#but this one won out mostly because of the accompanying quote

[fairweathermyth]

All this will be for nothing. We will have been for nothing. Your sword still feels affectionate. Judas, must you betray me with a kiss? Just look into my eyes once, brother. I have loved you with all myself. I’m happy it was you here with me... à la fin.

[heavensbeehall]

"Mockingjay", Chapter 16

Part 2: The Assault

Chapter 16: Katniss comes back to consciousness (again!) after being shot and remembers the "Stay with me"/"Always" exchange with Peeta from the second book. Johanna Mason--what a queen--shows up to steal some drugs from Katniss. Johanna is addicted to "morphling" now, but in a fun way. Katniss and Gale fight about killing people but District 2 is now in Rebellion hands. Even though she lost a spleen, Katniss is made to return to work. Plutarch talks about "Panem et Circenses" for all the English teachers in the audience. Annie and Finnick are getting married! Katniss is stunned when the cake is wheeled out and it was obviously made by Peeta, who has been getting better after his first breakthrough. At midnight she goes to talk to him (and I have questions about why the staff at 13 is all around at midnight but they are not addressed. Perhaps they wanted a good Hanging Tree reference for this uncomfortable encounter). Peeta is pissy which I will allow since she was tortured for weeks. He sees Katniss through a new lens. She thinks it's "the truth" because she hates herself and is depressed and clearly needs medication--not to the responsibility of a rebellion. But it's more like he sees her through Snow's eyes now. (That women are not to be trusted and love makes you weak.)

Thoughts:

-- This book depresses me a bit and my own mental health hasn't been great lately. I should remind myself there is more Johanna. Because I really do like the part where they are roommates.

-- When Johanna calls Gale "gorgeous" and then laughs, it makes me think she is messing with him the way she did with Katniss in book 2. But I don't know if she is messing with Katniss or Gale, actually.

Quotes:

"You should have been the Mockingjay. No one would've had to feed you lines," I say. "True. But no one likes me," she tells me.

Given that Suzanne Collins has said they have tried to use previous victors (she particularly cited Finnick) as a rallying point for rebellion, I wonder if she says this from experience. The way Johanna won--by pretending for the camers--is actually quite smart. She used the game against the Gamemakers. Her "act" would be mostly in things we know Snow added to the Hunger Games--the interviews, the betting odds etc. If they had just thrown her into an arena, like 1-10th, then this would not be possible to do. Nor do I think crying or being sad to fight to the death is abnormal. We have seen Lamina (also a female tribute from 7) portrayed as somewhat weak during her Games but be mentally tough. I imagine it was easy to dismiss Johanna. But then when she won, it seems (as with many reality shows) she was not lauded for her cleverness but instead portrayed as a liar and a bitch.

Does anyone have strong headcanons about Johanna? For some reason, I assume she had siblings that were killed. Possibly because of how she interacts with Katniss and Finnick, like she is used to having someone close to her who is her age. But that person or persons is gone now.

Somehow staging some perverse wedding between Peeta and me. I haven't been able to face that one-way glass since I've been back and, at my own request, only get updates about Peeta's condition from Haymitch. He speaks very little about it. Different techniques are being tried. There will never truly be a way to cure him.And now they want me to marry Peeta for a propo?

I read a fanfic about this once. Anyway, you will note that Katniss instinctively assumes Plutarch will use her the same way Snow did which doesn't reassure me much about Plutarch's vibes.

... the music is provided by a choir of children accompanied by the lone fiddler who made it out of 12 with his instrument...

We think this is Clerk Carmine's fiddle, yes? I don't know where you would buy a new instrument in 12.

Sure enough, Greasy Sae grabs Gale by the hand and pulls him into the center of the floor and faces off with him

Get it, Greasy Sae! (I do not necessarily hold to the theory that Lucy Gray is Greasy Sae, but I do think--since she sells her wares at the Hob and has been around awhile, she would probably know the most about the Covey. I'd love to interview her for my fictional documentary about the history of the Hunger Games.)

"I must have loved you a lot."

I would like to think that Peeta need not be "in love" with Katniss to give her some bread. It's very "Snow-like" to assume that he would only do that if he was in love with her, and the love was like tricking him into something (which I think is how he comes to see everything he did for Lucy Gray, as some grand manipulation) when it's just normal to not like seeing someone else suffer.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 3, Ch. 9

PART 3: THE YEAR OF QUIDDITCH & MAGICAL CREATURES Chapter 9 - A Very Muggle Invitation

Nova

I couldn't believe I was already packing my bags, ready to board the Hogwarts Express and go back home as we finished our Third Year.

I don't even know where the year went and I don't remember half of it. Did I attend all of my classes? Did someone use a Memory Charm on me? Who would know!

What I do know is that I had an amazing year. I became Ravenclaw's new Seeker and we won 2 out of 3 games. Of course, Gryffindor beat us, Charlie is just too sneaky on that broom of his. Still, Orion was more than happy to take second place in the Quidditch House Cup as last year's Team was such a disaster that they didn't even come close to third place.

Dad surprised me for Christmas and my wish to spend the holidays at the Burrow finally came true. We visited Hogsmeade for the first time and Penny confessed she had a crush on Bill. Sometimes I wonder if she still does, she has been helping him study for his Potions O.W.L. for the past 3 months and she seems to be handling it well.

Tonks, Tulip, Penny, and I almost ruined Christmas for everyone trying to learn the Snow-making charm and then helped the professors restore the School Grounds to normal. I still can't believe we weren't punished for that but got points instead.

However, my proudest achievement is when Charlie and I helped Bill ease his mind about his Career Meeting and his O.W.L.s as my dad offered him a Summer Internship to which Bill gladly said yes and was starting on the 1st of July.

My main focus for next year was going to be the O.W.L. for Care of Magical Creatures. I know I shouldn't stress about it in my Fourth Year, but when Professor Kettleburn told me that I might get to take care of a Salamander if I do well on my O.W.L. I was determined to achieve an Outstanding.

Talking about Care of Magical Creatures. I have to say that the class exceeded all my expectations. Not only did I learn a lot about different creatures and was the only one who managed to befriend a Hippogriff called Chestnut, but we also had to do an assignment to pick a creature from the Grasslands Reserve and take care of it for 2 months. I picked a Niffler since I knew a lot about Abraxans already and he was just too cute to resist.

I named him Perry and I had to go to Grasslands a couple of times per day to feed him. Which was a perfect opportunity to bond with him and I managed to complete two drawings of him as well. We had to study the creature and report back each week with everything new we have learned about our furry little friend.

Needless to say, I almost cried when Kettleburn told us that the assignment was over and we don't have to visit them anymore. However, most of us were so sad to hear that that Professor let us in the Reserve a few times per week so we could say hello and bond with our new friends.

Charlie and I also befriended a Slytherin named Barnaby as he was just as big of an animal lover as we were. Tonks surprised us all again when she got so attached to her Porlock that Kettleburn caught her as she was trying to smuggle it out of the Reserve.

I also tried to convince Charlie to not go snooping around and try to find a way into the Reserve as he was sure that if he went to Scorched Vale he would find a Dragon there. As much as I wanted for him to see one and as much as I wanted to see one too, I had to think rationally for both of us as Dragons are as dangerous as they are fascinating.

He finally gave up after 2 months and started listening to me and made me promise we would try next year, as we will be and I quote “much older and more prepared to handle a Dragon.”

We weren't surprised when in March, Penny started nagging us about exams. The second she started to talk about them, Tonks stood up and exited the Great Hall. She later told us that we are lucky we weren't sorted in Hufflepuff as she was listening to the same speech a month before Penny brought it up in front of the rest of us.

Just like most of the year, studying for the exams has been a blur to me. I remember Penny losing her patience with Tulip and Tonks as they didn't take her seriously during our Potions study sessions in the Library.

Charlie and I were so confident in our knowledge about Care of Magical Creatures that we took the time we would otherwise spend studying for it to bond with Barnaby and help Tonks study instead.

Tulip was doing surprisingly well in Transfiguration this year and I was in awe of how good her studying was when we were revising one night in our dormitory. She, however, had to help me with Astronomy, as I was so confused at what we were even doing in that class that I didn't even bother trying on my own.

Ancient Runes gave us the most trouble. Tulip, Charlie, Andre, Jae, and I formed a study group for that as we were talking one morning after class and realized that we were all having problems memorizing the runes and translating them.

Tonks helped us all with Herbology and at this point, it didn't even surprise us anymore as she was doing incredible in class all year and she was rather proud of it.

In the end, we all did quite well on our exams. Mostly O's and E's except History of Magic for which I was sure I would never get a grade above A. Penny, however, took her mission to take notes in the class seriously and got an O for the first time. She gave the notes to the rest of us as well but we couldn't be bothered by memorizing so many events and so many dates.

—

When I was done packing, I went down for breakfast and while eating cereal, I decided to reply to my aunt. This would be the third year she invited me to visit her and stay for a week or two and help her with her Abraxans. I decided to surprise Charlie and ask her if he could come as well this year.

I am sure Molly wouldn't mind and I was certain that he would be over the roof as he would finally be able to meet Angel and won't have to be jealous while I send him pictures of my adventures with him.

I just gave the letter to Pip when Charlie dragged himself to the Great Hall and sat next to me.

“Morning.” He said in the same sleepy voice as every morning. I was wondering what Molly will do to his hair when he returns home as it was an even bigger mess than usual.

“Good morning. I have some news for you.” I grinned.

“You are coming to stay with me for the whole Summer?” He woke up immediately.

“Well, almost as good.” I chuckled and I couldn't help but wish that was true.

“What is it then?” He asked and poured himself some porridge.

“I just sent Pip to my aunt, asking her if you could accompany me to visit her this Summer.” He looked at me, his eyes widened.

“Are you serious?” His smile, bigger than ever.

“Of course. I wanted to invite you last year but everything happened so quickly.” He gave me a big hug.

“Do you think, she'll say yes?” He asked hopefully, still hugging me.

“I don't see why not?” I winked at him. That not only woke him up but made his day as well.

My invitation, however, wasn't the only one of that day. As Tulip, Tonks, Penny, Charlie, Bill and I sat down in our compartment on the train Penny told us that her dad invited us all to spend Summer at their home.

Tulip had to decline as she was sure her mum wouldn't be happy if she didn't help her around her coffee shop during Summer. She did, however, promise to at least come to stay for a night or two. Tonks said she would be more than happy to come as she couldn't wait to get an excuse not to stay at home.

Bill was more than proud to say that he wouldn't be able to make it as he got the Internship with my dad in Egypt and would return in the last week of August.

Charlie and I said that we have to wait for my aunt's reply but since I went there every year at the beginning of the Summer, I said that we would be glad to join them in August.

“Brilliant! It is going to be so much fun!” Clapped Penny. And I agreed. I have spent most of my time with Charlie and his family during the last two Summers and I always missed the girls. I was happy that I got an opportunity to do so this year.

Tulip wasn't happy about it as she couldn't help but feel left out. We promised that we would write to her as much as Pip could fly.

Tonks started predicting how Penny's house looks like since her dad is a Muggle and she replied that her dad couldn't wait to teach us about the Muggle world. Charlie wasn't very pleased about that as he knew his dad was going to want to know about everything he'll learn when he comes back home.

I, of course, wanted to reserve some time for my mum as well and I was hoping she could get at least a week off work before I go to Penny's so that we could visit dad and Bill in Egypt.

“What exactly will your dad teach us?” Charlie asked carefully.

“Oh, I am sure he will find something. He likes when we cook with him outside in the garden and makes us use Muggle recipes.” Penny smiled, reminiscing on something.

“He will probably want to teach you all about electricity and make you change a lightbulb.” She giggled.

“A light-what?” Tonks got confused. We all started laughing as it was obvious she didn't listen to Penny at all when she was telling us about her Summer when we took the train to school on 1st September.

I didn't mind learning about Muggle culture at all. I was kind of sad for not taking Muggle Studies when Penny started to describe all the objects they got to examine in class. So I couldn't wait to see what they have in their home.

I also promised Charlie that if his dad sends him too many letters about Muggles, I would help him reply to some of them. Even though he acted annoyed, I knew he was as excited to spend some time at Penny's as I was because it meant that he wouldn't be home for the whole Summer for the first time since we started school.

When our train stopped on Platform 9 ¾ and we had to say goodbye, we were as sad as every year because we were so used to seeing each other all the time. I couldn't help but wonder how hard this was going to be in our Seventh Year, when we will part ways, chasing our dream careers. I couldn't even imagine not seeing Charlie every day and I shook my head as I tried to tell myself that I have 4 more years before I had to worry about not seeing my red-haired best friend all the time.

Molly and my mum were waiting for us together, as usual, and pulled us all into a hug. Not much to my surprise, Charlie's hair was the first thing Molly commented on and she was already discussing with herself how she will cut it first thing tomorrow.

I said goodbye to Tulip, Tonks, and Penny and wished Bill all the luck on his Internship. I couldn't help but be a little jealous since he was going to spend more time with my dad than I was. Mum, however, surprised me when she told me she had two whole weeks off and just as she had to go back to work were we planning to go to Penny's.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that this Summer was going to be just as amazing as the other two before it, when I said goodbye to Charlie, Bill, and Molly and mum asked me if I wanted to get ice cream from Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour in Diagon Alley before we go home.

END OF PART 3

[sophielovesbarnes]

All or Nothing

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Winchester!reader

Warnings: none yet

Author note: Hello! ❤️ so this idea has been running on my mind for months and I hadn’t brought myself to write it, but due to the COVID my classes are cancelled which has me with a lot of spare time in my hands.

The story will make a kind of crossover with Supernatural, pretty much I will be using some of the characters in a AU.

Please let me know what do you think and dm me if you want to be tagged.

Chapter one.

You’ve always loved this; the adrenaline that rushes through your veins when you are thrown into the air and you fly so high that it feels like you are going to touch the stars, the excitement that fills you with every jump, the rush you get when you listen to the joyful voices that surround you, cheering every move you make, the smile on your teammates' faces that assures you that they are as passionate about this as you are.

These are the great things about being a cheerleader, things that not many people see or understand; you’ve been called vain, bimbo, basic, the thing is that you don’t people that have never felt this emotion will ever understand.

They won’t understand the sacrifices needed to get there, to make every move coordinated, the weeks of practice behind fifteen minutes on the stage; they wouldn’t understand the permanent calluses and blisters covering your feet and hands, feeling your muscles so weak as noodles after practice, the hours of training devoted everyday, the sweat, the blood and the tears; but those fifteen minutes, God, they made you feel like heaven.

**

After the music ends, signalling the end of the halftime you and your squad head back to the edge of the field, waving hello and throwing kisses back and forward.

When you finally reach your bench, you throw yourself to your water bottle and feel the relief of it’s cold contents hydrating your throat.

"It went well." Ingrid says, you can see her chest going up and down rapidly and short black hairs sticking to her sweaty forehead. "Truth be told I really thought I was gonna mess up that basket."

"Double kicks are a bitch." You agree and take one last sip from your water bottle, after you both catch your breath and both football teams are on their spot ready to start the next time you put down your bottle and grab your pom poms, preparing yourself to keep everyone's spirits up until the end of the game. "Ready?"

"Let’s do this." She smiles, and you both go back to position chanting and cheering for your team.

Forty-five minutes later, the crowd erupts into claps and screams when your team scores their last touchdown making them victors of this game, the squad jumps into hugs celebrating your victory.

The game is over and everyone starts to abandon the bleachers, so you take your bag and head to the locker rooms followed by the rest of the team, discussing what went well and wrong on the routine, the pre-spring break stress that’s building up, how cute the linebreaker looked, but mostly everyone is talking about the upcoming celebration party.

When you get to your locker, you untie your ponytail, letting your head recover it’s proper blood flow, you get undressed, carefully folding your uniform and proceed to step into the shower. The hot water loosens up your muscles and brings you to a sleepy point of relaxation. You finish showering and step out, wrapping your body with a fluffy white towel.

"Are you sure you’re not going to Liam’s party?" A tall brunette girl asks as she walks behind you. “It’s the event of the year.”

