#but the parasites in me 😭😭
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Sometimes I just desperately want to be an asshole but I cannot let myself because I hold myself to a high standard
#I have a friend who canceled in coming to my birthday party literally the day before and obviously that really hurt#my 18th birthday and all….#he literally told me he was going weeks in advance and randomly was like ‘’sorry I have work :/‘’#and then proceeded to go to the renaissance faire instead of my birthday party😭#yk like any good friend would 😭#not like I took you on a family trip or anything…#his birthday party is this weekend and the little rat in my brain is telling me to just cancel last second#I won’t#because I know I’m better than that#but the parasites in me 😭😭#we’ve already talked about it and I’m over it I think#but sometimes it just#AUGH
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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RAHHHHHHHHHHH.
#guys. gIs.#what if. i made ocs. for every main killer chat route.#i first give you Rem. the Ronin route guy <<<<333334#total loser but smart at what he does.#think of him like a possum.#(rem is short for remora. yk the fish that likes to eat parasites and guck off of sharks?#i may explain my reasoning for naming all my mc ocs after remoras in a different post... anD ITS NOOOT#JUST BECAUSE I LIKE SHARKS. OKAY. AND THAT I ASSAIGNED EVERY KC! CHARACTER A SHARK.#it may be. a reason. but noooot hust because i swear 😣😣😣)#killer chat!#killer chat#ronin killer chat#ronin beaufort#angel killer chat#v killer chat#misaki killer chat#mc oc#oc#idk if i should tag this as oc x canon 😭#ig it is??#oc x canon#just in case 🫡#my art#next up: draw luca and feli cause me and my boyfriend need more than just their icons to match pfps with 😭😭
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pony’s a menace when getting his shots right? we all know this ? i raise you darry being so mean to pony just to get him to quit acting out.
like ponyboy is a scrambling mess at the doctors office. he can’t sit still, hes fighting back tears, he’s trying to run away and soda or darry has to hold him down (and this just when the doc enter, they haven’t even pulled the needle out yet)
and heads darry’s in all his cruel older brother glory making jokes that only a mamas boy could make: “pony if you don’t stop, you fixin to see mama again”
pony boys just confused bc wtf does that mean. but he can guess by the way soda gasp and his grip on pony goes slack that it can’t be anything good.
but pony’s still a dumbass “if i don’t get my shot ill see mama again? oh, wait that was threat wasn’t it 😒”
pony’s probably mad at darry for like three days afterwards but it works and he does cooperate enough to get his shots so in darry eyes a win is a win
#i make darry an asshole older brother in all of my hcs#😭😭#it’s not me who thinks he’s an ass#but the parasites#the outsiders#outsiders musical#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#the outsiders broadway#the outsiders headcanons#specific dreamer's fics#i’m counting it
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I don't wanna draw the gay dogs from tiktok as lesbians.
BUT THE PARASITES
#Yes I'm talking about Maxley#I DON'T WANT TO#but the parasites......#they keep telling me otherwise#screams#AUGH I DON'T EVEN SHIP THEM 😭#norse horse discourse#maxley#bradley uppercrust iii#an extremely goofy movie#as someone who's obsessed with a goofy movie this feels blasphemous to my girl Roxanne
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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is Jive a greaserfresh kid?
Nope!
He is just Fresh's kid but even that is just a technicality, they don't have a father-son relationship. Closest they come to that is Jive being petty and partaking in behaviours Fresh would hate like a rebellious teenager despite Fresh never even seeing it since Jive does his best to avoid him lmao
#utmv#jive sans#70s sans#fresh parasite#fresh sans#anonymous#“he never even taught me how to throw a ball. he only threw ME” 😭
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i have such a huge fear of getting pregnant i wish i could just get my tubes tied so i could have sex without a condom without worrying i could ruin my life 😭
#it scares me so much like aside from the complete parasitic body horror the thought of being completely responsible for someone else’s well#being.#i watched this episode of law & order svu where one of the character’s had to give up ur son to a foster home bc she was so unwell mentally#her son who was like 5 had to beg her to get up n feed him n she still wouldn’t#n it made me cry so much like that’s how i picture motherhood for me#how could i do that to someone.#n why is it expected of me… my mom always says how ppl from our town r surprised i don’t have kids n i am not married yet bc i’m already 25#like stoppp it leave me alone😭#n my boyfriend has mentioned many times about having kids like boy i don’t know WHO ur having kids w but it’s not going to be me!#.txt
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Day 5: Parasite.
At first I was going to fully color and render him but I didn't have enough time 😭 school sucks ight
Context: the reason I'm drawing Rosekin for this is because of two things
1: Rosekin is a LITERAL parasite, he's just controlling multiple rose vines in such a way that they look like a realistic body
2: I wanted an excuse to make his redesign Tehe
And to keep up with the whole “goretober” memo I just added some blood splatter on him
Maybe when I finish goretober ill fully render all the pieces I didn't render entirely
#rosekin#digital art#art style#artwork#concept art#redesign#OFTE!AU#Order Of The Empires#mcsm au#tw blood#goretober#goretober 2024#soft gore#i love my little bi drama queen parasite ight??#he's like a son to me#leave me alone 😭😭
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Me, starting my playthrough of Jack Jeanne: Okay, I KNOW the Tokyo Ghoul mangaka worked on this, but this is still an otome game so like…how good will it actually be?
