#but then this man goes yeah no that one was actually real

[why4anne]

Juno

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader

Category: Social Media au

Summary: Pop star Y/N L/N cannot behave herself on social media. But who can blame her when her boyfriend looks like that?

Face claim: Sabrina Carpenter

Masterlist

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, taylorswift and others

yourusername: Just a little something I wrote recently🤭

Juno out tonight 8pm EST

view comments:

user1: Girlie is finally releasing music again?? Album when???

user2: Pop is back!

user3: you'll find me SCREAMING

user4: Juno?? Like the goddess of love and marriage..?

- user5: Wait! You're onto something!!!!

- user6: y'all what if she means the movie

- user7: what movie?

- user6: Dang, you're making me feel old

taylorswift: They're not ready for it

- user8: TAYLOR????? HELLOOOO??

- user9: REP TV REFERENCE!!!

- user10: easter egg??!!!

- user 11: girl that's a whole easter basket

joeyb_9: nice dress

- user12: excuse me? sir?

- user13: I just know they're up to something

lahjay10_: Joe has not stopped smiling all morning practice

- user14: It's about him then???

- user15: He's giggling and kicking his feet I just know it

user16: Joe can you fight??

- joeyb_9: yes I can

- user16: oop- I was not expecting that

- user17: he gagged you fr

user18: I don't know if I wanna be her, or be with her

- user19: the struggle is real

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, zendaya and others

yourusername: oops... wrong pic🤭 Juno out now btw

view comments:

user1: you're this thirsty on main????!!!!

user2: girl calm down

user3: NOW THATS WHAT I CALL AN OVULATION SONG

user4: I'm actually speechless after listening to this...

- user5: No becuase WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARK YOUR TERRITORY???!!

user5: hold me and explore me??? GIRL!

user6: SOMEONE NEEDS TO CONTROL MY GIRL Y/N

- user7: we need to spay her frfr

user8: tf you mean freaky positions???

user9: I mean, have you seen her man??? I don't blame her

- user10: The only pop-girlie with a hot boyfriend I fear

- user11: Louis Partridge exists yk

user12: I was gonna say you swan🦢 he frog🐸 but I fear can't

user13: how are you able to look your parents in the eyes after this girl???

user14: She and Joe be freaky like that ig

joeyb_9: I feel honored

- user15: YOU GUYS ARE INSANE!!

- user16: did not expect this when I woke up this morning

- user17: Joe, are you well???

user18: I always knew they were freaky

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, milliebobbybrown and others

yourusername: One of me is cute, but two though?

Surprise! Double whammy you guys 34+35 out now!

view comments:

user1: SHE'S INSANE!

user2: nah what do you mean 34+35??? you freakyyyyy!!!

user3: tf you mean "got the neighbors yelling earthquake"????

user4: What kind of freak-juice do they put in the water in Cincinnati?

user5: Let me breath, damn. I haven't even recovered from Juno yet

joeyb_9: I can make sure that there is two of you by this time next year

- yourusername: I just might let you🤭

- lahjay10_: BRING BACK SHAME!!!!

- jjettas2: NORMALIZE BULLYING!!!

- user6: Ja'marr?? Justin?? hello???

- user7: I stand with Justin and Ja'marr because writing this on main is CRAZY

- user8: WE NEED TO PUT BOTH JOE AND Y/N IN HORNY JAIL!

user9: That's enough screen time for you missy

user10: THESE LYRICS ARE CRAZYYYY

- user11: They're not even trying to be subtle

user12: Didn't Joe say in one interview that he goes to bed by like 8pm. Tf you mean "we started at midnight, go 'til the sunrise"??

- user13: One of them is lying and I think it's the blonde one

- user14: both of them are blonde

- user13: @/youmissedthejoke

user15: yall are acting like this is sum crazy shit but if I had a boyfriend who looked like that I would be acting WAYYYY worse

- user16: FR! Like if I looked like Y/N and my bf looked like Joe, you would not be catching us leaving the house

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, alix_earle and others

yourusername: Have you ever tried this one?

view comments:

user1: Ma'am there are kids on this app

joeyb_9: yeah we did it last night, remember?

