#but when there's nobody in the house SOMEWHERE i get so paranoid

[wh1msic4lwasab1]

𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ཐི❤︎ཋྀ

art cred: maichiatto62 (x)

☦︎synopsis: you get chased by a dark and undetermined figure in the woods, and run toward a dreadful castle that houses a seemingly kind man, will you stay awhile?

☦︎genre: smut w/plot

☦︎tags: vampiric hypnotism, mentions of blood, biting, corruption, dialogue heavy, degradation “whore” , loss of virginity, cunnalingus, creampie, mirror

☦︎wrd cnt: 2.2k

☦︎a/n: vampires and gothic literature is my favorite so this was a dream to write and I hope anyone reading enjoys!

Twigs and thistle snap under your feet as you walk through the fruit berring bushes, feeling the low laying leaves scratch your ankles.

You lost track of time and try to find your group, you probably should have skipped this hiking trip. Or at least wore shorts that covered your knees. The night drew upon your haggard form quite quickly, and the temperature dropped significantly.

You tried your best to find the light of the campfire you knew was there before you left.

After a few minutes of silent walking, besides your rummaging footsteps, you hear a loud thud somewhere behind you.

Your back straightened up like a rod, “Hello?” Your voice echos slightly, bouncing off the trees and up toward the stars. You prayed like hell it was one of your friends, coming to your salvation.

When nobody answered you after your third call out, you kept walking.

You heard another loud noise, as if a bolder dropped straight into a big pile of leaves, trembling the ground you stood on.

Frozen in fear, like a deer, you stand in the middle of a plot of dirt surrounded by the thick trees and shrub.

Your eyes open wide and your hands balled up in fists, you survey the area until you find the source of the sound.

A tree, wounded with a big chunk missing from the side.

It still stood tall, but reckoned to snap if it had been torn just a few more inches towards the unbent side.

You wondered who could have caused such destruction, or rather what.

You would find out soon enough, when you examine the tree to find streaks of blood scattered over earthen hide.

Following the trail you discovered the remains of some animal.

Well that’s what you think it was, it had been mangled and torn in such a brutal manner there was no way to identify exactly what it could have been.

As you tried your best to figure it out, a black shadow stalked you from afar.

Red orbs visible with stillness behind a tree, slowly growing larger in your view as it approached. The dimness of the atmosphere cloaked it well.

You stepped back, shoes muddied and heavy as you ran. You ran until you saw the nearest source of light, not bothered to look behind you to whatever was chasing.

Your labored breath became cold and dryed out your throat.

You ran and ran until you found a rather tall and lucrative looking building, somewhat of a mansion or moreso fitting of a castle.

Where the hell did that come from? You’ve never seen anything like it before in all the times you’d hiked in these woods.

You didn’t have much time to question it, but ran right to the door.

It was slightly crept open, so you figured it must have been some kind of open house or exhibit.

You rushed in, shutting the grand door.

As you caught your breath, you almost screamed when you heard a man’s voice right behind you. Who you somehow didn’t see when first stepping in, as if he’d appeared from thin air.

“Good evening.” The man said, burning candle in his hand.

You turned before he could even finish his greeting, a look of utter terror in your eyes.

“Are you well dear? You’re bleeding”

You didn’t even notice, but your knees had been scrapped and dripping blood halfway down your shins.

His eyes lit a shade of red barely able to be detected, or maybe it was just the reflection of the flame? You were quite scared and paranoid after all.

“Oh- I’m so sorry, The door was open and I didn’t know anyone was here- Someone was chasing me.”

“Oh my, are you alright? Come, let me offer you safety tonight.” He beckoned you to follow him, the rays of the small flame from the wax stick guiding you as he most graciously offered you a safe heaven in his home.

You looked around at the torchlit walls, it felt dark and cold throughout the entire place.

He walked you up 2 flight of stairs, his pace was quite constant throughout, almost like he was floating on each step.

You soon arrived into a hallway full of paintings adorning the walls, hand painted it seemed. So beautiful you had to point it out.

“You have a lovely home- is this artwork all yours?” You ask.

“Yes. I have quite a bit of spare time on my hands, so I much enjoy art.” He answered. The man’s voice was deep and mellow.

You walked down the red carpet hallway to the room all the way to the end, it seemed to be one of the many dozens.

There was a large canopy bed lined with dark lace and wooden upholstery.

“Please, spend the night here until morning. I wouldn’t want you to endanger yourself.”

Before you could even agree to his much eager assistance, he walked over to a box near the fireplace side table and pulled out several glass vials and bandages.

You walked toward him, and sat down per his instruction.

“Thank you- You’ve been so kind to me. Why?”

He chuckled, kneeling down to your level and applying an ointment to the cloth.

“Why? How ever could I turn away such a frightening young lady at my door. There are dangerous things in those woods.”

His tone sounded very concerned, but horrifyingly casual.

“What is your name Sir? If it’s okay to ask.”

“It’s perfectly okay. You can call me Blade.”

“Blade…Nice to meet you” What a strange name.

“Likewise. Now please, allow me.”

You nod, before he dabs a stinging oil to your knee. One by one.

He handles you well, gently.

His cold hands held your calves as he bandaged up your wounds.

He gets up from his knelt position, seeming even taller than he is when he stands from this view.

His long black hair was so dark it seemed blue, ends dipped in a color that resembled the shade of holly berries.

He sat down on the chair opposite of you, his face framed by the fireplaces glow behind him now.

“So tell me dear, what exactly happened?” His voice dripping in concern.

“I…really don’t know. I got lost hiking with my group and I tried to find them, but then I kept hearing weird noise in the forest and I thought it could be them looking for me. But-“

You stopped, reliving the sequence you just ran from.

He waited patiently for you to continue, his sculpture like face and rich eyes giving you their utmost attention.

“I saw blood, and a dead animal, I think a wolf or something could have done it. But there was a man- in the woods. It kept staring at me and getting close. So I ran for a while until I found your- castle?” You chuckle a little, the term house seemed beneath such a grand sanctuary.

“Maybe a werewolf?” The man said, giving you an amused chuckle. He waves his hand, “But anyways…That all sounds very frightening, I’m glad you found me.”

You nod, “As am I” you assure.

Whatever it was you are safe now y/n, very safe.” He took your hands into his own, giving them a positive squeeze with smiling eyes.

You nodded, but soon a hitch in your throat appeared and you felt like your stomach got kicked.

“I never told you my name.”

A smile appeared on his face, “Smart girl.”

His eyes glowed the same shade of sanguine you saw in the forest, chasing you. You could see two sharp teeth sticking past his upper lip, his smirk revealing to you his true identity.

You quickly get up, startled enough to drop the chair behind you and fall back onto the bed.

“Who are you-“ You scream, tears forming in the corners of your eyes as he stood slowly and walked toward you.

“I already told you that, didn’t I?.”

He cupped your face, making you look straight up at him.

“Please- don’t hurt me.” You plead, tears now falling from your eyes and staining your cheeks.

“Hurt you? I just tended to your wounds, why do you think I’ll harm you dear?” His voice sounds even lower at this point, and his eyes fiery.

You kick back your leg and retreat further back into the bed, almost yelling, “You’re a vampire-!”

“And your blood smells so deliciously decadent…I almost couldn’t resist tasting you a moment ago.” He crawls toward your frame, his large hands making deep prints into the mattress.

His eyes seemed to glow in a pattern, the color deepening snd glowing slowly as he got toward you.

Your body felt weak, as if magnetic to him. Almost willing to amuse him.

“What are- what are you doing to me-“

“I haven’t done a thing. I’m just increasing the magnitude of your emotions dear. Whatever you feel at this moment is your utmost desire spilling out every orafice in your body.”

You felt your mind whirl, your body get hotter with every inch he grew closer to you.

He soon wrapped his palms behind your back, seating you in his lap.

You felt an animalistic urge settle upon you, breathing even heavier than when you ran away from him earlier.

He grazed his hand up and down your legs, taking off your shoes and socks, rubbing the sore soles of your feet.

“You must get more comfortable my dear, you seem less tense, good.” He says, slowly pressing his lips to yours as you hold his shoulder.

His tongue found yours, warm in contrast to the rest of him; tangling itself in a waltz.

He nipped at your bottom lip and pricked it, tugging at it and licking the blood that drew from it with his tongue. “Virgin blood…You are truly magnificent.”

You felt your face heat up more than your body, his presence making you feel an insatiable hunger for lust.

“Blade- please…I feel-“

“Concupiscent? I can tell, y/n”, he said, his hand trailing up to your thigh and rubbing your heat through your shorts.

You roll your hips at his touch, a small mewl escaping you.

He picks you up and plops you down further back on the bed, your head hitting the pillow softly as his large frame hovers above your body.

“I can be very thorough in relieving your…lustful desires.”

“Please- yes…” You softly gasp, feeling his lips close to your neck before they kiss you.

Hungrily he rips your top apart, as if it were made of paper.

You quiver at his touch, fear set aside and now unrelentingly yearning for all of him.

“You need not worry…I will take, good, good care of you.”

You nod, watching him soon trail his lips down to your exposed chest.

He circles the tip of his tongue around your nipple, taking it entirely in his mouth to hear you moan out; the other in his hand, his hips grinding to meet your heat as he grinds into you through the fabrics keeping you apart.

“You are a marveling beauty.” He adds, his hands finding the hem of your shorts and pulling them right down, along with your panties.

He pulled back, holding your legs apart and examining every part of you, taking in the view of his next meal.

He watched you shyly try to look away, smirking when he saw how utterly messy your cunt was, glistening and dripping juices down to the sheets.

He didn’t waste much time after that, kissing your inner thigh before planting one on your clit.

