#but they're not in the fucking pet trade

[kabretoss]

please be proud of me, I ollied out of an Internet Discussion before it became an Internet Argument

[bitchfitch]

while i was at Aquashella there were multiple tables selling axolotls and it reminded me about a handful of posts made by people who probably had good intentions about how so many Endangered axolotls would be Poached for the Evil Pet Trade if people kept liking them so much.

and y'all. that is so fucking funny because most people don't even know what a wild axolotl looks like. They're muddy brown/grey.

The white and pink leucistic ones are the descendents of lab animals that were collected for research around stem cells, limb regeneration, and a few other misc applications.

they're lucys because theyve been intentionally genetically modified. there is legit no reason to poach axolotls when the real all organic animal is muck grey and has the disposition of a prudish victorian noble woman while the ones already in the pet trade breed readily in captivity, can handle a larger range of water parameters, and come in way more weird colors. like "floresces green under black light bc of the jelly fish DNA some scientists gave it's grandparents to confirm Other genetic modifications were being incorporated into the animals DNA."

which you can buy as a baby for 70 bucks, and like btw, wildtypes go for around 45, and are usually the by-product of breeding for other colors due to how most morphs are comprised of recessive genes.

you can get combo adult breeder pair deals for 100$ and have a quadspmillion of the fuckers in a few weeks. and Not run the risk of getting massive fines and jail time for it like you would for poaching the ones that look like they came from a breeders soft cull bin.

[orbiting-star]

say what you will about Millie Bobby Brown but that girl has a million pets and not ONE of them is an exotic pet. like she has said severely questionable things but she doesn't own a monkey and these days that's something i respect

[kakashihasibs]

I have so many questions. Like what is the flicker rate of a small claw otter's eye? Why are there otters just chillin in this person's house? Can I hug??

[specialgrades]

CRiTiCAL HiT ! ⏤ select genshin men and their sensitive spots

arataki itto, wriothesley, neuvillette

➜ ┊: cw ! porn without plot, monster fucking… kinda, dom!reader, nipple play, premature ejaculation, pet names ( sugar, baby, darling, my love ), reader’s gender not specified but is topping neuvillette ( could be read as a strap or a dick ), hair pulling, neuv is kinda ooc but we're gonna ignore that for now, cumming untouched, not beta read we die like men

notes. whoa hey. i'm kinda popping off recently. anyway this is only three characters cause they're the only ones i'm horny for. if you think i have a particular favourite you're probably right. dividers by cafekitsune as per usual, backbone of tumblr fr!

ARATAKi iTTO — horns

such a big man reduced to a whimpering mess if you stroke his horns! god forbid you do it while he’s already experiencing other stimuli…

itto’s grunts and groans mixed in with your own moans as his hips snapped against yours. his hair falling in his face as he hung his head, fangs almost piercing his lip with how hard he’s biting it. your hands gripping at the sheets as he makes it his mission to rearrange your guts. one particular thrust has his tip hitting that spot deep inside you directly; a broken scream leaving you as your hands flew up to him for anything to ground yourself with. fingers wrapping around his red oni horns, tugging as he keeps hitting that spot. itto moans loudly, hips stuttering. “sugar, don— oh fuck—!” you tug again, oblivious to his protests until you feel him cum inside of you a lot quicker than usual. his body shakes as he does, whimpers leaving him. he knew his horns were sensitive, but not that much; and god did it feel good. you blink at him, hands still holding onto his horns. “did you jus’... cum from having your horns touched?” you manage, shuttering as he slowly fucks his cum deeper into you. “sensitive— ah-!” he yelps when you tug again. any semblance of dominance he had slipped away as you played with his horns. his cock twitched back to life at record speed, his hips moving on their own. “fuck sugar, don’t stop… tug ‘em harder— jus’ like that, fuck! fuck…” he cums again, crying out as he did.

WRiOTHESLEY — chest

wrio never knew that his chest was that sensitive, he always just ignored that part of his body during his own time. your wandering hands change that…

wriothesley’s kisses were always hungry, sloppy. he doesn’t have much experience, but his eagerness to devour you every time your lips connect isn’t something you’d trade for the world. he helps you tug his tie off and undo his vest, the fabric hanging loosely off of his shoulders. all without breaking the kiss you had pulled him into a few minutes prior. your fingers work on the buttons of his dress shirt while he toys with the hem of your shirt. same fingers pushing under the fabric of his shirt, index fingers brushing against his nipples as you moved. wriothesley surprised himself with the moan that escaped him when they did, freezing up for a second. he feels you smirk against him, fingers brushing over his nipples again. he caught the moan this time— though barely— shaky noises escaping him as his nipples hardened under your touch. his slacks feeling even tighter than they did when you began undressing him. “sensitive, are we?” you ask against his lips. he’s trying to focus and doesn’t respond instantly; causing you to lightly pinch the buds. he whines, body unsure if it wants to push against or pull away from the sensation. “y-yes! don’t—” he breaks the kiss as he tosses his head back, eyes squeezed shut and bottom lip tugged between his teeth. you look down to his pants, part of the light grey turned a darker shade from how much he’s leaking just from your teasing. “let’s see…” you let go of his chest to walk him back against his desk. he had fully intended to fuck you against it not even five minutes ago, but the tables had turned. he felt your gaze on the evident bulge in his pants, wiggling his hips in hopes it’d get you to touch him. you did, but not where he wanted you to. pushing his shirt and vest from his shoulders to fully expose his torso, you went for his chest again. whimpers and moans spilled from him as you toyed with the sensitive skin. a particularly loud moan that caused him to bite his hand to silence himself when your tongue flicked against the left one. he felt the coil in his stomach tighten as your tongue swirled around the bud, your fingers tweaking the one your mouth wasn’t on. he shrugged the rest of his shirt off, hand gripping your shoulder as he thrusted his hips up into nothing. “baby ‘m gonna— please— fuck fuck fuck-!” he gripped you tight as he came untouched, cum soaking his underwear and pants. he shuttered when you gave one last pinch to his nipples, breathing hard when you pulled away. “hm… cute.” you surmise, running your finger along the wet spot of his pants. he pulled away from your touch, sensitivity heightened. you smiled at him, cupping his face gently. “think you got one more in you, baby?”

NEUViLLETTE — ears

it’s law that pointy elf ears are sensitive. argue with a wall. the iudex is no exception…

neuvillette buried his head into the pillows, shaky breaths turning into moans as the sound of skin hitting skin. he felt your lips on his nape and shoulder— licking, biting, sucking the skin there as you fucked into him. his cocks rubbing against the pillow you put under his hips and staining the cotton. pulling away from his shoulder after nursing the bruises you left, your eyes focus on the pointy ears of the iudex. your curiosity got the better of you and before you could stop yourself, your tongue darted out to lick at the shell of his ear. neuvillette shuttered and moaned, hole clenching as pleasure ran through his body. “darling not there plea—” he cut himself off with a moan when the mixture of you hitting his prostate and your tongue running along his ear made his entire body light on fire. “your weak spot, hm?” you muse, your voice rumbling against his skin. he moaned, nodding as he moved his hips to get more friction on his dicks and to fuck back against you. “please…” he mumbles, so close with the mixture of all the stimuli happening at once. “more…” he begs weakly. he doesn’t expect you to give in so easily, but he’s been so good all day you cave; pulling back until just the tip was inside him before harshly snapping your hips against his ass. you lightly bit the tip of his ear as you did, tongue still running along the cartilage. the iudex cried out, arching further into the mattress as he felt the coil begin to snap. “please let me cum darling, please ‘s too much please-!” he cries, trying so hard to hold back from cumming until you give him the green light. “so soon, neuvi? your ears that sensitive?” he nodded, rain hitting the window as you brought him closer to the edge. you hum, breath hot on his ear. “go on, my love…” you lick his ear again. “cum.” he does almost instantly, crying out as he makes a mess of the pillow and his stomach. he collapsed onto the mattress, small shocks going through his body from the intensity of his orgasm. you give him a minute before sitting up, hand wrapping around his hair and horns. with a tug he’s pulled flush to your chest. high pitched yelp left him as you did, feeling your breath against his other ear now. “let’s see where else you’re sensitive, hm?”