- yourusername: no, can you remind me😇

- lahjay10_: EW EW EW EW EW

- lahjay10_: THAT'S ENOUGH!

- lahjay10_: I NEED BLEACH FOR MY EYES

- lahjay10_: I'M TELLING MANAGEMENT!!

- lahjay10_: THIS IS AN HR ISSUE

- user2: is Ja'marr okay?

- user3: He's crashing out

- user4: bro is tweaking

user5: we can try it out if you want to🤭

- joeyb_9: She's busy

- user6: we need lock him up or something

- yourusername: would handcuffs suffice?

- user7: EXCUSE ME!!???

- user8: Girl this is a public comment section!

- user9: Saying that on Beyonce's internet is CRAZY

user10: looked at myself and sighed

user11: girl, who is in charge of your social media??

user12: we need to lobotomize her or something

lahjay10_:

liked by teehiggins, andreiiosivas and others

lahjay10_: The trenches look a little different when you in the inside of the Spectre.

view comments:

user1: #unblocky/n

user2: #unblocky/n

user3: #unblocky/n

user4: #unblocky/n

joeyb_9: #unblocky/n

- user5: help- not Joe joining us

- user6: y/n is this you?

- joeyb_9: Nope, this is actually Joe

- user7: I can't with this man😭

lahjay10_: aight what the hell is going on?

- user8: #unblocky/n

- user9: #unblocky/n

yourusername: I'VE BEEN UNBLOCKED!!🥳

- user10: welcome back queen

- lahjay10_: hope you happy now

- yourusername: the happiest😁

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, andreiiosivas and others

yourusername: AAAAAAAHHHH! JOE BURROW PLEASE PUSH ME UP A WALL AND THROW ME ACROSS THE ROOM! I wanna climb this man like a tree. I wanna gnaw on his biceps like a beaver and I wanna scratch his back like a goddamn feral cat!

view comments:

user1: is she okay?

user2: I can just tell that she's ovulating

user3: well you can actually do that if you want to #wearenotthesame

user4: on main is CRAZY

user5: I didn't realize this was Y/N's account, deadass thought it was a horny fan-account💀

joeyb_9: That can be arranged

- user6: He's so nonchalant with it😭

- user7: I know I should be used to this by now but at the same time his comments never fails to flabbergast me

- user8: Remember when we used to have shame?

- jjettas2: pause.

user9: Yall are calling her crazy but she's so real for this

user10: I can't with this girl💀

andreiiosivas: are you okay?

- user11: Help not Andrei lowkey being concerned😭

- user12: She just ovulating, don't worry

[This post has been deleted]

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_ and others

yourusername: Juno is now number one on the Billboard hot 100! Thank you so much to everyone who streamed🩵

view comments:

user1: this caption does not sound like my girl Y/N

user2: where is crazy Y/N?

user3: did you get your social media hacked or sum?

user4: I think her team took her social media away😭

- user5: yeah cuz her last (extremely unhinged) post was deleted too

- user6: Noooooo! I lived for Y/N's posts

- user7: me too girl😔

user8: I'll miss you diva💜

user9: #wewanty/n

- user10: #wewanty/n

- user11: #wewanty/n

- user12: #wewanty/n

user13: congratulations, but please give my girl back her account

user14: The biggest sign that this isn't Y/N is that Joe didn't comment

- user15: fr! he always comments on her posts

- user16: he's silent protesting💀

lahjay10_: I can finally scroll on instagram without getting a jumpscare🙏 I used to pray for times like this!

- user17: Ja'Marr😭

- user18: Bro rejoicing💀

joeyb_9:

liked by lahjay10_, sam_hubbard_ and others

joeyb_9: Since someone got her social media privileges taken away, I had to be the one to post this photo of her because she said: "I look cute in this photo, the world deserves to witness it"

view comments:

user1: get yourself a man who posts you on his instagram when you can't!

user2: she was right, I had to witness this🙂‍↕️

user3: mother is mothering!!!

lahjay10_: you down bad bro

- joeyb_9: and?

- user4: THAT'S A MAN!

- user5: I swear my pants were JUST on

jjettas2: what happened to the social media break?

