#but trust the process is an actual thing
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Wool Over Our Eyes fueled me an unbelievable amount
#i was SO CLOSE to giving up on this drawing honestly#but trust the process is an actual thing#and i kinda like how this turend out now :3#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#cotl the one who waits#cult of the lamb fanart#art tag name but im lazy#there are parts of this im.not very proud of because i keep making thr mistake of staying up alot#anwyas gn#true devotion#narilamb
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Haven't properly drawn in a while so I did some little doodles (Ignore how bad I screwed up Grace's hair lmao)
#these were actually really fun#these three are some of my faves to draw#ive never really done the highlighter thing before so it was a real trust the process type thing but i think they came out well#starkid#team starkid#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#richie lipschitz#ruth fleming#grace chasity
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Oh, let the night mourn that which is forever out of its reach.
Nightmare Moon
It's kind of a headcanon of mine that Lunas coat doesn't actually turn fully black but instead just darker with a velvety/satin kinda twist to it, so only the lightest parts show her natural blue. Really gives the 'lost in shadows' vibe.
This one has murdered both the paper and my wrist. So I really hope you enjoy the result haha
Here's the lineart because I really enjoy how it turned out despite my shaky wrist:
#kinun's drawings#mlp#mlp fandom#mlp art#mlp fim#mlp g4#mlpfim#my little pony#mylittlepony#mlp fanart#mlp luna#mlp nightmare moon#nightmare moon#princess luna#alicorn#luna#traditional art#traditional drawing#colored pencil#lineart#Her hair gives 80s artstyle#Actually I don't know the exact era#You know what I mean#It actually wasn't what I had in mind but I like it#Just goes to show that sometimes an unexpected result isn't necessarily a bad thing#It can still be really pretty#Just#trust the process#also#I don't know how to design armor
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out w these tall clowns 🌲🌸
#who up yume-ing their ocs w characters (me)#yumeship#matsukawa issei#haikyuu oc#hanamaki takahiro#haikyuu#mblue art#self insert#ocsona#or animesona either way its still an oc who may look similar to my sona 🧍#seijohbros au#this thing took too long (can you tell. this was for halloween. it is now 11/5 and i am queueing this)#and i keep taking it out of queue to drafts and putting it back bc im overthinking things and i rlly just need to drop it and move on</3#i love my blorbos sm they look ok in here actually but the process was shinji chair meme worthy i was suffering </3#context is halloween party das it (left is dressed up as that stabby ghostface guy. knife prop and mask not shown)--#--(he may have joked abt stabbing once. maybe a few times)--#--(right is an angel. kinda low effort/simple fit. ironic bc none of the ppl in the friend group are angels /hj)#in the group; ocsona is the closest to these two goofy mfs (not surprising i am in the utmv fandom. lots of goofy skeletons in there)--#--but the one they trust the most is the guy on the left !#((used the yumeship term bc my ocsona (specifically)'s main thing w them is platonic (i love silly shenanigans what can i say)--))#((--even if i sometimes want to rom smooch these dorks))#yearning about f/os (rom or plat) is so nice n fun you guys should do it n have fun n get some more whimsy in ur life 10/10 i recommend
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THE USOS REUNITE WWE SMACKDOWN (OCTOBER 25, 2024)
#no useful tags just me bitching lmao#i am SO unmoved#im praying theres more to all this than them just speedrunning this reunion just so certain things can line up in time for ple shows#and so wrestling fans with less than one braincell can get the instant gratification of their favwit tag team together again 🥺#bc oh bite me lolllll#so much of this ~cinema~ is starting to feel rushed and im just hoping theres turns or angles or REASONS for it#but thats asking me to trust wrestling with carrying storylines fully and i do NOT#the things i wanted most from this story were jey getting proper acknowledgement/vindication and apology for his abuse#and explanation for why the family treats solo as they do (and then expect him to be a well adjusted adult lmao)#jey has NO reason to forgive them yet like did they buy him hallmark cards behind the scenes?#and theyve done much worse to him for much longer the new bloodline#you dont get to brag about this being the greatest slowburn long term cinema storytelling and then just....#im HOPING so bad its not just as simple as it looks i am#they keep swearing theres so many more 'innings' to this so idk prove me wrong please literally do#but that still wont make me moved by ✨og bloodline reunion✨#bc what yall mean yall are still the heels in my eyes like why do you have so many family members yall left on the side of the road#while talking about family above all and dont divide family lmao#and i get ~twin bond~ but LORD#actually that twin bond excuse is evil too#solo go bring in jeremiah since hes technically part of wwe canon too and beat their asses together actually lmao#i aint forgot jey saying something like having brothers is great but how being a twin is just different/special#like yeah sure but can you not make your other siblings sound like secondhand brothers or whatever shdhfhjf#ok im done. for now. for this post. maybe.#venting about my interests is fun for me ok#its how i process the information given to me and understand it#and also i like to bitch
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im completely feral over all your jelsa stories!!!!!! do you ever write established relationship jelsa or have any headcanons about what they would be like together in a serious relationship or marriage????
