#but uh. yeah idk anymore.
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if im honest, im trying very hard to not publicly be upset about how the internet censorship has ruined so much for me and every other adult creator's income out there where i feel like the moment i cant post nsfw on patreon, i feel like that's it for me. i don't have anything else outside of what i do now and i'm just, tired.
#i still do commissions#i still have an etsy#but with etsy it's expensive to get shit made#and with commissions ive been slow on them too and i hate being slow but i am#like everything is just#make money make money make money#and it's upsetting and draining#like it's why i dont even want to monetize my webcomics on tapas or even put them on webtoon#cuz my webcomics are the only things i do not want to monetize lest i get burnt out on that too#burnt out more than i already am#at this point i just hope i can just keel over and die idk#awful thing to say and think but idk what to do anymore for myself#ive practically given up on everything and thats not good#sorry for the vent uh#yeah.
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
Youāre not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ātell me did you raise a man?ā#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like āi just want you to know im so so...ā#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend š
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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#so uh#yeah#my friend telling me she's disappointed cause I'm not texting her back anymore?#breaking point#ouch#I'm not having a great time in this chili's tonight#and like she's right#I'm horrible at communication and it's no one's fault but my own#but oh fuck#the way I went fron kinda stressed to actually crying now?#simon.out.#ignore me#cathartic shit posting or something#communication is so fucking hard tho š#like#i just can't fucking get myself to most days#idk why!!!! but it's so!!!!! hard!!!!!!#and not fair to anyone who uses their time to reach out to me#i wish i was different#i wish i could just fucking function regularly
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Bump in the Night & Nevertober Day 20: Skeletal Remains & Belltower
#6#Bump in the Night#Bump in the Night 2024#Nevertober24#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#Lorelei & the Laser Eyes#Lorelei and the Laser Eyes#ITāS STILL THE 20TH!!#here's some low effort arts#see I gave myself like 10 days to make a cool Belltower art based off Lenore by Meeghan Darling#and then it didn't happen#where are the days going idk anymore#This is still funny tho#but uh yeah imma post this bc it's nearly the end of the day and I still got things to do okay bye!!
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honestly i think part of the reason that i like mithrun so much is because he canonically can take care of himself well except in the dungeons because there's so much inconsistency and its very hard to maintain routines in those situations, and honestly same
#bambi's rambling#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi mithrun#honestly idk if its spoilers or not but just to be safe i'm tagging it#but yeah i got back home for summer vacation recently#and i am *struggling* because i have no semblance of a routine anymore#so a lot of little thing have fallen by the wayside and its uh kind of a concerning amount of things at this point lol
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well that was a fucking lie
#i got excited when i saw this because i thought my week of basically non-stop drawing FINALLY paid off but like#nope#i know youāre not supposed to value your work based off of attention but likeā¦ā¦ i sometimes wonder why i even bother anymore#half of my ānotesā that show up nowadays are just āthereās a new post in communities! you should go check that outā¦ heheā#and a lot of my other notes are from posts i reblogged#so uhā¦ yeah#do i sound bitchy rn?#idk i just wish my art would get some more attention#misia has a stupid thought
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for anyone wondering what happened to blue and if he's alive or not;
#drawing like this is rlly fun HGSJG#blue link#of fire and flesh au#cw blood#cw injury#BLUE REVEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! i was gonna wait until i got to actually writing him and red reuniting to reveal that he's alive but uh yeah idk#i wanna post art of him and idc about spoilers for this au anymore bc its never gonna be concise#my art
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Has the Hetalia fandom conceptualized 2p Dreamtalia?
Like, hypothetically, everything would play out mostly the same. Same victims, the same chain of events, but differences in the dialogue, relationships, and how everyone, including Reve, probably, would act. I just think that it would be reaaaaal nifty. Like just imagine, Italy just thinking "Germany isn't being annoying? I must be in heaven". All of Russia's stabbing jokes suddenly becoming threats. America and Canada trying to punch everything. Japan trying to kill himself like several times probably. All of the fun DIFFERENCES in how the ARCANAS would look and act! It would be so silly!
... Yeah I acted on the concept. Still trying to figure things out but have some screenshot redraws I thought would be silly and hopefully get some concepts across.
