#but this time i was procrastinating all during the day and spending up all my possible time doing nothing

[1withestars]

🛸⋆☆˚.⋆ nct dream as high school students

sophomore year!dream

mark

the guy that sits in the middle of the class like middle middle

very chill (chill guy epitome)

turns in all his assignments mostly on time and gets A’s on all of them

BUSYYY he’s part of the student council (may or may not be president OR vp)

stays until school’s closing time; he’s either in his class or in the library

his desk is organized

listens to music 24/7 (headphones in allllll the time)

part of the basketball club but doesn’t compete (he’s too busy man)

everyone’s crush…

pen spins pen spins pen spins

renjun

spends his free time in the art room

sits closest to the door

is also part of the student council

his desk is messy but like the kind of full of books and stationary messy

fashion icon, best dressed

makes origami creations in class

he doesn’t really like wearing his glasses or contacts so he’s just squinting throughout lessons

falls asleep at his desk while working in the middle of the night

theatre kid (non-derogatory)

big ass water bottle he brings everyday and fills it in 2 period intervals

jeno

sits beside the wall in the middle-back-ish row

very smart jock

brings a quite large backpack but the only things in there are his laptop, some crumpled up assignments, his water bottle, gum, a single pen, and probably his airpods

stays up at night playing games so always end up being sleepy throughout the next day

sleeps in class and probably has a hoodie to use as a pillow

games in class on his phone

is always on his device whether it’s for taking notes or not

perfect scores in pe

hates the school lunch so he orders delivery food almost everyday. every other day, he doesn’t eat

comes late to school when he doesn’t feel like it

haechan

very popular but sorta annoying in a good way

flirts with everyone, especially with the guys

sits next to mark to annoy him

has a mountain of overdue assignments of subjects he doesn’t like and then (forcefully) speeds run those assignments before the teachers finalise the report card scores

is in the dance team

is also part of the school band

codes and learns coding for fun

most probably has beef with the most random people ever

always has snacks in hand and shares with the class

plays dti during breaks

jaemin

procrastinates but still gets his work done (does his work 30 mins before deadline)

dgaf but get straight a’s in each subject

very back, very corner

surprisingly outgoing despite his idgaf front

low profile and no one can seem to find his socials but the people who sees him irl fawns over him (he's so pretty omg)

at least a cup or two of coffee a day

spaces out a lot

airpods in during lecture, doesn’t bother covering it up though

eats in class

goes to the gym after school

chenle

in the basketball team

best friends with all his teachers

sits super close to the teacher’s desk

he’s probably in the music room playing the piano after school

submits assignments on time

bounces his leg at any given time

fidgets fidgets fidgets

either walks or rides his bicycle to school

hangs in the basketball court after school

never late to school

jisung

wears hoodies all the time even if it’s hot

sits at the back in the middle

also sleeps in class

is also in the dance team, he’s even assistant captain

asks chenle for help with his assignments

talks to himself quietly

holds his pencil/pen rather uniquely 

cannot sit still so he’s most definitely fidgeting or doing something during lectures

quiet™

his mom packs his lunches

back w another hc!! i love writing headcanons :)) if you've noticed any changes from my last post that i edited probably like 1000 times, i learned how to do the gradient text thing and im obsessed w it. have an great rest of your dayyyy (interactions are greatly appreciated!)

[getosugurusbangs]

a warm summer’s breeze

[airenyah]

love sitting in front of assignments until 1:30 in the morning

[covenofagatha]

Psychology Prof!Agatha

I literally can't get this out of my head so wanted to share some thoughts with you all (this also might be super nerdy but I'm obsessed)

Every time you call her mommy and spend hours sucking at her nipples and eating her out (she IS your oral fixation), she tells you that Freud would be rolling in his grave (except it turns her on just as much, if not even more, so what would he say about that?)

When you go for help during office hours for some clarification on projection tests, she shows you cards from the Rorschach Inkblot Test and asks what you see. All you see are vaginas and she proclaims that you must be horny, leading her to fuck you on her desk and then makes you try again. Little do you know, those are her own custom cards that she purposefully made look like that just so she'd have an excuse to fuck you.

When you get to the Behaviorism unit, you're struggling with the types of conditioning.

To demonstrate classical conditioning, she first rubs your clit (unconditioned stimulus) until you get wet (unconditioned response). She then sprays a new perfume (neutral stimulus) over herself and then does the same thing, teasing you until you get wet before fucking you. She repeats it a few times over the next few days, using the same perfume each time. It isn't until a week later in class, when you have a question about the worksheet that you're doing and she bends down over you to look at the paper over her shoulder, that you catch a whiff of her perfume (now the conditioned stimulus). The same perfume she wore before she fucked you each time this past week. Before you even realize it, you're wet and aching and practically dripping onto the seat, suddenly feeling so empty (conditioned response). She chuckles in your ear and you spend the rest of class absolutely dying.

For operant conditioning, you're confused with positive and negative reinforcement, and positive and negative punishment, so she decides to give you another hands-on lesson.

For positive reinforcement, the addition of a positive stimulus to reinforce a behavior, she gives you one orgasm for each hour of studying you do for her test. It's no time at all before you're spending practically the entire day, nose in the textbook, just so she'll touch you. When you get a one-hundred on her next test, she lets you choose one thing to do with her as a reward, which only makes you want to get more perfect scores on her test (you choose to fuck her with a strap and she now also wants you to keep getting perfect scores)

For negative reinforcement, the removal of a negative stimulus to reinforce a behavior, you've been procrastinating on the research project she gave the class and whining about how much work it is. Agatha is completely fed up with the way you've been acting and is annoyed that you won't just do the work, so she tells you that she won't let you cum until you finish it, but she's going to tease you endlessly. The edging is torture so you quickly get it all done before she finally lets you orgasm.

For positive punishment, the addition of an undesired stimulus to curb a behavior, she bends you over mommy's knee and spanks you hard for skipping out on studying to go a party with your friends. Safe to say when you try to sit down the next day and end up almost crying out, you learn your lesson

For negative punishment, the removal of a positive stimulus to curb a behavior, she waits until you've been bratty, after you've been teasing her in class the whole time, giving her fuck-me eyes and crossing and uncrossing your legs to give her a sneak peek of your naked cunt under your skirt. When she's finally able to get her hands on you, she bends you over her desk and fucks you hard and rough and right as you're about to cum, right as you're begging please mommy, she stops and doesn't let you. Your least favorite style of operant conditioning quickly becomes negative punishment but you don't try to tease her in class again.

You understand Behaviorism a lot better now.

[cottonlemonade]

Brushing Your Stress Away

word count: 1321 || avg. reading time: 6 mins.

pairing: University AU!Tsukishima x chubby!Reader

genre: spice with fluff

warnings: mdni

request: Hello!! can me and my dear Tsukki get an 11 and 23 for lunch before i procrastinate? || fluffy-spicy, dealing with exam stress + studying together with boyfriend Tsukishima

Tsukishima didn’t even flinch when the pen zoomed past his head, bounced off the wall, and landed perfectly in his hamper. Without looking up from his notes, he asked, “Tough chapter?”

You groaned and let yourself fall on your back, arms and legs outspread like a starfish, “I wanted to study art because I love painting, not because I love remembering dates! This is impossible!”

You dramatically flung an arm over your eyes to drive your point home that you were done with studying.

“Come on, only 32 more minutes on the timer.”, your boyfriend said, turning a page and pushing your art history book closer to you.

“No.”, you pouted, wiggling a foot in defiance, “Don’t wanna.”

“So, you plan on working in a museum as… what? A barista?”

Letting your arm fall off your face, you turned your head to look at him, “You could come visit me during your breaks.”

“Not likely. Coffee is disgusting.”

“Not the point, Kei.”

“Resign to your fate or study for another 31 minutes. Either way, stop whining. Some of us want to focus.”

You sat back up, squinting indignantly at your boyfriend, who skillfully ignored you as his eyes skimmed the pages.

Letting out a small huff of boredom, you looked around his bedroom. When he invited you to come spend the break with him in Miyagi you were excited, even more so when on the drive here he casually mentioned that you’d be alone because his older brother was staying at uni with his friends and his mother was away on some conference. But four days of your precious week had already passed without so much as a roaming hand.

On a whim, you reached for your pencil case to take out a cheap replica of an old artist’s brush - a small gift from the souvenir shop Kei had gotten you the last time you visited a museum together. Turning it in your fingers to have something to do, you stared at the page of your book, admiring the pictures at least.

Kei meanwhile, chewed the inside of his cheek, throwing a quick glance over his glasses at you. He knew he wasn’t doing a particularly great job as a boyfriend right now.

