#but what it implies is very fascinating to delve into

[foineswoine]

fnaf novel number 1 might be pretty mid but it has gotten me thinking deeply about this fucker's character which makes it glorious in my books

[undying-love]

Hi!! Could you make a compilation of all the times their relationship is compared to a marriage (or something similar), either by them or by people close to them?

"Marriage", "love affair", "girlfriend", "wife", etc: A Compilation

“I think it was like he was married to Paul. And now he was married to me so it was like a situation that he didn’t feel like he wanted to go back." (Yoko Ono)

"Why this odd little Japanese lady? The reason, many people believed, was that more than a trophy wife, a model or an actress, John needed a chum. His love affair with Paul McCartney was ending." (Peter Brown)

“That’s very hard to delve into. They were great friends, and had great mutual respect, but they were also quite different from one another. I don’t know. Human relationships are tough to analyze. It’s like trying to talk about someone else’s marriage.” (Peter Asher)

“I still think at the back of John’s mind was this fascination of wanting to get back with the first girlfriend... and that was to get back with Paul, who he had so much history with.” (Tony Barrow)

"It's like a marriage. These two broke up. And it took Paul a long time to get over it. John too, but he was just too macho to show it. But they had a marriage before Yoko arrived, although they both had girlfriends before." (Ray Connolly)

"It [Mick and Keith's relationship] had all the irrationally and passion of a love affair. Lennon and McCartney had a similar bond between them." (Marianne Faithfull)

"Paul and John kind of knew that they were growing apart, and Let It Be was almost like a marriage that’s failing, and they wanna go on their date nights again" (Giles Martin)

"There’s no hard feelings or anything, but you just don’t hang around with your ex-wife. We’ve completely finished." (Paul)

"Then also we were like married, so you got the bitterness. It’s not a woman scorned this time, it’s two men scorned — probably even worse. And I had to make way for Yoko. My relationship with John could not have remained as it was and Yoko feel secure.” (Paul)

"It was as if I was another girlfriend, almost. Our relationship was a strong relationship. And if he was to start a new relationship [with Yoko], he had to put this other one away." (Paul)

"I've compared to a marriage a million times and I hope it's… understandable. For people that aren't married. Or any relationship. It was a LONG relationship." (John)

"With Yoko present, Paul's reign as Lennon's princess was doomed."(Peter McCabe)

"In a marriage, or a love affair...there comes a point where the marriage collapses because they can’t face that reality, and they go seeking what they thought they should be having, still, somewhere else. I get a new girl, it’ll all be like that again; I get a new boy… But for all marriages, all couples, it’ll all be the same again. But what you lose is what you put into that… relationship." (John)

"..an old, estranged fiancée of mine called Paul." (John)

"Paul and John were emotional partners in a powerful, creative and loving way." (Paul Saltzman)

"Julian and Sean had lost a father; Cynthia, her knight in shining armour; Yoko, a fellow artist, contemporary and house husband … and Paul? Well, call me crazy, but he lost the wife. I’m certainly not implying anything of a carnal nature here, but to almost all intents and purposes (as John would have put it), what they had was a marriage.” (Ruth Mccartney)

"When John and Paul split up (think of them as a couple for a moment) their second mates had to stand by them." (Francie Schwartz)

"For a reason to hold a grudge [against Yoko], think about the possibility of this: She took John from him. And she didn't particularly want to share John with his "ex significant other" on certain levels." (Francie Schwartz)

[lotusloveslotus]

here are my favorite video essays on games, in no particular order. these are not """analysis""" videos that recap the plot alongside development facts, nor entertainment journalism, nor reviews. these are videos which treat the medium of games as an art form worthy of both casual and academic criticism, sincerely examine narratives, and often acknowledge the real world politics which influence game development and developmental decisions

"In Search of Undersea Wildness in My Octopus Teacher, Abzu, and In Other Waters" and "What Is the Games Industry Missing?" by Pixel A Day. Kat at Pixel A Day is one of the sharpest in this field and these two videos show exactly why, in two very different ways. The former obsesses over both the beauty of oceans and humanity's tendency towards anthropomorphism, while the latter digs personally into the ugliness of both the games and games media industries.

"'Everything is Political' | Institutional Racism in Life is Strange 2" by Game Assist. Game Assist is one of few channels to delve so unflinchingly into intensely politic themes in games, as the title more than implies. From essays on ableism, misogyny, and racism in the Life is Strange series to de/colonization in Assassin's Creed III, they meet games where they are and examine their narratives earnestly while still acknowledging their shortcomings.

"The Most Abused Term in Videogame Criticism" by SolePorpoise. A very interesting exploration of the original "ludonarrative dissonance" essay.

"Prey - A Critique of the Mind Game" by Joseph Anderson. Joseph Anderson is one of the better known game critics, mostly owing to his extraordinarily popular series of videos on From Software's games and his propensity to have opinions. I don't always agree with him, but I find his critiques to be interesting explorations of games which are well-written and with good intent. He often has the effect of making me want to play a game (again) after watching his critiques — even the overwhelmingly negative ones.

"Phyrexia is Hell | A 30-Year History of Magic's Most Sinister Villains" by Rhystic Studies. Covers the design and evolution in design of the cultish and body horrific Phyrexians, some of Magic: The Gathering's most important villains. Rhystic Studies makes some excellent videos on Magic, largely focused on art, and this is my favorite of his.

"Why It's Rude to Suck at Warcraft" and "Minecraft, Sandboxes, and Colonialism" by Folding Ideas. Another big hitter, Folding Ideas' videos on World of Warcraft and Minecraft are two of the better and more academically-minded video essays on games ever made.

"Why I haven't played Hades ⚱" by LambHoot. Probably the most personal essay on here, this one is about the complicated feelings a game like Hades stirs in its Greek Canadian host. This goes largely into contemporary Greek culture and identity and some of Hades' shortcomings regarding it.

"The Problem with Greek Myth Retellings" and "The Endless Reinvention of Greek Mythology" by Kate Alexandra. While not technically about video games, Greek myth's constant presence in games (as seen above) makes them pertinent. A fascinating look at Greek myth retellings/inspiration from someone with clearly deep knowledge and passion for the subject.

"Animal Crossing and the Ideology of Chill" by Yaz Minsky. An examination of what our view of relaxation reveals about our cultures via Animal Crossing: New Horizons. A great expansion on "Minecraft, Sandboxes, and Colonialism."

"The Indigenous Other in Endnight Games' The Forest" by Murley Media. Another more academic essay, this harsh look at The Forest and its racist tropes of Indigenous "savages" is as well-researched as it is cutting.

[meanbossart]

So, not sure if you've covered this. But I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about the durgetash subtext? Are you pro or against? How do you treat the "relationship" / "partnership" between them? I'm curious to know how their interactions would play out hahah. (Im very pro Durgetash, cause... well. Yeah.)

First of all, obviously I'm all for people interpreting subtext however they wish to interpret it, and I think there's more than enough in the game to imply a canonical romance between The Dark Urge and Gortash; some of my favorite artists on here delve into that and I think both their art and theories are brilliant. Especially as the canon stands now, I think it's more likely that they DID have something going on rather than not, though I doubt Larian will ever confirm it one way or another to allow the player freedom with their avatar's background.

That said, in the lore I decided for DU drow they did NOT have a romantic relationship, although they did have a complicated one. My first impression upon meeting Gortash at his coronation (this was long before all the dialogue Larian added) was of someone who wanted desperately to butter me up to get his plans back on track. Yes, I do think he was happy to see the drow, but that's because he knew DU drow would honor their initial agreement (had his memories not been erased, at least) and was indeed more reliable than Orin - who clearly wanted to achieve things on her own instead of entertaining their alliance even before betraying her brother.

I did a write-up a while back on what DU Drow's perception and plans for Enver were here, but I would like to make some additions!

First of all I didn't clarify this, but when I talk about "love" in that post I did not mean the romantic kind. What DU drow had for Gortash was a tenderness that he could not bring himself to entertain in earnest because of his profoundly skewed sense of empathy and emotions. He did relate to Gortash, He did admire how he had lifted himself up from nothing and how he easily brushed off DU drow's attempts to get under his skin. DU could simply never admit such a thing or even recognize it in himself - had he been a more sane man they would have been dear friends, and there would be glimpses of that could-be friendship in how they interacted before. Gortash was probably equal parts annoyed and charmed by the Bhaalspawn's high eccentricity, his gaudy style and extreme bluntness and shamelessness- he thought he was fascinating enough to put up with his attitude, not to mention that he was reliable and got things done when he set his mind to it.

(More under cut)

Alas, DU Drow wasn't raised to entertain friendship or tenderness whatsoever prior to getting a clean reset to his brain - this doesn't change the fact that he is, by nature, a very intense man, and those emotions had to come out in one way or another. Hence his weird preocuppation with Gortash and how he made him feel. He is primed to become extremely conflicted in his feelings towards anyone who sticks around in his life as anything but a pawn or a victim, and Enver constantly tried to pose himself as a friend - arguably a even more baffling concept to DU drow than if he wanted to be a lover - because then he would at least be seeking out sex from their interpersonal exchanges. This is also why a lot of DU drow's focus when insulting/trying to torment him would have been sexually charged, besides a simple desire to shock and objectify himself and others as sacks of meat to be fucked and killed.

But Gortash grew up in literal hell, I think his capacity to withstand abuse from others (and swiftly brush it off) would have been extremely well honed, especially if it will ultimately get him what he wants. He never flinched at the guy's constant allusions to perversion and cruelty, likely rolled his eyes at it even lol. This would have been very disarming to DU drow and kept him coming back for more, and fostered (along everything else I mentioned) the admiration brought up in-game in that one letter durge writes to Bhaal. That letter would have been a very rare moment of clarity and introspection between DU drow and his father - perhaps the only entity he could ever disclose this kind of conflict to, much like a man having a crisis of faith is still likely to turn to the very god he's doubting for comfort.

I haven't yet decided how Gortash felt towards him, though, besides the aforementioned fascination mixed with irritation. I do think that after being tad-poled, when DU drow shows up in his coronation room looking so dramatically different from the man he knew (hair unkempt, clothes reduced to their practicality, shell shocked stare, the absence of his usual, lecherous grin) he would have thought what a shame that was, that this relentless beast he knew would never allign himself with someone beneath his caliber, often to the point of being unreasonable, had squandered his own ambition and was now in such meager company lol like he's got this half-elf girl just short of hanging onto his arm, this squishy wizard that he would have chewed up like hide in his teeth once, and the smug little elf? That's just his type, but the man Gortash knew had eyes for no one but his sister - regardless of how often he tried to warn him of her duplicitous nature. Ohhh what a mess she made of him, he wishes he remembered anything so he could at least say I told you so.

[dross-the-fish]

What do you think Erik's past was with women, when it comes to dating and women. I'd like to know what your take is.

"dating" is probably not the word I'd use. Delving into the text of the book there are two parts that stick out to me as indicating that Erik may have a history with women other than Christine this segment here from the scene at Apollo's Lyre where Christine is recounting events to Raoul "You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh? … When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me for ever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!' And, drawing himself up to his full height, with his hand on his hip, wagging the hideous thing that was his head on his shoulders, he roared, 'Look at me! I AM DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!' And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair." Seems to indicate that this kind of thing has happened before. It is possible Erik is speaking generally and it's not definitive proof but it is interesting, the verbiage he uses.

And this scene towards the end of the book when he has Raoul and the Persian in his torture chamber

"What are you running away for?" asked the furious voice, which had followed her. "Give me back my bag, will you? Don't you know that it is the bag of life and death?"

"Listen to me, Erik," sighed the girl. "As it is settled that we are to live together ... what difference can it make to you?"

"You know there are only two keys in it," said the monster. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to look at this room which I have never seen and which you have always kept from me ... It's woman's curiosity!" she said, in a tone which she tried to render playful.

But the trick was too childish for Erik to be taken in by it.

"I don't like curious women," he retorted, "and you had better remember the story of BLUE-BEARD and be careful ... Come, give me back my bag! ... Give me back my bag! ... Leave the key alone, will you, you inquisitive little thing?"

And he chuckled, while Christine gave a cry of pain. Erik had evidently recovered the bag from her." He says he doesn't like "curious women" and makes a reference to Blue Beard, which is a fairytale about a serial killer who murders his wives. There's a scene in Blue Beard where the most recent wife discovers a room with the bodies of his previous wives. The first quote could be dismissed but this is the second time Erik has indicated a dislike for curious women. Erik's lair is canonically full of traps and features a very cruel torture chamber. By evoking the image of Blue Beard in particular the narrative seems to be further implying that Erik does have some history of women and not a pleasant one. It's possible that Erik is just trying to scare Christine out of looking in the room but it's equally likely that it's not an idle threat. He's shown that he's not above putting hands on Christine and treating her roughly despite his claims to love her. I have a personal theory that Christine is not the first but Erik knows she is going to be the last. I've always kind of run on the idea that throughout the book Erik is aware his health is failing and the clock is winding down for him and that's why Christine is different, because she's his last chance and in the end she does give him, not a living bride, but something much more needed: redemption and forgiveness from someone he's harmed. Proof that he's not unworthy of human compassion. A lot of people in the Phandom don't seem to recognize how dark of a character Erik is. I find him legitimately scary as much as I also find him sympathetic and I think he is fascinating in part because there is something genuinely terrifying about him that tickles my love for horror stories. I feel like it's vague enough that you can leave it up to interpretation, so if you don't really like the idea that he's had women in his past that he ended up killing you can chalk it up to Erik just trying to frighten Christine into compliance but I think it's interesting to look at the darker takes and speculate about the skeletons in his closet.

[rriavian]

While thinking about an entirely unrelated fic I had a thought about Dream and Gault and shapeshifting that led down a bit of a rabbit hole. It's really quite fascinating that she's been given a power that is arguably a very significant aspect of Dream.

As far as I can tell she's the only one aside from him to be able to shapeshift.

I don't think any other creation can, or at least not to the extent that she's implied to be capable of, able to take on the image of whoever/whatever. So Dream, Shaper of Form, gives a power reflecting one of his titles - his name, reflecting Morpheus - to Gault and Gault alone. She's one of his major arcana, was trusted because her rebellion obviously really hurt him, and when he made Gault's true from into a dream he gave her a pair of absolutely stunning wings.

I'm starting to think 'major arcana' might be a code word for 'one of Dream's favourites'.

It might be a complicated relationship but I do think they were close (definitely a dynamic I want to write more of) and I also think it's interesting to consider what aspects of Dream the other major arcana could be intended to reflect. Though my thoughts went off on a tangent about that so I may have to delve into it separately, because the shapeshifting thought I started with was actually a little silly.

Do you think Gault ever impersonates Dream?

Like transforms into him and does her best impression? Maybe it used to make him laugh (maybe it still does), maybe Dream's eyes glittered with mischief one day, maybe he wondered just how convincing her portrayal could be.

Did Dream ever turn into her?

Maybe he did. Maybe that had practical uses as well as entertaining ones, inspired tricks only they could pull off. It's a bit of fun, it's a private joke between them, a way to prove how skilled Gault is with this aspect of his power that no other has. And maybe there's something else in that too, in how she's never used it this way, this power she's only used to terrify, something sparked the first time she makes Dream laugh. A sort of pride that finds her growing tired of inspiring fear.

