#but when i was younger there was a certain struggle to afford things?

[sprldreams]

Cute bookstore dates *dreamy sigh*

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[unavailableapple]

Excuse me for coming to your askbox, I am not a radfem and don't agree with a lot of it's principles, yet I find radfem spaces are the only place where discussion of nonbinary identity has any nuance. Personally I have no problem with people doing whatever they want with their own bodies/minds/labels but I did struggle to wrap my head around just how many people started IDing as nonbinary during the last few years. Now recently it's been a bit of the opposite, with a noticeable amount of previously out and proud nonbinary people dropping the label. I've heard some people discuss it like it was just "in fashion" for a while, while others insist it's a result of gender experimentation or having to go back in the closet due to the political climate. But it's not just the young, I noticed that includes some of the first nb people I knew, who were nonbinary before 2020, hell, before 2015. I know you had a similar experience, so I just wanted to hear your opinion on this whole phenomenon, why it's happening and why now, and if you expect the trend to continue?

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot and honestly the short answer is: I’m not sure.

The long answer:

I think that these things come in waves. Think about BBL surgery (Brazilian butt-lift surgery). When that surgery was really popular, I’m sure it felt like a very real need to the women who got it. Similarly, my nonbinary identity felt very real to me. But once you apply any amount of pressure to either of these, they start to break. Because really what does it mean to be nonbinary? Why do I NEED to express myself as nonbinary? Why does she NEED to have a large posterior? Eventually you realize, it is misogyny. That’s all it is. And then the whole thing falls apart…Aside from that, even if you don’t acknowledge the misogyny, these things are ultimately superficial and, as such, fall away once one reaches a certain point of adulthood.

I don’t mean adulthood as in becoming an adult human I mean adulthood as in a certain level of struggle that makes fanciful discussions of pronouns seem taxing. Eventually real life catches up and you don’t feel like wasting your precious free time thinking about whether you use they, she, he, or meow pronouns. I think the lasting effects of COVID have meant terrible things for the general public and a lot of people are struggling to pay rent or afford food. I know that what first made me stop caring about pronouns was when I was homeless and thought a lot more about finding a safe place to sleep than making sure everyone calls me he/meow/it pronouns.

Then I think there’s the climate of the trans community right now. When I was younger, there was an idea of, “Being trans is equally hard for males AND females”. But now the dominant narrative seems to be that trans identified males have it a thousand times harder being trans and trans identified females face no oppression at all. I do think this drives more trans identified females out of trans spaces and leads them to find more community with other women. This was the case for several of my friends. Once the trans community told them, “You don’t face any oppression” even though they did (by right of being female), they stopped feeling aligned with a nonbinary identity and suddenly realized they felt more aligned with being female, on the basis of shared experiences.

Finally, it could genuinely just be that it’s falling out of fashion. I’m of an era where I, like a lot of young women my age, was the froggy jumper round glasses meow/it pronoun using boyflux aligned aroace nonbinary person and that was in style. Nowadays kids on TikTok make fun of that and it’s much less “in”. Recently Mitski cut her hair short and people started calling her “theyfab”. For the uninitiated, theyfab is a rude term the trans community uses for a female person who identifies as nonbinary, especially if she doesn’t do anything to express this nonbinary identity beyond cutting her hair. They were not trying to “affirm” Mitski, they were making fun of her for being a gender nonconforming woman, and they were making fun of the women who identify as nonbinary. No matter what, it’s always “in” to make fun of women so if a lot of women are identifying as nonbinary, it’s going to be “in” to make fun of them and it is. On pinterest, Nonbinary identities are already being relegated to “2010s nostalgia” the way moustache tattoos on pointer fingers are “2000s nostalgia”, these things come and go.

So yeah, I ultimately don’t know, and these are only a couple among my many many MANY different theories. But based on my own experience and the experiences of people I know, this is what I’ve been thinking.

[sosuigeneris]

have you ever got any cosmetic work done (surgical/non-surgical)? what is your beauty maintenance routine? what are some stuff that wealthier ppl know about that most don’t regarding beauty/skin/hair/hygiene/diet/fitness? sorry it’s so many questions. i love your blog so much btw I’ve learned a lot from you :)🩷

nope, never had surgery or anything too invasive. I really don’t need it haha, losing weight, fixing my skin and growing my hair out did wonders for me. I’ve had collagen pumped into my skin for some acne scars I had but that was a useless procedure, this is back when I was 18. I’ve done exilis and em sculpt which I’ve mentioned below, I’ve gotten laser done (useless), I had IVs for semaglutide (useless). I think that’s about it.

beauty maintenance routine:

wax every 1.5 months

thread and wax my face every Sunday

face masks 2x week

hair mask 1 x week

high frequency if I feel like my skin needs a push (I have a wand at home)

gel polish every month

minoxidil for hair growth

I FaceTime my dermat once a month or once in two months

things that wealthy people do that normally people don’t know about… the problem is that everything is public these days. Any Jane can get filler and collagen therapy now and in certain elitist families, there is a sense of disdain about that. Beauty is a competition, it’s a very hush hush business and most try to be as discreet as possible.

I’ve seen lots of nose jobs and chin jobs that these younger girls get done in their late teens or early 20s to improve their prospects for fame (very common in the entertainment families). But with legacy family businesses, among the older women, it will be one of two extremes- a horrible face lift and smudged make up or all natural face yoga and black magic that they swear by. Baby Botox is also huge with the younger wives but they never get it done in India, they always go to LA/ NYC / and absolute worst case Dubai. You really cannot afford to be 35 and botched. The reality is that with huge legacy families what you don’t have is time. Time for recovery I mean, because for those few months you cannot be seen publicly. For most families this is impossible- there are constant engagements, philanthropic activities (PR), weddings and parties to attend - so whatever they get done, they ensure that the down time is very very short. That’s also why most of them have consistent “natural” wellness routines like getting massages weekly. emsculpt and exilis are a big secret (I’ve done both). I’m writing a blog post about it in real time. Downtime is zero. A lot of women also get exilis done for their vaginas to make it tighter.