THANK YOU SO MUCH. 😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕🙏 thank you thank you nonny for this super sweet ask and this really lovely question and all of your love and support!! 💕💕💕💕💕
i have... never actually written established!relationship (in any fandom), now that i'm thinking about it? that said, i guess i can come up with a quick list of some headcanons, maybe? 😂 i will have to think about this more, but for now, here's a quick drop:
elsa is an early riser; elsa helps jack create more sustainable sleeping patterns and habit formations 😂
when jack gets Impetuous Urges to Do Something Rash and Impractically Spontaneous, elsa will ground jack, reminding him to think before acting. (he occasionally Still Does It, anyway.) elsa knows what she signed up for, lol.
jack loves to play Harmless(!) Pranks, just to watch elsa’s reaction. (he is no longer allowed to sneak up on her after The Incident).
they also quibble over the definition of "harmless" and the specific logistical implications of that; for a while, jack was banned from further pranking, but then he got more creative at showing elsa that pranks could be wholesome and genuine, in which they could both be in on the joke. however, due to elsa's deeply-rooted Need to Excel and her (Not-so)Secret Competitive AF Streak, her retaliation in escalating the Cleverness Prank War quickly resulted in jack's prompt implementation of the Prank-Free Zones and Time Periods. (no, he was not scared.)
elsa, usually reserved, has learned to let her playful side show more often with jack. she might still pretend to be exasperated by his antics, but sometimes it's part of the game (or habit).
elsa sill struggles with opening up emotionally sometimes, but she progressively feels safe enough to share her innermost thoughts and fears. with time, she confides in him more about her worries. she still never likes the idea that jack sees her Imperfect Parts, but at least she can tolerate the discomfort (and, yes, take comfort in it) now
(jack loves elsa's Imperfect Parts, and jack admits that he is Weirdly Proud and Competitively Honored to be one of the only people, even including anna, who gets to see them. he also is strangely Comforted and Validated that elsa is, in fact, not perfect because for a while there, he was pretty freaked out and intimidated by how fancy she is.)
until he realized that no one ever let her actually be a Weirdo before, and once he realizes the Truth of Elsa Also Being a Secret (albeit perhaps more Subdued) Weirdo, the Universe Aligns.
jack listens to elsa's Big Conversations intently, activating varying levels of Serious Mode.
jack is getting better at recognizing the moments when elsa needs him to play and needs him to listen or Give His Opinion or any combination of those things.
jack learns that it's not always about Saying the Right Thing (which he is not very good at, anyway, or so our Serially Unreliable Narrator thinks), but rather being able to read elsa's mood and anticipate what she might need (even if she is not aware of it herself yet).
elsa is meticulous about planning and preparing for special occasions.
elsa likes traditions! jack likes tradition only because elsa likes them, lol, and hey, okay, these are more fun than he thought?? (who knew fun could be organized??!!?)
so he really wants to show (off to) her by pulling off Incredible Planning Feats in her honor, too (they do not go as smoothly, lol).
jack will often go out of his way to spontaneously create something meaningful, a moment or a gift or a gesture, that reminds elsa that he cares. he is big on words of affirmation, gift giving (but like, souvenirs that he collects on adventures like, "i saw this rock and it reminded me of your cousin olaf, we should put it on the window after we paint his face on it"), and acts of service, as well as physical touch and quality time. HE WANTS LOVE. he wants TO BE LOVED. he wants to prove that he is worthy of being loved.
