#but you know. its hard to think straight and respect myself sometimes

[nocturnal-nexu]

OK y'all, so Mace Windu.

I'm re-watching "The Zilo Beast" and I'm finding myself respecting him more and more.

I feel like Mace gets a bad rap sometimes. I think some people think he was a bit too hard on Anakin, contributing to his fall, and aren't much for his serious disposition.

And while I, too, am not usually drawn to serious characters, his characterization in this episode was a treat to watch.

The Dugs and the Chancellor just straight up want to kill the Zilo, even knowing it's the last of its species, and Mace is here going, "So yall just okay with rendering these creatures extinct? What the heck guys!?"

He stands up for what he believes is morally right, even at the risk of losing a treaty with the Dugs. He believes that killing off an entire species for the "greater good" of signing a treaty and acquiring fuel for their ships is not a fair trade, nor something a Jedi would condone. And he makes known his position on the matter, even when both sides of the treaty agree that it would be in their best interest to kill the beast.

In the end, even if you don't stand by the Jedi council in everything they do, I believe that the Jedi themselves are supposed to value all life in the highest regard. (A view that the war has definitely skewed for some of the younger padawans.)

Basically, Mace stood up for what he believed in, and I respect the heck out of him for it.

[tirfpikachu]

as someone who has a complete distrust of anyone who labels themselves as radfems since they seem to be (at least a loud minority on every platform) straight up right-wing and racist, thank you for reminding me that some of yall are sane and normal. i don't consider myself a radical feminist by any means and i still dont want to touch the radfem community w a 10ft pole (im a transmasc lesbian of colour... i just cant trust it) but its cool to know theres some people who are normal over there. rock on

THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I RARELY GET SUPPORT FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE TUNGLR BORDER SO I TRULY REALLY APPRECIATE IT 🙏 this made me smile so much!

i really am trying very hard to build my lil corner of radblr and encourage nuance, as well as fighting bigotry and tradwife type shit within radfem spaces! i'm trying to make people realize that all marginalized folks can learn to be better allies to one another, while still acknowledging afab/female-specific oppression & celebrating all kinds of gayness, including exclusive same-sex (agab) attraction; aka what's traditionally been called homosexuality. i want to welcome everyone who directly faces or has faced misogyny irl into complex feminist discussions in good faith without aggression, without slurs or unnecessary personal attacks. i want radfem/nuancefem talks to involve terms like male/female as purely sex-based terms like amab/afab, and for trans men to not be any less of a man in society just bc they're female, and ofc for trans women to be as much my sisters as any cis/bio woman so long as they still recognize their male/amab upbringing, and show equal respect to me & my specific struggles as a female person. i have had incredible talks with all kinds of folks in my server! from transmasc radfems to the most wonderful transfem allies, and some folks who add intersex/DSD nuance to our conversations. i don't believe in misgendering, slurs, or anything of the sort to do anything other than harm ppl who struggle with a very debilitating disorder, dysphoria, one that i struggled with for years and years. that's not the way to help anyone! we do still need more open talks about detransition, and plans on how to prevent even more detransitioners, since there really is a higher number of detrans cases than ever before. people who now, like me, struggle with reverse dysphoria and often need expensive procedures. i also want us to talk about transfem experiences, and just gnc male experiences in general, not just to offer support but also learn more about the intricacies of the patriarchy which is essential for my specific brand of radical feminism. i've nicknamed it as tirfism, or me being a nuancefem - a feminist who is against the way mainstream feminism & qweer activism is currently handling female-specific and homosexual issues, and aims to foster nuance on complex topics!

there are more of us than you'd ever imagine, and we're finally managing to find eachother. i highly recommend reading through @pokegyns for more nuanced takes from my lovely server friends. i believe trans voices are essential to nuancefeminism and tirfism, and i'm very blessed to have lovely transmasc & transfem mods on my server. they provide fascinating insights that we really need right now. it's also very comforting to know that there are nuanced trans people in the modern world... sometimes it feels like the lgbt community is completely close-minded to discussions of female-specific oppression and homosexuality. but that actually isn't the case! i think there's a lot of discomfort going around feminist & lgbtq communities, and it's reaching the boiling point. so long as people like you anon are out there willing to research and learn more about non-transphobic, anti-conservative radical feminism and dispell myths about us, i know we will be alright in the end and a bridge between all the marginalized communities is still possible in the near future if we keep working on it. thank you so much for reaching out!!

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Ten (Part 2)

I smile and shake my head, because I’m sure that I won’t be. Jude shuffles on the bed to readjust himself, and when he settles, his leg is resting against mine. It’s warm, mine feels cold. I notice it and wait for him to move but he doesn’t, so I just let our skin touch, and I get a shiver from my toes to the top of my head.

“When you go to Berlin,” I start. “Will you know anybody else there?”

He shakes his head. “No, I’m going on my own, which I’m kind of excited about.”

“Scared though?”

“Yeah, a little bit I suppose. More excited.”

“I think I’d be scared to leave and be away from everybody I know.”

“Yeah, I get that, but I wasn’t really thinking that way when I applied for university there, it was honestly more about the experience I’d have and what I’d learn from doing my degree there.” He shrugs “Plus when I applied I didn’t actually think I’d be going on my own.” 

“No?”

“My girlfriend at the time and I applied together, actually, but she didn’t get in. It was brutal, we got our letters on the same day. Art schools work like that sometimes, they send their offers out earlier than other courses because your Leaving Cert points aren’t important. I got accepted and she didn’t, so it was a bad day.”

“So you decided to go alone anyway?”

“Yeah it felt like the best choice for me, I just didn’t see myself being in Ireland anymore, I don’t want to waste my early twenties in this horrible recession, and I don’t want to graduate into it with no job prospects. I just need to get away from it.”

“and your girlfriend?”

“We broke up. We called it quits before our exams. I didn’t want to put her through the long distance thing, like, honestly I didn’t want to put myself through it, because I knew I couldn't handle that. I really just… I don't want any attachments when I go, like, no responsibilities towards anybody else. Having a relationship while trying to navigate the changes that are ahead of me,” He shakes his head. “It would be too hard.”

“Wow. How long were you together?”

“Almost a year.”

That seems like forever to me. Nobody I know has been in a relationship for that long. “It must have been a hard decision.”

“It was, she’s a great person.”

