#I have the energy to reblog anymore
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Okay I hate to say this too, but after considering I ask you to not send me asks, or DMs on donations anymore. This includes my art blog and here
Here is why:
As much as I support Palestine and hope and pray for the people there; it is kind of hard to tell on what is and isn’t a bot anymore
Some of my followers could be minors and cannot donate, they may fall for scam
I hate it when people guilt trip me or manipulate me into thinking I’m a murderer for ignoring for not reblogging. In a way it makes me feel bad and it makes me panic when I have to immediately reblog them. This is a manipulation and a scare tactic.
I am not a minor, which means I can donate; but as I’ve said before it is really hard to tell what is and isn’t a bot. I want to be safe and not get scammed, as well as my followers.
Reblogging posts is very mentally draining to me and it’s going to clutter my art blog
It makes me uncomfortable and it’s depressing; sometimes it’s mentally draining for me to see pictures of people injured, in hospitals, and people begging me to help their families get out of that genocide.
The wording is very spammy and very questionable, it’s very long and there are so many grammar errors. While I get there is a language barrier, I don’t want to get asks that have the same wording asking for donations again.
It’s like going through someone’s laundry, I have to actually look if it’s vetted or not, or if the pictures are actually real.
It puts another weight in my real life, and it’s stressful
I am trying not to sound like a terrible person, my biggest condolences to anyone who has go through this genocide (yes, I believe it is a genocide), nobody and I mean nobody, deserves to go through that. But, I ask you to please respect my choices and my boundaries.
I will only reblog certain donations IF it does not follow under these categories, otherwise most of them will be ignored
I don’t owe you anything, I can’t always help you.
Please respect that, thank you for understanding.
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(Anyone is free to pin this or reblog if they like!!)
#important#free palestine#free gaza#I’m sorry these past few months have been too stressful for me idk if#I have the energy to reblog anymore#not really common that I’d use a post out here but uh#yeah just putting it out there
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OC OTP. Just a prince (Ego, the ginger) and his wonderful energy alien fiance (Serenity) who he doesn't know is an energy alien. Ego also doesn't know that the future marriage is never going to happen and he's been lied to his whole life.
#my characters#mentioned them to a buddy recently and was like well dang that means i gotta draw them again ig#i love them so much and they have so many AUs#which is actually why i started to mention them LMAO#they reblogged a post from me and were like oh oh new au just dropped#and i was like haha funny thing - that post was reblogged bc it reminded me of an au i had for ego and serenity#and they were like wait you gotta spill the deets now#aaaaanyway serenity is an energy alien and his race doesnt really have a physical form usually!#but he has the ability to form a shell in a sense to look like a body and he begs his alien king#to let him remain on earth until his power is too weak to hold a human form#bc he is so in love with the lie (that HE knows is a lie) of being married to ego and wants to hold onto it as long as possible#while ego is just vibing in his own kingdom unable to leave the castle#bc his dad knows if he mentions his fiance - serenity whomst he thinks is another prince - no one will know who it is#so to shelter the lie ego is unable to travel#and so one of his favorite things when serenity visits is to ask him to tell about other places#and at first ego is a brat and says hed rather be exiled than have to marry another prince#but he does over time fall in love and feels super happy being around serenity while breaking serenitys heart#bc he knows it wont last rip#and eventually serenity does use up all of his power and cant hold a physical form anymore#and so he goes home to his alien life#but ego demands to visit him and does and then is like oh well if you dont have a human form then just visit me like this!#and so serenity tries his best to rebuilt energy so that one day he can visit as a human again#and he does the end
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i miss editing videos :((
#my energy has been so low though#and haven’t really felt inspired#it’s just so time consuming#and tbh… people’s attention spans have become so short but i’m not a fan of these fast paced tiktok style edits#with a bunch of effects vomitted on them :)))#i mean they all have their right to exist and people seem to love them#but they’re really not my jam at all#but as much as i love editing and spending time trying to tell a great story with my vids#it’s hard to motivate myself when people prefer short supercuts over longer videos#and I KNOW i should be creating for myself first and foremost which i really try to do#but sometimes i wonder why i’m putting so much time into those vids when people obv wanna see something else#which is why i just….. don’t anymore…#also the like to reblog ratio is fucking me up so much#and i know artists and writers and gif makers and basically everyone who creates and shares their things on tumblr struggles with this#but i’m asking myself why i put 15-30 hours into one video when people like it and then just….. don’t share it#ugh okay rant over sorry i’m just in a weird mood rn 🙃
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This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.
HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.
You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you
#part of me thinks the 'we don't have time to care about everything all the time' has set us back a bit because it gets used as an excuse#bc most of the time no one is like asking you to become a hardcore advocate for every cause ever they're just saying like#hey reblog this donation post. and like I'm going to be real how much possible emotional energy is that really taking from you#compared to the actual activism the statement was meant for and such. like come on#surely less than complaining about people having the gull to ask you to give a shit right?#you can still have sympathy for multiple things without necessarily devoting a lot of your energy to said things you know?#doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with them to become the perfect most progressive activist or whatever#but you can like. idk. express sympathy or condolences in passing every now and then. like people normally do. idk#instead of being like 'how dare you ask me to care! there's issues in my own country i have to blog about!' are you for fucking real#but yeah enough time has passed that i can think more rationally about this and now know that that was a careless response#exactly the type of people you were afraid of being the representatives of the worlds apathy in your greif etc#but there are also people who do care is the thing#and obviously for the record I'm not mutuals w the former anymore bc like Christ
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😮💨
#i finally have reblog energy but omg i have so many saved still#atleast we're not close 2 30 anymore who cheered#micetalk
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Finally got around to look into DAV, all I say I don't want to step foot into the tag again. DA fandom, never change
Braving than any US marine. I will never go into the tags. I get enough that leaks into my dash as it is.
I have blocked more DA fans in the past month than I have tumblr bots. I knew this was coming. I was joking with my friends on discord that I couldn't wait to block most of the DA fans. That the 17 of us on that server are the DA fandom to me.
I am going to use this opportunity to rant a bit. Sorry. I have been very good at trying to keep it all contained to private conversations. I deserve to take people to task as a treat. (And threat.)
I am trying to be as light one spoilers as I can. This also ended up being a fucking shit load longer than I meant. I just have a lot of bitching to say.
I have criticism for the DAV but they really come down to very personal tastes. For example, I miss DAI's tinting station for armor. I miss the Golden Nug so I can just have all the armor looks I want right off the bat. (But that was added in later DAI patches. I can't recall if the tinting station was too. It been too long. There might be hope for that.) I was also upset at how long the bug that kept resetting my Rook's appearance took to get fixed. That really sucked.
Besides that, there is nothing that takes substantially away from my enjoyment of DAV. It was another Bioware game that did that to me.
I thought the pacing at the beginning of DAV was way too quick but then I remembered how Bioware games usually go. Ostagar, Haven, the Citadel, and the Nexus is what I liked to call my Bioware graveyards. Its where all of my new characters go to die. The plot comes to a screeching halt at these areas. Bioware has always does good with their openings; action, intrigue! Let's go! But once you get through the flash opening... now wander around for a few hours picking up fetch quests and talking to 30 people all with so much dialogue to dump on you. Some of it is not bad dialogue but some of it is wholly unnecessary or way too much in one go. Like Varric's 10 minutes of "remember what you did in the last game?" Its bad when I dread talking to Varric of all people or just skip through his dialogue.
I appreciate the quick pacing much more on subsequent play throughs. It keeps me moving until well after recruiting Lucanis. By then its even out into a steady pace that keeps me engaged.
As for the fandom, which I hesitate to even call them that, because I don't think they even like Bioware games, has some of the most bizarre criticism. Again, I excepted it going in, but the subjects of their ire has me so confused and disappointed.
I have seen people saying that Hans fucking Zimmer's soundtrack for the game is bad. Which?????? No???????? Its not?
This song playing while fighting dragons with Taash has me so pumped. I want it in my veins.
The romance theme (that also plays at other moments) is beautiful and heart aching. Which fits the tone of the scene when it plays. The saddest banging ever.
And those Inquisition leitmotifs really got me good. Never thought DAI nostalgia would hit me so hard but here we are.
