#but the way people romanticize and sexualize him is fucking awful

[annabellelupin]

people: *romanticize literal fucking murderers*

me: .... you do realize they're an absolutely terrible person right??

people: um well they're fictional and hot so its fine

me: *blinks intensely*

[xxextrie]

Can we just agree Alastor is one of vivsie's worst characters?

Disclaimer this post was meant to share points about the demonizing a real religion I have heard been said by people of color especially people in those religions who have been overlooked and diminished due to vivsie stans who are mad at the critiques.

So for one he does voodoo in the show which I wouldn’t trust Viv or any of the others to do, but a lot ended up very demonizing, Vivziepop made one character who does voodoo (which is a closed religious practice and Black/Creole/Haitian culture that is constantly demonized in media, like actually fucking stop). and is a demon and that’s all she thought was necessary for the representation, she could’ve had Sera/Emily practice voodoo as they are black women with powerful magic maybe characters who aren’t completely shown as demonic? Vivziepop tried to control the backlash from her using a practice she is not a part of by stating the alastor was mixed. (showing how little she cant draw non-white characters if she can just race swap them at the flip of a switch) Alastor most recently was said to be white/Creole.

But this also just was incredibly weird seeing as he is now a mixed man giving a black man/feline character a contract that allowed Alastor to "own" him with tons of imagery of Alastor pulling him around on chains. Which feels strange for him to be a supposedly “likeable character” (and by that I mean in fandom not necessarily in world) I feel like im crazy to have to say no matter your race you shouldn’t “own” somebody. And I don’t think a slaver should been shown in this fan favorite type character ignoring the important part to have character who does bad be shown as doing bad.

Not only is Alastor a shitty character people will defend the writers saying "it’s hell" like really? yea there are awful people in hell but he is shown constantly in a fun quirky way leading him to be a fan favorite so if they were meaning to show how bad of a person alastor is they are doing a shit job.

Along with all of this Al is Vivsiepops only Ace character wtf is that supposed to say about how ace people are portrayed in the show? as Slavers? Rasicts? Heartless? This is her idea of acespec people, the only ace repersentation in her show and this is what she hands us?

Not only that but she refuses to confirm Alastor's romantism to "let people have their fun" aka she doesn't care about aro representation because it might ruin peoples ship. Our romanticism and sexuality shouldn't be something to shove to the side anytime a fan is horny. Imagine if someone shipped Stolas with a girl? do you think she's say that its all fun? No because she doesn't care about ace people or poc people all she cares about in her non-con demon porn.

there is my rant Alastor is Shit Ace representation SHIT voodou representation

Also Mammon and Octavia haven’t done anything in the actual show to achieve ace rep. Also mammon? Really?

[dootznbootz]

I know we love our morally gray characters. But the internet kinda ruined Circe for me.

Let me explain.

I remember I actually used to really like Circe's character when I first read the Odyssey last year. I loved her as a "helpful antagonist type" character.

But what ruined her character for me was everybody calling her a "girlboss" or just simping for her in a way? But they completely disregard the fact she technically raped a man. (But no one cares about that because male SA victims never get taken seriously, especially in media smh)

Now, I can never experience Circe as the same character because all I see is a terrible person being glorified because of her gender. And then people say double standards don't exist!

Which I hate cause she's a genuinely cool character. (From a writing standpoint)

Circe isn't a bad character let me be clear (in the Odyssey anyway. Cough cough Madeline Mil-) But I just hate how people romanticize her completely ignoring her terrible actions. And to think it's all just because she's a "hot badass female".

And this isn't just about Odysseus either, there's literally a myth where she tries to seduce a man, but when he remains faithful she turns him into a woodpecker-

People can like her CHARACTER, however, they should still acknowledge her bad actions too and hold her accountable. If we can all agree it's shitty what Zeus did to a bunch of women, we can also agree what Circe did to Odysseus was shitty.

Women sexually assaulting men is just as inhumane as vice versa and we have to stop turning a blind eye about it, even if it's fictional.

And I feel like people WOULD actually hold her accountable if she was a male character. Which makes me even more angry.

Maybe this is just a me thing, but I just can't fawn over a character and call them hot when they've done something as bad as some of the things Circe has done.

So, I guess what you could get out of this-

Please stop romanticizing circe.

Hold her accountable as you would any other character.

Don't be so forgiving just because you find her attractive.

Anyways, thank you for coming to my Ted talk and sorry for ranting

honestly yeah, all of this.

I sadly had to block Circe's tag on tumblr because it pisses me off how much people glorify her and/shittalk Odysseus with it. (I trust my friends when they have Circe content lol)

I love Circe as well. She's such an interesting and fun character but how people twist her just fucks with me so much. Also to make HER a victim just for girlbossness? What's so girlboss about having such a horrific thing happen to you?

I said it in a different post but you can thirst for Circe without making fun of her victim. People will call a victim of rape a manwhore or a slut as if what happened to him was a grand ol time. It's genuinely disturbing. He is shown to have PTSD from it (in my opinion) in the Odyssey. This book is ancient and yet it captures that better than anything I've read.

Odysseus isn't necessarily a wholesome, "goody-to-shoes" man. He does a lot of awful things. That doesn't mean that the suffering he went through is suddenly negated.

Even bringing up stuff with female characters, the fact that people will water them down so then they're not "problematic" pisses me off. Women can be horrible, even good women. Penelope is my fave but she's pretty awful in many ways.

Evidence will be right in front of people and they won't care. Crying, begging to go, fear, avoidance, numbness, etc. There'll be excuses anyway. "He's a guy, he's fine with it." "Men are sex crazed, especially back then." "He didn't try hard enough." "He should be grateful."

Honestly? What saddens me the most is that I don't think people will ever really understand what happened or even WANT to because they have their own idea in their head and refuse to see it for what it is. I mean Hades game did it too. It's really sad.

Circe and him weren't fwb. They weren't lovers. What about "heart full of grim forebodings" screams love? He wanted to save his friends and go home.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

yeah. pretty dumb and anticlimactic as far as endings would go. generally, i think this just comes from romanticized fantasies about seeing homelander 'subjugated' and 'controlled' but there in lies the flaw with the thinking.

*human beings*, just *fundamentally*, are not *MEANT* to be 'subjugated' or 'controlled', typically if they are aware of an attempt to do this, they are not happy with it and it *DEF* can't be something forced on someone without *MAJOR* consequences/resentment. homelander's been confirmed as someone who downright *hates* it, beyond a shadow of a doubt. over and over, he *rebels*, he's losing his fucking mind over it. but just any attempts to do so (especially disregarding consent cause there are some people who genuinely do like to give up control with *informed* consent, tho def outside of the sexual context too) do *not* end particularly well--just look at history. heads start to *roll*. it's a fuckin' trainwreck of repeated pattern with privileged, disconnected people thinking an entire population of tired and abused people won't... revolt. after being pushed too far.

*those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it*

butcher's actually an interesting play on this because he's *resigned* himself to it. he *is* the villain of his own story, masks out his ass 24/7, and is now lookin' for his final fix--without someone else to pull him off the strings? he's a complete *puppet* for his father and *everything* that man wants (and he equally hates that *butt* believes he has *no choice*, that *what* he was made to be is incapable of change...)

but i def don't think homie would 'resign' himself to it (he's not as self aware as butcher). it would more likely just become another thing that proves him "right" about humanity, a new reason to double down on how awful the species has been to him and how much he hates them. and OOF, yes, OUCH. absolutely?? this i think would def qualify as 'cruel and unusual' for him--not just cause it is literally 'unusual' lmao but because he'd be forced to *be* the *thing* that has tormented him literally all his life.

i think the thing people might not get is that homelander has an *incredible* amount of self *RESTRAINT* for the amount of power that he has. all of this? would be *gone* if he lost his powers--the assumption would be he has *no reason to hold back anymore*. in fact, he'd be given a valid (in his mind, but arguably--) enough reason to fully *LET GO*. he'd be *willing* to do much more and not care about it. he'd have to get creative and be much less *lazy* than he is currently--but let's just say he's *very* good at learning from those around him... the main mistake that people make with him is that they never believe him to be capable of *outgrowing* his proposed 'masters'

every single time. he is angered by this. and every single time... he *does*.

as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, consistent observer of it (especially on the normalized day to day bullshit, hard to ignore once you learn to spot it) and knowing first hand what a constant attempt to *control* other people does to them (one of two endings. suicide or rebellion with very little outside of that and certainly nothing good or particularly desired.)

had a sweet bean give me hope the other day<3<3<3

said that the writing is confirmed to be focused on two things:

making the characters feel as *human* as possible (emotional/irrational decisions and all lmfao they're disasters just like us~! XD)

heavy focus on getting mental health *RIGHT*.(i'm guessing with a possible specialist for analysis on site if not telling stigmas to just up and eat a fat dick, either way--FUCK TO THE YES!!)

and y'all, so encouraging<3 that means they're trying to *keep* not just the gritty complexities and rawness that made the characters so fun and intricate and *humanly* flawed in the comics, but that they're *not* planning to shit all over mental health like big big chunks of this fandom (and society in general, unfortunately), tend to do.

*AND* they've even already *proven* as much with the way they handled hughie's *mum*. for those that missed it, she was there to help hughie get some closure (along with a final conversation with his dad, that was gut wrenching but so needed for his arc and what i suspect may come...) and she was incredibly well made for depression and *humanizing* that disease.

she voluntarily hospitalized herself instead of sticking around her son while she was going through crisis, after she had attempted *suicide* to spare him from seeing that. and as fucking painful and difficult as that is, she absolutely did the right thing by leaving. as bad as she hurt hughie, imagine if that 6 year old baby boy had walked in on his mother's suicide--she *knew* that was a posibility and it fucking hurts...

i think the saddest part about it is that she did what she needed to, did the right thing, but it was still something that ultimately hurt the people she loved and of course it was going to. she even tried to reach out when she was getting help, but with things like depression, there's always the risk of relapse and just all this bad shit. i was ready to be as pissed as hughie, and the show did such an incredible job of humanizing this woman and making me understand her situation.

y'all, never ever *ever* blame someone for prioritizing their own mental health and *literal* life. that is a *horrifically* toxic, abusive, and ableist as fuck thing to do. mental health is hella important. people ain't just here for our entertainment and you should always take care of yourself and your life first. of course it helps that she may just be the most rational character on this whole damn show and i fucking love it--

'who the fuck are your friends??'

GOOD QUESTION--

'that man is... a piece of shit, dear'

YES~<3<3<3!!

to be honest, i have to say that some responses i've seen about her character are super discouraging and gross me the fuck out because they show on full blast the absolute privilege ignorance and ableism some people have--*and love to fucking FLAUNT*. but then ya gotta keep hopin' just like hughie lol<3

tangent aside, this still ain't a theme that's been explored through a well done or realistic lens that *doesn't* somehow pretend the powers are the source of homelander's problems or flat out assumes he could be happily placated through *involuntary* subjugation and *negated informed consent* (spoiler alert, they ain't and no he could not because that's not how *PEOPLE* work, and also literally just veiled rape kink that people refuse to tag leik--) so yeah, 'disneywashed' basically. but maybe it would be fun to see people forcibly disillusioned about that?

i can't say i'm not *not* looking forward to all the rage quitting that's to come, because it's... just a little bit funny to see the surprised pikachu faces people make LMFAO--!! altho my preferred ending is def gonna be that 'king nothing' approach that same certain sweet bean told me about~<3<3<3

Depowering Homelander is one of the dumbest and most narratively inconsistent pipe dreams in circulation of the fandom. Apart from compound V being so ingrained in Homelander's very DNA that it is literally coded into the swimmers his balls make meaning he would logically just die if he got that much of his literal DNA destroyed, it would solve nothing and teach worse as they've already established a million times over that the issue isn't nature, it's nurture. I don't get how people don't get this. They even used Kimiko as an example to show us that her powers were not the source of her troubles and losing them solved nothing for her.

The Boys also aims on making their writing as realistic as possible with zero chance of Disney delulu lala land nonsense, at least not without complete disillusionment. Which means that the possibility of Homelander being depowered wouldn't result in him becoming less volatile or dangerous, it would realistically make him so much worse. He'd evolve to being like Butcher but worse because of the added element of what he's lost and been turned into. I know this fandom has some major issues with ableism and self consciousness, but the way people just casually drop the idea of backing an already caged and highly aggressive animal into an even smaller corner like that isn't the most cruel and unusual fucked up and terrible thing you could do that is also hellbound for complete and utter apocalyptic failure in a series that would undoubtedly portray it as such so the people advocating for it would hate it anyway?