"Thanks Alice but I really want to attend the FBI lecture tomorrow and a hangover would keep me from actually paying attention." You reply simply as you get dressed and pack the rest of your stuff into your bag.

"Well I’m sure Liam will miss you." She implies. "He was very enthusiastic about having you there."

"He’ll survive." You give her a playful smile and throw the strap of your bag over your shoulder. "Night girls see you tomorrow."

They reply almost in chorus and, you wave goodbye walking out from the locker room, spinning your car keys on your finger. The parking lot is almost empty, most people are either back on their dorm rooms or on their way to Liam’s party, so the way back to your apartment is peaceful, just the sound of the wheels rolling on the road and the wind running through the windows.

Originally you lived on the dorm rooms like most of the squad, but at the beginning of this school year your brothers had surprised you buying an apartment just for you, quoting Dean's words it was easier to concentrate on your own space and you deserved a nice and private place to live, after all, you had a full scholarship ride so you didn’t have to worry about paying tuition.

Truth be told, you really liked the apartment; the building is fifteen minutes away from your school, and your neighbors are nice and quiet. When you first got the place, you, Dean, Sam, and Adam had spent an entire weekend painting the walls, decorating and equipping the place so it could fit all your necessities.

The kitchen is right next to the entrance door, behind it it’s the living room, there’s only one loveseat and the tv is in front of it, there are photographs everywhere, your brothers are on the most of them, there’s one from your first competition, you are sitting on Dean’s shoulders, holding high the trophy you and your squad won, Sam and Adam hugging Dean from each side, there’s one from your graduation, the KU game where Dean finally decided to introduce you to and your brothers to Castiel, next to it is the one from their wedding, there’s also one from your prom where you and your ex where crowned king and queen for the last time; you still keep the crown and the band displayed on your room.

You love the apartment, even though you live alone and far from Kansas and your brothers, they made it feel like home.

You leave your keys and your bag next to the door and then head to your bedroom where you strip out of your clothes and put on your pjs, you fall asleep the second your head touches the pillow.

The next morning your alarm starts beeping exactly at 6 o’clock, you have made a cocoon in the blankets that’s so warm and comfortable that you refuse to move, but eventually the beeping sound off the alarm becomes unbearable and you know for a fact that if you don’t get up from your bed soon you are going to be late for class; so you begrudgingly get up from the bed and slam the button of the alarm turning it off.

One hour later your hair and your makeup are neatly done, you have replaced your pajamas with jeans and a white bustier with puff sleeves, and you are ready to step out if the door, bag on one hand and coffee on the other one.

When you get to the auditorium, your best friend Maia is already there saving a seat for you, you distinguish her from her curly hair and her cinnamon skin, she smiles at you when she sees you.

“You’re late.” You drop your bag on the chair next to her and then take a seat.

“My bed and I were too comfortable together this morning.”

“I getcha.” She replies, her New York accent marked on her words. “Are you excited?”

“Totally, I’ve been looking towards this lecture for weeks.”

A few minutes later three men step on the stage, accompanied by the principal, there’s a man in his sixties, with black hair and a kind smile, you know he is David Rossi, you have re-read his book over and over since you were little. There’s also a bald black man, and you can almost see his muscles through his shirt.

But the third man is the one who has your complete attention.

You’re completely fascinated with him from the second he steps into the podium, there’s something on his messy brown hair, his shy smile, and the way he fidgets nervously with his fingers that makes your heart flutter.

A few moments later the room starts to fill and when every seat is taken the older man takes a spot on the podium and clears his throat.

“Good morning, I am Agent David Rossi, and these are my partners, agent Derek Morgan and Doctor Reid.” He points at each of the men and they both give a courteous nod.

“Research, casework, and training to hunt down monsters, rapists, terrorists, pedophiles, and our specialty, serial killers.” Agent Rossi turns his back and lets agent Morgan continue.

“Does anybody here know what a serial killer is and what makes it different from a spree killer or a mass murderer?” He asks, and you raise your hand almost immediately, he grants you the word and you smile.

“A mass murderer is someone who kills four or more people on the same location and on the same time period, spree killers murder two or more victims on different locations and they don’t have a cooling period.” You reply. “Serial killers have three or more victims; they usually select the victim with anticipation and there is a cooling period between each murder.”

“It’s very good, by statue three is the magic number, and it’s actually more qualitative than quantitative for us.”

“Today we’re gonna talk about how some serial killers get made.” Rossi continues, “Because if you can understand that, then you can figure out a way to catch them.”

After that Morgan proceeds to introduce two girls, both victims of the same serial killer; whom as Rossi describes as the most prolific killer they’ve had.

“One thing you should understand is that no two killers are the same, they each occupy their own point on the behavioral spectrum.” After listening to agent’s Reid’s rapid voice, you officially consider yourself a goner. “Genetics, brain chemistry, psychology, and environment are all factors.”

“We believe that this particular killer grew up in an environment so adverse that he never had a chance.” Morgan adds. “He endured years of cruel and abject physical abuse as well as horribly profound psychological abuse.”

“Now let me be clear, most abused kids do not turn into killers, but this particular unknown subject, or unsub suffered extreme abuse and it has everything to do with why he does what he does.” Agent Rossi explains, after that they project the images from the unsub’s murder scenes and they give the details of his MO.

“I’m gonna be sick.” Maia whispers to you as she covers her eyes and retreats into her seat to avoid watching the gruesome pictures displayed on the wall.

When they finish explaining the case, sharing the details and the profiling process they open the podium for questions, again you are the first and only one to raise your hand.

“Yes? Miss…”

“Winchester.” You complete “So, you said that not all abused kids become killers, but what is the breaking point where some of them do and some don’t?”

“The majority of the most prolific and dangerous serial killers were genetically disposed to behave antisocially and furthermore grew up in an environment that cultivated a disregard for the lives of others.” Agent Reid answers “One gene in particular is linked with an increased risk of violent or aggressive behavior; monoamine oxidase A, it controls the production of a protein that breaks down brain-signaling chemicals like dopamine, noradrenalin, and serotonin, which all influence mood, there’s a variant of the gene called MAOA-L, it causes people to produce less

of the protein that breaks down these signaling chemicals, which in turn causes them to build up. An excess of these chemicals, leads to impulsive behavior; such as hypersexuality, sleep disorders, mood swings, and violent tendencies.

“So it can be inherited?”

“The heritability of the antisocial personality disorder is estimated to be 0.38. Heritability is the proportion of differences in traits in a population that are due to genetic differences as opposed to differences in the environment. A heritability of 0.38 tells us that, on average, about 38 percent of the individual differences that we observe in degree of “sociability” or “anti-sociability" are in some way attributable to individual genetic differences.”

“Thank you.” You smile at him, and you can swear there’s a pink blush coloring his cheeks as he smiles back at you.

There are just a couple more questions, most of them directed to morbid curiosity about the case, when they are done answering, agent Rossi opens an invitation to all the attendees to join the FBI, which brings a query about the requirements and the preparation his team had; again, Spencer is the one who answers.

“Most of us have done extensive postgraduate work in areas such as abnormal psychology, and sociology, as well as an intensive study of relative casework and existing literature.” He keeps his hands in the pocket of his navy blue pants.

“But that is after the selection to the unit, first you have to be an agent, work in a field, and that’s what we are here to talk about.” Spencer retreats himself to the back of the stage, almost leaning against the wall. “For that, the academics are wide open, everyone in this room, once you graduate; regardless of your course study; is eligible to apply to the FBI.”

“What did you study?” The guy wearing the Cardinals hoodie, sitting two rows behind you asks.

“Criminal justice, but sports appreciation was all full up at my Community College.” There’s a soft general laugh, but you can’t take your eyes from the Doctor.

“And you Doctor Reid?” You ask, looking him straight in the eyes. “What did you study?”

“I-I hold doctorates in Chemistry, Mathematics and Engineering, as well as BAs in psychology and sociology.”

“You’re drooling.” Maia mocks in a whispered tone, causing you to blush.

“Shut it.” You whisper as you try to slow down your heart rhythm. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-four as of last month, thirty-four; I, I also completed an additional BA in Philosophy, which reminds me that I have a joke.” He chuckles nervously and keeps talking “How many existentialists take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.”

You giggle softly, but the rest of the room seems to remain silent, Maia looks at you with an eyebrow raised like she is trying to figure you out.

“It’s fun, you know? Because that’s what existentialists do.” You explain on a murmur.

The silence of the spectators makes Spencer shift timidly and he starts to speak again, trying to explain the joke when he gets cut off by agent Rossi.

“Okay, before he does his Quantum Physics knock-knock joke.” This is what makes the class laugh while you stay quiet “Do we have any other questions about opportunities in the FBI?”

There are only a couple more questions, and when the lecture is over Morgan and Rossi find themselves surrounded by curious students, and girls fussing over them, Spencer stays alone and he starts to pack his things on his bag, you take a deep breath and make your way down towards him.

“That was really interesting.” Your voice seems to startle him, he turns around and runs his fingers through his hair messing it up just a bit more. “I really enjoyed it.”

“Uh thanks, Miss Winchester.”

“Y/N is fine.”

“Y/N.” He repeats and changes his weight from one foot to the other. “You seemed interested in the BAU.”

“I am, I mean, I still have a couple years left in college but joining the FBI does sound interesting.”

“Well, if you have any more doubts, you can... you know, call.” He hands you a white card with the FBI emblem on it, as well as his name and phone number; you take the card without breaking eye contact and give him a coy smile.

“Will do.”

A/N: so that’s it, please let me know what do you think ❤️

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (2015) (Part 1)

The list of movies I’ve seen is a little...limited.

And I mean in general, not just this month. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve seen a FUCKTON of movies, to say it lightly. But in terms of the diversity of films I’ve seen...it could use some updating, I’m not gonna lie. So, because of that, I haven’t seen too many LGBT focused films, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add them this month. 

So I REALLY haven’t seen films that prominently feature transgender people, and Ace Ventura pretty obviously shouldn’t count for various reasons. But I have seen one major one, which I think has been recently somewhat forgotten. Which is a shame, because I actually really liked it!

Tangerine, directed by Sean Baker, is a comedy drama film about two transgender women who are sex workers on the Hollywood strip, and it’s a look at a few days in their lives. It’s all shot on an iPhone camera (yes, really), and yeah, I really did like this movie! Saw it in theaters in early 2015, when it came out, and around the time I was starting to diversify my tastes, movie-wise.

Look, all of this is me saying that this project of mine is an attempt to watch more films, and to expose myself to new and different perspectives. So, even though this is the only transgender-related film on my list (yeah, sorry about that), there will be more in the future, I promise. If you have any good ones that fit into other genres, and that I should’ve seen by now, let me know! I’m definitely interested. Anyway, with that said: The Danish Girl.

Directed by Tom Hooper, who...wait. Tom Hooper? Like, this guy?

Neat! That movie wasn’t bad, as musical adaptations go. Had its issues, but for Hooper’s biggest and most recent musical, that’s a good staAAAAAAAAH

OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT CATS

...Ahem. Well, other than that movie that I saw in theaters NOT A JOKE I SWEAR TO GOD, Hooper’s 2015 biographical film about real-life transgender person Lili Elbe made quite the critical smash when it came out, and was considered (and won) several awards, including some Oscars. So, I’m looking forward to seeing this one! As long as there’s no James Corden and Rebel Wilson in it...or the mice...

...

...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) is a newly successful landscape artist in Copenhagen, in 1926. His wife, Gerda Wegener (Alicia Wegener), is a portrait painter, although obviously a bit stifled by gender politics of the time. The two are pretty obviously very much in love.

Einar goes to visit Ulla Paulson (Amber Heard, and we’re not gonna get into THAT massive-ass controversy, NO SIIIIIIIIR), a ballerina and a prospective godmother to any future children. 

At a portrait painting with a seemingly VERY uncomfortable gentleman, Gerda does some musing on the female gaze vs. the male gaze, and dude is FRAZZLED. Also some talk about submission going on there, so THAT’S interesting. These portraits are viewed by a gallery owner, Rasmussen (Adrian Schiller), who believes that portraits aren’t her forte, and she needs to find another subject matter.

That makes her understandably upset, and she takes it out on Einar when she comes home. This is made far worse by the fact that the two are trying to get pregnant, but that doesn’t seem to be working either. Despite this, she asks for Einar’s help with a portrait of Ulla, and needs him to put on her stockings, shoes, and dress in order to pose for the painting. And that’s when the first realization hits.

As he starts to realize something (which he obviously can’t quite place), Ulla arrives and hands him a bouquet of flowers, joking that they’ll call her “Lily.” He brushes this aside...mostly, I assume. That night, Einar comments on Ulla’s new night garments, and the two embrace lovingly. Still, though, you can tell that Einar’s percolating.

At a party that Ulla’s throwing, there’s a mostly ironic discussion about Gerda dressing provocatively by showing off her ankles. And yeah, it’s meant to be a joke, but the fact that they’re making a joke in this movie that I would 100% make in real life is so delightfully meta to me, and I love it.

That night, after some more sexy, sexy ankle talk, and THAT leads to the revelation that Einar is wearing the new undergarments of Gerda’s. And, to my EVERLASTING surprise and delight, Gerda’s TOTALLY COOL with this, and the two make love. Afterwards, Gerda draws Einar in a more feminine state, which Einar quite likes.

Two two speak about another upcoming party, Ulla’s Artist’s Ball, to which Einar doesn’t want to attend, as...they...feel like they’re forced to perform as themselves. Gerda half-jokes about going as someone else, and while that’s not really an option they’re considering, the two do begin to craft a separate female identity for Einar, with makeup and clothes, as well as lessons on more feminine behaviors.

Einar, as Lili, accompanies Gerda to the Artist’s Ball. It’s very awkward at first, but that changes with the introduction of Henrik Sandahl (Ben Whishaw), who’s immediately attracted to...well, “Lili.” I’ll explain the quotes in a minute, I PROMISE. “Lili” first rejects his advances, but then...HOLY SHIT, they kiss. And Gerda sees this, and it understandably goddamn upset.

The next day, the fallout comes, and Gerda and Einar have a discussion about the kiss, and Gerda says that Lili shouldn’t “visit” anymore. However, Einar’s not as certain of that even being a possibility.

That seems to be further confirmed by the obvious strain Einar is feeling afterwards, and in a frantic rush, he heads to a studio that they use and looks at himself in the mirror. And as Einar examines himself in the mirror...I think this is the right time to explain the quotes from earlier.

See, here’s the thing: up until this point, both Gerda and Einar thought of this as a lark and a curiosity, respectively. But now, in the mirror, Einar’s realized that it’s something far more than that, as has Gerda. And it’s at this point that it’s time to switch names and pronouns, at least to they/them. Because up until now, I don’t believe that they truly understood themselves.

And now they’re starting to. Hasn’t outright said it, yet, but the mirror scene seems to cement it for me. In the meantime, Gerda also seems to realize it, subconsciously at least, as she completes one of the portraits that she drew of Lili. She brings this to the art dealer from earlier, and he surprisingly takes it!

But Lili’s doing something...less than totally OK, as she goes to meet Henrik, who continues to show attraction towards her. A self-confessed romantic, he happily lets her into his place, but I’m not certain whether or not he’s aware of the full situation.

Whether he is or isn’t, it doesn’t quite matter, as he wants to go further in their relationship physically, with Lili is NOT ready for. She goes home, where Gerda finds her, surprised. Lily admits everything, and while knowledge of the affair hurts Gerda significantly (GODDAMN IT MOVIES STOP THE INFIDELITY), another revelation emerges which is more important.

See, Lili and Einar seem to be dissociating, as Einar is now assigning Lili’s feelings to a separate person, and is essentially dissociating. These feelings include a past childhood kiss shared with a boy names Hans, which are now associated with Lili. But as all of this is coming to light, Einar suddenly collapses.

Einar goes to see a doctor, Jens Hexler (Pip Torrens), who believes that it’s all caused by a chemical imbalance, and decides to treat it with...radiation. That...that can’t have actually been a treatment for “chemical imbalance”, right? I mean, it’s certainly fitting with the time, but this would DEFINITELY make hormone problems and infertility WORSE, not better.

