#but you know how he loses it? when he turns into a fucking DONKEy

[naivesilver]

Since it persists on being too hot to focus on my more useful OUAT fics, have a disgustingly self-indulgent Pinocchio Swap AU turned "Please Let Piccolino Have A Loving Family" AU moment 🙃🥰

"Grandfather," Pinocchio asks, standing on his tiptoes to peer over the worktable, "why are there so many clocks here?"

He half expects Mr. Marco to scold him for asking such a silly question, but instead the man just chuckles fondly and pats Pinocchio over the head, earning himself a giddy grin. "Ah, that's just because I like fixing them, lad. They need a more delicate touch than doors and plumbing, you see."

"But only one of them is working. Why's that?"

"That is because I don't have the time to spare for them all." Mr. Marco gestures vaguely towards the single working clock, hanging from the wall on the back of the workshop. "That one, though- August helped me sort it out, when he'd just arrived here. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes!" Pinocchio immediately interrupts his curious poking around the table, all but bouncing with enthusiasm. He likes learning about things August is involved with. August's always doing some really cool stuff, it seems.

As such, he lets the old man pick him up and lift him high enough that Pinocchio can see the clock from up close, and doesn't protest when the boy leans even closer, marvelling at the nice carvings in the wood - Pinocchio doesn't wiggle out so much to risk falling, which would for sure earn him a scolding, but still, it's the principle of the thing. He wouldn't feel so certain that he's safe being held like this, with some other people.

He thinks he knows a little of how things work in Storybrooke, now. Not everything, of course, but at least what he needs to get by on a normal day - he knows he can close the window blinds at night if he's worried someone will enter as he sleeps, and that he doesn't need anyone's permission to do so; he knows he can go crawl on August's lap if he's lonely and the man is writing or talking to someone, so long as he doesn't get too much in the way; he knows that if he wants to go pet Dr. Hopper's dog there are multiple adults who'll hold onto Gina for him, because dogs are so much bigger than her and she gets frightened easily around them.

He still doesn't know whether Mr. Marco is okay with Pinocchio calling him Grandfather or not, but that kind of thing is so confusing here, he's not sure he's ever going to puzzle it out. Back home he was supposed to address all older people like that, but Storybrooke? Beats him. Maybe it's too formal for them, who knows.

The clock ticks by another minute. Pinocchio squints at it, following the moving hands with his finger for a moment - the numbers are written a little different from what he remembers, but it's not too long before he can safely declare: "It says it's six minutes past two. That's it, right?"

"Very good," Mr. Marco praises him, and it doesn't feel like a mockery, even if he does sound genuinely surprised. "You know how to tell the time already, then? What a clever boy."

"Yeah." Pinocchio's chest swells with pride, and he points eagerly at one of the other clocks, the still broken ones. "That one's saying it's half past six, but that's because it's stuck. And that one thinks it's midday. Or midnight, I don't know."

"Yes, that's right. Good job. Say, who taught you so well?"

"An old man in a town. He said that because I had a nice watch, I should know how to read the time."

He doesn't like thinking about that too much, honestly. The old man, yes - he'd met a lot of nice elderly people in his travels, more than he did nice younger ones, at least - but the memory of the watch itself makes his chest clench painfully, like the time he was underwater without air before the dogfish happened.

He wonders what they did with it, after he lost it when he turned into a donkey. He's not even sure it still worked at that point, because it fell pretty hard, and the Coachman didn't give him time to check on it before leading him away with his rope - Pinocchio hopes it didn't break too badly, even if he can't have it anymore. It was a good pocket watch, nice to look at. He'd never owned anything so nice before that, and even though he's received lots of gifts since he came to Storybrooke, it's not the same thing. People are richer there than they were in his old land. They always seem to have something to spare for him, especially August and Mr. Marco and the gruff lady at the diner.

He must have gone quiet for too long, however, because the man gives him a little shake, if not a very rough one. "You alright, lad?"

Pinocchio nods, even though the picture of the golden watch is still flashing in front of him, as if it were the sun and he'd stared at it for too long. "Grandfather?"

"Yes, Pinocchio?"

"Can I see how to fix them, too, when you have time? Like you and August did?"

He's not really thinking he could manage it, honestly. He's not good enough for that. But anything's better than being stuck remembering the same thing over and over again, with no way to stop it. Physically doing something usually works as a distraction, like when he couldn't solve his math problems and he'd just up and start running.

For a couple seconds he worries he won't be able to explain himself if Mr. Marco asks him about it, but the old man doesn't, and instead simply nods, his mouth curling in a warm smile.

"Of course," he says, sounding a little choked up. "You're a smart boy. I'm sure you'll learn very fast."

"Really?"

"Well, yes. Why don't you go look for August and ask him, too? I bet he'll say the same thing."

Pinocchio nods again, allowing Mr. Marco to carefully put him down and darting away towards August's room as soon as his feet have touched the floor. He's not completely certain he didn't say something wrong yet, especially when he was distracted, but it's fine. He's fine. He would have been told, if someone was mad at him. That's how it works in Storybrooke.

And even if he did make someone mad, he can learn how to fix that. Just like the clocks. Just like the golden watch, stuck in another world that it might be.

[popponn]

bits and such, about him.

summary: he loves you in his own way. (aka expanded hcs on how he shows his love to you)

note: i want an isagi so bad at this point i will just cry. also i miss sae. nagi is kinda there ig (jk nagi u shojo protag). sometimes thinking about these guys are very comforting even when it comes out as pure brainrot. warning: none, just fluff. isagi is downbad, sae is a house cat variant, and nagi is something else. reader's gender unspecified, implied post canon au.

characters: isagi, sae, nagi

isagi falls in love with you again and again over the smallest things. it could be you rearranging your things, it could be you looking up to the sky, it could be you crouching alongside him, it could be you laughing at something he finds actually unfunny—repeatedly, without fail it keeps happening. in these sorts of moments, it is very obvious too. his breath would come to a halt slowly, his shoulder sagged, his mouth opening into a silent gape, all while his blue eyes would stare at you, filled with feelings that are impossible to word out. his signs are obvious enough that even strangers could know them. the worst thing is that on times like this, it means isagi yoichi's infamously smart brain will go on a holiday for a bit. adding to the fact that his eyes rarely leave you whenever you are in his vicinity, this means it happens a lot in a public setting. after the third time of seeing this happening right in front of them, most of his friends sort of agree that it would be best to leave the lovesick, down-bad isagi alone. more for their sakes because all they get is either a dumb "huh" that is very cute actually or a very angry, on-field tone of "shut the fuck up fucking donkey i'm admiring right now" which unfortunately did happen to a genius, a speedster, and a king. it nearly ended in a bloodbath multiple times but at least you know he is a man that could not be moved.

sae likes it when you play with his hair and vice versa. the annoying thing, though, is that he rather doesn't say shit for three days than admitting this to your face. some call it an acute case of terrible communication skill some call it kuudere rizz—nobody knows which one is the correct term but the good thing is this guy speaks louder through his action than his words. which mean acting like a spoiled house cat with shitty attention seeking tendencies—where you could be working or resting your exhausted leg and without any warning, you will have his head on your lap. don't bother protesting, you will lose the inevitable staring contest. just play with his hair, comb it, pat it, arrange it while praising him—just spoil him. and if he says "your hair is wet" even right after you dry it off, just sit down and let him " dry" your hair. no, it's not an alibi to have you chatter while he listens and touches your hair. no, he does not kiss you on the hair you are imagining shit. and no don't let anyone touch your hair. sae's possessive streak is a rare thing but if anyone touches your hair, that's just asking for it. honestly, it will be easier for both of you if he just says "hey can we forego the hairdryer and have your head on my lap instead this time" but this is an itoshi bloodline elder. the best he could manage is just suddenly burying his face in your hair or suddenly touching it when he is not in the mood to play a game. again, like a cat just taking something he wants. the cat is handsome and loving in his own way though.

nagi turns out to be a very very vocal person when it comes to you. aw, he must be away for a week because of a match? good luck to everyone on his team because he will whine about it every minute or so. some wanted to murder him, but thank god, an "if you look cool don't you think they will be happy?" is enough to shut him up—on camera at least. and wow he thinks you look good in your clothes? you will know it. nagi will say "wear it again", " it suits you", and many other short sentences indeed—he is still not a wordsmith—but simply by the sheer frequency of his praise? everyone and their grandma will know it. one time a brave, poor soul asked him "why the fuck are you so noisy about them?!"—and turns out it is simply because he likes your reaction to his words. you could respond back with cheer, with a calm suave, or sometimes flustered laugh, and nagi eats those up. remember to have special reactions for him though, since he is not above copying a koala or maybe some flirty toucan to have those. nagi has been a tad bit shameless though, despite everything, therefore maybe it's not unsurprising that he kinda of becomes after getting together with you. (in the background, niko nods sagely, "i see. so it's like your oshi character who you want every info of from a dating sim." while barou snaps with a "fucking what?" nagi takes a second to think, and goes, "...kinda." which is obviously an understatement.)

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

You know, if I have to read another take or fic that treats Ed ordering that racist French captain skinned with the snail fork as proof of Ed's anger issues, or, somehow bizarrely commonly, has Stede talk down to him about it, I'm gonna lose it. Both Ed and Stede indirectly cause some pretty major violence in s1e5, but only Ed's seems to be proof of a violent nature. Strange.

And I'm honestly a bit tired of talking around this, because when you look at what some portions of this fandom can excuse and what they can't, it becomes very obvious how this is really just a racism problem. I mean, in this episode:

Ed responds to racist abuse by ordering the French captain killed. It's in the context of him having already given the captain a chance to back the fuck off ("what's that supposed to mean," said very calmly considering we all know what "your kind" means), has to visibly hype himself up to start yelling, and is responding to being called a donkey. It's vile and Ed deserves to be upset, not to mention he knows he can't just let that slide when senior crew members like Fang are right there watching. Ed is visibly upset and shaken by this whole situation and what he thinks it says about him as a person.

Stede, upon learning that the party guests were cruel to Ed (in a passive-aggressive but undoubtedly racist way), is angry on his behalf, and also wants to retaliate, just as Ed did earlier. It's sweet that he's defending Ed, but this is surely also personal for Stede, who felt mocked and belittled earlier and has had to deal with a lifetime of that. We see the results of Stede's playing the crowd here, with the boat burning in the background and the screams of people jumping out into the open sea, and Stede is also visibly pretty stoked about the whole thing.

There's no way around it, I think: we have been conditioned to think it's morally superior for someone to "turn the other cheek" and "be the bigger person" in the face of racist abuse, and Ed doesn't do that, so that's why this is still such a big issue for some people. When Ed gets upset again at the party, unlike earlier when Stede was put off by Ed ordering the captain skinned, Stede validates his feelings and is the one to respond, and that's the difference in reactions, I think. In the second case, Stede has validated Ed's anger and pain - Ed's feelings have gotten White Permission to exist.