Hmm.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: Destination Unknown

Author: Bill Konigsberg

Genre: YA Fiction | Historical | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Terminal Illness | HIV/AIDS | Homophobia | Sexual Assault

Overall Rating: 9.2/10

Personal Opinion: I am in shock and awe. I am always for more stories that teaches the history of the AIDS epidemic and how it wiped out a whole generation of queer men because people didn’t care enough to do anything about it. This book is powerful and emotional. It tugs at your heartstrings. Micah is a flawed protagonist, there’s a lot that he doesn’t understand. But he keeps an open mind and learns along the way. I hope young people that read this book will learn too about our history and our present.

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- I’m sort of in shock and awe. I feel like I’ve seen so many romanticized versions of the 80s that everything in this book hit me much harder than usual. The fear, the casual ignorance, the promiscuity of gay men and their unwillingness to care about the age and comfort of their sexual partners. It’s real and scary and it was just so fascinating to read about this normal everyday kid (Micah) navigating through life. His emotions were just being tugged everywhere and it was a lot. But it was honestly very insightful and I feel like I’ve grown from reading this.

- Everything leading up to the epilogue was beautiful and well written. From the boys joining ACT UP to CJ meeting Micah’s parents to the AIDS walk. It felt like hope. Despite CJ and Rick suffering from this disease, despite having lost Walter, despite the disagreements between Micah and Deena, despite the things that Micah’s parents are still unlearning, it felt like hope. That is a feeling I strive for in my writing. 

- The queer adults in this book acting as mentors for Micah and CJ was so wonderful to see. It is one of my favorite tropes. Felicia was one of Micah’s biggest supporters and even when he was forced to quit the Lortel, she promised to be there for him. Then we have Rick who supported Micah through his coming out despite how awkward it was at first. He was there when Micah and CJ got their test results, he was there at the dinner when CJ met the parents, he was there whenever Micah needed him. I respect that. Finally, we have Becky who didn’t show up much in the book but she gave CJ a home after he was kicked out by his dad. I love her so much. 

- Micah was a very flawed individual and I appreciate the growth he went through in the book. He allowed himself to be used by Napoleon, he allowed his ignorance in AIDS to freeze him in fear, he allowed Deena to belittle him, he allowed his parents to control him. But he met CJ who was this free spirit and he learned to take control of his own life. He learned more about AIDS and learned to be safer. He learned that love isn’t a choice and he learned that he can love freely. Who gives a fuck what other people think? I just have so much respect for his character arc.

- CJ is a bit of a manic pixie dream boy but he’s also very kind-hearted. He delivered meals to people with AIDS and he tipped way more than 15 percent. He’s been hurt before but he doesn’t let it prevent him from loving Micah even though it scares him. He’s a bit of a pathological liar but he uses it to put people at ease around him. A new identity for every person. I have a lot of respect and love for a character like him. Even if he did leave Micah briefly in the epilogue.

Dislikes:

- Who is this Mark and how dare CJ leave Micah for him? I am livid. How fucking dare he. After Micah promised never to leave and he truly never left. I am just so disappointed in CJ. Worse, it wasn’t necessary for the story at all. It was a twist no one asked for. We could’ve just had Micah and CJ growing old together in Phoenix but nope. We had to add a little snippet of CJ breaking Micah’s heart. Why?

- Fuck all the ignorance. I know it’s the 80s and the AIDS epi- demic has caused a ton of irrational fear but oh my god. This is mostly aimed at Deena. The way she constantly shamed and ridiculed CJ for his profession is just disgusting. Sex work is fucking work. 

- Also fuck every older gay men that went after CJ. At eighteen and before. Because ew. For obvious reasons. 

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

A Brief And Concise Summary Of Is Wrong With The ACOTAR Series

I think we can agree that a lot of ACOTAR is pretty iffy. Consider this a very brief refresher.

What's Wrong With Feyre/Rhysand (juxtaposed against Feyre/Tamlin)

Rhysand drugs and sexually assaults her in Book 1

This is "for her own good". Because he "has no choice". Despite the fact that, from what we know of the plot, Amarantha thinks that Clare Beddor was the one Rhysand was diddling, and is only interested in Feyre because Rhysand, "her" man male, has taken an interest in her.

If we extrapolate from this we can figure that Rhysand is the one directly putting her into danger.

Now, let's be clear: drugging someone is bad. Sexually assaulting someone is bad. One could argue there were extenuating circumstances. But if, in such a situation, what your mind goes to is "I know, I should assault this person... for their safety" I have questions about your moral qualities. There were a million things he could have done. He could have done whatever he did to Clare - that is, remove her ability to feel any pain - easily. He could have helped her escape. Under The Mountain, he - while still there unwillingly - has a lot of power, as Amarantha's side piece. Maybe this would have resulted in him being punished- however, he is hundreds of years old and a badass motherfucker, and she is a nineteen year old human girl.

Now, onto Tamlin. Obviously not a lot of people really ship F/T anymore after ACOMAF, because compared to F/R, it's boring. I read another person's post about it, which was very enlightening: they said that Feyre's personality is essentially a mirror. When she is with Rhysand, she's snarky and malicious- because she is "bouncing off" his energy. When she's with Mor she's super feminist and "in awe of her strength". On the other hand, Tamlin is kind of an empty character. He's a pretty boy with anger issues, which should be more interesting than it is. SJM manages to make him bland. Because Feyre has nothing to bounce off of, (a lot of this is from the person's post), she and Tamlin together is mainly just him introducing her to his world.

What Tamlin Does: prevents a skinny twenty year old from going on dangerous missions with him and combat-trained soldiers, accidentally blows up a room with her in it, and, at the end, prevents her from leaving the house.

This is not a Tamlin apologist post. Obviously it was really fucking gross of him to do that, and their relationship was toxic. However, a lot of his abuse stems from their inability to communicate, as well as own negligence. He does not knowingly and purposefully sexually assault her or rape her mind. And tbh, leaving a girl without combat training at home while he goes on missions with a bunch of muscled sentries is... kind of reasonable?

Again: not a Tamlin apologist post. It was abuse. However, if Rhysand is "allowed" to sexually assault, mind-rape, and drug Feyre "for her own safety", why is Tamlin demonized for preventing her from leaving his mansion "for her own safety"?

Another pertinent point: Rhys is never punished for sexually assaulting her. It is brushed off as part of his "mask" or that his hand was forced. Jesus Christ my dudes, his hand was not forced under her skirt. If he has to maintain his gross rapist abuser tyrant oppressor mask... why? Who did that benefit beside him? None of his actions remotely helped Prythian. They were done solely for his buddies - five people safe in a rich hidden city - and no one else, which is explicitly stated.

Finally, the power dynamic is fucked up. Feyre is less than twenty five years old. Rhysand is 500. There is a tendency in fantasy romance to romanticize a centuries year old man with a young girl, because the man does not show symptoms of age, and so it is easily ignorable. However, can we just briefly acknowledge how fucked up it is? Rhys is over five times older than Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and other known predators/abusers. She is twenty. That is really fucking gross. She is in a vulnerable position and he takes rampant advantage of that.

If he had wrinkles, liver problems, and erectile dysfunction, more people would acknowledge it.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying writing a book with an uneven power dynamic is automatically bad. For example, in The Locked Tomb series, which is in my opinion THE BEST FANTASY SERIES THAT HAS GRACED THIS EARTH (lol i'm starting fires), one main character Harrowhark Nonagesimus is in a position of power over Gideon Nav, the other main character. However, this is not glossed over or romanticized. Gideon resents Harrow for this- there is a relationship of mutual antagonism, fraught with unwilling familiarity and intimacy from growing up together. They are roughly the same age. While there is a certain power dynamic (in that world, there is a dynamic of necromancer and cavalier, i.e. sorcerer and sword) the "empowered" character (Harrow) emphatically respects her and does not abuse this power, although both would of course deny this, and she does make a show of threatening and being aloof. In short, while Gideon obeys her, Gideon also has power over Harrow, and the idea of what is essentially slavery is not romanticized.

Feyre Doesn't Face Any Consequences For Her Own Actions

Let me present a radical notion: a guy preventing you from leaving his house does not justify completely fucking ruining his country and harming the people inside it.

In other words: Tamlin does not deserve what she did to him.

I know that sounds iffy. We're conditioned to think that if someone is an abuser, then they are the scum of the earth, they deserve to die, torturing/murdering/doing anything to them is completely A-OK. However, here's another radical notion: someone harming you does not justify you doing worse.

Obviously, the effects of psychological abuse can cause you to hurt other people (see: Nesta), but Feyre deliberately and maliciously (oh, God, that insufferable POV of her in Spring Court; she reads like a cartoonish Disney villain) dismantles his country. She uses sexual manipulation (Lucien), torture (causing the sentry to be whipped), and mind-rape (who didn't she do this to? lol).

A summary of the entire first half of ACOWAR: "It smelled like roses. I hated roses. For this capital offense against my olfactory system, Tamlin and the entire Spring Court deserved to burn in hell. I knew exactly what I was doing. I smiled at him sweetly: no longer a doe, but a wolf. He didn't see my fangs.............." *aesthetic noises*

Man. I'm starting to think SJM had a horrible experience at a Bath & Body Works and took it out on the rest of us. Don't do it, Sarah!! I know Pink Chiffon and Triple Berry Martini are way too strong, but don't take it out on an innocent population!!

She steals from Summer Court (there are, yk, other solutions to theft. Like maybe asking politely) and ruins Spring Court. Her boyfriend - yeesh sorry, MATE - does nothing while a dozen Winter Court children are murdered.

Now: moral ambiguity is not automatically bad. Again using The Locked Tomb as an example, in the second book (spoiler alert), Harrowhark has a sort of moral ambiguity. She was raised from the beginning to worship the King Undying as God, and so she obeys him without question. Because of this, she commits a lot of crimes in His name: she "flips" - i.e. kills - the life force of planets, and she plots murder (albeit the murder of someone who tried to kill her first). There is no attempt to justify this. There is also no attempt to paint her as a virtuous and yet also badass Madonna figure. She is desperate, plagued with the "wreck of herself", and the book clearly displays her moral pitfalls. While her POV is of course colored by her mindset, it also is limited by her lack of information, and we as readers can acknowledge that.

BACK TO ACOTAR: Feyre is seen by everyone as gorgeous, formidable, and essentially perfect. Rhys sees her as flawless, "made for him", wonderful, beautiful, blah blah blah. (THEY ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER; THEY EXCUSE AND GLORIFY EACH OTHER'S CRIMES, IT'S SO BAD, GUYYYS). Tamlin is insanely batshit in love with her, or whatever. To the Night Court she's the High Lady. In this way she personifies the Mary Sue character. (Excerpt from the TV Tropes page on Mary Sues: "She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing. She has an unusual and dramatic Back Story. The canon protagonists are all overwhelmed with admiration for her beauty, wit, courage and other virtues, and are quick to adopt her as one of their True Companions, even characters who are usually antisocial and untrusting; if any character doesn't love her, that character gets an extremely unsympathetic portrayal." Sound familiar?)

There is the Ourobous scene. And yet, paradoxically, while presented as an acknowledgment of her flaws, it is in fact a rejection of them. She sees her own brutality... and instead of recognizing that she has these deep, deep moral flaws and realizing that she needs to grow and be better, she in fact "accepts" them.

Guys: Self love means: "I'm important to me, so I'm going to get a massage today after work", or "heck, why not splurge on some expensive lotion, you only live once" or "you know what? I had a tough day today. I'm going to get that strawberry cupcake". SELF LOVE DOES NOT MEAN "oh, I accept all the war crimes I have done, I love myself". LOVING YOURSELF DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLVING YOURSELF OF ALL WRONGDOING.

It's this refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing that is so grating about ACOTAR. It's so goddamn one-sided. And you can tell that after Book 1, SJM decided to completely change the trajectory simply because of how jarring Book 2 reads compared to the first one.

Also: Feyre is a very, very young girl (compared to the other ruling fey) who did not know how to read for the majority of her life. She has no experience whatsoever in politics. Her being High Lady is not a win for feminism.

Rhysand: He Sucks

First, he is 500 years old. He should be written as such, not as some 20 year old virile frat boy feminist. Fantasy is all the more compelling for its elements of realism, which is a concept that SJM does not appear to grasp.

Second of all, his morals are absurd. He is written as the Second Coming of Christ, as someone who can do no wrong, ever, and his flaws only serve to make Feyre love him more. Anything shitty he does is written as part of his "mask" and she can See Beneath It and knows that it "hurts" him to maintain this "mask".

Fellas, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THIS MASK???? There is no reason for it. If A) he does not give a shit about Court of Nightmares (we'll get back to that), only about Velaris, and B) Velaris is hidden/protected from the world, what is he pretending for?

It would not hurt him politically to be seen as someone who cares about his country.

"Pretending" to be "Amarantha's whore" does not in any way shape or form benefit the macro-world that is Prythian. In Amarantha's name, he commits atrocities. He commits war crimes; he systemically oppresses entire societies. It doesn't even really benefit Velaris, because Velaris is already hidden.

