#but then... he became Terminally Online

[senseiwu]

...actually, EB Games, I can't buy my dad Star Wars things for fathers day. But thanks anyway.

[piosplayhouse]

Literally every day on twitter I see tgcf fans saying "mxtx called Liu Qingge straight so I'm not listening to her" and I get so pissed off because not ONLY is that a mistranslation (she was insulting him by saying he acts like a straight guy. Like "lol he's such a chauvinist man who wouldn't understand fashion or love if it hit him in the face") but also tgcf was published years after svsss and you can tell mxtx's opinions changed between that !! She grew up and became less terminally online!! Perhaps everyone should learn from that instead !!!

[beestriker015]

Arcee x male Autobot s/o

Arcee and s/o were always close during the war on Cybertron, so imagine her surprise at seeing the male Autobot on Earth after what feels like a lifetime.

“S/o? H-how can you be here? Everyone thought you were taken offline.”

Her optics wide from shock as she says this while looking at him.

“My termination was greatly exaggerated. While I was severely injured during the last battle I took part in, my spark held on as I was fortunate to have been found by Ultra Magnus and taken to get repaired. When I caught word that you were here on this planet, I knew I had to come help you and the others fight against Megatron and the other Decepticons. I missed you a lot Arcee.”

After s/o finishes speaking, Arcee does something that shocks the other Autobots and their human companions.

She embraces him tightly.

“I’m glad you’re here s/o, and I missed you too.”

He is at first caught off guard by Arcee’s sudden hug, but then quickly returns her embrace with a warm smile present on his face.

Their heartfelt reunion is interrupted by Optimus Prime, who approaches s/o with a stoic expression.

“Welcome to Earth s/o, I’m pleased to see you alive and well. I believe I speak for your fellow Autobots when I say we’d love to have you join us.”

He offers s/o a hand, who turns to look at Arcee for a brief moment before accepting it with a smile.

“I would be honored Optimus.”

The Autobot leader smiles at this and shakes s/o’s hand.

“Glad to hear it. Once again s/o, welcome to planet Earth.”

With that, s/o has joined the ranks of Optimus’ Autobots.

Due to being out of the loop for so long, s/o had to be caught up on everything that has happened on Earth between the two Cybertronian factions, including the unfortunate demise of his close friend Cliffjumper.

“N-no, I refuse to believe it! Cliff can’t be gone!”

“I know how you feel s/o, it still hurts for me to think about.”

Arcee says as she tries comforting her heartbroken friend.

“Who? Who is responsible for Cliff’s death?”

S/o asks with anger in his voice.

Upon learning from her that it was Starscream, s/o vows to get revenge on him.

“The next time I see that piece of scrap, I will make him pay for what he did to Cliff! Screamer’s days are numbered!”

(Aboard the Nemesis, Starscream suddenly feels a cold chill run down his back and he doesn’t know why.)

On a lighter note, Arcee introduced s/o to her human partner Jack, with whom he quickly became friends with.

“I imagine being in this base for so long can get pretty boring sometimes, so how about I take you out for a quick joyride Jack?”

He asks, wanting to bond with the human his close friend is the guardian of.

“Really? That’d be awesome s/o!”

Unfortunately for them, Arcee shoots down s/o’s idea.

“No, you two are staying here as per Optimus’ orders!”

She tells the two in a stern almost motherly tone as they both sigh in disappointment, causing her to shake her head.

“Dear Primus, I swear you both are becoming way too like-minded.”

She says in mild amusement, secretly relieved that Jack and s/o get along so well.

Not much time has passed since s/o’s arrival and it’s pretty clear to everyone that he and Arcee have romantic feelings for each other, though neither of them would admit it.

Thanks to some encouragement from the others (specifically Miko and Smokescreen), the two bots decided to finally reveal their feelings for the other.

Surprisingly, Arcee is the first to confess.

“Hey s/o, there’s….something important I want to tell you.”

“What is it Arcee?”

Taking a moment of silence to figure out just what she’s gonna say, the blue fembot looks at s/o and begins speaking.

“When I thought you were offline, it was like a part of my spark perished with you, but it became whole again the moment I saw you here and still online. What I’m trying to say is….I love you s/o.”

If an Autobot were capable of blushing, then s/o would definitely be completely flustered after hearing this.

“Arcee, I love you too. The two of us have had a strong bond for as long as I can remember, and the thing that kept my spark from extinguishing was the terrifying thought of never seeing you again. You are my reason for living Arcee, and I love you more than Cybertron itself.”

The fembot responds to s/o’s own confession by pulling him into a kiss that he quickly melts into, both completely unaware that their friends and teammates are secretly watching them, all happy that the two are finally together.

As a couple, s/o and Arcee always have each other’s backs during missions, just like they did back on Cybertron.

“You know what this reminds me of Arcee? That one time we were surrounded by Vehicons during a recon mission.”

“I remember, but now really isn’t the time to be getting nostalgic s/o!”

She says while shooting down several Insecticons flying towards the two.

“Right, sorry.”

He chuckles before taking down a few as well.

If one of them were to get injured, the Decepticon responsible would face the wrath of the other and after that, they would stay right by their lover’s side the entire time Ratchet repairs them.

Due to their circumstances, neither has any reason to get jealous, but protectiveness is another story, especially with Arcee.

Having suffered the loss of both Tailgate and Cliffjumper, Arcee will not allow any harm to come to s/o, and will offline any Decepticon (mostly Vehicons) foolish enough to try.

As mentioned earlier, s/o will be ruthless in battle whenever Starscream is involved out of sheer hatred for the death of his friend.

“Starscream! I will tear out your spark with my bare hands!”

“K-keep away from me you deranged Autobot!”

The slim Decepticon manages to somehow escape justice every time, resulting in Arcee having to calm s/o down.

“Don’t worry s/o. There’s always next time. One way or another, he will pay for his crimes.”

“You’re right Arcee, but I still wanna rip that coward’s wings off!”

“I know you do s/o, I do too.”

Downtime is rare and never tends to last long, but Arcee and s/o spend it together in the base while taking part in what the humans refer to as “cuddling”.

“This is nice.”

“Yeah, I could get used to this…cuddling, especially when it’s with you Arcee.”

He says with his arms wrapped around her as she rests her head on his chest.

“I feel the same way s/o.”

She tells him with a content smile on her face.

Once Unicron has been defeated and Megatron ends the Decepticon cause, it is now time for the Autobots to return to their homeworld.

After sharing a heartfelt goodbye with Jack and the other humans, s/o and Arcee walk through the space bridge leading back to Cybertron.

“This is bittersweet isn’t it Arcee? I’m glad we finally ended the war, but I’m really gonna miss Earth.”

He looks down as Arcee puts a hand on his shoulder.

“I will too s/o, but who’s to say that this goodbye is forever?”

“Fair point I guess. So, what do we do now?”

“I don’t know, but as long as you’re by my side, I’m ready to face whatever the future holds. I love you s/o.

He kisses her softly while placing his hands on her hips.

“I love you too Arcee.”

With the complete restoration of Cybertron and the threat of Megatron gone, the pair of Autobot lovers look forward to what lies ahead for both them and their planet.

[fallout-lou-begas]

this is extremely niche fallout fandom discourse but as someone who really, really loves the story and characters of Dead Money, i swear to christ that if Vera Keyes wins the "fallout fridged women tournament" poll that's going on, i'm going to snap. anyone voting in this way would probably think that laura palmer was fridged in Twin Peaks just because she's dead. are some people really so poisoned by extremely watered down "media analysis" (so malformed that it can barely be called that), terminal cases of tropebrain, and an insistence on good representation that to merely suggest the value of negative space in a narrative would be to cast pearls before swine? sinclair built the whole casino because he couldn't let go of his love for vera, even though he knew all along that she was planning to betray him, and after she finally came clean about her partnership with dean it couldn't stop them from both dying lonely, regretful, stupid deaths inside of it. dean domino couldn't let go of his grudge against sinclair in which vera was a pawn and so he seethed over it, staring at her immortal hologram, for two hundred years -- she still got inside when he couldn't. vera's secret terminal illness meant that she was going to die anyway, no matter what. the fact that we don't get "vera's side of the story" is intentional because the fact that she became totally absorbed by the casino to haunt it forever as a holographic ghost, as much a part of it in death as she was a part of sinclair and dean's obsessions in life, reduced to reciting a looping script of the casino's promotion or her last desperate moments forever, is also intentional because it is horror and it is tragedy and it is supposed to feel really fucked up and emptying. if you wish that vera could have gotten a better ending then of course you do. even at the ending of the story, if Christine survives, she has been given Vera Keyes' voice and because of Christine's decision to remain in the sierra madre, it's as if Vera Keyes is still chained to this gigantic mausoleum that sinclair carved out for her, but now her famous voice is warning people away from this same fate instead of luring them toward it. this is all A-B-C 1-2-3 baby block stuff to me and yet some of you would still call this "fridging?????" ask for your parents' permission before going online

[iamnmbr3]

I'm part of the MENA diaspora and I also think that many of the newly minted Palestinian rights activists (especially the very online ones) will abruptly lose interest in the cause for the rights of Palestinians whenever a ceasefire is declared. :/

I'm sending this anonymously because I don't need Hamas stans on this site screenshooting my blog right now and calling me a Zionist apologist or whatever, even though I absolutely cannot stand Israeli's government.

Absolutely. I would argue that even now a lot of them aren't interested in the cause of Palestinian rights. People who waste energy protesting outside of synagogues or barring Jews from college campuses in countries thousands of miles away from Palestine are not genuinely interested in the cause of rights and dignity for Palestinian people or serious about taking part in real activism to build a peaceful future in the region.

They are appropriating the suffering of the Palestinian people and the work of real activists to center themselves and shield hateful actions and terrorist apologism. The way they have attacked and tried to silence Palestinian people who have condemned Hamas (because guess what? terrorists are everyone's enemy) is so telling. A lot of them haven't even bothered to get educated about basic facts and spew a lot of hateful and harmful misinformation - for example confusing Hamas with the PLO or equating Gazan civilians with the Hamas terrorists who oppress them. Hamas claims to speak for and represent Palestinian people but they do not and anyone saying every day Palestinian people are the same as or represented by terrorists is a raging bigot and on the side of oppressors and murderers.

Literally wtf. I just look at these fake "activists" and I'm at a loss. Wow you yelled antisemitic slurs at some random Jews in a country on the other side of the world from Gaza. Literally what does that accomplish? Do you think people in Gaza who just want to live in peace are thanking you? Do you think that helps them in any way? Of course it doesn't. The only people who that helps are Hamas terrorists. Because Hamas wants to spread hate. The leaders of Hamas brutalize and murder the people of Palestine every day and became billionaires by robbing the people of Gaza. They don't care about the Palestinian people at all. These corrupt Hamas leaders are the only people who are served by spreading hate and attacking random people abroad.

Actual activism that would help the victims of this conflict takes work and compromise. And these so-called terminally online fake "Leftists" just want a movement to treat as a fandom where they can get attention and have an excuse to be bigoted. Like in the US they literally protested the DNC but not the RNC and are threatening not to vote for Harris even tho the Democrats and Harris support a ceasefire (and are actively working towards one) and the Republicans are virulently bigoted and Trump hates Palestinian people so much he literally uses "Palestinian" as a slur against people he doesn't like. It's appalling.

And yeah I hope Netanyahu and his government are kicked out soon. Before October 7 there were mass protests in Israel against Netanyahu and his whole government because he is so bad as a leader and so corrupt. He probably would've been forced out by now if not for this conflict. He wants to be a dictator and is absolutely terrible for regional stability and peace and ending his rule would benefit everyone in the region - Israelis as well as Palestinians. All these so-called activists just focusing on being antisemitic helps him a lot because they are taking attention away from the very deserved and legitimate criticisms that should be focused on him and his government.

But anyway, Hamas is absolutely the enemy of the Palestinian people (as well as of Israel) and acting like criticizing Hamas means you are against the people of Gaza or against Palestinian people or in support of Netanyahu is literally just repeating Hamas propaganda...aka the propaganda of the people who have terrorized and oppressed the people of Gaza every single day since Israel withdrew in 2005. Supporting Hamas doesn't make you woke or progressive or an activist. It makes you a fascist terrorist apologist and supporter of the oppressor.

So many Palestinian people have been forced to flee Gaza because of the brutality of the Hamas regime and then all these Western online "Leftists" cosplaying as activists attack them and shout them down because they don't want to hear that this conflict affects real people and is more complex than a cartoon drama. Real solutions involve work and compromise and nuance. And they aren't interested. Some even say that Palestinian civilians dying should be glorified because it makes them "martyrs." No. Palestinian people are not toys to be played with. They are human beings.

They deserve to live long and peaceful and happy lives - not to be fed into a meat grinder to be "martyred" for the benefit of Hamas's corrupt billionaire leaders or for the entertainment of Twitter warriors.

[brandwhorestarscream]

Hey! I'm from KOBDSS' ask

It was "KOBDSS, but breakdown is the carrier of jettwins and wildbreak"

Ok I've been sitting on this for awhile and ngl kinda struggling, cuz. I'm not too great at puzzling out three way relationships 😅 but I think I'm finally getting there

First and foremost! Unlike previous iterations, I think the three of them will be triplets here. They come as a huge shock to everyone, and Knockout is the first to know whilst diagnosing his mate's sudden restlessness and inability to keep fuel down. Knockout is stunned to see a grand total of 5 infant sparks orbiting around Breakdown's. Seekers are always born in threes, but one of them split in two so there were 4. Add Wildbreak for a clean 5

They know the chances of Starscream being the sire of at least one is inarguable. They have... a weird relationship with their commander. Knockout and Breakdown have been conjunxed since long before the war, back when Veloctiron was still online and still the hottest, fastest place in the universe. They've always known of Starscream, he's infamous among the decepticons. But they'd never actually met the guy or been under his jurisdiction until earth, snd though their relationship is certainly a bit looser and involved now, there's still... a sort of wall there. Starscream is a massively distrustful and paranoid individual, and it took months of coaxing and careful flirtation to get him to even consider their propositions. Even when their sexual rendezvous' became semi-regular, and friendly(ish) visits even moreso, it's clear he doesn't trust them and is guarding his spark closely. He doesn't love them, doesn't think they love him, and has been beaten down and torn apart too many times to even entertain the idea. KOBD are fully content and emotionally fulfilled between each other, and while they do care for Starscream to a degree, it's more friendly than the deep and romantic love they hold for each other.

Which... somehow, makes it more awkward. If they were all a big happy united threeway sparkbond, it would be easy to tell him. They'd better be able to gage how he might react. But with him holding them at arms length and vice versa, and the seeker being so volatile, they can't even begin to guess what he'll do. What he'll think.

Knockout knows they ought to disclose it as soon as possible. After all, it's an important medical condition. But... he's worried. They both are. Breakdown has made it clear, right from the moment he found out about them, he can't stand the idea of a termination. He knows they should. They both do. An active battlefield is no place for a bitty let alone several, and they're not in a position to guarantee their safety and shelter from the war's ever evolving fallout. But the idea of snuffing them is too cruel, even for the two of them. But if they tell the wrong person or things escalate negatively, there's the risk Lord Megatron or Starscream might order their termination anyway. And while the two of them have already resolved to fight for their litter if they have to... they both know it's a fight they'll lose.

Soundwave is the next one privy to their situation. He's the calmest and most reasonable commanding force on the ship, and realistically, if anyone could get them greenlit for parenthood while also not being ejected from the warship, it's probably Soundwave. They're hoping he'll smooth things over with their big boss, because everyone knows Soundwave can do no wrong in Megatron's eyes. Of the news comes from him it'll seem less bad, right?

Right!

...except Soundwave does little more than acknowledge their situation and quietly file it away into the logs. Informs them to act at their discretion: if they want maternity leave or to be excused from battle, that is Lord Megatron's will alone.

