#but with what ops doing they're instead helping a community helping them feel better that they're not some trend at least

[beastabyss666]

You know as a former member of Vivziepop's cult and yes its a cult not a fandom anymore I am disgusted by a majority of the people in it.

Like someone on the subreddit brought up it being kinda tasteless or fucked that they sold sexy Stella merch in bdsm gear when she's abused Stolas physically. The post was deleted quickly and judging by my experiences in the fandom people were stanning Viv or harassing OP and that has got me thinking.

Why is Stella in bdsm gear? Like Stolas and Blitzo are canonically into it yet you give the abuser that...

Like isn't a bit fucked that instead of choosing the canonical practicioners in your show you choose to put someone who uses pain not to pleasure but to slowly break and hurt someone.

We know Vivziepop has a merch rep so how did that get into production?

I also find it fucked that Vivziepop and crew are attempting to tackle an issue as serious as domestic abuse and do it so poorly by writing Stolas and Stella as bickering children next we see them. Then the staff has the utter gawl to sell merch in general of Stella and the fans buying it up.

Like I understand autograph signings slightly but that's the only merch Stella should have.

Vivziepop's cult loves to claim that they utterly depise Stella and deserves to suffer because she's an abuser so how dare people want nuance or not just a generically evil cartoon villain but the moment she is drawn in a sexy way they start throwing money at that.

Like I just want to know how these people if their friends ask about the character on the pin will explain "Oh this is Stella who's a sexy domestic abuser"

Then again am I surprised when Vivziepop makes merch of a rapist and most of the crew have some weird fascination with Valentino and not in the way that he's their best written villain way more like they are simping over him.

I think a lot of fandoms, especially nowadays, have a lot of genuinely bad people who really need help/therapy but see nothing wrong in what they do or just keep doing that, though they know it ain't okay. That's so frustrating when you can't feel comfortable even in an Internet community. But Viv's "fandom"(I mean exactly these two shows, although Zoophobia also had...... not very pleasant people) is surely something... Where'd you find so many blatantly oblivious and blind brown nosers which keep pretending everything's good when there's already tons of red flags from Vivienne? Yeah, that's a rare case. I don't wanna interact with this fandom or even talk about it, tbh. I still watch the show cuz it's fun to see how it manages to be worse with every episode, though sometimes I don't make reviews as many other people do it faster and better and I just have nothing to say(I need to take my jaw from the floor). Regarding Stella – well, I don't know on what principles Viv or her team makes merch with the characters, but aren't all characters being sexualized anyway? They even have merch with Chaz, a guy who, like, died in the same episode. And they keep doing new merch with this jerk. And that's obviously because there are people who simp for him. I don't know if Stella's merch may be an insult to those who practice BDSM, I'm not into it, tbh, and I don't take these things seriously, but I find this just a bland sexualisation. Well, it's "sexy merch", but yeah, Stella's all character is based on being a mean aggressive yelling bitch, and this thing....... it must be a character trait, I guess? Or just a sweet treat for rule34 artists, like most of the stuff Viv does. Again, I don't take all of this seriously, this sexy merch was made to tease and please the simping fans, but there's certainly a part of irony in it. Like, people in this fandom hate Stella so much that they shit on people who simply want her to be a more complex character, and they're........ still buying all this stuff. They........ enjoy Stella being "hot dommy mommy" and still keep hating her? Ngl, only Viv's fanbase can do that, lol. I've seen this fandom from the start and I can say that many people here always had some weird obsession with Valentino. I even remember some person passive aggressively telling me that "he's just very charismatic and it's your problems if you can't see it". When there were, like........ A musical clip and a comic where he just was being an abusive jerk. Yeah, that's a really weird fascination. Also, doesn't one of HH's crew, who is an animator or a director(don't remember correctly), has a rape fetish and has drawn an animatic on their beloved ship Angel/Val? Hella ironic that a show about serious portrayal of trauma and abuse has a crew member(or members) which legit....... find it hot or cute. That's sick af but I guess Viv doesn't care who she hires. Oh, that's definitely not a pit I would like to fall in. I'm not sure there's any hope on Hazbin portraying trauma or mental illnesses properly, but I'll still watch it anyway. Whenever it comes out....

[tiggymalvern]

I understand the sentiment, but I just want to let you know that your VOTE hashtag might be undermining your efforts. I think it’s great to demonstrate what the Biden administration HAS accomplished because it’s not being publicized and it’s helpful information to hear, but ending with a blunt VOTE is dismissive of where people’s anxieties and despair are coming from. Instead of leading with the conclusion you’ve drawn, I just ask you to consider changing the way you’re communicating with your audience so that they can get there with you. A lot of people who are saying “VOTE” are using it to ignore genuine critiques and while I think voting for Biden is still the best option, I think there are better ways to help people get to that understanding.

The VOTE hashtag on my posts means exactly that. Everything that I think about who people should vote for and why has been eloquently explained by the OP and in the additions. People are either going to read it and engage with it or they aren't, and one tag that I put on the bottom probably isn't going to change it.

The VOTE hashtag reflects my belief. I literally think everyone who is allowed to vote should turn up and vote. Even if, for whatever reason of your own, you feel you need to vote Republican or Alternative für Deutschland or National Rally, or whoever your local neo-fascists happen to be.

Throughout history, people have had to battle for the right to choose their government. There were monarchies or emperors, and nobody got to choose. Then in many countries only landowners were eligible to vote, and the people who worked the land were excluded. Then in various countries, all white men were allowed to vote, and women and people of colour might have all had to fight in their turn to get their right to vote.

Whatever category of human you are, some people somewhere marched and/or were arrested, jailed or killed so that YOU could have the chance to vote. My grandmother was nearly 30 when women in England were allowed to vote on the same terms as men. This is not ancient history. This is less than a hundred years ago. If you are eligible to vote, DO NOT waste it. Do not blithely toss aside the right that your grandparents risked everything for.

I have voted in every single election that I was eligible to vote in. There was one year when I was around 20 when the candidates for the three main parties in my local elections were all so awful that I couldn't vote for any of them. It was for the regional council, so there were no larger ramifications in the national voting block of the government. So I turned up and voted for the Monster Raving Loony Party as a protest vote. Doing that made it clear that I wasn't staying at home through apathy - not voting for any of the main candidates was an active choice, and it registered my vote as a rejection of all of them.

I have voted for the candidates I truly believe in. I have voted tactically, simply to make sure that the worst candidate didn't get chosen. But I have always, always voted, when I could. And I believe that everybody should, even if I also believe you're a misguided idiot in where you place your X.

I'm not allowed to vote in the US, where I currently live, because I'm not a US citizen. I also live in a blue state where I can guarantee that Dems will get elected without my vote, so I don't fret too much about being excluded. But I am excluded.

