#but with a life-altering example of abuse

[fictionadventurer]

Pop culture image of Jane Eyre: This is a passionate, problematic love story about a woman falling in love with a guy who locked his wife in the attic.

Actual Jane Eyre: This is the story of a woman recovering from a childhood of horrific abuse.

[liviawildrose]

𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

read this to transform your life

hey guys! today, we’re diving into something that can literally transform the next 20 years of your life. why? because pluto has officially entered aquarius, and let me tell you, this is huge. if you’ve got aquarius anywhere in your birth chart like i do, you’re probably already feeling that intense energy—the urge to level up, get things done, and completely reinvent yourself. i mean, look at me: this is my second vlog today and i’ve been non-stop posting since yesterday. it’s like this cosmic shift has supercharged me, and i know it can do the same for you.

but don’t worry, even if you’re not an aquarius, this energy is hitting everyone in some way. so whether you’re ready for it or not, pluto in aquarius is here, and it’s bringing transformation on a massive scale. now, this blog is part of my series called the “game of life”, but since this pluto shift is so major, i’ve decided to make this a crossover between the two themes. we’re going to talk about how to actually use this energy to change your life, level up, and play the long game to completely transform the next 20 years and beyond. so, if you’re ready to tap into this cosmic power and take control of your future, follow along because this blog might just change your life.

just before we dive in, i want you guys to check out a blog i posted a couple of weeks ago—it’s all about the first steps to getting your shit together. it’s a great starting point for understanding how to lay the groundwork for your transformation journey. if you haven’t seen it yet, head over to blog “first steps” and give it a read. trust me, it’ll help you get a solid foundation before you dive into the next level of this process.

avatar

okay, now that you’ve got your basics down from the previous blog, let me introduce you to the game of life. this is where things get fun. first, we’re going to focus on creating your avatar. now, if you’ve read that earlier blog, you’ll remember i talked about building an alter ego. for example, mine is called livia wildrose. she’s my vision of absolute perfection the version of me i aspire to be. this is your chance to go wild. grab a journal and start designing your alter ego and how her life is. i don’t care how crazy, bold, or unrealistic it might seem this is your imagery of perfection. who is she? how does she look? how does she act? what does her life look like? write it all down. get creative draw her, make a mood board, whatever feels right. this is your blueprint. now, here’s the twist: in the game of life, you are the avatar. your current self, with all your flaws and strengths, is the player in this game. your mission? to become your alter ego. think of it like this: your avatar (you) might not have everything your alter ego has right now. maybe she’s more confident, more successful, smarter, richer, or better-looking. but that’s okay because she represents your end goal. every step you take toward embodying her, every choice that aligns you closer to her energy, earns you points in the game of life. the idea is to bridge the gap between who you are now (your avatar) and who you want to be (your alter ego). every time you make progress whether it’s a mindset shift, a small win, or a big milestone you’re leveling up. this is how you win the game.

for example, let’s say your alter ego is this ultra-rich, world-famous singer, idol, and total icon. she’s confident, magnetic, and lives her dream life effortlessly. that’s your end goal that’s your alter ego. now, your job is to build her. create her personality, her habits, her lifestyle, her goals, and most importantly, her mindset. think about it what kind of mindset does she have? does she radiate confidence? does she have unshakable discipline? does she take no for an answer, or does she turn every rejection into motivation? for me, my alter ego, livia wildrose, has a queen-like, goddess-like mindset. that means every single brick life throws at me, i’m gonna build a castle out of it. scratch that i’m gonna build a shrine. nothing breaks me; i only get stronger, wiser, and better. that’s how livia wildrose operates, and that’s what drives me every single day.

imagine you’re playing a game where you have to build a village from scratch. when you start, you don’t just dive in blindly—you go around and observe how other players have built their villages. you notice their strengths, but also their flaws. maybe someone’s village is too cluttered, or their defenses are weak, or their farms are in the wrong spots. you take mental notes: ‘okay, that’s not my vibe. i’m not gonna do that.’ this also brings me to the point that learn from other peoples mistake too. my friend right now is going through a very tough break up. and the guy is being a total asshole. and the more she talk about the relationship to me how it was, and we try to get the cues like “oh we could’ve realised back then when he said this particular thing” that he is not the one. (the fact he was a total sexist asshole) i realised that when i get into a relationship, and if i see my future boyfriend having these traits, i will leave. why? because I learnt from her mistakes of letting things slide, and not noticing the minor red flags that later became worse.

(back to the topic) then, you create an image of your ideal village in your head. you don’t copy anyone, but you take inspiration. you think, ‘this is my aesthetic, this is how i want my village to function.’ you make a mental note of all the details where the farms will go, where the population will live, how everything will flow. and then you start building, step by step, upgrading, improving, and making decisions based on the vision you created. now apply that same concept to your life. create an ideal version of yourself (alter ego) in your head. imagine your ideal life, your ideal personality, your dream self. think about who she is, how she thinks, how she acts, what her daily habits are. don’t just copy someone else’s life take inspiration. maybe you admire someone’s confidence but not their style, or their work ethic but not their priorities. fine. make mental notes and adjust it to fit your vibe. every time you make a decision or work to improve yourself (your current avatar), use that ideal version of yourself as a guide. ask yourself, ‘what would she do? how would she handle this? what choice aligns me closer to her?’ take inspiration from her and let her energy fuel every upgrade you make. step by step, you’ll start building a life that’s completely aligned with the vision you’ve dreamed of. for example in pubg. the end goal is to become a conqueror so what you do every single time when you play that game is make sure that you’re good with your teammates, you get the most kills, you win every single match, because that is what will bring you to your end goal.

the bars of life

1. health bar

health is the foundation, the core, the absolute main bar. without health, nothing else matters. it’s like playing a survival game if your health is low, you’re dead in the water, right? you can’t progress, you can’t fight, you can’t level up. every single step in your journey starts with taking care of your body and mind. health is everything. make sure you’re eating right, sleeping enough, working out, and keeping your mind in a positive, stable place. the healthier you are, the more you’ll be able to conquer in all aspects of life. keep this bar maxed out, or you won’t even have the energy to fight for your dreams.

2. physical bar

now, let’s talk about the physical bar. this is all about how your body looks and feels. how’s your physique? toned? fit? are you putting in the work to make sure your body is in shape, or are you letting it slide? it’s not just about the gym though—it’s about how you present yourself. do your clothes flatter your body type? are you dressing in a way that highlights your best features? are your nails done, your hair styled, your makeup light but on point? when you walk into a room, does your physical presence demand attention and admiration? this is about taking pride in your appearance and making sure your physicality aligns with the highest version of yourself. everything from your posture to the way you dress, this is how people will notice you. own it.

3. mental bar

the mental bar is all about your mindset, emotional health, and mental well-being. how do you show up in the world every day? what is your internal dialogue like? are you a powerhouse of positivity and productivity, or are you letting negative thoughts control you? this bar is about building a mindset that propels you forward, no matter what life throws at you. like i always say, every single brick life throws at me, i will build a castle out of it—or a shrine. i don’t care what happens, it’s all fuel for my fire. this is the mental toughness you need to develop to grow.

if you’re facing challenges—whether it’s dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression—take care of your mental health. if you need a therapist, get one. if journaling helps you unpack emotions and thoughts, make it a habit. every step you take to improve your mental health is a step toward leveling up your life. every time you choose a positive, productive mindset, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving. strengthen this bar, and everything else in life becomes more manageable.

your mental bar is not just about surviving the chaos—it’s about learning to navigate it with grace, strength, and an unbreakable belief in your ability to create your dream life.

4. spiritual bar

the spiritual bar is your path to alignment with yourself and the universe. this is where you connect with your higher self, your energy, and your beliefs. spirituality isn’t just about religion—though it can be if that’s part of your journey. it’s about meditating, doing yoga (especially Kundalini, like i mentioned), and tuning into the deepest parts of yourself. when you start aligning your chakras and balancing your energies, you’re strengthening this bar. it’s about connecting to something greater than yourself—whether that’s through rituals, prayer, or mindfulness practices. this is the bar that ensures your spirit is nurtured, your energy is clean, and your soul is grounded. if you’re in tune with yourself and aligned with your truth, you can face anything the world throws at you.

5. financial bar

now, let’s talk about the financial bar. this is where you track your wealth, your earning capacity, and how financially empowered you are. how’s your financial situation? are you getting paid what you’re worth? are you bringing in new streams of income? every single time you land a promotion, secure a new deal, or create another source of income, this bar rises. even small wins matter—getting that side hustle going, saving a little extra this month, investing in yourself. all these things count. this bar is about actively working toward your financial freedom and success. if you’re serious about leveling up in life, this bar has to be taken seriously. wealth isn’t just about money—it’s about abundance in every area of your life. when you strengthen this bar, you give yourself the power to live the life you want

6. career bar

the career bar is all about progression, ambition, and success in your professional life. every time you take a step forward—whether it’s landing a promotion, launching a side hustle, or expanding your business—it’s a win for your career bar. it’s not just about the outcome, but about the process too. when you learn a new skill to level up in your field, or when you push yourself to take on more responsibility, this bar grows. every single action you take to further your career—no matter how small—contributes to building the empire you want. it’s about building something that lasts and ensuring that your career serves as the foundation for the life you envision.

7. social bar

the social bar is about how you connect and interact with others. it includes your relationships with family, friends, lovers, and colleagues, as well as your social media presence. every time you make a meaningful connection, whether it’s through a new friendship or strengthening bonds with existing relationships, your social bar grows. it also covers your social media footprint—every time you post something, earn followers, or engage with your audience, you’re building your social presence. the way you show up in the world, the vibe you put out, and how others perceive you are all part of this bar. what’s important is that you’re intentional about your social connections. it’s not just about quantity, but quality. how do you carry yourself? how do people feel around you? remember, you can always adjust the way you’re perceived by adjusting how you act. we’ll dive deeper into how you can shift your social presence to your advantage later on.

8. legacy bar

the legacy bar is about the impact you leave behind and how you’re remembered. while you might not need to focus on this too much at 17 (like me too), it’s still something that will guide your actions as you grow older. your legacy is like the final level of your life game—it’s the impression you leave on others, the tangible and intangible things you pass on to the next generation. think about it like this: your legacy could be how generous you were. maybe you donate to charities, help the less fortunate, or fund scholarships. maybe you leave behind a family with strong values, or set up a business that supports others and creates opportunities. or even, it’s the homes you buy and the wealth you build that your kids will inherit. that’s a form of legacy too—creating something that endures, that your children or loved ones can benefit from long after you’re gone.

you want to make sure you’re giving back—whether it’s in terms of charity, helping your community, or creating something that continues to benefit people beyond your time here. it’s about living with intention, creating something greater than yourself, and making sure that when people look back, they say, “wow, she did something good.” when I think of my legacy, I want to be known for making an impact on my country, helping its economy grow, and providing jobs. so, always think about the ripple effect your actions will have not just on yourself but on the world around you, long after you’re gone.

9. environmental bar

okay, so let’s talk about your environmental bar. this is pretty much everything around you: where you live, who you hang out with, and what you’re consuming—whether it’s people, media, or food. your environment shapes you more than you think. if you live in clutter, your brain gets cluttered. if you’re surrounded by negative energy or toxic people, guess what? that negativity starts rubbing off on you. toxicity? it’s contagious. trust me. this is why i always say: your environment is EVERYTHING. let’s say you’re stuck in a place where people are draining your energy, or your room looks like a hurricane hit it—what’s happening? your life starts feeling chaotic. but if you clean up your space, set boundaries with toxic people, and start surrounding yourself with supportive, positive vibes, you’ll see that your life follows suit. if you’re surrounded by success-driven people, guess what happens? you start moving differently too.

for example, i know my current living situation is toxic. but, once i move out, that’s going to be my environmental grace. i’ll finally have the space to thrive, away from negative energy. maybe for you, it’s as simple as clearing your workspace or unfollowing people on social media who bring you down. the key is that you’re actively creating a good environment for your growth. declutter, move people who don’t vibe with you, and make sure everything you interact with is aligned with your goals.

10. fun and recreation bar

listen, life isn’t just about hustling and grinding, okay? it’s also about having fun. and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. people always forget that joy and peace are important parts of growth. hobbies, fun experiences, and doing things that bring you relaxation and joy are just as vital as your career or health bar. sure, you might not make money from every hobby, but if it brings you peace or helps you unwind, then it’s worth it.

like me, i might not be making millions off of drawing, but damn, it’s relaxing. it’s something that i look back on and feel proud of. the point is, don’t skip out on fun. go out with friends, explore new things, travel, dance, create. don’t just work to live—live to enjoy it. make time for meaningful parties, exploring new places, or just learning something new for fun. trust me, it will make you feel whole. it’s the only life we’ve got, so might as well enjoy it. while also being productive (im sorry had to add this 😭)

11. intelligence bar

okay, this one should be obvious, but let me make it clear: your intelligence bar should always be leveling up. this is the bar for everything you do to expand your mind, whether it’s learning a new skill, reading a book, acing a test, or just getting smarter from life lessons. it’s not just about school or formal education; it’s about constantly seeking knowledge. every time you learn something new—whether it’s about physics, psychology, or how to make the best goddamn smoothie—your intelligence bar grows.

never stop learning. school isn’t the only place for growth. you’re an adult now—take control of your learning. buy books, watch educational videos, take courses that interest you, and dive into everything that can help you grow intellectually. intelligence doesn’t stop when you leave school, it grows with you, forever. always be leveling up your mind.

watch her video to get more info on this topic (she is MOTHER) literally.

cheat codes in the game of life

read this blog by me first

life is full of cheat codes if you know where to look. one of the easiest ways to hack your life and manifest your desires is by using subliminals, grabovoi codes, eft tapping and even customizing your ChatGPT. these tools are like magic spells, designed to align your subconscious mind with your goals. for example, grabovoi codes are just numbers, but when you write and repeat them, they can bring about extraordinary shifts in your life. subliminals work and eft tapping the same way reprogramming your mind while you go about your day. and with ChatGPT, you have a personal assistant that can help you navigate any life situation, offering advice and insight whenever you need it. these are your personal life hacks use them to transform your reality with ease.

okay, let’s dive even deeper into these cheat codes, because once you start using them, you’ll realize how easy it is to shape the world around you. let’s talk about altering your social image—this is like an advanced life hack that many people, especially celebrities, are already using, but they’re not telling you how. you know how celebrities act on social media, right? that perfectly curated, almost “too good to be true” persona? the thing is, that’s not really them. most of them aren’t as perfect as they look in front of the camera, and they sure as hell don’t act the same behind the scenes. think about the people who might’ve bullied you in the past. they might have treated you like crap, but when they’re in front of others? angels. they put on this sweet, charming persona to get what they want. it’s all about duality—using different faces to your advantage. so why not do the same?

you can reinvent the way people see you. perception is everything. for example, let’s say you want to be perceived like a star, like an icon. one of the biggest secrets to this is creating a unique persona—something that screams you, but is captivating enough to make others want to be around you. think about how a lot of idols have such a distinctive style or energy. that is the cheat code. they don’t just wear the coolest clothes, they embody a vibe, an energy that makes them stand out in a crowd. so, how do you do it? first, know what you want. if you want to be that calm, collected, alluring figure who commands attention without even trying, start by adopting a few things that you know fit that style. if you want that dark, sultry energy, you need to own it—the way you talk, walk, dress, and even the way you hold yourself should exude confidence.

take someone like Dakota Johnson she has this quiet-chaotic energy about her, right? she speaks slowly, her words dripping with this almost sultry vibe. she doesn’t try too hard. it’s not about being overly energetic or trying to impress; it’s about confidence, calmness, and an air of mystery. she can make something as simple as a joke feel funny and seductive because of the way she says it. that’s the magic. it’s not about being loud or brash to get attention, it’s about learning how to carry yourself in a way that leaves people wanting more.

here’s the trick you don’t need to be a different person; you just need to refine your vibe. create a version of yourself that’s like an upgraded avatar. and then, simply start to live like them. how would your alter ego talk? would they speak with more authority? would they be more laid back, or would they be mysterious? do they have a sultry, slow tone when they speak? model yourself after that, and it’ll become second nature. this is where the pluto in aquarius energy comes in if you’re an aquarius (or have aquarius placements), this is your moment. you have the power to reinvent yourself in ways that you never thought possible. take this time to shift your self-perception and how the world perceives you. you can break out of old habits, behaviors, and expectations that others might have of you. this is your chance to become the best version of you, the version that’s unstoppable.

how do you get started?