Let me put this in a real-world perspective. This would be like if Donald Trump was suddenly like: "I know I was a shitty president but IT WAS ALL PART OF MY MASK, WHICH WAS TO PROTECT THIS MICROCOSM OF PRIVILEGED PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT". Like: okay? Sorry, or whatever, but I don't actually give a shit. What about the parents of the children who died? What about Clare Beddor? What about the people who were held in slavery, murdered, tortured?

Rhysand: omg it sucks that my cousin Mor was oppressed by this toxic misogynistic culture from the Court of Nightmares.

Also Rhysand: lol whatever, who gives a shit about Court of Nightmares. They all suck. They meanie. Lol what did you say? That there might be other girls just like Mor who are oppressed by this system? Lol whatever. I can't do anything, I gotta maintain my Mask. I gotta sit on this throne and show the entire Court that not respecting women is completely okay.

In summary: by parading Feyre around as his "whore" (!!) he demonstrates by example that it is completely okay for the Court of Nightmares to abuse their women.

A good ruler cares about all his people. Rhysand cares about a tiny tiny fraction of his people: those who were fortunate enough to be born into Velaris.

God, I'm exhausted. Onto Nesta:

The only character who successfully breaks the Mary Sue effect Feyre exerts on her people is Nesta. Her POV for the first half is a joy to read.

Obviously it sucks that Nesta was a huge bitch to Feyre for the beginning of her childhood. However, it was wrong for Rhysand to threaten her- he is a man male with a huge insane amount of power, and it is not okay for him to threaten to bring the brunt of it down on a young girl because she was a bitch to his girlfriend.

I've seen a lot of discourse on the morality of F/R sending her out of Velaris. Here is my two cents:

It was okay for them to cut her off of their money. If they don't want to enable her self-harm, that is their choice. Again, it's their money, even if it wasn't fairly earned (Rhysand born into an enormous fortune).

It was not okay for them to banish her from Velaris with the implication that she was an embarrassment. Let me explain.

If Rhysand and Feyre are talking to her as sister/brother-in-law, then that is that. They have the complete right to express disapproval and try to help. However, they should not be using their royal privilege against her.

If they are talking to her as ruler to subject, then they have the power to banish her from the city. However, a ruler would not give a shit about a random subject getting drunk and having sex. So, they should not be talking her about her problems as a ruler to subject.

I've heard it compared to her being sent to rehab. However, rehab is a system designed to help people with certain problems. It has specialized medical centers and involves therapy. Nesta gets her life threatened multiple times. It is not rehab.

In summary: why did SJM inflict this upon us. Throne of Glass was actually good! GAHHH! After the first few books she completely whipped around and introduced the idea of males and mates and fey and that C is actually A and the quality took a huge nosedive. Sigh.

Final horrible but unmistakable truth: The entire ACOTAR series reads like a bad A/B/O fic. I hate to say it but it's true. We're lucky there were no heat cycles. OH WAIT

[toolazytodecide]

The Anthology

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

See, I've been writing a fic about Theo getting sober and accepting his sexuality so I can't help but interpret it as Theo having complicated feelings about leaving Boris behind.

Lyrics:

"Your hologram stumbled into my apartment hands in the hair of somebody name Chloe, or Sam or Sophia or Marcus. And I just watch it happen."

"You said some things I can't unabsorb. You turned me into an idea of sorts. You needed me, but you needed drugs more and I couldn't watch it happen."

"If you want to break my cold, cold heart just say 'I loved you the way that you were."

So High School

I mean, c'mon. They are literally high school sweethearts. This song is absolutely them feeling like kids again when theyre reunited.

Lyrics:

"I feel so high school when I look at you."

"I'll drink what you think and I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night. A brink in a wrinkle in time. Bittersweet sixteen suddenly. I'm watching America pie with you on a saturday night."

"Are you going to marry kiss or kill me? I'm betting on all three."

I Hate it Here

Theo escaping reality however be can and caring more about history than reality perhaps?

Lyrics:

"Quick, quick. Tell me something awful like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy."

"I'm lonely, but I'm good. I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine. I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and get lost on purpose."

I Look in Peoples Windows

This song is Boris following Theo's life in New York and trying to track him down while terrified of Theo rejecting him only for them to meet again.

Lyrics:

"I look in people's windows just in case you're at their table. What if your eyes look up and meet mine one more time?"

"I tried searching faces on streets. What are the chances youd be downtown? Does it feel alright not knowing me?"

Peter

This fucking song. This is Theo wondering why Boris never followed him to New York like he promised.

Lyrics:

"Forgive me, Peter. My lost fearless leader. In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids."

"Are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer? I've heard great things, Peter. But life was always easier on you than it was on me. And sometimes it gets me when crossing your jet stream."

"We both did the best we could under the same moon, in different galaxies. And I didnt want to hang around. We said it was just goodbye for now. You said you were gonna grow up. Then you were gonna come find me."

The Manuscript

The manuscript is Theo's journal. The first quote is Theo having to be an adult in Vegas and reverting back to being a kid after he moved in with Hobie. The second was Theo being groomed as a teenager.

"In the age of him she wished she was thirty and made coffee every morning in a French press. Afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in a mother's bed."

"She thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years everything had been above board. She wasnt sure."

In conclusion, Taylor must have taken the dark academia aesthetic for this album so seriously she just straight up wrote it about The Goldfinch bc wtf.

The Tortured Poets Department being about Theo and Boris

Fortnight

This song is very much giving Boreo having a fling while Theo was in Europe and Theo being haunted by the memories.

Lyrics:

"I was a functioning alcohol until nobody noticed my new aesthetic. All of this to say I hope you're okay but you're the reason."

"I took the miracle move on drug. The effects were temporary. And I love you. Its running my life."

The Tortured Poets Department

This is so Boris talking about Theo??? I'm sorry but its facts.

Lyrics:

"You're in self sabotaging mode, throwing spikes down on the road. But I've seen this episode before and still love the show. Who else decodes you? Who else is going to hold you like me? No nobody. No fuckinbody. Nobody."

Down Bad

This song is giving Boris after Theo left Vegas.

Lyrics:

"Did you take all my old clothes? Just to leave me here naked and alone. In a field in my same old town that somehow feels so hollow now."

"Fuck it if I can't have us. I might just not get up. I might stay down bad. Like I lost my twin. Fuck it if I can't have him."

Guilty as Sin

Theo bring thirsty and ashamed.

Lyrics:

"I keep recalling things we never did. Messy top lips. How I long for our trysts? Without ever touching his skin. How can I be guilty as sin? I keep these longings locked lowercase inside a vault."

I Can Fix Him (No, Really, I can)

Lets be honest theres no fixing men like them lmao, so let's give them a go trying to fix each other bc this is somehow both of them

Lyrics:

"The smoke cloud billows out his mouth like a freight train through a small town. The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud.

"They shake their heads saying 'God help her' when I tell them that's my man. But your good lord doesnt need to raise a finger. I can fix him. No really I can."

loml

GUYS! THIS ONE HURT! They are the loves and losses of each others lives

Lyrics:

"Who's gonna stop us from waltzing into rekindled flames? I know the steps anyway. We embroidered the memories of the time I was away. Stitching 'We were just kids, babe."

"When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fake. Well, you took me to hell too. And, all at once, the ink bleeds. A con-man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme."

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

This song just reminds me of how Boris pretends to be happy when hes miserable. Specifically after Theo left Vegas.

Lyrics:

"I can show you lies, cause I'm a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said babe you gotta fake it til you make it and I did. Lights, camera, bitch smile. Even when you want to die. He said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short."

"I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday everyday. I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague. I cry a lot, but I am so productive. It's an art. You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart."

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

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.

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I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!

[irrealisms]

hi! for that ask game, uh, i don't super know what i can reasonably expect you to have opinions about, so i am hoping this will work better if i give you a list and you can pick and choose stuff to have opinions about? ☕️+ [c!phil, c!sam, hannibal (the show in general, or just the guy if you want), pangolins, love (as a concept / as it applies to your own life / a specific flavour of it / whatever), the history of science]

c!phil - i am TRYING to like him okay i am TRYING. i. like him more than i used to. definitely. he's a super interesting character! i want to like him! unfortunately when it comes down to it i am just... ultimately not really a c!phil fan. pensive emoji.

c!sam - i loooooooove him. representation of autistics who just kind of suck and are bad people. he is so rigid and bad at understanding people and bad at plans changes and especially bad at not responding by digging himself deeper and he has a complicated relationship to [personhood], he is part of the machine that eats people and he is an awful person-machine and he never asked why do you want this horrifying prison made, just how do you want it made, and he follows instructions to the T long after it no longer makes any sense for him to do so and sometimes he enjoys the cruelty and sometimes he doesn't and either way he continues being awful in this terrible methodological way because it is too worn into him to do anything else. i love the parallels between him and c!dream, between these two sadists who made their own prison. i love his desperation to be doing a good job and obeying all the rules and i love his deep and abiding misery that comes from it and i love his power trip that comes from it and i love his self-justifications and his insistence on always doubling down rather than admitting defeat. i love the way he is both a dom and a sub (not in a sexual way but in a deeper way of relating to the world) because he gets an awful sort of enjoyment out of Enforcing Justice And Rules on others but also he does it to himself & he wants so badly for someone else to take control of his life and pat him on the head and tell him he's doing a good job. he is Crushing and Being Crushed! i love. my local Buried TMA Avatar .

hannibal - HANNIBAL MY ONE TRUE LOVE....... watched s1 for the first time when i was 13 and it dug its way deep into my brain and will not be coming out ever. the capital-r Romance of it all!!!! sometimes i think all i ever want is to be in a relationship like that, all-consuming and hungry and conjoined and eating and being eaten, understanding and being understood on a level no one else can touch, and then i remember that's why i go to church. other times i think, this is horrifying, this is abusive, why does no one see or acknowledge that this is horrifyingly abusive, like-- i realize that there is Murder involved as well but the fandom is so victim blame-y and buys into all of hannibal's rhetoric without acknowledging the power dynamic and it's so profoundly uncomfortable sometimes-- i realize there is sexism and racism in the show which we can talk about all day long but the show is so profoundly anti-ableist in a way almost no tv shows are and the fandom is so!! fucking!!! ableist!!!!! it's about love and it's about the things we do to survive and it's about trauma bonding and it romanticizes all of these things in a way that rings very true to the experience and also gives me very very complicated feelings sometimes and. screams. also it doesn't care about consensus reality but in a way that is realer than real, truer than true. it taught me a surprising amount of pretty high-level literary analysis when i was in the fandom back when i still read meta for it obsessively instead of largely giving up on the fandom in disgust. we construct fairy tales, and we accept them.

pangolins - i'm a fan. he's just a little guy!!!!!!!!

love - ooooh this is a complicated one. it is so broad. i love so many things and so many people, at least in English, in the ways we define the borders of [love]. i fall in love so easily, much easier than i fall out of love. part of what made Christianity appealing, maybe, is agape. i want, have always wanted, to love everyone. this connects to hannibal, a little, and also to ender's game, and to a wind in the door. when you understand someone, no matter how horrible they are, you cannot fail to love them, the same way you understand and thereby love yourself. love your neighbor as yourself. the existence of a creator implies the existence of a loving creator; to will someone's existence is the same as to will their good, because [what good-for-someone is] is [Being-themselves]. i don't find that argument wholly persuasive on its own but there's a seed in there that is compelling. love is not always unterrible; cf hannibal again. love can be monstrous. i think a lot about john darnielle's quote about love love love--quite possibly my favorite song of all time--

The point of the song is, you know, that we are fairly well damaged by the legacy of the Romantic poets--that we think of love as this, you know, thing that is accompanied by strings and it's a force for good, and if something bad happens then that's not love. And the therapeutic tradition that I come from--I used to work in therapy--you know, also says that it's not love if it feels bad. I don't know so much about that. I don't know that the Greeks weren't right. I think they were--that love can eat a path through everything--that it will destroy a lot of things on the way to its own objective, which is just its expression of itself, you know. I mean, my stepfather loved his family, right? Now he mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us. And, you know, well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing a lot of what I perceive as terrible damage in the way people talk about this--love is this benign, comfortable force. It's not that. It's wild, you know?

it is still love. bad and destructive love is still love but it's not good, necessarily. i find it beautiful anyway & this is what i mean when i say hannibal dug its way into my brain. i talked about love coming from understanding but it doesn't have to, always, i don't think; that is a certain sort of love but there are others. some people i don't understand at all & i wonder if i ever did & i still love them deeply & will never be able to stop. there was a girl (is she still a girl? i don't know. i knew her as a girl) i spent every tuesday with in elementary school and we would go to the pool and afterwards we would eat cookies and popcorn and watch mythbusters. i have not talked to her since i broke up with her, the summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school (has it really been seven years?), and we were terrible for each other but whenever i think of her i hope she is doing well. that's love, too, i think. whenever i talk with my parents we are both of us never sure what to say, and i spend much of the conversation uncomfortable and confused, and neither side really understands the world the other grew up with and lived in, and we never will, and we would both do almost anything for each other no questions asked, and we end every conversation i love you / i love you too. sometimes love is about the not understanding and loving them anyway, about my dad watching mcc with me or me watching hallmark movies with my dad. it's complicated. love is not just one thing.

the history of science - i think it's beautiful of people, and very human of us, to always be curious. to be trying to figure it out. people sometimes frame science and religion as opposed; i was too [raised on madeline l'engle] to ever go in for that, i think. if a religion is about knowledge and truth and beauty then science is no threat to it; if it's not, what's the point? certainly i know too many science people to have ever believed that science and art, or [knowing how something works] and [appreciating its beauty] are opposed! see this xkcd and this comic. so I love the history of science in that... people have always been doing this. people have always been loving things and trying to figure out how they work and rejoicing in the knowledge. but it's also complicated, because the history of science is often horrifying, is people papering over atrocities if they get in between themselves and the shining beautiful thing that they love, or taking and using the knowledge that they get to create the atrocities. but also i know that this dialectic is just... how humans are. cf. my answer about love, again. sometimes love is destructive.

