patriarchy often forget that the opposite is true, actually, for people who are seen as women/put in the "woman" category.

Because yes, trans women are usually forced into manhood and "rewarded" for being men, and punished for being women. But that's not because manhood is universally rewarded in everyone, but because partriarchy sees having been born with a penis as "man".

It also sees being born with a vagina as "woman", and every deviation from that is *also* punished.

Yes, people who are seen as women/girls may have more freedom in expression of gender (depending on where they are from. I hate when ppl act like people afab everywhere can just dress like men without punishment. There are so many countries with laws on what "women" (and those treated as women because of their agab) can wear, and if anyone believes for one second that breaking these laws is REWARDED in any way, they're so fucking deep in their own head and need to talk to someone from these countries) but that freedom was fought for by feminists! Feminists have fought to be simply just allowed to wear pants. It's ridiculous to look at how it is now (in the western world) and make conclusions on that without looking at *why* it is that way now and how it was before.

And people are usually expected to grow out of their tomboy-"phase" by the time they reach their late teens, or early twenties at latest, and become a feminine woman, wife, and mother. If you don't do that, your masculinity gets punished.

And the masculinity of people afab is also only (begrudgingly) accepted (in SOME places in the world) as long as they're still visible as women or girls and their masculinity is hot and serves cishet men. As soon as they step "too far" out of these roles (by being non-binary or men, or being "ugly", fat, or anything that would make them "undesirable"), their masculinity gets punished. Horribly.

It's really infuriating when (trans)radfem trans women try to act like their experiences are universal and whenever someone says something that disagrees with them, they must be lying or "delusional" (yay, ableism! so progressive /s) for thinking that they were, in fact, punished for their masculinity or manhood...

Sorry for unloading this on you, didn't know where else to put it. And thank you so much for listening.

I think a major issue here is that no matter how much we try to reason things out and work through why they act the way they do, radical feminism, trans or cis, ultimately comes down, at some point, to a deliberate decision to prioritize egocentrism and their own desires over seeing other people as real, actual people - not even other transfems, who they just sexualize and try to control, or call a TERF if they can't. And it's hard to reason with that.

Like, they have to know on some level that they hyperinflate trans women in particular being "socially murdered"* to use as social capital and terrorize younger** transfems into isolating themselves. Maybe a very long time ago for some of them it came from the distress they felt from the legitimately immense danger transfems face in a variety of contexts, but they've shot far beyond that now and just don't really care. They've built a cage of unreality around themselves that makes me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

Like the other day, I was talking to one who insisted that the tee-em-ees will not show up for me. Like, I said they did, and she said they won't, and I was like, but they DO! They have! Always! I've seen it with my own eyes, directly for me specifically! But it was just "who hurt you," "let yourself be angry," "don't settle for just scraps," "they won't treat you better if you throw yourself at their feet," "social murder," and it's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE? WAS THIS A DREAM YOU HAD?

And what about the deliberately cruel fuckery, the constant derision of the most petty things like forcemasc? What the fuck do they get out of wrongly asserting that women are never punished for masculinity and never have a problem with being viewed as masculine, like why are they doing that, what is their goal? Because it seems like it's literally just "mock and invalidate the sexual interests of others and deem it an inferior copy of our thing."

What do they get out of misgendering cis and trans men for forcefem funsies and telling them to suck it up? They don't really believe that their forcefem joke is the only thing that might make an egg crack. That's extremely obviously a lie. They're doing it because they want to, because it's their kink, because they don't care about the feelings of other people, and they can use transmisogyny as a convenient defense when people ask them to moderate literally any of their behavior for the comfort of everyone else to literally any extent while demanding everyone else shut up and defer to them on every single topic in every single situation.

And this stuff with D20 and Ophiuchus and the transmasc character being treated better? A lie. Just fully making it up. Inventing it. Fabricating it. For attention.

I've never had one acknowledge it when I've tried to explain that I first learned about all of this from transmasc friends bringing it to me so they could defer to my opinion.

They're determined to stay like this. It sucks.

