#but yeah i will just need to endure | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lixenn · 3 months ago

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I forgot to book the train ticket to Berlin and it got so expensive TT

I found a different connection and I really hope my friend didn't already book hers because then we can take that one.

Also I will need to book the return trips too which... so much money... And I haven' even paid for my part of the accomendations yet we still need to calculate that.

Holidays are so expensive...

#just rambling #der Schwabe in mir streubt sich gegen diese ganze Aktion #ich finde es immer noch dezent beschissen das wir mit den Zug da hin kutschieren aber was soll man machen #es wird weniger stressig im Sinne von Gepäck und Security aber es sind 10 verdammte Stunden #ich bin glaub angepisst weil ich nen halbes jahr gependelt hab und deswegen dezent kein Bock mehr auf DB hab #but yeah i will just need to endure

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aliettali · 25 days ago

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out of your friends which are you?! (skilltobers 13, 15, 16, 17, 18)

#my art #GODDD #disco elysium #animation #skilltober #skilltober 2024 #disco elysium skills #de shivers #de half light #de endurance #de physical instrument #de electrochemistry #de fanart #high effort posting i BUSTED MY ASS FOR THIS #i never animate. which i think you can tell #i might toss the stills and animations and stuff as jpegs and gifs in a reblog later but before that some design details!#couldnt design half light exactly how i wanted but i needed him to look unsettling. Lol #he's naked. he's vulnerable. he is an exposed nerve. he is the walking talking “bite them before they bite you because they have before”#so...a little bit peeled looking lol. tall and gangly and spindly but hunched over to look animalistic and threatening #i didnt want to kill myself doing all the markings on every frame but he's got eyespots!#nature's way of mimicking something more powerful than you (generalization idgaf about peacocks)#and his bones are marked out right beside them. but dont pay attention to them just pay attention to those eyes. dont hurt this guy #idk if im getting it across in a way that makes sense #but yeah. digitigrade because he deserves it #i dont have much to say abt the others theyre pretty generic #bye bye i need to draw threshold tomorrow #fanart

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fastianini · 6 months ago

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Valentino Rossi & Marc Márquez

all i need—radiohead

#ignore me…this is a meltdown…a breakdown really…no iam fine why u asking? haha. ha. ha—#either way.. brainrot time scuse me!#next act in the wings=young marc being the next big ‚act‘ in motogp coming forth on the stage to ‚steal‘ vales show!!#a moth wanting to share light=moths are drawn to light thinking it‘ll save them but normally it’ll kill them…vale‘s the big shiny star..#the light #everyone‘s drawn to him but the light is draining and weakening you with its brightness #in the middle of your picture=how woven they‘re into each other‘s careers..pictures..always lingering..a little hidden but never far off..#and and and #I AM ALL THE DAYS YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE #!!!!!#marc is all the days vale chooses to ignore and forget!!#rattling rattling RATTLING like a wild animal in a cage!#*scratches head*#sooo yeah. uh. rosquez in the year 24? hell yeah babe #this is because of jerez 24!!🥲#also this song is sooo beautiful. haunting. longing. unrequited love. ughhh #rosquez #marc marquez #valentino rossi #motogp #s.edits #sorry tumblr sees all my meltdowns because i need to put it somewhere. i need to get it out. you just are forced to endure it :)))

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lalalychee · 2 months ago

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people responding to that one poll like "being 14 is the worst time in your life" lmao bro i wish that were me and my experience. i swear every year is so much worse than the last. 14 was a joke compared to what i have to endure now.

#although 15-17 were also uniquely bad for me bc of the whole my mom committing child abandonment and just straight up leaving my sister and #me in a home alone as minors and not coming back. and then eventually being sent to live with our abusive dad once the police found out. an #then my mom full on fucking died right after we reconnected. and my sister and i could not escape our dad's abusive home for another ten #years yeehaw. but yeah everything in between has been so fucking horrible. i still can't escape poverty. and then i became permanently #disabled at 31 from a freak accident making me even more poor bc my ability to work is so limited. and my disability has ruined literally #every single facet of my life because everything is just pain now. all of it. i can't even paint without being in severe pain anymore.#so idk 14 sounds pretty good right about now.#anyway!!!! there's only a small fraction of the hardships i've endured and i'm in a very bad mental state rn so i just needed to like #word vomit some of my thoughts and struggles i guess?

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science-lings · 8 months ago

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When Trucy moves out to go on tour and be an Adult I think that Phoenix would be so lonely which is his least favorite thing to be, and the best way to fix that is for him to adopt the meanest most fucked up asshole cat who becomes his best friend within a month. We already know it’s a big part of his personality to be like ‘I can fix them’ whenever he sees someone who needs help and gets a little depressed when he has to be alone.