1. talk like her: figure out how your alter ego would speak. take note of the cadence, the tone, and the vibe they exude. do they talk slower? more deliberately? maybe they joke with a certain confidence that makes everyone laugh, but also feel intrigued. learn to replicate that tone.

2. dress the part: style matters. you can’t be a fashion icon if you’re always dressing like a potato sack. find a style that feels unique to you, but also gives off that vibe you want—whether it’s sleek, bold, or soft. make sure your clothing complements the persona you want to show the world.

3. be unpredictable: people love mystery. don’t always let them in on everything. make them wonder about you. embrace the chaotic quietness—be the person who seems calm, but you always have something up your sleeve. keep them intrigued.

4. embrace the duality: you can be whoever you want to be. show one side to certain people, and another side to others. be strategic about how you present yourself in different scenarios. this is how you gain control of your social image.

5. confidence is key: once you start showing up as this new version of yourself, your confidence will shoot through the roof. people pick up on energy. if you believe in the persona you’re creating, others will too. and that’s how you start changing how people perceive you.

the beauty of this is, you’re not just faking it. you’re becoming it. you’re tapping into a version of yourself that’s always been there, just waiting for the right moment to step into the spotlight. the more you practice this, the more natural it becomes. “fake it till you make”

so, here’s the game plan: figure out your alter ego, start speaking like them, acting like them, dressing like them, and above all, own it. no one can compete with a version of you who’s fully aligned with your highest self. this is the cheat code to creating your dream life and stepping into the role you were always meant to play. use mindmovie, vision board, manifestation books to keep yourself aligned with your desires and goals

yeah, seriously, take this game of life really seriously. it’s not just about coasting through, it’s about making moves that align with your goals and dreams. your environment plays a huge part in that—where you live, who you’re around, and what opportunities are available. if you’re in a place that doesn’t nurture your dreams or support your growth, it might be time to think about moving. i’m in the same boat—i know the dreams i have won’t be fully supported where i’m at, so i’m already planning my next moves. but remember, everything is strategic. you have to play to win, baby girl. don’t settle for anything less than the life you deserve. make the changes, take the risks, and keep leveling up.

life’s like a game, and there are plenty of players trying to win, but how do you outsmart the competition? it’s not just about luck—yeah, that plays a part, but it’s also about skill, strategy, and having the right people around you. you can’t level up on your own, and just like in any game, teamwork makes all the difference. think of it this way: the kings and rulers in history didn’t get where they were alone; they knew how important it was to have the right team by their side. whether it’s friends, mentors, or business partners, you need good people who can support, challenge, and push you forward. surround yourself with those who elevate you, not drain you. build a strong, skilled, and loyal team because with the right crew, you’ll always be ahead of the game. just like the environment you choose—quality food, media, and surroundings—your team matters too.

notations

life is like a mix of different games, okay? think of it like the Sims where you have the ultimate free will. you can literally do whatever you want, and it’s up to you how far you take it. want to be a singer? start posting your singing videos everywhere—Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and even Twitter. manifest it, use subliminals, grabovoi codes, EFT tapping, and let ChatGPT help you figure out the algorithm and best ways to grow. life gives you all the tools, so use them to build your dream life.

but life isn’t just the Sims, it’s also like Chess. you have to be strategic about when and how you move. be nice but not naive, be a bitch sometimes too period. don’t throw out your best pieces too soon keep things lowkey and make others underestimate you. right now, I’m not the top student in my class, but I’m playing the long game. I’ll show people my pawns first—small, safe moves. later, when it’s the right time, I’ll pull out the knight or queen to checkmate the competition. keep people guessing. be mysterious. don’t tell anyone what you’re planning until it’s already in motion. keep your moves quiet, let them think you’re just playing small, and when the time comes—boom, you’ll show them exactly what you’re capable of.

this is where your team really comes into play. think of it like playing PUBG—if your team sucks, you suck. you can’t lead a squad full of lazy players and expect to win. it’s like trying to win a game while everyone else is just chilling. that’s why you have to be super selective with who you let into your inner circle. the people you’re building your success with need to be on the same level as you, otherwise, you’ll just drag each other down.

i’ve mentioned this before i literally asked a tarot reader to read the people around me, and she pointed out which friends weren’t good for me. guess what? those people turned out to be exactly as she said. so, don’t ignore your gut feelings. these are the people who will be there when you make it big, so make sure they’re the right ones. remember, in life, you don’t often get to choose your teammates, so be super careful who you let in. if you’re young, like 17 or 18, this is the time to build those lifelong friendships. trust me, pick wisely, because they’ll either help you level up or hold you back.

if i were to start a new life from today, this would have been the blog post that would have helped me reach that level. so, thank you so much for reading it through and through, and i hope you like it. also, i’m gonna pin this blog, and from now onwards, every single blog that you’ll see on my channel, on my account, will be somewhat similar to this. i’ll be using this blog as a centerpiece in future posts, building on it and referencing it. so stay tuned, because there’s a lot more to come, and this is just the beginning of the journey. and i’m gonna be doing all these again with you guys too. :)

also, happy 20 years of success as pluto returns to aquarius. love you guys.

[radfemsiren]

🤍A basic rundown of my beliefs as a radical feminist 🤍

(I don’t represent every radical feminist, but these are usually the standard opinions you’ll find of many radfems. Hate or disagree with them, that’s fine! But know the truth of who I am and what I stand for beforehand)

- there are 2 sexes, the male sex is oppressing the female sex

- femicide, rape, child sex abuse, hijab laws, female genital mutilation, domestic labor, trafficking, war crimes, revenge porn, prostitution… women and girls around the world are being exploited, tortured, and killed because of this oppression, and it must end.

- female oppression is sex based oppression, meaning a woman can’t just identify out of her oppression (for example hijab laws)

- sex is biological and an immutable truth, gender is a social construct

- gender should be done away with because gender roles are male supremacist and result in women and girls being stereotyped, dehumanized, barred from education, safety, bodily autonomy, etc.

- defining women with anything other than biology is misogynistic and relies on stereotypes

- the biological differences between men and women must be acknowledged in order to effectively end patriarchal oppression

- radical feminism is getting to the root of female oppression (radical -> root)

- misandry is not real and is just an extension of misogyny (for example, “men are told not to cry!” Yes because women are seen as inferior and any trait associated with us is seen as degrading/emasculating for men. This is why there is no female equivalent to emasculation.)

- all current religions are patriarchal and made by men to exploit and control women

- access to abortion is a human right and should never be threatened, women are the creators of life and deserve to gatekeep it, as well as exercise full autonomy over our own bodies

- Using sexist gender roles to define yourself is giving these misogynistic stereotypes power (wearing makeup or dresses doesn’t make anyone less or more of a woman, this is misogyny)

- the beauty industry is patriarchal and exploits women, our bodies and our money

- sex work is not work, it’s always exploitation (consent can not be bought)

- the porn industry is patriarchal and relies on trafficking, coercion, and rape to function. It also conditions its watchers to be aroused by violence against women, and results in more real life consequences for women and girls

- women’s spaces and institutions must be protected. Women’s safety is more important than catering to male feelings

- marriage is a patriarchal institution made to exploit the domestic labor of women for her entire life

- BDSM/kink are patriarchal and only center the pleasure and well being of men.

- hookup culture is patriarchal and the risk to reward is not worth it for women to engage in it

- gender ideology is patriarchal and is a direct hindrance to female liberation (we can’t define ourselves or our oppressors, we can’t create spaces away from our oppressors, we can’t create laws and policy based on these definitions, people who are gender non conforming are pressured to alter their bodies to conform to a rigid standard and become lifelong medical patients, etc)

- choice feminism and liberal feminism caters to conforming to patriarchal standards and institutions, and refuses to examine why women make choices under patriarchy

- women of color face oppression on the axis of our sex and race, men of color only face oppression on the axis of their race

- non white patriarchal institutions must be criticized: a mullah is just as dangerous to the liberation of women as a pastor is

- women should decenter the men in their lives just as men have done with women. That means prioritizing us! Engaging in women’s media, art, stories, fostering female communities and support networks, uplifting and empowering their sisters around the world

- being a radical feminist means consistently taking radical action, big or small, we all can do it! Go support a female artist, go donate menstrual products to a shelter, go tell off a man when you see him making a woman uncomfortable. We all can make a difference!

…My feminism focuses on criticism of Islam and middle eastern patriarchy, but there are radfems with many focuses/passions… some in eco feminism, some on uplifting Romani women, black women, neurodivergent women, women with disabilities, prostituted women… some are passionate about women’s sports, women’s art, women’s writing, women’s history, lesbian and bisexual women’s stories… everyone has their passion on here, so before you come to attack, just check out my blog and click around at the different profiles on this corner of the internet…. maybe we might not be the terrible witches you thought us to be. Or maybe we are, but witches are awesome so who cares lol

[dilfartist]

Yandere JJK Headcannons

Kidnapping, dark themes, abuse, talk of killing, stalking, obsession, the usual yandere warnings, yandere tendencies.

Notes; {Sorry if any of the characters seem out of character, just started season 2. Please enjoy. I know this isn’t the best work but I want to get back into the writing game.}

Reader description; Female/GN

Not proofread

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!

Gojo Satoru

When it comes to Satoru Gojo’s love life, it’s quite lonely. Although Gojo is a very attractive man, he lacks a relationship for two main reasons: Gojo’s lack of commitment and his status as the strongest (implied in the mangas.)

So when you catch Gojo’s eye he is taken aback by his feelings. Why have you altered his brain? Usually, he meets a girl/guy and they’ll be the ones to swoon over him, or he’ll be interested in them for a while until his responsibilities have overtaken his mind and the person fades away into a forgotten memory that lingers in the back of his mind. However, with you it's different. He is the one swooning over you, kicking his feet and giggling like a schoolgirl with a massive crush. The thought of you never leaves his mind. He’s conflicted.

He doesn't mind hurting or threatening others for you.

Not a day goes by without at least a mention of you in his mind. When he’s cooking, he’ll think, I wonder what ramen they like. When he’s in the shower, (Name) smells like [favorite scent], I wonder what shampoo they use. When at work, I should check by their house today, just to make sure no cursed spirits are rooming around.

Whether you are a civilian or another teacher, you are most definitely weaker than him. This fact makes Gojo so possessive over you. Gojo knows what happens to weak people; they die by his hand or others. He worries for you, a lot. He is a very busy man even if he does send his students to complete his tasks. Not to say time for himself is nonexistent, no, it's just he can’t check on you the amount of times he’d like to. He is The Gojo Satoru; most curses and people have it out for him. If anyone were to notice his obvious attachment to you, you’d be killed, most likely, immediately. So as a result of his uncommon paranoia, he snatches you up.

Once you’re in Gojo’s care, Gojo will try his best to make you feel at home. He knows that taking you away from family, friends, and overall having your own freedom isn’t fair, and if he honestly had no one after him, he’d allow you to live your life as you please. Of course, as long as he is a part of it as well. At first, he buys all the snacks and foods he knows you like and once they’ve been eaten or wasted, he’ll take you grocery shopping with him for anything you’d like.

Megumi has 80% of an idea of what is going on between you and Gojo. He most definitely has an idea of what is happening. You never seem too pleased to be in Gojo’s house and the way Gojo talks about you makes him do a double take. It doesn't seem normal; but then again he’s Gojo, he isn’t normal. And although Megumi wants what’s best for innocent people, he’s known Gojo for too long and he doesn't believe Gojo would kidnap someone for selfishness or any reason he deems corrupt. So Megumi puts his judgments aside thinking Gojo and you are just weirdos.

Gojo is very touchy with you,(but then again he’s touchy with anyone he deems a friend or is on good terms with.) At first, when you first are kidnapped, he is less handsy, only touching you occasionally. But as time goes on he grows more comfortable with touching you since you’re beginning to deem his touches as a regular part of your day. However, that doesn't mean Gojo will put his hands on you against your comfort just because he wants to. If you state you’re uncomfortable with his touch, he’ll immediately retract, sometimes with a small pout. The only time he will not listen to you is when he is putting you in your place. For example: you attempting to run away.

Now, for your punishments. He doesn't really do those. Usually, he acts like a preschool teacher dealing with a naughty child, clicking his tongue in disapproval, folding his arms when you give him attitude, and trying to reason with you in a gentle way. Gojo doesn’t baby you. He doesn't see you as some adult acting like a child, unlike some yanderes would. Then again occasionally you will have a tantrum. Gojo understands your frustrations and so he handles them with a calming approach. Still, he will match your energy if he decides need be. If you attempt punishable offenses like running away, attempting to murder him, or trying to get Megumi to help you, Gojo will not be so kind the majority of the time.

Honestly, Gojo is 5/10 yandere. He’s understanding and not delusional. Besides him kidnapping you and being the master of annoying yapping, you’re better off with him as your yandere.

Nanami Kento

Nanami wants a normal happy life but his job interferes with his dream. So when he meets you, he’s a bit more pleased with his life. He loves everything about you. You understand him and that's all he wants.

Nanami most likely met you after work, looking for a bite to eat. You worked there as the cashier just as tired as he was. As part of your job, you make light conversation, however, you and Nanami talked longer, maybe about five minutes before he finally left.

After that interaction, Nanami visits your job more In light hopes of seeing you again. Nanami convinces himself that he just wants a bite to eat again, he isn’t coming here for you...but seeing you again would be nice. The more often he comes by your job the more his obsession with you grows. Similar to Gojo, he will think about you constantly throughout the week.

Nanami Is such a laidback Yandere that you won’t detect, and most likely never will. Nanami isn't the type to kill someone because they flirted with you or breathed in your direction. And he isn’t possessive of you. The only yandere tendencies he has is obsessing over you in his thoughts and being only a bit possessive. He watches you through the day, he has a little camera in the house to watch you. You don’t know that though since it’s up so high on the top of the cabinets. He has your phone tracked with life360, you don’t know that because he has it hidden on your phone. You don't know after he finally realized he liked you, he followed you around in his free time to stalk you a bit and find out more about you.

Other than that, Nanami Is pretty laid back. Well, unless you decide to run away or leave him, then his true nature will show.

If you run away for whatever reason then you won’t see him coming after you. You may have an Idea because of the few alarmed texts he sends you before you block him. You won't see Nanami for a while until you just minding your own business, maybe grabing a bite to eat, and suddenly standing behind you In line with you is an unenthusiastic Nanami. You won’t even try to run at first because seeing him look at you with a warning in his eyes makes every escape plan fade away. You’re terrified. You’re as terrified as a child who has yelled at their mother.

You find yourself back In Nanami’s home, now having alarms, locks, and a couple of cameras around. You aren’t allowed out the house until Nanami considers you worthy.

As a yandere, Nanami is rated a 4/10.

Geto Suguru

Geto’s behavior really depends on whether you are a normal civilian or a curse user. If you’re a curse user you’re treated far better than a normal person. Geto would treat his civilian darling like a pet. Like a dog of sorts.

For now, let's focus on a civilian darling.

To understand Geto’s point of view, I will give you an example: Geto is kinda like a hunter. Geto is like a hunter who hunts animals because he thinks all their good for is being food and they are inferior to him. Now imagine a hunter coming across a cute bunny rabbit. The hunter learns about the bunny a bit, finding its little quirks endearing. The Hunter decides to take home the rabbit and keep it for himself as a pet, but he still thinks all animals are inferior to him. This bunny is just a bit more likable than others.