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Fake text/SMAUs

Bang Chan-

Chan gets ghosted

Trading gym photos

He texts asking 'what are we?'

Secretly dating

Bestie asks you how he looks

You text the wrong number

He wants you back

Texting your bff a sexy pic

You text a stranger

His Instagram update

You see him in glasses

Daddy's good girl

Lost pet

Lee Minho-

Drunk texting during a fight

He has a crush

You tell him you can't have kids

You relapse

Bestie asks you how he looks

He confesses

Texting your bff a sexy pic

You're sick

Lost pet

Seo Changbin-

Brother's best friend

Trading gym photos

Reader has a crush

He confesses

Lost pet

Hwang Hyunjin-

Brother's best friend

You were a bet

Texting your bff a sexy pic

He forgets your birthday

Lost pet

Han Jisung-

He calls you jealous

Sexting

Your father doesn't approve

Brother's friend

He accidentally texts you a spicy video

You send him a fan edit

Lost pet

Lee Felix-

You tell him a secret

You relapse

Lost pet

Kim seungmin

Reader has a crush

You're a virgin

You relapse

You were a bet

You text the wrong number

Texting your bff a sexy pic

You're 'roasting' him

Lost pet

You go on a date with his best friend

Simp for Seungmin

Yang Jeongin-

You text asking 'what are we?'

You relapse

You were a bet

Lost pet

OT8-

SKZ Confronting Chan in your group chat

Texting your FWB that you're pregnant

Why didn't you kiss me

Hyung line/Maknae line

Asking what it feels like to be inside you

Texting SKZ a lingerie pic when they're on schedule

Texting SKZ 'this you?'

Texting SKZ 'thanks daddy'

Flirting with bff gets a little too serious

Texting SKZ 'will you be my sugar daddy?'

Texting SKZ when you have a snack emergency

Hyung line/Maknae line

Texting the group chat making a fat joke about yourself

They accidentally hurt you

Texting SKZ outfit approval for a date and they confess

Hyung line/Maknae line

Texting SKZ SOS on a bad date

He tells you to behave

You text the wrong group chat

Fruit snacks (paboracha)

You send unhinged memes

He sends unhinged memes

You're overworked

You text him 'I think we should break up'

Horny ass fucking texts

Hyung line/Maknae line

Cucking (Bang Chan/Jeongin)

Random texts with SKZ (Minho/Changbin/Hyunjin)

'I can't pay the mortgage' prank

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[rederiswrites]

Look, I think if you're a US citizen you should go on Youtube and watch the debate, or at least some of the chunks of it where the topic matters most to you. You can't counter the arguments if you don't know what arguments they're making. And no, I don't mean arguing with your aunt that drank the conspiracy koolaid. I mean that there are genuinely a lot of people out there hearing what Trump is saying and thinking, "I don't know. That sounds really scary."

So know what he said, and know not just THAT he lied, but HOW he lied.

Sometimes, it's easy. There are no "abortions" after a baby is born. That would be uhhh let's see MURDER and it's already pretty illegal everywhere and absolutely no one is trying to change that. The comment Trump attributed to former VA governor Ralph Northam is completely misrepresented. Northam (whom I am not defending as a person, by the way) was commenting on the subject of *non-viable* pregnancies that represented a health risk to the mother. Nobody was talking about killing babies. Nobody. Not even Mr. Blackface.

Sometimes it's so addled that I'll leave someone else to unpack, for example, what the FUCK he was on about with the giving illegal aliens in prison forced "trangender surgery". Personally I'm assuming he just used the random word generator in his head to say something that sounded scary to him.

There is NO credible evidence that anyone, much less Haitian immigrants, is eating pets in Springfield, Ohio. Both government officials and the police say there's nothing to it. Springfield has had a huge influx of Haitian immigrants, and this is causing infrastructure strain and racial tensions. But again, people who would rather believe that a) legal immigrants are okay with *stealing your pets and eating them* and b) the entire police and gov't infrastructure of a town and the surrounding county want to cover this up, are not worth our energy. It's the people who don't know the truth and are worried that we want to reach.

And my guy, my man, Cheeto Benito, that is not how tariffs work. Tariffs are not magical free money that other countries just HAVE to give you. They're...they're not that at all. Look, I'm lazy so I'm just gonna quote CNN:

Here’s how tariffs work: When the US puts a tariff on an imported good, the cost of the tariff usually comes directly out of the bank account of an American buyer. “It’s fair to call a tariff a tax because that’s exactly what it is,” said Erica York, a senior economist at the right-leaning Tax Foundation. “There’s no way around it. It is a tax on people who buy things from foreign businesses,” she added. Trump has said that if elected, he would impose tariffs of up to 20% on every foreign import coming into the US, as well as another tariff upward of 60% on all Chinese imports. He also said he would impose a “100% tariff” on countries that shift away from using the US dollar. These duties would add to the tariffs he put on foreign steel and aluminum, washing machines, and many Chinese-made goods including baseball hats, luggage, bicycles, TVs and sneakers. President Joe Biden has left many of the Trump-era tariffs in place. It’s possible that a foreign company chooses to pay the tariff or to lower its prices to stay competitive with US-made goods that aren’t impacted by the duty. But study after study, including one from the federal government’s bipartisan US International Trade Commission, have found that Americans have borne almost the entire cost of Trump’s tariffs on Chinese products. To date, Americans have paid more than $242 billion to the US Treasury for tariffs that Trump imposed on imported solar panels, steel and aluminum, and Chinese-made goods, according to US Customs and Border Protection. [link]

Also though you should watch the debate because Harris was an absolute savage and it was genuinely HUGELY entertaining to watch her mercilessly bait Trump in every answer she gave, and watch him take the bait every. fucking. time.

[cdroloisms]

thinking about c!dream earlier on in the server just makes me sad man. like, c!dream has never been a perfect character. he's always been flawed, always been a bit of an asshole, always had control issues. but also he knew that. he tried to work on that. he and tommy were friends, despite being flawed people with their own issues that would bump into conflicts because of the ways that they differed. c!dream tried, god, he tried; he wasn't even on the server, when the drug van happened, and walked into a place with someone who was practically a stranger to him building a wall and calling for war and having turned half the people dream knew against him, apparently, for no reason that he could've known at the time, and he had looked straight at tommy and tubbo and asked if that was what they really wanted when wilbur told them that there was no such thing as dual citizenship. he tells tommy when he has to sell a disc for spirit's leather even though tommy had surrendered the discs to him at the end of the revolution because he knows it'll matter to him. he and tommy truce, multiple times, and c!dream gets tangled into conflicts that literally don't involve him repeatedly and gets targeted Because He's Dream repeatedly and he plays along with that trivia contest and he gives gifts to fundy and tommy after terrorizing them a little for fun and he plays along with the dreamon thing and he keeps getting pulled into fights that weren't his but tries to make them a little more fair when they get him involved. he fucks around with tommy and they have fun, they're friends, and when he and wilbur look like they're in danger dream is one of the first to find them and lend them real, practical, valuable aid. he calls himself "Big D" in that book and he tells the man that wrote him as a tyrant that he doesn't want to be a villain in the story anymore. he asks tommy if he's okay, and watches that kid's back when he walks alone and unarmed into manberg, and fights with him at the battle of the lake and all of that is thrown back in his face as being a lie. half the intial community structures that exist were built by him; the community house, the nether portal and hub, the prime path. during a time where every other piece of leverage got burned or killed (rip the casualties of the pet war), dream was kind of known for being one that could be fairly traded with, that would minimize permanent damage. the kills in the final control room were originally to strip lmanburg of their gear, which he had kept in a chest so it could be returned to them after the war.

