#but why do i hate this plot point so bad? why don't i think it works? here's why

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Island of the Procrastinating Brain

I swear, my brain is actively trying to drive me insane.

Back in 2022 it came up with a plot for @alex51324 's "Island of the Gays" where the Duke of Crowborough comes to the Island because, well, by this point the man's less of a human being than he is a walking bundle of neurosis. I got through a couple of scenes before my brain got tired and stalled out, but I still have a good frame work. Every once in awhile, I come back and poke at it and get out a few more sentences. Maybe even a paragraph or two.

Yeah, have I mentioned I'm not a fast writer?

And Phillip does NOT want to deal with his issues and Thomas does NOT want to deal with Phillip, which, okay, FAIR, but that's kinda the point of the whole thing. But in the meantime my brain still wants to write Phillip on the Island, so what's it done?

Come up with a sequel, naturally!

And it really, really wants to write this sequel despite the fact I can't do it properly until I've written the first piece, which neither my brain or my characters seems interested in, because they are all PUNKS, but my brain will NOT stop thinking about this hypothetical sequel which, at this point, will never be written.

So I'm just going to write out the summary for the thing here, in case anyone's curious and wants a laugh, because I can and maybe it'll galvanize the lump of grey cells in my skull to be productive. Maybe. Not holding my breath.

Things you need to know before going into this:

Random.org has decided that Thomas is married to Peter Fitzroy for this one, which is kinda important for Thomas's characterization.

Phillip only kinda counts as human at this point, but he's actively trying to fix that. The results are mixed.

It was inspired by a couple of polls I ran when I was trying to figure out where I was taking the first piece (hey! I have the last scene written!) and the suggestions that Phillip might like working in some sort of architectural field (believe that was from @o-rchidae) and that he wind up married with an older working class bloke who would not take his shit.

Right then. Let's go.

-

Okay, so, this takes place a couple of years after the Walking Disaster of Crowborough arrived. At one point he was tapped to help with building or repairs or some such and he realized he liked it, so he's taken to studying books on building and architecture and has joined up with the local work crew. The problem is, he's basically teaching himself out of books and then applying it to real life, so he keeps getting ideas about "Say, why don't we do this thing THIS way?" and while it'll seem like a reasonable idea, there is, in fact, a very good reason NOT to do it that way, but because a) he's a Duke and b) a bunch of people hate him, on general principle if nothing else, everyone just goes "Oh, okay, sure" and the do it that way and…it fails. And the people who hate him laugh and it's obvious that EVERYONE knew it was a bad idea and he gets frustrated, but he wont' say it, because a) Duke and b) boys don't cry.

And this goes on for awhile.

After a bit, though, a new guy shows up who has lots of experience building things. It was kinda his job before he got here. He is educated in the ways of Building Things and knows what's up. He's also at least ten years Phillip's senior and has limited patience for upper class twits, so when he joins the crew and is informed there's this know-it-all-Duke who's always demanding they do things his way (by which we mean 'making suggestions that everyone just goes along with'), even though it's stupid and wastes time and resources, this guy goes "Pff, not on MY watch!"

And sure enough, the next time Phillip makes one of his suggestions, instead of "Yeah, sure, okay" he gets "We're not doing that." Why? "'Cause it's a stupid idea that won't work." WHY? "Because (insert full explanation of why the thing wouldn't work)." And Phillip stops asking and the rest of the crew cheers and laughs at how the old guy sure showed him and they anticipate an end to the questions.

THIS TOTALLY BACKFIRES.

Instead Phillip, who had actually been kinda slowing down on the suggestions over time, is making ALL of the suggestions, ALL of the times, and arguing every last aspect of the suggestion with Old Timer before giving up. The crew can't put up a fence without an argument. Old Timer starts calling Phillip 'Phil'. Rather than tell him to stop, Phillip just starts calling Old Timer by a similar nickname, which Old Timer ignores, because not giving in to his own trick, oh no. There's talk of starting a police department in case they murder each other.

After this has gone on for awhile there is a Big Dramatic Plot Twist and the Old Timer goes out into the woods for something and…doesn't come back in a timely manner. He stays gone long enough for people to get worried and mount a search. To everyone's shock, Phillip wants to come. He's quite insistent on the point. They finally agree to put him in Thomas's party because he and Thomas "get along now" (read: Thomas has spent enough time with Peter talking him down that he can tolerate Phillip's presence under the right circumstances as long as he doesn't say anything). The parties go out and before long, Thomas and Phillip's party has the good luck to find Old Timer. He's accidentally been injured badly enough he can't walk and crawling through the woods is not easy going. The manner of this accident wasn't a super obvious bad idea, but that could maybe have been avoided with a bit more thought, perhaps, with luck. Most of the party just nods and goes "Yeah, sounds about right, could have happened to anyone."

…Phillip flips straight out and starts screaming at Old Timer for being an idiot who could have got himself killed. And then storms off a ways into the woods, back toward the village, leaving everyone else wondering a) the best way to get the injured man back home and b) what the heck just happened with the prissy little Duke. Thomas gets deputized to go find out what Phillip's problem is. There is protesting involved, but he finally gives in because he'd like to be home by dinner, thank you very much.

Phillip has, by this point, stopped to have a smoke, which both gives Thomas an opportunity to catch up and, thankfully, a scent to find him by. Thomas asks him why on earth he's so upset that Old Timer is hurt since the two of them hate each other and everyone figured Phillip would LOVE it if the other man died…

And that's when he finds out that everyone's had that relationship all backwards. Phillip doesn't hate the Old Timer, oh no! He loves being called 'Phil'. He absolutely adores the fact that when he asks "Why don't we do this?", rather than just go "Yeah, okay" and waste time and resources doing something HE KNOWS WON'T WORK, the Old Timer says 'no' and, over the course of the argument, actually EXPLAINS why not, which means Phillip ACTUALLY LEARNS THINGS. The more he argues, the better he becomes at building things and he doesn't have to try and decipher what some book is telling him or guess what the book might be leaving out and he LOVES IT and if the Old Timer had died, how would he learn things then? When Thomas points out that he'd learn just as much - maybe more - if he just asked the Old Timer to teach him things rather than argue, Phillip low key panics because what if he figures out Phillip WANTS to learn and stops talking to him or refuses because he doesn't like him at all?

By this point Thomas is a) trying to remember if he was ever THIS paranoid, and praying he wasn't and b) wondering what on earth to do with a Duke who is clearly in love with a crusty old working class codger, but hasn't figured it out yet.

He decides to tell Rouse and make it HIS mess to deal with.

Phillip and the Old Timer eventually get married and get a cottage of their own and Phillip about dies happy at the idea of a home that he actually owns instead of something that he's the custodian of for the next generation who will be the custodians for the generation after that and so on.

[team5ds]

going thru the old screencaps and it is still comical the way the writers sold us "aki izayoi wants to be a doctor, no REALLY" is just:

she saved a little girl from falling off the building that one time in the hospital. for the record: i still do not believe this was intentional foreshadowing to her career.

crow saying "maybe being psychic is the power to heal people" after what really saved them is her making her big ass dragon real, preventing debris from falling and crushing them. she did not use her psychic powers to heal them at ALL, it was literally just saving them

saying "i don't know what i want to do" after graduating from duel academy, a school for duelists then seeing the little girl she saved (again, not medically or through any actual use of medicine, just stopped from falling off a building) is enough to go "i want to be a doctor"

like. there is no other build up. oh and also the ones that are legit foreshadowing occur in the final 10 episodes, so it really does feel like a hack rush job trying to convince us she wants to do this. it feels like they went "we have to make aki leave neo domino. i know - we'll ship her off to germany to do medicine" and then someone rightfully pointed out that she's literally never expressed an interest in medicine in her life, so they had to come up with the final two bullet points to try to sell it.

could it have been sold better? sure. but since i think the plot point is stupid and ultimately inconsequential (because nothing about changing aki's career even causes any issues to the plot - you can pick a new one out of a hat & claim she has to move for it no problem), it just pisses me the fuck off.

not only that, it's paired with such fun writing choices as "lua and luka forgive their estranged parents to move to england", "jack gets factory reset to his season one self in that he rejects the idea of love wholesale in favor of obsessing over beating yusei", "crow hogan becomes a cop", and "yusei is forced into his father's career path because Sins Of The Father (that didn't actually happen)" so like. it's not like aki is wholly unique in having a randomly generated reason to leave neo domino city that doesn't fully make any sense if you examine it too closely. i think they just wanted the plot beat of "everyone except yusei leaves neo domino to live their own lives" without really putting much thought into what each of these characters would DO with their lives post wrgp.

[inseparabiles]

I think writing the fic has cured us. Never had this much fun with the last half an hour of the movie. YES, Cara, name your fucking monkey your first consul responsible for military and civil affairs of the Empire. Fuck those other guys, Dondus has this covered. GAMES AND MASS EXECUTIONS let's fucking go!

Macrinus getting banged in the face with a rock? Eviscerated? Dunked into the ditch to rot? What a time to be alive. Eat shit you fucking garbage man. This is what you get for hurting people.

Ravi you're a beautiful underappreciated angel. I hope your children know that you're a hero.