[buffysummers]

i respect not liking spuffy but i think it's a little disingenuous to imply that spuffy fans like it because they don't see the show for what it really is (unlike you, i guess?). sure, some spuffies are like that—just like how some bangels are like that—but mostly it's people who do in fact see this part of the show for what it really is, and they find what they see compelling (just like bangels! or just like fans of other interestingly fucked up shit in media!). again you don't have to like it or like the fandom but projecting that dislike onto people who do doesn't make it true that they're dumb or blind. or worse, turning it into a morality judgment. liking fucked up shit might pose interesting questions about why certain people find certain themes compelling but it doesn't make them, as people, fucked up and it's dangerous and honestly kind of awful to conflate those things irl. [sorry for the length—just wanted to give my 2¢. as a counterpoint to myself it's possible i've just had better experiences in spuffy fandom than you have.]

The reason why I say that some Spuffies don't "see the show for what it really is" is because they're literally romanticizing abuse? And idk, you'd think that people wouldn't do that? I want to see the best in people? If they truly saw the show for what it is, how do they think that Spike showing up to blow Buffy's head off in 5.07, but then deciding not to, is very romantic? Or the fact that he emotionally abuses Buffy in 6.13 on the balcony and ignores her when she says "don’t" to him, is sexy? Like... that's what I mean when I say I see the show for what it really is. They’re ignoring context for these scenes entirely and glamorizing it. When the abuse is so?? Blatant?? 

As for Bangels, I have never seen a Bangel romanticize anything remotely as fucked up as any of the scenes I listed, and I COULD have listed many more scenes. You don't see Bangels romanticizing the fact that Angelus was obsessed with Buffy and stalked her, when the truth is, Angelus DID love Buffy, in his own sick and twisted way, the only way he could love someone while being soulless, which the same can be applied to Spike. And yet they push the narrative that "Spike loved Buffy while he was soulless, but Angel never did." When that’s simply not true, we just don’t romanticize or hype up these scenes because we have an entire relationship outside of Angelus/Buffy worth supporting.

If they aren’t blind, what else is their excuse? Like why would you romanticize situations like this? I’ve spoken before about how SOME Spuffies admit that the relationship is abusive, but they still love it because we ALL love trash sometimes that we know we shouldn’t. And they don’t defend the abuse.

I’m sorry, but it IS a morality judgment? Spuffies bend over backwards to make Bangel seem problematic because they feel shitty about liking what they like. In the end, Angel is nothing but respectful to Buffy, he respects her sexual boundaries, and Buffy is the one to initiate having sex with him. The power is in her hands, she has control, she has a say. But that is an entirely different and much longer discussion.

You probably have different experiences in the Spuffy fandom because you are more than likely a Spuffy who is aware of how toxic and abusive the ship is. But I’m not a Spuffy, and Spuffies have been known to harass, insert Spike/Spuffy in ALL fandom spaces, and attack people that don’t support their ship. I also NEVER said that people that LIKE Spuffy are fucked up. Just that... it’s a bit puzzling and concerning that they find these things worth supporting.

If you read my anti Spuffy in season seven meta, you would have read the part where I basically address the “morality” aspect, and how it is OK to like fucked up media if you see value in it, AS LONG as you don’t defend it or excuse it. Because what happens between Buffy and Spike could easily happen to anyone. It’s abuse, it’s predatory, it’s deeply unsettling and it’s triggering.

[razorblade180]

Interdimensional Moms: intro

[The complete Interdimensional dads here!]

Team RWBY finds themselves sitting at a table. All of them are middle age but vary in appearances that aren’t strange to an average stranger by any means, but different from what they are used to seeing from one another. For starters was Weiss. Her three friends had never known her to have shoulder length hair, or a horizontal scar underneath the one they’ve always noticed. Something about her eyes seemed...different. Brighter. As if they were infinitely dancing. Weiss’s eyes, they hid no emotions. The only thing more surprising was the fact she was wearing faded jeans and a white shirt with her symbol in black on it. Nobody said anything, but Weiss in jeans was somehow equally as gorgeous. Yang was slightly salty about it.

Blake’s eyes weren’t like Weiss’s, but they weren’t the usual stern but hopeful ones they all loved dearly. Blake looked relaxed. Like, wake up Saturday morning to watch tv and get cereal, kind of relaxed. The top of her long hair pulled into a bun while the back flowed freely. Despite her eyes, her clothes was ready for action. In fact, it looked like her dad’s clothes, with the way the royal purple coat flowed to white, puffy ends. And obviously, a shirt. Weiss could notice the subtle grays in the raven black hair and the women’s hands and face were healthy, but noticeably slimmer. A clear sign that she either had gotten sick, or her job had gotten to her once or twice. Maybe that’s why she looked relaxed? A similar chain of events happened with Winter.

Yang didn’t look too different. Except for Blake, who was awe struck. Yang to her was different, but also very much how she used to look back when they all journeyed together. Slight lines were under the bruisers eyes that resembled Raven’s. Her favorite coat that went with her bike was a little worn and Yang had noticeably gotten even buffer. Her muscles and beauty radiating with such vitality. Yang always burned bright like an inferno, but this was different. She smiled awkwardly at her team as they looked at her. A sublet chuckle escaped her and confirmed Blake’s feeling. This Yang was different, and felt like the sun itself.

Yang looked towards Ruby and was left speechless. All of them were. Out of the four, it was Ruby that had changed the most. To Yang, it was like seeing Summer. There was just this overwhelming presence that cake from her sister. They all noticed the long hair that went down her right shoulder and stunning black and red corset. The skirt dropped right past her knees. Her legs dawned black pantyhose with roses along them and Weiss couldn’t look away from the ruby red heels. The signature cloak was still with her of course. Silver eyes shined bright and a raised brow arched as she too was confused by the familiar, yet different faces. Still, Yang and the others were still soaking in her appearance. No scars, ruffled her, tired eyes, or even an overly goofy expression. Ruby Rose, looked like a fairytale come to life. Not only that. Between her youthful yet clearly mature appearance, the others felt something greater. The dream they were told by heart countless times by their leader. The romanticized vision of being a huntress, a hero, this Ruby had grabbed that dream truly with both hands. They just knew it.

Ruby:Ummm hello?

WBY:Hey....

Ruby:So uh, umm, what? What is happening here? I’m not the only person thinking something is off, right?

Blake:You’re not. But the question is....

Yang:What the hell is “off” to begin with?

Weiss:I think that’s us? Also, where exactly are we?

The void.

Yang:Who said that!?

No one important me. Consider me a operator. I could say a god, but that’s way too much considering I’ll do anything.

Weiss:Sounds like a god to me. Okay, give us the long and short of it. We’ll figure it out.

RBY: (We will?)

What you’re wittinessing is a meeting of team RWBY, but flipped on its side. Different universes, different outcomes, similar people, different endgames. Including kids. Discuss and have fun. That’s all. Think of it as a reunion that was never meant to be. Catch up, learn.

Weiss:Well then, can’t say I’m not interested. It’s not the craziest thing in the world.

Blake:It isn’t!? Why is this happening?

.......

Yang:I think he left.

Ruby:Well that’s about as long and short as you can get I suppose. Still...what!? Different universes?

Weiss:Considering the way you’re dressed, I believe it.

Ruby:What does that mean!?

Yang:Yeah she’s right. Look at you, all womanly. Last time I checked, my sister beautiful, but not rivaling me in the hips department. Which brings me back to what I just heard. Kids?

Ruby:Yeah?

Yang:Weiss, Blake, you too?

BW:Yeah?

Yang:Definitely different universes. Last time I checked, the only mama bear on team RWBY is me.

Blake:Last time I checked, you were single and alone.

Yang:WHAT!? Why would I be single!?

RW:....You mean you don’t kids together?

BY:Why would we have kids together?

RWBY:......

Ruby:Wow, I didn’t even think a sentence like that could exist. Guess alternate worlds do exist.

Weiss:And apparently infinite if you two aren’t shacking up.

Yang:Since when does Weiss Schnee day “shacking up?” Since when do you wear pants!?

Weiss:They’re cheaper to maintain. Why wouldn’t- oh my goodness. How do you usually see me!? What am I doing?

RB:You run your company.

Yang:The best Atlas huntress to ever exist.

Weiss:...So I was never broke?

RBY:YOU WERE WHAT!?

Blake:Okay, let’s take a step back. Clearly the differences really do vary. That’s all well and good but before all of that I wanna know why us for specifically? That doesn’t seem at random, does it?

Yang:Four out of infinity? I mean I’d just close my eyes and pick.

Ruby:Now that, that’s on brand for you. Hehe, I guess some things never change?

Blake:Yeah but it has to be more than just personality, right.

Weiss:Hey, we’re all wearing wedding rings.

They looked at each other’s hands. Each girl had a jewel that matched their color over a beautiful golden band that had different, yet similar engravings on it. Too similar. There’s no way the same store just happen to do it in every universe. However, was it crazy to think the shopkeeper was given similar instructions on the rings if it was the same person who asked for jewelry? Like Ruby said, somethings never change, and an idea like ring designs as endearingly cheesy as this brought only one face to mind.

RWBY:....

Blake:On three. One....two....

RWBY:I married Jaune A-.......

Yang:Well, clearly we all have amazing taste in men. *smiles*

RB:That’s insane!

Yang:Why? That’s not too crazy.

RB:You liking men is

Weiss:Why? She’s bi.

Yang:Actually....yeah, I guess so. Given my history- how do you know that!?

Weiss:Because I know you, dunce! You’re an openly sexual person that never misses an opportunity to anybody’s head spin, before teasingly going over to Blake and kissing her. Just so people know you’re off the market.

Yang...

Yang:That’s pretty fucking great.

Ruby:And still on brand.

Blake:.....

Yang:Well then. I guess we have a lot to talk about. Sheesh, Jaune Arc. Gotta admit, it’s crazy knowing he’s gotten so much attention. How scandalous.

Weiss:You make it sound like cheating?

Blake:I do feel that a little.

Ruby:Yeah, not a fan. But...losing to you three is understandable. Bittersweet, but I get it.

Yang:You didn’t lose though! You, the one right here, is married to him!

Ruby:All I’m saying is if it was up to me, our love would transcend space and time.

WBY:(Dummy, in a way, it does.) Ruby, you’re really greedy, you know that right?

Ruby:Huh!? Hey, what’s that all about.

Her teammate all looked at each other. They didn’t have to say anything. A single glance was enough to know they were on a similar page. Oh yes. Ruby Rose was definitely greedy, and hilariously adorable whenever she got picked on. They all laughed as this familiar Rose grew red with embarrassment and pouted. The more things change, the more they stayed the same. A reunion that was never meant to be. Yeah, it was gonna be a blast.

[flowers-of-io]

@eri-223​ you brought it upon yourself, now I won’t shut up c:

OKAY SO

I can’t really draw neat straight lines between the two, but there’s so much aesthetic similarity to me, particularly with Toland and the Hive-Ascendancy thing. Maybe it’s just me dying for the vibes (or loving POTO in general since I was 9), but it struck me today how Eris/Toland--when it’s made a Working ship--is basically everything Christine/Erik is not. There is so much to be said about Christine/Erik alone, but to me it’s an epitome of why gothic-novel-esque dynamics don’t really work in the long run when they don’t move past being just Gothic and Tragic. And hear me out. A goodhearted, elfin woman at her vulnerable point (grief over father) meets a honey-voiced stranger and has this secret thing with him, this music they share in the dead of night, and it’s intoxicating because music *is* her passion (and something she has deep emotions over in itself, the thing that is most hers in the world) and it’s secret, and a whole other world to what she’s facing in the daytime. The mystery is intriguing, and that’s intoxicating too. And there’s an uncomfortable power imbalance but it doesn’t bother you just yet, because there isn’t really any attraction between the two--not in the romantic-as-in-love sense at least, rather this romantic-as-in-romanticism pull all dark beautiful secret things have.

