#but then shes like. oh shit. oh shit i actually have responsibility now
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The House Guest 10
Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: Bucky Barnes
Summary: an old acquaintance calls in a favour, leaving you with an unexpected house guest.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
You stare through the window as hammering echoes through the glass. Despite the muffling of the barrier between you, it’s loud enough to put you on edge. Or maybe that’s because of the man calmly bringing the iron down on the nails.
As if he can sense you, he looks up, his dark hair flopping back. You quickly spin away. You have to be going stir crazy. Bucky was just concerned. A lot of people come up this way and get freaked out by the wilderness. You used to when you visited as a child.
You go back to the kitchen and take out the ingredients for your grandma’s classic turkey stew. It’s always a comfort as the temperature starts to drop. Still, it’s never as good as she made it. One day, you might figure out the secret.
Cooking is a good distraction. There isn’t much to do up here. Often, you enjoy that facet of your existence. You work then disconnect and just do your own thing. Now you can’t help but feel the desolation.
Thunk, thunk, thunk. The hammering continues. You put the turkey into roast. It’s always better to season and cook it first then shred it up for the stew. You set the broth to simmer with the chunked veggies and pace the kitchen as you wait for it all to come together.
You use a fork to pick the meat of the turkey legs and dump it all in the boiling pot. Another hour to meld together and it’ll be ready to serve. The longer you let it, the better. It’s always best the day after.
The silence doesn’t hit you until you hear the back door. The smell of pine follows Bucky inside. You put your attention to the pot and stir it.
He sniffs and sighs loudly as he enters. “Ah, smells delicious. Chicken?”
“Turkey,” you correct him as he twists on the faucet and squirts soap into his hands. He lathers up and looks at you. “It’s funny. Back in my day, not to sound like a crotchety old geezer, women cooked. They had recipe cards on the counter. These days, half the girls I talk to can only use some app to order pizza that tastes like ketchup on cardboard.”
“Oh, yeah? I kinda miss fast food,” you say dully.
“Huh. ‘Cause I miss the home cooking. It’s just... simpler.” He shuts off the tap and shifts closer, drying his hand on the dishcloth as he looms. “If it hadn’t all gone to shit, I probably woulda found a good woman. Settled down, lived the good life.”
“Right,” you nod awkwardly and set the spoon down.
He clicks his tongue and turns, putting his hand on the counter as he leans on one foot. His other hand goes to his hip. “But then I wouldn’t be here.”
“Fair,” you say, distancing yourself as you step around him to get to the fridge. “I got some cider left over? Want some? It’s mulled. Julian down by the Rocks makes it--”
“Think I’m good,” he says.
You put the large glass jug on the counter and open the cupboard. Bucky catches it and shoves it closed with a snap. You face him in surprise. He’s strong. You know that but feeling it is something else.
“Sorry, I... I’m in your way?” You wonder.
“No, you’re right where you should be,” he says.
You try not to lean away from him. Your heart is racing. You swallow and peer over at the dimming window.
“I could help you cover up the lumber before--”
“Already did that,” he interjects. “You know, I think I’m where I need to be too,” he edges closer. “Think after everything, I did find that good woman.”
You blink, speechless. You can barely think above the tempo behind your ears.
“I hear it.” He puts his fist to his chest and knocks on it. “I know you feel it too.” He stills his hand and holds it over his heart. “I was pissed when Sam brought me up here. Dropped me off like some stray dog. The longer I’m here, the more I realise he did me a favour. He didn’t dump me on you...” you wince as he pulls his hand away from his chest and opens it to cradle your face, “he gave me you.”
“Bucky,” you latch onto his wrist but can’t move it. “I think we need some space. Don’t you?”
“No,” he says flatly.
“You spend too much time in the same proximity, and it starts to get weird--”
“No,” he repeats. “I’m right. It’s perfect. You’re strong, you cook, you’re handy, not afraid to get a little dirty,” he slides his hand down to cup your chin. You flinch but can’t pull away. “And you got a nice ass.”
“Bucky,” you breath and gently shove his chest. “I’m saying to you that you’re wrong. I’m flattered and all but no.” You push harder as he squeezes tighter. You whimper, “ow, let me go. I’m calling Sam-”
“Shh,” his other hand swoops up to back of your skull. He lurches you closer, bringing you to your nose as he snarls down at you. “You’re not calling anyone.”
“Bucky--”
“It’s the way you say my name,” he growls.
“Please, you’re hurting me--”
He hushes you again as his thumb rubs behind your jaw. He turns you so your penned in against the counter. You splay your fingers across his chest, dragging them down to his stomach as you push on him. He stands unmoving.
“Let go--”
“You. Let go,” he insists calmly. “You built this wall around you. Let it down,” he drops his hand from your head and lets it trail down your back, “let me in.”
“No, I’m telling you.” You squirm against him. “Stop this, right now.”
“I know you want me. I found that toy. The little flower, hm?” He tickles along your side, your jaw aching in his grip. “You wanna feel the real thing? Huh?”
“Please,” you clasp the fabric of his shirt in your fingers.
“Doll, I want you think about this,” he buries his thumb behind your jaw until you whine. “You’re up here all by yourself. Lonely days, lonelier nights. Anyone could catch on. They could figure out just as fast as I did.” He leans in until you’re nearly bent backwards. “You need a man because any old beast could snatch you up.”
Your eyes glisten and you search his face. He doesn’t look human. He’s animalistic. His eyes are dark and dilated and his jaw is set with slathering hunger. Your lip trembles.
"Wouldn't you rather have the beast on your side, doll? Instead of tearing it down?” He purrs and shifts his hand around your chin, bringing his thumb up to poke at your lower lip. “I can be good for you, all you gotta do, is the same.”
#bucky barnes#dark bucky barnes#dark!bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#series#winter soldier#captain america#drabble#the house guest#falcon and the winter soldier#avengers#mcu#marvel
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Online/Offline [C.S] - one hundred and two | now you *have* to explain
“I don’t know, auntie.”
A customer walked up to the counter.
Minsoo covered her phone with her hand. “Y/n?”
You came out of the kitchen. “Yeah?”
“Can you help this customer? My aunt is on the phone.”
“Yeah, you can take it outside if you want.”
“Thank you.” Minsoo said to you before replying to her phone, “I said I don’t know, auntie.”
You helped the customer and about ten minutes later, Minsoo came back over to the counter looking frazzled. “Sorry about that.”
“What was that about?”
“My aunt - San’s mom - was asking me if I’ve seen San and what he was up to and everything. Apparently she heard something was going on with him through her lawyer because he knows someone who knows San’s lawyer.” She rolled her eyes with a sigh.
“Oh? He doesn’t call her?”
Minsoo shook her head. “Not since the emancipation.”
Your eyebrows shot up. “The what?”
“Uhhhhh.”
“I mean, I guess you don’t have to tell me if--”
“San was a Chaebol heir!”
You choked on your own spit. You had no idea how you inhaled it, but you were so surprised you started choking. “A-- what?!” You coughed.
“Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,” Minsoo whined.
“Then why did you say it?!”
“I don’t know! His mom always plays with my head! I’m sorry!”
“Don’t apologize to me!”
“Ahh!” Minsoo whined.
You laughed. “Well, now you have to explain.”
“Ugh, okay, but don’t tell him I told you.”
“Fine, I won’t.”
“So… ugh, okay. So when San was maybe sixteen, he met Seonghwa in school.”
You nodded.
She nodded. “When San was eighteen, there was this whole big fight in our family, because his dad is the current owner of Choi Electronics - which is like, electronics mostly, but a whole bunch of subsidiaries - and they wanted to merge with another company when he turned twenty.”
You nodded.
“They actually could have merged when he was eighteen, but they decided that he and the daughter of the owner of the other company should be married for like… I don’t know, security or something, so they had to wait until they both turned twenty. But they made them meet when they were both eighteen.”
“Holy shit. The lives of rich people are insane. That sounds like medieval kingdoms allying with each other.”