Maybe the nightmare Gault was had been inspired to become a dream the moment she'd made him smile.

[wumblr]

i've been, perhaps i can say habitually at this point, ruminating on retro throwback style. there are distinctly two sorts of ways to do it -- sabrina carpenter's bombshell styling is very boring to me, because it's an implied fantasy of "sexy" while being "modest" (the quote marks are part of the fantasy here). it's exactly as reactionary as when starbucks did a barbara kruger style BLONDE IS BOLD ad blast during the riots while everybody was trying to smash their windows and rolled out "mediterranean inspired" za'atar salads (which is to say, they were doing middle eastern food the way white people might do it in italy). the other way is authentic kitsch. like a double edged sword. you have to delve into the kitsch so genuinely that it comes out the other end ambiguous. this is why for example pizzicato five and deee-lite can pull off 60s in the 90s while every proverbial millennial who tries to do a goth-adjacent 1920s fascinator at the generic brand dresden dolls cabaret falls flat. it's like one of them springs out of a real love for the style and the other springs out of wanting to be seen as stylish, you know what i mean? one is terrified to offend or to be caught in a faux pas and the other is really gunning for that exact reaction so they can have a laugh about it. "isn't this the ugliest paisley you've ever seen?" with a wink and so on

[lazodiac]

ONCE MORE, we delve into the plane of Thunder Junction, in our attempt to figuring out what each plane each card is from.

Last time we finished all the monocolour cards, and you can find all of those here. I'll also been including a villainy score for Oko's gang, to see how much they count as villains... and in retrospect wish I'd done that for all the legends, since this is a VILLAIN set. Call that a project for another day...

For now though, let us enter into the wild, wild world of...

MULTICOLOUR

We open off with a big one- Akul the Unrepentant! The main antagonist of the story, a PERFECT black-hat western villain- he is fierce and evil and SMART but also you can bait him with the right words and at the end of the day he's just a right bastard with a gun. An honestly pitch-perfect villain for a villain set.

The way his scorpion mandibles make a cowboy hat silhouette, his gun-stinger tail and his fire breathing claws, he is a perfect example of what a Scorpion Dragon is and how strongly it fits the aesthetic of the plane.

But we've been told all the Scorpion Dragons are from Gastal, an obscure plane from Urza's Planeswalker novel, so they're from Gastal. I hope we go there one day and learn what that plane is like beyond its very sparse appearance elsewhere.

Annie Flash! Our first member of Oko's gang to rob Akul! She's Atiin so from the Atiin Plane, and is the only Atiin that shows up in story. We learn from her stories that her people are still out there wandering, while some settled in Thunder Junction.

Among them her nephew, who Akul afflicted with tuberculosis with his stinger (it's some kind of dark curse but given how it is described it's absolutely TB, a fitting disease for the time period). He left to join his people, because staying in bed all day half asleep from medicine is worse than suffering while awake.

At any rate, she's retired to protect the town she's ended up in... and is threatened by Oko into helping take down Akul. On the villainy scale she is a fierce 0/10. I wish she'd just shot Oko in the head.

Annie Joins Up is one of a cycle- all of the major members of Oko's gaing gets little pieces like this. They're clearly part of one singular mural but we haven't been shown it and it makes me sad.

Given the context, I'm counting these cards as Thunder Junction original.

A strange, fascinating card, it's a sherrif's sterling silver star, radiating various creature spirits out of it. Given the form of magic at play I'm gonna say this is from Alara, since it resembles the Nacatl totem magic.

Hellspur Mercenaries holding, unfortunately, YOU at knifepoint. Good luck friend cause I'm out of here.

... okay I'll stay long enough to say it again; Hellspurs threw away all ties to their home planes to become dyed in the wool magma mutants. They're from Thunder Junction now. The predominance of glowing purple and dyed hair could imply these individuals are from Kylem, but I'm sticking to my thunder-guns here.

This is the only real indication that the cactus folk are "new" to the plane, despite having lived here for generations as non-sentient cacti. I don't really like this, but whatever. Native to Thunder Junction.

The Sterling Company's shiny leader, in the vampiric flesh. Given his style he's definitely from New Capenna. He doesn't show up in the story at all, but his presence is felt by the colonizing cops that he employs.

Big ol' Bonny Pall is our distaff counterpart to Paul Bunyan, the American lumberjack of old west mythology. She's even got a massive blue ox to help her out!

She's one of the giants from Eldraine, and if I could remember where I saw blue oxen on that plane I'd tell you to confirm it.

Everyone's favorite goblin-monkey, Breeches! A secondary member of Oko's gang, though in truth his loyalties lie with his captain, Vraska. His main goal in the story is blowing things up- as is his want- and showing us that he has more self control than Gisa does.

As far as villainy goes he's a soft 2/10. Nothing he does is inherently evil, the pirates of Ixalan (his home plane) are categorically the nicest faction present there, and ultimately he's only with Oko to help Vraska betray him.

Bruse Tarl! There's absolutely no reason he should be here in the villain set, but also he's a cattle rancher who is a fan favorite on a plane where ox and cattle are well known an aesthetic so of course he's here from Zendikar, having finally found some beasties that listen to him.

Fun fact; the four visible livestock on the card include Pillarfield Ox, Ox of Agonas, Vigor, and Bartered Cow. These cards won't add to the total, but are here and that's cool.

Also fun fact: according to the card crafting stories, this card was originally Strongarm from Lorwyn/Shadowmoor! Neat!

A cactus with a gun! Native to the plane, and my friend.

Gryff's are the wonderfully unique heron-hippogryffs of Innistrad, so this beautiful bird-beast is from there.

Who????? Who are you???? You have human hands but are otherwise completely just a bear man??? The only plane where ANYTHING like this even remotely exists is fucking Blobavia, in the Un-iverse? Who are you??? Why is there no legend article for this fucking set?!?!?

I have no fucking clue where this guy could be from, but the flavor text leans me towards Arcavios. This is some random bear druid man from Quandrix House.

Eriette, the Beguiler! She's one of the secondary members of Oko's gang, despite being ostensibly the first one recruited (or at least the first recruited on screen, by Jace-as-Ashiok). She is of course from Eldraine, and even has beef with Kellan, the newest member of the gang.

Beef that she puts aside! For the mission! Because her evil plan on Eldraine was "I will treat PTSD from the invasion by offering the chance to go to sleep forever, and will coincidentally get to rule the plane" which is like, not even THAT evil? It's misguided and kinda fucked up but not like, EVIL evil? And despite anger at seeing the DIRECT guy responsible for her defeat, she still buries the hatchet. This is like, a 1/10 on the evil scale.

Also there is the slightest, slightest implication she might have poisoned Oko at the end of the story. If she did she gets a "Nahiri did nothing wrong" modifier.

This delightfully cheery grandma is from Zendikar, and is doing what she does best: climbing stuff! She's a new character as far as I can tell so we know nothing about her otherwise, but she's survived the Eldrazi and the Phyrexians and is still smiling so she's okay in my book.

Notably, she does get some fun flavor text on other cards.

The flavor text feels at odds with the vibe of what formring a posse would be- normally this sort of gearing up of the locals would be to fight AGAINST the Sterlings coming in and taking the entire plane, but I digress.

The specific sort of decorations of the town and the people involved feel Atiin to me, but I think I've gotta give this to Thunder Junction proper.

Ghired is a fascinating character to me, because he's shown up before and despite doing so still has no real character and has not contributed to any of the stories he's in. Which is a shame because he's one of the best concepts they've ever come up with, from the best plane they've ever made; he's someone on Ravnica who left one Guild to join another!

This Selesnyan shaman turned to the Gruul Clans after witnessing Illharg, the biggest of the big pigs, rise from the primal earth of the plane! Despite joining the Gruul he still has a Selesnyan connection to wildlife, and on a fully untamed plane like Thunder Junction he is THRIVING. It's so cool! He should do stuff!

It's time for a controversial legendary! It's the Gitrog monster, freshly done being Thalia's steed during the Phyrexian Invasion. He's bullfrogged his way tot Thunder Junction, and now people want to turn this one cult inspiring hypnotoad into just another wild and wacky horse to ride.

I get it. I get why people find this to be a discrediting of the Gitrog from fearsome monster to funny creature, but it honestly works? Innistrad is a plane of horrors, and what happens to horror media when it recurs? It reduces, with each iteration. The best horror film franchises start and end at one, maybe two if you're lucky, and it only takes a complete and total revitalization and reimagining to fix it.

For now, Gitrog is a funny horse, but maybe one day he'll be the monster you remember from your nightmares.

A scam artist and swindler from Innistrad, Old Honest Rutstein is a surprising pull for the plane... and yet works perfectly, as snake-oil salesmen fit the old west aesthetic perfectly. Has many a fun flavor text in the set, and notably is NOT a hellspur. He's just got some fun glowy corn husks to play with.

Was the first card from the set teased as preview art before this story arc began.

The name is a reference to Misinformation Campaign, one of the best cards from Guilds of Ravnica, but mechanically it really is more like Dovin Baan's stupid planning and plotting card.

With that in mind, and given the... strange art, I'm saying this is from Ravnica.

Jem Lightfoote, with an e, is one of the Atiin, as her flavor text implies. This is all we know about her, other than her being delightful and probably fun at parties.

Jolene Jolene, please don't go punching my man into space. This... hilarious card showcases New Capenna's premiere boxing tough knocking a guy directly out of his boots, while her horrifically photo-realistic snorse niss's menacingly behind her.

Fun fact: her magical gauntlets, which she still has and you can tell because you can see them around her fists, lets her literally punch money out of people! Every hit knocks some gold out of them, made from their blood and life.

This is directly referencing a magical item from some actual play DND podcast that I'm blanking on the name of. Maybe The Adventure Zone?

Kambal, once the Consul of Allocation of Ghirapur, in Kaladesh, was ousted from his position following the revolution, replaced with Pia, Chanra's mother. Despite losing all of his actual political power, his underworld connections didn't consume him for failure, and he survived past the Phyrexian Invasion to go on to becoming the corrupt mayor of Prosperity.

The art of him makes it look like he, as the kids these day say, is "serving cunt" and I kinda adore it.

Kellan's join up card. Thunder Junction.

And here is Kellan proper! The erstwhile hero of the "omenpath" saga of magic story, this is the first time since Eldraine that he's actually mattered in any real capacity! Here, he finally manifests the last of his birthright, the fae magics of Oko's plane, but in his heart he's still the little shepherd boy from Eldraine.

Kellan's story honestly concludes so well that I'll forgive the somewhat lackluster middle portion. He's a sweet and innocent and perfect soul. 0/10 villainy score.

Kraum is Ludevic's Opus, his perfect creation, the pinnacle of his mad stitching science. He's like two dudes connected together who can fly through electromagnetic powers. Mad scientists are silly.

I adore that Ludevic cares this much about his apprentice though. Kraum never shows up in story, which is probably for the best, but it's really funny to imagine every scene Geralf is in just has a two headed lightning crackling Frankenstein just, off in the distance watching him.

Jaspar Flint is, apparently, a Hellspur, which I can kinda see from the mutations on his hands and chest, so I suppose he's from Thunder Junction. But also there's no Viashino out there that look like desert lizards, so I do wonder where he's from... my best guess is actually Gastal, for some reason.

Lazav, successfully convincing everyone on Ravnica of his death in defense of the plane, has decided to go solo mode. So much for him and Tezzeret's plane to take over Ravnica- not that that'd ever come to fruit given it's from a book everyone hates.

I really love the art for this card.

Lilah is the leader of the Slickshots, and notably while she doesn't show up in the story proper, the secret to her and her gangs success does; a magical tincture only she can make, that empowers her and her allies with a little extra oomph to their magic.

The best way to identify a Slickshot is through their magic, and thte specific green magic she's launching out of a strange, heart-shaped bottle, suggests to me that she's actually a witch from Eldraine.

The flavor text, plus the make and model of the thunder-gun on our would-be gunfighter's side, suggests this is Atiin to me.

And that's a total of thirty! So lets take a quick break and go to part 2 momentarily!

[gxreu23]

Aemond is the most interesting character on Team Green.

A character defined by complexity, ambition, and internal conflict, his portrayal in the show provides a nuanced look at his personality and motivations. At first, in season 1, I was reserved on this opinion. Olivia Cooke's performance as Alicent is amazing, but to put it simply, Aemond is better written. He is easily more complex with the way he handles and deals with certain actions. His ambitions and goals are thwarted by his family, and yet he stays the dutiful soldier. Aegon calls him his "hound," which I think represents his role in his family perfectly. He is the one to protect them, but unlike Daemon, he is young and cannot command the respect that Daemon can at this moment.

His relationships with many of the Team Green characters are very deep and nuanced. He is essentially disinherited by his mother for killing Luke, but every action she takes seems hypocritical at this point. Aemond is deeply flawed. He is always the little boy who was bullied and lost his eye, but now all that has festered and turned to rage. He is not book Aemond. Yes, he is arrogant, but I feel like his main traits are rage and shame. He continues to excel as a character, and I cannot wait to see what they do with him.

Aemond's complexity also extends to his sense of duty and honor. Despite his violent tendencies and thirst for revenge, he remains committed to his family's cause, showcasing a deep sense of loyalty. His relationship with his mother, Alicent, is particularly intriguing. While he seeks her approval, he also grapples with the disappointment of being disinherited. This dynamic adds layers to his character, highlighting his internal struggle between seeking validation and asserting his own identity.

Moreover, Aemond's interactions with his brother, Aegon, reveal his inner conflict. Aegon's nickname for him, "hound," underscores Aemond's role as the enforcer of their family's will, yet it also implies a lack of autonomy. This dynamic sets up a fascinating contrast between Aemond's personal desires and the expectations placed upon him by his family.

As the series progresses, Aemond's character arc promises to delve deeper into these themes. His journey from a bullied boy to a fearsome warrior driven by rage and shame is compelling. The show has set up a rich narrative for Aemond, and his evolution will likely be one of the most captivating aspects of the series. The anticipation of how his character will navigate the treacherous political landscape and his internal demons adds an exciting layer of depth to the story.

[adhd-merlin]

Dnsvvdnfkjdk idk if you are also Druid (I call myself that tentatively as I'm still very much educating myself) but your comments on my recent post and a quick scroll through what you've posted recently has got me pumped about the Merlin/Arthurian/Pagan/Etc discussions - I feel like I've found my niche of the particular intersectional way I enjoy the show dnsbvdvdkclsljsj

yeah your post triggered me into digging out some old meta, haha

I'm not into druidism or paganism myself, no, but I like thinking of religion in Merlin from a worldbuilding perspective. The hints we get are fascinating — I think the scene that got me thinking was Merlin promising his sick mother that "the gods" would look after him (in 1x13), which implies he was raised as a polytheist by Hunith?

And then I started wondering about Arthur, given he did mention "God" (singular) a few times — but I don't think it's something the writers put a lot of thought into. I mean, the religious aspect in the show is all left deliberately vague, apart from the "Old Religion" stuff and mentions of gods that would be hard to link to any actual major religion practiced today.

I can see why that is, of course, but I like it when fanfiction writers delve into it — The Hands of a Hundred Winters, for example, is a fanfiction series that takes many of the premises of the series entirely seriously (which might be great for some readers and not so much for others — I happen to like it) and there's a couple of scenes in which Merlin and Arthur discuss religion which I was very intrigued by.