- joeyb_9: boyfriend duties called

- user6: When he breaks his social media break for you>>

user7: Thank you for blessing us like this🙏

user8: I am straight, I am straight, I am straight

user9: Joe is so lucky😔

- user10: He gets to wake up to this everyday😫

- joeyb_9: It's a pretty sweet sight ngl

- user 11: STOP😭

- user12: bro be reading all the comments

- joeyb_9: gotta make sure only nice things are said

- user13: stop that's so cute🥹

One year later:

yourusername:

liked by joeyb_9, jjettas2 and others

yourusername: I let him make me Juno

view comments:

joeyb_9: Prettiest mommy in the whole world ❤️

user1: OMG I AM TOTALLY NOT FREAKING OUT!

user2: mother is a real mother???

user3: Those unhinged posts actually led to this???

user4: CONGRATS!!!!

jjettas2: Congratulations you two! So happy for you!

teehiggins: QB loading...

lahjay10_: Blessed to be baby Burrow's uncle🙏

sam_hubbard_: Congratulations!❤️

andraiiosivas: The best parents!

user5: when mama y papa actually become mama y papa🥲

[bersford]

MAFIA X COP

mafia boss!clay beresford x cop!reader

warnings: NSFW / SMUT ; sex tapes ; kidnapping ; (unprotected) PIV sex ; long buildup to the actual sex scene

writers note: this is all fiction and probably won’t happen in real life, im not too educated in the whole mafia stuff so if there are any inconsistencies i am sorry !

You're a detective for the NYPD (new york police department) and you're running an investigation on a robbery - when you realize clay, a very powerful and dangerous man, had done it, you quickly shut down your investigation, not wanting to get involved with him. you're completely oblivious to the fact that clay had already found out every single detail about you the day you joined the force. from your appearance, to your favorite color, to a super top secret sex tape you made in college…

Clay is sitting in his hotel suite, nursing a whiskey as he watches you on top of some scrawny guy. the footage is black and white and shows you bouncing up and down on the boys lap, your back arching at a certain angle that makes your tits look amazing.

Clay sets down his drink once he feels the stirring in his pants. he grabs the phone and dials a number from memory,

“Vinnie, get me y/f/n y/l/n.” he says firmly and quickly. “Get you her…” Vinnie repeats with his thick italian accent,

“how, boss?” He asks, needing more info so he doesn’t screw anything up.

“Just bring her to my suite, as soon as possible. And listen, vinnie… be gentle, yeah?” clay replies, his tone softer than usual.

the next day, as you’re walking briskly to your apartment building, two men emerge from the shadows. one clamps a gloved hand over your mouth, before you can scream, while the other puts a bag over your head.

you get thrown into a van with three other men, the two that had kindapped you and the driver.

The men carefully guide you to sit on the van's bench seat, their grip firm but not painful. One of them speaks in a gruff whisper, “Don't make this harder than it needs to be, Detective. The boss just wants to talk.”

“W-who are you?” you ask, your voice cracking.

“Name’s vinnie, that’s marco and the driver there isn’t important. We’re taking you to clay beresford.” Vinnie grins, as if he had just told you incredible news.

“Beresford…” you repeat, the name familiar on your tongue.

Vinnie chuckles darkly. “That's right, dollface. Beresford. Now, you're gonna come with us nice and quiet, ain't ya? No fuss.”

You sit quietly, leg shaking in … fear? anticipation? just anxiety in general maybe?

They bring you to clays hotel suite discreetly. Vinnie knocks on the door and as expected, clay opens it. “leave us.” he waves off vinnie and marco.

Clay undoes your blindfold and it takes your eyes a moment to adjust to the light, your pupils dilating. “Clay,” you greet him coolly.

“Y/f/n,” he greets with the same cool tone. his gaze travels up and down your body, stopping shortly to take in your heaving chest before continuing down to your hips. “you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for this.”

“What do you want?” you ask, trying to mask your fear.

Clay steps closer, his hands roaming over your sides “I think you know exactly what i want.” his hand reaches to unbutton the first button on your blouse.

“You want to fuck a detective?” you ask in disbelief.

“It’s more than that, darling.” he murmurs, his finger popping the button open, “I want you to be mine. To be my wife. To carry my name. To bear my children.”