[navree]

gonna be entirely honest i think a LOT of people are missing the point here. the issues surrounding characterization and bad dialogue and lazy plotting and changes that weaken the story and lack of internal cohesion would have existed anyway, because those are issues that came directly from condal and hess, yes. but it IS actually a massive fucking problem that the network decided to slash a FIFTH of the time the writers thought they were gonna have to tell their story, and that they decided to do that mere weeks before shooting, likely when things were starting to be pretty firmly locked down. it IS a huge issue that this created an insane amount of work for the writing team to try and make that sudden limited time work, especially with the deadline of the strike on top of the deadline of shooting. that was ALWAYS going to create a disaster of a season.

imagine if, a month before it was schedule to start filming, hbo had demanded that succcession cut, at minimum, a full episode from their season. imagine if season 4 had that similar mandate, going from ten episodes (which it was, and which it crafted its story around) to eight. it doesn't matter how good the writing is, how on point the characterization is, how fantastic everything is on all other cylinders, demanding those changes in such a short time span is always going to lead to something sloppy and just not good. adding on top of that the fact that the writers were not able to keep on working on the show as they were filming (possibly using the time they were shooting early season episodes to work around the clock to try and make the time crunch make more sense wrt later episodes) due to the strike, which kept up for literally the entirety of shooting, at hbo's behest as well, any change that could have been made was likely incredibly half baked and needed a lot more refinement before it could even hope to work, and would have been that way for any production, even of the shows getting the most applause for their brilliance this year. abbott elementary, interview with the vampire, shogun, they would have suffered the same issues of pacing and lack of climax and both too much buildup and lack of buildup that hotd has been noted as having because of hbo's choices, and these are all shows where we know that the writing team is top notch and the showrunner has known exactly what they're doing and crafted it all expertly.

it's not about your antipathy towards condal and hess as showrunners specifically. i'm not pleased with them either, but in this i could honestly give a shit. it's about the fact that this is an insanely popular property, one whose success creates a lot of money, and the network responsible for it still made decisions that severely and detrimentally impacted its ability to succeed. this season was doomed to fail before a second of footage was shot, and a lot of that blame can and should be laid at hbo for the choices it's made here. there likely wasn't much that would have been able make the writing of the season better, because of the issues already highlighted, but this didn't fucking help. this made it infinitely worse, and created an unsalvageable situation from the getgo that possibly wouldn't have been there if the episode count hadn't been cut, if the writers had known their final count from the getgo, if they'd been given more time to rework the season, if hbo hadn't kept up filming in spite of the strike so that the writers could keep working without screwing over the rest of production.

way too many people are missing the forest for the trees here. yes, condal and hess made bad decisions all the livelong day, and yes that's on them, ring the shame bell at them. but it doesn't matter in the discussion here. the discussion here is on what's now a very clear pattern of hbo and the broader wb/discovery crew making constant choices that denigrate the actual craft of storytelling and are clearly meant to maximize their own profits at the expense of the artists involved in creating those profits, as part of the broader entertainment executive industry's disdain for creatives as a whole that we've been seeing with the strikes and generative ai and now this (and also the trend of david zaslav's incredibly bad business management that is alienating so many people from everything under the wb/discovery umbrella). that's why hbo making these choices is essentially dooming the season to fail from the outset (which is what it was, there's no way anything good could have come from this situation even if the entire writing staff was blessed by the muses themselves, it was dead in the water from the getgo because of this specifically and then only made worse by shitty writing), and something that should be talked about with the gravity it deserves, irrespective of whether or not the dragon show did a plotline you liked or not.

i'm sorry hbo allowed this writing team to plan out a ten episode season until a MONTH before shooting when they cut it down to eight????? and then kept production going when the writer's strike started like two weeks after and kept up for the entirety of the filming schedule??????? i said that filming during the writer's strike was the death knell of this season but oh my god i did not expect to be this fucking right

[exeggcute]

[walking confidently into a live minefield] I can't say for sure how we reached the point where "trans women everywhere (read as: everywhere online) oppress/hate/are secretly plotting the downfall of trans men" is a thing that people think is both true and reasonable to believe, but I think at least one factor is a stupid vicious cycle of bad actors and gullible bystanders where, like. you have some guys engaging in shitty misogynistic behavior > some women either try to explain why this behavior is shitty and misogynistic (to no avail) or just disengage entirely > instead of learning from this, the guys act all wounded about it > outside observers who don't have a great grasp on the situation (or maybe don't have great grasp on how misogyny functions in general, or think that only cis men can engage in misogynistic behaviors, or have some kind of unconscious hang-up against trans women) see this and think aw man, these poor dudes are getting ragged on for no reason! > people who weren't necessarily doing the original shitty misogynistic behavior are falsely pointing the finger at trans women for "starting shit" > this is obviously fucking irritating, and no one has an infinite well of patience, so after calmly defending themselves however many times, some of these ladies are just gonna start telling bad-faith jokers to fuck off > shitty dudes and gullible bystanders go "see, they're doing it again! those man-hating harpies!" > women continue to be irritated and (understandably) defensive, tell bad-faith jokers to fuck off > and so on and so forth.

and to be clear "vicious cycle" does not mean "oh well really it's everyone's fault for being involved in the whole mess." I think there's a pretty clear cause and effect here where if you're dismissive of women's voices and viewpoints, and hold them to unfair standards, and just generally aren't very nice, they might not be very nice to you in return. and why should they be!

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪. (𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦) 🍊

⤷ summary: saudi arabian and australian grands prix happen! y/n starts making vlogs for the races and it reveals more about her and a certain driver's feelings than she hoped, not that she notices. poor oscar's stuck in the middle of it all but he's trying his best!

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liked by f1, landonorris, and 55,007 others

tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri

mclaren saudi arabia, you were beautiful even if the results weren't! ready for what's to come

12,567 comments

user1 admin not using a single nice photo of the drivers 😭

user2 admin be honest is this your revenge era

mclaren well, yes!

user3 HELP MEEEE

user4 the way lando looks at her 😭

user5 this is a place of business

user6 oscar looks petrified 💀

mclaren dw guys we're still training him!

oscarpiastri wtf why would u say it like that, i'm not a dog

mclaren full-time team mascot, part time driver

user7 admin drop the insta your so pretty 😭😭

user8 no literally, content of her WHERE

mclaren ynusername 🤲🏼

user9 LETS FUCKING GO

user10 HER DISSING HER OWN TEAM 💀 THEY'RE GONNA FIRE YOU GIRL

mclaren they don't pay me to LIE

user11 CRAZYY

user12 LANDO IS NEVER GETTING A GOOD PIC EVER AGAIN 😭

mclaren what can i say, i am no mans peace 🥱

user13 icon

landonorris reporting you to hr

mclaren for what

landonorris idk harrassment or something

mclaren ok keyboard warrior, lets calm down 💀

user14 KEYBOARD WARRIOR HELEPSJSM

user15 i vote admin just takes over and we don't even get driver pictures

user16 real and true

user17 i fear we may have lost the plot

user18 thoughts on today's results

mclaren i'm trying to be positive in general but man

user19 LMAOOOOO

user20 ik the pr department is shaking in their boots after every post notif

mclaren probably! but unfortunately for everyone, i am going to keep doing whatever i want

user21 no more lando beef, mclaren admin?

mclaren i forget but i never forgive. i forgot why we were fighting but i stay hating bitches 🥱

landonorris literally WHAT DID I DO

mclaren IDK BUT IK U PISSED ME OFF 🫵

oscarpiastri diabolical photo choice

oscarpiastri i look like a little kid on picture day

mclaren so basically your everyday look

oscarpiastri yk what you are making this work environment very hostile

mclaren i can make it more hostile if you want 🤨

oscarpiastri nevermind!!!

maxfewtrell most flattering lando picture i've seen in years

mclaren that's saying something isn't it 🤩

user22 i went to haterville and they all knew you admin

mclaren they actually just elected me mayor there!!! 💪🏻

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liked by bsfusername, landonorris, and 17,800 others

ynusername if my admin duties don't kill me, i promise my caffeine addiction will! (:

3,422 comments

user23 be honest, how many coffees have you had today

ynusername 3!

user24 oh that's not that bad

ynusername +5

user24 JESUS CHRSUT

bsfusername at this point i think meth would be healthier

ynusername honestly yeah

ynusername thanks for the suggestion!!

user25 nooo admin don't do meth ur so sexy aha

ynusername that just made me want to do meth more

landonorris so what i'm hearing is buying you an espresso machine would get me in your good graces 😇

user26 oh brother here he goes

ynusername you must be deaf then

landonorris 😔 2 espresso machines?

ynusername i don't want ur dirty espresso machines 🙄

oscarpiastri now what car is that 🫵

ynusername SHHHHH

oscarpiastri TRAITOR

bsf2username when your not busy being super sexy on a race track, can we go thrifting and get sweetgreen and overpriced coffee 🙏🏼🙏🏼

ynusername this could've been an email, get this out of my comments 💀

ynusername but yeah obviously

user27 admin vlogs when 😔

ynusername SOON!!! very very soon

user28 mother feeding us once again

ynusername brb, adding single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids, and never stops to my resume

danielricciardo coffee recipe where?

ynusername in your dms now ‼️

danielricciardo is this flirting

ynusername no if i was flirting i would've told you to ask me in person, i'm just being charitable

landonorris can i get the coffee recipe too then 🤲🏼

ynusername wdy want next, my mugs? keep on walking charity case

user29 CHARITY CASE IS CRAZYDFHAJ

user30 she's so effortlessly funny and mean i love her

user31 i feel like this is so unprofessional /:

ynusername babe professional where, you are on??? my personal?? account???

user32 maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the fact that she's consumed enough caffeine to tranquelize a horse

user33 oh please the horse would be dead

ynusername call an ambulance, BUT NOT FOR ME ‼️💪🏻🗣️

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ynusername posted to story!

(caption: melbourne vlog out now on youtube, go watch!!)

15,221 replies

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"This thing better be working," could be heard slightly muffled in between vague shuffling sounds. After a second or two of incoherent noise, the camera footage finally came on. Y/N smiled at herself in the camera as the recording light blinked to life, and raised her hand victoriously. She grabbed the smile microphone in front of her and laughed, "It looks like everything is working. Thank God, I wouldn't have known how to fix it otherwise."