I have cousins who have MUAs on a retainer basis. Regardless of how big or small the event is, they ensure that they’re looking glam at all times if they’re going to be socialising. I personally think that’s insane and I’m very good at my beating my face so I never resorted to doing this for every occasion but yes this is common.

diet - I’ll be honest, most girls will very rarely touch food. If we’re going out for dinner we normally go for Japanese because it’s a little lighter. They smoke/ vape a lot which in turn suppresses appetite.

what I plan to get done soon:

acne scar treatment (I have very slight scarring only on one cheek because I sleep on my side)

hydrafacial

ultrasound for double chin (I don’t have a crazy double chin but I do want my face to be a little more snatched without fillers and Botox)

Things I know I will get done at some point:

PRP facials

micro needling

emsculpt again (like before my wedding whenever that happens)

Botox just in between my eyebrows because I frown when I’m listening

some treatment for my laugh lines at some point in my life

tbh the best beauty tip I can give you is start working out young. I’ve seen so many women not go back to their pre-baby weight, struggle with their health which inevitably fucks with your appearance, and try all sorts of stupid things when they could literally just start working out and watch their body transform in a few months.

also, don’t get fillers done impulsively. It looks ridiculous unless you have the right doc and 8/10 times you don’t. try to stick to your ethnicity as much as possible. As an Indian, the closest inspo for me is Middle Eastern because I have similar features (full brows, full lips and big eyes). But if I try getting Korean style plastic surgery I’m going to look daft.

[banes-favourite]

I doubt the House of Hope was the most hygienic place, and even before Enver was sold his parent's house probably wasn't that hygienic either because of the area they lived and how it sounds like they were living in poverty

So do you think this has had an effect on him as an adult? Does he still struggle with certain aspects of keeping good hygiene since he never really got into the practice of it before, or maybe he is almost obsessive over keeping himself clean and wearing some sort of perfume to distance himself as much as possible from that time? Or maybe he usually ensures he's clean at all times but occasionally struggles with it either during some period of time where he's completely focused on his work or when he's having an episode of a decline in his mental well-being

Maybe before durge disappeared he tended to have a bit of a more kept together appearance, but after durge vanished he found that he just no longer cared that much, or it felt more like a chore and he struggled to find the energy. So instead he just dived further into his work(probably not hard to do with him likely already being busier due to Orin and having more things to do in preparation for becoming archduke and reaching the last stages of the plan).

No cause you're so real for this. I think about this often cause like, this man is a Lord. He climbed the ranks by mingling and talking and socialising and manipulating. His image Should be his everything. And to a point, it is, because he wears these needlessly flashy clothes and accessories and holds himself up with so much confidence it's impossible not to find him impressive just by looking at him.

But then you look a bit closer and he's so unkempt? His stubble, his wild ass hair, his face looks like it hasn't been washed in days? And it's just., how did you become an archduke without paying attention to your appearance baby boy?

But then you think about it more and you realise he never had the LUXURY to care about basic hygiene because he was in constant survival mode since the moment he was born. Who cares about haircuts when you're struggling for your next meal? Who cares about washing up when you're going to get beaten to a bloody pulp anyway? Mf had to fight with teeth and claws to make a name for himself, I doubt hygiene was even on the top 20 things on his mind.

So I think there's two ways to interpret it. The more realistic approach is that he does not care, he cleans up when he's meeting someone important, just enough to keep up appearances but he never truly gets the hang of it because he simply never had the time to worry about it.

But personally I love the idea that as an adult, it does become an obsession, because finally he's reached his goals and he finally has the time and money to take proper care of himself. That he cleans his own clothes because he believes the servants are unclean, bathes twice a day with scorching water by scrubbing his body raw, wears gloves to protect himself against the germs he was forced to constantly be around in his younger years. He cannot stand the idea of being untidy because in his mind it's the same like being dirty, so his desk has to be perfect, his clothes have to be perfect, his chambers have to be perfect, and the moment anyone fucks up this careful environment he's built, he loses his shit. He reacts very strongly when Durge picks up dirt or blood and spreads it in his home, on his precious floors and carpets. He has to throw everything away and buy new, clean things every single time because he can afford to and otherwise he won't be able to sleep at night. It's an obsession, sure, but it's also a reminder that he's grown and got himself out of the shithole of poverty and enslavement. He holds power over his things, his body, his surroundings, and he'll do anything to keep it.

This interpretation also makes it all the more gut-wretching when his carefully built obsession starts slipping after Durge's disappearance. He no longer sees the point in putting so much energy in vanity or cleanliness, throws himself into work and work alone. He spends days building in his workshop and he doesn't even fucking care to wash away the oils and grease from the machines. He stops bathing, stops shaving, stops styling his hair, and it'd be super unnerving to watch him go from this perfect pillar of confidence to a sleep-deprived, dirty man in grief who has ran out of the energy to care.

(Both ideas work well with him drowning himself in his vanilla perfume also, either to cover up his stinky ass bc he Does Not Give a Shit or obsessively spraying himself every hour or so to smell as clean as he wants to feel)

[thatbigbisexual29]

It’s Only Funny When I Do It (ATSV)

Hello friends! I have written again! This one was surprisingly hard for some reason?? I had a certain line I wanted to use (credit to @giggly-squiggily​ thanks bestie!) but I had no idea how to write to that point. I think I erased and rewrote... 12 times?? But, I finally figured it out! I hope you all enjoy this one as much as the last! Also I know it isn’t a lot compared to other fics, BUT ITS OVER 100 NOTES NOW THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! I can’t believe so many people liked my silly fic, it makes me feel so nice and accomplished. Anyways, hope you guys have fun with this one! :)

Miles was in trouble. Why did he start a truth or dare game with Gwen? Why did he say dare? Why did he commit to this stupid prank?!? He was dead. Even as he swung frantically through Brooklyn, New York to escape the madman chasing him, he knew deep in his heart that he was dead.

“MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILES!” Hobie bellowed after him, swinging towards him with a fiery anger in his chest.