Now I don’t think Geto will act like other Yanderes and actually treat you as a pet but he will act like you are in ways. Sometimes he’ll relax and have you lay your head on his lap as he pets you. He’ll beckon for you as If you’re a dog. He expects you to be loving to him as soon as he enters the room. Wants you to follow him and not wander off anywhere else. He even calls you a pet sometimes. However, you don’t have a collar nor do you have a dog crate.

Geto most likely, just like the others, found you by mistake. What really starts the obsession is If you make a comment on his beliefs. Disagreeing or agreeing with his beliefs, he starts to look at you differently from the other humans. There are two ways you came across the belief Geto holds since you’re a normal civilian. One, you found a source online speaking of this belief: A YouTube essay, a sketchy online website, a theorist. Two, you overheard Geto speaking to no one, since civilians can’t see curses, and decided to put your two cents in for whatever reason.

Like a hunter, Geto will set out a trap. He’ll offer to take you out on dates, ask for your phone number, seem like a normal man that has taken an interest in you. And if you accept any of these, you’re nothing more than a little mouse approaching the cheese bait in the open mouse trap.

Once he kidnaps you, and he will, you mainly stay in the room you share with Geto unless Geto is home and requests your presence. You help around with his daughters and make dinner for him, just as he requests of you.

Now if you are a fellow curse user, you aren’t treated as badly as a civilian darling.

You aren’t expected to follow him around everywhere, you aren’t called a pet (only at times.) No matter how strong you are, Geto has the upper hand. You will be pressured into a relationship with him, by him, and by a few other curse users. Escaping isn’t a possibility for curse user Darling or civilian Darling. He will be on your tail in no time. You could make a couple of blocks away from the house if he’s being lazy. If Geto is out then he’ll send someone out for you. You have more of a chance with others coming after you than with Geto coming after you.

Geto has no problem disciplining you, especially if you’re a civilian darling. Pets must be disciplined when attempting to run out of the house. His punishments include starvation (depending on how many days he deems the punishment worthy), flogging, and breaking a bone. Nothing too terrible. Well, not as bad as you could have it.

Overall, Geto as a yandere is an 8/10.

Ryomen Sukuna

When it comes to Sukana, he is a manipulative and masochist yandere. He enjoys watching you suffer. He loves hearing the cries of pain slip from your sweet lips. Not only because he enjoys human suffering in general but also the fact you make him feel crazy. He isn’t used to romantic obsession. He hates- no despises feeling weak because of you. He takes out his frustrations on you, breaking fingers, hurting you, verbally abusing you, and playing with your feelings. Anything to feel the pleasure he gets from the frown that settles on your lips and the tears pricking your eyes.

While inside Yuji, his thoughts are full of you. Despite the way he treats you, he does adore you. Although, he’ll never let the words be said. He finds himself missing you, wanting to be near you. And he isn’t always hurting you, sometimes you sit together in a peaceful silence. Sometimes you have nice conversations.

Sukana is possessive. He hates when someone is stealing his time away from you. And if you were to be flirted with, he’d curse at the person from Yuji’s cheeks. If he’s railed up enough, he might even attempt to come out of Yuji.

The only way he is able to communicate with you and spend any time with you is because there are sorcerors watching over you guys in his domain. If he ends up hurting you in front of them, then you immediately come out and won’t visit him until you completely heal. Which is why is such a rare occurrence for him to hurt you physically. And if you think you’d be able to avoid him, you’re wrong. He will have tantrums. It gets to the point that you are obligated to stay with Sukana for at least an hour in his domain for the sake of everyone having a headache.

In general, he is a 6/10 yandere. He really can’t do anything. Not much to speak about.

Toji Fushiguro

Toji hasn't had an interest in relationships since the death of his late wife, so imagine his frustration when you come into his life. Sweet, loveable, you.

Laid back Yandere

When you two first meet he could care less about you. To him, you’re just another annoying person. However, when he gets to know you better, he warms up to you. Then as weeks pass, he feels familiar feelings he used to experience with his wife, it irks him, even frightens him slightly. When Megumi’s mother had died, Toji believed he’d never love again. He wasn’t interested in relationships. Now imagine the frustration he feels when he catches feelings for you. Toji attempts to ignore your existence because he isn’t looking for love and has more important events to worry about, but you won’t go away. Toji takes these feelings out on you, making it seem you caused him to feel this way on purpose to piss him off. You don’t hang around him like an annoying fly, you both just come across each other a lot. Toji likes to act like that isn’t the case. Toji will suck his teeth, grumbling about how you must like him since you’re near him all the time.

It takes about a good two months until Toji starts to really accept the fact he is obsessed with you. And you can start the see the signs when he calms down with the asshole act and begins to put on a soft act around you. He’ll act like you guys are already dating just without affection.

Toji will kidnap you, no doubt about it. Toji has already lost his first wife, he won’t lose you. The loss of his first wife is ultimately the reason he is a Yandere. You’re better off meeting him before he meets his first wife, he won’t be as protective and possessive.

Punishments really depend on his mood at the moment. When it comes to punishments his go-to is silent treatment, starvation (you’d probably starve anyway since he’s a broke ass bitch), and being forced to stay locked in a room for hours. Now hurting you for punishment is a different story. Toji will do anything in his power not to cause you harm. Hurting you might cause something major to happen and Toji hates knowing the fact that he was the one to hurt you. If it has to come to that point, Toji acts as if he could care less about hurting you. He acts like he doesn’t mind doing so. But if you observe closely you can tell that he is beating himself up for harming you.

Murdering, hurting, and threatening other people is easy for Toji. In fact, it’s his immediate reaction to someone he feels is a threat to your relationship. So if you’re not careful and piss Toji off enough, he might just kill your family. Best if you listen.

Home life with him isn’t bad. For the most part, Toji is a laid-back Yandere. It feels like you too are roommates, but your roomate likes kiss up on you and forbids you to leave the house without him by your side.

Overall, Toji is a 5/10 Yandere.

Mahito

Mahito is a fun yandere to think about.

As a yandere, he is a sadistic-possessive yandere. His obsession begins when he finds something interesting about you. Maybe you're a tourist who can’t speak Japanese very well and Mahito finds it adorable. Or maybe you bumped into him and saw him, making others look at you crazy since most humans can’t see him. You intrigue him more than other humans and he won’t let you out of his sight.

Mahito enjoys messing with you, all your reactions are endearing. He just adores the flush of embarrassment on your cheeks when others stop and stare at you after he a mountain of cans beside you. Giggles when you embarrass yourself yet again because you sometimes get so fed up with him that you go off on him in public areas. You humans can be so fun to play with!

He is now your roommate, like it or not. Follows you around everywhere, even the bathroom. He never leaves no matter how much you beg him. Loves to misplace your favorite foods because he knows it pisses you off and gives him a good laugh.

Literally gives no fucks killing off anyone posing a threat to your relationship. Hell, he’ll kill anyone for the sake of love. Mahito uses the threat of killing to keep you in check most of the time.

Punishments include anything sadistic that comes to his mind. You either get no punishment or the worst punishment you can imagine. After the punishment is over, Mahito always coos at you, kissing your booboos better. He claims he hates doing such vile acts to you when he teases you.

Overall, he's a damn parasite sucking out all the joy in your life. 1/10.

[queers-gambit]

Talk Shit, Get Hit

prompt: ( requested ) your high school bully picks the wrong day to taunt you and it's up to an equally hotheaded Billy to calm you down. call it irony.

pairing: Billy Hargrove x female!reader characters are ALL aged 18 years old

fandom masterlist: Stranger Things

word count: 5.4k+

note: the reader is aggressive. the reader is violent. the reader’s hands are rated ‘E’ for Everyone.

warnings: you know the drill: author projects instead of going to therapy and uses personal experience as details. there's physical violence, aggressive reader, depiction of shitty home life / toxic family, (somewhat severe) abusive alcoholic parent, parental abandonment, cursing, bullying, Jason Carver's sister is the bully, injury and blood. cursing, threats, brief cigarette and illicit material use (marijuana / weed), i guess this is hurt and comfort, angst, we talk about Billy's abuse with Neil, too, and kinda abrupt ending.

PLEASE NOTE -

this fic will depict parental abuse, both emotional and physical. this fic will discuss an alcoholic parent. this fic will detail physical violence BY the reader.

DO NOT engage if any of these topics potentially trigger you. you will miss nothing if you decide to skip. author implores readers to value and prioritize their own comfort and mental health.

Of all the days Brittany Carver could've chosen, she picked the worst day imaginable to bully you - being akin to a ticking time bomb. To your immense surprise, she'd laid off that entire week, focused on the "big" cheerleading competition she was leading Hawkins High to victory in. It left her no energy to engage in her favorite past time of tormenting you; figuring that after 6 years of her brutal behavior, she had grown up and lost interest. You weren't someone who people bullied easily, but this thing with Brittany, it was some kind of twisted pissing contest; competition brewing in elementary school that boiled over during middle school and now lasted into high school.

However, God seemed to have a sick sense of humor because on the week your bully had temporarily forgotten your existence, things at home had escalated to a new height not previously known. It was true what they said: if it wasn't one thing, it was another.

The entire week, your mother had only been sober for - well - none of it. She was found morning, noon, and night slumped over in various locations around your home with different bottles of liquor in her grip. The house grew messier each day, a direct result of a checked-out parent refusing to do any chore and destructive little monsters that took form as your twin little brothers. You couldn't keep up, playing mother, sister, housewife, personal maid, and full-time student all at once; pushing your stress levels higher, making you bitter and short tempered. The times your mother was conscious, which was typically to find a new bottle of alcohol, she was a right nasty fuck.

Her bark matched her bite; not only yelling at you, belittling you, and gaslighting you - but also using physical aggression to "teach you a lesson" for being "disorderly" or "a waste of semen" - and yes, that is a direct quote. Her hands were dainty from malnourishment, bulging veins prominent, and despite your father abandoning the family ages go, she still wore her diamond wedding ring that left small cuts wherever she struck you. The times she wasn't sober enough to really "get" you, she put out cigarettes on your arms and thighs; leaving tiny, circular burn scars you coated in Neosporin. She’s been known to break a few wooden cooking spoons over your head, steal the money made from babysitting, even cashed-in your inheritance - pawning all of your dead grandmother’s jewelry. There were plenty of other examples, but dwelling on those instances wouldn't change the past or alter your future, so you stuffed them way deep down in your soul.

Naturally, you didn't say a Goddamn thing; under the impression that everyone had shitty family members they tolerated and that your home life was normal enough to not report to the police. You didn't know any better, you didn't know that your mother downing fifths of alcohol daily was cause for concern. You didn't know that abuse wasn't the standard - emotional or physical. It took years for you to learn that love wasn't supposed to hurt, that love wasn't supposed to scare you, that love wasn't selfish, that your mother didn't actually love you. It took years to convince yourself that you were worthy of love and acceptance, never receiving it from your mother - not knowing you could get it from anyone else.

And then, William fucking Hargrove - or Billy - breezed into your small hometown with a sweet denim-clad ass, golden, curly mullet, and a bad fucking attitude that rivaled your own.

It was a match made in heaven. Or hell.

You both suffered at the hands of your parental figures, turning abrasive and foul-mouthed as defense mechanisms. You and Billy developed hardened exteriors in an effort to protect your soft insides, and when you met officially, it was as if you two could see past that hard shell - straight through the bullshit. You recognized much of the same in one another - like looking in a mirror - and grew impossibly close in an incredibly short amount of time; grateful to have a second half who understood without ever needing explanation.

He just got you. Able to identify common threads between you. Billy understood you, having more empathy than you thought he could muster. He protected you. He loved you. He took care of you - and you did the exact same, considering you two were cut from the same cloth; wanting to assure him he was just as worthy of love as you.

Billy was known around Hawkins for being a womanizing jock with anger issues, and yet, when you finally agreed to go on a date with him, he never even looked at another girl twice. He felt as if dating his best friend, understanding that nobody else would truly understand him the way you do - so he did what he could to keep you.

He did his best to defend you, but there was only so many tangible things the star basketball player could protect you from. Gossip and petty cheerleaders, prime examples. Yet Billy still tried, even taking the liberty to confront Brittany's brother, Jason Carver, about leaving you alone. Unfortunately, it was as if Billy's concern spurred on the cheerleader's bullying, calling you pathetic for hiding behind a man and sending him to fight your battles. You told Billy to stay out of it, that you could handle the situation by yourself, that he would just make the situation much more sticky.

So he did. Billy backed off, letting you deal with the situation as best you deemed; offering his support in return, being a shoulder to cry on for the days your frustration peaked.

That entire week Brittany didn't bully you had been extraordinarily tiresome due to your mother's abuse, wanting to confide in Billy but refraining when you rationalized not bringing him into your bullshit. He had enough of his own. So, while, yes, it was a comfort to have him on your side, you never indulged Billy on the woes of your life. He was meant to be your escape, not your savior; the burden of shouldering your abuse while enduring his own feeling terribly unfair.

You kept quiet, even though you were silently begging for someone to save you. Yet you weren't a damsel, there was no Prince Charming, brave knight, chosen champion to slay the dragons terrorizing you.

However, your boyfriend was much more intuitive than you realized. You always prided yourself on your acting skills, convincing everyone around you that you were indifferent to your mother's temperament, even when showing up at school with a casted wrist, black eye, and split bottom lip. Turns out, parents in Hawkins gossiped much more than the kids, and soon, it felt like the entire town knew about your abusive alcoholic mother and runaway father. Nobody did anything to help you, they just tiptoed around the knowledge and stared at your injuries. Brittany Carver was the only person stupid enough to make the mistake of weaponizing your home situation.

It was a tepid spring afternoon, the sun peaking through the clouds and the first flowers sprouting from the thawing ground. The bell rang to dismiss for lunch, the hallways filled with mingling and milling students all grateful for the midday break. Some gathered in gaggles of friends, some headed directly for the cafeteria, and others, like you, utilized the time to exchange morning class books for afternoon materials. Your fractured wrist had long since healed, but there was a long, straight scar present as a result from the surgery you required; currently, a scabbing cut over your eyebrow, lips stinging from where the flesh split, with a collection of bruises turning different colors to represent various healing stages.

Today simply hadn't been your day.

After a week of constant alcohol-fueled battery, you felt your frustrations finally crescendo after being assigned 3 separate essays; doubling your stress, shortening your fuse, and creating heavy leaded dread as the minutes ticked by. Everyone else felt giddy for the spring-tastic weekend, wanting time to go faster so they could go home - but not you. You might've been the one teenager in the city - no, no, the county - no, wait! The state - WAIT, NO... The country, who didn't want to leave school. You didn't want the day to end and be forced out of your safety zone; anxiety twisting your stomach and prickling your skin at the thought of returning home.

Truthfully, you spent several nights a week at Billy's, being snuck in through his window; feeling unsafe in your own home and wanting to remain close without voicing your need for his proximity. You felt stronger with Billy, as if you could take on the world; as if your safety and wellbeing were (finally) a real priority. He took great pride in being that safe haven for you, thinking it a nice change of pace as he often never seized opportunities to prove himself compassionate and caring. Billy was known for being a brute, someone aggressive and commandeering; nobody associating "safety" with him - except you.

However, this wasn't one of those weekends you'd be able to sneak out, being forced into caring for your two wee brothers; them needing you, dependent on you, relying on the care and love you provide them.

As a result of your shitty week, you had been a right, foul bitch to those unfortunate enough to engage you. Being well aware of your attitude, you tried to avoid everyone, not wanting to lash out at innocent peers - labeling yourself a bitch because of your impeccable self-awareness. Though, no matter the labels you assigned, you simply couldn't rein your emotions into check given your anxiety over returning home overpowered your brain.

Knowing you'd be forced to defend yourself against your own mother set your teeth on edge, projecting your horrible mood onto anyone in your vicinity - making most keep their distance.

Keyword: most.