To not make it too obvious what he was looking forward to the most during this week together - uninterrupted alone time with no nosy roommate to worry about or forgetting his key and having to spend the rest of his night on a bench in front of his building - he had put together quite the itinerary under the guise of how much you’ve nagged him to show you his hometown (you asked once). Somehow, being in his childhood home after the months away at university made him almost shy. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought he felt guilty for bringing you here without telling his mother. However, if his shower thoughts were any indication, he wanted nothing more than to make use of the empty house with you - not seeming too eager, of course. He flipped a page without having read the previous one. Unless he finally acted on his impulses, you would return to academic life without even a good solid make-out session at this point.

A soft caressing sensation on his arm made him snap out of his thoughts. He found you running your brush along a faint vein on his wrist.

“What are you doing?”, he asked unnecessarily but didn’t pull away.

“Nothing.”

The smooth bristles followed his long fingers now one by one.

Without any conviction, he said instinctively, “Stop that.”, whilst really hoping you wouldn’t.

Luckily, you never listened to him, so instead you brought the brush up to his neck and tickled the sensitive spot under his ear. He shuddered and you laughed.

“You think this is funny?”, he asked.

“Hilarious, actually.”, you said.

He got to his knees and all too easily made you tumble backward, making sure to catch your head in his hand before towering over you. With a superior sneer, he took the brush from you.

“Let’s see how ticklish you are.”

Trapped between his long legs, you giggled and squirmed when he ran the brush under your chin, and you ducked your head between your shoulders to defend yourself. So he brought it to your ear.

“Stop!”

Your hand shot up to cover one side, but he just took this to mean he could attack the other. He sat back on his heels and in an attempt to hide the outline in his sweats, pursed his lips in fake pondering.

“Hmm… looks like you leave me no choice.”, he shrugged with a heavy sigh and unceremoniously lifted the hem of your shirt, making extra sure his palm, rough from the years of playing volleyball, dragged gently over your pillowy tummy as he did. You became very still, waiting for his next move. He felt you pressing your thighs together between his legs and scoffed while painting invisible lines on your skin as if he were sketching the outline of your bra.

“This is very much in the way.”, he said more to himself than to you and pulled a cup down from your breast. He leaned forward now, his free hand holding him up next to your head and with precise little teasing strokes he flicked the brush over your perked nipple. You made a small noise, one he loved to hear so much, so he did it again, and again.

“Pretty sure the other one is just as sensitive.”, he murmured and without warning, he pulled down the second cup, tucking it safely under your breast, then got the brush into position. You bucked your hips under him when he twirled the bristles this time.

“You’re right, this is fun.”, he noted and kissed you, not letting up on the teasing with the brush. You ground against him, making him gasp into the kiss.

“Will you finally focus on your studies if I give you what you want?” He had trouble catching his breath, was met with a very enthusiastic nod, and kissed you again.

Kei moved back, slowly dragging your sweats down with him, and had to suppress a dreamy groan. You were nothing short of perfection. With the pudgy tummy, the generous love handles, and full thighs you had always reminded him of beauty depicted in Renaissance paintings.

He shifted to lay on his stomach, propped up on his forearms, spinning the brush in his long fingers. A little spring of pride bloomed in him when he noticed a wet patch on your panties already.

The more he dragged the brush over the soaked fabric the more he noticed a definite gleam on the bristles. With the very tip of it, he focused on the pronounced little nub of your clit and was rewarded with a high moan. He was curious if he’d be able to make you cum just with a simple little painter’s brush when the door to his room slid open.

“WOAH!”

Akiteru spun around to look away.

“Sorry! I just heard a noise and - don’t mind me.”

“Why aren’t you in Tokyo?!”, Kei yelled in frustration, scrambling to his feet. A low rustling behind him told him you followed his example.

“Needed some fresh air?” His brother shrugged awkwardly, still with his back to him. “I’ll uhm… I’ll head to the convenience store. Should take me maybe 20 minutes. Do with that information what you will.”

He grabbed around behind him to find the handle before pulling the door closed again, then called from the hallway, “I’ll bring you some snacks!”

Kei exhaled, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, “I’m sorry… y/n, I- mfpg”, he was interrupted by you turning his head and yanking him down to you by the collar of his shirt to kiss him.

“You heard him, 20 minutes. Let’s go.”

a/n: reader was on mission! Thank you to the anon who requested this prompt! I hope you enjoyed it 🌟

[agirlwithglam]

📑📚 ACE YOUR EXAMS 📚📑

This is a guide for people who have exams coming up. It consists of what to do if you want 100% on your upcoming exams, study tips, and more!

Study tips:

Check this masterlist by @merakinotes and also this post+ masterlist by @areistotle it has everything you’ll ever need.

Bank of questions / past papers study method: you can create your own questions on Quizlet or any online quiz maker or use past papers/ revision resources.

Study everyday. If your exam is even a month away, that’s good because it means you don’t have to study hours everyday, but you can at least keep a goal to study 30 mins a day or to learn/ understand/ memorise a new thing part of that topic every day.

Feynman technique. Basically pretend as if you’re the teacher and teach the topic to someone/ something (ex a stuffed animal)

Record yourself talking. When you’re revising, record yourself talking about some of the stuff so you can listen to it later when you’re unable to study.

Visual learning!! Personally, I love this one. If you’re studying something like science, history, etc, then draw pictures! Draw pictures to better help you understand a word/ concept. (Example: in science I couldn’t remember the whole definition of combustion so I just drew a stickman image of the atom and the oxygen and then those 2 chemically combined)

During the exam:

Never turn the exam in early!! Are you finished? Then re read the exam and re take the exam. Double check, triple check etc your answers. Keep looking through your answers again and again, step by step. Only give the test in at the very end.

Watch the clock! Don’t spend lots of time on one question trying to figure it out. Look at the time and make sure you still have enough to complete all the questions and maybe also recheck them.

If you don’t completely understand a question/ it’s more complicated: skip it and go to the next question. Come back to that harder question later.

Manifesting:

Remember: the 100/100 grade is already yours. You just need to claim it!

Affirmations: you can create your own set of customised affirmations or you can use THIS affirmation list that I made for high grades

Subliminal: I’ve made a playlist on YouTube with all my favourite academic subliminals. You can also search up 100/100 grades or full marks in tests subliminals.

More resources:

(These are just to further help you if these tips do not help. Remember that watching videos or reading about studying/ study tips is not studying. It’s procrastinating. Consume these in moderation.)

Studying tips for a straight A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

How to study like: 👙Elle Woods👙 | 📔Paris Geller📔 | 📖Hermione Granger📖

Study to success on YouTube

Jun Yuh oh YouTube

Fayefilms on YouTube

[oldfashioned-lovergirl]

Family Gathering with Fernando Alonso

❃ FLUFFCEMBER 2024 ❃

day 05: family gathering — fernando alonso x reader

note: anticipated this one because yes i adored the concept (i absolutely do not fantasize about introducing nando as my bf to my family like who would ever do that !!)

fluffcember masterlist | main masterlist

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You and Fernando walked hand in hand to your old house’s door. The time eventually came: Christmas, the day you’ll be finally introducing your fiancée to your family.

You couldn’t help spending weeks being worried about it. Fernando was the best man you’ve ever met, but your age difference was very clear, and you feared your parents’ judgment. You procrastinated as long as you could, but they insisted to invite the two of you to celebrate together and you knew you couldn’t say no anymore.

Fernando sensed your worries by the squeeze of your hand in his. “Querida, don’t be anxious. I’m sure we’ll spend a wonderful day.” His hazel eyes, full of endearment, found yours.

His words reassured you just enough to make you woman up and rang the doorbell.

Your sister opened the door. She greeted you and let you in, but you didn’t miss her pupils widening imperceptibly when they lay on your new boyfriend. When he walked past her to get in, she turned to you and winked. “Well done sis.” She mouthed in your direction, careful not to be seen by Fernando.

You smirked, amused by her reaction.

In the living room, your parents were chatting while your brother was playing a videogame. They all turned around when you walked in. “Hello.”

“Here’s the new couple!” Your mom exclaimed, and wrapped you in a hug. “We missed you, Y/N.” The same did your dad.

Your mom gaze shifted on Fernando. He extended his hand. “I’m Fernando, a pleasure to meet you.”

Her expression was illegible. She shook his hand. “Hello Fernando, nice to meet you too. It’s so good to know our daughter finally found someone who can put up with her attitude.”

You blushed a little, shaking your head in embarrassment.

“Yeah, enough to keep up with mine.” He smiled in your direction. Could you ever have wished for a better boyfriend?

Your dad’s face betrayed his thoughts, but he too shook firmly his hand without a second thought. “Welcome in the family.” You couldn’t blame him, seeing his daughter with an older man must be a lot.

“Wait– that’s Fernando Alonso!” The voice of your brother interrupted the introductions. He jumped over the couch and reached you. “Oh my god, you’re in a relationship with a Formula 1 World Champion!” Your parents looked confused, then seemed to realize that just now. “How much do you make a year?”

“Y/B/N!” Scolded him your mom, casting him a bad look. “That’s not a question to ask!”