OFMD does something really very unusual in the current media landscape, and that's how it treats racism in itself as violence. It doesn't expect characters to look away, turn the other cheek, or try to make amends with racists when they're cruel to them. And the only problem here wrt Ed is that some viewers of the show, bringing in the biases of the society we live in, will get uncomfortable when Ed acts in accordance with the show's philosophy - it doesn't matter that Stede is much more gleeful about being the one to respond in a similar situation, it matters that Ed is brown, and we therefore expect him to have to put up racist abuse. The show doesn't ask us to pass judgment on Ed in this episode, and I think that if you're automatically more inclined to believe Stede's actions more "reasonable" and "justified" than Ed's, you just might need to unpack that.

[purplecatghostposts]

Miraculous Ladybug characters and what character in Mario Kart 8 I think they choose as well as if they’re good at the game, based on the vibes I get from them!

Marinette: Used to play Peach but now is purely loyal to Toadette and Toadette ONLY! Canonically great at video games, so Mario Kart is naturally included.

Adrien: CAT PEACH. If anyone else chooses Cat Peach, he immediately gives them a DEVASTATED look and they swap immediately. Very good at the game, he has three stars on every cup!

Alya: Daisy. She will FIGHT anyone else trying to pick Daisy. Nobody is taking Daisy from her. She’s pretty decent at the game but is mostly just here to have fun and maybe kick some ass.

Nino: Strikes me as either a Yoshi guy or Shy Guy guy, though he’s chill if other people wanna pick them. Also decent but has a grudge against certain NPC opponents.

Chloé: Pink. Gold. Peach. Threatens to sue if anyone else takes her. She’s actually pretty good at the game and tends to be VERY agro. No mercy, she needs to WIN.

Kagami: Has swapped between a lot of different people but settled on Link. Incredibly intense in-game. She’s willing to battle to the death.

Félix: Isabelle from Animal Crossing. Do not let it fool you. He wants to WIN and he will red shell you at the worst time to do it.

Luka: Claims he’ll ‘Choose anybody’ but he’ll go for Rosalina if given the choice. He’s just trying to have fun and is 90% of the reason why controllers are not thrown at the TV. Juleka claims he’s “Going easy” on everyone so less feelings will be hurt. (She’s right, he loses on purpose a lot.)

Juleka: Dry Bones or Dry Bowser, she thinks they’re both cool. Doesn’t usually get top 5 if everyone is playing but consistently gets 6-7th! Hitting people with red and blue shells is kinda cathartic for her.

Rose: Sometimes picks one of the baby versions of the characters, but other times chooses one of Bowser’s kids, like Wendy or Roy. The former is for when she’s playing to have fun, the latter is for when she’s gunning for top 3.

Zoé: Pretended to be bad at the game until she realized she didn’t need to spare anyone’s feelings. Very good at the game, knows a lot of the techniques to give herself mini boosts. She LOVES Boswer Jr., especially after becoming Kitty Noire.

Sabrina: Genuinely one of the best players… When she’s not playing with Chloé. Otherwise she’s always letting her win, aiding her the best she can, and pretty much always gets whatever rank is directly behind hers. Claims her favorite character is Baby Peach (it’s actually King Boo).

Kim: DONKEY KONG. Also occasionally Wario. He’s actually kinda terrible at the game but he tends to spams items and makes that everyone else’s problem.

Max: Chooses one of the Inkling Kids (he strikes me as someone who also probably loves Splatoon). He’s good at the game but with how many other people are also good at the game, sometimes he gets overshined. He’s better at fighting games.

Alix: Waluigi 100%. She thinks he’s hilarious and while she doesn’t actually care, she WILL bring up ‘Waluigi should’ve been in Smash Ultimate’ At some point, because she thinks it’s funny. Not great at the game, is here purely to spam items and fuck over as many people as possible.

Myléne: Terrible at the game but plays to have fun! Likes to play Boswer because Ivan has cosplayed as him before.

Ivan: Also terrible at the game but likes losing alongside Myléne. Likes to play as Luigi, though occasionally chooses Dry Boswer if no one else has.

Nathaniel: Rarely plays but will choose Rosalina or Lemmy if he does. Likes to play against other casual people but usually dips if too many competitive people are playing at once.

Marc: Surprisingly really good though isn’t always good about asking if he can have a turn or not. Loves to pick the animal crossing villagers if they haven’t been chosen.

Lila: Claims she’s won a championship before. Is actually terrible at the game with the worst luck and very rarely plays. The first time she was gonna play with the class, she selected Cat Peach. Everyone stared at her as Adrien gave her the most devastated look. She panicked and faked an injury to stop playing altogether.

[maybe-a-dinosaur]

seijoh 4 mario kart

hanamaki plays as daisy bc she’s a “bad bitch”. he’s not great at the game but shit talks the Whole time like he’s insufferable. he targets oikawa specifically bc it pissed him off and takahiro lives for the drama. he also throws himself around and otherwise resorts to physical violence in his attempts to win (or at least make the others lose) and complains loudly when he inevitably loses even though he doesn’t actually care. he drives with motion controls he fucks with coconut mall he knows the shortcuts he sings along he sets iwa’s ringer to the theme song hajime can’t figure out how to change it no one does it for him he has to live with it.

matsukawa is really good at mario kart bc it’s his solemn duty as the oldest sibling to be The Best and teach everyone a lesson. he’d win if he actually put in any effort but he actually doesn’t care against the other three and keeps getting distracted bc hiro is laying across his lap. his favorite character is yoshi but he plays as a different one every time and changes up his cart he lets takahiro choose and just deals with it. he steers with the joystick has insane aim with green shells and hits his target every time he takes out hajime sticks his tounge out and gets pushed off the couch. occasionally he’ll give a play-by-play commentary of the entire race completely monotone and it pisses everyone OFF “shut the fuck up!!!!” he does not care he drifts around a corner bumps tooru off a bridge.

iwaizumi takes mario kart Seriously. he’s generally not very good at video games (a few exceptions, he Kills at minesweeper hasn’t lost a game since 3rd grade) but he grew up playing against tooru they’re both pretty good bc of this they’re SO competitive. he holds the controller in a Vice Grip he presses the acceleration button so hard his thumb indents and his fingers cramp he mutters to himself and swears the whole time. he steers with the joystick but also turns his hands he moves with his whole body on turns and stuff he’s lasered in if issei opens his goddamn mouth one more time he’s getting a fist stuffed in it. he races as bowser and has a cart picked out that he absolutely swears by he Doesn’t Change it he’s a man of consistency. he and oikawa almost always finish first and second but it switches who’s where it’s always neck and neck they’re keeping a tally of winners and it’s bafflingly even. he has to wear the wrist strap bc he has broken more than one controller by throwing it accidentally and he always sits on tooru’s left bc he’s superstitious.

oikawa is also pretty good bc he grew up playing he’s also Competitive and will not hesitate to cheat he plays dirty constantly but complains when other people do it. he shit talks a little he also Yells and Screams but everyone’s used to it he’s a sore loser but has gotten better about it over the years. he steers with motion controls bc he claims it’s a more “authentic experience” issei reminds him he doesn’t have a license tooru smiles too big with Teeth says “fuck you mattsun”. he sits crisscross plays as link drives exclusively motorcycles he claims he loses only bc of “sabatoge!” and “targeting” then tries to take hajimes controller. he’s actually really good at it though he Kills on rainbow road and has a personal vendetta against baby luigi the others say he should race as donkey kong bc their hair is the same tooru Seethes and “accidentally” kicks his drink over now everyone but him has wet socks.

[lostfracturess]

"Nothing about this is 'okay'," she retorted. "You look like you're about to have a breakdown. You can't keep this up forever." YES MAKI OUR FIERCE QUEEN KICK HIS OLD ASS, I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE HER!!!!!!

MAKI 😭😭😭😭😭 SHE WILL DESTROY SATORU IF SHE'S GIVEN A CHANCE 🙏🙏🙏 we all need maki in our life, ladies

What are you doing here?" Satoru asked. "Don't you have a lecture right now?" I won't let you ignore the fact he knows her timetable 😵‍💫

You leaned into him, your hands on the arms of his chair, caging him in. "Tell me, do these supercharged T-cells unnerve you? Make you uncomfortable with yourself?" Your lips were mere inches from his as you whispered, "Too bad you can't fuck them into submission, right?" I love when she's insane so much (i bet satoru got his dick hard from this 🤭)

"Part of you longed to surrender, to let him take the weight you carried, even for a moment. But pride, a fierce, protective instinct, urged you to resist. You couldn't afford to rely on him, not anymore. You had to fight your own battles, win or lose." girl please I understand you stubborness perfectly, but you're acting like satoru 😭 she really needs someone to share her burden, all battles shouldn't be fought on their own 😭

"Shhh." His fingers grazed your cheek, then slipped into your hair, stroking the back of your head in a soothing rhythm. "Just rest for a moment. I'll handle this for now." THIS MAN THIS MAN THIS MANNNN I NEED HIM SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭

"Maybe throwing yourself into this research was a desperate way for you to feel close to him again, maybe it was a futile attempt to get over it, end the suffering, end the what if's" i AM CRYING, NICI WHAT ARE YOU DOING 😭😭😭 there's so much going on in her life, she doesn't deserve all of this, but i adore her strength so much (even if it's borderline mad stubborness, but nevermind), i love her.

"Have you eaten anything today besides coffee?"

"How much hydromorphone have you taken today?" I absolutely adore their banters 😭

okay let me get this straight. she didn't tell anyone about her father's death day. she was alone and exhausted and in a grief, and he was the only person by her side in that day. i am perfectly calm and normal about them.

"Lately, it seemed, you could find peaceful sleep only in his presence" crying screaming throwing up she can relax and be herself only with him (for now) 😭 😭 😭

Your mother's eyes raked over him. He, in turn, flashed her a smile so bright, so disarming, it almost made your skin crawl. "It's a pleasure to meet you." of course of course he's the type of a guy to let your parents completely enamored with him, who would even think 🙄

"Your mother asked more and more personal questions, making you want to crawl under the table and disappear. You dodged, deflected, and offered vague answers. Satoru, on the other hand, seemed to have no problem to reveal every fucking inappropriate detail of your shared past" that's so funny and so gojo of him 😭😭🫠

every time i think it can't become worse IT DOES, NICI WHY 😭😭😭 clearly our poor girl was forced to take responsibility for both her and her mother after her father's death and she became too mature for her age, a kid shouldn't be a parent to their own parent

no but imagining satoru during this fight is so funny to me 😭😭 either he was like a shocked Pikachu or like a donkey from that shrek meme if you know what i am talking about 😭😭

Yeah. We should sleep," you finally said. "You'll be sleeping on the floor, just so you know." she's right, that's for not kissing her. he's punished.