“Maybe, I don’t know. A lot of families do it but it’s so archaic.” Minsoo took her phone out of her pocket.
You looked at her quizzically.
“I’m making sure the call ended. If my aunt heard me say that, she’d kill me.”
You nodded. “Are your parents like his parents at all?”
She put her phone away and grimaced as she thought. “Not as much?”
Your eyebrows lifted in silent questioning.
“Like, my mom is his dad’s younger sister, so she works for the company but never had that kind of pressure, and I never had it either. We’re just not that important.”
“That must be nice. You get the money but not the responsibility.”
She seemed to weigh something in her mind before continuing. “But… once I tell them I’m dating Seonghwa, we’re probably going to get into a fight… and there’s a good chance I could get cut off.”
“Oh my god. They don’t know?”
She nodded.
“I mean-- not to derail, but would you break up with him for them?”
She looked at you flatly, a face you’ve seen Seonghwa make multiple times when he was displeased by someone or something. You raised your brows in surprise.
“Break up with the lovely nerd-man who’s helping me learn to stick up for myself and who thinks my being chubby is cute or neutral, so I can stay with a family who calls me fat and wants me to be a doormat?”
You pointed at her aggressively. “I TOLD YOU he’d think it was cute!” And banged your fist against the counter in excitement.
“When did you say that?” She laughed.
“Didn’t I? I don’t know, maybe I just thought it. But whatever, I was still right! You’re adorable.”
She laughed bashfully.
“But yeah, don’t break up with him for them.”
“I don’t want to, but I get the feeling that they’re going to give me an ultimatum and I’m going to have to find an apartment soon.” She sighed.
“Maybe you can move in with him; combine your Gundam collection.”
She chuckled.
“But yeah, the San thing, go ahead.”
“So anyway… the fight started because San and the girl had an official meeting - it’s a blind date - and he came back from the meeting saying that he hated her. I never met her, but San called me afterwards and told me everything she said, and she seemed like, uh…”
“A heinous human being?”
“Yeah. Like a real princess who’s used to everyone waiting on them hand and foot, you know?”
You nodded.
“So then he went to his parents and was like ‘I’m not marrying her,’ and they were like, ‘What about the daughter of this other company?’”
“And that obviously wasn’t the point.”
“Yeah. So he told them he didn’t want to marry someone they picked out for him because her dad’s company was doing well because he didn’t want to be miserable for the rest of his life… And they fought for weeks. He got his own lawyer, and this whole court case happened, and he basically had himself legally estranged from the family and got some amount of money from them that I don’t know, and then they cut him off.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, he’s not in any wills anymore or anything.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. I actually uh… I helped my grandma do a sneaky thing and she made my amount of her will larger so I could give it to him.”
“Did you?”
“Of course.”
You held up your fist for her to pound it and she did.
“You’re a solid girl, Minsoo. I’m surprised you weren’t too scared to do it.”
She shook her head. “I’d do anything my grandma would ask me. She was such a beacon of love in our family… and sense.”
“Shame no one else took after her.”
She nodded sadly.
“So were the results of the case their retaliation? Or is that what San wanted?”
“Being written out of the wills was his parent’s requirement. He got whatever money was legally in his name, and gave some of it to Seonghwa to start this café.”
“Oh, wow…”
You looked around the café. It had never occurred to you that someone as young as Seonghwa being a café owner meant that he had to have a nice chunk of cash on hand to make everything happen.
“I had no idea. Why has he never said anything? Also… I thought Seonghwa was the owner?”
“He is. San is his investor.”
“Holy shit, I had no idea.”
Minsoo nodded. “Yeah.”
“Did he ever say why he emancipated himself?”
“Not to me. But it’s pretty obvious, I think. He wanted to be in charge of his own life.”
You nodded. “Yeah, I guess all that money is kind of pointless if you can’t live the way you want and are forced to marry someone you don’t even like.”
Minsoo nodded.
The two of you stood in silence for a bit.
“You can not tell him I told you.”
“I won’t, don’t worry.”
Obviously, you had to talk to him about it.
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a/n: Y/n is finally learning all his secrets!
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#San#Choi San#Ateez#Ateez smau#Ateez fic#Ateez au#cafe au#streamer au#fake dating#reader fic#ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ/ᴏғғʟɪɴᴇ
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Au where Moonpaw is in fact Bayshine and Thriftear's kit but the entire clan is convinced its a Squirrelflight and Crowfeather situation where Bayshine and Thriftear adopted Moonpaw from Nightheart and Sunbeam and is a nightsun kit because of her pelt and name, and everyone's jumping to conclusions about it. Moonpaw is a sweet but cunning and devious little devil child who is all too happy to cozy up to her "parents" for extra attention as well as get them in trouble and just generally be a little shit.
aka au where moonpaw takes advantage of the nightsun assumptions to cause problems on purpose
#i want her to be a brat. like squirrelpaw x100#she has firestar's legacy and she KNOWS it and she is not afraid to push around to get what she wants#like the rich girl elementary school bully trope. her great great great whatever granddad was suuuuper cool you guys#like he actually came to me in a dream one time and said i had special moonpool powers#'my dad works at nintendo" kind of lies#ive had enough of cats who dont want to be special and rejects their destiny or whatever#i want a stuck up prissy princess of the clan who uses family favoritism to bend the rules for herself and be a menace#like child odette in the swan princess movie#which would be even funnier if then she actually DOES get cool moonpool powers and rubs it in everyone's face#but then shes like. oh shit. oh shit i actually have responsibility now#i think thatd be cool#wc moonpaw#wc changing skies#changing skies#wc#warrior cats#bone blathers#moonpaw
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when the doctor asked emma grayling who clara is and she was like "she's a perfectly ordinary girl shes very clever and she's more scared than she lets on is that not enough" literally me to moffat
#clara oswald#doctor who#the fucking loss i experienced in bells of st john#couldnt even allow her to be good at hacking on her own da spoon men had to boost her iq<3#that was the beginning of the end#she was such an interesting and derranged character she deserved more and by more i mean less#so so much less#she was interesting in her own right she did not need that other shit#like she literally had her own time lord victorious moment she saw the universe from birth to death in hide and it changed her#she kept doing increasingly more reckless shit because she went to space to fill a hole she was not trying or expecting to live that long#and she hates it when the doctor tries to be responsible for her#shes always like i never asked you to protect me!!! which is a wild take she refuses to recognise him as the one who can keep her alive in#environments she has never experienced before#she went with him to have some wacky fun and then she saw horrors beyond comprehension and went oh. ok. i can be god too#she looked at the doctor and went oh it's not that you're special it's that your circumstances give you power. and now i have power too#and i have power over you i can make you do things for me#that shit was so good#and like to be clear im not saying she cant have her whole orphan black thing going on#but like what did it actually do for her as a character? it couldve done a lot but she wasnt the focus of any of it#also p much everyone on this show has sacrificed themselves for the doctor it is not a defining trait#what defines her as a character is not that she was Born To Save The Doctor its that she thinks like this#nobodys ever safe!!!!! ive never asked you for that ever!!!