"Alright everybody, welcome to the first race weekend vlog hosted by me! Your favorite McLaren admin and social manager. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to go about this, but now I think I settled on a format that will work," She explained as she walked around the small, clean kitchen that was within frame of the camera. She pulled a glass jar out of her cabinets and left it on the counter before pulling a jug of cold brew and a cartridge of milk out of her fridge.

"It is currently 7:30 A.M on March 29th, and I have a flight to Melbourne in 3 hours. I'm already packed and ready for this weekend, but I wanted to get an introduction filmed and I wanted to take a shower before I left." Y/N paused for a moment as she poured the coffee into her mason jar until she seemed satisfied and began to add some milk. "I am totally exhausted so this is probably cup one of like," she laughed, "I don't know seven probably. And this is a pretty big jar I won't lie."

"The race weekend doesn't technically start until Friday, so I'll be getting there a bit early, but I wanted to film some content before the race weekend gets really hectic, so McLaren is sending me a little bit earlier. I'm excited though! I love the heat, even if I live in London the antithesis of Australian weather," she taste-tested her coffee and hummed in delight.

"God I really never miss with this stuff," she said contently. "Anyway, it's a bit of an early start today, but I'll have plenty of time to sleep on the fight. I mean can you believe that London to Melbourne is a nearly 22 hours," she scoffed. "I vote that we start making all of the races in one place so I don't have to feel jet lag more painful than the force of 1,000 suns every other weekend. Not that I'm complaining," she chuckled awkwardly, "I love my job McLaren please don't fire me."

Abruptly an orange tabby cat came into the frame of the camera, causing Y/N to abruptly grab her glass jar in the hopes of avoiding a mess. She gasped, but laughed as the cat scampered off as quickly as it had come. She shook her head fondly.

"That, ladies and gentleman, was Cali! My cat. She's literally my baby, and I love her more than anything else on this earth. However, she does have an affinity for hitting things off of counters and breaking them. She also hates men and nearly all other animals, so she's basically the world's biggest hazard to society. She's a good girl, I love her." Y/N explained between sips of coffee as she stared wistfully past the the frame of the camera, where it could be assumed Cali had gone.

Abruptly an alarm went off and Y/N threw her head back with a groan.

"That means I have to get in the shower and get ready so I can leave on time," she said, before taking a few more sips of coffee. "I'm going to go do that, and the next time you'll hear my beautiful voice will be at the Melbourne Airport! Cue the travel montage!"

An assortment of clips follow. Y/N is seen dragging her luggage through Heathrow Airport. Y/N is seen ordering another coffee at the airport, finishing the coffee, and ordering another before her flight. Y/N is seen responding to emails from her airplane seat, editing video footage, and responding to instragram and twitter comments. Footage is shown outside the plane window of a cloudy, blue sky and a time lapse is shown as the sky grows beautiful shades of pink and red before becoming a starry-night sky. Y/N is seen cozy in a throw blanket and a travel pillow, presumably asleep with headphones on. Y/N is shown pulling her luggage through the airport once again, with a brand new coffee cup in hand. She smiles, taking a sip before she is seen settled down in a seat in the bustling airport.

"Twenty-two or so hours later and I have finally landed in Melbourne. I'm waiting for my Uber to get here so I can finally be taken to my hotel to drop my stuff off. I have a meeting with the McLaren drivers in two hours, but luckily I slept really well on the plane. I don't know how else I would be able to deal with Lando Norris. I'm going to finish this coffee in order to maximize my tolerance for the next few hours, but I suspect I'll be getting a new coffee before I reach that meeting. My addiction truly knows no bounds," she laughs, trying to ignore the people vaguely shown within frame that are staring at her speaking to a camera.

The camera cuts abruptly and the waiting screen from SpongeBob flashes on the screen, including the narrator's voice reading "2 hours later."

Y/N is shown once again in new clothes, a new coffee cup in hand, and luggage replaced by a small canvas bag. Her comfortable plane clothes have been swapped out for jean shorts and a plain white tank-top. Her hair is clipped back out of her face, and she is adorned with simple gold jewelry and light makeup.

Y/N smiles at the camera as she walks, bustling and talking heard around her, before whispering into the small microphone, "I have arrived at the McLaren garage. It is now time to meet with Lord Lando and workplace mascot Oscar Piastri," the titles slip off her tongue sarcastically and she doesn't bother suppressing an eye-roll.

In the next clip, Oscar and Lando are seen seated on either side of her as they sit in what seems like a board-room. Lando leans over and whispers something that the camera doesn't pick up and Oscar laughs while Y/N grimaces and reaches forward to readjust the camera. When the camera comes back on, Lando and Oscar are seated together on the left of Y/N as she faces on angle toward both them and the camera.

"Don't just sit there and look pretty, say hello to the camera boys," Y/N says and Oscar cackles at the disgruntled look on Lando's face.

"Is that your way of calling me pretty Y/N," Lando chokes out between laughs, and Y/N scoffs with an eye-roll.

"I was actually talking about Oscar, but whatever floats your little papaya boat Norris," Y/N deadpans and Oscar doubles over from the force of his laughter at the pout on Lando's face.

"That's not nice at all, I hope you know that. I think I am sitting here very prettily, thank you very much," Lando says, leaning into the girl next to him to speak into her microphone.

Y/N draws the microphone back, swatting him away, "Yes, yes quite prettily," Y/N mocks in a British accent.

Oscar, still trying to recover, joins in, "Pretty little Lando Norris," and Y/N laughs jovially, reaching across Lando as if the boy weren't there to high-five the Austrialian driver.

"Bullies, the lot of you," Lando mumbles and Y/N brushes off his comment without response before finally facing the camera.

"Anyway, welcome to the first McLaren race weekend vlog. I'm Y/N L/N, the best media manager in the whole god damn world, and this is Lando Norris, the biggest pain in my ass, and Oscar Piastri, the second biggest pain in my ass. How are you feeling about Melbourne boys?" Y/N questions, transitioning smoothly much to the British driver's chagrin.

"Feeling proud to be the second biggest pain in the ass and not the first. Probably the only time i've been glad to get second actually," Oscar comments and Y/N laughs as Lando shakes his head in disappointment.

"But in all seriousness it is good to be home, this is easily my favorite race of the year seeing as it's my home race and i'm looking forward to, hopefully, good results from our team," Oscar supplies and Y/N nods along to his words.

"Yes, Australia, we are in you and we are happy about it," both boys choked out a laugh at the manager's sexual innuendo and Oscar quickly covered his mouth with his hand so as not to react too much. "What about you Lando what are you feeling," Y/N questioned, leaning the small microphone to the boy.

"Feeling like that was a stupid joke. And also like I am going to be getting P1 this weekend. I can feel it in my bones."

"Leave my jokes alone Lando, you're not being paid to be a critic," she scoffed, "and if I recall, you said the same thing in Saudi Arabia not that long ago. What's changed now?"

Lando rolled his eyes, "What's changed is that we're in Australia now and I'm feeling much more confident."

"Well thank god for that," Y/N supplied unhelpfully as Oscar laughed.

"Now, what we really came here for, it's time to film a video for this channel, it's going to be a fan Q and A, I picked the questions. By the time this vlog is up, the QnA should've already been posted. So feel free to stop watching this and to go watch that or whatever," Y/N commented. "After that we're going to film a TikTok challenge," both and Lando and Oscar grimaced, but Y/N ignored their dismay at the idea of fiming yet another TikTok, so cue the montage! Filming time!" Y/N exclaimed and the screen transitioned to a new series of clips.

In the first clip Oscar and Lando were sitting in two chairs while Y/N sat across from them with a set of notecards.

"Lando, this question from user "ln4mania" asks, "Are you and admin actually friends? Or is the online beef real? The people demand answers!" Y/N reads off with a laugh.

"Do you hear that, the people demand answers Lando! Don't keep them waiting!" Oscar and Y/N laugh as Lando shakes his head and tucks his face into his hands.

"There is no beef, guys. Me and admin, or rather me and Y/N are just fine. We hadn't even actually met when that happened," Lando supplied between laughs. Y/N looked at the camera and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, faux-disagreeing with the boy.

She ignored the simmering pit of disappointment in her stomach. She did in fact have a problem with entitled little Lando Norris who still gave her side-eyed looks and judgmental stares whenever he saw her. If that wasn't humiliating enough, Oscar had clearly noticed it too, which just gave Y/N the feeling that she wasn't being taken seriously at all now that Oscar understood Lando's lack of respect for Y/N. However that didn't matter in the current moment. All that mattered was making this video.

The next clip showed Lando and Oscar sitting at a table with bowls of water in front of them and towels strewn across a chair just within frame of the camera. Y/N stood behind them, hands rested in their hair as she reacted to the prompts being read by someone, an unnamed media intern, off-camera.

"Who is harder to make videos with?" The intern asked and Y/N huffed out a laugh as she let her hands fully grasp Lando's curls and push him into the water quickly. He sputtered, trying to blink the water out of his eyes as Y/N laughed at the wet-puppy dog look he was sporting.

Y/N tried to shake the ridiculous desire to let her hands run through the soft curls underneath her finger tips. Curse Lando and whatever stupidly good, rich-person hair routine he used that made him smell good and look good, and... whatever.

Lando, blinking water out of his eyes, was now undoubtedly certain that being damn-near waterboarded was worth it if it meant that Y/N would laugh like that again. He knew Oscar would harass him again later for being "down-bad" or something along those lines- as he had done every time he caught the man staring-, but as he caught a glimpse of Y/N's bright smile and shaking shoulders, he found he didn't really care.

