#but three goddamn times lmao
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One of the most interesting things (to me) about Cicero is how, no matter how you treat him in-game, he always has this persistent sense of loneliness
#skyrim#Cicero skyrim#the isolation!!!!#sorry who’s lila fandom I will keep running my mouth#this loser breaks my heart#imagine losing your family not once#not twice#but three goddamn times lmao#’ah shit here we go again’#the suffering truly never ends for him and I’m enamored with this middle-aged rat
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saw some fan art that went like this and it kinda destroyed me lmao
#vee queued to fill the void#the gentaro fans are on it and it’s so fun to see lol#i think the post i liked the most was from this one user mentioning that poet had also written in a different poem#that lies and truth were twins and i wanted to vomit lmao the one living a lie and the one laying comatose for telling the truth GODDAMN—#i also really appreciate the take about gentaro at war with himself as more truths come to light and his role draws to a close#and who the hell is he without this identity I LOVE SEEING PEOPLE RIP APART THEIR DEPRESSED FAVES LIKE THIS LMAO#it makes me wish i could have been online for the drop my for you page is pretty clogged balancing three fandoms 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanted to see that burst of information come thru in real time 😭😭😭😭#the hypmic site was also pretty evil for their description of the song lmao what’re we thinking chat#does the metaphorical gentaro die this track????? are we finding out if our yumeno’s real name is kanata?????#what does gencha have in store lol
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ooh I’m always thinking about the same age au! with vale at the height of his theatrical celebrations, do they have any silly funny role play? like, the first time they race each other at COTA?
i’m ignoring that cota’a inaugural year was 2013 who cares. mindpalace. i LOVE. the fun cota roleplay i do have a post about it that i wrote in the airport at austin ahshdhb… and in same age auuuuu i do think. vale is pretty hot and cold about it. mostly hot. because in these scenarios he’s WINNING so it’s fun and they can be friends yayy. like if marc were doing the same sort of stuff would he be so gracious? hmm no i don’t think so. but i also think vale LOVES to surprise people. aquarius. contrarian. prankster. didn’t tell marc about the chicken joke for a WHILE in this world. loves to see his face transform into delight as he cottons on to whatever scheme vale has planned. and because of THAT ! and weird HAH i TRICKED YOU valentino rossi style powerego complexes ! there really is no one he loves to surprise more than marc.
the thing with that is. i’m being honest there’s no way pre-arm marc doesn’t absolutely clear cota 7 years in a row like he does irl. so vale has to like. truck his little cowboy hat and vest and lasso and assless chaps and sheriff star outfit sadly to texas every year on the off chance marc fumbles the bag and he can bring it home. for seven years. and then arm. and he’s like. okay why bother marc isn’t here :( the show is for HIM. and POST arm it’s. okay it’s fraught for a bit bc marc feels like it’s COTA and he should be WINNING. but i was also there when he got p2 in the sprint and decided to shake ass in front of god and literally my mother, so i don’t actually think it entirely precludes him from having a GOOD TIME especially if it’s like it is this year and he’s carefully managing expectations around pace and aging and injury and switching bikes (sidenote. does he. hm.). and when vale wins he (IN AN OUTFIT ! which i have to admit he hasn’t done for a celebration in a few YEARS at this point) lassos marc on the podium and he nearly falls OVER with joy
#marc has also dressed himself up as a cowboy for cota funsies within the last three calendar months.#so i feel confident in saying he LOVES it lmao#motogp#callie speaks#asks#rosquez#same age au#he still pissed off about coming second make no mistake. maybe it’s a blunder like last time when he get off the line late bc of gear stuff#so marc IS like. goddamn it. but it’s vale and in this au this is what they do
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sorry i’m still insane abt gravion. more posts incoming
#the whole time i was trying to think of some dumb joke to make abt masami ‘three store system’ obari#cause imo he used that TWICE in zwei to show queer characters and has obviously made that the main vehicle for braeburn but like.#goddamn. what the fuck am i supposed to say about that#when touga and eiji are exchanging their metaphorical pachinko balls for cold hard cash onsite LMAO#a: gravion#t.txt#i am sorting out my more coherent thoughts on the show which will probably get a proper post later#cause i have ton#but for now i just keep rewatching that ‘touga!! touga he just said that we were the sun!!’ clip………aweh………..