"Your mother squeezed you with surprising strength. Then, with a low voice she whispered, "I think...I'll try therapy." one (1) encounter witg dr. gojo satoru makes wonders

WAIT WHAT???? WHAT WAS THAT??? SATORU GOJO WTFFFFFF

that's alllll <3 thanks for the chapter again!!!

p.s. the way i fell asleep after reading the whole chapter and writing my overall thoughts just with my notes opened was fun 😭

MAKI 😭😭😭😭😭 SHE WILL DESTROY SATORU IF SHE'S GIVEN A CHANCE

lol yes satoru definitely has to look out for her :DD she will slap him at any given chance.

I love when she's insane so much (i bet satoru got his dick hard from this 🤭)

ahahhaha ohh you bet. too bad suguru was also in the room and that she was a bit on the verge of colapse bc outerwise this scene would have turned out a BIT DIFFERENT lol

THIS MAN THIS MAN THIS MANNNN I NEED HIM SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭

haha glad u like the soft scenes i wrote in this chapter, i can imagine it so vivid in my mind, like his soft voice, his gentle touch and all that ahhhh. yeah, i'm weak.

i AM CRYING, NICI WHAT ARE YOU DOING

again SORRYYY, but like …. i like my characters to suffer ahhhh

okay let me get this straight. she didn't tell anyone about her father's death day. she was alone and exhausted and in a grief, and he was the only person by her side in that day. i am perfectly calm and normal about them.

yeeesss so so down bad for this trope of like whenever they have lows they are with each other and never let the other go, my heart 😭😭

of course of course he's the type of a guy to let your parents completely enamored with him, who would even think 🙄

facts. i think he can charm every parent in mere seconds, and i think that's really annoying like, he also has bad sides but once the parents are sold it's over !!! ahaha

a kid shouldn't be a parent to their own parent

ahhhh that's such a good line, like that would be so fitting for satoru to tell her also ?? shit, should have used that somewhere, but might use it somewhere in future chapters xdd

no but imagining satoru during this fight is so funny to me 😭😭 either he was like a shocked Pikachu or like a donkey from that shrek meme if you know what i am talking about 😭😭

i'm sure he was pickachu faced the whole time but like imagine ahahha. he was really confused for a hot second.

one (1) encounter witg dr. gojo satoru makes wonders

he's such a charmer with parents. ughhhh i hate him for it. & yes also the marriage ask thingy ahah, such a pain in the ass really lol.

thank u so so much for taking your precious time to write me all those reactions, again, i love reading them and know that they always bring a smile to my face, hehe. truly appreciate it !! <33 hope you have a lovely day and an even greater weekend ahead <33

[myrfing]

4 (mostly wondering about mount but if sahlloweye is canon feel free to tell me MORE also), 22, 25, 29!

HEY CAR THANK YUOU FOR QUESTIONS (overnight stocker maneuvers)

4. Do they have a canon mount or minion? What's its name(s)? 

OK ANSWERED ABOUT MOUNTS so the. YEAH the shalloweye is canon. runt of a group of em in coerthas that started following him. he mostly left it alone and left like...pieces of jerky and such for it to eat sometimes (it didn't eat them but he kept doing it anyway). it got captured by some dudes and sold to the gold saucer as a novelty pet prize and he was like wait... and won it back doing lord of verminion with the help of a friend. since then it gets to ride on his shoulder. it is just there to see vistas. after he learned voidsent are like...turned people...he started making clothes and hats for it but it made no move to dress itself so he stopped

22. Do you  have a unique tale for their job class or is it pretty much like what it is in the game?

His main classes are mostly like the canon storylines! He actually went through a full course for arcanists though when he was 17-18ish and sought out healing-based arcanima of his own accord. Some things in the 30-50 drk quest are also a little different in meaning because of my hc that fray retains their original self within his soul and have different resentments and fears that they projected onto him versus them being directly just his Esteem. some classes like pld, "drg" (lancer, really), mnk, "whm" (conjury) are not really canon and more like just weapons/magic he knows how to use.

25. Do they have any habits or rituals that they do to soothe themselves? I.e. Playing with their hair, chewing their lip, fidgeting, etc. 

OK often unconsciously does it but he sort of sweeps his tail once or twice when he's nervous which has made it thwack against some things. he actually really isn't all that fidgety and is good at sitting and standing still but his tail can give him away that thing is doing whatever it wants. he also does this thing where he reaches up and sort of scratches the scales on the opposite side of his face when he's tired and losing focus. scritch..

29. Did your WoL suspect anything was amiss with Urianger or the Crystal Exarch? Did they feel betrayed? Upset? When the truth finally emerged? 

With Urianger SAD TO REPORT HE DID NOT AT ALLLLLL he got his ass. he was just like well he is doing his own thing it is not my business and Urianger knows what he is doing he is trustworthy and nice. he actually also didn't...resent Urianger for what he did with Minfilia either because when they spoke at the mothercrystal he sort of realized it was kind of like the way he trusts yshtola and the way she trusts him in turn. in the like I know you would want the same thing/exchange of burdens and it actually helped him come to terms with the fact that it was Minfilia's choice and resolve. with the exarch not at all either because if he were to blame anyone it'd be graha really and second he doesn't even because again he sees it as a we're all on the same boat trying to row thing and he would have gone just as far.

with graga...he knew he was graha from the beginning but he was entirely willing to play along fully in the sense that he was like ok you say you aren't then you aren't and I'm sure you have your reasons. no coyness or attempts to prod it out at all. he was kind of like wait have I been fucking stupid @ the crown of the immaculate though when he did realize oh fuck he wants me to call him by his name this time. he wasn't mad about the light thing at all he knew the risk and saw it at his own choice. and he just doesnt have it in him to be like YOU FUCKING DONKEY about graha trying to blow himself up he was just joyous that he returned to him and that they won.

he has a very "do you see what I see" "i do" broader view with the scions where the world and the lives of many others are inextricably bound to the choices they make and their interpersonal bond and so he finds it very difficult to resent or feel betrayed by the scions on that level lol. he is used to that sort of thing and it resonates with him because the spires were very My Life Was Always Yours with each other too. mildly unhealthy but many things hang in the balance

[da-floof]

Cross wands-a generically titled comedy/somewhat creepy Hogwarts legacy romance.

AUTHOR NOTE:

First off I don’t own the Harry Potter series this is merely fan work and I don’t own Hogwarts legacy as a franchise OR AS A GAME. No I don’t own the game, no one makes money off of me writing anything so don’t @ me complaining.

“No…”

The pearlescent sheen of Amortentia shudders with your own shaking view, your hands gripping the desk become sweaty.

“No, it can’t be…” you desperately bargain against fate, despite knowing the cards are already well in place.

They’ve been so for many months.

However only now can you admit it.

Your shaking gets worse, you swallow loudly, glancing over at one of the large glass containers-only to see Sebastian standing right behind you in the reflection, silent but clearly unnerved by your flustered demeanour. After all, you can’t remember a time when you felt so powerless, a time when a single emotion had you pressed like a pin into a cork board.

“Hey…you ok?” Sebastian asks after he realises that your looking at him via the reflection.

You merely lower your head and let out a shuddering breath.

No, no I am not.

Sebastian starts to speak, no doubt some useless ‘I’ve got your back buddy, lets talk about it while I teach you illegal curses.’ Spiel.

Pathetic.

How can you even think about such frivolous time wasting when he needs you.

Luckily the moment Sebastian begins to talk, Professor Sharps voice cuts through the room announcing the end of class.

You make a large arcing wand movement, so utterly dramatic that it does the intended job and scares Sebastian back several feet as your potions equipment flings round you in a deterring makeshift shield before shrinking down as it dives back into your bag. With Sebastian stunned you take your chance and leave.

—————————————

“Hey-Hey wait!”

But you won’t.

Sebastian continues to call as you shove through the crowd without mercy.

Imelda squawks as she’s shouldered into the wall, Natty is shoved forward and crashes into Garreth who is almost backhanded out the way when he stops to turn and see what’s happened.

The path clear, you run.

He needs you.

——————————————

Sebastian had gotten through the crowd and was back on your tail.

You aren’t sure how but one thing is for certain, he will not stop you, he is merely the hopeful dog that must be lost as it attempts to follow a stranger for food.

Luckily your galavanting into cave systems and following the keepers trails has kept you very fit, fit enough that you turn sharply at a corridor and make a beeline up to the Astronomy tower.

——————————————————————

Your breaths are becoming ragged.

You knew the steps to the Astronomy tower, had done them several times.

But you’d never flat out run up them.

It doesn’t matter, you’re nearly there, the blue and gold theming coming into view as you round the top of the final staircase, almost dizzy from following the spiralling staircase for so long.

You dart past the classroom, a place you’d usually love to stop and marvel at but not today.

Proffesor Shah barely has time to look up from her desk before your passed her and continuing up the last set of rickety wooden stairs. The wooden slats are passing you by so fast, you feel like you’re ur about to faint-

No, I must get to him!

Finally you reach the Astronomy deck, almost tripping over yourself as the vertical stairs become flat wood. You stagger to the side, letting out a donkey like wheeze before dragging your exhausted body to the railing separating you from a perilous drop. Wincing at your screaming thighs you shakily get both feet on the top railing, strangely well balanced despite the the narrow metal ledge. For a minute you stop to catch your breath, appreciate the wind blowing against your non-standard uniform, tousling your hair.

The view, it’s fantastic, he would love it.

“For fucks sake man will you stop!” You startle, almost losing your balance before unsteadily turning round to face an exhausted Sebastian as he shakily climbs the last few stairs, one hand grasping at a stitch in his abdomen the other pulling himself up on the railing like it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.

“Please!” He begs, pink faced, drool dripping from his mouth as he openly pants like an energised dog.

Gross.

Well, kind of hot but the only one you want to see drooling is still a fair distance away.

“What in Merlin’s name is going on up-oh my heavens!” Proffesor Shah shrieks as she almost trips back down the stairs she’s hurried up, seeing you standing on the ledge.

Before the Indian women can gather herself, you fling out your hands and fall back, letting gravity drag you down.

“Noooo!!” Sebastian wails in heartbreaking despair, his single word ending a sob while Professor Shah lets out her own agonised cry at seeing a student fling themself off the Astronomy tower.

You close your eyes as you drop, knowing that despite the pain they will undoubtedly recover.

Especially since you whip out you broom and mount it in one fluid motion, returning high enough for both others to see you as you speed towards your destination.

Realising what you’ve done, Sebastian let’s out a furious, horse bellow of ‘YOU LITTLE CUNT!!’ While Professor Shah sounds like she’s having a heart attack from your sudden re-emergence.

You swing off your broom as soon as you reach the front entrance to the clock tower and immediately regret stalling for so long as a practise round of crossed wands has started. It seems several students from potions had come straight here. Natty and Eric are duelling Hector and Charlotte.

With a furious cry you storm in, drawing all attention before sending a Depulso that sends Charlotte flying across the room, Levioso Hector straight up into the swinging pendulum with a reverberating clang. You sprint at Eric who’s face screws up in terror before morphing to pain as you drive your fist across his face then shoulder him into Natty sending the girl falling with a shriek.