But despite this, Einar and Gerda go through with this (almost certainly didn’t happen) treatment, after which Einar says that the doctor “hurt Lili.” Deemed unsuccessful, the doctor calls Einar insane, and leaves them and Gerda, who are both upset. And that’s not made better by the fact that the doctor has reported them, and someone will take Einar to the asylum...unless they leave.

Good thing, then, that Gerda’s been asked to exhibit the paintings of Lili in Paris! They get the FUCK out of Copenhagen, and head to Paris. But with all of this, Einar’s beginning to unravel, losing even the painting side of themselves, as their relationship with Gerda also begins to change.

And I think that it’s at a Paris peepshow that Einar officially assumes the role of Lili in her own mind. So, I’m going to end the first part with the following statement:

Her name is Lili, and I’ll be referring to her as she/her from here on out. See you in Part 2!

[tysondobbs]

43 GLENDALE ROAD, LAKEWOOD DRIVE NILES, IL house tour

This 2-bedroom, 1 bath has certainly seen better days and better nights, built in the 70′s and only renovated once since, in the 1990′s. Pretty much most of its amenities are in disuse or disrepair, its two current renting tenants are not exactly willing to fix shit because the landlord says, quote, “fix it yourself, I’m not bothered.” But the rent is decent if not downright cheap, and that’s the main draw of this place. Tyson’s lived here for the past 3 years and seen all manner of roommates come and go. 

BEDROOM. 

      Tyson tries to keep his bedroom to a certain clean standard, but more often than not you’ll find clothes strewn on the floor, bottles and empty glasses by his nightstand, a similar disarray in the closet, and most things in the room just being one step short of a ‘damn bitch you live like this’. The bed is a relatively new compared to the rest of the place, brand new when he bought it 2 years ago since the old one had been here since before he arrived (and creaked louder than all the combined past lives of the people have lived in this place). It drove his roommate back then insane, so a deal was made to toss the goddamn thing and go half-and-half on a new frame and mattress. 

      His work desk, where he sketches out shit for clients on some nights when doing it in front of the TV is too distracting, is in similar disarray, covered in crumpled up papers, ink, and leftover crumbs of weed and tobacco. 

      There’s little in the way of decor in the room besides a scarily lifelike model of Audrey 2 on a stand (that has freaked out more than one girl he’s had over). He has a Philips livingcolors lamp that can throw the room into any array of colors and moods (and set the mood...if u know what i mean). There’s also a Misfits poster to the left of the bed (he’s seen them live three times, in 2019, 2016, and once with his dad in 1998), and a Pharcyde poster to the right of it. Various other posters and flyers are littered around the room, for Riot Fest and the like. 

      His prized possession is a signed Weezer guitar that he won in a high stakes poker game in Vegas when he was 22. He keeps it in a case in his closet.

KITCHEN. 

      Given that Mitch works at a chicken joint and both he and Tyson are too fond of delivery apps in between that, the kitchen rarely gets action. And yet, piles of dirty dishes will still pile up on the weekly. Good thing they decided to be responsible between them and ask for a maid to come in bi-weekly to clean the place, or it would be a living biohazard by now. The microwave definitely sees more action than the oven, as neither of the boys cook. 

LIVING ROOM. 

      The living room is, surprisingly, the nicest feature of the house, with a coffee table that got an upgrade a year ago after their last one was left smashed to pieces during a house party gone wrong. There’s a decent sized flatscreen, and a PS4 that Mitch and Tyson lock up in a safe when they both leave the house, on account of all the break-ins. They’re known to spend most of their time here, and the living room reflects that, with all manner of weed and drug paraphernalia and takeout boxes usually strewn about the place. The couch and 2-piece armchairs that accompany it are cozy, if a little dirty, and all in all it’s not a terrible place to hang. 

YARD. 

      The yard gets occasional use when smoking indoors loses its charm. A hoop (no net) hangs on the garage wall, and opposite that three plastic stackable chairs round out a glass table (don’t sit on the orange one, it’ll collapse). There’s a rusted bike here for no reason, along with a DIY dog house in the far left corner. Tyson built it for when Pam doesn’t feel like sleeping inside. There’s a big ass Elm tree in the yard, next to which lies a black tire, attempts to make a tire swing happen that never happened. Some nights, you’ll find Tyson sitting under the tree, smoking, looking up at the stars.

OTHER RESIDENTS. 

     Tyson’s dog, a stray called Pam, and Tyson’s roommate, another stray called Mitch, round out the household. Pam is a lifelong stray and comes and goes in the house as she pleases through a flap in the back of the kitchen. Catch her wandering around Lakewood Drive looking like some kind of bad omen. Mitch is 25, Illinois born and raised, and works at a Raising Cane’s. He worked at a Wendy’s prior to that but he called one of his coworkers a ‘stinking fucking bitch’ and got fired. He’s mostly chill, except for when certain strains of weed make him go really paranoid and he thinks Tyson is an English baron from the 16th century sent to Niles to murder him. 

[sasskarian]

Fanfic Masterpost ... sort of

In honor of Fanfic Appreciation, I put together a list of my fics for anyone who’d like to look 

Under the cut, because length

Dragon Age:

After the Glitter Fades (Glitterverse):  Hawke x Fenris, modern AU. (Long fic, WIP) Hawke and Fenris are movie stars in a torrid love affair. Fenris has a mysterious past. Also Cassandra is investigating a murder mystery? Varric, as ever, is a delight. (*this is borrowed from @nug-juggler‘s excellent and shorter summary!)

Memorable quote:   Fenris observed candidly was something sacred. For a moment, Hawke fiercely wished she were an artist. The scene in front of her was too… every word she could think of— beautiful, elegant, breathtaking— was trite, a pale description of perfection. 

In the Heart of the Woods: Lavellan x Fairbanks rarepair. (WIP) Inquisitor Lavellan’s heart is broken by a certain Commander, Fairbanks has an appreciation for her, and a love story blooms like elfroot in the Emerald Graves.

Memorable quote:   This kiss, she thinks, two mouths moving in perfect unison, is a spell of its own. Not quite love, not yet, but close enough she can pretend it is. Hope wells up, a solid thrum beating in counterpoint to her heart, and for one perfect moment, the world just bows down and… stands still. All that exists, all that ever has existed or ever will exist is wrapped up right here, right now, in Fairbanks’ lips on hers. Motes of dust turn golden in the sunbeams splashing through the roof, and a touch— his thumb, her cheek— says a million more words than words ever could.

Yesterdays: Surana x Zevran, mild Surana x Alistair pining. Post Origins, complete. A Warden’s sacrifice means something only as long as someone remembers it. A king looks back, balancing regrets with happiness.

Memorable quote:   With a half-sob, he realizes he’s forgotten the sound of her voice. Oh, he remembers how it made him feel, all those years ago, all the glorious, shining moments where happiness dwells still. But what she truly sounded like, what sounds she made as she buried herself in books, the snap of her magic, the low buzz of her and Zevran whispering in their tent, all of that is gone. He knows it happened, but the memory is lit dimly in his mind, a torch burned too low to be flame but not low enough for embers yet.

If You Ever Did Believe (for my sake):  Lavellan x Cullen. (On temporary hiatus) A wary Commander. A lost Dalish mage. Two hearts beating alone and exhausted on a battlefield, their only rest coming from each other.

Memorable quote:   “Does your Maker hate us so much?” Isera asked bitterly, and for a moment, Cullen felt as though years had rippled, bringing his past self— still clanking through the halls of Kinloch Hold in Templar plate— and his current together. He’d asked Ser Greagoir the same question once, after a Harrowing went wrong and the body of a former apprentice lay at their feet. So much potential wasted, so much fear in the mages’ eyes after that. For once, Greagoir had shown a hint of emotion, clapping Cullen’s shoulder briefly before walking away, but hadn’t answered.

Voiceverse:  Lavellan x Solas/Dread Wolf. (WIP) Building off of the great works of @khirsahle and @athreehundredthirtythree. All mages are born with a soulmate--a voice they hear in the darkness of the Fade all their lives. The lucky ones find their soulmates and forge a bond strong enough to threaten the very foundations of the Chantry. At least, that's what they claim. So what happens when a Dalish mage hears the voice of their most reviled and feared god shaping her dreams? 

Memorable quote:   Accompanying the thundering voice, great fissures ruptured around her hiding spot, green light streaking upward as they gathered into a roiling cloud. A wave of raw sound— howls, cries, pleas— rolled over her, forcing her to her knees. Iveani clapped her hands over her ears, losing her own scream among the agony thundering through the Fade. All caution, all her hard-won lessons about walking the Fade, vanished into the back of her mind under the need to simply ride out the explosion and survive.

Mass Effect:

Home is Where You Are: Ryder x Jaal (WIP). Ryder didn’t cross two galaxies and 600 years in search of love. But damn if she didn’t find it anyway.

Memorable quote:   “I should take a shower,” he mumbled, as the same time as Sara said, “Would you like to stay?” Both of them broke off, staring at the other, and she laughed nervously. That feeling was back, the one from the tech lab, fragility and strength and affection turned fierce and bright tumbling over and over one other.

A Song of Sea and Stars: Garrus x Shepard x Thane (WIP). Our favorite turian badboy sees right through the mask the galaxy’s most famous Commander projects. Neither of them expected to fall in love on a host of impossible missions. And both are taken by surprise by a pious Drell who steals both their hearts.

Memorable quote:   (He opens his eyes, shocked how it feels to look into her face, intimate and hungry. He hazily notices that up close, her eyes are thulium-gray. There's a hot, tight knot in his chest and she's pressed so close, he thinks he could count each faint freckle on her face.) (They look like tiny stars.) (…there are twenty-eight on her right cheek. Thirty on her left. And fourteen, right across the bridge of her nose.) (Those are his favorite. They remind him of his own markings.)

the sound of shattering glass: Generic Shepard, post-Tuchanka, pre-Citadel II. The Shroud explodes, taking a beloved friend with it. Shepard only has herself to blame.

Memorable quote:   “Damn Reapers,” he said, striving for nonchalance. “Always throwing us around.” “Banged us up pretty good,” she agreed, and he knew she wasn’t talking about their bumps and bruises. “So what do we do about them?” “Get back on our feet. Keep fighting.” Garrus hummed as she shifted closer, pressed her forehead against his neck. “Maybe find a way to use some really big canons I spend half my time adjusting.”

Star Wars:

He Might Like That: Mandalorian x Cara Dune pining. So they argue. So they took down Gideon, and have a magic green frog baby older than both of them. That doesn’t make them a thing. Does it?

Memorable quote:   He tunes back into the not-so-friendly argument in time to hear Greef splutter. “You trash talked while holding hands! If that’s not flirting, I’m a kowakian monkey lizard.” “It was arm wrestling, not holding hands,” Din points out mildly. 

Star by Star:  Post TRoS. Ben x Rey pining, Finn x Rey x Poe. Can three hopeless idiots in love fill a wound as deep as the death of a dyad? Maybe not, but they’re out to try anyway.

Memorable quote:   “You know,” Poe whispers, a glint of mischief in his eyes, “if we ever did tell him we loved him, he’d probably sleep right through it.” Rey touches her fingers to his lips, tracing the shape of his questioning smile. It’s an invitation to play, that smile. A careful offer of love, of comfort. And though she’s not sure if he can really understand when even she doesn’t, she’s finally ready to try a little. 

Counting The Days (Since Exegol): Finn x Rey x Poe, Ben x Rey. Its been 42 days since Palpatine’s death. 42 long days since she felt the surge of light in Ben Solo. And in her dreams, something whispers on the edge of the Force. But she’s shut it down too tightly to hear it. 

Memorable quote:   True to form, Poe can’t resist the urge to kiss away Finn’s troubles whenever possible, and Rey looks away to give them a moment. Some love stories work out, yes, and she loves Finn and Poe more than almost anything else. But that doesn’t stop the way bitterness floods her mouth as the memory of Ben surfaces, and it isn’t until Poe gently squeezes her knee (and she throttles back the near-instinctive urge to break his fingers from a lifetime of fending off handsy scavengers on Jakku) that she comes back to the moment. His brow furrows and she reaches for him, smoothing out the lines of his frown with her thumb. “I’m okay,” she says, answering his unspoken question. It’s mostly a lie, but she has to say it. Most days, she’s okay enough.

A Language Made for Lovers: SWTOR (NSFW). Torian Cadera x Bounty Hunter, gender neutral. Reflections on love and marriage under the glow of hyperspace.

Memorable quote:   He murmurs in your ear, words that should sound harsh in that still-new tongue scalding your mouth, molding you from aruetii to mandalorian. But the love in his voice softens them, steeps them in warmth and adoration. Still the language of a hunter, of those brave souls willing to be reforged, but with a gentle side, a language reserved for lovers. Words like cyare and riduur, words that mean I love you and forever and home.

Malicious Compliance: SWTOR (NSFW). Malavai Quinn x Sith Warrior, gender neutral. Far away, in an apartment no one knows about, a Sith Lord plays dire games of control... and trust.

Memorable quote:   It takes a man with the courage of an entire fleet of Mandalorians to love a Sith, and oh, how he loves you. Like you hung the moons and the stars and all the spaces between. Like you are his other half, like loving you is his sole purpose in life, does Malavai Quinn love you. Your old masters spoke nothing of this, of this enraging hunger gnawing at your bones and curling into the hollows of your rib cage. ... Is it really even love if you don’t want to devour him just a little?

Misc:

Tumblr Prompts: Grab bag of every fandom and series listed above. Prompts filled originally here on tumblr.

Visual Files: Collections of art and commissions from talented friends and artists here on tumblr.

Every Beautiful Thing: Crimson Peak. Thomas x Edith, Edith x Alan. Edith learned, in the dark halls of Allerdale, not to take ghosts lightly. But still she waits, every year, for a chance to see Thomas again. Until the night their son tells her he can see him too.

Memorable quote:   Snow heralds nothing but pain in Edith’s world: first her mother’s funeral, smothered in fat white flakes wet on her lashes like tears, then her father’s. Smaller ones, then, rain slowly freezing and scattering on the ground; the ones that night at Allerdale were the smallest yet, more ice pellet than snow. Jagged, hateful things scraping at her with a cold that burned through skin and encased bone.…God, how she has come to hate the snow.

Where I Can’t Follow: Co-authored by @suspendnodisbelief. show!Witcher, mild Geralt x Jaskier. (Temporary hiatus) Drawing from a variety of inspiration, including greek mythos. Geralt takes a blow meant for Jaskier, finally granted the death by battle he expects Witchers to end by. And Jaskier is not having it, at all. It’s his turn to save Geralt, even if he has to walk the entire bloody underworld to do it.

Memorable quote: “Geralt, get up. Come on, open your eyes. You’re going to upset Roach if you keep this up, and she’ll bite me. You know you aren’t allowed to be dead, because Yennefer didn’t give you permission, and neither did the Princess, and I’m pretty sure they both outrank you.”  

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Natural Selection.

Cas is 'The Secret Boyfriend' in Dean's phone.

He was originally Cass, till Cas saw it once and was horrified enough for Dean to feel guilty.

Soon enough, he was Cas <3 because he happened to leave his cell lying around Sam.

And then, when Cas and Dean started - well - calling each other boyfriends; Charlie had frowned when he'd referred to it as starting to date, because apparently, they'd been doing that for years already - Dean changed it himself to 'Bf', induced by a particular drunken night of missing him terribly.

There were further transitions, all revolving about the same theme. There was a certain thrill, Dean realised. Occasionally, Cas would want to know what he was being called that week, with that soft smile on his face, and Dean would be proud to tell him. 

Sometimes he'd have to explain the nicknames. Good times.

He never has to ask, though. Dean has been Humanity in Cas’s phone, long since Crowley got his hands on it.

One sunny morning, during breakfast in their windowless kitchen, Cas asks him again. Dean just nudges his phone in his direction, occupied in trying to get his omelette fit in the pan just right.

Cas laughs when he sees, Cas, secret boyfriend. He reads it aloud to Dean, who has his back turned to him, shirtless and apron adorned.