(and elsa has to get him to Chill Out sometimes, remind him that he doesn't have to Do Things For Her/Anyone in order to be deserving of care; he is more than what he provides for other people.)
(jack gets its, and appreciates it, but also, the Urge to Provide and Protect is still strong, even after so much time, and sometimes Old Habits Die Hard.)
i get the sense that he'd be the type to he wake elsa up in the middle of the night to take her on a surprise adventure, or convince her to Do a Fun Thing without any preparation (/warning).
and she would Be Alarmed at the Lack of Plan (especially if/when jack Did Not Think This Through), but he also took precautions to ward off Concerns by pacifying her with tea, or reassurances that yes, he did call ahead to make sure the restaurant was open before they left the house, of course he did, he would never just leave home without double-checking beforehand (and frantically googles it two minutes later when he thinks she's not looking; she is, naturally, and even occasionally pretends not to be).
elsa approaches conflict with a desire to resolve things Calmly and Logically. she tries to understand jack’s perspective, even when she disagrees, and she’s careful with her words, not wanting to escalate the situation.
however, she can sometimes withdraw emotionally, fearing that she might say something hurtful if she’s too overwhelmed.
jack was initially (and, honestly, still is, even though he understands more now) hurt by her tendency to shut down when she Feels Too Much, and understands (although it's still hard) that elsa needs time to process her feelings and organize her thoughts.
jack also helps elsa actually Feel her Feelings, instead of just trying to intellectualize and analyze them. (she hates it, BUT sees the value. jack lives for these moments in which he realizes that he's actually contributing positively to her life and helping her in some way, rather than just being a burden or a nuisance, as was/is his fear.)
his initial reaction might be to push for a resolution quickly, but he’s also deeply afraid of Creating Distance between them, so after the first few fights, he really makes an effort to find the right balance between Pushing Hard Enough and Not Pushing Too hard, so that he doesn't drive a wedge between them as they work things out.
jack FEELS intensely, and can be so stubborn. he does not always have the most precise vocabulary or tools to describe his thoughts and feelings, or identify the root causes of what is actually going on inside him; sometimes elsa asks a lot of insightful and guiding questions that help jack come to the conclusions himself, and other times, she Puts Into Words the very thing that he had been thinking or feeling, but could not name, and it is very reassuring to have someone who understands him well enough to be able to do that.
after conflicts or arguments, they take time to Decompress and reassure one another (especially if at least one of them, if not both, was Overthinking again).
when they argue (and healthy couples do, remember!), it’s a dance of patience and understanding: elsa might need a moment to Collect Herself, and jack learns to give her that Space while also making it clear that he’s ready to talk whenever she is, and that he is going to try very hard to be Rational and Patient About It.
in the end, they both prioritize their relationship over any disagreement, always finding a way back to each other.