I'm (vaguely) aware of what happened historically in Britain, with Christianity replacing paganism, but in Merlin's fictional universe I like the idea of the nobility still observing some pagan celebrations, but with the most "offensive" elements removed — more of traditional celebrations that religious holidays. If that makes sense. Kind of like non-religious people "celebrating" Christmas.

I also like the idea of a class divide also marked by religious customs and beliefs — I can see rural communities like Ealdor being more in touch with pagan gods and elements of "the Old Religion" compared to the nobility.

And whatever "the Old Religion" was, Merlin doesn't seem to identify himself as one of its followers, despite being (vaguely) pagan — which means whatever beliefs Hunith observed were separate from it (though I imagine there were common elements).

It's just—! All that's left unsaid is so interesting to me actually! Bendrui and High Priestesses! A magical matriarchy!! I've got so many questions.

Sorry for rambling 😅

[undying-love]

Beatles insiders comparing John and Paul's relationship to a marriage/couple

“That’s [John and Paul's relationship] very hard to delve into. They were great friends, and had great mutual respect, but they were also quite different from one another. I don’t know. Human relationships are tough to analyze. It’s like trying to talk about someone else’s marriage.” — Peter Asher

"Paul and John kind of knew that they were growing apart, and Let It Be was almost like a marriage that’s failing, and they wanna go on their date nights again" — Giles Martin

"John could have had the most beautiful or intelligent woman in the world- why this odd little Japanese lady?" The reason, many people believed, was that more than a trophy wife, a model or an actress, John needed a chum. His love affair with Paul McCartney was ending." -Peter Brown

"One week and one day after Paul married Linda, I received a phone call from John. He and Yoko were at the Hôtel Plaza Athénée in Paris and wanted to get married, immediately. People believe that John's desire to get married so soon after Paul's marriage was a knee-jerk reaction. Perhaps it was psychologically about breaking up with Paul."- Peter Brown

"It's like a marriage. These two broke up. And it took Paul a long time to get over it. John too, but he was just too macho to show it. But they had a marriage before Yoko arrived, although they both had girlfriends before." —Ray Connolly

"Julian and Sean had lost a father; Cynthia, her knight in shining armour; Yoko, a fellow artist, contemporary and house husband … and Paul? Well, call me crazy, but he lost the wife. I’m certainly not implying anything of a carnal nature here, but to almost all intents and purposes (as John would have put it), what they had was a marriage.” — Ruth McCartney

"When John and Paul split up (think of them as a couple for a moment) their second mates had to stand by them." —Francie Schwartz

“I still think at the back of John’s mind was this fascination of wanting to get back with the first girlfriend, if you like, and that was to get back with Paul, who he had so much history with.”—Tony Barrow

“I think it was like he was married to Paul. And now he was married to me so it was like a situation that he didn’t feel like he wanted to go back." —Yoko Ono

[heylittleriotact]

Open Invitation - Forty - (Fuck It: Gandrel is Awesome)

In which:

Astarion and Echo go on a forced march to the Gur camp

They have a chat in the aftermath

Nothing says 'coping' like a new look

Excerpt:

“What other monsters have you slain?”  Astarion glanced at Echo, his lip curling in surprise at the expression of casual professional interest she wore as she looked over her shoulder at the Gur. She fiddled absently with the cuff around her wrist.  “It would be of little interest to one such as you.” The Gur responded tersely. “One such as me?” She repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean? I grew up in this city.” She pointed at the walls behind them that were getting further and further away. “My travels with Astarion of late have taken me to more places than I’ve been in my entire life. I’ve seen things over the past few weeks that I’ve only ever read about or heard tales of. I can only imagine leading a life like yours, you’ve faced down plenty of fascinating creatures.” “‘A life like mine?’ And what, Friend of the Night, is that supposed to mean?”  Echo faced forward, her eyebrows raised, “It’s to be questions for questions then, is it? Friend of the Night: I get a title now, do I? Just for associating with him?” She nodded at Astarion. Her tone was easy - complimentary even - like they were having this discussion over a couple of pints at the tavern and not as the Gur escorted them under duress to his camp to do gods knew what with them.  “How else should the cohort of a vampire be addressed?”  Echo elbowed Astarion playfully, a smile on her tired face. “Did you hear that? We’re cohorts.”  He failed to see the humor. 

 Pairing: Tav (High Elf Feylock) x Astarion

Rating: Explicit

Themes: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Cycle Breaking, Happy Ending (but not without a lot of pain first), very involved archfey patron.

Disclaimer: Complex trauma delving with direct and implied reference to various forms of abuse, including rape/sexual assault, as well as implied self-harm, including suicidal thoughts/behaviour. Explicit violence. Smuuut.

[theavianlady]

Haha…this got much too long to put in an ask.

So…I have done an obscene amount of research on turtle biology. Because I’m so freakin obsessed with these stupid turtle people. And in doing my research, I found something that reminded me of something in the endnotes of a fic from @thedawningofthehour.

From what I could see, softshell turtles do have lungs, and they can breathe air just like any other “air-breather”.

We also know that most turtles can “breathe through their butts''. Thank you, Olaf. This is called Cloacal Respiration (for those of you who don’t know, a cloaca is the only…uh…hole that most birds and reptiles have). This is kind of a misleading name because they can also oxygenate through their mouths and throats as well (I’m a bit mad at society for only really sharing the butt part, especially since it’s not even a butthole (referring to the anus, rectum, etc), it is a cloaca people. I’m begging you, for the love of all things good in this horrible world, please use the correct terminology instead of joking about butts all the time; it pains me).

I was really curious about how exactly they did that because that’s pretty freaking cool, so I did more research. It sounds like they can do it through specific areas because they have a high enough concentration of blood vessels close enough to the surface that it is possible for them to oxygenate through diffusion (diffusion is essentially just molecules passing through cell membranes to get into the cell, thus, in the case of oxygen, fueling it). Which is kind of scary considering that that would imply that those areas would bleed a lot more if injured and likely be a lot more sensitive. This is even more scary considering that I also found out that most turtles also have something else called cutaneous respiration, which is literally the same thing, but through their skin. Which implies that their skin is very sensitive. I also learned that in their throats, they have lots of highly vascularized villi (little...bits of flesh in a specific shape), which allows for even more diffusion. Oh, fun.

…

Kind of unrelated, but I also found out that while brumating, every once in a while, softshells will do something resembling a pushup to expose more oxygen-rich water to their skin. Ooh, fascinating.

Important notes:

I am not a professional, everything listed here is from my own personal research - which is very carefully conducted, but still take everything I’ve said with a grain of salt.

When I say “most…”, it’s most likely because I don’t want to speak in absolutes about things I’m not 100% certain about, so it could be true, or it could not be.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone by explaining things that people already knew, I just have absolutely no clue what normal people know (I researched taxonomy and turtle ear anatomy for fun, y’all).

I know that a cloaca could technically count as an anus…but it’s not exactly the same, so it bugs me that people think it is.

I, unfortunately, couldn’t find anything talking about how long turtles can actually hold their breaths or go without oxygen that took into consideration cloacal respiration. Maybe that information doesn’t exist because I’m the first psychopath to wonder about it, who knows?

There are so many questions I’ve had branching off from this that I’ve just chosen not to delve into yet because I’ve already spent way too much time researching this. For example, I’m not sure if the “higher concentration of blood vessels” is actually, well. Blood vessels. ‘Cause I have no clue if diffusion can occur in flowing blood. How do alveoli work? Do the blood cells stop at the alveoli to re-oxygenate and then keep going? Do they have like, little docking stations? Are there alveoli in turtles' cloacal tissue? How fast does the transfer of oxygen happen; maybe it doesn’t matter if the blood is flowing, I don’t know. My brain is a mess; I could keep listing questions for ages.

Having said that, if anyone knows anything about this that I missed, can confirm my hypotheses, or even just wants to discuss this further, I absolutely love talking about science, and I would really like to develop my theories more. Knowledge is the most valuable thing in the world to me, so please don’t keep it from me. Even if you have like, the most stupid idea, I would really enjoy discussing it.

[flfverse]

Ok so I’m so obsessed with Free Falling and I actually think about it all the time and make up little scenarios in my head for it like I’m writing fanfic of it, so when you said the other day, shoot me ideas, I probably screamed. (Sorry this ask is really long again; I’m just incapable of shutting up)

Full disclosure here, I actually found FLF not because I’m a massive fan of BNHA (I actually stopped watching after season 3 before I even found your fic lmao) but because I’m kinda obsessed with BDSM-AU, specifically as the whole extensive-world-building-biological-imperative type genre.

Obviously now I’m super invested in your Dabi-Hawks. But honestly, I would be so thrilled to see you delve into more of your d/s world’s world building. Like what’s up with the submissive’s rights movement you’ve alluded to? Obviously most of the core leadership of the villains are subs, or switches, and Shigaraki’s made clear that he has a vested interest in that, but maybe not yet publically. How are they viewed? Are villains extra threatening to society because their rejection of a heavily respected institution that’s very dom central is appealing to the sub rights movement??? And so not only are they dividing on lines of hero and villain, they’re diving people along lines of traditional orientation and traditional relationships, etc etc?

I’m also just so fascinated with how other people see Hawks. I’m obsessed. I’m always scanning FF for the little tidbits you share about how other people view him. (Like the fact that Shigaraki clocks and thinks about way more of Hawk’s sketchy behavior than he lets on, or that Aizawa is probably pretty concerned about him.) obviously this is limited POV so there’s only so much of that. but beyond simply the stuff like cutting off Hawk’s bird features, how much of his meetings with the hero commission are about, well this tweet say you were acting a little subby in this press conference so that’s a problem” or “you react too defensively to questions about your dynamic” etc etc.

Do people theorize online about his orientation? Is he unusual in that he’s not super open about it, or are there others like him?

And lastly, because I can’t shut up, that one specific scene where Shigaraki and Hawks are sitting on the couch together and Shigaraki is like you’re obviously not a dom bc you suck at this and they’re talking about collars and contracts and Shigaraki is literally so keyed in to Hawk’s discomfort about contacts and the fact that he wants a collar so bad literally lives in my head rent free. Think about it all the time. And it’s just so fascinating to me because there’s something so uniquely domestic about it? I just love their relationship in this. They can’t be friends. They shouldn’t be. They’re not even open people. But it’s just this casual way that they interact on a dynamic level, it’s literally just subs chatting about sub things, and there’s this moment when Shigaraki realizes that something (contracts) that are a comfort and a safety net for him could be used to cause hurt in Hawks— idk it’s just this window to where it feels like the heros and villains part of it comes seconds. They’re just people, who have limited power in their society, talking about things of cultural importance, and relationships, and the ways they’re either supportive or abusive and it’s like … it’s so subtle but it just added so much to them as characters and the scope of your world and mostly I’m just saying that that one specific scene just lives with me.

bullying tumblr mobile for not telling me i have asks smh. anyway, hi!!

it’s my turn to be honest here and say i’m really not a worldbuilding person. which is weird, given the types of things i gravitate towards! FLFverse is my attempt at…i don’t want to say “working on that,” which would imply i want to write stuff like this all the time. i definitely don’t. but i do think having one project where i get really into it is fun and good for me. that said, it’s hard! i don’t know how people do this on the regular! there’s a lot of stuff in my head!

some of y’all compliment me on that and i just need you to picture a very frazzled writer at a comically large desk, surrounded by loose papers, just being like “ahaha, thanks??” bc i don’t know how i got here, but i am pleased with it, but also this is not my native habitat send help.

this is why chapters are taking longer ajshahdgs. or part of the reason. it’s a good thing, stretching my creative muscles, and i probably could stand to be a little better at worldbuilding overall, in other projects, so, there’s that.

so this ask has reminded me that i do need to add more little worldbuilding tidbits, which actually might work very nicely with my plans for chapter 16.

you’re absolutely right re: sub’s rights movements and villains. i wouldn’t call it part of their public mission statement or anything (yet), but anyone following them sufficiently closely knows the league has some pro-sub’s-rights leanings, at the very least, and it is definitely another big dividing line. i wouldn’t be surprised, even, if we start to see some regression in the rights subs and non-traditional folks have because of that.

i definitely want to write about how hawks is viewed online now and the commission’s reaction to it, omg. people definitely theorize. he’s definitely an outlier in not picking a label because it’s just such a hard thing to hide for a very long time, especially when most heroes are well known in their teen years and have some kind of accessible public record. and most heroes are doms and switches anyway, so there’s no real reason for them to hide. it’s sort of like how on forms when your gender options are “male / female / prefer not to say” you CAN be a cis person and pick “prefer not to say,” theoretically, but that option functionally just signals that you’re trans or nonbinary or what have you.

i think the commission probably does their very best to not outright label hawks as anything, but very heavily imply things. so your average person who doesn’t care much probably just assumes he’s a switch, but knowing how crazy fans can get in our world with theories….yeah. now i’m thinking about hawks being accosted by fangirls, tbh

a good way to test it would just be to command him on the street…..now that would be a nightmare scenario. tucks it in my back pocket.

i had to go looking for that shigaraki and hawks scene, lol, because i only partially remembered it. i do like that scene a lot so i’m glad you do too! i should write him and hawks more, too. it’s such a weird relationship, because shigaraki is this unhinged, angry guy, but he’s got this soft side, and i think he does care about people like him on some level—the league wouldn’t be so loyal to him if he didn’t. and in that scene he really starts to realize that hawks is a lot like them and, yeah, the different perspectives they have on things.

i still want to write a side spinneraki story at some point, lol. shigaraki has so much stress, even in canon, someone’s gotta help him out with it.

i don’t know if i added that much or if this is just a very long post reiterating your points, but….i definitely need to do some thinking. i get tunnel vision about strictly writing dabi & hawks’s relationship a lot of the time and forget other things exist. so thanks for the reminder!

[lindasipsandspills]

#2 The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

General Information:

Edition: I stumbled over the Simon & Schuster version of 2017 and picked it right up. It’s the paperback cover, since I decided to read it for fun. 

Author:  Taylor Jenkins Reid was born December 20th 1983, Maryland, U.S. Other well-known novels under her name include Daisy Jones & The Six as well as Malibu Rising.

Short synopsis (via goodreads): Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. But when she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now? Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband has left her, and her professional life is going nowhere. Regardless of why Evelyn has selected her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career. Summoned to Evelyn’s luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the ‘80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way, Evelyn unspools a tale of ruthless ambition, unexpected friendship, and a great forbidden love. Monique begins to feel a very real connection to the legendary star, but as Evelyn’s story near its conclusion, it becomes clear that her life intersects with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.

Page count: 385 paper pages (excluding the acknowledgments)

Representations: LGBTQ+, historical fiction from the 50s to the 90s, Showbiz

Initial thoughts post-read:

I had high expectations. I would’ve never imagined them to be overthrown. I was completely taken aback by Reid’s extremely enchanting writing style. I had to either read 50-70 pages in one sitting or not read at all. It was so easy to loose oneself in this world of show business and heartbreak that it simply felt like no time was used while reading this masterpiece. Yes, masterpiece. Eternally grateful to have had it recommended to me by so many of my friends, and I am even more excited to delve into further depths with this review. 

A short note: I decided to pick sections that could perhaps ensue a wider introspection of what these specifically mean, in general, but also for the book itself. There were many beautiful quotes of which I picked the ones that resonated most with me, so by far not everything I highlighted. Enjoy!