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“They need to drop a show about the toxic sketches” y’all couldnt handle that rose quartz wasnt a good person
#Like sorry if u ever made a post saying that the garnet Pearl thing as an allegory for SA was stupid I don’t think ur readdyyy#if u think the colonialism allegory is a stretch I don’t think u could handle amethyst pretending to be Lars or whatever#like that’s the too deep ‘it’s a kids show!’ shit y’all hated#well actually nvm y’all only hate when we say white liberalism is white#so if it was white ppl being toxic on a kids show it wouldn’t matter#and y’all wouldn’t be showing benevolent racism towards amethyst if it was that way it’d be full macroaggressions#look at the what u did to bismuth#and after that onyx sketch I don’t think sugar coulda handled all that well#it took a few seasons to get garnet away from black strong and silent#I will admit that payoff was nice until they made EVERYTHING about fusion and shoehorned her into team therapist#but they did reel me back in with the cat episode and her breakdown there#but tbh for garnet specifically that’s a fans being more racist than the show issue#like the way ekko or Duke are well written but fans do the stereotype thing anyways#uhm anyways yeah if u can’t say the word racism when talking about SU or it’s fans you wouldn’t have been able to handle gregpearl 😩#oh and caveat for the actual post#my definitions of good and bad are convoluted as hell and I might expand on my rose thoughts fr one day#but for now I’m not saying good or bad. like I don’t think she’s a good person but I think it’s bc she’s naive but I cannot stand naivety#as a character trait so I do heavily dislike her#but like. as objective as I can get she just sorta doesn’t realize that other ppl can’t do whatever they want#In the sense that other ppl are bound by things like responsibilities and relationships#and the one tether who could’ve taught her that - Steven - is what killed her#like believe me rose and freedom and what she sees as freedoms is soooooo interesting to me I fucking love it#I cannot stand ‘she’s not a bad person bc she was abused’ or ‘she didn’t mean to’#but diff story diff time
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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For years, I've been trying to put into words Why I give a single iota about Bendy & the Ink Machine, but it's such a tangled mess that no thread can be seperated -- they're all interwoven in a way that makes it hard to pick them out. The game, overall, makes me miserable, because I can see that there was love put into it, but a lot of it is thrown to the wayside in favor of a story that I think was retroactively improved by the sequel's recontextualizing of it, but is ultimately not worth the price of admission & majorly drops the ball.
It's easy to list things I don't like about it -- the gameplay is sparse, the combat is uninteresting, none of the chapters feel connected, the bugs that assault all my playthroughs & kill my saves are consistent & fill me with dread every time I open the game, the lack of thought in the contents of a chapter (chapter 3's wheel ""puzzle"" & the animatronic Bendy from chapter 4, in specifc, really grind my gears), which speaks to the amateurish & rushed way that the game was crafted -- there's a lot to hate, & it's easy to hate it. But I don't. Despite all that, I am compelled by this game, by what it's trying & failing & trying again to say.
It's really easy to understand why you dislike something. I couldn't have told you much about what I did like, in Ink Machine.
& then, I played Dark Revival. I didn't realize I liked the story of Ink Machine, until I played Dark Revival. It's a better made game, it's just not fucking interesting, to me, because it doesn't have a story worth tuning in to.
#em.txt#negative#idk how better to word this. at no point did i ever consider ink machine to have a good story. it's quite bad.#the devs admitted they spliced in fan ideas & tossed out things as they went in response to the fandom#& it still somehow comes out as more. something. like more substance#& see I didn't think the story was that bad when i played dark revival. & then i rebeat the final bit to unlock#the archives -- much beloved btw. glad they brought them back for the sequel -- & read a character's blurb#& i realized the writers live in an alternate dimension where the ''twist'' they ''put in their game'' actually happened#Everyone i have ever seen play dark revival sees wilson being super telegraphed as evil thr whole game#& gets confused when audrey is like 'okay but he's a good dude though' bc nothing makes that make sense#he does nothing that can be viewed as good except oh wait i need to tag spoils now#batdr spoilers#okay. except for throwing malice in cycle breaker jail bc yeah from Audrey's pov that's prolly a good move#she does try to kill you. that's it though. like it's not that they have a common goal she just decides he's good#from nothing. HE KILLS YOU IN THE FIRST 5 MINS OF THE GAME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT#she spends a lot of time outbursting at alison bc she's been turned inky & hates it but alison didn't do that she just lives here!!!#she gets more mad at joey for telling her he swooced the ink machine than she does at wilson for trapping her & killing her#& summoning his horde to attack her which causes everyone to become hostile towards her#which btw. he never revokes that even when you defend him & are chilling in his manor#so you're still being attacked & shit even though he's actually like good thoughghhh#& it just makes audrey seem stupid for not realizing the obvious villain is evil & mean to her friends for no reason#i need to stop talking now i am going to explode
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my favourite headcanon for glass sorenson is that she came down with farm station and watched them murder luke right in front of her eyes (or kidnap him or something cause i love tragic lovers but she deserves to be happy) and so she’s one of the first people to join pike’s militia and turn vengeful, and her best friend wells (he lives too cause this is my canon now) is trying to get through to her but she won’t hear it cause all she wants is justice and to get her oldest friend clarke griffin out of polis and away from harm (they’re friends too fight me on this i dare you)
(also sorry about the tags i didn’t know i had that rant in me 😭😭)
#the 100#the 100 novels#kass morgan#glass sorenson#please explain to me why she wasn’t in the show#actually dont i dont want excuses 😭😭#shes my babyyyyy#and this is my favourite headcanon for her#i think that after everything that happened to her she deserved to stab someone#i also think having someone explicitly in the younger main cast who was affected by the farm station massacre would help highlight why they#refused to trust grounders and wanted vengeance for what happened to them#because it feels like the show was going for a whole black and white youre wrong thing#which sucked#cause you literally hear hannah and pike say that the CHILDREN who were just PLAYING IN THE SNOW were the first to die#and then the writers are like but how DARE they want retribution#also im sorry but lexa was so stupid to think the ice queens body would be enough#everyone was so for jus drein jus daun but when they demanded the grounders responsible it was literally never adressed#and they didn’t even see the ice queen die#lexa just wanted to hand them her body and be like okay its done now stop causing problems#also she did literal shit to help because a whole ass SEASON later some of farm station are still alive being held as SLAVES by the ones#who attacked them#and if the main group didnt go after the ship for ita resources they would have died their in praimfaya or died through the labour#like please explain to me why the writers just brushed this aside and then made BELAMY the guy who lost someone he loved and was manipulate#the villain of that season like the fuck????????#not saying they had a right to go around massacring villages im not an idiot that was too far but the people who are like oh they were#murdering children how could they 😔😔#like the grounders didnt kill children FIRST and get NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCES pisses me off to no end#also im really supposed to see skaikru as villains fot wanting vengeance when literally 99.99% of the grounders we meet wanted it and the#ones who didnt DIED for chosing peace because the rest refused to abadon violence like titus and lincoln literally say lexa would DIE for#wanting peace and changing her ways cause her people would MURDER her and yet skaikru were evil for wanting justice
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Not my mom badmouthing the job I'm really excited to get 🤡🤡🤡
#she's making up shit that wasn't in the job description and guilt tripping me and calling me naive and stupid and lazy and incapable#in an attempt to force me to get a shitty job i hate for not even more money or just a few bucks more that wouldn't make a big difference#i literally just fucking applied for it if i get a response or invitation to a job interview is another thing#she's pressuring me into searching for a job close to where my sister would work and she doesn't even know where exactly that will be#the event agency is just a few minutes drive outside the town it's not like i'm at the other end of county so what's her fucking deal#oh delicious now she's accusing me of taking drugs because i'm 'aggressive' in the last couple of months#well sorry i'm a fucking mental trainwreck thanks to how you and your husband raised me among other reasons#it accidentally slipped out that i smoked a cigaretted once (1) in october and she thinks there were drugs in there#great now she's threatening to burn my face with the pan from the stove what the actual fuck is going on in that cunt's head#i hate her so much i'm having a panic attack in the bathroom and she yells even louder and gets worse#hmmmm what if i killed myself?#she's also like 'and she's too stupid to realize it's over with her ex but she keeps crawling back to him after almost three months'#i just wished him a fucking happy birthday. sorry i have some decency and don't immediately despise someone i loved#mel talks#depressed bitch posting