Dean practically stutters around to stare at him. "But -" He was sure he'd put Cherrypie earlier that week, so how could it have changed since - unless, of fucking course, Gabriel must have got his hands on it again. Goddammit. It seems to be his newest way of annoying Dean. "I didn't -" He begins.

But Cas has a faint smile on his lips, as he edits it himself, nimble fingers now having learned to be quick as they dance across the keyboard.

Dean leans over his shoulder to read, and Cas tilts his head to let Dean see. "That made it seem like there might be others." His scruff strokes Dean's bicep as he told him. It tickles.

"Other secret boyfriends?" Dean repeats, licking his lips, leaning in further and allowing Cas to press his lips to the corner of Dean's shy smile.

"Other Cas's." Cas corrects.

"Nah." Dean shakes his head, if only to get Cas's lips to move against his cheek. "You're the only Cas for me, Cas." Cas's lips curl into a smile, and it's a smooth transition, he can feel it right on his skin. Dean loves being close to Cas.

"You're the only Dean for me too." Cas tells him frankly, dimpling as he finally plants an actual kiss on Dean's lips, by using a hand to turn his jaw to get it on the mark just right. Dean's eyes close instantly, when Cas cups his face. They linger.

For a moment too long, or maybe too little, they're lost. Then, Dean lets his hand fall on the back of Cas's neck, and ghost the inside of his collar, and Cas shifts in his seat, putting some distance between them. If Cas hadn't pulled back just then, Dean could bet he would've ended up straddling him - even for as sweet as they'd been kissing.

Cas sighs, softly, as if he was returning from somewhere. "Dean, I think your omelette just turned into scramble."

"Oh, well." Dean grins, straightening. Satisfied. "You'd eat whatever I fed you."

"You've taught me that's love." Cas throws back, half accusatory, mostly just smiling. Dean feels a flutter in his insides at the word, as he turns back to the stove.

And that's the story of how Cas started being called The Secret Boyfriend by Dean's phone.

***

There's Cas smiling at him, head tucked under Dean's arm and everything, whenever he unlocks his phone to his home screen.

When Dean got his first phone under his real name, he was seventeen.

John surprised him with it.

It wasn't even his birthday or anything. There was a vamp nest, a couple cities over. And that time, Sam had won the argument with Dad, and the brothers were to stay behind - and go to school, Sam had primarily argued - while John went off to take care of the hunt. But it was close to holiday season, so no motels had vacancies for more nights than one, and they were looking to stay indefinitely - so John's only option had been to rent a flat.

It was a one bedroom place, the kind which would've been cramped if they'd had any furniture at all. The building had an air of misery, but it was probably just the cold. Even the landlord didn't live there anymore.

But now, Sam was thirteen and tall, and Dean worked weekends - so they were old enough in John's book, to be left back; with money that wasn't theirs, and that one cellphone with a month's bill paid. Dean's first phone.

The next day, lying on the bed because they hadn't bought a new couch and Dean definitely wasn't going to touch the one that'd come with the house unless at gunpoint, Dean set his first wallpaper.

It was Gunnar Lawless, flexing a bicep, and smirking over his shoulder, head cocked as if to look right into Dean's eyes, as he stared at his screen in wonder. Someday, he'd have guns like those, and friends like him. Someday, he'd be a man like him.

John returned in a week's time. They drove away. (Didn't even tell the landlord they were vacating the house, because then they'd have to give reasons. Lying wasn't a problem. But it got boring, sometimes.)

Dean grew up.

When he hit nineteen - around the same time he moved to that one highscool in Texas where he'd eventually meet Rhonda Hurley, he made a friend.

Ben was cool. He taught Dean things, though he probably didn't know Dean was learning from him. Dean was good at that.

Once, Ben had snickered at some guy's clothes. Said it was a lot. Guys were supposed to keep it cool. Keep it simple, keep it casual.

Those had been the origins of 'Less is More'. The basics are the classics, a little is a lot, things like that. If you were untraditional about things like mobile wallpapers, you were trying too hard.

Dean knew that was stupid.

Dean also knew he was going to change it to the default.

He felt good about it for just about a minute, and then just foolish. He would even have changed it back, Ben could screw off, he didn't care, if only he'd kept staring at his screen for longer. But break was over, and Dean picked up his books and Ben picked up his, and they went off to class.

Sadly, the boring grey squares stuck with Dean for much longer than the school and his friend did.

Much later, when highschool was all done, and Sammy was all gone - Dean changed it to Baby.

It had been a night spent wholly driving, with Dad passed out next to him. Don't worry, he was alright. Just the final showdown of a hunt, and then the alcohol. Never a good pair, Dean remembered thinking, back then.

It was a good angle for Baby, showed off her strength, magnificence and color. Dean felt almost proud of the photo he'd taken. The aluminium glistened and the glass had a cleaner sheen somehow. She looked terrific, headlights blazing and everything - and it was his. They'd had that conversation earlier that night, and though John had been sufficiently drunk, Dean knew he'd remember his words. The Impala was his. Hell, Dean didn't spare a thought to the former definition of cool, as he changed his wallpaper.

His car was what was fucking cool. Anybody who wanted to tell him otherwise could go screw himself.

Baby stayed on Dean's homescreen for a long time.

Sometimes he'd replace it with newer, better pictures he took of her. Sam would grin, tell Dean he was very good at photography for someone with such a crappy camera, and Dean would flip him off with a mirroring grin.

Baby finally got off his screen, years later.

Dean didn't know what had got into him, but he swears to himself that he was at least a little bit drunk to have been googling 'I Killed Hitler' quote images.

It was also weird how he got one which matched his tastes perfectly - black background, text in unavoidable bold purple. There were a lot of options on the internet.

That part was stupid, too. He knew that none of them killed Hitler. Of course, because it was he who did.

But he did end up finding the perfect one, and Dean had it on his screen for a good bit of time too. He'd occasionally shove it in Sam's face, for example, to prove a completely unrelated point - just to savor the way his brother looked at him like nothing annoyed him more than Dean did.

And then, there was that day, when Cas came back from his run with Sam - he accompanied him on the days when it looked like Dean wouldn't get up till they're back, Dean knew - and promptly declared that he was going to start taking selfies.

Apparently he'd seen many people doing it, had been seeing them do it for years, and was affirmative that he wanted to try it. It almost certainly didn't help when Dean informed him that he hadn't taken a single selfie in his entire life and that he was living just fine.

Cas had always been stubborn.

And he had a phone, now. And, he certainly had always had a way with Dean.

"Why are you so difficult, Dean? Why is it so hard for you to smile at the camera?" Cas grumbled, probably fashioning his tone to sound doubly as annoyed as he was.

"'Cause it's not the camera. I'm smiling at myself here, Cas." Dean rolled his eyes. "It's dumb." He had his phone held at eyelevel, he refused to take it any higher. Then what would be the frigging difference between him and those -

"Then smile at me." Cas interrupted, as an effective idea came to him, and he slid into the picture next to Dean. "There. It's not dumb to smile at me, is it?"

Dean sighed, maybe a little flustered. Cas was pressing up against him pretty close to get in the frame. "You know you're really frigging weird, right?"

"I have a fair idea." Cas beamed at him, and pushed Dean's face with his own to fit fully. Dean had to resist snorting at that. What a complete dork. "There." Cas announced. "We look good. Click on the button. It's the white one -"

"I know how to take a goddamn photo, Cas -"

"- then why aren't you doing it?" Cas cut in, slipping into the tone he saves for when he wants to pretend he's really had enough of Dean's fusses. "I don't see you taking the photo, Dean -"

"I can't do it with the hand which is holding the phone, you stupid -" Dean groaned, trying to twist his arm out of where Cas had squeezed it between their bodies, in his nagging at Dean. "It'll fall if I do that. And I can't use my other hand, because then it'll block your face -"

"Oh, leave it to me." Cas huffed, frustrated, and taking the phone from Dean's outstretched hand. "I'll - let me do it, Dean. I'll do it." Dean clawed at the air to get the phone back but Cas was stretching it away now. At least Dean got to untangle his other arm, and didn't even notice as he slung it around Cas - out of habit, or something. "Now you smile, and I'll just press the button in the middle, and -"

"I know how to take a photo, goddammit!" Dean snapped, right as Cas took the photo. Cas turned at him with a frown, because of that.

It came out pretty candid, was all the praise anyone could offer.

They took more photos. Dean even smiled in a few - believe him, he tried not to. Cas smiled in most, and in some rare ones, the smile crinkled his eyes and showed off his gums - and they luckily coincided with exactly one of Dean's smiling photos, and it was a perfect one, that one.

If it means Cas will smile like that, Dean's going to take more pictures.

It's not till weeks later, when Dean's scrolling through his gallery looking for something important, that he sees the picture for the first time. It's almost impossible to look away.

He can't seem to recall the other details surrounding it, anymore. Just what the photo shows him, and just the way Cas looks in it, with his hair dark and wild, and his eyes shining from having gotten Dean to comply. Collar slightly upturned from Dean's arm making it that way, and his head turned slightly as if he were about to just look at the real Dean before the camera captured the moment. His smile, proud of the fancy new activity, with glances of barely there dimples hiding in his stubble. He's beautiful, and he's happy, and it's a good picture, if there ever was one.

And of course, in the picture too, Dean's only got his eyes on Cas.

In that moment, Dean Winchester had found exactly what he wanted to see, whenever he unlocked his phone, for the rest of his life. And that's the story of how Dean found his wallpaper, for the ages.

(And yes, ever since they enabled different wallpapers for the lockscreen and the homescreen, he's had eleven year old Sammy dressed as a pumpkin for a school halloween fest, on the former. He collected the photo from Missouri some time ago, and Sam detests it audibly, so obviously Dean isn't going to change it ever.)

***

The story about ringtones isn't even that long.

It started off with 'Wanted Dead Or Alive', because the spunky, daydreaming teenage boy he never got to be, but maybe also did - seemed to connect to Bon Jovi's lyrics on a stupidly basic level.

His ringtones made their way through the classics. Bob Dylan, Elton John, John Lennon, Bruce Springsteen. Had Eye Of The Tiger for a long time. He had Kansas, Guns 'N Roses, Pink Floyd. He remembers he had Smoke on the Water for a while. All good ones.

After dying a hundred and four times in 2008, he switched to Heat Of The Moment. Sam bitchfaced at him all through those weeks of Asia.

Kevin was the one who brought to his attention, years later, that if they really committed such criminal levels of identity theft, they should try to blend in more. It was right after his phone had suddenly come alive with Freddie Mercury singing, in the middle of a discussion with the sheriff.

"Good taste, no offense." Kevin had begun. "But you've gotta step it down, if you don't want to be noticed any more than you already do."

"He's right." Sam had joined in. "At least give up something. Nobody can get you to stop your vintage muscle car around, and she drives like a farm tractor on some roads, Dean."

"Shut your face, bitch." Dean had thrown back, instantly. "Kevin's obviously talking about your golden frigging mane, okay? Get the damn thing cut, and I'll look into silencers or whatever."

Of course, neither of those things ever happened, or would ever happen. But Dean did listen to their resident prophet, and change his ringtone to the Apple ringtone most important people have.

Instead of a legend singing at him, he got musical beeping in a ridiculously annoying rhythm. But it stuck.

It stayed, for good.

(Well, there was that one night, when they were all high in spirits and drunk in celebration, just Cas and him that too, and it had seemed genius to get Cas to record a message for his ringtone in his worst, deepest deadpan.

Cas was easily convinced - the terrific inebriation levels in both of them had to have helped, too - and Dean had woken up in the morning to his phone ringing in Cas's mechanical voice, except this time it was actually machine-driven. "Dean. Dean, pick up the phone. You're being called. You should pick up the phone, Dean. I think -" and Dean hadn't got to hear more of it, completely grizzled by sleep, because although he fucking loved Cas's unfairly hot voice most days, he'd snapped and picked up the phone - only to have Sam cackle at him from the other end and smugly ask him how he likes his new ringtone.

Maybe it had been Sam's idea, after all. Dean obviously would never recall, and the smartass must've known that. He knows all the kinds of drunk Dean can be.

Also, Cas did say 'Dean' a lot, didn't he? But that's a story for another time.)

That's all that can be said on the matter of ringtones. Dean goes back to the beeps soon enough - they're also kind of easy to get used to, he hadn't known that before. Sam has 'normal' ringtones too, and it's fun to try and guess whose - and which of their dozens of phones are ringing, especially on inventory days. They made it into a game years back.

Cas, on the other hand? He keeps his phone on vibrate, ever since Jack confided in him how cool it looked, when in the middle of a crowd, or a heated scene, no one notices but Cas feels the vibrations first, and noiselessly picks up his phone and begins to speak.

Like a spy who wears a secret headset, Jack had gone on to say. The perks of basically being a wave, Dean had scoffed, grinning still. He was supposed to be the cool dad. You get to hear all your fellow wavelengths.

Cas had just shrugged.

So on vibrate, it stayed - and no one really knows if Castiel even has a ringtone, let alone what it is. The vibration mode is a good enough explanation.

Dean, though, has a fairly good idea of what it might be.

After all, he was who Cas approached for help in retrieving it off Dean's own gift, into his phone's storage.

It's the twelfth song on the mixtape.

Ramble on.

***

Lucyyyy! This one's for you! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, and I know I'm late, oh so late, but you're very sweet to still allow me to give you a present ❣️✨ Hope you enjoy this, @all-or-nothing-baby, and everyone who reads this should go wish her a belated happy birthday~~<3

[kythed]

💕Hello! If it's all right was could I ask for a matchup? I'm a straight gal, 5'2" tall gal with pale skin and a thin form. I also have long brown hair, blue eyes and glasses.

As for personality, I'm kind, reliable and hardworking, though a little awkward in large social groups. I enjoy joking around and prefer looking at the bright side of things. My mbti is infj (and ennegram 9w1). I prefer my friends to be considerate and open-minded, someone who doesn't judge anyone by their first impression. I make a lot of bad jokes, so they need to have a sense of humour as well, or at least tolerance for mine😅

My biggest hobby is writing, which I think about almost around the clock. Fantasy and horror are my favourite genres to write, and for character inspiration I often do people-watching. I also sing, mostly in a choir, and go out for hikes in the nature because I love the fresh air and beautiful sceneries. My worst fear is letting people dear to me down and not being there for them in their time of need. I try my best to check up on them but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough . . .

My motto would be "If you're going to do it, make sure you don't have regrets later." as I strongly dislike leaving what I start unfinished. It makes me anxious.

My love languages are quality time, acts of service and words of affirmation. I'd like my s/o to know that I overthink often, that my silence doesn't mean I'm angry on uninterested but that I'm stuck in my own thoughts. A deal-breaker is definitely narcissism. Confidence is great but I don't like anyone who thinks the world envolves around them.

Thank you for taking time to read this! I hope it was all righ. Have a great day😊

——————————————————————————

thanks for the request ! i hope you enjoy :-)

- this was an incredibly easy choice for me; it just makes all around perfect sense-- I match you with kuroo tetsurou

- you need someone to keep you moving in the right direction because you burden yourself with way too much shit that shouldn’t even be your responsibility

- he helps you to identify what you really want in life and makes you pick n choose a couple of goals to focus on at once rather than doing everything and anything (something tells me you have a hard time prioritizing and saying no to people)

- you help him stop n smell the roses every once in a while because that man doesn’t know when to take a break

- you both share this incredible attention to detail and you both highly value and love getting to know other people

- he’s the one who booked you your first appointment with a publishing house once you finished your first novel and he used his death glare to scare the poor publisher into giving you a higher percentage of royalties on each sale

- SCRABBLE. y’all play a highly competitive game of scrabble every friday night and you always win. this typically culminates in kuroo throwing a tantrum and tickling you mercilessly until you agree it was “practically a tie” (nevermind the fact that you literally won twice the points he did)

- you love fantasy, kuroo loves sci-fi so your conversations are constantly peppered with ridiculous rants and arguments (e.g. “who would win in a fight, a dragon or a tie fighter?” “definitely a dragon babe, i mean it has fire and--” “okay but what if the tie fighter was piloted by a jedi?”)