“Well you can always get back together at some point in the future, you know, like maybe someday when you graduate…” I don’t continue because he’s already shaking his head no. 

“I don’t think so – It’s just over, I can’t really see us picking up where we left off, like, nothing to do with her or the relationship per se. It’s just that I feel like I can’t ever go backwards, once it’s done, it’s done for me. I just don’t really hang on to other people in that way.”

I think about how I do. I’m a clinger and I always have been, so his philosophy on life is totally foreign to me, just like the idea of jetting off to some unknown city all on my own without speaking the language or knowing how a single thing in its society operates. I think that he’s much braver than I am for doing it, but I’m a little sad that he’s going. Maybe in a parallel universe he and I would have attended the same art college and been friends who hung around in Dublin together after our respective classes, sitting outside coffee shops in the city and talking about art and sculpture and our silly assignments, but none of that will happen. In a few weeks he’ll be gone forever and I will likely never get to see him again. 

I look down at our legs and move mine away from his. Perhaps it’s not a good idea for us to be touching after all. 

“You look a little sleepy.” He says to me gently, and I am. I’m more than sleepy. It’s so late now that I must be awake for almost forty hours straight, running purely on the last shreds of adrenaline from being with him, but as soon as he mentions sleep my eyelids feel so heavy, and even the hard, flat wall that my back rests against feels cosy. I’m certain I could doze off in this exact position. I admit it, “I am.”

“Then sleep. I’ll leave.”

“Okay.”

He makes a tiny movement towards me and then hesitates and begins to get up. “Okay Evie, I’ll see you again soon.” 

I reach out my weary arms for a hug goodbye and when he leans in to embrace me my face grazes his neck, and he’s warm and his arms are strong and I wonder what the consequences would be if I let myself fall asleep on him right there and then. Maybe he’d be forced to stay here with me all night.

“I’ll text you when I’m free to hang out again.” He says, letting me go.

“Mm”

I lay down to sleep on the bed. The blankets are so warm from where he was sitting. 

Before my eyes drift closed and I surrender to my exhaustion I glimpse him climbing nimbly out the window and hopping down onto the grass outside, disappearing into the darkness and leaving the gauzy curtains fluttering behind him. It’s like he was never even here. 

Prev // Next

[toxooz]

is Ollie the type to get jealous? like Kari is so fucking cute and friendly and sweet I find it hard to believe at least one person hasn't approached her in a flirty way not knowing about the giant demon orc toes they'd be stepping on 😭

I TINK I ANSWERED THIS B4 i quote:

"naah i dont think so he's mega chill when it comes to jealousy mainly bc he knows Kari is just hyper friendly to everyone that's just how she is but also i think she made it pretty clear to him that he has Literally no competition at all lmfaooo😭 so she'll be nice as hell to other dudes but if she realizes there's Intentions behind their friendlyness then she'll kinda try to distance herself from them or she'll have to flat out tell them bc she tends to hope that 'maybe if i distance myself they'll stop :''''3c' bUT if they're just fukkin creeps that think 'no' means 'convince me' then she'll 100% bring it up to Ollie or he'll just notice her body language and Give Them A Clear Ass Clue that gets their tail between their legs real damn quick lmfao im sure they have lil subtle communication signs they give each other from across the skatepark that mean ''this friend!! :3'' or ''this guy is making me feel gross pls intervene'' so yeah otherwise Ollie couldn't care less abt wHOS thAT gUY >:(((( he trusts her and she's still getting Ponti lessons about necessary aggressiveness and 'its ok if somebody hates you fuck them!!!!be mean as hell!!!! bite their head off!!!'😭"

so basically he gives her room to be nice but he Handles just straight up freaks and degenerates accordingly, but typically once anyone With Intentions finds out Kari's relation to Ollie they get super awkward n respectful so his ass gotta be out here lookin like ryuk sometimes pffft

[system-of-a-feather]

How do you know when you've finally achieved a "remissed" state? I keep wondering if my system has finally settled in a state of "functional multiplicity" but I'm hesitant to use that because I know I still have a lot of trauma processing to do and unknown alters who show up every now and then. But it's no longer necessarily distressing, I know how to handle flashbacks and how to help these new alters and my life has otherwise stabilized a lot.

I feel there isn't really a hard definition for this. I was going to say "final fusion is a lot more clear cut" but honestly? As a person who has also finally fused and has honestly been sitting in that for like two weeks more or less straight, even that can be pretty "hard to notice".

And I know - cause I was there - that from the perspective of someone Not There and/or hasnt realized they are there yet that it sounds very anti-intuitive or wrong, because "How would I NOT notice everything fusing into one identity? Wouldnt that be obvious that I'm NOT me?"

But no, its not really obvious, at least not in my experience. In my experience, by the point you start to get closer to final fusion / functional multiplicity the amount of which DID-symptoms (primarily alters, switching, and amnesia) call for much attention or care to be cognoscente of becomes really small and rather nonconsequential. It becomes a lot easier to just exist among your parts and casually let whoever wants to front whenever without too much internal communication or checks and balances or really any cognitive effort.

By the point when switching and amnesia is so not-distressing and minimally invasive, its very easy to fluidly switch between parts and the trust within each part is so large that you really don't have to ask them or communicate as explicitly to make sure they are on the same page as you and will do the best to respect you and your needs as a part.

By that point, trying to keep track of who is fronting and switching and everything - while definitely possible and something we do a lot, particularly when we are not 'roosting in Fei' - can sometimes become a bit of a hassle (not always, sometimes its fun as well when we are just chatting with eachother) and by that point its kind of like... trying to keep track of who is in the lobby of a massive hotel. It can be a bit exhausting, so even when not in Final Fusion, you just kinda stop caring and just go about your life trusting that whoever is out there is probably having a good time and that you don't really mind Not Being there.

Or hell, maybe theyre out there and you wanna be out there with them and chill thats awesome, but again - it doesn't really matter and that internal vigilance over identity and self just is so so so so tiny

And I guess now that I'm writing it, I think that - in my opinion - is the best tell that you are probably at functional multiplicity; is that if genuinely that internal vigilance among yourself, parts you know, parts you know you don't know, possession of the body, switching, etc is really just so so so nonconsequential and such an afterthought to your existence, I think that is probably the best indicator of really any remissed state.

In my opinion the key difference between Final Fusion and Functional Multiplicity is just a matter of how much you engage with yourself as seperate parts versus as a very relaxed and constantly flowing beach.