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me for the majority of the night:
me remembering that my grandma gave me a quilt that was handmade in the 60s by my great grandma:
#do u guys ever feel like. intensely connected with an object#bc she gave this to me when they were visiting yesterday and i was like..oh. yeah. this Feels Right#this Feels Correct.#this is my hole it was made for me but like..about a blanket that was made like 50 years ago#its all... dark blue and pink and its got hearts sewn into it its so. waaugh#anyway. im having. a night#loki got into the garbage and ate a bunch of shit and i dont know what he ate so im like. panic awake for the next few hours for sure#and imnlike. the last few days ive just had this intense like. need. yearning. to just. take a break.#im not even DOING anything. theres nothing to take a break FROM. ive been ACTIVELY AVOIDING responsibilities#but i still feel like i need a break. whats the move here.#i wanr 2 put my body on autopilot and not exist for like a few days i think that would fix me. just fuckjn. zap on outta here#im drawjng a bunch of weird fish. btw. will post those in the morning. i have never done anythig. like this before#im just. drawing random ass shapes and adding eyes and tails to them. not even lookin at actual fish. this is so unlike me#but also like. accidentally drew the cutest sea serpent and catfish ever#ughghghhhgyggygyghg#anyway. blanket time. idk. back to that for a sec. lookin @ this thing and it just. feels right. yeah#mine now. thanks great grammy ily#delete later
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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bad alternate timeline is going well in that my character, a perennial wuss, realised that another pc has kidnapped her aunt and threatened her cousin and immediately went 'oh im gonna fucking kill him'
#naielle odelia is going to fucking murder morgaan vandervest#and if youve kept even the faintest track of the lore in this campaign you know thats WILD#like a) vandervest should be dead and b) naielle deeply respects him?#in the prime timeline the situation was very complicated but naielle felt a strong responsibility towards her boss#and felt compelled to repay what she saw as unfounded trust in her. shes tried to be the captain she thinks he thought she could be#she doesnt know that isnt remotely what he had in mind and in fact her character growth from that undermined his plan#which was to have a captain who would be loyal and manipulatable#but she thought he had faith in her to rise to the challenge of command. and she did. and that made her harder to maneouver#because now she has the confidence to tell him his decisions are shit. and doesnt move around the board the same#but she still is 'loyal'. she chose to keep trusting him where she felt she could. she thinks he was a good commander#meanwhile in the dark timeline the first time they met he was coming to seize her aunts estate#and now hes kidnapped her aunt and briefly held her cousin hostage and naielles like oh im gonna kill him#she'll do it crying. not because she caresabout him but because shes scared#and i know that the moment he dies naielle will actually remember who he is. who he was to her#and shes going to have a very bad time#the dread timeline has been bad for everyone but at absolutely no point has naielle had a good time#like its been probably the worst 48hrs of her life i think she can say that confidently now#like before it was like 'this sucks but is it worse than exile' and once she got home and found out about her aunt#its like yeah no we've got the no1 spot locked in. worst time i have ever had. wow!#theres so many other things making naielles like miserable in there but atp the tags are overloaded haha
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"I hate that i let this drag on so long, i hate myself; i hate that i let this drag on so long, you can go to hell" = "And I've enabled it for years! The games-- the binges, the middle-of-the-night phone calls... I should have been the one on the bus; not... you should have been alone on the bus."
he is so self-loathing // casual, chappell roan
#Im genuinely hyperventilating#like im hyperventilating#it feels like someone just punched me in the throat#oh my god oh my .god oh#Heres the progression of what events led up to this. ok#i see this on my dash#i dont watch it fully because i get distracted. but i listen to the song#I listen to this song on repeat for 3 Days#I log onto tumblr hands shaking sweating fucking ripping apart my likes looking for this amv screaming crying#And now we are here. Hi#This is so fucking. Oh my god#Nmy head hurts so bad#jesus christ#Chappell roan x hilson Jesus CHRIST#Op i hope u know u are singlehandedly responsible for making me listen to chappell roan#Shes so fucking good holy shit. pop princess of the decade like i actually do not care#house md#hilson#house md amv#house md edit#hilson amv#hilson edit#Matching “talking down your sister” with the scene of house accompanying wilson to go see his brother#“maybe we'd have an apartment”#Op. i need you to know this#You are a visionary. And im sending you three million dollars in the mail tomrorrow
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something reminded me of my first therapist (who was rlly shitty and didnt help me at all) and im so pissed
so her and my mom were talking right? during a therapy session. and then my mom is like "oh my daughter doesnt wanna hug me anymore :((" and you know what this woman says?
"oh, she's at that age, you've just gotta pull them in anyway"
i literally cant. this was like, my second session, mind you. she didnt know anything about me. my mom couldve been SA-ing me and that could be the reason why i wasnt comfortable but she would have no way of even knowing. guess what!!! turns out im autistic and im a lot more hypersensitive to stuff like hugs than when I was little- THATS why i dont like hugs. and even if that wasnt the case- even if it was just a case of a moody teenager being a moody teenager or whatever, why does it matter??? its still MY body, im allowed to set boundaries, just because it might make someone else sad doesnt mean my boundaries are unimportant??? like this type of shit is what makes people pleasers and what leads to people getting SA'd and not doing anything about it because theyve been taught that their boundaries are unimportant and theyre being rude and that they should be focused on pleasing others and that its "not that bad" and goddammit i just hope shes fired shes such a piece of shit
#she was actually such a bad therapist its not even funny#the majority of my therapy sessions had practically nothing to do with the fact that i was mentally ill and being abused and was suicidal#instead she spent the whole time debating my gender identity. shit like “oh well you look like a girl” “well you have a period” etc#and i remember opening up to her about how mentally unstable i felt and you wanna know what her response was?#“well do you think it has anything to do with your ”gender identity“?#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES OVER FUCK YOU#trans people arent mentally ill because theyre trans theyre mentally ill because of assholes like you#cant believe i really took all that shit from her. if it were me now i wouldve shut that bitch up so fast istg#its crazy how youtube and bracelets have contributed more to salvaging my mental health than actual licensed fucking therapists
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❝i am half-agony, half-hope. . . i have loved none but you.❞
summary: how the marauders loved you in their time. featuring harry potter the time-traveller and sixth-wheel.
pairing/s: poly!marauders + lily x reader.
tags: reader is referred to as she/her and a mother throughout the whole fic[!], reader is a violent gremlin who craves blood but the marauders love you for that, implied child abuse[!], mentions of blood and violence[!], disgustingly sappy poetic fluff, no angst, happy ending, not proofread we die like finnick odair, edited: very minor detail.
note: there is little plot, it’s just the marauders and their adoration for you. thank you all so much for your kind responses to my first marauders fic :(( ilysm! i hope you enjoy this one as well! because there are parts when i was writing that i ended up kicking my feet in the air and smiling to myself.
“MY NAME IS HARRY POTTER. I come from twenty-years in the future, you’re my mum — one of my ‘em, actually. It’s complicated. And you’re married to James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black.”
You blink.
“Get the fuck out of my room!”
Harry James Potter has dodged many things in his life. Killing curses, jinxes, girls, Draco Malfoy, and Dudley’s sloppy punches, but he’s never had to dodge his sixteen-year-old mother’s fuzzy slipper before. (Godric, that sounds weird, even in his head.) He doesn’t know precisely how he arrived here. In the Slytherin common room, to be exact, in your dorm. Harry remembers duelling with Death Eaters, Hermione calling his name, and a flash of light hitting him square in the chest, then he remembers waking up in the cold tiles of the snake dungeon. He nearly throws himself off the window when he meets your eyes, bleary from interrupted sleep — it’s not often he gets to meet [read: one of] his dead parents, after all, three had been brutally murdered by Voldemort, and one killed by his own loony cousin. He misses Sirius, though. A lot. And right about now, he could do with some of Hermione’s nagging and brilliant plan-making.
At present — or past, Harry guesses — he watches you scramble out from your duvet, hand clumsily reaching for your wand as you snarl at him. He wonders if his mother knows that he’s encountered other creatures far more threatening than her. Oh shit, he realizes with all the forces of an angry Hermione Granger, isn’t this the last thing he’s supposed to do? But, well, Harry has given, and given, so much of himself all for the greater good — just this once, he’d like to see his parents alive and well. Even if they were currently trying to blast him into the walls.
“If you’d just let me explain, mum—!” Harry pleads, nearly dropping his glasses after dodging one of your stinging hexes. Godric, you’re crazy. “Please!”