Sections that picked my interest & interpretations: 

I trust myself. Take, for instance, when I snapped at you earlier, back at the apartment, when you said what you did about my confessing sins. It wasn't a nice thing to do, and I'm not sure you deserved it. But I don't regret it. Because I know I have my reasons, and I did the best I could with every thought and feeling that led up to it."/ "You take umbrage with the word sin because it implies that you feel sorry." [...]/ "You can be sorry about something and not regret it," Evelyn says. (p. 25-26)

I suppose this specific line was what had me hooked when it comes to the book itself. She took apart a fleeting comment and made sure a message, as well as an underlying morale could be drawn from it. I was fascinated from here on out. 

Evelyn looks at me with purpose. “Do you understand what I'm telling you? When you're given an opportunity to change your life, be ready to do whatever it takes to make it happen. The world doesn't give things. You take things. If you learn one thing from me, it should probably be that.” (p. 35)

I have to agree with Evelyn, as nearly all instances in which she takes a step back from her narration about the past to underline a certain teaching she had gathered from these situations. If one doesn’t get on their feet and start working for what they want to achieve - they will never be granted the opportunity to do so in the first place. A paragraph filled with what it means to live in today’s society. 

Grown men were watching me walk down the street, and some of the girls in my building didn't want to hang out with me anymore. It was a lonely business. Motherless, with an abusive father, no friends, and a sexuality in my body that my mind wasn't ready for. (p. 43)

This made me feel nostalgic. Not specifically limited to my own experiences growing up in an over sexualized society, but reminiscing the old times of the locker rooms at school. How very weird it was, when the first girls in our class started developing breasts. How obscene we all thought of it, how very shameful. Back then I questioned my response, because I did grow up in an agonizingly conservative household matter of factly. Was it perhaps a thought planted inside my head by my mother? Or was it a common thought shared by everyone? I looked around. Everybody had kept staring at the poor girl. I wish I could tell her how sorry I was. We, girls, made her, a young woman, feel uncomfortable in what she was turning. I now know that this was simply a perfect example of internalized misogyny towards our own gender. But it doesn’t excuse what had happened, and it won’t erase the memory inside the girl’s head. I was positively surprised having read this paragraph and seeing an opening for a further discussion about this specific topic. 

If you've never been smacked across the face, let me tell you something, it is humiliating. Mostly because your eyes start to tear up, whether you mean to be crying or not. The shock of it and the sheer force of it stimulate your tear ducts./ There is no way to take a smack across the face and look stoic. All you can do is remain still and stare straight ahead, allowing your face to turn red and your eyes to bloom. (p. 77)

I’ve never read anything more accurate than this. I applaud you, Reid, because this makes me feel seen. It is the sheer agony of not being in control that makes a smack across the face so humiliating for the recipient. Not being able to do anything else other than letting emotions fly over your face and concentrating on keeping in any sounds you might utter. If the other passages wouldn’t have gotten me on this train, then this would’ve done the job. 

“If you are heartbroken right now, then I feel for you deeply,” Evelyn says. “That I have the utmost respect for. That's the sort of thing that can split a person in two. But I wasn't heartbroken when Don left me. I simply felt my marriage had failed. And those are very different things.”/ When Evelyn says this, I stop my pen in place. I look up at her. And I don't know why I needed Evelyn to tell me that./ I wonder why that sort of distinction has never crossed my mind before. (p. 141)

I feel for Monique and I was so taken aback by that simple difference. Because yes, feeling heartbroken is one of the few things you can account for actually feeling so deeply about another person that you can’t see a future without them in it. Feeling as if the air to breathe has been taken from you. But a marriage failing because there are instances that cannot be dealt with, and noticing that there might be a possibility of the people involved to be happier when apart… that is truly something that should be digested properly. I’ve never thought about it the way Evelyn described it to Monique. 

Chapter 28.

I had to specifically mention this chapter. This is my favorite inside the whole book. It was so well written - it could’ve been a stand-alone short story at this point. I loved the change of narration, the way the reader was suddenly put into the figure of a man pursuing a beautiful and alluring woman. How she played her cards. How everything worked so well faded into each other. This alone made me give the book 5 stars. 

I felt myself pulling back, trying to take it all in. It shouldn't have felt so scandalous, and yet it absolutely was. Women have sex for intimacy. Men have sex for pleasure. That's what culture tells us./ The idea that I'd be shown to enjoy my body, to desire the male form just as strongly as I was desired, to show a woman putting her own physical pleasure at the forefront… it felt daring. (p. 262)

This was such an obvious realization. So obvious, yet completely overlooked. Again, I applaud Reid for emphasizing this simple, yet crucial difference between sex for a man and sex for a woman. I’ve never realized how this is still carried onto movies and real life dynamics in today’s age. It honestly makes me feel taken aback. 

Evelyn shrugs slightly. “She always made sure the bad was outweighed by so much good. I… well, I didn't do that for her. I made it fifty-fifty. Which is about the cruelest thing you can do to someone you love. Give them just enough good to make them stick through a hell of a lot of bad. Of course, I realized all this when she left me. And I tried to fix it, but it was too late.” (p. 272)

This is important considering relationship dynamics as a whole. So very important. You shouldn’t disregard something so vital to a relationship because you are forcing your martyr stand-point onto the person that you’re supposedly having a relationship with. Having Hugo go completely beyond what is right and wrong by sleeping with a man in order to ‘save’ Celia and their relationship - it is too much. And above all, truly cruel. Again, marvelous way of demonstrating it and making sure it becomes a discussion topic. 

Or maybe Robert merely stumbled into something that worked for him, unsure what he wanted until he had it. Some people are lucky like that. Me, I've always gone after what I wanted with everything in me. Others fall into happiness. Sometimes I wish I was like them. I'm sure sometimes they wish they were like me. (p. 344)

This stands in a paradoxical relationship to the second quote I picked in this section. “Falling into happiness” and “going after what [one] wanted” pose parallels to the waiting of being given what one seeks and others going out of their way to take it. This is however a different context, and has to be considered with it being more abstract with Robert than it was with Evelyn marrying her first husband in order to get somewhere. Anyways, it was interesting to see such a parallel drawn, working the exact opposite way than she had advised Monique. 

Six quotes I wanted to share

“So do yourself a favor and learn how to grab life by the balls, dear. Don't be so tied up trying to do the right thing when the smart thing is so painfully clear.” (p. 30)

People think that intimacy is about sex./ But intimacy is about truth./ When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is “You’re safe with me” - that's intimacy. (p. 112)

You wonder what it must be like to be a man, to be so confident that the final say is yours. (p. 180)

It's always been fascinating to me how things can be simultaneously true and false, how people can be good and bad all in one, how someone can love you in a way that is beautifully selfless while serving themselves ruthlessly. (p. 251)

There is a difference between sexuality and sex. I used sex to get what I wanted. Sex is just an act. Sexuality is a sincere expression of desire and pleasure. That I always kept for Celia. (p. 271)

And maybe one day I'll find someone I love the way Evelyn loved Celia. Or maybe I might just find someone I love the way my parents loved each other. Knowing to look for it, knowing there are all different types of great loves out there, is enough for me for now. (p. 380)

[lanasblood]

I apologize for being late to the party, but I wanted to take my time to comment on this stunning piece of writing, I said I’ll come back, and here I am 🥴

I've actually read it twice already, that's how much I adore it. already after the first read, I noticed subtle changes within myself — I found myself unconsciously watching lo'ak edits (I know, shocker) and reading lo'ak headcanons, which sparked my interest in him overall

I must admit, I made the "mistake" of reading part 2 before part 1. I know, dumb, but surprisingly it worked out. honestly, I'm not sure if I would have delved into the story if it were the other way around. it's not that part 1 isn't good (it definitely is, I love how in love they are and just how possessive lo'ak is), but because I rarely come across lo'ak x reader works that attract my interest. when I encountered all the emotional turmoil in part 2 (what a captivating and dramatic start with him sobbing at his mother’s thighs), I simply couldn't resist continuing to read.

his heart further broke at the fact that you, yet again, slipped through his fingers. It seemed as if the whole universe was against the two of you. but, the universe be damned. lo’ak was going to get you back no matter what it took. He’d burn down villages for you, destroy planets for you. de’d do anything for you.

that’s what i’m talking about. and the writing, just wow!! 😍

the strained relationship between neytiri and lo'ak reveals a fascinating perspective. their argument was soo real. while jake's indifference aligns with the movie's perspective, neytiri's reaction delves deeper into her personal struggles. I like to think, she harbors more self-hatred than hatred towards lo'ak for engaging in the same behavior she once did by falling in love with a human. this hypocrisy unveils the psychological aspect at play. also I had to think of hermann hesse's quote, "if you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. what isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us," which resonates strongly here. neytiri's reaction reflects a deeper understanding of the situation; by projecting her everlasting inner conflict onto lo'ak, she attempts to distance herself from her own choices and protect him from potential pain because let’s be real where is the possibility that eywa will gift us the same as she did jake? it’s her motherly instinct to keep her child from harm (of the heart). I think you depicted it beautifully, and that is at least my interpretation of it, please correct me if I overlooked anything.

like she too hadn’t fallen in love with a tawtute. no matter how long jake stayed on the planet and mingled with the natives, he would always be a human at heart. It’s hard to break out of old habits and it seemed as if their father began to fall back into his sky people ways as of recent.

that’s such an important detail. it doesn’t just seem hypocritical, it is hypocritical. and maybe, just maybe, (I'm 100% sure) jake beginning to fall back into his human ways triggered neytiri’s reaction even more.

also, I love all the little details you put in, e.g. by being there for lo'ak and providing comfort, neteyam is showing that he understands and accepts his brother's feelings during this difficult time, and in contrast to their mother’s harsh reaction, it implies that he has the emotional capacity to love and support his younger brother, despite their differing perspectives on relationships with humans. (I will not comment on the you-know-what-scene) 

even though I’m not a fan of miscommunication tropes, it fits the story well, it feels real, and tbh same, the reader’s thoughts and feelings are very relatable. her thinking he’s with tsireya, and him thinking she’s with spider... would you look at the irony 😂 plus, lovesick puppy lo’ak is the cutest thing ever!! 

my heart only beats for you. my lungs only breathe for you. my body and soul only long for you. everything is only ever for you, ma yawne. I hold so much love for you that it hurts. 

my heartttttttt </3 oh my, the writing, the emotional connection, it's too much 🥺♥️

really, your writing has truly shifted my perspective on lo'ak. not only do I see him as the charming golden child's younger, funnier, more extroverted brother, but I now perceive him as someone who is capable to love and be loved deeply; a perfect romantic partner, even. I am grateful to you (or at least I believe I should be, my inner neteyam girly isn’t quite sure yet) for opening my eyes to this new understanding. your writing is beautiful!! also i cannot wait to read the other stories from your masterlist <3

Tidal Wave

part one | part two

pairing: lo’ak x fem!human!reader

genre: angst, more angst, comfort (from tsireya to lo’ak + from spider to reader + from kiri to reader), & fluff (at the very end)

word count: 14.4k+ (holy fuck)

warning(s): suggestive content, crying, yelling, familial arguments, secrets are spilled (😬), neytiri + lo’ak arguing, mentions of violence + self inflicted injury (reader rubs skin raw), mention of incident at ta’unui clan, slightest lo’ak x tsireya, reader having self-deprecating thoughts, lo’ak being lovesick for reader, mention of lo’ak being sad, major character death, sprinkle of miscommunication / misinterpretation of actions, blood, slightest spider x reader, kiri + reader are bffs!, heartbreak?, cursing, & mentions of having little appetite

taglist: @bewbz2110 @httpjiikook @aonungsmate @cheyehc @ihave500hubbiez @heart-an0n @omnifanfic @toomuchtime02 @bigdikzaddy @anxietydrogz @myh3artttt @ancientbeing10 @yourusername1 @dearstell @goodiesinthecloset21 @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @arminsgfloll @optimisticblazetrash @liyahsocorro @universal-s1ut @amortencjja @sweetirilly @blushhpeachh @alohastitch0626 @btsiguess-kpop @ithinkimaslutforharry @zootymcnooty @zeeader @reallysparklychaos @zeida @coffeehurricanes @manumanulau @pumpararapam @ipang @willowcxmilee @audigay @sagaonpandora

word bank: sa’nok — mother, sempul — father, eywa / great mother — goddess deity that the na’vi believe in, tawtute — human; sky person, ikran — four winged creature used for hunting + flying, kehe — no, palulukan — thanator, sìlpeytsyìp — little hope (idk if it’s an accurate translation since i just put the words hope + little together), tulkun — whale like creatures, ilu — sea creature used for hunting + riding, yawne — beloved, & nga yawne lu oer — i love you

songs that i drew inspo from: a match into water by pierce the veil, gilded lily (sped up version) by cults, mr. forgettable by david kushner, & reflections by the neighbourhood

note: huge shoutout to @neteyamslovrr for helping me proofread this! ilysm baby 😭🫶🏼🤍 mentions of readers birthday takes place around 3-4 months after her & spider were kidnapped (so reader, kiri, spider, & lo’ak are aged up to 17-18). i imagined the events of atwow happening over a couple of months due to the fact that ronal is more visibly pregnant towards the end than when we first see her. so, just for clarification :)

Lo’ak had begged his parents the morning after to save you.

He pleaded and begged, getting on his knees as he sobbed into his Sa’nok’s thigh, covering it in his warm tears and snot. But, Jake’s answer stayed persistent: “They are strong kids, son. They will be alright,”. Of course, Jake wasn’t aware that Lo’ak and his other siblings heard what he had to say about you and Spider the night before during he and Neytiri’s heated discussion.

( “The kids know everything! They know where we live! Spider knows our whole operation. We are not safe as long as they have those two. They both can lead him right here! We are no longer safe staying here.” )

Lo’ak knew that neither you or Spider would ever give up the location of High Camp or of the Sully family. The both of you were loyal to a fault. Perhaps too loyal for your own good. It hurt to hear that his own Sempul would ever think that you would betray the family you grew to think of as your own. Lo’ak knew you better than anyone else.

Having to leave the Omatikaya and not even attempt to save you made Lo’ak resent his parents, his heart completely breaking into two as he got farther and farther from his home and essentially you. It was days before he had spoken to his parents after arriving at Awa’atlu, but it wasn’t like his parents sought out to speak to him either.

The more time he spent on the island, the more time he found himself yearning to have you by his side. To experience all of this with you. There was a constant hole in his chest that never left, deepening every time he thought of you. He had no way of knowing if you were being tortured at the current moment or even alive. He didn’t trust the RDA to keep you alive, especially once they saw how loyal you were to Jake and his family, disposing of you like you were nothing. You are everything to Lo’ak and it pained him to not know how you were doing or what was happening to you during your time in the enemy’s hands.

He could only pray to Eywa every night to keep you safe and spare you, fully aware that if she answered his call, she’d need something in return. And he was fully prepared to pay the price with his own life.

———

The torture they put you through was something you’d never would wish upon your greatest enemy.

They had ceased the torture on Spider, the orders being given to them by Quaritch. So, Ardmore turned to you and inflicted all kinds of pain and continuous torture onto you. The human boy begged Quaritch to put a stop to this, demanding him to let you go. But no matter how much Spider pleaded with the man or how many times he went over it with Ardmore, the woman didn’t budge. She was insistent on getting something out of you. But all she really got was memories and flashes of a tall Na’vi teen boy and nothing else. Things that were useless to her, so she punished you every time.