There!-finally he’s right in front of you!

You can’t help but let out a low raspy gasp as you stagger towards him.

He’s frozen in either confusion or fear and oh god he smells like smoke, the resulting smoke of magic crashing into brick and stone mixed with leather from the quidditch gear he wears when flying.

And rubber from that damn rubber ball he bounces with such skill it-oh Merlin his confidence is so hot.

“…Can I help you.” He finally manages to squeak out, rubber ball rolling across the floor while he stares paralysed at you.

You’re rather paralysed yourself. The clean pale face, curly black hair, kind brown eyes-he’s so damn cute.

“I-I know your still setting up the next round of crossed wands but…I’d like to suggest a matchup?” You manage to say, stumbling over your words as you gaze into those deep eyes.

He nods dumbly, soft lips parted.

Cute.

Swallowing your fear you step towards him, you tower over him by nearly an entire foot but he isn’t scared, house of the brave and it suits him. Slowly you raise your hand and clasp his smaller one in it.

“I was thinking…me and you? Maybe at Hogsmeade sometime?” You say, desperately trying not to let your voice shake.

There’s a brief moment as he glances at your combined hands before he slowly closes his fingers around yours. Then he smiles at you.

“I’d like that.” He says softly.

Slowly, with small movements your heads come together until you’re inches away from a kiss-

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!?”

Unfortunately your tender moment with Lucan distracted you from hearing Sebastian catch up with you once more and you turn around straight into a stupefy.

You get a weeks detention. Sebastian ends up with a total of four weeks. A week for every time he attacks you in the hallways over the following week. However it isn’t the only thing that happens continually that week.

Natty ‘accidentally’ uses her Animagus form and slams her back hooves into you with enough force to send you into the black lake While your standing on the boardwalk. Imelda curses your broom. Charlotte jinx’s you in charms, Hector sends you dirty looks and Garreth tries to poison you but stops at the last minute before you drink your ‘pumpkin juice’ because you comment that you like his hair.

He says he thinks what you did was mean through his sobs but is willing to forgive you because he’s never received such validation.

Sad.

Regardless, as you stare into Lucans warm brown eyes while you share a smoothie in a little cafe in Hogsmeade, you think it was worth it.

Of course you can’t go much further then a snog because Professor Weasley kindly informed you that ‘He’s twelve and if it goes further then kissing I’ll rip your balls off and feed them to the Kneazles’ all while managing that gentle smile of hers.

But hey, you’ve promised him at some point you’ll cross wands.

[foxeroni]

VOTE FOR JOEL

Reasons:

1. He is an absolute loser and a pathetic meow meow

In season 2 he is so insecure that he goes out of his way to make lore in order to make it cannon that he is tall and sexy. His own wife refuses to be his lawyer because she knows he will lose.

Going off the last sentence, in last life, whenever joel interacts with lizzie she always talks about how incompetent he is before and afterwards. In the one scene where she flirts with him, he has the most awkward and uncool respince possible. She votes for him to die first and profits off it. He dies 4 times in the second episode and looses all his friends (only had one to begin with).

In afterlife when Joel has objectively the best origin in the game, he needs an umbrella to walk in the rain. He dies in his second origin because he accidently walks off a cliff. When he has the supposedly "cool" origin (iceling) he falls into a cauldron by accident.

(Have not wached x life yet)

2. Joel is also a total whore

He sleeps with sausage in like the third episode of empires s2. He and his worst-enemy-turned-friend Jimmy fuck barely 2 episodes after they become friends. His wife is a ten foot tall axolotl hybrid who could absolutely step on him and he would let her.

In the first few episodes of double life he takes as little damage as possible and tries to stay out of trouble on green and yellow despite his soulmate going to the deep dark and spawning the warden, all while building a lovely and flammable home.

Joel also flirts with Jimmy in empires s1 and somehow asking Jimmy to be his best man is more romantic than a marriage proposal to his own wife?? He has bi wife energy.

3. He is absolutely unhinged and chaotic

In third life, he tames a wolf army and sicks them on absolutly everyone. It is also believed that one of the life series 'curses' is that the player that tames the most wolves is the most unhinged.

When he goes red life in LL, he tries to get kills on absolutly everyone possible, he also has no hesition when lying to his teammate when he is the boogeyman. He goes on a killing spree with grian at the end, it's even said by Scott that dying of "natural causes" included dying at joel and grians hands.

During double life, as soon as the ship burns he immediately starts burning everything and goes on another killing spree. Also, the first thing he does after dying a second time is killing someone with zero hesitation.

He starts a whole religion and goes on a whole villan arc because of a fucking donkey. A fucking donkey.

Now this is not physically, emotionally, or even that visibly unhinged, but. Let's rember that this is the guy who spent like over twenty hours worth of building in Jimmy's empire for the purpose of 'it would be funny'. It is literally insane. On that topic, all his bases are also absolutly insane, one could say, unhinged.

4. Do it for...

Vote joel, for he derves to win the mcyt sexyman bracket. And if this has convinced you that he is too pathetic to vote for, then do it for his son hermes. Hermes is too precious for this world and his other dad sadly got out of the competition yesterday. Do it for the smol armor stand demigod lore child. Or do it for donkey Jeremy, idk.

Shoutout to @infamousvamp , who inspired this post, I tried to add more stuff and make difference points, but you should check out https://at.tumblr.com/infamousvamp/vote-joel-smallishbeans-for-mcytblr-sexyman-2023/ngx5hduweccw , the original. In the end though, it really dosnt matter, as we all would like joel smallishbeans to with this competition, or at least this round. Hopefully this has either influenced your vote or reminded you how pathetic joel is. Vote here at https://at.tumblr.com/mcytblrsexymen/round-four/kprd9e10zjmp

[stoportotouch]

today, i present to you... a little... and...? le vesconte playlist.

sorry for the slightly silly title but i cannot stress enough how much the relationship between these two has the potential to fuck me up. it really is... little feels too much as a result of his trauma. le vesconte feels too little because of it. and the one time that they could have stood to sympathise with each other or meet in the middle, when ned was at his very lowest, dundy tries but not hard enough.

i. we will commit wolf murder | of montreal

when i die i want you to die too, not try to stay in this all in a dimension without you, spit on this planet without you i envy you because you could believe in things like i never could and, like, dose yourself into a coma over the bestiality of our race.

ii. big black bull comes like a caesar | munly and the lee lewis harlots

when my brother was a child, he was given an animal he raised it up to be a big black bull; it never did low, or pitch, or sway it never ride on the back of a flatbed

iii. we are gods! we are wolves! | le loup

we spent our darkest days howling at the moon, close enough to see our low condition. and did you ever wish that we were one? have you ever known your maker? could you lead your song aloft the mountain tops? you could never swing that dagger.

iv. alexander's feast, part ii: 'revenge, revenge! timotheus cries' | george frederick handel

behold a ghastly band, a ghastly band each a torch in his hand these are grecian ghosts, that in battle were slain and unburied remain: inglorious on the plain.

v. the killing type | amanda palmer

but i would kill to make you feel; i'd kill to move your face an inch i see you staring into space, i want to stick my fist into your mouth and twist your arctic heart

vi. a soreness so familiar it soon becomes unquestioned | crywank

when i sass you with a smile i see you didn't notice the quiver in my voice, the fact my bow is broken i had a nosebleed when i woke up then i didn't go to work i find my problems are all first-world but still i'm feeling hurt am i just a spoiled brat who taught themselves how to cry? who's so preconditioned now all their emotions are a lie? i close my eyes and look inside; no surprise i find nothing. it's people who shape each other and people are disgusting.

vii. alligator teeth | mother falcon

i will turn my friends to gold, for the treasury to hold them safely while they dream and how they dream, if they dream

viii. land of broken promises | iamx

turn the bad blood into good, bring the laughter, bring the love drink again 'cause everyone forgets in the land of broken promises

ix. puppet loosely strung | the correspondents

in the past you would have been seen as a family's disgrace now they think you're putting on a brave face they might fear that one day they'll wear your shoes but you're the one who's laughing; you had nothing to lose

x. great vacation | dirt poor robins

romans and countrymen, please lend me your ears: there's some late-breaking news i know you'd like to hear but the papers won't print it, and the tvs just won't air. nobody gets the word, 'cause there's nobody there.

xi. incident in a medical clinic | rasputina

quite unbelievably, i want someone to be sweet to me when i'm in absolutely horrible pain.

xii. incitatus | mishkin fitzgerald

my left hand is a whip and a bandage, free to choose where the mark or brand is each one knows how to hide in the carnage: hey're hiding, they're hiding. time's running out for the rats in the playground, cut straight down like a thief in a small town shots rack em up, pin a tail on the donkey: you've got a lot to answer for.

xiii. inside of you, in spite of you | thoushaltnot

i am inside of you, in spite of you with strength and sacred grace but for all you do, i'll carry you from this bitter place

xiv. god help you dumb boy | reverend glasseye

'dumb boy, what are you made of?' my eyes are lazy, my skin doth flake. 'then what good can you do?' not so much as men like you. 'dumb boy, what do you see?' a lesser man, coming down on me. 'tell us, what will you do?' i'll let my axe come down on you.

xv. the hand that feeds | the crane wives

i've seen good men spoiled, chained to their jobs like hounds they work, and sleep, and work again; in the darkest nights they howl their cries are a warning to everyone following: no man should stand to work all of his days and have nothing at the end of them.

xvi. what have they done to you now? | daniel knox

what have they done to you now? old familiar friends to fill your heart with grief and agony a little friendly conversation, character assassination i just don't care any more. i don't wanna know.

xvii. we'll all soon be dead | this way to the egress

the pitchfork's in the hay and we'll live another day as long as we can get through one more night this land's getting rotten, and i have to shake my head 'cause the cattle's sick and we'll all soon be dead.

xviii. lullaby | american murder song

troubles, and marks, and sakes to keep blow out the candle and go to sleep. high hang the moon that looks to the west, tied to your pillow, and twice 'round your chest

xix. danse macabre | the oh hellos

xx. my nightmare | phemiec

in my mightmare tonight, i'll see me, all consumed and attempting to sing disharmonious tunes with you asynchronicity, i am in misery i am in misery! what has been done to me?

xxi. hellfire | the mechanisms

your soul is connected to the world you're in you're dragging it down with the weight of your sin surrounded by temptation, and you just give in. we're falling into the flames.

xxii. edward | american murder song

after the spring, you shall find him after the snow leaves the hill after the spring, you shall find him. 'till then, there's no grave to fill.

xxiii. july | american murder song

outside, the tree coughed up blood 'stead of leaves coughs from the floorboards, coughs from the eaves i climbed the coughing tree, noose on my sleeve: i ain't going nowhere; i ain't going going nowhere.

xxiv. no children | the mountain goats

and i hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way.