The next clip showed Oscar, Lando, Y/N, and a laughing media intern as they all dried off- somehow all having become wet through the course of filming. Y/N dried herself off quickly, taking a sip of her newly refilled coffee, not seeing the way that only the camera and Oscar saw Lando stared at her until the driver was nudged back into focus on drying himself off.

A title-card once again came on the screen with white words on a photo collage of Australian grand-prix candids that Y/N had taken, reading "Race montage? More likely than you'd think."

Footage was shown of the free practice sessions. Oscar and Lando getting in and out of their cars. Engineers along the pit wall going over data. The team speaking incoherently, going over the game plan for Sunday's race. Oscar and Lando greeting fans, signing merch, and posing for photos. Y/N smiling and waving at a cheering crowd of people before staring at the camera incredulously with a small caption reading: "Omg she's famous your honor". More clips showed Lando laughing as Oscar tossed grapes and Lando moved to catch them with his mouth. Lando nearly choking as Y/N cackled in the background. Multiple clips showing Y/N with a fresh coffee, and another... and another, as Oscar's face in the background grew with concern. Zak Brown explaining to Y/N the dangers of caffeine overdose, and the need for moderation. Y/N explaining to Zak Brown that without coffee she would simply collapse and die, which the camera showed did nothing to ease her concern. Y/N getting caps signed by the drivers for fans and walking away with intricate friendship bracelets decorating her wrists.

And finally footage of the race. The engineers in the garage. The pit-crew changing tires. The cars racing past as Y/N watched attentively. Footage of the crowd as they cheered when the cars whizzed past. Smiling faces of fans. Y/N's cheers as Oscar and Lando passed. The smiling faces of McLaren employees as Lando and Oscar crossed the checkered flag in P6 and P8 respectively.

Y/N accepting hugs from both drivers, ignoring the burning sensation in her stomach as Lando wrapped his arms around her with a smile and a laugh. Y/N calling Lando smelly and telling him to go wash off if he wants to hug her next time, and him rolling his eyes at her fondly before making a face at the camera. The podium celebration is shown and Y/N smiles as the anthem plays, even though it's not for her own team.

The final clip is shown of Y/N in her hotel room, comfortable in sweats as she sits on the unmade bed.

"Not bad results this week guys! P6 for Lando and P8 for Oscar, which are good points for the team. I'm happy on my end, I think we got some good content filmed, and I am now ready to go to sleep so I can get home to Cali and my own bed quicker. I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you didn't don't tell me because I don't care!" Y/N jokes with a smile.

"Hopefully I will see you all at the next race, if not the race after that! Bye papaya fans, and be sure to follow us on instagram and all of the other social platforms!" Y/N exclaimed, gesturing to the list of the social media handles that appeared on her right hand side.

And with that, the camera cut to black.

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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 29,145 others

ynusername afraid to report that i fought jetlag and lost 😔 i did sleep for 25 hours straight after melbourne and i had no clue where i was when i woke up! shout out cali for waking me up 🙏🏼 best friend frl

9,547 comments

bsfusername i'm going to try not to be offended by that caption (love you bb cali) but FUCK YOU CAUSE I BOUGHT YOUR ASS BREAKFAST

ynusername my bad! s/o to that bomb ass omlette 🤩

bsfusername never doing shit for you again

user34 that vlog was god tier, how long did that take

ynusername it took 7 hours of editing and years off my life, thanks so much for asking 🥳

maxverstappen1 thanks again for those podium photos! you have a gift for photography 💪🏻

ynusername don't mention it! 👍🏼

ynusername (no seriously, mclaren might behead me)

mclaren beheading is so last year. firing squad. 🗣️

user35 not y/n threatening herself 💀

oscarpiastri suprised your body didn't naturally wake up for coffee

ynusername it did! just 25 hours later

user36 your poor cat was literally starving for a whole day? youre a horrible owner

ynusername let me introduce you to god's greatest creation: the automatic feeder!!! i'm sure they can mail one to whatever fucking rock you live under!

user37 PERIODDDD

user38 me personally? i'd never log on again

user39 she needs a personal channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'd subscribe

user40 her cat is so cute 😭😭😭 gimme that

ynusername 🫵 STAY BACK HEATHEN, NO ONE TOUCHES CALI AND LIVES

user40 my bad fam 🧍🏻‍♀️

user41 i want someone to love me as much as she loves that mean ass cat

landonorris don't you have a job to be doing 💀💀 she slept through a full work day

user42 lando always on her ass and for whattttt

user43 obsessed obsessed obsessed

ynusername i had the day off! but not the guy who was streaming video games coming for me 🥱 talking bout get a job

user44 lando and y/n beefing on insta again? we're so back

user45 at this point instagram comment beef isn't enough, they need to duel or some shit

user46 the caffeine addiction almost got her guys

ynusername i wish it would, then i wouldn't have to work with lando's annoying ass

landonorris I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS???

ynusername THAT'S THE POINT

user47 honestly just give her a gun atp, these men test her too damn much

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user48 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S RIGHT HERE

user49 no fr, like let's get back to bed grandma

user50 OP, are you concussed?

user51 no actually cause didn't y/n just say she wanted to khs working with him 💀💀

pastryboy81 that sign can't stop me, because i can't read!

user53 OK I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION

user54 ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED???!1!1

user55 i fear i totally get it 😔

user56 it's giving enemies to lovers, secret relationship type vibe lowkkkk

user57 no deadass like he hugged her reallll tight

user58 she also hugged oscar 😭😭?? and he has a whole gf

user59 the way she shoved him off and told him he reeked not 5 seconds after 💀 delusion is a disease yall

user60 someone call the f1 gossip pages cause 😗

user61 more like someone call the ward cause somethings real off with yall 🤨

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sorry that this update took forever, i had surgery and recovery has been rougher than i expected! hope you enjoy!!

please leave your thoughts in the comments and feel free to drop a request for your fav in my asks <3

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[unknown7s]

Can I just say that I really fucking HATE how the majority of the Arcane fandom praising Season 2 is deeply in the mindset of Piltover in reality? Like, it's not even funny, and I don't know where to begin.

I'll just start with Silco because he's this huge metaphorical character who is clearly written as the embodiment of a long list of sociopolitical agendas in the real world. And before I start, pardon my English, since it's not my first language.

I know y'all in the Anglo-American sphere tend to focus more on classism, inequality and police brutality theme. But the way I see it, THAT and every single dialogue plus the specific word choice of Silco & Sevika literally SCREAMS of postcolonial discourse (I guess F. Fanon is most well-known to y'all) and even some part of M. Foucault's philosophy, etc. I'm writing "etc." because the list will go on forever if I describe all these creepy historical parallels between the depiction of Zaun's internal conflict and what real countries that have been (or still are) colonies went through, and what real colonizer propaganda looked like during that time—like how those characters who fight for the nation's independence are the big bad villain and psychotic monsters who need "redemption arc" therapy, while those who cooperate with the oppressors are the good-hearted familial heroes of this story.

So upon reflection, if this fandom were to be a collective intelligence, we should have asked ourselves, "Is this show truly not problematic for portraying such a character as villainous?" and thus, "Is this show thematically implying far-right propaganda?" even before Season 2 presented us with this insane plot that glamorized the militaristic fascist aristocrat proclaiming martial law as a 'romantic revenge arc'.

But what did the majority of the fandom do since 2022? They were so busy shitting on this dead villain, claiming he has done so much wrong that he doesn't even deserve to be praised as a character. So instead of trying to understand where this character's point of view is coming from, they blindly hate him to the point where they are now fabricating a list of crimes that he didn't even commit, editing false information on the fandom wiki profile.

What's more frustrating to me is that I thought the problem was media illiteracy all along, but oh no, I was being way more optimistic than the reality. Now that I’ve read all these interviews from the showrunner and main writer—Linke and Overton—I get the sense of why Season 2 turned out like that. The more they babble on about this show, the clearer it becomes that they don't even acknowledge how messed up their political views are, which are so far-right. Taking the seemingly-centrist line doesn't make you fair, you're just passively siding with the oppressors. And lesbian sex scene doesn't make this show "progressive", in fact, hiding oppressor fantasy behind a rainbow flag makes it even more treacherous.

So yeah, I think critical voices should be much louder than this, but watching the majority of this fandom neglacting problems only to praise the show? I think my hope for humanity kind of get lost more and more as time passes, lol.

[drama-glob]

For those that think Ozzie doesn't care about the hierarchy or is somehow caught up in classism to actually want things to change for the lower class, I'd like for you to see this:

Look at the expressions each of the Deadly Sins wear as Blitz says this (except Belphagor since she's asleep so I didn't include her :/): Satan's is disinterested; Mammon's is gleeful; Leviathan's is cold (maybe sneering); Bee's is sad (as best as I can tell); but Ozzie's? That expression is more than just sad to me, it shows discomfort and guilt as he knows what Blitz is saying is true and he hates it. He also isn't looking away as if to try and make this blatant problem disappear, so that means he bears this weight on his conscience and it hurts; I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Ozzie (and likely Bee too) have tried in the past to make things better for all, only to be shut down like we saw in "Mastermind." :( In addition, while I can't speak for how well things truly are in Gluttony given how bad the Hellhound adoption agency seems to be, Lust at least seems to give its citizens the best quality of life from what we've seen, even though I know most of the population is incubi and succubi rather than imps and Hellhounds, but that's not nothing when we've seen how Greed and Wrath operate. :/

Yes, I know Ozzie's expression could also be related to how the trial went with Blitz being convicted, but considering Satan's bored/"I don't care" expression while Blitz is talking, I'm inclined to believe Ozzie's is related to what the other is saying about royals too. :/

So, as I saw on another post, maybe the question to ask isn't why Ozzie won't do anything and instead why he can't do anything because that is not the look of someone who is happy with the way things are for the lower class and is not blind to it. :( I mean, for goodness sake, Ozzie saw Fizz have a full-on breakdown in front of him about feeling like he's nothing without his title and barely worthy to even just work with a Deadly Sin, so even if Ozzie somehow didn't care about this issue or was unaware of it for THOUSANDS of years despite mingling amongst the deemed lower class all that time (so that means I highly doubt either was the case -_- ), he damn well would after that. (Yes, Fizz likely was dealing with internalized ableism too, but there's no way it was just that given how we saw Fizz's self-worth issues exist even before he lost his limbs, no doubt made worse by Cash Buckzo's influence as well :( ).