like no c!dream isn't perfect at the beginning of the server. yes he's kind of a jerk sometimes, kind of an asshole sometimes, kind of neurotic most of the time. but god dammit like c!dream does try to mitigate the worst of his control issues, when they flare up early on; the initial disc war ends with tommy getting his discs back as well as a stack of diamonds, in exchange for a netherite chestplate. he's a flawed character and he's still someone pretty friendly on the whole to most of the server, he's also kind of just known for being a little weird. he gives gifts randomly. he fixed creeper holes, and houses, and went along with bits. like whatever im a c!drolo c!dream woobifier and i admit it lol but for as much evil as he ends up doing, pretty damn consistently early on, he's . friendly? kind? funny? helpful? their neighbor. their friend. c!dream isn't just some stranger that flew off the handle; he's someone they knew and lived with who had his actions taken in bad faith because the goddamn story said so and kept fucking trying anyway until he believed the lie too. like he was just a guy!! a guy they knew and lived with!!! like my god

[localkiss]

Princess Sprinkles!

Vendetta Chris Redfield x fem reader!

cw: dd/lg, creampie, squirting (guys idk how squirting feels like....), multiple orgasms (reader), fingering, pet names, praise kink, oral fixation (reader obv), light mentions of breeding, soft dom!Chris!!, afab terms used, size kink ish.., Chris being silly, Chris being a lil mean one time, and some fluff :3 !! — Lmk if I missed anything.

wc: 2005 !! (🤭 birth year go crazyy LOL!)

notes: if you don't like ddlg just um. Idk don't read 💀!! I fr try not to make the reader teeny tiny but like dude Chris is huge asf.. size kink go brrr 🧎🏻‍♀️! I'll be making reader a lil squishy from now on bc I'm not skinny either ☝🏻.Also I used to watch the Bratz babyz movie on repeat sm that the disc got ruined 😭😭 soo.. yes that part is directly from yours truly! Not proof read 😵‍💫

tags: @argreion, @rigorwhoring bc ily guys 😇!!

"Daddy!" You squeal as soon as Chris picks you up and spins you around. Making your fluffy mini pleated skirt twirl upwards.

Chris hoists your pretty body over his shoulders and pats you on the butt, practically skipping towards your shared bedroom. It looks like someone dumped all the squishmallows possible into the master bedroom. He can't help but think of you every time he sees a stuffed animal. Shits rooted in his brain. Stuffies = his angel!

Yeah, he might have to fight with them to make room for himself, but he wouldn't trade it for any other way. He doesn't actually fight them, knowing you'd throw a hissy fit and say "Hate daddy! Forever 'n ever!" Chris's heart shatters like glass whenever you say that.

He's grown softer because of you and those little threats of yours make his heart drop down to the core of the Earth. Would he admit it to team Alpha? No. Never in a million years. But they've got eyes and ears, they're not Patrick Star. Dumb and living under a rock.

Lately he's been covered in hickeys and cute little doodles that're supposed to be like tattoos by yours truly. Goes to work and gets teased by his squad, telling him how you've got him wrapped around your pretty little finger. How much you've changed him, for the better. He always shrugs them off, putting them back to work.

You for sure made Chris cut back on smoking a fuck ton. Constantly crying about how the stench will ruin your stuffies and the coat the walls of the house with a film. You're right, that's for sure. And the fact that second hand smoke is even worse is what clicks it into his head for him. His baby. His sweetheart, could end up dying because of his stupid ass habits.

Chris has lost too many of his men because of his habits. Too many good men. You are his savior. He pounds away the guilt into your needy little cunt. Constantly craving him. Needing him. Loving him. Honest to God, he needs that more than anything in this lifetime.

"Sweetheart," he sighs and sets you down onto the bed. "I missed you. Whatcha been up to?"

"Slept 'n colored and um... Ate some snackies, watch movie, 'n had lotsa juice!" You mumble, eyes glancing around the entire room. Using your hands to talk, as your words get slurred when you're in this state of mind.

Chris presses a faint kiss to your temple and noses down to the underside of your ear. Carefully holding the back of your head with his hand. He gives you more kisses and blows raspberries into your ear, making you squeal and swat at him.

"That's good baby. Glad you had a productive day." Chris smiles at you lovingly.

Your heart then swoons, making you feel all mushy inside. Praise gets him everything from you. Just like you crying out for daddy gets you everything from him!

He lazily starts to unbuckle his belt, pulling it through the loops. Setting it down on the bedside table with a thud. He starts to undo his fly, pushing his pants all the way down, kicking out of them.

Only dressed in his boxers and shirt, he engulfs you with a hug. Nuzzling into your neck, feeling your hands grab ahold of his shirt.

"Daddy?"

"Just recharging honey, hold on." His voice is deep and gruffy, sending chills up your spine.

You lay there, body buzzing with warmth as his figure presses you into the mattress. His hips shift and move against yours, causing you to gasp.

Thighs squeezing against his fit waist and he sighs into your neck. "Daddy's not charge. He excited..." Your fingers tug on his shirt and he sits up.

"Off?" Pointing to his shirt and you clumsily remove your own shirt and skirt. Now both of you are only in your underwear. Well, you still have your white thigh highs on, but still.

He presses your thighs up to your chest and settles in the middle as best as he can. Feeling his skin on your skin feels like heaven. Makes your panties wet, which he's noticed but doesn't want to say anything about it. Knowing you get all shy and embarrassed when he points things out like that. He likes it. Thinks it's cute that you want skin ship.

"So pretty baby," he pushes his hips forward. His cock catching onto your clit with each slow roll. "Pretty pussy, pretty tits. Pretty girl. My pretty girl."

Chris leans back and gets rid of his boxers. Pulling your panties up to slip his cock between your folds. Laying back down on top of you. Humping you instead of fucking you.

You can't complain, his tip his pressing against your clit nicely. Your hips rolling up to meet his and his dick slips inside.

He bottoms out immediately with a growl. "Baby. Did I say you could put it in?" Chastising you with a rough thrust, acting like it's your fault his dick slipped inside of your tiny hole.

"Daddy, didn't mean to. Not m'fault," you whine out, kicking your legs.

"S'okay. Daddy will make it all better." Chris presses a kiss to your forehead and acts like he's going to pull it out. Only to harshly thrust it back into you. "Fuck, princess. She's not wanting to let me go. You hear her crying for me?"

Moaning, you dig your nails into his back, "Daddy, daddy, never leave," you start babbling already.

He groans and rabbits his hips, making the bed rock against the wall.

"Wait, daddy, stuffies no want look, turn," you try to speak as he continues to fuck you like he hates you.

"Shit, okay baby. Hold on," he grunts and turns them around as best as he can. "Better now?"

You nod and go in for a kiss and he meets you halfway. Drooling into your mouth and your tongues swirl together before you suck on his. Moaning as he drives himself deeper inside of you. Squelching sounds and skin on skin echoing in the bedroom. Surely you guys won't get a noise complaint this time!

He spits into your mouth and smears it all over your lips with his thumb, pushing it into your mouth. Who needs a pacifier when you've got daddy's thumb?

Watching your eyes flutter shut and your lips wrapping around his thumb, it sets him off. His other hand driving down between you both and rubbing harshly at your puffy nub.

Biting down, you furrow your eyebrows. Breathing quickly and moaning softly. "Close," you hum around his digit. Sucking on it as you get closer and closer.