For me, Functional Multiplicity - at the point of healing that I am now - takes a little bit of mental energy (not a lot, its largely negligible most of the time and we tend to prefer to be closer to the functional multiplicity end a lot of the time) to be that aware of what part is out and if I should get a different part out or if I think someone else would enjoy the moment better. That said, the small amount of mental energy put into that often gives me a lot more insight into myself as I can talk and engage and enjoy life with my better halves / quarters / thirty-ths / etc. It also opens up for more specialized enjoyment of activities, perspectives in life, and engagement in skills. Being at Functional Multiplicity allows me to control and specialize what part of me is presenting at what point in time and live in the moment as my best self for the moment.

On the other hand, Final Fusion is so serene and existing in it is like the coming and going of waves on a beach. Every so often you go "hey thats XIV" or "lol hey thats Riku" or "lol yep theres Chunn" and sometimes those waves are basically just that part fronting, but everything is so damn connected that even if you know that line came SPECIFICALLY from that specific part, hell even if that whole activity was primarily from that specific part, everything is SO damn connected that its still >you< it is still the Beach, that was just a fucking GNARLY wave of XIV or Riku or Chunn or etc

Thus why even though we've been sitting in Fei for like two or so weeks now, you can often see a second tag with it. If a wave is predominant, we will tag it, but *shrugs* it don't matter cause in the end its our overall whole that is here the most.

Final Fusion also has its amazing perks like actually Not having to Discuss much at All. Which as much as I LOVE talking to my parts explicitly and having banter and all, sometimes when life is stressful or I'm over worked or burnt out or what not, sometimes I really would just rather have some simplicity in life and just be able to know and speak for myself without having to go through a counsel.

But back to the point of the question, I think the best way to tell is to just generally reference how much internal vigilance you have over yourself, your system, your concept of identity and self, and see where you fall on that.

An alternative perspective to that same measure is just really, how much do you deeply and internally trust yourself (as a whole) on an emotional level to do the best for yourself and to absolutely never intentionally neglect yourself? How much blind faith - no if ands or buts - do you have in yourself? Do you feel there is any possible part that you don't know of that could in there that you couldn't handle or that would cause you really any notable amount of distress? Does thinking about parts that you don't know stress you out? Do you think there is a world where - for any meaningful or substantiated period of time - any part of you would ever intentionally put themselves wholely before another part?

Are you your first and foremost ally all the way through in and out? Do you feel decently comfortable answering these questions for the system and do you feel decently confident that - even without explicitly asking them - that you can advocate for all parts on these questions?

This isn't to say that if you DON'T check all these off that you AREN'T at a remissed state or anything, because honestly, I didn't realize or even get some of these checked off until AFTER my therapist pointed it out to me and I sat and thought about it. But its some nice food for thought and questions to think about and talk about among yourself because those topics have honestly created some of the most healing and solidification after realizing we were "kinda at functional multiplicity" that had really helped unify us even further than before. (below the cut is more directed towards the ""anon"" themselves)

[**Disclaimer at the end regarding parts underneath this mark**]

Most importantly though, I believe strongly in the principle of self determination (<- this is not a clinical or official thing in literature, its a term and topic I use within my therapy, internal interactions, and what not that is based on my own personal opinion / view of DID; this is not scientific and entirely peer / experience based) - at least in late stage recovery - so if you feel you might be at functional multiplicity and you genuinely emotionally feel as though you are on the fence, I don't see why you shouldn't believe you are at functional multiplicity.

It is a little more risky of a game to play in earlier stages of recovery, but considering I know who asked this cause they DMed me 2 seconds later, if you are not prone to notable bouts of denial or using denial as a means of repression, why WOULDN'T you be at functional multiplicity?

The label is pretty loose and subjective and if you want to be at functional multiplicity, claim it, believe it, dedicate to it, and I feel the DID subconscious brain - so long as it is within it's genuine realm of plausibility and believably - will let it be.

So to the anon that I know, I personally am of the non-professional completely-peer opinion that if reading this, you still feel you really really might be at functional multiplicity, say FUCK IT WE BALL, and just take that label and smack it on your face. If you are close enough to functional multiplicity to read through this and still go "maybe we are" then you are close enough to "kinda fake it till you make it".

That's just to say that if you say you are at functional multiplicity, I'd absolutely believe it and accept it, but also that if you said you weren't, I'd also absolutely believe it and accept it. Define who you are based on your genuine truth and where you'd like to be go for it. If you have good reason to believe you are at functional multiplicity and you want to be at functional multiplicity and that you feel you are willing to genuinely believe you are at functional multiplicity, make the claim and be at functional multiplicity.

--- [DISCLAIMER]

**These last few paragraphs (below disclaimer mark) are primarily targetted to the anon cause I know them, and there is a lot more nuance to the topic as well as limits to the extent it can work and trying to take it as a "this is completely impossible to missuse" can be risky. So I do want to put a disclaimer that if you are not in mid to late stage recovery and/or have not gotten over the "fakies" or have parts that try to rush things or "rewrite the narrative at the expense of other parts" - the principle of self determination is not something I'd recommend as it can be used for harm as well if not done authentically. It is important to acknowledge this is completely based on my own experience, opinion and perspective of DID that is NOT substantiated past my personal experience. Take this with a large grain of salt.

[director-yomi-hellsmile]

Cube joke (pinned post)

If you know me from @/growling or @/seth-burroughs then you get a krówka. Personal blog of Yomi Hellsmile, so just call me by that name. Serious metaphysical fictionkind & fictive, I'm actually fine with treated as literal Blorbo From Your Games it makes me feel sane and slightly better than just having it ignored. Please poke me around and bombard me with questions as much as you like I thrive off of attention and require constant enrichment in my containment chamber. Just no being weirdly invasive/rude with questions like ''what is the exact mechanism of how you tried to kill your girlfriend that one time'' or otherwise not saying shit to me I know you wouldn't say to literally anyone else please I'm trying to be so nice every day

Fine with source talk / Rain Code discussion (if you're cool with me getting a bit weird about it), fine with all sourcemates if you are respectful/nice in turn, I don't have anything against doubles and I'm waving at you same hat style but I'll probably just nonjudgmentally block you for my own comfort, sorryyyy I gotta take care of my shitty heart rate.