He can’t stand the silence of an empty apartment so what better way to fix it than with a creature who will yell at him for the fun of it while eventually fulfilling his physical affection requirements after a long day of having a Normal job. He’s at his best when he has someone to take care of so what better than a ratty little kibby who needs to learn the power of love.

#he gets a blind cat and names him Justice #‘this is my son Mr. Justice #‘he’s very loud’#Apollo moves to kura’ain and gets replaced #his back hurts so he lies down a lot and the cat is pretty happy about that #Phoenix lies on the floor and immediately becomes free real estate #Phoenix being a little funny with animals is my favorite trope #yeah he calls a parrot to the stand and defends an orca and proves that a monkey is an accomplice to murder #the cat also bullies Pess and pess is a little afraid of it #like she won’t bolt but she just endures the cat rubbing up against her because they know who is boss #Edgeworth likes the cat because it reminds him of franziska #he needs a cat that will sit on his case files whenever he stays up too late working #one that jumps on his back whenever it’s been too long since attention has been given #he just needs another living thing to take care of or else he gets so sad #pheonix wright #ace attorney #I needed a self indulgent headcanon today lol #cat lady Phoenix is so real to me #he won’t stop at just one

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bunnihearted · 5 months ago

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🍷

#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

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iobartach · 5 months ago

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#ooc #ramblings #you /know/ it occurred to me today that in a certain sense mig caught a lucky break?#in that his dna was spliced with that of a spider's instead of a previous copy of his own dna as he had originally planned #that's absolutely not to say that the process he went through was still several kinds of horrific #and continues to get even worse every time i try to picture what he might've endured #but i'm just saying things could've got way more fucked up for him in a completely different sense. hard as that is to be believed.#considering tyler had - surprise surprise - spiked his drink with something meant to temporarily simulate rapture and not the actual drug #i'll need to have a further think on it but for the moment the closest thing i can compare this to #is something like radiation exposure #where instead of /shaking/ the rapture addiction he sort of signed his own demise?#with cell division shutting down and just other metabolic processes getting all out of whack #that or the process outright killing him like mr. sims #so YEAH #there's layers and layers to this that i could keep rambling on forever about ngngcbn

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tvckerwash · 9 months ago

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do yall ever think about how weird wash's fight scene in s12 is? specifically, that moment where he does that sideways flip while shooting (I believe) at felix? like wash is an enjoyer of combat rolls, my man is always rolling, but that one flip is a flashy, and dare I say, unnecessary move for wash to use.

I also find it interesting that they had him use his sidearm instead of his battle rifle, since in previous cqc situations wash has always used blades or blade like objects such as the epsilon unit. the only times I recall him using a magnum off the top of my head is when he shot south in s6, when he shot donut in s8, and when he threatened carolina in s10. if wash busting out his magnum, it's always symbolic of him letting some part of his personal feelings guide his actions, because shooting someone with a sidearm meant for close range is more intimate than using his primary mid/long range weapon.

this was obviously not the case in the s12 fight, and they probably did it just because it looked cool, but idk that's my random wash thought of the day.

#rvb #red vs blue #agent washington #mine #not t/oaru #look we all know that the chorus trilogy combat doesn't compare to monty's but idk i feel like they just didn't /get/ wash's fighting style #wash is pretty nimble and quick on his feet #he's not as graceful or as aggressive(?) as lina but he's definitely the kind of guy who doesn't just stand around and let himself get hit #words are not working atm so idk how to describe it but he's like not an exact equivalent but he acts as lina's counterpart among the dudes #like he's not staying in one place he's not muscle-ing his way through a fight he's dodging weaving dancing around his opponents #if he needs to get close he gets close if he needs to back off he backs off #carolina is short bursts of high intensity combat meant to overwhelm her opponents #wash is more focused on endurance and steadily picking away at his opponents over a longer period of time #but they both share that sort of “it's not bad if you don't let it hit you” mentality if that makes sense #also related to this post. why did he cut his hand and throw his blood on locus in the s13 fight. wash literally fought the meta who used #the same cloaking tech without needing to do anything like that bc he paid attention to his surroundings #or when he needed to take off his helmet to find locus via the trail from his gun #like yeah its cool but. idk it doesn't /feel/ like stuff wash would necessarily do you know?#idk I'm chalking it up to miles going like “my characters need to be so much better and so much cooler than these characters.” or smthn

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lameow-l · 1 year ago

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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play

wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?