You reach up to redo the button on your blouse. this is crazy. you’re a cop, for gods sake! you can’t just marry a mafia boss. i mean- it goes against everything you believe in! “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?” he lets his hands drop to his sides, “last time i checked you weren’t spoken for. No husband, no boyfriend.”

“Just because im single doesn’t mean i can be with you.” You state firmly.

Clay chuckles darkly, “and why not?” He moves closer, slowly sliding his hands around your waist to pull you flush against him. “i can give you everything. money, power, protection, anything you want or need, i have it ready for you.” He murmurs against your lips, leaning in to press his against yours.

You lean up, ready to lose yourself in his lips before backing away. “no, no, i can’t do this.” You rub your temples, frustrated.

“Come on, what’s stopping you?” clay asks, crossing his arms.

“I just can’t.” You furrow your brows, confused as to why this is all happening and how it happened so quickly.

“Your lips say that, but your body says otherwise.” you’re back in the position you were before, with his arms around your waist and bodies pressed together “Can’t you see it? our bodies fit together perfectly, we’re made for each other.” Clay chuckles, exaggerating his words in a playful manner.

You back away again “i- i took an oath to serve and protect-,”

“Fuck oaths. Y/f/n, im telling you that you can have everything in the world if you just say you’ll be mine and you’re thinking about some oath?”

You stay silent, feeling way too many emotions to say anything.

Clay rubs his temples, unsure of how to convince you. “Look, i know this is a lot to take in, but i’ve been fascinated with you since the day you joined the force. I promise you, if you just say yes, you’ll be the happiest woman alive.”

He leans in close, too close, close enough for his lips to touch yours. To his surprise, you don’t pull away. He smiles softly against your lips as your tongues tangle around each other.

You’re both left breathless and panting when you pull away, “you’re a crime boss..” you whisper against his lips. “I’m a businessman.” he corrects you before claiming your lips again and letting his hands wander all over your body.

Clay lifts your leg up to hook on his hip, sliding his hand down to your ass then lifting you up. “Wrap your legs around me, darling.” He murmurs against your lips and you do as he says without thinking twice.

He carries you to the bedroom and lays you down on the king sized bed, one hand on your waist and the other spreading your legs. He starts unbuttoning your blouse eagerly, his lips still pressed against yours.

His lips wander down to your neck, sucking and biting gently. Your blouse is now half open, your tits almost spilling out of your bra.

“Say you’ll be mine, y/f/n.” he murmurs against your lips as his hands slide down your unzip your skirt. “say it.”

You pause for a moment then murmur “I’ll be yours..” against his lips.

Those three words seem to heighten clays desire, his movements become more hungry and less calculated. He slides your skirt down then takes a moment to admire your naked form.

“Holy…” He breathes then presses a kiss to the center of your chest, then your stomach, then just above the waistline of your panties. “a body like yours deserves to be worshipped.” he murmurs then crawls back up to kiss your lips.

You kiss him back hungrily, now starting to undress him. once his dress shirt is open he shrugs it off and reveals a set of toned abs. his hands swiftly unbuckle his belt and slide his pants off. your gaze drifts down his body in appreciation, stopping at his boxers to appreciate the bulge.

“Like what you see?” he smirks then hooks his fingers in your panties, silently asking for permission to tug them down. you nod and he pulls them down your legs then tosses them on the floor, reaching his hand behind your back to undo your bra.

His gaze zeros on your tits, he leans in and presses a kiss or two on your breast before sucking on your nipple gently. He releases it with a soft pop then hooks your legs over his waist.

Clay aligns himself with your entrance then slowly pushes in “stop me if it’s too much,”

You throw your head back on his pillow and moan at the feeling of his length stretching you out.

Clays eyes are shut and his brows are furrowed as he groans, pushing deeper and deeper until his base disappears inside of you.

“Oh god” he moans, stilling inside you for a moment before he starts thrusting slowly “you’re so fucking tight.”

His hands guide your hips, moving them at the same speed as his thrusts at an angle that hits your perfect spot.

“Right there!” you throw your head back, your back arching slightly, signaling that you’re close.

“That’s it, baby, let go.” he smirks and keeps thrusting, gradually getting faster and harder.

You let out a high pitched moan, your legs twitching beneath him as you find your release.