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Tech product guides trying to troubleshoot your issues: lol have you tried turning it off and turning it on again 🧐 I'm not going to read any of the things you said you did, if it doesn't work then get fucked. Go to settings and click this option that you said isn't even there anymore
Reddit: here's some actual helpful suggestions on where to find settings that can fix your problem. We're more reliable than google search. Except for when we just tell you to buy new hardware instead of trying to fix your problem
Some obscure tech blog article from 7 years ago: i *google ad* gotchu *google ad* *google ad* *troubleshooter you never knew existed* *google ad* *solution to your problem*
#tell me why i just spent the last four hours troubleshooting issues caused by NOT PLUGGING IN ESSENTIAL CABLES#in my defense i havent worked on the internals of a pc in seven years#but goddamn it was infuriating that the solution to my problems was to plug in a cable three times in a row#it's almost like i didnt have unnecessary cables in there and was keeping the extra one for a reason#but of course the fucking product site wont tell you this#i had to figure out i was missing the goddamn power cable from a youtube video on the bluetooth card installation#and before that i had to plug in a cable that my brother (the person who GAVE ME THIS MOTHERBOARD) said was unnecessary#like HOW did your computer function. mister sir this thing froze on startup without the cpu power supplement cable#extra support my ass#i would love it if msi motherboard installation guides mentioned the bluetooth cable too but noooo#may god help you if you ever have a bluetooth issue because ive had them plenty of times and they are fucking impossible to fix#this is why i quit robotics LMAO#anyways. rant over my pc is built now and the new setup is sooo pretty.#my brother did one thing right with this motherboard and that was installing ram with rgb leds ��#rainbow hardware my beloved#my old motherboard had these gorgeous leds and then they just stopped working :c i want more#at least this giant desktop is off my floor now. a tour group apparently was here while i wasn't on monday#(super pissed about that btw. if it happens again i will be tearing the office a new one bc we weren't even notified)#like i kicked that thing plenty just trying to walk around my room. it was right by the door. god wont save you if you break my shit#if someone else kicked that thing while in my apartment when i wasn't here. hoo boy#ok that's enough it's 6am and i finished my cocoa espresso three hours ago. i have two athletic classes today i need to sleep#imaginechats#<- new tag!! i might start rambling more#bc i love never shutting the fuck up 😄#it is a play on imaginecat btw if anyone was wondering. i go by that occasionally as a play on imaginealpha#less formal more cute nickname type thing
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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Whose your favorite drag queen?
MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.
a lovely question. also a very complicated one. clears my throat . I HAVE A LOT OF THEM.
if i had to pick a solid number one ever, i'd probably say trixie mattel even though that's a basic af answer. i just watch her content the most, plus i listen to her music super frequently; in general she's the queen whose content i interact with the most and i love her.
my second favorite (a very close second, almost tied) is katya. again yeah a basic answer but its also a GOOD ANSWER. i started learning russian originally because of her, and like trixie i watch tons of videos she's in and listen to her music, just slightly less than trixie cause theres less to consume. love her vibes. whats wrong with her (lovingly). i wanna study her
easy number three placement is gottmik. inspired my dream to become a drag queen because i finally saw a queen on rpdr who was like me (transmasc) and i truly think she's had some of the MOST incredible runway looks in history, especially after her run on as9. she was robbed as fuck by the way, fuck the producers for setting up the season like that it was rigged. rigga morris. justice for mik and plastique. gottmik deserved to win season 13 (i love symone too dont get me wrong) and she ABSOLUTELY deserved to win as9. those fucking runways? not even top 3?? i'm going to kill myself in front of rupaul to permanently alter the trajectory of his life.
as for other like honorable mentions, all my answers are again very obvious because my favorites are the fan favorites but i love laganja estranja, adore delano, gigi goode, crystal methyd, bob the drag queen, peppermint, + more. oh and sasha colby. everyone loves sasha colby. i think my least obvious fav is ivy winters (s5) or max malanaphy (s7)
#now the question of my favorite SEASON of drag race.. thats a whole other thing#which#if you want to know#cough cough...#but anyway#thanks for asking so i can yap my head off LMAO#casey talks#asks#and by the way im NOT saying gottmik was robbed just because i like her. i LOVE ANGERIA but gottmik should have made top three!! at least!!#get roxxxy andrews off my goddamn tv screen AND PUT GOTTMIK WHERE SHE BELONGS#and while im at it katya shouldve won as2 i know thats a dead horse thats been kicked plenty of times#but idc#and i KNOW most people just say she was robbed because they like her more than alaska#but i DONTTT CAREEE#THATS NOT WHY *IM* SAYING IT !#im saying it cause i MEAN IT as much as i love alaska i truly think katya has more to offer than her#now trixies as3 run is controversial enough that i wont say a word about it but thank god shangela DIDNT win. anybody else is a step up
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There's really no reason for this post but on Sunday I got to go to a roller derby scrimmage that was entirely A-Level gameplay- for players who intend to put together a state wide league for higher level players to compete against one another. I was absolutely petrified to go and felt like I was nowhere near their skill level and has no business being there (my teammate and I carpooled- it was so fun) and ended up not only enjoying myself during the scrimmage but holding my own and keeping up with them pretty well!!