*truly a phrase that makes me livid to even think about now, they reduce it to about the same level of seriousness as forcefem jokes, every single time it's so thoughtlessly hollow and self-obsessed but you could guess that from it being a fair description of every thought they externalize

**let me make this clear, I'm referring to young adults, I am not accusing anyone of being predatory towards minors nor am I saying the motivations are necessarily sexual anyway, although clearly transradfems don't care about the effect their hyperbole will have on the mental health of minors exposed to it and trained from a young age to never trust anyone, so underage transfems are very much a concern here, but not in the sense that they're being directly and personally abused in any way

[blackjackkent]

While testing something in BG3 earlier, I ended up wandering into the initial encounter at Elerrathin's Home WITHOUT Jaheira and discovered some new dialogue I hadn't seen before! Posting it here as part of my ongoing duty to provide any and all Jaheira-related content possible.

This is probably not an exhaustive collection of all dialogue available in this scenario, but I've dug up as much as I can (and done my best to clean up the often interconnected dialogue leaves into something readable :P ).

-----

Starting with Fig!

FIG: Oi, stop a moment! FIG: Right. You look harmless enough. The commander keeps an open house, so you may pass. PLAYER: Who's the commander? FIG: That's secret. And anyway, she's away, so Rion's in charge. So be nice to Rion, or I'll kick you out. (OR) PLAYER: Thank you, noble sentinel. FIG: I'm not a centipede, I'm a guard. (OR, if Minsc present) PLAYER: Wait, little girl - how do you know Minsc? FIG: I'm not a little girl, I'm a warrior. MINSC: Even I could have told you - this was a silly thing to say. FIG: Now pass!

On subsequent conversations:

FIG: Move on. Commander might be away, but I keep a tidy house for her.

-----

Rion and Jord have different ambient banter when you get inside!

RION: Where's the boy got to, Jord? JORD: The boy is upstairs. The girls were a little rough in their play earlier. (Devnote: Wry - emphasis on 'the boy' is in response to Rion calling the youngest child that instead of his name. 'The girls' is an echo of that stress") RION: Chauntea's cheeks, I told them to give him space. That's two volunteers for dishes later, then. (Devnote: Dark foreboding - the girls are in trouble)

JORD: Telk says they shut the Church of Last Hope down. RION: And how did Telk see that, through the bottom of her drinking mug? (Devnote: Snorting, derisive of this friend of the family) JORD: She was stone cold sober. Heard it from Mother Aramina herself - the Steel Watch said they were only 'encouraging the refugees into an unlawful gathering'. (Devnote: Grim humour, passing on stories from the city to his sister) RION: Aye. A warm meal and a scrap of rags to sleep on must be very encouraging. Well, the mother knows-- (Sarcastic - what little the refugees were being offered was hardly reason to shut the shelter down) JORD: That we have space to spare if she needs it. Aye, I passed it on. (Devnote: Smoothly reassuring, cutting his sister off - she doesn't need to worry, he already passed on what she was going to ask.)

RION: Throw some cabbage on your list for the market, Jord. JORD: You know I could just grow it myself. Even a lowly apprentice can manage that much. (Devnote: A little affronted - he's in training as a druid, not fully in his power yet) RION: I know you can, brother. Just being careful - don't want the young ones going all weird from eating mystical greens. (Devnote: Tone is 'hey, I mean no offense') JORD: What do you mean, 'weird'? (Devnote: Now very affronted - his sister has implied his magically cultivated food would poison the kids) RION: Well. Fig. (Devnote: Shrugging - using the youngest of their siblings as an example of how the kids are weird. Just her name alone is argument enough.) JORD: Ah. Fig. Yeah, fair enough. (Devnote: Anger dissipating into immediate agreement - Fig IS weird )

-----

Speaking to Rion first:

RION: Make a habit of just letting yourself into people's homes, do you? My mother's not here, if that's who you've come to see. (If Minsc present) MINSC: Eh, Rion...? We know your mother is not here. She is travelling with us. (Devnote: Speaking up as Rion hasn't seen him yet - a little sheepish to correct her) RION: Minsc? I don't understand - she was chasing down the cult for a lead to save you. If she's already done it... MINSC: Ah, well. If Boo were to be technical, he would say that it is not Jaheira alone who saved Minsc. It was this one here. (Devnote: Still a little sheepish, no direct gesture to player) PLAYER: Who's your mother? RION: ...So you're not here to see her? Who are you, then? It's a bold thief who would just stroll into the druid Jaheira's home. Still time to turn around and go. PLAYER: Wait - I know Jaheira. I've just returned to the city with her. RION: She's... she's alive? Who are you to her - a Harper? PLAYER: A friend. Though maybe not so close as I'd hoped - she never mentioned you. (OR) I'm [NAME]. Your mother hasn't mentioned me in any letters? RION: Don't be too wounded. Up until this moment, she was missing - presumed dead out in the shadowlands. (OR) PLAYER: Allies. We fought General Ketheric Thorm together. RION: General...? We'd heard of the cult army heading this way - I assumed she'd died trying to stop it. RION: But... she's alive. EVERYONE, SHE'S ALIVE! RION: Bring her here. So we can kill her.

On subsequent conversations:

RION: Bring Jaheira home. We are in dire need of a mother-daughter chat.

Rion also has two unique dialogues if you speak to her directly as Minsc. The first, if Jaheira IS present and had the intro conversation:

RION: I hear you've been causing mother some trouble. Remember what I told you about causing mother trouble? MINSC: There was talk of your hammer. And... Minsc's head as the anvil. RION: Good boy. Just remember, Fig has always wanted a hamster. MINSC: Boo would be proud, to join such a warrior in battle! MINSC: But Minsc would be dead. You are heard and understood, Rion.

The second, if Jaheira is NOT present AND Rion doesn't know she's alive yet:

RION: Minsc. I... wasn't expecting to see you. If you're looking for mother, I... well. There's no easy way to say it: she's dead. The great Jaheira finally her match, taking down General Ketheric Thorm out in the shadowlands. MINSC: Ah... Rion? Minsc does not like to correct you, but... I think you are mistaken. Jaheira is not dead! Just a short time ago, she pretended to be angry at Boo for rolling around in her herb-pouch. (This then leads to the above "EVERYONE, SHE'S ALIVE!" line.)

-----

Speaking to Jord first:

JORD: If you're here about the vines, I've cleared them off the neighbouring houses already. Can't promise it'll be the last time. The druid's away for a while - I'm just her son. And apprentice too, for my sins. (If Minsc present) MINSC: Aha! Jaheira has left you some tasks while she was away, Jord? JORD: Minsc? She's not... away. She's gone. I am sorry. MINSC: And I am confused. She is not with us at this very moment, no - but she's around the city somewhere. (Devnote: Quizzical) JORD: What? You know where mum is? Tell Rion - quickly! (Otherwise) PLAYER (DRUID): An urban grove is nothing strange. Life takes many forms, and nature is hardier than any stone walls. JORD: YES! Thank you. Meet my mother when she returns - put it that way, and you might just convince her. (OR) PLAYER: Why would this place need a druid? It's a house, in the middle of the city. JORD: You think like my mother - that's why she keeps a small grove here. To 'return nature to the unnatural'. JORD: Me, I don't think nature ever left. People lay down cobbles, aye, but seeds still sprout between the cracks. (OR) PLAYER: Who's your mother? JORD: Oh. I... took you for a friend of hers. The druid, Jaheira? (OR) PLAYER: I know Jaheira. We're travelling together, in fact. JORD: What? You know where mum is? Tell Rion - quickly!

On subsequent conversations:

JORD: Bring mum back. It won't come to blows, whatever Rion says. Probably, it won't.

Jord also has a unique conversation if initially spoken to as Minsc directly:

JORD: Minsc? MINSC: Jord! I think this druidry suits you - you have grown taller than Minsc! (Devnote: Happy to see Jaheira's son) JORD: You've come back at a... sad time, ranger. Jaheira's gone. MINSC: I am not sure why this is such sad news...? Your mother is with us! Not this very moment, no - Boo thinks she is probably shouting at a tree stump somewhere. (Devnote: Quizzical - doesn't understand that Jord thinks Jaheira is dead) JORD: Wait - what? You know where mum is? Tell Rion - quickly!