xxv. leather for hell | bitter ruin

euthanasia is gonna save ya; it's the kindest thing to do and you don't know it yet but every time you take that breath ten thousand other people suffer 'cause they feel the way i do.

xxvi. a deer mistaking candles for headlights | crywank

does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? am i the reason that you feel down? distant yet rational; bringer of rage to get to a level where i will engage i am a tentacle; incapacitated obstacle. i am obsolete and apathetic, thoughtlessly apologetic watch my actions (or lack thereof) negate the person that i said i was.

xxvii. eat you | caravan of thieves

i'm gonna eat you, you're my desire i'm gonna sharpen all my teeth and build a fire. i'm gonna eat you; cook and defeat you i'm gonna breathe you in my lungs and make you mine.

xxviii. destroy everything you touch | unwoman

destroy everything you touch today. destroy me this way anything that may desert you, so it cannot hurt you you only have to look behind you, at who's undermined you destroy everything you touch today. please. destroy me this way.

xxix. heretic pride | the mountain goats

i want to cry out, but i don't scream and i don't shout and i feel so proud to be alive and i feel so proud when the reckoning arrives.

xxx. pump shanty | the mechanisms

a transport mission, gone awry attacked by cole and left to fry is no excuse, boys, let us cry: "today is not the day we die!"

xxxi. bremen | pigpen theatre co.

but how long did we think we could walk, we could sing before our voices gave out and our limbs gave in on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the way, on the way, on the way to bremen, to bremen, to bremen

xxxii. automatonic electronic harmonics | steam powered giraffe

i am not an unimaginable thing; my thoughts are tangible though they're full of springs i don't have the heart to send you untruthful words my skin is cold to the touch and made from the earth

xxxiii. never love an anchor | the crane wives

there are times when i still wonder about you: you are someone i have loved, but never known and you'll never see the reasons i had for keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you. i am selfish, i am broken, i am cruel: i am all the things they might have said to you do you ever think of me and my two hands and wonder why they never soothed your fevers

xxxiv. my mom | kimya dawson

and he goes limp in your arms all the peoples' mouths are moving all you hear are car alarms and you wake up and start to cry i will lose my shit if even one more person i know dies so please don't die.

xxxv. allies or enemies | the crane wives

remember when i could tell you not to smile when you were mad and you would always crack, and we'd both be laughing in the end now you're not so quick to forget -- are we allies or enemies what happens now, do we have another go do we bow out and take our separate roads i'll admit, i've had my doubts, but i want to be let in, not out

xxxvi. beneath the brine | the family crest

now my heart is bound, like a plague upon this sound and oh, it slips away, such soft decay -- then it grows oh, young love, young dear, why have you taken me from the fall all of my love, all of my life, given to you, sacrificed stay clear of the wreckage: she goes down, down, down

xxxvii. mars | sleeping at last

though time is ruthless, it showed us kindness in the end by slowing down enough: a second chance to make amends so we found our way back home, let our cuts and bruises heal while a brand-new war began, a war that no-one else could feel

xxxviii. dance while the sky crashes down | jason webley

like that, the earth begins to quiver, and all the oceans turn to black a ship of maniacs with knives are playing blackjack with their lives to kill the time until the giant rats attack it's raining leprosy and acid; the saints were taken out and shot when someone proffers you a pear you sink your teeth in unaware that just beneath the skin lies pestilence and rot

xxxix. animal skin | bryan dunn

i can see it in their eyes: they're coming for you, honey painted faces, sharpened knives. do you think it's funny if you dress it up, you'll have to break it in but you never look better than when you wear your animal skin

xl. love, love, love | the mountain goats

love, love is gonna lead you by the hand into a white and soundless place now we see things as in a mirror, dimly then, we shall see each other face to face and way out in seattle young kurt cobain snuck out to the greenhouse, put a bullet through his brain snakes in the grass beneath our feet, rain in the clouds above some moments last forever, but some flair out with love, love, love

[deathandthemaiden23]

An incomplete list of things I appreciate about Shrek 2, written as I was watching it after having consumed an inordinate amount of the devil's lettuce:

The "Sargeant Pompous and Fancy Pants Club Band" scene with the fanfare that turns into Hawaii Five-O I can't properly illustrate to you how much this scene tickles me its perfect the regal buildup with the fanfare the perfectly spirited rendition of the Hawaii Five-O theme by Reggie and then Sargeant Pompous cutting him off with a head smack just ugh amazing peak cinema

The whole movie in summary is just "rip Shrek" because I stg within the first 15 minutes ALONE he gets cockblocked by Donkey, loses the fight to go see his in-laws, gets the piss annoyed out of him by Donkey once again the entire ride over, and THEN he accidentally hits on the queen 10 seconds into their first conversation when he says "its easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from" like just pour one out for this guy he's dead he's ceased to be bereft of life he rests in peace

Fairy Godmother's first song where she's singing to Fiona about getting the "prince with the sexy tush" just tickles me because she's singing about HER SON she's like dishing with Fiona about boys but the boy is THAT fuckin weiner I just omg

Harold at one point says he's just taken his pills and that they make him drowsy which is funny to me because the SCU (shrek cinematic universe) takes place in a largely medieval setting and yet somehow there's still modern pills widely accessible and they probably didn't call them pills back then anyway I just idk its shit like this that makes me love Shrek

When Harold is talking with Fairy Godmother in the coach and she says "YOU FORCE ME TO DO SOMETHING I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO" in front of the window to Friar's Fat Boy Prince Charming has like... the funniest fucking smug look on his face as he looks at his mom and then back at Harold like I never noticed his face in that shot before and its SO funny I recommend laser focusing on it the next time you watch it lmfao

The fact that there was a point in time where Puss just fuckin hung out at the Poison Apple being a brooding mercenary-for-hire in the backroom of the bar like that's how he was introduced into this series his first interaction with Shrek was trying to kill his ass and I just think that's amazing when juxtaposed with his current personality like does he just take on a new identity with each new life I bet Death was having a good time watching this jackass risk his life trying to kill other people only to come back and hang out in a dark ass room by himself in a seedy bar lmfao

THE FUCKING "SIR JUSTIN" POSTER IN FIONA'S ROOM WHICH I NEVER UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD BECAUSE I WAS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SO I JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND IT AT THE TIME AND NOW ITS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THROWAWAY JOKES I'VE *EVER* SEEN IN A MOVIE HANDS DOWN

I think it's interesting that Shrek kinda just reads Fiona's childhood diary, something that would be considered big enough to warrant an Act 2 betrayal arc but... Nothing really comes of this, if anything at all and I just think that's... huh. Guess they had too much fucking meat on the sandwich that was Shrek 2 to work in that pickle of a situation like yeah Fiona knows that Shrek read her diary but she doesn't seem to hold it against him and I think that's an interesting take on that type of plot thread it just goes to show just how much they seem to trust and love each other

I love the fact that Fairy Godmother apparently regularly indulged in posh frippery like having coffee and monte cristos and things that are "deep-fried and smothered in chocolate" because that inherently implies that there is a kitchen somewhere in the factory and she has people in her employ specifically to bring her shit like that around the clock she has a gourmet kitchen somewhere in that fucking factory also are we to assume that she might be eating like this more frequently lately as a result of Harold ruining her diet I just idk where I'm going with this point is there's so many things like this in this movie that make me want to ask a thousand more questions

Knowing that Fairy Godmother was apparently making the love potion that comes into play later when Shrek walks in on her in the factory is so funny because goddamn she really is trying to pimp her son out lmfao

The chase scene through the factory gives me goosebumps every time I watch it like make fun of the Shrek soundtracks' tendencies to use eclectic modern music all you want but said music is actually reasonably applicable to the plot and fits the movie well and like the cover of Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)" in this scene literally fits the plot so well when taking into account the difficulties Shrek and Fiona are having in their marriage and Shrek is literally taking action to save said marriage because like the narrator in the song he doesn't want to lose the other person despite all the difficulties they're having I just ach man these movies just get me every time I watch them

I LOVE how Fiona has her own agency as a female character? She's capable of kicking ass all on her own and taking charge when she needs to; in the third act of this movie she doesn't just wait around for Shrek to come back she actively makes a plan to go out and look for him and then go back home to the swamp so they can both be happy its just so apparent to me that the people that write these movies really care about fleshing her out because she IS the secondary protagonist after Shrek and before you say what about Donkey he's an important character but the story revolves around Shrek and Fiona's relationship more or less and centers on them going through all the stages of love and marriage together and I just really appreciate that Fiona is given time as a character to do things on her own independent from Shrek she's just a kickass female lead okay tons of good female characters in Shrek but she's one of the best

Since I mentioned Donkey I feel it would be remiss not to mention his bond with Shrek? Its developed a lot during the first Shrek but like with Shrek and Fiona's relationship his friendship with Donkey just becomes a lot more natural in 2, like Shrek genuinely likes having Donkey around. He puts up with him annoying the piss out of him during the ride to Far Far Away and lets him come along to begin with instead of leaving him at home, he jokes around with him and teases him a fair amount, and he like even apologizes if he snaps at him I just appreciate Shrek actually working to be there and be good to the people he cares about since he's spent so much time alone and only looking out for himself Dreamworks' ability to make their relationships seem real and developed and organic regardless of the limited runtime is so amazing to me like they did such a good job with Shrek and Fiona obviously but Shrek and Donkey are friends before anything else happens and in a way Shrek's friendship with Donkey is what opens him up enough to see a future with Fiona in the first place

I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER NOTICED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CLIMAX WHEN FAIRY GODMOTHER LEAVES HER COACH TO "WALK" DOWN THE RED CARPET KYLE IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "KYLE" IN RHINESTONES I AM PISSING MYSELF LAUGHING

The fact that modern tech like TVs somehow exists in this universe never fails to tickle me lmfao like it somehow makes Shrek so much more entertaining to me personally knowing something called "Wheel of Torture" canonically exists and is being broadcast to anyone with a TV apparently which begs the question if this tech is easily accessible or not to everyone in the SCU because they don't exact zero in on stuff like this

Given the fact that Gingy wants to watch stuff like Wheel of Torture over the Far Far Away Royal Ball it makes total sense that he'd see the medieval equivalent of Cops and be like "now THIS is good TV" Gingy is a bootlicker confirmed

The fucking OJ Simpson reference is another one of those things that flew right over my head as a kid and now that I'm an adult I know they most likely threw that shit in to amuse parents but still oh my god the audacity of the Shrek crew to even do this bit at all is unparallelled

MODERN GRAFFITI EXISTS IN SHREK APPARENTLY? I HAVE NO THOUGHTFUL COMMENTARY ON THAT I JUST NOTICED IT DURING THE KNIGHTS SCENE AND LOST MY SHIT

ALSO THE SCENE WHERE THEY GRIND PEPPER IN SHREK'S EYES INSTEAD OF MACING HIM I JUST... AGH THE JOKES MAN THEY ALMOST ALWAYS HIT

Oh god man the climax just... The climax. You get chills when Holding Out For a Hero starts and Fairy Godmother's dress turns red and sparkly?? When Fiona keeps dodging Prince Charming's advances during the instrumental break??? PUSS DUKING IT OUT WITH THE KNIGHTS IN THE CASTLE WHILE TELLING SHREK AND DONKEY TO KEEP GOING WITHOUT HIM???? SHREK BEING LIKE HEY YOU FUCK BACK AWAY FROM MY WIFE WHEN HE FINALLY GETS TO THE COURTYARD????? FUCK MAN JUST FUCK

Fucking LOVE freeze-frame credits and Shrek 2 is the best damn example of it imo it just gives you goosebumps when the names pop up during key scenes with the characters AND DONKEY AND PUSS ARE SINGING LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA THE WHOLE TIME????