like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this

#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo #like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha #no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara #thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players #and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t #at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away #there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own #it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role #and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth #maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name #same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him #i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly #like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus #traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler #like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname #2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char #tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name #genshin impact #furina #fontaine archon quest #scaramouche

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rainingincale · 14 days ago

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I wish i was a boy so i could get my ears pierced and piss off so many stupid people but be soso beautiful 😔😔😔

#just had to endure the most stupid fucking conversation #i feel like especially when you KNOW men who have their ears pierced like its giving insecure #and unnecessarily nasty #and mind your business #i need to cut my hair really short again so i can balance the world #actually lets talk about that in these tags rn because why not #i have really been grappling lately with whether i like having my hair a bit longer or not #because Technically i look 'Better' with it a little longer. but the main reason i like it short because the physical sensation of hair on #my neck etc bothers me soooooooo much. like i can live with it. its not a big deal but bruhhh #if i honestly thought i could pull it off i would shave my head entirely. but i simply like the Look of hair on my head so here we are #but yeah hashtag annoying and idk what to choose #le text post #anyways. any and every gender can do whatever the fuck they want to their body and wear what they want and ppl should stop saying its weird #or gay or feminine or whatever the fuck else they think is an insult!!!!!#aaaaaaaaaaaa

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claitea · 9 months ago

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oh my god parfum palace. the zekrom and reshiram statues. unova lore? unova crumbs please

#clai speaks #SORRY I AM EXCITED ABOUT KALOS I JUST STILL NEED TO THINK ABOUT MY FAVORITE REGION FOR A SEC #ohhhh my god what is this about exactly what are we doing #when does this take place how far back #i dont think it can be THAT far back because that was lumiose in its entirety just as it appears in xy modern tower and all #so nothing about the war az was a part of or anything #why kalos why now. why did you wait so long to make pokemon z you ASSHOLES #I HAD TO ENDURE SO MANY YEARS OF ew kalos suck its so underwhelming like YEAH SURE FOLLOWING UP GEN 5 WAS HARD BUT #I LOVE GEN 6..... IT JUST NEEDED MORE ATTENTION PLEASE LET THIS BE WHAT REDEEMS IT #thoughts all over the place sorry. i am sleepy but also so excited #what was the point i was trying to make. unova lore somewhere in there please thank you

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talentforlying · 1 year ago

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mildly obsessed with the way that anyone who's a fan of constantine's or tries to do what he does even once inevitably ends up going 'NEVER MIND THIS IS AWFUL THIS IS HORRIFYING HOW DO YOU DO THIS???' i need more people looking at him and his work, knowing what it takes to survive the way he has, and going oh there is something fundamentally wrong with you, isn't there?

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#like yes he is my misunderstood babygirl who needs a hug expediently but also like #it Has to be acknowledged that in order for him to handle all the heinous shit that he does. there's something wired weird in him #something about his relationship to pain and people and his own purpose in life that is just rotted through and never mended #an endurance for suffering that makes you wonder if it's not actually attraction (it's not and could never be. but it makes you wonder)#and ofc we all know it's his dad and his childhood and his need to find control in a situation built to be unsustainable for him #that has built up that endurance to a point where he is The john constantine not just A magus #but if you're meeting him for the first time? yeah that motherfucker is Wrong #his niece did One job that was meant to be for him and went 'absolutely fuck this i should rethink my life'#(of course she went back to magic later. bc she's a constantine. she's got it too. but Still)#i just love him don't mind me #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.

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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months ago

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speaking of the horrors brian goosebumpsphantomoftheauditorium is still So funny for being like yeah i'm a ghost i know i'm a ghost. & he's befriended the horror fan menace duo who are giggling clutching each other like omg omg okay. we're fine. we're breaking into the school at night to investigate the horrors aaaa what if there's a ghost eek ok ok!!! & brian ghost who knows he's a ghost is like omg guys aaaa stopppp ;;m;; suffering thee Most but he's not putting on an act to conceal his phantomly destiny. he's just like that