I believe that everybody should validate their ancestors' struggles and do their civic duty and show up at the polls if they're allowed. I also believe that you should educate yourself on the issues and the reasons before you do. So I reblog the posts about the issues and the reasons that I believe, in the hope that those candidates will be elected. But my tag VOTE isn't just to try and get Dems to turn out (although everyone knows that Dems win when turnout is high, because low turnout means fewer Dems, not so much fewer Republicans).

VOTE. Seriously. Everyone. Even, especially, if you live in a red state where arseholes in power are deliberately making it hard for you to vote. If Republicans ban you from mailing in your vote and make you stand in line for three hours at a polling station, that's all the more reason to do it - it's the same battle that has been fought before, and you damn well insist on your right to vote. It's inconvenient and miserable, but you're not being arrested or murdered for wanting to vote, the way other people before you have been.

Your rights have been hard won. Understand that, respect it, and vote.

[a-dragons-explanations]

I don't even necessarily agree it's the same as 'disagreeing with trans people ' (I find this perhaps harmfully reductive to both issues beyond the right to identify how one wishes, really? Particularly these days. Otherkin aren't having specifically targeted forced detransition in some places beyond the demographic overlap.) But I do find it absolutely bonkers to feel the need to say "I don't agree with otherkin".... Just, at all? I don't agree with Christians, Jewish faith, or in fact most any established religion; I don't make it a hill to die on. I just act about an adult about it, saying privately to myself "that isn't for me" and move on with my life. Who gives a shit if you agree with them? Do you not quietly disagree with people all the time? I don't like Voltron, should I outspokenly not agree with Voltron fans?

Yeah, hence my note as to the fact that they're not the same, there's just a parallel that I find useful in illustrating to people why it's not a good argument. It helps people wrap their brains around it to say "okay, we agree that this isn't okay to say to [x] group for [a b c] reasons. Why do you then think it's okay to say to [y] group? What difference is significant and relevant enough that it makes this a valid argument against [y], but not [x]?"

(And sometimes there is a strong answer to that question! This is the case for, for example, when people try to use this when arguing that pedophilia should be treated like a sexuality by saying "well, if you said this about gay people, it'd be bigoted!", because there's a key difference (several, depending on what argument exactly they're talking about) that makes the argument valid against one group but not the other. It's not an automatic gotcha - nothing is - it's just a tool to force yourself to re-examine your arguments and see if they actually hold up under scrutiny.)

Regardless of that detail, your main point I definitely agree with. People are allowed to not believe my soul is a dragon's or whatever - but it would be rude to go into my community and start telling me about that, for the same reason it would be rude to walk into a church and start complaining about how you don't think God is real.

Furthermore, I would argue that to say you "don't agree with" something like otherkinity doesn't just mean disagreeing on how the metaphysics of the world works like with a religion, it means "I don't agree with you about your own subjective, internal experience of identity", which is why I used the parallel to gender instead of religion. It's not disagreeing about the metaphysics of the world at large, it's Person A disagreeing with Person B's report of their own internal experiences - effectively saying "I know your identity and experiences better than you do." You can disagree with me that my soul is literally dragon-shaped, because that requires a belief in souls and that those souls can take nonhuman shapes - but you can't disagree with me that I identify as a dragon, or that I experience instincts, shifts, etc., because you are incapable of knowing my own internal experiences better than I do. Whatever your private explanation for why that might be, to simply say "no, that's not possible" is to demand either that I'm lying about my own experiences, or that I'm wrong about them (and thus that you have the authority to dictate that).

Which, I don't know which of those things the OP of the post that brings this up meant, though it seems likely to me it's the latter, since the former is hard to pull off when there's so many different explanations for why one might be nonhuman - it's hard to disagree with all of them. But the point stands regardless that even if it's the former, there's still a difference between having different metaphysical beliefs from someone, or even discussing your different beliefs and why you believe what you do in a mutual discussion, versus walking into their house unprompted to tell them you disagree with them.

[a-commas-a-pause]

Disclaimer: while I'm autistic, I don't exactly feel justified to weigh in on this from personal experience because I have been lucky enough to have actual good friends (also neurodivergent friends, which helped massively with the communication issue) for most of my life but I do want to say to anyone who came into the notes despairing after just getting slammed into this realisation: it is not you. It was not your fault and you can (will) have friends that actually value you. Other neurodivergents or otherwise. 

Regarding "how to tell" (under the readmore):

You can't, perfectly. There's no algorithm for human behaviour (and while this is a pretty autistic experience, it's not like neurotypical people never make the mistake of trusting someone they shouldn't either). Some people here are saying "trust your gut", which isn't bad advice but I feel like what I would say instead is listen to your gut and then decide whether or not you agree with it. Like sometimes you will get a weird feeling and you'll think about it and realise that someone was ignoring your boundaries in that interaction, now you think about it, and that's a bit of a red flag. Or some part of their story won't hold up and it will tip you off that they're lying, and might be lying about other things. Other times you will think back and realise that the interaction was probably fine but you were having it at Social Interaction Overflow so everything felt Wrong whether or not it actually was.

There's no perfect way to know this stuff. I've clicked instantly with people who ended up breaking my heart and taken a while to warm up to people who became some of my closest friends (all of them, including the heartbreaker, neurodivergent, ftr). All human interaction is a risk, (albeit a calculated one ideally). But if someone tells you to repeatedly and consistently ignore your all own instincts they are either misguidedly or maliciously giving you bad advice. 

It's also ok not to trust new people immediately, or ever. That doesn't make you a bad person. No one is owed your trust. You will need to trust some people sometimes for your own health, but you don't need an excuse not to open your heart to a particular person. It's your heart - "it feels wrong" is enough.

This got longer than I planned. Sorry for rambling on your post OP. I hope your crappy ex-friends experience karmically appropriate consequences for their fuckery, and that you find better ones soon if you haven't already.

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints

[citromello]

In response to the following posts:

i'm kind of bored of subliminal messaging or vaguing or being anything but truthful and blunt and forthright. every miscommunication that has ever befallen me is a result of jumping to conclusions or not giving the benefit of the doubt or just not being open to hearing the other side. i am so bored. i just want communication. i want straightforwardness. i want here is why i'm bothered. here are the facts. here's what i think. now tell me your side. let's talk about this. let's start a dialogue. there's no reason for either of us to be guessing. languages were meticulously crafted over the years for a reason. so let's use them! let's talk! let's communicate! -- btw you can be straightforward AND kind. i'm not sure why people seem to think it's one way or the other. either way a lot of people need to not only internalize this mentality but practice it bc i feel like so many people are willing to BURN BRIDGES ??? rather than just communicate and be honest. and some people don't communicate and end up fostering resentment and bitterness and dislike for the other person that cause them to snap out of nowhere and the other person is like ?? bc guess what. it was NEVER commuicated -- I no longer act on subtext. If you're struggling and want my help making it into the text, I'll work with you. But I no longer act on subtext, nor do I try to guess what someone else is thinking. Human communication should not be a literary analysis project.