I have also seen people mad about the ending credits song. And I can't say that I'm not EXTREMELY fucking suspicious as to why they don't like the ending credits song. Is it because its R&B performed by a black woman and not sad indie white woman????
(But thanks Bioware for introducing me to another amazing artist to add to my collection.)
Another thing that sticks out to me is the polarizing topic of Mary Kirby writing Lucanis with the intent for him to be pansexual/demisexual. Which she didn't need to say that for me to pick up on it when I was playing through his romance. One of my most beloved OCs is demi. (And I kind of think I might be too. But labeling my own sexuality is something I really don't bother with.) Detractors seem to bad for ????? I don't understand know why. Because demi doesn't mean his romance with Rook or Neve is a chaste, no sex/little sex, relationship. They clearly fucked in the romance scene. The best way I can explain demisexuality is sexual attraction might not happen until a strong emotional bond it formed. Which is exactly how it plays out for his romance. It also explains why he won't romance Rook if a certain game choice is made. I know demisexual falls under the ace umbrella but I know a lot of people who have been wanting a strictly no sexual ace romance. So when the dev said there wasn't an ace romances, I think they weren't lying.
However, I also despise are the people who were asking Mary Kirby if Lucanis was a virgin. And I am seeing "Virgin Lucanis" tags on Ao3. And let me preface this by saying I visceral hate anything concerning the virginity of characters or people. Because I have never not seen it used as a way the track someone's purity or as a way to disparage them. Making them out to be a naive clown. Virginity such an arbitrary thing, a made up concept that people hang a lot of hats on. It triggers an immediate flight or fight instinct in me.
In my experience and the experience of other queer people I know, your journey to understanding yourself is not always a clear defined path. You experiment, you do things that you realize afterwards don't fit with who you are. Sometimes you know from the beginning, and yay, good for you. I am sure you are very proud you got it in one.
But sometimes you aren't sure you're a lesbian until you have sex with a guy and realize nope, definitely lesbian. Sometimes you think you are cis and try to live that way and realize you hate it. And sometimes you are ace and had sex and realized it wasn't for you. These journeys are just as valid an any other and there are myriad of reasons you make decisions that you do. My point being Lucanis can be demi but also not a virgin. It doesn't fucking matter. Running to his writer on Bluesky to have her tell you point blank that he is a virgin is weird and inappropriate. Stop it.
The handing out of "good stars" pisses me off. It screams the same kind of homophobia I got when people found out I dated a bisexual guy and "ew, aren't you disgusted he sucked dick before? Aren't you afraid he'll cheat on you with a guy?" This being said to my face when in the back of my mind I was thinking "I like guys and girls too. But you will never know that about me because now I know I can't trust you."
So why does anyone care if an ace/demi character had sex before? Why do you really care? Hm?? All I hear with people asking if Lucanis is a virgin is "ew, he hasn't had SEX before, right?! I don't want to touch him if he has!!"
This is an extremely sore topic for me because I additionally I grew up being told that my worth was directly tied to me not having sex. Spoiled goods and all that.
Virginity is not a real thing, fuck off about it.
And then also that Lucanis and Neve can start a relationship if Rook doesn't romance either of them. I have see the most vile shit about Neve because of it. She isn't stealing your man. No, Lucanis does in fact care for Neve as much as he does Rook if they are in a relationship. There is no such things as soulmates, there is no such things as people being "meant" for each other. Rook and Lucanis' relationship is different than Neve and Lucanis' relationship because shock/horror they are different characters.
As much as I do ship some BG3 together, this is exactly why I am glad Larian didn't do this. Not because I don't like companion entering relationships together. I love when they do actually. I just knew people could not be fucking normal about it.
Speaking of Neve, I never unfollowed and blocked someone faster than "Bioware is wrong Neve only likes women." Queer characters in media are only barely starting to catch up with varying levels of blink and you'll miss them quality. Neve is already a queer woman, she already is queer representation in media. This fandom is just so fucking mask off biphobic.