The first time you arrived at their base, their doctors had pulled you aside and assessed you. They deemed that you had multiple fractured ribs and a mild concussion, ordering Ardmore to let you heal before she decided to do anything. She agreed to it at first since she had Spider to get information out of, but once Quaritch told her that he was off limits and was going to comply with him and his team, she began to drag you out to the interrogation room and leave you in there for hours until you passed out.

It was the same routine for weeks. Wake up, get dragged to the interrogation room, receive endless amounts of torture for hours, pass out, repeat. Days began to blur together, not knowing where one began and the next stopped. It was all the same.

The first time you realized you had been in the RDA’s grasp for too long was the night Spider had snuck into your room and gently sang happy birthday to you. It must’ve been months then. Your seventeenth birthday was celebrated nearly a year before being taken hostage by Quaritch. Ardmore had deemed it best to separate Spider and you from each other, breaking down both of your support systems. That night, as you and the boy silently cried into the dark of your room, you lost all hope that Lo’ak was coming back for you.

It hurt too much to think about. But you knew, you knew that eventually, it was never going to work out. You were too different. Something was bound to happen sooner or later, ripping the two of you from each other and essentially ending the relationship you had with one another. You loved Lo’ak dearly but you knew that your love was never in the cards. It was something taboo, forbidden. You only hoped that Lo’ak was able to find comfort within someone else during this time. For you doubted that you’d ever see each other again. He needed someone like him. Not you.

———

Lo’ak had done everything he could to keep his mind off of you.

He needed to keep his mind off of you if he didn’t want to break down in the middle of the beach twenty-four-seven. So, he often spent more time training with Tsireya and got into meaningless fights whenever he could, angering his parents to no end. It worked at times, but often not, his mind always wandered back to you. Always.

“Lo’ak, what are you doing?” A soft voice asked, pulling the boy away from his never ending thoughts of the one person he desired to see.

“Moping,” he mumbled, crossed legged on the shoreline as he picked at the soft sand beneath him.

“I can tell,” she replied, taking a seat next to him. The boy next to her looked like a wounded puppy, ears drawn back as his tail laid limp beside him. Plus, he had a frown painted onto his face as he blankly stared at the sand below. “What is bothering you?” She asked, calmness etched into her voice.

Lo’ak hadn’t told her, or any other Metkayina for that matter, about you and the kind of relationship you shared. Sure he mentioned you and Spider and what happened before he and his family left to seek uturu from the reef people. But he never gave anyone the idea that he was in love with you. He didn’t know how any of them would react.

“Is it about the humans you mentioned earlier?” She added, filling in the silence that was growing between them as Lo’ak didn’t answer her previous question.

The boy only hummed, poking his fingers into the damp sand. He really didn’t want to talk to Tsireya about this. It risked the chance of his Sa’nok hearing or a stranger eavesdropping and telling everyone else in the village about how much he cared for a tawtute. It also hurt to talk about you. Because he knew once he started, he was never going to stop.

“I am sorry that they were taken. I know they meant a lot to you and your siblings,” Tsireya commented, truly feeling sorry for the young boy. She could tell that Lo’ak deeply cared for the humans and she couldn’t imagine losing someone that close to her like that.

A shrug from Lo’ak was his only response to the girl’s comfort, tears beginning to prick his eyes as he began to crave your touch and soothing lips against his. He began to forget what it was like to have your hands and lips on his own skin, making the hole in his chest increase in size.

“What were their names again?” She delicately asked, genuinely curious. Foreign things always interested the girl and she had never seen a tawtute before. So, befriending people that have, made her want to ask all of the questions she’s been dying to ask. The girl knew that her chance of meeting a human was extremely low before the Sully’s arrival, but that still didn’t stop her from wondering.

A small smile etched itself onto the corners of Lo’ak’s lips as he thought about you. Your name was probably his favorite thing to utter. It becoming a prayer during the darkest hours of the night, with you being the only one to answer his mumbled words. You were Lo’ak’s salvation and he never hesitated to remind you.

“(Y/N) and Spider,” he replied, fingers now fiddling with the anklet around his foot. You had made it for him for his fifteenth birthday. The poor boy had been so flustered while trying to tie it around his ankle that the woven material kept slipping through his fingers. You offered your help with a giggle, your soft fingertips causing fire to erupt against his skin as they trailed from his ankle bone to his calf in a teasing manner. If Lo’ak closed his eyes and tried hard enough, he could still feel the tingly sensation your fingers left behind in their wake.

“Those are…interesting names,” Tsireya giggled, testing out their names on her tongue, attempting to enunciate every letter and vowel to the best of her ability. “Humans have such weird names,” she comments, reflecting back on the time she briefly met Norm and Max when they came to visit after Kiri’s seizure.

Lo’ak only hummed in response, smile still on his face as he recalled all the memories he has of you. He missed you so much. He felt empty without you. He felt as if he had half a soul with you gone. His whole being ached to be with you, touch you, love you.

The Metkayina girl noticed Lo’ak’s almost blissful smile on his face, copying his actions. She could only assume that one of you meant more to him than the other. That the other held a special place in his heart. “Which one is it?” She asked, not trying to sound like she was prying. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She was just curious.

Lo’ak’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, “What do you mean?”.

“Which one has you wrapped around their finger?”.

The question itself made Lo’ak blush, bottom lip going in between his teeth in an attempt to stop an even wider smile from making its way onto his face. Damn, he thought, she can read me like a book. You got to be more subtle man.

The boy gave her his answer, tail perking up and swaying to and from at the mention of your name, his body betraying him at trying to hide his affection for you.

“Can you tell me about her?” Tsireya asked, enthralled at how just the mere mention of your name influenced such actions from the Omatikaya boy.

Lo’ak didn’t need to be asked twice before he began to talk about you, barely taking any breaths in between each word he uttered. If only his Mother and Father could see how much love Lo’ak held for you. If only.

———

“Ready kid?”.

You’d rather throw yourself off the highest floating mountain than go with Quaritch and his team on their mission to hunt down Jake and his family. But, alas, you had to go. You had to go unless you wanted to continue to be tortured by the old blonde Captain. You hated that woman with everything you had in you.

Quaritch had promptly requested Ardmore to cease her torturous treatment on you, stating that he finally got a lead on where the Sully’s might be and that you were crucial to the plan he and his team were putting together. He needed you to go with them and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He saw how Jake’s son had reacted when he was teasing the boy about you. The boy cared for you and Quaritch was going to use it as leverage somehow.

“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?” You replied, eyes narrowing at the man in front of you. You absolutely did not want to go wherever they were going, but you didn’t want to stay behind and be tortured to death. So, you took the lesser of two evils (if you could even call it that).

Quaritch chuckled at your response, shaking his head, motioning you to follow after him. The man had taken a liking to you, much like he did with Spider. You weren’t afraid to express how much you disliked the man nor did you hesitate to express your distaste for the whole situation he put you in. He liked your bluntness and admired your loyalty to the Na’vi, even if it was a major inconvenience for him and his team.

You had only ridden on an ikran a handful of times before, Lo’ak only being able to convince you with his little pout and big pleading eyes. You never were a fan of heights and having to spend Eywa knows how long on an ikran to the next base Quaritch was heading to made you want to cry. At least with Lo’ak, you knew that he’d always catch you if you began to slip. But with Quaritch, you were confident he wouldn’t give two shits if you slipped off the flying creature.

“I am not getting on an ikran with you,” you commented, hands on hips as you approached the RDA Avatar soldiers and their ikrans. You were very surprised that the whole group managed to, successfully, claim an ikran within only months of being on Pandora whereas native Na’vi trained their whole lives for this. It all left a bitter taste in your mouth when you thought about it.

“You’re not, sweetheart,” Quaritch answers, turning back towards you once he reached his bonded companion.

The ikran was probably the most beautiful you’ve seen, even with your limited experience with the creatures. The whole body of the animal was a deep navy blue, streaks of gold and orange decorating its wings. The animal itself was gorgeous. It was ironic how someone so evil and ugly had managed to tame something so beautiful.

“Spider’s riding with me. You’ll ride with Z-Dog,” he continued, clicking his tongue towards the tall Avatar woman, gently petting his ikran as he did so.

Your eyes were torn from the navy creature in front of you to the woman. Your blood went cold as you made eye contact, her hard stare boring into your eyes as she robotically chewed at the gum in her mouth. Great, you thought, I’m definitely going to die.

“We don’t have all day, kid,” Quaritch commented, already mounted on his ikran as Spider sat in front of him, eyes worriedly scanning your figure as you stood there frozen in place.

Your eyes then drifted from the woman to her bonded companion behind her, its face gently nuzzling into her side affectionately. Your heart clenched at the sight of the animal. It looked almost identical to that of your boyfriend's ikran. Lo’ak’s was an almost dark blue, gold swirling around its neck and wings. His companion shared many similarities to the one of his Father, the only difference being the black patch on his protruding lower jaw. Memories of when Lo’ak took you out for rides on his ikran flooded your mind, making the hole in your chest double in size.

“Let’s go,” the woman said, snatching your forearm in her grip as she placed you onto the creature, placing herself behind you as she made tshaleyu with the animal. The winged creature chirped in delight at the sensation and shrieked once it readied itself to take flight, wings twitching.

You braced yourself for the ride, both hands tightening around one of the ikrans queues, thighs tensing in anticipation. The rides you had with Lo’ak were much more smoother and gentler. Lo’ak made sure to put emphasis on how he dismounted from the ground, trying to make it as smooth as possible for you. His bonded animal always complied, never rushing when he pushed off the ground and into the skies above. You found yourself missing that process as you desperately tried not to slip off the poor animal as it ascended into the blue sky. It was rough, to say the least.

Once you reached an appropriate enough altitude, Z-Dog steadied and leveled out her ikran, halting the rough turbulence you experienced moments prior. The creature chirped once again, smoothly gliding through the wind.

You always loved the feeling you got whenever you were up in the sky with Lo’ak despite your anxiety regarding heights. He always made sure that you were okay throughout the ride as well as before and after the fact. But with the stranger you were assigned to, you found yourself wanting to hurl in anxiousness. You only hoped that this was going to be a quick and fast flight to wherever the hell you were heading to.

———

The minute you stepped into the small room the tulkun hunters had allowed you to occupy during your stay, you fell to your knees. Sobs racked your body as your mind replayed the scenes that you witnessed only minutes prior. Arriving at the Ta’unui village. The gathering of their people like they were sheep to slaughter. Quaritch threatening the Tsahik and Olo’eyktan of the clan. Lyle shooting and killing a sea creature on his Colonel’s order. The burning of the peoples homes. The killing of a Mother tulkun. It all kept replaying in your head, even when you moved to the even smaller shower.

You tried so hard to rid of the memories in your head, of the smell on your skin, of the guilt you felt. You rubbed at your skin until it was raw and hot and bleeding. The permanent reminder of just what your race is capable of slamming to the forefront of your mind. It all felt wrong. It feels wrong being here. Feels wrong to live on Pandora where its native species had to experience the pain and constant attempts of colonization from a different species. It all felt like you were contributing to whatever Quaritch had in mind. Even if he didn’t tell you any details, you still chose to come along. Maybe staying behind with Captain Ardmore would’ve been a better option. After all, it wouldn’t have mattered if you were alive or not at the end of it for you already felt dead inside. Nothing and no one would be able to bring you comfort from what you just saw and gone through.

“(Y/N)?” A familiar voice asked, it cracking from the amount of emotion the owner felt.

“Spider,” you whispered, curling in on yourself as you saw his figure standing in your doorway, tears streaming down his face.

The boy made his way to your bed, laying on it, facing you on his side. Not a word was uttered between you two, not needing any to communicate the type of comfort you both seeked from each other. And you stayed like that, facing each other and grasping onto each other's hands for comfort as you unknowingly fell asleep, slumber welcoming you into its embrace. But even your dreams weren’t a safe place. You dreamt of fire, of blood, and of death the whole night.

Maybe Neytiri was right. You should’ve never befriended the Sully children. You should’ve stuck to your own kind.

———

The second Lo’ak heard that a boy and a girl had been with Quaritch and his team during their attack on a nearby village, he began to ready his ilu for the trip. For getting you back.

The boy had paced back and forth from the edge of the mauri to his swimming companion, bending down to slip on the various of saddles the animal needed for riding. The creature chirped up at him every time Lo’ak bent down, seemingly encouraging him as he did so.

“What are you doing?” A voice asked, confusion laced in their tone. Lo’ak knew who it was before they even spoke. His Sa’nok had a bad habit of sneaking up on everyone, being too quiet for her own good. The hairs on the back of his head always stood up on end whenever he felt his Mothers presence behind him, alerting him of the potential rage he was going to face from the woman.

“To save them,” Lo’ak mumbled, too focused on saddling the right equipment on his companion, fiddling with the straps as he tightened them. The boy knew that his parents never really cared for either of your well-beings, it being evident in their body language and actions whenever he or Kiri talked about the things they did with the pair of you that particular day. If they weren’t willing to save you, then Lo’ak would take it upon himself to. He finally knew where you were after months of not knowing and he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to have you in his arms again.

A growl emitted itself from his Mothers lips, her hand coming out to grip her son's bicep into her grasp, “Kehe!”.

Neytiri didn’t know why her son was so infatuated with you, a tawtute. She was always against her children from befriending you and Spider, glaring at your figures everytime you walked by at High Camp. Her son seemed to be closer with you than Spider. The fact always bothered her, making her skin crawl with anger. Angry that you were occupying her son's time when he could be doing other things, meeting other people, and talking to other appropriate women of the clan.

“You will not,” she continued, scowl painted onto her face as she glared down at her son. She knew that if Lo’ak were to continue with his plan and make it to wherever you were, that Quaritch wouldn’t hesitate to shoot or take him prisoner. She couldn’t have that. Neytiri needed all of her children within eyesight so she could look over them and make sure that they were safe. She wouldn’t be able to do that if her son went to you.

Lo’ak growled back at his Mother, ripping his arm out from her tight grip. The boy had his mind made up and nobody was going to stop him. He needed to get to you. He needed you.

“I will. Why do you even care? You haven’t bothered to talk to me the whole time here. The only time you talk to me is to yell or scold me for doing yet another thing wrong,” Lo’ak hissed out, teeth tightly clenched. “(Y/N) and Spider care about me more than you ever have!” He added, whole body shaking in anger.

Neytiri gasped at her sons exclaimation, lightly hissing at him, “How dare you think that? I love you, Lo’ak. But they, they do not! They are demons! They aren’t capable of such things as love.”

Lo’ak’s ears drew back to press up against his skull and his lips drew up to show off his pointed fangs, a very loud hiss escaping from between his teeth. The hiss sounded almost roar-like, drawing attention from inside the Sully mauri, ears and tails perking up in interest.

Another gasp escaped from Neytiri’s throat. Her son had never hissed at her like that. Sure he had hissed at her playfully when he was younger or out of annoyance whenever she tried to get him to open up to her. But he had never hissed at her so…possessively. The only time she had heard a roar like this was when her husband was fighting off Quaritch during the Great Battle and he threatened everything he worked so hard to build during his time in the Avatar program.

