#but we’re watching the junior year finale together)

[victory-cookies]

nothing like a little friend drama to spice up the morning. lord

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 4

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, also toxic!ellie kind of, mentions of marijuana, sexual speech and content, brief mention of straight girls experimenting with lesbianism, toxic family relationships, lesbian situationship, descriptions and mentions of death & grieving, depressive episodes, cheating if you squint but it's more betrayal than cheating really?, bad driving for like two seconds, description and mention of vomit, minors do not interact

word count: 7k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

Freshman Year, Early Spring

“Are you coming to Jess and Els’ later tonight?” Dina asked, snuggling your pink stuffed bear and laying upside down at the head of your bed with her legs outstretched to the ceiling. 

“Hmm?” You said, distracted. You were rummaging in your messy drawers, trying to find the other pair of a sock you were currently holding in your hand. 

“Ellie said she wants to do a post-midterm celebration with a movie night, which just means we’re gonna watch some lame old sci-fi movie that she and Jesse picked out.” 

“Maybe,” You said, tossing the sock into the other contents of the drawer, giving up. “Can’t stay too late, though. Raf is picking me up really early in the morning tomorrow.” 

“Ooh, can I finally meet The Hottie Cousin Rafael in person?” Dina said, dropping her legs and turning onto her belly to face you. 

You rolled your eyes and said, “You have Jesse, Dina.” 

She shrugged and said, “I bet Hottie Cousin Rafael wouldn’t make me watch lame movies all the time.” 

“Raf is far nerdier than Jesse is, I promise.” 

“If he’s as hot as he looks on FaceTime, his hotness will cancel out the nerdiness.” 

You scrunched up your nose in disgust at Dina’s thirsting after your de facto older brother. 

“I’m not the best judge, but Jesse’s not not hot.” 

Dina laughed. 

“I’m telling El you said that.” 

Your cheeks flushed as you said, “She’ll just say the same thing!” 

“All men are basically ugly in Ellie’s eyes. She’ll say, ‘Jesse’s the uglier version of a walker from The Walking Dead’ or some shit like that.” 

You giggled, knowing that was probably true. 

“Do you have to leave early for spring break?” Dina whined. 

You gave her a sad smile. 

“Sorry, D. You know how my mother is.” 

Dina groaned and, pointing to the plushie she was holding, said, “Barbie Bear, when will you come to life at night Toy Story-style and finally horrifically murder this awful lady?” 

“Dina!” You exclaimed, grabbing your pink bear from her. “Don’t you corrupt Barbie Bear! She is an innocent soul!” 

“Oh, she’s been corrupted already,” Dina said, snatching Barbie Bear back. “I’m sure she’s been a witness to the deplorable things you and Ellie have gotten up to in here.” 

“Dina!” You squealed once more, blushing furiously and hiding your face behind your hands. “She and I have not!” 

“Oh please,” Dina rolled her eyes. “Ellie comes back to her and Jesse’s place the morning after spending the night here with the same cocky ass look that Jesse has after we fuck.” 

“Oh my god—” 

Dina cackled and you giggled nervously. 

“So are you two officially together now or—?” 

“Who, me and Ellie?” You asked. 

“No, you and Jesse.” Dina said sarcastically, throwing Barbie Bear at you. 

You caught the bear at the last second, laughing as you climbed onto your bed with her and handed the plushie back to her. 

“Shut up!” You giggled. “But, umm. I’m not really sure what we are, if I’m being honest.” 

Dina groaned and said, “Ugh, you’re both useless!” 

“I’ve only had one real girlfriend before!” 

“So has Ellie!” 

“Then ask her instead!” 

“Oh, I have.” Dina said, raising her eyebrows. 

You perked up suddenly. 

“Wait, what did she say?” 

“Oh my god, can you two just have the talk already?!” Dina groaned, exasperated at her friends’ incompetence. 

You blushed harder than ever. 

“I just… I just don’t know if she feels the same way I do.” 

Dina rolled her eyes. 

“You’re the first person she texts every morning, and mind you, Ellie hates texting. She will spend an hour in that stupid Jeep of hers in the parking lot outside until you get home from class just to hang out with you. Three of her five hoodies are somewhere here in your room right now. Tara told me that you’ve sexiled her at least twice already.” 

“We have not!” 

“Honey, she literally spent two separate nights at mine and Astrid’s because you and Ellie were over here—” 

Dina made a circle with her right thumb and pointer finger and repeatedly inserted her left pointer in it. 

“OH MY GOD—” You screamed into a pillow. 

Dina was over the moon teasing you as you grabbed your blanket and hid underneath it. 

“I need to offer to do her laundry for two weeks or something,” You said, your voice muffled from beneath the covers. “I’m the worst roommate ever.” 

Dina chuckled, saying, “Don’t worry, she likes you and Ellie together. Just maybe shoot her a warning text before you two wanna scissor, or whatever you lesbians do.” 

“Oh please, like you and Ellie never did anything together.” You said, emerging from underneath your blanket. 

“Okay, first of all,” Dina said, putting up one finger. “Ellie and I kissed once at our sophomore homecoming dance, and that was just to make Jesse jealous.” 

You chuckled. 

Dina put up a second finger. 

“Two, it was like kissing a cousin, so that obviously resulted in zero sexual scenarios whatsoever from that point on. I have never once been compelled to call Ellie ‘daddy’ ever in my life.” 

You screamed into your pillow once more at this. 

Dina put both fingers down and put her middle finger up. 

“And three, I have had gay sex with women before, but they were both also bisexual and there was no scissoring involved!” 

You were laughing uncontrollably now with Dina attacking you with Barbie Bear. 

“Okay, okay!” You giggled, attempting to shield yourself. “Why are we talking about scissoring again?” 

“Because!” 

One hit from Barbie Bear. 

“You are avoiding!” 

Another hit from Barbie Bear. 

“My questions!” 

A third hit from Barbie Bear. 

“About you!” 

An additional hit from Barbie Bear. 

“And Ellie!” 

A final hit from Barbie Bear that landed on your face. 

You snatched your stuffed animal away from Dina before she could swing it once more, pulling it away from her reach. 

“Okay, no more abusing me with Barbie Bear!” You said.

She chuckled. 

“And…” You started, serious now. “I’ve never experienced this before. I’ve had one real girlfriend, which was a high school disaster.” 

You sighed. 

“I briefly saw that one girl Adriana at the beginning of the year before we both realized she was just a rebound to my ex. I’ve hooked up with a few other girls since, and I was even Rebecca’s first lesbian college experiment kiss before she realized she was just straight.” 

Dina was sitting straight up now, staring at you intently and listening attentively. You pulled Barbie Bear into your chest. 

“Ellie is… she feels different. Something in my heart just yearns for her. She makes me feel like I must have done something so great in a past life that her just being in my life is the reward. She makes me feel forgiven and understood and—” 

You paused your Ellie sermon when you made eye contact with Dina, who was looking at you with a soft expression. 

“Sorry!” You threw your hands up apologetically and proceeded to cover your face with them in embarrassment. “I sound like a 12-year-old experiencing their first real crush!” 

Dina chuckled and pulled your hands away from your face. 

“No, you don’t. You sound like someone who Ellie deserves to have in her life, someone who sees her fully and appreciates all the good and bad. She’s gone through her own fair share of romantic and sexual bullshit too, and knowing that she now has you?” 

Dina placed an affectionate hand on your cheek. 

“I know that I don’t have to worry anymore.” 

“Dina, you’re gonna make me cry right now.” 

Dina leaned back into your pillows, laughing. 

“You started it!” 

“You sounded like you were giving away a bride!” 

“Wow, not even officially together yet, but somehow you’re already getting married.” 

You groaned and flopped onto your back. 

“I love her, Dina.” 

“No shit, babe.” 

After the talk you had with Dina, you both went over to Jesse and Ellie’s dorm room. Even though Jesse was a sophomore and Ellie a freshman, they were somehow able to convince the campus housing department to let them room together after both their roommates dropped out during the first month of classes. 

The “lame old sci-fi movie” that they’d picked out turned out to be Jurassic Park, which you’d already seen several times, courtesy of your nerdy older cousin Rafael. Dina was playfully criticizing every little bit of the movie to tease Jesse, who was taking her critiques to heart. As the couple were lovingly bickering with each other on the floor, you and Ellie sat on her bed underneath a blanket. 

You leaned against her shoulder while she was tracing patterns on the palm of your hand. Though she was concentrated on the movie, she would habitually give you a kiss on top of your head, sometimes following with her nose nuzzling your hair. She’d not said she loved you so far, but gestures like this felt like her way of saying it. You felt warm and content and the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. 

After Jesse convinced the rest of you to watch the movie’s sequel (as punishment to Dina for talking through the first), you’d made up your mind to change your spring break plans. 

You were still planning on returning home for the break, but since Ellie, Dina, and Jesse were spending the weekend on campus and not returning to their hometown until Monday, you resolved to at least spend more time with them. You knew that two weeks of spring break didn’t seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things. But the thought of being away from your friends whom you loved so deeply, but especially from Ellie, hurt far more than it did when you left home for college in the first place. 

And after your talk with Dina earlier that day, you’d also decided to be honest with Ellie about your feelings for her before you briefly went your separate ways. You knew that maybe it wasn’t the greatest timing to profess your love for the girl of your dreams right before zero physical contact for fourteen days. But Dina helped you further realize the affection you had for Ellie, and you knew you couldn’t go home without letting her know. You also figured that if all went wrong, you could always use the two weeks to save face before returning to campus. 

During the scene with Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore’s characters are hiding in a trailer from the T-Rex parents, you texted your cousin Rafael. 

A minute or two passed before he responded. 

You reply immediately. 

Three text bubbles loaded for a second before two texts appeared. 

You felt your cheeks burn. 

You could almost feel your cousin chuckling through text.

You breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude.

You smiled, your heart full and thankful for your favourite cousin. 

Jesse whooped and Dina squealed as she pulled you into a tight hug when you told them you were leaving in two days instead of the next morning. Ellie didn’t say much in the moment, but you felt a glow of happiness radiating from her at the news. When your friends had settled down and continued the movie, Ellie pulled you closer to her and wrapped her arms around you. You leaned into her embrace as she silently decorated your neck with kisses, resolving to call your mother tomorrow morning to break the news. 

You never made that call.

You awoke to your phone buzzing angrily underneath your pillow. Discombobulated, you didn’t fully perceive your surroundings. You’d fallen asleep on Ellie’s bed, still wrapped in her arms. Jesse and Dina had eventually migrated at some point in the night to Jesse’s bed and were sound asleep. You saw that Ellie had plugged your phone into her charger after you’d fallen asleep. Stroking her hair lightly as she slept, you looked at your phone to see it was your mother calling. 

Before accepting the call, you’d seen that you had 7 missed calls and 4 voicemails. You groaned. Was your mother really that upset? 

You didn’t seem that alarmed until you saw that only 6 of those calls and 3 of those voicemails were from your mother. One of each was from your uncle, Rafael’s father. 

Why is Uncle calling me? Did she guilt him into guilting me to come home?

Sighing, you finally accepted your mother’s call. 

Ellie, Jesse, and Dina all awoke to you screaming. All three were at different levels of disorientation at first, but upon seeing your shrieking figure having fallen to the floor, they all rushed to your side. No one seemed sure what to do at first, other than trying to stand you up (to no avail) and ask what was wrong. It was Dina who snapped into sense first, noticing that you were still on a call with your mother. 

She picked up the phone, rushed through an introduction, and worryingly inquired what was happening. Ellie and Jesse watched as her mouth fell open and her eyes widened with shock. She listened to your mother for a minute or two before bringing the other two into the loop. 

Your cousin Rafael was killed in a hit-and-run that morning. Since he was no longer tasked to bring you home that day, he made impromptu plans with old college friends to meet up for an early morning coffee. He was crossing an intersection on the way to the café when a car decided to run a red light. He died on impact. 

Your spring break was consumed completely by black clothing, floral wreaths of white lilies and roses, and an overstocked fridge of homemade food that your family barely touched. You saw no happy faces, only red eyes and quivering lips. You were torn out of the blissful bubble of your college life into a waking, familial nightmare. 

Rafael was your first cousin and not your brother. But it was as if at birth, he claimed you as his sister and the rest was history. 

Everyone who knew either of you was aware of the sibling bond you’d shared. He was the most important person to you for the first 18 years of your life. More than your parents, more than any other family member, more than any of your friends. Saying that he was your best friend was an understatement. 

The two weeks back home with your family were a black haze. You remained locked up in your room for the majority of the time, and when your presence was required, you spoke only when spoken to. You alternated between fits of sobbing and near-comatose states. 

Your only comfort was your uncle, Rafael’s father. You never knew your parents to give genuine love and affection, so you grew up seeing your uncle as a parental figure. Even as he raised Rafael alone as a single father, he often took you under his wing and provided you with a place of home away from your parents’ house. 

Your parents, especially your mother, were preoccupied with putting on the show of a broken family to sympathizers. It was your uncle who made sure you continued to eat and drink every day. He was the one to give you the gentle push to leave your room for the funeral, knowing that you’d one day regret not going. He even spoke to your friends on the phone when you’d stopped responding. By the end of your spring break, Dina had his personal phone number so she could call twice a day for daily updates, which she would promptly share with Jesse and Ellie. 

Unlike your mother, your uncle placed no blame on you for his son’s death. He knew that the one true person to blame was the careless driver in the car that hit him. But your mother was a different story. 

In those last few days before you needed to return to campus, your mother enlightened you with her true feelings. 

She had decided your “selfishness” in inconveniencing your family was what decided Rafael’s fate. If he had been on his way to pick you up from college, he never would have been crossing that intersection. According to her, you’d placed insignificant people you’d known for less than a year over your own family. 

If you were a weaker person, you’d have crumbled under her accusations. She was quite skilled in twisting the truth to her point of view, and she was skilled even more so in making people believe the worst of themselves. But Rafael and your uncle raised you better. You may not have been the most secure person growing up, but they made you feel loved. 

Despite your mother’s malice, you were grateful for her outburst. It snapped you back into reality. Your fury at your mother reminded you that Rafael would not have wanted you to give in to her guilt. 

You knew that his death was not your fault. Of course you were still grieving, but you loved Rafael so much that you would not allow your mother to force you back into a state of living death. Your uncle made sure of this when he drove you back to campus. 

The few hours drive to your dorm, you and your uncle had the most intense and intimate conversation you’d ever had with him. You bawled, you even smiled and laughed a few times, and you talked about the future. It pained you to watch him drive away, the last real living connection you had left to Rafael. 

You may not have been the depressive zombie you were at the news of Rafael’s death, but you no longer lived blissfully in your college bubble. Still, your friends remained sympathetic and loving as you dealt with your grief. 

Ellie remained just as caring and affectionate, at least at first. She made sure to spend all her free time with you to make sure you weren’t left alone to spiral into your depressive thoughts. She didn’t try anything sexual with you and made sure to respect your mourning boundaries. She even set an alarm every week to make sure you were on time for your video therapy sessions (your uncle set you up with a therapist to make sure you remained stable). 

To the outside observer, your grieving process was progressing naturally and healthily. You barely missed class, you still saw your friends on a regular basis, you weren’t bursting out in tears (or so most of your friends thought). No one else felt the need to worry about you more than they had to. 

Except for Dina. 

Having lost her parents at a young age, it was mostly her and her older sister taking care of each other. Part of why she grew to be so close to Jesse was because his parents were family friends who helped them out when their parents passed. 

Dina has dealt with great familial loss before and she saw the signs of someone barely keeping it together. 

That’s why before your freshman year ended, Dina invited you to stay with her and her sister for the summer. 

Summer Before Sophomore Year: Jackson 

Calling your parents to let them know that you weren’t coming back home for most of the summer was a difficult conversation. Your mother threw a fit and your father chastised you for upsetting your mother. But with encouragement of your friends and your uncle (who promised you that he’d ship essentials from your parents’ house to Dina’s as soon as he could), you eagerly accompanied Dina, Jesse, and Ellie to their hometown of Jackson. 

After just a few days in the town, you understood why the trio have remained friends since childhood. The community in Jackson was small but very tight-knit. Everyone knew each other and it seemed unusual for people to leave. They treated each other like family, and you envied the comfy, homey feeling the town radiated. 

Dina’s sister Talia wasn’t around very often, consumed by her full-time job. You didn’t fully understand what she did for work, only that it had something to do with computers. The few times you were actually able to spend time with her, you enjoyed seeing the repertoire between her and her younger sister. Though ten years older than Dina, they treated each other like peers. You saw how Dina grew to be such an emotionally mature person. Talia accepted you with open arms, fulfilling the role of big sister the entire time you were there. 

On the third day of your stay, you finally met Joel. He was Ellie’s adoptive father who took in Ellie at a young age. Though they were not biologically related, you found yourself often chuckling over how similar the two were. 

Ellie’s foul-mouthed behaviour mirrored that of Joel’s, which was a welcome contrast to your parent’s curt and strict speech. He told stories of his past, many of which involved him getting into all sorts of trouble. Though he seemed to have grown out of it, you saw that impulsivity and temperament in Ellie today. 

He was a kind, old man, and you saw why Ellie admired him so. You also noticed just how much he loved Ellie as if he’d birthed her himself. You found yourself desiring the kind of parent Joel was. You had your uncle throughout your childhood, of course, but you still had to go home to the cruelty of your parents at the end of the day. 

Joel seemed to be aware that Ellie dealt back at your university. It was through him that Ellie actually knew her plug. This old pal of Joel’s, Eugene, was originally her (and Dina’s and Jesse’s) dealer back in high school. When they’d graduated and started attending university, Eugene introduced Ellie to an old contact who grew not far from campus once she started dealing. Joel would roll his eyes and scoff any time the topic of Ellie being a dealer came up, but he genuinely didn’t seem to mind as long as she was smart about it. 

On nights when Dina and Jesse were both busy, you found yourself spending the evening at Joel’s house. He was very keen on having you over for dinner often, complaining that Ellie was a very boring conversation partner. You bonded quickly over a number of things, such as your mutual love of coffee (to which Ellie rolled her eyes, claiming that a simple hot chocolate was far superior to that “burnt shit”) and being Ellie’s impulse control. 

About nearly a month into your stay, Dina was picking you up from another dinner at Joel’s and Ellie’s place to walk you back to her house. Both waved you goodbye at the front door (not before you gave Ellie a peck on the cheek) and watched as you and Dina linked arms and walked into the streetlight-lit darkness. 