And here we can shout a fucking thank you at Erik for completely ruining that beauty by being an absolute creep. But Chrissie doesn’t know that yet. And so he leads her deep down into the dark, into his world of darkness and secrecy and yet twisted beauty, and she is living the mystery now, she’s in this nighttime world they would share in secret. And she’s close enough to take a peek behind the mask, something she was so violently curious about and attracted to, a glance into the dark abyss of his soul that is so intriguing. And so she does peek, and what she finds is terrifying rot.

And this, THIS is the best moment of the entire thing to me. This story could be well off without Raoul (whom I deeply love and cherish but he ruins the gothic) because he adds this romantic tension of a love triangle (which I absolutely loathe because ugh. love triangles.) to what could have been a tale of a girl torn between the world of day and night rather than two men who each love her in a different way. There’s so much of Persephone-sque struggle in Christine’s soul that has been shunned by the story imo, and would have made the whole thing better in the long run (and maybe less grossly-abusive on Erik’s part).

So let’s circle back to Toland, another pale, bony, possibly disfigured brunet in a dark coat with a living room full of skulls and candles (the vibes, huh. he probably owned a boat and a horse too). If we take Eris/Toland as starting off before the Hellmouth (I’m really starting to tentatively test my ground on this hhhng), it feels like the same story slightly to the left. Granted, Eris has more agency, but there’s still a huge power imbalance in her and Eriana coming to Toland--an exiled genius|madman with an evil black crow (Guren) perching on his shoulder--and asking him for help, laying their and their team’s lives at his feet - him, who could probably kill them in seventeen different yet equally fancy ways were he more invested! And there is so much darkness here already because how dark it must have been in Eris’ soul to agree on this revenge fantasy, what an abyss Eriana’s eyes must have been hiding; how desperate they must have been to come to him, to even consider this, to choose a possibility of painful, screaming agony in the Hellmouth over the ache they were feeling now. And so there’s vulnerability, too, in a way - because they’re desperate, because they’re hurting, because everything has been taken from them and they have nothing else to do but this ridiculous, mad plan. And oh he can abuse this void, he can make them do whatever he wants and they’d do it gladly, and I have a feeling both Eris and Eriana are aware of that.

And so they work, in secret, cracking secrets of the Hive, tasting the rot of the forbidden fruit, hiding from the daylight with their dark, heretic, nighttime folly. I think there is a threshold at wherever it is they are meeting--be it a room or a house, Eriana’s kitchen or Toland’s disturbing “lab”--in the doorway, between the bright but empty world of patrols and strikes and dead friends and this horrid, twisted, yet fascinating realm of promised vengeance. And I think Eris learns, hungry for secrets, hungry perhaps for Toland’s eyes on her because all dark beautiful secret things have a pull, and she can’t tell if she’s more drunk on the adventure, or the heresy they’re so blatantly committing, or him. And maybe he reciprocates in his own twisted way, maybe they talk or kiss over the parchment pages, and she cannot tell--she cannot tell if his eyes are truly for her or the Hive, the mystery, the thing they’re doing. I’m thinking of what you wrote, how “he wanted Ascendance as badly as she wanted him”. But despite that--or maybe because of it--she allows herself to be led deep down into the dark, into his world of darkness and secrecy and yet twisted beauty, and she is living the mystery now, she’s in this nighttime world they would share in secret. Is it the Hellmouth? Maybe, though I think it’s a process that spans between their secret studies of the Hive and the midst of their descent, when Vell is dead and maybe they’re all doomed, and Toland’s eyes twinkle in the dark and it’s such beautiful madness she cannot help staring. And the checkpoint has come, time to show cards--and she’s close enough to take a peek behind the mask, something she was so violently curious about and attracted to, a glance into the dark abyss of his soul that was so intriguing. And so she does peek, and what she finds is terrifying rot.

I think this is Ir Yut, or maybe a little bit earlier, but nevertheless the bubble bursts and Eris is left in the dark alone and betrayed. That’s of little concern, of course, when the Hive is hunting you down and all you hear is your friends’ dying screams, but it still hurts, it’s still bitter, it’s still so, so wrong. I like to think he comes to teach her then, maybe give her the journals, and it’s a whirlwind of madness and horror and fury and gore, but he’s whatever comfort she can hope for at this point. It’s twisted, it’s awful, it’s dark-gothic rotten, it’s as wrong and horrid as Erik/Christine is as a whole.

But then they’re given the chance Erik/Christine never got. They’re allowed to outgrow the rot. There’s so much dysfunctionality and disturb going on in most gothic-esque “love” stories because it’s not love, it’s attraction taken for a spin and often grossly abused. Love is growth. I like to think of what must have been going on in Eris’ head (and Toland’s too, perhaps, though I doubt he had one at that point) when they were exchanging the letters, the dearest Eris right next to did you watch me carve out each eye; now that she’s wiser, and scarred, and not so stupid anymore--but there’s still that dark pull she can’t help, now even scarier than before that she knows him for what he really is, now that she’s seen the rot. There’s so much hurt to be outgrown, so much betrayal, but she finds he’s yet again whatever comfort she can hope for (that entry *is* called A Light In The Darkness, huh). I could wax poetic about this whole process but I think you captured it so well in STM I don’t have much else to add.

I wanted to throw quotes into it but couldn’t quite fit them into this, uh, essay (which I didn’t absolutely re-read), and I guess Music of the Night would apply here but it’s ripe with uncomfortable sexual tension?? And aside from that (which is in its entirety a trip) just consider these ah

this whole moment

also this

He'll always be there singing songs in my head  Is this Eris in the letters phase? maybe. I performed a vibe check and it showed positive

Wandering Child for how unhealthy-twisted and beautiful it is (ignore Raoul, I have no metaphor for him in this au)

For either way you choose, you cannot win  It’s just a good quote y’all

Farewell my fallen idol and false friend / We had such hopes, and now those hopes are shattered 

Angel of Music, you deceived me / I gave you my mind blindly  (HOW SHE WHISPERS THAT LAST PART IN THE MOVIE OK)

Stranger than you dreamt it  now you’re stranded in the Hellmouth good job

What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn / Beyond the point of no return

The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn

Down that path into darkness deep as hell  but Toland smiles while he sings this

And of course the classic,  And in this labyrinth where night is blind / The Phantom of the Opera is here inside my mind

Wow! I didn’t even get to the Dreaming City! It’s way more vague than the whole Eris/Toland thing because of course ships take up 80% of my brainspace but idk I just find it so incredibly fitting when it comes to paralleling Savathun/Dul Incaru terrorising the Dreaming City with what Erik does to the opera. Like, everybody knows he’s There but no one can do anything about it, he sends vague threats and kills people but nobody can catch him, and the place is just a giant playground for him to have fun and achieve his personal goals in. And whatever the hell is going on in Masquerade, like

Masquerade! Seething shadows breathing lies Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you Masquerade! Leering satyrs, peering eyes Masquerade! Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you

wow that sure is subtle. Seething shadows breathing lies, huh. Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you :) And then he crashes the party in a fucking Red Death costume. If this doesn’t have huge Dul Incaru/Siren of Riven energy I don’t know what has.

And of course the shitshow only starts when we kill Riven but the seeds have been planted long, long ago. If you listen closely, you can hear Petra screaming in confusion somewhere under box five.

I know most of this second part is a stretch, BUT! this is my au. And for the record, I know there are very mixed feeling about the 2004 POTO movie but to me personally it was a formative experience, first watched on a very crappy TV in music class at the age of 9 and not even in its entirety, but I was already captivated and shaken to the core, and there’s still, after all those years, something that screams at my soul when I hear the first notes.

And, as a treat for those who suffered with me until the end of this essay,

[kamuisthoughts]

The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

[hexalt]

CW for discussion of suicide

- She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - What? No, I'm not. - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - That's a sexist term! - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - Can you guys stop singing for just a second? - She's so broken insiiiiiide! - The situation's a lot more nuanced than that!

There’s the essay! You get it now. JK.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the culmination of Rachel Bloom’s YouTube channel (and the song “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” in particular where she combined her lifelong obsession with musical theatre and sketch comedy and Aline Brosh McKenna stumbling onto Bloom’s channel one night while having an idea for a television show that subverted the tropes in scripts she’d been writing like The Devil Wears Prada and 27 Dresses.

The show begins with a flashback to teenage Rebecca Bunch (played by Bloom) at summer camp performing in South Pacific. She leaves summer camp gushing about the performance, holding hands with the guy she spent all summer with, Josh Chan. He says it was fun for the time, but it’s time to get back to real life. We flash forward to the present in New York, Rebecca’s world muted in greys and blues with clothing as conservative as her hair.

She’s become a top tier lawyer, a career that she doesn’t enjoy but was pushed into by her overprotective, controlling mother. She’s just found out she’s being promoted to junior partner, and that’s just objectively, on paper fantastic, right?! ...So why isn’t she happy? She goes out onto the streets in the midst of a panic attack, spilling her pills all over the ground, and suddenly sees an ad for butter asking, “When was the last time you were truly happy?” A literal arrow and beam of sunlight then point to none other than Josh Chan. She strikes up a conversation with him where he tells her he’s been trying to make it in New York but doesn’t like it, so he’s moving back to his hometown, West Covina, California, where everyone is just...happy.

The word echoes in her mind, and she absorbs it like a pill. She decides to break free of the hold others have had over her life and turns down the promotion of her mother’s dreams. I didn’t realize the show was a musical when I started it, and it’s at this point that Rebecca is breaking out into its first song, “West Covina”. It’s a parody of the extravagant, classic Broadway numbers filled with a children’s marching band whose funding gets cut, locals joining Rebecca in synchronized song and dance, and finishing with her being lifted into the sky while sitting on a giant pretzel. This was the moment I realized there was something special here.

With this introduction, the stage has been set for the premise of the show. Each season was planned with an overall theme. Season one is all about denial, season two is about being obsessed with love and losing yourself in it, season three is about the spiral and hitting rock bottom, and season four is about renewal and starting from scratch. You can see this from how the theme songs change every year, each being the musical thesis for that season.

We start the show with a bunch of cliché characters: the crazy ex-girlfriend; her quirky sidekick; the hot love interest; his bitchy girlfriend; and his sarcastic best friend who’s clearly a much better match for the heroine. The magic of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is that no one in West Covina is the sum of their tropes. As Rachel says herself, “People aren’t badly written, people are made of specificities.”

The show is revolutionary for the authenticity with which it explores various topics but for the sake of this piece, we’ll discuss mental health, gender, Jewish identity, and sexuality. All topics that Bloom has dug into in her previous works but none better than here.

Simply from the title, many may be put off, but this is a story that has always been about deconstructing stereotypes. Rather than being called The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where the story would be from an outsider’s perspective, this story is from that woman’s point of view because the point isn’t to demonize Rebecca, it’s to understand her. Even if you hate her for all the awful things she’s doing.

The musical numbers are shown to be in Rebecca’s imagination, and she tells us they’re how she processes the world, but as she starts healing in the final season, she isn’t the lead singer so often anymore and other characters get to have their own problems and starring roles. When she does have a song, it’s because she’s backsliding into her former patterns.

While a lot of media will have characters that seem to have some sort of vague disorder, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend goes a step further and actually diagnoses Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder, while giving her an earnest, soaring anthem. She’s excited and relieved to finally have words for what’s plagued her whole life.

When diagnosing Rebecca, the show’s team consulted with doctors and psychiatrists to give her a proper diagnosis that ended up resonating with many who share it. BPD is a demonized and misunderstood disorder, and I’ve heard that for many, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the first honest and kind depiction they’ve seen of it in media. Where the taboo of mental illness often leads people to not get any help, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend says there is freedom and healing in identifying and sharing these parts of yourself with others.

Media often uses suicide for comedy or romanticizes it, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend explored what’s going through someone’s mind to reach that bottomless pit. Its climactic episode is written by Jack Dolgen (Bloom’s long-time musical collaborator, co-songwriter and writer for the show) who’s dealt with suicidal ideation. Many misunderstood suicide as the person simply wanting to die for no reason, but Rebecca tells her best friend, “I didn’t even want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. It’s like I was out of stories to tell myself that things would be okay.”