My endurance is pretty shit (bad news for being a jammer lmao) and plan on adding more cardio or HIT workouts to my routine to include more cross training for myself this year- but goddamn that was terrifying but also so much fucking fun
#tj talks#i am now. incredibly sjck in bed with whaf is likely a sinus infection but yesterday was ao goddamn fun#got some sweet compliments from players with 14+ years of experience#super dunny to think ove been doing this for three years now#man where does the time go yall lmao#and to think im also a coach now for our beginning skaters#wild lol#idk if ill end up trying out for the new state league when its put together becausw idk if ill have the time for rotation practices#its a silly dream of mine to someday be at the skill level to play like wftda championship type shit#but that's a looong tome away#i still feel like such a baby in this sport lol
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Let myself try one (1) edible (like a 5 mg tiny candy) to see if my T break needs to restart or not and
it doesn't. that much is for sure. im good again there.
but also, it has me v open emotionally, and i just realised im crying as i write this latest fic
Ramble abt the fic draft below the cut, tw for talking abt a severe allergic reaction in some detail and for emetophobia
told myself I'd see how I do writing out my last horrible allergic reaction but with Frenchie and the peanut paste and some ouizzy to try and process that whole experience of mine a bit more and uh. despite having attempted to do this before, apparently i somehow still haven't really processed much at all how bad it was. Maybe it's bc I'm literally like. Giving every small detail damn near, vs the last time when it was more of a general mention in a fic with less detail overall. I even looked up the selfie I took from that night just to see if i could tell how bad it was and uh. eyelids swell up a lot. and lips. and i know im white as fuck, but apparently i can get even paler in specific situations. forgot how bad the hives were too, but i can see them on my shoulder in the pic like. jfc lmao.
and it all came back, how fucking cold I was (like painfully cold, I couldn't stop shivering and it hurt almost) and how after it made me sick enough to bring up what little I'd had that day, allergens included lol, all I wanted to do was rest my eyes. We had called the nurse line for the nearby hospital by that point, and i remember her telling my mum not to let me sleep, make me talk, make me move if possible and to get to the ER asap. So that's. something for my brain to chew on. But good details for the fic.
Yeah so Frenchie's going through it in this fic, but he's gonna be okay, and Izzy's finally confessing he loves him during it all. Roach is also getting to invent epinephrine which i know is like lab synthesised but shhhh. he's just a very good doctor and knows how to somehow synthesise it in one of the tubs on the ship so it can be injected. don't worry abt the details. im not, at least not those details lmao.
#text post#tw allergic reaction#tw emetophobia#tagging those to b safe#it's been three years since this reaction as of dec 7th and i should be over it#maybe it's bc my therapist allowed me to just. avoid talking abt it.#maybe it's bc it's one of the worst I've been alone for most of the time (prior ones i was a kid)#and that it got made clear to me after that it was Close and had i waited any longer i would have had at least a day's stay in the hospital#if i had survived at all lmao#idk but goddamn my brain will not let the memories of this particular allergic reaction go and i wish they would.#maybe the fic will help
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btw lol i finally finished my rhyme anima gummies and here were my pulls lol
#this is vee speaking#thing is is that i’m missing two 😭😭😭 i bet it was samatoki and juto bc i do remember pulling samatoki 😭😭😭😭😭😭#if i had kept up with posting each sticker pic i’d at least have proof which was the real reason i was posting pics of them initially lol#i’m so sorry mtc i’m so disorganised y’all don’t deserve that from me 😭😭😭😭😭#and like GODDAMN RAMUDA LMAO#he was one of my last pulls and i went ‘ramuda again???????? didn’t i pull him like three times already??????’#the answer is yes lol#rio feel free to like borrow the extra ramuda and dice 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Me: I have real actual experience for this job.
Job: That’s pretty good. We’ll definitely consider you as a viable candidate.
Me: I can pass a drug test immediately and I’m reliable.