Once you and Dina were out of their sight, Joel put his hand on Ellie’s shoulder. 

“Come on, kiddo. We need to talk.” 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, old man,” Ellie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and leaning into the living room couch. 

“Ellie.” 

“Joel.” Ellie said, mocking his serious tone. 

“That girl is so in love with you, and it’s plain to anyone who sees y’all together.” 

Ellie crossed her arms, saying nothing. 

“And it’s as clear as day that you’re head over heels for her too.” 

Ellie scoffed and said, “Don’t assume shit, old timer.” 

“I ain’t assuming anythin’. I know you, and so do Dina and Jesse.” 

“You’ve been talking to Dina and Jesse behind my back?” 

“Now, hold on there,” Joel said, taking a seat at the lounge chair next to the couch Ellie sat on. “They were just tellin’ me about what y’all get up to at that big university, and we just got to talkin’ about you. There weren’t no secret meetings or anythin’ conspirin’ like that.” 

“And what did those two have to say?” 

“That y’all have been basically joined to the hip since y’all met.” Joel said, leaning back. 

“That’s not true—” Ellie began angrily. 

“Look, kid, no need to be pitchin’ a hissy fit. I’m just relayin’ what those two have been observin’. But since y’all took her home, apparently you’ve been actin’ a tad different towards her.” 

“What does that mean?” 

Joel sighed. 

“Ellie, this girl was all you talked about nonstop that whole year you were up at that school. I already know the girl’s favourite colour and coffee order just from the phone calls we had.” 

“I did not talk about her that much.” 

“Yes, you did. There’s no point in denyin’ it.” 

Ellie glared. 

“Now, I wanna know why it seems like you’ve changed your tune on her.” 

“Really, ‘changed my tune?’ Man, you’re getting too old.” 

“Don’t go changin’ the subject. Now, I can see how you’re still clearly sweet on her, but there’s somethin’ a little off. Like you’re holdin’ back from her, or somethin’ like that.” 

“I’m just not a people person, Joel, and you know that.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Ellie,” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and looked directly at her. “Do you love her?” 

“Come on, man—” 

“Ellie.” 

Ellie met Joel’s eyes and saw that he was waiting for a truthful answer. She exhaled, took a beat, and responded. 

“I don’t love her.” 

Joel sighed sadly. 

“Thought I taught you better than that, kiddo.” 

She looked away, saying, “We’re not even dating.” 

“Does she know that?  

“She’s not stupid.”

“That’s not what I asked.” 

Ellie stood up, exasperated. 

“Why does any of this matter, Joel!” 

“Because that poor darlin’ just lost her own kin, so if you’re fixin’ to break her heart, you need to stop stringin’ her along.” 

“I’m not doing anything!” 

“I like this girl for you, Ellie. She’s got a kind soul that somehow blossomed past her upbringin’. She brings out the best in you, even if you try to hide it. She thinks the world of you, kid, bless her heart. Don’t do somethin’ you’ll regret.” 

“I haven’t done shit!” Ellie yelled, standing up from the couch. 

“Daggum it, stop actin’ childish and listen to what I’m sayin’ here, Ellie.” 

Ellie stormed out of the room without another word. 

After the conversation she had with Joel, Ellie began acting distant towards you. It started with the little things: keeping her hands in her pockets while you walked around town to avoid holding your outstretched hand, no longer inviting you over to dinner at Joel’s unless Dina or Jesse planned on coming along, no more public displays of affection and very limited tenderness in private. 

Dina was right in her assumption that you were barely holding it together. The anxiety as a result of Ellie’s behaviour, on top of your grief over your cousin’s death, began unraveling you. 

Your late-night talks with Dina became less and less. You began sitting next to her or Jesse more often than you did Ellie. Dina would walk in on you completely spaced out and it took several minutes to get a verbal response out of you. 

Dina and Jesse were sure that if you came back with them to Jackson, being around the presence of those who loved you as opposed to people who resented you would ease your grieving process. They didn’t, however, predict that Ellie become a hurdle to your progress. And they certainly did not predict Ellie’s idiotic actions that followed. 

“I thought we were having a movie night,” Jesse said, eyebrows furrowed. “I brought DVDs.” 

Ellie chuckled, saying, “You know there are these things called ‘streaming services’ now, Jess.” 

“Hypocrite. You and Joel have stacks of DVDs of every action and sci-fi movie ever made in your living room.” 

“What can I say, I’ve gotten with the times.” 

“Like hell you have.” 

You, Dina, and Jesse were all bunched up on the pull-out couch in Dina’s basement (where you were residing for the summer). Jesse was messing with the TV’s remote to find the right input while you and Dina were snuggled up underneath the same blanket. Your tired eyes watched as Ellie pulled her flannel on and rolled her sleeves up, revealing that fern tattoo you loved so much on her right forearm. 

“Who the fuck is more important than us, anyway?” Dina said, frowning. 

Ellie chuckled again, saying, “We hang out almost every day, D. You’ll survive the night.” 

“You’re not coming back after dinner?” 

“We’ll see, but don’t wait up.” 

Your eyes then fell down to your fingers, fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket. You haven’t spoken out loud once tonight since Ellie’d walked in. 

“You’re banned from our friend group now. You may reapply in 3-6 months.” Dina said, flipping Ellie off. 

“Literally one dinner, drama queen.” 

“Where are you even going?” 

“Rivers Café.” 

You didn’t notice how Jesse’s and Dina’s faces fell. 

“Gonna be late, so see you guys later.” Ellie said, walking up the stairs without a second glance. 

After a beat or two, Jesse spoke. 

“What the actual fuck.” 

“Jesse—“ Dina began. 

“I love her, but god damn it.” Jesse got up and started shuffling through the DVDs he brought. 

There was a palpable tension in the air for the rest of the night. An old martial arts movie was playing, but none of you were paying much attention. Nobody said anything, besides a comment every now and again from Dina noting how unrealistic some fighting move was. 

Ellie didn’t come back to Dina’s that night. 

Two weeks before classes started, your things were packed to return to your parents’ house. You didn’t want to leave, but you needed to properly prepare for the start of your junior year. 

Dina was watchful and clingy before you left, constantly letting you know that the first thing she was going to do when you all returned to campus was hunt you down for a coffee date. Jesse would chuckle at this, saying that he’d probably see you when she dragged him along to it. 

Dina’s sister Talia said goodbye to you three days before your departure, needing to leave for a brief business trip the day before. She pulled you into a very tight hug, telling you that you were always welcome in their home and to feel free to tag along with Dina during any school breaks. 

You had a last dinner at Joel’s the night before you left. He made you and Ellie a simple pasta dish, which you learned was his late daughter Sarah’s favourite meal. He and you shared a sweet and intimate conversation where you both opened up about your shared familial losses. He told you about Sarah and you talked about Rafael. You understood why Joel was so protective over Ellie, having lost Sarah when she was only 12. You were happy that Ellie had someone like that in her life. 

Surprisingly, Ellie had offered to drive you home. You were starved for her attention, so you happily accepted. You offered for her to stay in your parents’ guest room for a night so she wouldn’t have to do so much driving in one day, but she said she didn’t mind. You felt disappointed, but you also didn’t want to subject her to your parents more than you had to. 

Dina and Jesse were the ones who waved you off (Joel sent his regards with Ellie when she came to Dina’s place to pick you up). You reassured them both that two weeks was not a very long time, though you were partly saying it out loud to convince yourself of it too. Your hand was the last thing they saw, waving from the passenger’s window of Ellie’s car. 

As you drove away from the gates of Jackson, there was not much noise except an Aminé song playing in the background and the occasional bird call heard outside from the rolled-down windows. 

There was a heaviness in your heart that weighed more and more the further from Jackson you were. Though you didn’t grow up there, the locals were so naturally welcoming. Being there felt like coming home every day. It was a safe and healthy place for you to process your grief. You wished summer went on forever. 

After a little while of silence between you and Ellie during which you lamented on your departure, you began to feel the awkwardness between you two. She hadn’t said anything and it didn’t seem like she had any intention to. You shrunk in your seat and began fidgeting and braced yourself to say something. 

“Um,” You started. “Thanks for offering to drive me back.” 

“No big deal,” Ellie replied. “Happy to do it.” 

You could feel your heart beating in your ears. 

“Why’d you decide to?” 

Ellie shrugged. “Just wanted to be a good friend.” 

You winced. 

“Is… is that what we are, El? Just friends?” You asked meekly. 

“I mean, yeah. Of course.” 

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. 

Is this how she really feels? Has this how she’s felt the whole year we’ve been doing all this? Have I just been reading into all this wrong? 

You attempted to suppress a bubbling anxiety attack, trying not to hyperventilate. Ellie seemed to be content with the silence and said nothing. 

Trying to distract yourself, you whipped out your phone to text Dina. 

She replied almost immediately. 

After a few seconds, another text from her popped up. 

You chuckled silently, replying: 

Ellie noticed the sudden sound, saying, “What are you laughing about?” 

“Just Jesse.” You said. 

“Ahh” was all she said in reply. 

You refused to look her way, feeling like seeing her disinterested face would make you feel worse than you already were. 

You texted Dina, saying: 

Three text bubbles appeared before her texts popped up. 

You gulped, even more anxious than before.

You tried to ignore the nagging feeling that there was something else going on, something you weren’t privy to. You and Ellie were inseparable most of freshman year, even before you were explicitly doing things that regular friends didn’t do. 

What’s changed? 

Sometime during your internal struggle, you’d drifted off to sleep. You woke up groggy and disoriented, taking a moment to realize you were still in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep. The sun was further west than before. You glanced at the clock on the dashboard. 

“How much further do we have?” You asked, voice raspy. 

“About an hour or so.” 

“Oh.” 

You’d been asleep for longer than you thought. Feeling guilty, you wiped some drool off your chin and yawned quietly. 

“I’m sorry for passing out on you.” 

“All good.” Ellie said. 

“Did I snore?” 

Ellie shrugged and you stopped yourself from letting out an incredibly audible and frustrated sigh. 

Five or ten minutes passed during which you were wrestling with yourself on making use of the rest of the time to confront Ellie. In the end, you decided that two weeks of this anxiety eating at you was not worth it. 

“Els?” 

She didn’t seem to hear you. 

You cleared your throat and said a little louder, “Ellie.” 

“What’s up?” She said, dryly. 

You took a deep breath. 

“What’s been going on?” You asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

You bit the inside of your lip. 

“I mean…” You began. “You haven’t been yourself lately.” 

“I don’t really know what you’re talking about.” 

“Ellie, come on. You’ve been… different.” 

She didn’t answer. 

“Jesse and Dina both agree with me.” 

Her eyebrows furrowed. 

“I don’t really appreciate people talking about me behind my back.” 

“We’re not!” You exclaimed. “We’ve just been wondering why you’re so distant lately.” 

“Just cause I’m not much of a talker doesn’t mean I’ve been distant.” 

You used to talk all the time with me. 

“That’s not what I’m saying, Ellie. You don’t seem to like hanging out with us, and you cancel on us half the time. You don’t tell us what you’ve been up to or where you’ve been.” 

You gulped. 

“Like that movie night at Dina’s place. You agreed to come over for a sleepover, and you came for five minutes then bailed on us and didn’t even tell us where you were going.” 

“Yes, I did!” 

“Not ‘til the very end! You didn’t even tell us who you were seeing!” 

“Why does that even matter?” 

“It’s not that, Ellie! It’s just that you’ve been elusive and secretive, and I don’t like it!” 

“Well, that’s not really my problem, is it?” 

Her words pierced your heart and it took everything you had to keep going and not break down. 

Is that what I’ve become now? Your problem, Ellie? 

“I guess not.” You said quietly. 

A few minutes of silence passed. You were fidgeting in your seat once more while Ellie seemed completely disinterested in further conversation. 

But you refused to go back with all this unresolved. 

“Who did you see?” You asked suddenly. 

“Excuse me?” 

“At that café. Who did you go see?” 

“Why do you care?” Ellie scoffed. 

“Why won’t you answer?” 

Ellie rolled her eyes. 

“It was just an old friend, okay? Jesus,” She said, irritated. “I have other friends besides Jesse and Dina.” 

“Who was it, Ellie?” 

“Her name is Cat! God, enough with the questions.” 

You froze for a moment until you finally murmured, “Cat, your ex-girlfriend?” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“You guess?” 

“What the fuck do you want from me, dude?” Ellie cried, coming to a stop at a red light a little rougher than needed. 

You blinked. 

“What?” You asked quietly. 

“What?” Ellie repeated, angrily. 

“Why did you call me that? You never… You always—” 

You always call me “babe.” Or “baby.” I thought I was your baby. 

“Whatever,” You said, shaking your head. “I just don’t know why you’d see her. I thought you hadn’t kept in contact with her since high school.” 

“We reconnected over the summer,” Ellie huffed, slowly putting her foot down on the accelerator. “Didn’t realize that was a fucking crime.” 

Your mouth quivered as silent, betraying tears began to fall. 

“Am I a joke to you, Ellie?” You whispered. 

“What?” 

“Am I a FUCKING joke to you?” You shouted. 

Ellie froze, almost swerving. She’d never heard you raise your voice this way. 

“I thought… I thought I meant more to you. I thought that we had something. What the fuck did I do wrong? What did I do?” 

Your right hand was wiping tears away while your left was clutching your stomach tightly. You felt like you needed to hurl. 

“You don’t look at me anymore. You don’t touch me. Why did you start talking to her again? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Was I not fucking enough?” 

There was a pause before Ellie spoke. 

“You’re not my girlfriend. I have no obligation to you.” 

You felt as if the world disappeared from underneath you and you were falling. You were no longer in the passenger seat of Ellie’s car. No, you were plunging into a dark abyss, the same one that your friends had saved you from falling into when Rafael died. But here you were anyway. And it was Ellie who pushed you in. 

Before you knew it, Ellie had pulled up to the curb of your house. The sound of her engine turning off snapped you back into reality briefly. As you unbuckled yourself, you realized that on top of a plain black tank, you were wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt that Ellie’d lent you. You tore it off and threw it to the floor. 

Before Ellie could even move, you were out of the car and pulling your bags out of Ellie’s backseat. By the time Ellie unbuckled herself and got out of the driver seat, you had all your bags in hand and ready to trudge up your parents’ driveway. 

You felt you probably looked ridiculous: tears and snot running down your face while you struggled with several heavy bags. But you didn’t care. You needed a wall between you and Ellie immediately. 

“Look—” Ellie started, taking a few steps. 

You dropped your bags and started towards her. 

“Fuck you, Ellie Williams.” You spat. 

“Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for leading me on. Fuck you for letting me fall in love with you. Fuck you for breaking my heart.” 

Ellie stopped in her tracks. 

“You... you—” She began, but her voice caught. 

By the time she found her voice again, you had already picked your bags up and hauled them to the front porch, keys already in your hand to unlock the door. She almost called your name out and yelled for you to wait, but you had thrown your bags through the threshold so quickly and disappeared almost immediately after them. 

Ellie jumped at the sound of the front door slamming. 

The second you had closed the door behind you, you leaned into one of your mother’s decorative urns and vomited.

author's notes:

is barbie bear based on an actual stuffed bear i own and is named barbie and is that a picture of her in the icon at the beginning of the fic? no

i was SO so nervous to post this omg, cause not only is this a long ass chapter, but i wanted to make sure to give proper explanation to present day events. i hope i did it justice! lmk what y'all think!!

writing a flashback chapter was so fun?? might do at least another one at some point

also i meant to mention this in a previous chapter, but reader's cousin rafael is actually based on an older cousin of mine (who has the same name but we all call him by a nickname) who actually has a similar-ish relationship with me as reader does with her cousin (he and i are only a year apart tho and reader & her rafael are several years apart), but dw my cousin is still alive sdklfjslsldkfj

btw pls notice that rivers cafe is an actual place in the games hehe (so was ruston coffee in the last chapter)

oh also if you have ever been sexiled before, i am so sorry and you will see heaven as reparations (i on the other hand will not as i have been a sexiler myself oops)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @chrissyfishywissy, @yevheniiaaa

[f2e5b1]

bitter orange — okkotsu yūta [2/3]

pairings. okkotsu yūta + f! reader/original character (main); past!orimito rika + f!reader; past!okkotsu yūta + orimito rika word count. 3.5k previous

PART TWO: sour grapes

You visit her grave often.

We’re sorry. She was too young. We knew how much she meant to you. Although you knew they didn’t actually care, because they never liked her in the first place. None of them mattered, none of it mattered. You stay in your room most days, walking home by yourself all the time. Yūta stopped talking to you after a couple weeks, stopped waiting for you at the gates to walk home together. You were fine with that; he’s got the ring, you don’t. Eventually, you stopped seeing him all together—it’s as if he disappeared along with her. Good, you hate him less that way.

In your first year of middle school, you start to see… them: deformed and grotesque, a glimpse of unimaginable nightmares that live among the shadows. They were smaller when you were younger, hiding away in small spots and silent and anxious but watching—always watching. They look bigger now, and, as you learn quickly, are very dangerous. Nobody else sees them, though, so you’ve always chalked it up to hallucinations.

But one day, a mysterious man with white hair visits you, calls himself Gojō Satoru and says he’s a “jujutsu sorcerer,” whatever that is. Cursed spirits, he calls them, born from humanity’s negative emotions. A sorcerer’s job is to “exorcize” them—so like a shaman but not really. What’s even funnier? He says you’re one of them—these sorcerers, that there’s this school who’ll train you to fight them, where you’ll meet others just like yourself.

Sometimes, you think of her whenever they’re around. They’re ugly and loud, always spewing indecipherable sentences and crying in the shadows, and they aren’t pretty, but you think of her anyways. It’s a disservice, you think, to have such thoughts, not when she had been so kind and beautiful, and these curses are so clearly not. They don’t have her long brown hair shining under the sun, don’t have her sparkling brown eyes crinkled in delight. Don’t have her smile either, upturned and sweet, with the little beauty mark on the right. And worst of all, they don’t have her voice, a beautiful melody in comparison to their unpleasant wailing. She wouldn’t have sounded like that.

You visit her grave often, but she’s never there. The ichigo daifuku rot on the cement, then get cleaned up after a day or two.