“I’m sorry!! I thought it would be harmless! Gwen dared me to do it, go after her!” Miles shouted back. He desperately swooped through alleyways and cars, hopping over buses and roofs, doing everything in his power to escape the punk spider. But he just couldn’t shake the furious man.

“I’ll get ‘er AFTER I’M DONE KILLIN’ YOU!” Hobie barked. The older male swung up, twirling in a backflip, then shot a line of webbing towards Miles. It caught his back and Hobie yanked, causing Miles to lose his momentum and fall. Hobie was quick though, pulling the webbing closer so the younger man didn’t plummet to his death. He swung up to a nearby building and tossed Miles onto the concrete roof, watching him tumble onto his back.

“Ow! Ey, ey, EY! Chill! Let’s talk about this! Don’t you love talking??” Miles rambled in a panic, quickly backing away from the rapidly approaching Punk. Hobie wasted no time with thwipping Miles’ legs to the ground, then his web slingers so he couldn’t try to run away. Miles struggled to free himself with no luck. Finally, Hobie towered over him. It was hard to discern his facial features with his mask on, but his presence emitted rage.

“Miles. You’ve got free seconds to explain why I found DIS in mah flat today.” Hobie kneeled over Miles and held up his guitar. Although, it wasn’t his normal guitar. The strings were instead very poorly taped on pasta noodles. Some of the noodles were boiled, some weren’t, but after their little chase a lot of the noodles didn’t stay on the guitar. It really was a dumb prank and in retrospect, not even that funny.

“Ok, I know that you’re mad…” Miles began.

“Mad? Mad? I’m bloody fumin’, mate! Do ya know how much guitar strings cost?” Hobie growled, angrily slinking his guitar off his back but gently placing it on the floor beside them. 

“No…?”

“Nearly £120! Look me in me eyes and tell me you fink I can afford £120 of strings!” Hobie grabbed both of Miles’ wrists and forced them above his head, thwipping them multiple times to the ground.

“L-Listen! I’m sorry alright?? It was a prank! I didn’t mean to cut your strings I-”

“You cut ‘em?! Those strings were perfect, they were! Ooohoho Miles…” Hobie took a deep breath and sat back on his leg, tightening a fist and trying to calm himself. Miles tugged harder at his restraints but the webbing held true. He knew Hobie would never intentionally hurt him, but he couldn’t deny the nervousness that bubbled in his chest.

“Alright how about this, I’ll buy you new ones! Ok? And even after that I’ll still probably owe you! C’mon man we’re friends! Don’t do whatever violent thing you’re about to do!” the teen bargained, watching the eye lenses on the punk closely. Hobie turned his head back towards his friend and smirked under his mask.

“Me? Doin’ somefin violent? You know me all too well. But I ain’t gon do nofin to ‘urt yous, Miles. But tell me somefin. Your mum’s a nurse, yeah? You know how to stop a bleedin’ wound?” Hobie asked as leaned over the teen, cracking his knuckles and then his neck.  Miles swallowed nervously, attempting to pull his arms down once more before realizing he was screwed.

“You… you put pressure on it…?” he responded with a confused look to the older male. Hobie huffed a small laugh.

“You don’t say. I guess then you know wha’ I’m bouts to do wit these bleedin’ armpits, roight?” And before Miles could think, Hobie tasered his armpits with two fingers in each hollow. Miles barked out an embarrassing high-pitched yelp and fell into a loud cackling fit. He squirmed this way and that but Hobie just stuck to him (hee hee spiderman joke).

“AIIYE!! Gyahahahahaha! Hahahahaha Hobie! Ahahahahahaha whahahahahahat ahahahahahare you dohohohohohoing?!”

“Whas it look like, ya yankee? ‘M gettin’ revenge! As if I’d ‘urt mah protégé, come off it mahn. ‘Old on, dijyou jus snort?” Hobie asked, slightly recoiling at the sound he just heard.

And he was right. Miles had just snorted of all things. This was a big reason the teen avoided tickling or tickle fights because of his laugh. He was just too embarrassed. There were certain spots on his body that would immediately produce snorts, and his armpits were one of them.

“Pfffhehehehehehehahahahahahaha *snort* ahahahahahahaha! Stahahahahahahap ihihihihit! *snort* Nahahahahahahahahaaa! Quihihihihihit! Pleheheheheheheheeeease! *snort snort*” Miles snorted up a storm. He was glad he couldn’t see Hobie’s face because he knew he was smiling ear to ear like the Grinch.

“Ohoho nah mate. This is too good. Ya got a little piggy snort, do ya? Do ya always snort when someone tickles yer pits, eh? That’s hilarious, spidey. Kitchy koo~” Hobie teased as he scribbled all his digits into Miles’ exposed armpits, chuckling as the teen shrieked and snorted again.

“NAHAhahahahahaha! Nohohohoho kihihihihihitchy!” Miles argued, furiously shaking his head back and forth.

“Whas dat? No kitchy koo? Aw Miles, you’re such a lightweight mahn! C’mon mate, jus a few more! Jus a few more an’ I’ll stop wit de teasin’ yeah?” Hobie laughed as Miles shook his head more. He then moved his long fingers to his ribs which earned another yelp from the teen. Hobie couldn’t help but smile wider.

“Too bad! A kitchy kitchy koo~ Kitchy koo Miles!~ Aww, does it tickle? Ah bet it does. You wouldn’t be laughin’ so much overwise. Ain’t you cute? Wit all dese girly giggles an all. Oh mah god, you sound like Mayday! Hah! Tha’s adorable, mate. Does Gwen know about this?” Hobie teased, enjoying how Miles’ squirming turned to thrashing.

“STAHAHAHAHAP! DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHON’T TEHEHEHEHEHEHEHELL! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOBIE PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE! I’M SAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARRY! LEHEHEHEHEHEHEHET ME UHUHUHUHUHUHUP PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!!!” Miles screamed as he arched his back, wildly waving his head around while also trying to hide it behind his restrained arm. 

“‘Old on! You still ‘aven’t learned your lesson!” Hobie chuckled, tasering Miles' side to make him jump. Which he did. While also breaking the sound barrier for a split second with his shrill yelp.

“WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAT IHIHIHIHHIHIHIHHIHIS IHIHIHHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIT??” Miles screamed, almost at his limit. Hobie took note of this, knowing he needed to wrap it up.

“Understan’ dis, Miles. Pranks are only funny when I do ‘em. ‘Ear me?” Miles nodded frantically and Hobie finally backed off and let the teen breathe. Then he realized what would actually help and lifted Miles’ mask over his nose, not revealing his whole face. Miles took in greedy breaths of air as Hobie fished out his pocket knife, slicing away the webbing that held him down.

“Oi, you good? Gonna recover or ‘ave I traumatized ya?” the punk teased. Miles let out a tiny cough and a laugh.

“Nah, I’ll need therapy after what just happened. Consider a lawsuit ramming your ass, Brown,” the teen responded cheekily. Hobie barked out a laugh and shoved his shoulder, falling on his butt (although he played it off like it was intentional).

“You’ll ‘ave to catch me first, Morales. Cheeky bastard,” the punk chuckled and looked into the sun which was now setting over the city. They sat for a moment, Miles calming down with Hobie waiting on him.

“Listen man,” Miles started, “I shouldn’t have done that. I know how important your guitar is to you, and I should have backed out of Gwen’s dare. And I'll get you new strings. We’ll stop at a music store, there’s one not too far, I think,” Miles said, sitting up to face the older male. Hobie looked at him and nodded.

“Yeah, sounds cuppa. You good though, honest? Don’ need a Mickey Bliss or nofin’?” the punk asked as he stood, offering a hand to Miles, who gave him a confused look.

“I seriously have no idea how I understand you.” Hobie snickered and pulled Miles to his feet as the teen pulled his mask over his face. Then, the two heard someone shout ‘help!’ from the road below. They shared a look and nodded. Guitar strings could wait. Though Miles learned a very valuable lesson that day.

Don’t ever prank Hobie unless you want to have a death wish.

[myfandomrealitea]

Ahh I think the second ask I sent responding to your "how are you" got eaten. I actually don't know how often that happens, but I didn't want to leave you hanging.

But! Home renovations! I have very little experience with that (as a younger teen thru my parents), so other than cost of labour I always imagined it as great fun but now I see that's a pretty dumb assumption to make, I don't think I'd enjoy having to go through all that on my own with my own finances 😬. However in my country homes are built with cinder blocks and cement and stuff. I heard most houses in USA are wooden?? I have a feeling that makes home renovations even worse and my heart goes out to you, hope recovery is treating you right after all that stress lol.

And thank you for asking! Ah, I've been doing pretty I think not-great? For a while. Mostly because I just don't understand how other people are able to live life and carry responsibilities and complete tasks and do hard work instead of procrastinating, I don't know how to put my phone down, I don't know how to force myself to put my book down when I have work to do; and sometimes I end up just running away on the deadline. Pretty infamous for it atm, wondering if I'm just not cut out for adulthood and should just spend my life under my parent's thumb, they're pretty overbearing.

Ah but life is hard you know, we get by the way we can. I also just got into Star Trek through one of their newer series and am Very Excited to be a new Spock/Kirk shipper!! Can't wait to participate in a community built by ppl so infuential to fandom!!!!

Hope you have a spectacular day, Tea<333333333 in fact, can I ask. What's your favorite ship dynamic, if you have one! I'd be happy to know and listen if you wanna talk extensively about it :D

Home renovations can be fun, its definitely not a 'it sucks always everytime' situation, but unfortunately in my case it went from 'I just need to fix this door' to 'my entire house basically needs to be gutted and re-done' and on a very tight schedule because, y'know. Christmas. Nobody wants to me playing hopscotch over exposed floorboards on the day of merriment.

The worst thing about home renovations is when there are larger jobs where you really need appropriate knowledge and experience to do and do well, and its not really something you can afford to keep re-doing to get to the point where your attempt is Good Enough. Installing flooring, for example. A lot more complicated than many people expect. Especially when you're spending $300 on floorboards and there's not really that ability to just throw another $300 at it if the first go comes out wonky. But you also can't afford the $700 professional instillation, so.

But, ultimately, the majority of the renovations were pretty easy. Stripping and re-painting wood gloss, for example, very easy to learn and very easy to do if you actually have the right materials and prepwork done.

And the end result of all this stress is, of course, I have basically a brand new house for Christmas! Nice new flooring, super smooth walls, shiny new gloss everywhere, ect ect. And devil permitting, I won't need to do any of that again for at least another 5+ years.

Onto you, though, my first advice (assuming you're open to it) would be to first address any possible medical causes for feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and extremely de-motivated. Poor diet, poor quality of sleep, stress, deficiencies, dehydration and many other causes can result in these symptoms or outcomes. Its definitely not a catch all, but addressing the big MC (medical causes) is always beneficial as a first step.

But, those aside, that's actually a pretty normal way to feel when things are getting Too Much. Its not really normal as a permanent state of existence, but trust me when I say that pretty much everyone will go through periods like this. Life has a habit of stacking up and stacking up, and I like to explain it in terms of weight. At a certain point, you start to struggle with carrying it. And beyond that point, it becomes crushing and impossible to move or breathe.

There are a lot of different ways you can work through this and combat it, and its going to be extremely unhelpful of me, but ultimately its something you personally have to trial-and-error to see what works for you.

There is no 'right' blanket way to do something or function as an adult. There are simply ways that work for you and ways that do not work. And while its ultimately true that now and then we have to do things we don't want to, or complete tasks in ways we don't like, we do not actually have to fully live that way if its not something that is over-all conducive and beneficial.

For example; if you like to listen to music while you work but often find you get distracted by 'going to change a song' on your phone and then finding yourself 'just checking Tumblr quickly' or 'just answering this massage' and then two hours later you're still on your phone, buy a cheap solo music player like an old MP3 or an older iPod which physically doesn't have all those distracting other features. Leave your phone in another room and just listen to music on that device.

If you're putting off calling the doctor or dentist to make an appointment because you don't really know what to say, write a script. There are even pre-written script templates available online for calling for the doctor, dentist, a job interview, ect. Rehearse it a few times. Think about what questions they may be likely to ask you and pre-prepare your answers.