I feel kind of sad when I see post like these because it reminds me that there are whole swathes of people where we will struggle to become comfortable with each other.

Ironically, in this post against subtext, there's this subtext that "straightforward and kind" communication is communication that doesn't have any subtext, and that communicating without subtext is the obviously superior choice in all situations.

I assume these people have had sub-text weaponized against them, or were burned by it in some other way. I think it's unfairly villainized on this site.

In the first post, OP comments "every miscommunication that has ever befallen me is a result of jumping to conclusions or not giving the benefit of the doubt or just not being open to hearing the other side." None of this is actually against subtext, or non-verbal communication. It's a tirade against being bad at listening, or a lack of desire to communicate. Subtext, as well as things like tone or body language, only adds to the text. It gives more information. There's nothing special about it that makes it better or worse than text.

As the militant stance of the last post takes supports, refusing to explicitly acknowledge subtext can be just as much a weapon against communication as acknowledging it. If someone is uncomfortable with open conflict, and unskilled with words, refusing to acknowledge their signs of discomfort or actions as a statement of desire until they use the method of communication you're skilled at is just as much a power move as the opposite. Forcing someone to verbalize their desires can also be used as a way to shame them into giving in.

Communication is really hard, and requires a lot of trust and shared understanding. It really depends on a lot of patience and good faith on both sides. It's on both the speaker and the listener. I think the aggressive anti-subtext movement which encourages people to reject the wavelengths of communication they're uncomfortable with is not helping making communication easier between people. It's isolating instead, it's doing exactly what OP is confused about: "i feel like so many people are willing to BURN BRIDGES ??? rather than just communicate and be honest."

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

While it's not hugely important or life changing in either way I do often wish that more people cared about the person writing the long meta posts or character essays. And I think that would translate to more discussion with the author (or, to be lest pompous about it, OP), be it in reblogs, replies or asks, which would go a long way in making them feel like the attention their post is getting is really going their way. But I think it would most importantly translate to people reading the OP's other essays, especially their follow-ups.

^It sounds like I'm going to rant but I am instead going to ramble randomly about a bunch of ideas v

(Yes this is driven by how many times my follow-ups, no matter how many times I share them in the replies & reblogs of the posts, are completely ignored-- even when the follow-up is near immediate!! It is frustrating when you know the follow-up adds a lot, or in the case of an update to an old essay, that it's better written with more interesting information, to see people continue to reblog the old retroactively meh post. Of course like I already mentioned this isn't very deep and thankfully, nowadays, if a post or essay is seriously outdated, the OP can lock reblogs on it.)

If I want to let the brainrot in and really consider it, I feel like whether it happens or not depends on context. I'm under the impression that people engaged more with random posters in the past, and I did see a post on my dash recently by someone else who had the sentiment that people send less asks to each other than they did a few years ago. (Some specific and/or popular blogs get a lot of asks, but a few years ago I would see any and all of my mutuals get asks from time to time! It doesn't seem like such common practice today.)

But there are fandoms or... sub-fandoms...? That feel more interactive. My Mahiru follow-up gets zero attention even though that one posts keep going around, but my Korekiyo follow-up did garner new attention and get its own place. When I post about Korekiyo specifically, other people who continue to be passionate about him sometimes interact with me and are actually really welcoming! He's a character with that type of small but tight-knit fandom. It's possible that a character essay about a very popular character would get more of that type of attention, but I don't know about it, because it's not my bread and butter. I think for a lot of characters or fandoms that fall a little more "in the middle", that passion isn't there, that sense of community isn't there, and theories and meta are taken for granted and removed from the passion and individuality that went into them.

When I get fandom-specific asks, they're usually either: in response to an essay written for one of these more tight-knit communities; or from someone who sees me as a notable individual in that fandom for one reason or another. You don't really get asks from someone who happened into your blog by coincidence. You used to! (Many people won't even send you an ask for your ask game that you created and they're reblogging from you-- but as far as I can remember, that's something users have always complained about.)

Anyway, all of that goes to say: if you liked someone's post, there's a good chance you'll like their other posts! If you like someone's theory, there's a good chance they'd be happy to talk more about it! However, this very post is a random string of ideas to help me figure out what I'm even thinking about, so that one's for me.

[pathos-logical]

How to Keep Doing Descriptions (from someone who does a fuckton)

Plain text: How to Keep Doing Descriptions (from someone who does a fuckton)

This is a list aimed mostly at helping people who already write IDs; for guides at learning how to do them yourself, check my accessibility and image description tags! I write this with close to two years of experience with IDs and chronic pain :)

Get used to writing some IDs by using both your phone and your computer, if you can! I find it easier to type long-form on my laptop, so I set up videos and long comics on my phone, which I then prop up against my laptop screen so I can easily reference the post without constantly scrolling or turning my head

I will never stop plugging onlineocr.net. I use it to ID everything from six-word tags to screenshots of long posts to even comic dialogue! On that last note, convertcase.net can convert text between all-caps, lowercase, sentence case, and title case, which is super helpful

Limit the number of drafts/posts-to-be-described you save. No, seriously. I never go above 10 undescribed drafts on any of my four blogs. It doesn’t have to be that low, but this has done wonders (italics: wonders) for my productivity and willingness to write IDs. If I ever get above that limit, even if it’s two or three more, I immediately either describe the lowest-effort post or purge some, and if I can't do that then I stop saving things to drafts no matter what. No exceptions! Sticking to this will make your life so much easier and less stressful

My pinned post has a link to a community doc of meme description templates!

Ask! For! Help! Please welcome to the stage the People’s Accessibility Server! It’s full of lovely people and organized into channels where you can request/volunteer descriptions and ask/answer questions

I make great use of voice-to-text and glide typing on my phone to save my hands some effort!

Something is always better than nothing!!! A short two-sentence or one-sentence ID is better than no ID at all. Take it easy :)

If you feel guilty about being unable to reblog amazing but undescribed art, try getting into the habit of replying to OP’s post to let them know you liked it! This makes me feel less pressured to ID absolutely everything I see

This is a sillier one, but I tag posts I describe as "described" and "described by me." When saving to drafts, I never preemptively tag with "described by me," since for some reason that always makes me feel extra pressure and extra stress. Consider doing something similar for yourself if that applies!