Bloom has never shied away from heavy topics. The show discusses in song the horrors of what women do to their bodies and self-esteem to conform to beauty standards, the contradiction of girl power songs that tell you to “Put Yourself First” but make sure you look good for men while doing it, and the importance of women bonding over how terrible straight men are are near and dear to her heart. This is a show that centers marginalized women, pokes fun at the misogyny they go through, and ultimately tells us the love story we thought was going to happen wasn’t between a woman and some guy but between her and her best friend.

I probably haven’t watched enough Jewish TV or film, but to me, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the most unapologetic and relatable Jewish portrayal I’ve seen overall. From Rebecca’s relationship with her toxic, controlling mother (if anyone ever wants to know what my mother’s like, I send them “Where’s the Bathroom”) to Patti Lupone’s Rabbi Shari answering a Rebecca that doesn’t believe in God, “Always questioning! That is the true spirit of the Jewish people,” the Jewish voices behind the show are clear.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend continues to challenge our perceptions when a middle-aged man with an ex-wife and daughter realizes he’s bisexual and comes out in a Huey Lewis saxophone reverie. The hyper-feminine mean girl breaks up with her boyfriend and realizes the reason she was so obsessed with getting him to commit to her is the same reason she’s so scared to have female friends. She was suffering under the weight of compulsory heterosexuality, but thanks to Rebecca, she eventually finds love and friendship with women.

This thread is woven throughout the show. Many of the characters tell Rebecca when she’s at her lowest of how their lives would’ve never changed for the better if it wasn’t for her. She was a tornado that blew through West Covina, but instead of leaving destruction in her wake, she blew apart their façades, forcing true introspection into what made them happy too.

Rebecca’s story is that of a woman who felt hopeless, who felt no love or happiness in her life, when that’s all she’s ever wanted. She tried desperately to fill that void through validation from her parents and random men, things romantic comedies had taught her matter most but came up empty. She tried on a multitude of identities through the musical numbers in her mind, seeing herself as the hero and villain of the story, and eventually realized she’s neither because life doesn’t make narrative sense.

It takes her a long time but eventually she sees that all the things she thought would solve her problems can’t actually bring her happiness. What does is the real family she finds in West Covina, the town she moved to on a whim, and finally having agency over herself to use her own voice and tell her story through music.

The first words spoken by Rebecca are, “When I sang my solo, I felt, like, a really palpable connection with the audience.” Her last words are, “This is a song I wrote.” This connection with the audience that brought her such joy is something she finally gets when she gets to perform her story not to us, the TV audience, but to her loved ones in West Covina. Rebecca (and Rachel) always felt like an outcast, West Covina (and creating the show) showed her how cathartic it is to find others who understand you.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the prologue to Rebecca’s life and the radical story of someone getting better. She didn’t need to change her entire being to find acceptance and happiness, she needed to embrace herself and accept love and help from others who truly cared for her. Community is what she always needed and community is what ultimately saved her.

*

P.S. If you have Spotify... I also process life through music, so I made some playlists related to the show because what better way to express my deep affection for it than through song?

CXG parodies, references, and is inspired by a lot of music from all kinds of genres, musicals, and musicians. Same goes for the videos themselves. I gathered all of them into one giant playlist along with the show’s songs.

A Rebecca Bunch mix that goes through her character arc from season 1 to 4.

I’m shamelessly a fan of Greg x Rebecca, so this is a mega mix of themselves and their relationship throughout the show.

*

I’m in a TV group where we wrote essays on our favorite shows of the 2010s, so here is mine on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I realized I forgot to ever post it. Also wrote one for Schitt’s Creek.

[svtreaction]

have a one night stand

a/n: wow it has been TOO LONG. I was perusing my request inbox and honestly this one seemed so fun I couldn’t resist. These are just my opinions, so take it easy on me! GIF is from yunchanpai. ALSO I added some spice so 18+ !!!

xx, Lex 

[MASTERLIST] [MTL’S]

most  s.coups vernon mingyu the8 jun hoshi woozi wonwoo jeonghan dk dino seungkwan joshua  least

s.coups // “You’re body is stunning... I won’t miss an inch” - In regards to daddy coups taking the number one spot, I attribute my choice to maturity— he oozes a sensual coolness that gives me the impression that he could definitely handle a one night stand, but this is not saying that there wouldn’t be regret with some cases.  He would treat the people he sleeps with a disgusting amount of romanticism (fuck yes), lots of body worship, which definitely leaves you both wanting more. This being said, I feel that a lot of one night stands with this man could lead to a possible relationship, but on the other hand I think he wouldn’t necessarily bat an eyelash at one night in bed. 

mingyu // “...just like that” - Similarly to coups, I feel like Mingyu just oozes maturity. He definitely doesn’t make one night stands a habit, but I believe he doesn’t have a problem with them.  He also seems like the man that can flip the switch— he’d want to take care of anyone who he’s with in that particular moment, but when they’re gone, I feel like he could detach more easily than the other members. In terms of during the one night stand, I would not be surprised if Mingyu has a thing for bondage. I can just picture him asking his partner if he could use silk ribbons to tie them down... Possible degradation included? 

vernon // “you look beautiful baby” - I can see Hansol being very open to one night stands. If anyone confronted him about it, he’d just shrug his shoulders and carry himself with the “I don’t give a shit” attitude. A couple years ago, however, I would’ve put Hansol significantly lower on the list. Me and an old friend always theorized how we believed he could’ve went through some significant heartbreak or trauma somewhere around the Boom Boom era, and turned into a sex god after. Vernon, to the outside eye, can seem stoic at times, but this boy definitely has a big heart, and I think he just wants to spread love in all the ways he can. Lots of body worship with him! 

minghao // “turn around for me” - Minghao is rather nimble and flexible, and I can see these particular skills as motivation to get into the bedroom. I think he likes the challenge of having sex with another person, and loves to please his partner as much as humanly possible. Similarly to the other “higher ranked” members, Minghao ALSO has a maturity about him, and definitely has the “I don’t give a shit what you think of me” attitude. Additionally, I don’t think Minghao would be embarrassed to ask his one night stands personal sex questions, or have the fear of telling them to try new positions with him. Things in the bedroom with this boy would always be exciting, and you’ll definitely end up sore the next day if you end up spending the night with Minghao. 

junhui // “call me daddy, sweetheart” - as we are all aware of, jun does not shy away from pleasure. This being said, I believe he does not shy away from the one night stand scene; however, as greasy as this boy can be, he is also just as much a big softie with a tender heart. So as much as he’d be interested in delving into some extra pleasure on the side, I also see him wanting to form stronger bonds before the deed is done. After having sex in general, I can see him being a big, big cuddler, but don’t let this fool you, he definitely wants you to call him daddy while he destroys you.

hoshi // “you feel so good pretty girl” - soonyoung definitely is not against the one night stand way of life, but similarly to jun, I can see him wanting to form some bonds beforehand. With most situations, I feel like soonyoung would want a label on the relationship before any sex is to be had, however, I do see him every once in awhile having a one night stand to scratch his itch. With Soonyoung, it’s a toss up— he’s either going to have regrets in the morning, or he's just going to try to forget the person he brought home and did sinful things to just for one night. Big into pet names.

woozi // “...fuck” - jihoon no doubt lacks experience in comparison to the other members of seventeen, but just because he might not have as much experience, I really don’t think he’d be against participating in the one night stand scene. He’s mature and can emotionally handle being with a partner for just one evening; however, I don’t think this would be his first choice. I think Jihoon would prefer to have those emotional connections to his partner before he takes it to the physical level. Very quiet during sex. Heavy breathing/panting from this guy. 

wonwoo// “you feel so good around me” - I know, basically for a fact, that Wonwoo WILL fuck you good. He’s the perfect mix of sweet and dangerous in the bedroom. But when it comes to one night stands, I think our boy would tend to shy away from them. Wonwoo strikes me as a person who can, and desires to, form really deep connections with others, so one night stands are not his forte. But somehow if you do manage to get him in bed with, whether that be a one night stand or after being in a relationship, it’s going to be GOOD. 

jeonghan // “faster, kitten” - Jeonghan would probably stray away from having a one night stand with anyone. I think he believes he’s “above” it for some reason, and only sticks to having sex with somebody he cares for. I don’t think it would take him long to have sex though, I just think he definitely needs some personal connection first. Jeonghan wants to learn your boundaries, he doesn’t want to dive headfirst into the unknown. Definitely leans toward being a sub. Likes when you’re on top. 

dk // “Is this okay? Do you like it?” - SO SHY! He’s a real cutie, and even though he’s rather outgoing and exuberant, I think Seokmin would be nervous to take someone he doesn’t know into bed with him. I also believe he’s a pretty vanilla partner, and definitely liked to stick to missionary so he can see your face. Wouldn’t mind hitting it from behind though. Is a little skittish with every move he makes, and will constantly be checking if you’re okay and if he’s pleasuring you like he should. 

chan // “... I like this” - I think Chan would be very similar to Seokmin in regards to having a one night stand. But for some reason, I have a feeling that as he grows up ( even more than he already has :’) )  and gets a taste for having sexual relations with another person without ties, he might climb my list. However, I’m placing him here for now. Definitely is very serious during sex. Likes to grip your waste really hard. 

seungkwan // “I’m so lucky to have you” - AWE. We all love Seungkwan, but he is not down for the one night stand scene. He can’t make himself do it. He might say he wants to have a one night stand, but will never actually go through with it. He’s definitely waiting for that one person to get intimate with. Also, I think the thought of random people seeing him naked doesn’t sit well with him. But so, so, so, so much praise! He’s so cute in bed.

joshua // “it’s you and me, forever” - Josh wants commitment. Period. He wasn’t dubbed Jisoos Christ for nothing. I love him, but no one night stands for my guy. He’s definitely searching for that emotional connection, and I will even go as far as to say that he has to love you before anything along the lines of sex happens. I don’t think he’ll hold off everything till marriage, though. He knows that you need to have a good physical connection with another person before leaping into life-long commitment. Very sweet in bed though. Vanilla. Sub.

[tipsydipsydo]

Improvisation 💻 [M]

Pairing: Sub! Jin x soft Top! Reader

Gender of the Reader: male

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: very in detail descripted/graphic sexual content(!); filthy language; swearing; soft Sub-/Dom-Themes (➙ shy but needy and also teasy Jinnie; the Reader is sometimes not the most assertive Dom, Jin's charm kills him 24/7); Cam/Videocall-Sex; Mastubation; Anal Play; Sextoys; Dirty Talk; Praising; light Edging; Mentions of Nudes and Sexting; Mentions of Unprotected Sex (pls stay safe!)

Summary: This wasn't planned. Well, the whole world didn't planned to deal with a damn pandemic in 2020! If everything would have gone "normally", you would be in Seoul with Jin right in this moment and just enjoy that you're finally able to be close to Jin again. But now you two are stucked at home, Jin in his dorm in Seoul and you in your apartement in your town, far away from him. So you have to improvise for now on, how you want to deal with longing emotions and urging sexual desires...

[Links]

My Masterlist for your requests!

My official Masterlist!

『Disclaimer: This fanfiction should not trivialize or romanticize the actual situation! This pandemic itself is worse enough. The reasons why I wrote a fanfic about this very difficult and sensitive topic can be found in my Authors Note down below.』

Author's Note:

(Be prepared, it's gonna be a long authors note but it's important! So please read it.)

I hope you all (and your friends and family!) are okay and that you didn't get infected with the corona-virus... or at least getting through your infection in the best way possible!

Like the majoritiy of the world population, I got house detention from our government as well (Okay, I'm already two weeks at home because of school closing).

I know, some other writers already used this special situation to write some stuff for us, so we're not going completely crazy by our boredom.

And yes, I wrote something about this too, this here is my own version of all these coronavirus-quarantaine-caused writings out there ^^°.

I hope, y'all not already sick of it... I know, the "Corona-Topic" is literally everywhere and at some point, you just can't listen to anything, that is related to that theme anymore! (Even when it's really important!)

But like all writers here, I just try to "make the best out of this horrible pandemic" and help you, to get through your quarantaine in the best way.

And when you (or someone of your friends, your family or your relatives) are not in quarantaine and you/they have to go to work, because they're a doctor, a nurse, a pharmacist, a scientist, a police officer, part of the military, an employee of a supermarket/drugstore, a factory worker, a truck driver, a farmer etc, you deserve my biggest respect, really! (And to be honest from the whole world population!)

They try to fight the virus itself or their Job count to the sensitive infrastructure of your country, that's why they all try their best to keep the health care system/the minimum of infrastructure in their country going! All these peoples are amazing and they should know that!

I know, especially in this crisis just a little "thank you" can't help them. All of them need to get paid a lot better for their job and they need suitable protective clothing, masks, sanitizer and so much more. In particular these peoples that have to work directly with infected patients like doctors, paramedics or nurses. 