Fernando laughed. “Don’t worry.” He looked at the tv and noticed his videogame. “Are you playing Gran Turismo?”

“Yeah, but I’m stuck at this level.”

“Want a help?”

Your brother’s smile now was larger than ever. “Please!”

And that’s how your boyfriend, your dad and your brother all ran to the couch.

Your mon chuckled at the sight. “Alright then, we’re going to help grandma in the kitchen, if you boys don’t mind.”

Lunch was almost ready, you and your mom were finishing preparing the appetisers. “So… do you love him?”

The question took you aback. “I…” You thought about Fernando’s laugh, about the his gentleness, about the way he made you feel. Your lips curved in a dreamy smile. “Yes, I do.”

“And does he love you?”

Does he love me?

In your mind flashed suddenly all the times he had to run away for work during the week, and about the red rose he left in your house every time, to make you feel his presence, even in his absence. Every single time. And as soon as he was back, he was at your door, with a bouquet of roses, ready to take you out on a date. “He does.”

Your mother seemed satisfied with the answer. “Perfect. That’s all that matters.” She caressed your hair and placed a kiss on your head. “He looks like a nice guy.” She took the plate with the appetisers and headed to the dining room, before turning to you one last time. “And very handsome indeed.”

You rolled your eyes, grinning. “Mom!”

Lunch went wonderfully, to your surprise. You had fun, telling stories and making jokes (which some were about you, of course). Your grandma kept saying how charming Fernando was and how lucky he was to meet a girl like you, making you awkwardly flush from time to time. Even your dad was getting along well with him.

When you and Fernando left, driving back home, he couldn’t stop talking about how cool your family was.

“I’m so happy everything went well.” You said, landing a hand on his thigh and affectionately smiling at him.

“Told you, querida. How could they not like me?”

You chuckled. “Right.” You paused, thoughtful. “This is probably the best Christmas I’ve ever had.” Because of you, you implied. “Thank you, Nando.”

You reached a red light. He turned towards you. “No, thank to you.” He closed the distance between the two of you and kissed you deeply. Your hand on his thigh stroked it slowly.

He broke the kiss when the traffic light turned green. “You know, I loved your parents’ house, but right now I really want to go back to ours.”

[brodygold]

Liquid GOLD

Journal of Todd Halpern Spring Semester, 2025

January 15

First day of the drug trial. I’m feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. This is my shot at making some easy money. The trial is for a drug called Liquid GOLD. Dr. Ellison, the lead scientist on the project, explained that it’s designed to boost energy, focus, and overall well-being. They’re really hyping it up as some revolutionary formula. Honestly, I don’t care about any of that—I just need the $1,500 stipend to help with tuition.

The instructions are simple enough: take one pill every morning with a glass of water and document any changes I notice. They even gave me this little notebook to record my thoughts and experiences. Took my first dose today, and so far, nothing’s changed. It’s just another normal day filled with studying, gaming, and avoiding the gym. I’m not expecting much, but who knows? Maybe this stuff will actually help me focus.

Anyways, I just took the first pill. They're kinda gross if I'm being honest. There's this golden liquid inside the pill that's almost acidic in a way? I don't really know how to describe it.

January 22

It’s been a week since I started taking Liquid GOLD, and I think I’m starting to notice some changes. My head feels clearer, like a fog has lifted. I’ve also been feeling this insane burst of energy. Usually, I’d crash after my afternoon classes, but now I feel restless, like I need to do something physical.

In a moment of madness, I went to the gym yesterday. I didn’t plan it at all. It just felt like the right thing to do. I only stayed for about half an hour, but I found myself enjoying it in a way I never have before. A bit weird for the guy who avoided PE like the plague in high school.

The strangest part? I feel good when I look in the mirror. My arms look a little bigger, and my posture is better. I don’t know if it’s real or just a placebo, but I’ll take it.

February 5

Wow, okay. It’s been three weeks now, and I can’t believe the changes I’m seeing. My body is transforming in ways I never expected. My arms are thicker, my chest is broader, and my waist is tighter. It’s like my muscles are waking up for the first time. Even my face looks different—more angular, less soft.

I’ve been spending more and more time in the gym. It’s not just a chore anymore; it’s become the highlight of my day. There’s something satisfying about pushing myself, lifting heavier weights, and seeing the progress. My old hobbies, like gaming and watching anime, don’t excite me as much anymore.

Mentally, things feel… different. My thoughts are quieter, more focused. I don’t get lost in overthinking or procrastination like I used to. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my mind is streamlining itself, getting rid of all the unnecessary clutter.

February 19

Something’s definitely happening. It’s not just my body—it’s my mind, too. I feel so focused, so driven, but my priorities are shifting. Things that used to matter to me, like schoolwork or hanging out with friends, feel unimportant. Instead, I’ve been obsessing over routine.

Wake up.

Take my pill.

Work out.

Eat clean.

Sleep.

Repeat.

Clothing has become a weird fixation for me. I can’t stand how baggy my old hoodies and jeans feel. They don’t fit the new me. I’ve started wearing fitted shirts and athletic shorts. Today, I spent hours online looking at rubber gear—polo shirts, shorts, even gloves. I don’t know why, but I felt drawn to it.

Dr. Ellison called it “progress” when I mentioned this during my checkup. He said I’m adapting well to the trial. His words were comforting, even though I’m not entirely sure what he meant by “adapting.”

March 3

The changes are accelerating. My reflection in the mirror is barely recognizable. I’m massive now—broad shoulders, thick arms, sculpted abs. I never thought I’d look like this, and honestly, I’m not complaining.

But it’s not just about how I look. My thoughts are simpler now. Cleaner. I don’t worry about grades or what other people think of me. I’ve been finding satisfaction in following routines and staying disciplined. It’s like my mind is trimming away the excess, leaving only what’s necessary.

The strangest part is how natural this feels. I’ve stopped questioning why I’m drawn to certain things, like rubber clothing. I ordered a polo shirt and shorts made of shiny black rubber, and when they arrived, I felt this overwhelming urge to put them on. The way the material clung to my body was exhilarating. It felt like it was meant for me.

March 17

Obedience. That word has been stuck in my head all day. I used to think of obedience as something restrictive, but now it feels… freeing. There’s a comfort in knowing what’s expected of me and fulfilling that role.

During today’s checkup, Dr. Ellison introduced me to the concept of the Golden Army. He said that’s what this trial is all about—creating a team, a collective, a purpose. When he said I was almost ready to “serve,” I felt this rush of pride.

He gave me a new uniform: a shiny black rubber polo shirt and matching shorts. When I put them on, it felt like coming home. The snugness of the material, the way it shimmered in the light—it was perfect. He told me to wear it proudly, and I do.

April 14

It’s hard to put my thoughts into words now. Writing feels inefficient, clunky. My mind works differently—it’s all about action and purpose.

I have stopped thinking of myself as Todd. That identity has been erased. I am PDU-092, a loyal servant of the Golden Army. My uniform defines me. My purpose is simple: obey commands, serve the collective, and maintain perfection.

Everything is clearer now. I exist to follow orders, to train, to serve. There is no hesitation, no doubt. The Golden Army is strong. The Golden Army is eternal.

Transformation complete.

Identity secure.

Loyalty unwavering.

092 ready to serve. Disciplined. Focused. Controlled.

Journal of Brody Gold

April 14

Dr. Ellison has informed me that the trial drones have progressed smoothly, with a 100 percent conversion rate. Thanks to Liquid GOLD, or Gathering Obedient Loyal Drones, we have a new batch of polo drones at our command. With their blank minds and jacked bodies, they should be perfect servants both on and off the field.

Of course, more test subjects are required.

[eros7hanatos]

Things Diluc Would Do As Your Husband

Husband!Diluc x fem!reader warnings: fluff, sfw, not proofread wc: 547 A/N: had this random thought that led to a train of thoughts while I was procrastinating my studies. I have an exam next Wednesday so I might have to delay some posts TT. I love this man so much <3

art creds: Official Genshin Impact art

We all know that he works a lot, whether that be for the winery or about The Fatui, this man doesn't have much time for leisure. When he first met you he didn't think much, he's not one for looks so he just brushed you off as another ordinary customer. Sometimes you guys would engage in conversation and sometimes you both kept to yourself. He liked this distance and overtime he found himself going to Angel’s Share more and more, in hopes to see you there; reading a book in that corner where you always sat or doing work. Whatever you were doing, he didn't mind, as long as you were there that was all he needed. 

So once this man found out he was head over heels in love with you, gosh, he was absolutely panicking. Only wanting to love you from afar since he was worried that if he was with you, you would be in grave danger.

Back on topic-

He would always find time to see you; whether that be just to have lunch together or to just visit you at your workplace, he would always make time. This is because of his work that often makes him unavailable from the late nights to the early mornings.

He won’t only find time to see you, this man will *make* time to see you. Even when he’s in a big meeting with a big customer, the only thing running in his mind would be you. As soon as the meeting is over he’ll rush straight to you, wanting to tell you all about it and to ask how your day has been.