Me, after finishing one route: Sui Ishida, you madman, how did you do this???
#jack jeanne#i nominate yoko taro to help produce an otome game PLEASE AND THANK YOU#look i enjoy playing otome games and all but believe me everything else is usually but an afterthought for the romance#WHICH FAIR I AM PLAYING AN OTOME GAME NOT READING A TIMELESS CLASSIC OF A NOVEL#but it is such a breath of fresh air playing jack jeanne?#like the world and the characters interact in such a way that it FEELS intentional#and not just like chess pieces pushed around to progress a route#last (and only tbh) otome game to leave this much of an impact is cupid parasite#and that’s because it’s campy fun that every part of the game (including that special ui) leans into#i have also recognized i have had lukewarm enjoyment of every otome game i have played that takes itself WAY too seriously#which is something i am ashamed of 😭
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“having a special interest can’t be that bad” I had to convince myself not to get a blond mullet because it was “Eddie Brock core”
#the parasites in me want to shapeshift into him istg#parasites as in a reference to the ‘I don’t wanna eat candy but the parasites in me want the candy’ audio#also dodged a bullet by not being transmasc because I 100% would’ve named myself Eddie or Flash#and then would’ve had to explain that to people for the rest of my life#and like most people I know don’t know who agent venom is so like 😭#‘why’d you name yourself Flash?’ ‘you know spider-man’s high school bully?’#would’ve been the death of me istg#please do not take that as anything against transmascs I would’ve just been an idiot with picking a name for myself#sam’s ramblings#I should make a tag for when I don’t want to clog up the venom tag but am talking about venom#sam talks about venom
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Coa 7 literally infected my brain so bad I’ve developed a genuine interest in mycology. I’m already in the process of buying a little over $100 worth of books on mushrooms and molds because the world of fungi is just so damn fascinating and beautiful.
Honestly, It’s so strange and silly to me that one essence in a game I’ve been playing for almost five years is what introduced me to a new special interest outside of fiction, but I’m super happy it did.
I’ve even started assigning IDV characters different mushrooms while I wait for the first few of my books to arrive. It’s quite a fun way to get a little more motivated to do research on some cool shrooms. :]
#Cryptid’s yap time#I haven’t been this excited to learn in a while#I’ve been yapping about IDV and mushrooms nonstop on Instagram 😭#getting a better understanding of mycology should help me write some stuff for MM too!#at least I hope so :p#just looking at different mushrooms molds and parasitic fungi has already given me some wonderful concepts and design ideas to work with
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scape and run parasites oc. his name is suri. hes some kind of interdimensional creature. he fled from his dimension to the overworld when it was overrun by parasites, but in his panic and desperation to leave, he didnt realize he had brought the parasites with him.
but even in his grief, he had sworn to stay and fight the infestation, and never run again. but with his knowledge and understanding of the parasites, he could be the key to reclaiming the overworld before it is taken over.
hes smart but he isnt very nice, at least not outwardly. hes been through a lot but he has good intentions. hes hardy, too, and capable of taking down most basic parasites on his own, and uses their shells and carapace to make armor.
#he reminds me of an alpaca !!!!! i think thats what most of the people of his dimension are. kind of like villagers#his home dimension was in about phase 6 when he left#if he ever went back though it would be 100% gone. like its over lol#hes probably taken in by a village for the first month or so and he slowly starts to settle. until he sees the first buglin 😭#he tries to warn the others but theyre mostly confused or cant believe him. some heed his warning but he realizes he has to do this himself#srp#scape and run parasites#parasites mod#minecraft#modded minecraft#rorys art#oc:suri
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be honest with me besties. are there any more creepy crawlies in dunmeshi after the first few volumes?
#why did none of u warn me about the treasure insects and the fucking. parasite 😭#i’m trying to be so brave about it but i can’t go through that again
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not being brave in the slightest cleaning a slime mold off my plant's pot
#apparently they are common on terracotta pots#i hate mold and fungus and parasites and anything of a nature that makes me think of an infection#i have tried to get over it by learning more about them but honestly it's made it worse 😭😭😭#need to take a bleach shower and also light my bathroom on fire
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Ships so bad it’s getting me to tolerate h*ik*veh 😖
#“TW STRAIGHT SHIPS” <- HELP ME ???? 😭😭😭#yall ship anything and everything oh my God 😭#I dunno it feels vanilla in a bad way !!! like ;;; I love vanilla ice cream like it’s so good but I mean they’re giving nothing that’s what#I mean by vanilla#also did Layla and alhaitham ever interact 😭 I mean I’m literally Layla LOL I’m 1000000000% her 😓 so preach or whatever#but I’m also nilou (kinda)#also why’s nilou with cyno did they ever interact either 😭#kavelou and laytham or whatever they’re called is me just coping by projection LOL#but they’re in canon sorry buddies#but they’re not canon*#kaveh is busy half dead and half tired and a secret other half fed up of alhaitham#alhaitham dedicates his life to annoying kaveh /j#alhaitham also dedicated his life to that one book he’s reading and on occasion pretending to be some alpha wolf or whatnot#also I hateeee when ppl be like oh ! so and so girl is strong she doesn’t need a guy#uh#what if the guy needs her LOL#having a guy around =/= weak just say you’re a closeted misogynist if you think that ☠️ it’s called co existing and ✨life✨#as much as I say otherwise; men aren’t rlly the parasites we think they are AHAHA#dora daily
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