They need these utensils to take care of infected patients properly (especially in risk groups!) and to protect themselfs as well! That's why I appeal to you, to donate medical face-masks or sanitizer that you or your family bought in an inordinate amount in of panic buying to your local hospital.

There is nothing wrong with having one or two face masks or a bottle sanitizer at home. But you don't need 10 bottles sanitizer or 50 face masks, when you simply stay at home!

Trust me, they'll need it so much more than you. We can't fight the virus when the medical staff themself get infected. All these peoples out there risk their own health, maybe even life for us! In some countries or regions they're already completely overworked and near to a (systematic and mental) break down.

When we could help them with literally doing nothing and staying at home, then please, please, please do it!

I'm not a doctor or a nurse, but I think when everybody follow their government's rules (or in general, the instructions of the WHO) and help the health care system of their country with simply staying at home, we're able to get through this pandemic somehow.

「So in short: This following story should only be a gentle reminder to stay at your fucking home and to follow your government's rules to prevent that the virus spread even more! Okay? Thank you.」

So, now you're allowed to read. Enjoy~💚

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

You sigh and play around restlessly with the cable of the charger of your laptop, which is plugged into it and is just in front of you on the bed tray. Even when Jin and you text each other almost every free minute, you get nervous every time he takes a little longer to answer your video call.

The past few weeks have made you an emotional wreck, especially when suddenly the infections in South Korea are skyrocketed. You contacted Jin immediately and asked him, if he, the members, his family and friends were doing well.

And overall, how the situation in Korea is and with which Strategy his government is now going to deal with it.

In the following weeks the virus continued to spread. Every day new states reported their first cases, infections increased in many countries, more and more nations prescribed school closings and national quarantine for almost all citizens. With each new day, the international infrastructure and thus also the economy gradually came to a standstill. Sometimes it feels like the earth has stopped spinning around the sun.

The whole further development of the epidemic, now pandemic, is still absolutely uncertain. Too little is the knowledge about this new virus and his behaviors. No one knows when an effective vaccine will exist.

So there is nothing else you can do but hope for the best and follow the rules of your own government and the instructions of the WHO. That means self-isolation and quarantine at home indefinitely.

That was nothing you had planned... actually you wanted to be in Seoul since three days and at that very moment you would lying tightly wrapped up with Jin in his bed.

Your visit in Seoul had been planned for months, everything was already perfectly organized and arranged, Jin even got a few days off! And now? Now you both are sitting far away from each other in your bedroom and only have the opportunity to do video calls with each other. Again.

Although your vacation were already planned and your Boss agreed, it hasn't been so clear in the past few weeks anymore if you can still take your vacation days due to this current situation.

The economic situation has become increasingly difficult, especially for the international trading company you work for. In the End, the government destroyed your plans anyway by stopping air travel and the legal prohibition of entry and exit of the country.

Of course, you were incredibly angry and frustrated at first, but in retrospect you realized that it was a good decision to do that. At least to slow down the spreading.

If you had flown to Seoul, you might have been infected. Perhaps the virus can only cause you little or even no problems, but you could've negligently infected risk groups.

And, to be honest, if you would have flown to Seoul, that would be just because of pure selfishness. And you don't want to be responsible for for spreading the virus even more.

That was in general the reason, why you decided to basically stay at home for now on. You only go out for grocery shopping once a week. At least, you try  your best not to get infected and therefore not to infect anyone else. And at the same time not to die of boredom.

Although Jin currently has more time than usual, he still has to work and to practice with the other members. When they have finished their daily routine, Namjoon and Yoongi mostly continue their "quarantine" in their studios and Hoseok and Jimin stay in the dance studio a little longer. Here and there Tae and Kookie keep them company and practice their choreography a little bit more with them, before they come back to the dorm and play video games or do other things.

As usual, Jin takes over the cooking and takes the opportunity to talk to you on the phone as much as possible or to facetime with you. Of course, it's nice that you can still spend so much time together with the help of the modern technology. But it cannot replace a real visit.

They've not met each other for a too long time, for too long it has not been possible for you two to kiss, cuddle or exchange carresses with one another... For too long, you both had no sex. And that with two people who have, let's say, a very healthy sex drive. It's awful.

You had tried a few times to get sexually active with Jin in front of the screen. But it seems like it's not his thing at all. Talking a bit here and there via text message about your dirty fantasies is okay for him. And when your Jinnie is really horny, you can also encourage him with some messages to send you a dick pics or a few voice mails where he's masturbating and moan your name in such a sinful way. When you have brought him to this point, you praise him a lot and assure him, how sexy he is ans how hot it is that he sends you such pictures.

Pictures yes, videos no.

When you ask him then, if he would be comfortable with making phone calls or even video chats of this kind of "talk", Jin will backtrack.

He can't really explain it, but he doesn't feel comfortable with presenting himself completely naked in front of the camera and even doing filthy things at the same time.

But you understand what he's trying to tell you. Jin loves it intense and passionately, with an extensive foreplay and good aftercare, but "really freaky stuff" is not his world. Doing sexual things with his partner is very personal to Jin, and he's also an idol, it would be a catastrophe when a video or picture of this kind would get public.

Therefore you fully accept his limits! After all, there is nothing to complain about, sex with Jin is always wonderful and absolutely satisfying!

Only when you are separated from each other again, you hardly know how to deal with your sexual desire. Well, would you have thought that Jin has completely the same problems and your sweetheart is just a little shy, to make naugthy things in front of the camera?...

You gasp in relief when Jin finally accepts the call and greets you with an apology, that it tooks so long. The environment tells you that he is in his room. You assume that he's sitting on his bed and leaning against the wall, the laptop on his lap.

You smile at him affectionately, reassure him that he doesn't have to apologize just because his boyfriend unwillingly becomes a bit overprotective and worries too much. You know that all this is not good, but you just can't switch off worrying about your darling.

Jin smiles a little shyly at you, his cheeks are slightly reddened. You want to ask if he's really okay, but you bite yourself on the tongue quickly. The virus had been the subject of your conversation far too often. Jin can take care of himself, if there is any suspicion that he may have been infected, he will tell you. At least, Jin and BigHit Entertainment will know how to handle it.

"No, no Y/N. Don't worry, I'm just like you... You should hear how the boys talking about me. They say, that I'm overthinking way too much... But you are fine, right? And how are your Parents in your hometown, are there already the first infections?", Jin asks and looks at you with an insistent look, eyebrows knitted in concern.

This here became to a ritual, for now on you talk always the first five minutes about the current situation. No matter whether using text messages, voices mails, phone calls or videocalls. Every day you ask each other whether the infections in your both country has improved or deteriorated, how each other's friends and family are doing, and what measures South Korea and now your country are taking.

After that, your conversation mostly wanders to other topics. It's good to come up with other thoughts as well, so nobody is going completely crazy. As many politicians, doctors and virologists already said, we have no choice but to keep calm and not to panic before we start acting thoughtlessly.

You're just about to start complaining a little bit about all the work you have to do in your home-office when Jin anticipates you.

"Y-Y/N?"

You look back at the screen and see how the initial slight blush on Jin's face has intensified and spread to his ears. In addition, you've noticed a few minutes before that Jin has become a bit restless and keeps moving back and forth. As if his sitting position is uncomfortable.

"Yes? Darling, is something wrong? You seems to be so restless and that something is uncomfortable for you ...", you answer him and look at him questioningly with a concerned frown between your eyebrows. The blush on his cheeks increases a shade darker and now it has completely taken over his ears. God, if you're honest, it's so cute when he's shy and his ears turns red.

"Would you like to know why it took me so long to answer your call... there is... there is a reason for that," Jin says quietly.

In precaution, he looks at his room door again to make sure that it's really locked. Even when everyone else is not in the dorm right now, you'll never know who would opens the door of his room without expecting anything... indecent.

He takes a deep breath before he puts the laptop down on his bed, positions the screen with the camera at the right angle. You can see how Jin's prominent adam's apple starts bobbing nervously. This sight makes you involuntarily biting your lower lip and a warm shiver trickles down your back. 

Fuck, Jin's throat has always been one of your soft spots. This sight is tempting ypu to spread countless hickeys on his soft skin, want to mark him as your boyfriend. Because he's an idol, you always have to hold back with your little kink, because a dark love mark can't even cover up the best make-up really well.

But sometimes you just can't hold back or you just forgot that you should do it. Like when Jin's moaning and whimpering is so damn sexy, it makes you addicted to wanting to hear it again and again. Besides that, responds so wonderfully to your touch...

You going to be ripped out of your lewd thoughts when Jin turns with his back to you and his precious butt is now on the same level with your eyes. A completely confused expression manifests on your face. What the-

"I-I have a little surprise for you... I hope you like it...", says Jin in a trembling voice and hooks his two thumbs into the waistband of his sweatpants.

Your next breath gets stuck in your throat as your boyfriend pulls his sweats and boxer briefs at the same time down.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Your lips open, you want to say something, but no sound comes out of your mouth. You're absolutely speechless. Your sweet, innocent Jin...

Between his perfectly round buttcheeks is a metal buttplug, gemmed with a beautiful turquoise-blue jewel. You had never used toys in your sex life before. Jin is more of a fan of getting fingered extensively from you until he's prepared and relaxed enough to take you slowly all way in.

And now, this beautiful buttplug is enclosed in the most erotic and sinful way by your sweet, rosy musclering.

Fuck, if you only could be with Jin right now, to be able to admire this plug with a closer look, to pull it out of Jin and tease his hole a little bit with the tip of the plug.

You're so fascinated and immersed in admiration that you don't notice how Jin is getting nervous and insecure. You still haven't said anything, even though a minute has passed.

"Y-Y/N?", Jin asks in an unsettled voice. He's already about to turn around and pull his pants up again, when life comes back into your body and you answer him hastily.

"No, no, no! Please stay in this position! Fuck, baby... I don't know what to say... You are so damn sexy!", you're stuttering, you just can't take your eyes from his plug.

"But please explain to me... why... why are you doing things like that? And where did you get the plug? I-I mean, fuck, that's so damn sexy, I'm the happiest man in the world and I wish, I'd with you right in this moment and could tease you a little bit with this cute little plug... but why? I thought such things in front of the camera makes you uncomfortable? Please don't do such things only for me! Just because I'm so fucking horny today again! Please don't do it because you-", but then Jin interrupts your babbling.

When you got out of the shower this morning and looked at yourself in the mirror, you couldn't help it but send Jin a picture of you shirtless, hoping to get him involved in a bit of spicy and horny texting. You've the feeling that this quarantine and the canceled visit makes you horny 24/7. You don't want to admit it, but fuck. You need Jin so much.

"I wanted to try this for a long time... for months it kept coming back to my mind. I was frustrated by myself when you tried to encourage me to do something sexual in videos or directly live in front of you but always pull back again. Because... because... I don't know it clearly. I wanted to do something with you, I-I had countless fantasies about it in my mind... I wanted to be sexy for you, to make you moan and curse with my s-sight... b-but I think, I was just too shy every time. I felt so awkward and ridiculous doing things like that in front of the laptop. Such things that the two of us usually only do together on our own. I was embarrassed by myself... ", Jin mumbled and is glad, that at this moment you only see his butt and not his crimson red face.

Your eyes grew round like bowling balls, filled with disbelief.

"W-What? So that means... you wanted to do these things all day, but you were just too shy? Because you thought you would be awkward and weird?"

"Y-Yes. I want to do... naugthy stuff with you while videocalling... Fuck, Y/N, I miss you so much! I miss your kisses, your hugs, your soft carresses, your tender kisses on my body. Our foreplay, when you gently prepare me and finger me open for you... I-I miss our sex so much and just mastubation with my hand isn't satisfying anymore! I want you... I need you so bad... ", says Jin. Starts whimpering at the last of his sentences.

With these words, a deep growl comes from your throat and some curses leaves your lips, your pants has become so damn tight at the center.

"Fuck, baby, I know. I know how you feel, I feel the same way! I want you so bad, I was looking forward to seeing you again. Fuck, this damn pandemic."

You push the bed tray with the laptop a little away, impatiently you unbuckle your belt and opens your pants. Your cock needs a little more freedom in this moment.

When Jin hears your words and the rustling of fabric, realize how worked up you already are, he immediately feels a little bit more confident. He moves a little closer to the laptop and offers you an even better view. He bites his lower lip in anticipation of what finally seems to follow after such a long time.

"Jin... would you be okay with it to pull your butt cheeks apart so that I can see the plug... a little bit better?", you ask in a husky growl, teasing your hard erection through the thin fabric of your boxers.

By this question, a soft whimpering comes over Jin's lips, with trembling hands he reachs back and placing each one on a butt cheek, pulling them slowly apart to give you the sight you desire for.

"Fuck, Jin Baby, that's so sexy. You're so, so damn sexy! Do you even know how all of this here is turning me on? God, you're killing me!", you groan and rubbing instantly harder over you clothed, rock hard dick.