+

Okkotsu Yūta looks too close to death.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says, hands clutching onto his bag like a sad attempt at a lifeline. When he stands, he visibly slouches, eyebags darker than his unruly hair. His head hangs like he has a noose around his neck, and if you look a little closer, his shadow consumes, almost like a sentient being, an insatiable darkness pooling under his feet. “I’m sorry.”

Funnily enough, it’s comforting.

“I didn’t do it for you,” you say, adjusting the strap of your bag as you walk ahead. He almost stumbles from trying to catch up, but falls within a steady pace a few meters behind.

“... Oh, okay. Um. Still, thanks.”

“I did it because they were being annoying.”

“... Yeah.”

You turn around to face him. “Are you embarrassed?”

He pauses. “What…?”

“Are you embarrassed because you were saved by a girl?”

He blinks, confused, with his wide blue eyes staring back at you. Then, he flushes, a dust of color finally appearing on his pale skin, “N—no! It’s just… we just haven’t talked in a while, so…”

“So, you don’t wanna talk?”

“No… I—... No, I do,” he stammers, as if trying to find his balance in the world. Gone was the energetic Okkotsu Yūta you knew from your childhood, who used to be stricken with adoration for his since-then-dead-fiancée, and now reduced to a gloomy, unsettling, lonely boy who gets bullied in side empty classrooms in his third year of junior high.

He finally catches up with you, having taken advantage of you gradually slowing down. He continues following you to somewhere you don’t even know where, perhaps home, but he follows you regardless. He’s too close, you think, but make no move to push him away. It’s not so bad to only hear your footsteps and the occasional car or two, even if you were making up most of the initial conversation; it’s a scenario that’s comforting, much like the shadow that trails after him. Though you don’t exactly know why it has that effect on you, not when it’s just Okkotsu Yūta—bane of your existence Okkotsu Yūta since you were nine years old. Why one glance at his shadow is like salvation for you is something completely beyond the realm of understanding, but it isn’t as if—

You pause. Oh.

It’s Rika, isn’t it?

“... Your knuckles are bleeding,” Yūta comments quietly, looking down at your hand. You both come to a stop, observing the scratch and cuts on your knuckles before he takes it in his grasp, inspecting it further. “I’m sorry,” he says, annoyingly guilty.

“Don’t apologize,” you say.

“Sorry—...”

He keeps his mouth shut.

You sort of understand now, why he has avoided everyone since then, why he doesn’t fight back even when it hurts, why he always looks like a dead man on the last thread of survival, eyes hollow and skin cold and pale, with darkness following him and darkness consuming him. Whether it be from divine punishment or an unfortunate mishap, at the wrong place at the wrong time, it is clear that Okkotsu Yūta is being haunted by a vengeful cursed spirit, because of course he is.

Of course he turns your first love into a curse.

He drops your hands, adjusts the straps of his bag, and continues walking, unknowing of your revelation. You watch him for a moment, your eyes dropping to the heavy shadow that encompasses him. That heavy, familiar shadow of his—

… And you go with the impossible.

You take his hand in yours.

There’s a pause after that, a sudden change in the air that makes the hairs on your necks stand up, a chill go down your spines, and you think you hear a low growl in the distance, a warning you do not obey. Yūta doesn’t look at you, as if he’s afraid something entirely out of his control will happen, a scene he’s seen countless times already, and yet he doesn’t let go. He grips your hand tightly, instead—afraid and unsure. For you, maybe? You don’t exactly know.

But a few moments pass, and nothing happens. So he relaxes just a bit, heaving out a shaky exhale and then he’s finally looking at you, tired eyes meeting your firm gaze.

Something clicks, then. Like the last piece of a puzzle is found.

And for the first time since Rika’s death, you walk home with Okkotsu Yūta.

+

It becomes a routine. You’d meet by the gates of your school, say nothing to each other, and start walking. After you cross the first street, you’d grab his hand and continue on without a word.

He adapts to it quickly, doesn’t even flinch or pull away. He hasn’t said anything about it, and neither have you. It feels incessant to do so, not when it feels… right. Like a gap has been filled somewhere in your heart, so close to making you whole, but so far it hasn’t really been enough; like you need more, but you’re also fine with this, whatever it is. Rika has been silent this whole time, an anvil of obsession resting on his shoulders that it's almost a good thing; she’s always been a jealous girl, so it’s nothing short of a miracle that she hasn’t even ripped you to shreds just yet. She knows you know she’s there, watching you—she has all the power to take you away from him, and you’d let her. You’d let her do anything to you if it comes down to it, really.

Yūta reeks of death, still, but you don’t mind anymore. It’s Rika, and that’s all that matters. You know it’s her because who else can it be? If Yūta’s being haunted by a cursed spirit then you would’ve long since exorcized it the moment you saw him—but who was the one who saw her get hit by a truck right in front of him, saw her bleed to death as she called out his name in her last breath? Who was the one who screamed out her name, begging for her to come back, to not leave him and was traumatized to hell and back at the sight of her small body crushed to nothing, the sound of her bones cracking underneath the pressure?

Who was the one who turned her into a curse?

You hate him for it, sometimes, for keeping her away from you, for not telling you. She’s a cursed spirit—but does he even know that? Does he know that there are people in this world capable of eradicating her? Does he hate it? To have her attached to him like a conjoined twin, so inseparable it makes you drown in your own envy, the green-eyed monster who has risen from the depths of your heart now that she is here. Is he afraid of her? Of what she has become? Of what he has made of her?

You aren’t. You love her, after all.

But he’s the one she haunts, because she loves Okkotsu Yūta. He wears the ring even now, buried deep under his shirt, and connected to his heart. You’re close enough to rip it away from him, leave him bleeding with nothing to hold onto the memory of her. But you don’t do it, even though you still hate him just a little bit without really ever doing anything about it; your heart is not so fickle to forget what he had stolen from you.

“What highschool are you going to?”

You slow down. “Why are you asking?”

He looks at the ground. “I don’t know—I just wanna know, I guess. Have you taken any entrance exams yet?”

“I’ve already decided where to go.”

“Oh… to where?”

“Still here, in Tokyo. It’s a religious private school, but it’s all the way up the mountains.”

He pauses. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

“It’s Buddhist.”

He’s silent for a while, thoughtful. And then he looks back at you, dark eyes boring into your own. “Did they give you a scholarship, or something like that?”

“Something like that,” you pick up the pace, and he’s forced to follow.

“Is it related to kendo? I didn’t know that religious private schools offer that kind of scholarship—especially those by the mountain-side… Isn’t that too rural?”

“Why do you think of kendo?”

His eyes flick over to your shoulder, where your cursed weapon usually sits in lieu of your school bag. This time it’s absent, since it’s mostly useless now that you’ve figured out your technique. “You always walk around with this long bag—like it could fit a shinai or something. Isn’t that what it is?”

“I guess so,” you don’t elaborate further, he doesn’t ask anymore questions.

Truthfully, you don’t know what to do. You’re elated at the fact that Rika has always been here, although silent and brooding and definitely now a dangerous entity capable of destroying a whole nation, perhaps even a Special Grade, what with all that cursed energy bursting forth from the seams of Yūta’s shadows that you can now sense from a mile away, but at the same time you find that you don’t really care that a powerful cursed spirit has been plaguing this city for years—not when it’s her.

All you know is that you don’t want to be the one to exorcize her.

You probably won’t be the one to do it anyway.

+

A month before graduation, Yūta tells you that he doesn’t want to say goodbye. As he speaks, you notice that his grip on your hand feels a little tighter than usual.

“Why not?” you ask calmly, though you think you’re doing a bad job at being nonchalant.

You don’t wanna leave Rika, either. She hasn’t shown herself to you yet, mostly remaining somewhere within Yūta without a single peep or squeak, but you think it’s better that way. You’ve long since resolved that you’re alright with being near her without actually seeing or confirming if she’s really there, not when you can feel her through Yūta anyway. It’s enough for you.

But he’s not looking at you, instead adamant at finding what’s so interesting about the ground. Somehow, he trusts you enough to guide him as you walk, to look out for poles or signs or walls that could hit him. You don’t exactly know how to feel about that information, so you store it away for another time.

“Okkotsu?” you call when he doesn’t reply.

“Yūta,” he’s looking at you now, hair falling over his dark, blue eyes.

“What?”

“You can call me ‘Yūta’,” he clarifies. “Ume-chan.”

You pause, slowing down to a halt. He gets a few extra steps ahead before he’s forced to stop, looking back at you curiously. Since when had he gotten such confidence? Last month he had just been a bumbling, timid boy, so much so that one misdirected glare from you could send him freezing on the spot.

“Okay,” you breathe out. “Yūta.”

He smiles, giddily, but then the atmosphere darkens just a little bit. He quickly falters at this, smile disappearing almost as fast as it appeared. He grips your hand tighter, looking down at the ground once again.

“Are you scared?” you ask.

He shakes his head weakly, looking up. “No…?”

“You’re lying,” you say.

Yūta looks down again. You wait for him, feel the coldness of his skin, and the slight chill of the weather.

“I want to go with you,” he finally admits. “I don’t wanna go somewhere you’re not.”

And you’re quiet, the silence filled in by the sound of people from the playground just a few miles ahead. Yūta gains the courage to look up to you, to see your reaction, hoping you aren’t too angry even though you hold so much hate in your heart for him. He knows that, at least.

(But you’re holding his hand, aren’t you? You fight his bullies, knuckles red and bruised, even though you don’t need to. You stay with him, even though you don’t have to. You make his life a little bit easier, even if you don’t really want to.)

“Why?” you ask, face betraying nothing, just plain curiosity. “Why do you say that?”

Yūta thinks that maybe he is afraid of her sometimes, even if he doesn’t want to be.

So he says, “It’s quieter when you’re around.”

He must have said something wrong for you to suddenly let go of him.

“I’m sorry—“

But then you take his hand again, not intertwining it, but settling it within yours so he can feel the warmth of your touch, like you never even let go in the first place.

“Don’t apologize,” you command, like you always do.

“… Okay.” And Yūta listens.

You squeeze his hand. He holds on to it tighter, like letting go once again will mean letting you go, and yet he’ll have to do that in a month anyway even if he really wished that isn’t the case.

“You can’t come with me,” you say, like it’s final. “That school… it doesn’t suit you.”

He searches for something in your eyes, and finds nothing. “Why not?”

Because they will kill her, you think. They’ll kill the both of you, and then you’ll be alone forever.

“It just won’t,” you say with finality.

“Okay,” he says, staring at you thoughtfully.

Your available hand reaches out to adjust the scarf around his neck, adjusting it so it hangs more loosely around him instead of tightly like a noose. The teal fabric bunches up in your hand as you move it around, patting it down before you find his dark eyes boring into yours. The spring chill caresses his face gently, softly swaying the unruly spikes of his hair as he watches you tend to him, the way you make him feel like a burden but he doesn’t mind if it's you.

You eventually finish with your work, moving on to continue walking home.

The silence disappears, because Yūta’s heart is too heavy with want.

+

There’s a few things that happen when you dream, but it mostly goes like this:

There’s a bench in the middle of a white void and a huge cherry blossom tree behind it, petals slowly falling onto the ground and covering it in a mass of light pink. Just a few feet in front of it is a koi pond, filled with differently colored koi that make them seem like a bunch of koinobori instead of the actual thing—black, red, white, yellow, green, and blue koi. You’re sitting on the bench, an unopened box of three ichigo daifuku sitting on your lap as you observe the fish swimming inside the relatively small pond.

It always starts this way when you dream of Rika; things change very little and progress nothing. But you find comfort in it either way, as it remains to be the only way you can see her, deep within your REM sleep where nothing in the world can disrupt it.

She eventually appears from the other side, sitting next to you without a word. When you turn to face her, she’s a bit visually different from the last time you saw her in reality—coming up to your height, her brown hair is just a little bit longer, but instead of her familiar dark blue dress, she wears a normal uniform from a normal high school you hope to get into. In your dreams, Rika has continued growing alongside you, blessed and healthy and happy. In your dreams, Rika is alive.

“You’re so sweet, Ume-chan,” she praises, taking the box of ichigo daifuku you offer her. “You always know what I want!”

Of course you do.

“Anything for you, Rika-chan,” you respond fondly.

She giggles, the soft lilt of her voice like an enchanting melody you’ll never get sick of. You like it. You like this. You like her.

When you take her hand in hers, she doesn’t protest, instead squeezing yours in return as some form of quick reassurance that yes, she’s here, and she’s right next to you. The both of you continue sitting on the bench for who knows how long, staring into the small pond with the colorful koi without uttering a single word—a serene silence that cannot be measured by time passing, every flick of the fish’s tail, the fall of the petals from behind.

Your dreams always start like this, and end like this. It’s not much, but you’ve long since found contentment in what this fantasy can give you, long since convinced yourself that anything is fine as long as you get to see her.

You close your eyes, preparing for the dream to finish up, to miss the warmth of her hand in yours and wake up to another day without her—but it doesn’t end there.

“Ume-chan?” Rika calls, slowly.

Your eyes open. “... Yeah?”

She’s properly facing you now, torso turned to your direction with this impassive expression. You watch her stare at you, mapping out her features, the curve of her nose, the length of her lashes—something, anything that could tell you that this could all be real, that this is not just a dream. That Rika is still alive and not merely a figment of your imagination, stuck behind the bars of your subconsciousness. Because all you are is a liar, and not once were you ever content with just seeing her here.

You just want her back.

Rika brings her palm up to your cheek, caressing your face with her tender touch. “Don’t cry, Ume-chan,” she says in her soft voice.

You didn’t even realize you were.

“I love you, Rika-chan,” you all but practically sob, leaning into her hand. It’s warm, it feels so real. “I love you so much. Please come back to me.”

Rika just smiles, wiping away your tears with her thumb. You can’t breathe, vision foggy from your tears and panic rising in your chest when her figure becomes nothing but a blurry mess in front of you. You reach out to her, knowing deep down that you’re just grabbing onto loose threads but—

Then, you wake up.

+

Yūta looks at you with wide eyes.

“... You’re bleeding!” he stammers, breath quickening as he stumbles away from you in a fit of fright. “Rika—Rika-chan attacked you…!”

He cowers away into the corner of the classroom, head in his hands, begging the world for nothing else to happen, for Rika not to come out and lunge at you again like she did with all his other bullies, like you’re one of them. Idiot, idiot, idiot Yūta! He should have seen this coming, should have known that nothing will stop Rika from endangering anyone, not even you. He can’t lose anyone again, not Rika, not you—especially you—he can’t take another loss anymore.

But when Yūta gathers enough courage to see how you’re doing, he can’t fight the surprise that crawls up his throat.

Because as you’re sitting there in front of him, fingers gently grazing the nasty gash on your cheek, staring back at him so quietly it’s too suffocating, and he feels so guilty, so miserable—

And yet, you’re smiling.

next

[peachhcs]

I feel like will and Sammy were one of those friends that like took naps while cuddling, or maybe at any free time they would be together, sometimes they said flirty comments to each other and still be like “we are best friends, we would never like each other”

no, no we’re just friends | the wonder years

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

1.5k words

takes place fall of will’s first dev program year (samy is a junior) this was genuinely so fun to write. i added some more plot to it, i hope that’s okay, but keep sending in requests for the wonder years i love writing their younger dynamic!

au masterlist

a weekend of no hockey games? not even traveling? those types of weekends were rare for the boys. 

they'd been on the move since the start of the season in august meaning two straight months of nonstop hockey every day, every week, every weekend. things were hectic–chaotic even—but they loved it. playing hockey everyday? it was the dream and so was finally getting to sleep in on saturday morning without worrying about waking up at ungodly hours for morning practice. 

the boys scattered themselves across the hughes family living room after a long night in ann arbor. what other way would they spend their free weekend besides driving an hour to samy's house where ellen welcomed them with open arms—secretly excited that her house was filled with people again. 

things were quiet now that the brothers were gone even though luke came back every weekend to do his laundry. 

samy excitedly showed them around the city she grew up in for most of her life with will chirping in every now and then with tidbits from the places he's visited. surprisingly, the boys were really into the museum of art by the university, especially ryan and drew. 

"no way someone painted that," ryan mumbled as their gazes stared up at the large 4 foot painting hanging off the wall. 

"i could do it better," aram shrugged earning a slap on the arm from jacob. 

"no you could not," the brunette muttered, shaking his head. 

the two began quietly bickering about who could paint better. will rolled his eyes before flicking over to briefly meet samy's gaze who lingered beside the blonde. she softly giggled at his friends' antics which resulted in a soft smile on the boy's lips. 

"i'd really like to see you guys try and paint," samy cut into their bickering as she led the way to the next painting. 

"you think we can't paint?" jacob raised his eyebrow at the girl. she only shrugged. 

"let's be real, you can't paint to save your life," ryan added with his own laughter. 

"uh, i can to. i took art classes my freshman year," jacob defensively crossed his arms. 

"ooh, so cool," ryan's mimicry voice made the group laugh. 

the banter didn't stop the entire time they were in the art museum. at least not until they made it to the natural history museum where the boys were really excited to look at dinosaurs. samy couldn't help but giggle as she watched the six boys hurry to see the t-rex up close. 

"how do you think they got it here?" gabe wondered. 

"a plane?" drew raised his eyebrow. the dark-haired boy smacked him on the arm, rolling his eyes. "smartass," gabe mumbled. 

"what's your favorite dinosaur?" will wondered over the commotion of the other guys. 

the girl's eyes slid to his, sparking some in the light while she thought about her answer. "good question. i really like rhinos. they don't have any in this museum though," she finally decided with a tiny smile. 

"didn't quinn buy you a rhino stuffed animal however many years ago?" the blonde asked. 

"he did! it was like my 7th birthday or something. i can't believe you remembered that," the youngest hughes chuckled. 

"only because i remember we sent you the nerf guns after being upset all summer that your brothers had them and you didn't," will informed making samy laugh again. 

"those were the best gift. i think we still have them in our basement somewhere, but i definitely lost all the..what do you call them? pellets?" the two shared another small laugh before the group headed to a different exhibit. 

after the museums, luke graciously met up with all of them and took them to dinner close to campus (but secretly ellen sent him money to pay for all eight of them because poor luke was a broke college student). the boys were definitely excited to see luke and they got him into a long conversation about hockey and what college was like. 

samy and will were at one at one end of the table where they immersed themselves in their own conversation again letting the others talk luke up because the two already saw him all the time. 

"happy there's no saturday practice tomorrow?" the brunette wondered, sipping on her lemonade. 