I frequently find myself looking at pieces of art which feel like they need to be considered for a bit before I can write an ID for them, and those usually get thrown into drafts, where the dread for writing a comprehensive ID just builds. Don’t do that! Instead, try just staying in the reblog field for a bit and focus on the most relevant aspects of the piece. Marinate on them for a little; don’t rush, but don’t spend more than a handful of seconds either. I find after that the art becomes way easier to describe than it initially seemed!

On that note, look for shortcuts that make IDs less taxing for you to do! For example, I only ever describe clothes in art if they're relevant to the piece; not doing that every time saves a lot of time and energy for me personally

Building off of that, consider excusing yourself from a particular kind of ID if you want to. Give yourself a free pass for 4chan posts, or fanart by an artist who does really good but really complex comics, whatever. Let it be someone else's responsibility and feel twice as proud about the work that you can now allot more energy to!

As always, make an effort to find and follow fellow describers! It’s always encouraging to get described posts on your dash, and I find that sometimes I'm happier to ID an undescribed post when the person who put it on my dash is a friend who tagged it with "no ID"

TL;DR: To make ID-writing less stressful and more low-effort, use different devices and software like onlineocr.net and voice-to-text, limit the amount of work you expect yourself to do, and reach out to artists and other describers!

[thatwaywardwolf]

I love this community, but some of you are going to be the death of me.

Hey, gang, I got a suggestion for all of us; pagans, occultists, witches, spellcraft workers, and so on. A totally wild idea, so brace yourselves for this.

How about...we stop offering spellcraft advice to people are in dangerous, potentially life threatening situations and do something productive that has faster results, like getting the person resources and genuine help instead of endangering them further?

Just a suggestion. I know, right? It's so crazy that it just might work. I'm so goddamn tired of how absolutely negligent some people in the community are and it's fucking wild to me. There's a difference between offering spellcraft and ritual advice to say, comfort someone through a breakup or deal with short term stress and doing the same thing when someone is in serious trouble. There's a damn time and a place for everything, but this isn't one of them. This is on the same levels of negligence as people who suggest crystals to treat medical conditions. It's treading into faith healing territory and it's absolutely ridiculous, and quite frankly, some of you should know better.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I got a notification ping in a server I'm in that keeps us notified about pagan and occult related subreddits. Someone made a thread begging for help because they're in an abusive, toxic situation and are at their wits end because they feel trapped with no support. What are people in the thread doing? They're offering spellcraft advice instead of shit that can help OP right the fuck now.

I genuinely don't understand. I've tried for years, but this I can't wrap my head around. I've tried to get it with Christians praying away illnesses and I've tried to here with people pulling similar shit here. How do some people not see a problem here? You wouldn't offer someone spellcraft advice if they were stuck in a burning building, or at least I hope you wouldn't, so why here? I don't get it.

Also, let me make it abundantly clear that I'm all here for spellcraft and ritual as long as you aren't hurting other people, violating their consent, or using it as a substitute to treat serious problems and issues in your life. If you want to do a ritual to bring you luck with finding a new job or get into your dream school, fuck yeah, I support you. I'm all on board for you doing something similar to help a friend too as long as they give consent first. If you want do a hearth ritual in the hope that the gods, the land spirits, and your ancestors will bless and protect your home, I support you.

But this? Absolutely fucking not, especially when people are actively being harmed. I wish more people took this shit seriously or were at least more vocal about it. I'm fearful we're going to get to a point where someone gives a person in crisis bullshit advice and then that person gets hurt or worse. That's their blood and pain in our hands and then we're going to have to have a serious talk about when we, as a community, are going to know when to be hopeful and when to be realistic.

I'm fucking done. I made my peace and now I'm hoping the mods from that sub do something useful if they haven't stepped in yet. These last few weeks have been a stressful pain in the ass on my end and I didn't think I'd come back to the community being on a whole new level of disgraceful bullshit. Happy fuckin' Pride month, I guess.

Edit: Oh, boy. A mod actually replied to the thread a whole two damm hours late. I posted screen grabs in the post just after this if you want to see them.

Edit 2: Joy. I woke up to a notification that I got muted in the sub from talking to the mods for four weeks. I love that :)

[silenceofthecookies]

(1) Hello Cookie!! GG on 700 followers! :D I was wondering, for this event... would you be okay to do some headcanons for the Shandorian Warriors in OP? (Wyper, Kamakiri, Laki, Braham, and Genbo specifically) I know a great deal of them hardly get any screen time at all and might be difficult to write for, but I love them all so much and I miss them :c If they're okay, could I possibly ask for some headcanons on how they acclimate from a lifetime of war to an era of peace and how they might...

Hi Torra! I had so much more fun writing these than expected. Sky Island was actually one of the arcs I didn’t care much for, and even after watching the arc twice I barely remember what happened. I expected writing for the Shandorians to be hard but the words actually came really easily and I managed to write these in one go! I hope you’ll enjoy them ❤

Wyper

Wyper’s focus has been battle for so long, once the war is over he’s not sure what to do with himself for a while. Due to the constant threat being gone he can now finally relax, something he’s not used to.

As he’s looking for a way to fit into this new era of peace, you come across his path and it doesn’t take long for you to dominate his thoughts. This is a new sensation for Wyper. He’s never had the time for relationships and now suddenly he did, and there was you.

Wyper is not scared though, not of a relationship and not of confession. He’ll confess to you pretty soon after he realises his feelings for you.

Fully aware of his somewhat more violent and impulsive past, Wyper is determined not to let those tendencies return in your relationship. He’ll be extra careful with you and he’ll do whatever he can to treat you right.

Communication has never been Wyper’s forte, certainly not about his emotions. Miscommunications will happen on the regular in the beginning of the relationship, but he’ll try his best to understand you, and himself, better to make sure things go well between the two of you.

Laki

Laki is a gentle soul, and the only reason she was participating in the war was that it was necessary. Both for the people of Sky Island and for the Shandorians, as well as to protect the people she loved, like Kamakiri and Aisa.

Once the war is over, Laki feels like she can finally breathe again, and her cheerful personality shines even brighter, causing people to flock to her. Yet the only one who caught her eye was you.

At first she’s careful, taking her time to get to know you. Laki does not want to rush into a relationship, only to be disappointed because you didn’t match up after all.

Once the two of you are together, be prepared to be spoiled. VERY spoiled. Laki’s love is 100% devotion and she’ll do anything to make you happy. There will be little presents, small displays of affection at random moments and of course, lots of food, made with lots of love.

On certain nights, when the memories of the war come flooding back to her, she’ll seek out the warmth of your embrace in silence. She doesn’t want to talk about it, she just needs someone to ground her, to remember that it’s over now.

Kamakiri

Kamakiri was born and raised in war. He was used to following Wyper’s crazy orders in a crazy time, where everyone did crazy things. The things he saw during those years haunt his dreams, even long after the war is over.