A little smirk appeared on Jin's lips. When he's already killing you right know, how should you survive these other things that Jin planned for tonight...

"Honey, would you like it when I pull that plug out of me and gonna finger myself... w-while you can watch me?", Jin asks you sweetly with a slightly shaking voice. The thought alone let Jin's own erection twitch.

Oh fuck, Jin is going to be your death someday.

"Please, Baby... I would be so thankful when you allow me such a view. Letting me watch how you please yourself...", you answer in a breathy, hoarse voice and let your head fall back against the wall.

Closing your eyes for a moment, try to prepare yourself mentally for what coming next. This Show, Jin will give you, will be surely unbelievable sexy... but also an absolute torture for you.

You're usual the one with a leading hand in your relationship when it comes to bedroom stuff. But you have to admit, that you're not the most assertiv Top... and Jin knows way too well, where to find and to press your soft spots.

Sometimes it comes to the point that Jinnie is wrecking you more than you him! You think, that your Darling kinda loves the thought to make your knees weak instead of his. And to be honest... you loves it so fucking much, when your big shy bean find his self confidence again and tease the shit out of you, just saying, that he just wants to please you.

As you hear a soft whimper coming out of the speakers of you Laptop, you startle and your eyes snaps open immediatly. A little groan get out of you throat, that rises up from the deepest place of your chest. God, it shouldn't be allowed to be so fucking attractive, you think.

Jin pulled a latex glove of his right hand and is about to reach back to his most precious places, to grab the gemmed base of his plug. His left hand pull his buttcheek a little bit away to give you an amazing view of his action.

Your Boxer briefs has literally a tent at your crotch now and your cock twitch at the sight, is angrily fighting to be finally completely free. God, you're such a bastard for very detailed graphics... like the view Jinnie is giving you now.

You yank your Jeans and your Boxers with a curse down. Gripping your hard length and squeezes it with a firm grip, when you see Jin's rosy, seductively glistening muscle ring stretching open as your Boyfriend pulls the plug slowly out of himself.

He's panting fast when he let the plug fall on a towel beside him and his left hand leaves his butt. His upper body flops down onto the mattress and now, your Jinnie presents himself in the most erotic way you could imagine.

Ass up, sticking his butt out into the air and let you admire his sweet hole, slightly stretched my the plug, clenching around nothing in anticipation for the promised play session that will follow now.

Jin lets his lower body sink down as well, laying on his stomach and turning onto his right side. Allow you a little glance of Jin's adorably pink flushed cheeks and the red tips of his ears. This sight makes your heart and stomach flutter, blushy Jin while doing naughty stuff is just... hitting all of your soft spots in one tour.

He pulls his upper leg, his left leg up to his chest and positions himself comfortably, while he's pouring a good amount of lube onto his latex gloved fingers. Then he's reaching back again.

The pad of Jin's middle finger teases gently his entrance, his body is still moving until he founds a really comfortable position. After the tip of his finger disappeared in himself, the whole length of his finger sinks into his sweet hole as well. Let you watch, how he'll finger himself, enjoying himself, feeding his own desire, give him this desperately needed pleasure when you can't unfortunately. And fuck... that's so hot!

After he needs a short moment to adjust, he starts pumping his middle finger in and out. At first slowly, then faster and faster. Jin is getting even needier when the pleasure of his finger-play arise more and more. It didn't took long until he allows his ring finger to glide into his hot walls as well.

After a few thrusts of his hand, he begins to spread his two fingers apart, scissoring and stretching his sinful tight asshole open, let you watch the movements of his fingers very well.

You're gulping and breathing audibly out of your nose, a longing, slightly even desperate hum leaves your throat. You want to be at Jin's side, want to watch him in real.

You want to see, how he's stretching himself open for your cock, moaning and whimpering you name. You want to touch him. You want to grip his thigh and his left ass cheek firmly, give it a gentle slap and pull the soft flesh up to get a closer look.

Admiring how wonderful his fingers fucking himself, how rapidly he's slamming them into his hole, his noises getting even more whiny and desperate. His hips starts to circle, loud breathy and high pitched moans leaving his lips when his fingertips reaching for a second this sweet spot deep inside of him.

But just for a tiny moment, there is not enough stimulation for your needy Boy. Especially when he knows how good he could feel, when he remember the times when you teased his prostate.

Your thumb grazing again and again over your angry red, precum leaking crown, teasing yourself. The urge is enormous to just jack off in a brutal fast pace to finally satisfy the barely standable desire, that grows in your abdomen.

Your eyes don't leave the screen when you reach to your beside table and pull the first drawer open, searching uncoordinated with your hand in there. You curse under breath when you finally perceive the things you searched for, but can't grab them.

If you want or not, your eyes have to leave the erotic sight of Jin's figure for a moment, when you want to get your needed things out of the drawer.

You bend quickly over to the side, fishing the lube and your fleshlight out of your nightstand. You use this helpful toy when there is not enough friction to get you off or... when you're freaking horny... when you just want to fuck Jin right in that moment.

With it, you can better imagine how you'd be pounding into Jin, laying his legs over your shoulders and gripping his thighs. Let Jin whimper and beg until you allow him to touch his own cock to be finally able to cum. Imagine, how his hot walls gripping your cock tightly, literally squeezing and cock milking you until it's too much and you shoot you load of white, creamy cum deep inside of him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! You need him so, so freaking bad right now, it drives you crazy!

When you turn back to your Laptop, Jin is panting heavingly and pulls his fingers out of himself right in that moment, throwing the used latex glove into the trash can next to his bed. Now you're the one who starts whining.

"Baby, why just stopped fingering yourself? Fuck, that was so damn hot and I love to see that, why-", you ask him, eyebrows pulled together in desperation and frustration.

Jin's body is trembling, he's panting fast and gasps for breath leaves his red swollen lips. He need a bit time to collect himself again and to be able to anwer you in a throaty voice.

"T-There is another surprise I prepared for you...", he's stuttering slightly and grab his laptop to place you with it in his desk. You're confused, again.

He goes back to his bed, step out of his pants completely now and pulling his green sweater over his head.

Now he's standing in his bare, naked full glory infront of the camera, let you gasp for breath. God, he's beautiful. His body reminds you always of these greek sculptures, his beauty is absolutely beyond all descriptions.

You can't describe him. You have to see him.

He grabs for the bottle of lube and lays it next to you, well, his laptop, on his desk. Without a word, you follow his actions, don't dare to say anything. Even when you two are not in the same room, there is a thick sexual tension between Jin and you through your laptops.

"Y/N... can you close your eyes for a moment? Until I say you can look again?", Jin says in a quiet voice. Looking at you through the camera in dark pupils full of lust and with pleading eyes, to just follow his appeal without asking.

Well, you wanted to protest but with this sight you close your mouth again and nod slightly, closing your eyes as well.

You hear some footsteps, something rumbles like he's moving something around. You knit confused and questioningly your eyebrows together, but you don't say anything. These noises disappears and silence returns to the speakers of your laptops. Just here and there you can hear some soft footsteps of Jin.

Suddenly, out of nowhere you can hear a long, broken moan of Jin that is followed by a soft, sweet "Oh my God, yes!" and a shaky, but so sensual hum that comes out of Jin's Chest.

"B-Baby... Y-You can open your eyes again..."

Even when you opened your eyes again, you can't believe them. That has to be a fucking dream, right?

You squint your eyes more than one time, your jaw dropped and you can't bring any proper sentences over your lips, starts babbling nonsense.

"O-Oh my holy fuck!... Jin, oh fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck, you can't kill me like that! Y-You can't do this to me, I'll going completely crazy to see you like that... Fuck, Jin Baby, I want you so bad... Oh God, that's so sexy. You're so goddamn sexy."

Jin is sitting with the back to you on a chair with a flat seating surface, gripping moaning and whimpering the edge of the backrest tightly. Lifting himself slowly up and lower his body with the most delicious and tantalizing hip circles again.

Bouncing at first slow, then faster and faster on this transparent pink silicone dildo that is placed with a suction-pad on the seat.

Let you watch how good he can take this fake cock in his tight ass after he prepared himself with fingerfucking so well. How he lowers himself down, stuffing the dildo inch for inch into his stretched and needy hole, filling himself up with this silicone dick.

The way, how he's riding this dildo in front of the camera, so needy and desperate...

The way, how all these moans and whimpers flowing over his lips without any shame...

Let you guess, how much he needed you too, how bad he needed to get fucked by your cock again.

It shows you how much he's missing the sex with you.

You can't see his face, but the red tips of his ears. You don't know why, but it turns you so fucking much on, to see Jin's blushing face.

To see, how he's a little bit embarrassed for being so needy but at the same time he's riding this dildo so fucking desperate, can't stuff enough of this plastic cock into his greedy hole. Bouncing up and down on this dick, moaning your name like he's riding you in this moment, instead of this fake dick.

Let you see, how he would bouncing on you, how he would fucking you when you would be at his side.

And this... this so goddamn sexy that you have the feeling that you'll go insane by your desire for him.

"Jin, Baby... turn around. I want to see your face when you cum. I want to see your blushy face. Flushed red, caused by your embarrassment for doing filthy things in front of the camera, right?", you ask him breathless, a little teasing smirk.

Jin whine and when he hesitatingly turn around, you see that he got even redder. God, your precious baby is so shy doing dirty things with you... you love it!

While he's turning around and re-positioned himself above the dildo, you hastily prepare your rock hard cock and the fleshlight with lube. When Jin sinks down on that dildo, you enter with a deep groan the fleshlight.

The fleshlight is only a poor comfort when you know how tight and hot Jin's walls really are. But you see Jin with the same unsatiesfied desire when he's bouncing on that damn fake dick. Jin knows, how wonderful your cock, only your cock, stretch his ass in all perfect places open and filling him up to the maximum.

But still, it's definitely better than nothing! You'll go through this time together until you're finally able to lay in each others arms again.

You hear in Jin's whines and his needy face expression shows you that he gets closer and closer to the edge, but it's not enough to cum. He's about to wrap his hand around his hard, precum leaking dick, when you start lecturing him.

"Nuh, nuh, nuh! Baby, you know the rule, right? You're not going to touch your cock until I say so, is that clear? You know the reason? Hm?", you say in a harsh, dominant voice and raise an eyebrow.

Jin bite down on his plushy and swollen lip, try his best not to let a whine out. Jinnie's face full of desperation and sexual need is one of your favourite views... that's pure art.

"Y-Yes... I-I'm not allowed to touch myself until you're close too, so we can cum together...", he whimper with a broken voice.

"That's right, Darling... so please wait a little bit longer... for me, yeah?", you wisper in a gentle tone into the microphone of the laptop.

The longer Jin wasn't allowed to touch his dick, the more whinier he got, bouncing breathlessly up and down on his dildo. But exactly that turned you even more on and your hand, with which you hold the fleshlight moved even faster. So it doesn't took much time that you're on the cliff to cum too.

You enjoy how Jin looks at you since the last three minutes. So fucking desperate and needy, impatiently waiting at your sign that he's allowed to touch his cock and jack himself off.

A thin layer of sweat is covering his skin, his bangs sticks to his forehead, plush lips are red from chewing. His chest rises and falls quickly, Jin's breathing is fast. His fingers are clawed on the edges of the seat, his arms supporting him while riding the cute transparent, pastel pink silicone cock.

Your gaze move lower in his body, a satisfied smirk spread in your lips when you see his thick long cock twitching whenever he fills his ass with the dildo up to the base. The crown of his dick is red and precum is spread all over his stomach and the top of his thighs. His plump balls, completely full of delicous cum are shacked up to his body. They're just waiting for release and to be finally able to let the load shoot all over Jinnie's stomach and chest.

You love the sight. Even when you're not there, at the end you're still able to make a complete mess out of your sweet Boy.

Now, you think, he should be allowed to cum.

"Now, Baby...", you said with a teasing smirk and you're literally bathing in satisfaction when Jin gasps in relief and immediatley wrapping his hand into a fist around his cock. He just needed a few rubs until he cum with a high-pitched whine that sounds like a mixture of a moan and a sob. God, he's so messed up.

This sound alone let you blow your load into your fleshlight.

Jin's orgasm seems to be strong, the waves of pleasure leaves his body trembling and oversensitive. He flinch when he's about to get up from the dildo and takes it out of his super oversensitive hole.

God, he's so fucking beautiful when he's messed up.

"Baby, this was undescribable sexy... we should do it more often, definitely! Who know's when we're able to see each other in real life again? Hm, what do you think, Jinnie?"

Jin is gulping, his adams apple bobs in damn attractive way and then, he's nodding with bright red cheeks.

"Yes... please."

Okay, with this fanfic here I've fulfilled my educational responsibility as a fanfic writer!😂😅