I'm very often not good at articulating myself and a lot of things I end up writing end up kind of incomprehensible or weird, I can't really do anything about it so don't point this out unless you absolutely need to have something clarified. Sometimes I get confused and either not really get what you're saying or can't reply to you for quite some time whether because of that or my perpetual low energy, if you @'d me or sent me an ask and I don't respond within a week then I'm not purposefully ignoring you; either need to take longer time with writing, or I don't really have an answer. Don't blow up at me for asking you to clarify something in simpler terms. My tone might be off either due to those, my brain just working differently, or english not being my first language.

Other info + disclaimers/warnings:

Trans man + non-binary bigender, masculine or neutral terms only - and no, "girl" is not gender neutral and I do not care if you use it that way. If you'd like to perceive me perhaps refer to me even: he/him, it/its or xe/xem/xir, and only those; do not call me by they. Also don't call me a "boy" I am a grown ass man.

Loveless aroace (and faggot in all directions if you unlock my easter egg), aplatonic, afamilial, posting about those pretty often. Or I think. I'm trying.

Semiverbal LSN-MSN Autistic and refuses to shut up about it + Narcissistic PD (so please bring criticism up nicely) and will keep talking about it and my beautiful big dark narc rage eyes. Follow me in order to fulfill your mutual list diversity quota /joking that was a /joke

Do not insult me as a "joke", or approach me with any sort of overly familiar playful rudeness. I kind of hate how normalized just being ~ironically~ straight up mean to people is on here. No I probably won't read your sarcasm unless I've already memorized all your speech patterns or something

Mainly into: Rain Code (lol. lmao, even), Warriors, Akuma Kun, Mouthwashing, birds, cat genetics and scraping pretty rocks off of sidewalks

Plural, we are not interested in assigning roles to each other or specifying our "origin" or how it all happened as it's not currently relevant to us nor is it any of your business like why do you care. Anyway this blog is safe for endos or like, any other type of plural.

Occasional nsfw posts under the #nsft tag, which will contain a bunch of hard kinks like torture rape violence etcetera, so, block that if you don't want to see those. That's also the only tag I consistently use on this blog.

[arlerts-angel]

hiii mackkk!!! congrats on 1k once again! i’m so happy for you and for how far you’ve come, soon you’ll reach the stars! (and i’ll be here to watch ofc, what kind of a mack fangirl i would be if i wasn’t here to watch you grow right?)

for the event, i’d appreciate being matched with one of the aot boys <3

for my physical appearance: i’m about 5’2, medium straight dark brown hair and big round doe eyes 🥹 idk what else to describe because these are my main physical features i think lmao💔

for my personality: i am a very assertive person, even though being very dreamy and delulu about the future. i know how to handle out of control situations easily and make it less stressful for everyone. im also introvert but when i get close to somebody i look like the biggest extrovert on earth, even going out of my comfort zone because i feel safe with that person! i have many things that im very passionate about (like i’ve been with fnaf since its release) and when i start talking about it, its like ill never stop!

but besides from the good part of my personality, i am very insecure and paranoid in general, even more when in a relationship. i don’t trust myself enough and think i’ll always end up alone, sometimes it makes me get jealous and anxious almost to the breaking point. i get stressed out very easily if my boundaries are not respected, and i almost explode when something goes out of plan 🤡

my favorite things are going to the beach, dancing (i am a competitive dancer to this day), reading, listening to music, theorizing about fnaf & my little pony, also i LOVE cartoons like gumball and some more. i also like playing games like fortnite and genshin, i spent a lot of money on it tho 💔 not a healthy habit

my biggest dislikes are loud people, loud noises, crowded places and being anywhere without my friends🤡

and that’s it i guess, ty and congrats again for 1k girly! 💗

𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑨 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑪𝑯!

ELY!!! i had such a hard time choosing between a few people, but ultimately chose armin for you because: i think y'all would be SO CUTE together 🥹 armin being blonde and bright-eyed (shh i know manga armin has hazel eyes) and you having brown hair and eyes!!! GORGEOUS. 😚🤌 another reason i chose him is because i think armin would relate to feeling insecure in a relationship HOWEVER, he is very pragmatic and i think he'd be good at comforting you! ALSO. SUPPORTIVE ARMIN CHEERING YOU ON AT DANCE COMPETITIONS!!!! SCREAMS INTO MY HANDS!!!! and absolutely geeking out together about fnaf bc he would love it I KNOW HE WOULD! omg this was so long AH SORRY LOLOL TYSM

also thank you sm!!! your kind words mean everything to me 🥹🩷

[irrealisms]

You dont have sex because you're waiting for marriage or because being gay is a sin?

man i dont remember posting anything abt not having sex/celibacy/being side b before this ask, idk what this was inspired by. it's probably bait (and, quite frankly, it's none of your business why i'm having or not having sex) which is why i waited almost a full week to answer but i'm going to answer it anyway (once) because i want to be open about this. if you or anyone else is interested in having a discussion on why i believe the things i do, send me a message or an ask off anon. i'm much more willing to be vulnerable in a setting that isn't "anon question that is probably bait".

as a clarification that will probably mean very little to my secular followers but will be appreciated by my side b followers (and hopefully at least mean something to my side a Christian followers): i reject this dichotomy. i'm celibate because i'm gay--but i don't think being gay is a sin. i am gay. i do not believe my existence is a sin. i believe that i've found many beautiful and true things from being gay, and that God made me gay for a reason. i am glad i'm gay, and i don't wish i were straight or pray to become straight. so, so much of side b advocacy within the Church is focused around making it clear that, while being gay comes with different temptations than being straight, it is not a sin to be gay. (note also: different temptations. not "being gay comes with temptations and being straight doesn't".) it would be a slap in the face to not start with that. i share a lot of thoughts on this with eve tushnet, who's also a side b Catholic lesbian; this post was incredibly meaningful to me on my journey, but check out her blog if you want more.

