#but they seem to mostly be chill now
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moved the cat fountain OUT of my room and into the living room/where the dogs eat bc the light was bugging me and also bc the dogs like to use it
#it’s so funny. before i moved it. mojo would come in my room and i’d just here#schlorp#i’m almost at the point where i’d be ok letting nepeta roam around when we’re out. almost#not quite so i’ll be filling a water dish for her when i’m gone#her and mojo are like. doing really well tho#i was worried bc mojo is crazy#but they seem to mostly be chill now#addie is fine and was always fine bc she’s a) old#and b) has always done really well with cats bc we had one when she was little#anyways !#bedtime#i hope they don’t call me in tomorrow#it’s a stat#so k don’t think so#but
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me in big fandoms: oh cool, it's so active and there's so many people to vibe with, this is amaz-
*finds my niche angle that appeals to approximately six people*
me: okay, folks, it's you and me now
#doctor who#shaun temple#doctor x donna#donna noble#fourteen x donna#doctordonna#fourteendonna#donna x shaun#this used to be how romantic doctordonna felt back in the day#but now it's wanting to know why shaun is how shaun is#like why are you THAT chill with all this#what life experiences have led you to this place#and where the lines where he would actually get frustrated with the doctordonna shenanigans are#coming up with a reason is more interesting than just blaming it on a flaw in the writing#though that absolutely may be what it is#why he can seem a bit flat#because rtd does not have a great history with black characters#for the record#i respect the different takes#mostly#but i always seem to do this with something#and overall i think donna might have a more complicated time adapting to the new situation than either shaun or the doctor#but let's not reduce shaun to a cardboard cutout
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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remember 2021 destielblr when many people pretended to like sam more than they did but at some point that pressure evaporated and everyone stopped blogging about him altogether i think that was funny
#i don't have any strong feelings about sam myself#i liked him enough but not enough to blog about it#and now i just enjoy fanon when it presents itself basically#mostly in fic ig#anyway i like that it (seems?) more chill now#and people just blog what they wanna blog about#for the most part!
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Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo
#speculation nation#chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance#and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke#lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back#even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE#yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj#my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer#the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet#WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo#at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy#IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me#i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months#the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️
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Another Polyphemus update, mutuals~
He’s officially been moved into his permanent tank and is doing well!
The tank is 3 gallons and at one point I did consider putting him in a 5 gallon as that’s usually my personal minimum tank size for bettas, but then I worried about him getting stressed with so much open space and not being able to like… see where he was going lol.
So I opted for a 3 gallon instead and I think it’s just the right amount of space for him :).
(Ignore the plants stuck on the other plant lol, the filter pushed them down and they’ve since been moved)
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Now you must be thinking “OP must have been so stressed rehabbing this fish, they probably won’t be doing it again anytime soon”
And you’d be right. And wrong.
Yes it was very stressful, but also meet Nemo another fish I rescued from work 💃🏾
He has some pretty serious fin rot/melt happening, but he’s honestly vibing and happy surprisingly enough. I think he’s one of the most personable bettas I’ve had tbh lol.
I remember putting him in our quarantine room when he had just a small piece of his fins gone, and then it just kept getting worse and worse and I finally caved and asked to take him home.
He’s currently in the same 2.5 hospital tank Polyphemus was in (with clean water ofc) and he’s been in it for about a week now just so I can monitor him. I named him Nemo because I noticed today that one of his fins looks smaller than the other (but doesn’t seem to effect his swimming at all) and I thought the name was fitting.