Diluc is a listener through and through, he loves listening to your random thoughts or how you helped out one of your co-workers because they overslept. No matter what it is, he’ll listen to you with a soft smile on his face. However, during times he also talks, especially with all the events in his life. He wants to open up to someone, thankfully he has such a loving and caring wife 😉

When you’re on your period he will most definitely take days off of work to spend with you. Those days will be spent at home, with him using his element to help warm your stomach and release your cramps. He would help you around if your stomach hurt and would make you your favorite dishes since you love his cooking so much. However, on days that your cramps hurt less he would go into town with you, walking around hand in hand as you looked around all of the little shops, pointing everything out with a smile on your face as he bought all of the things you pointed at. He loves you too much <3

On days that you’re stressed he’ll make a cup of hot coco or tea and lead you to the chairs where you both sit. If you want to talk about it he’s all ears, if not then you’ll both sit in silence hand in hand, with him occasionally squeezing your hand, showing you that he was always there if you needed. He won't force you to talk but would try to urge you to, since he knows holding it in is way worse.

dividers by @cafekitsune

[jazzyblusnowflake]

You've got some cool headcanons for Nuzi and Vuzi, but what about the third? You got any for EnVy?

Wow i suck at answering these on time smh. sighhhh, in my defense i procrastinate answering some questions cuz i don't wanna just put together some random stuff and call it a day-

i actually wrote some stuff for some asks before but had to delete it last minute cuz i thought its worth putting more time than that, i guess TvT sorry, im probably taking this too seriously idk.

My eNVee headcanons TvT:

[yall know the drill, the drone versions only, the human versions aren’t involved, and no nsfw- for now.]

k so, light envuzi involved too, Uzi is the mediator here, whether u consider her a friend here or their mini toaster in the middle- also there's some of the stuff from my future version where V is safe and sound thankfully. and also maybe some stuff from their past too.

With how N was realizing that V was lying or hiding stuff from him in a constant manner, naturally he grew to grieve the loss of who V USED to be, and with that loss he tried to accept that he has to let her go, because the V he fell in love with was long gone. despite this, when they both started teasing each other over their relationship with Uzi and N started to bite back a bit at Vs behaviors with more self confidence, they grew to form a completely different kind of relationship. Uzi was just having fun seeing them try to win her over lmao; but in the end they kind of started enjoying eachothers company again. Uzi felt happy seeing them get closure for the things they went through and was more than happy to support them through it.

Back at the manor V was fixed up after J and N, she was one of the later drones added to the family, she hardly spent much time at the manor at all before the great yeetening happened- she was originally a maid drone for a family before she was broken and dumped in the drone corpse junkyard. Maid drones are programmed with sweet and soft AIs with more round/short body shapes to have a friendly image in a household, they are made to be able to deal with both adults and kids, and they are best made for cleaning and setting up the house in mind. N was made as a butler/chauffeur before getting broken and yeeted in the junkyard [yes he can drive]. Due to V getting broken for some sort of mistake during work, she was left scarred after her reboot to make any more mistakes, which left her slightly jitter-ish and clumsy. Tessa put N in charge to help her around and although at the beginning V didn't talk much and felt unsure, slowly N became her safe space- especially since Tessas abusive parents remind V alot of her old household. N in turn thought V was always cute, he helped her with her work, having more steady hands, which ended with a lot more hand touching and blushing on both their ends :p

N was the one that suggested glasses for V which Tessa decided to try doing to see if it would help her visual efficiency in any way, and it did. V as a DD often tries to rely on her real eyes rather than look through her main visor, the glasses remind her too much of N...

N and V sometimes used to get out of the manor in secret spots to spend some time away from the chaos to help V calm down. during this time they would read books, learn stuff from each others past lives, and sometimes draw lol, but V just liked watching and listening to N, she felt happy with him. although unlike N, V felt a bit nervous around the animals in the area XD

N and V actually have shared kisses, just not on the lips. with N kissing her on the back of her hand as a gentleman and V giving him kisses on his cheek [Tessa's idea of a cute plan to put them under a mistletoe lol], but Vs last words to N was a promise to give him a kiss before she became comatose. as more drones in the manor stopped working and Ns efficiency and work became less useful to the manors occupants due to him wanting to spend time with V all the time, Louisa and James started becoming more impatient with Tessa's drones, which lead to the whole "get rid of them" line...

back in the current time V is obviously trying to protect N in her own traumatized way; but even then, most of the things she had done to "shelter" N, was probably not the best choice one could make, and some of it was done out of jealousy towards N and Uzi getting closer. However, slowly she started convincing herself that N deserved someone like Uzi. V had convinced herself that she deserves nothing. She was willing to give up everything for N and keep him safe from the beginning, even if it meant knocking N down a few limbs/heads just to keep him away from danger- which is problematic in itself. she made choices based off fear and urgency. she was always traumatized.

When N and V started getting along together a bit more and hanging around a bit in the human cities- V takes N to a bookstore she found once and they spent the whole day in the shelter of the store reading different old books. V still does not admit she did this to see N happy again lol.

When N started showing V affection again, V started becoming heavily touch starved and dependent on him again, just like the manor days, which she feared, which caused a minor set back for a while where she tried to avoid N. Uzi had to come and fix this shit cuz apparently only she can scold 2 dinosaurs without feeling intimidated. after N and V kiss for the first time PROPERLY after the whole solver BS ends, V just gets more touch starved and she hates both N AND Uzi for this lmao.

N and Uzi know that one of the only ways to make V calm down is to act soft with her, occasionally praising her and calling her nice things; even when V is literally threatening to bite their head off- [shes bluffing-.......mostly.]

N is usually the one that initiates any closeness with V. after their first kiss, N does tell her that she's done stuff that he might not be able to casually forgive, but at the same time he has seen her grow, and she does have good in her that he still loves her for.

V has nightmares and hardly ever sleeps, and when she does, its usually cuddling N or Uzi.

V tries to wear her glasses more often in the future. N likes it a lot :"3

V is surprisingly a good mom :p [spoilers for my au lmao bye] but yeah, since her original OS was for a maid, she still has some functions to be good with little ones. she cant help herself, she just really likes babies and kids.

N likes sometimes ballroom dancing with V for old times sake...

[i think this is as far as my brain will allow me, please excuse me as i jump off a cliff :") ]

[rottenpumpkin13]

Hello! I was wondering if you have any headcanons for Zack having ADHD?

A few, mostly things that affect him throughout his daily life such as:

• Him going into conversations with the "ok I have to focus and pay attention to what they're saying" mindset, and then focusing so hard on the fact that he needs to pay attention, that he ends up not paying attention to what the person says at all.

• Becoming hyperfocused on something for hours, sometimes even days to the point where the only thing on his mind is his interest, and then suddenly losing interest in it altogether.

• I n s o m n i a + sleep issues in general. He rarely gets a peaceful night of sleep.

• The curse of reading an entire chapter of a book completely spaced out—he's reading it, his eyes moving over the words, but his mind is stuck on something Angeal said to him earlier, overthinking.

• When someone looks at Zack Fair, 98% of the time he's having four different conversations with himself in his head at the same time. (The other 2% he's thinking about how badass it would be to own a hamster named Crusher, or what he wants to eat for lunch).

• He didn't spend half of his last paycheck entirely on a collection of inflatable moogles because he's irresponsible, he did so because of impulsivity 🫠

• ADHD shutdowns are the worse for him; he has a really deep pool of tolerance, but when emotions overwhelm him, he immediately spaces out and remains in this state of not talking and wanting to stay in bed until he processes his emotions.

• You don’t need a weapon to take down Zack Fair—just cancel plans he’s been mentally preparing for at the last minute 🫠 (don't do that he'll explode).

• He has a hard time distinguishing exhaustion from laziness, which often leads to overworking himself because he doesn’t want to seem lazy. Sometimes this results in real exhaustion, where he feels lazy even during his breaks.

• "I have a lot of anxiety and my thoughts won't stop so maybe I'll do some squats because physical exercise clears them up!" <- said at 3AM.

• His apartment isn’t a mess if everything in it is important to him. To Angeal it’s just an old empty pizza box on top of the fridge. To Zack, it’s the box with a discount code he’s been meaning to cut out but hasn’t gotten around to yet thanks to procrastination.

[eclipsellium]

Why I hate the pomodoro method.

You’ve probably seen someone suggest the Pomodoro method before— you do short sprints (typically 25 mins) followed up by a quick break (typically 5 mins).

I don’t like it, and I will never go back to using it. Don’t get me wrong, it can work really well! My sibling only gets anything done if they use this method, so there is something good about it. However, I’m going to talk about the downsides and what else to do instead of this method.

1. It focuses on time spent rather than results.

Many tasks are quite flexible in how long we take to complete them. Take walking home for example. When I am in a rush to school, it takes about 20 mins uphill, but my legs cramp really bad. When I’m just listening to my music and vibing, it takes about 30 mins downhill.