- physical touch may not be one of your love languages but it sure is one of his-- he’s constantly got his chin resting on your head, or he’s slipping his hand around yours, or putting it on your lower back-- he also really loves giving you these crazy bear hugs (like picking you up and swinging you around type shit) because he likes to feel all big n protective

- I mean the man is literally almost a foot taller than you so can you blame him?

- you guys have literally the worst inside jokes that no one else understands but they send you into hysterics each times until you’re both crying with laughter (lots of terrible puns, yo mama and knock knock jokes that don’t even make sense)

- like once y’all were on a trip to rome and caught a cab to your hotel from the airport but then it took a wrong turn and it ended up that it actually wasn’t a cab and you had just climbed into the back of some little old italian man’s car

- so now whenever y’all are driving somewhere and accidentally go the wrong direction one of you says “mama mia!” in a terrible italian accent and you start screaming with laughter ITS LITERALLY SO OBNOXIOUS LMAOOO

- because you’re both so intuitive that the relationship is like being two halves of a whole-- you can instantly tell when the other is even the slightest bit down and adjust your behavior accordingly

- AND y’all remember the most random shit about each other

- like he once absentmindedly mentioned he loved this particular brand of orange juice and then you started buying only that brand to stock the fridge and he absolutely loves you for it

- and on your first date when you went hiking you pointed out a clump of flowers on the side of the path you thought were pretty so on the way back he secretly picked one and dried it in the pages of a heavy dictionary and got it framed for your birthday

- honestly it’s just little considerate things like this that make the whole relationship

- he always makes sure to involve you in group conversations because he knows it’s your tendency to be shy and hang back

- good conversation is a big deal for you guys but so is quiet time-- you frequently cook dinner together without exchanging a single word, just kinda doing your own thing (like you’ll chop the salad and he’ll make the pasta) and listening to your playlist

- speaking of music, you used to refuse to sing for him until one day he heard you singing in the shower so he crept right up next to the door and recorded it on his phone, and then when you opened the door he shrieked “AHA! CAUGHT YOU!” which nearly scared the shit outta you and made you drop your towel

- but, ya know, you don’t even need to be self-conscious about your singing around this man because he doesn’t have a musical bone in his body and will think that every single note coming out of your mouth sounds like an angel chorus

- overall you guys are that couple that is just so clearly in tune with each other, you know each other like you know yourselves and it’s such a delight to see (hanging out with you is a third wheel’s nightmare tho)

your song: first date by blink-182 (he loves punk pop and you think it’s dorky as hell but he’s adorable when he’s playing the imaginary drums and head banging-- he actually got you to accompany him on the air guitar eventually and it’s lit asf) plus the song perfectly captures the easy, eager way you guys love each other

your favorite movie to watch together: the fellowship of the ring. he wasn’t really into the idea at first (he wanted to watch terminator) but now he’s as big a tolkien fanatic as there is. once you brought him to one of those fantasy renaissance fairs and y’all had the time of your lives.

your relationship in one quote: “In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. / In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” - maya angelou

[theinarticulatemagicmarkerpen]

Thank you @beautiful-de4mity for the lovely tag! I miss when Tumblr was full of these things.

Points are accompanied by my [remarks] in squared brackets.

Tagging @desperate-end!

Tbh there's not many mutuals I can think of tagging without feeling a bit shy or out of place, but if you wanna do it pls go ahead!

i wear glasses // contacts [a health anxiety has stopped me from wearing them lately, but I did and I want to wear them again!]

i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing [everything is getting baggy on me lately...]

i have one or more piercings [a standard one on each ear]

i have or had braces [back when I would only choose blue, green, purple...I did orange once did I? Omg, it was so fun to choose the colour every time]

i sunburn easily [ I put sunblock as much as I can though I keep forgetting...]

i paint(ed) my nails [It used to be a new colour like every week!]

i can play an instrument (?) [self-taught in piano though I’ve forgotten mostly everything. I really had a lot of learning drive. Like I never did properly learn piano so I just tried to literally copy the order in which the player in the video pressed the piano keys on a poorly drawn layout of a piano!! May that Zee forever live in my heart. ]

i am artistic [I think everyone is to some point!]

i know more than one language 

i have won a trophy in some sort of competition [it was for a very measly cause. I was happy though.]

i can cook or bake without a recipe (??) [ scrambled eggs??]

i enjoy writing [I did I think. Now I’m just very tired of my own words but I probably just need to read more]

i can do origami [I loved making origami! I even tried to find out how to make frogs, crows and spiders!]

i enjoy spending time with friends [when I can <3]

i travel during school or work breaks [last year]

my parents are together [yes, but it’s not the best situation]

i have dated my best friend [I think so? Hehe]

i give advice to my friends [as and when necessary]

i have made an online friend [many a time!]

i met up with someone i have met online [yes!]

i have watched the sunrise [I think so?]

the sound of chirping calms me [in Singapore the birds just YELL but I think in general it’s nice]

i enjoy the smell of the beach [maaaybe]

i listen to music to fall asleep [this year especially. it hasn’t stopped full blown attacks but it really helps]

i enjoy cloud watching [my office has beautiful views of them!]

i have attended a bonfire [campfire’s burning now~]

i pay close attention to colours [I suppose? I’m not sure. but I do look.]

i find mystery in the ocean [it is where my father and I have left our hearts]

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle [zzzz]

i live by certain quotes [it is what it is]

i participate in extracurricular activities [Drama was only fun because of friends maybe. I can’t even remember all the crazy shit that was done then, but the world seemed so full of possibilities, laughter, and dreams. And friends.]

i make up scenarios to fall asleep [yes]

i sing in the shower [mostly rap]

i wish i lived in a video game [if only...]

I am over 18 years old [too fast!]

Here’s the clean copy, make list from only the correct statements about yourself👇👇👇

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses // contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards // i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand // i have a friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me before // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online // i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season // i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i live by certain quotes // i like the smell of sharpies // i participate in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs // I am over 18 years oldI

[captain-sodapop]

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (uh-oh), and here’s the thing:

Most people agree that The Outsiders takes place in either 1965 or 1966.  I always went with ‘66, and I’m too entrenched in that to think otherwise now, but I can see ‘65, too.  Anyways, so it’s probably one of those two years.  Now, if you know me, you know I’m a big Beatles fan, and I’m even taking an entire college course about them (almost unnecessarily for me, but it’s fun, okay?), so I kinda like to poke fun at the greasers for this quote:

“They liked the Beatles and thought Elvis Presley was out, and we thought the Beatles were rank and that Elvis was tuff, but that seemed the only difference to me.”

I mean - okay.  Okay.  Let’s start with the two most obvious things:

1. The Beatles are not rank.

2. Elvis was definitely out.  He had been drafted at the end of the 1950s, and that was a part of the death of that era of rock, along with the death of Buddy Holly and Jerry Lee Lewis being blacklisted as a pervert and Chuck Berry going to jail...it was the end of an era, and the gang would have been kids when that was happening, middle school-aged at the oldest, compared to say...John Lennon being about eighteen.  Ponyboy especially would have been very young when Buddy Holly died. 

So what did that leave them with between 1958 and when The Beatles came in 1964?  Well, obviously, people still kept listening to that rock music from the fifties, which I guess that the gang was still listening to the stuff they remembered from when they were kids, because I can’t exactly imagine Dallas Winston doing the Twist, or Steve voluntarily listening to The Skyliners.  There’s Hank Williams, but Ponyboy and Dally hate his music, he had been dead since 1953, and implied that liking his music made you out of touch (”He [Buck Merill] was out of it.  He dug Hank Williams - how gross can you get?”)  But country and western music would have been - and is - huge in Oklahoma.  It was the days of the Grand Ole Opry, which was popular nationwide.  Then there’s the folk movement, which by the time of the book/movie had morphed into the folk-rock movement thanks to Bob Dylan, The Byrds, Simon and Garfunkel, etc.  But that came a little after The Beatles; the folk movement pre-1964 would have mostly been Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Peter, Paul, and Mary, Pete Seeger, and the Kingston Trio.  Those guys.  However, folk music was kind of an “educated” genre, and probably wouldn’t have appealed to a bunch of young guys living on the wrong side of the tracks in Tulsa, Oklahoma, even though the father of folk music - Woody Guthrie - was an Okie himself.  Then there was obviously still guys like Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, and Dean Martin, who even socs would view as being “parent music,” so they’re out at the jump.

So they don’t like classic crooners.  The gang probably didn’t get the appeal of folk music.  At least a couple of them don’t seem to be too into country.  Probably weren’t into new pop and dance music.  And they don’t like The Beatles.  So, yeah, I guess the gang and other greasers were hanging onto rockabilly and fifties rock, and I’d be interested in whether or not they might be into Motown/soul/blues (which would have been referred to, especially in the south, as “race music.”)  They were into that greaser music, but by the mid-sixties, greasers weren’t really a thing, ya know?  It was folkies and the pre-hippie era, which would reach it’s peak in the late sixties, so not too long after the book (they get mentioned in That Was Then, This Is Now, which is in the same universe and even has Ponyboy in it).  

Here’s what I’m getting at: from what we can get from Pony’s telling of the world around him, he and his friends aren’t into modern music.  They’re behind the times.  Just by saying in 1965/66 that he and his friends are still into Elvis while the socs are into The Beatles almost makes them anachronistic.  Now, obviously this book was written during that time period, so this is probably an accurate reflection of the kids in Tulsa at that time, which makes this even more interesting.  The Beatles have proven to be a timeless band for anybody from all walks of life, cultural leaders of the decade.  Parents didn’t like them in much the same way they didn’t like Elvis.  They were the rebellious choice!

Until the Rolling Stones got big.

Stones fans were the real rebels.  The Beatles were tame in comparison.  I can see the gang getting into them completely.  But The Beatles came first, and that still leaves the gang in a lag, and there are a few things that absolutely baffle me.  

It’s probably my bias showing through, but let’s say the book takes place in 1965.  It’s also been widely agreed upon that it takes place in the fall, so in the fall of 1965, Rubber Soul hadn’t been released yet, but there was still Please Please Me, With The Beatles, A Hard Day’s Night, and Beatles for Sale.  All of those albums have pop, Motown, soul, and blues music on them.  Something for everybody, and a great movie to boot.  That is already a lot of great, innovative music, and it’s not even the group’s peak of innovation.  It would be a little weird, in the fall of 1965, to not like The Beatles.  Not liking The Beatles didn’t make you cool back then (which I guess is another thing that makes the greasers outcasts.  A trivial thing, but also kinda not.  We’ll return to that in a minute.)

Now, let’s imagine the book takes place in the fall of 1966.  Not only did you have all the albums I just listed, but Help!, with the accompanying movie, Rubber Soul, and Revolver.  Fucking Rubber Soul and Revolver!  Both of which have allusions and overt references to drug use, politics, and spirituality.  They were vastly influential and rebellious and so, so different than anything else on the radio that by the fall of 1966, if you didn’t like The Beatles by then, it really was a matter of what the fuck is wrong with you?  By the fall of 1966, Elvis and his contemporaries were indeed an influence and important, a gateway for these guys, but we were two years away from his comeback.  He wasn’t relevant.  Preferring him over The Beatles and the rest of the bands from Britain just wasn’t the thing to do.

To me, all of this is so revealing.  It’s a tiny detail, a throwaway comment made by Ponyboy early in the book as being the only difference he could see between greasers and socs, but it tells us so much.  It is yet another thing that alienates Ponyboy, his friends, and the guys on his side of town from the upper class in Tulsa.  To like The Beatles would probably mean conformity to them, which is such a surface-level take on them, but to them, the guys that you see on Ed Sullivan singing songs from The Music Man in suits probably don’t seem very rock-and-roll at first.  In fact, the way they dressed was probably extremely off-putting for blue-collar guys like the Curtis brothers and Two-Bit Mathews (who had sideburns before John, Paul, George, and Ringo decided they were cool ;).  Their dislike makes them look stuck in the past and the socs look progressive, when really the socs are just keeping up with the times (which were admittedly progressive, so culturally, the socs were “with it”, which is a commodity of the upper class, to be educated culturally.  But The Beatles were pretty accessible, let’s not pretend they weren’t.)  They have made a judgement based on appearances and surface level stuff, the very same thing they accuse the socs of doing to them.  

With just this one comment about musical preferences, we see a reflection of the situation around them.  They were digging in their heels.  The socs are certainly just as guilty of their part in the class war, but in my eyes, this one line shows the greasers as the ones least willing to budge, stuck in their ways, stuck in the past.  I mean, who later approaches them to organize a rumble to resolve this issue once and for all?  Cherry and the rest of the socs.  It also reveals them as being left behind.  The world around them is moving forward without them, and in order to catch up, they’re going to have to face their adversaries.  But what happens when you do that?  The rumble victory didn’t mean as much as they thought it would.  Did things cool off?  Yes.  But I don’t think that has anything to do with winning the rumble.  I think it has more to do with everybody realizing that things should have never gotten to that point.  Then everything just sort of awkwardly comes to a point where you look around and decide it’s time to grow up and put your differences aside as best you can.  You grow up.  

But the greasers are still lower class.  They can’t change that.  It doesn’t matter that they won, just like Randy, with his semi-Beatle haircut, predicted.  They’ve grown up, and they can see now that winning the battle doesn’t mean they’ve won the war, and they likely never will.  

So what do you do?  

Well, you pick yourself up.  You realize they’re well-off and you’re poor, and those things are hard to change, are systematic, so what’s the point in the grudge?  It’s exhausting, anyways.  You stop putting grease in your hair.  You take off the leather jackets.  You probably keep your switchblade, but as a tool, not a threat - in fact, you’re thinking a multi-tool might be more practical.  You look around and think it might be better to identify as just an Okie - everybody in Oklahoma is an Okie, anyways.  You realize Elvis isn’t cool anymore.  You get in your old pickup, you turn on the radio, and you don’t change the station when Tomorrow Never Knows comes on.

You start liking The Beatles.

[goatsandgangsters]

Pokemon AU: Team NY Part Two (Elite Four)

—A collaboration with @meyerlansky —Though this is set in the Unova region, we said “fuck it” with regards to which Pokemon are actually found in what region—because that’s limiting and less fun —The Elite Four edits below were made in (*checks metadata*) jesus, 2016. Pokemon that are more recently released were not largely accounted for in our plan (though some Galarian pokemon were so good, we had to revise) —Part One (Trainers) can be viewed here —Edits are done roughly to scale with character and pokemon heights. There aren’t many good trainer makers out there, so I used (slightly edited) in-game character art for them

The road to becoming the Elite Four for the Unova region was not an easy one. While they grew as trainers and as friends, Charlie, Meyer, Benny, and Frank went head-to-head with some of the region’s toughest trainers and gym leaders—plus two warring Team Rocket factions competing for control of Unova’s robust underbelly. Along the way, they grew stronger teams, developed their type preferences, and fought their way to become the latest and strongest installment Unova’s Elite Four. 

BENNY SIEGEL, ELITE FOUR (Fighting/Fairy): 

Pokemon Team (left to right) with Pokedex entries:

Galarian Rapidash (psychic/fairy): “Little can stand up to its psycho cut. Unleashed from this Pokémon's horn, the move will punch a hole right through a thick metal sheet.” 

Primeape (fighting): “It will beat up anyone who makes it mad, even if it has to chase them until the end of the world.”

Florges (fairy): “It controls the flowers it grows. The petal blizzards that Florges triggers are overwhelming in their beauty and power.”

Pangoro (fighting/dark): “It charges ahead and bashes its opponents like a berserker, uncaring about any hits it might take. Its arms are mighty enough to snap a telephone pole.” 

Gallade (psychic/fighting): “Because it can sense what its foe is thinking, its attacks burst out first, fast, and fierce.”

Mienshao (fighting): “When Mienshao lets out a bizarre wail, you're in danger. A flurry of kicks and chops too fast to see is about to be unleashed!”

Benny’s team is the perfect mixture of flash and brute force—much like his battle strategy. As the first member of the Elite Four that trainers face, Benny’s battles are filled with heavy-hitting moves.