As for romances being "too short" in general. I know I am ruined forever by BG3's romances. I knew I would be, I curved my expectation accordingly. It also helped that I went back and replayed DAI right before DAV's launch. Replaying, I remember just how short the romances were. DA2 more so. DAO, y'all don't remember DAO's unmodded romances.
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Okay I am being unfair with the DAO dig. The talking part of the DAO romances were nice. Just those cutscenes, oof. ME1 came out just 2 years before DAO and it's romance scene wasn't this rough. More fade to black was the right call actually. Bioware you need to hire Larian's intimacy coordinators please.
But it is true we have had 10 to 15 years to make up in our heads how these romances played out. Years of art and fanfiction to make us make it more than it was.
I was privately streaming my DAI with some friends. We got to the part in DAI where Morrigan reveals herself to the Inquisitor. One of my friends who was watching is younger than us. He was too young to play DAI when it first came out and made fun of who jerky the animation of Morrigan descending the stairs was. Another friend and I explained about how rewatching it now, we were both caught off-guard by it too. Because in our heads we remember Morrigan floating gracefully down the stairs. When in reality that wasn't the case and it was all in our heads. Nostalgia is a hell of a drug.
Continuing, I have seen some people mad about a character from the books who is in the game. A character who is corrupted by the Blight. Who does bad things. People are mad they "did this character dirty." You mean the character corrupted by the evil Blight does things that are corrupted and evil?! Did they expect being horrifically Blighted would make them good????????? Man, DAO/DAA ruined Tamlen and the Mother too, huh?
And this is super fucking controversial, I think having only 3 imported choices was the right call. I would have like maybe a couple more choices carrying over but that is neither here nor there. The choices in Dragon Age Keep were so fucking bloated is was not funny.
Quick without looking her up: who was Ginnis and why was there a flag option in for whether or not she was alive? Who was Ghyslain and why did it matter if he was told his wife was dead or not? Why was blackmailing Ser Thrask a thing? Has getting Cammen and Gheyna together ever come up? What about Athras' wife? What about Zerlinda and her kid? I don't see anyone upset that Ignacio didn't show up in the DAV Crow story line. Why were any of these flags there in the first place? Did the writers think it was ever going to be brought up again if you feed the prisoner the guard's lunch? Even looking at Dragon Age Keep and the wiki I barely remember these characters. There was no reason to have these flags at all.
Speaking of killing your darlings. No we were not robbed when we saw the concept art. Its concept. Putting all of it in DAV would have been bad. Sometimes you have to leave things on the cutting room floor because including is not worth it in the end. And use as players will never know why it didn't work out. Use the concept art the same way as the devs did. Its there for inspiration. Now go draw it or write fanfiction about it.
People like to say that choices in DA used to matter, no they did not and never did. How was DAI actually different if Hawke chose to support the Mages over the Templars? You know, the crowning choice in DA2? Was the mages stronger in DAI? No, Fiona tells you that they are losing the war. The mages didn't have bigger numbers. You don't get any kind of stat or narrative boost. All choices in all the games are a net zero gain. Aside for some dialogue flare. The world state does not change crossing from game to game.
I do like that call back as much as anyone. I liked Hawke talking about their love interest in DAI. But if I wanted to truly experience that romance I have to go back to DA2 and play it again.
I have also seen people bitching about Taash's gender journey realizing they are non-binary. I am sorry I have a hard time caring about stranger's negative opinions about it, when I have loved non-binary friends talking about how they were deep touched and got emotional over Taash's story. Maybe Taash's story isn't your story but it is someone's.
We don't have the token trans character this time. We have three non-binary character. One a companion, one an ally healer, and one who turns out to be a bad guy. Which is in fact okay to have villain queer characters when you have many more queer good guys. We also have two trans characters who play more than passing roles.
Speaking of "trans" is "too modern" of a term. Trans is a Latin word. Tevinter speaks pseudo Latin. Next.
I just do not understand. If year after year you get so fucking upset about Bioware games, please just stop playing them. You don't have to buy them, you don't have to buy them at full price. Just go do literally anything else.
There are games I was going to play this year then saw something I didn't like about them and went, I'll pass. I didn't make hating that game my entirely personality.