-----

And finally Jhessem and Tate, who each only have a couple interaction lines each to direct the player back towards Rion and Jord:

JHESSEM: Greetings, saer. You have not been announced to this court, and we deign not to speak with thee.

JHESSEM: You may enjoy the freedom of our manor house, so long as you behave in a way befitting nobility.

TATE: Y-you're not meant to b-be here.

TATE: Our m-mother wouldn't like strangers in the house. She could k-kick your behind.

-----

I love them all, your honor! (Particularly how excited they all clearly are to learn Jaheira is alive, even though Rion tries to cover it with a tough front. <3 <3 <3 )

[arcane-vagabond]

Hey.

Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.

So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.

I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.

Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.

I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.

Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.

The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.

How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.

Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.

Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.

Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.

To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.

Nothing but love,

Liz 💛

[medicinemane]

Well, I seem to have gotten my minecart system working. No lost carts this time

Just... slowed the whole system way way way down, after a lot of research the best answer seems to be that too many carts too quick overwhelms the hopper, and taking a closer look as I was dismantling things showed me that the observer was managing to send two pulses

So I added my go to comparator decay clock and then with a little work put a falling edge monostable circuit (ie a piston with an observer on it that triggers nothing when pushed but something when pulled back), so basically it's extended when the signal is decaying and only goes off once the signal dies... double pulse from the observer just extends the timer

Still reasonably depressed. I've said it before, I'm just brittle at this point. It's not like some stupid cart system in minecraft is making me want to die... I'm just fucking tired of living, so guess what? This just adds to the list of reasons to fuck off

Nothing I do matters. This doesn't matter in the slightest. I build it more compulsively than with any purpose

I want to finish that mountain base (which is still probably a few years off at least at this pace), and I just kinda want to finish it cause I want to finish it... but can you honestly say that once it's all said and done, that I won't just pass it to my friend who I play with, and then in like 20 years when I'm dead it won't fall victim to digital decay without anyone even having seen it?

Like be honest for a minute, it's not gonna stop me working on it, but be honest and ask yourself... will anyone besides one other person even see it?

I don't need a million fans or something, I'd just like some of the shit I do to matter or last a bit... and nothing does

Tell me a single thing I've done that actually has some kind of meaningful impact... or anything that I'll ever do

[plasticfreckles]

🪶 rookanis origin story feat. davrin enjoy 🪶

"Is anyone else hungry? Maybe I should cook something."

Lucanis doesn't even get to finish his sentence before the sound of Rook's rumbling tummy drowns his words out entirely. So that's a yes on the question.

Rook wraps both arms over her belly, her blush even visible on her tan skin in the candlelight.

Davrin says something to her, but Lucanis' mind is already on the food. The dough he'd made in the morning should be good to go; if there's still some lardon left, maybe a firecake.

Rook sits down in the chair next to Davrin, kicks off her sage green friulanes and pulls up her legs to hug her knees as she answers.

"Neve and Harding didn't tell you about our hunt for Solas, then?"

Funny how her voice halts all other thoughts in his mind and makes him hone in on the sound of it, now.

"They don't tell it the way you would."

She hides her shy smile behind her knees.

"I mean, it ended with the elven god of lies in my head. Is that enough to win the 'worst job' contest?"

"You're joining us, then?" Rook nods, then hits her chin on her kneecap so hard it audibly knocks her teeth together. She holds her jaw in both hands like a scraped elbow.

"Fine," Lucanis says, and puts down his coffee cup. "I'll cook something, if Rook's staying."

"Oh, you don't have to cook just because I'm here," Rook mumbles into her fingers. "I was gonna get some fruit and chocolate to melt."

He doesn't tell her his mind about cooking was made up the second she walked through the door.

"It's no trouble. I have some overdue dough sitting around, anyway."

"Can I help?"

"No, no. You sit down. Let me get you some juice." Davrin groans and takes a generous swig of sugar rum straight from the bottle.