While most of his team is comprised of fighting Pokemon that match his own temperament and battle strategy, Benny surprises challengers with the addition of two fairy-types on his team. Early on in their days as the Elite Four, Charlie gave Benny a hard time about choosing fairy-type Pokemon. Benny’s Florges delivered one attack that knocked out all of Charlie’s dragons in one hit; he has since stopped commenting on Benny’s team choices. No one else in the League would say a word against him either—Benny is known to be short-tempered and eager for a battle. 

In addition to his love of battling, Benny enjoys collecting shiny Pokemon, ever since he caught his shiny Floette at the start of his journey. Now evolved into his small-but-powerful Florges, it stands alongside a shiny Gallade on his team. He also traveled to the distant Galar region to catch a Rapidash—purely because it “looks awesome,” to quote the Elite Four member. 

A battle against Benny is usually a short one. His Pokemon hit hard and fast, and they’ll do anything to win.

CHARLIE LUCIANO, ELITE FOUR (Fire/Dragon): 

Pokemon Team (left to right) with Pokedex entries:

Pyroar (fire/normal): “The males are usually lazy, but when attacked by a strong foe, a male will protect its friends with no regard for its own safety.” 

Goodra (dragon): “It's very friendly toward people. If you grow close to it, Goodra will hug you with its sticky, slime-covered body. Don't get mad.” 

Charizard (fire/dragon): “It is said that Charizard's fire burns hotter if it has experienced harsh battles.”

Tyrantrum (rock/dragon): “Nothing could stop this Pokémon 100 million years ago, so it behaved like a king.”  

Arcanine (fire): “A Pokémon that has long been admired for its beauty. It runs agilely as if on wings.” 

Houndoom (dark/fire): “Identifiable by its eerie howls, people a long time ago thought it was the grim reaper and feared it.”

Ever since Charlie’s first Pokemon, Charmander, his early affinity for fire-type Pokemon continued throughout his career as a trainer. However, the weakness to commonly found water-type Pokemon left him vulnerable. After discovering Mega Evolution that would change his beloved Charizard into fire/dragon, the new type speciality seemed obvious to strengthen his team. 

His team is a mix of both fire and dragon types. This approach was seen as unconventional at first, as members of the Elite Four have historically only specialized in one type of Pokemon. When pressed for comment on this break from tradition, Charlie shrugged. “What’s that got to do with me? My team’s stronger this way—ain’t that the whole point?” 

Along with his starter Pokemon (now evolved into a Charizard), his dragon-type Goomy and his fire/dark-type Houndour are still part of his team in their final evolution stages, having grown in strength over the years. The Arcanine was a natural addition among Charlie’s fire-type and dog-like Pokemon collection. Information is scarce as to how he acquired the ancient powerhouse Tyrantrum. Rumor has it that Charlie won an odd rock in a battle and thought he’d been ripped off; it was Meyer who recognized the ancient fossil for what it was. 

The fire-type Pyroar was originally trained by Meyer as a Litleo, then traded for Charlie’s Deino. This was Charlie’s idea, as he and Meyer developed their respective interest in fire and dark Pokemon. Both Pokemon are loyal and devoted to their new trainers—as much as the two trainers are to each other. 

Charlie is a fierce competitor who battles with a hard offense, though his ability to strategize has been honed over the years. His team of Pokemon form a strong and loyal pack, protective of their trainer and just as determined to win and prove their strength.

FRANK COSTELLO, ELITE FOUR (Normal): 

Pokemon Team (left to right) with Pokedex entries:

Staraptor (normal/flying): “It never stops attacking even if it is injured. It fusses over the shape of its comb.”

Miltank (normal): “Most people raise it for its milk, but it's quite tough and strong, so it's also well suited for battle.”

Ursaring (normal): “With its ability to distinguish any smell, it unfailingly finds all food buried deep underground.”

Bewear (normal/fighting): “This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many Trainers have left this world after their spines were squashed by its hug.”

Kangaskhan (normal): “To protect its young, it will never give up during battle, no matter how badly wounded it is.”

Kecleon (normal): “A Pokémon that has the ability to alter its body colors to match its surroundings. A Kecleon reverts to its original colors if it is startled.” 

Frank has the distinction of being the first-ever Elite Four trainer to specialize in normal-type Pokemon. He considers them sturdy and strong, with minimal influence from type-based strengths and weaknesses. This allows Frank to focus solely on his battle strategy, using a range of careful defensive and stat moves alongside some powerhouse offensive attacks from his Pokemon team. 

He hasn’t changed his style much since his trainer days. But don’t let Frank’s understated presence deceive you—his Pokemon pack a punch. His Ursaring—once the tiny Teddiursa that accompanied him as a young trainer—is a hard fighter. Despite its cute appearance, Bewear is a Pokemon known for its incredible strength; it’s also known as a protective Pokemon that will go into a rage to protect those it cares about. 

Frank’s Kecleon has also grown alongside him over the years. While it isn’t quite the powerhouse in terms of pure strength as the rest of his team, it does have the unique ability to blend into its surroundings and to change its type depending on the opponent. Over the years, Frank has mastered using Kecleon’s color change ability to undermine his opponent’s strategy and turn the tables on a battle. 

Frank is the third member of the Elite Four that trainers must face. He prefers being later in the lineup—being after Benny and Charlie means that he sees less action. While he has a sharp mind for battles and strong Pokemon at his side, Frank enjoys using the downtime outside of the League to tend to his berry patch.

MEYER LANSKY, ELITE FOUR (Dark): 

Pokemon Team (left to right) with Pokedex entries:

Golurk (ground/ghost): “It is said that Golurk were ordered to protect people and Pokémon by the ancient people who made them.” 

Bisharp (dark/steel): “Bisharp doesn't even change its expression when it deals the finishing blow to an opponent.” 

Sableye (dark/ghost): “Sableye lead quiet lives deep inside caverns. They are feared, however, because these Pokémon are thought to steal the spirits of people when their eyes burn with a sinister glow in the darkness.” 

Hydreigon (dark/dragon): “The three heads take turns sinking their teeth into the opponent. Their attacks won't slow until their target goes down.” 

Weavile (dark/ice): “They live in cold regions, forming groups of four or five that hunt prey with impressive coordination.”

Scrafty (dark/fighting): “While mostly known for having the temperament of an aggressive ruffian, this Pokémon takes very good care of its family, friends, and territory.” 

 The strongest and final member of Unova’s Elite Four, Meyer is a cunning trainer with a natural knack for strategy and a smile more chilling than the snowy town where he first started his Pokemon journey. His dark-type team is a force to be reckoned with, carefully chosen for strategy as well as strength. Each of his five dark-type Pokemon boast different secondary types, affording a wide range of powerful moves and posing an additional challenge to anyone who would battle him. 

The dark/ice Weavile from his original team embodies his specialty as a trainer, with its sharp claws and intellect. The little Scraggy from his trainer days has also remained a vital member of his team, now evolved into the no-less-tiny but far more powerful Scrafty. His team is rounded out by Sableye, a dangerous dark/ghost Pokemon with few weaknesses, and a disciplined and forceful Bisharp. The Hydreigon is evolved from the Deino he received from Charlie, in exchange for Meyer’s Litleo early in their journeys.

The only exception to his dark-type team is the ground/ghost Golurk; the bond between trainer and Pokemon has only grown stronger since that day many years ago when Meyer first found the little Golett in the snow. The ancient Pokemon is said to be a protector, and its strength coupled with Meyer’s natural knack for strategy has won them many battles.

Meyer is the final member of the Elite Four that trainers must defeat before going on to challenge the Champion. To date, only one trainer has ever managed to progress past Meyer. He has gone on record with the League stating that it will never happen again; so far, he has kept his word.

-----

The Unova Elite Four is comprised of four trainers who have grown together to become the strongest in the region. They were installed as the Elite Four under former League Champion Arnold Rothstein, whose psychic-based team never saw any action with these four guarding the path to the Champion. 

Only one trainer has ever managed to defeat them all—a woman from the Kanto region, with a strong, diversified team. The unexpected victor Margaret Rohan has been the presiding League Champion for several years since.

[tocinephile]

The Morning After - The Year the Oscars Got it (mostly) Right Edition

The 92nd Academy Awards kicked off looking an awful lot like the Grammy’s with a splashy musical performance by Janelle Monae and Billy Porter, the first of a night’s performances/presenters/commentary designed to include all the groups it seemingly excluded in it’s nominees list. Meant to poke fun at themselves or a gesture delivered a little too overt and a little too late? Either way, I think in the end, the artistry of the South Korean-made foreign language film that swept the night’s awards won one back for every group that was overlooked.

Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite took home awards for Best Original Screenplay, Best International Feature, Best Director, and Best Picture, making it the first South Korean film to win in all these categories.  To do it all in a single evening is astounding.

Here’s a look at all the winners of the night:

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Best Picture:

“Ford v Ferrari” — Walt Disney “The Irishman” — Netflix “Jojo Rabbit” — Fox Searchlight “Joker” — Warner Bros. “Little Women” — Sony Pictures Releasing “Marriage Story” — Netflix “1917” — Universal/Amblin Partners “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” — Sony Pictures Releasing “Parasite” — Neon (WINNER)

Most deserving win of the night!!!  Of course many of us hoped Parasite could be the underdog to win it all, but a more realistic prediction to win would be 1917. Thrilled to be wrong on this one. 

Also, while I liked 1917 (more for its execution than story), even if Parasite had not been in the mix, I would have been rooting for The Irishman to win.

Lead Actress:

Cynthia Erivo, “Harriet” Scarlett Johansson, “Marriage Story”  Saoirse Ronan, “Little Women”  Charlize Theron, “Bombshell”  Renée Zellweger, “Judy” (WINNER)

I am also in full agreement with this category and with Renee sweeping this category this awards season as well.  

I have not seen Harriet, but if Renee hadn’t been in the race, Charlize would have been the best of the bunch.

Lead Actor:

Antonio Banderas, “Pain and Glory”  Leonardo DiCaprio, “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”  Adam Driver, “Marriage Story”  Joaquin Phoenix, “Joker” — (WINNER) Jonathan Pryce, “The Two Popes”

Again, no question this was the right winner. If only every win didn’t mean we’d have to roll the dice to see what kind of acceptance speech we’d have to endure... While I didn’t appreciate being chastised for adding milk to my coffee, Joaquin closed out his remarks by quoting his late brother River and I thought that was beautiful.

Director:

Martin Scorsese, “The Irishman”  Todd Phillips, “Joker”  Sam Mendes, “1917”  Quentin Tarantino, “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”  Bong Joon Ho, “Parasite” — (WINNER)

Another category that I thought the Academy would give to Sam Mendes, but nonetheless put my bets on Bong Joon-ho.  Some big competition in this category (except Phillips... sorry, I’m not saying he’s bad, but he has yet to prove to me he’s a contender).

Original Song:

“I Can’t Let You Throw Yourself Away,” “Toy Story 4”  “I’m Gonna Love Me Again,” “Rocketman” —  (WINNER) “I’m Standing With You,” “Breakthrough”  “Into the Unknown,” “Frozen 2”  “Stand Up,” “Harriet”

Talk about a year of forgettable film songs. I think I left the room for every one of these performances except Elton’s. Did I miss anything?

Original Score:

“Joker,” Hildur Guðnadóttir —  (WINNER) “Little Women,” Alexandre Desplat  “Marriage Story,” Randy Newman  “1917,” Thomas Newman  “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker,” John Williams 

As part of the montage for this category, the orchestra accompanies with each film’s original score. This segment, as they proudly pointed out, was being conducted a female for the first time in Oscar history (I’d like to shallowly add that she was also wearing the most amazing gold jacket to do it!). Now I don’t know if she also arranged it or whether she was just conducting, but I have to say, I don’t think the arrangement did the scores any justice whatsoever. 

Luckily they were not being judged on this particular performance, and Hildur Guonadottir once again took home the accolade for Joker. I agree with this win. Little Women and 1917 also had impressive scores.  Marriage Story didn’t particularly catch my attention, and while Star Wars’ themes will always be among my all time favourites, The Rise of Skywalker wasn’t particularly outstanding out of the saga.

Best International Feature Film:

“Corpus Christi,” Jan Komasa “Honeyland,” Tamara Kotevska, Ljubo Stefanov  “Les Miserables,” Ladj Ly  “Pain and Glory,” Pedro Almodóvar  “Parasite,” Bong Joon Ho — (WINNER)

If anyone else had won we would have rioted right?

Makeup and Hair:

“Bombshell” — (WINNER) “Joker” “Judy”  “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil”  “1917” 

Got this prediction correct, while not the most obvious frontrunner perhaps, a lot of subtle effort was put in to transform cast into their characters.

Visual Effects:

“Avengers: Endgame”  “The Irishman”  “The Lion King”  “1917” — (WINNER) “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” 

It’s naive of me, but seeing 1917 win for Visual Effects almost takes away from my appreciation of the film in some ways because in my head, I’d still like to think of all films outside of fantasy and sci-fi as largely real. I know it’s not the case and that even your average period drama is created largely with effects these days, it can’t help but ruin the magic a little.

Also I had guessed Avengers: Endgame would win.

And we all think that The Irishman is on this list for de-aging technologies alone right?

Film Editing:

“Ford v Ferrari,” Michael McCusker, Andrew Buckland — (WINNER) “The Irishman,” Thelma Schoonmaker  “Jojo Rabbit,” Tom Eagles  “Joker,” Jeff Groth  “Parasite,” Jinmo Yang 

This entire list is on par with each other I think, with Ford v Ferrari just edging out the rest. Also the editing is what made the film so dynamic, there was little room for a bad cut, whereas the others might have little bit more room to err.

Many might disagree but I think Little Women should have been considered in this category.  The film’s editing choices was one of its main criticisms, but I think it actually made the film much more dynamic and differentiated it from previous adaptations.  (If only they’d used a bit more of The Irishman’s aging/de-aging effects)

Cinematography:

“The Irishman,” Rodrigo Prieto “Joker,” Lawrence Sher “The Lighthouse,” Jarin Blaschke  “1917,” Roger Deakins — (WINNER) “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Robert Richardson

Agree! Cool camera work in 1917 for sure.

Sound Mixing:

“Ad Astra”  “Ford v Ferrari”  “Joker”  “1917” — (WINNER) “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”

Um ok, if you’re going to split the sound categories between two films.  I would’ve said Ford v Ferrari for both.

Sound Editing:

“Ford v Ferrari,” Don Sylvester — (WINNER) “Joker,” Alan Robert Murray  “1917,” Oliver Tarney, Rachel Tate  “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Wylie Stateman  “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker,” Matthew Wood, David Acord 

Agree. Hopefully everyone who wanted to see this film caught it in theatres, the sound was a huge contributing factor to the enjoyment of this film.

Supporting Actress:

Kathy Bates, “Richard Jewell”  Laura Dern, “Marriage Story” — (WINNER) Scarlett Johansson, “Jojo Rabbit”  Florence Pugh, “Little Women”  Margot Robbie, “Bombshell” 

Little surprise when Laura Dern swept this category, even though I maintain she wasn’t better than the rest. That said, I’m not sure who I would pick in her place, I say share the love between Laura Dern, Scarlett Johansson, and Florence Pugh (yes, I just said Amy March should get an oscar... I see the irony of this too)

Best Documentary Short Subject:

“In the Absence,” Yi Seung-Jun and Gary Byung-Seok Kam  “Learning to Skateboard in a Warzone,” Carol Dysinger — (WINNER) “Life Overtakes Me,” Kristine Samuelson and John Haptas “St. Louis Superman,” Smriti Mundhra and Sami Khan  “Walk Run Cha-Cha,” Laura Nix 

I didn’t see any of the shorts this year, my bad.  The winner sounds hella interestering!

Best Documentary Feature:

“American Factory,” Julia Reichert, Steven Bognar — (WINNER) “The Cave,” Feras Fayyad  “The Edge of Democracy,” Petra Costa  “For Sama,” Waad Al-Kateab, Edward Watts  “Honeyland,” Tamara Kotevska, Ljubo Stefanov 

I only saw American Factory and The Cave and I actually liked The Cave better.  That said I felt strongly that American Factory had the edge, for starters it was backed by the Obamas’ production company. I didn’t love American Factory but I do feel it’s a timely piece that shows two sides of the story, inevitable prejudices based on what we’ve become conditioned to physically, mentally, socially, and also how important it is that we try to overcome or build a bridge to find solutions for the greater good. 