but also, yeah. i don't have sex because i converted to Catholicism with the intent of obeying the Church's doctrine. i note in my bio that i obey the doctrine of the Church. and, well, i can't get gay married as a Catholic, and i'm not supposed to have extramarital sex. so i don't i know that there are side a Catholics, many of whom i respect, but i'm not one of them. i don't believe in "ex-gay" therapy or "pray the gay away" and i don't think that being gay is inherently sinful, but (and here's the part that i assume you're reading for) i do believe that having gay sex is a sin. i follow the teachings laid out in the Catechism, to the best of my ability and understanding. that's in my about page. right now, for me, as a lesbian: that means celibacy. the Catechism is pretty clear on that, imo. i don't talk about this often because most of my friends (and, for that matter, tumblr followers) are queer non-Christians, many of whom have trauma around Christianity and Christian homophobia (which is, to be clear, very real, even if you agree that gay sex is a sin). but like... i'm just living my life. i go to Mass on Sundays and i fast during Lent (or get permission not to from the local priest, when my eating disorder makes it a health concern) because doing otherwise would be a sin; not having sex (or masturbating! which was/is tbh much harder for me to give up than partnered sex! but people ask a lot less about that, because it's less discourse bait and more clearly none of anyone else's business) is the same sort of thing, to me. was it hard (is it hard)? yes, sometimes. but God doesn't just ask me for sacrifices that are easy. maybe some day i'll change my mind again and become side a or deconvert altogether. maybe i'm wrong about things! but this is where i'm at right now.

for what it's worth, i'm happy. i don't hate myself. as mentioned earlier, i'm glad i'm gay and i don't want to be straight. my life is full of love--from friends, family, God. celibacy has had its downsides and painful moments for me, but it's also had its upsides and moments of joy. i've been able to deepen and prioritize and value my friendships. it's been valuable and beautiful and worth it. fundamentally: i believe what i believe, and i'm living true to that. if you want to unfollow me for this, go for it. if you want to filter it, my tag for religion + queerness + being side b is #too gay to live too trad to die.

[carphoegras]

I don’t ship most of these myself , but your rant/ramble posts on Les Mis ships are funny so I genuinely wanted your opinion on these 👁

1. Enjoltaire

2. Valvert

3. Enjonine

4. Marisette (or whatever Marius x Cosette was called)

5. Javonine (Javert and…Eponine 😭)

6. Marionine (A name a just guessed for Marius x Eponine because I wasn’t bothered to look it up)

7. and uhhh.. Granjonine (I think that was the name)

well hello darling! i live to entertain lol lets get into it i might have to put this under a cut because i think its obvious i have a rambling issue

Enjoltaire : a classic for good reason. they seemed really base level to me at first because i watched the movie first, but once i read the brick and really saw their dynamic i fell for them HARD. for me the beauty of this pairing is really rooted in the substance of their individual characters as opposed to like a romantic relationship. idk its so difficult for me to verbalize why i love them so much i think i just love the idea of finding common ground despite difficulties. enjolras and grantaire mirror each other in such a beautiful way that i feel the musical/movie couldn't really capture without demoting it to a puppy love grantaire/mean enjolras dynamic idk i have such an issue with some portrayals of them because i feel like they create a victim/abuser situation where there wasn't one but that's like a whole post within itself anyway i feel like im getting incoherent i love exr with every fiber of my fucking being just read the brick if you don't get it ok the movie and musical just dont do it justice and for the love of god avoid the fics written in 2012/2013 after the movie hype its all wRONGGGG (i love you george blagden but you created a twink grantaire movement) (they pull each others pigtails okay its a mutual obsession) (enjolras why don't you just ignore him baby? glutton for punishment my dear we all know if you hated him you wouldn't let him hang around) (anyway) i should make a seperate post about my exr feelings bc i could talk ab them for hours

2. Valvert: okay this is where i feel like i can be unpopular with the fandom. i fucking hate this ship. like physically, spiritually, all that. its one of those that i kinda lose respect for the person bc its literally a cop/prisoner thing. its not enemies to lovers. its not a hate love thing. javert's a fucking cop. valjean is his victim. the whole idea of people romanticizing this makes me feel so insanely icky and i think the point of the story has just gone RIGHT over some folks' heads please take a step back and think about it. neolib behavior sorry not sorry

3. Enjonine: enjolras is gay. just like, straight up in the brick enjolras is a gay man. this ship is spawned from straight girls who saw aaron tveit and use eponine as their not like other girls posterchild. just a whole bunch of hetero nonsense. same behavior as the joseph quinn enj x reader bs. honey thats a homosexual man and can we please stop reducing eponine to needing a boyfriend she needs a stable home and a goddamn therapist fucking hell

4. Marisette: okay. i LOVE THEM. i'm a cosette stan myself, and i'm a huge fan of a gooey love at first sight situation. they contrast my love for exr in the sense that they're a very easy love. their parts in the book literally make me SWOOOOOON i can put aside my beef with marius as a combeferre kin to appreciate how sweet they are

5. Javonine??: im sorry wh aht. did the snape x hermione shippers leak into the lm fandom or am i being fucking punked im not discussing this its obvious why this is wrong please tell me its obvious y'all are NASTY

6. Marionine: eh. eh. i mean, like i said with enjonine eponine's problems are not gonna be solved with a dude. i'm really not opposed to them, persay, its just that eponine's love for marius is so incredibly dependent and rooted more in her personal trauma than actual love, so i feel a little weird with them sometimes. sometimes it just gives anti cosette vibes (cough cough bc of the bullshit love triangle angle that the musical markets cough cough) so i tread very carefully with them

7. Granjonine: again what in the damn hell. i'm not dignifying this shit they could be besties but for the love of god george blagden did a number on the straight girls. STOP PROJECTING ONTO EPONINE IM GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING MIND LEAVE HER ALONE

thanks for the ask lovely, i do love rambling even though these ships are baffling lmaoooo

[booblywooblies]

im gonna post this here bc i dont want anyone to get the wrong idea on main

ive been thinking for a long time about why detransitioners are usually afab, and i think im developing a couple theories. the first one is i think its more difficult to be classified as a man, genuinely, than a woman. i know that seems immediately incorrect bc a big aspect of transmisogyny is denying transfems their womanhood but i think even if transphobes are calling transfems men they dont really mean it. theres been some talk about which trans people have "male privilege" and some people argue transfems do and the most common response to that is that even if transfems are not out they are not regarded as true men, theres something about them that people can pick up on as inherently queer that others them from manhood (sometimes, all of this is sometimes nothing is universal)

i watched a video a while ago about the "incel to trans pipeline" which was kind of about the type of incel that isnt so much concerned with the lack of sex so much as being a failure as a man and how theres a group on like 4chan or something that seek transition not because theyre trans but to escape the pressures of masculinity and i thought that was really interesting

i think that in some ways, despite all the bullshit women go through with being belittled and objectified and disrespected, there is maybe some comfort in being the "weaker" gender, and the more "desireable" gender.