“They do! She loves me. She’s capable of it and so much more. But you are too stubborn and stuck in your ways to see her the way I do. She cares for me, loves me. That I know,” Lo’ak grumbled out, fangs seeming to get even longer as he brewed in his anger. “I see her and she sees me. Something you and Dad never do,” he finished, turning away from his Mother as he reached out to grab the final thing he needed for his ride to you.

“What do you mean, Lo’ak?” Neytiri asked, anger laced in her voice. She knew what he was insinuating, but she needed to hear it come from his mouth. To confirm her suspicions. To confirm or deny what she had been thinking for years.

“I mean that she is mine. She is the only thing that I was ever able to have. I see her. She has taken me heart, body, and soul,” he slightly hisses out, not daring to look at his Mother as he spoke. He knew that once the confession of his sins slipped from his lips, there was no telling what his Mother would do. He didn’t want to be in the crossfire once she decided to act upon whatever she was feeling, her not being a top priority in his life at the moment. You were the priority and he’d be damned if anyone stopped him from getting to you.

“No,” Neytiri whispers, “You did not. Tell me you didn’t!”.

There were many things that his Mother could be referring to, but he was pretty sure he knew what she was hinting at. It was something that he had planned on doing with you once he properly courted you and way further into the future. But, nothing ever goes according to plan in Lo’ak’s life. The first time you guys had engaged in such an act was months before you were taken hostage. You had never been to the Tree of Souls, it being nearly impossible for you to get to without proper assistance. Lo’ak had decided to take you to it as a surprise on your weekly date night. The two of you had been dating for a while but never went as far as kissing or wondering hands against skin. It all happened so fast. One minute Lo’ak was describing the connection to you, how it all worked and the next, you were under him squirming and calling out his name in pleasure. He knew that once such an act was done, he’d be tied to you forever. That in the eyes of the Great Mother you two were mates and forever bound to one another’s souls. After that, the two of you often found yourselves engaging to be together. Lo’ak felt as if it was another way he could feel connected to you without being able to perform tshaleyu. He never took the act for granted and always put your pleasure before his, worshiping every inch of your body before you could do the same to him.

Her sons silence was Neytiri’s answer resulting in her loudly hissing at her youngest son, almost matching Lo’ak’s moments prior. That was the final straw to have Jake interfere between his arguing son and wife.

“You gave yourself to her? To a demon? Agh! Shame! You have brought shame upon this family and yourself. You tainted yourself with a human. Someone who can’t give you a future!” She yelled out, angry tears running down the expanse of her cheeks. Intercourse before mating wasn’t something that was taboo in the Omatikaya culture, but it was expected of the Olo’eyktan and his family to save themselves before then, demonstrating their loyalty to the people and their future spouse. So to hear her son, the second born of the Olo’eyktan, engage in such an intimate act with a human nonetheless, made her want to pluck his eyes out from the sockets that held them.

“Woah! Woah! Hey!” Jake said, jumping in between his son and wife before either of them could jump at each other's throat. His front faced Neytiri while his back faced his son. “Hey! What’s going on?” He gently asked, bringing his wife’s face into his hands as he tried to get her to focus his attention on him and not Lo’ak.

“Your son has mated with a demon!” She spat out, disgust interlaced in her tone. The way she felt towards the situation was evident enough on her face. Her lips were drawn back to flash her fangs and her nose was scrunched as if she just smelt a pile of Palulukan dung.

Jake froze at the words his wife spat, eyes darting to his son behind him. Although he froze at the words, he wasn’t surprised. He had a feeling that you and Lo’ak were more than just friends. He often caught his son gently rubbing at the marks you left on his skin during dinner, a smirk dancing across his youngests lips. Jake’s not stupid. He was Lo’ak’s age once and understood the urges he faced. But, he was human then and the Na’vi have a completely different way of thinking and going about things like this.

Jake didn’t question Lo’ak about whether or not what Neytiri said was true, already knowing the answer. He only sighed in response and tried to coax his wife to calm down.

“Go back in the house, son. Now,” Jake demanded, shooting him a look that told him he wasn’t taking a no for an answer.

Lo’ak wanted to argue and continue with his plan on rescuing you, but he knew that his pleading would be worthless, especially after his confession. So, he begrudgingly desaddled his ilu and made his way into the pod, ignoring the looks of his siblings as he made his way to his side of the house, throwing something against the woven wall before settling down in the corner. Tears left his eyes as he sat there. He was frustrated. All he wanted to do was see and hold you, but it seemed as if Eywa wasn’t on his side once again.

Why Great Mother? Why do you do this to me?

His heart further broke at the fact that you, yet again, slipped through his fingers. It seemed as if the whole universe was against the two of you. But, the universe be damned. Lo’ak was going to get you back no matter what it took. He’d burn down villages for you, destroy planets for you. He’d do anything for you.

———

“They found out?” A soft voice asks, pulling Lo’ak out from his zoning out episode.

He only hummed in response, eyes puffy from all the crying he did that night. His Mother screamed and cried at him after she talked to Jake, calling him what everyone else does, a disappointment. He desperately tried to get her to understand how he felt about you and how much he cared for you. He wouldn’t fall in love with just anyone, so you had to be very special to be the one to hold his heart.

Neteyam had been the one to comfort him that night as Jake and Kiri consoled Neytiri, trying to get her to calm down so she didn’t disturb any other Metkayina trying to sleep or seek shelter from the storm. It had been the first time in years that Neteyam had held Lo’ak in his arms, turning him away from the sight of their Sa’nok as the elder practically held the younger in his lap. Neteyam felt bad that their Mother was acting like this. Like she too hadn’t fallen in love with a tawtute. No matter how long Jake stayed on the planet and mingled with the natives, he would always be a human at heart. It’s hard to break out of old habits and it seemed as if their Father began to fall back into his sky people ways as of recent.

( “It’s okay, tsmukan,” Neteyam had whispered, Lo’ak barely hearing over the dramatic wails of his Mother. The boy had long been done with his crying, just blankly staring at the anklet wrapped around his foot. The last remaining thing he had of you.

“She doesn’t understand,” the older brother continued, stroking Lo’ak’s braids with such a gentleness, he thought for a second that it was you who was holding him. He only ever experienced such a gentle touch with you. It felt wrong that it wasn’t. That it was coming from his brother and not you.

“She does not,” Lo’ak confirmed, burying himself further into his brothers body, actively seeking his warmth to combat the shaking of his own body. “She never will,” he continued, eyes hardened to a glare as he stared at the intricately woven floor. She will never understand, he thought to himself, anger and sadness erupting in his chest. )

“A lot of the people heard your Mother last night,” Tsireya spoke up, sitting next to the dark blue boy. She felt bad for the teen. To be in love with someone you could never have must be heart wrenching. “I am sorry she acted the way she did. I hope she soon comes to the realization that you do truly love her,” she continued, trying to offer up the best comfort she could.

“I don’t think my Dad cared. Probably already knew before I told them. But,” he croaked out, voice coming out coarse as a result from his crying the night prior, “He didn’t do anything to stop Mom from saying those things about her, about me.”.

Having his Father allow his wife to continually insult his lover and him had made Lo’ak bitter. How come he wasn’t able to defend the one he loved but it was alright for Neytiri to throw such hurtful words to her own son? It all seemed hypocritical, backwards.

Tsireya frowned at Lo’ak’s words. She truly felt bad for him. She didn’t think that it was fair for his own Mother to react that harshly to the news. Didn’t she too fall in love with a human? It didn’t make sense to her.

“Oh, Lo’ak, I’m so sorry,” she whispered out, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder in hopes to comfort him.

Nothing about this situation was ideal. Lo’ak wasn’t able to go and rescue you from the clutches of the RDA. Neytiri had scolded and reprimanded her youngest son for being in love, calling him all sorts of colorful names in the process. Jake hadn’t done anything to prevent his wife from her onslaught of scowls and hisses towards their son. The whole clan now probably knew about how Lo’ak was a sky demon lover. And Tsireya is the one comforting the boy when it should be his own family that we’re bringing him solace. It all became a mess so fast, everything crumbling down towards the ground within seconds.

Lo’ak only hummed in response to Tsireya’s sympathetic tone, too tired to give her an actual response. His eyes were bloodshot from all the tears he’s expelled over night. Lo’ak’s face was practically swollen from how hard he cried last night. He looked like a complete mess.

Eywa had to be punishing him for something for the deity that he grew up hearing about wouldn’t have allowed any of this to happen. Was it really that bad that Lo’ak loved you? That he loved a human? Surely the Great Mother held all of her children dear to her heart. So, why was she letting this happen? What was the bigger picture? What was the reason? Lo’ak wanted to know the answers to these questions so he could figure out why it was so wrong to love you when it felt so right to.

———

Pain spread throughout your lower back and hip, becoming warm as the nerve endings communicated with each other and the crushed blood cells came to the surface of your delicate skin. The minute Spider hijacked the ship and the vehicle surged forward, your body made harsh contact with the metal table in the middle of the room and the floor once it crashed amongst the jagged rocks.

“(Y/N)! You okay?” The human boy yelled out, scrambling up to his feet to get to your position against the floor.

A groan was your only answer, pulling yourself up the best you could before the soldiers and ship crew could grab you. You could feel the bruises already forming on your soft skin, heat spreading throughout the areas.

“Get them off the ship!” A voice demanded, catching your attention. Your heart dropped to your stomach upon hearing the words. They were going to take you somewhere farther from Lo’ak once more. Although you hadn’t gone down with Spider to see him and the others being held hostage at the front of the ship, you still didn’t want to be taken somewhere else where you most likely wouldn’t be able to see him again.

Hands wrapped themselves around your biceps, roughly pulling you up from where you kneeled, guiding you to the exit.

“Let go of me!” You hissed, ripping your arms from out of the strangers grip just in time to catch the mask being thrown at you by another.

“Put it on,” they demanded, putting on their own mask before looking at you as you put yours on, a scowl on your face as you did so.

The same person pushed you forward in front of them, urging you to walk forwards and down the metal stairs. You desperately wanted to push whoever was in front of you down the stairs and run towards wherever they were keeping Lo’ak and the rest. You only wanted to see him and make sure that he was okay. That he was still breathing.

“Make sure it’s tight,” a man commented, tugging on the side of your mask.

“She’s fine, dumbass,” Spider spat, pushing the man’s hand away from your masked face, putting himself between the man and you.

The man before you both scoffed and continued forward, leading the two of you somewhere on the ship where they kept their smaller boats.

Spider could sense your apprehension, grabbing your hand as the group of you continued to walk along the metal surface of the ship, shaking his head down at you as he dragged you besides him. He knew what you wanted to do, he wanted to do the same, but he knew that if you gave into that urge, they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot either of you on the spot. He needed to keep you safe not just for Lo’ak’s sake but for himself too. You were his lifeline throughout this whole awful experience. Your presence itself helped him in more ways than one whenever he felt himself start to slip through the cracks while with Quaritch and Ardmore. If the two of you were going to make it out this afternoon, he needed you safe and alive.

Another man had exclaimed for the group to hurry up before the last of the boats left without them, getting cut off at the end of his sentence with a sharp exhale and groan as his body was thrown up against the wall of the ship.

Two large blue bodies had dropped down from above, pushing and punching the human men surrounding you and Spider, effectively killing them as they jumped from body to body.

“Lo’ak,” you whispered out, Spider pulling your back into his chest, away from Neteyam and Lo’ak, being wary of their size and strength.

A smile painted itself across your lips once the familiar amber eyes you dearly missed made contact with your colorful ones, time seemingly coming to a halt as the both of you took in each other's presence.

Lo’ak seemed to have filled out a bit, his biceps and thighs much larger than they were the last time you saw them. His hair was pulled back, showing off his sharpened jawline and defined shoulders and collarbones. Back in the forest, he rarely ever had his hair up, preferring it down so your fingers could have easy access to them whenever you wanted to run your smaller hands through the braids. His midsection seemed slimmer and tighter, displaying his developing abs along his stomach. Lo’ak seemed more confident in his physique as he stood there in front of you. You could practically feel it oozing off of him. The reef clan must’ve prioritized his training during his stay, you concluded.

As you gawked at the significant changes to your boyfriend's physical body, he too had his eyes glued to your figure.

Although much hadn’t changed, you still looked beautiful as ever. You had your hair down, different from your typical braid or usual hairstyle. You deemed having your hair out of your face more practical during your time in the forest. It just made everything easier as you explored and ran about. Due to Ardmore’s negligence to your physical needs, you figured it was easier to have your hair down most of the time, having no energy to do it yourself when she gave you a break from her torturous pursuits. Your hair had gotten longer during your time away from each other, inches longer than it previously was. It framed your face beautifully Lo’ak thought, smiling at you.

But before either of you could run to each other and embrace, a soldier had begun to stir and get up, a gun clutched in his grasp.

Lo’ak whipped his head towards the noise, bringing up the gun in his right hand up without thinking, finger squeezing the trigger as multiple rounds of bullets penetrated the human in front of him. The man slumped back, falling dead to the floor.

The air then became tense, the moment processing in everyone’s head for a second. Then, Neteyam had gently grabbed Lo’ak’s forearm and urged him forward, walking backwards as Spider pushed you in front of him, following the Na’vi boy.

The two boys in front of you had effortlessly jumped down from the top of the stairs to the ground below, swiftly standing up from their crouch afterwards. Sensing your hesitation, Lo’ak wrapped his free arm around your waist and followed after his brother and Spider, holding you close to his side as he jumped down from the height. He only let go of your waist once you regained your bearings.

“Hello, ma sìlpeytsyìp,” Lo’ak whispers, free hand going up to your bare neck, softly grazing his thumb against the delicate skin.

“Hello, Lo’ak,” you whisper back, a smile on your face as you gazed at your lover. Oh how you wished you didn’t need this stupid mask so you could capture his lips with yours.

You missed the boy in front of you so much. It was hard to endure all those months away from each other. He consumed every single thought you had. So to have him in front of you, alive and breathing and not a figment of your imagination, made you want to crawl into his large arms and stay there forever.

Your small moment was interrupted by Spider, him exclaiming a thank you so much man as he turned towards the Na’vi teens.

Lo’ak had tore his eyes away from yours, staring at Spider as he thanked him and Neteyam for saving both of your asses back there. The blue boy smiled at his friend, going to express his welcome but his smile dropped as he saw the same Avatar soldiers from that night come into view, aiming their guns towards the group of teens.

As Lo’ak perked up to shoot at the familiar fake Avatars, Neteyam pulled him back just as quickly, ushering him and the lot of you to run and dodge the bullets as they fired and ricocheted off the railings and other obstacles between you and them.

“Go! Go!” Neteyam exclaimed, pushing the three of you towards a corner by the moonpool, snatching Lo’ak’s gun with a give me that!.

The older Na’vi began to shoot back at the soldiers shooting at you four, shouting at all of you to hurry and jump into the water beneath the opening in front of you. Before you could process Neteyam’s words, Lo’ak took you into his arms and rushed towards the moonpool, jumping over the railing and into the water. Cool water splashed against your body and sealed mask, making you involuntarily hold your breath as a reflex.

Upon breaching the surface, you exhaled the air you held, realizing that there was no need for you to hold it.