He made the most deep, sinful noises as he lapped at your cunt, his eyes not breaking contact with yours as he inserts two long and slender fingers inside you.

He seemed to almost gain more pleasure from sucking on your clit than you did, almost.

You reacted like a beast in heat, legs trembling and hands gripping the sheets as your thighs pressed the sides of his face to pull him deeper into you.

You came faster than ever before. Blade sucked every drop out of you, wiping the corner of his mouth before grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head.

He kissed you once more, not biting this time. Yet.

Without giving you time to recoup- he shed his clothing and slapped his cock on your folds, slipping it inbetween them to get it ready for you.

“I need to taste you dear…truly taste you.”

“M-my blood?” You ask, feeling even weaker and more lustful.

“Yes” he whispers close to your lips, “You will let me drink from you, won’t you, my little temptress?”

You nod- pulling him close to you as if you’d wither without him.

“You are such an eager woman. I quite like that.” He says, before pushing his entire length deep, deep inside you. You groan, eyebrows furrowed harshly as you experience such a reveling sensation.

“Fuck-“ He breathes, “You’re so tight…do you ache for me so deep? You’re sucking me in so much…such a naughty whore you are.”

He moved in and out slowly, making you feel every vein and along his shaft.

You could feel his breathe on your chest, and soon his teeth.

He sinked them into the top of your breast, sucking the blood out of you ferociously as he rutted inside you faster now, making you cry out as tears rolled down your face in pleasure.

“Ah- Blade!…”

“It will only hurt for a moment…I’ll fuck you so deeply you won’t dare to forget it.” He spouts, his mouth dripping with your blood before going back in to take more.

You quickly notice a mirror behind Blade, you haven’t noticed it before but he wasn’t in it of course. All your blurry vision could attest was your spread apart pussy, gaping with a thick hole as you watched yourself be torn apart in the most delicious way, blood dripping down to your nipple, soon to be licked up from Blade tongue, as your body moved with the rhythm of the bed; snapping out of your trance once you heard his suckling.

He whimpered and moaned as he drank, gripping your ass harder as he thrusted into you at a pace you could nearly pass out from.

So much of your cum created a ring around his cock, squelching noises filled the room and muffled the crackling of the wood in the fire.

His grasp on the fat of your ass deepened, possessiveness overwhelming him.

“You’re mine now. You don’t belong in those treacherous woods, you will stay right here.” He commanded, imaging all the ways he’d ruin your perfect pussy, wrapped around him so well he was convinced you were destined to take him, to be his and his only to fuck, eat, and fill.

In response to his hold, you clenched your walls around him tighter until you felt warm fluid rush into your womb, nodding to his wishes profusely as you release together in the romantically gothic room, your breath huffing as you came down from an intense high.

Blade on the other hand, well the stamina of a vampire is quite impressive.

whimsic4alwasab1 ™ - do not copy, translate, modify, or claim any of my work as your own.

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

Hey. Long time no talk. After college I went to the New Mexico wilderness to build trails, and now I'm in Upstate New York somewhere. I'm a landscaper. Outside all day. I get to become strong while keeping my mind. A new start where nobody knows all the bridges I've burned. I have a sunny apartment.

So at my new job there is this guy. On the third day of work, I noticed he doesn't talk like men do, even though he dresses like one. His shoes look a size too big. And his hands are the size of my hands: tiny. But I didn't want to assume anything because short guys exist. Stop being paranoid, d3d4!

The fourth day of work he pulls me aside away from everyone, asks my pronouns, says he's trans, been "stealth" for 10 years, and that NOBODY KNOWS. Except, now me. He read me wrong because I'm not trans, I'm just a dyke.

I assured him—her—that I'm cool and I won't tell. But now it's eating me alive. We spend 40 hours a week together. On the outside, she has a perfect life, practically has a halo around her head. She has a fiance who loves her. She works a second job taking care of old people. She is probably one of the kindest, most hardworking people I've ever met. She seems happy.

But it's all built on a lie. So much of her day is spent trying to seek intimacy while deflecting from the elephant in her mind. The lie permeates everything. When some of my coworkers talked about having kids, she casually mentioned that her fiance needs to get her IUD out before they try for a baby. ???? She doesn't... have... she can't... ?

It's gotta be so hard for her. She is kind and hardworking and a liar, in unimaginably deep. She seems happy now. But it's a house of cards. a 10 year lie, goddamn the loneliness. She's so afraid of what's real, and she's built her perfect life around a myth that can explode at any moment. all while wrecking her body. What does she know about the health issues she could face? what does her fiance know about her shortened lifespan?

Once I would have been honored to be entrusted with her secret. Now it is a burden. She doesn't know that I am a liar too. I lie to keep her friendship. I lie to keep my job, to keep my new friend, to keep the latest shoddy bridge I've built above water.

I need to pretend I don't know what I know. My coworker's body is like mine, but scarred and roughened. Her mind is like mine, but imprisoned in gender, the crime of the century. At work we joke around, slapping each other's backs too hard. I lean into my butchness, crossing my arms over my chest, rocking on my heels, challenging her. She grabs the leafblower before I can. She is affirmed by using heavy machinery.

She is Deaf and wears an implant. An on-the-nose reminder that some people can't listen.

So I will not scream.

[hetalian-veteran]

Hetalia Sleep Headcanons

Here, have my headcanons about how the Hetalia characters sleep because I'm still awake at this ungodly hour of the night.

🇮🇹Italy needs to cling to something to sleep well. Whether it be a pillow, a plushie, or another person, the poor guy needs something or someone there to cuddle.

🇩🇪Germany has really bad insomnia and can only get at most four or five hours of sleep a night, and that's if he's lucky. But when he does sleep, he probably sleeps on his back, still as the grave.

🇯🇵Japan also sleeps on his back and is so still and quiet that every now and then, someone comes by to check and see if he really is asleep and not dead.

🇮🇹Romano sleeps on his side with his arms sort of stretched outward, almost as if he's reaching for someone. That, or he's dreaming of beating someone up. You know, one or the other.

⚔️Prussia will lay down on his back and fall asleep that way. However, he's the kind of guy who moves around a lot in his sleep. So when he wakes up, he's sort of on his face and stretched out like a starfish.

🇪🇸Spain sleeps like a freaking baby and gets a full nine hours every night. Lucky son of a gun.

🇬🇧England has a pretty hard time quieting his mind down enough to get to sleep. So he spends his nights slowly sipping on a cup of tea to try and calm himself down enough to get some shut-eye.

🇺🇸America moves around, twists, and rolls over so often in his sleep that when he wakes up, he typically finds himself tangled up in his blankets. Sometimes, he accidentally rolls out of bed.

🇫🇷France can only sleep if the room is completely dark. Like, pitch black. He also sleeps on his side and sometimes hums a little in his sleep.

🇨🇳China has insomnia pretty bad and, as a result, will often find himself staying up at night drinking tea. When he can sleep, however, he sort of curls up into a ball under the covers.

🇷🇺Russia sleeps on his back and stays in that position the entire night. Sometimes giggles and smiles a little in his sleep.

🇨🇦Canada needs several layers of heavy blankets to sleep, as well as something or someone to cuddle.

🇩🇰Denmark sleeps on his side and has sometimes been heard singing in his sleep, though nobody has been able to make out what exactly he's singing. He also occasionally snores.

🇸🇪Sweden usually falls asleep whilst looking through Ikea catalogs. They seem to really help calm his mind.

🇫🇮Finland often smiles while he sleeps, sometimes even giggling a little every now and again. He also sleeps best when listening to some of the most intense, heavy metal you've ever heard.

🇳🇴Norway plays white noise and curls up into a ball under a couple of layers of thick, heavy blankets. He probably hugs a pillow, thinking of the days when Iceland used to call him big brother as a little kid.

🇮🇸Iceland can only get to sleep in total darkness and in total silence. He's also a light sleeper, so anybody walking around the room will immediately wake him up.

🇭🇺Hungary sleeps like an actual normal person. I really don't know how else to describe it. Though she has been heard saying some pretty weird crap in her sleep before.

🇦🇹Austria sleeps best if he has soft classical music playing. Unfortunately for him, Prussia hacked into his playlist and threw in some of Finland's heavy metal songs.

🇱🇮Liechtenstein is a fairly light sleeper. She's also afraid of the dark, so she typically has a nightlight somewhere in her room.

🇨🇭Switzerland is also another character with insomnia. This is because he is low-key paranoid about making sure the entire house is locked up before he goes to bed at night. He wants to make sure he and Liechtenstein are safe.

[johnnycagesrightnut]

Can I unlock the JonTim rant?

RARARARRARARARARARRARA I AM ACTUALLY BARKING I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED 😁👁️

JonTim. First of all, to understand these two it is vital you Know they never dated. Never. Not once did the two of them date. Not for lack of feelings, they had plenty, but because they just never got the chance. They never had time. They were doomed, they were an unchangeable tragedy.

I firmly believe pre season 1, before our beloved horror podcast even starts taking place, pre promotion in Research Days they had stupid little crushes on each other. No bad feelings like in later developed seasons, purely wholesome feelings of nothing but adoration and awe. They were actual friends, the amount of shit those two got in together out following up on statements or whatever, they were like no one else. Nobody else had a bond like those two, not even Tim and Sasha. They were each others person.

I do think when Tim had finally gathered the stones and was ready, he planned on asking Jon out the next Friday. But then they got promoted.

Season One.

They never had time. Jon got busy and despite his overall done-with-everything-and-everyone vibe in S1 it never really came about when it was Just Tim. Just them alone again. Maybe in a sarcastic way but never really. Tim put off asking him out, figuring they were busy now and there would be a better time. He didn’t know now was the best time he would get, because every time after would be worse. If he had known maybe he would have asked. Maybe later he thinks about that in kicks himself in retrospect. Maybe he thinks about Jon when he presses the detonator.