LOVE the other version of Holding Out For a Hero featured during the first credits, genuinely spine-tingling

I really appreciate how like... People generally tend to like Shrek when they get to know him better? Donkey, Fiona obviously, Puss starts off trying to kill him and then becomes like best friends with him, her parents warm up to him and even the whole of Far Far Away applauds when Shrek kisses Fiona at the end I just awh its so nice this whole series is like a gentle yet hilarious reminder that even outcasts are worthy of love maybe that's why I vibe so hard with Shrek its core message hits very close to home for me and even with Last Wish the whole philosophical discussion of life and treasuring what you have is such a good, good message that ALSO hits home super hard I've gone on long enough Shrek 2 is a masterpiece, easily tied with Last Wish as my favorite of the series

[girltomboy]

I just watched Triangle of Sadness, a movie that's been on my watchlist for some time now, and while I was hesitant to click play on a 2.5 hour long movie, it was definitely worth it. It didn't feel long and excruciating, I didn't constantly check to see how much I have left of it. It's a gripping movie that honestly achieved what The Menu didn't even crawl close to: comedy, satire, a statement, a mirror.

The ending took me by surprise, I was pleased to discover that Ruben Östlund intended for it to be a puzzling cliffhanger, and even said himself that he doesn't know more about it. This playful approach to movies is rare but welcome, and it's quite refreshing to be able to analyze an ending in its entirety.

The big question about it seems to be whether or not Abigail ends up killing Yaya with the large stone after hugging her so genuinely moments before. I thought the parallel between the torturous killing of the female donkey and the rage-induced, cold blooded murder of Yaya would be quite clever. Some kind of a Cain vs. Abel moment, especially in the context of Abigail seeking Carl for herself. Returning to life as before would mean a loss of power and authority for Abigail; she would go back to her stable and secure life, but she would lose her entire "matriarchy", as Yaya had put it, that she quickly curated on the island. So it would somewhat make sense for her to wish to keep it, no?

Then there's (what would probably be) Yaya's last words. She proposes to Abigail that she work for her as an assistant, once they return. She speaks with her back turned, unaware of Abigail's intentions (or so we think - maybe she hears her footsteps? Maybe she senses Abigail's malice? The beauty is that we don't fucking know!). This could make Abigail hesitate, out of fear of Yaya turning around, or maybe out of gratitude. Why go back to being a toilet manager, when you can be the assistant of an influencer, go from a thankless job to an empty job? But Yaya utters this proposal with her back turned, we don't even see her mouth moving. So perhaps these words are only in Abigail's head. Perhaps she's trying to fuel her rage so she can drop the large rock on Yaya's head. Or perhaps she's trying to mentally talk herself out of it from Yaya's perspective. Either way, her expression makes it clear that she is about to make a life-changing decision.

The last shot of the movie shows Carl running through the island in a bloody and sweaty frenzy, at dusk. He is running towards the other side of the island, making it clear that the girls have not returned - or not both of them, at least. I read an interpretation that said he was running for his masculinity, I think that's a reductive take. Men are always expecting other people (mainly women) to bring them their masculinity on a tray, and when they're not satisfied with it, they spit it out and say "not like that", blaming the other for it, of course. Anyway, I thought that was a pretty sad projection, but it's welcome nevertheless because it's a fictional creation with an open ending.

Overall, I think this movie is a pertinent commentary on the futility of wealth, class differences and the ridiculousness of rich people. On the yacht, Abigail was a toilet manager. On the island, she was the captain, and made sure to let everybody know. Her skills were valuable to everyone both on the yacht and on the island, whereas the wealth of the customers was only meaningful on the yacht, where it was merely symbolic - a symbol of what they were allowed to say and do: order the staff around with ridiculous requests - power and authority. Not taking no for an answer, even being offended at the sound of a No. Ultimately, the abuse of power and authority leaked, and lead to a reversal of roles in terms of class, manipulation, cowardice, death.

What I also loved about it was that, despite being an open-ended movie, it left no room to question anything but the ending. Everything is pretty much pieced together and there was no scene that was pointless or useless. Every detail holds a message, which made me eager to check out Ruben Östlund's other creations, and VERY excited for his upcoming project.

[orleans-jester]

Boat was good anyway. A lot less legwork.

Finding an abandoned manual for something, Ellie took a sharpie out of her bag - never know when one was going to be necessary - and wrote literally three big letters. I.O.U. That was good enough, Delta would understand the three letters well enough, and with a breath, froze it onto one of the posts tht the boat had been tied to.

She didn’t know that they were already being watched, but if she did know, it wouldn’t bother her too much. They were going to do what they were going to do. And they were PROBABLY going to cause less damage to the city than whatever Jetsam, Chip, Dale and the others were going to do to the city with their zombie hunting and car driving.

Fuckin’ right Babyface had audacity, and that was one of his best traits in Ellie’s opinion. It was that audacity of just including her in the conversation on her first day at the human high school that led to this very moment. It was the audacity of him joking around about sitting on his lap that had made her do so, their first slightly intimate touches.

He might not have had the time to be proud of himself, but Ellie did. As she held on, standing beside him, the wind blowing through her red hair making it fly around behind her, she looked over to him. Up and down, like checking him out. And grinned to herself. So what if he was shit at counting. So what if he was shit at writing. Look at him now. He was being fucking amazing.

They passed through the veil and there it was. Like it used to be. The hair on the back of her neck and on her exposed arms bristled as the memories of her first time here came over her. The first trauma, being felt up, being attacked, almost losing Babyface, Dale becoming a goddamn donkey. She’d been back since then. But that initial feeling of ‘TURN BACK DO NOT BE HERE THIS PLACE IS NOT FOR YOU’ still came on strong.

She was white knuckling the boat, her breath coming out of her nose with steam, like she was a bull. She wasn’t running cold in fear. She was hyping herself up, running hot in adrenaline. It was finally time to answer some questions that they had. If the curse from The Horned King spread out this far. If Oogie had found out a way to bring out boys to keep the island happy. And what would the island do if it was starving and it caught onto the fact that there was a new boy there - a boy who definitely wasn’t on the ‘good’ side of the law.

“Feels like nothing that should die, die easily,” She said, her face still forward, lookin towards the bright lights, smelling the cotton candy, hearing the music that made goosebumps erupt over freckled flesh.

She never thought she’d miss the screams, but she could hear no human noise, and that was quite disconcerting.

Her fingers were trembling, and she clenched them into a fist and took another deep breath. While Babyface was focusing on how much fun he had, how he had once loved this place, she was focusing on the people. Mazzie and Jax. That’s what they were here for. That’s who they were trying to find. She was trying to keep some hope alive - enough people had gone to the grave in the past year. Up until now, everything had been like Schrodinger’s Cat. They could be alive here. They could be dead out there. There was no way to know, unless they somehow stumbled upon the bodies in Feral. This was like taking the lid off of the box and seeing what they were going to find.

“That’s exactly what I thought,” She admitted. She’d been anticipating an empty hull. A mausoleum. The fact that there was even lights on was simply astounding.

Ellie nodded as they got in closer, looking at all of the changes. Ellie nodded, and wrinkled her nose. “Looks more … corny now. Definitely gave it the Halloweentown Treatment.” It looked more like it was really attempting to be scary, like some pop-up Halloween show. “Spirit Halloween threw up in here,” She joked to try to calm her own nerves.

Weapons. Something that they should have thought about. For the second time, it seemed like Babyface was really on top of things with his costume, and the real weapons that he had on them. She could just break something inside, and take it as another weapon like she had with the piece of pottery and using it as a sort of blade the first time that she had been there. But Babyface offered much better ideas.

She took the nightstick, thumping it against the palm of her hand as if testing the weight.

Her bright blue eyes met Babyface’s then. He was the authority on this place, and she wasn’t afraid to admit it. Although she was and always would be Hell’s Ells, she wasn’t going to go charging right on in. She was following him. She was going to be following his lead. She nodded, taking his words seriously. “Yeah. Okay. Focus on our friends,” She said with a weak smile. “I’m going to ruffle Jax’s hair up so bad when we find him.”

And then with an unconvincing giggle but very true words - “I’m really fucking glad I didn’t wear a long dress tonight.”

But he was still serious. He wasn’t meanmugging, he wasn’t being overly confident, he was wearing an expression that looked out of place on his face. Like his features weren’t made for being this serious. She held her breath for a second, anticipating what he was going to say, waiting for the self-sacrificing speech, the ‘leave me if you have to’ - as if it was an easy choice to make when it felt impossible.

Holy fuck. That was not at ALL what she was expecting and her eyes seemed to go even wider, making her look and feel like some kind of anime character.

And before she could even think of something to respond to that with - something cheesy like you made that nightmare into a dream, or, you’ve done perfect or you’ll never disappoint me he was just gone. Booking it. That made her huff, though it wasn’t accompanied with the usual bit of smoke and flame that it usually was. Damn island taking her powers.

Damn if she would let it take her friends.

Wasn’t going to let it take her Babyface either.

She stepped onto the sand with her legs feeling heavy, almost reluctant, but filled her mind with Jax’s curls and maybe they could wrap pencils in them and watch them unfurl and fly through the air like they experimented with before. And Mazzie - she decided she was going to give the girl the Meltdown recipe, and they could bake them together. They could learn some of the new TikTok dances. If they were alive and they decided to come with them, Black Arts would just have to deal with having a four-person crew rather than just the two of them.

She walked through the gates without the hesitation too, holding that nightstick, trying to do a couple of cool tricks with it. Not violent ones. She was just trying to be like Jasper in Twilight, make it look cool.

“We’re talking about that later, by the way,” She said, pointing it at him. “You’re not just leaving me with that, you dork.”

And then she breathed out slowly through her nose and nodded with determination. “Later,” She repeated, as if setting it in stone with her words, that they would be getting out of here together.

Babyface thought in human. His mind didn't even contemplate ice. His mind really looked out at the water and heard the word skate, got completely confused, and just went... boat. Boat was easier than figuring out the riddle of her words. She'll have to explain herself by dumbing it down a few notching or adding way more details to get Babyface to catch on sometimes. He's not always so quick on the uptake.

So, there they were borrowing Delta's boat. "You write the note." Babyface still had an adversion to writing.