Job: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME WORK FOR US PLEASE PL-
#personal rambles#it didn’t go *exactly* like this lmao but it was definitely a huge factor in me getting the job#at the end of the interview the interviewer said he was impressed with me and liked my attitude#but that he was required to interview other candidates so they’d get back to me in a few weeks#and then an hour later I got a call from my recruiter saying I ‘blew them out of the water’ and they won’t be interviewing anyone else#I straight up almost cried and quit like five times tho#it was a rough fucking interview#two goddamn hours#if you’ve never done a welding interview it’s usually like. three parts?#the first part is standard talking interview#the second part is the welding test which can take anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple hours depending#I’m. stubborn? so I don’t think it usually takes that long??#but I was given scrap to run as many beads as I wanted and it was fucking stainless which I hadn’t done in four fucking years#so it was not up to my personal standards (I KNOW I can do better welds)#and it was so frustrating. hence. the almost crying. but I was like#this is free practice and worst case scenario I will impress them with my refusal to quit when it’s challenging#so I decided to keep running beads until they made me stop#and whaddya know I did in fact impress them#I even had issues with contamination (not actually my#my fault it was the equipment and another factor)#but what he was looking for was that I knew *how* to weld not necessarily good welds?#and I had fantastic penetration 😏 with no burn through and even and consistent welds#which again. not necessarily enough to get me the job. which is where my stellar personality and ability to pass a drug test come in#I’m not too worried about the actual job? it won’t all be stainless and I’ll also have training on the job#and I’m a quick learner.#but yes.#I have a job now!#yay!#(important bc my wife works at a chicken place for barely over min wage)
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IN MY OWN BED! MY OWN STATE! Where the air is not so unbearably dry that my hands and lips crack to the point of bleeding💗💗 back to my kitty and my fan and my lotions and Balms amen💗
#ohhhhhh i LOVE my cousins but im so goddamn glad to be home lmao#anyway since tuesday night the longest ive slept any night this week has been 6.5 hours#on friday night i slept THREE hours..before that FIVE.#so. im conking out fr gn world i love the life im carving out for myself#i love yall i love bad country and most importantly i love myself sm🥰🥰🥰🥰#spending time w my cousins i was like yeaaahhh okay...im the best actually#like. mind blown. no wonder im their fave#+ i got a REAL HUG out of my 12 year old cousin#YAAAAAAAYYYYY#he's so fun!!! we had a good little sleepover last night lol im gonna miss him#anyway. i blow my mind i love myself. have a good night all!!!!!
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just asked a question to the adhd clinic i’m planning on going to eventually, trying to clarify prices
#asking a question is free lol. hands sweating had to take a deep breath when pressing send#i’m getting mixed messages on their website like a full adult assessment is a three digit number#and it SAYS reviews (on ur situation and medication) are included in that.#but then when i look at their page on medicating u#they want at least 3 reviews over time of you; which cost a smaller three digit number each#plus the initial ‘yeah we’ll allow that’ session from their psychiatrist letting u take the controlled substance. (medication i mean)#SO WHICH IS IT?!? I WANNA KNOW HOW ACCURATE MY GODDAMN AMOUNT I INTEND TO RAISE IS!!!#*farquaad pointing meme* the tard cannot read! oh good lord lmao!#r slur mention#i call myself that all the time irl but i know it’s a sensitive thing for a lot of other people; i got u#playin it safe
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this close to trying to reopen editing comms again for the... second? time? i need a job but can only work remotely for the time being (can't drive) and all the jobs i've seen on linkedin/indeed for what i want to do are like.... a Lot for one person 😭
#kitty rambles#ISSUE THOUGH... no one comm'd me when i opened them the first time LMAO#one of my friends said she'd comm me whenever she got the money and it's solely bc she wants me to edit one p!ece LMAO#idk someone sent a link with a bunch of youtubers looking for editors so im gonna look into that soon i've already got a shit ton of tabs#open for that LMAO but im also like. aaaaaa. bc staffmeup is also good for jobs but the remote ones require u to use like. avid or some shi#I DON'T HAVE AVID!! NO ONE TOLD ME THAT WAS A PROGRAM I WOULD NEED TO KNOW WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!!!#at this point i'd be happy going back to smth similar like my desk job from my last three semesters of college bc that#also the hours i worked at my college desk job?? phenomenal. anywhere between 12-5am and it was usually QUIET#except for yknow the freshmen being freshmen but it was so NICE i could just sit there and get paid $9/hr to play pokemon.#tho. my last semester. swinging a bat at the AC & RD YALL FUCKED MY SCHEDULE UP SO MANY TIMES#I CAN'T HANDLE YALL CHANGING MY GODDAMN SCHEDULE AT THE LAST MINUTE I HATE CHANGE AND WAS NEVER TOLD OF THEM!!!!!!#did i leave the dorm once in tears bc apparently i didn't have my shift and had to reschedule my entire move-out to work that shift? YES.#YES I DID. i also was friends with several of the RAs and we'd all chat behind the desk occasionally (did that for like 2/3 semesters)#it was fun!!!! i miss it sometimes. not the AC or RD. but. <33 miss it there sometimes.
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if you’re craving more bartender! ghost (like me), maybe reader meeting price for the first time? he’s got that rugged charm that actually makes her shy, and simon’s about to kick the owner out of his own bar?
or, regardless! how do you picture her meeting price?