Season Two.

S2 was perfect. The angst is setting in. Jon was paranoid. Everyone was a little paranoid sometimes after the Prentiss incident but Jon was the worst of it. Tim had started seeing him outside his house for god sakes. Jon was so suspicious of Tim, and less because he truly thought he was up to something and more so because he needed to Know Tim wasn’t. He needed to Know the one person who had been there wasn’t doing anything. Obviously Tim took it as suspicion and that drove wedge through them a bit. Their argument in episode 65 is SUCH a lovers quarrel energy. It’s SUCH a lover quarrel. Because you can love someone and be as angry as they were at each other. Those things can be felt simultaneously, and believe me when I tell you I do wholeheartedly believe they never loved anyone else the way they loved each other. Tim and Sasha were iconic, Jon and Martin were iconic and undeniably in love, but it wasn’t the type of love Jon and Tim had, nothing could ever rival that, and nothing ever did. If there was an option when Jon was happy with Martin in the safe house, happily in love if he could have Tim back alive, back with him but Martin wouldn’t be with them, he would hesitate.

Season Three. (The Grande Finale)

Tim has never been angrier. He is so alone. Nobody understands, not even the one person who used to understand everything, his everything, didn’t get it anymore. Tim’s lost everything. He doesn’t have anything left for him anymore. I’m not even sure if most of S3 he even knew Jon still loved him, but he knows in the end. Despite being in the Unknowing, Tim knows. He’s aware at the end. He knows Jon loves him more than anything, and he knows he feels the same. He knows then that there has never been a time Jon did not love him. He knows he’s glad to do this, to get back at something and his last moments to be a big ‘Fuck You’ to these entities, this thing that took his brother and in turn his entire life, but he knows he’s going to miss Jon, if you can miss from the grave. Even if you can’t he will miss Jon enough that he can. He knows he’s never going to see his love again, never will he make him laugh, or get stoned somewhere in the Institute like they did in Research Days, Tim regrets in these last moments never asking Jon. He thinks of how different things would have been if he had. And he doesn’t want to think of that anymore. He thinks of everything he’s doing, how now that this is what’s happening he won’t (can’t) change it, and grins, his last moments the biggest ‘Fuck You’ anyone’s ever seen. He thinks of a time he made Jon laugh in Research Days, remembers how pretty he thought Jon looked laughing, and he clicks the detonator.

Season Four (Encore.)

Jon wakes up six months later from a coma. Once he can form a coherent thought it’s about Tim. Where is he? What room is he in? After everything, after all this they had survived, and Jon knows Now. Now he has to make a move, he has to hold and be held by his friend, his lover. It’s a good thing Georgie and Basira are there when he wakes up, he can ask them. Ask them what room Tim was in. When he asks if Tim is alive it’s just for clarification, he knows what answer he’s going to get, that Tim was somewhere in the hospital. His heart shatters when they’re silent. Oh. He’s just woken up from a six month long coma and the love of his life is dead. No this couldn’t be happening. Please. Not Tim. He gets dizzy and he can’t see straight, too consumed by the hard hitting feeling of grief because for the first time ever, Tim is not there. He’s nowhere. He isn’t anymore. He was all he wanted and he did not exist anymore. He was ready now, he was going to ask Tim. Even now Tim was gone they paralleled each other, Jon was ready to ask and he couldn’t anymore, and Tim was ready to ask and felt he couldn’t. Death couldn’t stop them from being intertwined irreversibly with each other. Nothing could.

Season Five (honourable mention.)

Jon still feels him around. He’s happy with Martin but some night when he’s staring up at the ceiling he is reminded of earlier times of being absolutely baked at work with Tim, staring up at the ceiling of his office while they lay on the floor. He thinks of Tim laughing, and realizes he can still imagine Tim’s voice perfectly. And he misses him more than anything. He can feel him around the safe house sometimes, thinks he hears his voice. Sometimes he hears Martin’s footsteps and turns around faster than you’d ever see because for just a moment, he thinks it’s someone else. He loves Martin. But it’s not the way he loved Tim. Nothing will ever be like how he loved Tim. He just wants Tim back sometimes. He wants his best friend. He wants his lover back. And sometimes he can hear Tim’s voice so clearly in his head, imagines what he’d say if he could see Jon now. He can feel Tim’s hand gently in his face, wiping the stray tear away like he had done once before in research days. He can feel himself burying his face in Tim’s chest or shoulder. He missed Tim. Nothing would ever make that feeling go away. Tim would always be, and always had been his lover. Because you don’t need to be dating to be lovers, as long as you do love each other you are lovers. And no one could take that love from them. Jon obviously thinks about Martin and being happy Somewhere Else when he dies, but for a quick fleeting second, the last second he is alive, he thinks about Tim. And how maybe if he ends up Sonewhere Else it would be him Jon saw.

I did cry writing this.

@cult-of-the-eye

[klausysworld]

Yandere!Reader with Sub Klaus

Vulnerable for the taking

Klaus was known to be ruthless and terrifying. He was someone who always got what he wanted and would do whatever necessary to have it.

The small issue was: so am i.

So when i met him, and i saw just how broken he was inside, i knew that i wanted to keep him. His eyes were so sad as he wondered the streets of Mystic Falls, poor thing was just nearly killed by his step-father, betrayed by his sister and told nobody would ever love him. How that pathetic excuse of a father was wrong.

He took a seat on the local park bench. His face fell to his hands and his body began to shake with his sobs.

I silently sat beside him, my hands moved to lightly rub his back making his head shoot up, he looked at me with confused and teary eyes.

“What did they do to you?” I muttered seeing his blood stained shirt.

“Who are you?” He questioned quietly

“Someone who wants to help” i whispered and he frowned

“I don’t need help” he murmured though his face nuzzled my hands subconsciously as i held him. My thumbs brushed over his stubble making his eyes droop, he was surely exhausted after fighting for his life.

“No? Bet you’re tired though, where are you staying? Let me take you home” i whispered. Now of course i knew where he was staying, he was in a hotel just outside of town while his mansion was being built by the hybrids he had gathered the past couple weeks. I already had a copy of the key to his room and the receptionist was lovely but he was a paranoid man and I couldn’t frighten him off now could i?

“Come on Niklaus” i encouraged as he looked to me cautiously

“How do you know my name?” He questioned i smiled at him

“I met your sister, Rebekah, she asked me to check you made it out alive incase the others did something to her, which I believe it’s safe to assume that they have.” I explained and he sighed in what i presume to be relief.

It’s true, i became fast friends with Rebekah after offering her somewhere to sit for lunch, she was easy to get open up, she spilled everything about her family in the span of ten minutes. I liked her, she was very bouncy and joyful and then when she mentioned her brother who had murdered there mother and feared her father would murder him in an act of revenge, well it was a great opportunity to meet him and have him see me as someone good.

I may or may not have found out some information on him since his first mentioning in town. See Caroline, Bonnie and Elena weren’t exactly quiet with their talking about the supernatural, i found out like a lot.

So i ended up having a thing for him. It’s fine plus he’s a fun person to try and capture. I thought he’d be a little more angsty but thankfully i got him at a vulnerable time, he was quiet and exposed.

“You can come to my house if you don’t want to go back to wherever you’re staying?” I offered and his head nodded slightly

“Rebekah sent you?” He confirmed

“Bekah sent me, said that they were planning something with…Mikael?” I told him and that was enough evidence for him as he nodded and stood up letting me bring him to my home.

He stayed silent the entire time as i brought him to my room and gave him some clothes to change into and a towel for his shower. He thanked me quietly before disappearing into the bathroom. When he reemerged he was little keener to talk.

“How did you meet my sister?” He asked as i combed through his hair, i had convinced him i could help nourish his curls.

“School, she makes a big impression” I muttered gently getting out the little knots that had formed

“You must too if she chose to be friends with you” he hummed looking to me through the mirror infront of us

“I think she just needed someone to he kind to her” i said with a smile as his lips upturned back at me.

I added the mousse to his hair and gently brought my fingers through it to apply it evenly. I watched as his eyes fell shut and his lips parted as i massaged his scalp. I tugged lightly at a lock of his hair causing a moan to slip from his mouth, his eyes opening as his cheeks went bright pink and a smirked at him through the mirror

“Just let your hair dry naturally and ur should come out nice and curly” i told him while spraying his hair over and taking a step back. His eyes were already shades lighter than when i found him earlier as he smiled

“Can we sleep now? I’m exhausted” he muttered and i nodded

“Of course you can stay in my bed, I’ll be just downstairs” i told him gently stroking his face with the back of my fingers

“Nonsense you should stay in the bed with me. I won’t bite, promise” he said while beckoning me over to the bed and pulling me down with him.

“I don’t know…I’m told biting is your specialty” i hummed and he grinned showing me his sharp, deadly teeth making me roll my eyes and lay down beside him

“I have no reason to bite you” he mumbled as he shuffled closer to me.

He fell asleep with his head on my chest, mumbling to me about something I couldn’t quite make out while i wrapped my arms around him. He was such easy prey for someone who was known to be a predator.

———————————————————————

Since that day my home had become a safe haven of sorts for him. He was always sat waiting for me when i got home, eyes lighting up when i walked through the door.

It got to the point where he could only sleep if he were in my arms

“You keep the nightmares away” he murmured once as he nuzzled my neck and i hummed “Then I’ll just have to keep you here with me” and he didn’t seem too bothered by it, rather happy i would say as he nodded and kissed my neck tenderly.