“Stop calling me that!” You screech, eyes set ablaze. Harry finds that you’re quite dynamic with your attacks. A hairbrush, followed by a stinging jinx, then a thick History of Magic textbook — which rudely hits him in the face, but he doesn’t dare complain because you’re his mother, and he’s respectful like that — and after you’ve exhausted your breath, running him into a corner, and your nostrils flare with the stubbornness of a lion, you point the tip of your wand at him. “If this is another one of the Prewett’s shitty pranks, I want you to leave! You are in the girls’ dormitory beyond midnight, and so help me, if you aren’t walking out that door in the next five seconds, I will kill you and string you up by your bottoms for everyone in school to see! Maybe all your stupid rumours of me being a Death-Eater might come true after all!”
“You’re a Death-Eater?” Harry asks dumbly.
You growl furiously, and Harry figures that was not the right thing to say. “I wonder what McGonagall would say if I delivered your head to her on a silver platter.”
“Professor,” Harry corrects with a toothy grin. “Professor McGonagall.”
You slam his head against the wall.
Definitely the wrong thing to say.
Harry groans, little Dobby heads floating around his vision. Why was this so much harder than actually facing Voldemort? Quick, he needed to think of something, otherwise he’d end up eviscerated to ashes on your cold, stone floors. Harry is pretty sure you’d use his remains as decoration to send off a message to your enemies.
“You hate your father,” Harry slurs through the pain, remembering Remus’s stories of how you were the gentlest magical being he’s ever had the privilege to love — now that Harry thinks about it, Remus was being extremely biased, nothing about you is gentle at all. “He’s forcing you to marry someone old enough to be your grandfather. You love to read Muggle literature but had to stop when your father burnt your whole collection of books. Your favorite novel is Persuasion by Jane Austen. It’s the one book you carry with you everywhere, you could never get tired of it.”
Your grip on his shoulders falters, but the fury in your eyes crackles. “This isn’t funny.”
“It’s not meant to be funny, mum,” Harry croaks, voice cracking pathetically — strange how this is the most he’s ever uttered the word, mum; it’s a peculiar string of letters, foreign on his tongue. “You have tremors in your left leg from when your father cast the Cruciatus curse on you. One of your dearest friends is a Hogwarts house-elf named Pipley. You cheated on your Transfiguration essay once, and—”
“That’s enough!” You bark, eyes narrowed in dangerous slits. “I don’t know where you heard those from, you creepy, little stalker, but if you want to keep breathing, then I suggest you shut up.”
Harry scoffs — you don’t understand. Everything he’s learned about you is from Sirius and Remus. They talk about you with whispered devotion, your name like a prayer on their lips, their eyes glazed with wistfulness as though they could see you reaching out for them — but you were dead in Harry’s time. Yet, you might as well have been alive with their tales of you.
(“She’s a different kind of beautiful,” Sirius had said, a year after breaking out from Azkaban, sitting by the fire in Grimmauld Place, taking a swig of decade-old firewhiskey, “The kind of beautiful you don’t want to take your eyes off from because you’re afraid she’ll disappear from your eyes. But you won’t forget her, oh no, you’ll memorize the freckles and moles on her skin, the scars from her years, the light in her eyes, and the way she holds her head up high. You should have seen her, James, she. . . she was — is glorious.”)
“I told you,” says Harry firmly — although he loves his mother very much, she’s beginning to wear him out, “My name is Harry James Potter, I come from twenty-years in the future. You are one of my parents.” A lightbulb flashes in his head. He squirms in your hold, reaching for his robe pocket until he finds the thing he’s looking for. Harry dangles the ring in front of you, grinning in success when your eyes flash in recognition. “It’s—”
“A family heirloom,” You say breathlessly. The alexandrite winks under the light, a familiar gold band with the Latin inscription of your House words. “Where did you steal this from?”
Harry rolls his eyes. “You left it for me in my Gringotts vault. It’s my heirloom now. You have to believe me, there’s no way you can deny this.”
You take a step backwards, nibbling on your lower lip, as you stagger to your bed — Harry nearly stumbling to catch you in case you fell; adjusting to the living proof of time travel was quite difficult, he, of all people, should know. He exhales, dragging a hand down his face. “Magic, amirite?”
You throw a pillow at him, which he catches gracefully thanks to his Seeker reflexes, as you plop down in the comforts of your quilts. “Sleep. The other girls won’t be back until the end of the holiday. We can deal with whatever this is in the morning. It’s way too early for me to process the idea of a future Potter spawn following me around.”
Harry smiles. “Yes, mum.”
ONE THING THAT his fathers failed to tell him about you, and that Harry had to learn himself, was that you took ages to get ready. You sat on the chair in front of your vanity mirror, the birch wood legs whittled with snakes, and it was as though you had a Sticking Charm on the cushion. Harry didn’t know there could be so many creams, oils, and serums, and powders one put on their face. He blanches when you turn to offer him a cream for his under eyes. (“Suit yourself.” You shrug, turning to brush your cheek with dusts of pink. “Just saying, those dark circles aren’t doing you any favors.”)
“What am I like in the future?” You ask, a kind lilt to your voice, much like a warm hug, much like home.
Harry stiffens, shoving his hands in pockets of the robes that were twice his size — you had given him the garments of Lucius Malfoy to change in, which you apparently had stolen from his room. It’s come full circle, really, the Sorting Hat had once told him he would be great in Slytherin, and now here he was, looking fabulous in green — because he was about to hurl at the feel of the velvet on his skin, knowing slimy Lucius Malfoy had worn it. (“No son—” You pause with a tight purse in your lips, as if you still can’t accept the fact. Harry doesn’t blame you. “—no son of mine will be parading around in red of all colors, future or not.” And Harry finds that he really doesn’t care, so long as you call him your son.)
“Loved,” replies Harry gruffly, avoiding your eyes in the reflection of your mirror — they were piercing. One look and Harry wanted to spill all of his deepest, darkest secrets. He remembers the photographs in his album, the one he’s stared at so many times as a child. It’s a moving photograph of the five of you, fresh out of Hogwarts, each wearing a smile that stretched from ear-to-ear. Before Sirius and Remus, it was the only semblance of proof that Harry had — that you had once been alive. Remus is holding you by the waist in the picture, twirling you around as autumn leaves fell. You were — are — loved, and Harry thinks there’s no better description than that.
(“I bloody hated her cat,” says Remus with a roguish quirk to his lips, regalling Harry with more talks of his parents. “Sirius, too. We just never got along with the little creature. But your mother loved it, and we would have done anything to make her happy. She deserved it, you see. She deserved more than what I had to offer her, but still she chose me anyway. And I am a selfish man, Harry, I crave glimpses of her and the whispers of her voice. She has made me a mad man whose only reprieve is her touch.”)
You hum knowingly. “Stupid question, I guess. Since you aren’t allowed to reveal anything more about the future.” You sigh, gracefully threading your arms in the sleeves of your shirt, a green tie in the center of your collar. “Except, of course, when you gave me a heart attack in the middle of the night by telling me the last thing I want to become — no offense, I just don’t see how a relationship with those rowdy bunch would work. They get on my nerves far too much for me to ever feel anything other than disgust.”
Harry doesn’t need a mirror to see that his expression has contorted in confusion; brows knitted and upper lip crinkled. By their memories of you, you all were madly in love in Hogwarts. Damn. This just made his trip to the past a lot harder. No maze seems to be ever just a maze.
Luckily, you don’t notice him brewing a grand master plan to bring his parents together. Instead, you say, “But you don’t seem to be phased by any of this. If I had been thrown twenty years into the past, I would have puked my guts out twice at some point.”
“Thanks for the image,” says Harry with a scowl. Truthfully, it had either been a present with a noseless Dark Lord to face, trauma to unpack but really never have the chance to, or a past where all of his parents were alive, and a chance to talk with them for however long he has. He knows where he’ll be staying, thank you very much.
“Anytime,” You reply with an impish smile.