Maybe you're someone who does things in a staggered process, or someone who would benefit from just chunking out a day or a few hours to getting things done. Personally, I'm the sort of person who swings between them depending on what all needs to be done and what my motivation is like in the moment. Some days I'm like an animal weaponised with disinfectant and laundry pods and the next I'm putting away half my laundry and getting the dishes done and then falling asleep at 4pm like I'm actually 90 years of age and retired.

Having motivation only for things we find pleasing or enjoyable is not uncommon, but it can also be a sign of burnout. You may need to take some time to just have a break and 'de-adult' or you may need to find ways to incorporate and balance personal enjoyment and personal obligations.

For example if you enjoy reading, you might want to try audiobooks while you clean or work. I personally don't use audiobooks because I'm a very fast reader and I often quickly get frustrated with how long some of them take just to go through one page, but audiobooks work well for a lot of people, especially people who enjoy reading but may not have the time or ability to sit down with a book itself.

Structured plans and lists might work better for you than just winging it as you go. For example; you could write out a table of all the things you need to do and order them in terms of urgency and/or effort.

Putting the dishes away is generally a low effort, low urgency task. Whereas something like a work deadline could be a high urgency, moderate-high effort task.

All in all, unfortunately, other than offering suggestions and examples like above and attempting to help you understand any contributing possible causes to your de-motivation, support and encouragement are really the only other things I can offer.

Adulting can suck, but there's definitely ways to make it suck a little less. A lot of people don't even recognise when they're in a slump, so honestly, you're doing great already. You're a step ahead of a lot of people.

As for a favorite ship dynamic, I do love 'psychotic feral dog and controller.' Its a pretty 'out there' dynamic which not a lot of media really explores in a lasting or overt way aside from being a by-produce of 'villain x other' dynamics, but god. I just love feral people. Give me a raging little psychopath who'd stab someone over the last slice of toast and the person who points and says 'kill.'

I also love amplifying the feral aspect of characters who aren't canon psychopaths/similar. Billy Hargrove, for example, and Kai from Fermat's Cuisine. Its just such a fun, spicy dynamic to play with. I've actually recently got into Black Butler and shipping Sebaciel, although at the moment in full transparency I'm struggling with a lot of the recent fics for it not really being appealing to me, or being written in ways I don't enjoy.

Spock and Kirk is a fun ship, though, and probably one of the ships where there's a relentless and infinite amount of content, so 10/10 choice I'm excited for you to start diving into it! Lots of fanart and fics and fun meta to explore.

[heyclickadee]

“I am not sure how I should care about change. It is a fundamental part of life,” is one hell of a line. All the lines in the cave scene in “The Crossing” are amazing, and this isn’t the one that hits home the hardest, but it still hits home and cuts my heart wide open. Because, good lord, that’s what it’s like when you need consistency and have never been allowed to have it.

Tech’s every day life would have been largely out of his hands from the second he and the others were decanted. Some things might have been consistent, sure, and I’m guessing there was some kind of schedule they were all expected to keep to when they were younger, but every few days probably came with new kinds of training, new scenarios to work out, and later on a new set of orders, and new place to go, somewhere else to go to sleep and another place to wake up and fight, constant change always dictated by someone else. And when things are like that, when you’re constantly moving around, when you’re expected to cope, when you don’t really have the option not to do so? You have to adapt. Or you break down. And you can’t break down.

You can’t afford to worry about what you can’t control, so you focus on what you can. You can’t stop the fact that tomorrow you’re going to be waking up somewhere you’ve never even seen, but you can, for example, make sure you get to eat a certain thing the same way every time, or wear the same things and put them on in the same order every time. Little things. You find patterns in the rhythms of the changes happening around you, you lean into those patterns, and make them part of your worldview; what happens now has happened before, you figured out how to deal with it then, and you figure out how to deal with it again now. You learn from a young age that change isn’t good or bad, just inevitable; and you get to a point that you wonder why people get so worked up about the changes you know they can’t stop from happening. This is how it is, you think, and you don’t know how to feel about it, or even if you should. More than wonder—you almost get annoyed. It’s just how it is and you can’t stop it. Still, you cling with both hands to whatever constants life gives you and find as much comfort in them as you can—until those start to change, too, and you find yourself struggling to adapt all over again.

[kobold-that-bites-people]

you know, there's a certain alienation to being transfem, that really doesn't feel too dissimilar to that of having been severely depressed growing up. so much of what society would expect me to learn growing up is simply lost, either due to having not having found the terms to call myself trans yet, or from dysphoria interfering with function.

there's the obvious things lost to a childhood being treated as a boy. there's having to teach yourself how to take care of your hair, because as a guy the only advice you were given was "just brush it" and "guys never take care of it anyway" and "just cut it off already". there's needing to teach yourself how to do makeup, despite having neither family to teach you nor social spaces where it's accepted to just not be good at makeup yet. there's needing to completely learn from scratch how to dress yourself in a way that is at all appealing, when you spent your entire youth avoiding mirrors and desperately avoiding clothes shopping where you'd be pushed into ever more masculine garb. there's the countless relationships severed from coming out, both from people who weren't cool about it and from people who were just in the same spaces as people that gave you trouble.

but there's also the more subtle things. having to relearn how to like yourself at all, to learn how to like your body at all. having to learn to take care of yourself. when you've spent your entire life desperately hating every part of you, that has ongoing effects, even after you find out why. the idea of getting my hair cut still terrifies me, even when it's wholly on my own terms, because for my whole youth i was constantly threatened with it being shaved off. the idea of other people in the cramped room i can call my own still frightens me, because i spent my youth with my family threatening to come in and shave off my hair while i slept, and what if they found the few tiny things that gave me the smallest modicum of relief from the constant dysphoria? (in my case i had some women's clothing magazines i'd stolen from the mail, i used to spend so long fantasizing about what it must be like to fit into such clothes)

and even ignoring emotional effects, there's still the physical signs. almost all of which wouldn't be there had the option of being trans been clear when i was younger. even ignoring the small signs of having been forced onto testosterone for so many years, the body hair and the narrow hips and the beard shadow. i still have countless scars from grappling with living in that constant self-hatred. the marks across my arms and legs where the body hair grew in thickest, across my chest that felt so painfully wrong to me.