These two idiots take the "act at your discretion" and run with it. They're just....... waiting for the right time to tell Starscream. Maybe once hes recovered from his last beatdown from Megatron a bit, or comes to loitering around the medbay when he's in a particular good mood and looking to gossip. Yeah, they'll spring it on him then, and gently ease it in with a cup of some hot energon and some embarrassing story plucked from one of the hapless vehicons. They're bracing for impact and trying to dodge the inevitable. The idiots

Their stupidity unfortunately does eventually lend itself to tragedy. Thankfully they've avoided any altercations with the autobots recently, and Breakdown has been listening to Knockout about not exerting himself. The carrying cycle is progressing nicely and Soundwave has been approving thejr extra energon intake without question. Everything is great.

And then everything goes to shit because of MECH

Everything plays out just as it does in canon. A clash with Bulkhead, taking hits and plunging it head first like he really shouldn't, dragged away by the humans and put under the knife. Having his optic ripped out of his head, having pieces of him removed and cut away. It's a traumatic, horrifying experience, and by the time Bulkhead arrives to free him he's bleeding from a very inconvenient place. Breakdown doesn't know if his greatest rival truly didn't notice or if he was refusing to acknowledge it, but he's glad for it either way. Starscream shows up to get him back, and Breakdown manages to hold himself together until he gets to the medbay

Knockout is waiting for him, and already knows the grim reality: Breakdown had never experienced such a spark-deep, lacerating pain than when one of their sparklings reabsorbed into him, premature bond shattering and leaving him a howling, roaring mess strapped to that concrete slab. Even now it persist, as his internals constrict and twist trying purge what would have been one of their bodies.

He looks like a mess stumbling into Knockout's arms, face still torn open, a gaping hole of wires and energon where his eye once was, chassis soaked in blood from their experiments and thighs just as wet, leaking a trail of blood behind him. The second the door whooshes shut behind them Breakdown collapses, crumbling to his knees and starting to scream even as his bondmate rushes throw his arms around him. It's so much, it's too much, everything is visceral pain, everywhere, from the farest reaches of his limbs to the cold void growing in his spark. It's agony, pure agony, as he desperately clings onto Knockout hard enough to dent and scratch and scrape, bawling and screaming in ire so loudly it surely echoes out into the halls. It's all just too much.

And then, to make matters worse, Starscream arrives. Bulkhead may not have noticed but he did. He can think of several reasons a mech might be voiding internal energon from his interface array, and none of them are positive. One look at the two of them immediately confirms his suspicions, and the only thing he can ask is, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Why, indeed. Breakdown immediately starts hysterically rambling, that he's sorry he knows they should've said something sooner but he's sorry this is all his fault and he's so sorry-

Explanations can wait, evidently. They need to get him taken care of, first.

Thankfully, a quick look with the mirror and a medical scan reveal that three of them are still there. Obviously stressed, vibrating at a higher rhan usual frequency, but still anchored safely to him. Not immediately in danger of reabsorption, and it's a huge, bittersweet relief. Three of them survived, might still survive all the way to emergence. The happiness is of course overshadowed by the loss, but this discovery feels like a glimmer of hope nonetheless. Knockout gets to work patching him up as seamlessly as he can, precise, loving hands eradicating wound by microscopic wound. Breakdown gets a tiny but of carrier-safe sedative, to relax his body enough to safely operate while keeping him semi-coherent. They talk the whole time, all three of them. About... what to do next, about what the future may look like with three sparklings soon to be born. Starscream agrees that, if any of them have wings, he'll willingly care for them and be their parent. If they're all grounders, then... he'll of course be civil and be more forgiving about time off for the two of them, but he won't be involved. It's a fair arrangement they can all agree on.

Of course, that all goes out the window when the three of them are born. Starscream himself didn't even realize how excited he was for their birth until Knockout announces the first one is a grounder, and his spark leaps because he doesn't care. He doesn't care if they're a grounder or a flyer, his spark lurches in a joyful way it hasn't done since before Vos fell, and all at once he realizes that he wants to be involved in these bitties' lives whether they're actually his or not. They'll need all the help, all the love they can get, and he wants to be there with them regardless of what frame they are.

Then the next two come out as jets and he's somehow even happier, because this means he'll have someone to teach about the sky and all it's wonders, and it's somehow an even greater happiness. The three of them are beautiful sparklings, each somehow with Knockout's unnaturally pretty, elegant face. The little grounder looks just like his carrier as far as his colors go, mimicking him near perfectly, but his alt mode is achingly different but so familiar. "He's just like Wildrider..." Breakdown murmurs, optics faraway as he remembers his family from so long ago. They name the eldest Wildbreak, at Knockout's insisting that Breakdown being included too. The split spark twins inherit names from the sky, from long dead relatives they'll never meet: Jetfire and Jetstorm. Neither Knockout nor Breakdown has any complaints, so their names are settled on swiftly. With that out of the way their exhausted parents can all settle in on and around the bed, bonding with their newborns and whispering back and forth to each other about just how wonderful their precious sparklings are 💖

[docholligay]

Number one: I want that suit. i've always said grey is the best color for a suit, as it's easy to dress up or down.

Number two: Of course it was much easier to 'pass' back then, because people were not LOOKING. It's easy to conceal something if no one is trying to figure it out. And clearly this is a thing people did, but it wasn't, you know, a thing people did. This was not something people thought about in their day to day lives. Until very recently, the same was largely true here, before all this culture war horseshit started and people in rural Montana became aware that trans was a thing you could be.

Years ago, my buddy came out and his folks passed the whole thing off as some sort of recently-discovered birth defect. They got away with it!!! His wife is a straight woman, and will get offended to be called otherwise, though of course she knows he's trans, she just...doesn't parse that as a secret third thing. He's a man, she only likes men, end of fucking story. She is a rural gal. The world is different when no one is looking.

I get in trouble every time I say this because we are on the terminally online no nuance website, but there is safety in invisibility. Everything is a tradeoff. I am not a visible Jew. Goyim cannot conceive of a redheaded blue eyed Jew despite looking exactly like my great grandmother from the goddamn shtetl. I have a very plain last name. I enjoy MUCH more safety because no one has a reason to look askance at me. I have to visibly out myself as Jewish. And there is the annoyance of walking into any given synagouge and people going, "Oh are you really Jewish", and that DOES annoy me but you know what I do not getting yelled at or sneered at for showing up with dark eyes and a big nose with the last name Hirschenbaum-Cohenowitzman. Life is a tradeoff, and there is a luck to being able to choose your moment. YOu can hate that, and me, all you fuckin want, but it is true.

She is so much safer because no one has any fucking idea that woman can just put on a suit and walk the streets lowering her voice. That does not strike people as a thing to even look for.

[teary-eyed-tiaras]

Cursed idea: Dear starboy Tord is actually TBATF tord's son. He's the child of the one harem anime girl with pink hair and was raised with barely any contact with his father. The reason he's so toxic and casually abuses Tom is because he was raised by an anime girl who doesn't know what consent is. It's also where he gets his uwu soft boi aesthetic from. On the rare occasion Tord talks to Tord Jr. He cries. Tord was already terminally online, but then his son went and became terminally online in the exact opposite way.

[bumble66]

The similarities between closeted right-wingers and Chris Evans

Alternative title: "Dear Mr. future president Evans,"

Recently, I saw how Chris Evans met Joe Biden. For people who don't know. Chris Evans has a political online platform called ASP. This was not the first time he met a famous politican but meeting the president of the United States is something else. It should be clear by now why he does that... Anyway, it reminded me of the gossip I found recently:

As I mentioned in my last big blog post, about Chris' potential boyfriends, I am not really a fan of marvel and didn't know much about him during his time as Captain America. I only got interested after he started the cringeworthy PR relationship in November 2022. In 2018, I was made aware of how many closeted celebrities exist and Mr. Evans being so clumsy with his Portugal bride gave me the perfect opportunity to uncover this Hollywood facade.

As you can see, I have also been asked by a lot of people why I think Chris could be closeted (either gay, bi or a straight guy who doesn't want to commit and just sleeps around). I will answer these questions in relation to today's topics: I. The Portugal PR relationship is mostly done for his future political career (or that was the plan before the backlash) II. The behavior of closeted right-wingers resembles Chris Evans' III. Portugal Bride was not the first PR relationship rumor but why does a rich, attractive and alleged womanizer like Chris need PR relationships all the time? As I always say. Everything on my tumblr is alleged. I merely summarize what people speculate online and give my own opinion on that.

Tim Scott, a failed GOP 2024 candidate and alleged closeted gay man, announced on X that he got engaged to a woman:

As you can see from the screenshot, no one's buying it. It is rumored Tim Scott is doing this because he will be chosen as Trump's vice president. People online claim that Tim Scott being gay has been talked about way before the first "Why doesn't have Tim Scott have a girlfriend" articles:

I heard about Tim Scott being gay and being pressured to have a PR girlfriend around the same time Chris pretended to have gotten married in September and that made me think... I can't find the comment anymore but I remember someone of Chris' fans on the LSA forum suggesting that Chris' "A starting point" political platform isn't just for shits and giggles. Apparently, he wants to go into politics after his acting career. No idea how successful he will be now with that after his latest movie flops and the Portugal relationship having led to lost followers on his social media accounts because it made him appear as a "dollar store Leonardo DiCaprio" but in general..., this idea isn't too far off. Remember the Terminator aka Arnold Schwarzenegger? An action hero became the Governor of California and with Chris Evan's fake Captain America image, pretending online and in interviews to be like Steve Rogers, he could sway a lot of people too!

Remember. The alleged marriage wasn't the first PR relationship of Chris Evans. At least according to his fandom, when they explained how he and Portugal Bride met, he was involved in several other PR relationships before:

According to this person, the relationships with Christina Ricci and Minka Kelly from long ago, were planned by a PR team too and it adds up with a blog post I found years ago about how Minka is allegedly a beard for my back then favorite actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Bearding appears to be a career of its own in Hollywood: https://gaywriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/blind-item-jake-gyllenhaal-is-looking-for-a-new-female-beard-to-present-illusion-of-heterosexuality-to-fans/

So his PR team not only allegedly had several options next to the Portugal Bride (like Monica Barbaro) but they were apparently also responsible for his faked relationship with Lily James? It is rumored that Lily wanted more from this PR arrangement from back in 2020. Possibly real love? The social media site Icons+ reports that "Lily James left Chris Evans to be a millionaire's "other woman"". She basically publicly "cheated" on Chris and many gossip sites reported on it. Did Lily do that as revenge because Chris solely wanted PR and rejected her? Kinda like "if you don't give me real love, I ain't giving you positive PR either". It makes me wonder though. Why would a heterosexual man privately reject a pretty woman like Lily James after wanting to be seen with her in paparazzi photographs after all? Odd.

Yes, Chris' alleged personal Paparazzo with the name Jesal basically admitted that he was called to do the pictures with Lily back in 2020 (Nowadays, he seems to be busy with the Portugal PR relationship as you can see from the screenshot, where he was called for a christmas party Portugal Bride and Chris attended). This reminds me of of another failed 2024 GOP candidate who is rumored to be closeted. There is a medium article regarding Ron DeSantis called "Is the GOP gossiping that Ron DeSantis is gay?", how most if not all of the GOP party know about his alleged homosexualty:

As you can see, not just his own party but the general public thinks so too. In fact, they speak about Ron DeSantis' being closeted the same way some people speak about Chris being allegedly closeted:

The replies to this dailymail article about Chris' and Portugal Bride's relationship-reveal, demonstrate that people think that both Chris and Ron overplay the alpha male macho tough guy image, solely to cover their true sexual orientation.

But PR relationships can also have another function. As I pointed out on my blog before: There are many heterosexual men I know who just wanted to sleep around but because of societal pressure, they pretend to be monogamous. The latest political example of that seems to be Gavin Newsom who has been in the news for being an alleged serial cheater. He was already caught cheating back in 2007. On X I found this summary of his latest shenanigans: (TRIGGER WARNING: mention of SA)

Why do I mention Ron DeSantis and Gavin Newsom in relation to Chris Evans? Because they all have one thing in common. A fake stable married man image. Look at the header picture of DeSantis and Newsom on X. Newsom holding his son in his harm. A few weeks ago, DeSantis had a header picture of holding his children's hands and the latest picture, you can see right now, also shows his wife and kids again to portray the family man image while allegedly being someone completely different (a closet case = Ron, a cheater= Gavin). Sorry not sorry but when I saw those header images combined with the rumors I knew about those two guys, I immediately though that Chris is not so different. He also calls the paparazzi, so he can be portrayed for the public as a guy who has a stable relationship and doesn't randomly sleep around in all kids of places.

As someone pointed out on the Lipstick Alley thread called "Chris Evans Relationship Theories 5", he used to go to parties similar to the ones seen in the movie "Eyes Wide Shut" but these rumors were allegedly scrapped by his team when he became Captain America. Why did they worry so much about this specific gossip? Was it true after all? Apparently this goes back as far as 2006:

I have no problems with that because I am pro sexual liberation. I actually point this out so we can normalize this and let people be who they really are, so that they don't have to do these fake relationships anymore.

I mean, remember the screenshot from my "Chris Evans possible boyfriends" post? The user ShellyT20... how she described that a lot of PR relationships in Hollywood exist because the male actors either sleep with each other, have p-word scandals and/or are serial cheaters "but post fake romance stuff on IG and other public platforms. It gives a fake sense of normalcy and stability and shuts fans up for the most part as well as acting as a distraction." When I read this I got reminded of the public "beyond the blinds podcast" episode you can listen to on spotify. The one about the Hemsworth brothers. There it was alleged that Chris Hemsworth is constantly cheating. I wasn't surprised. He isn't my type but I can't deny that he is what most consider super attractive + tall + rich = in no way is this guy monogamous as a famous hollywood actor (LMAO the audactiy to even thinkt hat)... Sadly, when I confront some people with that... for instance Evans fans on LSA or X, most roll their eyes and don't believe that.... They were like: "How can a guy like C. Hemsworth, who posts social media posts about loving being a father and being married for over a decade possibly be such a bad guy"... ... ... ... ... Well and this the reason why Hollywood still fools you with PR relationships because most of you are gullible. You want to see men married with children and as long as the women are age appropriate, you eat it up. And all this goes even beyond these Hollywood celebrities and politicians the general public is aware of. Apparently, even e-celebs are in PR relationships/fake image relationships these days. The youtuber TheQuartering, who said he was partying with right-wing e-celebs said this about them last year: (TRIGGER WARNING: transphobic slur)

Just like how Chris Evan's fans are disappointed that he wasn't the internet boyfriend after all (his fake image for the 2010s) and started to date random young women like Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper, TheQuartering was disappointed too with his right-wing colleagues, who pretended to be committed husbands with children while actually being a closeted pride parade. The right-wing commentarors TheQuartering talks about are: Elijah Schaffer, Jack Posobiec and Mike Cernovich. When I found that out I was shocked. I was like "So even these e-celebs are basically "their own Hollywood club" and need PR relationships to function publicly". It really shows how deep gender roles are still ingrained in our society. That even internet-famous people have to have a family man image and portray themselves in a certain way to become "e-celeb-A-list". And if they don't, they will be denied that status.

I know it hurts that your favorite A-list stars are also wife cheaters and that their activism is most likely fake only so that they can continue participating in Hollywood orgies (Which apparently already happen on the e-celeb level). But at one point it had to come out and isn't it better to accept reality than to participate in and support these fake scenarios only to feel better about the world? Cause it is not just TheQuartering who exposed the fake image of the right-wing online community. Blaire White, a right-winger herself, pointed out the same. As people say, where there is smoke, there is fire:

In this video at 55:35 regarding Blaze Media, Blaire White spills tea about closeted e-celebs. It also includes orgies and drugs... like with our favorite super hero (allegedly).

(Blaire is not the only one who knows about the orgy parties)

Lastly, one of the most famous right-wing e-celebs is Steven Crowder. On his channel he had a video where he once admitted that he had a bisexual phase... a phase..