Chris's dick hits a special spot inside of you and your body shakes underneath him. Pussy trying to push out his cock as a clear liquid shoots out of you.

"Goddamn, baby, squirting on me, mmhh—fuck..." His hips falter and he dumps his cum inside of you. Resting his body on you, burying you into the bed. Making sure his cum never leaves you.

Chris pulls his thumb out of your mouth and kisses you feverishly. "Putting a baby in you, s'that alright princess?" Your pussy agrees by clenching around his thickness.

But he's acting like you've got a choice, since he's already done the deed. He pulls you up into his arms and you guys slowly make your way to the bath. Still connected and full.

Keeping you in his arms, he reaches down to turn on the water and put in the plug. You giggle and some of his cum starts to spurt out and drip down his balls. He settles in the tub with you on his lap, grabbing the soap to fill it with bubbles.

Chris slowly lifts you off of his length and sets you between his legs. Back pressed against his hairy chest. While his cum dribbles out of you.

His fingers make their way down to your sensitive cunt and slowly dips them inside. "Shh, I know baby," pressing soft kisses to your cheek as you whine and claw weakly at his forearms. The other one is keeping you pressed against him.

"Daddy's helping you baby," he starts to curl his fingers and your legs shake. Clearly overstimulated from earlier. But Chris starts to be a bit greedy, smacking his palm against your pretty little pearl.

Throwing your head back against his shoulder, he coaxes you into another orgasm. With the disguise of helping you get his cum out. If anything, he's trying to fuck it back into. Serious about putting a mini him or you inside of your tummy.

"Baby, almost there. Y'got it princess.. mmh.. cum one more time for daddy? Promise I'll clean you up and get us some donuts with sprinkles on 'em, just the way you like." Man, he's even bribing you! Daddy knows what you really want right now. So you whimper in response.

"Daddy, mmhhff... Daddy oh god! Please, please, please!" Your heels dig into the tub as the water fills it. His lips sucking and biting into your neck is what makes you cream around his digits.

Body convulsing and breath raggedy and higher as you come down from your second high of the night. Chris grabs your face and kisses you all over, mumbling praises into your skin. "Good girl, daddy's so proud of you."

Then, he takes his time washing you off, letting you play with the rubber duckies and splashing water onto him. Putting bubbles on his beard and making one for yourself.

"I daddy! See?" You pout and furrow your eyebrows, taking a drag of an imaginary cigarette. Chris rolls his brown eyes and takes the imaginary cigarette and puts it out.

"Babies can't do that stuff, remember? Only daddies can do that, silly baby girl." He wipes the bubbles off of your face and his, nibbling on your earlobe. Making chewing noises, "Om nom nom, my baby tastes so yummy!"

You squeal and press your face into your shoulder. "Daddy! Got wash so we can eat nummy donut! Donut sprinkle!"

He hums and gets to work. Gently washing your back and hair as you wash your front side and down to your toes. Chris hauls you up and he turns on the shower to wash your hair and his. God knows he needs this shower after training his new squad mates today.

Chris washes his own figure as you cup the water in your tiny hands and splash it up in the air. Watching you pretend you have powers as the water runs down your arms and to the tips of your fingers.

"Alright princess. Let's go get some sprinkled donuts," he pats your heart shaped ass with a chuckle. Wrapping you in a fuzzy towel, he gets to work drying you off. It reminds you of that Bratz babyz movie. Sure reminds him of it too. From how often you guys watched it, the CD stopped working and you threw a fit.

So of course, he bought a couple more, just in case. It's not like he doesn't have the money for it. So why not keep his baby sated with something so simple as a 2000s movie? He even bought you some Bratz dolls and monster high ones. Likes how you squeal and jump around in excitement every time he buys you something so simple as a doll. Makes him happy.

"Princess sprinkles and daddy sprinkles! Getting donut sprinkles! Sprinkles, sprinkles, sprinkles!" You laugh as he puts on your blue matching cinnamoroll pajamas that he spent fifty dollars on. Worth it in his opinion. Looks so cute on you, he can't help but press kisses all over your cheeks.

"Alright, alright, princess sprinkles. Let's go get in the car. Daddy'll buy you all the chocolate sprinkled donuts there is at the bakery." Chris's heart thumps in his chest. Yeah, there's a sprinkled shaped hole with a sprinkle version of you in his heart.

[bitterkarella]

Identifying furries by their fursonas

Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole

Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman

Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor

he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.

she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw

coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party

Cat- always a woman

black cat - could be any gender but always goth

kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.

bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military

Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name

lion - just a huge asshole

tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes

jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic

cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between

Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on

Pony - gay nazi

unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition

Tanuki - latino

badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest

Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.

bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics

cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme

steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy

sheep - mom vibes

pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes

domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.

wild pig - trans masc

skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.

rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars

lemur - autistic

sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions

chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"

sergel - nazi

citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met

procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child

weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders

ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many

mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story

guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet

armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"

mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.

hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc

otter - a dommy twink, possible enby

bear - gay

panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something

bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy

any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist

axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby

rabbit - trad wife trans woman

squirrel - autistic and gay

deer - gay

gazelle - zootopia megafan

monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed

ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language

elephant - mom friend

hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist

rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura

kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry

koala - an asian woman

virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics

australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)

any other marsupial - poser

monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother

doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)

german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him

afghan - arch femme

basset hound - racist

puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot

all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)

dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP

griffin - the same as above but also a brony

snake - sissy hypno fetishist

turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.

other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons

any fursona with latino vibes - white

any fursona with asian vibes - latino

any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european

avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.

raven/crow - agender voidgoth

chicken - mom vibes

dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.

any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)

amoeba - this is a troll

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Logan and wade and reader? Thruple things would be cool ✌️

"Fuck me," you groan, setting down your work bag and slumping against the apartment door as you shut it, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Gimme a minute, Sugar tits," Wade called from the kitchen, "I'm just finishing dinner!"

You make a soft grumpy noise and wince scooping up Mary to pay the pet tax and nudge your bag out of the way, limping your way to the sofa. The cold snap has your back feeling like it's on fucking fire and you've been running all goddamn day. "Not literal," you murmur, "But I appreciate it." You hold the dog and make a fuss for a second, giving her pats and kisses until she wiggles to be put down- missing the look Wade and Logan trade while you're not looking. "I'm gonna get changed," you tell them. "It's been a long day."

They watch you go and Logan's frown deepened, "Ice," he told Wade.

"And drugs," Wade added in agreement. "We're gonna need a bigger bathtub," he mused.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Gonna be a long winter if it's just you an' me, bub."

"She does class up the place, Peanut," he said grinning, "But at least when it's you and me you can stab something."

In the bedroom, you sit on the end on the bed and take stock. Your back hurts so bad your ribs hurt and you can feel it all the way down into your hips. It's hard to take a full breath.

The first few weeks of cold weather are hell. Absolute hell. But you'll adjust. Eventually. You always do.

And at least the boys were understanding. There was also an abundance of oversized clothing. So you grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of basket ball shorts- one that belonged to either of them and got dressed.

__________

When you opened the door, Logan was waiting, arms crossed, "Couch, bub," he ordered, his eyes sweeping over you head to toe. Noting that you were favoring your right side and that your breathing was a little shallow.

"I'm okay," you murmur, "It's just cold."

His eyes narrowed slightly and he stepped forward, tilting your chin up and running practiced hands over your neck. The muscles were so tight he could bounce a quarter off them. "Couch," he repeated, "Either you go or I take you."

"Please don't pick me up," you plead.

"Totally okay," Wade put in, lighting candles.

You sigh and take the arm you're offered. There's no winning against both of them. But when Wade takes the other side, a warm hand on the small of your back it's comforting. They're not going to let you fall over.