“That was insane cuz!” Lo’ak exclaimed, high-fiving Spider as he hollered back an excited hell yeah!. His arm around you had slipped from its grasp in order to hand out the high-five he gave Spider.

The three of you just narrowly escaped death and Lo’ak was hollering in delight from the adrenaline rush. Well, you thought, at least the sea didn’t change that about him.

The hairs on your skin stood on end once you heard the gurgle of Neteyam’s first gasp of breath after following you and the boys, diving into the water. Your body instinctively knew that something bad was bound to happen and you could only pray to Eywa that this wasn’t happening.

Everyone’s world stopped on its axis once Neteyam announced that he’d been shot, struggling to keep himself upright in the water. It was as if his own acknowledgment of being shot stripped him of his refined swimming skills, limbs not being able to keep up with the blood loss and shock of the event.

You were the first one by the boys side after the words fell from his lips, trying to help keep him afloat in the water. “It’s okay, Teyam,” you whispered, head barely above the water's surface as you kept the boy upright, “You’ll be okay.”.

You knew that your words were only empty promises. That realistically, Neteyam wasn’t going to make it. No amount of comforting whispers were going to cover up that fact or bring the boy some kind of solace from death's icy grip.

“Here! Get him up on here,” an unfamiliar voice exclaimed, drawing your attention from Neteyam to the owner.

A beautiful Na’vi girl had broke the surface of the water with a strange creature by her side. She gestured for you and the rest to get Neteyam up onto the animal so you could transport him somewhere where he could be helped.

The strange girls eyes fell on you, making your stomach drop and breath hitch in your throat. She must be of the clan that harbored the Sully family, you thought to yourself as you studied her much lighter blue skin and enchanting ocean blue eyes. Really pretty too.

“C’mon bro,” Lo’ak stuttered out, taking Neteyam out from your grip and into his, swimming towards the girl and her creature.

Spider had pulled you out from your stupor, tugging on your hand as he swam the both of you towards the group, grabbing the side of the creatures saddle as it readied itself to surge forward in the water. The boys hand had let go of your hand and went to grab your waist, pulling you flush to his side in preparation for the resistance of the water once the creature got the okay to take off. Your own hands wrapped themselves around Spider’s neck, muscles in your arms tightening in preparation as well.

Once Lo’ak situated Neteyam onto the creature behind him, he urged the animal to go forward through the bond, it hurriedly gliding through the water as it pushed against the current and new added weight on all sides.

You knew that once the five of you left the scene and headed towards somewhere else, everything was going to change. That it was all downhill from here.

———

Your hands were caked in blood. In Neteyam’s blood.

The red substance ran up your wrists and stopped at your mid forearm. The skin that was covered in it felt like it was on fire. It burned.

Your small hands that were desperately trying to slow down the blood pouring out of the boys chest were replaced by Lo’ak’s, his bigger body pushing you out of the way once Jake noticed your useless efforts and demanded his second son to replace your hands with his.

Tears spewed out from your waterline, falling down your cheeks and gathering at the bottom of your mask. Your throat burned from your suppression of sobs, desperately trying to escape from your sealed lips. You didn’t feel worthy crying and sobbing over the fatally injured boy in front of you. It was your fault he was shot. Indirectly or not, if Neteyam and Lo’ak didn’t come back for you and Spider, then he’d be fine and not bleeding out in front of his family. He wouldn't be laid dying in front of you.

You felt familiar, calloused hands wrapped themselves around your frame, bringing your body into their own.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Spider lowly whispered, bringing your face into his neck as you let out a quiet sob, leaning into his embrace. He knew that you were on the brink of breaking down and knew that you were keeping it in so as to not disturb the Sully family in their growing mourning. He saw the way Lo’ak pushed his way between you and Neteyam’s dying body, replacing your hands with his own against his brothers open chest. He knew that no one else around you would comfort you in the way that you needed, so he scurried to your side and brought you into his arms for the comfort that you craved.

You’ve never seen someone die. You’ve never seen someone die right in front of you. Your brain was scrambling to gather itself and process what was happening. But it was as if your brain couldn’t gather all the working pieces it needed and abandoned you in your own body, leaving you to pick up the pieces yourself and try to process what was happening.

Your body began to shiver as shock and adrenaline coursed through your veins, making your quiet sobs even harder to contain and actually keep silent.

The minute your ears picked up on Neytiri’s high pitched wails and screams, you knew that Neteyam had taken his last breath and finally joined Eywa in his afterlife. From that moment on, everything went by in a flash.

Neytiri, Jake, and Spider had left back towards the ship for a reason your ears didn’t pick up on, still ringing in the aftershocks of Neytiri’s screams. The Na’vi woman left on her ikran, it screeching as she made tshaleyu. The both of them took off in a blur from the speed of the animals ascent. Spider left you with a gentle kiss on the forehead and a promise that he’ll come back, smoothing down your damp hair before following after Jake. And Lo’ak. He only spared you a small glance before telling the reef Na’vi girl to stay with Neteyam’s body, gently patting her cheek before he hurried off to follow his Father and Spider.

Even though your mind struggled to process and piece together what just happened, it was still able to process the soft touch Lo’ak bestowed upon the girl in front of you and the sympathetic look he gave her before he left. How she reached out for him as he walked away and the look on her face as she watched. Oh.

Your heart broke at the realization. Lo’ak finally found someone that was suitable for him. Someone that was able to give him the future he deserved. Someone that was able to give him everything you couldn’t. And more tears fell from your eyes, heart crying out at the heartbreak.

Neytiri was right. You should’ve stayed with your own kind.

———

You didn’t stay long for Neteyam’s funeral. As soon as it ended, you treaded your way out of the water and walked somewhere secluded.

It was too much being there. It was hard watching Jake and Neytiri place their eldest son down onto the orange glowing tendrils. It was hard watching him be absorbed by them, disappearing into the glowing mass. Guilt riddled your consciousness, yelling at you that you shouldn’t be there. That it was your fault that he was with Eywa now. That you took away Jake and Neytiri’s firstborn son from their grasp too soon. You felt that your presence itself was a reminder as to why Neteyam was no longer breathing.

So, you sat yourself in a secluded area on the small island, situating yourself between the large rocks that perfectly hid your smaller frame. You didn’t want anyone disturbing you, especially Lo’ak. You didn’t think you’d be able to face him again after tonight.

“You suck at sneaking away, you know that right?” A soft voice spoke out, making you jump in response from its abrupt reveal. You had been sitting in silence for a couple of minutes before you were interrupted.

Turning your head, you saw Kiri standing there, face still painted in the white substance her Mother lathered onto her face before attending her elder brother's funeral. She held a small smile in your presence, leaning down to properly sit by your side.

You only hum and nod your head in response, turning your gaze back towards the lapping waves against the soft sand of the shoreline. You felt unworthy of the girl's presence. Like you shouldn’t stare at her for too long or else Eywa would strike you down with lightning for it. Unworthy of still being her friend even after what had occurred hours prior.

“I do not blame you, (Y/N),” she spoke up, large amber eyes glued to the side of your face. “None of us do. It was not your doing for what happened that night. You were not the one with the gun,” she continued, her blue five-fingered hand coming to rest up against your shoulder in comfort.

Growing up, Kiri always knew what you were feeling by just seeing the expression on your face. It was a bit weird growing up. She knew what you felt even before you could process it yourself. But, oftentimes, you were grateful for someone like Kiri. For someone who knew you so deeply that they didn’t need words to confirm how you felt. She just knew.

Kiri did truly mean the words she spoke. She did not think that Neteyam’s death was yours nor Spiders' doing. You two were just kids who were taken hostage and desperately needed saving. You are just kids. Your whole lives were a cause of an unfortunate event but that doesn’t mean that everything bad that happens to her family and to the other natives of Pandora were solely you and Spider's fault. The two of you shouldn’t carry that heavy burden.

“But, if Lo’ak and Neteyam didn’t come after us – ” you sputtered, tears already welling in your waterline as your throat began to tighten with emotion.

The Na’vi girl knew where you were coming from. What your thought process was and how you felt. A perk of being one of your good friends she supposed.

“But nothing, (Y/N),” she cut you off, voice firm and absolute. There was no way you were going to change her mind about the situation at hand. It wasn’t your fault. Period.

“Neteyam and Lo’ak chose to come after you and Spider. They both knew of the consequences that came with following after you. No one except Quaritch and his men are to blame,” she said with finality, not needing you to further intrude on what she said. No matter how hard you’d try to convince her that it was your fault, she wouldn’t believe you. Her mind had already been made up and you weren’t the one to blame.

Only more tears began to gather and spill from your eyes at your friend's words. It was nice to hear that she, and most likely everyone else, didn’t blame you for what happened. But it didn’t help ease the guilt you felt. Nothing could aid in the guilt you felt deep within. Perhaps with time it would go away, but even then, you highly doubted that.

“Lo’ak still loves you if that is what’s causing this worry,” Kiri whispered out, only loud enough for you to hear just in case anyone else was wandering around.

During their stay at Awa’atlu, Kiri could tell that your absence had deeply disturbed her younger brother. It was evident in everything he did. Lo’ak always had a frown on his face and found excuses to pick fights with Ao’nung and his gang of friends. It was like he didn’t have a reason to behave accordingly or live anymore. Like his sense of self was lost when you were taken by Quaritch and his soldiers. He desperately missed you and she could tell that the only thing he wanted to do was get you back and have you in his arms once again.

Your stomach turned in knots and your heart stopped at Kiri’s comment. Did he really? What about the girl that helped you that night?

“I – I’m not too sure about that. What about the girl?” You asked, face damp with tears. You saw how Lo’ak treated her that night. How he gently put his hand on her cheek and how she reached out for him with a call of his name before leaving the both of you on that rock with Neteyam’s body. How he barely spared you a glance before leaving.

You were confident that he had finally found the one the Great Mother had destined him to be with. You knew that your time together was limited, the clock starting the minute you confessed your feelings to the teen boy. It broke your heart seeing him act that way with her but you knew that he’d eventually come to his senses about you and want to pursue a Na’vi who could actually give him the future he deserved. If anything, you were pleased that he found someone like him. He would no longer be held back by you.

“What? What girl? What are you talking about?” Kiri asked, shock and concern laced within her voice. She knew that Lo’ak was too in love with you to look at anyone else the way he looked at you. So your words confused her immensely. Why did you think he no longer saw you?

The blue girl ransacked her brain for the girl you were insinuating Lo’ak was into. She kept drawing blanks, until her mind settled onto the one person that was a great comfort to Lo’ak during their stay.

“You mean Tsireya?” She asked, a barely audible giggle coming out of her mouth.

To be frank, Kiri found the situation a little funny. Lo’ak was such a lovesick puppy for you that he often refused to talk to anyone who wasn’t you. He continuously asked about you before the two of you got together, always bothering Kiri as she made her way back from the lab. He also handmade many jewelry pieces for you, even if he sucked at it and needed Tuk’s help. Why would you think his affections would change that fast?

“She’s pretty,” you hum, eyes still glued on the moving waves in the distance. Really pretty. “She’s good for him, Ri. She’d be able to give him the future he deserves. Plus, Neytiri would actually like her. It was never in the cards for us,” you finished, voice now eerily calm and void of the sadness you expressed earlier.

Kiri’s mouth fell agape at your words, eyes widening to the size of yovo fruit. What the fuck?

“(Y/N), you cannot mean that. Tsireya and Lo’ak are only friends. That’s all,” she began, trying her best to save you from your overwhelming thoughts before they consumed you whole. “He still loves you. Please believe that,” she pleaded.

You finally tore your gaze from the water and up towards the glowing amber orbs of your friend. “He left me there, Kiri. All alone with no goodbye. Barely even glanced my way before he followed after Spider and Jake,” you confessed, heart breaking all over again at the memory. It was hours before they all returned to the rock. Spider was the only one to comfort you as Lo’ak was too busy with Tsireya. The rest of the family barely even spared you a glance as they pulled each other into an embrace.

Oh, Kiri thought, ears pinning to the sides of her head. Did she interpret Lo’ak and Tsireya’s body language wrong? Were they more than friends?

Neither of you uttered another word, sitting peacefully side by side as the two of you listened to the soothing sound of the lapping waves against the shore. A war was occurring within your head and walls were built to protect you from the oncoming grenades you were sure would be thrown at you by your lover once he confessed that he was no longer in love with you. If you could even call him yours anymore.

From afar, the subject of your conversation was watching the two of you converse. He so desperately wanted to run to you and gather you into his arms and keep you there forever. But, he knew that you were no longer his. He saw how Spider treated you so gently. How he placed a kiss on the crown of your head before scurrying away to lead Jake to the ship. How he was the first one to comfort you when they arrived, beating him in embracing you and soothing you as you sobbed against his bleeding chest. And even though his heart was breaking at the possibility of you no longer loving him, he only wanted you to be happy and if that was with Spider, then he’d let you go.

———

Days had passed since your conversation with Kiri. She had never left your side since, wanting to be there for you as you navigated your grief and heartbreak. Your words still stunned the poor girl. She was sure that you were wrong but she would admit that it was awfully suspicious the amount of times she saw Lo’ak and Tsireya together. And always seeing them together, especially after you pointed it out, didn’t help. Kiri was so sure of her brothers love for you that she nearly laughed in your face once those words left your mouth. But, she too began to doubt the affections her younger brother held for you.

Kiri often spent most of her time around you, but during the times she wasn’t able to, Tuktirey had no problem keeping you company.

“No! You’re doing it wrong,” Tuk exclaimed, groaning over your lack of weaving skills.

The young girl had been attempting to teach you the new way of weaving she had learned during her time on the island. She was so excited to show you what she had learned over the months that she nearly crushed your smaller, human body in a tight hug upon hearing your agreement. The young girl profusely apologized when she heard your panicked wheeze against her collarbone, quickly getting to work after.

“I’m sorry, TukTuk. Weaving’s never really been my thing,” you apologize, gently smiling at the child next to you. She was so excited to show you how to weave the Metkayina way, her eyes practically glowed in excitement once you agreed.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/N). I struggled with it too for some time. It just takes practice,” she responded, a large gummy smile directed your way. “Plus, that just means I can make you more!” She added, trying to lift up your dampened mood.

It seemed as if everything bothered you these days. Like everything was a reminder as to why you’d never be good enough for the secondborn Omatikaya prince. A reminder of the things you couldn’t give Lo’ak. Of the things you couldn’t do to please your mate. Weaving was a huge part of the Omatikaya culture, allowing one to express their gratitude and affection towards their intended. Something that you lacked severe skill in. Sure you could make a few bracelets here and there but it was nothing compared to those of the native Omatikaya who put so much effort into their weaving, going as far as making their own unique weave pattern for their beloved. Even though you wanted to refuse Tuktirey’s plea, for it was another painful reminder that you could never have Lo’ak, you still accepted it and endured the emotional turmoil you experienced. You wouldn’t allow your own feelings to stump Tuk’s happiness and eagerness to share with you something new she learned.

“You can make me as many as you want, Tuk,” you replied, a small smile gracing your lips as you gently patted her head, ruffling her hair in the process. The young girl shrieked at your action, pushing your hand away from her freshly braided hair, giggling afterwards.