Your heels pad across the floor as you walk over to him, mouth clicking as you pat the top of his head, full of wild, untameable Potter hair. “You need a trim soon,” You mutter, frowning, as you brush the thick strands away from his eyes, then you gasp — and Harry knows exactly what’s coming next. “Oh, you’ve got Evans’s eyes. That’s freaky.”
“I know.” Harry grins.
“Here’s the plan,” You say as you lead him out of your room, making sure no one saw him walking out of your door and getting the wrong impression — because that would be so wrong on many levels, but also, explaining to someone else that the person beside you was a time-traveller was just complicated in general. The Slytherin dungeon is unfamiliarly familiar, eerily quiet, as the two of you made your way out. “Just say you’re Potter’s distant relative, twice or thrice removed, and you’ve always been here. If you lie to their faces enough, they’ll believe it eventually.”
“Will that work?” Harry doesn’t really mind — he needs a connection to James, his father, if he’s going to work out a connection between you and the others, because at the moment, it doesn’t seem like you’re too fond of them. There’s a tick on your jaw every time you mumble the word, Potter. Nevertheless, Harry decides he’s going to spend the duration of the holiday break trying to set you up with them — on the list of most insane things he’s ever done, living out the Parent Trap was high up the tally.
You shrug. “They’ve fallen for less.”
(“She’s got this adorable habit when she lies,” Sirius tells Harry, whipping up a stack of pancakes for their breakfast — Remus browsing through the morning paper. It’s the closest he’s ever been to a normal family. “It’s not obvious to her, of course, but I know her more than I know my own name. So we play along with it.” For a moment, he stops drizzling the maple syrup on the well-cooked batter, gazing at Remus fondly. “D’you remember that, Moony? She led us straight to one of her pranks, and we ended up covered in slug slime. She was so obvious — with her adorable fucking giggles. I need help with Charms, she said, and we knew right away it was a set-up. But it didn’t matter. I’d happily let her lead me to my ruin.”)
The Great Hall is the same as Harry remembers. Now that most have returned home for the holidays, those who stay back mingle with students from other Houses, sharing meals under the bewitched ceiling, their low murmurs and hushed Christmas greetings bouncing off the walls. Harry scours the four tables to find a hint of blazing red hair, or the scent of impending trouble. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to search very far. As fate would have it, James Potter finds you — and where he is, Sirius Black is sure to follow.
You’re barely seated when James comes bounding over to your table — more precisely, he struts, and Harry is horrified to ever be proven wrong by Snape, of all people. He ignores the roll of your eyes as he drags a leg over the bench, sitting to face you as Sirius occupies the space to your left before Harry can even sit down. He can’t even fathom how weird it is to see his parents as rambunctious teenagers. Lovesick, rambunctious teenagers.
“Morning, dove.” James preens under your glare, stealing a grape from your bowl with a boyish smirk. His hair looks as though he’s ran his hand through it many times. “You look ravishing today.”
“As always,” Sirius pipes in. “But that eyeshadow really isn’t complementing your skin tone, my darling.”
You smile at him, right before your lips twist into a cutthroat sneer. “Piss off, Black.”
James stifles a laugh as he shovels a mass of potatoes on your plate, then pumpkin pasties, and slides a steaming cup of Dragon Well tea in front of you.
“What the hell are you doing, Potter?” You reach over to smack his arm when he sprinkles apple slices and bacon on your breakfast.
“What does it look like?” James smiles lopsidedly. “You need to eat more, honey.”
(In the future, Sirius will tell Harry, “It started off as a joke, a way to get on her nerves — but then, it just became this thing about taking care of her, making sure she got enough sleep before her tests, wondering if she had breakfast or dinner, staying with her in the library, walking her to the Slytherin common room, and sending her stupid notes just to make her laugh. You don’t get it, Harry. I’d give my every breath to ensure her life. We all would.” Harry doesn’t see Sirius any more during that evening, but he hears a bottle crashing against a wall, cracking into a million pieces, and the masked sound of Sirius sobbing, and Harry decides to leave him alone for the night.)
Then, you tear your eyes away from James — he huffs, pushing your plate to you, mildly annoyed that you’ve deprived him of your eyes; they were his favorite part of you, you see, so expressive and full of life; James thinks you put the stars to shame — and thankfully, you remember that Harry still exists. You lightly smack Sirius’s leg until he gives Harry some room to sit. “Potter, meet other Potter. It’s the holidays, shouldn’t it be the perfect time to let go of House prejudices and spend time with family?”
James looks at Harry up and down. “You must be from dad’s side of the family with all that hair.”
Harry lets out a breath of relief. That was easy — way too easy. When he takes the vacant space in between you and Sirius, you dump all the available food on his plate, just as James had done for you.
“Eat,” You say with a tone of finality. “You look like the wind could snap you in half.”
“Yes, m—” Harry stops himself before he could finish his sentence, avoiding Sirius’s curious gaze.
“Wow.” Sirius pokes Harry in the shoulder and in the cheek. “You really look like a mini-James, you’ve even got his terrible eyesight.”
“Oi!”
Your fork clatters against the silverware as you turn to Sirius with a shrill. “Not that I do enjoy your company — because, trust me, I do not want you here at all and would very much prefer if you got out of my sight — but why are you here? The Gryffindor table is over there. Unless your housemates finally got sick of you, Potter, which I can definitely see happening.”
James chuckles, tossing another grape in his mouth without taking his eyes off you. “It’s as you said, isn’t it? It’s the time for putting aside House prejudices. And I think it’s a lovely day to enjoy a meal with my favorite snake.”
“Drop dead,” You retort, digging into your chicken with a little more force than necessary.
“Oh, dove.” James shakes his head, a teasing grin pulling at his lips. “It’s cute that you think death will keep me from you.”
(Harry’s been told before, probably by Sirius, that this line had been wedged into his wedding vows for you. “A dramatic one, James was,” Sirius chuckles to himself one morning, Harry and Hermione listening intently, “He always said he’d rather die than ever hurt her. There was this time in seventh year, they had a fight — it was ugly — and she had ignored him for a week. James cried in Remus’s arms begging him to cut his heart out, saying that he didn’t deserve to keep on breathing, not after making you cry.”)
“That is so creepy,” You say in disgust, scrunching your nose. Sirius chortles at your side. “I still wonder why Evans agreed to go out with you.”
“It’s all part of the charm, dove.” James winks. “It’s all part of the charm.”
Harry wants to barf, actually.
After breakfast, James then decides to introduce Harry to Lily, Remus, and Peter. (He’s gonna need the patience of a saint to not Avada Kedavra that rat on the spot.) Harry had spent the whole morning watching Sirius peel oranges and give them to you with a smitten look in his eyes — naturally, you gave whatever Sirius offered you to Harry, and each time Padfoot would visibly wilt. If he were in his Animagus form, Harry thinks he would be whining by now, tongue out and all. James and Sirius follow after you like lost puppies when you extricate yourself from the table.
“Where are you going?” James calls, hot on your heels as you leave the Great Hall.
“Away from you, Potter!”
And James actually sighs when you turn the corner and disappear from their peripheral vision. Seconds later, he turns to Harry with a blinding smile, “She’s definitely charmed.”
Harry chortles.
“Well, come on then!” James guffaws as he wraps an arm around Harry’s neck — this is so, so strange. They begin walking in the opposite direction of where you went. “I still can’t believe we’ve got another Potter here and in Slytherin. I think I would have remembered Minnie calling your name during the Sorting Ceremony. What year are you in?”
He’s supposed to start his sixth-year in a few weeks. “Fifth.” Technically.
“We should ask Lily,” says Sirius, hands in his pockets and ebony ringlets tickling his nape. “She’s got the best memory out of all of us.”
It’s odd, Harry thinks, meeting the person who’s got his eyes — or the other way around, as people have told him. It’s like someone carved out the emeralds of Lily Evans’s eyes and bestowed it upon Harry for safekeeping. She sits beside Remus Lupin, head resting on his shoulder, hands clasped together, as they enjoy the shade. Nex to them, oblivious to their intimate conversation, is Peter Pettigrew — with his rosy, cherub cheeks and innocent blue eyes; not at all the image of a pathological, cowardly liar. Their heads snap in attention as James boisterously cries for their name.