Much like her brother, captain of the basketball team, Jason Carver, Brittany Carver wasn't the brightest bulb of the bunch. She never picked up hints, she didn't bother reading the room or in-between any lines; she held little to no regard for those around her or their emotional state. Brittany just wanted to assert herself as Queen Bee and thought the best way to achieve that was by bullying those she deemed lesser then she. It gave her a power trip, made her feel swollen with importance, boosting her ego because in her mind, she'd rather be feared than loved.

Brittany was dressed in her pretty, pressed, and bright cheer uniform; her obnoxiously blonde hair tied in a high ponytail that swished dramatically with each step. She wore cherry flavored lip gloss, her make-up caked, skirt hiked higher than school regulation permitted because she suckled at the teat for attention - good or bad.

You heard the second bell ring and finished shoving books in your locker, trying to stuff notebooks in your bag when your locker was suddenly violently slammed shut. Flinching at the quick movement and aggressive bang, you glared at whoever dared interrupt you; a manicured hand flat on the metal to keep the locker closed.

"The fuck you want, Brittany?"

"Awh, someone's already got their panties in a twist," she mocked, two of her cronies giggling their support. "C'mon, babe, I was just stopping by to say hello - missed you this week!"

"Oh, for sure," you sneered in a sickly-sweet tone, "of course you missed me, your life is so much more boring without me in it, huh? Wow, seriously, Brittany, I'm flattered to be the main character in your life, too."

Her eyes rolled and one of the other cheerleaders at her flank, Jennifer, popped flavorless gum. "I'm surprised you still have this level of spunk and cheek to talk like that, would've thought Mommy Dearest beat it out of you by now - she hits you often enough, right? Doesn't she? Hmm, well, maybe she needs to hit you a little harder."

"Excuse me?" You snapped.

"You heard me!" She laughed. "Obviously your mom isn't teaching you any lessons since you still have this whole emo-attitude going on. But I can't say I blame her, you're such a bitch - I'd smack the shit outta you, too."

You nodded slowly, not realizing several students had paused themselves to watch the exchange; knowing this was a longtime coming and didn't want to miss the inevitable drama. Dropping your backpack, you asked, "You sure? You really wanna hit me?"

"Is it that hard to believe? I mean," she smirked, "your own mother does - of course, I do, too. Like, seriously, it's not a secret why she hits you - just look at you! No wonder she hates you, you're just a waste of space, resources, and money. Damn shame Billy doesn't see it yet, but don't worry, he will." She laughed again, "He'll get tired of reopening your lip every time you kiss. It's so pathetic and ugly, he'll start to crave what you can't offer. I mean, seriously, what guy with any self-respect wants to date a girl as broken as you?"

"Know what, Brittany?" You growled, balling your fists at your side. "I'll give you one free hit."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Yeah," your head nodded, "go ahead. One free, clean shot. Hit me if you want to so bad, but you'll only get just this one shot."

Her eyes rolled, "I don't need to, your mom's got that covered."

"Free hit, Brit," you taunted, gesturing, "c'mon, go 'head, lemme have it. Since I'm so insufferable, go right ahead - get your clean hit."

Jennifer and Jasmine shared strange looks, the latter nudging, "Just do it, Brittany, shut this stupid bitch the hell up."

"Yeah, Brittany, shut me the hell up."

She looked to her little goons with a smirk, shrugged and handing over her backpack. When Brittany turned again, she dramatically wound her arm back and used her full strength to swing her fist into your cheek; only making your head turn a fraction from impact. You hummed and nodded, the cheerleader laughing with her girls as if she had "shown you" - but her amusement died when she noticed you barely reacted.

You smirked, cracking your neck, "My turn!"

Your knuckle cracked the bridge of the cheerleader's nose - sick sound of a snap ringing in your ears and jolting the girl's head backwards; momentum forcing her to stumble. Brittany shrieked in pain, holding her nose, unable to defend herself as you launched your attack; first slamming her back into the lockers before jabbing your fist into any vulnerable spot you could.

Similar to the movies, you held Brittany by her hair to keep her in place; wailing your punches repeatedly, each hit making Britt bang into the lockers. Jennifer and Jasmine tried to pull you away but both earned their own punches or elbows to the face for the interference. You focused on Brittany, instantly curating a flock of students all eager to watch.

"FIIIIIIGHT!"

"GIRL FIGHT!"

"BEAT HER ASS, Y/N!"

Brittany sobbed as blood dribbled down her front, staining her pretty uniform, but you were just getting started. The hallway turned noisy, a circle forming around you four as all three cheerleaders were staved off; you running on pure anger, adrenaline, and overflowing frustration that encouraged your foot to kick Britt's gut. You'd never admit it, but Brittany's mocking had hurt you past words, made you feel vulnerable, disarmed, as if you were damaged, undeserving goods. With each punch or kick or stomp, you remembered a different instance of your mother's abuse, seeing her face instead of Brittany's; spurring you on with unrestrained force.

In the parking lot, Billy was leaning on his car with a few teammates from the basketball team and enjoying a hearty nicotine-filled break. Though they'd never label it as such, the boys exchanged idle gossip; listening to Conrad Jones detail his latest conquest, sneering about how "easy" Kennedy Stephens was. They were interrupted when Kyle Lambert sprinted up to them, sneakers skidding over asphalt, panting dramatically, "Billy! Billy! Y-You gotta come see this, man! You gotta help!"

"What?" He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"I-It's your girl - it's Y/N!"

He pushed off his car that was supporting his weight, demanding, "What about her?"

"You gotta come quick, man, you gotta see this! It's fucking wild! Brittany, Jennifer, and Jasmine tried jumping her - "

Billy was surging across the carpark instantly, tossing his cigarette away before yanking the school doors open. He was instantly greeted by the chaotic sight and sounds of a fight, peers gathered in a large circle; screaming their support and hollering encouragement.

"Billy! Oh, thank God!!" Chrissy Cunningham cried, waving him closer. "You have to help! You have to do something, it's 3-on-1!"

He didn't acknowledge the strawberry blonde, just started instantly shoving through the crowd to reach the edge of the fight. It wasn't the sight he was anticipating - fearing the worst, now pleasantly surprised (and a little turned on).

Blood was splattered on the linoleum floors, a single streak smeared on the lockers. Jennifer was left on the ground with her back against the metal, sporting a busted lip as Jasmine was trying to coax her to her feet - sporting a ruddy face and disheveled look. Left in the center, to the entertainment of the crowd, was you on top of Brittany Carver, heaving your fist time and again into her face.

"Shit," he breathed, intending to step forward to stop the fight but needing to shove Tommy H. out of his way when he stepped forward.

"C'mon, man! It's a girl fight! Don't break it up!" Tommy begged, but Billy bullied through.

"All right, that's enough," he grunted, wrapping his arms around your middle and heaving you up and back a step - needing to engage his core and arms when you wriggled in an effort to free yourself. "Hey, hey, hey - "

"Lemme go! This bitch needs put in the ground!"

"Jesus Christ, when did you get this strong?" He grunted, your feet slipping on blood but still being restrained by your boyfriend's impressive strength.

"Talk your shit again, bitch!" You barked at Brittany, who was sobbing in pain and curling into herself. "Lemme hear you say another Goddamn word, you'll need more than another nose job! Fake ass, plastic bitch!"

Jason joined the center and knelt at his sister's side, helping her sit up, glaring at you and Billy. Your boyfriend grit his teeth when Jason snarled, "You need to muzzle your bitch, Billy!"

"I'll fuck you up for talkin' about her like that, Carver, don't provoke me. Watch yourself," Billy snapped in warning, successfully managing to get you behind him.

However, you dodged around him with only enough time to spit hatefully on Brittany, warning, "You wanna talk shit, you'll get hit! Don't let me hear you again - don't you ever dare say another word about my mama! I'll put you in the ground, bitch, fucking try me! I dare you! Try me again, say shit about my mama, and see what the fuck I do!"

"All right, all right, you made your point," Billy stiffly told you, pulling you away by force to avoid you actually killing Brittany. He got a look at her injuries, thinking there must've been more than a broken nose from the way her uniform was stained and her entire face bloodied. "C'mon, we gotta get outta here, come with me - c'mon, baby, you can't touch her anymore, you made your point, you'll end up killin' her or some shit," he panted, shoving through the crowd and effectively ending the fight.

Billy didn't let go of your form until finally outside - letting you rip yourself away as your blood boiled, adrenaline making you much stronger. He watched you pace; huffing, puffing, seething, all but gnashing your teeth hatefully. "That fucking bitch had it coming, Bee, it was self defense!" You finally explained.

"Oh, yeah, princess, totally looked like it," he scoffed, blocking the doors in case you tried to go back. He lit another cigarette.

"It was, you condescending asshole!" You snapped, eyes ablaze and anger tangible. "She approached me, she ran her mouth, and she hit me first!"

"Well," he sighed, "whatever the reason, it's not worth jail time for beating her to death."

"Might be."

"Ain't nothing worth throwing your life away," he offered you the cigarette, but you refused. "Why don't you just tell me what happened? What'd she say?"

"It doesn't matter, Billy."

"I think it matters when she looks like she's gonna need a blood transfusion to replenish what she's lost."

"Whatever - let it be a lesson that you shouldn't throw stones if you're scared of a boulder."

Billy sighed, smoke blown from his mouth, "C'mon, doll, tell me what happened?"

"Doesn't matter, it's done, it's over, it's in the past."

"Baby, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"You can't help, period, Billy! There's nothing you can do!"

"Well, you're not even letting me try!"

"'Cause it's redundant!"

"Obviously not when you look like a raging bull!"

Your eyes rolled, head shaking, "I handled it."

"I saw," he scoffed. "So, 3-on-1? How'd that happen?"

"I told you, they approached me."

"Well, I'm gonna need a little more to go on. C'mon, pretty girl, the fuck just happened? You know you can get suspended!" This made you freeze, muscles clamming up, looking purely petrified as if the thought hadn't occurred to you. "I know you don't want that, but if you talk to me, maybe I can help lessen whatever punishment."

"Oh, whatever, like I care about being punished," you snipped, hands twisting together - telling Billy you were beginning to get anxious.

"I think you do, it'd put you in the house with your mom alone," he trailed, pushing away from the doors to approach you like a baby deer. "C'mon, I know you don't wanna get suspended, so just tell me what happened."

"I'm sure you'll hear all about it from your little basketball buddies."

"I don't fucking care!" He snapped with the cigarette trapped and bobbing between his lips, making you look at him in mild shock. "There's gonna be a hundred different rumors, whole fuckin' school watched you beat the shit outta those girls - but I only care about what you have to say."

"There's no point - "

"Oh, Jesus Christ," he growled, snatching the cig between his knuckles, "I just saw three bitches on the ground, all injured, beaten up, bleeding - so stop being so Goddamn stubborn and just tell me! I'm tryna help you!"

"You pulled me off of her, you've helped plenty."

"I'd like to understand how this happened."

"It won't change anything."

"No, it won't, but you have a side to the story. Tell me what went wrong? What happened?"

You sighed, no longer pacing, planting both hands on your hips. Your head shook as Billy tossed the filtered cigarette butt aside, muttering when he exhaled the last of the smoke, "It seems so stupid now."

"Hey," he soothed, crowding into your space and taking one of your hands in his. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it wasn't stupid. You're forgetting, I know well enough to understand you wouldn't throw a punch unless absolutely necessary. Whatever got you riled up like that ain't stupid, sweetheart."

Like a glazed donut, your eyes turned glassy. Billy frowned and took your other hand off your hip, forcing your attention on him. "I swear, I didn't start it," you whispered.

"Only matters that you finished it," he smirked. "Tell me, what the fuck was all that?"

You sighed deeply, offering meekly, "Guess they had it comin'..."

"I know they did," Billy chuckled. "Nobody's that stupid to provoke you, except Brittany."

"I was at my locker... They approached and slammed it shut."

"Right, okay..."

"There were words exchanged, but Brittany, she - " You paused, swallowing thickly, "she started talkin' shit about my mom, about, you know, what she does..."

Billy understood instantly. "You fuckin' serious?" He growled, seeing you nod and fill him in on what was said - unable to look him in the eye as you relived your anger. By the end, you were trembling in emotion and adrenaline loss, Billy sighing deeply and yanking you into his chest for a tight embrace. "All right, yeah," he mumbled, "should've put them bitches in the ground."

"And now," you sniffled, "I'm gonna get suspended, forced to stay home with Ma all next week."

"We'll get you outta it."

"Can't, the school doesn't tolerate fighting on school grounds."

"You said she swung first?"

"Technically, yes. I might've - allegedly - prompted her into it."

"It's still selfdefense, toots, no matter what you or anyone said - if she swung first and hit you, you were only defending yourself."

You shrugged, resting on his chest, "You see the damage? Admin won't care who swung first - not when they're beat to shit."

"Yeah, there's my li'l hothead," he smirked, chuckling slightly before pecking the top of your head. "But you gotta admit, it's impressive how you took on all three."

"I guess, doesn't exactly feel like an accomplishment."

"Nah, princess, seriously," he pulled you back to look at him again, "that's fuckin' hot. I mean, they approached you and still got their asses handed to 'em. That's straight skill."

"Or just a lot of anger with nowhere to go," you frowned. "Think I should go find admin?"

"Nah, they'll probably find you - "

The doors opened and your name was called, the principal's secretary waving you to her. "Fuck," you whispered, releasing Billy.

"I'll come with you," he promised, lacing your fingers together when he took your hand. Billy had to admit, it was a little weird being in the principal's office but not being the one in trouble; waiting without patience in a fraying chair, picking at the exposed stuffing with his leg bouncing. He'd been there 45 minutes, skipping the last half of classes, just waiting as you were behind a closed door with the principal, vice principal, and the disciplinary officer.

He looked up when the school nurse lead Brittany, Jennifer, and Jasmine inside - glaring at them but admiring the scattering of cuts and bruises with dried blood on their precious uniforms. A few minutes later, you were exiting the office with a passive and neutral expression settled on your face. Your lip curled only slightly when you clocked the cheerleaders - hating how smug they all looked - approaching Billy instantly.

"You all right?" He checked, standing and adjusting his jeans.

"Mhm," you nodded, keeping your voice low as the principal called the three cheerleaders into his office. You waited until the door was closed, then informed with a smirk, "I'm not suspended."

"No?"

"Nope," you confirmed. "Apparently, they asked a couple other kids what happened and my story matches theirs. I was minding my business, they came up to me, they started mouthing off, and Brittany was the one who hit me first. So," you shrugged, "guess your idea of selfdefense held strong."

"See? That's good, huh?"

"Yeah," you sighed, nodding absently, "but he said the girls were gonna lose their spot on the cheer squad for this. Listen, I don't think I feel like goin' back to class - kinda just wanna take a nap."

Billy hiked up his jean jacket sleeve, consulting his watch for a moment. "Wanna head to mine? Neil's got the evening shift and Susan has bridge club for a few more hours - we'd be alone."

Your eyes rolled, "No offense, Bee, I don't feel like fucking right now."

"I'm not sayin' that, I'm sayin' let's go nap at mine," he chuckled, picking up your backpack that you forgot about. "We can come back to get your brothers but you know you're not gonna rest if you go home."

You gulped, sighing sadly, "Yeah, well, about that..."

"Something else happen?"

"Apparently... The school has an obligation to call the police if a student reports abuse."

"You reported your mom?"

"Not on purpose," you rushed in defense, "just that... I had to explain what Brittany said to me - so I had to admit what Ma did - or does."

Billy frowned, "Jesus."

"Yeah, so... Maybe going home isn't the smartest idea right now. I wouldn't wanna be there when they conduct their wellness check."

"You wanna stay at mine?" He offered.

"What about Neil?"

"He's a lot nicer with you around," he admitted. "Won't care too much if you stay the night. Plus Max has that club thing after school, then she's going to the arcade; so, she won't need a ride, we can just go."

"You know what? Sure, all right, I'll come to yours," you accepted, your lover boy whisking you away without a second thought. "Thank you, baby."

Your hands were stiff, and when you looked at them, noted split skin and stained blood as a reminder of your aggression... Wondering why the fuck people pushed you to these limits and acted surprised when you reacted? If they wanted a punching bag, they picked the wrong one - but you were willing to remind them.