#now that i am really thinking about it#i have not written ANY established!relationship stories (for jelsa or any other ship) actually! why??#that is probably a good question to ask myself. 😂#my first instinct is that it's because i am personally a#Steady Serial Serious Relationship Monogamist#and i already experience so many lovely and wonderful aspects of having a Life Teammate and a trusted partner in Marriage#so i don't typically feel the urge to explore the possibilities of an already-established relationship in fiction...#i feel like my storytelling/fanfiction is based in exploring similar tropes and the base core journeys in different contexts and universes#(e.g. modern mermaid colonial!america regency!england frozen-verse frozen-and-rotg-verses)#because i like playing with how such core ideas can happen so differently (and so similarly) in various worlds with so many different rules#i got into a flow state while writing this and had to stop because i reached the tumblr text post character limit 😅#also you may or may not be surprised to see that many of these characteristics i've listed here in this est.!relationship mindset are#things that they already do in many of my getting-together stories#that's the nature of human relationships for you i guess haha 💕 it's a process! (not a destination)#HERE ARE MY TAKES ANYWAY please enjoy comment reply etc.!#thank you again!!! 💕#therentyoupay anon#therentyoupay ask#jelsa#therentyoupay thoughts on characterization
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Hey!! So turns out a video I made between a certain “well beloved but highly sensitive/emotionally reactive T.V” and an “orange haired inkling-turned-human” has managed to sweep my YouTube channel and accumulate 100k VIEWS!! THAT’S A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY?? My most widely viewed video EVER to exist in this moment in time?? AAAAA?? Not even mentioning the various comments and staggering increase in subs! It’s so much more then what I expected or even prepared for—might even be the most impactful thing to happen for me this year <3
…aside from graduating high school + the social connections I’ve been fortunate to make lol
BUT THE POINT IS I’d been closely monitoring the YouTube growth through the entirety of October. It’s make me smile like a dork, gawk in astonishment, dance frantically in my room from the energy boosts, and grow courage to stop being so selective/self-conscious with what I wish to share with the world! It’s kept my ambitions going!
I needed to find some way to celebrate the occasion and express my thanks—because I can’t NOT acknowledge this milestone jksjskp. Typically I try to avoid getting tunnel visioned focusing on the metrics/numbers. Mr. Puzzles had already demonstrated how much those things can mess with the minds of creatives. Caring too much about chasing views or placing your artistic value in attention seeking gets damaging. But at same time…it’s hard to deny the sense of pride the 100k achievement has filled me with. I understand that reaching 100k views doesn’t immediately make me any “better” or “worse” then I was before. I’m still just me! It only helps me feel seen by others—and that’s all I really needed. To hear some nice words & receive reminders that my ideas are cared about. So thank you SMG4 fandom for that, seriously thank you.
Please accept this Mr. Puzzle drawing as a way of sharing the happiness around. He’s so entertaining. Love him for simply existing. So glad we can all collectively be super attached to him (and the rest of the SMG4 cast of course). Can’t wait to see more incredible artworks from the fandom :)
Just incase anyone is confused by my vague description over which “animated video” I’m referring to here—hopefully this photo will help clarify lol. It’s this one!! Sorry about not outright stating the title at the start, I got carried away with writing!!
I’ve been in an odd place mentally when thinking about it. Wondering to myself if any of the attention is deserved considering it’s not even fully colored and could be dismissed as “low effort” content (despite taking several days making it). It’s easy to get into a trap of comparing yourself to others and questioning how much of the videos success is based on your skills, sheer algorithm luck, or only because you used popular characters and catered to a specific fandom. And then judging yourself by looking at other peoples videos. I’ve seen several artists post higher quality works then my own but it somehow gets less views. So why did mine succeed when others (who should have gotten just as much attention if not more) didn’t? Sometimes you feel like you’ve unfairly robbed them of that chance to be seen. However I’ve realized that I can’t ever expect views to be consistent—and comparing is pointless. So why worry about it or feel inadequate? I mean it’s pretty common for funny cat videos to go viral, so who am I to question the system lol. “Popular” YouTube videos can range from a passion project which took 7+ artists…to a clip of Toad singing Chandelier or a nonsensical Vine sketch. Anything can happen when it’s the internet! And just-so-happened my video was chosen. I should stay glad about that and get rid of all the overanalyzing. So that’s what I’ve chosen to do :)