"Face down, ass up, Angel baby," Wade chirped, letting go of you to let Logan lay you on the couch. "Gotta get ice on that spine before you rip it out mortal kombat style."

You grumble and Logan smiles a little and pulls a blanket over your legs, "Drugs now or later?"

"If you drug me up now I'll be asleep in 10 minutes," you remind him, "lightweight, remember?"

"So before bed and wake you up with head and good coffee," Wade said grinning, handing Logan half the icepacks so they could lay them from your neck to your hips.

"Giving or getting?"

"Getting!" Wade scoffed, "Can't have you choking in your sleep."

You huff a little laugh in spite of the pain and he strokes your hair, "20 minutes?"

Logan nodded, lowering himself to the floor next to your head and kissed your temple, "I know it sucks."

You don't answer, you just close your eyes and try to breathe. And not cry. It's not worth crying over. Not really. Clenching and unclenching your fists under your head.

"Hey," Logan said keeping his voice soft. You'd turned your face away from him but he could see the tension. And smell the tears slipping down your cheeks. "you gotta breathe, baby."

"I'm okay it just hurts. I'll be f-fine."

He didn't know what to do here. All he could think to do was lay his hand on your head and rub gently. "Tell me about it?" he pressed. He knew it hurt. Something hurt all the time. He heard the sharp gasps when joints popped and the whimpers of pain. He knew you had medication for it. It had been this way as long as you could remember. You dealt with it. They were learning how to deal with bad days.

Wade had had- still had cancer.

But Logan? He'd never even had a cold.

"It hurts so bad I can't breathe," you tell him. "Muscle spasms. Cramps. My fucking hands and feet are tingling."

"Fallin' apart on me, kid," he hummed.

"I'll only wish I was dead until I get used to it again- it gets better after I readjust to the weather change."

"Good news," Wade called, "My mornings just opened up to drive you to work!"

"I don't need-"

"To walk in this shit," Logan finished, "you're right."

"And Dinner is ready!"

Logan nodded, "Can you sit up?"

You sigh and take a deep breath, pushing yourself up slowly. Logan winced; he could hear every labored breath and every aching movement. "I'll bring you a plate. And a drink," he said.

"Picnic night," Wade declared, "And since I cooked I get to pick the movie!"

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Duke's few weeks in the Manor

Damian: So, Thomas, how's the stay in the Manor? Staying with the rest of those juveniles - *sighs* with the rest of the family?

Duke, smiles brightly: It's been great. I like the training sessions and patrols, the movie nights -

Damian: So no regrets, nor second thoughts?

Duke: Of course not-

Tim passes by the room where Damian and Duke are talking.

Tim, furious: I swear to God, Jason!!! I'm burning all your books. Where the fu- where's my bo staff???

Jason: Aren't you supposed to be the smartest among us, Timbers? Find it yourself!!! And why the fuck do people keep blaming me in this house???

in a few seconds, Jason passes by also, one of his guns on his hand. he gives a peace sign to the direction of his youngest brothers, before disappearing from their sights.

Babs: No shouting in the house!!! And put that weapon away, Jason.

Babs passes by next, giving them a sweet smile, before she looks down on the tablet on her lap, loud sounds erupting from it.

Damian, raises his brow: You were saying, Thomas?

Duke: Oh yes. I said I'm not having any-

Steph enters the room with a bag of chips on her hand and some skincare cream on her face.

Steph: WHERE'S MY- Hey, kiddos! Don't mind me just *munches on a chip* 'inding for my lipstick- Oh, there it is!! And no, I'm not giving you any chips. Byeee!!

she leaves the room, loudly munching on her chips.

Damian, the corner of his mouth twitching to a smile: Yes, Thomas?

before Duke could respond, there was a light tap behind him.

Duke: What was that- OH MY GOSH! *touches his chest* Cass....

Cass, giggles, patting Duke's head lightly: Cute. Little brother.

before they know it, she's out the room.

Damian: As you can see-

Dick enters the room, smiling brightly when he sees his little brothers. he stands with his hands on the ground, landing infront of them.

Dick: Aww, what you youngsters up to huh? Up to no good, I bet?

Dick aims for Damian's cheeks. Damian lightly pushes his hands away, so Dick goes for Duke's cheeks, pinching them.

Dick, laughs: I guess I'll do it to the other Little D then.

before Duke can respond, there is a sound of breaking glass and Tim's more shouting.

Dick: Oops. Gotta check that out. You both stay out of trouble.

then Dick leaves them.

Damian, smiles lightly: What do you say Thomas, you want to visit the barn in the backyard?

Duke, grins: I would love that!

Damian: At least you have a normal sibling. I just saved you.

and Duke thinks that Damian is not quite normal, rather unique, with his pet dragon. they're all unique really.

but he wouldn't trade any of his sisters and brothers for anything or anybody in the world.

[triptychcryptid]

Time for some Saoirse content:

-She has a very deadpan way of saying things and it is VERY hard to tell when she's joking unless you know her. As it is, she has a pretty dark sense of humor too. It took Stan about a year to fully be able to tell when she's joking. Typically she looks humanoid but has 3 eyes.

-Once Stan asked her which eye was the "extra eye" and she pointed to her right eye, not the one on her forehead. Then the next time Stan brought it up, it was her left eye and she denied ever saying otherwise. Her aesthetic is what I like to call "Pink Punk Emo." XD

-Knows a LOOOOT about humans because her parents are obsessed with them. Plus tv.

-Is a well known fashion designer for intergalactic awards shows, but also makes clothing for "Space Adventurers" aka, Pirates/criminals. These clothes are functional and have added mods to them. Usually custom made and very pricy. She will often accept trades though, if they don't have money and have something she wants/needs.

-She may or may not be the one who made Stan's boots that he traded something for on the black market. She found out he traded for them and offered to just...give him new versions when his wear out. In exchange for stuff like going to lunch, hanging out to watch movies, etc. She also made Stan's jacket and gloves, and modded his boots.

-Doesn't generally like getting close to people, but when she does, you're locked in for life. XD She'll take care of you though, but she's pretty vindictive to people that have wronged you.

-For instance, if she comes through the portal with Stan, he'll set her loose on Ford. She'll say shit like "Oooh, you're still learning Quantum Physics?"

Ford: I...yes? This is very advanced physics.

Saoirse: Oh wow, I didn't realize people on Earth took so long to learn that stuff. Where I come from, our children master it by the time they're about 2 years old. Oh, I'm sure you're very smart here, I just...wow."

And it's total bullshit. None of it's true. XD Or she looks at the portal and goes "Oh, did one of the children make this? It's a little crude, but very good otherwise! Good for them!"

Or like she'll look around the house and go "Oh, what a cute little house! It would fit in my bedroom at home! Did you build it yourself?"

Ford: Yes, well mostly. I did hire a contractor to help with some of it.

Saoirse: Ooooh, that explains some things. -inspects a wall and raps it with her knuckle before scrutinizing the light fixures and clicking her tongue in disappointment-

-She cries during Titanic, but so does Stan.

-Makes little outfits for her "Niece", Stan's Archaeopteryx Stevie.

-When/if Stevie ends up on @tinfoil-jones's Anti-Ford's streaming channels, she goes the extra mile on Stevie's outfits (and may or may not make some extras for Anti as well. Like a modded version of his favorite horrendous rainboots xD) As a "thank you" for being cool to Stevie.

-Has some tech that can change her appearance and voice as well as Stan's, so they are literally different people when she hires him to be her eye-candy for shows. Her designer personality is also SUPER sweet and bubbly, which is how she gets away with doing black market stuff and stealing.

-She also uses this tech to fuck with people. Like she gets hit on at a bar, goes to the bathroom, changes her appearance and voice to a dude and denies ever seeing the woman the guy was hitting on, and tells him he's drunk and imagining things.