Costume Design:

”The Irishman,” Sandy Powell, Christopher Peterson  “Jojo Rabbit,” Mayes C. Rubeo  “Joker,” Mark Bridges  “Little Women,” Jacqueline Durran — (WINNER) “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Arianne Phillips 

For a historical drama, I really didn’t find the costumes of Little Women to be that spectacular (I’m having visions of The Age of Innocence when you say Best Costume), though a part of me knows the period films win more often than not. While I think Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is strong contender, Jojo Rabbit should have won.

Production Design:

“The Irishman,” Bob Shaw and Regina Graves  “Jojo Rabbit,” Ra Vincent and Nora Sopkova  “1917,” Dennis Gassner and Lee Sandales  “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Barbara Ling & Nancy Haigh  (WINNER) “Parasite,” Lee Ha-Jun and Cho Won Woo, Han Ga Ram and Cho Hee

Yes! Once Upon a Time was a bit overrated (sorry Quentin) but this was one category where it really deserved to win, from the western sets, film studio lots, to the wardrobe and streets of the 60′s, lots of fun and spirit captured in the production design.

Best Live Action Short Film:

“Brotherhood,” Meryam Joobeur  “Nefta Football Club,” Yves Piat  “The Neighbors’ Window,” Marshall Curry — (WINNER) “Saria,” Bryan Buckley  “A Sister,” Delphine Girard 

Adapted Screenplay:

“The Irishman,” Steven Zaillian  “Jojo Rabbit,” Taika Waititi — (WINNER) “Joker,” Todd Phillips, Scott Silver  “Little Women,” Greta Gerwig  “The Two Popes,” Anthony McCarten 

I love that Taika Waititi is an Oscar winner. Also shouts to Greta Gerwig for making Little Women almost tolerable in her script! The Two Popes could not have been an easy adaptation either. Now can a comic book expert please tell me, how much of Joker is really from existing stories in comics, and how much was filled in by the writers? I understand why it was an adapted screenplay, but I feel like material like this almost completely open to interpretation and could easily be written anew as an original screenplay.

Original Screenplay:

“Knives Out,” Rian Johnson  “Marriage Story,” Noah Baumbach  “1917,” Sam Mendes and Krysty Wilson-Cairns “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” Quentin Tarantino  “Parasite,” Bong Joon Ho, Jin Won Han —  (WINNER)

Just for fun, my ranking of the original screenplay nominees from best to alright:

1) Parasite, 2) Knives Out, 3) Marriage Story, 4) 1917, 5) Once Upon a Time

Animated Short:

“Dcera,” Daria Kashcheeva  “Hair Love,” Matthew A. Cherry — (WINNER) “Kitbull,” Rosana Sullivan  “Memorable,” Bruno Collet  “Sister,” Siqi Song 

I keep hearing great things about this short!

Animated Feature:

“How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World,” Dean DeBlois  “I Lost My Body,” Jeremy Clapin  “Klaus,” Sergio Pablos  “Missing Link,” Chris Butler  “Toy Story 4,”  Josh Cooley — (WINNER)

I clearly didn’t watch any animated films this year because I didn’t even know there were new How to Train Your Dragon and Toy Story films released.

Supporting Actor:

Tom Hanks, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood”  Anthony Hopkins, “The Two Popes”  Al Pacino, “The Irishman”  Joe Pesci, “The Irishman”  Brad Pitt, “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” — (WINNER)

Overall, if Brad Pitt sweeping this category means I get to hear at least one great speech per awards, then I’m ok with this. My personal ranking:

1) Al Pacino, 2) Joe Pesci, 3) Tom Hanks, 4) Brad Pitt, 5) Anthony Hopkins.  I had to debate over Pacino and Pesci’s performances, I feel like this is one of the best problems in the world.

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Prior to the start of the show, I made a mess of notes about who I thought would win, who I thought should win, and shared my Oscar Pool Picks which were based on a mix of the two... My Oscar pool are an extremely knowledgeable bunch, and with 18/24, it only put me in a 3-way tie for third place (there were also three winners who split the winnings), I need to move back to the baby leagues!

If you were following my Twitter (or care to check in hindsight...@palindr0me) I also shared a little additional commentary and photos of some of my favourite dresses of the evening. 

My personal top 3 moments during the Awards Ceremony were:

1) Every time Parasite won an award - Give this man all the statues he wants! lol

2) Billie Eilish’s rendition of Yesterday (I wish this was an actual recorded track so I could play it over and over)

3) When Eminem took the stage at the end of a montage to perform “Lose Yourself” and my phone exploded with all these messages of “ Whaaat is happening???” LOL! Believe me friends, I was as confused as you were.

Aaand, that’s a wrap on awards season! Looking forward to a new year and new decade in film!

[kareem-mohammed]

[Monday, Sept 24rd, 2019]

I wish I can explain it to you, but I still don't have the words for it.

It's been weeks of feeling this way, as if I'm functioning on autopilot, as if I'm not there, someone/something else is occupying my body, controlling it, since I seem to be failing to do so.

Weeks of feeling utter numbness, with sudden intervals of feeling everything. Nothing and everything. Innocence and Instinct. Enemies and familiar friends. And yes I am referring to RED, since it is some sort of a fight inside. Only I haven't really chosen it. I'm not doing anything, sweety. Not ignoring my feelings, not bottling them up, not distracting from them. And yet, I am forced to bear this fight I didn't plan to fight.

I was on my way to get a few books, today, when I noticed where I was. Last time I was there, it was night, and I couldn't be sure where exactly was that, only that it was familiar. The sudden flashbacks I got once my brain registered it is, in fact, the same place, unsettled me. And while the scorching sunlight made it an almost alien place, I still panicked. So, on instinct, I looked up to the sky, expecting to see the dark grey of angry clouds, but saw clear, blue nothingness. Then, why was I feeling the burn of raindrops on my aching skin?

___

‘For much like Icarus and the Sun,

When it rained I cursed the skies.

Fearing it would put out your flames,

Even if it would heal my burning pains.’

—My subconscious recited these at one of my recent dreams, and I wanted to have a word with it; mostly because of how cliché these lines were.

___

Accepting things doesn't necessarily mean they'll stop hurting. It only means that now when it does, we'll understand why it's hurting. It doesn't lessen the pain, doesn't prevent the panic attacks accompanying the unexpected resurfacing of the to-only-be-accepted shit. It's easier to accept our mistakes, our shortcomings, because we've got something to blame it on, even if it's ourselves—especially if it's ourselves. So, we acknowledge the mistake, and work on not repeating it again, or at least not too many times. Basic actions and reactions. You make a mistake, and the universe makes you pay for it. Except it never really required any actions on my behalf for the universe to beat the living hell out of me.

See, we've all been raised on the idea that bad things happen to bad people. And then we grow up, and we find that bad things happen to almost everyone. Bad things happen to us. Does that mean we're bad people, then? Or does it mean that shit just happens anyway? To everyone, every time, everywhere? Whichever concept is true, can you accept either of them?

________

[Tuesday, Sept 25th, 2019]

[23:57]

Heart, it's raining. Again.

And so, I am stuck between the raging storms behind my shutters, and the siren screams echoing against my brain walls. Again.

Triggered. Again.

And I don't know when is this absurdity going to stop.

A couple mornings ago, I started my day with school it is raining that day.

And:

___

‘I hoped it was wrong, but I opened the shutters and there it was: The static, the weighted atmosphere, the greyness—it is going to rain, sweetheart, and I'm not sure I can handle a single raindrop descending on my skin.’

___

That was what I wrote at that moment, the first thing I've written in month of silence.

And I almost caved in again. Because, see, ever since then, every time it would rain, I would hide in my room for even longer.

It is that bad, and, I don't know what to do.

________

[Wednesday, Sept 26th, 2019]

It's 03:35, now.

And something is happening to me.

My brain snapped into a sudden shutdown once that rain continued for over 2 hours, and I can feel it slipping deeper and deeper, and I don't know how to stop it before it's a total shutdown.

It's still raining.

In fact, it's getting even heavier now.

I'm not panicking, yet.

But I feel like I'm drowning.

I am breathing.

But..

Do you know how it feels to take a breath underwater?

Every breath I'm currently taking, feels this way.

I've got a lot of things to do.

I've got a mug of chamomile in front of me. I currently have 4 different types of chamomile at home. And while none of them currently helps me sleep, they just help in keeping me calm. And right now, I'd do anything not to panic just because it's raining again.

That's why I'm writing. Actually, I'm forcing myself to write.

Much like I've been forcing myself to do everything lately.

study. Exercise. Go to walk.

Except, I force myself into starting, and my subconscious forces me to overdo it. Last Sunday, I sat for too many hours overworking on some drawings. I finished 47. I didn't even notice how many I've finished until my hand was tremoring bad enough and I realized I couldn't make a straight line. Last time I exercised, I overdid it until I collapsed breathless. Last few times I forced myself to go to school, it forced me to walk for nothing less than 2 hours on my way back.

And , there must be a reason why I'm beating myself up that bad.

___

‘Nolan: Logically, people punish themselves for something they did, or something they didn't do. So what have you screwed up?

House: I don't know.

House: Okay.. there may be a problem.’

—House M.D., Season 6, Episode 21 ‘Baggage’.

___

And heart, it's not just a ‘september’ in my case, because there IS a problem. It's that rain have been a major trigger for me the last month. I know my triggers. Some of which I outgrown, some I know how to handle, some I still struggle with but can be managed, and some I avoid at all cost because they'll take me back places I'd rather forget ever existed. Rain had never been one. And right now, it makes no sense for one natural element to encompass every single trigger I've fought to avoid. Now all it takes is a thunderclap, a raindrop on my skin, the smell of the earth during rain, and they're all unleashed at me, and.. I'm not sure if I'm really that sleepy, or if I'm just losing consciousness bit by bit..

It's 18:00, now.

My subconscious won.

The triggers came one after the other.

Thoughts of putting an end to it all became louder.

At some point I couldn't fight it anymore, and I surrendered to it, lied down and felt it all. Listened to the thunder claps echoing with my screams; the muffled ones, and the ones which slipped out there to pierce the atmosphere.

I don't remember when I slipped, only that suddenly I wasn't awake, and I was stuck in a self-created hell.

My subconscious trapped me into a total shutdown disguised as sleep. 15 hours of it, in which I wasn't there. Hours in which it shut me out of the world completely. Hours in which I fought with it, wanting to wake up, and it refusing.

And I know it's a coping mechanism. But I hadn't noticed the triggers were that much that it required a total shutdown for my brain to keep me sane and alive.

It makes no sense.

It's childish, and absurd.

I don't know how to stop this.

I don't even understand the root of it all so I could stop it.

‘Traumatic coupling’ was what my therapist called such incidents.

But this is the most fucked up coupling my subconscious created.

___

‘“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He wrapped himself around me. “I don’t know what to do,” he said again. “I don’t know what to do.”’

—Sylvia Day, Crossfire: #5 One With You.

________

I'm writing this part now, the time I'm posting this.

You might be wondering why I'm using my tumblr post format, with dates and timestamps. I'm even mixing it with my hamlettings format, with quotes and lyrics. It's just because I've been writing bits and pieces the last few days. Pieces that aren't even connected. And connecting them will be hard.

Because these pieces make no sense.

But they do, in my head.

They should do, in yours as well.

But they won't.

Much like the last time I wrote you should've but didn't.

Why writing again the last few days?

Because the rain thing became too stupid it's making me angry at you, myself, and the universe. After all, I haven't written about anything more of importance except the rain thing. Because nothing has changed since the last time I wrote you.

Perhaps I'll add that one too, and stop this madness rollercoaster right there, what do you think?

_______

[Thursday, Sept 27st, 2019]

sweety,

I'm only writing this time because I'm hurting. I'm knocked down with pain. In every sense of the word. And I hate you, just as much as I currently hate everyone. and i love !

I was scared that what's been happening would trigger my cynicism again. And I tried, heart. I tried. But to fucking hell with it. Humans are fucked up. We are fucked up. Yet at least we have the decency to admit it. To not take it out on others and pretend like we're not. To put them in hell, then blame them for burning.

___

Do I need to tell you I'm shutdown again? Or has it become a given, once I'm reaching you this way? Have you noticed I'm shutdown? Have you noticed the difference this time? No. You'll have to see me out of this virtual world to see it. Because over here, I'm functioning, nothing is wrong. But the truth is, everything is wrong. And I stopped functioning fully yesterday.

You're wondering if this has anything to do with you, right? And you expect me to tell you it's not, even if it is, because I am that kind. Right? Well, I'm never kind once I'm in this state. I'm only true. And the truth is, you caused this. Whether deliberately or just by your mere haste.

See, sweety,

I think I've avoided this for enough time, now. Or at least that's what my brain decided. Most probably because there were no more distractions to use. And the latest novel series I picked to distract me, in fact, triggered me. I didn't know it would. There were no trigger warnings anywhere. And I'm still trying to understand how the fuck there were none if everything was going to be that detailed. But I'm not angry because of the novel. I'm angry because it made me realize why I was distracting to begin with, why I was avoiding reacting to what you did, why I treated it all so coolly as if it was nothing.

You triggered me.

Heart, you triggered in me a feeling I prayed to never feel again as long as I lived. The only feeling I knew I'd never manage to fight because it's the only one that's true. The only feeling I never doubt. Yet the only feeling I pray was just wrong.

________

Back to meantime.

It makes sense why I stopped writing, after this. Nothing has changed since then. It's the same cycle. No matter what I do, no matter what choices I make, it remains the same. I hadn't noticed I never finished writing this one, though. But then again I remember why I stopped. At that time, I didn't want to share it with the world, and I later sent you everything I didn't write in it, directly. An attempt I tried to help you understand what was happening, so we could find our way around and through it. But you failed to see it that way. And as the days went by after that, I started noticing the effect of it all. There was something worse than the triggers. But it won't make sense to anyone but those who've dealt with it directly; my instinct. Heart, it never failed me. My gut feeling had always been on point. My instinct is the only thing I never doubted. Never. Yet, somehow, it failed me big time with you. And I'm still not sure if it's just been a human error of misinterpreting the signs, of if it really backstabbed me.

___

‘Ziva: I almost died.

Gibbs: But you didn't. You've got to trust your judgement, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be “almost”.’

—NCIS, Season 5, Episode 16 ‘Recoil’.

___

But none of that matters,

I just find it worrying that a big part of me taking a step and publicizing my My photos and my drawings was a mere distraction I needed. And my worry grew after that day I overworked myself beyond my limits and didn't know when or how to stop.

I always worry that I'll be the end of me, sweethear.

And I'm finding that to be the ultimate truth, with every passing day.

You know what's another, more important, ultimate truth?

None of what I just wrote matters.

None,.

None.

[eldritchravens]

Silver Jack Relationship Alphabet :

@silverjackfan this is for you ;3 💜

A- Activity (what is their favorite activity to do with you?)

Silver Jack likes... I mean LOVES to show you some of his magic tricks. He's very good at it because... Well, he can bend reality. He adores when you watch his enigmatic moves in awe as he let the magic do its work through his hands. He used to practice alone, it was nice but... It lacked an audience ya know? So now that you're here, he can show you what he's capable of!

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship?)

One word: Clingy. This boy is touch starved and needs a lot of attention. He always manages to touch you when you're around. Lots of hugging, hands holding, nuzzles, kisses, and so on. He also really likes to wrap his long tail around your body, it's one of his way to say "i love you". But of course, if you think he's too clingy and you ask him to stop, he'll stop. But he'll need some physical contact eventually.

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues?)

He's very very talkative, charismatic and clever, OF COURSE HE'S A GOOD COMMUNICATOR. He certainly knows that communication is key in a relationship so if he has a problem he'll vent it to you most of the time. And usually he prefers to solve problems on his own, he can manage it. However, if it's something related to his past life in hell, Silver will have a lot of difficulty trying to find the right words to describe it so he just ends up not talking about it much. Don't blame him, words can hardly describe what he went through down there...