Lmao I just saw this and I think I wrote a blippet of it in my Bartender!Simon headcannons but I'm in love with this particular idea:
You're in the kitchen, chatting it up with Soap as you prepare things like condiments, the dip heater, and slicing fruits. Soap drops a plate of pancakes under the warmer for everyone to share and you snag one off the top.
"Gonna go smoke a blem." Soap says, taking his apron off. "Simon's up at the bar if ye need 'im."
"Mphhm." You say, chewing on the pancake as you stir the nacho cheese with your other hand. Soap walks out the back, the door swinging shut with a clang behind him.
You vaguely hear Simon tinkering up front, taking the barstools off the countertop for the day. It's three pm, and the place officially opens at four. You're dissociating, staring at the congealed nacho cheese as it slowly warms up, stirring it while you snatch another pancake from underneath the warmer. You're thinking of asking Simon if you can paint your nails - dress code is one thing, health code is another. You could wear those plastic gloves if the nail polish is a problem - but, then again, you'd look ridiculous with those gloves. Is it alright to have clear polish on? Probably...
You hear the door creak open, assuming Soap already finished his cigarette. "That was fast-" You said, dropping the ladle into the cheese. "I'm gonna let Simon know about the pan-"
When you look up, you're not looking at Soap, as you had expected. You're staring at a different man, with a scruffy beard and a dark beanie, stepping in through the back door.
Simon nearly slices his finger open when he hears your blood-curdling scream. He curses, dropping the lemon and knife onto the counter behind the bar, sprinting off into the kitchen, soldier instincts kicking in. He bursts through the door to find Price, eyes wide and hands up in a peaceful gesture, shouting at you to calm down. You have an empty beer keg in your hands and are mid-swing, aiming for Price's head-
Ghost jumps into the scene - he grabs you around your waist and spins you away from Price, making the keg lose its acceleration. You shriek and kick your feet, dropping the keg on his toe. He curses as he slams into the wall behind him.
"The owner- he's the owner!!" He shouts over your struggling.
You freeze, staring at Price - who looks absolutely astounded with the situation that had just unfolded before him. "Oh- fuck, I'm- I'm so sorry!! Christ, I thought you were robbing the place!!"
Simon chucks you back onto your feet, wheezing out a breath in relief. Price sighs and relaxes his shoulders, rolling them out and standing straight.
"Fuckin' hell..." he says, reaching a hand out. "Price. You must be the new bird, yes?"
You nod and shake his hand. "Yea- seriously, I'm so sorry-"
"'S quite alright." He dismisses your apology with a wrinkle of his nose. "Didn't realize you hired a security guard, Simon." He looks to the bartender, still leaning against the wall.
You bit your lip. "You ok, Simon?"
"Y' broke my goddamn toe."
#ghost#simon riley#simon ghost riley#bartender ghost#ghost x reader#ghost x you#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#cod x reader#ghost god#call of duty
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Smoke & Light: Part 1 [Plug!Az]
SUMMARY: Your ex-boyfriend gives you his dealers number, but you don’t expect for him to be so fine. And you certainly don’t expect him to be so goddamn flirty. (3.4k)
WARNINGS: descriptions and dealings of recreational drugs (weed), little bit of swearing, slight sexual themes and lots of shameless flirting. THIS IS A MODERN AU!!
A/N: the first part is here and I’m so excited!! Im still unsure how many parts this is going to be, but there’s a lot I want to happen in this series so probably (I’m guessing!!) six or seven, but we’ll see!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy <3
Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Your patience was wearing thin. Very fucking thin. Those three grey dots mocked you as they bubbled at the bottom of the screen—disappearing and reappearing again—until they were replaced with another less than satisfying message.
Brandon: are you taking the piss? Why didn’t you just ask when you were here earlier?
You scanned the message over, swallowing back the groan at the idea of another potential argument. You needed to nip his attitude in the bud, you weren’t entertaining his bullshit anymore. Gnawing at the inside of your cheek, your fingers quickly typed a response.
You: I didn’t realise I was out until I got home. Can you get any or not? Just lmk
The dots appeared again after a few moments of silence, and you prepared yourself for the snarky remark he was most likely to give you, and took a deep breath to compose yourself in advance.
Brandon: no. I can’t get you any. Sort it out yourself for once.
There was no way in Hell you were going to let your frustrations show. Despite the pure anger and annoyance that began to bubble even more within you.
Brandon could be a lot of things. A liar. A cheat. And a fucking asshole. In all honestly, the only thing he was truly good for was the occasional above par fuck and the fact that his dealer had the best weed you’d ever smoked.