Also, just to put it out there since I haven't seen it mentioned yet, maybe we're shown this:

where they know Satan is uttering bullsh*t but don't say anything because it gives us a benchmark for setting up a future plot point of a royal civil war and we see which side of the fight they'd be on since they don't seem to like Satan and his forceful/harsh ways. :/ (Also, I'm pretty sure they'd be met with some form of punishment for speaking out against Satan, even if they are Deadly Sins too, so please consider that as well when it comes to reasons why they were silent; they have after all had thousands of years of experience dealing with Satan and how he'd likely respond :/).

[drac-kool-aid]

Y'know, something that gets me, is that in the book, Dracula's intentional predation of Lucy starts off with an accidental meeting. Sure, Lucy slept walked, and an argument could be made her path might have been supernaturally influenced, but I say she'd already been a known sleep-walker, and she went directly to a place she was familiar with.

Her stumbling onto Dracula's hiding spot in a very vulnerable state was just an accident, and from there, he intentionally set out to harm her, and through that, everyone around her he could get.

This is sort of related to Jonathan, too. Had Mr. Hawkins not come down with a bad case of gout, Jonathan wouldn't have been sent to Castle Dracula in his stead. Sure, Dracula probably would have had his fun with Hawkins before inevitably killing him, but I doubt he would have drawn it out so long or taken so much delight.

Dracula never sets out with a master-plan to attack Lucy or Jonathan. They just end up in his path and spark his interest. We know that if he isn't interested in you, he'll kill you. He'll, he breaks Mr. Swales neck doesn't even bite him. But the two victims he decides he's going to make suffer the longest he possibly can, he just stumbles upon and goes "oh this will be fun". Later, we see him start choosing victims as a way to retaliate, but for the two inciting incident victims upon which the rest of the story hangs...its just wrong place wrong time.

The reason this struck me is that I was misremembering. For some reason, which I now believe due to thinking about the *through gritted teeth* Coppola film, is that Lucy is sort of hand-picked by Dracula to be his victim. And yeah, the fucking film ain't subtle in its blaming of Lucy's victimization on the fact that she was Too Pretty and Too Flirtatious and Dracula psychically drew her into the garden in a flowing diaphanous dress, but it's really her fault....I hate this movie.

Like, i just read the films Wikipedia plot synopsis, Dracula "psychically seduces" Lucy before biting her. He chooses her out of everyone in England deliberately.

And just...no. That's not what happens. Lucy got so stressed from her wedding that her latent sleep walking started again. Mina gets so tired from the constant stress she falls asleep without meaning to. Lucy went to their favorite spot...Dracula just happened to be there and took advantage and both Lucy and Mina weren't floating along softly into a garden with a fan letting their hair blow, but cold, scared, and covered in mud and blood, and forced to sneak back to the house that way, facing not only the supernatural but the very ordinary horrors of being caught outside at night by a strange man.

Idk. The tragedy is that Dracula didn't set out to fuck with these people. It's just that they were the ones who crossed his path that he took an interest in, and he decided to draw it out as long as possible.

(Oh fuck, this is the crew of the Demeter too. It isn't like Draculas got some big plan. He just decides he's going to play with his food. Had he boarded any other ship it would have ended up the same way.)

I guess in conclusion, I find it odd that adaptions seem to need to find a reason for him doing what he does. Like, Coppola has to conjure up a whole reincarnation backstory at one point, but I don't understand why!! Let Dracula just be an opportunist, his casual cruelty knowing no reason. That makes him scarier.

[whatwooshkai]

"put this guy in earthspark" "put that guy in earthspark" I think you are all correct but I've been thinking about it so here's who I would love to see in earthspark and why:

-sunstreaker and sideswipe (this show is all about family when was the last time the twins were on screen together huh. they are speedster twins twitch and thrash would love them)

-ironhide (would be plotting megatron's demise the second he saw him. like optimus' scary dog who barks every time megatron gets too close "he don't bite" "YES HE DO")

-jazz and prowl (I think they should show up together. I think prowl needs someone to handle people for him because if he showed up by himself it would not end well. also I love jazz and find their dynamic fun, plus jazz would love the terrans)

-ratchet and deadlock (specifically deadlock. it would be so funny. imagine ratchet comes into camp and they're like "holy shit thank god finally an actual medic who can help us" but look he's got the cybtertronian equivalent of a feral attack dog following him that adores him and hates everyone else and he's not doing anything about it)

-thundercracker and buster (GIVE HIM HIS DOG!! bonus points if skywarp and starscream are like "oh we don't know about thundercracker. we lost him years ago. we hope one day to find him and welcome him with open arms" and this whole time he's had a dog and been writing screenplays like "oh they know I'm fine" [they don't])

-first aid (I love ratchet but bro's been dominating the medical field. put first aid in. or literally any other medic actually. put fucking pharma in and let him go wild. that would be fun. but back to first aid I love his character and I think his "I'm a medic, but..." attitude would fit perfectly, and he'd love the terrans)

-pharma

-whirl (do it you fucking cowards. and don't do it like cyberverse. make him unhinged. he would be such a bad influence it would be great)

[woozinhos]

when you and vernon ( both as idols) get caught dating and he gets so mad that fans don’t approve your relationship

kind of angry sex?

I tried to make this one a bit longer let me know what you guys think I gave it a little bit of a plot as well :D

It was a secret that you and Vernon had been keeping for a while - your relationship with him. But the secret had been discovered, and the news had spread like wildfire.

As you walked through the halls of the company building, you could feel the stares of other idols and staff members on you. Whispers and murmurs followed you wherever you went, and it was clear that people were not happy about your relationship with Vernon.

Vernon, however, was furious.

He had always been protective of you, but now he was on edge. The constant attention and criticism from fans and media had taken a toll on him, and he was struggling to keep his anger in check.

When you finally made it back to his apartment, Vernon was waiting for you. He looked tense and on edge, his jaw clenched tightly as he paced back and forth in the living room.

"You're finally here," he said as soon as you walked through the door. "I was worried sick."

He pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you close as if he was afraid you might disappear.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" he asked, his voice tight. "I've been trying to reach you all day."

You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry," you murmured, feeling guilty for making him worry. "I just needed some space to think."

Vernon held you tighter, his body still tense with frustration.

"You can't just disappear like that," he said, his voice strained. "Not after what happened today."

He pulled back slightly, his eyes searching your face.

"Do you have any idea what people are saying about us?" he asked, his voice low and angry. "They're tearing us apart, tearing you apart."

Vernon's grip on you tightened as he spoke, his fingers digging into your skin.

"They're saying all kinds of things about you, about our relationship," he said, his eyes flashing with anger. "That you're not good enough for me, that you're only after my fame and money."

You met his gaze, your own expression determined.

"But I'm an idol too, Vernon," you said firmly. "I've worked just as hard as you have, and I'm just as talented. I deserve to be with you, just like you deserve to be with me."

Vernon's expression darkened as you spoke, his anger flaring up even more.

"That's not the point," he said through clenched teeth. "It doesn't matter that you're an idol too. The fans still don't approve of our relationship, and they're not going to stop until they tear us apart."

He let out a frustrated growl, running a hand through his hair.

"I hate this," he said, his voice rough. "I hate that we have to hide our relationship, that we can't just be together in public without people judging us."

He started to pace again, his footsteps heavy and agitated.

"I just want to be able to hold your hand in public, to kiss you in front of everyone without worrying about what they'll say," he said, his voice laced with frustration. "Is that too much to ask for?"

You watched as he continued to pace, his anger palpable in the air.

"I'm tired of hiding," he said, his voice low and strained. "I'm tired of pretending that we're just friends, that there's nothing between us."

He suddenly stopped pacing and turned to face you, his eyes blazing with a mixture of frustration and desire.

"I want you," he said, his voice low and intense. "I want you so bad, and I don't care who knows it."

He took a step towards you, his eyes raking over your body.

"I need you," he said, his voice thick with need. "Right now, I need you so badly it's driving me crazy."

Vernon's lips crashed against yours, his kiss rough and demanding.

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly against him as he deepened the kiss. He backed you up against the wall, his body pinning you in place as he devoured your mouth.

His hands roamed over your body, his touch possessive and desperate. He broke the kiss for a moment, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he looked down at you.

"You're mine," he growled, his eyes dark with desire. "No one else's. Understand?"

He claimed your mouth again, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth as he pressed his body against yours. His hands slid down to your hips, his fingers digging into your skin as he lifted you up and pinned you against the wall.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, holding onto him tightly as he continued to kiss you senseless. He moved his lips to your neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin as he started to grind his hips against yours.

You moaned at the sensation, your head falling back against the wall as Vernon continued to mark your neck. He let out a low growl, his grip on your hips tightening as he felt your body respond to his touch.

Vernon quickly moved to the couch, sitting down with you still in his lap. He looked up at you, his eyes dark with lust as he ran his hands up and down your thighs.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. "And all mine."

He pulled you closer, his hands sliding under your shirt to feel your skin.

"I want to mark you all over," he said, his lips brushing against your ear. "I want everyone to know that you belong to me."