"Hermann your 2p designs aren't canon" well 2p isn't canon either!!! Let me die in peace with Germany's battle jacket and England having vitiligo and all the scar placements and--
DREAMTALIA IS NOT MINE! IT BELONGS TO KYOKYO866 WHO I'M NOT TAGGING OUT OF FEAR OF RECOGNITION BECAUSE BEING SEEN BY THE CREATORS OF THINGS SCARES ME AND I REALLY LIKE HER WORK!!!! I JUST LIKE MAKING AUS AND WHAT-IFS OUT OF EVERYTHING! IF Y'ALL WANNA TAG HER GREAT BUT I PERSONALLY WILL NOT!!!!!
Edit: Kyo saw it. Life has entered a weird new stage. This is very good. I think
#how do i tag this shit uh#hetalia#2p hetalia#2ptalia#dreamtalia#2p dreamtalia#bro let me tell you#best 3 days ever#spent 3 days doing all this AUGH do not regret it#is dreamtalia even still relevant anymore?#idk#i miss it though#2p fandom what do we think about prussia wearing stupid graphic t shirts#like i think that's a thing#germany got him one that says worlds sluttiest dad#that's not important#SILLIES#what do we think of sillies#good things i hope#yeah
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so i think it goes without saying i will not be watching season 4 of tua.
#idk if i still actually have ppl following me for tua anymore but uh. have seen the spoilers. hard fucking yikes dawg#i never actually got around to watching s3 bc hearing abt what they did w allisons character#but was thinking to maybe watch it to catch up to the end but. yeah im good actually. what the fuck#roos.txt#hell is real#tua negativity
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Great googley moogley itās all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of whatās supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#weāre cooked#weāre doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses arenāt achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didnāt/couldnāt go to college and arenāt capable of working most jobs#doesnāt help thereās the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election Iām gonna get forced to be a part of weāre living in hell#and nobody around me believes itāll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I canāt wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days Iām literally just gonna die of stress#itāll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#weāre fucked#weāre screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I donāt outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think āoh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation thatās so coolā donāt itās a trapā#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh Iām financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldnāt have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh weāre really in it now Simon#hell world#thereās like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I canāt do anything to help anyone either cause I donāt have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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#sory for not posting art as much anymore i only rlly do commissions atm bc my brain can't rlly Create Original Stuff rn#not rlly art block its jst been rlly horrific past few months for me BUT im fine so its whatevr !#thing is im safe and bills r paid im just.hungry and coping w 79373938 repressed memories coming back in full detail and its ROUGH#but also the fact that im remembering this stuff shows tht im in a safe enough situation to remember it so idk. super trippy stuff#frank.txt#getting access to my hospital records ws simultaneously th worst thing n best thing ive ever done#bc 1. im Not being irrational and my memories are real 2. Uh Oh Those Memories Are Real!#i confronted my mother abt it all and got the worst answer i could get so yeah!!! i havw no energy to do ANYTHING#except commissions and like. sleeping. and makig some bannock with jam#ptsd mention#man idk how 2 tag ths . ill go back to occasionally posting silly pics of my cat EVENTUALLY#no motivation for anything aside frm little things tht makw me feel Less dread LMAO
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Okay I hate to say this too, but after considering I ask you to not send me asks, or DMs on donations anymore. This includes my art blog and here
Here is why:
As much as I support Palestine and hope and pray for the people there; it is kind of hard to tell on what is and isnāt a bot anymore
Some of my followers could be minors and cannot donate, they may fall for scam
I hate it when people guilt trip me or manipulate me into thinking Iām a murderer for ignoring for not reblogging. In a way it makes me feel bad and it makes me panic when I have to immediately reblog them. This is a manipulation and a scare tactic.
I am not a minor, which means I can donate; but as Iāve said before it is really hard to tell what is and isnāt a bot. I want to be safe and not get scammed, as well as my followers.
Reblogging posts is very mentally draining to me and itās going to clutter my art blog
It makes me uncomfortable and itās depressing; sometimes itās mentally draining for me to see pictures of people injured, in hospitals, and people begging me to help their families get out of that genocide.
The wording is very spammy and very questionable, itās very long and there are so many grammar errors. While I get there is a language barrier, I donāt want to get asks that have the same wording asking for donations again.
Itās like going through someoneās laundry, I have to actually look if itās vetted or not, or if the pictures are actually real.
It puts another weight in my real life, and itās stressful
I am trying not to sound like a terrible person, my biggest condolences to anyone who has go through this genocide (yes, I believe it is a genocide), nobody and I mean nobody, deserves to go through that. But, I ask you to please respect my choices and my boundaries.