"mhm. i don't think i've really slept in since like..i moved here," will chuckled. 

"do you ever sleep in though? i'm pretty sure i always hear you awake at like eight in the morning with luke and jack at the lake house," samy raised her eyebrow which brought a flush to will's face. 

"you gotta get up early to hit the green," the boy argued referring to all the times they went golfing. 

"oh, right, right. how could i forget?" samy made a face. 

a small silence settled between them as their eyes drifted down the table where their friends excitedly talked with luke. something warmed in both of their chests seeing how well they everyone got along. samy really couldn't be more happier that will introduced her to these boys and seeing how much her brother loved them all too. will thought the exact same thing. 

the two years ahead were gonna be the best years. will knew it and so did samy. 

it was late when the group made it back to the hughes house. ellen and jim already had the air mattresses blown up meaning everyone immediately collapsed on sight after changing into pajamas. samy made herself comfortable beside will who briefly scrolled through his phone. the girl had a small cup of ice cream in her hand, quickly offering some to the blonde. 

"mm love rocky road," will hummed as he took the bite. 

"i know we have the same taste," the brunette giggled. she fished around for the remote before turning the tv on the lowest setting and flipping to some random movie playing. 

the girl stretched out, letting her eyes grow sleepy. her head dipped onto will's shoulder making the boy flush briefly before he hooked his arm around her own shoulders. this wasn't abnormal for the two, especially after the past summer. they'd become a lot more touchy with one another, always poking and prodding—so a head on the shoulder as samy fell asleep wasn't something the two thought twice about. 

not until the morning where they were in the same position except samy's head fell more onto will's chest with one of her arms spread out across his torso. the guys woke up before they did and ryan was the first one to notice the sleeping pair curled up on the couch together. 

"dude, look," the brunette nudged drew's shoulder who slowly sat himself up while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"are we sure smitty doesn't like her?" drew mumbled with a tiny snicker. 

"he's gotta or something. i mean look at them!" ryan exclaimed. 

all of the guys were still in denial about will saying he didn't have feelings for samy and never has. they were literally staring at the two asleep together. gabe, aram, and jacob woke up a few minutes later hearing ryan and drew's voices. 

"why are you guys talking so damn loud?" aram grumbled. 

"look at smitty and hughesy," ryan urged his friends. the other three shifted their gazes towards the sleeping pair and they immediately understood what the fuss was about. 

"damn. if i didn't know any better.." jacob trailed off earning laughs across the group. 

"should we wake them up?" gabe asked as ryan took some pictures on his phone for later use whenever will wanted to try and deny his feelings. 

"i think your voices were loud enough.." samy's eyes fluttered open. the boys immediately quieted down, but the smirks didn't disappear on their faces. 

samy slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. will shifted against the couch, his own eyes opening up too. 

"good morning love birds," ryan sang. 

"oh this again," samy playfully rolled her eyes. 

"what do you mean this again? you guys were literally cuddling," aram pointed out and all of the guys nodded in agreement. 

"and?" the girl raised her eyebrow, gazing over at will briefly who was now fully awake. 

"and? y'all are acting like a couple!" ryan exclaimed again. 

samy and will instantly bursted into laughter which left the boys silent and confused. 

"no, no we're just friends," the brunette got out through her laughter. 

"friends don't cuddle," drew cut in. 

"yes they do. i cuddle with my friends all the time. you guys are just afraid to," samy argued, pushing herself off the couch. she looked down at will for confirmation. he saw the guys' looks, knowing exactly what they were thinking. 

"come on, we're just friends. it's nothing," the boy agreed with samy. 

"exactly, thank you. can we stop making a big deal out of it and get breakfast?" the boys looked between the two for a few more seconds before deciding to drop the subject for now, but still not believing a word either of them said. 

[spectorcomplex]

modern!aemond who detests christmas because the entire world advertises it as a time of love and family but he never felt that love growing up and he even gave up on the hope of family vacations because every time the targaryens go on one, someone will end up having an argument with another therefore ruining the entirety of the trip and aemond is just a full time holiday pessimist until one day in their junior year of uni, helaena brings home her friend from class to their shared flat just outside of campus and it just so happens that aemond was studying in their living room when they arrive

“this is y/n she’ll spend christmas with us cause her family’s away and i don’t want her to be alone”

and though his sister’s intentions were good (knowing she was sad during the holidays too) aemond was initially annoyed because she didn’t bother asking for their approval (though he doubted aegon would care when he’s spending it with his on and off girlfriend)

y/n, the name rolls nicely off his tongue he thinks and he returned her timid wave right before she got dragged by helaena to her room

aemond was bored and didn’t really care much for his sister and her friend for they were holed up in helaena’s room for the past two hours and he already finished his readings for after the break until,

“aemond we need you to get mini marshmallows!!!”

he only rolls his eyes at helaena’s command until she exited her room and marched up to him shaking his arm as she pleads how important it is

the snowfall outside was mild so he only huffed and mumbled an “you owe me” before putting on his black trench coat to head to the store

aemond nearly stumbled back into the hallway when he got back and opened the entrance door to see the flat covered in silver and gold tinsels and fairy lights and the smell of cinnamon in the air made the place unrecognizable to him. in fact the entire atmosphere was unrecognizable and it was as if he was sucked into the christmas movies he watched in sadness as a child

“hi, helaena’s in the bathroom. we’re making gingerbread cookies.”

aemond stutters. “helaena’s making cookies in the bathroom?”

and maybe a christmas miracle comes in the form of your laughter because it actually warms his heart—such a foreign feeling to him.

you walk around the kitchen counter and walk closer to him. his breathing grows heavier from where he stands, black trench coat still on and a single plastic bag holding a jumbo pack of mini marshmallows in his hand, he feels ridiculous

“here, i got it for you targaryens”

in your hand, outstretched towards him, was holding a santa hat, similar to the one on your head. his cold fingers brush against your warm ones and he really had to pull it together

“there! i was afraid it wouldn’t fit but you wear it well, aemond. happy christmas!”

after giving him a cheery grin, you turn back to the kitchen where helaena was waiting.

maybe this time, aemond will finally feel what christmas is about.

[gillyweedgrl]

You should be watching Pit Babe! - A Brief Review

Saddens me to think how many people are missing out on a great show because they think it’s not worth more than a trash watch, if that.

I mean, realistically, is it the most amazing cinematic work of all time? No, not unless pretty-boy power bottoms with daddy issues are your thing, which in my case they are, so let's talk about Pit Babe!

Note: I've tried to keep the spoilers to a minimum, they're mainly in the tags and links so follow them at your own risk, you've been warned.

Honestly, Pit Babe is a pretty damn good show, especially if you A) pretend the Omegaverse factor doesn’t exist and take the show for what it is and B) you don't mind not knowing what's going on half the time, just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

Overall, Pit Babe has got a good production value, a slightly absurd yet entertaining plot, a great choice of cast with amazing chemistry and pretty decent acting skills amongst the mix of seasoned actors and newbies.

For a totally biased fair and balanced review: There are some details that are left vague instead of being explained in depth or at all (yet), but that’s to be expected when you adapt a novel into a movie or series. It would get boring for the audience if the pace was interrupted to explain all those little details that we’re likely to find out along the way anyways (shout out to those who've watched the latest episode; finally!).

There are also some scenes that feel like they’re not as necessary and some background/plot devices that made a little more sense in the novel but I personally don’t feel like they detract too much from my viewing experience.

Babe (played by Pavel) and Charlie (played by Pooh) as the main leads do a really good job at shouldering a large percentage of screen time. Charlie comes across as happy-go-lucky, a bit clumsy/goofy, entirely fearless and a little naive, which is mostly true, but there's clearly more to him than that. Right from the start Babe is clearly someone guarded, detirmined and skilled at what he does (racing cars and having sex) and he has a very tight cirlce of people he trusts. There's a winning combo right there, quite tsundere/sunshine from the outside but definitely more breath the surface that gets exploded as they go.

Way (played by Nut) is Babe's best friend and racing companion, they've been racing together at Team X-Hunter for years but there's clearly more than friendship on the mind for Way, though the feelings appear to be one sided.

Alan (played by Sailub) is the owner of Team X-Hunter and an all-round cool Uncle (which the whole team call's him (despite barely being in his mid 30's). He's kind but firm, he cares for his team like they’re his family and it does seem as though they’re his only family.

And the rest of the cast consists primarily of:

Team X-Hunter:

Dean (played by Lee); a junior racer with slight douche vibes

North and Sonic (played by Michael and TopTen); everyone’s babies, they’re junior racers and content creators

Jeff (played by Pon); the newest member of the team, he’s a part time mechanic and full time conspicuous

Pete (played by Ping); the money guy Alan brings on board to sponsor the team

Team Red Racing (the rival team):

Winner (played by Pop); the guy who never seems to win against Babe

Kim (played by Benz); the new racer they hired to beat Babe

Tony (played by S Vorarit); Red Racing's newest benefactor and *shock horror* Babe's former foster father (try saying that ten times fast)

Kenta (played by Garfield); Tony's right hand man

Then, there’s the 🌶🔥🤯

I, personally, enjoy a little spice/heat in my shows. It’s not necessary for every show, of course, but I do think that when it serves a purpose to the story and it’s done well then it can be quite enjoyable and this cast/production team is doing it really well.

As I said, the chemistry between the cast really is amazing (both on and off the screen, if you're interested in that kind of thing) and although the spicy scenes aren’t nearly as abundant as they are in the novel, there are some really good ones. I decided to bite the bullet and binge read the novel over the past couple of weeks, I blame @pharawee’s breakdown posts for those sleepless nights, and it was worth it for me but not necessary for watching the series.

Lastly (as if this post isn't long winded enough as it is) there are a handful of things in this series that we don't see too often in BL's and make it worth watching even more:

It's got race cars, murder attempts, mafia influence and supernatural powers (at least half the characters have one).

There's no evil ex-lover out to get revenge or get back together with one of the mains (thank the BL gods).

It's got a Soft Top/Dominant Bottom dynamic where the title character is both super masc and a pretty princess.

And we can't forget, it is technically an Omegaverse series (or rather, it's Omegaverse-lite) which none of us saw coming!

Anywho, to conclude; yes, you should be watching Pit Babe. No, you don't have to read the novel to understand what's going on because none of us understand what the hell is going on at any given time. Charlie and Babe are fucking around and finding out, the rest of us are just long for the ride, Alan and Jeff are having a whole ass rom-com-drama in the corner, the babies are making their content and having a blast and the others aren't quite on the map yet (or are they? *wink, wink*), but I sure hope they will be soon!

If you made it this far, thank you and are you okay? Do you need to have your brain checked?

[likeadeuce]

Challengers Fic, WIP Wednesday, Art and Tashi in their Friend Zone era

“I don’t want to get on a plane tomorrow and then never talk to you again,” Art said.

Tashi waited for the rest of it, the I know this is crazy and totally unexpected but if this is going to be our last night, what if we slept together, just for the beautiful memory.

She’d had the same conversation the night before she left high school for good, to play Juniors at the Aussie Open and train fulltime and home-school. With that guy, who didn’t matter, she’d barely had a hint he was interested that way before that night when he started kissing her -- and also she’d said yes because she was sixteen and a dumb virgin who was tired of being a dumb virgin. Compared to that guy Art might as well have had “stupid in love with Tashi Duncan” screenprinted on a T-shirt, and she’d indulged it and now she was going to have to say no and make both of them feel shitty.

“Come to Europe with me'" he said. Now that was crazy and totally unexpected. “After your exams. My folks rented a place in Mallorca for two weeks -- huge place, lots of room, and I’ll probably lose in the first round, and then Dad will want to take me deep sea fishing or something so we can be really masculine at each other and he can decide if he thinks I count as a person yet.”

“So I should ditch my plans and fly around the world to save you from the specter of male bonding. He shrugged, and she admitted, “Your mom already kind of invited me. When we were emailing about the photos for your slide show. Or, more like, she assumed I was coming, but possibly she thought I was your assistant.”

“Oh, Jesus,” he said. “See? Save me from having to be alone with these people. I’ll still mostly be training, and we can hit together, whatever you feel up to. Play some golf, go to the beach and eat olives and chorizo and -- what do they have? Flan? I can watch enviously while you eat the flan. Then we’re doing a few days of Wimbledon, I won’t make qualifiers yet but my agent and my marketing rep are supposed to introduce me around to industry people and you’ve definitely got a better head for all that than I do.”

Art had picked his agent and his marketing rep after a two hour phone call with Tashi’s father, who had been researching the best people to guide his baby girl since she was nine years old. Tashi was supposed to be on the call, too, but five minutes in, she fake-remembered a study group she couldn’t miss and went back to her room to take a few tequila shots and cry.

“You’d be doing me a favor,” Art said.

Tashi considered it for a moment. She really did. Sunshine and good food and the game she still wanted to love, sitting in the player’s box for a good-looking boy with a sky’s the limit future, sharing little jokes and secret looks and eventually, finally, falling into his bed because, Jesus, if he kept looking at her like that, she would forget all the reasons she knew that bed was a bad idea. Especially when the main reason was, simply, that he liked her too much.

“I would not be doing you a favor,” she said. “Because you know damn well what you’re talking about is girlfriend shit, and I’m not your girlfriend.”

She was ready for him to say No No No, that wasn't what he meant, they were friends, European beaches and shacking up with his family were just normal things friends did.

Instead, Art answered fast, with a broad grin that would let it be a joke if it had to be a joke. “Fortunately, that’s a fixable problem. Be my girlfriend.” For the first time in a long time, she saw the brash kid who had tried to get her number that night at the party, to hell if someone else wanted it, he had just as good a claim as anyone, and tonight it was even true. National champion with a face TV cameras would love and a body to kill for, and world number one in Being There for Tashi Duncan and never complaining about the Friend Zone of it all.

Art couldn’t keep up the bravado long enough for her to say no. His grin froze, then crumbled and he looked at the ground. “You don’t have to say it, Tashi. But I figured I needed to try.”

“If it helps at all, even if it weren’t for everything else --” She swallowed. “I couldn’t take being around all that tennis right now.”

[tropes-and-tales-archives]

Whistle Down the Wind, Chapter One

Word Count:  1372

TW:  Pining, unrequited love.

AN:  Part of a series.  The series masterlist here.

You were late.  Again.

Practice had run over (again), and so you found yourself sprinting down the street (again), your violin case banging against the side of your leg as you dodged around pedestrians, hollering apologies over your shoulder when you ran into anyone.

Luckily, it was only Sunday at lunchtime, so you probably would still get a table even if you were late.  Unluckily, if you were late again, Sonny would never let you hear the end of it.  Luckily, you were just sprinting with your violin and not, say, your cello or your keyboard.  

Unluckily, you hadn’t seen much of Sonny since he got himself a girlfriend.  So you tried to maximize your time with him when you could get it.

You had been friends with Dominick “Call me Sonny, everybody does” Carisi Junior since college.  You had gone to school with his younger sister Bella, and she had quickly adopted you and made you a member of her family.  How many holiday breaks, how many weeks each summer had you spent in the Carisi household on Staten Island?  Too many to count.  And while you loved Bella like a sister, it had taken even less time to fall in love with Sonny.

Who, sadly, did not seem to return the sentiment. 

You pushed the thought out of your head as you jay-walked and then entered the restaurant.  Sonny was already there, and when he saw you walk in, he tapped his watch in an exaggerated manner before standing up to wrap you in one of his patented hugs.

You allowed yourself to melt against him for a briefest nanosecond, breathing in the scent of his cologne and soap, before you pushed yourself away, stashed your violin, and shed your coat.  Sonny pulled your chair out for you, and your flashed him your winningest grin as you sat down across from him.

He looked good.  He had finally shed that ridiculous mustache that made him look like an extra in a 1970’s porno, and his hair was swept up and gelled to perfection.  He was wearing his grey Henley and the jeans that looked perfect on him.  He crinkled his eyes at you and grinned back.

“I know I didn’t just see you jay-walking,” he said by way of greeting.  

You rolled your eyes at him and scanned the menu.  “Don’t be such a cop.”  

He picked up his own menu.  “Over 6,000 people died in pedestrian related accidents last year,” he said, his voice stern.  “I’d hate to see you go out that way.”

“I plan on dying tragically while rescuing my family from the wreckage of a destroyed sinking battleship,” you replied, dead-pan.

Sonny snorted by didn’t reply.  That’s what the two of you had originally bonded over: movies.  Bella didn’t have the attention span for movies – especially indie ones – so there were many summer nights in college that you found yourself on the Carisi rec room couch, curled under Nonna Carisi’s crocheted blanket in the frigid AC, watching some Wes Anderson or David Lynch (or once, very uncomfortably, a Harmony Korine film) with Sonny.  The first movie you had watched together had been “the Royal Tenenbaums.”

The two of you ordered lunch and then caught up.  He told you about his new stint at Manhattan’s SVU and his classes at Fordham Law.  You told him about the multiple gigs you had with your music – your cover band, your work at weddings, your growing portfolio of producing work.  He told you about his parents (bored empty nesters), you updated him about yours (bitter divorcees who lived halfway across the country).  Then you came to the topic that made your stomach turn with jealousy.  Significant others.

“How’s Nicole?” you asked, keeping your voice level and nonchalant.  

Sonny swallowed his bite of food.  “She’s good,” he replied.  He wiped at his mouth.  “We’re good.”

You nodded.  “That’s good.”  You focused on your plate, pushing the remains of your chicken piccata around. You could feel Sonny watching you, but you didn’t want to look up at him.  You had met his girlfriend exactly one time, at a Carisi family dinner. Nicole was the opposite of you: polished in perfect makeup and perfect clothing that fit perfectly.  She obviously went to the salon regularly – she didn’t have visible roots (despite Bella snarking to you once that Nicole wasn’t a natural blonde), and her nails were polished to a high shine.

In your meaner moments, you would reflect that she wasn’t very nice – she spent that dinner stealing glances at her phone, and she didn’t talk about anyone but herself.  But you tried to be happy for Sonny.  If he was happy, you were happy.  You could deal with the bittersweet feeling of being invisible.

“So everything’s good then,” Sonny teased, and you looked up to see his bright blue eyes twinkling at you.  “What about you?  Seeing anyone?”

You gave half of a shrug.  “Nah.”  You pushed your plate aside and flagged down the waitress for the bill, which Sonny snagged from you before you could get it.  He put down some cash and replied.