He leaned back, a smirk on his face as he looked up at you.

"I want to make sure that when you go out in public tomorrow, everyone sees the marks I've left on you," he said, his voice low and possessive. "I want them to know that you're mine, and that no one else can touch you."

The room was filled with the sound of tearing fabric as Vernon's hands tore at your clothes, his desire taking over completely.

He growled as he exposed more and more of your skin, his lips and teeth trailing hot kisses across your body. Once you were completely naked, he took a moment to admire your body, his eyes roaming over every inch of you.

"God, you're perfect," he breathed, his hands tracing over your curves.

He looked up at you, his eyes filled with raw need.

"I want you to ride me," he said, his voice hoarse. "I want to feel you, I want to see you take control and use me to make yourself feel good."

He moved his hands to your hips, his grip firm as he guided you onto his lap.

"Go ahead," he said, his voice strained with anticipation. "Take what you want, baby."

You slowly lowered yourself onto him, a gasp escaping your lips as you felt him fill you completely. Vernon's eyes rolled back in his head, a low groan escaping his throat as he felt your walls clench around him.

You began to move, riding him slowly at first before picking up the pace. Vernon's hands gripped your hips tightly, his fingers digging into your skin as he watched you take control.

"That's it," he said through gritted teeth. "Ride me hard, baby. Show me how angry you are."

You increased your pace, your hips moving frantically as you rode him.

Vernon's hands moved to your ass, squeezing the flesh roughly as he helped guide your movements. He was watching you intently, his eyes dark with lust and desire as he took in the sight of you above him.

Suddenly, Vernon couldn't take it anymore.

He started to thrust upwards, meeting your movements with his own and increasing the intensity of the pleasure. He let out a growl, his hands on your hips pulling you down harder onto him with each thrust.

Your moans filled the room as you arched your back, your head thrown back in ecstasy. Vernon's eyes roamed over your body, taking in every curve and dip as he continued to thrust up into you.

"You feel so good," he grunted, his grip on your hips tightening even more. "So tight and wet for me."

He pulled you down so that your chest was pressed against his, his arms wrapping around you and holding you close. He buried his face in your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he continued to pound into you.

"I'm never letting you go," he whispered in your ear. "You're mine, forever."

His lips found yours again, kissing you hungrily as you continued to move together. The kiss was messy and desperate, filled with a mixture of desire and possessiveness.

Vernon's hands roamed over your body, touching every inch of you as he held you tightly against him. The pleasure built higher and higher, each thrust sending shockwaves through your body.

You could feel yourself getting close, your body tensing as you neared the edge. Vernon sensed it too, his movements becoming more frantic as he chased his own release.

"Come for me," he growled, his voice low and commanding. "I want to feel you fall apart around me."

You were so close, your body teetering on the edge of ecstasy.

Vernon's words sent you over the edge, and with a cry of his name, you came undone in his arms. Your body trembled and convulsed as waves of pleasure washed over you, your inner walls clenching around Vernon's cock.

He held you tightly, his own orgasm triggered by the feeling of you coming undone around him. He let out a guttural moan, burying his face in your neck as he spilled himself inside you.

The two of you stayed locked together for a moment, both of you panting and trembling in the aftermath of your release. Vernon held you close, his arms wrapped tightly around you as he placed soft kisses along your neck and shoulder.

"You're amazing," he murmured, his voice still rough with pleasure. "So perfect."

He pulled back slightly, looking up at you with a serious expression.

"I don't care what anyone says," he said, his eyes locked on yours. "I don't care what people think about us, about you. I don't want to leave you, ever."

He reached up to cup your face in his hands, his touch gentle yet firm.

"You're the most important thing in my life," he said, his voice low and earnest. "I would do anything for you, I would give up everything just to stay by your side."

[pepperf]

I'm a little puzzled by a few takes I've seen along the lines of, Lila was such a great wife and mother and Diego took her for granted! Because I don't think the show gave us that at all, and I think it relied heavily and lazily on societal norms to get the audience to make that leap. It also ignored previous characterisation, which is why I plan to disregard the season as a whole - because if the characters had been like this from the start, I wouldn't have fallen in love with them.

So, what I mean is: the whole time we see her as a parent, Lila is basically phoning it in. She seems to view her kids as one monolithic, sticky entity sent purely to ruin her day (distinct shades of the Handler there). They're just a list of chores - diapers, dentist, ballet, cake, piñata... And I'm not underestimating how much parenting really is a list of chores to be done - but that's all we see, no love, no fun. She's eager to get away from them, and she's only - finally - desperate to be with them when it's convenient for the plot, at which point we're supposed to buy the idea that her kids are her sole focus (not the relationship that they spent the past two seasons building up). And even then, the focus is not on the reunion with the kids, it's on all the awkwardness of the surprise love triangle. Hell, one of the kids doesn't even get a name.

Their intent might have been to have Lila be the better parent, but like much of this season, it's all tell and no show. We're working off a couple of brief conversations from the points of view of two frustrated, tired, biased individuals who are already at odds with one another, plus the evidence of what they actually do. They show that they’re not communicating well, but they don’t show how that happened, how long this has been growing, if one of them really is more at fault. All we know is that he complains a lot, and she’s sneaking out at night to play secret agent. They tell us that she loves her children (eventually, after seven years apart), but they show her being annoyed and/or bored in every normal, non-apocalyptic interaction. They have her (and Five) tell us that Diego is a bad husband, but they show Lila sniping at his weight, his way of running a birthday party, rolling her eyes at his efforts to impress her and regain her attention - and they show him dadding at everyone (he will turn this van around, so help him), the comfortable love and affection between him and his kids, the Punjabi he learned to speak fluently to his in-laws, him looking for ways to fix his marriage...

Take the bracelet thing, for example. "You hate bracelets," says Diego. "I gave you one for Valentines and you traded it for a Dyson vacuum." I think what we're supposed to take from that is a) Lila stopped wearing the wooden bracelet (uh oh, signs the honeymoon period has worn off!), b) Diego gives thoughtless, stereotypical gifts, and c) he doesn't understand what she really wants.

But an alternative reading is this: a) Lila stopped wearing the wooden bracelet (could not be a clearer or more loaded 'fuck you' to Diego), b) Diego tried to find another way to win her affection (on his pay as a delivery driver, with a wife and three kids to support, he managed to buy a bracelet that was expensive enough to trade for a Dyson?), and c) she rejected that gift as well, without any deeper explanation than 'I hate bracelets'. She's shut down all communication between them and is not telling him what's wrong. She has shut him out so comprehensively that she's got a whole undercover life - for which she apparently has the time and energy! - and yet we're supposed to think that oh it's all on Diego. Why? Lila is not a shy and retiring flower, and she and Diego have been shown before to have some very sincere heart-to-hearts about their relationship. Something changed, okay, fine - but why would we assume it was Diego that caused that?

I think our expectations about What Women Are Like are doing a LOT of the heavy lifting in how the show wants Lila to be perceived. She's a woman, and therefore she's automatically a good wife and mother - that she's emotionally intelligent, the organiser, she'll love her children and would do anything for them, she'll tried the hardest to make her marriage work, just...because boobies, I guess. This is not how you write good parents, or good female characters, TUA! A truly astonishing amount of people actually ARE women, and they know that it doesn't automatically confer any kind of maternal or wifely abilities! These things have to be worked on!

(In real life, women are often socialised to be better at these things, this is sadly true. But an awful lot of us do not have an innate talent for it, and there's no shame in that. And, more relevantly to this post, this is not real life, and Lila is not your average person. She's not normal, and I love that about her. She was raised to be a weapon. Do we really think the Handler installed the 'homemaker' module? Lila herself said that she was scared that she wouldn't know how to be a mother, because she had no good example to base it on.)

I also think the show assumes that, when you get married and have kids, you're automatically granted a house in the suburbs, a bunch of in-laws, and enough money from just the husband's job to get by. And I think that is an incredibly privileged and blinkered assumption. Frankly, unless her parents are financing them, they should be struggling a lot more. None of that is explained, and for me it was a real gap, because these are the arguments that Lila and Diego should be having. Lila caring for the kids versus getting a job. Living with family versus striking out on their own. Diego sticking at a job that makes him miserable and difficult to live with, or taking the huge financial risk of trying to find something better. These are the real life issues they should be facing.

Listen, I think the characterisation of Lila as a parent and spouse in this season is horseshit. I think she would be so much better than they showed - of course she's going to have some low times, she's going to struggle with her own upbringing, but I think she would try her damndest to get it right, and I don't think she'd be defeated so easily. But if we're dealing with what canon actually shows us, she's, uh, kind of mediocre as a mother, and really not that great as a partner.

And yes, I'm sure Diego is no angel, either, he's obviously wrapped up in his problems, and he's probably not much fun to be around when he's fixating on, uh, *checks notes* wanting a more fulfilling job (the fiend). But honestly, he's not that far removed from the Diego we've seen all along, the one she fell in love with. It takes one conversation for him to realise how incredibly fortunate he is, and to convince him to try to work harder on his relationship and stop focusing on the unobtainable. The idea that he's the only one who is failing at this whole gig - the chief culprit in the failure of their marriage, the only one who needs to make an effort to fix things - is bizarre. And it's pretty obvious why they've done it: to justify her thing with Five later and make it all seem more palatable. But there's no real substance behind it.

tl;dr: this season was badly-written, takes some incredibly antiquated attitudes towards the role of women that are inconsistent with the characters they themselves established, and some incredibly classist attitudes towards manual labour, and just hopes that you'll either take it at face value or read the fuck into it, to better sell you a shitty romance that added nothing to the plot.