#OKAY SO SO SO actually started doodling this once the video was around 98k this morning#it wasn’t even meant to be art specifically designed to celebrate the milestone at first#I just wanted to draw the funky fella who makes me laugh#but as you can see that changed up fast jksjksp#I was under the impression that my video wouldn’t reach near 100k until December UH?? WHAT HAPPENED MY PREDICTION THWARTED??#seems I’ve severally underestimated how long the traction would continue for geez wow uh#people sure do enjoy comedy gotta love ‘em laughs and giggles#I CAN’T BELIEVE WE REACHED IT THO. THAT’S INSANE TO ME—ALL THE SUPPORT AND COMMENTS AND SUBS#thank you SMG4 fandom I would’ve never fathomed the algorithm to carry it so far like this#you wanna know the real kicker?#things would have gone so differently for the channel if I didn’t wrestle with my anxiety & post there#because there was a point during that day where I fullheartedly figured it would cause me to loose subs#I was kinda terrified ngl#this goes to show that you should never hold yourself back from sharing different aspects of your interests#you don’t need to confine yourself to just one thing#or to strive only to make the most high quality videos ever (I put that pressure on myself a bit too much nowadays)#sometimes it’s the simple ideas that manage to charm people#and those who see the effort will stick around to support you. You just need to trust yourself during the process and take that chance :)#EWWWW MUSHY GUSHY SENTIMENTALITY CLOGGING UP THE ATTENTION HERE#whatever happened to keeping the focus on ✨the star✨ who made it all possible to begin with huuuu??#show a bit more gratitude to the charming TV who boosted the viewership in the first place…don’t be so self absorbed with morals lonesome 😒#what is this some sort of My Little Pony episode oh pleaseeeeee 🙄#<- all of that was a simulation of Puzzles interjecting and nagging a bit lol. I’d imagine he’s tried of my nonstop nonsense#….yea the Puzzle brainrot is reaching maximum severities. So there’s high chance I’ll be animating him more down the line :3#stick around to find out!!#hplonesome art
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Conversations with Paul never go Right's way.
#my characters#oops i fell in love#im working on a stupid self indulgent series of fanart but while i can finish the first today i think#its important to have at least two done to post together#so i was like ok time to take a quick doodle break then this took too long bc i couldnt decide who to draw#then i forgot how to draw paul (this is a constant thing for me idk how to draw him)#theres an actual answer that right gives but this took so long im not working on it now lmao#but he really will never admit it to pauls face but he trusts paul completely when he says he wont tell#like he doesnt have the most flattering comments about paul on most days but he does fully trust him to keep a secret#so he tells him a weird work fact and paul is genuinely like wait so that one time - and rights like yup#and paul goes quiet as it processes and thank fuck ! right gets peace and quiet for five minutes while paul thinks it over
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i like ghostflower (hell I draw fanarts for them) but I’ve decided I like the version of them in my head more and will just stay away from the fandom in general cuz I’ve seen some discussion and they just make me go “what on earth are y’all on” 💀💀💀💀
#“miles will immediately forgive gwen when he sees she’s gathered a whole team to save him WHAT#he’ll save himself first then befriend Miles G. and Miles G. will start hissing like the cats when that team comes and Miles looks upset#like I firmly believe miles will only talk to Hobie and Margo after all that cuz they r the two that stand by his side thru whole that#like that take is so insane when Hobie is the reason Miles can run away in the first place and Margo risks everything to allow Miles leaving#AND HE KNOWS#u don’t even need a scale to see who Miles will associate with safety and protection more after atsv#also “miles keep getting up after he’s beaten down cuz that what Gwen told him to do in itsv is ALSO insane cuz WHAT#the thing she said when she and others were berating and crowding Miles for not knowing how to be Spider-Man just FEW DAYS after he’s bitten#??????#THAT THING????#not his mom’s words or his uncle’s or idk THAT’S HOW HE IS???#*walk in the tag* *walk out immediately*#u don’t have to make them the only person in each other’s life to prop the ship up especially in this case cuz it makes no sense 😭#actually the first point srl piss me off cuz that team was only possible in the first place cuz of Hobie and Margo and Miles laying#the groundwork by just being a sweetheart he is#charming and inspiring ppl so ofc these kids will rally behind him and team up to save him#ykno LIKE IN THE COMIC TOO???#ppl just have to take the only thing I don’t like in the movie (miles suddenly obsessed over Gwen when they didn’t even interact that much#in itsv) and magnify it x100 in fandom#if she ain’t a gremlin girl that is trying her best to regain Miles’ trust but it’s a slow process and Miles needs space and time first then#I don’t want it
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i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) x.
