#but they seem to mostly be chill now
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moved the cat fountain OUT of my room and into the living room/where the dogs eat bc the light was bugging me and also bc the dogs like to use it
#it’s so funny. before i moved it. mojo would come in my room and i’d just here#schlorp#i’m almost at the point where i’d be ok letting nepeta roam around when we’re out. almost#not quite so i’ll be filling a water dish for her when i’m gone#her and mojo are like. doing really well tho#i was worried bc mojo is crazy#but they seem to mostly be chill now#addie is fine and was always fine bc she’s a) old#and b) has always done really well with cats bc we had one when she was little#anyways !#bedtime#i hope they don’t call me in tomorrow#it’s a stat#so k don’t think so#but
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me in big fandoms: oh cool, it's so active and there's so many people to vibe with, this is amaz-
*finds my niche angle that appeals to approximately six people*
me: okay, folks, it's you and me now
#doctor who#shaun temple#doctor x donna#donna noble#fourteen x donna#doctordonna#fourteendonna#donna x shaun#this used to be how romantic doctordonna felt back in the day#but now it's wanting to know why shaun is how shaun is#like why are you THAT chill with all this#what life experiences have led you to this place#and where the lines where he would actually get frustrated with the doctordonna shenanigans are#coming up with a reason is more interesting than just blaming it on a flaw in the writing#though that absolutely may be what it is#why he can seem a bit flat#because rtd does not have a great history with black characters#for the record#i respect the different takes#mostly#but i always seem to do this with something#and overall i think donna might have a more complicated time adapting to the new situation than either shaun or the doctor#but let's not reduce shaun to a cardboard cutout
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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remember 2021 destielblr when many people pretended to like sam more than they did but at some point that pressure evaporated and everyone stopped blogging about him altogether i think that was funny
#i don't have any strong feelings about sam myself#i liked him enough but not enough to blog about it#and now i just enjoy fanon when it presents itself basically#mostly in fic ig#anyway i like that it (seems?) more chill now#and people just blog what they wanna blog about#for the most part!
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help
#my new art teacher asked me if i liked to draw and i said no#i mostly just wanted to end the convo bc lowk i dont like talking to teachers but. realizing now that that was prob dumb af#like 1 u took an art class willingly and 2 u literally spend ur time drawing fanart. lmfao#anyway. i actually like him. he seems rly chill
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i fear the 'surely someone's gonna save me' in sunshine baby has an incredible chokehold on me
#this Can't be the energy going into 2025 sighs#sabs speaks#lowkey had like four different meltdowns today over plans being changed and its like. can we be normal#and then my brain had the audacity to be like ur lying.#like girl what the fuck?? in what world are we doing this for fun#and then do u guys know the horror story of like vampire slumbering just have my headphones on genuinely vampire like and out of NOWHERE my#sister is just above me like Hi.#can u fix this dress for me#like in what world do u wake me up like that girl#i fixed the dress but still like. let me live#times like these im considering dropping out truly having that moment over u need to chill out before the stress kills you before the thing#that's supposed to has a chance#if this all seems disconjointed its because it is and is not hope this helps <3#i also want nothing more than to write about my blorbos but i saw people being wrong about them and now im like shit. maybe im wrong about#them#so i cant do it without feeling insane for that reason and for the second reason that i have other obligations#i think it should be illegal for education to give u things to do over the holidays they dont understand how much guilt i will feel not#getting things done and instead feeling horrific and not resting#i also think learning too much about my health has caused me to spiral a lot like the dr's being so chill about it whilst im in debilitatin#pain is not good for me actually. and has triggered the disability grief all over again#having my pmdd and my menstruation at the same time genuinely i felt like female hysteria and im scared for the next one#its a wonder i did Not do It#a little morbid i guess but i have Morbid hormone disorder shrugs#anyways. 2025 be better i hope#so scared to pull my cards for the year#less actually scared and more like. i dont knowww how much i have it in me to be brave anymore#congrats if u made it this far but mostly sorry to my scorpio rising
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Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo
#speculation nation#chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance#and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke#lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back#even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE#yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj#my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer#the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet#WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo#at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy#IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me#i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months#the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️
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Another Polyphemus update, mutuals~
He’s officially been moved into his permanent tank and is doing well!