[tofixtheshadows]

With the leak of a new post-canon comic, I am begging the Dungeon Meshi fandom to, for once, not jump at the chance to paint the one dark-skinned main character like a two-faced scheming vizier.

It's an uphill battle convincing the fandom that Laios and Kabru end the story as friends, despite this being a major plot point and something they both state multiple times, so I'm not even going to focus on that. But even if he secretly hated Laios, do you really think Kabru, master of navigating social situations and chronic peacekeeper, would insult the king, HIS KING, to a visiting dignitary?! Does that sound smart to you? And an ELF? Kabru is passionate about the sovereignty of short-lived races and does not trust elves not to treat them like children. Why would he make the man he decided was the best choice to be king look foolish to an elven noble?

This is the same guy who was reluctant to say anything bad about Laios to Mithrun in the dungeon because he'd pinned his hopes on him:

You think he'd just wait until he's a member of Laios's court to start shit talking?

Maybe he engaged the elf in the rumors they mentioned and diffused the situation, maybe he just diverted the conversation with small talk. Maybe, as @sabertoothwalrus suggested in the link I added above, the elf actually didn't address Laios again because they were more interested in asking Kabru about himself, and Kabru got caught up schmoozing- a take I think is pretty plausible because it's a joke that aligns with others Kui has made involving Kabru.

We don't know! And we'll probably never know, but "Kabru secretly hates Laios and would insult him behind his back" is a take we need to fucking retire.

[his-angell]

"You'll get used to it, sweetheart." (c.bc)

plot; A trip with her boyfriend to his hometown sounded like a dream. She was so glad to be able to spend more time with him. But.. Maybe less time with the bugs.. paring; Christopher Bahng x fem!reader genre; crack, fluff, smidge of angst if you squint word count; 1k warnings; bugs, cursing, pet names, 3rd pov request?; yes! request found here

A trip to Chan's hometown was a dream. Finally being able to spend time with him and see where he grew up? That's literal heaven. Plus, she's always wanted to travel to Australia.. It seemed beautiful. So hey, it was a win win for her. Or so she thought. She didn't really believe that the bugs there were that horrible. She always saw online that they were bad, but she didn't really think it could be that horrible. They were only some silly bugs! Shes pretty much gotten used to most of the bugs where she lived. So, these can't be much worse, right? Getting used to the bugs didn't mean she was completely fear free of them though.. She still hated them with a passion.

After a relaxing dinner with Chan's family, they had decided to go take a walk, just the two of them. It was fall, so it wasn't too hot, or too cold. It was perfect. (y/n) listened happily to her boyfriend talk about how he missed his mom and dad so much. He was talking about fond memories he had walking down the trail they were on.

"I love listening to you talk," (y/n) butted in, squeezing his hand lightly. A light blush took over Chan's cheeks. He laughed nervously and waved his free hand. "Yeah, whatever." He huffed. "I ramble. Besides, my voice is not that-" He was cut off by the shorter woman slapping his arm. "Yah! Don't even start on that. Your voice is literally my favorite thing in the world." She huffed and rolled her eyes. He knew how much she hated when he talked bad about himself.

Chan chuckled and shook his head softly. They decided to take a seat down on a bench. They were sitting in a comfortable silence, gazing over at the clouds that passed over. The sun was setting, and it basked the sky in beautiful oranges and pinks. (y/n) looked down when she felt something tickle her thigh. She felt a hot rush over her body as she stared at the fat beetle on her thigh. She whined and quickly swiped it away.

Chan frowned and looked at her. "You alright?" He chuckled softly. "Why are the bugs so- Ugly-" (y/n) grumbled and shuttered slightly. God- She hated bugs.. There was something about them that freaked her out so bad. She huffed and ran a hand through her hair. Chan only laughed softly at her and patted her head. "You'll get used to it, sweetheart." He hummed. Would she thoughh? Definitely not was the correct answer..

That was just one time that the bugs bothered her. Over the trip, they were outside a lot. Whether it be walks, or eating outside at a fancy restaurant. There was no getting away from them. While she tried really hard to just ignore them, she wasn't able to. Whether it be a bug on the ground, or the table. Hell, even when she saw it on some strangers arm, she would scoot or step away. She couldn't stand it. They were big and ugly.

Chan was talking to his mother, and (y/n) was sparking conversations with his sister. They were sitting out on a patio. They had gone out to this lounge spot. It was really pretty. Hannah paused mid sentence to point at (y/n)'s shoulder. "Okay, don't freak out, but there's a huge spider on your arm." She laughed nervously. (y/n) tensed up and clenched her eyes shut. She couldn't even look at it, more less move to swat it away. "Chris-" She whined quietly.

Chan hummed and looked over. His smile faltered at the sight of his girlfriend tensed up with her eyes clamped shut. He glanced at Hannah, who pointed at the spider again. Chan looked and blinked at it. Yikes. He hated bugs as much as the next person, but he kinda got used to them. He knew how bad (y/n) hated bugs. "Why aren't you doing anything?!" (y/n) spat through gritted teeth, opening her eyes to look at him.

Hannah pursed her lips to stop herself from laughing. She wasn't aware of (y/n)'s fear of the insects. She cleared her throat and moved to go sit by their mother. Chan gently took a deep breath and grabbed a napkin. He reached over and grabbed the spider, crushing it inside the napkin. He got up, throwing it away. He sat back down and gently wiped her shoulder. "All gone, jagi." He kissed her head. (y/n) slowly nodded and shuttered. "Ick.. Ick!" She whined and wiped herself off.

Chan chuckled softly and patted her head. "Not used to it then?" He snickered. (y/n) glared at him. "I don't understand how I ever could get used to it. They're actually disgusting." She laughed quietly. She sighed softly and patted his cheek. "Good thing I have my big strong boyfriend to get them for me," She clicked her tongue and huffed. Chan rolled his eyes softly and shook his head softly. "Ah, I see what I am now. I'm only here to save you from the bugs." He grabbed his drink and took a sip from it. She nodded slowly and raised her eyebrows. "Wasn't that obvious?" She hummed. Chan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I cannot with you." He tutted. "You love me." She kissed his cheek. "That I do, sweetheart," He kissed her head gently.

That's pretty much how the rest of the trip went. It was perfect, all because she had her lovely boyfriend to protect her from all the bugs. Anytime one flew by her, she would move to the other side of Chan and he would laugh and swat it away. He would tease her endlessly throughout the trip and even when they got home. All out of love of course. He never knew someone could be that worried about a little tiny thing. Truth was, those things are not tiny.. He's just oddly used to it..

...

thank you, annon for the requestt!! i hope it lived up to your wishess! muah muah! stay safee! <3

all writing rights are reserved to @his-angell do not repost or translate my work without my permission. reblogs are appreciated.

[blindmagdalena]

I know you've done vampire Homelander before, but after looking (totally not obsessively) at various Antony Starr/Homelander gifs, how do you see canon normal Homelander reacting to his so/us/reader pointing out his sharp teeth and how vampiric they are? Perhaps pointing it out around Halloween👀. I can see a bunch of scenarios but I'd love your input.

"You could be a vampire," you say, swiping lazily through the costume listings on Vought Prime on your phone.

You've made a dozen suggestions already, but he's shot down every single one of them. You're beginning to lose hope that Homelander will be dressed as anything other than "The Homelander" for your first Halloween together.

"You already wear a cape, a high collar, slicked back hair. All we need is a palette swap."

Sitting on the couch next to you, your legs draped over his lap, he gives your thigh a pensive rolling tap with his fingers.

"I thought the vampire fad was over."

"No, vampires are timeless. Plus, you even have the fangs."

"I do not have fangs."

Like Dracula rising from his coffin, you sit straight up, staring him dead in the eye.

"Yes, you do."

His eyes narrow a touch. You can see him running his tongue along his teeth behind his lips.

"See?" you prompt. "You could definitely pierce my carotid with those bad boys."

"You sound like you've thought about it," he says, amusement steadily replacing his initial offense.

"Maybe I've fantasized a little," you say, the words more a tease than a simple admission. "Like I said, you've got the look down pat. You have super strength, you fly, you hate the smell of garlic. You're just a very... patriotic vampire."

He laughs, giving you a perfect flash of those very sharp canines you do so adore. He grabs your legs and slides you over his lap like you weigh nothing at all, bringing you properly into it.

"Tell me about this fantasy."

You slip one arm around his neck while you gesture with the other, setting the scene.

"Alright, so, picture this: it's nighttime—obviously, because vampire"—

"Obviously," he echoes very seriously.

—"and I'm on a rooftop alone."

"Why are you on a rooftop at night?"

"I'm sorry, are you already poking plot holes in my hyper specific 'vampire you' fantasy that you asked to hear?"

He puts up a gloved hand like a white flag of surrender. "Continue."

"Thank you. So, rooftop at night. It's cold, I look very demure and vulnerable—stop laughing—and perfect for a midnight snack. That's when I hear you, first the billow of your cape in the crisp wind, followed by your deep, velvety voice as you lure me in with, 'Chillin' all by your lonesome, beautiful?'"

Homelander bursts into laughter at that. You grin, his laugh causing something warm to blossom in your chest.

"That's fucking lame," he says, teeth as sharp as ever in that wolfish smile of his. "Why did you make vampire me so lame?"

"I mean, my love. If the boot fits," you say slyly, cupping either side of his face.

"See, I don't think I would say anything at all," he tells you, taking hold of your wrists. He pulls your hands in so that he can wrangle them both into the grip of one hand, and then turns you away from him, putting your back to his chest.

To this day, the ease with which he manhandles you still leaves you breathless. The strength lurking in him is unlike anything you've ever known.

"I would just... creep up behind you. Silent," he says, quieter now, his hot breath tickling your neck. "You wouldn't even know I was there until..."