I will only reblog certain donations IF it does not follow under these categories, otherwise most of them will be ignored
I donāt owe you anything, I canāt always help you.
Please respect that, thank you for understanding.
ā
(Anyone is free to pin this or reblog if they like!!)
#important#free palestine#free gaza#Iām sorry these past few months have been too stressful for me idk if#I have the energy to reblog anymore#not really common that Iād use a post out here but uh#yeah just putting it out there
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My coworker trying to set me up with any man that comes in is absolutely hilarious.
Was the technician cute? Yeah kinda. But he also turned out to have a wife and a 19 year old child so my initial āah heās a technician and therefore and expert and therefore probably way too old for meā was absolutely correct.
Also one of our coworkers but while heās cute he smokes which is an instant dealbreaker. Like if I come in when heās smoking I have to hold my breath through my mask itās so fucking bad. (This goes for everyone that smokes outside the entry door but. Anyway)
#sheās. yeah. Iām not bringing up that Iām queer. sheād probably be ok bc she knows a coworker has a boyfriend but. I donāt want to.#shattersā fragments#shattersā nonexistent love life#and again. Iām not going to try to build a life with you if I donāt generally feel safe with you#and most people donāt wear masks anymore#so Iād never really feel safe with them#and this is kinda huge for like. boundaries I enforce and revelations#bc Iād rather be lonely than six feet under now#whereas before if you promised to say you love me Iād let you do anything to me#which. I know. is Bad#and itās all still hypothetical bc I havenāt fucking dated anyone#and still flip flop on if I even want to (the yearning says yes. the mind says uh. no wtf not right now at the very least)#bc the physical touch I yearn for is. again. literally. a cuddly cat would be perfect fuck people I donāt need them.#and if itās sex (which I am also unsure I want bc texturally itās a nightmare for me) I have toys#like yeah maybe my bar is on the floor āwears a mask and is niceā#but also my willingness to use some Time that I could be doing literally anything else (art/friends/etc) to be now put aside for a romance??#UNSURE#sure it would be easier if someone else finds someone for me. but do I even want that?#(visions of being snug in the middle both being spooned and spooning another dance in my head.)#(but toss a heat bag over my waist and nestle myself between two giant stuffies and itās close enough on my twin bed anyway)#hmm. could always say If You Want Any Chance At Grandkids You Have To Pay For My Therapy but. hmmm (Iām still owed therapy bc I said so)#(they took it as a joke when I said if they went with that option theyād owe me therapy for it though)#bc fuck bodily autonomy of children amiright š#I used to have crushes that I would TRY so hard for. but currently I just? donāt. well.#maybe that one couple that has come to both my workplaces as customers were nice THEYRE CUTE and they wear masks. for them Iād try probably#but thereās literally no reason to assume theyād ever want me. or that theyāre polyamorous. or that theyāre open. or anything.#but I very much enjoy seeing them around town every time I do :)#I always prefer to be enamoured with characters instead. itās safe bc itās not real. (I donāt want to examine that rn)#Iāll probably turn right around and change my mind and have a crush on my Sailing Guy again next time I see him but. alas. heās wonderful#idk idk. I should. I should get up and have food
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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it is so dire out here as a cd collector
#society if i was a vinyl collector#ig i could be i have vinyl player but no place to have it like.... set up all the time#i just looked into it again and no ones posted my favorite emma ruth rundle cd for sale but my second favorite is a THIRTY FIVE DOLLAR CD.#USED#A USED CD#meanwhile i can buy a vinyl of my fave album for the same price tag new from her store this moment#the only other cds of hers for sale rn are her metal collab album and her newest two in her store š#im also looking at biting the bullet to buy a $25 cd of nico vegas bc uh. they dont make cds at all anymore and theyre just gonna get rarer#and yeah yeah i could learn to burn cds and diy it w bandcamp purchases BUT#i like the printed cds i like the cases i like the booklets#ājust get into vinylsā i hear u but i have. like 50 cds. i only have 3 vinyls and only one is good#and i dont like how some songs sound on vinyl idk#tbh emma would probably sound really good on it but thats NOT the point bc i cant play vinyl in my car!#anyways. ten dollar copy of marked for death by emma ruth rundle popping up second hand when š„ŗ#my post
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