Babyface had boosted a few cars. He'd been behind the wheel of a handful of them even if he wasn't the gear head some of his brothers had been. Ellie told him to take the wheel and he got front and center without hesitation. Babyface never did. That was part of the Beagle's magic. They might not have had supernatural powers, but they had audacity and confidence beyond the norm. He'd set that ship asail. Once off the dock he had a little trouble getting the vessel to full steam ahead but he eventually figured it out. He might have even looked proud of himself if he wasn't so focused, far too focused to ahead of them to check the gas in the now. This was a boy with a destination splicing through the water in a direct line.

Delta was up in her tower watching the crowd that went joy riding in the streets. That didn't mean that from there she wasn't able to catch the sound and movement of one of her own ships off her own shoreline. She'd witness this herself before her fae ever reported it to her. That said, she didn't have it chased down. Nothing was leaving Feral. She knew all her questions would be answered eventually and answer to her they would.

Babyface was full throttle with a course set to Pleasure Island. It was dark outside. It was a night with a thin veil and as they approached it wasn't the silent chasm it often portrayed like a mask of deserted island. The lights were up. The sounds of the carnival and the fair aroma cotton candy, peanuts, popcorn, and beer sizzled in the air with a mix of hot dogs and funnel cakes. The smell put Babyface on edge, but only fueled his determination.

The place looked the same, but different somehow.

"I thought it might be dead by now if it wasn't being fed."

If it wasn't being fed. He looked at Ellie confused. Had the island been fed this whole time? It looking so alive after all this time gave him some hope like the place was worth searching, but it opened his mind to a whole new wave of questions.

Their friends loved this place no matter what their feelings were. This Babyface also knew. He watched intently as the ship slowly got closer and the sign grew bigger. If anyone understood the contradiction of loving the unlovable, it was Babyface. He could never judge Mazzie for caring about a people or a place she saw as family no matter how shitty it treated her, not when he came from where he came from. He just... he understood.

So, he looked up at that big intimidating sign and he tried to remember all the moments before Ellie and Dale came to rescue him, all the moments before he pulled that trigger, before Dale was transformed into a jackass, their confrontation with Oogie and ended up in Halloween Town High. He tried so hard to focus on the fun he was having prior to that before he realized the place was trying to feed on his feral behavior as a rotten no good boy. He tried to remember the talks he had with Mazzie when she'd hide at his place in the middle of the night away from her family. He focused on the promises he made to her. He focused on all the fun he had here before he even understood the boys here weren't all real. The large crowd of faceless new friends he didn't give two shits about like any other rotten boy. He loved this place at the time too. That's the feeling he tried to keep at the forefront. Innately, somehow he knew this was important.

The place always had a creep factor to it. He thought it was part of the fun house aesthetic, but now knowing the place personally, it was hard not to notice. Differences this time were trying to unnerve him as he tried to keep his good adventurous feeling of the place at his forefront.

"Oogie's changes?" He wondered in a whisper to Ellie since it'd been so long since they'd been there. The place had even always felt alive far before he realized it actually was, but the heralding monstrous designs were disconcerting glowering down like overlords from above. He tried to rationalize Oogie Boogie had to be behind the design change reconstruction and it must have happened before Feral cut the world off.

Could she have gotten this much work done since they were last here? What did he know? People like Ian existed that build whole magic doors with entire buildings inside. He had a human mind. Magic was magic to him. Anything was possible.

When the boat hit dock he took a deep breath. He knew everything would change the second the set feet on land. That was the magic of Pleasure Island. The island was clearly alive, awake, and well. The moment they did that it was the point of no return.

He looked around the boat once more. It was his instinct to make sure he was packing with something makeshift out of nowhere when he realized his cop costume had a night stick on it's side, and a few extras. He wanted to feel authentic so everything was real. He touched his hand on every dangerous item he had readying himself for anything.

Then he looked at Ellie. She was a dangerous weapon, but no powers here. It wasn't like they planned on going on a life risking mission tonight. Then again they'd come to a place called Feral, maybe the name should speak for itself? Either way he wanted to make sure she had something in hand before they left this boat. If the island was still the same those boys would be on the attack before day break. He held out his taser, stick, and his glock and said, "Pick." It was a choose your weapon moment. He couldn't let her go in unarmed. "It only has about 12 rounds. I'm not sure. I fired a few at home."

No matter what she picked or what she wanted to do about that Babyface's next words were probably the most important before stepping on land. He put his hands on her shoulders. He looked her in the face. "Whatever you do, don't think about escape. Remember, it knows your intentions. We're here for Mazzie. Jax. Mazzie's love for this place. Give a shit about that at all times. We're just here for a casual stroll through our beloved memory of a good place from our past. If you think about it any other way, she might know."

She, as in the island. Finding out the Coachman's wife was the spirit trapped in the island was bonkers, but the warped story of how she feeds of rotten boys and why, how the coachman also referred to as the Magic Man spent his entire life tricking boys into traveling there. It was in a moment like this knowing Babyface was supposed to be one of those condemned lost boys that should have quietly fallen through the cracks of society and disappeared, and now dared to step foot on this island at night again made him courageous or stupid to test his luck again.

Oddly, another part of him was wondering if the feed concept was just a ploy, a story conjured to convince the Coachmen to cater to her evil genius for the rest of her life. He was just almost certain they were going to show up to a dead, abandoned, creepy-ass island. It was like a mystery now. Why was this place alive?

He had to keep pushing all his curiosities down too. Goal. Mazzie search and fun. He also kept it in his head the only goal was to find her, not take her away. Important details for intent. He learned his lesson the first time. It wasn't island trickery either. That's all he wanted to do. Find Mazzie. Everything in his person needed to, but after everything there was no way he was about to tell her what to do. He is far too haunted by the face Mazzie cried out with when he shot the Coachman and did not leave the island with them the first time.

No matter what Babyface couldn't let Mazzie or Jax rest in his heart until their bodies were found dead or zombified. They weren't accounted for.

"And no matter what... no matter what happens...."

It was the no matter what happens you get back to this boat moment. At least it seemed like it was supposed to be. You save yourself. You get out. Dale probably had it. If anyone on this earth knew of this island they'd all probably had the moment. But, Babyface stopped. He looked across at Ellie unsure where this island night was leading them or if Mazzie and Jax was even here. He wasn't sure it mattered.

Beagles had some rules. They always worked together until shit went down and then it was every man for themselves. If they got caught they helped from the prison. There used to be a gang of Beagles in every prison. There was no Beagle that was in the wrong space. You owned your own choices and made use of yourself no matter what. Every Beagle could make themselves useful no matter where they went. Even his mom gave him numbers at the very end.

All of this went through his head as his statement hung in the air. No matter what happens... come back for me? I'll get back to you? I love you? Get out? Save yourself? All of those things seemed to be hanging there, but that was the pause. It wasn't quite right, not this time, not for a Beagle. He knew if he could ever get a do over on this island what he would have done instead. His eyes met hers intent and directly after the statement had lingered too long.

"No matter what happens... just know... I always wanted to live up to your nightmare and make it come true."

The absolute vulnerability of saying something so exposing, the jaw shift to underbite for a half a second at the mere thought of accomplishing the dream with her was a cocksuredness only Babyface could present while his eyes also widened revealing the real fear he had that something was going to go so bad tonight, enough to say such a thing right now before anything went wrong. He's thrown a lot of shade at that so called nightmare dream of hers. So, no matter how much they'd moved beyond it, to bring it up right now showed how much space it took up in his head.

He also couldn't let that thought linger not if he were going to focus on the good times here. The thought of ever disappointing Ellie would only bring him down. So as soon as it dropped from his mouth and that complicated expression went so hard exchanged between her eyes, he let go of her arms, turned away in a hasty set of rash moves, and stepped down onto the island.

His feet hit sand and he saw those big clown eyes like a creepy Mona Lisa seem to follow him as he walked.

He marched straight for that ticket booth. His body language was zero hesitation and make haste as he hiked to the gate. He was close enough to hear the boys' laughter on the inside, the music, all the debauchery and merriment. He stepped through the gates where tickets were free, a dream come true for naughty boys, and enter he did. He walked right through a very determined Beagle. He didn't stop until he was on the other side of those Pleasure Island gates that once locked him inside the donkey wall that once tried to transmute him, even murder him. It was only then he turned around to look for Ellie behind him, make sure she was there.

He was in. Point of no return.

[videostak]

duuude my living situation sucks so much donkey dick it makes me wish i could like cry :’( srlsy just got cussed out by my dad for not doing things that are supposed to be other ppls chores. i wish i could pinpoint the point in my life where my family started seeing me as their personal maid to yell at whenever anythings a mess. i know it started with me doing the dishes (my family and mom specifcally had stated that we would all help with the dishes and then after like a week no one else helped and it all fell on me and since then theyve just stopped doing stuff that they used to help out w/ so now im like doing everything basically or at the leeast the one whos expected to keep things tidy) probably the closest ive ever been to ssaying fuck you to one of my family members let alone a living person at all. tho i thought things would be crazy dire when it reached the point of being chewed out for things that arent even my responsibility but in reality when i felt like saying it i realized like it would have no impact. like my dad said fucking 600 times while chewing me out and i was like didnt kno he reached that point where he just cusses his own family members out right out the gate. it was literally so insane hes insane and just has such a fkd idea of what like dumbass nuclear family bs. every1 else puts up with his shit and just avoids talking to him and i feel like im the only one who actually takes a stand for myself cause idk i feel like i dont have anything to lose. if he kicks me out ill live on the streets die on the streets idc like just so fucked living like this. every1 expects to clean up after them but if they catch me cleaning up after them thhey act like im babying them and not letting them be adults its so fkd like theres truly no way out the only way out is just like thru with blunt force  i think. like im so sick of my dad theres so many times id put up with his bs and take his side on things but i rly do not wanna talk or even entertain the idea of talking to him to him. literally anytime any1 talks to him he just turns it into a 30 minute lecture and he acts so childish when things dont go his way. like when i got furniture for my room and he was annoyed cause i didnt ask him for furniture (wtf) and  then once when i said i was looking for a round lil table and he takes me to the garage to show me a long rectangle table that doesnt even match the other furniture in my room and when i say its not what i was looking for he goes all silent and just guides me out lol. liek when i was a kid i thought it was so amazing that my mom and dad got married when they were p young (dont remember the ages exactly but im p sure my mom was 19 and my dad was idk how many years older he is but just like a few) but now like i see so clearly how totally much it stunted their growth. they both act like little kids and never listen or behave like adults can never take accountability or give actual apologies like def made me realize u should wait as long as possible to get married. i guess its good they got married or atleast had sex since it means i got to be born (yay) but everything else abt it is a real bad deal. rly dont see myself being able to move out anytime soon but ill honestly just keep at the work and save up money and like some day go back to college and hopefully make connections to finda roommate or smthn.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

“You could always beat him with a stick.” “I bet he’d be into that.” someone saying this about Jameson? Maybe even Allyn as a gentle joke? :3 I just saw this in an ask game and I know you didn't reblog it but it fits Jameson to perfectly not to send this anyway <3 -theo-

CW: Pet whump, dehumanization, forced to eat off the floor, forced starvation/malnutrition resulting in stealing food, restraints, vague noncon

"Goddamnit." Brute dumps the empty bag in the trash, crinkling plastic and the soft swishing sound as he forces it further in on top of a bag that's already alarmingly full and starting to smell.