And according to his own logic that means:

He also went so far and basically created beard twins. I remember clearly the video where he announced the pregnancy of his wife. He held up a picture into the camera from an ultrasound. It was like "See, I am hetero after all. Are you happy now?". That's at least my opinion on how the video looked like and it adds up with what peole usually say about him:

Honestly, if someone had told me that this text is about Chris Evans, I'd have believed it and so now we have come full circle. While I only know about Chris Evan's since the pandemic (As I said, I don't watch super hero movies), I am still disappointed. In some interviews, he appeared so adorable, awkward and different from other men in Hollywood (like when he was interviewed about his "Lightyear movie announcement" tweet on Jimmy Kimmel). But in the end he is no better than the closeted republicans. Portraying a conservative image of marriage while behind closed doors it is worse than a sitcom trying to convince you that canned laughter makes everything funnier.

(picture: Is this the awkwardness people talk about? Adorable...)

Yes, there have always been rumors that his real personality is being "weird and awkward" and that he is not just acting in movies but also in most interviews. It goes so far that someone claimed he had been rejected on a date and that's why some people assume it is actually him who initiated the Portugal PR relationship and basically paid for it because he can't get someone himself through normal means. Are some people punished with their good looks?

IMO just like with the married right-wing e-celebs who do orgies all the time, it is also a bad idea of Chris wanting to become a father (at least according to his "sexiest man alive" PR narrative from 2022 which seems to be in the trash can now too).

But let's assume his PR team has that still on their minds: Not only would it be solely for his image (which would make this situation PR either way, even if the marriage were real) but according to all his alleged wild ways, he is also unfit to parent, it would be a disaster actually. Controversial commentator Pearl Davis described it very well. How some people just shouldn't be parents:

I agree with Vale. She would just be in it for the image of being a married woman and in our case... a married, monogamous, non-cheating family man. A user on LSA said that when you switch out "fake nails" with "fake teeth" in Pearl Davis' message, you will have the pefect description of Chris Evans:

(Chris Evans being interviewed at the Lightyear premiere resembling Barry Manilow with too much botox) Sorry but after seeing this picture, I have to agree with her. I love his clothing style but a bi-peacock who is more interested in vanity and fake status will never be a good role model for children. As the saying goes: "You can't have it both ways"

I know this is all a tough pill to swallow but c'mon people. This is the year 2024 and at one point this fakeness just needs to stop. Celebrities, politicians and even social meda e-celebs... you are being fooled. And according to Hollywood insider and daughter of famous TV personality John Walsh, a lot of times, one partner of the arrangement is suffering. Is this really what you support? I don't and that's why I uncover all these PR relationships of the entertainment world because as a true progressive, I don't think that people should be judged based on outdated gender expectations like marriage and monogamy.

The closet kills... your real personality. I mean honestly, what do you gain from being remembered after your death as someone you never were? As Joan Rivers jokes at 0:43 in a short clip from 1966. This so called bearding has been going on forever. I don't think we need a 100th anniversary of this shameful practice. So please help me to expose this so that in the future, celebrities can become famous for truly being themselves.

[mariacallous]

Today, independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced his withdrawal from the presidential race.

“I am not terminating my campaign, I am simply suspending it, not ending it,” said Kennedy. “My name will remain on the ballot in most states.”

But Kennedy said that after “deep prayer,” he had decided to throw his support behind former president Donald Trump and would be joining his campaign. He said his fervent concern about chronic disease, and Trump’s promises to address these issues if elected, ultimately shaped his decision.

“I only have maybe 10 more years to be effective,” Kennedy said. “If President Trump is elected and honors his word, the vast burden of chronic disease that burdens and bankrupts the country will disappear.”

Before endorsing Trump, Kennedy noted that he could still win in a contingent election, but that he would remove his name from the ballot in the 10 states where his candidacy could act as a spoiler. “If you live in a blue state you can vote for me,” he said. “I encourage you to vote for me."

Kennedy also used his speech to accuse the Democratic National Committee (DNC) of waging legal warfare against himself and former president Donald Trump, comparing Biden and the organization to Vladimir Putin’s Russia. He took aim at Harris for not doing unscripted interviews with the press, while he and Trump have.

"Are we still a role model for democracy in this country, or have we made it kind of a joke?" he asked. Kennedy noted that he was compelled to leave the race when it became clear that he would “hand the election to the Democratic Party.”

Indications that Kennedy and Trump were inching toward a political alliance has been building for months. In July, Kennedy traveled to the Republican National Convention, where a video of Trump and Kennedy appearing to discuss a possible endorsement surfaced. Trump campaign donor Timothy Mellon also supported the Kennedy campaign with $25 million. Earlier this week, Kennedy’s running mate, Nicole Shanahan, suggested in a podcast appearance that he might drop out and endorse the former president.

In a Thursday post on X, Shanahan said that Democrats are “terrified of the idea of our movement joining forces with Donald Trump.”

“MAGA Republicans elevated RFK Jr.’s sham candidacy as a tool to mislead voters and hurt Democrats, and RFK Jr.’s exit is an admission their gambit failed,” DNC spokesperson Ramsey Reid said in a statement.

The Kennedy campaign did not respond to a request for comment.

Kennedy launched his campaign as a Democrat in April 2023 and then as an independent in October 2023, and appeared to be a potential spoiler candidate who could meaningfully impact the results of the election. Throughout his campaign, Kennedy appeared to have mastered the art of taking up whatever digital space was offered to him. He appeared on podcasts and in TikTok Lives, and courted crypto donors. When he was not offered a place on the debate stage alongside Trump and President Joe Biden, Kennedy hosted a parallel debate, streamed online and on X, viewed by over 9 million people.

A scion of the famous Kennedy family, Kennedy rose to prominence as an environmental lawyer and anti-vaccine activist. In 2014, he joined the board of Children’s Health Defense (CHD), a nonprofit that falsely asserts that conditions like ADHD, autism, and cancer are caused by exposure to radiation and harmful chemicals, and in particular focuses on disproved claims about the links between vaccination and conditions like autism.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, Kennedy’s profile rose substantially as he became a noted anti-vaccine activist. In 2021, the Center for Countering Digital Hate named Kennedy as one of the “disinformation dozen,” a group of 12 people that it found were responsible for 65 percent of the anti-vaccine content on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Meta banned Kennedy from Instagram in 2021 for spreading vaccine misinformation, but not before seeing his following on the platform jump from 121,000 to 750,000 in 2020. CHD was banned from Facebook and Instagram in 2022. Kennedy’s account was eventually reinstated in 2023, when he announced his presidential campaign.

“I started thinking, well, the one place that they couldn’t censor me was if I was running for president,” Kennedy told The New Yorker in an interview earlier this month.

Though Kennedy tried to distance himself from the anti-vax movement after declaring his presidential bid, he continued to surround himself with anti-vax advisers and styled himself as a “truth teller,” citing his ban from Instagram as evidence that he was willing to challenge big government and big corporations. On Thursday, the campaign released a video on YouTube where Kennedy “explains his stance” on vaccines. In the video, Kennedy reads out the many side effects of the hepatitis B vaccine, and cites a New York Times article about people who say they’ve experienced negative reactions to the Covid-19 vaccine. In the video, he alleges that Biden violated the Nuremberg Code by imposing consequences for those who did not get the Covid-19 vaccine (he didn’t).

He has also filed lawsuits against Meta, Google, and Yahoo, alleging censorship. Representatives for Meta did not respond to questions about whether the company would allow Kennedy’s Instagram account to remain active once he leaves the presidential race.

During his speech, Kennedy also accused traditional and social media companies of censoring him by denying him interviews and removing his content from platforms. “Even today, people who try to post my videos on social media are told they are violating community standards,” Kennedy said in the press conference.

Kennedy faced hurdles getting onto the ballot in several states, and earlier this month, reports began to surface that his campaign was running out of cash. Advertising data from X, on which the campaign consistently spent money, showed a drop-off in ad purchases at the end of July. Meta’s ad library shows that the campaign continued to buy ads until the day before the DNC.

[free-for-all-fics]

So… while working on IWTV prompts, the s3 teaser made me feral. So with the help of my bestie, @une-lueur-dans-la-nuit we wrote this prompt that ended up being so much fun for us that it became almost like a miniseries! There will be 2 parts after this! Special thanks to her for providing the French! Pls tag me if you’re inspired by any of this and I’d love to read it! 🎸❤️🩸

“No, that's how billionaire vampires do it. How does your average Jo Mo vampire keep people like you in line? Unspoken threats?”

“The threat is always there. He could kill us both now. But he doesn't. They are peaceful beings.”

“They drain and disappear us.”

“They have a biological imperative that is in conflict with human morality. But what is that morality other than rules agreed upon?”

“Thank you, Rashid. A romantic answer to your question. The average vampire has minimal contact with humanity. When exposed, they feed or run or kill themselves. And I'd say we're multi-millionaires. Not quite a billion.”

“How do you hide from the Cloud?”

“Your cell phones make you slaves to your fetishes and data retrieval is primarily about profits, so I suspect no one at Amazon is trying to sell us blenders.”

“You kill, nightly.”

“And sometimes you've watched that kill on the local news. You've never been easier to distract. You're at the height of willful ignorance. We exploit it. This is, was… Lestat's prophetic vision.”

“Lestat de Lioncourt?”

“Yes.”

“I really gotta meet this guy […] To hear Louis tell it... Lestat becoming a vampire was a horror show.”

“That may be. But he made a remarkable recovery shortly thereafter. How else could you explain his hand feeding the audience? How words came out like canaries, summer fruit in the dead of winter. They were all in love with him. He had that effect on everyone. He...”

“Was a natural?”

“Entirely unnatural. Using the Dark Gift for what? His vanity? It was heresy.”

~

Part 1: Orientation

It’s modern day. Ever since you and your older brother, Lestat, became famous rockstars while performing as The Vampire Lestat, formerly Satan’s Night Out, you’ve both been very active on socials. You’ve been around since the 18th century and it’s amazing what modern technology is capable of! You used to have to wait weeks or months for a reply to a letter or telegram, or sit or stand still for hours to have your portraits painted, but now messaging is instant and you can share photos and thoughts with people all over the world. You and Lestat are almost internet addicts with how often you post and interact online. If you’re not performing, rehearsing, writing music, or doing interviews, press junkets, or promo shoots, you’re tapping away on your phones or laptops, always posting. You’ve quickly risen in the ranks of social media influencers and have been trending for months. Together you and Lestat maintain a popular vlog on both Instagram and YouTube where you frequently post all kinds of videos ranging from Get Ready With Me, Ask Me Anything, or just daily life vlogs.

You’re currently on tour, but are in need of some new hires since your and Lestat’s last personal assistants unexpectedly…quit…or were…terminated. They weren’t up to the bar of meeting your and Lestat’s expectations and standards. Since Lestat has far less patience than you and can’t be bothered, he’s left it up to you to interview and screen potential candidates for the Personal Assistant position. Usually he’d have a say and you’d have to come to a mutual agreement before hiring anyone new, but he’s sat through this process multiple times and trusts you to single-handedly make this decision by now. That, and he just wants to dump the work, problems, and responsibilities he doesn’t want to deal with onto somebody else as quickly as possible. So the sooner you find someone, the better.

“Next!”

“Good evening, Miss Lioncourt. My name is Juliette—”

“Well, yes. We’ll get to all that. Sit down. Don’t just stand there, lurking in the doorway and making the place look untidy. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I think I could do a good job as your and your brother’s assistant.”

You read her mind. “You don’t listen to The Vampire Lestat?”

“Uh, no.”

“And before today, you had never heard of me nor my brother.”

“No.”

“And you have no style or sense of fashion.”

“Well, um, I think that depends on what you’re—”

“No, no. That wasn’t a question. A shame you were late.”

“I'm not late, though? I’m fifteen minutes early.”

“What do you mean fifteen minutes early? Did no one ever tell you fifteen minutes early is the new late? Have you had any experience before in this kind of position?”

“I already sent in my CV. All my information should be there.”

“You sent your CV through? You know, I don’t really remember you. Let me have a look. You look very different from your CV. Mmm. Well, your skills and experience are…adequate, I would say. But first thing you should know is that this job is not for the faint of heart. Lestat is incredibly fussy with his PAs. More so than I am. During our time on tour, we have had over sixty PAs come through our doors and, for one reason or another, Lestat or I just…didn’t get on with them. And no one really has ever been as good as… Well, you don’t need to know their name as it’s irrelevant, but Lestat had a favorite Personal Assistant a long, long time ago, and he hasn’t quite gotten over their leaving. Ah, Lestat est si nostalgique (Ah, Lestat is so nostalgic). They were his very most favorite assistant, so you have some mighty big shoes to fill. I hope you know that. Mhm. Well, it doesn’t really matter how well you do your job or how efficient you are. If Lestat or I don’t like you, you’re out. If you disappoint Lestat or I, you’re out. And if me telling you this makes you think I’m high maintenance or a piece of work, you won’t be able to survive in this position.”

Juliette has a feeling your use of the word ‘survive’ in this context isn’t just a figure of speech. She swallows down her nerves.

“I am the patron saint of mercy and patience compared to my brother, so if you have any doubts about your abilities, there’s the door. Otherwise…bonne chance.” (Good luck.)

“I’ll try my best-”

“Now, our concert tonight isn’t for another two hours or so, so we have a little bit of time to go over everything. Apart from us, you’d be working closely with Christine as well, so let me get this straight with you off the bat. You and Christine would have totally different jobs. She’s our lawyer and is in charge of Lestat and I’s schedule, our appointments, and our finances. She gets to go with us to Paris for Fashion Week in the fall, she gets to go to all the shows, meet all the designers, go to all the parties, it’s divine. Christine is also a vampire like us, so don’t think you can do what she can do because, trust me, you can’t. You, as a human, on the other hand, well…you get ‘coffee’ and run errands. ‘Coffee’ is code for blood, in case you hadn’t figured that out. Now, also remember you must pick up our band mates’ and guests’ coffee orders as well. Our guests could be designers, clients, musicians, models, photographers…. Anybody from the fashion, musical, or vampire world, and you are expected to learn everyone’s ‘coffee’ order. Remember, for vampires, ‘coffee’ is blood, and for humans like our band mates, it’s, well…regular coffee. Starbucks, Caribou, Dunkin’ Donuts, wherever you prefer. Now, this does change from time to time, I will admit. For instance, Zakk Wylde used to take his coffee black but now he’s um, not even drinking caffeine anymore, so you’ll just have to keep up-to-date with all our guests and their companions or assistants will tell you what they prefer that given day. We have an internal system of all the orders of the ‘coffees’ and the beverages that everybody drinks so you’re expected to learn that. Now, our internal system has everything, everything that you could possibly ever want to know. ‘Coffee’ orders, all our social media accounts, all our files, all of our system data, so I’ll get you set up on that now.”

You type away at the computer, pulling up the appropriate screen.

“So can I just take your full name? This’ll become part of your username. Okay. And what password would you like? You can change this, obviously. And your date of birth.”

When Juliette tells you her DOB, you do a double take. “Mon Dieu (my god), you look older. Okay. And your social media handles. Your Instagram first. Facebook? And Twitter? Any other social media accounts? Okay. Let’s see.” You click the ‘save new user’ and ‘apply new changes’ buttons. “All right, done. Can I take your number and then this will get pinged over to your phone? Okay. Should be through now.”

Juliette’s phone pings with a new email.

“Got it? Perfect. So those are your login details.”