#it's brian colson i believe (unless it's colsen. but i think colson) but clearly this is clearer #the book was killing me & i'm telling you brian especially. his whole thing is being So nervous about everything all the time #which maybe that's meant to be due to [you Did die; alarmingly] but it really does just seem like Mostly personality #the cadence & content of the exchange where he's bemoaning getting paint on his clothes off to the side lays me tf out #just the dynamic like brooke & zeke are Speculating abt Schemes & Ghosts & being hilarious too; here's tina joining in; also magical #while multiple times people just completely in stride And in earnest respond to brian's complete focus on his paint stains issue #goosebumps the musical #also getting Thank You For Being A Friend points like enduring the deadly trapdoors & mystery of; for all he knew ig; a whole other ghost #he has no stake in that beyond just genuinely helping out / providing what moral support he can lol #and You Know What They Say. you probably could've revealed your ghost status & destiny & Just Asked lmao #but maybe he was too nervous like think i'll have to Haint Style Steal Your Breath or sm shit b/c that's easier than a ghost reveal convo #is that a george costanza style approach? i have never seen a full seinfeld episode. no limits to the time/effort/complexity in avoiding #some comparatively more minor issue / hurdle? i understand the like archetypical achievement character of all time in that for sure....#like yeah they Are alarmed by the apparent ghost / apparent guy who wants to kill them / you as Actual Ghost but they roll w/it too #cracking open goosebumps of all time The Ghost Next Door...#i also need to crack open (press play) goosebumps the musical phantom of the auditorium original studio cast recording again soon #brian's pleeease let this be a normal field trip to brooke & zeke's beep beep seatbelts everyone! dream team for real #completely innocuous haunting except there's a separate totally unrelated guy taking a totally counterproductive approach to things....#scooby doo villaining it will Not bring the meddling kids!! if i act scary to said kids they'll learn anything besides that I'm scary!!!#bring emile back here like yeah we'll cover for you for real though. appeal to tina's theatre devotion like become frenemies to friends fr #goosebumps ghosts you Do just fulfill your Purpose & then Transcend but brian was just a guy hanging out prior. could do that again

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hauntingblue · 1 month ago

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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!

Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up

THAT IS SANJI??? 😨

Holding them in my hands again....

Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq

Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence

............ me next please 🙏🏻

That is love right there I can see it

What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)

I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering

This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card

"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now

Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak

TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!

Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!

This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....

This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....

Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)

They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔

Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.

Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"

"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh

Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked

Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....

*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi

SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk

I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....

Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon

#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky #captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o #sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me #chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks #franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated #luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim #when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH #completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol #i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god #also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence #also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when #clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD #like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman #there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT #you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno #also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons #are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition #so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate #so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d #reading one piece #enies lobby

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pepprs · 11 months ago

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i had a scarily bad depression moment (if you catch my drift) at work on thursday during a meeting where the topic of conversation and the things ppl were saying were directly (and slightly intentionally?) contributing to my distress and im past that moment now but i feel so haunted by it. by the thoughts i was having and the fact that i had them and the fact that i was witnessed in that moment but they didn’t know how bad it was. and im also feeling vulnerable to being back in that place again

#purrs #it is kinda amazing the amount of triggering things that happen every day and any one of them knocks the wind out of me but this is like.#4-5 a day at least and then like 5-6 hours of sleep in between another round. it’s not a good way to be in the world. but i am going to say #one positive thing which is that im proud of myself for enduring it and pushing forward even though it’s painful. like i am very strong for #doing that especially when i don’t have the emotional safety / resources i need and technically have never had them and will never have them #it’s important to remember that. and yeah it’s kinda like i shouldn’t have to be strong through all of that but the one positive thing i can #hang onto in this… well no actually 2. 1) i am very strong for surviving right now even though it’s just scraping by 2)one day it might not #be this hard. one day i might feel better. and even though it doesn’t feel like it and i keep having setbacks i am making progress towards #that moment. even thougu im scared to take some leaps im still inching towards the jump and that matters a lot. and other people can see it #even when i can’t. just not the people in that meeting apparently LOL #delete later

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bunnihearted · 9 months ago

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#rlly not looking forward to tmrw ughhh #it's almost 3am.. and i need to get up at 8am...#then i have to call the surgery clinic at 9. hopefullt i get thru immediately nd can have my obligatory pre surgery phone call #then i have to hurry and WALK to school (around 1hr) bc i dont have a buss pass #nd they have started using controllants who are dressed in civil clothes so we cant recognize them. i dont need to be fined again.#it's like $150. half my monthly moneyyyy. so yeah i cant risk taking the buss. im gnna walk...#i will be late for class bc class starts at 10. but i have to call before bc class ends at 12.30. and their call times end at 12 lmao #so thats gonna be fun!!!!#then i have to sit in class and try to concentrate bc if i dont send in assignments in each class they're gonna suspend me :((#but ig then i can go home and crash #i just have to force myself to do it and endure it even if it will suuuuuuck #ugh i wish i could at least get sleep before that.. but i just cant fall asleep. nd the hours pass me by whoops #well.. life sucks a lot sometimes thats just how it is i gotta power thru it #why cant nothing ever be easy sigh

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