something ive been dealing with that, i mean it hasnt really been a struggle bc i enjoy men even when they are fat and greasy and hairy so im down with being that. theres something thats very weird about losing like, a certain pool of attention i guess. ive been hit with the realization that i will never be attractive to straight men again, and like thats a good thing because i wouldnt want them to see me as a woman im also kinda sad about it? like it feels like im losing a kind of power, even if its not a real power that has any actual use to me

and i probably dont even have to mention how intimidating it is to present myself to the world as a real man, especially when im 5 foot nothing and have H cups. like one thing when it comes to trans men that EVERYONE says about them is they are either basically only men in name, hanging on to their girly habits and interests in a way thats cringy and annoying, or they, in an effort to distance themselves from the first one just adopt toxic masculinity and beef up their own image of themselves by being more misogynistic

and obviously the first end is more on the people putting them down than the guys who are like that themselves, but thats what im really afraid of, ive already experienced being put down for my interests as a girl, the idea of being denied my real gender for any of that stuff is terrifying. and like, its kind of inherently misogynist to want to escape fully from femininity isnt it? and i do value anti-misogyny more than i do masculinity, thats definitely true in my heart. but it sort of feels at odds with each other, its hard to want to be a man, to seek approval as a man, to care about women being taken as seriously as you want to be taken, and to not put anyone down in your path to get there.

like if i wasnt so committed to it, if i believed this was ACTUALLY more in conflict than i really do, i could see myself as having a responsibility to not transition. im sure a lot of people have a different reason for doing that but i think it makes sense that so many afabs detransition because masculinity can break people.

and like BIG BIG BIG disclaimer, im not thinking about detransitioning, i dont think masculinity is inherently toxic, im gay and i have a cis husband, i think men are cool, i think women are cool and i like them a lot i respect them. im just inspecting this because i was not sure why it happens and i figured itd be in my best interest to figure it out, i think i have, i think its difficult and complicated but doesnt apply to me.

im transitioning bc it feels good and i have a man fetish 👍 and no one can stop me motherfucker

[selamat-linting]

if yall think that department store job is bad wait until you hear about the stock broker job i almost had.

so, i recently turned 19 at the time and was desperate for employment. there's this walk-in interview ad on the local job site. i went there, hand in my resume, and without looking at my file the HR told me im accepted for a three day training program. it should be a red flag, but i came in anyway.

our trainer is a man in a fancy suit. the first thing he said other than the over-excited greeting was thanks. thanks for not believing the naysayers who said this job is a scam.

i might be stupid, but im not stupid enough to ignore that. immediately i was hyper aware of everything this trainer was doing and saying. our first day was all motivational speeches and bombarding everyone who dared to question their scheme with noises and covert shaming so they'd get in line. the actual product we're selling, the daily operation, he either sidesteps the question or explain it in such a vague nothingburger way that you couldnt understand it. at least they gave us free lunch though.

when i get home, i began looking up the name of the company. theyre formally certified as a broker company, but its hard to find an actual job desc or the benefits. there's even accounts of costumers who felt theyre getting scammed out of the whole deal. i still came in the next day.

i dont know what i was thinking tbh. i guess there is a part of me who wished it was all a misunderstanding, or a part of me who thinks i can actually make a sale and get money despite the circumstances, and a part of me who wants to convince myself that im not a quitter. i was a mess. i went on my second day, and at least a quarter of people are gone. we did our training, this time we're taught how to trade stocks, using software we barely understand with principles we dont even get. and ofc when we get the job, the money we use for trading would be our customers' money.

during break time, they told us to get comfortable with the workers who have been there for months. i was friendly with them, but i realized they're the ones i could actually get a straight answer from. i basically cornered and made one of them to admit this is a job with no base pay, just a commission scheme. and some havent closed anything for months since the day they start working. i admit, i did it for myself, but i hope other people who enrolled in training with me heard it too.

it was then i made the decision to drop out. dont get me wrong, commission only jobs are a standard practice for a lot of sales industry, and i respect people who do the hustle. actually, i might even try it one day if (big IF here) im skilled and financially stable enough to weather the rough months. but its wrong for that company to avoid explaining that aspect especially when the job is convincing people to fund your trading business and you cant even educate your workers on the product properly! its predatory and scammy as fuck.

and for years after that sometimes i hear a story of a coworker who tried their luck. all of them failed. well, one girl i know manage to close a deal. except she got screwed by her seniors and she didnt get her earnings. one guy i know even end up drowning in debt because of that job. but then again, i dont feel sorry for him because i overheard him confessed to raping a girl at a party once so he deserved it lol!

anyway, the office of that trading company was soon shut down around 2020. i heard they got sued, or they cant pay the rent for the building, im not sure. they were closed though. and everyone who knows that place but doesnt work there, recognized they have a not so stellar reputation. however, they recently reopened under a new name. different company name, same business model. thats capitalism.

[lotusmi]

Hey dear bloggers I need your help with this one!!

(I apologise for it being so lengthy)

Do we choose what we can desire?

I know about the law and the void. I was very happy to know I could manifest my dream life. My circumstances have not been so good for some time now. Everytime I decide to manifest a better life some negative thoughts overpower my whole mindset.

Now when I affirm for the void my brain has started to fear it as if I will be able to tap in it the what if later on in life I have a desire (that I dont like now) and I will tap in the voidfor it. Like it hard to explain. I had this negative thought all of a sudden what if later on in life I want my sexuality to change and i tap in the void to manifest it. Which is VERY odd and not even true and totally draining me out. Like wtf

My mind has also given another reason to this. Sometimes in movies and stuff we have seen that maybe what we dont want now or something we dislike may become your desire. When people hate each other and fight and they think they would never wanna see each other again but then fall for each other.

(I KNOW IT SOUNDS SO STUPID. BUT they are eating me out.)

One of the desires I want to tap in the void is also to manifest an awesome love life just the way I dream with the perfect partner I like. I am straight (and I totally support and respect everyone else too) its just that I dont want it to change and I love it. So what if universe(or whoever gives us our desires) makes me desire to change myself some day. And it terrifies me. And stops me from affirming for literally ANYTHING better for myself.