“Thank you, I might have some qu—”

���Now, Lestat’s and I’s ‘coffee’ orders are incredibly important. We expect our ‘coffee’ to be on our desks precisely when we wake up in the evening. If the ‘coffee’ is late or if it doesn’t arrive for any reason, Lestat and I - especially Lestat - get very upset. One assistant actually missed our ‘coffee’ order because of some, I don’t know, bus crash downtown or something like that, some lame excuse, and…well, we drank him instead. Drained him dry. We don’t often share since most humans faint from just one of us feeding on them. Sharing a human and drinking as much as needed to feel full and satiated before the heart stops would mean certain death for them. With cell phones and social media, it’s getting harder and harder these days to make a human disappear. But it’s not impossible. Now, don’t look so scared! You won’t have to do this every night. Sometimes Lestat and I prefer to hunt for ourselves like in the old days for nostalgia’s sake. You’ll be notified in advance if we decide to hunt ourselves. But if not, it’s up to you to keep us fed, and Lestat and I tend to be very picky eaters. A fresh young girl, that is his favorite food. But the triumphant kill for a sadist like Lestat is always a young man. Young men appeal to him in particular. They represent the greatest loss to Lestat, because they stood on the threshold of the maximum possibility of life. For me, I don’t mind a young woman while she’s on her monthly cycle. It reminds me of who I used to be and what I once had. But I prefer…what do you call them in English? Ah, yes. DILFs or MILFs. Men or women who seem to be doing well in life. They have more ‘taste’, like aged wine. Lestat likes to take away young men from all their possibilities, while I like to take what I’ll never have as well: A menstrual cycle, a pregnancy, Getting old, settling down…”

“Did you and Lestat…feed on pregnant women and children?” Juliette asks hesitantly, as if afraid the question might be offensive to you.

“We used to. Not anymore though. We’d feed on infants too if blood was scarce and we were especially desperate. They were so small, there wasn’t much blood in their bodies to drink before their tiny hearts stopped. It may seem especially heinous, but in the 18th century when we became vampires, medicine wasn’t what it is now and the mortality rates in women and children were already very high even before the Revolution. People would notice if too many men died or disappeared as they held the most power and societal influence, but nobody would bat an eye if it was a woman or a child. They’d write it off as another stillborn or another unfortunate victim who succumbed to a tragic and fatal accident or whatever disease was most prevalent at the time. We were beggars and couldn’t afford to be choosers in those days. But now, like I said, we are much more particular. We don’t feed on animal blood and we don’t like cold blood from blood bags. Even if it’s been heated up in the microwave and poured in a glass, it’s not the same as when it’s warm and flowing directly from a still-beating heart. We’ll only feed on blood bags or animal blood if we absolutely have to - for example, if we’re seriously wounded from sun exposure or major loss of blood. If we cannot consume high-quality blood, we might as well drink blood from Florida. That being said, I am sure there is still decent blood to drink in Florida. But I would bring a test kit anyway. But if you value your job and your life, you’ll find us each a human volunteer to feed from, preferably ones that match our specifications.”

“And where—”

“Yes, our ‘vampire victim’ preferences and sleep and feeding schedule will be noted on the internal system so pay very close attention to it. Use Tinder or other dating apps to find matches, if you must. We don’t care what you have to do to make it happen, you’ll get us our goddamn blood. And then, once we’re done, we’ll have a car waiting for our human volunteers so they can be taken home to sleep it off. The vampire’s kiss can be like an opiate, but their blood sugar tends to drop and they get very woozy afterwards. We’ve been doing really well so far. Our kill percentage has been decreasing lately with only one or two upward spikes here and there. We’d like to keep that going.”

“That’s quite a reli—”

“You are also expected to update our social media. Every. Single. Day. The social media schedule is on the internal system and you must adhere to it. Like biblical. Lestat and I are in charge of and personally manage our personal social media accounts, so you won’t have to worry about those, but you will be in charge of managing our business accounts, including our official page for our band. And we get very upset when our assistants don’t post to social media or they forget to post to social media or it’s not right. And you cannot just upload anything just willy-nilly. Lestat and I approve every social media post, so if it hasn’t been approved by either Lestat or I, then don’t upload it. Now, when we go to Paris in the fall for Fashion Week, you’re expected to double the amount of social media posts that you will already post as a minimum.”

“But the time difference…”

“What do you mean about time differences? Well, you’re not expected to sleep whilst Fashion Week is on. Qui dort pendant la Fashion Week, franchement? (Who sleeps during Fashion Week, seriously?) You’ll have to figure it out. Our photographers will be sending you the pictures that they take from all the shows and all the couture and all of that and you’re expected, once Lestat or I have approved them, to be uploading and retweeting and regraming around the clock. You’re also expected to filter out any derogatory comments or any sort of foul language that is on the social media pages. Yes, it’s pretty intense. What, you don’t think you’ll be able to do it? You’re also expected to take pictures that represent us on a daily basis and put those up on the Cloud for Lestat and I’s approval before posting.”

“Will I be provided a camera for this?”

“Yes, you’ll be given a camera that’s state of the art, top of the range that you’ll be expected to use. As I’m sure you know, Lestat and I also have our own fashion magazine - Veins & Vanity. Yup. It’s a bestseller. Even more popular than Daniel Molloy’s trashy novel about us.”

“Who’s Daniel Molloy?”

“What do you mean? You don’t know who Daniel Molloy is? Have you been living under a rock? Pas très maline, celle-là. (Not very smart, this one.) I don’t have time to explain it right now, but— As the new personal assistant, you’ll eventually be in charge of dropping off the book each night to our apartment. But Lestat and I are very private and we don’t like strangers in our house, so until we both decide you’re not a total psycho, Christine gets the lovely task of waiting around for the book. Let me show you an example.” You flip through a thick, spiral-bound book. “This is the book for this month. As you can see, it’s a mock-up of the newest edition of our magazine. This is usually assembled at 10 or 10:30 in the evening and you must wait around for it until then. A car will take you straight to our house and you let yourself in and you do not talk to anyone. Do not look at anyone. This is of the utmost importance. You must be invisible. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“So you open the door and you walk across the way, you hang our dry cleaning in our closets across from the staircase and you leave the book on the table with flowers. Do NOT go upstairs for any reason. That is the coffin room where Lestat and I sleep and it’s strictly prohibited to humans. We do not like our sleep to be disturbed. We are very light sleepers so if you try, we will hear your footsteps squeaking on the hardwood floors before you even make it halfway up the stairs. And when we’re tired, we’re not so kind. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You will quietly leave in the same car you arrive in. Then, in the morning, it will come back to you and be left on a desk - usually it’s Christine’s desk - and Lestat and I will leave notes, which are in blue and red sticky notes here. You will then drop it off at the Art Department where they can systematically go through Lestat’s and I’s notes and make changes. So, that is the book.”

You pause as realization dawns on you that Juliette has just been sitting there, listening to you but not typing or writing anything that you’ve said down.

“…Have you not been taking notes?” You rub your temples. “Oh my god, have I just been talking to myself this entire time?” You hold your hand up, stopping Juliette from attempting to explain herself. “No, don’t. I don’t care how good your memory is. Just…just…” You clench and unclench your fists in frustration, your nails digging into your palms.

Your cell phone rings.

“Look, let me take this phone call, you make notes, and…” You pick up the phone. “Y/N Lioncourt. Yes, hello, Christine. No. No, the Molloy interview is next week. …What time? Yes. I will let everybody know. Yes. Yes. Yes, take care, Christine. Salut, salut, salut.”

You hang up the phone.

“Okay. Something major has just happened. The Molloy interview, which was meant to be next week, has been moved to tonight at 2:30 after the concert. So people are panicking and my cell phone is going to be ringing off the hook. Les humains sont toujours si stressés.” (Humans are always so stressed out.)

You go into your recent calls and redial Christine’s number with a tap of your finger.

“Yes, Christine, me again. What time is the editor coming in? So we’ve got a little bit of time before the documentary crew arrives. Yes. Yes. Have you let Sophie know? Yes. And…yes. What about our jackets though? Lestat expressed he wanted to wear the chartreuse with the ostrich feathers… Oh, they’ve been dropped. Okay. That’s fine, I’ll make a note of that. Okay.”

You hang up but it isn’t even two minutes before your phone rings again.

“Y/N Lioncourt. Yes. I know, I know. Yes. Tonight 2:30. Yes. Yes. Can you remember to bring those belts as well? All right. Thank you.”

You hang up and focus your attention back on Juliette.

“Like I say, people are panicking. Now, you’re expected to note down everything that Lestat or I do and don’t like. Now, Lestat, if he likes it, he’ll nod his head once. If he nods twice, he really, really likes it. And if he shakes his head, he doesn’t like it, and if he purses his lips…disaster. I think there was only two records of a smile. And that was for Louis Vuitton way back in 1858 and Yves Saint Laurent in 1966. So you’ve got everything now? Well, there’s no time to explain anymore, this Molloy interview business is really…”

Your phone buzzes repeatedly, something that only happens if given an emergency call or alert.

“getting…out of hand… This isn’t good. Y/N Lioncourt. You’re joking. How long? Yes. I’ll let everyone know. Merde!”

Your fingers rapidly type a quick message to send out in a group text before you dial a number.

“This is not good. This is not good. Mia, it’s me. Lestat is coming in twenty minutes! Yes, I know he’s early! Can you let Sophie and the team know? Well, I can’t do it because I’m babysitting this new PA. Please, Mia. I’ll let you have my Prada bag. Thank you, Mia. Yes, salut.”

You hang up again and nearly jump out of your skin when you glance over and see Juliette still sitting in front of your desk.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot you were still here! That’s crazy. Yeah, sorry, babes. My peripheral vision is kind of selective. Like if my eyes get the vibe something is boring they just won’t tell my brain about it, you know what I mean? Yeah, that’s why I failed my driver’s test eight times. At a four way stop if the other drivers seem ugly, they’re basically invisible to me. All right. Lestat is coming in early, and he’s going to be here in twenty minutes, which means we need to get you ready because I can’t possibly let you in to see Lestat looking like that. Did you even look at yourself before you got dressed this morning? I don’t understand why you look like you rolled out of bed or something. Like you just said, ‘oh my god, I’m late, let me just go to work.’ Look, you can always be two minutes late in life. Nobody’s gonna tell you nothing if you’re two minutes late. You could put on a nicer top. It doesn’t take five years to find a nicer top and get out of your pajamas. I don’t know. Maybe it’s something like your culture. I’ve seen a lot of people on the streets just walking around in pajamas, going into the store to get something. So maybe it’s a cultural thing. Maybe the less attractive you look, the better your chance to find a mate or something? I don’t understand this dynamic, but I’m learning. Don’t worry, don’t worry. Calm, calm, calm. Les humains, vraiment tous pareils. (Humans, really all the same.) I’ll fix this. Right. What size are you?”

“Six.”

“Well, that will have to change if you want to continue working here. Four is the new six, you know. All right. I’ll see what I have available but… I can’t promise anything. What size shoe are you?” You get up from your desk and pace around before going into another room.

Juliette can hear you mumbling to yourself, “Everything is just everywhere! Danielle, have you got those, um, Prada pumps?” before you come back shortly with a pair of heels in your hand and a dress draped over your arm. “All right. This is all I could find in your size unfortunately. So I got you some nice heels here. They’re beige. They’re last season, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? Heels are a must. I don’t want to catch you in loafers or, god forbid, sneakers. So heels must be worn at all times.”

You lift a backpack and hold it up precariously by pinching your thumb and index finger together on the top loop, as if you don’t want to touch it at all. You look at Juliette. “What is this? Is this your bag? Oof. It’s hideous. Elle n’a donc vraiment aucun goût! (So she really doesn’t have any good taste!) Don’t let Lestat see you with that. Absolutely hideous. And I got you this Gucci dress. And…well, that’s all I could find for you.” You hand her the heels and dress. “Now, look, go and get changed.”

“Here?”

“Well, yes, here! We don’t have time for you to go wandering around the building.”

“But the walls are glass! Anyone could walk by and see me in my underwear!”

“Well, it doesn’t matter! We’ve had so many naked women and men in this office, more than an adult film sometimes. Now, come on, get on with it, I don't have time for this!”

Your phone rings again.

“Y/N Lioncourt. Yes, he’s coming in twenty minutes. Well, probably less than that now. Yes. You’ll need to send somebody out for ‘coffee’. Well, yes. This new PA is just a nightmare. You can get Jack to go? Yes, that’ll be great.”

You hang up again. You turn back to look at Juliette, now dressed in what you gave her.

“Are you done? Let me have a look. Well, that doesn’t go like that and let me just pull that down for you there. Seriously, do you even know how to dress yourself? That will do. It’s a little bit tight but…what about shoes? Good? All right. Let me have a look at your hair. Oh. We don’t have time for this. We really, really don’t. It looks like you’ve just stepped off the subway.”

“Well, yeah…”

“Why on earth did you take the subway? You can get a cab. Elle doit être tellement pauvre pour prendre le métro. (She has to be so poor if she is taking the subway.) Don’t worry. Let me just look at you. So, yeah, first priority is gonna be how you smell because I’m going to have to experience that the entire time I’m working on you and currently these are inhumane working conditions.”

“Do I really smell that bad?”

“Yeah, you smell like a gymnasium. Don’t worry, babes, we’ll take care of that. We’re gonna douse you in Cloud, everyone loves it. Yeah, it’s a universal favorite. It will make you smell like you’ve been in a bubble bath your entire life up until this very moment. I got enough Cloud to make a crowd scatter.” You spritz the perfume all around Juliette.

“Ouch!” She blinks and rubs at her eyes.

“I got it in your eyes? Close them. Oh my god, so much better already. Next up is your hair. Oh my gosh, I love your hair! Um, is it okay if I touch it?”

“Sure?”

“Cool, thanks. It’s so pretty. It’s so soft. It’s gorgeous. I like this color for you. It’s very nice, very good.”

“Thank—”

“But…uh…” You rub her hair between your pointer finger, middle finger, and thumb. “Oh, it’s very dry. Oh my god, it’s very dry! It’s not healthy at all! Can I tell you that? It’s not at all healthy. Do you use any product on it? Do you use anything to help it? Like some kind of oils or cream? Something?”

“Not really?”

“So like…what kind of products do you use on your hair usually?”

“Pantene.”

“Pantene? Babe, you might as well be using Nair. What the hell? It’s very straight. You must use a straightener like every day. Yeah. And yet it’s so frizzy somehow. I hate frizzy hair and yours is kind of hay-like. C’est comme de la paille. (It’s like straw.) Like a frail piece of straw that’ll break from a gust of wind. It’s not good. How many times do you try to straighten your hair? Okay, I’m just asking because the more I touch it the worse it gets. Look at it, it’s so thin. It’s so thin. I feel like if I touch it too much, it’s going to snap. It’s going to snap.” You curl a strand that falls out around your pointer fingers and pull. “It makes a sound too! It sounds like plastic. Look at that! It’s plastic.” You let it fall away and shake off your fingers. “It’s quite disgusting in my opinion. No offense.”

“But you just said—”

“I know what I said. I thought I liked it, but it doesn’t look very good up close. It’s like one of those abstract paintings. From afar, it makes sense and I can see the picture, but when I come close to it, it’s like…why don’t I understand where the paint strokes are going? I don’t understand this. What is happening here? Like from afar, it looks very nice, you look very good, very put together. But then when I come close, your hair looks like trash. And when I touch the texture of your hair, it feels like it will break. Lestat and I have curly hair too, so no hate towards curly hair, but this is…interesting. I don’t know…”

“Do you use anything on your hair to get it so curly?”

“No, ours is natural. Yeah. In our family a lot of us had blonde and/or curly hair and we didn’t dye it or perm it or use heat on it. Yeah, if you watch him closely, you’ll notice Lestat’s hair is like bleachy blond. It’s so light that sometimes it appears white under fluorescent lights. He takes after our mother, Gabrielle. Lestat and I’s hair is all natural and we don’t have to use anything on it. It just dries curly. That’s why it’s so healthy. Oui, nous avons de la chance. (Yes, we are so lucky.) That’s why Lestat’s grew past his shoulders and mine grew nearly to my butt by the time we were changed. We cut it and it just grows back the same way. Yeah. That’s why we have a lot of it. Lestat and I actually did each other’s hair today. Yeah, he did my hair for me so it’s like perfect today and I just don’t want anyone to touch it. But yours is like…very thin. So thin. And the amount of frizz and hair damage you have is ridiculous, even though you definitely don’t dye it or style it or anything whatsoever. So how you managed to get it looking this bad…honestly, an enigma. It’s really disturbing actually. Have you ever thought about dying it? Yeah, ‘cause the closer I look at the color of your hair, it’s very…off. Yeah, the… What do you call this color? Strawberry blonde?”