all these things combine to leave me constantly feeling like i'm playing catchup. i've been out as trans for about three and a half years now, and yet the role i'm trying to fill socially expects me to have been functioning as a girl for 5-6 times that. i'm here still getting caught off guard by period cramps every month and trying to wrap my head around the basics of makeup, meanwhile to function in open society i'm expected to either present as a guy (you might as well ask me to stab myself) or present as a woman, when i've barely even been a girl for a couple years.

and that's all ignoring the expense. so much of this can be simplified if only you have the money for it. it's so much easier to find clothes you can pass in when you aren't limited to thrift stores (where of course nothing fits because you're a full six inches taller than the average girl) it's so much easier to learn makeup when you can afford to buy any in the first place. it's so much easier to work on your voice, when you can afford to work with an actual voice therapist instead of just relying on tutorials online. it's so much easier to deal with beard shadow, when you can afford electrolysis to deal with it entirely instead of constantly struggling to hide it.

and all these things compound. it's hard to present as a confident functional "woman", when you're constantly second guessing how one thing or another could get you clocked as trans. and all of that is just the purely trans matters. if you've got other things complicating matters, they feed into each other.

i'm not really sure where i'm going with this, i just wanted to get it off my chest. i guess conclusion is... throw some money at a broke transfem, gods know we're working with a stacked deck. you can hit my venmo at @koboldthatbitesyou, but i'm sure there's even more broke transfems elsewhere. i at least have mostly stable housing and food atm, even if no income.

[shadesofnavy]

I'm a bit curious, what's the story with Adams Dankworth? Also, what's going one with Pico's... I guess you would call him biological father, but he doesn't seem like much of a parent.

I believe we'll need to sit down for this.. warnings for heavy topics. Tagging them first for heads up.

[-sigh-]

Also. I should clarify that this entire AU (...yeah my art au i need a fuckin name for this) takes place in an abo-based world. Why haven't I mentioned that before? Well, two reasons: it's not made for smut specifically in mind (or is it..?) and I... just never really thought of bringing it up. Didn't see a need to it until now. Why is it an abo-based world? Idk. I just like certain things about it, and there ain't many FNF aus with it so wth, though it's not just for smut. Abo doesn't always have to be about that. I focus more other stuff, and keep it more or less pg-13. So keep in mind that not all of my art resolves around that specifically.

Anyways. Needed to point that out for that y'all could understand somethings here (and that both Adams and that other deadbeat are Pico's biological parents).

Oki? Oki. Very long post up ahead.

Nothing in Adams' life ever went according to his favor. He grew up in the multi-generational Dankworth family estate somewhere in the bigger cities from the east coast. They were pretty known for their wealth, but the dirt within the name was always kicked beneath the rug.

His family believed only the strongest could achieve any success. Almost all of them were alphas and betas, and they believed omega were weak and incapable of wealth. Being how Adams was the youngest of seven, and the only omega, he was naturally smaller and flimsier than his other siblings. The family didn't believe he could ever be more than a "mere needy wimp". Only a handful of family members actually bothered to take care of him when he was younger, those mostly being an older sister (Otis' mother) and his grandparents from his father's side, though they passed away when he turned 7.

He lacked actual love from his family, proper education, true friendships, and never experienced the joys of childhood. He didn't know what it was like to love, or to be loved. He grew up with a dark perspective in life, often questioning why he ever came to be. When he turned 17, he snuck off and left behind everyone's backs.

Like his son would, Adams struggled to manage through the city, thankfully though he made a few unexpected friends that would help and offer him places to stay every now and then until he could get himself a semi-decent job for his situation. At 19 however, he got caught by an alpha during a heat, and in his frenzied state of mind at the time he gave into temptation, ultimately having Pico on accident. The alpha never stuck around, so Adam's was left on his own.

He took both roles as a mother and father for Pico, but with the lack of experience of a decent family, Adams could never truly love his son, only raise him and teach him how to survive. The only reason he even went through with having Pico was because he couldn't exactly afford another way out, and because of his primal maternal instincts bonding him with the child. Those instincts would be the only thing keeping Adams from leaving Pico, however as the latter grows up, those instincts will ultimately begin to fade as he grows older. Despite this, Pico would live his childhood loving his dad unconditionally, though, the older he got, the more he began to pick up on Adams' bluntness and depression. He'd start to think of himself of a burden because of this.

Adams tried his best to look after Pico, but it was never anywhere near easy. It only toughened when Pico began to develop schizophrenia as a teenager. At the time he wasn't diagnosed, and Adams had no idea. He began to think made he had messed up on something when Pico was still smaller, and he blamed himself. He didn't exactly love Pico per say, but he still felt bad knowing the boy was suffering from something.

Then the shooting happened.

That evening after when Adams came home from getting fired at work for the fourth time that year, having been notified of the event that happened by a friend whose kid was also at the school, he would find his son huddled in the corner of the dreary and cold single room of their apartment, covered in blood and muck, choking through tears and violent tremblings, an unloaded MAC-10 sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, specks of dried blood splattered across it.

Pico would not respond to anything he said or did for the following hours into the night, even when he stopped crying he wouldn't say anything besides the heavy breathing, distraught mumbling and constant jerks his body would do whenever Adams tried to comfort him.

Adams didn't know what to do. All he knew was that he failed Pico. He tried for so long, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it any longer. He knew wasn't going to be of help to Pico anymore. He didn't have a job, the rent of the apartment was overdue, and they didn't have any other place to go. He couldn't help his son now.

When Pico woke up in the morning after having the worst sleep of his life, he would find himself wrapped in the single gray blanket he had known his whole life and noticed Adams wasn't anywhere. His suitcase wasn't lying by the door anymore like it always did, and the second pillow over the mattress on the floor where they both used to sleep on was gone.

Pico was alone now.

He didn't like it.

.

.

.