“You shouldn’t be so picky,” he said.  “I’m sure you could find someone if you didn’t have such high standards.”  You winced at this unintentional barb but tried to cover it up with a smile.  Of course you were picky – of all the people in New York City, there was only one Sonny Carisi.  And he was unavailable.

“You’re right.”  You stood up, put your coat on, grabbed your violin, and waited for him to follow. “The next time a guy with a rapey vibe hits on me after one of my gigs, I’ll just be less picky.  Thanks for the official advice from Sex Crimes.”

Sonny snorted as the two of you walked out of the restaurant, but he looked serious as he turned to hug you goodbye.  “Be careful out there.”

You hugged him back awkwardly, shielding part of your body with your violin.  Between both of your busy lives, you never got to see your friend anymore.  Lately, you only had time for these quick lunches before each of you went back to your separate lives.  

When you had graduated from college, you had moved to Manhattan to start your musical career, and Bella had stayed behind in your college town to wait for her boyfriend Tommy to finish his stint in prison. Sonny was a new detective, and the two of you spent a lot of time together, watching movies and cooking for each other when the other was busy.  

But as many times as you fell asleep on his couch, it never progressed beyond friendship, and your time together waxed and waned depending on if Sonny was seeing anyone.  And lately, any free time that Sonny had was spent with Nicole.  He had cancelled and rescheduled this lunch three times before it actually happened.

So you only hugged him back halfheartedly. Because you could feel him pulling away from your life more and more, and when you were nestled in his arms, even in a friendly hug, it reminded you of what you didn’t have.  Of what you’d never have.  

You pulled away after a moment, then smiled up at him. It made your heart ache to feel that you were losing him, but you could always channel that pain into your music. Maybe sell it as scoring to some sad romance movie where the woman dies at the end and the man walks away into the rain when the end credits start.

“See you around soon, stretch,” you said, trying to keep your voice light.  “And thanks for lunch.”

“Sure thing, kiddo,” he replied.  He chucked you on your shoulder, then turned and walked away.  You watched him for a moment, enjoying the sight of those jeans that really did fit him perfectly.  Once he rounded the corner and was out of sight, you checked the street both ways and jay-walked towards your own apartment.  

Because you weren’t joking about using your heartache for your music.  The sharp sting of your unreciprocated infatuation would make for a great string piece, and you already were composing the main theme in your head.

[verslxt]

radio shows ~ r. suna

“i currently have y/n miya, world renowned model. sister to msby jackal player atsumu miya. and dating ejp rajin player rintaro suna”.

you smiled at the introduction to yourself “i’m so glad you could have me on”

you knew atsumu made everyone listen to this. osamu probably had the tv on watching the livestream. and suna was most definitely listening to it.

“so do you know of anyone who is listening to the show currently” the interviewer asked

“uhm yes i do actually, and i have one correction to make to your introduction. i have my brothers listening. hi atsumu and osamu. and i have my fiancé suna listening”

suna had preposed to you at a family gathering at his families house. atsumu and osamu already knew but not everyone knew. you talked it over with suna if you could say you two were engaged or not and he said yes

“oh wow, how long have you two been dating?”

“well he was in 1st year of high school and i was still in junior high. when i finally got into high school he asked me out. to homecoming actually”

“how did he ask you out”

“a sign. oh my god this boy had everything planned out. i was a cheerleader for basketball during the time. so i helped the volleyball team by being their manager. atsumu made me to do it. i’m not that mad about it anymore because i met suna from it. he used our golden doodle to ask me out. i still remember what the sign said too ‘if my puppy dog eyes don’t work maybe nini’s will’. oh my god poor nini he put a sign on her that said ‘hoco with suna?’. i said yes because i loved nini. nini is now 6ft under”

you felt your phone buzz. you knew it was suna. you smiled a little bit

“your smile is so beautiful”

“thank you so much”

“we’re going to cut to a song. what do you think we should play, y/n”

“let’s play an inrarizaki favorite. ohmami by chase atlantic”

“with maggie lindemann or just normal?”

“normal”

you thought of suna saying ohmami. this boy loved the song. he loved doing some special activities during the song. you felt your phone buzz again

“bitch, i'm fuckin' styling yeah ooh-ooh-ooh, oh yeah whoa”

you picked up your phone

rinnie<3🥰 your doing great baby 🫶🏽

y/n ❤️ thank you baby 🫶🏽

dumbass 1 😐 ohmami really?

fucking dumbass 🥱 yea, lost my virginity to it 😶

dumbass 1 😐 EWWWWW

fucking dumbass 🥱 YOU ASKED

the song ended and the interview picked back up

“i love that song so much”

“me too. now, do you and suna ever want kids”

you smiled. you and suna have been having this conversation since you two got together “yes we would. we only want 2 of them. and if i carry the twin gene then we may have to go through pregnancy once”.

“what’s your favorite song currently”

“i have a few actually! mine by 1nonly, r u mine by arctic monkeys, problems by mother mother and needed me by rihanna”

“y/n miya a mother mother fan?”

“oh and get scared”

suna taught you all those bands. other than a handful. suna really made you into who you are today

“can you do a perfect accent?”

you start in a perfect british accent “well funny you say that”. then you switch to an australian accent “i can do a kermit one too”. and that’s when you switch to kermit “well i say where is miss. piggy. i swear i lose that girl more than i lose my mind sometimes”.

you laugh, you knew atsumu never knew you could do those. so he’s probably surprised. you and osamu yell at each other in an australian accent. and then you and suna go around the house yelling in the house in the kermit accent

“do you know…the muffin man?”

“the muffin man?”

“ThE mUfFiN mAn”

the interviewer laughs “now we know ms. miya can do accents perfectly. now if you weren’t famous what would you be doing”

“ohhhh i would either be doing cheer for the msby jackals or be a massage therapist”

“what would you name your boat if you had one”

“oh goodness, now me and suna have been wanting a boat since like forever. and we decided we would name it the beayatch”

“what’s the dumbest thing you’ve gotten injured from doing?”

“how much time do we have. let’s see i got dropped by osamu and atsumu trying to do a cheer stunt. now based on their muscles at the time you would think they could hold me up right? wrong they dropped me so hard, i twisted my ankle and now i can move my knee cap anyway i want. another time i was cooking dinner and suna was in the mood if you know you know. and he sat me up on the counter and we kinda forgot to turn off the burner”

“how is it like dating suna”

“after noon naps. i get so greatful for them sometimes. uhm this boy can cook really good, he and his mom used to cook together all the time. so he picked up recipes from her. it’s really fun, i’m glad i get to marry him”

“awww, we’re going to go to a song but don’t leave yet we still have burning questions sent in from you guys! stay tuned. now what song should we play”

“oooo problems by mother mother”

“problems coming up”

you picked up your phone and texted suna

y/n ❤️ am i doing good

rinnie 🥰 your doing great baby

y/n ❤️ love you rinnie

rinnie 🥰 love you too

the interview picked back up. and she asked you the one question you were hoping she wouldn’t ask

“so there have been a few rumors of suna cheating, what have you two done about it?”

"“oh, now the pictures that were leaked of him cheating was when we were in high school. that was his girlfriend before me. and we do some checks on our phones, we just ask each other to see mine or his phone when we feel like they are acting weird, but one day he denied me to look and then he told me after he preposed why i wouldn’t let me look. it was because he was texting osamu about it, and he was acting weird because of that”

"oh, so he wasn't really cheating"

"no, he wasn't"

you knew suna would never cheat on you, he loves you way too much. and you love him way to much to cheat on him as well

"oh that's all the time we have with ms. miya"

"oh wow that passed by quickly"

~time skip~

"mhm you smell good" suna said shoving his face in your neck as you texted atsumu

"thank you rinnie"

"what do you want for dinner?"

"anything really, i don't care. as long as its not sushi, i'm pregnant"

suna picked you up so fast you dropped your phone back onto the couch, showing that you were talking to your mom and not actually atsumu.

"oh my god are you actually pregnant?"

"yes rinnie i was just telling my mom"

"i love you, i love you, i love you"

"i love you too rinnie"

[wordsarelife]

quill kipps, enemies to lovers, and y/n is best friends with lockwood, like a little sister to him

—i know places

pairing: quill kipps x lockwood!reader, anthony lockwood x cousin/sister!reader

summary: quill and y/n have been together for some time now, leaving their former enemies status behind, everything is going well, that is, until lockwood finds out about them

warnings: sexual themes

authors note: I know, I'm sorry, its not directly enemies to lovers but I wanted to keep it interesting. you could let me now if I should write a prequel though, for example how quill and y/n got together!!

note: ages: lucy, lockwood and george = 19 / y/n = 18, quill = 20

you were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for the rest of your family to make their way downstairs. you had set the table beautifully, even picking up a few flowers from the garden.

this was your way of apologising after everything that had happened yesterday

well it was mostly Quill's fault.. but lets start at the beginning

you had hated Quill Kipps ever since you had first met him. mostly because Anthony did, and when Anthony did something, you would often do the same.

in many ways he was more than just your cousin, he was your brother. growing up you had always just had each other and you knew that you meant everything to him. at least he meant everything to you.

when the agency had gotten into a serious situation, where it was hard to cover the expenses of the house and still keeping your bodies alive with food and water, you had worked more than one job.

for a while you had worked on Kipps team as a researcher, until they were able to find Bobby. it wasn't like you liked it, but the pay was good and you preferred it better than living on the streets. even Lockwood had seemed to be fine with it. the moment you had escaped most of your debt, you had quit and for the most part that was it

well until you noticed that during your work, you and Quill had both grown quite interested in each other. so you went on a date, and another and another. at first it was awkward, but after some time it was normal to you. even if you were now sneaking around. fighting in front of Lockwood and kissing behind his back.

in some way it seemed to turn you both on. you weren't sure if that was healthy though, even if you did have a more than healthy relationship with Quill.

you had been together for the last two years and successfully kept it a secret. well, that brings us to yesterday.

there had been a case where Lockwood was actually on board to take the whole team to the library to do some research (even he realized that is was far too important for him to mess up) and to Lockwood’s usually luck (or lack of) Quill and his team had been there as well.

“Tony!” Quill had greeted “Tony junior” he raised his brows at you and watched as you rolled your eyes while laughing, luckily Anthony didn’t notice the endearing look you were giving each other

“Kipps” Anthony muttered in greeting

“finally the great Anthony Lockwood has to do some actual work too, huh?” Quill joked to which Anthony stumbled up onto his feet “oh! are you about to fight me?”

you stepped up behind Anthony to stop him from doing something stupid. you knew that he and the agency were still being watched. no use in fighting with a fittes agent.

“let me handle this” you patted your cousins shoulder

“he won’t, but i will. we’re discussing that now” you send a wink in Quill’s direction, taking his arm and sending Anthony, Lucy and George a serious nod, before you dragged the older boy behind you

“y/n?” Anthony had called out in confusion

“it’s fine, Ant”

Quill stepped into the broom closet behind you.

“we don’t have much time” you mumbled, before your hands went up to the sides of his face and dragged him towards you

“at least a few minutes will be enough for now” Quill muttered until he finally connected your lips.

like most of the times when you were like this, you didn’t notice how much time passed. you were so lost in each other, you didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. than, finally, the door was opened and light streamed into the dim light room.

your broke the kiss turning around at who had opened the door. the shock you felt when you noticed it was Anthony was indescribable.

Anthony’s sight was even worse. there was you, his little cousin— sister. your blouse had been unbuttoned, your red bra showing, your skirt had turned a bit and your hair and lipstick looked like you had gotten ready in a broom closet. next to you, kipps, shirt wide open, hair in an even messier state than yours and lipstick all over his face and neck.

before you could react, Anthony had walked forward and hit the wall with Quills back, holding him against it.

“Ant” you had shrieked

luckily, George and Lucy had heard the sound of Quills body hitting the wall and walked into the room, inspecting what was going on

“shit” muttered George upon your disheveled sight

Lucy tried to bring Anthony away from Quill, but the boys grip was hard and he didn’t even move.

“what did you do?” Anthony screamed into Quill’s face, still holding him in place by his collar

“he didn’t do anything” you pleaded, tears collecting in your eyes. Lucy stepped next to you, embracing your body

“what?” Anthony let go of Quill, because he was so confused.

Lucy helped you button up your blouse while George held Anthony away from coming close to Quill, who was buttoning up his shirt too.

“we’re going home” Anthony finally decided

“what? no i—“

“—no discussion, y/n” he turned around and walked away, closely followed by George. Lucy send you a smile “i will wait outside” before she left the closet and closed the door softly

“that wasn’t how it was supposed to go, huh?” Quill brought you close to his chest and combed through you hair, while you were crying

“i have never seen him that angry at me” you muttered

“you know Lockwood” Quill said “he will come around. i bet he will be fine in an hour”

but that hadn’t been true. a few moments later, you and Lucy had made your way out of the library only to notice that Lockwood had already left without you. George had been standing at the entrance, looking like a little puppy who had been left by his owner.

you hadn’t seen Anthony the whole evening. normally when you two would fight, those were resolved in a span of minutes, never more than an hour. and you definitely never went to bed angry. well that night Anthony did just that.

so now in the morning, you had decided to gain back the sympathy of the group by making breakfast for everyone. you knew that it wouldn't be hard to apologise to Lucy and George (if you even had to do that, the last time you had seen them, none of them seemed to be angry with you, well maybe a bit confused in George's case). Anthony would be entirely different

"morning" you smiled when your friends entered the kitchen, followed by a still not happy looking Anthony Lockwood.

George and Lucy bid you a good morning as well, before sitting down at the table and smiling about your effort. Anthony was silent, just sitting down in his usual seat and looking away from you

"so" you said, sitting down as well "I made breakfast, to, you know, apologise for yesterday's -" you stopped, uncomfortably "-events"

"there's nothing to apologize for" George said smiling and your heart rested, knowing that you had at least Lucy and him on your side

Anthony folded the paper, he had briefly looked over and found your eyes. "well" he said "there is"

"yes" you nodded already knowing beforehand, that he would like an apology from you "I'm sorry"

"..for what?" Anthony smiled smugly, like you were kids again

"for seeing Kipps behind your back"

"and betraying me"

"betraying you? Ant, this is ridiculous, we're not twelve anymore, are we?"

Anthony crossed his arms, not saying anything

"okay" you breathed "I'm sorry for seeing Kipps behind your back and betraying you, are we fine now?"

"not yet" he shrugged "if I'm allowing you to still see him, I would like some questions answered"

"allowing?" you repeated, stunned. you looked towards Lucy who sent you a look, that basically said to entertain Anthonys antics as long he would accept your relationship after "okay, sure" you breathed "what do you want to know?"

"how long?" Anthony leaned forward, quipping a brow

"two years"

"two years?!" the boy bellowed angrily "you were sixteen?"

"yes" you said slowly "but Quill was still seventeen when we started dating"

"he's way too old for you"

"just a year and a half, Ant"

"still" he paused, thinking about what he was going to ask next "so... you've already been intimate with each other?"

"oh my god" you breathed and you could hear George's chair dragging back, he was quickly stopped from leaving by Lucy

"answer the question, y/n" Anthony send you a disapproving look. he hated it when you didn't play his stupid games

"yes" you said

"here as well?"

"Ant, I don't-" the look he was sending you was saying enough "here as well" you nodded

"so he is like your boyfriend and everything?"

"yes he is"

"I know I shouldn't have let you work for him when times were rough, I should've handled it myself"

"you know that you're not responsible for me, right Ant?" you asked softly, noticing how disheveled the boy really was. he seemed like a father who thought he had done something wrong in the upbringing of his daughter.

"of course I am" his eyes found yours and he didn't look as angry anymore "you're the only family I have left, practically my sister, I'm the older one and if something happened to you-"

"its just a boyfriend, Ant" you took his hand "nothing will happen to me, but if it helps, you can still look after me, even if I'm an adult now, I'm sure Quill doesn't mind"

"he better not" Anthony muttered, but you could see a hint of his signature smirk lurking behind his eyes

you stood up and walked around the table, hugging the boy

"are we fine now?" you asked softly

"of course we are" he smiled "but your door stays open when he's here"

"Ant" you groaned

"just kidding" he leaned towards Lucy and George "or was I?"

"I heard that"

[tragicfrabricofdreaming]

Dark Hearts .4

Summary: Cori Douglas has lived a somewhat quiet life in mystic falls. Despite a few slip ups, she has managed to fly under the radar with her best friends. That is, until her junior year when two new mysterious men roll into town and shake everyone up, including her best friend Elena. What will Cori find out about these mysterious men and about herself? Mostly follows the storyline of tvd show but may take some creative liberties.

“She swore vengeance on all men with dark hearts.”

― Lisa Papademetriou, Siren's Storm

Series Masterlist

The Miss Mystic Falls pageant was not something Cori would have signed herself up for. She liked watching it and it looked like everyone involved had fun but it just wasn’t something she imagined herself doing. If it wasn’t for the pressure from her sister and Caroline, she wouldn’t have signed up this year, either, but here she was standing in a boutique in town, scrutinizing herself as she tried on dresses with the guidance of Grace who had come in town for the festivities. Grace had won the title of Miss Mystic Falls the year before and it was part of her “duties” to crown this year's winner. 

“How cool would it be if I got to crown you the winner this year?” Her sister squeals as she zips up the next dress contender, a yellow, strapless number with a sweetheart neckline. It was one of Grace’s picks. 

“I know, that would be really cool.” Cori mumbles, her hands smoothing down the skirt of the dress. She didn’t want to immediately shut down Grace’s hopes but deep down she knew that they were hopeless. 

“What do you think?” Grace is holding her hands together excitedly as she looks at her sister in the mirror. The small shop wasn’t very busy but Cori still felt very exposed standing on the small platform and seeing three different angles of herself in the mirror. 

“I…” she was trying to find the right word to describe how she felt about the dress without sounding like a total whiny baby but the only words to spill out her mouth were, “I feel like a big bird. Or a banana. Or big bird holding a banana.” 

Grace sighs, her eyes rolling back in her head as she groans, “Cori, you have hated every dress we’ve tried on we’re going to run out of options.” She crosses her arms over her chest, “I’m gonna do another lap and see if I can find something that will check all of your boxes.” 

“I’m sorry!” Cori calls after her, turning to the side to try and get a glimpse of what the dress looks like from the back, “Just…none of them feel like me.” She says more to herself. She picks her hair up to see if the dress would appeal to her more if she had an updo but it appears her hair is definitely not the problem. Cori huffs. No matter the amount of colors, fabrics, styles, or necklines they tried she would never look like Grace did when she won last year. 