It's a similar idea for studying. Apply pressure on your learning and assignments, and they get completed faster. Too much pressure, you get exhausted or can’t think straight. (HINT: Procrastination). Too little pressure, and it takes forever to get anything done.

Different results require different amounts of time and pressure.

Trying to strive for a specific time frame undermines what your true goal is: to get some something done. The repetitive cycle assumes a “one size fits all” but that is rarely ever the case. Saying “I studied for two hours today” means nothing compared to “I wrote my essay, read a research paper, and annotated my notes from yesterday.”

2. It discourages focus and flow.

When I was trying out the method, I kept trying to find the ideal time for work and for breaks. The problem is it's never the same. Some days, you are more mentally exhausted and need longer and more breaks, otherwise you are just going to be miserable.

As it is, the five-minute break isn’t long enough to go on a short walk, take a dedicated snack, or fully disconnect. It’s a waste of time that taunts you with distractions that aren’t conducive to a good work environment.

The opposite is also true. Good days can be rare, so when you get into the zone, there’s no reason to come out of it for anything other than a natural transition. A ticking timer to your productivity doesn’t help, and breaking up that “flow state” isn’t maximizing your time or your efforts.

I also haven’t heard many people mention stamina. If you are in school and taking tests, you realize they are typically around the same length (90 - 120 mins where I am). The pomodoro method contradicts this. For a lot of people, focusing and doing your best on a test for such a long period of time can be difficult.

Oh, but that’s just life.

Maybe a part of it is, but you can take steps to improve your stamina during test taking. Spending upwards of two hours studying or taking practice tests, especially leading up to huge exams, can make the test fly by. Simulating test conditions is also a great way to study or increase pressure, which is what long term study periods achieve. Taking longer study periods also relates back to breaks. With the same amount of break time, you consolidate it into a greater block. You can grab a snack, watch an episode of your favorite show, take a walk outside, or do your hair. All fun stuff you can’t do with pomodoro.

3. It brings technology back into the equation.

If you’re using pomodoro method, most likely, its on your computer or your phone. Which means you have to have a device in reach and visible (for work on paper) or be constantly switching tabs (for work online).

Distractions are a huge part of this modern age, which means that you could inadvertently be teasing your mind with a computer game or social media or whatever you enjoy. Even if you don’t give in, you *are* losing focus.

Forget the clocks, forget the devices, forget the notifications. It’s so much easier to be productive if you have nothing else to do and no distractions to take you away from something that, at the heart of it, you enjoy. Because if you hate studying, why are you still reading this??????

This is really long so I’ll make another post about different study methods next week.

[etheribot]

5 tips for the work-at-home witch ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

when i'm not witching around, i actually have a day job! my job is primarily a work from home job, spending my days alone in my room writing reports and reading legal documents... it gets stale (●´⌓`●) this is a list of some little witchy things i do to keep my head on straight and prevent myself from going mad and impulsively quitting my job!

some of these tips might also work for students!

you might have to switch it up a bit, but some of these tips could help you get through homeschooling, digital learning days, or homework.

₊˚⊹♡ 1. light a candle ♡⊹˚₊

one of the first things i do when i begin work for the day is to light a simple votive candle. the element of fire is a strong element, and by lighting a candle you can harness the energetic energy of the flame. the goal of lighting a candle while you work is to keep yourself "fired up" per say ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ . light the candle with the intention of remaining motivated and energized. for extra effectiveness, you could dress the candle with herbs that also have energizing metaphysical properties. (remember, though, always double check that your herbs are safe to burn!)

₊˚⊹♡ 2. use a sigil ♡⊹˚₊

sigils are an extremely simple yet effective way to use magick! personally, i like to draw the sigil on the back of my dominant (or "working hand") with a non-permanent marker. if you follow this method, be sure to wash it off once you've finished work for the day! leaving a sigil on your body too long can be a bit draining in my personal experience.

if you're more artsy, you could make a piece of art out of a sigil to keep on your desk. a painting, a piece of embroidery, a sketch, or even some digital art done and turned into your desktop wallpaper (tech witches would love that, i feel.)!

i personally like to make my sigils for work out of phrases like "may i work efficiently", "may my work be done properly", but & "may information come easily to me".

₊˚⊹♡ 3. money bowl ♡⊹˚₊

i actually haven't done this yet (˃ᆺ˂) it's a spell i plan to do during the next full moon.

but! the idea of a money bowl is to essentially bring more money in to your life. if you're looking for a promotion or a pay raise, a money bowl on your desk certainly won't hurt!

₊˚⊹♡ 4. work outside ♡⊹˚₊

if you're able, work somewhere other than you're typical working area at least once a week. coffee shops, libraries... even a different room in your house! the change of energy will keep you from feeling too stagnant.

i really recommend taking your work outside, if able. sometimes, i print out a few documents i need to read and go sit out under a tree in my yard. sitting outside in nature not only helps to keep you grounded, but it also helps foster your connection with the local nature spirits. connecting to your local nature spirits AND getting your work done at the same time... talk about multitasking! (ᴗᵔᴥᵔ) if you can't work outside, then take time during your breaks to step outside. a small walk or even just sitting outside under the sun is enough to help keep your centered.

₊˚⊹♡ 5. enchant a watch ♡⊹˚₊

i have severe ADHD, but i also have severe severe severe anxiety. because of this, under my doctor's guidance, i can't take ADHD medicine for fear of my anxiety medicine not working effectively. since i'm rawdogging my ADHD i tend to have a hard time staying on schedule... so i've enchanted my watch!

i recommend using materials that promote focus and organization. ever since casting an enchantment on my watch, i've noticed an uptick in my overall productivity in all facets of my life - work included. i haven't missed a deadline, and while i still have a nasty habit of procrastinating, once i finally make the effort to begin work i find myself staying on schedule way easier than before.

that's it for now! if you have any questions or would like me to go further into detail about certain things, feel free to send me an ask! <3

[goldfish-afterhours]

Genshin Characters During Finals Season (College AU)

Characters: Zhongli, Thoma, Venti, Xiao, Albedo, Bennett, Childe, Kaeya

Type/Genre: Bulleted headcanons, comedy

Warnings: Foul language, slightly suggestive humour/for comedic purposes

Zhongli

Calm and collected at first

As the days go by, Zhongli would start looking more and more like a tired dad

Walks around slightly frowning, bags under his eyes from all nighters, and clutching a mug of coffee so hard that people are afraid it’s gonna break, but even more afraid to tell him to be careful

Has heat compresses on the back of his neck and forehead to ease the headaches from the lack of sleep

Probably told Childe to shut the fuck up and mind your own business when he warned him about his cup

“Childe, if I do not kill this final I will kill you in its stead. Leave me be.”

Thoma

Probably part of one of those student care organizations that makes care packages for other students

His smile when he hands out the packages is so bright and healing it could bring back the dead

Always motivating his peers and tries to keep everyone’s spirits up

Offers to get everyone in the study group coffee

He’s not the best at school but he has a lot of friends that are willing to tutor him and do his assignments help him with his work

Likes to snack while he’s studying

“No giving up yet! Let’s take a snack break, you’ll think better with something in your belly.”

Venti

Chills at a coffee shop with a big friend group to “study”

They do jack shit

Probably spends more time staring at the drink menu than his exam notes

Grade A procrastinator, does all his homework the night before it’s due and studies for exams the morning of

Due tomorrow do tomorrow amiright

Always seems to do okay tho?? People wanna scold him for his bad study habits but he actually does okay in school so they can’t really say anything

Doesn’t study hard but parties 100x harder

“Come on, live a little! If your exam is at 2pm, you can just start studying at 9 tomorrow morning and you’ll be fine.”

Xiao

Pulls all nighter after all nighter after all nighter after all nighter after-

No one can ever find him during the day on campus or in his dorm—it’s like he despawned and just does not exist

Only time he is spotted by others is always at 3am in the morning like a cryptid and he looks like a zombie

He’s actually working a part time job along with going to classes and helping others with their work. An angry looking good boy.

Studies in the lecture halls by himself, blasting music as loud as he can on his headphones to keep himself awake

Mf going to go deaf is2g lower ur volume boi

“…hey. I’m getting a coffee, do you want one?”

Albedo

Plans his time meticulously. Has an extremely organized planner where he writes out exactly what he’s going to do at every hour of the day so he can maximize his week

Includes mealtimes, breaks, and poop times relaxation periods

Usually studies in his room, but for some reason people keep barging in on him to ask for study help so he has to find different hiding places to work in peace

So far, the best place has been the graduate students lounge. No he does not belong there, but no one questions him because it looks like he does

“If you really need my help, I have twenty seven and a half minutes between lunch and my bathroom break this Thursday. Come find me then.”

(Rejected quote: “What’s my masters in? No no, the only thing I’m a master of is your mom.”)