When you got to the Hargrove residence, you were silent as the grave; stewing in your anger that rolled off you in projected waves. Billy was terribly disarmed, unsure how to properly comfort you - wondering how he would want to be comforted, realizing he'd want to be alone, not subject to anyone's bullshit advice. So, he did what he knew and after handing you a bag of frozen peas for your split knuckles, comfortably stripped and crashed in bed with the window cracked and a rolled joint between his fingers.

You rested on his bare chest, sighing deeply while watching the end of the spliff come to life in a smoldering ember. Billy took the first inhale to make sure it was lit and instantly handed it to you, his arm snug around you and the silence hanging in the air like the swirls of stale, exhaled smoke.

"I'm sorry it got to this point, pretty girl," He offered awkwardly, his other arm bending to prop under his head. Both of you stared off aimlessly, stereo filling the space dully in the background.

"Not your fault," You inhaled and held your breath, handing him the joint. He casually flicked the end in an ashtray resting on the window sill.

"No, but I could've done more."

You chuckled, smoke seeping through your lips and teeth, "Oh, yeah? How? You gonna beat up three girls?"

"Nah but I could beat the shit outta Jason."

"What good would that do?"

"If he didn't want a weekly black eye, Jason would control his sister."

"It's always about control with you, isn't it?"

"I'm just saying," he handed the joint back, lungs pinched to hold the smoke, "I could protect you."

"You already do, baby."

"Let me do more, princess."

"You can't fight every battle for me."

"You could let me try."

"You'd be fighting on two fronts," you frowned, exhaling slowly. "Can't fight for me when you're defending yourself against Neil."

"Might be easier to deal with your shit than my own," he chuckled without humor, accepting the spliff. "Look, I know you don't want me involved, but that's kinda what a boyfriend's supposed to do, right? Protect their woman?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Never had a boyfriend before?"

"Nobody was worth dating until you. Nobody could understand me the way you do so effortlessly."

"'Cause we're one and the same, baby girl. You don't have to do everything by yourself," he inhaled, handing the spliff over again, "don't always have t'be strong."

"Ain't no other choice."

"You could let me in more..."

"You're one to talk."

He sighed, smoke billowing. "You're right. Can't expect you to open up if I don't, so why don't we both try to let the other in more? Yeah, I get it, the shit we deal with ain't pretty but at least we understand each other, right? We're the best for each other to lean on."

"I don't wanna drag you into my bullshit, baby."

"I want you to drag me in, princess. I wanna help you."

You sighed, "Well, Brittany and her cronies are getting suspended and kicked off the cheer squad - they'll be looking for reason to take it out on me."

"Say the word, baby, and I'll beat Jason black-and-blue."

"You're so romantic."

"Only for you - so don't tell anyone. I got a reputation to protect."

You both snickered as the weed you indulged in took effect, lulling you two into a state of ease. Your knuckles had stopped burning, resting your injured hand under the frozen peas, reminding yourself to remain grateful in this turbulent period of life because now, you had someone on your team. Someone who wanted to help carry your baggage. Someone without alternate motives. Someone who was willing to withstand the storm in the hope of feeling the warmth of the sun again.

requesting rules and masterlist

Stranger Things masterlist

[etaleah]

Seems like there are some headcanons about Shadow being tortured or otherwise mistreated/abused by Gerald and the other scientists, so naturally there’s folks saying, “There’s no evidence for it! That never happened!”

But here’s the thing: there’s more than one kind of torture. And I would argue there’s more evidence than you’d think.

When we think about torture, our brains tend to default to the most extreme examples, like water boarding and cracking a whip, but those aren’t the only ways to torture somebody. It’s worth remembering that Gerald literally implanted false memories into Shadow’s brain. He made it so that Shadow could not trust his own memory. His own head was lying to him. He thought an altered memory of Maria was real. How is screwing with someone’s memory and mind like that not a form of torture?

It’s also worth remembering that Gerald Robotnik and presumably his research team were VERY willing to cross or at least bend ethical lines to get what they wanted. They were willing to make a literal deal with the devil, potentially sacrificing all of humanity in the process. They did the same thing that the parents in My Sister’s Keeper did, create a living being with the intention of saving another living being, without any thought to how the created living being would feel about that. Gerald refers to Shadow as “It” in his diary in SA2, revealing that he did not see him as a person. And this is without even getting into the fact that Gerald was crazy enough to blow up the whole world because of what a few military folks did. A plan that would have gotten Shadow killed too and almost did, not that he cared.

You’re telling me that guy wouldn’t have been willing to medically abuse Shadow and insist it was justified because Maria?

To me, the most interesting what-ifs about Shadow being mistreated on the Ark are situations where he doesn’t know he’s being mistreated, because he trusts the people around him to have his best interests at heart, since at this point he has very limited life experience and doesn’t think he has any reason not to.

Do I think Gerald or the scientists ever took off their belts and beat him? No. There wouldn’t have been any reason for that and Shadow wouldn’t have allowed it. But do I think they could have crossed a few more ethical lines during their tests and research on Shadow? Absolutely.

I could see them getting Shadow’s consent to do a blood test and then taking a little more blood than they actually needed to see what else they could do with it, not caring that it would weaken him or make him dizzy. I could see them telling Shadow that a procedure is for Maria’s cure when it’s actually for weapons development, or telling him something won’t hurt when it will, and then acting like they didn’t know. I could see them knowingly pushing Shadow past his limits during the testing/training and then insisting he just wasn’t trying hard enough. I could see them not offering him pain relievers even though he’s in pain because how else will they get an accurate measurement of the ultimate life form’s endurance and healing capabilities? And hey, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? They don’t have to tell him that pain relievers are an option.

You’d be surprised at how well abusive family members can hide their abuse. Sometimes they hide it so well that not even the victim knows they’re doing it.

And honestly? I think there’s a reason that, out of all the people who would have been on the Ark, Maria is the only person Shadow misses. I think there is definitely a reason he never mentions missing anyone else.

[cosmic-espero]

I can't stop thinking about how Ryuji literally suffered a life altering injury (that clearly causes him chronic pains) and complete social isolation because of Kamoshida and yet he still:

Feels unsettled by the idea of potentially murdering someone, no matter how much they deserve it, and

Puts literally everyone's trauma with Kamoshida before his, including the track team that did not hesitate to dump him the moment he became (in their eyes) dead weight.

And this isn't even the only time this happens- Ryuji constantly treats his traumas, no matter their nature, as less important than others'.

His father's abuse and consequent abandonement are mentioned like once, and through the game Ryuji repeatedly puts himself in physical danger and dismisses his safety as lesser for the sake of others, to the point it's literally a pattern.

Examples of this behaviour include:

Trying to distract Kamoshida's guards to allow Ren to run away (and we're not getting into how this mirrors Ren getting into trouble to save a woman he doesn't know, nor how he will do this again by awakening Kidd specifically to save Ren and Morgana)

Willingly going back to the metaverse to try and save the volleyball team, and then putting himself under the spotlight in the real world by openly asking them to testify against Kamoshida

Dismissing his pain when his leg gives out under him while they're running away from the collapsing castle

Offering to stay still as the track team beats him up, willingly accepting the scapegoating and believing himself to be actually responsible

Jumping in front of a taxi to run to the rescue of a girl who had threatened to get him into legal trouble unless he helped take a mafia boss down

Choosing to put himself in danger by running to unlock the safeboats on Shido's sinking ship, only to make fun of the team for crying for him (does he not get why they were crying, or does he think his death isn't worth crying over? A question that makes the out of character and entirely unfunny scene where the girls beat the shit out of him even more heartbreaking)

Saving Ren and Akechi (a guy he openly hates) by refusing Maruki's reality and shielding them by taking a hit in their stead

And I might be missing something because I just. Listed these points off the top of my head. His entire character (despite the way the game semi-regularly tries to slander and mistreat him for the funnies) is centered around self sacrifice and he isn't even an adult yet.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. It's just... Ryuji, man.

[timkontheunsure]

A CBT look at Blitz's core beliefs

Boring explanationy bit

Ok first off a core belief is this how the world works sort of thought. It has a ton of evidence on it side, or some big life altering event. Acting within is designed to kept you safe. And everyone has good and bad ones.

Think of it as of a short bit of base code running in the background, helping you go with your gut. A quick a short cut, but one that's got a lot of logic and past facts behind it.

They're mostly set up in childhood. So if you have an abusive parent, or trauma, you can get ones that become unhelpful for you in other situations. Like with people that really care about you.

A distortion is a little different. They affect how you look at the wold based off your mood, and are always negative. They specifically don't have a lot of evidence on their side. Like a prism that makes things a little different than what's really there.

They are an action to do based on your mood: catastrophizing (when everybody I love leaves me next year)

Black & white thinking (yes there's all this evidence showing Stolas cares, but that doesn't count as it just sex).

Thought spiraling (this one goes to Moxxie heh)

Or snap judgments based only only how your mood is (Ghostfuckers is fun and sexy, so we should take the case when I know they don't exist).

Blitz's core beliefs

So 'all royals are assholes' and 'no royal will care about an imp' are a core beliefs. Because this is definitely true, the 1% don't give a fig. (Stolas and Ozzie are basically round errors from what we've seen).

"I'm going to die alone" is also one.

So is "I make everyone's lives worse"

But his good ones are: "we don't get rid of family",

Ok with these two good ones we're going to have to go into rules for life. Blitz core belief is about family sticks together and protects each other. That's his code that always wants to run.

But he's also got evidence that family will kick you out for not being good enough, and hurting/killing people on accident. When you get code clashing you get cognitive dissidence, which physically hurts.

So you do a patch to reduce that pain. A rule to live by. 'If X is right and Y is right, then the variable that off is me.'

'We don't get rid of family, but we do get rid of me = I'm the only one who we can get rid of'.

With Loona it's we get orphanage lady saying words that could have come straight out of Cash's mouth. (I want Blitz to get a song telling that git off so hard).

Those hit Blitz hard, so hard he changed his mind on adopting a small little child, to a older teenage. CBT says that when something hits that hard it's because it hit at least 1 core belief. He sees himself in Loona in that moment, and never want another kid to be gotten rid of.

And other one could be bad or good depending on what's around it. 'I will be of use to family/people I love'. Blitz needs to feel useful to the people he loves, especially with growing in a family business working from being a kid.

And the rule Blitz has made for himself between the "I'm going to die alone" + 'I will be of use to family' = 'But maybe if I'm useful they won't abandoned of me yet'

(Also how sad it is that Blitz feels he's only allowed help, and support if it's a tit for tat, favours for favours exchange).

So everyone has a mixed bag of these good and bad. The problem happened when trauma responses give you ones that don't help you in a new situation. Like say a demon prince falling head over heels for him.

The idea of CBT is that if your struggling to look at what's changed since the core beliefs were set up. And if it isn't keeping you safe anymore, then you try to replace the old one with a new one; that has new evidence that backs it up. A update.

Like how Millie shows Blitz concrete examples of him improving her life. Just telling him he hasn't wrecked her life wouldn't work.

(This is one of reasons why Stolas' confection doesn't stick with Blitz. Blitz needs to know reasons why someone like Stolas loves him. It why he asks him in apology tour. Stolas tell your boy why he's so amazing for flips' sake).

Millie shows how joining IMP positively improved her live. "He gave me so much...A career, a husband, a future. And now...He's my best friend."

And Blitz helping Millie through alot of her own negative self talk she had. That 'she's not good enough', 'she's only the muscle', 'that Pride's too fancy for imps', and 'no imp works for them selves'.

These we're all Millie's core beliefs before joining IMP, if she still had these Rolando's words would have hurt her. But through having the support and example of Blitz she's removed those old bits of code.

When see her mum it obvious where and why she has these ideas about herself. Lynn describes her full time job, being employed direct by a company; as "Freelance". Because Imps can't work for themselves. (Even if she is impressed by Blitz). It's like different between working for Uber, instead of taxi firm. No protections, and an unsafe unstable job.

She pulls up her daughter's valid explanation why she lost the fight as "Excuses!", because Millie was "'raised better than that' as the muscle of the team.

She's very against Moxxie for being too week, and not having the same melee skills as Millie.

It obvious that she wants her daughter to have a similar life as her, where she keeps her head down, and has a partner that is able to defend Millie. This because there's a level of safety in this crab bucket attitude. She'd very unlikely to come to the notice of higher-ups. Like how Stolas being very involved in IMP and with Blitz.

But Blitz talked Millie round, and also showed her that she doesn't have to pigeon hole herself like that. She has years of evidence that Blitz could do it, and him pointing out how good she is when she fell back into thinking of herself as just the muscle.

Rolando's trying to exploit vulnerability that she's updated against. (It's super ineffective).

Ok after that sight side tangent of with Millie's head, back to Blitz's.

The "your going to die alone" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, tripping Blitz up alot. Because it comes twofold for his fear of hurting his loved ones, making their life worse, and his fear of abandonment. Because he was abandoned, that did happen.

Making him feel like he has it to push away the people he love for there own, and that they'll leave him eventually so might as well push them away now. He's got a lot of previous evidence tied to this.

It's going to take more then Fizz and Millie telling him he didn't ruin theirs, for him to start to be able to unpick this. Because he's still certain it's true. Even if he's improved the lives of most of the people he knows.

And even Fizz who were directly effected by the mistake Blitz still punishing himself for, has told him that being made disabled didn't ruin his life.

There's a whole debate in my head whether Barbie would have had such trouble with addiction; if she wasn't assuming/told that her brother started the fire on purpose, that killed their mum. I'm honestly not sure. But it does seem like her resentment over it has made it harder on her. And that all seems to stem from Cash abuse. (I'm sure Cash is the one to tell Blitz that Fizz said he'd die alone).

Ok on to how the these are interacting/fucking up his relationship to Stolas. Blitz is definitely is afraid to love Stolas for a number of reasons. (You knew I'd get there at somepoint right 😛).

Cus a whole load are clashes together for him, making it really difficult for him because about see things from the outside. with the "royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us" one.

Making Blitz rationalize that it's gotta be about the sex, and being of use. Anything that shows this assumption is wrong has to be disregarded with distortion.

But when Stolas takes sex off the table, and still talking about feeling, and relationships; it makes Blitz's fear of abandonment go turbo. It's not rational but it's the only rule Blitz has that might make Stolas keep him.

He feels like that sex is all he has to give to a prince after all. And he wanted Stolas to stay for a long while now. It's not a grimoire his hallucinations put on a golden pedestal after all. And there a a lot of similarity to how Stolas and his Mumma vanish.

(Debøra pør favør pointed out this emotion damage so now you have to suffer too 😭https://x.com/_Choco_torta/status/1859028103772955135)

"I'm going to die alone" and 'I must be of use' Blitz freaks out badly in queen Bee after Ozzie's. Blitz believed that he's be rejected by Stolas, he's been shoved back into the box of it just being about lust.

Because he wants more, but feels he's unworthy, it's got him hurt coming and going. He's got to shut down any attempt by Stolas to have something real. But he was also hurt constantly feeling sex is all that he's got to offer, and all Stolas would want.

"I make everyone's lives worse" and "We don't get get rid of family". Ok this is into theory level but think Master Mind and Sinsmas are going hit these last two harddddd. (We're one week from mastermind).

It looks likely that Stolas is going to lose Via, face punishment for the illegal deal, and be dragged for the affair. With Via swallowing a lot gaslighting about not being loved by Stolas (lines from the trailer).

Blitz will probably going assume it's another another life he's made worse, where he's caused them to lose their own family. Don't think this will play well with last guy he fell in love with he blow up.

It's going to make it much harder for him to remove the idea; that that him loving some will only hurt them.

Alot of the reasons Blitz thought it was ok to get close to Stolas are tied up in these beliefs. He assumes Stolas was powerful and immortal, so couldn't be hurt physically like Fizz or Mumma.