His main concern is making sure his fellow warriors are doing well and are finding their place in this new era of peace. War or peace, Kamakiri’s love for his companions doesn’t fade, and helping them find their place becomes his new mission. Once they’re all well though, it’s his turn, and he’s not quite sure what his place is.

That’s where you came in, showing him his place is wherever he wanted it to be. It doesn’t take long for him to realise he wants his place to be next to you, and he confesses to you pretty fast.

Kamakiri shows his love with lots of physical affection and words of affirmation. Your touch is addicting to him, a soft kind of touch that was foreign to him until the war ended. He’ll be on the borderline of clingy, but if you need some space you need but say the word. The well-being of those he cares about is still his main concern.

Braham and Genbo below the cut!

Braham

During the war, Braham was merciless, doing whatever it took to reach his, and Wyper’s, goal. Instead of the peace of mind he had expected to get after the war was over, he found himself becoming more restless with each day, unsure of what he could do besides fighting.

That’s when he meets you. You help him, you calm down that racing head of his, you know how to deal with his anxiety and his nightmares. Every day he starts caring for you more and more, and he scares himself once he realises just how much he started caring about you in such a short time.

Confessing will not come easy for him. He believes you deserve better, stronger, more stable, but after a little convincing from Laki, he will confess. When you tell him you feel the same way, he has no idea how to react. He didn’t expect you would.

The early relationship will be hard, as even the littlest touches can make him jump if he doesn’t see them coming. Memories from the war still haunt him. Slowly, with a lot of patience and love, he will get better, get used to the touches, and the memories of the war will get replaced with memories of you.

Genbo

Not many people know much about Genbo. He mostly keeps to himself, choosing to listen to and observe other people instead of speaking. His observation skills have saved his hide more than once during the war. The fact that it’s over now pleases him greatly, the goal he had been fighting for having finally been reached.

There is one problem, and that is that he can’t get rid of the things he saw during the war. The memories haunt him and him not talking about it with anyone only makes matters worse. Even when he meets you, even when he realises he falls in love with you, it’ll take him a long time to confess to you. He’s a horrible overthinker, and it really drags him down.

But eventually, with a lot of patience, he’ll get there and the two of you get together. Genbo often brings you little thoughtful gifts. Things you said you liked, even if you said it only once. He pays attention to all the details, remembers all the important dates and notices shifts in your mood immediately.

He’ll pick the words he uses to express his love for you very carefully. The fact that he’s usually pretty quiet already adds more weight to his every word, so he’s hoping to pick the right words as well to best express his feelings for you.

[imgoodloveenjoy]

Chexton isn't perfect but Sexcel is toxic.

I’ve been a fan of Chicago Med since season 1, I love the growth of the characters and seeing them come into their own and blossom through their storylines. In the beginning, I liked Marcel, he represented a wild, fun and interesting addition to the cast and characters until the writers decided to make him messy. Now, I can excuse messiness but I can’t excuse the arrogance of Marcel’s character especially with him disrespecting one of my favorite characters, April. Since April and Marcel are working closely together, the way he speaks to her rubs me the wrong way so I’ve compiled a list of instances of Marcel directly disrespecting April:

 1. Season 5, episode 3:

               * In this episode, a woman came into the ED with a newborn infant. April thought she should’ve been checked out, which I agreed with as childbirth is a traumatic vaginal, physical & emotional experience and to make sure the placenta had passed. Voicing this concern with Marcel throughout the episode, even mentioning when she had her suspicions that the baby wasn’t hers, he aggressively bit back at her just to go behind her back and do what he admonished her for suggesting (and taking credit by making it seem like him doing the tests was all of his idea) while also sedating the patient, which resulted in DCFS not being able to talk to her and possibly find the truth and help the real mother sooner. Marcel could’ve talked to April about the issue, especially since a recessed placenta can cause extreme sickness and death for a mother, and he and April could’ve worked through the issue together as teammates instead of him being authoritative & holding his position over her head.

 2. Season 5, episode 8:

               * This is the episode where Noah has been beaten. Although I agree with Marcel about Noah needing surgery, he didn't have to speak the April the way he did. That's her baby brother laying there and he should've taken her concerns into consideration, a total lack of empathy. Lanik was running point as Noah's doctor and was discussing the options for treatment with his sister and all-knowing Marcel comes in, speaks over April & telling her "It's not your call", when it's most likely that April is designated to make decisions about his care when he's unable. Being aggressive with her that she isn’t in charge of his care and, once again, disregarding her medical input just feels like an asshole. April then apologizes to Marcel when he should be apologizing to her. This situation also lets us into a little window that feels like he always has to be right even to the point of not consulting with his own patients or their guardians about how they want their care to go & what their options are. He's right, they're wrong = Connor 2.0. To directly insult her about her brother's care is sickening and full of ego.

 3. Season, 5, episode 10:

               *This episode once again shows us how Marcel isn’t very communicative with his patients or the people on his team. He has a patient who has expressed a fear of being under anesthesia and Marcel, AGAIN, goes straight for the surgery instead of offering all avenues of service to his patient and advocating for what he feels would be the best course of action. "As much as I value your input, Nurse Sexton, I am the surgeon and this is the plan" cuing Noah being visibly uncomfortable by that statement.

Speaking with his patient would’ve told him that the father died under anesthesia and that could be evident of some kind of underlying issue, as we just had a similar issue with Elsa's patient, who was allergic to the anesthesia and had a deadly reaction. Even Noah notices that they're arguing a lot, which isn’t healthy for a work environment. Marcel tries to blame his horrid communication skills on April telling her that if the patient needs emergency surgery, it’s on her. No, it’s on you, Marcel.  I'm sure if he had just talked to his patient, there wouldn’t have been any dramatics and the patient would’ve done the surgery but since Marcel is hiding things (double entendre intended), the patient ops out, feeling uneasy. April did what Marcel should’ve done and what she suggested he do in the beginning and communicate medical action to the patient about what his options were. Marcel has no problem popping in on other people's patients offering surgery as an option, why is it so hard for him to offer non-surgical options for his patients? It's like he just wants to cut into people, almost psychopathic. In the end, April oddly apologizes when she did nothing wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This brings me to another thing I've noticed: Marcel works really well with Noah because Noah is in training. Noah defers to Marcel's medical judgement and seems ready to try to please him. Meanwhile, April has been in the medical field long enough to know how some things are supposed or should go so she offers up her medical opinion, and has in the past to Will, Natalie, Connor and Ethan. Marcel probably feels like this calls in to question his judgment and snaps on her, wanting things his way while treating April as a glorified assistant. The only thing April did wrong was to not let Noah and Marcel know that she had this conversation with the patient when he requested to know his other options; Marcel was more in the wrong for not doing this in the beginning and for yelling at April, he doesn’t seem to work well with a team and April didn’t need to apologize. They will both find out that hiding things to make things go your way, won’t work.