-Cries during videos of Soldiers returning home to their pets. Smacks Stan on the arm repeatedly while doing so, going "LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY! HE'S SO EXCITED!"

-Taught Stan how to fly ships

-Is not afraid to fight you for looking at her wrong. Or her friends. Is good with weapons, like...you won't even know she HAD a knife until it's in your thigh.

-Is nice to the kids and lets Mabel make her up while simultaneously talking to Dipper about Movie Monsters and Cryptids

-She gave Stan something that physically stopped his aging at 35. Mostly to piss of Ford when he gets home as Bill promised him "reclaimed youth" if Ford helped him. And here Stan is, scientifically modified to be 35. XD He can reverse it whenever he wants, but he won't until he faces Ford. She also maybe thought he deserved a second chance at his younger years since the first time around, they were pretty shit.

-Cries during THAT part of Spiderman No Way Home. Every time. Garunteed.

[kitzuukts]

More MCD headcanons for the rewrite!!

Kim is a medium who briefly falls for Laurance before realizing he is with Garroth and Aphmau. As a medium, she soon learns that the Divine Warriors are all present at Phoenix Drop, she's aware of Malachi's former death, and at one point allows Dante to speak to his parents after they pass.

What the Fuck is the celestial cannon. Like seriously there is no way something that high-tech would have been made thousnds of years before MCD, when they barely have redstone lamps and shit. That doesn't exist

The "relic maker" is on the Nether. When Irene sacrificed hers and Shad's daughter, as well as the others to make the relics, Shad tried to sacrifice her there and died falling into a pit of lava.

Kul'zak was the dad of the group. He cared fiercely for each member, completely devastated when Shad died.

Irene lied about how Shad died.

Aphmau has innate healing magic, Aaron is immune to the Nether, Lucinda is a jack-of-all-trades witch, Garroth can manifest shields, Laurance has heightened agility and charisma, and Travis has access to a magic grimoire and a demonic form.

Travis only flirted with Aphmau because he doesn't know how people work and wasn't surprised when Laurance tackled him down. He eventually wins over Katelyn but genuinely has drunkenly confessed that Zane was a little hot in his Jury Form.

Zane's motivation was wanting to be loved, admired, praised. Garroth was the golden child, he needed to prove himself. He needed to be better.

The Ultima curse should have died with Shad and his daughter, but it didn't. Every time he reincarnates, it inflicts the curse once again, and then he either is incarnated into the line or starts a new one.

Laurance was not born a meif'wa. he was cursed into one by the Maxima. His family was, too, but they didn't survive. Cadenza found the baby crying in a floating cradle doen the river.

The Maxima, mentioned in my previous post, was a were-meif'wa. Potentially, this is Michi/Mikai, and Aphmau and Katelyn were temporarily cursed the same way they are in canon.

Katelyn hates water. Maybe it's residual from her time as a meif'wa. It also rusts her armor, which is her excuse.

Leona is Zane and Kiki's daughter, heir of O'khasis. She is not Bodolf's. She was, however, turned into a lu'pine by Aaron during a rage caused by Ein.

Lowell and Leona partially grow up together as Kiki left Phoenix Drop during the seven years. They are often pressured by the pack to marry each other once they're grown.

Logan getting bitten is terrifying for Ru'an. They thought they werewolves were extinct. They thought the ultima was killed in a religious crusade.

Lu'pines do not care that "dogs" (in quotations because most breeds resemble wolves more) are pets. They find it amusing when it makes humans uncomfortable.

Roxy (Nicole's fox) and Thorgi become absolute best friends. Inseperable. Thorgi lives with Nicole in Scaleswind, passing shortly after reuniting with Aphmau.

Phoenix is the only of Aphmau's dogs to follow her to the Irene Dimension. Aphmau regrets this. He practically raises Celestia.

Malachi keeps his magical ability to induce nightmares. He accidently does this to Kyle, Zoey, Alexis, Levin, and Dante often after the portal closes.

[maidenvault]

If so many things in Star Wars that seem fine on the surface actually have this dark underbelly/subtext people insist is actually suggested in the films, then what is the point in each case? What does that actually leave us with?

If the Naboo, a democratic civilization of learning and culture like many that thrived during the golden age of widespread peace and prosperity that was the High Republic era, live on land that was stolen from the Gungans and don't acknowledge this (an idea the films on their own don't support), then...why is that a thing? How does it serve the movies' themes if that's a thing? If their tradition of having child queens on the throne is actually taking advantage of children in a psychologically damaging way and not just a particularly silly and fantastical fairy-tale element in these family films, and that other benevolently ruled world of Alderaan is also actually kind of shady because its laws allow Leia to serve as Senator when she's a teen, what does that actually say about anything?

If in the prequels era the Sith are the evil conspirators influencing everything; and the Senate is getting more and more corrupt; and the Trade Federation, Techno Union, and Kaminoans are the most reprehensible kind of capitalists not helping anything; and the Jedi Order is also rotting from the inside with something or other; and the Grand Army of the Republic is fighting a war against cruel oppressors that's nonetheless supposed to be clearly unjust or misguided in a way everyone should have seen somehow, and the Naboo and lots of other societies aren't much better...then what exactly does that say about this world? Besides "Woah, this is pretty fucked up, isn't it?" Why are all these things so fucked up at once, what's the common factor? What's the lesson?

If the star wars are so often just about a very obviously bad group of people and other groups of people who are only nominally better, does that really enrich the story or just leave us with nothing? Things aren't automatically interesting or meaningful because they're dark. It's honestly really bleak if it's only some individual people who can serve as an example of what's good in the world (insert Qui-Gon or your other pet character who you hold up as The One Special True Jedi based mostly on fanon here). The fact that Leslye Headland wanted to tell a story like The Acolyte because she thinks SW is defined by underdogs fighting an evil institution so the Jedi can only be good if they're underdogs and not an institution is bleak.

In the prequels, Anakin's fall to the dark side and the Republic becoming the Empire are two story threads that parallel each other in obvious, meaningful ways. It's heavy-handedly emphasized that the causes of both were fear and hunger for power, which SW constantly shows to be closely related. If there's also this slow descent into their own destruction happening with the Order due to their own tragic flaws, to the point that - as I've seen argued - they would have fallen eventually even without Palpatine destroying them, that's something that just happens to be going on at the same time for some reason, very conveniently for Palpatine, and it doesn't neatly fit in with those other two threads the same way. It doesn't happen because the Jedi act on fear or have anything to personally gain from what they do. It happens because of...one or five of like fifteen different possible flaws of theirs, depending on who you ask. They were arrogant/stagnant/bureaucratic/a cult/cool with slavery/using child soldiers/dogmatic or many other (usually imprecisely defined) bad things that the Order supposedly became because...well we don't know why or what it has to do with everything else going on in this era, the point is they were bad okay! If this is really The Point then it overcomplicates and obscures what the point even is. It makes the tragedy of the prequels about everything that can go wrong going wrong, all over the place, to the point that it's about nothing.

I don't know, I just don't think it's an overwhelmingly emphasized message throughout the franchise that institutions are all inevitably subject to corruption so you should just burn it all down and be a cool, rogue gray-Jedi person carving your own path alone or whatever. I don't think it's about this. Even TLJ, as I've argued a million times, ultimately says thinking that way just serves the bad guys. What is often emphasized is the importance even a seemingly insignificant individual can have as part of a whole, the power of connection between living beings and being stronger together, and the importance of preserving democracy actually in order to protect the most defenseless underdogs.

[duchessonfire]

Savior Carl!AU re-read Part 2 Chapter 4

Follow-up of my re-read of Part 2 Chapter 3. If you're not interested and don't want to have your dashboard spammed, you can block the tags Duchess reads and Savior Carl AU reread.