He assumed that a prince would never fall for an imp, so only he could get hurt emotionally. It couldn't end the same way as Verosika. Blitz thinking he's the only one to be able to be hurt, and get to be useful not just to Stolas, but provide a better life for his whole family. It would seem like a bargain. (And the self punishment aspect probably wasn't going be a turn off for him, cus Blitz thinks he deserves it).

This season seems slow be eroding that pedestal Blitz put Stolas on (and vice versa). It's hurts, and it's knocking the stuffing out of both of them; but it's bring Stolas to earth for Blitz. Making his more of a real person in his eyes.

Eh probably a lot way to go, but I'm here for it.

(was very loosely based on this post, because it got me thinking about distortions vs core beliefs. But then I went off on a whole thing, so thought it would be weird to put it as a reblog. Still loved @akirathedramaqueen analysis and would recommend giving it a read 😀)

[mywitchyblog]

hello! I really love your content, and I’ve been following you for quite some time. i think your opinions on various topics are very thoughtful and accurate, so i have a question.

i’ve been noticing a subject (particularly on shiftok😭) where many people express their dislike of others scripting traumatic events into their realities, included to create a more intense backstory for them. for example, scripting that they lost a parent when they were younger or went through psychotic depression as a child.

i’d like to hear your opinion on this. do you think it’s okay to script some kind of trauma or disorder? personally, I don’t see an issue with it since it doesn’t affect my life or anyone else’s, but i’d love to hear your perspective on this topic!

Oh, honey, you just brought up one of my favorite rant-worthy topics. Grab a snack because we’re diving in! 🍵✨

My ✨Personal✨ Take:

First, thank you for the love, darling! It’s always a vibe connecting with someone who actually gets it. 💅 Now, let’s talk trauma scripting, because whew, the discourse around this is hotter than Satan’s sauna.

Here’s the thing: your DR is YOURS. Period. Full stop. You can script a Disney princess life or the tragic backstory of a brooding anti-hero—it’s entirely up to you. If you want to script a life-altering trauma, go off, babe. As long as you understand what you’re doing, it’s valid.

Let’s debunk the idea that “scripting trauma is bad”: In your DR, you’re living that experience. It’s not just words on paper; it becomes your reality. So if scripting something intense—like losing a parent or battling a mental health condition—helps you process, heal, or simply add depth to your DR self, that’s your business. Trauma, when scripted thoughtfully, can even be therapeutic. For some, it’s about reclaiming control over a narrative that felt chaotic or unresolved in their CR.

But let’s be clear: this isn’t playtime. You will feel what you script. The loss, the grief, the psychotic depression? It will be as real in your DR as it is for someone who’s endured it in their CR. So, if you’re scripting trauma for kicks or because you think it’s “dramatic,” you might want to take a hard look at your intentions.

The Fanfic Shifters Rant (Aka I Hate These Hoes):

Now let me pop off on these Shiftok clowns for a second. 😤 You know exactly the ones I’m talking about: the “everything’s just a quirky little fanfic” crew who waltz into shifting spaces treating their DRs like a bad Wattpad draft.

These hoes (yes, HOES) script trauma the way they’d order a pumpkin spice latte—casually, without thinking. “Oh, I’ll just throw in some childhood abandonment and sprinkle in an abusive relationship for ✨character development✨.” Like, are you dumb? Trauma isn’t a fucking aesthetic. It’s not “flavor” for your DR backstory.

When these people romanticize trauma, they trivialize the pain that real survivors experience. And worse? They make the whole shifting community look like a joke. Imagine someone who’s genuinely trying to use their DR to heal from their CR trauma stumbling upon one of these idiots? Embarrassing. I hate these hoes with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. They treat shifting like a sandbox where nothing matters and then complain when they end up spiraling in their DR because “oops, I didn’t realize depression would feel like that.” 🤡

I cannot stress this enough: your DR isn’t a fanfic. It’s your LIFE. You’ll live it, breathe it, feel it—all of it. If you’re not prepared to shoulder the weight of the trauma you’re scripting, don’t do it. And if you’re scripting trauma because you think it’s cute or cool? Stay far, far away from me. You’re not just irresponsible—you’re dangerous.

TL;DR (But Make It Iconic):

Scripting trauma is okay—as long as you’re doing it with intention and understanding the consequences.

Don’t treat trauma like it’s a quirky little accessory for your DR backstory. It’s serious, babe. Respect it.

To the fanfic shifters romanticizing trauma: I hate you hoes. Y’all are the reason people side-eye our entire community. Fix it.

Remember, shifting is about creating your dream life, not trivializing the experiences of others or glorifying pain you’ve never lived. Be mindful, stay informed, and, most importantly, don’t be a clown. 🤡✨

[spotlightlowlife]

Stella is just fine

Easily and probably accidentally one of the most stable characters in the series. Before and after retcon.

Dispite altering the story to vilify her further, her actions remain consistent, she is mad at her cheating husband, who is an adulterer weather or not the relationship was a good one.

Though her creep brother now hogs her revenge story, she is still the woman scorned who put a hit on her husband who not only cheated on her but humiliated her and shook up her lifestyle

their split resulted in the family being divided and her leaving with their daughter, who we have no proof she is a bad parent to.

who has actually been seen to be a neglectful parent, supposedly growing from their realisation then regressing further? Not Stella

Stella has a connection to Striker who is against the establishment, she was the one to hire him

yet in no way does she need Stolas or Striker or her creep brother to be relevant in the plot, she's not even mad at leading character Blitzø, he truly doesn't matter to her, since Stella is one of the best examples of privilege there is.

She appears to be jobless like a lit if aristocracy. The lavish parties or small intimate gatherings for tea are a reminder of the elitism that exists in a story that frequently forgets to enforce hierarchy and how the poor struggle.

We still have yet to see Moxxie at the theatre though we know he's all about it and M and m going to Ozzie's for their anniversary was to introduce Ozzie and Fizz, Loona seems comfortable disguised on earth in the brief moment we saw her with a coffee and Millie would hang with her sister during one of the shorts,all this insinuates that they can afford to do things but we aren't really getting to see their down time or quality time not much work is going on neither.

Stella has a life, family and friends, something that can hardly be said for any other character in this (Loona being the only person to out with it about being friendless, works with her dad who's loneliness us well established, Moxxie has Millie and Millie has Moxxie but was revealed that Blitzø is her bestie after quality time towards the end of season 2? Our main characters).

She also appears to be someone. Her bother wanted to replace Stolas in his role and why was she picked for an arranged marriage?

On the subject of their arranged marriage, which served to have people feel sorry for Stolas and Stolas alone.

Who was there to check on in her? Nobody.

Why was she apparently such an aggressive child? Who knows, she was probably spoilt rotten brat, but doesn't that fit with the direction her character is going in?

Though she has been portrayed as the mean abusive wife, take into account their background, decisions forced on them and the fact that Stolas doesn't like her either, then bullying aside is she not also trapped yet making the most of a horrible situation? Enjoying the company of others she actually likes and enjoying being rich, all the while bitching about her lame husband which is something people accept from the happily married.

She could remain single, this is all we have known her as in the brief time we get with her and she manages to be a screen stealing character each time, but she could also be shipped with anyone, someone higher or lower than herself and it would make no difference to all that was built up, this character was fleshed out in her own right, she would still be a glamorous, social and actively spiteful figure who is unlikely to fall into co-dependency.

[yanderes-galore]

Can i request yandere Poly Princes Cadence and Shining armor concept?

I'll do my best! This is just general thoughts/HCs of you being a third more than an actual plot. Sorry for the long wait! I am now trying to prioritize older drafts.

Yandere! Princess Cadance + Shining Armor

(You being their third idea)

Pairing: Romantic - Sharing/Poly

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Poly relationship (Cadance/Darling/Shining Armor), Manipulation, Slight abuse of power, Isolation, Controlling behavior, Jealousy, Love Spell, Brainwashing, Imprisonment, Dubious relationship.

Honestly, they're such a lovely couple I'm going to struggle a bit making them dark.

Princess Cadance is said to be kind, caring, helpful, persistent, and a natural leader.

Shining Armor is said to be kind, caring, protective, warm, loving, stern, yet playful.

They are loving parents to Flurry Heart, even if I am not that far in the series.

In terms of how you met, you could have been a foalsitter for Flurry Heart.

That or be a guard for the pair since Shining Armor is captain of the Royal Guard.

The darkest thing I can think of for them is how manipulative they'd be over their shared obsession due to the power they hold over you.

In either scenario I listed, they're your superiors.

Princess Cadance is... well... The Princess of the Crystal Empire.

Shining Armor is Captain of the Royal Guard.

The two could easily manipulate you into being with them due to their reputation, and you may even go along with it.

Imagine becoming their third and having no idea they were preparing you for the role.

After all, the two are so kind and caring...

Nothing dark here, right?

They would both be subtle with their obsession.

Ever so carefully they'd manipulate you away from other ponies.

They pay you the most and often invite you on family outings.

Be that to watch Flurry Heart or protect them... it doesn't matter.

The main goal was to keep you close.

Before they officially make you their third they'd definitely isolate you.

The couple becomes your closest friends and soon you aren't even helping them for the money.

The Crystal Empire is already your home, but now you feel you have no need to leave it unless the couple has to go anywhere.

The scary part about them is the fact you have no clue about their subtle manipulation.

They both know how to play their cards right.

Even if you eventually found out, Cadance is confirmed to know a Love Spell.

As a Princess of Love, you already feel like you can trust her like most ponies do.

The couple probably does get a bit jealous when you're around other ponies.

Especially when they both have a romantic attraction to you... which is why they keep you away from other ponies most of the time.

While they are pretty tame yanderes, they have the most control over you when you're their third.

They are very caring once you're theirs.

All smiles and coddling as you roam about the castle, looking so happy.

Poor you is blinded by rose tinted glasses.

You're completely unaware of the planning they put into making you theirs.

They fired others over you... used a few spells to alter your way of thinking...

But you'll never know.

In fact... why would you care?

They pamper you, smother you in affection, and you feel like you're part of the family.

It's toxic, but not in the physical sense.

They'd never harm you.

However, they'd still manipulate you to keep you in the castle.

Your lack of freedom is toxic, yet you don't seem to care or notice.

Why?

Could be a love spell... or maybe you're just naive.

It's best you don't look too close into it, yeah?

Although... you may pick up on it eventually.

For example, things may seem too... artificial.

This perfect life with your two royal partners seems... off.

Why don't you have any other friends?

Didn't you have a family before this?

This curiosity or yours may cause you to look deeper.

Even though Cadance and Shining Armor protest... you are still insistent on looking deeper.

Which means the two have to put a stop to it.

Be it brainwashing with a love spell, more lies, or imprisonment...

The two plan to prevent you from leaving them.

They aren't violent but will rely on subtle/sneaky tactics to keep you by their side.

You always have a guard with you, all so they know where you are at all times.

You won't be leaving the Crystal Empire without them knowing...

You three will be the perfect family, they won't let you fight it.

"Isn't your room to your taste? We wanted to make it perfect for you...."

"Why do you seem so worried? There's nothing wrong... don't you know we love you?"

[greenfiend]

Let's FINALLY discuss the sauna test

A great example of why I do believe that A LOT of the show is representing Will's internal world/his trauma. I go WAY more into that in this post.

The whole sequence is about Will fighting his trauma and his sexual attraction for Mike...

To begin, let's remember that the episode prior to this had Mike say the infamous "It's not my fault you don't like girls" line and led to Will destroying Castle Byers. Mike saying that not only triggered Will because it was Mike (the love of his life) saying that, but also because it brought on traumatic memories of his father...

Let's begin.

Scene starts out at night time... the pool is closed... no one else is around.

Billy is seen in the shower, back facing the camera. I just have to make this clear for everyone: Billy is Will's id (I also believe he is one of Will's alters.) He represents Will's desires and negative impulses that he tries to bury and suppress. He also holds onto trauma Will has suppressed. The fact that his name is also "William" is a huge clue.

In order to trap Billy into the sauna (a small closed space... like a closet). Mike successful lures him by calling his name and giggling. Watch the clip above. Mike is, essentially, seducing William here.

El (the gatekeeper) appears and shoves Billy into the sauna/the closet.

They lock the door.

I'll be honest... this part is pretty heartbreaking. I believe that because Billy is essentially an alter of Will's, he is recounting Will's trauma here. When he says "he" he likely means Will's own father. *sigh* more CSA subtext...

Max here is telling him that he just needs to open up about the abuse. This is a hint to the fact that Will needs to open up...

We immediately cut to Will who appears awfully triggered here.

The focus on Will here with this line just further proves that this is his own trauma being discussed here.

This line and this shot again tells us something important. Mike is going to help Will, and they will "figure it out together".

"Activated" also means... turned on... Will is turned on by Mike.

Mike says this line because... "Billy", being super into Mike here, is about to burst out of that closet door.

Then we have El, being the gatekeeper and protector for everyone again.

She banishes Billy as he could not be contained within the sauna/closet...

[misscammiedawn]

The Only Murder Alter I Respect

CW: abuse, neglect, sexual assault, incest, harm to an infant

"Oh, I am one yet many."

In my last article on The Murder Alter we spoke a little about the history of the Murder Alter trope in fiction.

To quickly recap, fiction has a fascination with depicting those with dissociative identity disorder as being inherently evil. The roots of the trope come from misunderstandings of the text of Jekyll & Hyde, assuming Hyde to be a personification of evil rather than the disguise of a man who wished to indulge in socially unacceptable actions.

To cut the long story of the previous essay short; Jekyll loses control of a physical transformation, the potion only draws out "evil" within him in the way that he is able to act without fear of consequence. All the evil of Hyde belonged to Jekyll. Alas, the play version of the story hit London about the time of the Whitechapel murders committed by Jack The Ripper and the public began to compare these real life murders to the plot of the play, going as far as accusing the lead actor of being Spring-Heeled Jack.

To see more, read the first chapter of this essay.

-

In my view a vulnerable minority of any kind being a villain is offensive if they are handled with no respect. If their stereotype overwhelms their role as a character.

For the case of a murderer or serial killer character we have to ask their motives. Many pieces of fiction will assume that the existence of trauma alone is a motive. In recent years there has been a trend of giving irredeemable characters trauma in their 'sympathetic backstories' to justify their wanton killing without any regard that they are actually communicating that abused people will become abusers or worse killers themselves.

It's not the kindest sentiment to put out into the world.

In Split, a horrible movie that I absolutely despise, the evil "Beast" personality spews out this horrible line of dialogue:

"You are different from the rest. Your heart is pure! Rejoice! The broken are the more evolved. Rejoice."

To be clear, as mentioned before, traumatized victims are far more likely to be the victims of violence, not the perpetrators of it. Trauma does not make someone strong, enlightened or more capable. It makes us traumatized.

Then there is the absolution of guilt which becomes the argument that people with DID have no responsibility for their actions. The first chapter of this essay mentioned the real life cases of Gein and Milligan being unfit for trial by reason of insanity and being held in mental care facility.

In fiction, however, this trope was taken to extremes with the case of Primal Fear (and again, more recently, with the Joker sequel) with the idea that a successful DID based defense would allow "not guilty by reason of insanity" lead to a release upon a miraculous cure of the condition which the fictional characters were faking to escape their crimes.

Not the kind those with the real life condition need the public believing, especially when we currently have the McLean Hospital that specializes in treatment of dissociative disorders assuming that people seeking treatment are faking for attention.

Even if they had a character whose murderous alters motives were not stigmatizing and they took responsibility for their actions, there's still the matter of them being sympathetic. Typically the split personality trope is rolled out to reveal a twist villain in the third act. If there is an evil alter responsible for the crimes they are typically hidden from the audience until the very end to keep the audience in the dark.

For a hyperbolic example of how bad this trope is, the movie Adaptation presents the trope to the audience as lowest common denominator slop wheeled out for a reaction and born from the worst instincts of a dedicated writer.

Donald Kaufman: Okay, well here's the twist. We find out that, that the killer really suffers from multiple personality disorder, right? See, he's actually really the cop and the girl. All of them are him. Isn't that fucked up?