Another thing is he relies on calling April "Nurse Sexton" as to remind her of his elevated status versus hers. It’s like he's telling her "You’re just a nurse, therefore inconsequential" as though she doesn’t know enough or have had enough experience with patients as he has, probably more as many of us in hospitals see the nurses more often than we see the doctor. April's position as a nurse isn’t because she cannot be a doctor, its due to her misogynistic upbringing where her status could be the same or better than the men in her family. She voiced this concern when Noah first came to Med and when hiding her relationship with Ethan - knowing that nurses are seen as lowly in the medical field when they're really vital.

Final thoughts: Marcel needs to pack that ego in. He’s condescending to April every time she has an idea or concern about someone’s medical care. I do think his pairing with Natalie, someone who’s always as self-righteous as he is and rarely ever apologizes, will cause him to look back at his behavior and make some changes, hopefully. Not like April who seems to cow to his behavior. It would be interesting to see him work with Dr. Latham, someone who’s just as skilled, knowing and strong willed as he is who will really challenge him on ethics. We’ll see what happens in the coming episodes.

[piketrickfeet]

I wish you would write a cheesy little fic where Ressler and Liz are on a mission and they have to lie and then convince the enemy that they're together so they have to kiss you know to save the country

“The two of you…are…together?” the man asks, accent thick and heavy, gun pointed at the Liz and Ressler.  

“Yes,” Liz answers, the word long and drawn out and she slips her hand into Ressler’s.  She can only see him out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t miss the way he tenses when she squeezes his hand.

“As in…couple?” the man asks again.  It’s clear that their undercover work could use a little fine tuning.  If they can’t convince this guy that they are a couple, the whole op is dead. 

So Liz leans into it a little more, sliding her hand from Ressler’s hand up his arm to wrap around his bicep.  She rests her weight on him a little more, trusting him to bear her weight.  “Yes, he’s my…boyfriend,” she says and maneuvers herself so that his arm rests over her shoulders and her own wraps around his waist.  

The man across of them squints at them, still not convinced, and between that and the gun still pointed at them, Liz is starting to get nervous.  “Prove it,” the man demands.  

Somehow, Ressler tenses even more.  But Liz has this.  She’s in the groove now and there is no way that she is going to let this guy get the best of them.  She turns her body towards Ressler, tries not to think about how this is going to change their partnership, and moves her hand from where it was resting on his back up toward his face.  

She tries to convey to him what she’s about to do and there’s a brief flicker in his eyes that tells her he understands.  If there’s one thing they get right, it’s that unspoken communication.  She casts a quick glance at their suspect and shoots a smug grin at him.  

And then she pulls Ressler’s face down towards her own, lifting just slightly up on her toes to meet him halfway, and presses her lips to his.  She starts off soft and intends to keep it that way, but she feels his hands grip at her waist, thumbs resting on her hip bones.  He pauses for a moment and Liz is worried that he’s going to blow it and then he’s pressing harder, lips parting slightly so that his tongue touches her lips.  She allows him entry and he steals her breath away with how much he gets into it.  

His lips are warm against hers, pressing hard, trying to get even closer, and his hands are clenching on her waist hard enough that she knows she’ll have ten small bruises on her skin.  She slides her hands from his face to the back of his head and holds on for dear life.  Her whole body feels hot and light, so she has the bright idea to dig her hand into his hair, just so she has something to hold on to.  It makes him growl against her mouth when her hand clenches and there’s a deep swoop in the pit of her belly that makes her knees weak.  

Liz vaguely hears a noise near them, so she reluctantly starts to pull away.  She doesn’t get very far, has only a moment to take a deep breath before Ressler is back, lips slightly wet now, but still just as warm and pressing hard against her.  He’s clutching at her, pressing her as close as he can until there’s barely a space between their bodies and she can feel exactly what this kiss is doing to him.  

Finally, though, they break apart and Ressler rests his forehead against hers.  They’re both breathing hard, breath mixing between them and Liz’s eyes are still closed from where they fell shut.  Her hands are still at the back of his head and she can’t resist the urge to scrape her nails across his scalp.  His breathing stutters as she does it and she can see the goosebumps rise on his neck and he goes limp in her arms.  

Their whole relationship has changed now and Liz hopes it’s for the better.  She’s never felt this way during a kiss and she can’t wait to see what other feelings being with Ressler brings to the surface.  She smiles up at him and huffs out a small laugh at the dazed look on his face.  He returns her grin and it’s honestly one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.  She would love to see every variation of his smile if she could.  

The voice next to them makes them both jump, but not from each other.  “Okay, okay,” the gunman says with a laugh.  

Right, the op.  Liz reluctantly steps away from Ressler and turns to their suspect.  “You believe us now?” she asks.

“Yes, yes, I believe,” the man says, lowering his weapon.  Apparently that little show was all that he needed because he allows them through the door without any more questions.  Liz breathes a sigh of relief and turns back to Ressler, communicating silently again that they can continue.  

Ressler moves forward and this time it’s him that takes the lead, grabbing her hand and leading her through the door.  When he grabs her hand, it feels different.  It’s not him wrapping his hand around hers.  Instead, he twines their fingers together, palm to palm, and moves forward.  Liz has never felt something so right and can’t help but smile as he passes in front of her.  

Yeah, their whole relationship is different now.  And Liz can’t wait.  

[liminalweirdo]

I'm also autistic (+ Other Shit) and it helps me to understand how my neurodivergence/mental illness makes me act or react. I agree with @kingpretty in that knowing what contributed to someone doing something/me doing something helps me understand people a lot better.

So I think it can be both, actually. You can realize that parts of your behaviour are symptomatic and "humanize" your behaviours at the same time.

So obviously it's never okay to hurt someone else and then fall back on "it was because of my mental illness/neurodivergency," instead of apologizing, but i think it is okay to:

have discussions about issues of confusion/contention/whatever with your friends or partners when it's not an inflammatory moment so that you can both understand one another's brains and how they work.

understand how your symptoms make you behave so that you can own up to your mistakes in the moment.

Like, no matter how much people don't wanna believe it, trauma, being ND, or mentally ill does change your brain and sometimes you can't just fix it. It does make you different, it does make things harder, and expecting an able-minded/allistic reaction all the time from a disabled/ND/mentally ill person is not actually realistic or helpful either.

Expecting everyone to react in the best way at all times is not realistic for anyone, regardless of whether they have symptoms of anything, or not. That kind of thinking will destroy relationships. People fuck up sometimes. However, yeah, when it becomes a pattern of someone offloading blame or using symptoms and/or excuses instead of owning up to their mistakes consistently, that's when it can become problematic.