Edit: Oh I forgot "DAV isn't dark fantasy like the others." No you are thinking about DAI. DAI was pretty much high fantasy with a couple kind of dark parts. DAV has too much body horror and bio horror to not be horror. Giant cysts and boils of blight organic matter that infects people and turns them into corrupted zombie like creatures. How much corrupted tentacles, human centipede trees, people getting ripped apart, eye teeth, and literal bloodbaths do you need until "dark fantasy"?
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#Red Rambles#Fandom Critical#I got more mean than I intended to here#But I'm old and tired#I am sorry that DAV is the worst thing that happened to you this year#Must be fucking nice#Will not be allowing this to be reblogged#Hate anons will be openly mocked#Bad faith arguments will be block#I don't have the time or energy to put of with y'all's shit anymore
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I'm exhausted. People exhaust me.
#mah posts#rl has been confusing and exhausting and even on here someone decided to kick in the door to be confusing and exhausting#and I don't Understand#rl: I say what I mean and I mean what I say#and people bend over backwards to sift me through some unspoken bs filters to Decipher What I Really Must Mean#and I'm just like#how tf do I be even clearer? there is no ulterior motive or whatever here#this isn't a fuckin HINT janet I said what I meant and I meant what I said please for the love of god just Stop#and then I open my messenger on the app here and get told someone who'd followed me for like idk a decade has decided I suck because I#and I quote#“keep posting reactionary things about AI”#wtf am I even#can I not just exist in peace please what fuckin societal filter was something I reblogged from the toilet taken to mean about me#can everyone please just fucking chill with reading weird shit into my every nuance I am so so so simple guys I really am#i'm so fuckin tired#also for the record the unfollow button doesn't require written notice to use plz just hit da bricks if a decade of me reblogging weird shi#is suddenly nefarious or whatever the hell#remember when it was the big THING to use side blogs for every single interest - I never did that#I have literally never had the energy#if my random reblogs of whatever strange shit of the day has gotten Tiring just go it's fine I won't even notice what is the poooooiiiiint#block me if you don't want me to see you on my dash anymore at least I think it works like that IDEFK#if I wonder about it in a few years I'll just go 'eh maybe they don't use tumblr anymore like half the people I think I still follow'#and then reblog a cat video or w/e and move on with my life#rambling in the tags because none of this by itself is really post worthy I'm just Tired#I've been Tired for weeks over the rl part and was especially depressed about it today#this has just been a sneaky snowball of exhausting crap and I'm so tired
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HEY UM. WHO WANTS TO BE ON A LADY TERROR/FRANCIS CROZIER FIC TAG LIST? SOUND OFF
#tag list#lady terror#francis crozier#the terror#egg’s oc’s#egg’s fics#bc I’m sick and tired of reblogging shit 20 times and folks who I know would WANT to see things not seeing them#I just don’t have the energy for it anymore lmao this might be easier#I will reblog this post like 20 times to make sure people know to see it and sign up but aftet thst I’m DONE
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Scourge of the skies
(aka Skykid Descole)
#professor layton#sky: cotl#jean descole#Gens art#pl au#plskycotl#pl:fallen stars#for my silly little crossover#and or au both kinda IDK#I have thoughts abt this design and like au(?) but I’ll put them in a reblog when I get the time/energy#the only thing I’d like to mention here rn is that the blue light in the mask can shift to a red hue (similar to a dark dragon/krill)#sidenote clipstudio liquify tool is my friend#edit: this design is entirely obsolete now LOL I’d do smth else I don’t rlly like this design anymore esp w what cosmetics we have now
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every day i come here after work and other people than me have giffed hwa and i feel stupid and useless :((
#don't get me wrong i love seeing other people's stuff and i'm always happy to be tagged#and will try to reblog everything i see#i see videos and i'm too exhausted to gif them myself#i have a very long list of things i'd like to gif but i just don't have the energy#i feel extremely burnt out#i'm not even crocheting anymore#i can't focus on anything i just feel like sleeping all the time#lu.txt