“Yes, it’s—”

“The strawberry blonde moment is just not doing it for you. I don’t like it. Again I use the analogy of the painting because, from afar, it looks good, but, up close, it looks like ramen noodles. I don’t know how to explain it. Do you know what I mean? Non, elle ne doit pas comprendre. (No, she can’t understand.) Like ramen noodles in the box and you put it in the hot water. And it’s yellow and hard. That’s what…yeah. I don’t know. I just think of you as more of a soft caramel color. Especially a little bit lighter at the ends I think would look really good later down the road. Well, for now, I think you have to just cut it all off. Just go short and start over. I feel like a lot of split ends are here. Yeah, you have a lot of split ends, oh my god. You’re full of them. Just take it all off and stop using heat on it. Just stop it all. Don’t do anything anymore to it. Just don’t touch it. Don’t touch it anymore. Do you ever go to a hairdresser to cut your hair?”

“Of c-”

“You know what? I’m gonna hook you up with my stylist, Celeste. Yeah, she’s amazing with hair. She does mine and Lestat’s and she’s just amazing. I think you’re gonna love it. I think just a little bit of layering because you’re very much all one length here. Yeah, that was like so…2005. Yeah, you gotta change it up a little. Put some layers in and I think it’s gonna look really good. Some nice face framing layers and, like I said, a nice caramel color. Like a chocolate at the top and, as it goes down, it gets lighter and lighter. We’ll go to Celeste and you don’t talk to her. Let me talk and I’ll tell her what to do because this is, in my opinion, unacceptable. I don’t understand why you wanna keep it this way. Elle est donc aveugle. (So she is blind.) Do you like it like that? Do you like it looking frizzy and breaking? Because if you like it like that, you just keep it, you know I don’t care. It’s really none of my business what you wanna do with your hair. It’s just not a good impression in my opinion.”

“No, no, I ca—”

“No offense, but it looks like you really don’t take care of yourself at all. It just gives a wrong impression like you don’t care about yourself and when you have that impression like, ‘I don’t care about myself’ and you go out like, ‘I don’t care about myself, so why should I care about other people.’ Do you understand? So I think this is something that you need to work on. Because I don’t like when people just look like they don’t really care about anything. Because it’s like, then why are you even here? Why are you here if you don’t care about anything at all? Do you know what I mean? If you don’t care, just go live on a mountain or something. Don’t come and live in society because there’s certain standards that we want and have to uphold. And this is not it. This is not it. You use your hair as a safety net but it’s not gonna save you from a bullet or a train, so it’s not really a safety net. So for today, I have the lovely challenge of making your chemically damaged hair look passable for Lestat. Yikes! I really don’t even know where to begin. Just kidding! Yes, I do! We’re gonna start with detangling spray. A nice spritz of this is gonna make all of those millions and billions of little tangles so much easier to manage. Close your eyes this time, okay? Perfect. I love this detangling spray so much. The tangles are working out like butter. Brush, brush, brush it all out. Brush, brush, brush it all out. The next step is gonna be this hair oil. Thick and full, Biotin and Collagen weightless oil mix. It’s got vitamin B7, Biotin, Collagen, hydrolyzed protein. All kinds of goods that your pathetic little strands have never seen in their lives. This is gonna make your hair look so silky and healthy instead of thirsty and tragic. Gonna work that through. As far as the style - Oh, god. What if we just like, grab a stand from either side and clip them together in the back? That can be pretty foolproof. I think I’ve got a clip over here. Yeah, this’ll be cute on you. Let me grab a strand from the right side of your face. Little bigger than that. Grab a strand from the left side of your face and then meet them together in the back, grab that clip and clip those together. Oh my gosh, so much better already, but still a ways to go. On progresse, on progresse. (We make progress, we make progress.) Then there’s your makeup. It’s not doing you any favors. Like really bland. Wait - are you even wearing any makeup?”

“No…”

“No?” You gasp. “Nothing at all? Oh, wow! Okay.” You interlace your fingers together in contemplation. “You’re actually pretty cute - in like a weird kind of way - like an armadillo! But yeah, cute. Okay. This has me rethinking everything. I thought we were starting from an entirely different place. If this is the blank slate we’re working with, there’s actually hope! We can get you to like a solid…6.5. I’m serious! But it’s gonna take hard work to get there. Blood, sweat, and tears, babe. But it’ll be worth it. I’m gonna pull out all my best tricks. Have you ever taken care of your skin? It looks just…dull…but I think I can bring it to life because, even though it is dull, it also has this perfection to it that not many have. This is good. This is good.”

You pat Juliette’s skin with cleansing pads.

“I’m going to use products from Lestat’s and I’s makeup brand. It’s called Bloodlust. I’m just trying to cover up some of the imperfections so that when I style you next time, I can have a better idea of what the final product is going to be. First we’re gonna moisturize you up nice and good because your skin texture is like asphalt. Let me grab a beauty blender. Hydrating your skin, giving it that gorgeous, gorgeous glow it desperately needs. Making sure that the foundation is gonna have a nice surface to stick to. Wow, your skin is seriously drinking this up, it’s so dry. Have you like, ever moisturized before in your life? You’re like a freak of nature. No offense. Les humains peuvent être des créatures si étranges de nos jours. (Humans can be such strange creatures nowadays.) ‘Kay. Now we’re gonna plop on the foundation with that same beauty blender. Just layering on more and more and more and more and more until we cannot see even a single pore of your actual skin anymore because it’s giving very much Nosferatu. And now, thanks to me, it’s giving very much Malibu! Let’s pick the perfect blush shade for you. Let me get a closer look at your skin, actually. Okay, so even with the foundation on, I can still tell that you’re working with a pretty warm undertone here. So we want something pretty and peachy rather than like a pastel pink. Got it! I know just the one! Blending that over your cheeks. Oh yeah, it’s bringing some life into your face in a big way. C’est pas encore ça, mais c’est déjà mieux!” (We’re not done yet, but it’s already better!)

You open your eyeshadow palette. “For your eyes we’re gonna do something kind of light because your eyes are actually one of your nicest features.”

“Thank you?”

“Yeah, so we want to highlight them, not hide them. Let’s take this nice bronze and just do like a nice subtle wash through the outer corner into the crease. Do you even know what eyeshadow is? Ridiculous. Just add a bit of depth and sparkle and let’s pick up a highlight color and dip that in your inner corners. And then a touch more sparkle in the middle. Now we’re getting somewhere. Next is the mascara. Just a little tip from me to you: Mascara is the most important step of makeup. I swear even if you don’t have time to do anything else, mascara is the one thing you cannot skip. Like if I was human and saw a bear lunging towards me, I’d take the time between then and my mauling to apply a fresh coat. If that gives you any idea of the importance. Never, ever, ever let me catch you outside of your house without mascara.”

“I don’t really—”

“Like even if you go to the gym, I want you to wear that because you can’t just like, be associated with me or my brother if you’re gonna look like you just rolled out of the trash, you know what I mean? The most important thing to remember about this job is that you must look impeccable at all times. Your hair, your makeup…flawless all the time. Lestat and I get very upset if we see people looking drab or unkempt or unmade up. So you must look good at all times. Just blink when I say. Wow, cute. Can you look up for me? Oh and, next time, we have to do something about your eyebrows ‘cause they’re just all over the place. Yeah they’re just a little bit too bushy for my tastes personally but if you like looking like an orangutan, that’s fine. It’s up to you. Oh yeah, I could totally bring you to my esthetician. Or I could just do them for you like I’m such a pro. When I was human, I did Lestat’s, I did my mother’s. I do it for my human band mates and friends. J’espère qu’elle ne croit pas que nous allons devenir amies.” (I hope she doesn’t believe we’ll become friends.)

You check your phone.

“Well. We’re out of time, so this is as good as it’s going to get. It’s showtime. Stay after the concert and I’ll introduce you to Lestat before the Molloy interview. Don’t worry, I won’t let him bite or kill you on your first day.”

Unseen, Juliette watches the entire show from the sidelines. Your set exceeds the usual 45 minutes or hour most concerts are, on account of you and Lestat deciding to play at least three encores. After the concert, Juliette is waiting for you in the hallway that connects the main stage with the backstage area. Finally you exit, your bass slung over your back and Lestat beside you, your human bandmates somewhere else, probably the bar. Your hair and makeup are still flawless since, as vampires, you don’t sweat. Having slipped out of the Prada heels for comfort’s sake, she had been casually leaning against the wall for the duration of the show since nobody would notice her in the dark. But she straightens up from her slouched position immediately, quickly slipping back into the heels and smoothing out her hair and the dress you loaned her before either you or Lestat can notice as you meet her offstage. Phew. That was close.

“Mr. Lioncourt,” Juliette says, using every muscle in her body to speak up with conviction and not shake or twitch from anxiety in his presence. Although you promised you’d protect her today, that protection may expire eventually. She knows that you and Lestat hate weakness, and she cannot show it in his or your presence if she hopes to keep this job.

“Yes? Can I help you?” With his arm slung around your shoulders lazily, he furrows his brow. Arching it questioningly, he barely makes eye contact with her and instead focuses his attention on you, as if waiting for an explanation as to why this human has been allowed backstage, is standing in front of him and you, and is addressing him.

“Well… I’m Juliette, your new assistant. Ms. Lioncourt hired me earlier this evening,” Juliette explains.

“You’re the new PA? You’ve got to be joking.” While keeping an eye on Juliette, he turns his head halfway to whisper in your ear, “Ma soeur, avons-nous eu si peu de candidats qu’il a fallu que tu choisisses celle-là?” (Sister, did we get so few of candidates that you had to pick this one?)

“I’m sorry if I’m not what you were expecting but… Mr. Lioncourt, I need to tell you that I absolutely love your yellow jacket. The bird feathers are a nice touch. Very stylish. Very you.”

“Are you colorblind? It’s not yellow, it’s chartreuse. And they’re not just bird feathers, they’re ostrich feathers.”

“Are they real?”

“Do you know anything about fashion?”

“I wouldn’t—” Juliette catches your warning glance. “Yes, of course I do.”

“Then you know that, of course, they’re real. I only wear clothes made out of genuine leather and fur because I’m all about being genuine in my music and my personal life and I want what I feel on the inside to reflect on the outside. Many animals had to die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it’s for the noble cause of making me look this good.”

“Do you wear clothing made from endangered species too?”

“Sometimes. My sister and I both still have articles that were made from now extinct species too. But we were around long before those species ever became endangered or extinct. The failure of your kind to preserve and protect your environment is not our fault nor our problem. Enough chit chat. Onto the main issue: Let me have a look at you. Turn.”

Juliette turns in a circle very quickly.

“No. Slower.”

Juliette turns in a circle again, this time much slower than before.

Lestat scoffs in annoyance at her inability to follow clear directions. “Just stay still.” He leaves your side to walk in a circle around Juliette, looking her up and down with his hand on his chin, his fingers moving over his mouth occasionally. He doesn’t look away from her as he switches to French, once again talking about her as if she isn’t there. He clicks his tongue, as if tsk, tsk, tsking. “Vraiment, ma soeur? C’est tout ce que tu as trouvé? Elle ne sera jamais à la hauteur. Son visage passe encore, mais il va falloir qu’elle apprenne à s’habiller et se coiffer dignement.” (Really, sister? Is it all you have been able to find? She’ll never be good enough. Her face is okayish, but she will have to learn how to dress and do her hair with dignity.)

He switches back to English. “Well. Juliette, is it? I hope you know you are very lucky to get this position. Anyone would kill to be standing where you’re standing right now. We had over one hundred applicants for this position and, trust me, it was not easy whittling them down, I must say. If it were up to me, you wouldn’t be here. I always hire the same boy or girl…stylish, slender, of course…worships us and the band. But so often, they’ve turned out to be…I don’t know…disappointing and, um…stupid. So you, who probably has an impressive resume and made a big speech about your so-called work ethic… my sister must think you’ll be different. And since I left her in charge of hiring the new PA this time around, I guess I’ll just have to live with her decision.” Lestat then looks at you and waves you both off. "Vas-y, ma soeur. Prends le risque. Embauche la grosse intello.” (Go ahead, Sister. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl.)

On the other side of the large and thick industrial double doors, you and Lestat, thanks to your super hearing, can hear Daniel and the documentary crew talking, clearly growing impatient.

“The car’s been on the lot for hours, man.”

“Hey, look, if you want, I can have somebody knock on the window.”

“I, uh…I think they…”

“What? What? You think what?”

“I think they’re entertaining somebody right now,” someone says, pointing out that he saw you and Lestat earlier, and Lestat had bite marks and hickeys on his chest while you had a new girl next to you.

“Do we have insurance for homicide?”

“You know what, we had three deaths on the Banger Sisters, don't worry about it.”

You and Lestat push open the doors and make your entrance.

“That's them. Jesus Christ, look at them,” Daniel says in awe.

You gesture with your arm for Juliette to not follow you and to instead wait on the sidelines with the rest of the human crew while you and Lestat walk to the matching black leather chairs waiting for you.

“Okay, let's go. Mr. and Ms. Lioncourt, hi. Mark Johnson. I'm the executive producer. We’ve talked on the phone a couple of times.”

“We're really excited about the...documentary...” Daniel trails off awkwardly.

You and Lestat leave Mark hanging, not making any attempt to shake his hand. You can smell that he didn’t properly wash his hands and instead just used hand sanitizer. Disgusting. Is basic hygiene really a lost art among humans? You stare at him blankly, as if bored already from listening to him speak.

“Je ne me souviens pas de lui, est-ce que tu te souviens de lui, ma soeur?” (I don't remember him. Do you remember him, Sister?)

“No. Usually I have a memory like a steel trap but we talk to so many people every day, and, clearly, this human didn’t leave much of an impression or impact. Comme la plupart d’entre eux malheureusement.” (Like the majority of them, unfortunately.)

“…Okay.” Mark awkwardly puts his arm back down.

“Hey, man. Thanks for the tickets last night. Great show,” Daniel praises. His deadpan voice leaves you unsure if he’s being sincere or sarcastic.

“You have 45 minutes and they’re gone.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“This is Christine Claire, Mr. And Ms. Lioncourt's lawyer.”

“Hair and makeup now.”

“Hi, I'm Tami—”

“Hi, I’m Sarah—”

You and Lestat both look up and pull your heads back so their makeup brushes and hands don’t touch your faces or hair. Lestat’s hair is already giving Michael Hutchence, while yours is giving Patricia Morrison. And your makeup, like your outfits, is already on point. You don’t need assistance when you’ve already achieved perfection, thank you very much.

“Do we look like we need you?”

Both makeup artists pause for a second and then retreat.

“They’re completely booked. No. Don’t even talk to me about it again for the next two months. They’re both booked.”

Lestat looks to his right. His shoulders slump as he deeply exhales and irritably taps his fingers on the armrest of the chair. He smacks his lips. “…There's a goblet on the table.”

“You don't like the goblet? Can we get rid of the goblet, please?” Daniel asks the crew.

“C'est tellement kitsch," (It’s so tacky) you say so only Lestat will understand.

"C'est de mauvais goût,” (It’s bad taste) Lestat concours.

A crew member takes the goblet away. Now that that cheap Party City Halloween decoration is gone, you can get on with it.

“Thank you. We need to wire you both for sound, I hope you don't mind.”

You and Lestat shrug.

“So the camera we're gonna be using is called an Interrotron. I'll be sitting here. You'll see my face in the camera like, uh, like we're talking to each other, and you don't have to just stare into an empty camera lens,” Daniel explains.

You and Lestat allow yourselves to be mic’d, but when the humans invade your personal space to put the microphones on your clothes, your vampire hearing can detect the fluid, or lack thereof, coursing through their bodies. You don’t have a problem with the person assisting you, but Lestat recoils in disgust, crinkling his nose. “Your sound man is dehydrated.”