Commentary for Part 2, Ch 4 below the cut (spoilers for part 2 ahead):

Okay first of all, early 2024 Duchess, why are you writing "the man" everywhere?? I have had to edit over 15+ "the man"s in this chapter. WHY???? JUST SAY 'NEGAN' OR 'HE'!! I feel like as writers we tend to fear repetitions, but one thing I've learned over time is that the brain doesn't register stuff like the main characters' names or very common pronouns such as "he" or "she". If there's a repetition that appears glaring it's more "the man" or "the boy" because that's definitely not that common. Another thing I tend to fear is confusion, especially in mlm ships where both characters are refered to as "he", but honestly just looking at the context helps clear that up most of the time.

Alright, now that this is out of the way, let's talk about one of my fave chapters ever.

These scenes in the infirmary/parking lot were definitely supposed to be THE sexy moments of part 2 because, back when I was writing it, I didn't mean for part 2 to have any real smut, which I planned to hold off on until part 3. However, when I was writing the last chapter, it soon became clear that the smut was going to happen earlier than expected.

Now, let's start at the beginning, which is Carl becoming officially a member of the Saviors:

When Carl makes them stop for a fifth time, Big Richie growls, “He ain’t gonna be happy.” “Yeah? What’s he gonna do? Throw me back in the cell?” The Savior frowns at his acerbic tone. “Man, what crawled up your ass and died? You got a beating. Welcome to the fucking club. We’ve all been there. The Doc will patch you up and then it’s business as usual. Just be grateful you ain’t on the fence after the shit you pulled.” Carl huffs petulantly but he knows Richie is right. He’s caught a lucky break until now. Negan never disciplined him the way he did the rest of the guys, no matter how many times Carl stood up to him. If he had been any other soldier, he would have gotten an attitude-check the second he told Negan to go fuck himself that day in the mess hall, when he had humiliated Carl into making a sandwich. Instead, Negan had given him a pass, and then afterward, when he’d saved his life, he had let even more things slide, never doing more than playing fucked up mind games that sent Carl chasing after his own tail like a mad dog. He can’t complain, not after riding the gravy train for so long. He’s a Savior now, and that means following the same rules as everyone else. His shoulders deflate and he adjusts his grip on the wall to start climbing down again. Seeing his resignation, Big Richie tells him almost consolingly: “Hey. It ain’t so bad. At least you’ll get pain pills out of it. I’ll trade you some good shit for them. Just come to me first, ok?”

I've mentioned before that I really enjoy writing the background characters of Sanctuary and this is a good example of that. To me, the Saviors are this sort of frat house, this boys' club of adults that are basically reverting back to a teenage state because of the very high-school/college campus atmosphere that Negan is fostering. The Saviors know they're the jocks/cool kids, but they are also very much the first recipients of Negan's mercurial temper. Negan doesn't bother disciplining the workers himself, cultivating instead a sort of detached paternal/benevolent god attitude. With the Saviors, however, it's very much a rough coach-football players type of relationship. By getting punishment from Negan, Carl won a badge of honor that he didn't even know he was missing before. He's only realizing now that the preferential treatment that Negan had given him until now had further isolated him from the other Saviors, who kept their distance from this strange teacher's pet who spent so much time alone or with Negan himself. Carl becomes aware of this when Big Richie gives him a metaphorical clap on the back and tells him that becoming Negan's punching ball is part of the job. Now that Carl has received a beating, he's officially one of them.

Now, for the infirmary scene:

“Finally,” Negan exclaims when Big Richie leads Carl into a small medical room. He’s standing with his hip cocked against a brown exam table, rocking Lucille through the air back and forth. Next to him, Carson is busy doing his inventory, though Carl is pretty sure it’s just a front considering how the Doc keeps sending nervous glances at the baseball bat. “I was starting to think my favorite little serial killer had kicked the bucket during the night. Sure would have been a shame, after all the great progress we made yesterday.” He straightens up and takes a long look at Carl. “Jeez, you look worse than the shitbags of the fence. I gave you a whole damn day to yourself and you couldn’t even take a shower?” He rolls his eyes. “Big Richie, get him some clothes that don’t reek of piss. And close the door behind you. Let’s give the kid some privacy for fuck’s sake,” he calls out as Richie exits the room, his tone mockingly indignant. The door clicks shut and Carl becomes hyper aware of the fact that he’s trapped in a small room with Negan. Judging from the way Carson gulps nervously, he’s not the only one. “Well, come on, Doc. Do your thing. Can’t you see the state he’s in?” Negan tuts, but his rakish smile contradicts his feigned disapproval. He saunters to the other end of the cramped room and settles near a metal cabinet. There is a glass jar full of lollipops next to his elbow and he shoves his fingers inside, grabbing a handful of candies. He puts them in his pocket, save for one which he starts unwrapping.

All of this was inspired directly by canon. In The Cell episode, Negan has Daryl beaten up and when Dwight brings him to the room that Negan hopes will be Daryl's, he tuts disapprovingly when he realizes that Daryl's bruised lips prevent him from drinking a glass of water, and he then berates Dwight for not thinking of giving Daryl a straw in the first place - which is the summum of hypocrisy when Negan is the one responsible for Daryl's bruised face. This is one of those little cruelties that make Negan's character so delightful, turning sadism into a schoolyard game. The lollipops, of course, are from the Hostile and Calamities episode when Carson is fixing Dwight after a beating - ordered by Negan, again - and Dwight grabs a handful of lollipops from the jar in the exam room. Do I obsessively rewatch seasons 7 and 8 until they overtake my brain completely? Yes. Yes, I do.

“No painkiller,” Negan says suddenly, and they both turn toward him. He’s been silent until now, watching without a word while Carson probed Carl’s wounds and disinfected the occasional cut. He pops the candy out of his mouth, his eyes now deadly serious. Dr. Carson looks between Carl and Negan, conflicted. “The ribs will hurt a lot. I really think it’d be better if—” “He can take it. Right?” The question is aimed at him, a clear challenge, and Carl realizes then that just because he killed the worker like Negan wanted him to doesn’t mean the punishment is over. He knows it’s another test, but at least he knows the answer to this one. Shane made sure of it. “I can take it,” Carl says, his answer meant for Carson but the defiant tone aimed at Negan. Judging from the way his eyes twinkle, he gets the message. He puts the lollipop back into his mouth and Carl gets a glimpse at his pink tongue wrapping around it before his lips close on the white plastic stem.

One of my fave things about these two is how they get in their own little bubble and have this understanding between them that leaves the other people around completely puzzled. Carson doesn't understand why Negan would deny a Savior painkillers out of the blue. If a Savior is punished, he doesn't get medical care, period. But Carl knows what it's about. It's another test, another way Negan wants Carl to prove his worth. Because of course Negan's favorite boy isn't afraid of pain. I love writing Carl as a badass who takes pain without flinching so this scene was an absolute joy to write. These two are soulmates so someone as sadistic as Negan would inevitably fall for the one person in Sanctuary who isn't scared of pain.

A gloved hand appears in his field of vision and drops clean clothes on the table in front of him. Richie must have brought them at some point, Carl probably too busy biting back agonizing screams to notice. He slowly turns his head to look up at Negan who’s peering at him from under his lashes, his cheek bulging out from the lollipop still in his mouth. “Attaboy,” he murmurs. A dark and shameful thrill runs through Carl at the praise. Negan leans forward, the plastic stem of his candy grazing Carl’s sweaty temple. “Just between us, I got a lil’ bit hard watching you take it so well.” Carl’s face heats up, from degradation, or disgust, or something else he can’t hope to name. Negan chuckles and turns on his heels, walking out of the room. Carl knows he’s waiting for him outside the door when he hears him whistle another cheerful song. Negan isn’t done with him yet.