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if you don’t like the things people post you can filter tags unfollow or block them you do NOT have to send them messages to kill themself
#i get these every few months and never say or do anything about them but this one was so incredibly descriptive#i’m not going to post it because i’m not going to put anymore energy into this or give whoever sent this or any of the other satisfaction#but#i am so sorry for reblogging things to MY blog#i have never once complained or said anything about people posting things i don’t like i just scroll past like a normal person
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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man. i wanna get back into multifandom stuff but at the same time i cannot feel anything for things that arent idkhow anymore :,)
#UUUAAAAAGGHHHHH#I HAVENT ABANDONED MY INTERESTS BUT I LIKE I HAVE. I REALLY HAVE#I REALLY REALLY LIKE. UGH I LOVE OBSESSING OVER OTHER THINGS BUT IDKHOW KIND OF JUST LIKE. CONSUMED EVERYTHING ELSE INCLUDING ME IDK#WHY IS LIKING MORE THAN ONE THING JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO ME AAAAAAAAA#I DONT EVEN LISTEN TO DIFFERENT MUSIC ANYMORE BECAUSE I CANNOT MENTALLY HANDLE HEARING ANYTHING NEW#LIKE. I CAN CONSUME OTHER CONTENT AND BE FINE BUT POSTING ABOUT THEM JUST FEELS LIKE WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME IDK#WWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS WHY WHY BRAIN#like. okay. i love other things too but i think for my own comfort and energy im just gonna stay an idkhow blog for the next few months#seriously i was all in on being multifandom and that was like. relatively fine with me (i think i dont remember) and then the CONCERT#JJGJJGMGMGKKHHKHLGJKGMKHMHGGFJJJKGGK#I WAS MOSTLY FINE UP UNTIL THE CONCERT. FUCK#AND NOW IDKHOW IS ALL THAT I CAN EVER THINK ABOUT AND THERE ISNT ROOM FOR ANYTHING ELSE#IDK HOW I MANAGED TO JUST LIKE OTHER THINGS? HOW DID I HAVE THE ENERGY AT ALL#I LIKE. CANNOT FIT ANYTHING ELSE INSIDE MY BRAIN#IDKHOW CONSUMES MY EVERY WAKING THOUGHT THEY SHOW UP IN MY DREAMS THEYRE ALL I DRAW. I USED TO BE A PERSON#idkhow#chase said something alright#yeah. if its okay im gonna stay an idkhow blog for a little while. ill reblog things from other fandoms occasionally but. not often#yeah :) <3 writing this all out calmed me down :)
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if anyone's been more capable of keeping up w claire's channels lately, do u have deets on this snazzy eleventh friend we've been seeing in the thumbnails ??????? please and thank u !!!!!
#luv.txt#you can leave a reply/reblog or send an ask idc#since i've gotten a dog and a job i just dont have the energy anymore#obv i pop in if i can#i know she alluded to them in the last vid i saw but now i see pics and i'm like whooooooaaa
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“It’s getting bad again” I say…as if it ever, at any point, got better
#ok to reblog#sry if u feel the same#like imagine getting out of bed….crazy#I simply cannot raw dog reality anymore but I don’t have the time the energy or more importantly the money to do anything about it
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🐰
#i know it's silly and stupid#but i cant help but feel sooooo hurt that he doesnt wanna follow me anymore#or interact with my blogs#... this is really childish and embarrassing#but i wanted him to interact with me so bad i've tried a few times to like send him posts and stuff (that remind me of him)#but he still doesnt interact ... it's like he doesnt want to have anything reblogged from me on his blog#it just feels like he's trying to keep me as far away from him as possible#like he just doesnt want us to be close at all...#that hurt bc i love him sm all i want is for us to be close#actually it hurts even more bc he said he wanted me. he made me believe he felt all these things for me#and then he just suddenly started to slowly pull away#and i get it i get it.... he isnt in love with me and he doesnt care to keep me close#that's that on that!! but i just cannot let go#i should be strong and cut him off and focus on myself and meet someone who'll love me the way i need#i just feel like i have a connection with him i cant find with anyone else#and that makes it so so much harder for me to just leave#even if he clearly doesnt want me close#it just hurts so much#how he doesnt even want to interact on tumblr 💀#how he like hates my blog now and how im only bad energy in his life#it hurts!!!!!!
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