"What?" Brute's friend says - the pet thinks his name might be Louie, or something. It doesn't matter, he doesn't give a fuck what their names are, what matters is that they need to bathe more often before they fuck him.

"I think the goddamn slut's been stealing food again."

The two men turn to look at the pet, currently sitting in the corner of the kitchen with his back against the wall, his leg braces clicking a little as his legs keep trying - and failing - to straighten. His wrists are handcuffed, a longish chain between them at least allowing him to crawl to move when he needs to. He looks right back at them, refusing to lower his gaze.

He wasn't made for any of them, and he's not their slut, anyway.

"Well? Did you steal Brute's food, little buddy?" Louie asks, crossing his arms in front of himself. The pet only raises his eyebrows. He rarely speaks - there's no point to it. Then he shrugs. "Yeah, you're probably right. Don't you lock him in a room when you're not here?"

"Sure, but I need my fuckin' sleep. He must be getting into shit when I'm watching TV."

The pet almost snorts, but manages to catch himself. Brute "watching TV" just means Brute falling asleep in an armchair while some dumbshit show drones on and on, Brute's snoring drowning out the words. He should probably get that sleep apnea checked, but the pet's not going to be the one to tell him about it.

How does he know what sleep apnea is, anyway?

My dad used to snore so loud he'd wake us up down the hall, me and Hank-

He winces, putting his hands up to cover his eyes as a headache hits like a thunderclap. When it rolls away, moves on, he can't remember what he was thinking about. It was a bad thought, anyway. He doesn't try to grab it again.

Maybe one of these nights Brute will stop breathing for long enough to just fucking die.

"This isn't your food," Brute says, and suddenly he's right in front of the pet, grabbing him by the chin, shaking his head by it to get his attention. "You got that, whore?"

The pet glares at him, then spits right in his open fucking mouth.

Brute coughs, stumbling backwards from sheer surprise, turning to spit into the sink, drink a handful of water, spit again. "Jesus Christ! The fucking slut spit at me!"

Louie starts to laugh, a loud braying donkey sound that has the pet's teeth grinding together.

Brute turns to look at the pet with murder in his eyes.

Go ahead, the pet thinks, lifting his chin. Try to kill me. He doesn't know where his death wish came from, but it keeps beating in the back of his mind like his heart, alongside the pain inside his skull.

I don't deserve to live, anyway, after walking away from Hank-

He welcomes the headache, this time, because it washes away the way his chest tightens with a feeling he can't name, one he's terrified of. A feeling that seems infinitely huge, like it could drown him in an ocean of itself. A worse way to die than Brute just beating him to death.

"If you d-don't want me to steal food," The pet says, voice gravelly and hoarse from all the screaming he does here, "then give me something to fucking eat."

Louie hums, drinking from a bottle of beer, nearly as clear as water and the pet figures it probably mostly tastes like water, too. "He's got a point, there. He's dropped some weight since you got him and he didn't have much to lose then, either."

"Like I give a fuck." Brute frowns, going through the cabinets again. He keeps coughing, like he thinks the pet spit all the way down to his lungs. "Shit. I guess it's been a while since I got some food over here, too. You know, I don't like to spend too much, I don't want Ellen asking me about it."

"What, you don't want her to know you keep a house for poker night and slut-fucking?" Louie brays laughter again, and the pet winces, following Brute with his eyes as he takes down two cans of beef vegetable soup, opening them with a shitty dull can opener and pouring them into a saucepan to heat up on the stove. The can opener won't do any good - he probably couldn't cut his own skin with it, let alone do anything to Brute.

"Yeah, imagine her face! She thinks I quit poker." Brute laughs, and Louie laughs, and the pet wishes he could slam their heads together until their brains fall out on the sticky, disgusting unwashed kitchen tiles.

"I don't think the poker'd be the thing she was maddest about," Louie points out. The two men chat, finish their beers and open new ones, and the scent of salt and meat wafts through the air. The pet's stomach grumbles, rolls and tightens around nothing, until he presses his hands down over it.

The two men dish out bowls of soup for themselves, heaping right up to the top. Brute turns around too fast and soup sloshes out of his, a chunk of cooked beef, a faded overcooked carrot, two peas, and a splash of the hot broth landing on the dirty floor.

Brute glances over at the pet. "Well? Fucking deal with it, if you want to eat so badly."

The pet's cheeks burn.

"He's a little shit, isn't he? You could try smacking him around."

"We do that anyway."

"I don't know. Hit him with a fucking stick."

"He'd probably fucking like it." Brute laughs, chuckling. "Come on, pet. Lick it up."

Nanda would never have made him do this.

Nanda's fucking dead, so stop thinking useless shit and stay alive, he thinks to himself, and rolls forward onto his hands and knees. He moves in an awkward shuffle, as fast as he can, worried Brute will change his mind and take it back.

He drops his head and picks the chunk of beef up with his teeth, the carrot and the peas, licks the broth off the floor even though he can taste ancient cleaning products, once upon a time used to keep things clean here. Probably before Brute bought the place.

"Aw, look at him go," Louie says. The chairs creak alarmingly under the two men - those came with the house, too - and they eat with relish, loudly chewing. The pet would think it was to taunt him, except that they always eat like this.

Louie drops another bite of beef, laughing as the pet lunges forward and picks that one up too. It's not much - just a burst of flavor and texture until it's gone - but it's something.

Brute drops a heavy hand onto his head, patting roughly. His hands are gross, and some of the pet's hair sticks to his fingers a little. "There you go, buddy. I feed you, don't I?"

The pet bites the curse back behind his teeth. He wants to lick those bowls clean, and if he says what he's thinking he won't get anything more.

He sits next to Brute, playing the loyal dog, and he's rewarded when the last half-cup of soup is poured into one of their bowls and laid down on the floor for him.

He eats everything left, even though it's thick and a little gritty and there's almost no flavor but salt. It swamps his system, floods him with fat and some faint warmth. It's not enough, but it's something, and he's too desperate to care what he has to do to get fed.

"Good boy," Brute says, taking the bowl away and dropping both dishes into the sink. He looks down at the pet, with soup remnants smeared around his mouth and the end of his nose, and grins. "Look at you. Disgusting little slut. Come on, clean that up so I can put that mouth to better use."

He wets down a paper towel and drops it in front of the pet, who scrambles to clean his nose and mouth off. Brute and Louie walk back into the living room, and the pet listens as the TV starts up, the two of them arguing good-naturedly over what they're going to watch.

He inches slowly closer and closer to the cabinet under the sink, head cocked just in case. The volume rises - Brute's going deaf in one ear. It's enough to cover the sound of him slowly opening the cabinet, digging behind the cleaning supplies, and finding what he's looking for.

Behind the gallon jug of bleach, below the pipes that come out from beneath the sink, is a small bag of protein bars. Brute brought them for a snack, the pet hid them, Brute complained for a while but he's forgotten he ever had them.

The pet eats one in three bites, swallowing half-chewed lumps of chalky chocolate taste as fast as he can. It sits like a brick in his stomach and it's not enough, but it's more than a few bites of soup, at least.

He closes the cabinet door back up and hides the wrapper beneath some of the trash in the trash can, sitting back on his knees so he can reach.

Just as he finishes, Brute calls from the living room, "Get your fucking face out of my trash and get in here! Asshole stealing food again, Louie, I swear to God."

"What's he gonna do, lick the wrapper?"

The pet shifts back to hands and knees and crawls, the clicking of his leg braces is going to drive him fucking crazy one day. He hopes Brute is here when it does.

He takes a moment to stop and look up at the knife block up on the countertop. He can't reach it... but once he can...

When he gets into the living room, Brute points to the floor between Louie's legs. His friend is already spreading his knees apart and working his hands at his zipper.

The pet's stomach flips, but he can't lose what little food he's gotten today. He can't.

He swallows, looking up at Brute, unconsciously pleading to be told he doesn't have to, not tonight.

All Brute says is, "Go on. Guest first, then me. Get moving."

The pet takes a deep breath, and crawls across the room, closing his eyes as he is fed salt and heat and sweat he can't escape, as his head is gripped like a vice with hands that twist hard enough into his hair to yank some of it out by the roots, as Louie forces himself down the pet's throat until it's raw and the pain is a screaming constant.

Then, bitter taste on his tongue, he turns to have it done to him all over again by Brute.

Hate and fury burn bright in him, brighter than anything else he's ever felt. It's the hate that keeps his heart beating, it's the anger that keeps him breathing through his nose even as unwilling tears stream from his eyes, unwilling whines and whimpers find their muffled way out of the corners of his mouth.

When he's done, Brute throws him by the hair onto the floor. Neither of them so much as looks at him as he crawls back to his room, curling up on the bare mattress on the floor with his filthy blanket, watching the glimpse of stars he can see through the bars on his window.

He's still hungry.

But it doesn't matter. He's going to survive this - one day he's going to walk out of this place and not look back.

Just as soon as he can get his hands on that knife.

Then he'll see the stars for real.

-

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[ectokelpeigh]

Something I've been thinking about for a while and still don't know how to word it but I'll try spitting it out anyway:

What if "halfa" is a purposely misleading derogatory term? (Or at least started that way.) Because calling someone "half of" a thing when they're really doing some special dual-wielding could be a nasty taunt. I know we initially heard it from Poindexter and that's not quite his style but maybe he heard the gossip and didn't ~get the joke~. Spectra's taunts in her first appearance kinda capitalized on it.

It's just. The "halfa" thing never really sat right with me. If he were "half a ghost" that would entail some limitations to his ghostliness, but he has all the standard powers and then some. Certain rules don't apply to him (getting to walk through walls and all that in the GZ when he turns to his human form for ex) but when he's Phantom it seems like he's a whole ghost.

And when he's human, he's a whole human. Yeah his powers bleed through and certain human restrictions don't apply to him anymore, but he doesn't miss out on any human-specific privileges IIRC.

Danny has two halves of his identity, for sure. You could say Fenton and Phantom are the two halves of Danny. I just think there's a lot to explore story-wise if you adjust the perspective from "half-and-half" to "2-for-1". Less pie chart, more venn diagram. Not two halves stitched together, but two natures stuffed into one form. Not a mule, some fucked up equine that gets to be a horse or a donkey whenever it wants. He didn't lose half of his humanity and the ghostliness filled the vacancy; he simply became something more.

Danny's not half a ghost, "a ghost" is half of Danny.

Yeah it's all semantics but it's FUN, let me have this.