You desperately missed moments like these during your captivity. You missed playing around with the Sully children and hearing Tuk’s high pitched giggle as she ran away from your hands as you reached out to tickle her. You missed Kiri’s wise words as she spoke about whatever came to mind. You missed Lo’ak’s comforting embrace as he enveloped you into his arms whenever you needed it. You missed Neteyam’s kind nature, helping you out whenever you found yourself falling behind. You’d always miss Neteyam, his absence another reminder as to why you would never be enough for the one you loved.

A loud cough from the doorway of the marui pod broke you and Tuk out of your giggling fit, both of you whipping your heads to the figure standing in front of the opening. Your heart dropped at who was in front of you.

“Mom!” Tuktirey squealed, jumping up to her feet and towards her sa’nok.

You could tell that Neytiri wasn’t excited about your presence, her hardened glare never leaving your face even as she bent down to embrace her youngest child. Over the course of the days following Neteyam’s funeral, Neytiri was colder towards you and Spider. She rarely ever let her children see you and often fought with Jake on this matter. She always argued about the same thing. How you and Spider weren’t good for her children. How the both of you deserved to be with your people. How you bring nothing but pain to this family. That if Jake never took the both of you in, they wouldn’t be in the position. You heard most of what she was yelling about almost every night, your shared guilt with Spider growing evermore.

“I…uh…I think I should get going Tuk. I just remembered that Kiri wanted to show me around somewhere,” you awkwardly said, smiling at the young girl before quickly heading out, barely giving her enough time to say her goodbyes to you.

You sped walk out from the Sully’s pod and onto the soft sand of Awa’atlu. You knew that you were no longer welcomed in Neytiri’s presence and you respected her wishes by excusing yourself and making your way out. It was the least you could do considering all that she went through.

Hours passed by with you sitting in the same place Kiri found you days prior, just thinking. Something that you found yourself doing way too often. It was hard to get out of your head and even harder for others to help you out of it. Most days, Spider wasn’t even able to help you with your problem and he almost always was able to save you from your own mind. Today was no exception regarding getting yourself stuck in your head and going around in circles.

“(Y/N)?” A soft voice asked, effectively pulling you out from your stupor.

Your eyes shifted from where they were glued to onto the person standing next to you, making your whole body tense and stomach churn in anxiety. Tsireya.

The light blue Na’vi girl stood in front of you with a look of concern etched on her face. Her skin was covered in a thin line of droplets, a clear sign she had just came back from a swim. You wondered if she felt bad for you and approached you out of pity. If Lo’ak had told her about your past together and if she was approaching you to inform you about their new union. If she was here to tell you about what her and the other Metkayina thought of you, preparing yourself for harsh insults and words.

“Are you okay?” She asks, sitting on her knees as she leaned forward a bit, big blue eyes practically staring into your soul.

Your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. You were usually very careful in how your body reacted whenever you got stuck in thought. Always giving yourself time to release the tension in your body and relax before returning back to the thought you put on pause. So you were very confused as to why Tsireya was concerned with if you were okay or not.

“You just…seemed lost in thought.” She says, hands gently folding together in her lap. “I’ve noticed that your hair,” she points to your eyebrows, “come together when you’re thinking. Lo’ak does the same thing.”.

Your heart sped up at the mention of Lo’ak’s name, only for it to drop again once you realize who’s talking to you. Keep yourself in check (Y/N), you thought to yourself, you’re in the prescence of Lo’ak’s mate. Of course she knows things like that about him. You shouldn’t act like this.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine!” You reply, a half assed smile creeping up on your lips, not quite reaching your eyes like it usually does. There was no way in hell that you’d tell Tsireya what was going on inside your head. That wasn’t a burden she needed on her shoulders.

The girl didn’t look too convinced at your response but didn’t push it further. She only nodded and continued to look at you, big eyes studying your human features. Tsireya had rarely seen you around and when she did, it was very brief before you disappeared out of sight again. So she couldn’t help but look at you as you sat there. You were very pretty, she noted. No wonder Lo’ak fell so helplessly in love with her, she thought. Your beauty was something Tsireya had never seen before.

“Tsireya!” A gruff and deep voice shouted, catching the girls attention as she turned her back towards the voice. It was her Father.

“Oh. I’m sorry (Y/N), but I have to go. I do hope you feel better soon,” she quickly said before walking away, her tail swinging gently from side to side as she strides away.

The whole encounter you had with the girl made you even more confused and sad. She was so nice to you. She gave you no reason to hate her. But you couldn’t help but feel it as she left you there, longing for the life you could never have.

———

“You’re being so sulky,” Spider murmured, arms crossed as he watched you stare at your food in front of you.

Norm and Max had cooked dinner nearly two hours ago and you were the only one who hadn’t finished your plate. You didn’t have much of an appetite these days either. You were too occupied with thinking or trying to avoid Lo’ak at all costs to properly eat. You knew it wasn’t something you should be doing but you found yourself doing it anyway.

“You haven’t even talked to him! You don’t know if it’s true or not,” he continued, sick of seeing both you and Lo’ak moping around and avoiding each other at every turn. He’s told the both of you multiple times to just talk about it but the both of you were too stubborn for your own good.

You ignored Spider’s comment, rolling your eyes at the boy besides you. You really didn’t need him meddling in your business.

Your silence was Spider’s last straw as he slammed his hands against the metal table, surprising you and making you jump back at the action. Your plate shifted and jumped in its place, the fork clattering onto the floor.

“Fine. If neither of you want to talk this out on your own, then I’ll do it for you,” he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and hauling you up from yours by your arm.

“Are you fucking crazy?” You screamed, trying to pry Spider’s fingers off of your bicep.

He only scoffed at your response and shook his head, leading you to the entrance of the lab that sat in the secluded parts of the island, tossing you a mask before shoving you out of the metal lab and out into the Pandora air.

Shortly after the events with Quaritch and the tulkun hunters, Norm and Max had decided that it would be best if they put one of their smaller labs on Awa’atlu for the two of you. It was definitely smaller than the lab you lived in at High Camp, but you didn’t complain. At least you had somewhere to go and hide whenever you didn’t want to see Lo’ak that particular day.

“You fucker!” You shouted, banging the flat of your palm up against the glass of the door. Spider only ignored your calls from the inside, eating your untouched food. You groaned in frustration as you watched the boy simply devour your cold food.

Rustling of leaves were heard from your right, making your heart stop in its confines in anxiety. Your breath hitched in your throat as you slowly turned your head to see who or what caused the noise, especially this late at night. Your stomach dropped to the floor once you saw those familiar amber eyes peek out from behind a shrub.

“Lo’ak?” You whispered, not trusting your voice at the moment.

Upon hearing your voice, the culprit perked up, completely revealing themselves to you.

“Yawne?” He asked, unsure if he should move closer to you or stay where he was. Lo’ak had been craving to be in your presence ever since his brothers funeral. He only wanted you in his arms again and even though he had you back, he didn’t completely have you.

The two of you stood there, in front of each other for a while, neither of you daring to move closer or speak up first.

It was strange to see you after not having seen you for months. You looked the same but didn’t at the same time. Lo’ak didn’t know how he didn’t notice the first time he saw you on that ship. You looked more mature. Like you had seen or experienced something you shouldn’t have.

“How are you?” Lo’ak asks, finally breaking the awkward silence between the two of you.

You internally scoffed at that question, shaking your head as you did so. Yeah, I’m totally fine. Leaving me with your dead brother for hours didn’t do anything to me at all.

“Fine,” you answer, beginning to try to open the lab door with all your might, shaking the lock. Spider must’ve locked it from the inside or something, you thought, promising yourself that you would choke the boy out once you got back into the lab.

Lo’ak flinched at your rough voice and repetitive shaking of the door, ears drawing downwards as he watched. He’s never seen you act so violent before. Never seen you so desperate to get back into the lab. Usually, back in the forest, you’d do anything and everything to stay out of the lab for as long as you could. So to see you act the opposite made Lo’ak frown, especially since it was because he was out with you.

“Yawne,” Lo’ak tried again, taking a step closer to you before quickly drawing back as you scowled at him to stay where he was. “What is wrong? Talk to me, please,” the boy pleaded, tail falling limp between his legs.

“I told you. Nothing. Nothing is wrong,” you replied, eyes never leaving the stupid handle of the door you were trying to pry open.

Lo’ak knew you were lying. Something was most definitely wrong. He could see it in your eyes. How badly you wanted to share whatever was bothering you but something withheld you from uttering the words. It made him ever the more desperate to get you to talk to him.

The boy knew that showing up at the lab unannounced wasn’t going to get you to talk to him, especially since he too was also ignoring your existence. That he’d have to try harder in order to get you to speak with him.

“Yawne –”.

“Stop! Stop calling me that! I am not your yawne!” You shouted, ceasing your prying of the locked metal door. Hearing that term come out of his mouth made you want to cry. It made you want to scream, kick, and hit him for calling you that when you knew that he called another it. He had Tsireya to be his yawne. That was no longer a title you held.

Confusion and hurt spread itself across Lo’ak’s face, brows furrowing together in confusion. What did you mean? Why were you no longer his beloved?

“Why? Why not?” He shouted back, anger quickly arising within the teen boy. “What have I done to make you angry with me?” He asked, ears drawing further downward and pressing harder against the side of his skull.

You wanted to pull at your hair in frustration and anger. You just wanted to go inside and pass out before having to face the Sully family again. You wanted Lo’ak to leave you alone in your heartbreak. To stop haunting your dreams. To stop reminding you of the life you longed to have with him.

“Nothing and everything, Lo’ak!” You screamed, finally fed up, “You have done nothing and yet have done everything to upset me. First, you leave me with Neteyam for hours. You left me alone with the body of someone who I loved. You left me alone in my grieving. I had to wash away the blood and grime from his body as you did what? Fight Quaritch? Get Spider nearly killed? Then…then you touched her so lovingly. So gently. When you barely even spared me a glance. You comforted her and hugged her so tight to yourself that I couldn’t tell where you started and she ended.”.

“I only wanted you to comfort me. To hold me as I cried. But you were too busy with her. And I understand, Lo’ak. I do. As much as it pains me to realize and say it. I know that you and Tsireya are together, a thing. It’s as obvious as the mask that I need. And it’s okay. Really. I knew that whatever this was, it wasn’t going to last. I am human and you deserve so much more than what I can give you. I cannot give you children, make the bond with you, or even be properly considered one of the People. You deserve someone who could give you that. Give you everything and more. I mean, Tsireya is Tsakarem for crying out loud! She is much more suited to be your mate than I am, Lo’ak.”.

By the time you were finished with your speech, your chest was rising up and down dramatically, trying to gulp down air as quickly as the mask would let you. You knew that once you expressed your feelings and how you felt, it would change everything. So in order to ignore Lo’ak’s intense gaze and to prevent yourself from succumbing to the need to cry, you began your attempts at trying to open up the locked door or at least trying to get someone’s attention so they’d save you.

Your hands began to hit the door again, switching to messing with the door handle after a couple of beats pass with no one coming to your rescue.

“I confessed.” Lo’ak blurted out, desperation covered his face. His ears were fully up in alert, twitching at the sound of your hands stopping against the hard metal of the lab.

You stopped your movements, standing on the stairs of the lab in shock, trying to process the words that just came out of the boy's mouth. Confessed? What did he mean by confessed?

He needed you to know that what you were saying wasn’t true. That he wasn’t seeing Tsireya and that he’ll never see her in that light as he sees you. That his heart only held love for you and no one else. That your entire being consumed him heart, body, and soul.

“I told my Mother about us. About our relationship. About how much I love you. About how much I adore and see you. About that night at the Tree of Souls. I told her everything,” he rambled, tears clinging to his waterline as he tried to hurriedly blink them away. “She wasn’t happy about it, obviously. But, I didn’t care. I still don’t. Tsireya and I have never and will never be a thing. My heart only beats for you. My lungs only breathe for you. My body and soul only long for you. Everything is only ever for you, ma yawne. I hold so much love for you that it hurts. Did you know that the afternoon I heard of a young boy and girl being held captive at the Ta’unui clan, I almost immediately took off on my ilu to get you back? That I fought with my Sa’nok over you? That’s when I told her. Everyone heard and I don’t care that they did. I would scream out my love for you on the highest floating mountain if you asked me to. I’d do anything for you, (Y/N). Please, please believe that.”.

Lo’ak took in deep breaths once he finished his speech, desperately trying to fill his lungs with air after depriving them of it. He hoped that what he said was enough to get you to see how he felt about you, how he still felt about you. And if you didn’t, then he’d try again and again and again until he ran out of air to breathe. He needed you in his life. He didn’t care that you couldn’t bare him children or make tshaleyu with him. All he needed was you and that would be enough for all of his lifetimes.

“Lo’ak,” you croaked out, hot tears running down your cheeks and gathering at the bottom of your mask. You had no idea that he felt that strongly for you. Sure he mentioned some things from time to time but he never seemed this serious about it. You could feel the emotions of his words as they hit you square in the face.

“I don’t care if you can’t carry my children or that you can’t make the bond with me. I don’t. I only care that you’re in my life and that you love me just as much. You have been such a big part of my life for so long that I can’t imagine you not in it. Nga yawne lu oer,” Lo’ak finally finishes, kneeling on his two knees to get to your height, gently taking your softer hands in his rougher one’s.

All of the doubts you had about yourself and the relationship you had with the boy in front of you vanished the moment he touched you. Like everything else disappeared and it was only you two in the world.

“I am so sorry if it seemed like I had any interest in Tsireya, my love,” Lo’ak whispered, bringing your hands up to his lips as he pecked them with a kiss, “To be honest, I thought Spider and you were a thing as well.”.

At his confession, you bursted out laughing, not being able to hold in your reaction to the ridiculous thought.

“I know, I know,” Lo’ak tsked, shaking his head, “I had asked Spider about it and he had the same exact reaction. He wouldn’t shut up about it either, telling me how ridiculous I was for thinking such a thing. As well as how much of an idiot I was too.”.

“Well,” you hummed, taking your hands out of your boyfriends and placed them onto his blue cheeks, “I guess we’re both idiots then.”.

Lo’ak chuckled at your response, shaking his head as he finally brought you into his arms, immediately burying his head into the crook of your neck as he got a sniff of your dearly missed scent. Your arms wrapped themselves around his neck as he held you close, almost completely enveloping you in his body.

“I’m sorry for assuming,” you speak up, fingers running through Lo’ak’s braids. You felt bad for immediately assuming Lo’ak would move on that fast and get with Tsireya. You knew it wasn’t something he’d do but your overwhelming insecurities took over.

The Na’vi boy only hums, burying his head farther into your neck. “It’s okay,” he said, “I did the same. Nothing to stress about now. I got you back and that’s all that matters”.

The two of you sat there for what felt like only minutes but was hours in reality. The sun had begun to poke through the horizon, sunrise vastly approaching.

���Wanna go inside? We could spend the morning sleeping and cuddling if you want,” you suggest, eyelids getting droopy as your lack of last nights sleep began to catch up with you. You shifted your head so it laid on Lo’ak’s shoulder, yawning as you did so.

Your lover only nodded in agreement, delicately moving into the small lab and removing your mask from your face, placing a kiss on your forehead as you began to snore in Lo’ak’s arms. He smiled down at you before making his way to your established room, content with how the night turned out.

As he gently laid you in the soft bed and tucked the both of you in, he knew that he’d gladly spend the rest of his life with you so as long as you pleased. That there was no one else but you that he truly saw himself with. The teen would do anything for you, no matter what it entailed.