But when they were the only two good things he had going for him, it was hard to justify the disgusting behaviour he showed throughout almost your entire relationship. You broke up every few weeks as it was, but if you’d known about the cheating before, you would’ve left for good sooner.
Instead, you found out a year and half into the relationship, coming to the deafening conclusion that he had, in fact, never been faithful for a single moment of his adult life.
Fuck him. And fuck his shit sex. The weed, you could get yourself.
You: lmao ok. What’s his number?
A heartbeat after he read the text, he was calling you. And the moment you answered the call, he was his usual, un-charming self.
“What the fuck do you mean what’s his number?”
“Hello to you, too.” You murmured, tucking yourself under the blanket on your couch.
His clipped tone didn’t startle you, didn’t worry you about any form of consequences. He wasn’t scary, even when he tried to be. He was just a douche.
“What do you mean what’s his number?” He repeated himself, that agitation growing thicker and thicker with every word he spoke.
“How else am I supposed to get any?”
“Find your own dealer.”
He was being bitter now, pathetically so. You picked at the aged edges of your book, a novel you’d read five times over but one you couldn’t get enough of. Your love for it could be seen by the fading print of the front cover and the severely broken spine—despite how careful you tried to be with your readings.
“Brandon, I’m not going to find a random dealer. Your Azriel guy has good stuff and I know it’s safe. Besides, me going to the same person as you is not going to affect you in any way.”
He was silent for a moment, mulling over your words. Despite his dreadful personality and lack of love and care and compassion, he knew how little you knew about marijuana. He was the one that taught you to roll, after all.
You’d barely smoked before you met him, and on the rare occasions you did get high, it was usually in the form of gummy edibles your friends had. And you weren’t addicted or reliant on it in any way. You just enjoyed a smoke every now and then if you’d had a long day.
Alcohol had never been your favourite, and you much preferred to feel the chilled buzz from a joint than cradle a hangover for two days after a soirée.
“Fine. I’ll text you his number. Say Marco gave it to you, it’s a code he made up—had cops on him a while ago. He can be a bit of an ass, don’t let him shit talk you. Ask for a 3.5, he usually charges 40 for it. It’ll last you a couple weeks unless you’re planning on smoking heavy.”
It was easy to be pulled back in when he was like that. When he did the bare minimum of offering advice on things he knew you weren’t too sure on. But you were better than that now, smarter. You weren’t going to fall back into your old ways again.
Not with him. Not with anyone.
“I’m not. Thank you.”
The line went dead as soon as the words left your mouth and a few moments later, he texted you Azriel’s number. You would’ve appreciated a reminder of what you were supposed to ask for but at least you got his number. Small wins. You weren’t his responsibility anymore.
It took you a few minutes to figure out what to say, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you typed and erased, typed and erased. Until you settled on ‘Is this Azriel?’ and finally sent the message.
Ten minutes passed and you didn’t get a response. Your nose was tucked back into your romance novel as you chewed on the drawstring of your hoodie. In all honesty, you could’ve quite easily slipped into a peaceful slumber under the warm golden glow of your lamps.
That was another thing Brandon couldn’t respect. Your No Main Light rule. The vibes were always immaculate with gentle warmth from lamps. The main light was not allowed on under any circumstances. You much preferred the cosy feeling of golden hues that accentuated the deep green leaves of your plants and vines that scattered the walls and crevices of your home.
Your phone chimed from your lap, a small surge of anxiety pulsing in your chest. You unlocked the screen and read over the message.
Azriel: depends who’s asking.
Ah, Brandon did warn you. You considered fucking the whole idea off. Maybe cracking open a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch with a book or tv show would be better than having to meet this asshole, but the bottle of White Zinfandel wouldn’t give you the mellow buzz you wanted.
Not unless you had at least four glasses which was usually paired with a hangover the next day. Something you did not want to entertain. So, you bit the bullet and typed your reply.
You: y/n, got your number from Marco. You about?
The more you let your mind wander, the more you realised how little you knew. You had no clue how this sort of thing worked. Would he come to you? Your home? Would you meet at a location of his choice? Or would he just stash the weed somewhere for you to collect and you don't cross paths at all?
But the burning fire of the what-if anxiety was quickly trampled and extinguished when another text came through and instead of him deciding for you, you were given choices.
Azriel: sure, I can meet you at old tower in 20 if that’s good for you? If not I can drop to your location.
He didn’t seem as much of an ass now. No, quite the opposite. But you supposed that offer was something he probably gave to all new, female clients. If he truly was an ass or not, you couldn’t fault him for the consideration.