But maybe it was for the best?

[gimmeyoursnacks]

my mom is aware enough to know that negative comments about my body are bad but not aware enough to know that fatphobia Is Bad and that indirect comments still fuck a kid up. Like whenever one of my friends loses weight she always congratulates them and comments to me that "they look better" (thinner). Nevermind that my friend lost weight because they're living in poverty and can't afford to eat enough or that they struggle with an ED. Losing weight is just an all around positive in her head. And I know for a fact that she thinks I'm too close to fat for comfort. She's constantly telling me to exercise with her or she makes strange comments about my stomach or double chin, things I didn't get when I was younger and thinner. I know deep down that if my body changes in a certain way that she will think less of me, that she'll see me as a sort of blight and that's a lot of pressure honestly.

[grapecaseschoices]

tbh I’m curious abt kendis !! it seems like they’re an oc who gets thrown in a few different verses(/games)? do u have a favorite one? do they act p much the same overall or are they more fluid personality-wise depending on the source ??

ah, I see you've discovered how one note I am my obsessive focus lol.

it seems like they’re an oc who gets thrown in a few different verses(/games)

Yes! They are. I think not counting RP, I have Kendis in at least .... four I think? Sometimes I start an IF with Kendis to like test it out, because I've become so familiar with them. And if I like it, I'll create someone new. Though a couple of times, I created different versions ... or more like used Kendis as a template and they ended up becoming their own character (like Della in Body Count.) Actively, I currently have Kendis in The Exile [Kendis Lateth], TWC [Kendis Crawford-Louel), KOTSAM [Kendis Crawford-Louel, lol], and BG3 [Kendis Wolfcrossing]. Of those .... it is hard to say who is my favorite. Though I've gone back to TWC!Kendis more and I've come to explore more of aspects of Kendis through that. But I have a VERY soft spot for KOTSAM Kendis and her dynamics, lol. In general, I guess of my RP Kendis' my favorites would probably be Kendis Crawford-Gange who was OG Kendis #1 [well, number 2 technically]. And a KCL I played when she was in her early 20s. I liked KCG because she was how I first pictured Kendis: spoiled good [and maybe a touch rotten], stubborn, selfish, fiercely independent but just as loyal, definitely the girl who would help you fix your make up after she held your hair back. KCL: shifted to someone a bit more ... wild, brusque, more likely to judge you while you vomited bc they TOLD you to drink water [but then give you ibuprofen], more likely to help you smash the windows out an exes car then let you cry on their shoulder. But still loyal, stubborn, independent, with a huge but guarded heart [probably more guarded even]. I'm partial to younger KCL just bc she's baby and messier but I also think softer.

do they act p much the same overall or are they more fluid personality-wise depending on the source ??

I hope they're fluid depending on the source? lol. I feel they are. In honesty, in a sense it's a mix of both. And that feels like a cop out. I mean that in the sense that there are certain traits that are highlighted more depending on the source [like the Exile Kendis is more aggressive and angry - aspects that og!Kendis tries so hard to suppress and, depending on their age, struggles to find a balance for. They also rely on their humor more as a defense mechanism. On the other hand, TWC Kendis can afford to be more openly optimistic and sympathetic. I would say of the Kendis' they - and KOTSAM Kendis - care more. They can afford to be more genuine than Exile Kendis, but as such their defensiveness comes out more prickly. Or like Kendis values independence and loyalty, Kendis is reckless and possessive. How much of each varies in the games but those traits are still there. Detective Kendis is still reckless but she can't be QUITE as rebellious as KOTSAM!Kendis, but it's still there -- but for them it might come out more as gritted sarcasm or throwing the rule book out the door while KOTSAM!Kendis both does and both doesn't have more leeway as the Keeper.] Of course, family background also plays a HUGE impact as much as the background -- but I won't tl;dr about that, lol. I will say there are certain things that must and needs to be around to be viable for Kendis to be Kendis, and if they're not in game, I need the space to be able to headcanon it

thank you for the ask!

[miammey]

Vent/rant

There is so much bad shit going on in the world, every day things get worse and no matter what people do nothing gets better

Humans are dumb and selfish and refuse to learn half the time, and a part of me is just sick of living in a world where I can’t scroll social media for five seconds without seeing some drama, or being reminded of the terrible stuff happening all around the world in which the only thing I can do to even try to help is spread the word, or I just get reminded of terrible people who exist and have hurt others

I hate this, people are stupid, the internet was a mistake. Being kind to each other is so much easier than being cruel and always gets better results, but even those in their adult years need to keep bitching and whining about things because they want something and them having that something hurts so many other people

I’m not above other humans, in fact I’d say I’m the bottom of the barrel when it comes to importance of people, but I am so disappointed that the human race never fucking learns because they never want to learn, they don’t want to try and be reasonable or charitable or even kind, and the younger generations are learning from that. They think that being an asshole is the best thing to do in certain situations because no one’s ever cared to try and teach them right from wrong, or how to properly communicate with people, mainly online. And even the generation too young to have their own social media is affected.

Everyone knows about iPad kids, and those children will grow up to be spoiled rotten because they’re used to getting what they want and I know they’ll refuse to do anything in terms of work. And then there’s the fact that younger and younger kids are getting those accounts, which exposes them to adults who want go hurt them, and also to conversations and drama that happens in adult conversations where they spout bullshit because they read half a post and jumped to conclusions because they never learned how to analyze texts because everyone older than them constantly talks about how much school sucks, so they don’t pay attention in class and just never learn how to properly handle arguments, and those kids will grow into lonely adults because they refuse to listen to anyone.