Just to be clear, I'm pretty sure that's what op was saying, and that they aren't expecting perfection all the time, I'm not trying to take their (perfectly valid!) statement out of context, i'm just adding more thoughts here.

I think that cleaving to a neurotypical or ableminded ideal rather than understanding one another more deeply regardless of our differences is, in all honestly, why more education surrounding disability, mental illness, neurodivergency, and personality disorders would really help all people communicate more effectively. Because when disabled folks are expected to meet the status quo, that's still always asking us to do the extra work or go the extra mile to meet abled people in the middle.

Sometimes it really is an explanation, not an excuse.

I think it's important that people are aware that, sometimes, when people talk about their symptoms, it's because to really are struggling with them. It doesn't mean they're not actively trying to be better, it just means they weren't able to be better this time, and that sucks! But that's gonna be everybody, baby, ND or not

And just in case anyone forgot already, I'm not saying it's okay to make excuses, i'm saying that it's when it becomes a pattern of someone offloading blame or using symptoms and/or excuses instead of owning up to their mistakes that it's probably a problem.

I'm not letting people off the hook for avoiding responsibility. If you hurt someone's feelings, yeah, fucking apologize.

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

[rotationalsymmetry]

...there's a false premise in the way this is laid out, which is that either the friend is too needy (a personal flaw that they need to change) or OP just has to put up with it and do whatever the friend wants.

But it doesn't have to be either. People, including OP, can establish boundaries with friends, and/or request specific changes, without anyone being in the wrong.

A somewhat different example, if someone asks for money to pay a medical expense on here and I'm not willing/able to contribute, there is no need or benefit in me telling a story that that person is a scammer who doesn't really need the money. Sometimes one person needs a thing that another person has no moral obligation to provide. That's a very common situation.

It's also more constructive to treat these problems as several small problems rather than one big problem. Not "my friend is too needy" or "I am not patient enough". But instead: I don't like being late to things and I also don't like being the time monitor. (Possible solutions: ask friend to set reminders on their phone, plan get togethers where start time is flexible, tell friend I find being time monitor irritating but would find it less irritating if they said thank you (if true), spend less time with friend.) And also, I don't like speaking for them at restaurants and stores. (Possible solution: I don't know. Maybe hang out in quieter locations? Maybe they can communicate with index cards prepared in advance or something?) And also, I don't like being around friend when friend is in a persistent bad mood for reasons I think are trivial. (Possible solutions: mental reframing, having less open ended plans or just chanceling plans when friend gets into a bad mood, talk with friend about emotional management if it's a close relationship, ???)

If it were me in the friend's position with the emotional triggers/bad moods, I generally have a great deal of appreciation for people who are willing to listen to me talk about my feelings, but that's not necessarily a universal thing. And I do try to reciprocate and be supportive when the friend/whatever has their own problems and wants emotional support. But I do recognize lots of people do not want that involved of a friendship. And everyone's different and this friend might not want that. Or they might want company while they're experiencing disappointment without the talking about feelings. Or something else. Sometimes people dislike being around somebody in a bad mood because they feel like a bad person if they can't fix things; if that's the case with OP it might be good to ask the friend what sort of reaction or support they want when they're in a bad mood, and if they say something like they just want company, to accept that providing company is helping and doing a good thing as a friend, even though the friend's mood doesn't immediately transform.

(From a social justice perspective especially around not cutting off people with eg depression just for having an illness, I think it's important for people to learn to tolerate socializing with people who are not happy when possible.)

These multiple small problems can easily seem like one big problem, because the frustration is cumulative (people tend to be more likely to tolerate one irritating quality in a friend than a bunch of irritating qualities) but they are not one big "friend being needy" problem nor does "friend being needy" particularly suggest a solution. They are several different problems: a timekeeping problem, a social interactions problem, an emotional management and/or tolerating being around a person in a bad mood problem, and they might all have very different solutions.

It is possible to address them all in one conversation if you really want to, but procede with caution, because people pretty consistently react badly to hearing "here's multiple grudges I've been holding that you knew nothing about" and typically respond much better when friends bring up problems when they're still only mildly to moderately irritated and there's only one problem to address, not several (and also not "one problem" that sure sounds like "hey can you just be a different type of person?")

Human relationships are messy and involve compromises, but also there are some approaches to conflict resolution that are more likely to be constructive than others and making specific requests, or making specific changes that are up to OP and not up to the friend, are more likely to be constructive than either "hey friend you are too needy stop that" or "hey self, your own needs do not matter just let your friend treat you like a doormat no matter the cost to yourself, that's what good friends do."

Very reasonable to ask for feedback on this.

WIBTA if I confront my friend about being too needy?

My friend (mid 20's) is a really cool person but I (30's) struggle with how much help they need from me. Needy is a really uncharitable way to put it, I know, but I don't know how else to describe it.

Whenever we hang out we are constantly late to everything even with me prodding them that we have x minutes to leave. They freeze up often when approached by staff in restaurants and stores and I have to speak for them. And they have a ton of emotional triggers that I struggle to navigate. Just as an example they were talking about wanting to get into the same industry as me. I really enjoy the my career, so I told them what it was like. It wasn't what they expected. They then sighed, said "I don't want to do that anymore," and pouted about it for the rest of the night.

I haven't talked with them yet, but my friend does talk at length that they are autistic and things intimidate them. I'm not autistic and I am older, most of these things don't intimidate me. While I don't mind stepping up and helping people on occasion, I don't think it's unfair to point out that their issues have been offloaded to me without even asking if I'm okay with it.

What gives me pause is I've talked about this problem with some friends who are autistic and they said that they understand why I feel the way I do, but I should be more patient. The same friend does the same behavior with them but I guess it bothers me more than it does other people? I am rapidly running out of patience and the situation still feels like I have to be the one to tank everything because I can deal with it better.

I know that for the health of our friendship I really need to talk to them about this. I am worried that the friend in question will shut down and I won't be able to emotionally regulate my own frustrations well enough. Then other friends will think I'm being callous.

TL;DR WIBTA if I confront my autistic friend that they need too much help from me?

What are these acronyms?

[shr0mwzrd]

OP is talking about some of the different ways Autistic people show love/care/affection that neurotypical people might not understand or be familiar with, since neurotypical people often have different ideas about how to communicate than we might. Some of the examples they gave were:

Parallel play: this is when you and your friend/family member are spending time together in the same space, but each person is doing what they want. For example, my partner and I enjoy playing different video games while sitting together so we can still have company. Parallel play can look different for different people, but the main thing is that two or more people are kind of playing by themselves, but together in the same area for company.