“Marauders — and Lily-pad — meet ickle Potter.” James lightheartedly whacks Harry on the back, to which Harry feels his lungs spill out from his mouth, he’s sure there’s an imprint of his father’s hand on his back now.
“There’s two Potters in Hogwarts?” Sea-green eyes look at him in scrutiny as Lily knits her brows. “How even is the castle still standing?”
James cackles like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard in his entire life, slapping his knee for dramatic effect. Oh, well, at least they’re buying Harry’s half-baked lie. At this point, it’s not even baked, it’s just wet, soggy, and poorly done. “Good one, Lily-pad!”
Sirius ruffles Remus’s shaggy blonde hair, canines bared in a wide grin. “This one here’s Moony, uptight prefect in the morning and absolute beast in the evening.”
Harry blanches. Surely he was talking about his furry problem, right? Right?
Remus doesn’t even flinch, just peels off Sirius’s hand from him and extends his hand out to Harry. “Please do not mind him. Remus Lupin, nice to meet you. Although, I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve met. We would have definitely remembered if we had another Potter in our midst.”
“It’s true, we Potters are just hard to forget,” says James, smiling cheekily.
Harry pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Mum didn’t take the Potter name. I’m part Dursley. Muggle.”
Lily hums, toying at the ends of her bright hair. “Dursley, huh? What a familiar name.”
“It’s a common one,” Harry assures her — not at all the names of the people who would take him in after they died. And make his life miserable.
“I suppose you’re right,” says Lily, unconvinced.
“And this is Peter.” James introduces the boy eagerly, pride in his voice — as though this isn’t the person who literally allies himself with Voldemort. As if Peter won’t betray his friends all because of fear.
“N–Nice to meet you,” Peter stammers with a nervous fidget, “Any family of James is a friend of ours.”
Harry’s eye twitches.
IT IS ALMOST COMICAL — the way their eyes land on your figure, bursting through the courtyard from the corridors, winter cloak swishing with every step, tendrils of hair swaying in the crisp wind, and head held up high, thick books under your arms. You pause in front of the Marauders, face blank, then you turn to Peter, greeting him with a: “Hello, only Gryffindor I can tolerate.”
Peter’s cheeks burn a saccharine hue of pink. Oh, no, no, no — absolutely not — Harry will not stand for a little crush Peter Pettigrew has on his mother. He needs James to act now. “Hi,” Peter replies shyly.
Lily quirks her lips. “Hello, princess, see your score for the Astronomy test yet?”
You scowl. “Zip it, Evans.”
The sound of Lily’s laughter fills the atmosphere — it’s the sort of melody that makes flowers bloom in deserts. “Had a bit of difficulty with the star charts?”
Sirius pinches your cheek — Harry thinks you’re going to murder him on the spot. “Difficulty? I think this one just slept through the whole thing.”
James snickers. “Must have been one hell of a nap, princess. You were drooling on my jumper.”
“I most certainly do not drool!” You gasp, appalled, eyes wide as you step away from Sirius.
Sirius rolls his eyes. “What? Is drooling too barbaric for the pretty, little pure-blooded princess now? Newsflash, pet, you’re just as human as we are.”
“Oh, you horrible, loathsome, infuriating—” You whip around to beat his chest with the course book in your grasp — it’s the kind of book Hermione would consider for light reading.
“Irresistibly attractive—?” Sirius supplies for you, grin widening with as he captures your wrist with his hands.
“In your dreams!” You shrill.
You exhale slowly, eyes closing, chest rising when you take a sharp inhale. You open your eyes and stare straight at Harry — for a moment he fears that you’ll bite his head off. “Harry, dear, will you accompany me to the library? I think I’ve found something important regarding your situation.”
Harry nods. “Is it time already?”
“Yes,” You say firmly. “And time is of the essence. Come on.”
“Wait!” Lily calls out to you as you turn to head back to the castle, Harry in tow — he tries to avoid the way James is glaring at your linked arms. “Hogsmeade next week?”
Your jaw falls to the ground — this must have been unrehearsed, if the others’ reactions were anything to go by; Remus had dropped his book in shock, Sirius looked like he couldn’t decide between applauding Lily’s bravery or shaking her, and James was somehow frozen in time. “Excuse me?”
“You’re excused, princess,” says Lily, dimples poking out of her cheek as she takes another step towards you. “You, me, Hogsmeade. A date. I’m sure you’ve gone on one of those before.”
Harry elbows your stomach as you stare at Lily in shock. It takes a few moments to break you out of your stupor. “A–And what makes you think I’ll just go with you?”
Lily shrugs. “I’m fit. Aren’t I, Remus?”
“The fittest,” says Remus without missing a beat.
You laugh incredulously. “Do you just expect me to go along with this? You’re mad, Evans.”
Harry glares at you. You need to go along with this.
“Are you scared, princess?” Lily’s face is inches away from yours, noses almost touching — Harry doesn’t know if he should keep watching this painful way of flirting — as she grins at you, happiness barely contained within her eyes.
To your credit, you don’t back down. (Harry has to say this for the masses: he saw your gaze flitter down to Lily’s lips for a split second.) “Stop calling me that, Evans.”
“One date, then.”
You growl in exasperation, eyes flickering to the boys behind her back — pretending not to hear their conversation. “I suppose I’ll have to deal with them as well?”
Lily beams and Harry swears sunflowers could grow in her direction. “We’re a package deal.”
“Unfortunately,” You utter — but Harry notices it, the lack of venom in your voice. You straighten your posture, nose lifted haughtily, “I choose where we’re going.”
“Done.” The sun peeks out from the cloud just as Lily smiles at you.
“And I want to—”
“Done,” Remus interjects raspily, peering up at you from underneath his lashes. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”
You fight a growing smile, but continue, “If we’re going out in public, you’re going to have to wear—”
“Done,” says James giddily, he looks as though he could kiss you in front of everyone without a care in the world.
“You can’t just agree to anything I say!” You flap your arms in frustration.
“Yes, dear,” Sirius teases.
“Do you know how much you piss me off, Black?” You squawk. “Because you are this close to—”
“You are so fucking beautiful,” Sirius confesses, every pretense shed raw from his skin, sincerity pouring from his words.
“I—” You falter, heat rushing to your cheeks. “You’ve gone mad.”
“It’s your fault, dove,” says James, eyes twinkling like crescent moons as he smiles. “You best take accountability for this.”
“You’re incorrigible — all of you,” You say as you avoid their gazes.
(But they were yours. Past, present, and future. They loved you so much that their soul was no longer their own — it was yours; yours to keep, yours to break, and yours to love. It would be unjust to ask them why they loved you. Do we ask why the sun rises each day without rest? Do we ask a daisy to stop blooming, or a tree to stop growing after it has endured storms and floods? After all, we do not ask why humans follow the light in a tunnel shrouded in darkness.)
“Come on, Harry, let’s go.” You reach for his hand, he notices immediately that the tips of your ears are pink, and your palms are warm with sweat. He barely sees Peter wave goodbye before you tug him in the direction of the castle entrance.
“Wait up!” Remus catches up to you two in quick strides, offering to carry your books for you — not that you agree, stubborn Slytherin that you are. “I’ll walk you to the library.”
“There’s no need for that, Lupin, thank you.” You dodge his eyes, lips tightly pressed together, nails slightly digging into Harry’s arm.
“Remus,” He says with a twinkle. “Call me Remus.”
“Alright.” You pause. “Remus.”