He became more attached by the second and i loved it. He never put up a fight when i asked for him to stay, when i wouldn’t let him leave my hold and keep him in my bed all day.

I found that he was uncharacteristically well behaved and kind. He always had me do his hair and tend to his wounds. He would sit patiently and allow me to do whatever i like, he had grown to completely and utterly trust me.

It were as though he were a puppy and i were his master. He was obedient and learnt to follow me wherever i went.

His siblings didn’t mind me taking him, i kept him with me always. Got him to move in and everything. Sometimes his family would come visit

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so…comfortable” Elijah told me as he watched Niklaus cook our dinner

“Uhuh sure, i mean i knew he was a dog but this is stepping it up” Kol muttered making me glare and Rebekah smack the side of his head

“I think it’s sweet, he’s happy” she murmured with a small smile as she flicked her eyes between us.

Klaus was even more happy knowing his family liked me, all the more eager to stay with me.

It wasn’t long until i had him entirely.

How he thrived when he was beneath me was addicting, having him squirming and whining while he his hands stayed tied above him head “Please, please let me” he would whimper as he neared his high, eyes screwed shut as he hung onto the edge tightly “not yet, you gotta be good, just another minute” but he could never wait the whole moment.

I had him wrapped around my finger in every way,practically and sometimes literally on a leash. He came to me whenever he needed or wanted for something and i did whatever i could to get it for him. Whether it was stealing Elenas blood or punishing a certain Lockwood for a betrayal.

“I’ll keep you safe” i would assure him as he would smile back at me

“I know you will” he murmured

“Yeah?” I whispered kissing his cheek and he nodded as i climbed on top of him

“I know because i love you” he uttered and i felt my heart grow

“I love you too, i always will”

[generational-atrophy]

tangerine with an autistic s/o

0.7k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: mention of ableism and subsequent violence

a/n: its my account i write what i want

Being somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum himself (don’t @ me,) along with his brother being autistic, it’s unlikely that Tangerine would end up with someone neurotypical anyway.

Constantly nicks you stim toys. It’s like a challenge to him since they’re usually bright and loud somehow.

He finds it so cute when you miss social cues, but he’d never say anything about it to you. He knows it can be embarrassing, and he doesn’t mind explaining what people mean.

He’s endlessly paranoid about the people he loves, so expect constant check-ins. Whenever you’re in public, he likes to hold your hand tight so he knows you’re safe (which is so, so nice when you’re in a crowd.)

When you’re on the verge of going non-verbal or having a meltdown, he notices immediately and gets you out of there. If anyone tries to say anything, he doesn’t even give them the time to do so.

“An’ who are you now? Nobody, tha’s right, fuck off.”

Whenever you talk about your special interests, he pretends he isn’t interested. He’ll sigh and make stupid snarky comments, but if you look closely, you can tell he’s still smiling a little. In reality, he doesn’t mind.

“Right, calm down luv, it’s really not tha’ big of a deal,”

“It’s a big deal to me!”

He sighs heavily and leans back in his chair before speaking again, “An’ by extension… me, now?”

“Yes!” Your ecstatic expression makes him groan, but he still has to cover his mouth to hide his smile.

But still, you might not notice he was really listening until he offhandedly makes a comment that only someone who had been paying crazy close attention would know. 

He might even know things you don’t, just because he comes to associate whatever you love with you. It comforts him to engage with your interests when you’re separated.

As you already know, Tangerine is a prickly person. Normally, he’s quite prone to anger and fits; but with you, he does his best to always remain level-headed. He doesn’t want to hurt you, especially he knows how sensitive you can be to anger. But he can’t help it sometimes. He’d never yell at you, at least. Anything too harsh is apologized for quickly. 

He’s working on it. You are one of the two most important people in his life, after all.

Speaking of which, expect to spend a lot of time with Lemon. Especially at the beginning of your relationship. He’s very nervous to make the wrong move and scare you off, and knowing that Lemon (also autistic) is there makes him worry a lot less. 

Generally, he doesn’t take criticism very well… especially when it comes to his behaviour… but he does try to be as receptive as he can when you’re the one criticising him.

Ableists get the shit beat out of them. Every time. Without fail. He will not stop this even when you ask. Although, if it makes you cry seeing him do that, he might stop himself early just so he can take you home and comfort you. 

Making you cry is the ultimate sin to him.

Even more “extreme” stims and tics don’t bother him. He just tends to tune them out like he does anything else.

He also might be even more vigilant about bringing along your comfort/accessibility items. Before you leave the house, he grabs you by the shoulder and checks you have everything. Again, paranoid.

Along with that, he may be a little infantilizing sometimes. He wants to always be by your side to make sure you’re alright, which can become… frustrating.

Like yes, it’s nice that he wants to drive you everywhere so you don’t have to worry about driving yourself or taking public transportation, but also you’re perfectly capable of doing those things by yourself (or if you’re not, I guess he’s just your knight in shining armour.)

If you’re otherwise incapable of doing some things, like speaking or cooking or whatever, he really doesn’t mind doing them for you. It makes him feel even more like your protector, which makes him so, so happy. As long as you pay him in affection, he won’t complain.

Actually, that’s not true. He complains about everything. But you’ll quickly learn what is “real” complaining, and what is just him being like that.

“Sweetheart, I wan’ you to know tha’ if anyone ever said anythin’ about you tha’s like- rude, in any way, I woul’ personally blow their brains out, understand?”

[final-girl96]

My Boyfriend's Back Chapter Fifteen

Six Months Later

It's been six months since everything happened. We had a funeral for Tatum, Dewey and Randy had to have surgery, Dewey was more serious though. Mr. Loomis had Billy cremated, nobody wanted to show up for that funeral so it was just a quick put him in the ground. Mrs. Loomis never showed up. Her deranged son was dead and she couldn't even show up to help bury him. No wonder he was so fucked in the head.

Six months since Sheriff Burke told us that Stu wasn't in the house and had escaped. They searched for him for weeks and found nothing. I was fucking paranoid that he was going to come back for me. Tonight was the first night I've been home by myself. I was in my room working on a song when I heard something outside. I hesitantly got up off the chair at my desk and walked to the window. My blinds and curtains were open but I've learned how to lock the windows.

I walked over and looked outside. The sun was starting to go down casting an orange huel over the sky. I didn't see anything or anyone then the sound of the phone had me jumping and spinning around. I walked back over to the desk and picked it up. "Hello?" Silence. That's all that there was. "Hello?" My pulse picked up when there was still nothing but silence. I hung the phone up and then quickly closed the blinds and curtains,double checking that the windows were locked.

Then I made my way through the whole house to make sure every window and door was locked. I checked all and any closet…after I grabbed a knife from the kitchen… before I checked anything. I ran back to my room and locked myself in there and just waited for someone to come home. I tried to focus back on writing my song but the thought that Stu could be watching me wouldn't leave.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a knock on my door. "Yn? Hey, you okay?" I rolled to the side of the bed and stood up, walking to unlock the door. "Hey, what time is it?" Sidney walked into my room. "Like ten. I tried to call to tell you the movie was running later than I thought but the pay phone I used wasn't working." That eased some of my anxiety. "That was you who called?" I asked. "Yeah. Is everything okay?"

I nodded and hummed. "Yeah. No, everything is fine." She gave me a skeptical look. "Then why were you sleeping with a knife?" I looked over to my bed and shrugged, "I heard something outside. And then I got a phone call but no one answered, but I know now that you're the one who called." She sighed, "he's gone, yn. Stu is gone and he's not going to come back. He would be stupid to do that. They're still looking for him."

"You think I'm crazy. Don't you! You think I'm just hearing shit and overthinking everything. But your ex-boyfriend is DEAD! He's not out there somewhere. He is going to come back, Sidney. He's going to come back and he's going to come after me! He won't stay away. You can think I'm crazy all you want and go on with your happy little life. Get out of my room!" She sighed and walked out, slamming the door on her way.

The next day I headed over to Stu's house. I don't know why. I guess I just needed closer or something. I also wanted to get my stuff. His parents have apologized profusely to not just me but the whole town on what they're son had done. I talked to his mom the other day when I ran into her in town. She had mentioned she and Mr. Macher was talking about selling the house. She asked if I'd like to come over and go through Stu's room. I said yes and maybe it is for closer and to get my stuff. And maybe it also has to do with those fucking polirads he took of us…of me.

When I pulled up in front of the house it all came back. Running from Stu, finding Tatum, all of it. Mr and Mrs. Macher wasn't home, which isn't even a surprise. I got out of the car and headed for the front door. I unlocked the door since I still had the key. Which made me think about the key to my house he had and that only set panic inside of me. I had to try and find that too. When I walked and closed the door I looked around.

The table that used to be in the foyer was now gone, the blood that had been on the floor where Randy laid after Billy shot him was gone, no stain left behind. His parents did a good job at hiring the right people to clean everything up after the police were finished with it. Then I walked into the kitchen. It was like nothing ever happened here. The message that was on the whiteboard was now erased and would be a forgotten memory. I walked towards the garage expected to see the little cat door still there but that was gone too.

His parents made sure it was like nothing ever happened. There was new furniture in the living room. The red couch and chair… gone like everything else. The spot where Billy was after Sidney shot him in the head was spotless. You wouldn't even know that someone laid there dead with a bullet between the eyes. Not unless you were there when and after it happened. I stopped and stared at the spot where I last saw Stu. He had been there. He laid there not breathing or at least that's what I thought.

I cried because I thought he was dead. I hated him for what he had done. For what he had put me through. For helping Billy and for being so easily talked into shit. But I was still in love with him and seeing him like that broke me more than him trying to kill me. I took a deep breath and headed down the hall back to the stairs. Wonder if they found those creep fucing dolls. Especially the ones that were displayed in a similar way Casey and Steve were found. When I got to his room I paused before walking in and looking around, then I just sat on the edge of the bed and cried.

