#but the more i look the more ill hate them so ill post and just <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[cavejebus]

my adam playlist is about 20 songs now, so im gonna post it even though it is still a WORK IN PROGRESS!!!! ill add onto it when i wanna ofc, but i just wanna share a lil bit of my visionnn <3 expect a lot of linkin park lmao

some songs might not show up on the tumblr preview so i highly recommend going to the actual playlist if you have spotify!!

and batuta din moldova is there too cuz why not

below is a few categories and explanations for most songs!!!

ANGSTY SHIT

songs I thought either the lyrics or vibe had something to do with his angst... usually has to do with his background, during the trap, after the trap (whether he survived or not), or just headcanons :P

1. paper cuts - nirvana

"my whole existence is for your amusement", "why do they not try to escape?"

i THINK this song is about this dude who is like, in a really shitty kidnapping situation.... or something idk don't quote me on that :P it gives off the vibe of how it must've felt being in the bathroom all alone :( waiting for his boyfriend to save him :(

2. pictures of me - elliot smith

"you'll be the victim of your own dirty tricks", "i'm not surprised at all and really, why should i be?", "so sick and tired of all these pictures of me")

i like the whole pictures tie in.. the song isn't rlly about this, but some lyrics seem like how he would feel about being in a trap. like "I'm not surprised jigsaw chose me for this, my life is shit!!" ofc that would be if he knew who jigsaw was beforehand....... self deprecating shit yknow

3. given up - linkin park

"stuck in my head again//feels like i'll never leave this place//there's no escape", "thought i was focused, but I'm scared//i'm not prepared", "i hyperventilate//looking for help somehow, somewhere//and no one cares"

OK so first quote from this that I chose is like, how he sees his life as some useless "live to die" type thing, then the next quotes are how he realizes that he REALLY doesn't wanna die at the end of the trap. despite his whole "my life is shit I hate my job yadda yadda" talk, he still begs for his life once it's really in danger!!!

4. black heart - stone temple pilots w/ chester benningtion

"rescue me//(If you don't mind)"

lawrence......rescue this bitch....... ok but this song is mostly vibes, it can have angsty vibes :P

5. go with the flow - queens of the stone age

"she said, "i'll throw myself away//they're just photos after all", "i can't make you hang around//i can't wash you off my skin"

MORE PHOTO STUFF!!!!!! love it when it all ties in......... for the second quote its kind of a chainshipping thing... i cant make you hang around, adam goin "don't leave me!!!!" and i cant wash you off my skin, lawrence left his frickin bloody handprint on adams face.... oughh

6. and one - linkin park

"left all alone//far from my home//no one to hear me, to heal my ill heart", "it's too late to love me now//you don't even know me"

this song just generally gives angsty adam vibes, but the second quote is TOTALLY CHAINSHIPPING..... like they literally just met but already have such a connection since they went thru all that SHIT. but uh its too late for them to live a happy normal life together cuz lawrence never came back womp womp!! i can see adam sitting there waiting like "he don't even know me why tf would he come backk"

VIBES/STUFF HE'D LIKE

whether its based off of whatever tf he was listening to in his headphones that one time, or just based off of the time... i think his music taste would generally be pretty vast, while still staying around nu metal and alternative rock

1. one step closer, papercut, don't stay - linkin park

its 2001, hybrid theory has been release and is already fairly popular, i'd assume :P plus I think he'd favor linkin park since they've got a lot of complexity, as opposed to some mindless nu metal around that time

2. guns (are for pussies), down - 311

AGAIN with the rap x rock wtf!!!! he also like, cares about politics and probably trash talks all those gun loving dummies

3. brain stew - green day

who tf doesnt like this song... but it is about rotting in your room and he probably does that often <3

4. break stuff - limp bizkit

DO I HAVE TO SAY WHY I PUT THIS ONE???? ITS BREAK STUFF LIMP BIZKIT COME ON!!!!

5. the fear (flipped) - the shins

honestly have no idea why, but its giving adam!!! dunno what the song is about, but i glanced at the lyrics mentioned a bong and i was like "haha adam smokes weed"

6. tired of sex - weezer

he would like pinkerton, but i kinda only like this song off of it :P i don't listen to much weezer

7. blister in the sun, kiss off - violent femmes

i kinda just wanted to add in the acoustic sounding shit, but i do think adam would listen to violent femmes!! and you should too!!!

8. break it to me - muse

have y'all noticed that he kinda lied a lot during the trap? sure he isn't a good liar, but he seems like he's cool with lying for whatever reason... i just kinda picked this one cuz i needed to add some muse and the song kinda says shit about lying and stuff idk!!

CHAINSHIPPING SHIT

other than the angsty chainshipping in the "angsty shit" category, these just have cutesy lil lawrence x adam stuff <3 sorry to SHOVE chainshipping down your throat but whatever love is love

1. add it up - violent femmes

not specifying which lyric even though there IS one, i'm just embarrassed to say <3 but uh the only thing stopping them from making out sloppy style on top of john kramer was their chains :P

again, i WILL be adding more to this :3 but here's just my thoughts for now. im TOTES not just projecting my music taste onto adam hahahahhhhahahhahahhhaaa he's just so ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry if none of this makes sense!!!