“We’ll, uh, okay, we'll get him some water. Get him some water please.”

“Je ne te savais pas si attentionné avec les humains, Lestat. Cela me rendrait presque jalouse.” (I didn’t know you were so considerate of humans, Lestat. It almost makes me jealous.)

“Tu sais bien qu’ils ne m’intéressent pas, ma soeur.” (You know very well that I don’t care about them, sister.)

“All right, let's fucking go, people.”

“43 minutes.“

“Shut her the fuck up,” Daniel grumbles.

“We’re rolling! Quiet on set!”

“Take one, take one. And…action! Okay, we're gonna start. Listen, could you state your names for the camera?”

You and Lestat look up from the two copies of Daniel’s book you were leafing through.

“Justin Bieber.”

“Kylie Jenner.”

You and Lestat close your copies of Daniel’s book and place them on your laps, tapping your fingers against the hardcover, subtly nodding your heads.

“I see you have my book there, what do you think of...” Daniel starts retching. “I'm sorry. Excuse me… Give me a second here.”

“Daniel, are you okay?”

With your pointer fingers arched up, you and Lestat listen to Daniel’s retching as if it’s music to your ears. That should be answer enough for him to know what you and Lestat think of his book. The retching and the voices of the crew become background noise.

“I am the Vampire Lestat.”

“I am the Vampire Y/N.”

“Why are we retching?”

“We’re immortal.”

“I'm not doing it. It’s them,” Christine whispers.

“More or less.”

More retching.

“The light of the sun.”

“Can somebody get a glass of water?”

“The sustained heat of an intense fire. These things might destroy us. But then again, they might not.”

~

Take two.

Your eyes flicker back and forth between the camera and Daniel in front of you and J. Feldman, the first cameraman standing off to the side with the crew. The rest of the human crew either don’t see what you see, or they do and they’re just pretending to be oblivious. To be fair, you didn’t notice it during the first take either. But now that you’ve seen it, you can't unsee it. Not wanting to make a scene, you try to ignore him, but you’re obviously distracted. Lestat is the first to pick up on it, and he discreetly looks in the direction where your eyes are flickering to, but he doesn’t see what you see. If he did, there’d be a bloodbath to mop up. You make eye contact with Daniel and try to focus on finishing answering his question. “But...let's just say we, uh...we-we did a lot of writing. This is just, um...really just, uh… It's so special to be in Santa Carla, California - The Murder Capital of the World - again! The lights, the music, the energy, the people - It’s easily been my favorite venue spot so far on any tour. It surpassed our concert in Death Valley for me, which, before now, I thought was an impossible feat. Hmm.” Fuck it, you think to yourself. Your team and Daniel will just have to be okay with doing yet another reshoot.

“Ma soeur, est-ce que tout va bien?” (Sister, is everything all right?)

“Uh, I'm sorry, Feldman, what the fuck is that?” You ask bluntly, your tone laced with a bite to it as you stand up from your seat and lock eyes with the first cameraman. Everyone around him steps to the side, creating space between themselves and him in case shit is about to hit the fan or something is about to go down.

“What?” He furrows his brows in confusion when he looks at you, like a deer caught in headlights. Too scared that you’ll pounce on him like a wolf and latch your fangs into his jugular if he fully looks away from you for even half a second, he frantically glances from the corners of his eyes at either side of him, and sees from his peripheral vision that everyone has put a great deal of distance between himself and you. They are looking at the two of you with fear and apprehension in their eyes.

“What do you mean ‘what?’ That shitstain of a tattoo on your forearm. What the fuck do you have written there? ‘Armand told the truth’?”

Hearing those words, Lestat jumps up from his seat before the cameraman can blink. Lestat agreed to this documentary because he took issue with his portrayal in the book and wanted to set the record straight. Not because he wanted to invalidate everything Louis said but because when he read Interview with the Vampire, he was like, ‘ARMAND SAID I DID WHAT???’ and was angrily ripping out pages from his copy. He was annoyed with Armand's version of him and not Louis's (though you’re sure he doesn't agree with everything Louis said either.) Now this poor cameraman has two angry vampires standing on either side of him. You in front of him, and Lestat behind him. Just as enraged as you, Lestat is seething, his pupils just as dilated as yours. You haven’t seen him this angry since an incident during your tour in Death Valley.

~

You and Lestat pulled up to the auditorium in your shiny Porsche, dressed to the nines and exuding an air of money and status, ready to perform, but the security guy wouldn’t let you through at the gate. And Lestat was getting furious. The guy was like, ‘sir, miss, I can’t find your names on the list,’ and Lestat was steaming red because his ego was bruised. He’s a legend. Everyone knows his name. Anywhere Lestat goes, people flock to him, asking for selfies and autographs. He should be on the goddamn list. And even if he isn’t, he should be allowed through anyway because he’s Lestat fucking de Lioncourt. He’s a vampire aristocrat and rockstar, nowhere is inaccessible to him. He was really mad and was like, ‘why do you need my name?!’ so finally the guy was like, ‘sir, how do you spell your name?’ And Lestat went, ‘F-a-m-o-u-s!’ and then just hit the gas, breaking the barricade. It turned out the security guard couldn’t find your names on the list due to a spelling error, and Lestat’s name was listed as ‘Lesander Lionsourd’ (Lionsourd meaning deaflion).

~

His anger now is that times a billion. He is ready to tear out J. Feldman’s throat or rip his arms off. You make eye contact with Lestat and subtly shake your head at him. If you were anybody else, he’d ignore you and just go ahead and decapitate the man. He lived by the motto of ‘don’t ask for permission, ask forgiveness later.’ But for you, and only for you, he’ll be patient. Not just because you’re his sister and he loves you, but because he understands that you signaling for him to wait doesn’t mean you’ll show mercy. You don’t want this man dead. Yet. You want answers first.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think that because we were born French on our father’s side and Italian on our mother’s that we can’t read English? Who tattooed that on you?” You ask.

“Uh, Joel Emerson, I think.”

“You think? Where does he tattoo?”

“O-over at Inkspire in L.A.”

“Christine, get that tattoo shop on the phone. And if Joel’s not working today, find his personal cell phone and call that.”

Christine quickly Googles the shop and dials their phone number. She hands her phone to you while it’s ringing. You hold it to your ear while glaring daggers at the soon-to-be former first cameraman.

“Hello, is Joel working today? I’d like to talk to him. I don’t care that he’s with a client right now. Tell him to put his machine down and come to the phone. It’s urgent. This is Y/N Lioncourt. Yeah, I thought so. Thank you. Joel, why? You fucking asshole. How could you agree to tattoo that on someone? I don’t care. I don’t care about ‘consenting adult clients’ and ‘it’s their money and their body, so they can get whatever they want’. I’m going to police people’s bodies if they’re going to do stupid shit like this! Because this is offensive and unacceptable to Lestat and I! You have no fucking idea who Armand is or what he’s done. You and every other human on the planet don’t even know half of it. You weren’t there because you weren’t even fucking born, so you can’t know! You can’t even begin to comprehend what the 18th and subsequent centuries were like. He’s a fucking cult leader, for fuck’s sake. Did you know that? Have you tattooed anything else relating to Armand on anybody else? No? What about the other artists in your shop? No? Are you sure? You better not be lying to me because if I look on your and your coworkers’ Instagrams and see another tattoo showing love or support of Armand, whether it’s his face, his name, or any more of that ‘Armand was right, Armand told the truth’ bullshit, I will get our lawyers involved and they will eviscerate you in court and take your shop and your tattoo license from you. I will not hesitate to do the same with other tattoo artists and tattoo shops. And don’t think deleting posts will save your ass. The internet is forever and my lawyer will use the Wayback Machine or find some other way to dig up those photos even if you delete them. Understand? Good. You won’t be hearing from me, Lestat, or our legal team so long as there won’t be any further issues. Have a good rest of your day. Bye.” You give Christine her phone back and she’s already typing away, working on keeping tabs on Inkspire and any other tattoo shop in the state for damage control.

“Uh...”

“And you! You amateur fuck. You’re fired.”

“What?”

“You heard me. There’s obviously a conflict of interest here, so you can pack up your shit and go. I want you to leave.”

“The building?”

“No, not just the building. I want you to leave the state.”

“I can’t just move to a different state! My friends, my family, and my entire life is here!”

“That’s not my problem. You should’ve thought of that before permanently scarring your body with a steaming pile of shit. I hope, for your sake, you either get it lasered off or covered up with a better tattoo. Then maybe, just maybe, you can move back. I am being lenient by letting you off with a warning and letting you walk away with your life. If either I or Lestat see you again and that still isn’t gone or covered, then we won’t be. I’m going to chop your fucking arm off with Lestat’s tiny pocket axe. I’m the more merciful of the Lioncourts, so it’ll feel like a massage compared to what Lestat will do to you. Go. Now.”

He runs away crying with his tail between his legs, urine running down his pant legs. You and Lestat scrunch up your nose at the foul odor. Disgusting. He’s lucky he didn’t get any of it on your Chanel boots or Lestat’s Christian Louboutin’s. Although you can afford it, it’d be a shame to ruin such expensive and stylish designer outfits with blood, guts and sinew. While there are frantic calls for a cleanup and reset, you and Lestat storm off to your dressing room, uncaring that you’re leaving Daniel behind, unsure on what to do or if there’ll even be an interview tonight. You pace back and forth in there, trying to get your breathing back under control. Once your eyes return to normal, you text Juliette that she doesn’t need to worry about picking up dinner. You and Lestat will get it yourselves. You could use the air and will be back in an hour. Lestat and you send Christine a similar text, telling her you’ll still do the Molloy interview, but you’re going out to feed and won’t be back for an hour. You both need to cool off and blow off some steam by going on a hunt. You both need a fucking meal before going back in there to attempt the interview again. Now would be a good time for Daniel and the crew to break for lunch. In the meantime, she should find another cameraman to replace Feldman. You and Lestat change into more “casual” clothes that you don’t care about getting messy. “Casual” for you meaning “old” designer clothes from last season.

[sen-no-kotowari]

PGR S Fire Lee Character Profile

Good day! I hope everyone's enjoying the Spiral of Chronos Patch over on JP Servers (*‘ω‘ *) There's so much Lee content popping given that it's July so in a way the Lee enthusiasts are having a buffet field day! (≧▽≦) That said, here is S Fire Lee's Character Profile! I will be posting the translation his Character Version Image Song some time this week as I'm working with a personal project that I may possibly post as well so look forward to it if you're interested. In comparison to the inital release in the CN servers, they re-recorded most of Lee's lines so what you hear on the video link may not necessarily reflect what you hear in-game as of late in the JP servers. You can learn more about the expanded lore on Lee on the cut down below!

Voice Line Data

Motion Voice Lines

Lobby Voice 1

Lee: (Checks gun) ...Can't I stay here even if I don't have any other business with you? I wish to do my gun maintenance in a quiet place. The maintenance room's too crowded.

Lobby Voice 2

Lee: I was worried when I heard that Murray became the Cerberus Unit's leader if he could ever manage those rowdy bunch and all... But it seems like I was worried over nothing. He's all grown up now. However, I think the Gray Raven Unit is okay the way it is. Heh, it's because you won't do a break dance while there's an ongoing meeting... You won't, right...?

Lobby Voice 3

Lee: Humans have long since used an hourglass to measure time. While I can't say it's accurate, it was, however, the most optimal way of showing how time cannot be reversed―that's right, we, who exist in a three-dimensional plane, can't wind back time. Humans can't alter the past even if we come to regret it. ...What about me, you ask? I don't have any regrets. Even if there are countless branch points in each moment, I will surely find my way back to your side.

Raise Affection Level

Lee: Thank you, this is just what I need right now. With this, I can also complete that support robot I promised to finish― ...Huh? This is a present for me? So there's even a fine distinction made when it comes to gifts, huh...

Repetitive Taps

Lee: ...What the- ...To think there's this fully grown troublemaker inside the Raven Unit's base huh. Shall I drag you to the juvenile detention center then?

Log-In

Lee: You're here now. ...If I can never meet you again at some point in the future, I might feel sad from loneliness. ...Forget it. We have a mission to accomplish, let's get going.

Online for a Long Time

Lee: I'll do the remaining ones left, just go rest. Now! I've had enough of looking at how you look like a loitering zombie, you're spoiling the pleasant scene around us.

AFK

Lee: ...Commander, commander? ...(Sigh) You actually fell asleep from exhaustion, huh. You left your combat terminal open, guess you can't settle down without it... Really, I ought to tuck you in somewhere quiet. ...You lost some weight again... How much work did you take on this time...

Shake

Lee: ...Wha— Commander! ...Heh, you sure don't get tired of this same old trick.

Offline for a Long Time

Lee: Where have you been until now?! ...If you had made up your mind to walk out from here, I wish you could've at least said a proper goodbye then. ...No, it doesn't matter now, since you returned here in the end.

Introduction and Formation

Structure Acquired

Lee: Lee of the Gray Raven Unit, reporting. Yes, I'm back now. Other than needing to get along with each other, let's skip the unnecessary greetings and get right down to business, Commander.

Level Up

Lee: What accumulated was just the combat data itself, so I can't say for sure if I've improved. This is still nowhere near the model's limit.

Advancement

Lee: If it's a rise in rank from you, then its meaning also changes. ...Understood, I'll work hard to keep your expectations in check.

Model Improvement

Lee: The peak of evolution means breaking through one's limits as well as knowing there's a realm ahead of us we neither can understand nor have yet to encounter. ...Although taking a step inside that realm would require a significant sacrifice to be paid, I have the determination to see through it all.

Skill Upgrade

Lee: How about giving me some credit? The thrusters are now more responsive and more efficient because of this process. Seems like I'm quite accustomed to this model more than I thought.

Equipment

Lee: Testing auto preset rate, all-green. Measuring microwave distance, all-green. Since this is a highly precise piece of equipment, it's important to check that each module is working fine.

Add in Team

Lee: If you notice some sort of cue mid-battle, get away from my projectile's trajectory ASAP. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Assign as Captain

Lee: Calm down, it's okay to leave everything to me. I'll protect you guys.

Mission Accomplished

Lee: Not bad. You're becoming more efficient.

Daily Small Talks

Voice Line 1

Lee: No, I'm not mad or anything. This is how I usually am.

Voice Line 2

Lee: Rather than forcing them to cooperate, wouldn't it be more efficient to assign people to what they're good at?

Voice Line 3

Lee: ...Excuse me? I don't think it's my fault that the atmosphere became awkward. ...There's something you want to talk about? If it's about the issue on the Science Council's IUO Standard No. 9, I'd oblige to discuss it with you at great lengths though.

Voice Line 4

Lee: I promised that I'd never keep secrets from you ever again so if there's something you want to ask me, feel free to ask me anything.

Voice Line 5

Lee: (Checks gun) ...Can't I stay here even if I don't have any other business with you? I wish to do my gun maintenance in a quiet place. The maintenance room's too crowded.

Voice Line 6

Lee: You want to see the non-combat functions added to the weapon I've modified? Why do you— ...Guess it can't be helped then. I'll only show it to you once so keep your eyes peeled.

Voice Line 7

Lee: If we have nothing else to do today, want to train with me at the base? I still need to make some adjustments to this model, but it'd be challenging to adjust the result calculations without your cooperation.

Voice Line 8

Lee: I knew this part is... it'd be faster if I disassemble it once and reassemble it... Hm? Well, I'm currently doing maintenance on your powered suit. I should just let the guys at the Cosmos Engineer Union handle that...? It's fine if it's just regular maintenance, but they don't know your movement habits. Whenever you draw out your tactical knife from your left side, there's some kind of resistance around this part, right? I've already adjusted that problem.

Voice Line 9

Lee: Even if all of creation would continue to evolve, the collective matter of space will never change for all time—death follows life, and energy is concurrently generated from annihilation. If one wishes to obtain something, one must pay the price for it one day, without exceptions... Commander, behind every "miracle" that happens... correspond a sacrifice greater than you could imagine.