[sunflwryu]

warning: yandere, stalking, suffocation, murder | not requested

selfish

he was always behind the pillars at the train station when you got out from university, peering at you with curious eyes, hiding once again when you looked back at him upon noticing the prickling feeling of your skin. you just shrugged and continued about your day, thinking he looked pretty cute from afar but nothing more than that. maybe he had a crush or something, or maybe he thought you looked nice. it made you feel a little flattered, that someone so tall and handsome was paying attention to you this much, so much so that everyday you started expecting to spot him amidst the crowd, to feel his familiar eyes latch onto you from afar, and you always could, your gaze drawn to him like a magnet, watching as he scurried away.

one day you were having a good day and you gave him a tiny wave, a warm smile to match before you walked away. you couldn't forget the look on his face, so filled with bliss and joy, a smile growing on his lips. you felt your heart melting at the wholesome sight.

but things started going downhill from there.

the next day, he was suddenly outside the door of your lecture hall, you could see his head peeking in and his twinkling eyes finding yours. a week after that, he was suddenly outside your house somewhere. you didn't know where, but you felt that gaze of his on you as you frantically unlocked the door and threw yourself inside, slamming it shut behind you. and then somehow right after that, he was in your house, in your room, in the living room, everywhere you were you felt him, watching you, staring at you, observing your every move for whatever reason, and no place felt safe...not from him, not when nobody would believe you, when nobody but you could see him, when you could never leave his sight somehow, when everyone else thought you were just crazy from the stress of university and seeing things, things to get you out of it.

"...who the hell are you? why are you doing this to me?" you scream, not knowing how many times you've asked this, wanting to rip your hair out from the stress he's been causing you all the time, tears streaming down your face.

it's an understatement to say he's dragged your life down to a living hell at this point, especially when he's standing right there in the hallway so blatantly some feet away mouthing something and you point at nothing, somehow. "w-why me..." you sputter brokenly as you cuddle the pillow to your chest, feeling paranoid as you glance around, unsuccessful for the umpteenth time at finding where he was.

and then the unbelievable happens.

he steps out from the wall. from the wall. like he could walk right through it, bringing a frosty chill in the air with him, making you huddle the blanket closer to your shoulders. "i'm sorry i made you like this, darling...i-i had to be sure..." he says in a soft voice, doe eyes innocent and shy when they somehow peer up at you through his long eyelashes despite his tall stature. he's almost too gentle, too calm to have been the one terrorizing you for the past week.

"w-what are you saying...? w-who are you? and w-what're you doing in my house?" you demand, tone pitchy and crackly from the intensity of the moment, breathing heavily as you glare daggers at him. you grab the closest weapon you can find, a sharpened pencil from the coffee table, holding it out like a sword, hoping that he knows you won't go down without a fight.

he approaches closer without a hint of fear, though you'd think from his words earlier that he'd be a coward, someone who wouldn't even step within a couple feet of a knife. it makes you back away, but you can't really go that far, and he traps you between his arms.

"...i-i'm huening kai, darling," he replies almost too sweet, candied sugar dripping off every syllable, ignoring the venom and fight in your subsequent protests, reaching for something else, and then he's ripping the pillow away from you. "i had to be sure that we were meant to be...but don't worry," he reassures you kindly, his hand barely brushing your cheek, sending a foreboding shiver up your spine, and a tender kiss to the forehead that feels fleeting, like a danger's about to come, and your body tenses up instinctively. "i love you, you'll love me, and it'll all make sense, i promise..."

you're about to question what he means when you feel the pillow in your face, and he's cutting off your air, the fabric of the case pressed to cover your mouth, your lungs starting to scream for oxygen, anything. you try to claw at his hands, but you don't catch onto anything at all except for the pillow and whatever heavy force he's applying on it, and it's useless. he's too strong, too powerful, you can't even feel anything when you kick in the air except for the chill that clings to him like nothing else, and your vision starts to fill with blurred spots.

"i-i know it hurts right now, but...i'm here with you," kai says, and you hate how comforting his voice sounds, how sweet it sounds when he's literally killing you, when you literally don't know who or even what he is at all, why he's doing this, and yet still somehow, his voice is helping you deal with the burn in your body right now, making it a little more bearable, "and i always will be, darling...so just take it, okay? i-it'll be over soon...i promise..."

your brain is giving out, thoughts crumbling to dust, and you know this is the end. it must be. it has to be. but his next words hit you hard, and they're the last words you hear before your consciousness fade into the abyss.

"i'm sorry...i know this was selfish of me, but i just couldn't stand another hundred years on my own..."

note: was it a plot twist at the end? maybe. what exactly is huening kai in this story? anyway, so stressed and tired from work. i started a new job and i'm already sick of it even though i haven't done the actual work yet. i haven't read my moots' works in a bit so i'll do that when i feel like it, cuz my hours are being sucked away and i feel so drained when i get back that i have no motivation to do anything. hope that doesn't sound like excuses but i really wanted to read all your stuff. uhhh, but i'm back to the txt era of my yandere fics (maybe) cuz those teasers...holy moly. thank you for the support on my fluff hyunjin fics, i was worried that you'd all get tired of me for not posting yandere stuff or just fics of one person lol. i really had to for myself since i knew this job was coming up soon. hoping to post more fluff fics soon since i find them quite comforting to write, and for idols other than hyunjin too lol. well, thank you also for reading this, and i really hope you enjoyed it. hopefully this makes sense. :))

txt masterlist  |  main masterlist  |  by @sunflwryu

[callipraxia]

Just remembered one of my more developed original fantasy ideas. Since I’m not terribly likely to ever write it, figure I might as well talk about it, get it out of my system.

Once upon a time, in the distant times of the early 1960s, there were three siblings: a girl, Elinor, and her two younger siblings, a boy and another girl. They lived quietly somewhere in rural (never really settled, somewhere mountainous on the East Coast and probably the South, since that’s the land I know in real life) and were expected to live and die in their little town just like all the generations before them. Or at least, that was the expectation before one day, they all three seemingly vanished into a clear blue sky.

Investigations, such as could be done at the time, were made. Dozens of people fell under suspicion. The town nearly tore itself apart in a paranoid frenzy. But nobody ever found the kids or even any bones that could remotely have ever belonged to them, so finally, things started to move on. The parents of these three missing children even had a new child. That child was still in diapers when, as abruptly as she had disappeared, Elinor was found wandering in the mountains, still wearing the dress she’d gone missing in, which was somehow still in perfect condition. It also still fit perfectly, because somehow, even though a few years had passed, Elinor didn’t appear to have aged a day.

Obviously, there was instantly a new frenzy as people tried to figure out where she had been and what happened to her brother and sister. However, Elinor remained mute for months, and when she finally did start talking again and stopped trying to sneak out of her house to get back to the mountains, she claimed she had no memory of anything that had happened. She didn’t know how or why she had disappeared, she didn’t know where her brother and sister were, and she didn’t even know if they were still alive. Her mind, she insisted, was blank as a smooth rock on everything concerned with that subject.

Obviously, in a small town, this just made the rumors worse. A lot of people thought she must have murdered her brother and sister; the more superstitious in the community remembered how she had still looked the same even though that shouldn’t have been possible, and there were mutters about a deal with the devil, even as we progressed into more modern times. There was no chance the town was ever going to really accept her back as a full member. Fortunately, though, this suited Elinor just fine. She’d been known as a bright and highly compliant girl before, but now she was apparently consumed with a most unfeminine ambition; as soon as she finished high school in 1975, she was off to college, and not to study to be a teacher or secretary or something respectable for a girl like that. The crazy girl was determined to become rich, and not just by marriage.

Flash forward to the present day. Elinor succeeded in her quest to become rich, and is now an old lady and a noted philanthropist. Only the family even vaguely remembers the old tale about her going missing as a girl and reappearing without her siblings - at least, without the two siblings she had before she disappeared. Remember that baby her parents had under the assumption their older children were all dead? That kid grew up and had a pretty standard That Town life, marrying relatively young, having kids, and then having grandkids - two boys and a girl. Grandkids who, for no apparent reason, Great-Aunt Elin invites to her mansion for the summer vacation.

Obviously they go, great opportunity to suck up to their rich auntie and all, but they learn more and more about the old mystery of what happened to her and their other aunt and uncle all those decades ago. Including how this mansion is built practically on top of the spot where Elinor was found wandering around mute all those years earlier. The youngest, who is the family cynic, feels like he and his brother and sister are being manipulated somehow, but his brother is a daydreamer perfectly happy to believe life works like a storybook and their sister is too practical to believe in silly things like ghost stories and conspiracies. So on they go until one day, they fall through a hole in reality somehow and find themselves not in the cave they were daring each other to explore a minute earlier, but instead surrounded by guys on horses, who immediately all fall to their knees and start thanking the gods for sending them.

They are all pop culture savvy and cynical enough to worry for a moment that they are about to become human sacrifices, but that, the leader of the men explains, isn’t the case at all. He is named Harald, and his father is the current ruler of the land. Harry here, however, will not succeed his elderly father on the throne, because that’s just not how it is done here. Instead, every generation, the gods send a triumvirate of new rulers from another world just before the last of the old regime dies. Usually, these are sibling sets, and usually there is a pattern - just as these kids are a sister and two brothers, Harry’s father, when he was teleported here as a boy, was a brother with two sisters. However, Harry’s aunt Sylvia is dead, and his other aunt apparently died unusually young, and the whole kingdom had been getting…nervous…as time went on with no successors appearing at the ancient site where successors always appear. Harry’s father had made the unorthodox choice, in the absence of his second sister, to treat his wife (even having a formal one made him somewhat unusual) as the second queen in all but name, and the people were getting worried that if the old man died, Harry’s mother might try to establish a traditional, father-to-son succession, which the people think would bring down the wrath of their gods.