[eobsinj]

✨ marco bezzecchi - assen 2023 ( twt | ig | fb )

[vanoefucks]

I'm growing to like the whole package, honestly. And you clearly like me too...

[coridallasmultipass]

Finally knitted Halloween socks that I've been meaning to knit since I bought this yarn last year!

The yarn is from "SavannahRoseHandmade" from the 90s Halloween Collection (sold out now UGH [understandable, but UGH]) and is visually inspired by the movie Scream (1996). I saw the colour pooling effect on their sample swatch when they shared the yarn collection images on Reddit last year, and was immediately like, 'Holy shit it's just like CRT TV static!!' And I had to get it. (And then life happened and I didn't get around to knitting them until now lol).

And unfortunately, I'm SO IN LOVE WITH IT!! THE EFFECT DID TRANSLATE TO SOCKS AND NOW IT'S LIKE, AHHH I NEED MORE. I don't know if I have enough yarn left to make an additional pair, so I'll have to figure out how to weigh it and the socks and see if the weight compares (really don't wanna end up with 3 socks and not enough for the 4th lol). But yeah. I'm so glad I got to do this. The yarn colouration was SO fun to work with, and the yarn was a nice and smooth 1-ply which was a huge relief from the fluffy yarn on the socks I'd been working on just before this. And yes, I did intentionally take this photo in front of those books because of the spiral-ish pooling.

Can I just also... like... holy fuck, man. I LOVE when yarn pools into unique patterns. It's the best phenomenon ever. And especially like for this one being black and white? That subtle grey transition from stark white to pitch black is EVERYTHING. Like I never would have thought one could create yarn that would pool EXACTLY like TV static rolling down the screen when knit. Major nostalgia vibes. I can feel the forcefield.

Also, started these babies September 27 and finished the second sock today October 3rd, which may be a new record for me knitting socks, I was so fucking excited. I even have a big ole 'writers bump' on my finger from the way I hold my knitting needles lmao (was also knitting a different pair of socks before this, too), and my arthritis is Not happy, but screw you, arthritis! I'M HAPPY.

Side note: it would be cool to pair this yarn with like a red addition somehow. Get a Saw vibe going bc of the TV static pooling effect. (I do love Scream though.) Or you could even probably take it a The Ring route with like a fly applique or something. So many horror movie staples with TV static effect, and not enough Scream yarn to test them out!!

Bonus image when the socks were a WIP:

I had my new tooth and doll eye stitch markers going. I DO have bloody murder weapon stitch markers, but none of them are a buck knife (Ghostface's weapon), so I went for general Halloween vibes instead (even tho I use stitch markers like this year-round lol).

[kideternity]

[Image ID: Inked digital drawing of Digimon character Justimon. Justimon is a humanoid with a heavily Tokusatsu superhero inspired design- wearing a bodysuit with multiple different armoured parts particularly around their left shoulder, elbow and wrist, ankles, knees and chest and abdomen area as well as rivets dotted around their body. They have a belt with a large circular belt buckle spiked at four corners in the middle, as well as a very long scarf. They have a metal helmet on with no facial features, and four metal antenna- two longer ones that are sticking up and two shorter ones sticking down at each ear area respectively. Their right arm- a redesign of the accel arm- is much longer and bigger, with sharp claws at the end of it. It is very mechanical looking, with tubing and more rivet and gear motifs, their right shoulderpad having a blunt spike coming up from the middle. They are in a mid action pose, as if they were jumping or running, looking to the side with their head slightly lowered, their left arm bent closer towards their body whilst the right arm is fully outstretched. There are dark patches of shadow around certain parts of their body and scarf as well as small action lines. /End Image ID]

His strange fighting pose

[highfunctioningfleshrule63]

oops all edges

[toytulini]

man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.

you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.

and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.

you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,

I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3

[celestialseamysteries]

idk how me sketching animals from an old How To Draw book turned into "realism painting of booster" but sure ill post that I Guess

[gigifujijifu]

Anyone else remember the little 88x31 buttons from older internet days? I've been remembering them a lot lately.

I make ffxiv ones in msp when I'm in queue or my bf is flying me around between quests.