#Takashi Shirogane#Shiro#You're nothingness but shining and everywhere at once.#Allura#The Silver-Haired Princess and Her Silver-Haired Paladin.#Voltron: Legendary Defender#Mine.#I have so many many many thoughts regarding these two.#How both of them were directly victimized by the Galra Empire#and Zarkon#himself#and find themselves in positions of leadership at the forefront of an intergalactic war despite the fact that Allura is a teenaged genocide#survivor who still misses her father and Shiro is a deeply scarred and traumatized pilot-turned-gladiator-against-his-will and neither one#of them have had the space or time to process either of these things.#How differently they handle the immense grief the Galra have caused them.#And that even though they find themselves diametrically opposed to each other's beliefs concerning Ulaz and the Blades they still trust#one another implicitly.#That Shiro looks so much like Alfor it's actually crazy.#How Allura unknowingly made Shiro relive the trauma of losing his crew when she allowed herself to be captured because they're both#inherently self-sacrificing and all-too willing to martyr themselves for the sake of others.#Allura carrying Shiro's essence inside of her before magically transferring it into the clone's body#and how it not only bleached Shiro's hair but is implied to have altered his DNA given his later interactions with the Balmeran crystals#used to power his arm and the Atlas.#That the new arm was Allura's idea and she willingly sacrificed a piece of her heritage for it and for Shiro.#The way they play off of each other when given a moment of levity and all of the potential that was wasted because the writing on this show#is an unbelievably frustrating mess.#In a perfect world where the notorious Season Eight doesn't exist or was competently handled#Shiro is part of Allura's bridal party and the godfather of her and Lance's children.#And he never attempts to dye or change his hair because he loves having a reminder of everything that Allura has done for him and their#importance to and connection with each other readily apparent every time he sees himself in the mirror.
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,,, sun-dappled sheets...
#the sapphics got to me okay. portrix real#it's so cute how they go from falling asleep tgt at the presses to having a room to share#adamandi#portia elizabeth harper#beatrix valeria campbell#it was a doodle and then i was like i want to make it softer so i painted it over and in the process rendered it somewhat#it's still quite sketchy akdhfj but u get the vibes!! ++ tried out using a Lot more noise than usual#so that's like the New Art Takeaway from doing this.#;;; i feel like every time i draw wlw fluff it's stepping back deep into my comfort zone haha but yes. soft cosy comfy etc.#my brain was not processing enough to figure out casual wear so this is kind of just the stripped down costumes akdhdjdh but yeah#bonus side note here is i was like hehe wouldn't it be fun if beatrix hand + portia ribbon. as like a nod to contrast how#previously it was strings on their hands instead. and now she cut them off bc portia and also smth smth about the difference#between tying (the strings) and choosing to hold (ribbon) and sjdhdhfhfh ue.#*incoherent noises* it's about the softness. the touching. the idea of choice- but less afraid of losing it- smth smth inherent trust also.#knowing tomorrow you'll still be there..#<- sorry there's a silly little conceptual thing in every adamandi thing i make i think#i would love to say this was For Adamandi Week but i do very badly with timed events so the truth is just. i woke up and saw#@/regret-repentir 's post (which is so so lovely actually) (credit where credit is due) and then spent the next 1.5h drawing portrix#the prompt was post graduation i think? but seeing as i didn't really respond to the prompt itself#it doesn't rly count in my head as a prompt response for the event. idk#it technically works. but also it feels like false advertising...#<blinks> fun times include this being the first time i've drawn adamandi characters entirely without reference. they have been blorbo-ified
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The Alexi interview kinda… idk
I feel like he misinterpreted what the fans really want (that be regarding chenford and the show in general). The constant “How do we add drama!” comment didn’t sit well with me.