Unrelated to this essay but Adaptation marks the only time an alter has been nominated for an Oscar along with their host. Technically.

The point is, we cannot sympathize with the person depicted as having DID if their condition is kept hidden for the sake of a surprise reveal at the end of the story.

There are other considerations but in tallying some of the reasons this trope is harmful and horrible, I now want to turn the topic to more positive things because I find that a blanket statements are not helpful. The stigma of depicting a person with DID as a killer is harmful, this is undeniable. It paints all with the condition in a negative light.

But surely it is possible to depict a character with justified motive, agency for their actions, a chance for audience sympathy and an accurate depiction of the illness.

Now, for the sake of spoilers, I am going to be talking about a murder alter and thus revealing their identity is going to give heavy spoilers to the media that they are from and for engagement sakes I am tagging this article with that media's name.

So. Below the cut will be a discussion of a character who can easily be read as having DID who fits the parameters of a murder alter and yet I feel is compassionate representation of this mental illness and an incredibly written system.

Be aware that these spoilers will completely break the intended experience of reading this media. But knowing the media is a spoiler alone.

Essentially I've written myself into a corner of engagement because the only people who can safely click through already know half the stuff I'm going to say which means I am encouraging the click from those who have never heard of or enjoyed this media while knowing that I am breaking the entire experience by talking about it.

So we're going to do a readmore and trust y'all to know that there are massive spoilers below.

Tumblr audience, allow me to introduce…

Beatrice, The Golden Witch.

Ahaha.wav ~ Ahaha.wav ~ Ahaha.wav ~ Ahaha.wav ~ Ahaha.wav

Though Beatrice is the murder alter in question, let's talk about who she was prior to becoming the lord of the Golden Land.

Let's talk about...

Sayo Yasuda.

Yasu was a meek and timid young thing, only having known a life at an orphanage which trained young people to become maids and servants for high society families.

Raised in a childhood where they were forced to work, despite being timid, forgetful and clumsy; Yasu did not know the love and affection of a family. Moreover after being brought on to work for the Ushiromiya family, the younger staff of the house, all in their late teens, resented and bullied the young child for being a burden to their duties and because they were inexplicably given favor by the head servant, Genji and the head maid Kumasawa.

Yasu was only 9 years old as this happened. Going to school and working long hours as a servant. Berated for being slow, weak, impolite and forgetful.

Their only ally within the orphanage was an elder maid, Shannon, who was capable and would always advise (but never take over) and encourage Yasu. Young Yasu wanted to be just like Shannon when they grew up.

They shared a room and would talk long into the night, Shannon always quietly encouraging the young kid.

Shannon was Yasu's first alter.

The isolation and bullying and exhaustion of working and studying constantly made it so they were desperate for any company, encouragement and acceptance. The only kindness they had ever known had been given by coworkers. So of course they would imagine a perfect, kind and loving maid to be a friend and keep them company in the endless isolation of their lonely room.

Dissociation, the absence of awareness of what one is doing or what is going on around one, is a normal process that occurs from time to time. Fantasy stories and characters created by the preschool child often take on a separate reality. Imaginary playmates may be an enjoyable fantasy, an expansion of experience, a way to fill loneliness or boredom, or a process for working out fears and ambivalent feelings […] If, however, a child’s experience continues to be either frightening or non-supported (no soothing or opportunity to process the upsetting situations that have happened), dissociative experiences are likely to continue. As dissociation continues, more and more of the child’s perceptions, feelings, physical sensations, or knowledge of the world become stored outside active awareness and the child’s internal sense of self becomes disrupted. The perceptions, feelings, and knowledge are still there—they have, after all, been sensed and processed in some form by both the brain and the body—but they are shut out of active awareness. Because this “shutout” or dissociation protects the child from negative situations, the child is less likely to develop coping mechanisms that do not damage the sense of self. Consistent learning and the building of consistent friendships are difficult for the child. If there is no intervention from supportive, consistent care-giving or therapy, this fragmentation is highly likely to continue and, in many situations, increase as the child grows up. - Sandra Wieland (Dissociation in Traumatized Children and Adolescents)

When a child is bored and left unsupported and under-stimulated they will begin to engage in their imagination. This is a natural and normal part of childhood but without consistent connections, support or care they will continue to dissociate their experiences without building a stable sense of self. These components of dissociation, compartmentalization and a lack of stable identity are what cause a child to develop DID.

Yasuda, without friends or family, was unable to establish a stable identity. In fact they were unable to establish a stable name or relationship to their own body.

Sayo Yasuda was born Lion Ushiromiya. For reasons I have decided to avoid discussing in depth, Lion, assigned male at birth, was placed into the orphanage by the head servant of the Ushiromiya family after a tragic "accident" nearly killed them as a baby and severely injured their body.

The name Yasuda was given to protect the child from their own family, the servants thought it would be kinder to have them raised as a servant than to be raised as an Ushiromiya. Due to the injuries of the child they could raise it as a woman and lowered the age of the child by 3 years to avoid the family seeing a young servant the same age or gender as a baby that died.

Within the orphanage the children are given 'blessed names' that they are called while working. They keep their true names hidden spare for those they love and trust. As Yasuda has no one who will say their name, they instead are called Shannon or 'Yasu' when she is being punished. She came to despise the name.

Shannon, the alter, is the maid that Yasu is being trained to become. The young child hearing this other name imagined it as a completely separate person.

Moreover, Yasuda was weak and exhausted from her constant school and work schedule and would often find herself drifting in and out of consciousness, letting her mind fog while she was working on tasks and forgetting things. A common enough experience within dissociation that I need not elaborate in this essay.

The eldest maid of the island, Kumasawa, would tell local folklore and tall tales, spinning tales like a grandmother would to their grandchild. The tales of a shrine that sealed an evil demon, a ghost of Beatrice the family head's deceased mistress whose spirit is said to reside in the sealed off VIP room.

In time Yasu began believing in this lore and began blaming her forgetfulness and losing track of keys and cleaning items on the ghost. On Beatrice.

In the face of abuse and neglect, especially at the hands of those they love, children need enough psychological distance from what is happening to avoid being overwhelmed and survive psychologically intact. Preserving some modicum of self-esteem, attachment to family, and hope for the future requires victims to disconnect from what has happened, doubt or disremember their experience, and disown the “bad [victim] child” to whom it happened as “not me.” By holding out some sense of themselves as “good” disconnected from how they have been exploited, abused children capitalize on the human brain’s innate capacity to split or compartmentalize. That “good child” might be precociously mature, sweet and helpful, perfectionistic, self-critical, or quiet and shy, but, most importantly, he or she has a way to be acceptable and safer in an unsafe world. Splitting or fragmenting in this way is an ingenious and adaptive survival strategy—but one with a steep price. To ensure that the rejected “not me” child is kept out of the way (i.e., out of consciousness) requires that, long after the traumatic events are over, individuals must continue to rely on dissociation, denial, and/or self-hatred for enforcing the disconnection. In the end, they have survived the failure of safety, the abuse, and betrayal at the cost of disowning their most vulnerable and most wounded selves. Aware that their self-presentation and ability to function is only one piece of who they really are, they now feel fraudulent. Struggling to stay away from the “bad” side and identify with the good side, they have a felt sense of “faking it,” “pretending,” or of being what others want them to be. For some, this conviction of fraudulence engenders resentment; for some, shame and self-doubt. For both groups, the legacy of the trauma remains alive rather than resolved. - Janina Fischer (Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors)

Yasu disowns her experiences so well that when she is punished for not doing her job completely or misplacing items that she zoned out on and lost track of. Over time the existence of this ghost. Of this witch became a firm fact and thus the witch, the ghost of the family head's mistress looking for a body, came to possess Sayo. At first it was misplacement, but as the teasing and bullying persisted she began to believe this witch was real and picking on her. So the witch became real and it began happening.

"This isn't the first time this has happened. Whenever I look away, ...keys, handkerchiefs, pencils, erasers...all of them vanish almost right away. Even though I was planning to use them later, or just wanted to put them in their proper place, they disappear as soon as I turn around. It isn't someone hiding them as a prank. It's happened many times when I'm the only person around. ...Everyone always says I'm too careless and forgetful, they laugh at me... get mad at me. I do try to be alert, but like some kind of bad joke, I lose things easily when I forget about them for even a short while.So, sometimes, I think 'this eraser is gonna disappear sooner or later', and I stare at it. But at those times alone, it doesn't disappear. Nothing disappears when I'm alert.But as soon as I think I'm safe, and the tension relaxes just a bit, then something else will disappear...! Why is it always me?"

The second of Yasu's many alters was born of her shame and frustration. She was only 9 years old and expected to work as an adult while enduring schooling with no friends or familial love.

Having trained herself to imagine the shape of entities not of the natural world, she gives shape to the witch.

"Without turning around, ...I slowly let my range of vision fill the entire chapel. It was as though the viewpoint of my soul was floating out from the shell of my head. ...See? ...Inch by inch, ...my range of vision is floating out of my head..... and drifting upwards. As I looked down at myself, standing there with head hanging and eyes tightly shut... The eyes of my heart....very slowly.... rose to the ceiling of the chapel. And when I looked down from there... I saw myself, standing in the center of the chapel, ...and the witch standing behind me."

This is the experience of dissociation. Particularly in children. To disconnect from the events of the moment and what is going on in our own body and "examine" the area surrounding us. Many have described it as viewing the world through a floating camera.

Our own imagination is painted in this way. Our old therapist, while diagnosing us, noted that the way we described locations in memories was a big hint to them that it was what we were experiencing.

In making friends with the witch, Yasu had a new friend. To one side the ideal maid, Shannon, and the other the witch Beatrice who pranked people by stealing items or leaving windows open. In reality Yasu would switch to Beatrice and play pranks on the other servants. Many would not even believe that it could be the meek and timid girl, especially as she grew older and became more capable as a maid at the house. A mixture of confidence and an interest in mystery novels allowed these pranks to become all the more believable. The servants were mean to Yasu or claimed witches do not exist and then Beatrice would punish them with pranks.

A small start but for the first time in her life a part of the system had a way at lashing out at a world that was so cruel to them and the myth of the witch began to spread through the serving staff and as the superstition grew, the myth continued to grow. Beatrice, both demon of the island and ghost of the master's dead mistress as a single entity, became a known superstition, acknowledged on the island.

"Everything went completely white, and my mind stopped. Once again, that tingling sensation slid up my body. I could feel it all gather in the fingers of both my hands... and come out the tips of my fingers. It was unfathomable, indescribable, ...unknown sensation. My head went blank, and I couldn't think at all. I could do nothing but abandon my soul to the sensation."

From a first person perspective we get to see Yasu switch into Beatrice and punish her fellow servant by stealing her keyring and hiding it.

It's here I address the original thesis of the article a moment. Why is it that this game's use of the murder alter trope is so acceptable and praiseworthy to me when I despise it being used in any other media.

Firstly, I want to address the name Sayo Yasuda. In most of the media mentioned prior to the readmore the identity of the killer personality and the existence of DID is hidden until the final act. Here, we are learning of the existence of DID at the end of the story but we had been introduced to all the alters in the system.

Spare for Yasuda herself. This chapter she is being introduced to us along with her condition and it is not in the way of revealing that the entity known as Beatrice is a dissociated personality. We are taken through a history that justifies the existence of a dissociative disorder and shown how one experiences the symptoms. We are introduced to forgetfulness and zoning out long before we are introduced to other identities as voices that Yasu communicates with and this, deep into chapter 7 of 8, is the first time we have a switch described from a first person perspective.

Though the groundwork of dissociative disorders have been long established. In the essay about Ange Ushiromiya's trauma memories. we spoke about how Ange had learned to maintain alters in her own mind and Maria's personality shifts had been seeded as early as the first chapter.

The existence of DID was not treated as a reveal either in narrative or psychologically. It was carefully presented with respect to the symptoms of people who live with the disorder and treated with care.

DID is not an excuse for the killing. So the minority being a culprit is not stigmatizing, the author has understanding of the disorder and depicts it with kindness.

But that only handles one of our issues with the trope. So it is not wheeled out as a last minute twist and it depicts the disorder with stunning accuracy.

But still, the idea of a murder alter is an ugly and repulsive thing and even here in stealing keys Yasu is abdicating responsibility to this witch. One of the other things that I hated about the trope was the motive being excused because of trauma and responsibility falling to an 'evil personality' that the innocent host cannot control and so far the game appears to be committing both of those sins.

...well, let's continue...

Upon experiencing the power of 'magic' when Beatrice possessed her, Yasu tells Shannon that she no longer wants to live as a servant but wants to become a witch like Beatrice. She decides to become the witch Beatrice.

The witch above is renamed to Gaap and the alter who had the name she hated, Yasu, takes the name of Beatrice the Golden Witch for herself, imagining her new form and changing her behaviors to match, taking on the voice of a lady of high station and decides on weaknesses such as seeing her reflection.

In DID there are no 'original selves' or 'real one'. We spoke about this a bit during our essay on Mr. Robot.

A "host" simply refers to the part that is most active within the system. In her book, Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, Janina Fisher describes the "host" personality as the most predominant "going about normal life" part. There is no original because the child failed to integrate a stable personality and the "going about normal life" part Fisher describes by definition is a dissociated part unaware of the impact the trauma holds on the nervous system.

It is so important in treatment to understand that all alters in a system are real and equally as important to the functioning of the whole. I bring this up the character we are following had their birth name, gender and age changed by caregivers and now has voluntarily erased their own name; opting to adopt the name of Beatrice.

After co-fronting with the witch she realized how wonderful it felt to let go and not exist, to let herself exist as a magical being of imagination rather than a pitiable servant.

In real terms the traumatized part that had suffered so much retreats from reality to escape her pain, taking all of the negative experiences away from the other alters and sinking into their unconscious mind. There, inside the safety of their imagination, Beatrice begins working on creating her 'golden paradise', an internal world of dream and magic where she can safely reign as the ruler.

We know from other chapters that this coping mechanism is eventually taught from Beatrice to Maria and then from Maria to Ange. If generational trauma is the theme of Umineko then generational healing is too and Ryukishi is well aware that the imagination is a powerful shield for those most hurt by the world.

In changing her 'form', Shannon was left as the new host of the system and as Shannon had never met Beatrice, the dissociative barriers between the parts solidified and Shannon is left alone.

The scene where Shannon fronts for the first time, alone and confused is truly emotional. She is confused by the inconsistencies in her understanding of the world and slowly starts rationalizing. Had she always been alone? In a single bed? She begins adopting traits that Yasu had embodied when she was the host, such as a love of mystery novels. Speaking to herself until she falls asleep.

Shannon was the name of the servant and earlier in the story we learned her real name was Sayo. She adopts the 'legal identity' and the one who had been fronting the entire time until this point opts to exist within the night, pranking the house and keeping the myth of Beatrice alive.

If the responsibility and agency of DID depictions in media was an issue to overcome then here we see that though there are barriers of dissociation between the parts, Beatrice and her pranks are not evil in nature and we see that in all her parts there is communication and genuine care within the system.

Which brings us to motive.

In bad media the culprit is unsympathetic and driven to wanton crime for little reason other than "hurt people kill people" which is inaccurate and a dangerous thing to imply.

Shannon continues working on, unaware of her history as Yasu and the bullying that she had endured when she was younger. She has a hobby of reading mystery novels and speaks about them with the head maid. She sometimes gets praise from the head servant. She's happy.

Right?

But the loneliness had not been dealt with. The Ushiromiya family were still cruel to her. Though Shannon is an ideal maid by design and convinced herself to be happy with her lot in life the unchanged circumstances still trigger the pain that her heart ached and called for salvation.

And so Beatrice's presence makes itself known again within their shared mind and Shannon began imagining a rose garden where the golden witch would share tea with her. She wanted to allow Shannon to join her in the "world of witches", "the golden land" an innerworld she built within their mind.

Shannon rejects the offer, as if such a thing could be and leads Beatrice to become curious as to what could possibly be worth living for in the real world.