“That color is doing nothing for your complexion.” Cori gasps, spinning around to face Damon who was suddenly standing behind her with a garment bag slung over his shoulder. 

“God, Damon,” she clutches her chest, glancing behind her at the mirrors as if to deduce why she hadn’t seen him walk up, “what are you doing here?” She asks, her cheeks heating up despite her better judgment. She hadn’t seen him since the decades dance when they had danced and Caroline had practically shunned her. Her going through with the pageant was her way of making amends with her. 

“Picking up my tux,” he holds up the garment bag that was slung over his shoulder, “I may not be anyone’s escort to this thing but I’ll never pass on an event with an open bar.” Cori feels her heart give a little leap at the mention of him not being anyone’s escort yet. Maybe she would finally get the courage to ask him. “I didn’t pin you as the pageant type.” He smirks. 

Cori snorts, “I’m not,” she says, “But, my sister is and she won last year so she insisted that I sign up. Plus, I’m still trying to get back into Caroline’s good side so this will help.” She sighs deeply, turning to look at herself in the mirror again, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

“I’m guessing your sister is responsible for putting you in this,” he gestures to the yellow monstrosity she was currently wearing, “as well?” 

She laughs, looking at him over her shoulder as he approaches her slowly, “Yes, she’s somewhere in here picking something else out of my worst nightmare.” He drapes his garment bag over the back of a nearby chair and, to her surprise, stands behind her on the small raised platform she is currently occupying. Cori holds her breath, her face going red as she watches him in the reflection. 

Damon watches her face through the mirror as he collects her hair and pulls it behind her shoulders, exposing her neck. His fingers brush down the length of her pale throat, to her shoulders, and down her arm until he reaches her hand. His striking blue eyes are locked on her skin and he smirks as goosebumps rise on her arms. He holds her hand in his as if he’s examining it and she can’t help but allow her eyes to follow his actions with her gaze, still unbreathing–afraid that if she changed anything about this moment it would end, “Green.” He says suddenly, lifting his eyes to the mirror once again where their eyes lock, “Dark green. Like an emerald.” He leans forward, his lips right next to her ear, “That’s what you should wear.” 

“Yeah?” The word comes out as a pathetic squeak like she had forgotten how to use her voice in that short amount of time. 

Damon nods and she isn’t sure if she imagines the brush of his lips against her shoulder or not, “Trust me, I know my skin tones.” 

“Okay,” the voice of Grace returning snaps them out of their moment, and in the blink of an eye, Damon is a great distance away, retrieving his tux from the back of the chair. “I think I found a good contender–Oh, hi.” Grace stops at the sight of Damon, the purple dress in her hands seemingly forgotten, “I didn’t realize you had a friend back here.’ A flirty smirk appeared on her lips and Cori wanted to audibly groan but she can’t do that right now. 

“Uh,” Cori clears her throat awkwardly, “right, Grace,” she gestures to Damon, “This is–” 

“Damon Salvatore.” He finishes, stepping forward to take Grace’s hand, and, much to Cori’s surprise, presses a kiss to her knuckles, “Pleasure to finally meet you. You’re quite the legend around here.” 

Grace giggles, fluttering her eyelashes, “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. It’s a small town, everyone knows everyone.” 

“Well, that’s true. But I haven’t heard anyone spoken so highly of like you are.” What the hell was going on? “Especially among Cori and her friends.” 

Her older sister tucks a hair behind her ear, feigning shyness and Cori rolls her eyes, “Are you coming to the pageant?” She asks. 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Damon says, glancing at Cori, “My little brother is escorting Elena Gilbert.” 

“Oh, Stefan,” Grace realizes, “yes, Cori was telling me all about him and Elena. I hope Cordelia manages to find an escort as nice as him.” 

Damon raises an eyebrow, looking from Grace to Cori, “You don’t have an escort yet?” He asks. 

“No, I was–” 

“I keep telling her she has to get a move on,” Grace cuts her off like she isn’t capable of answering Damon herself, “All of the good ones are going to get scooped up.” 

I might as well not be in the room. “Isn’t that the truth?” Damon and Grace share a moment of laughter, “I’ll let you ladies get back to the dresses.” He says, taking a few steps backward like he was getting ready to leave, “I’ll see you at the pageant. Nice to meet you, Grace.” 

Grace cranes her neck to watch him leave the store, waiting for the door to close behind him before she turns to look at her sister, “Damn,” she whistles, “Why didn’t you tell me a new hottie had rolled into town?” 

Cori ignores her and sighs, “Did they have anything in emerald out there?” 

////

God, Cori, could you get any more pathetic? Just knock on the door and ask him. The worst that could happen is he says no and you go crawl into a hole in the woods. No big deal. Cori wings her hands together nervously as she stands on the porch of the Salvatore boarding house, her heart pounding in her chest. It was now or never. If she didn’t ask Damon to be her escort she would be stuck having her dad be the one to dance with her at the pageant which was just not an option. 

“Just do it.” She whispers to herself before she quickly raises her fist and knocks on the door sharply, immediately bringing her hand back down so she can chew on her thumbnail nervously. She waited for a few moments, staring to wonder if maybe he was still sleeping or had gone out somewhere. Just when she was starting to think there was no one inside the large house, the front door opened to reveal Damon wearing his signature jeans and a black t-shirt. 

At first, he looks surprised to see her and then he looks pleased, leaning against the doorframe with his usual smirk and his arms crossed over his chest, “Hello, Cordelia.” The smugness in his voice almost makes her want to back out of this plan altogether. “What brings you to my front door on this beautiful morning?” 

“Hello, Damon,” Cori chews on her bottom lip, the speech she had rehearsed suddenly fleeing from her mind, “Um…I was–” she swallows, “well, I was actually coming to see you because–” 

“Damon, what did you do with my shoes last night–” the voice behind Damon soon reveals itself to be the one thing that Cori had not predicted to be the worst outcome of this interaction, “Oh, Cori!” Grace appears behind Damon, wearing the same dress she had left their house in last night when she had told her she was going to meet some friends at The Grill. Apparently, based on the rest of her appearance, she had run into Damon while she was out, and…well, Cori didn’t really want to think about the events that followed after that. “What are you doing here?” She stands behind Damon, placing her hand on his arm like the picture of a perfect couple. 

Of course. Of-fucking-course. She had been so stupid to think that she could actually ask Damon to be her escort and that he would say yes. It was a joke. Her life, this situation, it was a complete joke. “I was…” Dammit, how could she get out of this? “I was looking for Stefan.” She lies, “We have a history presentation today and I thought we could go over it one more time, but I guess he left for school already so I’ll just–”

Damon is eyeing her curiously like he can tell that isn’t the real reason she came here. “Wait,” Grace stops Cori from turning away and making her escape, “Could you bring me to The Grill, I left my car there last night.” her sister giggles, sharing a knowing look with Damon. 

“I kind of have to get to school, Grace.” If Cori was trying to hide her annoyance, she wasn’t doing a very good job. 

“Oh, come on, Cor,” Grace whines, “It’s practically on the way, you won’t be late, I promise.” Cori looks between her sister and Damon, her heart sinking to her stomach. She felt so humiliated, so defeated, so angry…but that wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own for getting her hopes up. 

“Okay, fine,” she agrees, “Let’s go.” 

“Thank you!” Grace squeals, turning to Damon, “Shoes?” she asks. 

“Kitchen, I think.” He has a devilish glint in his eyes and Cori wants to vomit. Grace runs off to retrieve her shoes, leaving Cori and Damon in uncomfortable silence. She’s avoiding his gaze, looking down at her shoes and over her shoulder, anything to avoid looking at him. Damon’s eyes narrow, “Were you really looking for Stefan?” He asks her. 

“Yes,” Cori mutters, crossing her arms over her chest and focusing on a stain on her sneakers. 

“Then why did you pace out here for ten minutes before knocking?” Her head snaps up in surprise, staring at Damon with wide eyes. How did he know she was out here for that long? Had he been watching? Why didn’t he just open the door, then? Before she can ask any of these questions, Grace reappears, slipping her heels onto her feet. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” she smiles, stopping at the door to lean in and give Damon a kiss on the lips. A kiss that lasted way longer than it needed to. Cori turns away, “I’ll see you later?” She asks him. He simply hums in response. 

“Bye, Cori,” Damon calls to the younger Douglas as the girls retreat from his house but the only response he gets is the slight skip in her heartbeat when he says her name. 

Cori thought that she might actually have the ability to snap her steering wheel in half. The whole short drive to The Grill Grace just kept talking about her night with Damon. How he had been at The Grill when she and her friends got there and they just kept looking at each other all night. Her friends had left but she stayed to talk and drink with him until they closed the place and that's when they went back to his place. 

He’s just so mysterious and sexy. 

He is suuuuch a good kisser. And he’s LOADED. 

Cori only responds in hums and grunts, afraid of what will come out of her mouth if she opens it. That is until she slows to a stop on the street in front of where Grace had left her car. “Are you mad about this?” Grace asks her hand on the handle. 

“Why would I be mad?” Cori asks, her gaze focused out the windshield. In reality, she didn’t have a reason to be mad, this is just what happened when Grace was around. 

“Well…Damon said you might be.” It was a shock her neck didn’t break at the speed and force Cori turned to look at her sister. 

“Why did he say that?” She asks. 

Grace gives her sister a look, one that says ‘isn’t it obvious?’ “He said you had a little crush on him.” A heaviness sets in on Cori’s chest, “And I can see why he knows that, I mean, you could be a little more subtle, Cordelia.” Her gaze moves back to the windshield, angry and embarrassed tears stinging behind her eyes, “Guys don’t like it when you make it so obvious that you’re into them. It’s good to be a little mysterious.” And she just keeps talking. She won’t stop talking and every word is like she’s rubbing salt into her fresh wound, “I mean, he said he thought it was cute but he just doesn’t see you that way.” Just stop talking, please. “You’re not his type.”  I know. There’s a ringing in Cori’s ears, her sister’s voice fading in and out. The seemingly cloudless sky begins to look more overcast and the smell of rain fills the air, “Well, anyway. He’s gonna be my date for the pageant.” The beginnings of a drizzle start to hit her windshield as Grace opens her door and steps out, “Make sure you ask an escort today. Someone cute who can dance.” The door shuts behind her sister as the light drizzle quickly turns into a downpour. 

////

Cori does ask someone later that day at swim practice. A guy named Henry who she had enough friendly interactions with, was easy to look at, already owned a tux, and knew how to dance. It wouldn’t be a complete humiliation and maybe she could actually have a good time with him. 

“Isn’t Henry gay?” Caroline asks as she, Cori, and Elena are getting ready in the Lockwood mansion before the pageant. Cori was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup, her hair already done in loose curls with her bangs pinned back. 

Cori sighed, refraining from rolling her eyes, “Yes, but he’s nice and I didn’t exactly have many options.” Cori and Caroline had more or less made up. It was easier than Cori had originally thought since she had originally planned on having to defend her choice of Damon as an escort. That wouldn’t be a problem anymore. 

“It’s nice that Grace came into town,” Elena says from across the room, spritzing her hair with hairspray, “have you guys been hanging out a lot?” 

“Not really. She’s been kind of busy sleeping with Damon.’ Cori mutters before she can stop herself. Both the girls drop what they’re doing and turn to look at her with shocked faces. Cori pauses mid-lipstick application and blinks at them, “Oh…I forgot to mention that, didn’t I?” Elena and Caroline are frozen in shock and she sighs, setting down her lipstick and standing up from the vanity, “While you guys process this I’m gonna go get dressed.” She goes to grab the garment bag with her dress in it and makes sure her robe is tied firmly before she makes her way down the hall to the bathroom to change. 

She hadn’t exactly forgotten to tell Caroline and Elena, she just hadn’t felt like talking about it. She knew one of them would see through her unbothered act and she didn’t want the judgment or questions surrounding why she was so upset about the whole thing. She really had no right to be. She had no claim on Damon and she had been delusional to think otherwise. Sure, maybe she had been developing a slight crush since the distaste for him had worn off, but she had more appreciated the conversations they had. She felt like they understood each other to some extent and for him to just–

Cori sighed when she unzipped her garment bag, revealing the emerald green dress she had picked. The memory of Damon standing behind her in the store, his delicate touch on her skin, his lips against her cheek–she felt herself slipping back into the moment and shook herself out of it. It was a lapse in his judgment and a moment of weakness for her. So what if he had been dead on about green being her color, that was just luck. She slips into the emerald green, off-the-shoulder gown, smoothing her hands over the satin material. She stares at herself in the mirror, satisfied with the girl staring back at her. She was out of her comfort zone, that’s for sure, but maybe it would be good for her in the long run. 

She collects her robe and her empty garment bag, slipping out of the bathroom to head back to the main room. Before she can make it too far into the hallway, she bumps into just the person she did not want to see. 

“Damon,” she says in surprise. 

He smirks down at her. She wants to punch him, “I told you green was your color.” She looks down at her dress and hates the satisfaction he was obviously getting from the fact that she had taken his advice. 

She bites her cheek, “If you’re looking for Grace I’m sure she’s downstairs somewhere.” She makes a move to step around him but he cuts her off, almost sending her crashing into his chest. Cori sighs, looking off to the side to avoid making eye contact with him. She was not in the mood for this interaction today. 

“Are you still mad about this?” His tone is amused like he finds it laughable that she has this attitude with him. She doesn’t answer him, just stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and not looking at him, “The heart wants what it wants, Cordelia.” It’s just another joke to him. 

“I don’t care who you sleep with, even if it is with my sister.”  She finally looks at him, her eyes burning with rage and hurt. 

Damon smirks, “Then why are you acting so jealous?” 

“I’m not Jea–” Cori starts to raise her voice but stops herself, looking down at the ground as she takes a deep breath, “I’m not jealous.” She mumbles. LIAR. “It’s not the fact that you slept with her, Damon, or that you’re here as her date it–” she swallows, locking eyes with him again, “It’s the way you talked about me to her.” He frowns at her like he isn’t sure what she means so she continues, “You told her I’d freak out about you two because I ‘have a crush on you’.” 

“Well, you do, don’t you?” 

Cori groans loudly, throwing her hands up in frustration, “God, you are just so insufferable, aren’t you?” she exclaims, “I don’t have a crush on you, Damon. Believe it or not, I thought we were friends.” She laughs dryly, watching the smirk slowly fade from his face, “I thought maybe I was wrong about you and I had treated you so awful when you first got to town, and I actually felt guilty about it.” There’s a vase sitting on top of a small table in the hallway, and it starts to shake slightly. Damon glances at it but Cori doesn’t seem to notice, “All those conversations we’ve had–at the founder’s party, Halloween, the dance–I thought we understood each other. I actually thought that I had found someone who could relate to how I felt all the time.” Her voice gives out slightly and she shakes her head. Damon has a sinking feeling in his chest and looks at the shaking vase again, the water within it starting to bubble and steam. Cori still doesn’t seem to notice. 

“It was so refreshing to think there was someone I could talk to who wouldn’t constantly compare me to my sister. And yeah, maybe I was going to ask you to be my escort to this stupid pageant,” Damon’s eyes widened at that admission. He had no idea she had planned to ask him that, “but not because I had a little crush on you, but because I thought we could have a good time as friends. I thought on a night that I had been dreading all year I could spend it with someone who could make me laugh and make it not so awful.” The flowers in the vase wilt and the water starts to boil, the glass turning foggy with the heat of it, “But all this time,” the angry edge to her voice softens and there is such hurt in her eyes Damon feels a tug on his heart. The water in the vase starts to cool down, Cori still hasn’t noticed it at all, “you’ve been laughing at me behind my back just like everyone else in this stupid town.” 

“Corde–” Damon reaches out to touch her arm and she slaps his hand away. The vase starts to crack as the water inside begins to freeze, the temperature shocking the glass. 

“Just…” Cori swallows thickly, “Stay the hell away from me.” She picks up her dress and moves in the direction she came, heading back to the bathroom. As soon as Damon is left alone in the hallway, the vase shatters completely, leaving behind the flowers sitting on a block of ice on the table and a very, very confused vampire. 

Cori is so in her head as she returns to the bathroom that she doesn’t think about knocking. Her head was spinning with so many emotions and she just needed a minute alone before she had to plaster on a smile and pretend like she had any desire to be named Miss Mystic Falls. She opens the bathroom door and instead of it being empty like she had hoped, Stefan is standing at the sink, breathing heavily in front of the shattered mirror. 

She gasped, first feeling very embarrassed for barging into the bathroom when it was obviously occupied, and then feeling very concerned by the fact that the mirror which had been completely intact when she was in the bathroom only minutes before was now shattered in front of Stefan. 

“Oh my god,” she whispers, her eyes on the mirror as he turns to her slowly, “Stefan, what happened?’ She asks, finally directing her eyes to him. Another wave of shock rushes over Cori followed by another feeling that she couldn’t quite place. Stefan’s face was morphing into something that she didn’t recognize. His kind eyes were turning a frightening shade of red, with dark, pulsing veins appearing underneath them. “Stefan?” Cori manages to force out as he slowly approaches the door. The last thing she notices before the world goes blurry is sharp, menacing fangs protruding from his mouth. 

[anieswrld]

exile Abby A.

warnings: angst, no happy ending, italics is in the past

song: exile by taylor swift ft.bon over

“You're leaving?” your voice shook with sadness, watching abby holding her bags, standing by the door. If you looked close enough you could see the tears falling down her cheeks, her lip tucked between her teeth slightly.

“I'm sorry, I just can’t love you the way you deserve.” You knew she wasn’t doing well, with her dad passing and having to deal with the funeral, she was sinking into herself but you didn’t mind. Losing anybody was difficult but her father was the only family she had besides you.

“So, where are you going?” You were crying, you didn’t even know when it started but it hasn’t stopped and probably won’t. She lets the duffel bag fall from her shoulder onto the floor, she steps towards you, gently touching your face. 

“I have to go to my dads house, pack everything up. Probably stay there fixing some things before finding a new place.” She couldn’t look at you, you moved your head away from her, looking at the floor. You didn’t have anything more to say, you simply wiped your tears and went back to bed. She left once you were out of sight and you didn’t think you would ever see her again. 

“Dude, we’re college juniors can you believe that?!” Ellie shakes your shoulders as you walk to your first class together.