You suck in a sharp breath of your own as you feel his teeth graze your throat, goosebumps erupting over every inch of skin.

"The bite."

He sinks his teeth in, the sharp sting of it jolting a gasp out of you that fades unexpectedly into a moan.

Holy fuck.

He didn't break skin, but you're sure he came close. He drags his tongue over the fading indents left in his wake, the heat of it sending a shiver up your spine.

"One bite is all it takes, and then I'm hooked. Instead of suckin' you dry, I keep you. My own sweet, demure little juice box."

"Eugh, you had me going until juice box," you say, but your trembling voice fails to convey the disinterest you intend.

You feel the shape of his grin against your neck as it widens.

"Your pulse disagrees. It's gone south."

"You're one to talk. Your cup feels awfully stiff," you say, grinding back against him for good measure. It satisfies you to hear him suck in a sharp little breath.

"Bedroom?" he murmurs, the word nearly lost in the kisses he's peppering along your still-stinging neck.

"Bedroom," you agree, giving a little yelp at how quickly he propels himself up into the air, flying more than he's walking.

Once Halloween rolls around, some remark that putting a little fake blood in the corners of Homelander's mouth doesn't constitute a costume, but you don't care.

You're plenty satisfied with your vampire boyfriend.

[angrykittybarbarian]

Things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard part 3 (final thoughts)

I have finally finished the playthrough. I endured because I wanted to give this game a fair chance. I wanted to see it from start to finish in the hopes it would deliver something, anything capable of redeeming it. But it just didn't. Or more precisely, not in a way sufficient to make its flaws easy to overlook. These are my closing impressions on the game. I have already done two posts about this in which I documented my observations and comments as I progressed. I will link the posts here: Part 1, Part 2.

Let's finish this ride for now.

!Spoilers below the cut!

The music

I don't know what the direction of the music was meant to take. When it was announced Hans Zimmer would compose the OST I had high hopes. Hans Zimmer is a houshold name in Hollywood and skilled at what he does. I listened to a number of movie OSTs of his making and they were all excellent. So what happened here?

The music sounds generic most of the time without a clear theme or a unique piece that got me searching for it on youtube.

The main theme has sort of a recognizable composition but isn't anything outstanding. Emmrich's theme sounds like a halloween piece written for Wednesdsy Adams and the rest of the OST seems to mimic Trevor Morris' work for DA:I, namely the Lost Temple and In Hushed Whispers themes, but without the emotional impact the original pieces created.

It's as someone has already pointed out and I agree: Bioware has bought the name Hans Zimmer but not his quality. It sounds like he didn't even seriously create something but half heartedly whipped something out of his sleeve and called it a day.

The facial animations

The main problem with these is they often don't fit the emotions the VAs are communicating.

The VAs actually did a fantastic job. The scene that touched me the most was the one Rook confronts Solas in after they escape the regret prison in the fade. That was the first time Rook felt involved, raw and real.

But what broke the atmosphere in an otherwise flawless scene was how unmoving their facial expression was. There was the VA shouting their lung out and the animation couldn't even give half a fuck about it.

I don't even see an excuse for this lack of facial animation. It was possible to do since DA:O, hell, even since the first Mass Effect back in '07. Why is it not possible in the year of our Lord 2024, when technology is presumably better?

The handholding of the player

The plot is tightly paced. This is not necessarily a bad thing as I didn't really like the Open World approach of DA:I since it stretched the main plot too thinly and the maps created weren't filled with interesting side content but boring and pointless fetch quests.

But Veilguard went into the opposide extreme as it leaves only little room for the player when and how to do things. The quests are activated and must be completed in a specific order. They have also only one outcome without room to make different decisions.

Rook can never be truly ruthless. They can never disagree and butt heads with their companions.

And I hate how on the side of the screen the game exactly tells you what you have done and how it affects your companions' behaviour. It doesn't bake it into the interaction organically. Instead it has yet again, explained to me what I did and why it has this very specific effect without any of the characters discussing it. But the beauty of consequential decisions lies in the very unpredictability of its outcome. That's what creates the emotional impact. It doesn't work if I am being warned and explained to like a small child.

It's this lack of trust the game puts into the intelligence of its players that is so experience breaking, insulting even. It doesn't trust its players to figure stuff out themselves. It assumes we are too stupid to get any of the things it tries to tell us.

The ting is though, dear Bioware writers, if you think you have to overexplain your story because you think your audience won't get it then that's a telltale sign of the story being actually badly written.

Another area where this becomes appearant are the "puzzles". I used the quotation marks because there isn't really anything to solve. The solutions are obvious and at times your companions go out of their way to tell you.

The romances

Romances have always been a nice bonus on top of the otherweise amazing game content. They added some enjoyable extra fluff purely for enjoyment and some cases even deepened the main storyline.

In Veilguard they don't do that. In almost all of them the flirting is so meaningless that your cutscene with them just proceeds as if nothing happened.

There is no shift or change to their tone towards Rook. You don't build up the relationship with them. There is no last goodbye kiss before the last mission or passionate affirmations of love and trust. It just leaves you cold.

The only romance that seems to have that old depth is Emmrich's. The rest however, they don't add anything significant. There virtually is no difference to the game without the romances.

Companion relationships

Let's begin here with the simple fact that all deeper interactions Rook has with the companions are strictly scripted which ties back into the handholding part of this criticism. Rook cannot initiate a conversation and ask them some general questions about their histories and opinions on certain matters.

Rook only gets to interact with them when they happen to want something from them. Otherwise they cannot be bothered to acknowledge Rook with more than a one sided oneliner.

And then there are the relationships between the companions themselves. They either get along swimmingly or the game feels the need to stage some immature conflict between them without any deeper purpose.

Like Harding not understanding why Emmrich brings so many books on the road despite it literally not being any of her damn business bevause it doesn't personally affect her in any way.

Or Taash not understanding his profession as a Mournwatcher as they call him names so Rook has to point out Taash in turn likes dragons which is an interest he doesn't share only to culminate the discussion with a "We need to respect our differences" sort of statement.

These are not conflicts, these are squabbles of children and like children Roik talks to them which is brought ad absurdum with Emmrich because he is literally old enough to be Rook's father.

Why bother at all with writing conflict if it is only to be something as inconsequential as this?

Varric's death

This one is a .... choice.

I won't go into why the decision to let him die or not is good or bad because I feel like this is highly subjective.

However the impact of the reveal of this fact is only partly executed well.

Why?

Because it only hits hard when the player has known and cared about Varric at least since DA:I if not DA 2. The execution of this plotpoint thus relies too heavily on nostalgia instead of building the tension up within its own setting.

When thinking about Bioware also wanting to be newcomer friendly with this game I am left to wonder then why they didn't introduce Varric properly and didn't give the players time to build up the relationship? Why would a new player care about Varric? They don't know him.

Bioware cannot in good conscience claim they designed the game to be new player friendly while simultaniously heavily relying on knowledge from previous games, dlcs, comics, novels and other spin-off media. They cannot claim this and have anything but DATV do the heavy lifting when it comes to executing their plot.

The final mission

For my final point I also want to lose some positive feedback about this game.

The ending was actually well written.

In relation to Solas it comes full circle. You can actually feel what's at stake and the decisions Rook makes actually matter.

The final questline roughly follows a Mass Effect 2 approach where it is classified as nothing short of a suicide mission.

Companion quests essentially function as loyalty missions and Rook gets to assign various posts in battle. Just like in Mass Effect 2 assigning a companion a post completely outside of their expertise may get them killed.

The dialogue is actually written well at this point in the game. There isn't really much to complain about.

But even this part is not entirely without faults.

For one I don't like the non negotiable sacrifice that has either to be made by Harding or Davrin. Rook doesn't even get a chance to save any of them. But again these non negotiable companion deaths where you only make the choice who's it's going to be isn't anything new (i.e. Hawke and whatever Warden you happen to get, Kaidan/Ashley in ME 1). So maybe a bit if a bummer but nothing experience breaking.

A stronger point however is that Rook will always keep the Veil intact in the end.

I suppose this outcome already is part of the game title itself but was it necessary to take it so literally?

With everything the elves have lost and the discrimination they faced it should absolutely have been an option to agree with Solas and tear the Veil down.

But since we don't talk about racism and slavery I guess Rook doesn't reflect on these points either. So I guess keeping the Veil intact is in line with the game's general sanitization of the world.

So in conclusion?

The game is far from great, not gonna lie. It feels like the devs actually wanted a new IP but were too afraid of the risks that come with such an endeavor and thought gutting an existing franchise that already did the heavy lifting of building a fanbase and using it as a package would save their ideas from flopping. Surely no one will notice it is actually something else if we market it as Dragon Age, right?

But we are not that stupid. This behaviour is insulting to put it plain and simple and I am heartbroken, angry and said that this was done to Dragon Age. I wanted to love this game. I was optimistic before the release. Everything looked fine, nothing in particular to worry about.

But I cannot continue to defend this without breaking my basic brain function.

The most frustrating part is that with the ending the devs showed they can write a story and meaningful dialogues. It left me wondering why it couldn't be done like this for the rest of the game and living with the reality that I will never get what this game could have been.

All in all this is not a good Dragon Age game. It is a massive disappointment and does not live up to the promises made by the devs.

I am sorry for everyone who preordered.

I am sorry for everyone who paid the full release price.

Nominating it for Game of the Year is not justified no mattee how you look at it.

If you are genuinely enjoying the game, I hope you continue to do so and all power to you.

For the rest: let's stop excusing Bioware's disrespect towards the fans and enabling them by paying them too much money for it.

Don't buy at release. Don't buy spin off media. Wait for sales. These people only understand the problem when you give them a good run for their money.