[floralovebot]

okayokay here are my Thoughts that no one asked for aljgdh

i LOVE bloom's boots and her wings!! the hair will definitely grow on me. i don't like her outfit though. i do see what they're going for! it's very reminiscent of her og magic winx and one of the earlier promo designs we saw but to me, this doesn't feel very,,, bloom. it's so sharp, there are so many angles and layers (which feels like the Theme rn for most of them). IF they're going for more of a dragon warrior vibe for her then i can def see it, but the stiff fabric just isn't doing it for me. i do like the shoulder guard look though! idk there are aspects i like and i can see the vision, but i'm hoping the final design is a bit more refined and feels more like Bloom

like i said before, aisha's design feels very one-note compared to the other girls and i think it's because she's basically wearing one color. i love that they put her in blue!! but i hope they introduce a secondary color like her og green or yellow/purple to help balance her out. as for the actual outfit, love the boots! it feels more believix to me but i concede that this transformation is meant to feel more modern so i'll deal. the actual outfit,,, not the Best. the cuts are interesting, there's a lot of symmetry which is weird to see on aisha since most of her transformations before were very asymmetrical. i'd love to see more flowy fabric with her! the little hip things just aren't doing it for me. i like her wings! but they do look a little too similar to bloom's for them to really stand out. i love the gold on them though!! AND HER HAIR >>>>> best part!!

LOVE musa's hair!! it's so cute i'm crying :') i feel like the hair is definitely a strong point of these designs!! i think the wings will grow on me once i see them in action. right now they feel a little awkward but i see the vision. i think so far musa's whole design is looking really good. Very similar to her og winx with just enough of a new change to not feel exactly the same. and her boots!!! LOVE seeing that more edgy side of musa reflected in her clothing! idk i think this is one of the stronger designs good for her!!

we didn't get to see the bottom half of stella's look so i'm not sure what that's going to be like! i love the sun ray collar but i will say it def feels more Fairy Warrior so,, i like it but i would want to see that reflected in the actual fighting and plot too. if it's not then it's not the Best design choice imo. her wings,,, like musa, i think they'll grow on me once i see them in action. it's lovely to see blue on her! not sure how i feel about the hair but since stella's ponytail is in her casual look instead, i understand why they didn't put it here too. i'm looking forward to seeing more of this design!

we also didn't get to see the lower half of tec's design so,, idk but i think it'll end up being pants going by the look of her boots? i don't Love the boots, but again, i see the vision and i do think it'll look better animated. her wings,, i like them but i would've liked to see a more interesting overall shape! the design on the inside is great, but tecna's wings were always sooo interesting and didn't feel like generic fairy wing shape. idk,,, we will see.... LOVE the hair, love the glowiness. it's like a solid 6/10 for me. i think there are certain things they could still play around with to enhance the design but it's going in the right direction

okay,, first, LOVE the braid!! she's finally beating the "never changes her hair" allegations good for her. and the little flowers in her hair are MWAH the wings are cute! they look good with the design. love the petals on the top! it def blends more and isn't as overwhelming as the previous design. the flower arm bands are also a classic. the skirt is really where it loses me. i like it In Theory - i understand the goal. it's very flowery, very much like petals, it reminds me a lot of a tulip. so i get it! However, the layers,,, idk man it just looks off to me

it Def looks better in action! it's not as stiff, the edges are going up, there's an overall more graceful, flowy vibe to it. but the layers,,,, i Get it but i don't love the execution. but to fair, i don't really know what would make it look better so maybe this is the best they could come up with

OVERALL, i do think it's going in the right direction in regard to pleasing old fans and appealing to newer, younger audiences! i do think a lot of the fabric looks really stiff rn But seeing flora's animated transformation is giving me hope that it will look better in the actual show. the 3D rendering just looks off when it's a standalone piece. so far, i think the best designs are musa's and flora's. they feel a lot more balanced, capture the winx vibe, And still feel true to the characters. imo the other designs are missing one or two of those elements.

bloom's design needs to feel more like bloom. aisha's needs more dimension. stella's is nice in theory but doesn't quite match her more carefree, fun-loving attitude and feels more like a Royal Warrior thing so it really depends on how she's being characterized i guess. tecna's is good but i want to see the whole thing lol also i think her wings should be more unique

Now. as for the casuals.

tecna looks great i think we can all agree on that!! very boss babe i love it!! aisha,,, i think her pants should be baggier. the tight fit and hip cuts just,,, i see the vision but i think they need to reel it in and make it more Aisha. stella's skin is way too light she looks sick. her outfit,,, Bad. her entire design just feels so pale and desaturated?? like just up the saturation on everything and it'll look ten times better even with the wacky outfit choice.

musa's is okay. i get the vibes - i understand the choices. but like aisha, i think her design could just use a little more thought. it's similar to her og outfit but kind of in the wrong way imo? like it has the same sort of look and cuts, but it's also tight and uncomfortable. musa's og look was very much about comfort over fashion so this feels a little,, hhhrrrrmmmm yknow? i do like the direction though! i think for me, it really is the top part. like why is she wearing a skin tight bodysuit. who told her that was comfortable for day to day wear. it's very much aesthetic over comfort which isn't Bad but it doesn't feel very s1 Musa yknow? she loved her baggy, comfy clothing for normal days

flora's is okay too. again, i like the direction. i don't love it as her Official One Casual Look for the season; i think i would've preferred it as a secondary look for one episode. but it's not the worst! it Is very flora so i concede lol

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

Oopsies my hand slipped and I drew this

[uncanny-tranny]

Is that person truly "glamourizing [bad thing]" or are they just existing and not hating themself in the way society demands them to?

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

[iftitah]

.