Old Tower was the old old watermill tucked slightly away in the centre of the city. It had been derelict for years, but due to its location—so close to all the necessities and right opposite the police station—no one ever tried to break in or set it alight like the many other derelict listed buildings had been in the past.
Even now, at almost midnight, that part of the city would still be bustling with city-natives and tourists alike. And you appreciated the safe and public meeting spot he suggested.
You: old tower in 20 is fine.
As quickly as you sent the message, you received another reply. A text describing his blue Mustang and his licence plate. You shook the nerves off as soon as they came. Azriel was respectful and well known. He dealt to make his money and that was that.
But the facts didn’t stop you from sharing your location with Brandon just in case, nor did it stop you from double checking you still had your little pepper spray clipped to your keychain.
The walk to the Old Tower wasn’t a bad one. There were many ways you could access it, most of them leading you through the city, but here were a few that hid you behind back roads and alleyways—those were routes you never took. Not on your own and certainly not in the middle of the night.
The air was still a bit sticky from the summer heat, and while the denim shorts you wore kept your body cool, you were grateful you kept on your hoodie—just that extra layer that protected your arms and shoulders from the chill of the breeze that your legs never seemed to experience.
It didn’t take long for you to reach the Old Tower, and it took even less time to spot the electric blue 2022 Ford Mustang. Small tufts of white smoke emitted from the exhaust as it sat in its standstill, headlights facing the opposite direction of what you came in, but you could still hear the engine humming from your short distance away.
You double checked the licence plate to the number Azriel texted you, and slowly made your way closer. While you didn’t know much about drop offs, deals, and weed in general, you did know the unspoken rules of picking up. And if you were picking up from someone in a vehicle, most people got inside for a few minutes before leaving.
Azriel must’ve noticed you from the rear view mirror because just as you approached the back of the car, the passenger door opened wide, inviting you in. You sucked in a breath but accepted the invitation, keeping your eyes forward as you settled into the warmth of the leather seat and closed the door shut.
You finally let your body shift and your eyes met his. And you were fucking done for.
You’d never seen a man so strikingly fucking beautiful before. He was tall, lean and muscular and oozed pure sex and charisma. Tan, golden skin and dark, luscious hair that swept loosely down his forehead and curled gently around the tops of his ears.
His face was chiselled not too sharply, a subtle gentleness to the stark contrast of the cold, brooding aura he carried. And those eyes. Christ, those fucking eyes. Hazel iris’ that dripped with a golden hue of honey.
You swallowed down the dry lump in your throat and willed your lips to part so you could finally speak. “Thank you for meeting me so late.”
And Azriel was absolutely hooked.
When you’d texted barely thirty minutes ago, he did not expect to be meeting with someone so fucking gorgeous. Your soft hair was twisted in a loose braid that hung over your shoulder, wayward strands having fallen from the updo and framing your face mesmerizingly.
Your eyes were the most captivating thing he’d ever seen; rich in colour and wide with slight anxiety, despite the sleepiness he could slightly notice beneath them. Your voice sounded like a fever dream. It wasn’t sickly sweet like most women he knew or dealt to. Perhaps it was just the sleep, but there was a rasp—a very slight ruggedness—in your tone and Azriel was certain he’d never heard something quite so sensual in his life.
He cleared his throat, that all too cheeky grin teetering on the corners of his mouth. “I was already out,” he shrugged, nonchalantly. “How much are you after?”
His voice was a perfect blend of sweet and rough. A deep depth to his tone that skipped hand-in-hand with a sweeter note. God, he was unreal, and the sound of him had you forgetting entirely what exactly Brandon told you to ask for.
You pulled your lips between your teeth and offered a very sheepish—but mostly embarrassed—smile. “Um… I’m sorry,” you found yourself apologising for the second time tonight. “My ex used to do this part, so I have no idea how this works.”
You couldn’t help the flush that rose to your cheeks at your own admission, couldn’t handle being the subject of his firm gaze, and you absolutely could not fucking handle the soft rumble of rich laughter that chuckled through him.
“Do you smoke a lot?” Azriel finally asked, a slightly amused smile on those full lips of his. His pink tongue swiped out to wet them and your heart thundered against your ribcage at the sight.
“Not really,” you cleared your throat. “Just every now and then. Semi-regularly, I guess.” There was no such thing as semi-regularly when it came to drugs and alcohol. To someone’s own self, sure. But not the general mass that consumed whatever it was they did.
Some considered three joints a day ‘semi-regular’, while others considered it as a joint every few days. Azriel had a feeling you were the latter, but he didn’t say anything about his thoughts or what you’d said.
Instead, he hummed and chewed at the inside of his cheek in thought. He wasn’t laughing at you or your lack of knowledge or understanding. Usually, he’d have kicked a new client out of his car by now and told them to figure it out on their own—he was a dealer, not a fucking private tutor—but with you, he didn’t seem to mind explaining or breaking things down so it was easier to understand.