“Els, we've been here for nearly three years, nothing is changing.” You chuckled, walking into the huge lecture room, sitting right next to each other, you took a look around the room absolutely freezing once your eyes locked on hers. Ellie started talking but with her looking at you with her soft eyes you couldn’t hear her. Without saying anything to Ellie you get up and walk out of the room quickly, once you find an empty hallway you sit against the wall, trying to calm yourself down. 

“What the fuck, what the fuck?” You say to yourself not even noticing that Abby had followed you, catching her breath from running. You look up at her shaking your head, “I don't want to hear anything you’re about to say, I can’t.” You get up, starting to walk away from her.

“Please, I know I ended things abruptly and I will never forgive myself for it. I should’ve been better at handling things and I know you would’ve given me time to heal.” She practically begs, you turn around taking a deep sigh.

“I understand why you left that night Abby. I’m not mad you left I’m hurt that the only way I found out is because you dropped a fucking glass and I woke up to you at the door with all your shit.” You spit at her, your words filled with all the hurt and pain you went through after she left.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, I was- I’m a fucking coward and you didn’t deserve it. I needed time to heal and I should have included you in that time, but I’m not the same person I was two years ago, please.” She looks at you with begging eyes, reaching out to grab your wrist.

“No, Abby. I’m done. I haven’t seen you since that night and I was finally getting used to not seeing you. You can’t just come back and think I’ll be waiting for you. I’m not going through this again, I can’t.” You turn, walking towards the door, “I’ll see you around Abby,” you speak before leaving the building. 

[wilygryphon]

Kingdom Hearts - Christmas Hearts

A Kingdom Hearts Christmas one-shot that I posted on FFN and AO3 two years ago. I figure 'tis the season to share it here.

Summary: The Guardians of Light celebrate Christmas at the Land of Departure.  They open presents, take pictures, tell stories, have a magical airstepping snowball fight, and enjoy being together on the most magical day of the year.

————————————————

Sunlight shone through the stained glass windows into the castle on the Land of Departure, reflecting off of the ornaments and tinsel that decorated a magnificent pine tree that was erected in the audience chamber.  Several gift-wrapped boxes sat under the tree, enough for a large group of people.  Fourteen stockings were hooked onto the railing on one side of the chamber, each colored and embroidered to indicate whose it was.  There were also two smaller stockings for Jiminy Cricket and Chirithy.  A large stellated crystal of Orichalcum was mounted on top of the tree as the star.

The castle’s clock tower bell rang, echoing throughout the castle to announce the morning.  Smaller bells chimed in tune with classic carols.  Each of the castle’s occupants woke up, some with the aid of Chirithy, who bounced on top of the late sleepers until they were finally up.  Ventus was the first one down to the chamber, still the physically-youngest and most evidently childish-at-heart.  He was joined by: Sora and Kairi; Mickey, Donald, and Goofy, with Jiminy tagging along in Mickey’s pocket; Aqua and Terra; Roxas and Xion; Riku and Naminé; and Lea and Isa.

“Morning, guys,” Lea said, yawning.  “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas!” everyone replied.

“Jeez, Ven.  You think your Chirithy could bounce any harder?” Lea complained.  “It felt like he was this close to breaking my ribs.”

Chirithy appeared in Ventus’ arms in a puff of smoke.  “If you’d rather skip opening presents, then I won’t bother waking you up next time,” he remarked.  Ventus laughed while Isa chuckled.

“Well, since we’re all down here, why don’t we see what Santa put in our stockings?” Aqua suggested.

Everyone scrambled to their stockings and took out the gifts that were stuffed inside.  They all had candy and (with the exception of Goofy and Jiminy) chocolate; there was a Santa hat and a jingle bell sash for everyone; the Keyblade wielders all got a new Keychain that would give their Keyblades a holiday-themed form; everyone had a chibi plush doll that looked like them; Jiminy’s stocking had a brand new umbrella, while Chirithy’s included a festive cape and Lux pouch.  They looked up and said “Thanks, Santa,” sure that the jolly man in red could hear them.

Next, Aqua passed presents around to everyone.  Sora’s gift from Riku was a digital watch that would sync up to the time zones of each world.  Sora and Kairi traded gifts, Sora giving Kairi a Crystal Regalia + bracelet and Kairi giving Sora a Cosmic Belt.  Sora gifted Donald a new hockey stick and Goofy a new tackle box.  Mickey gave Riku a new jacket.  Terra gifted Ventus a Nintendo Switch.  Roxas gave each of his friends a Struggle Bat and accompanying gear.  Naminé gave everyone a scrapbook filled with her drawings of each of them.  Kairi gave Naminé a new set of colored pencils; Riku gave her a new satchel for her drawing tablet and utensils; Sora gave her a new expansion pack for her tabletop RPG (Tidus had introduced it to her at school, and she turned out to be a surprisingly good DM).  Lea gave Isa a tea set.  Isa gave Xion a fantasy romance novel.  Mickey gave Jiminy a new journal while Sora gave him a new scrapbook.  The Keyblade wielders as well as Donald received a book on magic spells and lore from Merlin.  Every human-sized person received a GummiPad from Ienzo.  Donald received a Junior Woodchucks craft from his nephews and a first aid kit from Webby Vanderquack, the latter of which made Sora and Goofy laugh out loud.  Leon sent them all Christmas sweaters.  Sora found a gift from Ariel that contained a music box.

They sorted their gifts and disposed of the wrapping paper, then put on their sweaters, sashes, and Santa hats (and Chirithy’s Christmas cape and pouch).  Sora held his Gummiphone on a selfie stick and took a group photo in front of the Christmas tree, then they all took separate pictures.

“You met Santa?” Ventus asked, amazed, as the group sat around the dining room table eating their breakfast of omelettes, French Toast, and home fries.

“Yeah.  We first went there when I was fifteen,” Sora recounted.  “First we’d gone to Halloween Town, then saw Jack Skellington preparing for Christmas instead of Halloween.  He then led us to Christmas Town to meet Santa.”

“Sora got scolded,” Donald teased.

“Really?  I would have thought you would have a permanent spot on the Nice List,” Terra remarked.

Sora chuckled awkwardly.  “Well, he brought up the one time I told everyone that I didn’t believe in Santa Claus,” he admitted sheepishly.

“WHAT?!” Ventus and Xion blurted.  Aqua gasped, similarly shocked.

“It was Riku’s fault in the first place,” Sora grumbled.  Riku and Kairi laughed.

“So there’s a Halloween Town and a Christmas Town?  I think I would like to visit those places someday,” Aqua said.

“Maybe we’ll take you to visit next year,” Goofy suggested.

“Great idea,” Roxas said.

“I don’t suppose you had Christmas when you were in the Organization,” Riku remarked.

“Well, we got a day off once a year,” Isa explained.  “That was on the twenty-fifth of December, aligned with Twilight Town’s calendar.  I addressed this fact when I noticed it, and Xemnas permitted a single day with no mission.  I suppose that his intention of giving us a break on Christmas Day was to remind us of what we lacked in order to give us further encouragement to complete Kingdom Hearts.”

Everyone fell silent as they processed that statement, reflecting on the true purpose of the Organization that Xemnas/Xehanort had intended.  Donald crossed his arms and sank back into his chair.  “Humbug,” he muttered.

“You could say that again,” Roxas agreed.

They found more cheerful topics to discuss for the rest of breakfast and for much of the morning, including: how Terra, Ventus and Aqua celebrated Christmas before the Mark of Mastery exam (the tactful way in which Riku described the turning point); how Christmas was celebrated on Destiny Islands, in Daybreak Town (for Ventus and Chirithy to answer), and (mostly for the benefit of Kairi and her still-hazy memories) in Radiant Garden; and what everyone’s favorite Christmas songs were.

“Hey, guys!” Lea called, getting everyone’s attention.  He pointed out the window.  “You see all this snow outside?  I’d say it looks perfect for a snowball fight.”

Sora, Riku and Roxas grinned.  “You’re on!” Sora said.  They all put on coats, gloves, and boots and ran outside.  There was four inches of snow on the ground, a shining white blanket that covered the mountain islands.  Snow also covered the roof and window sills of the castle.  As soon as he was outside, Sora did a backflip and pushed himself off of the wall, launching himself across the forecourt.  He packed together a snowball on landing and spun around to throw it at Riku, who was making a snowball of his own to retaliate.

Everyone spread out, going all in on the attack.  They each sometimes focused on one adversary in particular, and other times briefly grouped up to gang up on someone.  They all ran around to dodge snowballs and attack from different angles.  Sora, Riku, Roxas, Aqua, and Ventus leapt through the air and ran up and down the side of the castle to take the snowball fight to the skies, leaving the others to watch from the ground and laugh as their friends glided and airstepped all over the place and snowballs arced through the air (although Donald regretted this when a stray(?) snowball dropped down and hit him square in the face).  Everyone on the ground got back into the action when Naminé, who up to that point had simply sat on the steps in front of the door and watched, threw a snowball at Terra from behind.

When they were all tired from the snowball fight, they stumbled back inside, laughing, and took off their outdoor clothing.  As they passed through the foyer, Kairi caught Sora by the hand and stopped him, then pointed up to show him that they were standing under the mistletoe.  They laughed and then kissed.  “Merry Christmas,” they said to each other.  After seeing this, the other couples decided to follow their example, and Riku and Naminé, Roxas and Xion, Aqua and Terra, and Lea and Isa shared their own kisses under the mistletoe.

The gang was truly glad to be together on the day that was all about sharing the light in their hearts.  It truly was the most wonderful time of the year.

[bi-lavelent]

Lone Wolf (Quinn Fabray x Fem-reader part 12)

Warning:Angst,Fluff,Cussing

The next week I was walking through the halls of Crawford. I didn’t think that breaking up with Santana would be this hard but it was. I could barely leave the house and when I was home If I saw here I would run back downstairs and cry. I missed her so much. I was like a zombie walking around.

“Okay so we have two things of business. First we are having a Movie night and Sleepover at My house tonight as a bonding experience. Also we have gotten tickets to watch Sectionals next week to scope out our competition.” Jess said

“Who will be there?” Maria asked

“McKinley high school, Jane Adam’s school for girls and Haverbrook school for the deaf.” Lucy said

“Okay so if everyone is ready and wants to head out for the movie night. The seniors will be driving the younger kids.” Jess said

We all headed out and went to Jess’s house.

“So how the girlfriend doing?” Nicky asked

“We’re on brake so that she could figure out her sexuality.” I said

“We’ll my offer still stands and I don’t have anything to figure out.” Nicky said

I walked away knowing that a conversation with her will just lead to more of her flirting. I went and Mayes down on the couch next to Jess and Lucy. Who had the popcorn and I sipped on a beer that was out in the kitchen. They had so many alcoholic drinks that were unlimited to the seniors. Well the underclass man sat on the floor and the juniors only got 20 drinks max. The Sophomores only got 15 max and the Freshman got 10 drinks max. “You know what I kinda miss when me and you just had movie nights together.” Jess said to Lucy quietly but I still heard

”Oh those were more than movie nights and you know it.” Lucy said

“Yeah well maybe I miss the other stuff too.” Jess said

“Yeah you were pretty good at the other stuff.” Lucy said

“Hey babe what you talking bout.” Maria said sitting next to Lucy

“Nothing.” Lucy said

Oh my god they were they were the future Santana and Brittnay.

“So how’s the boyfriend?” Maria asked Jess

“Good I just can’t wait til we have a Dalton and Crawford dance.” Jess said

“I have no clue how you’re dating a Freshman.” Melody said sitting down

“We all don’t need to date someone that is ten years older than us. Right Y/n. How old was your girlfriend.” Nicky said sitting on the other side of the couch

“Sixteen.” I said

“So she’s a junior see there’s no problem with that.” Maria said

“Actually she’s a Sophomore.” I said

“See someone else who understands what dating younger is like.” Jess said

“Well Y/n and her girlfriend aren’t together anymore so I wouldn’t compare you with them.” Nicky said

“That wasn’t my idea okay. She’s still figuring out her sexuality and until then I said she and me need to take a break cause I was tired of coming in second to her boyfriend.” I said sipping my beer

“That actually makes sense but the real question is we’re you In love.” Melody asked

“Of course I was love has no bounds it sees no age it is handing a gun to someone who keeps it pointed at your heart. It’s a wicked game of roulette that has no bounds and someone always ends up pulling the trigger. You’re lucky if you find the person who doesn’t.” I said

“Hey we’re trying to watch a movie. We don’t want to hear about your sad love life’s.” A junior said

We quickly silenced ourselves. So that we could watch the movie. Once the movies were over we all found somewhere to sleep.

“Hey Jess..” I said when I left the bathroom upstairs

“Yes.” Jess said

“Look Nicky keeps making passes at me can I sleep in your room.” I said

“Yeah sure no problem just sleep on the floor.” Jess said

“I can totally do that.” I said

As we all went to bed and woke up and went back to school I had to get over my hangover quickly as we had flag football tryouts that afternoon. I was drinking coffee all day long and then finally went out on the field that afternoon.

“Okay girls my name is Coach Harper Steele. This isn’t a club that just anyone can play in. This is football no matter what we call it we’re gonna play like it’s football. We’re gonna start off with Laps last five to finish the laps are not allowed on the team. Also these aren’t just any Laps these are 16 kilometers runs. 8 kilometers each way. Two times. You will run from here to Hoover Reservoir park and go.” She said

I quickly grabbed my purse and my water bottle knowing that I didn’t want to wary my water with me the whole time. After running to Hoover reservoir the second time I saw other people were already running back so I tried to pick up my speed passing a couple people. I wasn’t sure how many people were behind me. I ran to reservoir and back. As I got close to the field I speed up to as fast as I could possibly go. I could hear my heart beating in my head my eyes were going dark. My legs felt like they weren’t even touching the ground and every time they did I felt a pain go up them from the amount of running. There was three people in front of me. I just wanted to stop why was I doing it. Santana she was why she liked football players so did Quinn so did Brittnay maybe they would be mine if I got on the team. I need to be on the team I have talked about being on a football team since I was kid. My thoughts gave me enough boost to pass two of the girls as I ran up to coach and hit her hand.

“Number 16” she said as I hit her and went to sit back down.

Once everyone was back Coach finally spoke to us.

“Okay players 31,30,29,28,27,1,2,3,4 are all cut you can all leave now.” She said as those people stood up and left. “Okay now all of you can follow me to the weight room. Your weights for Squat,Bench, Deadlift will be totaled together at the end the bottom four numbers are out.”She said

She wrote the numbers on the board next to the number we had gotten in the race:

Number: Deadlift Squat Bench

5. 125. 165. 130

6. 115. 170. 122

7. 110. 120. 100

8. 220. 275. 250

9 250. 320. 375

10. 160 115. 200

11. 50. 50. 100

12. 250. 300. 280

13. 175. 200. 230

14. 100. 150. 175

15. 100. 50. 165

16(Y/N). 230. 215. 200

17. 180. 50. 100

18. 275 300. 375

19 175. 160. 200

20 180. 200. 220

21. 190. 240. 280

22. 375. 375. 375

23. 280. 290. 270

24. 140. 240. 120

25. 160. 190. 110

26 235. 320. 340

27. 380. 120. 380

“Okay so 11,7,17,15 are cut. Everyone out to the field for a scrimmage. If I substitute you out you lose.” Coach said

We went out to the field and scrimmaged. I luckily never got called out.

“Okay if you’re still here welcome to the team.” Coach Steele said. “The first game is this weekend a triple back to back game. It will be taking place in Columbus. We will Spending the night in Columbus.”

At McKinley high

“Okay cheerios so this weekend. Saturday and Sunday we are traveling to Columbus spending the night cause we will be the main show of cheerleading at the televised. Female flag football game. Every school in Ohio that has a Flag football team is gonna be there. If you don’t come you are cut off the team.” Sue said

Back to Crawford

“Okay guys practice starts tomorrow. We will all meet in the weight room at 4:00am til the start of school at 5:40 and then after school we will practice. From 2:00 to 10:00” Steele said

I drove home knowing that I would need to get sleep. I woke up and went to school I was the first one in the weight room and started with dumbbells. Coach entered after 30 minutes.

“What time did you get here?” Coach Steele asked

“3:20 coach.” I said

“Do you live nearby?” Coach Steele asked

“No Mam I live in Lima.” I said

“What time did you get up?” Coach Steele asked

“2:00am I ate breakfast and then drove here.” I said

“What’s your name?” Coach Steele asked

“It is Y/N” I said gulping back

I left class and headed straight to glee. I had to leave Crawford county girls early so that I could get to practice on time. After a long day with Sectionals practice and Flag football practice I was gonna head home. I had been thinking a lot about Santana and just needed the touch of someone else. When I looked up in the bleachers I saw a glimpse of someone I knew. So I walked up there.

“Hey.” I said

“You looked hot out there.” Nicky said

“What do you want.” I asked

“Nothing me and the seniors in glee are having a party with liquor and pizza. Half the schools gonna be there it’s happening right now I just wanted to come and invite you.” Nicky said

“Oh well you know what I will come.” I said

“Okay well let’s go.” Nicky said

When we walked to the parking lot. Okay just follow me with your car. I only live a few blocks away. I followed her to the party. When I showed up almost half the school was there. I grabbed myself a beer before I knew it the party had died down. I had 3 beers and two solo cups of coke and whiskey. I wasn’t drunk to the point of not remembering what I was doing. Just enough to not make good decisions.

“Hey does that offer still stand.” I asked Nicky

“Hell yeah you want to go up to my bedroom.” Nicky said grabbing my hands and leading me into her bedroom downstairs.

We didn’t talk at all I just undressed myself and she undressed herself and pushed me into her desk chair and ate me out. She threw me onto her bed and fingered me like she had done it thousands of times before knowing exactly where to hit and the perfect speed. Was this what sex with someone who had sex with other women before felt like or was she just really good at it. We fucked for longer than I accepted too. But I woke up the next morning hungover a little bit disoriented in what I did the previous night. I opened my arms wondering whose bedroom I was in. Then I looked over and saw Nicky naked body covering me. As the memories of the night before came rushing back. I crawled out of her bed and threw my uniform on so that I wouldn’t be late to school.