Lucanis had forgotten he's even there.

"Gods, you two are gross."

Lucanis can feel Rook's eyes on him as he walks to his dough basket, and knows the way she's relaxing into her seat, hears the playfulness in her voice as she retorts.

"We're not doing anything!" A creak, as someone leans over and plucks some fruit from the platter. The sound of the fabric makes him think it's Rook; satin snagging on woodsplint.

"Exactly. Don't even wanna know what you get up to when you're alone."

"What we're getting up to when we're alone is no business of yours!" Her tone simmers down. "Lucanis, could you pass me the blanket, since you're already up, please?"

"You're sitting on it." Lucanis sets down her quince juice, steadies her with a hand on her elbow as she hovers mid-air and pulls the fabric out from under herself. Davrin groans again and takes another sip of rum.

"Rook," Davrin says, after both of them hover near each other for an amount of time it became awkward even to Lucanis, who needs to share her space like he needs air to breathe. "Antaam. Go."

Rook does that elf thing with her eyes, where she both blinks and flicks her irises back and forth at such an odd pace he can witness both actions frame per frame. She's annoyed with Davrin. When Lucanis returns to his kitchentop, to roll out his dough and spread the cream ferment on it, she settles back into her chair and fidgets with the tassels on her blanket.

"Well, I got off a contract, went back to the Diamond, and passed these unreasonably large Antaam rounding up civilians. Asked them why."

"You asked the Antaam why they rounded up people of the city they occupy?"

Rook sniffs. Lucanis wants to sniff, too, but for him, it's because of the shallots he's chopping up. First Trevisan batch of the year is always so full of oils.

"No. I asked the civilians. We were close to the canal openings, just outside Drowned Treviso, so I figured they were begging for scraps or peddling what little belongings they had left."

"That's a shit reason to arrest somebody," Davrin replies, as though the Wardens have any leverage to judge people's arrests.

"Yeah, but at least it is a reason. Someone somewhere cared enough about - I don't know, reputation or some shit - to pull some half-cocked explanation out of their ass. Even if it's just I never fucked a knife-ear and you're unfortunately the first one I came across." There's a familiar bitterness in her words that makes Lucanis turn from his firecake and look at her.

He's the human heir to the First Talon of the Antivan Crows. He tends to forget the hardships of others - especially elves that aren't under Crow protection.

"But no. Nothing. No reason at all. Girl I asked was hysterical. The Antaam closest to us smacked her so hard she went flying. Broke her nose landing and everything. And then I lost it." Rook laughs, suddenly, glances over at Lucanis, flour on his fingers and holding onto the ovenpaddle.

"Imagine being an Antaam occupying Treviso and not knowing how to deal with Crows. Five Oxmen twice my height in under three minutes. Personal record."

Davrin whistles. Rook carries on without a care. Oh, not an uncomfortable laugh, then. Lucanis returns to shoving the firecakes in the oven.

"Anyway, it turns out - Lucanis, what are you doing? I thought you said snacks, not second dinner."

"Coffee," he replies, shrugging. Some of the water in the kettle spills to the floor. "The residual heat from the oven will make the water boil faster."

"What are you making, anyway?"

When Rook wanders over to the stove, Davrin trails behind her.

"Firecakes. I had some sourdough leftover from the bread. Quick and easy."

"Wicked."

Davrin reaches past Lucanis, grabs the cheap white cooking wine from the shelf and retreats back to the coffee table.

"Rook. What did it turn out?"

"Hmm?" She tears her eyes away from Lucanis' forearms. What is it with her and his forearms? It makes him both relieved and ashamed he hasn't inherited the Dellamortes' extra hairy arms.

"Before you got your eyes stuck on your boytoy like teens in the hay-" Rook scoffs. Lucanis could swear she rolls her ears as well as her eyes. "You said your Losing It turned something out. What was it?"

"Oh." She takes the seasondish and walks back over. She sits back in her seat, but Davrin's no longer in his - he'd moved over, so Rook and himself could sit together.

Lucanis might just get him a good wine next time he goes for groceries.