In case you were wondering, yes, Carson heard the whole exchange and, yes, he was deeply disturbed by it. Only a handful of people notice the growing sexual relationship between Carl and Negan, and Carson is one of them.

He just wants to leave, to go back to his room and sleep some more. Maybe have something to eat, considering he can’t even remember the last meal he’s had, but then Negan straightens from where he’s slouched against the wall and stands toe to toe with him. The side of his cheek goes round as he rolls the candy with his tongue. Never letting his eyes off Carl, he grabs the plastic stem between his fingers and takes the candy out with a wet and sucking sound, his lips wrapping around it one last time, leaving them pink and shiny. He offers the gleaming lollipop, the head of it an inch away from Carl’s mouth. “Open up,” Negan says. Carl’s breath catches in his throat and he freezes, a deer in headlights. His eyes dart from the lollipop to Negan’s unreadable expression. After a long second, he stomps a foot on the ground and roars with laughter. “Lighten up, kid, I’m just messing with you,” Negan cackles before popping the candy back into his own mouth. He wraps a lazy arm around Carl’s shoulders and leads him away from the infirmary, his mood shifting so swiftly that Carl gets whiplash. “C’me on. Let’s find you something to do.”

Negan is good at playing it cool, but the truth is: if Carl had indeed opened his mouth and taken the lollipop, there's nothing on God's green earth which could have stopped Negan from putting Carl down on his knees and shoving his dick in his mouth. Period.

“Now, you fucked up yesterday and everyone knows that, so I can’t just send you back to Dwight. The garden is prime real estate, and only boys who behave get to work there. We’ll just have to find you something else to do for a few days, until it looks like you’ve learned your lesson.” Carl’s heart skips a beat when Negan suddenly pulls him even closer, flush against his side. His breath rustles the long hair around Carl’s ear as he whispers conspirationally, “But you and I both know you’ve got a lot more fuck-ups coming. I’m getting your cell cleaned as we speak, so it’s all nice and ready for your next little rebellion. I’m even thinking of putting your name on the door. Really make it official.”

Little foreshadowing for part 3 right there ;)

Negan whistles, a long melodic note, and Carl drags his eyes back to him only to meet his devious smile. As much as he craves Negan’s attention, he can never decide if he’s more thrilled or terrified to have those gray eyes zeroing in on him, like a sniper’s bright red scope aimed directly at his head, a hair-trigger away from shooting him down. Negan twists Lucille’s handle, the way he always does when he’s thinking about some terrible trick to play on him, and Carl knows he’s coming, can feel it the way that mammals have learned to feel a predator’s eyes on them, a deep-seated instinct a million years in the making. Negan’s lips stretch into a feral grin, and he’s ready to pounce when Joey shifts and makes a small noise next to him, nervously expectant. Negan blinks, turning on his heels and breaking whatever tunnel vision tied him to Carl only a moment ago.

These two are so obsessed with each other, they keep forgetting they aren't the only ones left on Earth.

Carl scrambles back, narrowly avoiding getting stepped on. He looks up, glaring, but Negan’s eyes are full of laughter, obviously reveling in playing a game when he’s the only one who knows the rules. He keeps whistling, faster now, stepping forward again, making Carl step back in tandem, a twisted version of a dance. With a clang, his back hits the side of the white truck they use for the drops to other communities, and Carl realizes only too late he has been herded straight where Negan wanted him, in the shadow of the largest truck on the lot, far away from prying eyes. The cold surface of the truck is like ice between Carl’s shoulder blades, piercing through the layers of his shirt and t-shirt and chilling him to the bone. In front of him, Negan puts a gloved hand next to Carl’s head and leans forward. Out of nowhere, Carl is reminded of that time in sixth grade when he used his hall pass to sneak into the school gym, not wanting to listen to Miss Harnett drone on about geometry any longer. There, he had caught a glimpse of a couple of nine-graders under the bleachers, in the very same position he and Negan are now. Hazily, Carl wonders if the girl’s heartbeat was as loud as his, blood rushing in her ears and turning her cheeks flaming red like his surely are now. “So,” Negan says slowly, his pink tongue darting to wet his lips. “What did you think about Athena’s little show back there? That’s how you get a guy wrapped around your finger, by the way. Ain’t nothing better than a tease who leaves you wanting for more. She really knows how to get me all worked up,” Negan chuckles warmly. They’re so close, the husky sound of it sends shivers from the root of Carl’s hair down to the tip of his toes.

Negan just casually telling his 18 yo Savior that he should act toward him like a wife. Also one thing you need to know about me is that if I can make Negan herd Carl like a shepherd dog herding cattle, I will. It's one of my favorite dom/sub trope.

I'm not going to quote the entire parking lot scene but I absolutely love it, especially because Carl barely says a word. Negan is the one doing all the talking but, because he's so watchful of Carl, so obsessed with every little sign he displays (Carl has 0 poker face skills, which makes it easy for Negan), he can read Carl like a book. It's actually something I'm constantly surprised about in the Savior AU: how little Carl actually says. Because the story is told from Carl's pov and we have access to his every thought, it feels like Carl is constantly talking, when in fact he very rarely says anything out loud, preferring to watch from a distance instead. Carl is an extremely introverted character in the Savior AU, but that's no problem for Negan, who talks more than enough for two. However, it's always interesting to see the scenes when Carl does talk, because those are the scenes when Negan can get a good glimpse at what's happening inside Carl's head. And when you look at those scenes (the rooftop in part 1, the cell in part 2, etc.), you'll notice that, for all that Negan thinks he can read Carl like an open book, when Carl does talk to him, it's usually to say something Negan didn't expect. Every time that boy opens his mouth, Negan is in for a big surprise.

“You should touch yourself tonight,” Negan says, almost companionably, and Carl is so used to obeying his command that his hand twitches forward before stopping mid-motion. He tries to hide it by tightening his fingers into a fist but the way Negan’s lips stretch into a devilish smirk tells him he failed.

Carl is such a sub it's a miracle he doesn't just put himself on a leash and hands the end of it to Negan.

Also, while in the infirmary it's Carson who was the uncomfortable witness of Carl & Negan's increasingly disturbing relationship, in the parking lot it's Dwight. Those boys are not as discreet as they think they are, and the most observant members of Sanctuary are starting to pick up on it.

Now, for the masturbation scene. Honestly I hadn't planned to actually write it. It was inevitable for Carl to jerk off while thinking of Negan but I thought I'd leave that up for the readers to guess. As horny of a writer as I am, I tend to avoid smut unless it serves a purpose to the story, because smut is so difficult to write that I can't really afford to make it gratuitous. However, I ended up writing this one because I realized that Carl's sexual awakening (both in terms of the fact that he's attracted to a man and that he was so sexually repressed before) did serve an important role in the story. Re-reading this scene, I'm very happy with it, because it encapsulates what the whole fic is about: Carl's trauma, Negan's intoxicating personality (as in: both toxic and attractive), the fact that for all of his cruelty and perversity, Negan is the one person that makes Carl feel alive after years of being emotionally abused by Shane. I often think of Carl through a Pinocchio metaphor: he was a wooden puppet for Shane, but Negan is the one who breathed life into him and turned him into a real boy. And real boys are horny, sorry, Carl, I don't make the rules.

Conclusion; tldr: Negan spends the whole chapter sexually harassing Carl who is so into it he might as well be flopping down on the ground like a cat demanding to be pet. Negan is trying hard to be cool about this and not ravish Carl against various surfaces (the exam table in the infirmary, the truck in the parking lot...).

PS: did you spot Michonne and Tara in the Terminus flashback? ;D Rick and Carl almost met a few times in the Savior AU, being in the same location without realizing it.

You can find the commentary for Part 2, Ch 5 here.