#and maybe it’s just me but my ‘trust the process’ view of things is kinda falling apart after this season#I don’t mean to sound so negative I’m sorry 😭#the rookie#the rookie spoilers#chenford#I prefer good and compelling writing and plots over adding senseless drama for the kick of it#I for one I’m not interested in the ‘will they won’t they’ at this stage bc it makes more sense back in season 5#also I’m kinda disappointed that we didn’t get an actual conversation between chenford where Lucy can actually say her side of things
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying it’s like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there#And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path!#How rude#Lol#Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol#It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with#And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft#But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process!#Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol#Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs#Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy!#It is a classic go-to lol#It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha#I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol#Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based!#Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon!#The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain!#Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess!#He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe
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me desperately trying to outrun my writer’s block for the fiftieth time this week
#i know i vent about my writing struggles a lot on here#but god i really am struggling with this chapter of four walls so much#i feel disconnected and overly critical and lacking motivation and UGH#why can’t life be simple and just let me enjoy the things i enjoy#maybe i’m struggling so much because actually this is the longest story i’ve written in literal years and it’s kind of a daunting#i don’t want to mess it up#and i’m kind of scared i’m losing the thread#i know i just need to trust the process but sometimes it’s really hard#okay rant over#i’m going to gather snacks and return to my laptop and see if i can finally get in the zone#lulu posts
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Note to self: word prayers better when doing divinatory sessions
I think I've mentioned this before, but I do yes/no stone pulls on Sundays to ask for guidance about maintaining my health re: my commute because it's 2-2.5 hours each way via public transit if everything runs on time. It's rough on me in multiple ways and can lead to even more migraines than usual or being too fatigued to work at all, and it can be difficult to tell whether I'll have the spoons to go in person.
This past Sunday I was exhausted & stressed because of, you know, the horrors, and said my initial prayer a little differently than I usually do. I still invoked Apollo and Hermes as always, as both of them cover divination by lots, Apollo's domain covers health & disease, and he's the one I turn to for divination by default.
Now, the vast majority of the guidance and lessons Apollo has given have had to do with recognizing my physical & mental limits, especially around this issue. The answers I was getting this time around were...odd but not quite in the way they have been with just dud pulls, so I started asking clarifying questions to figure out what was going on. After a few - establishing that there was a reason for the answers but it wasn't a test or punishment or Apollo messing with me (which would have been. odd) - I realized that while I'd invoked Hermes as a god of divination by lots alongside Apollo, I had not explicitly asked him to act as a messenger and aid in communication this time around, nor had I asked Apollo to guide the divination session with the wording I usually use.
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
I re-said the prayer (correctly this time) and confirmed that it was, in fact, Hermes at first while re-doing the initial set of questions (which were much more consistent in the usual way), as well as confirming that the issue was the prayer wording. Lesson learned lol
#full transparency: shortly after the initial set of re-do questions i had a panic attack/meltdown (b/c of. again. the Horrors)#that was made worse by the third part of the session (some questions i thought to ask after the re-dos) being a dud#i did another pull wednesday morning after i had had a couple days to recover & the biggest stressor was over with#& i felt ready to re-engage with it#(& also knew that not clarifying the last part of the pull would make the Everything worse)#and i asked about each section (hermes -> commute question re-do -> the Bad Times questions)#and got *another* confirmation that it was actually hermes at first & that the middle section was accurate and (thankfully) that#the last one was not#i check my work *thoroughly* b/c tangible external things like divination are the most reliable things i have#b/c i cant always trust internal cues#coriander says#helpol#apollo#apollon#hermes#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic community#divination#also! to be clear! ymmv when worshipping/working with/etc. deities#just b/c this was my experience doesnt mean this will be your experience!#also also. i personally dont believe all of the gods might do the sort of thing hermes did. he's a trickster god#which is why the possibility that it was him was on my radar in the first place#apollo doesnt have trickster aspects afaik (i could be wrong!) so it seemed off. and hermes wasnt. like. *impersonating* apollo#i didnt ask explicitly who it was at first b/c that's not a necessary part of my process- you dont *need* to clarify by default in helpol#& now that i know why it happened i can avoid the situation in the future & have a data point to compare to in case it *does* happen again
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