Voice Line 10

Lee: I was worried when I heard that Murray became the Cerberus Unit's leader if he could ever manage those rowdy bunch and all... But it seems like I was worried over nothing. He's all grown up now. However, I think the Gray Raven Unit is okay the way it is. Heh, it's because you won't do a break dance while there's an ongoing meeting... You won't, right...?

Voice Line 11

Lee: Updating the existing tactics, thinking outside the box, and even complying and sympathizing with the enemies... If I'm being honest, I couldn't understand your style of leading us at first. But now, I can have complete faith in all your decisions.

Voice Line 12

Lee: Humans have long since used an hourglass to measure time. While I can't say it's accurate, it was, however, the most optimal way of showing how time cannot be reversed―that's right, we, who exist in a three-dimensional plane, can't wind back time. Humans can't alter the past even if we come to regret it. ...What about me, you ask? I don't have any regrets. Even if there are countless branch points in each moment, I will surely find my way back to your side.

Voice Line 13

Lee: You saw what my real name was in a file? ...Oh, well, it's not something confidential anyway. Besides, I am Lee of the Gray Raven Unit now. What I thought was a temporary code name given to me became a part of who I am today and is something I take great pride in. I plan to fight as "Lee" right until the very end.

Voice Line 14

Lee: Tactical cooperation, huh... That kind of thing doesn't exist back where I used to live. There was only constant betrayal and plunder at that place. Everyone became desperate to cross over that infernal sea, so they pushed others off to the edge and used them as their bridge... But now I don't have to think about it. Even though I repeatedly told myself I don't believe in things like luck, I could say that joining the Gray Raven Unit and crossing paths with you... was the most fortunate thing that ever happened to me.

Voice Line 15

Lee: "You're never alone," huh? ...I think those words are indeed solemn. No... It's exactly because they are important that I don't want to see the person who said those words to me suffer. So "it'd be a lot better than trying to bear everything by myself," hmm... I used to think that way before, but in the end, only an even more tragic end awaits. I get what you're trying to tell me. Commander, we'll support each other from now on and get through this, no matter what.

Raise Affection Level

Voice Line 1

Lee: Since we're all on the same team, there's no need to personally hand out resources to every single member.

Voice Line 2

Lee: Why are you suddenly... Don't you have anything better to do?

Voice Line 3

Lee: Equivalent exchange... I'll never forget the principle behind it. All of the things I've received from you are engraved in my heart.

Voice Line 4

Lee: You're giving this to me? ...Uh, thanks...I guess.

Voice Line 5

Lee: Here, I finished fixing your mini robot. While I'm at it, I've also added a voice memo function to it. Huh? You...want to change the default voice data to my voice? S-stop thinking about those kinds of ideas!

Voice Line 6

Lee: ...Did you give this to other people too?

Voice Line 7

Lee: You've always remained the same even from way back then... Ah, no. I'm not complaining about it. It's... fine for you to stay the same for who you are.

Voice Line 8

Lee: Where the heck do you find these things... Wait a minute, I never said I don't need this, right? The things I've already received are mine now.

Voice Line 9

Lee: You want to try out the new weapon I use? Well, it's still in its prototype stage, so I don't think it's at a level that can be mass-produced though. There's sort of a trick in each of its module settings, do you want me to teach you those tricks? It's complex, but it's quite remarkable as a weapon. I'm the only one who currently has mastered it anyhow.

Voice Line 10

Lee: You don't need to go out of your way... I'll respond to your expectations. ...So long as it's not relatively unreasonable, that is.

Voice Line 11

Lee: So long as I'm here, you don't have to worry. Everything's going to be all right.

Voice Line 12

Lee: Thank you, this is just what I need right now. With this, I can also complete that support robot I promised to finish― ...Huh? This is a present for me? So there's even a fine distinction made when it comes to gifts, huh...

Voice Line 13

Lee: You're expecting me to spew some affectionate words? You better stop expecting then. Well if you're that desperate, let's see what kind of stereotypical lines you'll show me. ...Ack! O-okay, that's enough...! That's plenty enough for an example!

Voice Line 14

Lee: (Sigh) ...Hm? Is there something troubling me, you ask? Not really. The cost of sealed warehouses is currently on the rise, so I'm thinking about what's the best way to store your belongings. ...I-it's nothing, forget it!

Voice Line 15

Lee: While I'm not a person who'd easily make promises, from the very beginning until this day... Rather, until the lasting future ahead of us, I'll live up to my promise that I'd always stay by your side no matter what.

Voice Line 16

Lee: Here you go, my gift in return for everything. It's a mini locator made from the old power core that was extracted when my model was undergoing maintenance. So long as you always have this, you can know my location even if comms get cut off. If you push the button, I'd also know where you are. If you wish for me to be by your side, I'll absolutely come running to your side, no matter how far apart we are from each other. I promise.

AFK

Voice Line 1

Lee: Why are you staring at me? Is the strategic report written on my face or something?

Voice Line 2

Lee: When we were kids, I made this toy called "Sippy Chicken"[1] so I could explain to Murray the principles behind heat energy. ...Why am I suddenly talking about it? That's because you were frequently nodding your head low enough to hit the desk, just like that toy bird.

Voice Line 3

Lee: Commander, about the result of that experiment we did the other day-... Commander? No one's here, huh... Quite likely, considering they're the type of person who can't stay still. ...I guess I should wait for a while then.

Voice Line 4

Lee: Be good and go to sleep already if you're feeling drowsy. ...There aren't any emergency missions right now so it's fine if you don't push yourself too much. ...Just relax and close your eyes now, will you. I'll wake you up when needed.

Voice Line 5

Lee: ...Commander, commander? ...(Sigh) You actually fell asleep from exhaustion, huh. You left your combat terminal open, guess you can't settle down without it... Really, I ought to tuck you in somewhere quiet. ...You lost some weight again... How much work did you take on this time...

Online for a Long Time

Voice Line 1

Lee: Are you attached to that chair or something?

Voice Line 2

Lee: Sure is nice if you could remember one good way to shirk off work.

Voice Line 3

Lee: Seems like I need to attach a system that could pick up mental fatigue from the brain wave activity on that chair, but... If the numbers reach a dangerously low range, it'd immediately force you to sleep― ...hm? You'd like to work for just a bit longer? I trust you know what'd happen if you lied through your teeth then.

Voice Line 4

Lee: I'll do the remaining ones left, just go rest. Now! I've had enough of looking at how you look like a loitering zombie, you're spoiling the pleasant scene around us.

Voice Line 5

Lee: Is this some kind of revenge plan against everyone in the Gray Raven Unit? ...What am I insinuating, you ask? Hah. Are you trying to prove your point that humans could also work for three days straight without any rest like us Structures? ...We promised that we both won't work ourselves to death ever again, so you should also get some rest now.

Log-In

Voice Line 1

Lee: Good morning, you awake now?

Voice Line 2

Lee: That's good, the time you arrived sure is on point. Keep up with that. What time did I arrive? Just a few minutes earlier than you.

Voice Line 3

Lee: I thought I heard a loud, boisterous voice from afar but, don't tell me Kamui dropped by again, did he?

Voice Line 4

Lee: Commander, you came just at the right time. About those prospective experiments I mentioned yesterday, I just thought of one more idea for that.

Voice Line 5

Lee: You're here now. ...If I can never meet you again at some point in the future, I might feel sad from loneliness. ...Forget it. We have a mission to accomplish, let's get going.

Voice Line 6

Lee: I'm not spacing out, I'm just thinking about the Monty Hall problem[2]. If I eliminate the doors that haven't been opened, which of the remaining doors will you show up on... Hm? There's only one door in this room...? .......(clears throat)......

Voice Line 7

Lee: Last night, did you stay up late again? Taking good care of yourself is also one of your responsibilities to your team. I'm sure you know that better since you were an honor student, right? Your average sleeping time as of late is just― ...Huh? Why do I know, you ask? ...Obviously, I learned about it from Laplace's demon[3].

Voice Line 8

Lee: Good morning, did you have a good night's sleep? ...Yeah. Should we try a different greeting for tomorrow since today's greeting was okay? Since I have to greet you every day starting today, I wonder if it'd be better if we decide together on which greeting we both like. So tell me, which do you prefer?

Offline for a Long Time

Lee: Where have you been until now?! ...If you had made up your mind to walk out from here, I wish you could've at least said a proper goodbye then. ...No, it doesn't matter now, since you returned here in the end.

Shake

Voice Line 1

Lee: Graagh... ...No, it's not your fault. My Sea of Consciousness just suddenly went into an overload state. There's no need for you to worry about it... Stay still... Yeah, I'll recover from this in a minute.

Voice Line 2

Lee: ...Wha— Commander! ...Heh, you sure don't get tired of this same old trick.

Voice Line 3

Lee: If you get thrown off balance, I'll reflexively catch you and act as your cushion. ...As if. I'm kidding, let's stop this conversation. Please be more careful so you won't get hurt in the future.

Repetitive Taps

Voice Line 1

Lee: ...What the- ...To think there's this fully grown troublemaker inside the Raven Unit's base huh. Shall I drag you to the juvenile detention center then?

Voice Line 2

Lee: You think I won't fight back from this?

Voice Line 3

Lee: For the times you've poked me, I'll be repaying you exponentially. ...Hmm, so it's at a total number of 133637 times then. Now then, are you prepared to accept some "repayment?"

Activity Task Full

Lee: Activity level's reached the maximum level. We should leave our work progress here for now.

Battle Dialogues

Battle Start/Character Switch

Lee: Simulation complete. Commander, we'll emerge as the victors here.

Voice Line 1

Lee: I'll be the one to reign over your time!

Voice Line 2

Lee: There's no escape from my line of sight!

Voice Line 3

Lee: Your survivability rate's hit zero!

Voice Line 4

Lee: You can't escape now!

Voice Line 5

Lee: This is the end!

Ultimate Skill

Lee: Perish... for all time!

Light Damage

Lee: It's nothing serious, let's stay focused.

Heavy Damage

Lee: Graagh... I won't let it end, not here, not this moment.

Incapacitated

Lee: I'll stand back up if I have to... No matter what...

Friend Support

Lee: You did well holding out, leave the rest to me.

QTE

Lee: Target locked on, fire at max power!

Battle End

Lee: Guh! It's too early to let up your nerves, Commander.

Structure Documentation

Document Detail 1

BPN-06, Attacker-type, Model Name: Hyperreal―an Omega-type Specialized Structure model developed by the Science Council based on Kurono's Inverse Device research as well as the meager information deciphered from the polymerized fragment. All of its functions are fine-tuned to the model's stability, making it impervious to the Punishing's side effects.

Document Detail 2

Both the model's energy distribution capability and the computational capacity modulator are strengthened, allowing the model to perform numerous computations. In addition, to ensure the model's stability, all its external equipment uses synthetic nano-carbon metal tubes, and their thermal conductivity is increased to make the equipment lightweight.

Document Detail 3

Only a person who extensively understands small arms could utilize sophisticated and complex heavy artillery like Lee's composite armament. Although it could adapt to every battlefield, it's difficult to operate and warrants a highly stable model, currently making the Hyperreal model the only one capable of wielding this weapon.

Document Detail 4

Although this model that takes pride in its peerless computational abilities can execute multiple simultaneous high-precision computations, the burden on Lee's Sea of Consciousness constantly reaches its critical point. However, nobody knows the actual situation behind it since Lee never reports it, persuading himself that "the data deviation in his Sea of Consciousness doesn't trigger so it won't cause any impediments to my day-to-day operation."

Document Detail 5

While the development of the Omega-type Specialized Models that centered around Liv progressed, Lee willingly volunteered to participate since Liv's Sea of Consciousness was damaged during the Solaeter's development, stating that his Sea of Consciousness was "far more stable." The first time he learned that he was originally the first choice for the Omega-type Specialized Models was after he had formally participated.

Document Detail 6

Lee couldn't remember the whispers he hears in his dreams or the confusing sceneries he sees. However, if one were to ask him if he could feel the fear and worries looming when one fights alone, he would calmly deny it―because he knows for a fact that there would always be someone who'd light the beacon behind him and illuminate the way back to where he belongs, no matter how far away he is.

Rumors and Secrets

Secret 1 The exterior appearance of Lee's new model is quite different thus far, so several people talked about how the Hyperreal model looks. However, Lee himself never once noticed that he became a hot topic of conversation around him.

Secret 2 Since Lee used to often work late at night back when he was with Kurono, he still has the habit of burning the midnight oil. When he first arrived in Eden, there used to be a rumor circulating that a ghost would appear in the maintenance room when the clock strikes at midnight.

Secret 3 Even though he didn't have any interest in philosophy at first, Lee started reading books about "the concept of time" and "time and sentience" and seems to have been taking notes on the topic ever since he changed to his Hyperreal model.

Secret 4 During his spare time, Lee adjusts the weapons and exoskeleton of the other members of the Gray Raven Unit to match each of their habits. He voluntarily does this kind of work because previously "our equipment's weapon alignment was off-point and because of that, the Commander had a dislocation injury during our practical combat training."

Secret 5 Lee tried to modify his model and hide one reflective part as he failed to understand the design intent behind it. However, one researcher told him "that part regulates heat circulation" and gave up on the idea.

Secret 6 His hobbies are solving numerical puzzle games. Everyone in the Gray Raven Unit tried it once, but the only person who understood the fun behind these logical games is the Commander.

Secret 7 He dislikes having Kurono as the conversation topic. Even though he seemed to just lightly sweep Vera's badgers under the rug, Lee feels bitter about the fact he used to work for them in the past.

Secret 8 He added the Gray Raven's logo on the inner side of the model's coat himself. He hasn't told anyone about it, but everyone noticed the addition when his model underwent modification enhancement.

Secret 9 Even though he preferred his old hair color, the development staff from the Arts Association told him that "they don't have the material for that particular color in stock." Left with the choice of either choosing a different hair color or, as suggested by Asimov, "make a hat-type Inverse Device," Lee chose the former.

Secret 10 Lee modified his right arm to attune himself with his new weapon, but it became difficult for his arm to pass through the right sleeve of his coat post-modification. He had accidentally torn the sleeve apart thrice just by putting strength in his arm, and when he finally had enough, Lee decided to wear the right side over his shoulder instead.

Secret 11 When they were little, he and Murray made a "secret code" only they know about that the two of them use during their transmission with each other. Although Lee hasn't used their secret code in a while, it appears that he used it again in a recent transmission he received from Murray.

Secret 12 The reason why Lee seldom cooks is that the moment he acquires condiments and spices, the whole kitchen turns into a large-scale laboratory―he will only season the food if the condiment is weighed in milligrams. Surprisingly enough, however, it did make him good at brewing coffee because the Commander drinks coffee every morning.

水飲み鳥 (Lit TL: Water Drinking Bird) or Drinking Bird/Dippy Bird/Sippy Chicken is a toy heat engine mimicking the motion of birds drinking from a water source.

The Monty Hall problem is a probability puzzle type of brain teaser named after the host of an old game show titled "Let's Make a Deal."

Laplace's demon is a notable published articulation of causal determinism on a scientific basis written by French scholar Pierre-Simon de Laplace in the 19th Century.

[bunnygirl678]

(the tags about giving a dummy to kids to help then stop crying) you just give me a vibe of such a cool mom and dude 👏👏👏👏👏👏 YESSSS!!! MOM APPRECIATION!!! it reminds me of a lady who use to come into our drug store we use to work at she had like 3 kids and a baby and was like visibility stressed because i mean they lived at a salvation army and these kids rarely got to go out. so they go into this store and see all these toys and they get mad excited about it. plus my manager was being a major bitch about it and acting like it was issue. so i got these stickers from dollar tree and cut them into little singles and i made a deal with the kids that if they listened to their mom the whole time and were well behaved and she told me they did good, they could get a handful of stickers. dude these kids where angels in this store after that. they were helping their mom and making extra sure the little baby was ok in the crib? and that mom was such a legit sweet person. but no totally agree sometimes bribing kids with objects and things does work 👏

OMG I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH~!!!!! Those kids will remember you and the stickers for life, you made such a positive impact <3

like what people, especially those who aren't actively around kids, don't realize is that kids are tough sometimes, like even the most well behaved kid can have shitty days, if they are hungry, tired, under/over stimulated, like the lack of grace for parents and caretakers online is such a problem.