Clay feels your walls clench around him and the feeling is… incredible. “fuck” he moans, “good girl.”

He holds back, determined to make you come again before he does. his fingers slide down between your thighs, rubbing and teasing your clit as he watches you writhe beneath him.

His thumb presses down and rubs your clit in time with his thrusts. His focus solely on your pleasure. “god, you’re gorgeous” his gaze locked on your face as you moan his name.

Clay lifts your hips higher, hooking your legs on his shoulders and thrusting in again, the new position allowing him to hit that perfect button inside you.

You let out a loud moan, biting your lip afterwards.

“That’s it, let me hear you.” he smiles and kisses your lips gently.

Those words make you break, your body shuddering beneath him, your back arching and your eyes rolled back. clay feels your walls clench around him once more and he lets himself let go. “fuck… fuck, FUCK!”

He stills.

Clay pulls slowly pulls out, his sheets now soaked in both of your juices and cum leaking out of your pussy.

He takes a couple of deep breaths then gets up, grabbing some paper towels “let me clean you up” he says softly and start wiping.

Once you’re both somewhat clean, he lies down next to you and pulls you close, “Thank you.” he murmurs against your neck, leaving a soft kiss on the back of it.

“For what?” you smile, amused and a bit confused.

“For agreeing to be mine.” he places another kiss to your neck then settles against the pillow, ready to fall asleep with you in his arms.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

can u plsssss yap more Abt ur opinions of fanon Marlene more??? I agree with everything u said Abt the rant Abt fanon Remus, James, Sirius, regulus, and Marlene, but wanna hear more abt her (and maybe the other girls too???)

yes bby OKAY so.

i lowk hate marlene's fanon. she's so mean lesbian and i dont . i dont like that. mainly because she's only mean to sirius (&is a remus dickrider lowk,) and like . i hate men too bby but like there is a time and place for it yk idk. i get that bc her personality is entirely headcanoned its more necessary to 2d-ify her but i wish she had more personality than liking effie, being mean and being a lesbian :(

lily !!!!!!!!!!!! let her be dumb. please. i want my silly goofy girl. also !!!! i see a lot of content of her being discriminated which yes true because muggleborn but i feel like it's canon/safe to assume that she's well off !! i want to see more cunt lily. but not like a bitch yk just a cunt. also !!! more lily getting in trouble AND GETTING CAUGHT please. please. she's not a super genius mastermind who can play the godliest pranks with her girls and then never get in trouble. more flawed women please.

also !!!! this is specifically @ people who pair james w someone else (jegulus, bambibelle, wolfbucks, etc.) i dont like. actually. i lowk hate when lily's a lesbian. like bfr is the only reason shes not w james bc shes a lesbian? i love marylily and stuff but i feel like i want to see more lily with a man (i KNOW what this sounds like i swear im not being like 'STRAIGHT REP MATTERS AS MUCH AS LGBT REP 😠😠' )

i want to get into moonflower but like idk any fics yk. ☹️. and !!! i want to see her studied without having a love interest. OH AND i want to see her not end up single in james/man ship fics. idk why this peeves me. i think this goes for a lot of women actually. like idk let her find someone yk. oh and !!! this is just a random fandom complaint but like just because someone is single doesnt mean theyre aroace. sometimes people are just single!

also !!! more lily friendships. more lily as a popular girl. as liking quidditch. i feel like she's so underdeveloped even though she's the ONLY marauders era girl we have SO MUCH information on. :((

MARY MACDONALDDD my BELOVED . my BETROTHED. i love her. but. shes so oversexualized. i say this as someone who also views her as dating around a lot btw not shading anyone but like . !!!!!!!! she should be seen as more than that. same as lily, let her be seen as a character and judged as one before you ship her with someone. also, idk again why this bothers me since i dont see her as that, but i feel like i require some insecure mary content. just like a mess of insecurities, ACTUAL insecurities which are real and not simply in her head because she's the most drop dead gorgeous girl in the whole world. maybe as a mother. i love her as a mother. because mother mary skfsk. ummm yeah . i love her. my wife. please treat her right guys. ALSO if someone has any mary centric fics haha . give me.