Bennett

The type of person to have the “please don’t talk to me I have work to do and if you talk to me I won’t stop” sign on his back while working in the library

Fell asleep while completing an assignment

Missed the midnight deadline for said assignment

Slept through the exam the next morning

At this point just let him sleep at least he won’t have to deal with it then

“That was a good nap…now I got the energy for my assignment and the exam!”

Childe

Would be a good student if he wasn’t bothering other people so often

Probably bakes when he’s stressed. His roommates are always awoken at 4 in the morning to the sound of the oven beeping and the heavenly smell of freshly baked cookies

Has a friendly rivalry with Zhongli. He always asks when Zhongli will be turning in an assignment, and what mark he’s aiming for for the final exam

Turns in the final paper at least a week before it’s due and aims for ten percent higher than Zhongli on the exam

If he needs bonus marks to reach that then so be it

Otherwise slacks off a bit

He’d be a really good student if he wasn’t so competitive with Zhongli all the time

“You good, Zhongles? You trying to squeeze a better grade out of that mug?”

Kaeya

This man probably used red bull as the liquid for his instant coffee

An absolute menace and loves messing with people

Tells them that the exam is on a whole other different thing than what they were studying for, or that the due date of a big assignment was changed

Nobody goes to him for help

If you do genuinely need help with a concept, though, he’s more than willing to help

Just make sure to provide adequate compensation for him ;)

By compensation I mean more red bull this man has drank 3 cans in ten minutes please stop him

“What? If they do shit, that only helps with our bellcurve, right? Their fault for trusting me anyways~”

[juneknight]

.Be Lost. || 2.5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 1.5 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 2.5

Next chapter is the last.

*

His grin is broad, beatific. It turns teasing almost right away. He leans down and brushes his nose against yours before releasing your wrists and rolling off of you. 

“I want to be just friends for just a while longer,” he admits in a whisper. “Throughout dinner. There’s something important I need to tell you.” 

*

‘There’s something important I need to tell you’. Have more infamous words ever been spoken, besides ‘we need to talk’? His sentence infuses you with dread and a strange calm all at once. This is it. The other shoe is about to drop. Marc deciding that he doesn’t want to dominate you will be the best-case-scenario outcome. 

Worst case scenario? He’s already done too much with you to salvage the friendship, and you both will have to part ways. Maybe that’s what he meant by wanting to stay just friends for a while longer. All these thoughts spin in your brain like a cyclone, sucking up your sanity while you pick at your entree at the (expensive) restaurant Marc insisted on bringing you to for dinner. Your hand is clammy where you are clutching your fork. You consider stabbing yourself with it to end the dinner early. 

It isn’t the worst dinner you’ve ever had together (that honor goes to the miserable time you and Marc had tried double dating, each of you bringing a lackluster date and spending the whole time—as you understood it now—fuming when the other showed any hint of affection towards their partner). But this is close. So close. 

Even Marc seems nervous. He is quiet(er). He clears his throat every now and then like he is about to say something, but then just reaches for his wine and takes another sip. When he cuts himself off after one glass and moves on to water, he drinks nearly two entire glasses thanks to this procrastination-sipping. You want to scream. Go ahead and say it! Break my heart already! Just get it over with. 

When he insists on dessert, you can’t take it anymore. Over dark chocolate cake with chocolate ganache, you sit your fork down and say: 

“What is it?”

“Have you ever seen the birds outside your window?” he blurts out. You stare. He clears his throat. Another sip of water. “At your apartment. On your balcony, you have a bird feeder. I just—do you ever stop and watch the birds?” 

“Yes,” you say, twisting your napkin in your lap. “Hence the bird feeder. Why—?” 

“You have this one bird that comes back often. It’s a house sparrow—I looked it up. House sparrows are like most birds, where the males are all beautiful and the females are more plain. Except this one bird. She had a bib, like the males do, but her’s was a downy gray instead of black. She came back every day. Multiple times a day, sometimes. Maybe she had babies that she was raiding your feeder for, I don’t know. 

“But I started talking to her about you while you were gone. Because I missed you. And I always miss you when you go away during the winter, don’t get me wrong, but this time…Well I had to talk to that fucking bird, or I would have—yes, another water would be fine, thank you—” 

You glare at the waiter’s back, irritated by the interruption. Something about this strange tangent has your attention. Maybe it’s the serious expression in Marc’s eyes, marred only by a hint of something sharper. Desperation, maybe. Maybe that’s what makes his words string together, turns him into a rambler. Still, you would have him see this through. 

“Go on,“ you coax. 

“I started talking to that fucking bird, because I couldn’t call you all day, and if I didn’t talk to something, I’d go crazy. I told her all about you. The way your skin gets lit up at night when you fall asleep while we’re watching television, colors changing blue, red, brown, white with whatever is on the screen. I told her about how you can’t let your food groups touch when they’re on your plate. I told her how you laugh so hard sometimes that you snort, and that those are always my favorite laughs.” 

“This bird knows all my secrets then,” you murmur. “I hope she doesn’t work for the government.” 

“All birds work for the government. I told her about my day. Work. Friends. Traffic. Dreams. Besides our every-other-night phonecalls, this…fucking…bird was the highlight of my day. I mean that unirionically.” 

“I’m starting to get jealous.” 

“And then one day she was gone,” says Marc. “She missed the morning rush. I sat on your bed, looking out at the balcony, waiting. And she never came. She never came back. I didn’t realize it until sunset, when she’d missed dinner, that I’d wasted my entire day off waiting. That whatever happens to birds—wherever she went when she wasn’t with me—she was gone, and she wasn’t coming back.

“That made me think of you. Going away from me, going wherever birds go. Taking all these pieces of me with you, and never coming back with them. You have those, you know. Pieces of me. So many pieces. I’d say that I have one last one to give you, but—” he snorts softly, looking down at his plate, “—you’ve had my heart already.

“And I don’t mind leaving them with you. I don’t mind you leaving. I know your work is important, and that you love it. I just want to know that you’ll always come back. I want you to have a reason to always come back—to me.”

“What are you saying?” you wonder, eyes wide as moons, mouth feeling a little numb. It almost sounds like he’s—

“I’m in love with you. I don’t want tonight to be a one-and-done, and I don’t just want the sex—yes, thank you, the check is fine—-” 

“I’m sorry,” you say to the waiter, holding up a finger. “Could you give us a moment without interruptions? Very important conversation. I apologize—thanks! You…you don’t want the sex?” 

“I don’t just want the sex. Important distinction,” says Marc. He laughs a little, but it sounds weak, punched-out. “You’re scaring me a little. Everytime I went over it in my head, you said it back straightaway. Then there was usually a spontaneous firework show, maybe some birds—” 

“Doves?”

“House sparrows.” 

“Marc—” you get shy suddenly. He’s opened himself up to you, fulfilled your wildest dreams (except the thought of Marc Spector loving you was so wild that it hadn’t even been in your dreams), but the idea of opening yourself up in return was terrifying. Couldn’t he just…tell? “Come on. You have to know…” 

Marc’s jaw gets tight. His eyes fall to his plate. “I didn’t. I thought—maybe I’ve just been seeing things. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have fucking—God, I’ve gone and fucked it all up, haven’t I?” 

“No—Marc, you aren’t getting it. The way you feel—it’s the way I feel, too,” you admit, nearly at a whisper, so quiet that he is leaning closer to you across the table straining to hear your words. “I’ve felt this way all this time. A long time before I even let myself realize it. It’s always been you. It would break my heart if all that happened tonight was amazing, kinky sex—excuse me, I just said—!”

The waiter clears his throat. He brandishes a bottle of wine from behind his back. “For new love. On the house.” 

“Is it corked?” Marc asks, his eyes on your own. There is something dark in his eyes, something that makes your mouth go dry in an instant and your hands clench into fists in your lap.

“Yes, sir.” 

“We’ll take it to go.”

*

Marc goes to open your car door for you but instead crowds you against it right there in the parking lot, one hand braced on the window beside you and the other on your hip. His body throws off warmth, and you find yourself arching away from the cool metal of the car against his body, all the breath rushing out of you in a whoosh. 

“Listen,” Marc says, leaning in to nuzzle against your temple. “You have to tell me now if you have any doubts. If you do, we’ll get in the car and I’ll drive you back to your apartment, and tomorrow night I’ll take you on another date like nice normal people do when they’re in love. But if you don’t, if you get in this car, you’ll belong to me. You know that, don’t you? Your body—”

“I want it, Marc, I want it,” you breathe. “I don’t have any doubts, I promise—”

He reaches up and grips your chin firmly, pressing your lower jaw up until your teeth clench together. His thumb rests over the seam of your lips, locking them closed. Something about the simple act makes you whine in the back of your throat. “At, At. It’s my turn to talk, yeah? Be a good girl and wait your turn. 