(In that moment, Remus wonders if you remember decking Lucius Malfoy in the face to defend him in your fourth year. He didn’t think he deserved to even breathe in the same air as you — the pure-blooded princess, dressed in clothing worth more than his life, adorned in jewelry he could only dream to afford, raised to believe she was better than everyone else. Then, you beat up Evan Rosier the next month in the courtyard, eyes ablaze, extravagant silk marred with grass stains and mud, and knuckles split open. You spit blood on the ground, looking at Lily then back at Rosier. “Red,” You say, kicking him one last time in the stomach, unafraid of McGonagall’s wrath growing louder and louder. “Just like everyone else. Like those Muggleborns you fear. We’ve all got dirty blood, Rosier. Suck it up.”
“I’ll tell your father about this!” Rosier bellows through bloody teeth.
“Tell him!” You grab his neck and slam your forehead against his. “Tell him that I decide my own future now!”
Remus doesn’t even have to think about it.
He falls in love.)
FUNNILY ENOUGH, IT’S LILY who gives you her heart first, before anyone else does. It’s the last month of her first year at Hogwarts — it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet that she was a witch. Her, not Petunia, but her — Lily Evans, the witch. Apparently, some people can’t believe it either. A girl from Ravenclaw calls her this foul word, she’s heard it a few times now but it always hurts the same. James and Sirius get into a fight for her honor, now faced with detention later this evening. But she can’t help but wonder, what if they were right? What if she really didn’t belong in this world? It was too good to be true, anyway. Perhaps she’ll just run a flower boutique with Petunia.
“Oi.”
The sound of your voice startles her, and she nearly topples over in the Great Lake. Lily catches sight of your Slytherin colors and resigns herself to another round of name-calling. “What do you want?”
“They’re wrong, you know,” You tell her, ignoring Lily’s question. You look down on her with your nose raised arrogantly — she wishes she could be like you. Born to be magic. “You’ve got a terrifying brain locked up in your head there, Evans. And they know it, too. They’re scared.”
Lily scoffs. “I’m just a Mudblood to them. There’s nothing to be intimidated by.”
You sneer. “Don’t say that word. You’re more than that. More than them. They’ve got long ways to go to prove they have a place in this world. But you — you’ve defied the odds and you were destined to become magic. You don’t have to prove anything. You have the right to be in the wizarding world and no one can take that away from you.”
Then, you pivot on your heels, not bothering to hear her reply. “You’re my rival now, Evans. Do keep up. We’ve got an Astronomy test tomorrow. I look forward to seeing how you do then.”
Lily just gapes. She’s certain there’s butterflies in her stomach. Her heart thumps wildly against her ribcage. Lily raises her hands to feel her blushing cheeks. There’s a light unfamiliar sensation in her stomach — like the urge to kick her legs and scream into a pillow, or more precisely, chase after you and hold your hand.
She stiffens.
Oh.
part two
#hp angst#hp fluff#hp imagine#hp x reader#james potter x reader#lily evans x reader#marauders angst#marauders fluff#marauders imagine#marauders x reader#sirius black x reader#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders fluff#remus lupin x reader
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hey sooooo I have a fic request for u babe! What about reader with Remus and it's like the first time she's sleeping over and she unexpectedly gets her period and she's like sorry I ruined our night I can go home and Remus is just like what?? No stay and just him soothing her through the cramps
Thank you for your request ml!
cw: period pains, mention of blood, brief allusion to mdni activities (though they truly could just have been making out if you want)
Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 960 words
It’s rare, this early in your relationship, that you and Remus can sit down to watch a film and actually watch it. But it seems you’re both thoroughly spent from partaking in those other activities so frequently during the day, and now you’re both just winding down for the night, waiting to see who will admit to wanting to go to bed first.
Remus is just as content with this, your arm pressed against his and your head heavy on his shoulder, feeling your ribs expand and contract with relaxed breaths. He could get used to having you here. It’s taking more restraint than he could have imagined to keep himself from just offering you his spare key and begging you to come and go as you please.
“Oh, shit.”
It’s a whisper, not particularly alarmed, but the way your muscles go stiff tells Remus it’s not nothing. You sit up, taking your weight off of him.
“What is it?” he asks.
You don’t answer him at first, squeezing your eyes shut. Your expression is one of unmistakable mortification. You look agonized. Remus tries to let you have the time you need to think, but a worm of unease eats further into his gut with every second of your silence.
You push out an exhale that sounds laborious. When you open your eyes, there’s enough apology in them for a capital crime. Remus thinks that he’d probably forgive you if you told him you’d committed murder (and maybe that should scare him more than it does).
“I think I’ve just stained your couch,” you admit.
“Okay,” he says slowly. He doesn’t see the cause for such distress, but he also isn’t sure what you’re talking about. You’re not holding a drink, so how could you…oh. “Oh, is that all?”
His nonplussed reaction doesn’t seem to affect your unease. “I’m so sorry,” you say, wincing.
Remus tuts. “Don’t be, you can’t help it. Do you have anything with you, or do I need to nip to the store?”
“I’ve got stuff.” You stand to get your bag, turning to grimace at where you’d been sitting on the couch.
Remus’ reaction skews in the opposite direction. It’s only a splotch; by your response he’d been half convinced you were sitting in a veritable puddle of blood.
“I’m so sorry,” you say again. “I’ll be right back.”
“You’re alright, love,” Remus promises you. “Take whatever time you need.”
While you’re in the bathroom, he addresses the stain. Truly, it’s no great hassle. With friends like his it’s hardly the first trial his couch has faced, and besides that Remus has an unusual amount of experience with getting blood out of things.
It’s soaking when you come back, a small rag covering the spot from your view. You’ve changed into your pajamas, presumably because you’d stained your pants as well, but this is far from an unwelcome development. You look terribly cuddly.
“You alright?” Remus asks as you come back to stand by the couch.
“Yeah,” you say, somewhat quietly. You seem suddenly timid, like a guest in his home. He wants to hug you.
“Does it hurt?” he presses.
Your mouth pulls to the side, which is answer enough. “A little. It’s been hurting for a while, I just didn’t recognize it for what it was. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting it this early.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He reaches for you, hiding his disappointment when you only put your hand in his. “That’s not a very nice surprise, is it?”
“No,” you agree with a halfhearted smile. When Remus squeezes your fingers, you squeeze back, and you at least seem up to holding his gaze even if you still look sheepish. “I’m sorry to ruin our night. I can go home.”
“What?” A bit of hurt bullies its way into Remus’ tone. Your expression changes like you’re surprised to hear it. “No, I think you should stay.”
You look hesitant, so he tries again, gentler this time.
“I mean, if you’re hurting and you want to be in your own home, I understand,” Remus says, “but I hope you’re not leaving on my account. I’d like for you to be here.”
You watch his face as though looking for discrepancies. “Really?”
“Yeah, sweetheart,” he says earnestly. “Of course I’d love to keep you. Getting your period doesn’t change anything, except that now you’re in pain and I’d like even more for you to stay so I can be with you.”
The muscles around your eyes relax, your expression softening into something so tender Remus feels his own heart turn to mush.
He gives your hand a little tug, and you take the cue, sitting back down on the couch between his open legs.
“Can I put my hand here?” he asks you, touching your stomach.
“Sure,” you say, still somewhat timidly. You take his hand in yours, moving it down a couple inches until his fingers are skimming the soft fabric of your pajama bottoms. “But it’s more like here.”
“Oh, okay. Can I put my hand there?”
With your nod, Remus slips his hand beneath your waistband, to that plush stretch of skin between your belly button and your panty line. He presses down gently.
“Oh.” Your body goes lax.
Remus chuckles, dropping his head to kiss your shoulder. “That helps?”
“Yeah,” you sigh contentedly. “A lot, actually. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” He pushes on a tense spot experimentally, rewarded when you sink further into his front. “Just don’t try to run out on me the next time something like this comes up, yeah?”
You agree readily. “Mhm. I wouldn’t have, if I’d known this was going to happen.”
Remus smudges another kiss onto your shoulder, smug. “Just remember this then, I suppose.”
#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x self insert#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fanfic#remus lupin fic#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin hurt/comfort#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin scenario#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin one shot#remus lupin oneshot#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#hp marauders#marauders era#marauders x reader
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