(The green spot on the glass is algae)
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Jdhfkfkfkfk omg as I’m typing this I just remembered in the Odyssey one of the names Odysseus used was fricking Nemo oh my god I’m a creative genius ✋🏾😭
#personal#betta fish#fish keeping#ofc I’ll be updating about Nemo now#he’s getting a tank makeover today#with actual plants and such#I think once that happens he’ll start to make a noticeable recovery#he seems kinda bored in his tank rn but keeping it bare like that was necessary#he’s definitely a chill dude tho and I love him#this is also my last fish for a while#mostly because I have no more outlet space 🥲
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aromantics need to take over every industry NOW
#I'm ANNOYED. not in an earnestly sad way but just like#everything keeps being about romance!! and it's fucking boring!!!!#my friend is playing bg3 and it seems cool and all but there's so much emphasis on romance and sex#mostly in the fandom but partly in the way the game's relationships are structured#and like. I'm so dead serious. that shit's boring#give me a best friend mechanic in every game#I want the exact same vibes but it's all purely platonic#I want all the emotional deepcuts but NO KISSING#that can all be an option obv#but I wish a romantic storyline wasn't the only one that could have depth yk#idk I haven't actually played the game bc my shitty pc cannot handle that#maybe it's actually cool and chill and you can do all the same stuff as with the romance plotlines as Besties#but. kinda doubt it#and that's not what anyone is talking about regardless#if I don't get a narrative without romance in it Right Now I'm going to start biting#I mean it
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Truly amazing to me how people bagged on Avatar for having 'no fandom' for years and yet when i write two fics in the week after i saw the film they get a higher engagment than any other work ever has. it's been an incredibly nice experiance
link here to the series for the curious link
#avatar the way of water#Avatar 2#Avatar#Avatar (2009)#Avatar 2009#big tag rant im very sorry#Also anytime people use Ao3 as a metric for pre superwholock fandom engagement for nonserialised properties it does raise my hackles#bc there was like 1000 fics of avatar on FFdot net last i checked and they dont count crossovers in the main entry#i rember 2010-11 fandom it was mostly on ffdotnet if you weren't writing slash or hard smut#and it's mean to be like 'hurdur no impact 300 fics' like dude that's not a measure of anything but how many fics it means NOTHING#the movie was good but missing those ~family bonding~ moments the im obsessed with#so i wrote a bunch of fic in a feuge state and they both have over 100 kudos and a bunch of comments#i didn't get that in star wars fandom#the whole avatar fandom as it exists seems pretty chill and nice so idk don be mean to them#(also the fan maintained lore resources are pretty comprehensive which is really nice and helpful for fic writing)#the only cross promo i did for them was linking them on my twitter which is basically a dying platform#and i've still gotten a bunch of engagment#now i do conceptually hate the idea of engagment as a metric of quality#but it's nice to be seen-heh#also its a movie i could casually mention at christmas and say i enjoyed it and not be treated like a pretenious weirdo#which to be fair i am#but sometimes it is enough to be in the cinema with 3d glasses over my normal glasses to watch a movie and just enjoy it#i have lots of feelings clearly
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holy fuckkk i just witnessed a breakup in real time holy fuck haha ????? im losing ittttt
#i didnt like his ass anyways lmfaoooo🤣#he seemed fine actually i just get suspect of my friend's partners#maybe itts the pawsible bpd idk most of time theyre chill but. eyebrow raise.#like.. u better treat my SPOUSE right...#and i guess he wasnt LMFMAOOAOOAOAOO#selfishly i am happy but mostly i am just happy that they got out of a relationship that they werent happy in :) you love to see it#ok well now im . distracted. how am i supposed to bavck to working now. im invested bro#i am way too damn nosy when it comes to people i like kjhshjkdgjhjsdaff#i wanna ask her so bad more about it but i dont wanna. be tOO NOSY...😭\\#ive had friends break up w ppl b4 but NEVER in frony of me.... 😭#cray cray#hollowspeak
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i do love my car it is the perfect car aside from the. imperfections and frequent problems,