"Turns out a couple of those folks rounded up by the Antaam were in fact planted by the Talons. They were supposed to figure out where their cells are."

"That sounds like a suicide mission."

"I agree." When Lucanis presents her with a plate of firecake, she spares him a small, grateful smile that somehow outshines the Rivaini sun on polished gold. "Think that I actually said that in front of the other Talons was what got Viago to oust me. Of course I mess up one time and that's when he decides to get a big head about stabbing his own mother."

"He killed his own mother?"

Rook and Lucanis shrug in unison. He knows this without looking over to her because her shrug moves her blanket and with it, the tassels that Spite started chewing on the second she sat back down. Lucanis hopes she won't notice the wet.

"Normal Crow ascension. Also, not the point of the story. Oh, this is good. The dill really puts a spin on it I didn't expect."

"Well," he says. "Most everything's better with dill on it." Her elbow digs in the skin of his forearm. It hurts, just a little, at the wound that never really healed that he doesn't care to cut back open to properly sew it shut.

Despite it being his dominant hand, he can't close cuts with his right to save anyone's life.

Rook smiles and agrees with him all the same.

"So what is the point of the story?" Davrin doesn't stop eating to ask. His S'es get worn down with his biting off his cake slice while talking.

"Hm? Oh, Varric was with those uprounded folks. Tracked me down and recruited me to hunt down his old pal who needs a stern talking-to. Not like I had anything better to do. Or anywhere else to go."

Lucanis turns to look at her. The kettle's wheezing, and his own firecake slices are growing cold, but it doesn't matter.

Not when his question is burning on his mind like that.

"How did that make you his second-in-command?" Rook leans on his shoulder, without a care in the world. Takes another bite and turns to look up at him.

Lucanis finds he doesn't mind her affections in front of others. He finds he doesn't even know why he would care to.

"Fuck if I know. But it turned out all right in the end. I met you, didn't I?"

How could he mind it, if it drives Davrin up the wall like that?

🪶

powered by i don't know how to feed myself ✌️

davrin seems like the kinda guy to do that bts namjoon pissy jawpop thing ⏬️

the jawpop thing i find so incredibly sexy and due to my rona-induced hyperfixation with bts I've had for like a whole entire year that made me adopt the jawpop thing

[~rina]

[thespineoftherighteous]

My aftg take is that kevdrew? Kevandreil whatever those ships are called just would not work with the canon characters. Kevin and Andrew’s whole thing is that Kevin pushes Andrew out of his boundaries and doesn’t take his no’s. They wouldn’t not work romantically or sexually because of this!! Neil and Andrew’s biggest motivating factor when it comes to exploring their relationship is that Neil accepts Andrew’s no’s which makes Andrew comfortable enough to show that side of him. There’s a reason the poly angle was scrapped. I get that it’s like hot or whtv but pls be fr. They’re gunna kill me, your honor lol

interesting interesting!! me personally I think kandreil/kandrew is def fun but whatever is going on with Andrew and Kevin is way more interesting than being boyfriend's. I think that they both push each other out of their boundaries actually and that's hugely what's so fascinating about them. they can push and shove each other and get to each other farther than anyone else is capable of. you could make a very fair point of saying it's not healthy or even toxic etc but I don't think that's something they particularly care about.

however, you say that Kevin wouldn't respect Andrew in a romantic/sexual relationship and I disagree with that. I think that Kevin in a true romantic relationship would actually be very different from what we see of him throughout the whole series. I'm a little rusty on the details but I'm pretty sure that the instances we get of Kevin pushing Andrew (+anyone else) are all exy related— that's what Kevin is the most passionate about and that's what drives him to push into people so much. in fact, you can even see it in the scenes in which Kevin's present but the focus isn't exy that he's kind of mellow and far far less intense than how he is regarding anything exy/Ravens/moriyamas.

that's not to say the relationship wouldn't mean anything to him, so much as I think that he'd be less abrasive and more compliant? if not submissive, than what you're suggesting

even if it's something he didn't conform to immediately the way Neil did, I think that he would adapt to Andrew's boundaries as soon as Andrew checked him for it.