When I am not affirming for the void. And I think of these negative thoughts I realise how STUPID and false they sound but as soon as I start affirming for the void thoughts like these overpower and drain me out.

I dont want to trauma dump just to say this thing has literally made me miserable and I feel hopeless to ever better my circumstances.

I would really do with a little help. I am tagging bloggers i folllow (i am new so i dont really know how tumblr works ) @lotusmi @gorgeouslypink @uniquelymeandmyworld2 @asteriaas-stuffs @fleurlx @voidprincessblog

I would say, try closing your eyes and asking yourself what you truly want, deeply want. Let yourself feel it, you will know the answer. I know you will find this answer within you easily. You can do whatever you want 💓

[redheadbigshoes]

omg YES, "straight feminine girls who are dating" is EXACTLY what i was thinking about when writing that ask but didnt add cus i couldnt think of how to word it, that is LITERALLY what its so often like and its like pulling teeth to watch 😭

im also the only femme lesbian i know irl and whilst i am femme4butch, its really depressing for me because i so desperately wish to surround myself with other femme lesbians :( like it really goes to show. being in femme online spaces for a second you can see that vented struggle of femme4femmes and i get so goddamn frustrated when people who obviously have no care or clue about femmes decide that femme4femmes & femmes in gen are actually a super represented, privileged, and overabundant community because of being fetishised and tokenized out of our control. like in what universe are these people living in.

Whenever I think about the “femme rep” that is straight feminine girls that are dating I always remember of Cheryl and Tony from Riverdale 😂 I don’t think there’s any better example than that.

I really get you! I really want to meet other femme lesbians in real life, even if it’s only to be friends with them so we could share more our experiences. Especially considering from what I’ve seen, femmes usually take longer to figure out their identity and seem to be the ones who most struggle with comphet. My 2 lesbian friends (both butches) have always known they’re lesbians and I can’t really relate to that, sometimes it feels like I’m not a real lesbian or lesbian enough because I spent a long time thinking I liked men and people around me were so used by thinking I was attracted to men that I feel like sometimes they don’t believe I’m actually a lesbian.

It’s very sad how other queers almost treats us like we’re less queer because they think being fetishized is being more accepted and that being feminine (as a woman-aligned person) means we don’t suffer since people assume we’re straight.

We try to create our own online safe spaces since it’s hard to find each other irl and people don’t even respect that.

[larathia]

BSD Rewatch Notes #3

Wow.

Atsushi’s take on Dazai is...actually kind of hard to parse at times. He clearly looks up to Dazai as role model and mentor and can get very concerned about Dazai’s health/welfare...

And yet. He’s also well aware that Dazai is a fiend of a trickster who sometimes straight up lives to torment Kunikida and will do incomprehensibly weird things simply because nobody stopped him from doing them.

Spends a fair chunk of an episode doing both at about the same time, too. Like, Dazai can spend a huge chunk of time overtly plotting to torment Kunikida and Atsushi is SO DONE and SO “why, why are you like this” - and at the same time when Dazai’s like “this is why Kunikida is our second in command”, Atsushi snaps right back into ‘yes senpai’ mode.

I mean I’ve noted this before but really all I can think is that while Atsushi treats Dazai as his mentor, one can really only define their relationship as “a depressed man and his cat”. By which I mean the only way I can make the emotional level make sense, is to picture that - a depressed man and his cat - with all that that would entail. Which would have days of the cat purring on the man’s lap, yes, but just as often would have the cat giving judgey “seriously, it’s 2pm and you still haven’t gotten up” looks and occasionally biting the man’s nose, because that’s how cats are. They may love and adore us but that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to put up with our bullshit.

Also...my gods, Kunikida is neurotic. I mean that isn’t OCD, it’s somewhere several steps past that. Since Dazai DOES seem to have respect for Kunikida, even while deliberately attempting to snap his mind in half, I can only figure Dazai is trying to teach Kunikida to stay mentally flexible or something - you know, sort of give him repeated stress tests so the wood bends rather than breaks? Because wow. Kunikida could SO break, given his outlook and the work he does. Dazai is NOT wrong to think Kunikida could be the next Azure King. There’s a good man in there, but the split between the world Kunikida wants - his Ideal world - and the world that actually exists is way too wide. It makes him bitchy and kind of cruel, a lot more often than it makes him noble or kind. I find myself more often surprised by Kunikida’s kindness than his harshness.

I do think the ADA chose its second in command well, but also that the ADA has been very fortunate not to NEED Kunikida to step into that role. Especially in these earlier episodes. (I keep thinking ‘he mellows out, right? I seem to remember he mellows out’ but right now I can’t be sure I remembered that right.)

[starsarefire824]

Heeey moot! Just woke up! Even though I'm late, I just wanted to say that you deserve to write whatever tf you want and I'm sorry some peeps were harassing you about The Pact. I don't think folks know how hard it is to not only write, but then to post it for others to see. So, for them to criticize you when it's just a fun fic that they can ignore or filter out (tags on ao3 are meant to be used geez) its wild to me. You're doing something very unique with the characters and including a lot of different subgroups of the queer community splendidly while keeping them flawed like real teens - all in 1 fic. As a demi ace myself, I was so happy to see you incorporate that in your fic respectively and a lot of my queer Sex Ed came from detailed, researched fics bc even though my parents and school system talked to me about sex, there was nothing for the queer kids, let alone ace kids to get guidance on. So, for fic readers/writers like me, using fics to explore sexuality was a godsend.

Can't help but also think it's the biphobia kicking in again, specifically for characters like Mike. No one has a problem hc Max as bi even though it seems like lumax is clearly endgame over elmax or elumax, but when it comes to Mike being bi it's like the world is ending despite it clearly being byler endgame. I personally ship all hcs of Mike's sexuality cuz only Robin and Will have been confirmed queer. Everyone else in ST to me is undisclosed until stated straight or queer. But again that's me.

Also love your poly rep cuz my sib is poly and so were some of my grandma's cousins from 1950s-now. So, again, all or most sexualities explored in fics is a must, regardless if you ship it. I've always been a polypartycule shipper and enjoy how you include all party members and mention Duzie sometimes cuz too many times I found fics/hcs excluding the fact Dustin has a stable relationship with Suzie in favor of just highlighting byler and elumax as the romantic ones of the party.

Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out. I hated scrolling through my feed and seeing that post you made of folks getting heated over fiction like you're gonna convince the Duffers to change the whole script. Anyways I hope my support is felt. This is still me typing in a sleep daze and yeah. I'll continue reading your work cuz I enjoy good writers first and foremost and omg lol you made it having some harrassers cuz the greatest books were on the banned book list. Not saying you deserve the irrational hate, but that's how I'm framing it - this is giving "banned book energy" just cuz The Pact is exploring romantic madwheeler when no one cares about byclair or henderhop or henclair (despite folks labeling El as a lesbian). Anyways, you do you moot be blessed out here

Hello deer moot!!!! <33

Thanks so much for the positive vibes!!! I truly appreciate it. I guess I was just feeling a little let down that a select few people made it so far into a fic and then were angry about the way things were going and/or felt the need for me to tell them the ending. At first it didn't bother me, but after answering the same questions 1,000 times and trying to sort of reassure everyone it got to a point of being exhausting! I want to talk about the fic, but I don't really want to have to defend my writing/story/ship choices every chapter. It's kind of exhausting and was bringing me down a little bit. But anyway, enough about that.

I am SO GLAD that you are like...really vibing with some of the choices in that story? Especially with your unique pov being demi ace and having poly family. I think that fanfiction can be a very important tool for a lot of teen when it comes to exploring sex, especially if it's not a cis het-normative type or even just....dealing with sex from a young person's pov and all of the obstacles that everyone faces in that regard. Also, I think it can just open up a conversation or make a person think about things that maybe they might not of before etc etc. Or! They can just enjoy those scenes for the writing/good time. I'm here for all of it.

I'm not sure if it's a biphobia thing? It honestly hadn't occurred to me, but you may possibly be right. I know a lot of people headcanon Mike as gay, which I fully support. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case. I think if Byler happens in canon, he'll be unlabeled. BUT I do like to write Mike as bi, I personally think that there were feelings for El at some point. I personally headcanon him as a bi-romantic, and sexually leaning towards men. But that's just me....

But anyway, as that pertains to madwheeler, I also really enjoy the bi for bi Max and Mike dynamic, specifically because it's fun to write, and secondly it's another thing to add to their already similar personalities. And yea. I agree... unless a character's sexuality is specifically stated like El and Will's, there is room for exploration for most characters and that's what fanfic and art is for.

I do think there is this strange thought process regarding bi characters, that if they have a relationship with a person of the opposite sex it's like they're not "queer enough" for other people. Like it's somehow lesser than if Mike has a relationship with a woman, even though he already, in canon, is well, with a woman. And that people tend to forget that people are still bi, still queer, even if they are in the most outwardly straight presenting relationship, cause let's face it....you can't really help who you're attracted to and who you fall in love with. it just is.

And when it comes to the madwheeler in this fic, I am fully aware it is one of the least popular ships out there, but again, that is one of the reasons I wanted to explore it. And a a bi, poly person my self it was really interesting putting these characters in a dynamic where they were both involved with people of differing genders and orientations. It gives you a lot to work with when it comes to having things to write about! シ

And as you said, it also allows for some messy, realistic teenage angst! Which I am always a fan of! ;)

Anyway, thank you for the rant. I appreciate it so much, and am honestly still blown away by the positive responses to this story. Even if it's not everyone's cup of tea!

[zerobaseonefics]

tw: rape, attempt and idk what else??

so basically my depression worsened and i had an attempt on wednesday, this week. school is too much already and it barely started, my whole family is a problem and my friends(?) are making jokes about me which i find somehow funny but it also hurts me

my family is talking about how my breasts grow so fast and how they are bigger than most of the women in my family and even men are saying this which makes me uncomfortable… my parents also keep telling me if i keep misbehaving (sleeping when its daytime) i will be sent to my family in vietnam (im not that close with them because theyre pretty much aggressive and i’m bad at speaking vietnamese, they can’t speak polish, so it’s hard to communicate)

the jokes my friends(?) make are about how a guy almost raped me but i managed to push him off of me.. the jokes are like “omg youre like literally our hulk” etc. // i do find the jokes funny sometimes but then i think about the time it happened and i feel grossed out by myself and feel like crying

also all the panic attacks i had in the recent weeks are all too much.. and it’s too much pressure thinking about everything at once, i just can’t sort it out in my head

even tho my problems may not be that serious, i still can’t handle them anymore. thank you for “listening”to me, i’m really thankful for you<33

~🤍

first of all, i know it's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, and that's why i want to remind you that you should never make a hierarchy of problems. your problems ARE serious, and you should not delegitimize them like that. your feelings are valid no matter what your issue is, if it makes you feel that way then there is a reason and it's your right to be hurt.

i'm genuinely pissed off hearing about the comments on your body from your family 💀 as i hit puberty very young, i also had that problem of adults making inappropriate remarks on it, and i know how it hurts and can mess with your self esteem and the way you feel in your body. avoid the people who make this kind of comments as much as you can. depending on the links you have with your family, try and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. tell the women in your family especially that it's even worse when it's men and hopefully they will stand up for you if they ever tell you something about it in front of them. this is so annoying why do they care about your body like that 💀

about your friends and their jokes!! even if it can make you laugh sometimes, it's better to tell them straight that you don't like it. if you let them get away with it for too long, they might not understand why you're against it when you used to laught about it. maybe they don't mean any harm, but if they're actual good friends they'll respect you and stop with these jokes. if they are not, i guarantee you that you'll be better off without them. you're very strong, okay? what happened to you when you got assaulted is in no way your fault and it is not taking away your value. don't forget i call you pure >:(

as for the panick attacks, do you have any methods to calm them down?? as someone who suffers from it as well, i had a time when i was younger where they were very frequent. i have less now because i found some methods that help me calm down easier. if you can, press your back against something cold, a wall for example. if you're not alone, try to put your hand on a friend's chest to feel the way they are breathing and try to match your breathing with their. also, i have a friend who put their face in a huge bowl of water. try these next time you have a panick attack, and if doesn't work, look for other ones! there is surely one that will work for you.

i assume you're much younger than me so i will treat you as a little sibling and talk to you according to my experiences as someone who went through similar things as you. if you ever wanna talk about anything, i will always take my time to answer to you and try to give you advices. take care of you, you're valuable, and you should never hurt yourself <3 better days are surely waiting for you in the future, and it would be a shame to miss them, right?

please come back to me at least once a week so i can make sure you're doing good >:( take care, pure 🩶