#toy txt post#😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔#why is the flex pipe broken again! who is responsible.#anyway i know how this sounds but also im right. i just want a tiny little car like i have#but like for all the parts to be high quality and easy to replace. u know. but alas#after spending hours trawling past the seo listicles about 5 signs that my flex pipe is failing#looking desperately for the forums where i cannot understand anything theyre saying. it seems like#when the shop replaced the flexpipe previously they must not have used an OEM part and swapped it out for a cheaper part#and or. my engine mounts are failing? and or. exhaust hangar issue???#and the guy at the mechanic shop was like oh its like a design flaw with the cars that have flex pipes and the front wheel drive engines#that rock back and forth instead of side to side so they just wear out faster. but also it shouldnt wear out this fast. and its bc my car is#a shitty cheap little piece of shit. but also its bc something is wrong like this happens to plenty of other cars too that arent fiats#and im sure we'll look into it and shrig and get the flex pipe replaced and ill be like okay. can we replace it with a just straight pipe#that isnt flexing? no bc thatll lead to wear and tear destorying more expensive parts? ok. what about beefier mounts or more mounts to make#the engine chill out. no probably not bc it probably needs to move a little bit or else theyd find a way to make it stop moving. well okay#what if we take the engine out and fucking rotate it so that it rocks side to side instead?since all the car guys are waxing poetic about#that? no? thats not possible? i think it probably is possibly but what you mean is its not feasible or realistic and its not worth it and i#should just keep replacing this one piece or what the fuck ever.#mostly i think im just tired of how my parents treat my car now? i get it you hate it. please just accept the fact that you are going to#hate any car i have bc im not ever being the newest release of the pedestriancrusher3000 suv tank that beeps when someone is next to me#like i joke but literally it seems like all they want is for me to get a different bigger car. i dont want or need a bigger car.#we have been having this argument since i started learning to drive. no one who taught me to drive understands that bigger car=more anxious#cos im anxious about Different Things than they are. maybe i could have slightly better Visibility but at least i can see over my fucking#hood#anyway. i do wish i could get my exact car but with like higher quality materials/construction and like. as a plug in hybrid instead#electric sounds nice in theory but i dont think its for me just yet?#ive seen new electric fiats (which they arent selling here btw) (fuck you if you want a small new car lol)#car companies be like america? oh those fuckers only want the largest tanks we can legally allow on the road. and then the 3 of us american#folk that do actually want small cars are like hey uh. how do i get a small one. i know yall make them. ive seen it#and the companies are like oh we dont sell them to you. you only like big cars
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The middle of my mouth is numb to cold this is so weird. I don't feel the temperature, and if I drink a cold drink, I can't taste it, but once it warms up a bit, I can. But also the tip and sides of my tongue, as well as the rear soft palate, remain functional so far as I can tell. Everything feels off bc of that numbness, but they seem to register temperature and taste just fine. I haven't tested with warm/hot to know if the other direction also has shenanigans right now.
C0v1d is fucking weird, man
#misha rambles#it's also kinda funny how different my experience is from k(iddo) and s(pouse)#K got it first from school i think s is about 36hr behind him and I'm about 12hr behind s#We've all had coughing and nasal drip and mild fever and sore throat#K and S both had cold chills#S has body aches and i think his recovery is delayed from sleep deprivation#He has sleep apnea and he's been going between using and not using his apap depending on the issue#Cause sometimes it's just forcing phlegm down his throat#I've had mostly lymph node pain in my face and throat#And I've been sneezing which neither of them are doing#They both also lost sense of taste for a bit but theirs seemed more typical than mine#Oh and body aches for me but like. I have chronic pain. Yeah this is more and different than usual but that just adds some flavor lmao#I think we're generally on the up swing now
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STARLINK IS DELIVERING TOMORROW
#I’m gonna start streaming next week#probs mostly dead by daylight right now#if anyone wants to gift me hunt: showdown I’m interested in playing that#or any other game y’all wanna see me stream#idk about Minecraft#that’s more chill#seems more like a YouTube game
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nothing like a little friend drama to spice up the morning. lord