But gonna be honest, I have found IRL people tend to be wayyy more understanding and helpful than those online, I see people go out of their way to help out parents, especially when it is just one.

I remember once when I was flying just me and my daughter (she was around 9ish months??) and I hadn't bought a seat for her (infants fly free in lap) and I had to use the restroom, but she had fallen asleep, and as I attempted to get into the tiny restroom, a very sweet flight attendant offered to hold her for me, or how on our most recent flight every time we sat next to someone, they always tried to bring her (now 6 year old lol) into some pleasant small talk, asking her about her trip, what she's into, ect... and it's not just other moms, it's random ass business men and old people, humanity doesn't suck as much as the internet makes it seem like tbh.

ALSO on my most recent flight I remember the gate changing like 4 times, each time a different terminal, and there was this single dad (don't know if he was actually single but he was traveling alone lol) was desperately trying to keep his toddler entertained, and let me just tell you, the entire waiting area became that kids playground, all of the adults joining in, it was such a human experience that i really think is more of the norm than people going off,

[gunkbaby]

rambling abt how i used to feel abt shuu in TG’s ending and why i think i was wrong (+ part of what he means 2 me)

I remember back in 2021, i was into this idea that Shuu didn’t get a happy ending at the end of tg:re, because the characters that got ‘happy’ endings were shown to be in heteronormative relationships - married, with a child or multiple - whilst characters like Shuu didn’t have that.

I think at the time, myself - maybe other ppl - took this as being kind of queerphobic, or at least unsatisfactory to the queer characters. The ‘Shuu Tsukiyama deserved better’ of it all.

And whilst yes, Shuu Tsukiyama did indeed deserve better; in hindsight I do so strongly disagree with this idea I had. I think it relies on a particular interpretation of the story, which I don’t think I agree with. I think maybe, some of this idea did come from people who maybe didn’t like TouKen being canon - and whilst I don’t necessarily like how TouKen became canon, I think maybe I got swept up in this interpretation too.

It wasn’t so much that I wanted Shuuneki to be canon or anything - it was much the opposite. I thought that Shuu should not have been so unwillingly faithful to Kaneki after the Tsukiyama Extermination, that he had earned a moment of scorn, he had earned the right to ‘split’, you could say. This isn’t necessarily an idea I wholly disagree with, but I was going about it in the wrongly. I thought about the ending in a very black and white way - Shuu not having that moment, to me, meant the ending was void. He was living in false happiness - forced to watch the man he loved be happy whilst he was still a glorified dog. I thought he needed to be away from Kaneki to be truly happy, and I think that was the issue with my idea.

I think the reason I so strongly resonated with this interpretation of the ending as being subpar and Shuu not getting his flowers was also very much my projection onto Shuu. I think my anger was still very much aimed at how the ending came, but I misplaced it.

At the time, I myself was experiencing my first ’BPD moment’ I suppose? I’d come online and actively engaged with a fandom for the first time in my life outside of Wattpad. I didn’t know what I was doing or what was happening, my social skills were (and are) nonexistent - I left school at 13 and the only person I’d really interacted with since was my abuser and doctors. I was awful at it all. When I started to get mutuals and the like, I was really quite inappropriate - clingy and unaware, unstable and nuclear. I fucked up a lot of myself because of it, and I still have to recover from it even now. So, with that in mind, as someone with BPD, who was that inappropriately co-dependant person - and who is now aware of that fact - nowadays, I look at Shuu’s ending with less comtempt, and a lot more optimism.

I think now that Shuu’s happy ending would never have been to be with Kaneki - only in an ideal world that serves our illnesses. Him learning to grow past this limerence, to see Kaneki in a way that isn’t so ride or die, and to maintain a healthy, platonic relationship with him, feels perfect. It gives me hope as someone with BPD, that I might not be doomed to always be quite a toxic person in regards to having any kind of relationship. You can argue that I’m arguing abt the ‘single is better’ trope or whatever terminally online thing it is now, but I don’t see it like that.

When I think about it now, I think Shuu’s ending was perfect for him. Now, I look at him through my ‘BPD gaze’ (eurgh) and see this ending as something very hopeful. The idea of being able to exist with this person you’ve been so obsessed with, in a way that does not create a detriment to yourself, and to exist and have a seemingly normal, healthy friendship with that person - it’s kind of the dream. For me, at least - personally I dream to have relationships that don’t lead to me embarrassing myself on the internet and in public and ending up relapsed and on a ward. Just me, maybe.

I take his ending nowadays as something quite hopeful.

Shuu’s arc in :re, to me, has always been symbolic of recovery. When I first read it, I was in therapy, specifically in an eating disorder clinic - Shuu’s own recovery from anorexia meant I could do it too. His softening of his depression meant I stood a chance too. His seeming abandonment of his ‘Gourmet’ persona I compared to myself, in learning to let go of my idea of myself as an anorexic. Him learning to possess and lean into his own empathy, to embrace feelings and ideas of himself that contradicted this idea of a civilised, ferocious man-eating predator, to love with less shame - to me it appeared as a story of learning to embrace that possessing humanity is not a weakness. To be human is so confusing, but it can be so ethereally freeing.

Shuu’s story has felt like a lot of things to me. It’s learning to abandon the adoration one possesses for the idea of the self, understanding that to continue living in such a way leads to self-destruction. But also, that to self-destruct is to rebirth. We are constantly self-annihilating and rebuilding ourselves from our ashes.

I’m reminded of the Fire lily - a flower that exists in fire-prone areas of the cape of South Africa. The lily is unique, lying dormant for many, many years, and particularly difficult to cultivate; as it relies on smoke from surrounding wildfires to bloom. So it requires a level of destruction and ravage to bloom, and it is so, so beautiful. In the process, the lily becomes the only source of pollen in the area, so it becomes crucial for the other species in the area. As the other plants in the area return, the lily dies, and returns underground, until the next fire.

To me, Shuu’s story feels like a cycle of nature and destruction. He goes from this idea of the apex predator, through an annihilation, to a rebirth.

His story - his character - despite itself, has felt painfully human. The fear of aligning yourself with humanity, the pain of existing within a species that has become little but an arrogant pest. Which feels so ironic. It’s hard to speak on this, maybe I’m not smart enough, and though I don’t feel like one, I have only ever lived as a human, and that is my only perspective. So maybe him feeling so human is major projection, and I’m wrong, but I see it in Shuu. How he denies things like friendship and kinship with humans, how he tries to put himself on a pedestal - I read this as a side-effect of alienation and loneliness. He doesn’t quite fit in with ghouls where he should, but to accept that you do not fit in because you are strange - there is something wrong with you - is very painful, so it’s much easier to become arrogant. He feels so in denial of his loneliness, of a need for companionship; and that, to me, feels very human. He wants to fit in, maybe he wants to be something other than othered, but he’s in denial of this, and he’s in denial of his flaws - the flaws that alienate him - so he remains stagnant, waiting for the inevitably of self-destruction. Shuu was never going to stay as he was, if Kaneki hadn’t threw him off course, he would’ve fallen anyway.

Living things need to experience a pain or discomfort to grow back stronger. Winter is a necessary season of life that none are spared. Shuu’s story feels like that - a season cycle.

There’s a lot more I could say about him, his story and what it means to me, but I am rambling and getting all purple prose-y.

Again, I stress that I do still feel dissatisfied by Shuu’s arc in re - he did indeed, ‘deserve better’. Much like myself at 17, I do wish this journey of limerence to a healthy, platonic relationship had been better expanded upon. Shuu questioning Kaneki, experiencing a moment of scorn - I do think of that idea often, just not like I used to. His ‘deserved better’ isn’t the ending, but the progression to it. My problem with Shuu’s writing is post-Tsukiyama extermination arc - so it links into my problem with most of the Tsukiyama Family characters, and Chiehori - there is very little attention given to Shuu post this arc. When there is, it’s good on paper, but this aspect of his arc is not shown consistently strongly enough. We don’t see this sort of ‘journey of self-improvement’. Shuu kind of comes back and he’s just, better. Personally, I think there should have been more nuance to this arc - and I think I thought that back in 2021 too, but I was angry at the wrong thing.

I think Tokyo Ghoul’s flaws often come from the fact that the idea behind it is so huge - there is so much stuff you can do with it. For worldbuilding and character ideas alone. The plot it considers sometimes feels too small to be satisfying for the world it exists in. The characters are so often written too richly, and there are too many of them - this is both a highlight and a hinderence of it. It has too much stuff, implied and not. I do believe a lot of the dissatisfaction I was experiencing with TG in 2021 was because I didn’t quite understand that fact. I think I kind of resented the series, and Ishida, for it. Nowadays, I don’t really care. I’ll just pose my own ideas and write what I would’ve - fanfiction is wonderful in that. Maybe I understood what my issue with TG truly was, finally, or maybe I’m just not 17 anymore.

[theejaguar]

Jaguar's List of Hobie Brown Headcanons

I watched Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse last Saturday, and Hobie in particular got my brain going brr. So have this (kinda long) list of headcanons - some silly, some 'serious'.

One of Hobie's love languages is touch. You can tell with how he gets Pavitr in a half-hug half-headlock while greeting him, as well as with how he pats Miles' shoulders after he saves Inspector Singh (while barely knowing him). That boy communicates encouragement, affection and care through gentle touches and caresses and hugs.

"Make your own watch" - Hobie told Miles when they were talking about why Miles wanted in so much. And with his distaste for brands, I say: Hobie likes giving homemade gifts. That, or he buys things from independent producers when he wants to give something he isn't skilled at. Hobie Brown doesn't use objects tainted by manifestations of capitalism to express his affections.

Hobie likes Brazilian music. He found it through Admirável Chip Novo by Pitty, and then became obsessed with music from late 60s to the 80s after deep-dive researching it. And that is due to how songs from that time play with words that criticised the authoritarian government. On the nose, but a lot weren't caught.

When meeting Miles' parents, Hobie actually calls them by Mr. and Mrs. Morales. No one comments on it.

Hobie goes by any pronouns. "You've got to confuse the fascists, mate. Can't misgender me if my pronouns are all of 'em" - BROWN, Hobie.

Hobie doesn't restrain anyone, but he's pretty protective of his own. Anyone that hurts the people he cares about is in for big trouble.

On that line, Hobie advocated a lot in Gwen's favour. The reason why they've gone on so many missions together is that he saw this girl that was most likely going to be homeless if they sent her back home and went "hell no". So knowing that Miguel doesn't bother with his antics, Hobie took her as his partner in missions, to be sure that anything she messed up could be glossed over by his "whatever" attitude.

Hobie and Pavtir bond a lot through criticism of the British government and History. I just know they have planned thefts at the British Museum to recover Pav's national treasury. "I... don't think that'd be a good look for Spider-Man, though" - Pav "Whatever" - Hobie, actually dropping the plan because he cares about Pav.

Hobie watches Oscar winners to bash the industry. Ends up liking what he sees at times (most recent occurrence being EEAAO - "It is a metaphor for how capitalism tears down familial relationships and fuels preexisting generational trauma.")

Hobie likes to play with kids. They play football together and he trips them if they call it 'soccer'.

Hobie goes to sleep at 4AM and wakes up at 12PM. He is NOT a morning person ("Hate the AM").

Hobie is friends with tattoo artists, and gets the Spiderband to get matching full-sleeve tattoos. Jeff and Rio go insane when they see Miles. George just sighs tiredly when Gwen gets home like he was waiting for that day to arrive. Inspector Singh's disapproval of Pavtir grows - but Gayatri likes it, so he takes it as a win.

Hobie likes to cook and looks up recipes from different countries in his free time.

Hobie can spot a terminally online person from a distance.

Hobie rejects the Imperial System. Meters, litres and grams are the way to go.

[seinsi-writes]

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Drarry: Gamer / Streamer Au, Modern Au, Non-magic Au

Sort of like: 'The Guild Member Next Door' / 'Netkama Punch' [webtoon / novel] in terms of game element but not the plot hahhahaha

Draco is a popular streamer in the massively multiplayer online role-playing game Hogwarts, where players can assume any magical role they desire. His character, SlyPrince, is renowned as a skilled enchanter, primarily functioning as a supporter but still possessing offensive abilities for combat. During one of the game's highly anticipated events, Draco's guild, the "Slytherins," engaged in fierce competition against other guilds to secure top player rankings. However, Draco found himself embroiled in a scandal when he engaged in a Player vs. Player duel in the Triwizard Tournament against "TheChosenOne," a prominent streamer and the third-ranked player in the Gryffindor Guild. The duel took an unexpected turn when glitches affected "TheChosenOne's" character, leading to Draco's victory.

He was accused of cheating and using hacks simply because he was part of the guild "Slytherin". The guild "Slytherin", one of the major guilds in the game, managed by the now-banned player known as "FlightOfDeath", was caught cheating and using hacks during one of the game's main events, along with his guildmates. Now, this guild is under scrutiny for being associated with cheaters and hackers. Although some of his guildmates who were kicked out were caught, it's important to note that their guild wasn't the only one involved. However, due to their guild's popularity, they have become the main focus of attention.

Due to popular demand and the influence of cancel culture, his friends believed that he should sit out the upcoming event, the 'Wizarding War' determines the ranking of players and guilds. Since he couldn't play with them, his friends suggested that he use his previous account, 'Serpent'. It had been years since he last played this character, and he was one of the first players when the game wasn't as popular as it is now.

He wasn't streaming at that time when he logged in with his other account. He considered having this character try to join Slytherin. This player wasn't on a good level yet, but before he could continue trying to level up his character, 'TheChosenOne' suddenly showed up in the same area. He seemed to be in a weird mood, as his character kept circling Draco's character. Instead of 'whispering', he shouted at him using the 'world chat'. He continued chatting nonsense, keyboard smashing, and calling out to him.

At that moment, Harry was streaming, he's one of those faceless streamers who only show their keyboards and mouse. Harry isn't really the type to curse on his stream, it's very child-friendly since his audience consists mainly of middle schoolers. He usually saves the cursing for after the stream. So, when he let out a string of curses after his character teleported during a mission stream (forbidden forest Quest) and saw how some of his skills, which were always greyed out, suddenly gained color, it was quite unexpected. Those skills are only active when his gaming partner is logged in and in the same area as him.

The partner he had years ago, when he was still not a streamer or a popular ranker of the game, is the same partner he still has, despite its absence for years. He could easily terminate this partnership feature, but he didn't. He even kept the couple skills on his roster, even though he could always replace them with more useful skills. He also had automatic teleportation to the area where his partner would be, always on, always waiting for the day that his partner would come back to the game.

After 6 years of absence, the mysterious partner of TheChosenOne suddenly appears online during a stream. Viewers, who had never seen the other player in over a hundred streams, theorize about who the absent partner, whom TheChosenOne rarely talks about, might be. Harry's stream chats suddenly became a blur of words, the panicking mods trying to handle the chaos of this discovery, and his 'party' chatting him up on what was happening. Harry grabbed his keyboard and mouse to run around the area, searching for his partner, and there he is.

Draco notices something strange on his screen. His game character shares the same class as his main one, but this character possesses skills that aren't typical for his class and level. These abilities are exclusive to partnered game characters, those who have chosen to become engaged and married to another player. It turns out Draco's previous character is married to 'TheChosenOne'.

Harry thought as he kept typing on the world chat instead of addressing the player directly using the whisper feature that the reason why he continues playing the game—the one he believes will come back—is here now. And he will make sure not to let the 'Serpent' escape again.

........................................................................................

Should I write this? Hahahhaha