This is a cycle that will only get worse and worse because that is what we keep teaching our youth, that they can be as entitled as they want, that they don’t need to do anything and can sit online all day arguing with others and giving other kids their age death threats, developing every mental disorder in existence because being exposed to so much in such little time and at such a young age is traumatizing, and all of that being so normalized

Meanwhile, they look at the struggling adults of the world and all the shit happening that they cannot stop, and the best thing they can do is keep talking about it and hoping that the government figureheads old enough to have late-stage dementia but are still somehow in positions of power eventually die just so a slightly younger out of touch politician can take their place and continue this downward spiral

I want to stay positive, I try so hard to stay positive because I’ve had to talk multiple people out of thinking these exact same thoughts, but it’s as if everything keeps conspiring against the universe in order to make things worse for humanity, not just as a whole but also on an individual level

Humans are selfish, they’re stupid, rarely do seeds of good sprout from groups, and those sprouts of good are probably the only reason I’m alive right now

I enjoy seeing positive things come from people. I want to see stray animals getting rescued, I want to see people donate money to help someone afford a life-saving surgery, and to get personal I want to come home and hug my parents and kiss them on the cheek every day, I want to annoy my sibling while they play video games and pat them on the head, I want to hear my grandma call me her darling child, but at the same time I don’t want to live in a world where these happy little things are either rare or simply overlooked. I don’t want to live in a world where we as a species can’t go one day without something bad happening in every community. I don’t want to live in a world where people are selfish to the point where they do not care for the pain of others, and feel no guilt for telling their peers that they don’t deserve to live

I don’t think I’m the only one that thinks this way, and that just makes this a bigger problem

Living in this world is exhausting, and if it weren’t for those little things I would have given up on it a long, long time ago

[freelessofficial]

Important!

I was just thinking about people who are struggling and how important it is for everyone to have certain things in their life as a source of survival, or even back up when things get rough.

For example: Camping gear and a Travel Back Pack that you can fit all your actually needed things in.

Concerned about how it is for some younger people that don't necessarily have a direct support system and are feeling kind of lost in the world - and I just wanted to share some advice about the things that people can do on their own to help them prepare for life as they do what they need to do day to day.

Also, if you know you can't really afford a computer or internet connecting device, that you can still try to seek out a public library and get a free pass to be able to connect to the internet to do research, to look for information, to communicate with people - etc.

Being able to come across the many platforms that are out there these days where professionals and influencers are providing so many life skills and there really is so much to learn from! But you have to be motivated and you have to want to do certain things for yourself.

I know it's hard!

Just make sure to try & be smart about protecting your things.

1 - Ozark Tent, $29.97 from Walmart.

2 - Ozark Wagon, $44.98 from Walmart.

3 - Mase, [SABRE Pepper Spray] $10.00 - $12.00 from Walmart.

Love You! 💐 Have a good day!

[protect-daniel-james]

Honestly, I think the Kieran/Thomas and Kieran/Michael relationships should (and will!) exist in the same storyline. Because I think with Michael there will always be the imbalance - no matter how hot it felt in that moment, I can imagine Kieran always feeling like he's below Michael in all aspects - he wasn't as good or famous player, he's younger, he's shorter, he's less experienced, he's not "one of United's own" etc., he's struggling with an impostor syndrome, and it would manifest through his behavior. Because Michael is one of those "ex-players done well", one of the lads who automatically have a lot of credit in the bank - and who can afford mistakes and missteps because they know they will be forgiven for being "one of the club's own". Kieran is none of these things, so he would be more anxious about his position, very serious about everything work-related, even when others (the good old United lads) are laughing and joking, he can't because he's not quite one of them. I think it doesn't help that when they first met, Kieran was coaching the young lads from Utd academy and Michael was training with them to regain his fitness - Michael would joke and mock (in a banter-y way!) Kieran (like, come on, we're the adults here, you and me are in the same boat, and these lads are just youngsters), while Kieran was just extremely focused on his work and slightly in awe of Michael (because of the career that he himself never had).

"I'm fortunate enough that I work alongside Michael Carrick, and obviously he's been a fantastic player, he's a fantastic man, and has a huge wealth of experiences that I don't have so I can draw on that from him and I ask him questions, I ask him about what it was like to go through certain situations and then I can draw on that knowledge as well. So I think if you haven't got experiences of playing at the high level it's about trying to educate yourself as much as possible around those areas." (Kieran on the Coaches' Voice in 2021)

So I think his relationship with Michael would be - at least at the time - marked by this imbalance. Meanwhile now, when he meets Thomas, the set-up is different. They're just two "equal" managers, and it feels liberating (and maybe it allows Kieran to relax more).

[tenebriism]

"Mmm... how are you feeling, dearest... ?" Crawling up behind Baizhu as the taller man sits on their Shared bed, Petrae's hands reach for his husband's shoulders and, gently, begin to knead and rub any tension that he happens to find there. With how frail the younger man's constitution remains, the scholar knows that Baizhu's prone to becoming sore as a result. That alone has been enough reason for Petrae to learn how to give his beloved massages.

Leaning forward, the artificial man brushes some of Baizhu's verdant hair aside and presses a kiss to the back of his neck. "Was the clinic busy today... ? I am sorry that I was not there to be of help..."

Baizhu must be strong in the presence of others. As the one a great deal of Liyue, and even beyond, relies upon for affordable, trustworthy care, to be anything less than an unmovable pillar of strength is simply OUT OF THE QUESTION.

Petrae, though, he can remove the mask around... be HUMAN rather than a medical superhero again. The weary doctor had already submitted himself to another bedridden evening, tea sitting by the lantern on the nightstand and glasses just adjacent, but he relaxes MORE as his beloved slips into bed behind him and kneads at tense, aching muscles. " Better now that you have returned home... " He mumbles, struggling already to remain upright and awake. Petrae has a certain magical presence that can ebb away all manner of stress and woes, and for a man ADDLED with it day in and day out, he is ever thankful to have the scholar in his life.

" Mm... the only thing I will fault you for is forcing me to suffer without your presence. Qiqi and Gui were there to help me with other matters... " Both blessings in their own right that the ill doctor would never take for granted, but to be IN LOVE meant to yearn for the object of his affection's attention every waking moment of everyday. " Were you able to tend to everything you needed to, lovely? Tell me about your day. " He turns the conversation back to Petrae, if only so he may listen to the scholar's comforting voice even more as he leans back against him. He'll drift away to the realm of slumber soon enough -- he always does when tended to like this -- but to be lulled to sleep like this will promise pleasant dreams and much more restful night.

@ironbloodcd ;; ♥