Our modern protagonists think this all sounds insane and absurd (even the daydreamer, a little, even though he’s the most willing to be convinced), but they figure they have no better options right now than playing along, since these guys all have weapons and the three of them have a distinct lack of weapons. So they are taken to meet the current king, who is a seemingly very normal old man who tells them that he’s sorry for them because this job sucks, but he’s kind of relieved that their arrival means he can die in a few years, once they have the basics of ruler ship down, and be done with it all. Maybe even see his own family from his old world in the afterlife. He misses his parents still, not to mention his two sisters, so dying has its advantages from his point of view.

Cue a disturbance as someone else shows up - specifically, the kids’ Great-Aunt Elin. Who greets the king by name, then demands to know where he’s hiding her sister. This is because the king is, well…her little brother. The one who disappeared along with her, but who didn’t come back. He’s these kids’ long-lost great-uncle, and while the other sister-queen did really die recently here in this alternate reality, the other sister didn’t. She was Elinor all along, somehow yeeted back into her home dimension years earlier and now back, trying to rescue her niece and nephews.

And that’s as far as I got with it.

[definitelynotsiffrin]

Today was SUCH a great fucking day (very intense sarcasm noises)

First my dad spent a good hour and a half pretty much mocking my disability (not a rarity) by saying over and over just how EASY it is to get to the phone repair shop, all but one of those being said after I thoroughly explained I, fun fact, literally cannot fucking control how my mental issues fuck with my capability of directional sense (or memory, or sleep, or chronic exhaustion, or physical issues with movement, etc for eternity)

After finally dropping the phone at the repair place I had to go home, my dad ditching bc he wanted to go somewhere else before my mom picked him up (sudden btw! she literally called as we were making our way back! we autistics sure love a sudden change of plans we were not warned about!!)

Then, right as I'm about to enter my home, I realize my keys fell out when i picked up my bag. AKA I could not open the door.

BUT my sibling is at home, bc she's sick so she didn't go to class which means she is not going anywhere. SO she can just, open the door, RIGHT??? RIGHT??????

Apparently not! Because while I had the worst fucking panic attack i've bad in a long while I rang the bell for fifteen fucking minutes!!!

FIFTEEN MINUTES UNTIL SHE DECIDED SHE WOULD OPEN THE DOOR

Why? Well because she was scared (she was anxious and didnt want to deal with social interactions, not like "Ohh im paranoid someone will kill me if i answer" scared. I know bc we've discussed this before. we literally share the same brand of anxiety)

Fun facts: -She can check thru the window, we live in an appartment with a PERFECT view of the door that nobody would see her thru -ITS AN APPARTMENT, THE BELL WAS NOT AT OUR DOOR, IT WAS DOWNSTAIRS. If something weird happened she could just NOT open the door after listening thru the bell phone thing since I could have not known at fucking all -Here ringing more than twice is INCREDIBLY rude and innapropiate and nobody in their right fucking mind would ring for five minutes straight, much less fifteen. Unless they lived there, which I do.

I would've been locked out of my house with no phone, 5 bucks on my wallet and NOTHING ELSE (not even a jacket for when it got colder, fun fact!!!!! BC ITS FUCKING COLD OUT DURING THE EVENING NOW) for AT LEAST A WHOLE DAY UNTIL MY DAD WAS BACK FROM WORK AT 7AM TOMORROW

I love my fucking family (Again, very extreme sarcasm)

[laurieellingham]

[billy crudup - 52 - he/him] Introducing LAURIE MORGANTHAL. Word on the street is they are an EDITOR & PUBLISHER & CEO, having been around for THIRTY-FOUR YEARS. Despite an otherwise clear record, sometimes they are known to engage with THE BROTHERHOOD's affairs. Though they are A WORKAHOLIC and RESERVED, they can also be CHARMING and ECCENTRIC. In the chaos of New York City, they're sure to fit right in.

[ sky - 23 - she/her - gmt - no triggers ]

tw: abuse, alcoholism ↴

✧･ﾟ— B A S I C S

— NAME: Florian Henry Morganthal

— NICKNAME/S: Laurie (preferred name)

— D.O.B.: 24th August 1971 (age 52)

— GENDER, PRONOUNS, SEXUALITY: Cis male, he/him, bicurious

— HOMETOWN: Daytona Beach, Florida, USA

— AFFILIATION: Gang - The Brotherhood

— JOB POSITION: Editor & Publisher ; CEO of Empire State Books

— EDUCATION: Bachelors and Masters in English Literature from NYU

✧･ﾟ— P E R S O N A L I T Y

— MBTI: INTP – the logician

— POSITIVE TRAITS: Eccentric, charming, creative, patient, observant

— NEGATIVE TRAITS: Meticulous, reserved, calculated, ambitious, a workaholic

✧･ﾟ— F A M I L Y

— MOTHER: Nancy Alexandra Morganthal (née Harrison)

— FATHER: Mitchell Robert Morganthal

— EX-WIFE: Emily ‘Emmy’ Isabelle McGregor (formerly Morganthal)

✧･ﾟ— A P P E A R A N C E

— FACECLAIM: Billy Crudup

— EYE COLOUR: Brown

— HAIR COLOUR: Black with flecks of grey at the temples

— BUILD: Average

— HEIGHT: 5’ 10”

— SCARS/BIRTHMARKS: A 7cm vertical scar on his left forearm from a tree climbing accident he had as a child

— BODY MODIFICATIONS: N/A

— CLOTHING:

✧･ﾟ— F A V O U R I T E S

— FOOD: Apples (and apple related desserts)

— DRINK: Scotch whisky

— BOOK: The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle

— FILM: Schindler’s List (1993)

— TV SHOW: Justified (2010-2015)

— SEASON: Autumn

— COLOUR: Blue

✧･ﾟ— B I O G R A P H Y

— Laurie was born at 5:55pm on 24th August 1971 in Daytona Beach, FL, to Mitchell and Nancy Morganthal. He is their only child.

— As a young boy, Laurie spent many a day at the beach. He mainly went with his friends under the supervision of their parents and spent hours digging trenches in the sand and snorkelling in the sea. He always finds the beach relaxing and, as an adult, wishes he would go more often.

— Laurie grew up wanting to be a pilot like this father. For Halloween he would dress up as a captain and would get his father’s name tag to pin to the jacket. Despite idolising his father, Mitch was away for work for a lot of the time and Laurie’s mother grew paranoid. She began to think he was purposely staying away and having affairs. He always seemed to be making excuses and disappointed both Nancy and Laurie. He missed birthdays and anniversaries and didn’t seem to care very much. Laurie always felt conflicted: Mitch was his father but he was an absent father and figuring out how to feel about the situation was more confusing than anything else.

— Nancy would take out her anger and frustration about Mitch on Laurie. He endured shouting, screaming, and sobbing, and very rarely suffered physical abuse, but when he did he would hide under his bed sheets or in his wardrobe. He would often sneak around the house just so his mother didn’t see him and accidentally trigger a response in her. He never had any lasting physical scars, but the emotional ones were there for life.

— It was during this period of turmoil when Laurie found an escape in books. Thanks to his teacher at school, he was encouraged to read more and instead of spending time with other children he was tucked away in a corner somewhere with a book. He quickly went from falling behind in class to being the student with the highest grades in reading and writing.

— He was bullied for being a ‘nerd’ amongst other things and, against his nature, Laurie punched an older boy in the nose when he stole Laurie’s favourite book from him. Nobody physically messed with him again, but he was still called names and teased until he was 12.

— As he got older, Laurie’s relationship with his mother began to fail. She was drinking a lot, lost her job at a law firm, and was between shifts at local beachside restaurants and bars. At night, Laurie had to put himself to bed when his mother went out to work and had to cook his own meals (eventually being helped by a neighbour who took pity on both him and Nancy and volunteered to assist them).

— Nancy had every right to be paranoid, however, because Mitch was having affairs. She threw his stuff out for him to collect and changed the locks on the doors. He tried to apologise and make up for his so-called mistakes, but Nancy put her foot down. She stopped Mitch from seeing Laurie and kicked him out of their lives for good.

— When he was 9, Laurie’s parents divorced. Despite what she had said about Mitch in anger and hatred and in gratitude for getting rid of him, Nancy was always an emotional wreck. She often cried when she thought Laurie was asleep and would stay in bed most days. Laurie himself, when he wasn’t at school, took care of his mother in the best way he could as neither of them had any other family.

— Laurie didn’t see his father again until his 16th birthday. Mitch showed up to the house uninvited, but because Laurie wanted him there Nancy couldn’t object. Mitch’s gift to his son was the promise of a college education; he had set aside money to be used in another two years for Laurie to go to whatever university he wanted. They both knew by then that Laurie was no longer pursuing his childhood dream of being a pilot and Laurie told his father about his passion for literature. Mitch was supportive and was thrilled that Laurie wanted to go to NYU. Their relationship never fully healed from the strain it took when Laurie was a child, but the two were civil and Mitch never saw Nancy unless absolutely necessary.

— Laurie found popularity at NYU when he started his English Literature degree. He lived in halls of residence and gained many friends from across all different courses, but mainly in English courses. After promising himself not to drink after what happened with his mother, he was peer pressured into partying and consuming alcohol. He never became a heavy drinker, but sometimes found it difficult to stop drinking once he started, but this was usually only the case when he was particularly stressed or angry. He also went out with his first girlfriend during his first year.