The tank is 3 gallons and at one point I did consider putting him in a 5 gallon as that’s usually my personal minimum tank size for bettas, but then I worried about him getting stressed with so much open space and not being able to like… see where he was going lol.
So I opted for a 3 gallon instead and I think it’s just the right amount of space for him :).
(Ignore the plants stuck on the other plant lol, the filter pushed them down and they’ve since been moved)
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Now you must be thinking “OP must have been so stressed rehabbing this fish, they probably won’t be doing it again anytime soon”
And you’d be right. And wrong.
Yes it was very stressful, but also meet Nemo another fish I rescued from work 💃🏾
He has some pretty serious fin rot/melt happening, but he’s honestly vibing and happy surprisingly enough. I think he’s one of the most personable bettas I’ve had tbh lol.
I remember putting him in our quarantine room when he had just a small piece of his fins gone, and then it just kept getting worse and worse and I finally caved and asked to take him home.
He’s currently in the same 2.5 hospital tank Polyphemus was in (with clean water ofc) and he’s been in it for about a week now just so I can monitor him. I named him Nemo because I noticed today that one of his fins looks smaller than the other (but doesn’t seem to effect his swimming at all) and I thought the name was fitting.
(The green spot on the glass is algae)
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Jdhfkfkfkfk omg as I’m typing this I just remembered in the Odyssey one of the names Odysseus used was fricking Nemo oh my god I’m a creative genius ✋🏾😭
#personal#betta fish#fish keeping#ofc I’ll be updating about Nemo now#he’s getting a tank makeover today#with actual plants and such#I think once that happens he’ll start to make a noticeable recovery#he seems kinda bored in his tank rn but keeping it bare like that was necessary#he’s definitely a chill dude tho and I love him#this is also my last fish for a while#mostly because I have no more outlet space 🥲
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aromantics need to take over every industry NOW
#I'm ANNOYED. not in an earnestly sad way but just like#everything keeps being about romance!! and it's fucking boring!!!!#my friend is playing bg3 and it seems cool and all but there's so much emphasis on romance and sex#mostly in the fandom but partly in the way the game's relationships are structured#and like. I'm so dead serious. that shit's boring#give me a best friend mechanic in every game#I want the exact same vibes but it's all purely platonic#I want all the emotional deepcuts but NO KISSING#that can all be an option obv#but I wish a romantic storyline wasn't the only one that could have depth yk#idk I haven't actually played the game bc my shitty pc cannot handle that#maybe it's actually cool and chill and you can do all the same stuff as with the romance plotlines as Besties#but. kinda doubt it#and that's not what anyone is talking about regardless#if I don't get a narrative without romance in it Right Now I'm going to start biting#I mean it
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holy fuckkk i just witnessed a breakup in real time holy fuck haha ????? im losing ittttt
#i didnt like his ass anyways lmfaoooo🤣#he seemed fine actually i just get suspect of my friend's partners#maybe itts the pawsible bpd idk most of time theyre chill but. eyebrow raise.#like.. u better treat my SPOUSE right...#and i guess he wasnt LMFMAOOAOOAOAOO#selfishly i am happy but mostly i am just happy that they got out of a relationship that they werent happy in :) you love to see it#ok well now im . distracted. how am i supposed to bavck to working now. im invested bro#i am way too damn nosy when it comes to people i like kjhshjkdgjhjsdaff#i wanna ask her so bad more about it but i dont wanna. be tOO NOSY...😭\\#ive had friends break up w ppl b4 but NEVER in frony of me.... 😭#cray cray#hollowspeak
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👆👆👆
There's a whole demographic of people who are profoundly incurious and just assume everyone else is too, so when they see something unfamiliar they immediately rush to declare that not only have they never heard of it, none of you did either. You're just pretending. You had to look it up, don't lie. You didn't know this
And like, so what if someone had to look something up. That's how you learn new things. People usually say this about knowledge that's pretty damn basic, but I can't get over how they're not only scornful at the idea of people trying to learn something new, they casually assume everyone else is, too
#I have a lot of random knowledge#Mostly from looking things up#Doing deep dives into things#Having hard and fast hyperfixations#And in my younger years before all the meds and illness and brain fog my memory for facts was pretty damn good#So if I learned it before age 30 or so it's indelibly imprinted - even if it takes a minute to pull it up in the old brain database#But sometimes people are just baffled by this#And I guess the neurodivergent urge to do a hour of research because of a random thought or question is a little odd to NT people#But I think especially in the days of pocket computers most people do look things up - at least sometimes#when questions come up that they don't already know?#That's not a purely neurodivergent thing. It can't be.#I think there are people who are far more chill about not learning things than others#Who have a general approach of “if it doesn't directly impact me right now I probably don't need to know it right now”#And in some cases that's understandable#But the people who seem to make that a primary part of their personality and act like people who aren't like that are the weird ones...#Nah I don't get that
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I have a bad feeling about this (aka I got a DM and I think it's a scam)
[Well, maybe not a scam, but I definitely got annoyed/angry for the second time today. Red may not be a great colour to see, but maybe somehow it's an impulse that not everything's fine & that, perhaps, the BDE impulse's coming back. Kind of. Maybe].