”Late night Y/N.” Coach Steele said as I entered the weight room

“Nope.” I said

“So you didn’t go to that party that almost everyone at the school was at.” Coach Steele asked

“How did you know about that party.” I asked

“I’m their neighbor. Which means I also saw you leaving this morning.” Coach Steele said

“I messed up I took a break from my girlfriend and I went and made a dumb mistake by sleeping with Nicky. I messed up so bad how am I supposed to go to Glee tonight. If I slept with her.” I said

“Well that seems like a problem that you need to deal with don’t let it mess with your game.” Coach Steele said

“Yes mam it won’t.” I said

that day went by fast. I stayed at a hotel so that there was no chance I ran into Santana I couldn’t after what I had done. Before I knew it; it was Thursday and I finally went home. Funnily enough Santana happened to arrive at the same time as me.

“Where have you been? All week.” Santana asked

“I was at practice. Where were you?” I asked

“New directions filmed a commercial for our local mattress store.” Santana said

“Cool that sounds amazing.” I said

“So what’s been happening at practice?” Santana asked

“Well Glee has been going good we are prepared to beat our competitors. But football has been burning me out I’ve been getting up at 2:00am and leaving school at 10 pm.” I said

“Football?” Santana asked

“Yeah I joined Crawfords school team.” I said

She started to walk away.

“I cheated on you.” I said

“What?” Santana said angrily

“It was this week so we weren’t together but I have been staying at a hotel because I felt like I cheated on you.” I said

“With who?” She looked at me with tears in her eyes

“Nicky.” I said

“Who?” Santana said

“The glee girl.” I said

“You mean the one you told me not to worry about.” Santana said

“Yes but you also told me not to worry about Puck and I doubt that you felt this guilty every time you fucked him.” I said

“Me and Puck aren’t fucking anymore never again. I let him go. I did feel that guilty everytime. I don’t realize it tell you we’re gone. I felt like I was suffocating. I was gonna see if you wanted to try again but we are really over.” Santana said

“Santana we can’t ever really be over. We are always gonna be in each other’s deck of cards. We are the card that saves the other person.” I said walking away and downstairs to my room

Crawford

The next day me and the other Football players got on the bus and headed to Columbus.

Mckinley

��Okay Cheerios we’re all here let’s get headed to thi stupid thing.” Sue said

“I heard that it is televised nation wide.” Santana said

Back with me

We arrived and got assigned our rooms. I unpacked my bag and headed grabbed my gym clothes. I left and headed down to the gym for four hours I worked out til my arms and legs were sore and couldn’t do anymore. I grabbed my belongings and headed to the Sauna I sat in there for thirty minutes before heading up to my room. I was looking down at my phone asking my teammate that I was bunked in what room we were in and listening to music. When I ran into someone.

“Hey watch we’re your going?” The person said I took one earbud out of my ear

“I’m so sorry” I said looking up and seeing Santana “What are you doing here.”

“The Cheerios are cheering at some stupid flag football competition that Neanderthals are competing in. Why are you here” Santana asked

“Well I am one of the Neanderthals that are competing.” I said

“Oh well I guess that we will be seeing each other a lot this weekend.” Santana said

“Well me and a couple of my teammates were gonna go swimming if you and your friends want to come.” I said

“Yeah we’ll join.” Santana said

“Awesome see you soon.” I said

Santanas room

“Who was that?” Brittnay asked

“One of the football players asked if we wanted to join them swimming?” Santana said

“Why would they do that?” Brittnay asked

“Cause it was Y/N she was heading up from the gym.” Santana said

Me and my friends got on our swimsuits and headed downstairs.

(I don’t know why I decided to write about swimming but just looking up Naya in a swimsuit was sad. So this section will be short.)

Yellow suit Harley Marino and in the

My swimsuit

Santana and Brittnay’s

we swam for a little bit and messed around in the water and then we went and sat in the hot tub. Which was small so we had to sit really close to each other. Which caused me and Santana to be sat right next to each other. I had no where to put my hands til I sat it down on what I thought was the bench. Until I looked down and saw that it was on Santanas thigh. When we looked at the clock it was midnight way past all of our curfews. We snuck out of the pool room and tried our best to avoid the coaches looking for us. Until I ran into Coach Steele. While the others took a different route.

“What are you doing out?” Coach Steele asked

“Coach remember that girl the one I’m in LLove with she’s here she’s on one of the cheer teams. I think that I got her to forgive me for sleeping with Nicky. Can you please let this slide.” I asked

“Are they one the Cheerios?” Coach Steele asked

“I will distract Coach Sylvester while you run up to your rooms but run up there and get straight to bed. I will tell her that you got sick and that they helped.” Coach Steele said

“Tell her my name I used to go to McKinley we knew each other.” I said

I ran over to the path where the girls were. “Okay I got them distracted we just got to run to our rooms.” I said

“Well that sounds amazing. You guys go ahead will take the elevator after you?” Santana said

“Are you cold you’re doing that little dance thing that you do when you’re cold.” I said

“Yeah I left my towel in the pool area.” Santana said

“Here.” I said handing her my towel

“Thank you.” Santana said

“I’m sorry that you have to sneak around coach for me.” I said

“No I like sneaking around with you. I miss this.” Santana said

“I don’t think we’ve ever done this before.” I said as we both stepped into the elevator and I hit the button to our floor. We were on floor G4 and we were on floor 15

“No us I miss us. I miss your touch, I miss your smile, I miss your laugh.” Santana said

“Kiss me.” I said

Without missing a beat she kissed me and we went back. It was like we had never kissed each other before we counted as the ticks happened on the elevator Santana pulled away right before the doors opened. We both parted and went to bed

The next day was Chaotic the first three games of the Six games played this weekend. I ran out on the field the first game scoring 4 touchdowns. We won 119 to 35 after we caught 6 interceptions. The next game went the same although we were tired and hungry so we only managed to score 84 and the other team got 77.

At lunch time I was in line getting food when someone came up to my side and put their hands on my shoulders which caused me to jump.

“Hey” Santana said

“Hey how is your day going?” I said

“Good we have been watching you. You’re amazing out on that field.” Santana said

“Is it nice to finally be rooting for a winning team?” I said

“You know I have seen you win more today than I have seen our football team win in two years.” Santana said

“Do you guys have someone to eat with?” I asked

“Yeah we’re eating with the Cheerios.” Brittnay said grabbing food.

“You wanna hangout tonight.” Santana asked

“Totally.” I said

“Cool Brittnay and me are having a movie night.” Santana said

“Just like the good old days?” I said

“Not exactly meet me on the far side of the field I’ll grab Brittnay and we will eat on the bleachers.” Santana said

I meet them on the bleachers.

“What changed.” I asked

“Well me and Brittnay finally had sex together well we’re broken up.” Santana said

“FINALLY!!!! YES YES YES I WAS RIGHT.” I yelled

“Shhh.” Santana said putting her hand over my mouth

“I just wanted to say that if you want her I understand.” I said

“Nope I want you.” Santana said

I played the game and we won. 105 to 42.

Me and My team went back to our hotel rooms and I went and watched movies in Santanas room.

“When are you guys performing.” I asked

“It’s not a performance.” Santana said

“Well when are you guys Cheering?” I asked

“Tomorrow.” Santana said

“Does your sister know your hear.” Brittnay asked

“No.” I said

“Why not?” Santana asked

“I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want people to be in the crowd and let them down.” I said

“Well we will always be cheering for you.” Santana said

“Thank you.” I said

We sat and watched the movie. Until Coach Sylvester went to check on Brittnay and Santana.

“Hey Y/L/N it’s time for bed.” Coach Sylvester said

“Yes Mam” I said as I walked over to my room.

We played the next games the next day and won. I watched the Cheerios performance.

“Hey Coach Steele can I talk to you and if you can get Coach Sylvester.” I asked

“Yeah totally kid.” Coach Steele said

Both Sylvester and Steele sat in front of me

“Hello I was wondering if since I live in Lima it would be easier for me to go with the Cheerios plus it would be easier with the Lopez picking me and Santana up.” I said

“That’s fine with me Sylvester?” Coach Steele said

“Fine but you and me need to have a one on one conversation.” Sylvester said

Coach Steele left

“Yes Mam what do you need?” I asked

“How are you doing at school?” Sue asked

“Good. I have been showing up to all my classes.” I said

“So you and Santana fucking hasn’t messed with anything.” Sue said

“What I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I said

“Oh so since you started living at the Lopez. You haven’t fucked Santana.” Sue asked

“You knew?” I asked

“She makes you happy.” Sue said

“I know that but I broke up with her last week. She kept dating Puck and sleeping with him. Behind my back. Then when we were broken up I cheated on her with the person I told her not to worry about.” I said

“Well have you apologized.” Sue asked

“Yes. But she told me today that her and Brittnay finally got together she said she wants me but I’m scared.” I said

“Well if anything I ship you to. Saith” Sue said

“What?” I asked

“Santana and your middle name faith” sue said

“Well thank you. But she doesn’t know what she wants yet. So could you keep it on the down low.” I asked

“I kept your sexuality under lock and key.” Sue said

The next day I grabbed my stuff and headed out. I walked out of the room to meet up with the Cheerios.

“You’re running late.” Sue said as I entered the bus

“I know I’m sorry.” I said

“Okay well the only seat left is right here next to Santana and Brittnay.” Sue said

“Yes mam.” I said as I sat down

“What are you doing here?” Brittnay asked

“I thought that it would be easier to go straight to Lima.” I said

“Okay well I guess we’re gonna get really close. On this bus ride.” Santana said pointing out how smushed together we were.

“I can’t wait to see you guys next week.” I said

“Wait you’re coming?” Brittnay asked

“Yes we need to scope out our competition. Which will hopefully be McKinley.” I said

“Why?” Santana asked

“Cause me and the girls are gonna beat you guys.” I said

“Sure you are.” Santana said

We had a long pause.

“I need to take a nap.” I said

“You can sleep on my shoulder if you want.” Brittnay said as Santana was sitting next to the window

“Thanks Britt.” I said

I felt Brittnay moving under me and felt someone tap my shoulder.

“Hey we’re at McKinley.” Santana said

“Five more minutes.” I said

“So no breadstixs.” Brittnay asked

“Breadstix?” I said jolting awake and getting off Brittnay’s shoulder

“You want to go with us?” Santana asked

“I’m gonna pretend like that wasn’t a question.” I said

I got out of the seat and put my arms around Santana and Brittnay.

[beforeitrains]

Do you have any Kai and Hiyori headcanons you've been thinking about that may not necessarily fit into the fic you are writing?

Wow, thank you so much for asking this! I’m gonna ramble a bit about how their story plays out in my head. Hopefully, it will make sense in the end. Sorry, this is long.

Alright, so after watching Kai’s story, I’ve got the impression that Asunaro has some cult-like qualities. Like they’ve got science, but there’s also an irrational religious element to their hierarchy. Spiritual leaders can do almost anything, group mentality keeps everyone in check. So I would guess that the Hiyori clan is Asunaro royalty, while the Satous are from a more humble assassin class. These families were never equals, but the relationship between them was polite and civil in the beginning. Momdori would pay Gashu regular visits, and sometimes little Sou would tag along. Whenever that happened, Gashu would bestow Kai with the utmost important task of entertaining the young guest. Even at the age of 8-9, Kai was an extraordinarily obedient, calm and patient child. Unlike other Asunaro kids, he was able to handle Sou’s (~6-7 years old) violent tendencies and intrusive curiosity, considering this challenge to be a part of his assassin training. He introduced Sou to different games, dodged an occasional knife attack aimed at his back, even stopped the younger boy from chopping off a finger or from setting himself on fire.

Sou never caught on that Kai was mostly being nice to him to win father's approval. He adored the older boy to the point of drawing the two of them holding hands, getting married, dissecting people together. Occasionally, Momdori would find those pictures, and her eyebrows would furrow in parental concern. But mostly she’d tell herself that as long as she followed the will of the organization, God would guide her son.

The play dates soured after Sei became part of the Satou family. Sei had zero patience for Sou's antics. And since Sei was older and stronger, their very first game ended with hurt feelings and knocked out milk teeth. Subsequently, Sei perished during the Assassin Game. Gashu's mind started to crumble under pressure. And Kai was faced with the reality of who the Hiyoris actually were and just how much power they wielded. 

So when Sou appeared at Kai’s door with a smug smile, hoping to reconnect with his playmate, things did not go well. Kai summoned all the icy sternness he had inherited from Gashu, going so far as to let Sou know that he never liked him to begin with. Hearing this sent the younger boy running home in tears.

This is the part I’m not sure about. Kai and Sou could have just cut contact, which would have lead to misunderstandings and hatred in the future (1). Alternatively, their relationship could have become more detached and formal (2). I started off writing (1), but (2) would be more realistic, probably, since the two of them likely had classes and other activities together with the rest of Asunaro kids. So let's go with (2).

During the following years, Kai likely got to witness Sou's character go from troubling to monstrous. At school, Sou would scheme against older and more popular kids and use his younger, weaker classmates mercilessly for his own benefit. The influence of Momdori on Sou's character was probably huge during this period (we know from her convos with Gashu that she was deceitful and manipulative). Finally, if we’re to believe that Kai started his assassin training in elementary school, then it is likely that Sou was on his way to become an Asunaro businessman by junior high. 

Now Kai had lots of pain to deal with during his teenage years and early adulthood. His brother was dead. His father was becoming mentally frail and vulnerable. He was starting to question the system he’s been raised to honor. But perhaps he did try to reach out to Sou at some point, in hopes of stopping the younger man from spiraling. Hopefully, after many years apart, they’ve managed to regain some of the shattered trust. Nevertheless, for Sou, the process of “giving up humanity” was already under way, and he would not turn back. Somewhere a contract has already been signed, the date has been set, and the will of the organization was not to be questioned. Maybe, on the night before the operation Sou confided in Kai that he was scared. Maybe, Kai urged Sou to reconsider his decision. Still, the next day Sou was decapitated, and the doll/AI head was attached to his human body. I imagine it was presented as a sacred ritual, a rebirth of sorts, with some high-ranking Asunaro members present at the scene. Kai was too low-rank to attend. He spent that day cooking for his dad and playing board games with himself.

Ok, I’ll stop here. These are my rough thoughts rn. There’s probably lots of inconsistencies, and I might change my mind on some details later on, haha. But I do like the idea of them sharing some important moments, even though they wouldn't refer to each other as friends.

[workingforitallthetime]

drawn arrows unseen

part 2 / previous installments/tags

Room 1046 is at the end of the hotel hallway. Mason has to walk by everyone else swiping into their rooms, two by two, whooping it up.

“Sorry you have to babysit me.” Connor says, but it’s not exactly an expression of sympathy. Sorry we’re both stuck with this, says his tone.

“I’d be such a shitty babysitter.” Mason jams his keycard into the slot above their doorknob. “Go on, burn the house down. Make some prank phone calls.” He hits the light switch inside the door and rolls his suitcase past the bathroom to size up the two beds. He claims the one that’s closer to the window and dumps his backpack on the room’s only chair.

Sprawling out, he unloops the mask from over his ears, crumples it in his hand, and drops it over the side of the bed. Won’t need that for four days. Four long fucking days of quarantining with Connor Bedard.

He’s got to make the best of it. He’s got to be nice. Leadership, or whatever.

Mason twists his head toward where Connor’s digging in his suitcase, unloading boxes of protein bars and stacking them by the television. “I’m not your babysitter. Nobody babysits you on your team, do they?” He keeps it intentionally vague because he doesn’t remember what this kid’s team is, whether he played the shortened season in the W or went elsewhere. “Where’d you play this year?”

“Regina. And in Sweden.” Connor hangs a polo shirt in the closet.

“Sweden, eh.” Mason stretches his arms over his head. “Junior or pro?”

“U20, mostly.” Connor takes off his mask and stretches out on his own bed.

“See, you’re used to playing with older guys.” Not quite the same as what Mason’s been doing, but it’s something. “Everybody here's done it.” Everybody who ends up in a Team Canada jersey is the kind of player who’s been leapfrogging their way past their age group all the way up. Mason played U18 games when he was fourteen.

“Feels different, when most of you are the same year.” Without the mask, Connor holds his mouth in a strange way, with his teeth set together and his lip curled back a little, like he’s disgusted.

Mason looks back at the ceiling. “It’s not like any of us have presented.” That’s the real difference once you get past junior. Dynamics emerge. You have to account for the advantages alphas have: the aggression, the fearlessness, the way they can tell by scent which side another alpha’s coming from or whether he’s inclined to fight.

Omegas probably have that scent advantage too, but Mason wouldn’t know. There aren’t very many omegas who play professional hockey. Mason didn’t play with any in Switzerland, anyway.

“I know, just…” Connor waves a hand vaguely at the ceiling. “Regular teams are more spread out, with ages. But you guys all know each other.”

“You know the Western guys, don’t you?”

“I guess.” Bedard snorts. “Guenther cross-checked me last time we played Edmonton.”

“Of course he fucking did, that’s just Guenther.”

[Insert quarantine montage. Team-prescribed workouts that they turn into contests over who can do the most pushups or hold a wall sit the longest. Mason begrudgingly respects Connor for holding his own. Watching hockey highlights and trading opinions, recognizing each other’s insights. Mason forces Connor to close out of YouTube to watch basketball. Mason steals Connor’s snacks until Connor finally snaps at him, and Mason corners him into reluctantly admitting that he has to bring his own bars so he can make sure they’re nut free. The inevitable bad moods of two guys penned up in a room instead of playing hockey, but the brief spats keep settling back into companionability. The kid’s easy to be around. Down to earth, doesn’t have a stick up his ass like Wright.]

Connor picks up the paperback world almanac on Mason’s side of the table between their beds. “What’s this?”

“Geography.” Mason likes to look at the flags, the maps, the information about each country. It’s nice to browse through before bed. Gets him out of his head. “My billet in Switzerland gave it to me.”

Connor flips through the pages. “What’s the capital of Finland?”

“Helsinki.” Mason rolls his eyes. “Ask me a hard one. Like, not a hockey country.”

Connor has to think about that one. “Mexico,” he  says, finally.

“Mexico City.”

“India,” Connor shoots back.

“Delhi. You have no idea if I’m right, do you?”

“No fucking clue.” Connor smirks. “Maybe I’ll study up. Surprise you.”

Mason wouldn’t put it past him. Connor’s got a gleam in his eye like he’s about to memorize all the capitals of Europe just for the hell of it. Looking at him, Mason can’t think of a comeback. “Maybe you will.” He plucks the almanac out of Connor’s hands. “Maybe you will.”

(next)