— Following his graduation and after struggling to find a job for months (after taking shifts at a diner to earn money) Laurie landed an opportunity at a small publishing house in the city. He started from the bottom, essentially doing the mundane tasks before being being given a chance to do ‘real’ work. The senior members at this company trained him and taught him all the tricks of the trade and set him up for life. Today, that particular company no longer exists as it went bankrupt, but Laurie himself employs several of his old colleagues in his own successful company out of gratitude.

— Laurie lived with an old roommate at the time, which made it slightly easier to pay rent, and through that friend at a Christmas party he met his eventual wife, Emmy, who was starting out in her career as a cardiologist. They were mad for each other; they dated for two years and were engaged for a little over a year before getting married and taking their honeymoon in Italy.

— Emmy wanted a children and also to move closer to her parents in Austin, TX, but Laurie’s mind was fixated on his work. He was rarely out of the office and even when he was he was cooped up in his study at home. Their relationship broke quickly; Laurie and Emmy were always bickering and began to resent each other. Not two years into their marriage, they were divorced and Emmy returned to Texas. It wasn’t until months later that Laurie felt regret for what happened: he had a beautiful, talented, wonderful wife and he let that go without even realising how much of a mistake he made. But in true Laurie fashion, he distracted himself through his work and having flings with other women.

— Between the ages of 27 and 43, Laurie worked at several different publishers in the city and worked with many prestigious clients. He even did some work for a publishing company in London very briefly. He’d been considering setting up his own company for several years and now that he had made a name for himself he felt capable and confident enough to do. Thus began Empire State Publications: named after Laurie’s self-proclaimed home and set up in a Manhattan office building. It specialises in novels, but also publishes comics, magazines, and online works.

— He is the editor and publisher of Val Dupont’s @yarn-spinning hit books from the ‘Margot Sees Magic’ series. Laurie is trusted by Val to ensure their creative vision gets across in their books and that all mistakes made during the drafting process using Val’s speech-to-text technology are corrected. The two formed both a professional and personal relationship.

— Through Val, Laurie was roped into the dealings of the Brotherhood. He believed that his skills and personality would fit in and could be put to further use and found himself in communications, using his connections in various social circles and industries to pass along messages and intelligence.

— Laurie also never sees either of his parents anymore. He cut himself off from his mother after his divorce because of her continued toxicity and doesn’t know where his dad is. He’s glad that neither of them are around and that he can focus on his own life without having to worry about anyone else. It might seem selfish, but after years of putting up with pain and putting his mother first he can finally be free.

✧･ﾟ— W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S

— EDITORIAL ASSISTANT: This muse would work closely with Laurie, organising his meetings and doing other admin jobs as well as supporting other editors. The two of them would more than likely end up as friends outside of the office too, but that can be UTP!

— AUTHORS & EDITORS: If your muse is a new author or a bestselling author, then they might have their book published and edited by Empire State Publications, or maybe by Laurie himself! Or perhaps they’re an editor who has been around since the company’s founding or are just starting their new job at ESP. Either way your muse would know Laurie in a professional setting.

— FLINGS: Laurie likes to frequent bars, usually higher-end ones, on his quieter evenings and will flirt if he’s in the mood. He’s incredibly charming and skilful in the art of persuasion, which can lead to sharing drinks and perhaps even an invitation back to his apartment. If your muse chooses to stay, then they can expect an interesting night ahead.

— AN OLD FLAME: if you, like me, would like explore Laurie’s softer side and explore his younger years, then your muse could be his very first girlfriend! They met at NYU and were mad for each other and fate had a cruel hand in splitting them up- the rest is up to you!

[ask-thedepressedkidatthetable]

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Alex Smite

☾ Three Things They Love ☽ Getting absorbed in a good book, driving fast, practicing throwing knives.

☾ Three Things They Hate ☽ Being ignored- that feeling of stopping mid-conversation because it doesn't matter. Nobody's listening anyway. Paths laid out by authority. Any authority really. He'll live his own life, thank you. Alex doesn't care for being cold much either. It makes him feel like a war veteran.

☾ Three Things They Need ☽ Alex needs to find a way to break away from his addition to isolation. It all goes hand-in-hand with his safety and trust issues. Alex thinks he needs to travel more, live a kind of nomadic lifestyle, but really he needs to find somewhere- and someone, to set some roots down with. Alex also needs help. He needs to realize he doesn't have to hold everything in and struggle with tasks, just because he's too scared to reach out.

☾ Three Things They Want ☽ To not feel so empty in day-to-day life. That or a bigger blade collection. He'd also like to know how they made viking sails and the oil recipe the Egyptian's used to feed their slaves to keep them alive longer.

☾ Three Things That Scare Them ☽ The idea of being involuntary committed. He thinks about it quite a bit and knows it's in the realm of reality for him. It's one of the big drives for his permeating isolation. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not following you, right? A dark, empty house can still sends shivers up his spine as well. And lastly, just . . . being stereotypically grown-up. Dreading Mondays, looking forward to Fridays while bitching about taxes, the lawn, and everything between the weather.

☾ Three Things That Thrill Them ☽ Running through his jobs- The ones he remembers are the ones where he quit in a huff, people saying he was the best they ever had and knowing they won't ever take him back because he burnt those bridges. Something about ruining his life, right? He'll pick up another dead-end thing tomorrow. Alex hasn't done it in ages, but he loves zip-lining and would give jumping off an airplane a try any day! Alex also enjoys the process of sneaking in and out of buildings. Sometimes there's something interesting, other times it just a house down some road that isn't going to sell for another year because it's a piece of shit.

☾ Three Favorite Foods ☽ Spaghetti and waffles have to be part of this list! Alex also enjoys borsch with mayo.

☾ Three Favorite Smells ☽ The smell when it rains, blood, and I got the feeling he enjoys the smell of gasoline as well.

☾ Three Favorite Holidays ☽ Halloween, The Fourth Of July and National Spaghetti Day (January 4th.)

☾ Three Favorite People (Chosen From A Long List) ☽ They both lost their dreams and drifted apart, but there was a girl who used to live an hour's walk away that was named after a superhero. They'd play make believe for hours. The "reformed" drug dealer he met on the bus one day, walking each other near enough to home while talking philosophy and life. Secrets were shared that day. He's been thinking about it a lot recently, so his Grandmother makes the list as well.

[suppotato123]

Five people Said they want to hear about my zombie apocalypse story, and that’s enough for me so here’s a little sneak peak!

So the story starts with this gal named Lucy, and her twin brother, Skye, are going (with their parents) to visit some relatives on their dad’s side. Lucy and Skye are both 13 at the time. So they all have to get up early and go on a car trip. While they’re in the car they start out trying to listen to the radio, but none of them can agree on what station to listen to, so the dad decides to turn the radio off. (Skye brought his own music anyway.) So they all find ways to entertain themselves for the duration of the drive. Then they get there (it’s their Grandparent’s), and they’re forced to hang out with their cousin, Noah, (who’s like early-mid high school age, kind of socially awkward, and get’s dumped at the grandparent’s house all the time by his parents), and they set up a tent in the backyard because Noah wants to use it as their base for a pretend game. Ya know, like you do when you’re kids hanging out. Except, that Skye is really being a wet blanket about it because he’s 13 and he’s not a little kid anymore. Noah is really trying to convince him that “Of course big kids can play pretend! Obviously, I do!”, but they all end up arguing for several minutes and then they just go inside. When they come in there’s nobody on the ground floor when they come up from the basement (where the back door is) so they figure that the adults are upstairs playing pool or something. Sure enough, they can hear the adults up there and then they all just start doing their own separate things. Skye is listening to music, Noah put in a movie, and Lucy is reading a magazine. What they didn’t notice in their frustration with each other, is that they left the basement door slightly ajar. Meanwhile, the adults are having fun playing pool when they hear some rummaging and then a CLANG from outside, and the Grandma is super paranoid about it being a bear or something. So the twin’s Dad opens the curtains, and when they look down, all the trash cans are knocked over, but there’s nothing down there. The Grandma has already come barreling down the stairs though, and she just runs to the kitchen and starts rummaging through all the cabinets saying “Now I know I have bear spray here somewhere!” Then the Grandpa runs down and is like “For goodness sake, Gertie! It’s just raccoons in the trash cans!!!” (<-He sound’s like Robert DiNero I feel like.) Then there’s like this loud stumbling sound from down stairs that is clearly from something large comes from somewhere in the basement, and Lucy says “I don’t think that’s a raccoon.” So this big zombie comes lumbering up the stairs and Skye grabs the first thing in his vicinity to use as a weapon, which happens to be a potato masher, and tries to sneak out the front door, but there’s a bunch of zombies waiting behind that door so obviously, that doesn’t go well. Grandpa goes to open the gun cabinet, and Lucy takes the opportunity to flee to the upstairs bathroom, where she promptly locks the door and hides in the bathtub behind the shower curtain. I’ve got a whole lot of other character backstories to share if you want to hear them! Just let me know. I would post a drawing of Lucy, but I haven’t drawn her in forever, and I’d like to redraw her before I post any art of her so… Okay thanks guys!

[astropithecus]

The (only) great thing about America trailing behind most of the rest of the industrialized world on social policies is we don't have to guess anymore. We can know with empirical certainty exactly what would happen if policies like free college were implemented, because other countries have already implemented them, sometimes decades ago so we even get long-term data. In a lot of cases, we've even already run trials and done studies right here in the US, so even arguments like "just because it worked somewhere else doesn't mean it would work here" are spurious.