#ugh#one can hope#or try to chill#eh. it either works out (and it'll be okay) or it doesn't (and then i'll be satisfied AND annoyed)#maybe i should take up tai chi/taekwondo/kung fu or whichever combat system that'd make me for less fiery (and more focused)#seemed to work out for some. except i wonder if people who are mostly angry should take up boxing etc. It might work out either way#either you learn how to be more in control. or you end up having more skills to intentionally hurt people#well. i say the same thing about teaching people non-violent communication vs manipulation and i'd still say it's useful so..#ugh. a tough one#skills might not be moral or immoral as such but using them of course is. (so this is a great conundrum. as usual)#...and now i'm zen
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The middle of my mouth is numb to cold this is so weird. I don't feel the temperature, and if I drink a cold drink, I can't taste it, but once it warms up a bit, I can. But also the tip and sides of my tongue, as well as the rear soft palate, remain functional so far as I can tell. Everything feels off bc of that numbness, but they seem to register temperature and taste just fine. I haven't tested with warm/hot to know if the other direction also has shenanigans right now.
C0v1d is fucking weird, man
#misha rambles#it's also kinda funny how different my experience is from k(iddo) and s(pouse)#K got it first from school i think s is about 36hr behind him and I'm about 12hr behind s#We've all had coughing and nasal drip and mild fever and sore throat#K and S both had cold chills#S has body aches and i think his recovery is delayed from sleep deprivation#He has sleep apnea and he's been going between using and not using his apap depending on the issue#Cause sometimes it's just forcing phlegm down his throat#I've had mostly lymph node pain in my face and throat#And I've been sneezing which neither of them are doing#They both also lost sense of taste for a bit but theirs seemed more typical than mine#Oh and body aches for me but like. I have chronic pain. Yeah this is more and different than usual but that just adds some flavor lmao#I think we're generally on the up swing now
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STARLINK IS DELIVERING TOMORROW
#I’m gonna start streaming next week#probs mostly dead by daylight right now#if anyone wants to gift me hunt: showdown I’m interested in playing that#or any other game y’all wanna see me stream#idk about Minecraft#that’s more chill#seems more like a YouTube game
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nothing like a little friend drama to spice up the morning. lord
#I’ve managed to live a pretty social drama free life (my friends are mostly chillers what can i say)#except for one very awkward falling out between two of my friends last year#but I thought everything with that had settled and everyone was chill now#and then this morning I get a dm from another friend asking if I knew if my bff was mad at her or smth bc she’s been leaving her on read#and that there seems to be even more drama I didn’t know about going on that she thinks may be affecting that#some I’m just sitting her (having not know about any of this) watching the two halves of a friend group I thought had figured themselves ou#implode again. like lord. cmon guys#It really sucks too bc I wasn’t involved in what originally caused the falling out#and as far as I was concerned neither of them were really in the wrong or the right about it (it was just sort of teenaged drama-y)#and since I was just casually friends with most people involved I haven’t dropped any of them#and they’re all chill with me seemingly#so I just get to sit here watching and feeling bad for both sides#and at this point the issue isn’t even the original issue#it’s who people are friends with I guess#which makes me feel bad for trying to stay friends with everyone bc I don’t think anyone here is a bad person#but I really don’t want to take sides. I like the people in the group I like being friends with them#idk. what sucks even more is I’m planning to hang out with some of them tomorrow (I never hang out with them too#but we’re watching the junior year finale together)#and I’m worried by doing that I’ll get on someone’s bad side#this sucks. what the hell
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