#I’ve managed to live a pretty social drama free life (my friends are mostly chillers what can i say)#except for one very awkward falling out between two of my friends last year#but I thought everything with that had settled and everyone was chill now#and then this morning I get a dm from another friend asking if I knew if my bff was mad at her or smth bc she’s been leaving her on read#and that there seems to be even more drama I didn’t know about going on that she thinks may be affecting that#some I’m just sitting her (having not know about any of this) watching the two halves of a friend group I thought had figured themselves ou#implode again. like lord. cmon guys#It really sucks too bc I wasn’t involved in what originally caused the falling out#and as far as I was concerned neither of them were really in the wrong or the right about it (it was just sort of teenaged drama-y)#and since I was just casually friends with most people involved I haven’t dropped any of them#and they’re all chill with me seemingly#so I just get to sit here watching and feeling bad for both sides#and at this point the issue isn’t even the original issue#it’s who people are friends with I guess#which makes me feel bad for trying to stay friends with everyone bc I don’t think anyone here is a bad person#but I really don’t want to take sides. I like the people in the group I like being friends with them#idk. what sucks even more is I’m planning to hang out with some of them tomorrow (I never hang out with them too#but we’re watching the junior year finale together)#and I’m worried by doing that I’ll get on someone’s bad side#this sucks. what the hell
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one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW
#i need to BITE. or lie in someones lap and let them stroke my hair#also now my family have left i probably wont even get a hug for a longass time......... its dire out here#ik my flatmate said a while ago she wouldnt mind if i wanted more physical contact or whatever but ik thats not true#bc she always seems so physically uncomfortable near me or moves so distinctly far out of my space like i get the message man#and its just difficult for me for so many complicated reasons. sigh#im just tired of feeling so lonely always all the time. and so ostracised or alienated in every community and relationship in my life#and i know thats my own fucking fault bc im stupidly incapable of allowing myself to trust and believe other people abt anything#and partly also bc im disabled and autistic as shit etcetc and so will always come across weird and Other and i have no control over that#but mostly its my fault. and i dont even know where to begin trying to fix that man. if its even fixable in this lifetime i dont even know#but it sucks ass im so tired of being sad and close to tears 90% of the time i cry on the fucking daily even on good days#dont get me wrong im doing pretty okay at the moment like i dont even really have any Real problems its all just in my fucking head#but unfortunately thats the head i live in. and will live in the rest of my life so i guess im always gonna feel like this on some level#so i need to just accept it and be grateful for the shit i have bc it could be so so much worse#and yet i cant just do that so here we are!!!!!!!!! oh well.#maybe a part of me likes being miserable. or feels like i deserve it. bc im really fucking good at it lmao#anyway i should go to bed soon before this gets worse. at least i dont have work tmr so i can do smth nice or chill all day#and there have been lots of nice things today too.. ah i just need to sleep#sorry for rambling my ass off with my mentally ill monologues again 🙃 well not that sorry bc youll see me do it again lol#.vent#.diaries
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y'all i just have to say i'm v excited and slightly nervous bc i've roped three of my friends to go to the renaissance fair in NC with me in a couple weeks for my bday. and i ordered a linen maxi skirt from etsy and just generally plan to have a lot of fun being a hashtag nerd
i'm a little worried it'll be real cold by then but hopefully at least by afternoon not bad. i've only been to the maryland one once as a teen and in general i'm not one to love a crowd but worth it on occasion for fun events!!
#megamazing#ofc that's not until two weeks i've got friends wedding this weekend first#halloween where i think we'll see if my friends house gets any trick or treaters but mostly watch a movie#and then my actual bday next weekend i'm gonna go get a facial and just chill out maybe eat some sushi#i keep saying i feel like i already turned 30 bc being a november baby#i see all my friends from my high school and college grade turn 30 before me#so at this point i'm just like aren't i already 29 seems incorrect#and i got my aging crisis out of the way at 25 mostly bc my life felt like a mess then#and now i'm chill other than where am i moving next year#might t try to buy a house might chicken out again#but def leaving this apt under 700 sq ft w no balcony is just too small w the pets now#ANYWAYS lemme go back to work lmao
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