The right loves to bring up Soviet Communism and failed South American states like they're the only historic examples of progressive economic policies. This is ironic, considering those regimes weren't actually very economically progressive at all, but I think that argument starts at the politician/media level as a calculated choice to stymie discussion by focusing on the irrelevant. It's then accepted as fact and parroted by people that lack the media literacy and critical thinking skills to judge the validity of those statements.

"USSR!" works to derail discussion, because by acting like nobody's ever really implemented effective progressive economic policies, they sweep all the scientific evidence under the rug. By implying "nobody can really know what would happen because we only tried it a few times and it didn't work, so we just have to guess" they obscure the truth - that we don't have to guess, we already know, with the same degree of certainty we know anything about economics and human behavior.

Unfortunately for Boomer Dads everywhere, the objective reality is that when college is affordable, more poor people really do go to college, and they do just as well in school as people that had to pay tuition. When people's livelihood doesn't depend on their work, they value their career more and advance further. "Handouts" don't make people lazy, if anything strong social safety nets make people work harder. Crime and drug use decrease when you give people free healthcare - suggesting the way to turn "criminals" and "addicts" into productive members of society isn't more cops or more jails, it's better access to healthcare. In short - handouts make people better people. If someone "doesn't deserve" help, then the best thing for society as a whole is to help them. These aren't opinions, these are facts. Unlike opinions, facts aren't subjective, it doesn't actually matter if you disagree - because the word for a disagreement with objective reality is "delusion."

I realize that link-dump looks like something to bookmark for Thanksgiving dinner with the family this year, but remember when dealing with people suffering from delusion, it's not usually productive to dispute their delusions with them. This seems counterintuitive, but providing a delusional person with conflicting evidence would generally make them cling to the delusion more tightly, and sometimes cause them to create even more elaborate paranoid fantasies to protect it (those studies aren't real science, fact checking is a liberal conspiracy, peer-reviewed journals are fake news, everyone is lying to me, I can't trust anything I read, you're working for the bad guys, etc). Any attempts to reason with them - even kind, well-intentioned ones - are only likely to reinforce the delusion. Instead (from the link)

one approach that may be effective is to validate the fear associated with the delusion while calmly explaining you see the situation differently. One way my sister did this was by adopting a calm demeanor, looking me in the eyes and listening to my paranoid statements without judgment. She listened without insisting on disproving my delusions, while at the same time not going so far as to legitimize them. I recall one such interaction as I was walking around my neighborhood with my sister. I began pointing out all the houses with their blinds closed tightly and told her, “Those blinds are closed for a reason. It’s part of the investigation. The people inside are trying to make it appear as though they’re not home.” My sister thought over what I had said, then offered, “It’s interesting you see it that way, because I see it a little differently. I see that the sun is shining pretty intensely on those windows right now, so maybe the people have shut the blinds tightly to block out the sun.” As I reflect on how my sister handled that situation and many others, what I appreciate most is that she remained calm and offered another way of looking at the situation without insisting it was more rational. This technique enabled me to consider other explanations without leaving me feeling as though I was being dismissed as irrational. My sister’s approach allowed me to challenge my delusions myself, to consider that my theories weren’t the only possible explanations for what was happening around me.

You've got to give them the space to recognize on their own that maybe they're not the financial and psychological experts that they think they are. They have to make the connection for themselves that they don't have enough evidence to warrant their faith in their delusion. They have to sort of accidentally stumble upon the self-awareness that they don't have any relevant educational or occupational experience to refute the conclusions of an entire worldwide community of economists and social scientists. You can't force it on them (even if you could, can you imagine how condescending you'd have to be?) but by gently raising alternate explanations to their delusional reasoning, without invalidating them or making a judgement about who's "right" (you know you are, but remember a delusional person is just as convinced that they are) you'll usually have a less contentious relationship. You may actually be a positive influence on their mental health, as well, but at least you won't make things worse.

[sincelastsession]

I don't know if my insurance will allow me to see you more than once a week but I would like to look ended at because I feel that was my flare up I probably Should be under a little bit more care but not psychword style or outpatient

If it was a long time ago I might have been open to outpatient but these days hell the fuck no do I want to associate with other people with mental issues because I will just go into people pleasing mode and try to make friends with people who will end up being terrible for me etc

Or it'll be like the last time I went into outpatient and people literally tried to jump across the room at me because they didn't understand that I wasn't being mean I was just being Blunt in the middle of group

And then one time I went and it was basic like instructions on how to bathe yourself like they stuck me in a group that was so below my intelligence level I don't even know why they did that it was like torture

I mean obviously I would like to do all of the testing that can possibly be done that you would like to do on me so we can just figure the full picture out

Anyway at some point between now and Monday I will send you the audio files I just have to find them on my phone that is full and yelling at me to delete things

I don't know what happened to my other phone that I had recordings on and I'm very upset about that and I think my father might have taken it and be in possession of it if it's not just sitting somewhere lost in my apartment

Yeah I don't think my dad realizes how many laws he's broken and how many boundaries he's crossed and how wrong he is for how he treats me and then he does that cycle of coming back and acting innocent and apologizing and trying to appeal to people when we all know that he's just gonna turn around and fucking attack me again at some point

He thinks I'm trying to control him he's really that paranoid so as my mom

The thing is there are the ones who have the upper hand they have control I have nothing to gain by controlling them

There's nothing that I would get out of it emotionally But I think I have ulterior motives to everything I do and I don't I don't think like that I mean I could think like that if I wanted to but generally no like 99.9% I don't think like tha

I don't think they even can wrap their heads around what goes on in my brain even if they read this they would be like oh my God she's psychotic she's crazy she's lost it none of this is true blah blah blah blah

I didn't have a journal growing up because my parents would be nosy

My dad would threaten to take my doorway and chop off all the electrical cords so I couldn't use my radio I didn't even have ATV in my room growing up until I was over the age of 18 and then my dad never fixed it so I could even use it so it just sat there

And when I started smoking weed illegally at home they just encouraged me to smoke more weed and even helped me acquire it.

And yeah that was helping me with my pain and everything but I just find it funny that they encouraged it and told me to shut up and go smoke my weed when it wasn't even legalized yet and years before that they would have tantrums if they found out that I went out and got stoned with friends

As soon as it became legal no big deal nobody cared

And now I'm watching them just allow my sister to smoke weed that she's not even getting from a medical facility in the house and she's drinking too and she's just ruining her life and stealing things from me and my mom which I can prove because I can go in her room open her jewelry box and pull out several things that are mine and my mother's and I'm so pissed that I do want to go over there bust into her room and just grab a box and put everything I have ever given her and let her borrow in that box and just leave And then leave her a sticky note that says fuck yourself because I'm just tired of it she attacked me in January 4 Is after I found the perfeit cake for her birthday and on January 1st I was the one that orchestrated her getting engaged in a nice fancy way that she would remember forever but no she hates the engagement ring now and doesn't even wear it and is acting like a fucking child because my parents won't step up and give her boundaries and make her follow those boundaries like they did with me

I feel like this is worse than fucking Doctor Phil

Also it's like 10:25 PM and there are children outside my fucking apartment just playing and I don't even know who they belong to and I hate it here.

I don't even know if it's worth it to go to Sherwood acres

I don't even know who asked me I think it was my mom I think my mom asked me if you could help me find a place to live because my parents Always think that it's like the therapist's job to take Uber for them that's what they thought that was going on they thought that the school and they thought that the therapist that they Stuck me with like from the age of I Don't Know 12 were the ones that were gonna fix me and raise me and make me act right and teach me Life And how to do it

So I mean sometimes I feel like they were never even my parents at all I do remember like good moments but within those good moments were horrible moments

The struggle I have being in the new contact level I'm at is so difficult because you have no idea how much I want to call my dad and sister and just talk with them are try to talk with them

And I don't really even want to other than out of necessity and because I want to check and see how they're doing and help them but they don't want my help

And neither of them have really reached out to me even though they aren't blocked and tried to really apologize and speak to me but I did tell them that I did not want to talk to either of them until they both got mental health help and I would love to see my dad agreed to come see you or literally anyone for medication or just therapy

Family sessions with me is a start.

I feel like I literally have a type of Stockholm syndrome

Like why do I love these people?

How do I get them to stop hurting me and just snap out of it and SEE ME

I know many people can see the crazy shit

Why can't any of my family?

Why am I the scapegoat and how do I get respect as a human?

[mrthoughtbubbles]

Spent a couple of hours playing Bloons with my brothers and exorcised (it's a little running gag I tell my sisters. I use exorcise instead of exercise) for a couple of hours as well. I'm running on fumes, but I'm happy and satisfied with what I did today.

I have a problem with getting too bored with my current cardio routine... I need to add something to my jogging so that I won't get too bored, aside from listening to music... I also noticed that I'm back to my previous reps/set with my weights. I hope that I'll get smaller at the same time, knowing that I can't reach my previous reps/set.

I just want to share something about why I don't like jogging outside the house. There were a couple of times when I jogged somewhere wherein people pointed at me and called me fat, that I would get tired easily, and that they judged me for using my old shoes.

To me,

I understand that the outside world is a harsh place and that people will judge you for how you look or what you wear. I hope that you won't let them get to you. Please understand that nobody's perfect. Even though you have a lot of imperfections, like your weight, made and will continue to make a lot of mistakes in your life, know that trying to better yourself is all that matters. Sometimes, your paranoia will rear its ugly head again and you'll have a hard time dealing with normal tasks because you feel tired, both physically and mentally, and when that happens, know that existing is good enough. Remember, you survived being paranoid 24/7 for months before, and now, you can distinguish your paranoid thoughts from your normal thoughts, which is a big improvement, in my opinion. Do know that you'll never be alone, that your family is behind you, and that we're slowly improving.

From me