Neither of you quite understood why he was happy to explain, but you didn’t complain. You’d much prefer this than the alternative version of him that you’d been warned about.
“A 3.5 would probably be best for you, then.” He decided.
Yes, a 3.5… that sounded very familiar. You nodded, slowly, considering your next words carefully. You had already disclosed the most embarrassing part of not having a fucking clue how this worked, one more probably wouldn’t hurt, would it?
“This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous,” you chuckled nervously, scratching at the nape of your neck. “But can you break that down in joint terms?”
Azriel laughed again, softer this time, through a breath. It was odd, really. He wasn’t laughing to be cruel or to embarrass you further. It seemed to you that perhaps he found it endearing—your innocence on the matter—and maybe, just maybe, you reminded him of himself when he too at one point, had no idea either.
“It depends on how strong you have them. Do you smoke blunts or just joints?”
Your eyes widened animatedly. “God, no. Just joints. I think a blunt might wipe me out.”
A glint of warmth and light fluttered through his eyes for a split second. “So, a 3.5 would get you like seven joints.”
“Yeah, that would last me like a week, two weeks.” You nodded. “I’ll have a 3.5 then, thank you.”
Azriel hummed in agreement, and it was only when he reached for the centre console and flipped open a compartment that you saw his hands. His golden skin was marred beyond belief, etched in burns and an array of pigmented colours. Your stomach lurched at the sight. Not from fear or pity or disgust, no. Your stomach twisted in agony, your brain couldn’t comprehend a reason for scars like that.
You looked away as quickly as you clocked them, not wanting to stare and not wanting him to notice. You supposed he was used to lingering gazes, but you would not be a name added to that list of people.
Azriel did nothing but make you feel comfortable in the brief few minutes of meeting one another. He was kind enough to not laugh in your face and kick you out of his car after your admittance. You were not about to make him feel uncomfortable either.
He pulled out a small plastic baggie stuffed to the brim with forest green nuggets and handed it to you between two scarred, pinched fingers. You took it gratefully, a full and genuine smile on your lips now as you thanked him, reaching into the back pocket of your denim shorts for the cash.
“Did you want me to roll them for you, too?” Azriel’s teasing voice dripped with sarcasm and your eyes snapped to him with a stern look. “‘Cause that’ll cost you extra.”
“I know how to roll, thank you.” You bit back, and while your voice and tone held all the conviction, the amused glint in your eye and the corners of your mouth told him he hadn’t offended you in the slightest.
“It’s twenty-five.” Azriel chuckled from beside you.
Your brows furrowed as you pulled out two twenty’s, meeting his gaze again. “Isn’t it usually like forty?”
The air now smelt of that tangy, vile scent, something that you don’t think you’d ever get used to. Or enjoy. He shrugged, flipping down the lid of the compartment between you. “You’re a new client.”
You raised a brow now, a taunting smirk creeping at the corner of your mouth. “Do you always undercharge new clients, then?”
Azriel liked you. Very much. You didn’t shy away or hide your personality from him, even after only knowing one another for barely an hour in total. He had a feeling he was barely scraping the surface.
He matched your stare, only he wasn't teasing. “Only the pretty ones.”
There was no hiding the heat that crawled up your neck and sat heavy on your cheeks. It had been a long while since you received a genuine compliment. Let alone one so forward and from someone so unexpected. You averted your gaze from him, looking at the two twenty’s in your hand. Raising them, you pursed your lips.
“I only have two twenty’s on me. So you may as well take the full forty.”
Azriel didn’t listen. Instead, he pinched one note from your hand, his skin brushing yours but you didn’t falter, didn’t shy away. He was warm, and despite the scars and marred skin, his skin was softer than you expected.
You huffed, not ungrateful for the discount but this was his livelihood and taking away from that felt wrong to you.
“Let me know when you’re out.”
You smiled appreciatively and nodded, stuffing the bag and cash into your hoodie pocket and reaching for the door handle. “I will. Nice to meet you, Azriel.”
He watched you climbed out of the car, offering another warm smile as the cooler evening air kissed at his skin. He wanted to ask how you were getting home, if you’d be walking alone or if you needed a ride. But Azriel couldn’t cross those lines, especially not with someone he only just met.
So he bit his tongue and prayed to the Mother above to get you home safely. “You too, Y/N.”
He started up the engine again as soon as the door closed, but he didn’t drive away. He watched you through the rear view mirror until you were out of sight and when he finally looked down, he found his jeans tight around his crotch and a painful erection.
“Fuck.”
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