D- Drunk (what are they like when they're drunk?)

First of all he needs a lot of alcohol to get drunk. Firstly because he's a very tall boy but also because he's a demon and normal amount of alcohol usually doesn't do much to him.

Second of all if you thought he was being physical before just wait until you see him drunk. His hands are all over you... In a not-so-innocent way :> He might not be much aware of his huge claws anymore so be careful not to end up with several cuts. Aside from that he's very joyful and giggly.

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying... Etc.)

He knows what to do in emergency situations, how he feels depends on the kind of emergency though. If he gets hurt, he will literally just stare at the wound and say "Oh... How unfortunate..." while shrugging. However if YOU get hurt he will freak out. He'll reassure you and take care of you correctly but you'll feel his fear. Just make sure to reassure him once you're out of danger, he might shake a bit because he was so damn scared.

F- Free spot (I'll give you any headcanon I come up with)

If he gets embarrassed/flattered/shy, his pointy ears will start to lightly flutter, his tail will wiggle and his pale cheeks will take a light pink color. It's very cute to look at tbh. Also, the movements his tail makes can be an indicator of his current mood.

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

Jewelries. Listen, Silver Jack loves shiny objects kinda like a magpie would. Anything shiny, no matter its value, will catch his eyes. He's fascinated. He'll steals get some for you if you like it. Although if you prefer different kind of gifts he'll do his best to satisfy you. And really he's not difficult when it comes to gifts. Give him anything shiny like a spoon or whatever and he'll be over the moon. "Prettyyyyy~"

H- Hugs (How does they show affection/cuddle?)

Have I mentioned how needy he is already? Seriously give this rat a hug he really needs it. In the most traditional way, he just likes to hug your much smaller form, kiss you, nuzzle you or holding your hands. For the less traditional way he likes to show affection by nibbling at your hair/the clothes you're wearing, wrapping his tail around you and licking your face :p (let him love you he means well)

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

Please PLEASE for the love of god don't play whith his pointy ears. He accepts ANY kind of physical contact except for THIS one. He doesn't like having his ears touched at all. Also, if you try to get him jealous on purpose, he's really not gonna like it. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

SHINY OBJECTS. EVERYWHERE.

Also food, a lot of food......... And many gifts for you of course darling~

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

LISTEN. No matter how mad, sad or bad he is feeling, if you pet his tail he's going to melt. A purring mess under your touch.

It's a very sensitive part of his body so if you learn all his sweet spots, you can manage to literally relax him in 0.000001 second.

L- Laughter (what makes them laugh?)

A lot of things. It can be from the most random stupid things. He's a giggly rat and just laughs at anything slightly funny. He's such a dork.

His laugh is really adorable though... I'm not gonna speak about his evil laugh because it's freaking terrifying. Aside from that, he snorts, giggles and produces a lot of high pitched noises.

M- Morning (How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

He wakes up late, both your limbs lazily tangled together, he is clinging onto you, his tail wrapped around tour body. Absolutely REQUIRES smooches and pats to wake up properly. He's the worst morning grouch if he doesn't have his daily cuddles.

N- Needy (when do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

Have I mentioned how needy he is yet? This demon. Is. Always. Needy. He didn't really receive any attention in his life so he craves it all the time. He feels particularly needy when he is tired or lonely. And he shows it by awkwardly walking towards you, burying his face in your neck/hair and just.... Grabbing you. If he gets what he wants his tail will happily wiggle.

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

He belongs nowhere. Before meeting you, he just wandered wherever he could live. After meeting you, he only wanted to follow you. He will go where you go.

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

Physically, he handles pain extremely well, this man is almost immune to death. He knows he will regenerate very quickly if he gets wounded so it's not a big deal. Now emotionally, that's another story. This demon is full on emotions and once you've unlocked the way to his heart, he is exposed to emotional pain, like it or not. He has trouble dealing with his emotions.

If you get wounded, he will take care of everything professionally and not shake at any point, but you can feel how frightened he is inside. Silver Jack is at the edge of tears... Poor guy. If you are in emotional pain, he'll help you by holding your body close to him and ask if you need to talk, or be distracted from it. He is of very good help when it comes to emotions.

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

I can't choose between :

"I'm the monster that lives under your bed, and you won't get rid of me."

Or

"We can be whatever you want. I can be whoever you want me to be."

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

Two takes:

1) A gentle clawed hand rests on your cheek, rubbing your face with the thumb. You look up to the man and smiles, he smiles back. "Hey sweetheart, long time no see..." He hugs you tightly.

2)TACKLING YOU AND HUG YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T BREATHE. "hOw coULd yoU lEaVE me for thIS LONG?!?" ;A; *sOB*

Won't let go for 3 hours.

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

When you're mad or upset, and he doesn't know why. He's very nervous when this happens and doesn't really know what to do. He deals with it by hiding his anxiety as much as possible, and ask for a hug. If you refuse, he'll leave you some space and search comfort/advices from his best friend Scampy. Maybe they'll hang out a little to calm down.

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

He is the Boogie Man, he has very few fears. He knows this feeling intimately and sure as hell can control it. He literally plays with fear, he's not even affected by it. However if there's one thing he is afraid of, it's losing you. Also, he's scared of hell, his home.

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

His own existence itself is unique, i mean, come on ! He's the true, the original, the unique Boogie Man. He has all the powers that accompanies this, he has the personality, the appearance... His whole being is unique by itself. There's no one like Silver Jack, not even remotely similar.

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

Well, yes. He is a very good fighter. He had to fight a lot during his long life and has quite the experience. He's a good manipulator too, pretty damn talented to play comedy. He mostly lurks in the shadows, studying his victim... His stalking will join his game of terror before brutally murder the human to feast on their flesh. However, you're is weakness. He would never fight, argue or manipulate you. He wants to show you the real him. Not the blood-thirsty beast.

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

As a demon, he knows humans do not consider conventional certain "demon things". So if you start to pick on the different little actions he does and imitates them to give him attention, he'll be delighted. He really likes it when you give him little shiny trinkets, it makes him feel spoiled.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates) 

He has.... Certains sensitive spots on his body that turns him on instantly if you play wisely with them. His tail must be the major one, caress it sensually with the tip of your fingers and you'll leave him in a blushing mess.

Also, shape-shifting an becomes handy when it comes to intimate moments :>

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

Well... It's not 100% in the theme but, he has two very large scars on his back. He had wings before, but someone took them from him. He suffered a lot from trauma, and just the sight of those scars makes him feel sick. He cannot stand feeling or looking at them.

Aside from that, nothing grosses him out to the point of not being able to deal with it. Je has seen a lot.

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

He moves around a lot in his sleep, he always wakes up in the weirdest position you could imagine like he was doing some sort of obscure yoga. He snores lightly and drools a bit like the big dork he is. When you're here, he holds you close and doesn't let go. Good luck if you need to get up.

[luminoustico]

For End of the Year Writing Meme: All the questions sound super interesting so just use this as an opportunity to answer whatever questions interest you most

So funny story I put this in my drafts to complete in the quiet time of New Year’s Day, but then I forgot about it completely. BRACE YOURSELF.

A. If you could rec a piece of music to accompany one of your fics, what would you pick? Why?

Lies by Marina and the Diamonds, to accompany the latter half of Valse Melancolique. It’s a really good song to show Irene’s POV at that point, especially her reluctance to accept that the webs she’s spun are basically collapsing around her.

“I just want it to be perfect / To believe it’s all been worth the fight,” is the most relevant set of lyrics, IMO.

B. Who’s your favourite side-character from something you wrote?

I really enjoyed writing side characters like Rose and Finn, though Rose just edges it because I’ve been enjoying writing her in Don’t Complicate It. Finn runs a very close second.

C. Get any good comments on your stuff this year?

Sure! All comments are good comments, let’s be real. Unless they’re an obvious troll comment or those “update now!!!” kind of comments. Those aren’t so good.

D. Any drawings or pictures that had a big influence on your writing?

The artwork of the late 18th century and Roberto Ferri definitely influenced the tone of Valse Melancolique. Many scenes from certain stories were driven by a single image I had in my head as well.

E.  Who’s your favourite main character you’ve written?

Though I do enjoy delving into Ben/Kylo’s psyche, I enjoy writing Rey more – she’s more enclosed, and I love chipping away at characters to get to their truths.

G. Where do you think you grew the most this year?

Towards the end of the year, I began to realise that writing can actually be fun like it used to be. I’ve been so aware of the way the world is currently that I’ve been convincing myself that my writing must have a message, or it’s not ‘worthy’. I need to understand that I started writing not to pass on any morals or messages, but as a release and a way to find enjoyment in the constant buzz.

H.  How do you write? Paper, pen, computer? Music, no music?

All of those. I write on my phone, on my computer, on pen and paper. Music and no music, it depends. Most often I’m listening to a playlist/album which then stops and I cease writing an hour or so later realising I’ve been writing in silence.

I.  What’s your favourite work you did this year? Why?

I’m always tempted to answer this kind of question with my most recent story. But I’m going to be really honest and say that star among the stars is a personal favourite. And it’s not just because of the pegging.

J.  What are the best jokes you told this year? Any jokes you thought were funny that people didn’t catch? Vice-versa?

I’m completely blanking on this one.

K. Who have you killed this year? Why did they have to die?

Qui-Gon Jinn (to match with canon), Molly and Sherlock (hey it was a story based on Dangerous Liaisons, and I was reading classical Russian literature at the time of plotting) and Kylo Ren a bunch of times (metaphorically).  

L.  Which character did you most write about this year, and why do you like ‘em?

I wrote more about Rey. As mentioned before, it’s because I like chipping away at a character’s surface but also it’s because I really relate to her, especially in regards to her feelings of loneliness and her tendency to put on ‘a brave face’. Plus I really admire her compassion and her strength. I envy it.

M. Meta! Have any meta about a story you’re dying to throw out there?

Not particularly -- just headcanons and reasons behind why I write what I write. (I’ve never been very good with meta anyway.) I really like it when other people meta my fic, or pick up on something I didn’t! That is an AMAZING feeling. 

O. Do you believe in outlines? Show us one!

I do indeed! I love my outlines. For some projects, I’ve got whole folders with docs labelled Initial Ideas, Plot Summary, Chapter Outline, etc. etc. I’ve got my notes app on my phone stuffed up to the gills with mini-outlines. I frequently use my story structure template, which is technically more for screenplays, but the breaking down into acts thing helps my brain figure things out. 

P. What are your pet peeves in other people’s work?

When an author relies too much on UST and ruins the pacing. Like, an author drags out the first getting together because they believe that the anticipation is the only thing generating comments. If it’s right to have them bang, have them bang! The awkward morning after is a delicious opportunity for UST -- just a different kind. 9 times out of 10, your readers are there not for the smut because they’re invested in the story and like your writing.

Q. Quote three bits of writing you read this year. Can be your writing, or not.

Let’s mix it up.

“ “Why did you do that?” he demanded as they ducked into a side alley. “What part of ‘keep a low profile’ is difficult for you to understand?”

“I’m a good haggler,” Rey said through a full mouth. She didn’t have any idea what she was eating, and she didn’t care. It took so much effort to chew each bite instead of gulping it down whole. “He was trying to cheat us.”

“You didn’t haggle. You pushed.”

“I did not. Why would I knock him over in the middle of his stand?”

Kylo just stared. “You need a teacher,” he muttered. He watched her eat for a moment, his expression somewhere between thoughtful and disgusted, before taking a bite from one of his own skewers. Disgust won out. ” -- Symmetry and Black Tar by audreyii_fic. (Grumpy smuggler Kylo Ren, spunky scavenger Rey, canon divergence. Excellent.)

“ "Ben," Rey breathes once Kylo's mere inches away. It's the name Luke introduced him with, the only name she knows him by, and he's never bothered to correct her. Why hasn't he corrected her? The question flees from his mind as she closes her eyes and he leans down into the space between them, kissing her full on the lips. It's not gentle, he doesn't know how to be, but she opens for him the way the flowers she loves so much bloom in the sunlight. ” -- the surface of last scattering by diasterisms. (It’s the apocalypse, it’s exactly the right time to meet the love of your life, right? Read for utter devastation.) 

“ Rey could spend hours in the Falcon’s inner workings. She’d spent so much time in the belly of hollowed-out Star Destroyers, which were horrific remnants of old worlds, cold and grey. The Falcon is alive, speaking a strange language she’s just about half-deciphered. Sometimes, on days where she misses the connection most and dreams of a boy reaching across the stars to find her, it feels like the Falcon doesn’t want to speak to her. It shuts down. Sparks spit at her, and mechanisms develop odd faults.Today, a jet of steam blows directly in her face, not harmful, but almost like a snarl of 'go away'.

Rey climbs out of the hatch, fetching tools. She works with that fault first.

“I’m not thinking about him,” she promises to no-one but the ship she’s looking after. ” -- If I was born as a blackthorn tree, by me!

R. If you had to rewrite one of your stories from scratch, which one would it be? What would you do to it?

Going to cheat here and head back to 2017. I’d rewrite Two Stars Aligned. What I’d probably do is make it a post-TLJ fic, where Rey and Ben decide to run away after getting involved in a secret relationship, but get shot down by the First Order -- after landing in Giaca, they become embroiled in Game of Thrones style politics and the ruling families, while the Resistance and the First Order conduct searches for them. I’d cut out the weird Force shit and make the redemption arc thing more organic by giving the whole story room to bloody breathe. Two Stars Aligned is actually the reason why I now try to stick to oneshots for exchanges and any anthologies I get involved in.

S. What’s the sexiest thing you wrote this year?

Sexiest thing written in 2018... It’ll have to be the pegging in star among the stars.

T. Themes, motherfucker, do you have them? What are they?

Feminism. Females being allowed to be as fucked-up and broody as the men they love, and perhaps, even broodier. Make women afraid of commitment, 2k19.

U. Any stories that took an abrupt U-turn from where you thought they were going?

If I were a blackthorn tree took a pleasing turn away from the initial outline. The initial idea was lots of secret trysts and stuff like that, but I much prefer the quiet romance with a note of hope at the end that it turned out to be.

V. Which story was the most viscerally pleasing to write? Tell us your narrative kinks.

Huh. Hm. Don’t Complicate It is turning out to be kind of fun to write; when I’m not allowing myself to be crippled by the brain goblins that is (they’re strong lately). It’s a combo of writing a trope/kink I’ve been wanting to write for ages -- A/B/O -- and remembering that it’s okay to have fun with it.

W.  Who are your favourite writers?

@kylo-wouldnt-like-those-chips - @conchepcion (every time I think I’m out, she pulls me back in *shakes fist*) - @introspectivenavelgazer - @audreyii-fic - @kylorenvevo - ambiguously - @fettuccine-alfreylo and SO MANY MORE (this post is long enough already!!)

X.  What’s your least favourite work of this year?

My least favourite has to be In Cars. It was an ambitious idea, which I didn’t really fulfil, I feel. Curse of being a perfectionist. I want something to be amazing. World-changing! Tear-jerking! I want Vestal virgins to weep golden tears over my words, already delicately transcribed onto ancient parchment by monks. Obviously, that’s an impossible standard, but I can’t help being cross when I don’t reach it.

Y. Why did you write? For fun, for a friend, for acclaim?

During 2018? Mostly for acclaim. It made 2018 a very difficult year for writing, and just a difficult year in general. I’m trying to make sure I have fun during 2019 with this stuff. Striving for perfection is a punishing task that no-one can ever accomplish because perfection doesn’t exist. Contentment does, though. As does happiness. And those should be more important.

Z. If you could choose one work and immediately finish it, what would it be? How would you end it?

I’d finish Sanctum, my priest Kylo fic. I’m split between continuing or rewriting anyway (the rewrite would include relocating the action to the medieval era, around the time Luther wrote that damned essay and pinned it to the church door). But I do know the exact image I want to finish on, which will remain whether I end up rewriting or not. It involves a name, a scrap of material and a rather fetching colour scheme. 

Ooh. Cryptic.