There Shannon, with Beatrice in the back of their shared mind, witnesses the Ushiromiya Family Conference where all members of the family gather, including the grandchildren of the family head and there Beatrice witnesses Shannon forming a relationship bonding over mystery novels with the series protagonist Battler, 6 years before the massacre.

The pair discuss their love of novels and in that conversation the mutual understanding of both the fictional characters and the author is that a murder should have a passionate motive.

Shannon takes on Battler's perspective and begins reading all of the books that Battler enjoys, completely infatuated with him. The pair got to have a short fling. Every time Battler visited the island they would talk about their shared passion and enjoy the time stolen. It couldn't work in long distance. Battler says that when Shannon quits service of the family she can come to him out in the world.

Battler promises he will ride in on a white horse and save her from a lifetime of servitude.

Beatrice understands instantly.

"It takes two to create a universe" magic must be shared and love is the most important element. Something that even the endless witch Beatrice cannot create with her magic. It is the first time in their shared life that the system formerly known as Sayo Yasudo has been offered love from another human.

She's enraptured by it.

...and then in the time between visits, Battler's mother passes away suddenly and his father instantly marries his mistress who he secretly fathered a daughter with while married. Battler is disgusted by his father and leaves the family, abandoning Shannon.

Beatrice, wounded for the part of her in deep pain, pulls Shannon into the innerworld and comforts her; telling her that she needs to succeed at a trial to have faith and wait for Battler to return. That if she doubts him then he will not come. She even argues that Battler leaving the Ushiromiya family was an attempt to make it so that he could marry her without the family name being an obstacle.

Magical Thinking is a symptom of dissociative disorders where the mind generates beliefs between unrelated events despite the absence of any plausible causal link between them. Much of the effects of DID, particularly during the denial phase, are born from the ability to rationalize inconsistencies and inconvenient truths in the shared life.

In this case the idea of losing the love that was offered to them for the first time in their life was more than they could handle and thus they chose to believe that it was still there and that if they held faith and waited it would come to them.

When one dissociates from their emotions they are able to rationalize and intellectualize their situations and continue their trained habit of enduring. When Shannon's ability to rationalize the years of silence fails she blames herself, as she is able to rationalize and intellectualize her own actions and has no way of knowing Battler's. Thus if she blames it on her lack of faith she can hold to hope and endure the years.

But the trials continue.

Letters are delivered from Battler to everyone at the family conference. Shannon is neither mentioned nor receives a letter at all (there is a possibility that George destroyed it, but that is a theory). Her faith shakes but the bud of love in her heart simply cannot die.

...and now the love that had once given Shannon so much hope and life had become yet another source of pain and trauma and so once again Beatrice reached into Shannon's heart and claimed the bud of love. She would take it into herself, another trauma for her to hold. Leaving Shannon confused, disorientated but happy again.

In order to keep Shannon's heart saved from pain she created a new alter, a brother named Kanon.

Kanon would be a quiet and guarded boy who was deeply protective of Shannon and who shielded his own heart. Born wary of other people and their motives. He will make for a calloused heart.

Shannon once again allows her mind to dissociate from the pain in her heart and once again became an ideal maid, free from the hurt of her past or the love.

In 1984 Kinzo, knowing he is to die soon, commissions a painting of his former love, the original Beatrice, with an epitaph that once solved would lead someone to the family fortune and chose who would be the inheritor of the family after he dies.

At least this is what the family were lead to believe. It is theorized in universe that Kinzo had come to recognize that his child/grandchild was alive and in the house and wanted to apologize to her and thus make up for the sins he had committed against his mistress and their daughter.

Another part of the tragedy was sealed the moment Kinzo began this process.

With the help of Genji, who knew their birth identity, Beatrice solves the riddle and becomes the inheritor of the family fortune... and she is also given the truth to their birth, their original name and the identity of their father and grandfather.

During the entire sequence the child of many names is disconnected, overwhelmed, confused and not able to summon the confidence of her witch self. She cannot bring herself to take the seat at the head of the family and asks that the servants of the island pretend nothing had happened, opting instead to continue waiting for Battler.

It was said that if Battler did not show up to the island in 1986 or showed up a year earlier or later then the tragedy would have been avoided.

But as it stands. Tragedy was inevitable.

Beatrice largely goes into dormancy after inheriting the family fortune, choosing to let Shannon and Kanon continue their life on the island. Searching and waiting for the magic that is beyond her, Love.

And so we get the events at the start of Chapter 2 and 3.

Shannon and Kanon are living as servants of the family as the tensions between siblings becomes more and more tense. But as time goes on Kanon and Jessica, who lives on the island, become closer... and George proposes to Shannon.

The first 2 hours of chapter 2 depict Shannon, a being who has made to think of herself as nothing more than furniture for the family to use, feeling love bloom in her heart and despair over the fact that the Ushiromiya family would never allow her to marry, filling her ears with poison and abuse; as the family speak of a political marriage with George and Shannon's heart is threatened with heartbreak again she calls out to the witch Beatrice and the alter in her heart awakens again to comfort and guide her.

If Battler showed up a year earlier then Beatrice would have reconnected with him and she would have been able to use the family fortune to ride off with him. If he showed up a year later then she would have married George.

But in showing up while Shannon was trying to handle being proposed to. While Kanon was growing close to Jessica. While all futures existed within the catbox at once. Each member of the system has adapted their personality to suit their partner. Shannon is the type of woman George would enjoy. Beatrice becomes the exact type of brash woman Battler enjoys and Kanon was the aloof and distant type Jessica would love.

Only one of these futures could possibly exist.

Every member of the system is marked by their inability to change their fate, even when handed the opportunity. Since birth they have only been able to act as a servant, as furniture and dive into escapism and magic to cope. The pain was not simply the pain of the heart. It was of being alone. It was of being bullied. Of being disregarded. Ignored. Forgotten.

When presented with the gold and the headship of the family the system, we shall revert to calling them Yasu, were unable to risk confrontation with the family. Much akin to Marta in Knives Out, she was a servant being offered a vast fortune with a hostile and abusive family who would never accept her position and so she backed down and didn't risk further pain.

I said earlier that victims of abuse and neglect are more likely to be victims than the perpetrators of violence. Here Beatrice, formed from stories of ghosts, demons and murder mysteries, retreats into fantasy but she actually has the unlimited resources; the "golden magic" to make her schemes a reality and so she attempts to do so as a form of escapism, as a way of letting the "roulette wheel" select her fate as the system are unable to decide for themselves.

We never know for certain what happens in the catbox, though Eva's journal does give us some clarity. We can say for sure, based on the survivor's testimony, that Yasu didn't go through with it. We never find out if they ever could have outside of dreaming. For all their posturing and posing, they were just an abused child desperate for family and love and freefalling into complete despair.

At the end of the day Beatrice is sympathetic, she experiences accurate symptoms of a dissociative disorder, we get to know her alters and understand their motivations and outlooks and her choice to kill the Ushiromiya family is not informed by her condition.

The fact she never successfully kills anyone in the (most likely) true version of the Rokkenjima massacre, she simply cannot bring herself to follow through when presented with the reality of her schemes, does not change the fact that she planned out the massacre and her actions did trigger the tragedy.

Beatrice The Golden Witch is the only murder alter I respect. But she is also an (attempted) murderer who just happens to be an alter. Those two statements have nothing to do with one another.

Though her motive is based upon the pain of her life, she is not a killer for the fun of it and is far from a homicidal maniac. She has a heart. A large heart.

And I respect the fuck out of her.

-

Lowkey this one wasn't my best work, especially after the ISaT entry raised the bar so high for us. Umineko is a fairly dense work and I have been struggling for months to find the words after promising to write about it in the first Murder Alter essay and teasing it in the Ange one. In the end I just decided to get it out.

Thank you for reading.

For more media essays on Dissociative Disorders please check out Media, Myself and I tag or check out the following articles:

Accepting Trauma Memories in Mr. Robot Time Loops and Dissociation (In Stars and Time) A History of Murder Alters Discworld and Plurality Incidental, intentional and accidental representation Gender, Dissociation and Clinical Stigma in The Third Person Recontextualized Memories in Umineko Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal Gear Solid The Dangers of Hypnotic Personality Play in Penlight System Origins in The Incredible Hulk Relationships with Systems in The Incredible Hulk The Healing Journey in Mr. Robot

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Thoughts on “How Jiang Cheng treats Jin Ling is normal because that’s just Chinese parenting”?

I was explaining to someone why I considered the way Jiang Cheng talks to Jin Ling to be abusive, and got hit with that.

I have noticed that parents and guardians in xianxia works sometimes speak quite harshly to their children in punishment scenarios specifically (plus there is frequently corporal punishment involved), but Jiang Cheng’s way of talking to Jin Ling feels like it’s on a whole different level. I can’t think of any time he speaks to Jin Ling like a normal adult.

Am I being gaslit here?

This argument in a gif.

First: There is no excuse to say that corporal punishment is a necessity to use against children and has lasting trauma against those that have had it used on them in the form of consistent psychological maladjustment including depression, unhappiness, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, use of drugs and alcohol and can alter dopaminergic regions of the brain which hinders long term mental well being and inhibits behavioral responses emotionally and cognitively for themselves and social interactions. Up to some themselves beginning to engage in aggressive and physically abusive behaviors themselves.

Two: Verbal abuse is still... abuse. Some have defined it as the production of psychological and social defects in the growth of a minor as a result of behavior such as loud yelling, coarse and rude attitude, inattention, harsh criticism, and denigration of the child's personality. Other examples include name-calling, ridicule, degradation, destruction of personal belongings, threatening the torture or killing of a pet (and doing as such),excessive or extreme unconstructive criticism, inappropriate or excessive demands, withholding communication, and routine labeling or humiliation. 36.3% of children experience emotional abuse globally.

A consistent usage of this is not something to continue to normalize or excuse in parents, guardians and figures of authority of children. Verbal abuse is also not seen as a pressing issue as it is not physical harm enacted and still considered something that cannot be lawfully punishable despite the widespread statistics of its repercussions on the development of children and their adulthood life interactions.

At any rate, the author of the three novels condemns the abuse of children by several adults that engage in this behavior from Shen Jiu abusing his position of teacher and master over Luo Binghe because of jealousy. To Jiang Cheng and Madam Yu for physically and verbally degrading children they are guardians over and said children participating in dangerous antics to be praised for their skill or continued loyalty theyare said to owe. Jun Wu for trying to groom and gaslight another child (Xie Lian) to become another abuser and killer simply because he did not like the way said child interacted with the world with the position he had socially.

We also see from all three of these same works, is that these characters do also begin to physically abuse these same children as well as engage in isolation and negligence of them more than once. Enough that the audience should understand that these adults are not misunderstood AS THE ADULTS WITH CHILDREN UNDER THEIR CARE.

And as I have said before, whatever love may exist in Jiang Cheng for Jin Ling (and he desperately does, that isn't in dispute at any time unless someone who reads this is that stupid to come to the conclusion and say JiangWanyinscatmom is saying Jiang Cheng never cared or loved his nephew at all), does not negate the abuse that he has exhibited from the start of his very introduction when he threatens Jin Ling with abandonment when he says this:

江澄话中带刺，又是一转：“还站着干什么，等着猎物自己撞过来插|你剑上？今天你要是拿不下这大梵山里的东西，今后都不必来找我了！”

Jiang Cheng's words were full of thorns, he turned around and said, "Why are you still standing there, waiting for the prey to bump into you and pierce itself on your sword? If you can't hunt down that creature in Dafan Mountain by today, don't you ever come back to me again!"

[rottenteeth]

It's been awhile let's talk about dissociation.

Dissociation is the act of disconnecting from ones body and or surroundings (on purpose or subconsciously). Some people are predisposed to use dissociation as a coping mechanism either due to their brain or environmental factors.

Some amount of dissociation is normal and some forms of dissociation are good to an extent.

Chronic dissociation comes into play when someone experiences an event or series of events that they do not have the ability to process. This may be due to needing to function and seem "normal", an avoidance to accepting what happened to oneself, or simply because someone does not possess other options of coping.

When a child experiences chronic dissociation ALONG with the idea that they themselves are not experiencing a trauma, their caretakers are loving most of the time, the inability to process that they are not evil, and many other forms of instability and lack of connection to trauma events they become increasingly more likely to develop dissociative identity disorder.

DID is not as complex as people make it out to be (it is complex but not incomprehensibly so). It is a way for the brain to comparmentalize many different traumas, the instability of life, and what is required of them in different situations. It is a post traumatic stress disorder with dissociation being the only coping mechanism alongside early childhood trauma.

What you as an adult/older teen consider trauma is much different than what a 5 year old considers trauma.

When your mom yells at you and says she doesn't love you sometimes and you're 5 you have no concept of what could have caused her to say that other than you are evil and horrible. As an adult maybe you see she just got a speeding ticket or her boss yelled at her or any other reason she may have lost her temper. While in no situation is this an appropriate response to stress, a child has no concept of other people's life experiences.

When you are five and you see you are not getting your needs met, you think you are evil or you are not good enough. When you are being abused it is because you think you're bad. So the brain needs to change who you are sometimes.

When moms cooking dinner don't get in her way or ask questions or she'll yell at you because you're evil = submissive depressed alter. (If you remember when mom is nice to you it might make you too comfortable so you must not remember her kindness while she's cooking)

When Mom takes you out for ice cream you need to be happy and enthusiastic or she'll yell at you = happy social alter (if you remember the trauma she gives you you can't be happy so you only have happy memories in this state)

When mom demeans your entire being you can't take that to school or your teacher will be upset you're not doing your work = school alter and a self hating alter (if you remember that you're a bad stupid child you can't function at school, those two states must be separated)

These are fairly simplified examples of why an alter may form, your memories still exist from other states. DID is NOT an encoding issue, dissociation might make it hard to encode some memories but if an alter holds memories they have been encoded and it is physically possible for every part of the brain to remember them.

Sometimes your brain doesn't want you to have access to memories that aren't important to the current situation so they must be put into a different part of the brain only to be accessed when a trigger happens.

You feel like different people because you literally do not have access to one coherent life. The memories each part holds makes up the way they act, if they mainly hold trauma they won't feel happy like an alter who holds few or no trauma memories. The world is evil to one part and loving to the next.

[hauntedselves]

Judith Herman introduced the concept of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in her book Trauma and Recovery (1992). Here is her diagnostic criteria:

1. A history of subjection to totalitarian control over a prolonged period (months to years).

Examples include hostages, prisoners of war, concentration-camp survivors, and survivors of some religious cults. Examples also include those subjected to totalitarian systems in sexual and domestic life, including survivors of domestic battering, childhood physical or sexual abuse, and organized sexual exploitation.

2. Alterations in affect regulation, including

persistent dysphoria

chronic suicidal preoccupation

self-injury

explosive or extremely inhibited anger (may alternate)

compulsive or extremely inhibited sexuality (may alternate)

3. Alterations in consciousness, including

amnesia or hypermnesia for traumatic events

transient dissociative episodes

depersonalization/derealization

reliving experiences, either in the form of intrusive post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms or in the form of ruminative preoccupation

4. Alterations in self-perception, including

sense of helplessness or paralysis of initiative

shame, guilt, and self-blame

sense of defilement or stigma

sense of complete difference from others (may include sense of specialness, utter aloneness, belief no other person can understand, or nonhuman identity)

5. Alterations in perception of perpetrator, including

preoccupation with relationship with perpetrator (includes preoccupation with revenge)

unrealistic attribution of total power to perpetrator (caution: victim's assessment of power realities may be more realistic than clinician's)

idealization or paradoxical gratitude

sense of special or supernatural relationship

acceptance of belief system or rationalizations of perpetrator

6. Alterations in relations with others, including

isolation and withdrawal

disruption in intimate relationships

repeated search for rescuer (may alternate with isolation and withdrawal)

persistent distrust

repeated failures of self-protection

7. Alterations in systems of meaning

loss of sustaining faith

sense of hopelessness and despair