Unmasking: this is when you stop trying to "hid your Autism" around other people. People made me feel like I couldn't stim or make sounds or do other Autistic things when I was younger, but good friends or family members make me feel safe enough to be who I am and do whatever feels right for me. Unmasking shows that you trust the other person to keep you safe and understand your feelings.

Unusual gifts: this is when you really really care about someone and want to give them some kind of present to show them how you feel. This might be a cool rock or leaf you found, special art that you made, or anything else that feels good to you.

Info dump: this is when you have something that's really exciting to you and you really like to talk about that thing with other people - some Autistic people are really into trains, for example. I like rockets, for example, and it feels really nice when people ask me questions or just let me talk about the things I think are coo.l

Bear hugs: this is when you feel overwhelmed and want a really big hug from someone important to you. Being squeezed / having some pressure is a common way Autistic and other neurodivergent people try to feel better when they're overwhelmed.

Helping without words: sometimes, we can understand what someone else needs/wants without them having to say it, and we can help them without having to say anything ourselves. Neurotypical people often use a lot of words when they communicate, but sometimes Autistic people prefer to use less words and use body language and context clues instead.

Hope this helped!

Autistic Love Languages

Lil Penguin Studios/Autism Happy Place

Autism

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

hell-o sorry im re doing my tags the previous one made it seem like i was against op because of the tumblr coding misplacing (i forgot quoting things with "" puts the thing in front so i replaced it with two '') bits of text from it (the tag in was very much against context is very much against saying trans people are just another thing millennials came up with, but out of context and without the quote it just seemed like i was saying that

leaving this up as a way of making up for potential damage it did sorry

It doesn't matter what you think, stop doing it. When someone tells you you're doing something wrong, trying to argue around it just makes you a jackass. Just apologize and correct your behavior.

This, my friends, is what we call “weaponizing progressive language.”

Because this would be a completely reasonable response in many circumstances. We’ve all seen similar things said to people who genuinely need to Stop, like celebrities defending their use of slurs (to name just one example). Devoid of context, this ask seems like someone fighting against an unreasonable asshole.

Except the thing I was most recently told to stop doing was…acknowledging that historical trans people existed.

The only reason I’m not simply ignoring this ask is that, once upon a time, I would have seen it and immediately started groveling. Because I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I ESPECIALLY don’t want to be doing so habitually. And very young people- like teens -in progressive spaces, I feel, are often cornered like this and made to apologize for “transgressions” that aren’t real. They have the compassion, but not yet enough experience to recognize this pattern of behavior.

It’s important to apologize and change when you hurt someone undeserving, or a group of innocent people. But it’s also important to recognize when someone is trying to use that concern for others against you.

[elvashayam]

hello, autistic with a special interest in communication here. i'm sticking my nose in cuz i think i can offer some clarification and maybe help resolve this conflict? (maybe not, but i have to try.)

(please understand that i'm not assigning blame or any wrongdoing on anyone's part here; i'm just offering my observations as an outsider.)

I want to point out that this reblog is by an autistic person who may not (like me) be able to understand subtext because of the way their brain prioritises its processes. i understood @pangur-and-grim's point, but human communication and sociolinguistics (etc) are a special interest (like i said above) so it was a subtext i knew to look for. (literally i read scholarly articles and studies etc on this and i still fuck it up, cuz all the knowledge in the world can't change the way my brain works)

now, i agree with OP and also with the various explanations of their post by them and others, and i understand the irony of this reblog. i do, however, have to point out the additional irony in the way everyone then pounced on them. isn't this exactly what OP was talking about? asking for some empathy for fellow bloggers who are just average people and who didn't realise they're saying something wrong/unhelpful/misguided?

i know i'm just a nobody, i know there's no real reason to listen to me. but! given this is my blog and we've already established that regular, ordinary people deserve some empathy and benefit of the doubt in the absence of obvious bigotry (which doesn't remove the bigot's humanity, mind, transformative justice is a thing), i have a couple of suggestions.

1. @pangur-and-grim's point is important, and it's something i personally agree with. it's easy to forget the human behind the text in our rush to make sure someone doesn't get hurt! the others who added to OP's post also have great points and i've appreciated reading them all.

to prevent future problems, in order to accommodate people who can't read subtext (eg if they're autistic or have some kind of social disability), consider including some context so that we can understand the message in the spirit it was intended. (even if it seems redundant!) just as trans folk like me ask for cis people to reconsider the language they use, so too do autistics like me ask allistics (people who aren't autistic) to adjust their language to help us.

some suggested reading: the "Autistic Access Needs: Notes on Accessibility" section on this page.

and this article on @neuroclastic last year.

Autistic social motivation is deeply rooted in the desire to share knowledge and in the desire to learn, and this has big implications for the protocols that are used in autistic communication. In contrast, the societies we grow up in and live in value abstract social status symbols more than developing a shared understanding, and this leads to the communication challenges that define our social experiences.

2. @rjalker, i totally understand why you replied the way you did; i'll admit that i didn't consider that perspective until after i read your post, and i appreciated your perspective. i can see how OP's wording could seem a bit bigot-apologist.

as another autistic who's had this exact thing happen to them, in future i'd suggest reframing any queries as a question as opposed to a correction. in my experience, people (autistic and allistic alike) really dislike feeling called out, and react far more positively to clarifying questions instead.

it's unfair that we have to work so hard to be accepted, and i don't want you to feel like i'm telling you to mask better or anything. this is just a suggestion that may help you understand what happened.

here's a couple resources that have helped me figure out communication. they're both aimed at couples, but i've extrapolated their principles and applied them (with great success) to general social interactions too.

first, the infinity loop theory of conflict

secondly, again in @neuroclastic, this article about ND-NT relationships.

If you are the NT, it helps to understand that your partner processes differently and has different needs and expectations, and is not uncaring, trying to hold out on you, or deliberately trying to upset you.

If you are the ND partner, you need to understand your partner’s needs, feelings, and ideas are as important to them as yours are to you. You need to take these needs seriously if you want to be together.

i'll end with a general plea: when you ask people to be kind, assume that you're talking to yourself as well - and remember that others don't have the same social and cultural context as you do. what looks like kindness and consideration to some people can be traumatic to others. normalise asking for clarification, and give it with enthusiasm. no one has the same life experience so we must accommodate others, or there'll never be peace.

this is gonna be controversial (lol), but y’all gotta remember blogs aren’t celebrities with their own PR teams.

if you find something a blogger said insensitive, it probably is! privilege & social environment leave way too many blindspots for that to never happen. and it’s super okay to alert people to their blindspots! but do so with the awareness that those not used to having their speech policed by strangers may respond with baffled defensiveness if you come at them aggressively.

and when that happens, whipping out the “you’re not the man I thought I married” speech, and giving yourself permission to go into full cuss-out beast mode is like………………unproductive and kinda mean-spirited