“If you get in this car, then for tonight you’re mine. Your body, your mind. Your words and your actions. Your sounds. Your pleasure. All of it will be mine to do with as I see fit. And I’ll treat you so fucking good honey. So goddamn good. Because I know that’s how good of a girl you’d be for me. So what’s it gonna be?” He lets go of your mouth. 

“My safeword is wine.” 

He sucks in a breath through his teeth, lips thinning. He nods, like he knew it was headed this direction. His hand drops and finds the handle of the car door, and but he doesn’t open it. Not yet. 

“One condition,” he says. “Non-negotiable.” 

Anxious, you say: “What is it?” 

“We kiss first. Here. Now. While we’re still just us.” 

“Yes,” you whisper. “Yes, do it, please—” 

He kisses you, and it’s—wow. There could be fireworks, for all you know, but they’d be coming in second. Second to the taste of wine on Marc’s tongue. Second to the soft firmness of his lips. Second to the way his broad hand cups the back of your head and tilts it just-so, so that he can deepen the kiss the way he likes. Second to the way he starts to smile against your mouth. A smile that turns into a broad grin. 

“Oh my god,” he laughs. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had.” 

“I found your bird,” you whisper shakily against his mouth. 

He pulls back, startled by your words. “You—what?” 

“Your missing bird,” you say, reaching for his hand. You place it over your racing heart, which feels like the beating of wings beneath his touch. 

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m a 23 year old INFP. Due to childhood trauma and growing up in an abusive household, but ultimately I suppose due to my own personal struggle to take control of my life, I feel very behind and unaccomplished at my age. I have yet to finish my degree. I managed to get through high school with flying colours, but it turned out I was completely incapable of managing my depression and focusing on school at the same time. As a result, I’ve dropped out for the time being (I’m about halfway done) and have decided to focus on managing myself, personal development, and getting my finances in order before continuing school.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt for not completing school on time, as I’ve always seen myself as “smart” and “scholarly” I suppose, and was raised to hold education in high regard. To put things into perspective a bit more, I’ve always struggled with procrastination, getting things done on time and allowing my emotions to completely captivate me to the point where I easily neglect my duties. Despite this, I managed to get through high school as an outstanding student, but like I said earlier, this did not carry on into college unfortunately.

I feel like I’m less than half of the person that I could be. I also feel held back by my typology. I recall that you don’t hold much regard for enneagram, but I will just say being an INFP 4, it feels like I was born as the type most susceptible to failure. Now, I know INFP does not equal failure, as my best friend is also one and is a relatively successful business woman. However, she has things in life that I severely lack; adequate parental guidance, self esteem, and what I’d describe as much more developed Si. This isn’t to say things were handed to her, she worked for a lot of what she has now, but I do think that she was blessed with much more assets than I was.

I guess what I feel is that INFP is the least useful brain to have in a situation like mine. I have not a logical mind, nor a desire for any sort of order like Js do, and on top of that I was not taught any life skills, and all of my emotional intelligence was developed on my own, through observation. So, I’m great at giving advice, and horrible at applying it to my own life. I’ve been said to be wise, insightful, and particularly good at dissecting interpersonal relationships, yet nothing about my situation in life would reflect this, except maybe my relationships I have with my friends, to a degree.

I know I lack emotional intelligence despite being told otherwise, and this is something I’ve only recently come to terms with. I now believe if I truly had emotional intelligence, I would be in a better position than I am now. I have a tendency to avoid things that make me feel bad. I enjoy staying up late and staying in bed all day. I feel very unequipped to deal with society. I hate strangers, I hate being yelled at, I hate being invalidated, I hate being misunderstood, and all of these hatreds and my incompatibility with society were solidified during the years I worked (fast food, sales, and call centers). I am now very hesitant to get a job, I feel like I’ll be unable to succeed at anything I’m actually qualified for, as it often requires dealing with strangers. I don’t know how I did it before, but I do remember feeling dread during every work hour. I am scared to be in that position again.

I have a tendency to do more for others than myself. I’ll spend all day or longer writing an essay for a friend, or helping them with their homework, and yet I cannot bring myself to focus on my own studies. I can give a friend mountains of advice, perhaps even a detailed life plan, but I can’t begin to truly dissect my own problems and figure something out. It is so much easier engaging with someone else’s problems instead of my own. These days, I often feel like some sort of side character, someone meant to uplift others, but cannot experience any development for themselves. The narrative isn’t focused on me, although I so desperately want it to be.

I want to be accomplished. I want to be strong. I want to face strangers with ease. I want to be able to push aside my feelings in order to work hard. I want to be comfortable with myself, to be a beacon of hope for others, not just by my words and ability to connect with others, but by who I am as a person on my own.

But I am so inconsistent in my pursuits of self improvement, and so easily defeated. I’ve tried and failed a million times. I’ve improved myself over time, but the improvement has been minuscule and inconsistent. It isn’t entirely my fault, as there are circumstances I won’t get into that quite literally force me away from my goals, but I know that I need to find a work around and learn to cope with them so that I may one day succeed and leave these circumstances.

I just don’t know what to do. How can such a sensitive, reclusive, and traumatized person such as myself break their chains? Is it even possible to live up to the greatness I desire that lives only in my head? As an INFP born into such unlucky circumstances, am I destined to always fall short of the person I need to become?

My friends tell me that I’m a great person. They would say I’m capable and that they’ve seen proof. I am cursed with the knowledge that they speak with bias, and their perceptions of me are not based off reality, but by subjective feelings of tenderness. I feel like if anything, it’s been proven that I am incapable.

The only thing I’m really “good” for is giving emotional support to others, but that means nothing to society and absolutely nothing to myself. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that I don’t value kindness or the ability to connect, but that these “strengths” of mine do not realistically benefit my life. Being empathetic is nice for others who know me, but it hasn’t made me a more accomplished or skilled individual, and it hasn’t added any pride to my image. It doesn’t mean much to me if in the end I still can’t take care of myself and I still don’t have much value as a member of society. Especially when I look around and see how much more accomplished my peers who are much more insensitive than me are.

How do I change? How can I live up to my own expectations and standards? How do I fight back?

----------------------

You've brought up a lot of different points, so I'll attempt to break them down for you:

(1) Type Clarification: How did you come to INFP and are you certain this is the correct type? I am obliged to clarify this point because function development isn't going to work for you unless you have the correct type. Generally speaking, based on my experience with type assessment, there are certain warning signs that indicate a mistype, and you display a few of them, so it's important to double check before proceeding.

(2) A Problem of Perspective: What you've written is basically a narrative of your life that explains how you got to this point. What you don't seem to understand yet is that a "narrative" isn't reality. A narrative is merely a story that is told from a very narrow and specific point-of-view.

I always like to bring up the children's story The Ugly Duckling as an example of how a personal narrative can heavily influence one's perspective and lead one into forming faulty beliefs about oneself and the world. The main character of the story wasn't able to truly understand himself until he realized that his personal narrative was all wrong. You are in a similar boat.

Whether they realize it or not, everyone has a personal narrative, a story that they tell themselves about who they are. How do we know whether the narrative is a good one? Think about what a narrator does in a novel:

- A story always makes more sense and is more easily understood when the narrator isn't the main character but rather an omniscient or godly being that tells the story from an objective vantage point (third person perspective). As such, we can trust that the narrator is providing a full and factual account.

- When the narrator is the main character (first person perspective), you will find that the story is more difficult to understand for two reasons: 1) there is a lack of information due to lack of access to other perspectives in the story, and 2) readers must suffer the same distortions in belief and flaws in memory that the character suffers.

Knowing this, I will point out two problems with your narrative...

(3) Lack of Objectivity: The first problem with your narrative is that it is stuck in the first person perspective. You very much lack a bigger picture view of things, which is not an uncommon problem for introverts who struggle with tertiary loop. This is a sign of insufficient extraverted development, i.e., trapped in subjectivity and lacking objectivity. You're unable to see yourself and your situation from any other perspective but your own, to the point where you actively dismiss every other valid perspective.

Lack of bigger picture thinking is often correlated to depression. Your mind basically operates as though having fallen into a pit, with no view of anything but yourself. Spend enough time being stuck with yourself and every little thing that flits through your mind gets amplified manyfold, such that every ache and pain feels much larger than it really is.

If you are INFP, this situation should be remedied through auxiliary Ne development that would grant you a more open-minded, optimistic, resourceful, ambitious, and forward-thinking attitude. It's not about "shoving your feelings aside" but about learning to see things in a more positive light. The cure to being too negative is to learn how to balance it by being more open to the positive.

Healthy NPs never shy away from problems because they trust in Ne, i.e., they exercise their creative problem solving skills as necessary to get over hurdles and obstacles, even transforming them into something positive. So, why aren't you exercising Ne? What have you done to develop Ne? It is troubling (and perhaps a sign of being mistyped) when the auxiliary function is completely absent from your cognition.