[taradactyls]

"Willoughby could not hear of her marriage without a pang; ... For Marianne, however, in spite of his incivility in surviving her loss, he always retained that decided regard which interested him in every thing that befell her, and made her his secret standard of perfection in woman; and many a rising beauty would be slighted by him in after-days as bearing no comparison with Mrs. Brandon."

I'm normally too focused on 'well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions' to really think about how this sort of thing would affect Marianne, but I mean, it's quite creepy, right??

Imagine you're living your life, happy with your husband, healed and flourishing, and every now and then you find out your HORRID ex is insulting other young women (and they must be young, if they're a 'rising beauty') by invoking your name. Like leave her alone, Willoughby!! You hurt her enough. She was 17 (to your 25) when she was in love with you, she's grown up, seen you for who you really are, and moved on. There's something incredibly selfish about even after treating Marianne so horribly, he refuses to stop associating her name with his own. I wonder how many people would know of Marianne PURELY because Willoughby casually mentions (many times) a young lady has no resemblance to her.

No one wants their worst ex to keep haunting the edges of their life.

[keeps-ache]

✦ obsession

[alt version below]

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

[silly-lil-scribbles]

me when i cant be someones favorite person all the time forever for no fucking reason: ah i see. hm. okay. i should go abandon everyone and everything and then kill myself

[softgrungeprophet]

my kaine playlist is 2 and a half hours long...

okay well actually it's more like—

there's my primary Kaine playlist which is 2 and a half hours long and kind of doubles as a partial Janine playlist (still mostly Kaine but there's bound to be some overlap, all things considered):

and maybe it has some questionable song choices

—

There's my Spider-Man (well, really it's just Peter) playlist which is also 2 and a half hours long and has perhaps what some might call "too much" Blink-182 and pop punk on it:

—

There's a mixtape from Annabelle to Kaine which probably isn't done yet but is 40 minutes long:

—

There's a response from Kaine that he makes after leaving which is 44 minutes long and also probably technically not done yet:

—

There's also a playlist for the "worst year of peter's life" fic-in-progress which is 55 minutes long, probably complete, and which is sort of about Kaine but is also about Peter and in general about the entire situation that they've all been subjected to (including like, Flash's interactions with not-Peter (Ben)) and also a little bit about the past:

—

I don't have a playlist for Ben lol

[trans-xianxian]

I think we gotta start recognizing that "things accepted online/in leftist spaces" and "things accepted by the general public in the real world" are two very different things. like no actually gnc men are Not suddenly seen as okay because there are drag queens on tiktok. men are still beaten and harassed and ostracized and Killed for being feminine. in the us. in my very liberal city full of ppl with blue hair and pronouns I am made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome for being a gnc guy. the tiktok comments on videos of men wearing make up are not indicative of the beliefs of most people

[random0lover]

I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”

(Rant in tags)

[sparrownnax]

anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno

[blue-eli]

@khoc-week I am late I am very late-

Day one: Introductions!

Nathaniel Ezra Wyatt: a scholar, magic user, and very concerned adult. His home world (Hyrule, yes he is technically an LoZ oc as well shhh) fell only a year or so after Radiant Garden’s fall, when he was around 37, and he found himself in Traverse Town. He ended up bonding with the group from RG who were living there (Cid, Leon, Aerith, Cloud, and Yuffie) and found himself part of their little patchwork family. He is, despite looking like an pretentious old librarian, quite outgoing, and loves hearing peoples stories. He is also quite parental by nature, and keeps on finding himself adopting any stray child soldier he comes across (why are there so many-), and co-parenting the RG kids with Cid. After Maleficent was defeated in kh1 he made the decision to go with to Hollow Bastion with the gang instead of staying in Traverse Town or hoping to find himself back in Hyrule. He’s settled into Radiant Garden quite permanently now, and spends most of his time helping his family rebuild it. :)

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[ninjagotohell]

I just read a whole wacky thread of people arguing which parent was bad Garmadon or Misako and I’m no longer scared of the Misako defenders

[todayisafridaynight]

What type of dad would Arakawa be like if he wasn’t a Yakuza and just decided to raise Ichi?

have you ever met a suburban dad

[afniel]

AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.

So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.

In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.

And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?

We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.

For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.

YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...