(4) Poor Critical Thinking: The second problem with your narrative is that it was spun out of faulty beliefs. You've basically been telling yourself a bogus story, over and over again, and now you believe that every word is true. When a narrative is fundamentally flawed like this, the remedy is to change the story and make it more objective as mentioned above in point #3, as well as more factual.

While there are facts peppered throughout your story, your interpretation of the facts is often incorrect. You want to believe you have a good grasp of the facts, but you don't.

For example, the fact is that the education system, being as big as it is and not having all the resources in the world, cannot be much more than a crude one-size-fits-all approach to learning. As such, it's not going to work equally well for everyone. There are always going to be students with special needs or unique circumstances that won't flow smoothly through the system as planned. If the system isn't working for you, is it something to take as a personal failure and feel deeply ashamed about?

I used to teach critical thinking courses and there was one problem I encountered again and again. Many people think they understand facts, but the truth is that they don't even have basic knowledge of what a fact is.

For example: Yes, it is a fact that you were deprived a healthy childhood. Yes, it is a fact that you had to drop out of your studies. These things happened and they are provable. However, how did you jump from these simple facts to make claims such as "I'm a failure"? Calling yourself a failure isn't a fact but rather a value judgment, and in this case, it is an unjustified value judgment.

An easy way to tell whether someone has poor critical thinking skills is to see whether they can tell the difference between a fact and a value. You aren't able to, and many people aren't able to. Believing that you have a good grasp of the facts when you actually don't is how you end up with faulty beliefs. When you go through life with faulty beliefs, you're much more likely to take the wrong approach, make errors, and suffer from unconscious biases and prejudices.

People aren't born with good critical thinking; it must be learned and practiced. There are lots of resources for improving, and you ought to improve because it's vital for challenging faulty beliefs. However, deeply entrenched beliefs are difficult to change on your own because your ego is invested in them, so it might be a good idea to work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist. They can be your objective party and help point out exactly where your thinking is going wrong. But this is assuming that you're willing to open your mind to other perspectives.

(5) Emotional Reasoning: Yes, you are quite right that you need to improve your emotional intelligence. Throughout your story, I see many thinking errors that lead you to draw incorrect judgments/conclusions. But what lies at the heart of those errors is that your thought process frequently gets hijacked by unresolved negative emotions. Improving your emotional intelligence would not only help improve your mood, it would also help stop emotional reasoning.

In your story, you're trying to link cause and effect, in order to provide an explanation of the factors that led you to this point in life. This seems like a reasonable and logical thing to do. However, people who are prone to emotional reasoning often get cause and effect backwards or misattribute causes. When they're feeling bad, they concoct a story to explain and justify their negative feelings. In effect, they start with a conclusion and then selectively gather evidence to support it, which is backwards from proper logical reasoning that should start with the evidence and then draw the most logical conclusion from it.

For example, you claim that the only thing you're good for is providing emotional support, which implies that you're good at it. How can we prove this statement? One way would be to examine the results of the support you've given. Did people appreciate the support? Did it help them? Did it change them? If so, you can be said to be good at it.

But apparently what they say doesn't count as evidence. Somehow only you have access to the real evidence. Don't you find it odd that so many of your thought processes come back to you having some magical ability to access a deeper truth that others can't see? You call yourself a failure who is unable to do anything right on one hand, but then insist that you couldn't possibly be wrong when it comes to assessing yourself, on the other hand. This is the kind of contradictory thinking that emotional reasoning gets you mired in.

If being able to empathize isn't a skill, valuable both to oneself and others, then all the great friends, parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, doctors, nurses, vets, counselors, therapists, social workers, artists, musicians, writers, librarians, gardeners, and zookeepers should just delete themselves for their utter uselessness to society. Heck, I should just delete my whole blog right now because I don't get anything from writing this for you, yes?

There are absolutely personal benefits to be had from being empathetic. Through supporting and helping others, you can experience:

the dignity of choosing to be an honorable/humane person

the intimacy of deep and meaningful relationships

the satisfaction of reaping the fruits of your emotional labor

the joy of making a positive difference in the world

the awe of witnessing the realization of greater potential

It seems you can't recognize these benefits because they contradict the failure narrative and the negative emotions you're struggling with. Any evidence that makes you feel good about yourself must be rejected, right? Isn't it odd that you've closed off every path to feeling good about yourself except an impossible one, i.e., living up to some imaginary standard of what you believe all people your age should be? It's almost as though you are intent on believing the worst about yourself, so you set yourself up for failure with unreasonable expectations. But this is emblematic of how emotional reasoning messes up the mind.

People aren't born with great emotional intelligence. It's yet another thing you must learn and practice throughout life, that is, if you don't want your emotions to be out of your control. It doesn't matter when you start learning; it only matters that you start.

(6) Changing the Narrative: There are distinct patterns in our personal narratives, which Jung conceptualized as archetypes. Understanding these patterns from a more objective vantage point can help us craft a narrative that serves us better. At the end of the day, you are the one narrating the story, and you could choose to tell a different story at any time.

To give you an example, if I were to analyze your narrative, I'd say that your perspective is that of an "orphan". Orphans see themselves as rejected children, so their approach to the world is one of neediness for love but also deep resentment/anger about being abandoned. Orphans are prone to feeling: unmoored, confused, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, apathetic, fatalistic.

Of course, it's appropriate to feel: unmoored when you don't have a safe and stable home base to operate from; confused when you don't have enough social support; ashamed when you struggle more than others; helpless when you don't know what to do; hopeless when every attempt fails; apathetic when you get disappointed too many times; fatalistic when the odds seem stacked against you.

Nobody is saying that your feelings are invalid. What matters most is how you interpret the feelings and what you do about them. The problem is that, through emotional reasoning, you take your negative feelings and turn them into cynical judgments and then make decisions that leave you perpetually feeling like an orphan.

A narrative becomes sinister when one starts to derive some kind of egotistical benefit from it, which then breeds resistance against changing it. Are you willing to change your narrative at this point?

For example, many orphans keep telling the orphan story because it allows them to benefit from victimhood. Being a victim has its "perks". Victims have the right to self-pity. They have the right to rage against whatever they feel victimized by. They can also expect special treatment or extra care. As such, you will find that orphans often reject love and stay orphans in the end because they don't want to give up the "perks" of victimhood.

I'm not saying this example applies to you, but have you reflected on why you have a pattern of rejecting people's attempts to console you and provide you with evidence that you are actually a good and worthy person? Have you reflected on why you insist on telling the orphan story when other narratives are readily available to you?

For example, you could choose the "misfit" narrative. There are plenty of people, often INFPs, who march to the beat of their own drum and carve out their own unique path to success in life. Or, you could choose the "creator" narrative. INFPs generally love to use their imagination to come up with new and novel ways to live life outside the box. Why is it that you believe there's only one path available to you, that life is only about living up to society's unimaginative standards?

Or, you could embrace the "caregiver" narrative. It could be quite a heroic story, and it might lead you into a very meaningful and fulfilling career. Caregivers change people's lives for the better, which drives tangible and positive societal change. Yet, you reject this story and call caregiving worthless because you believe it is a "weakness" easily exploited. People mistreating you isn't something for you to be ashamed of. It is the perpetrators of abuse that ought to be ashamed and punished for their immoral behavior. How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for someone else's problem?

With regard to dealing with people, it sounds like you haven't learned about healthy boundaries. Boundary setting is a practical problem that can be addressed with practical solutions. Yet you turn it into some kind of grand existential crisis and make sweeping statements about the world. Do you really want to spend your whole life locked away, living in fear? It might feel good right now because it's safe, but in the long run you will actually be wasting away for not challenging yourself to reach your greater potential.

.

I'm not saying that any of these problems are easy to resolve. But these problems shouldn't be viewed in the traditional sense of needing a "fix" or that something is "wrong" (with you). These kinds of problems I've outlined are actually spiritual calls to change and improve. How do you change? It is through confronting what we lack and what we are afraid of that allows us to grow as human beings.

How can you live up to your own expectations and standards? Maybe a better question to ask is whether you've set the right expectations and standards? If you don't want to always feel bad about yourself, then you have to get up and start doing the things that will lead you to feel better about yourself. And we each have our own path to take to developing self-esteem and self-worth. Once you understand and respect your own individuality, then maybe you can exercise more self-compassion and allow yourself to live and learn at your own pace.

How do you fight back? I don't think it's necessary to "fight". Would you yell and scream and dump a flower in the trash just because it didn't grow as fast as the other seeds you planted? No, hopefully you would give it extra care to ensure that it has everything it needs to grow well. That's how you should be treating yourself. If you didn't grow up in an environment that taught you good life skills, then it is incumbent upon you to learn them as an adult, for the sake of your own well-being.

Life has enough challenges; you don't need to be fighting yourself. Instead of wasting time dwelling in fatalistic narratives, see yourself as a human being who is capable of learning and adapting. Learn to treat yourself well and cut out the noise to focus primarily on picking up the knowledge you need to progress in life, not just academics.