#but the fear of telling people despite knowing they’ll react well is so strong

[danphil]

hhhhhhhhaaaaaaa

[peterneptune16]

Why I love RoseGarden (Full Essay[?, Idk what to call it])

Reason 1: How They Support Each Other

Okay so this is probably the biggest part of this all but I really wanted to talk about this because- Oscar and Ruby have supported each other A LOT, so of course this gonna be the 1st reason I discuss, but enough of my rambling, onto the reasoning:

Let’s take a look at the past 4 Volumes real quick and do an alaysis of 7 scenes in particular

-Volume 5-

Scene 1: Dojo Scene (V5 Ep5)

In the scene that all RoseGarden fans, including myself, love so much. We have Ruby comforting Oscar and being there by his side to give him support and encouragement to keep pressing onwards, to keep going on cause he will get stronger and that just by being there, it already says alot about him. This shows that Ruby does believe in Oscar and knows he can do this, he just needs a little help along the way. A little push.

Scene 2: Ruby is Hurt Scene (V5 Ep12)

In this scene that all RoseGarden fans ALSO love, Oscar immediately rushes to Ruby’s side whenever she is hurt by Emerald and knocked down. Kneeling down and encouraging her to get back up and keep fighting, telling her that they need her. This shows that Oscar has already developed pretty strong feelings for Ruby atleast as a friend by this point in time, despite them not knowing each other for very long.

-Volume 6-

Scene 1: Ruby reassuring Oscar (V6 Ep4)

In this fairly short scene, we see Ruby return Oscar’s cane back to him and comfort him after what just happened with Jinn. When Oscar asks her if he is just another one of Ozma’s lives, Ruby is quick to reply saying that he isn’t, that he is his own person. Even putting her other hand ontop of his, showing that she does genuinely care for Oscar and doesn’t want him thinking that he doesn’t matter, that he’s not just another Ozma, that he’s Oscar Pine and that wasn’t changing.

Scene 2: Oscar reassuring Ruby (V6 Ep10)

In this also fairly short scene, we see Ruby looking doubtful about the whole plan she has involving Cordovin’s Mech. Obviously having a hard time believing that it’ll work out, to which Oscar steps in and reassures her that it will work. His confident smile during this all, shows that he does believe in the plan and isnt just saying he does for Ruby too feel better, but that he trusts her and knows that it’ll all work under her leadership.

-Volume 7-

Scene 1: Ruby trusts Oscar to keep the lamp safe (V7 Ep3)

In this scene, which is somewhat short, Ruby hands the lamp off to Oscar, cause she is going down to the Tundra. She knows that Oscar will keep the lamp safe and out of the wrong hands while in Atlas, which he does, all the way until he ends up getting ambushed by Neo and the lamp is stolen. (Not focusing on the Oscar side of this scene here, but we will discuss that in the next scene analysis) The fact Ruby shows no restraint when handing the lamp off to Oscar, despite the fact Ozpin is in his head and could return any minute for all they know, shows that she really does trust Oscar as Oscar. She knows that he knows the right thing to do and isn’t worried about what choices he’ll make.

Scene 2: Oscar takes the burden off Ruby’s shoulders (V7 Ep9)

In this scene, which gets build up in the previous scene with Oscar asking Ruby if hiding Oz’s secrets from Ironwood was a good move or not, we see Ruby and Oscar, very nervously, talking about how they feel about telling Ironwood. In which they both reveal that they both think they should tell Ironwood. Which I think is all well and good, and really cute, but I’m more focused on what comes after. Ruby says that she’ll tell Ironwood what Jinn told them, but upon seeing she is needed elsewhere, Oscar immediately steps up to take on the burden of telling Ironwood what Oz was hiding, no matter what Ironwood’s reaction would be. He is willing to take this huge burden off of Ruby’s shoulders because she needs to do something even more important at the moment, and he doesn’t wanna hold her back from doing it. Despite how Ironwood may react, Oscar shows no fear or hesitation and is more than willing to do this for Ruby, in place of her.

-Volume 8-

Scene 1: Ruby going to find Oscar (V8 Ep1)

In this scene, which is an absolute gold mine for all us RoseGarden shippers, a good amount goes on. First off, Ruby goes out to find Oscar, though she likely is unsure if he is even alive, and eventually does find him. When she does, she is visibly very happy too see him again, alive and somewhat well. Oscar and Ruby are then seemingly talking about what happened in Atlas, with Oscar claiming that every choice he made was the wrong one. She then reassures him that he just did what he thought was right, that they all did, and that she is just glad to see him alright. Too which he blushes upon being touched by her and told that (Boy definitely crushing but more on that later). This whole scene was just really cute and wholesome too see how Ruby does care about Oscar alot, and that she is happy too see him alright. Which is really just- pure. While also reassuring him that he isn’t too blame for all that happened, that he can’t be beating himself up over this all and it isn’t his fault.

So basically, I just like too see these scenes because they show that the two have alot of trust in each other, and are always there to reassure each other through anything, that they’re there for each other, and are always a support for one another. That one can always lean on the other for support if needed, they’ll be their rock. Also if the pattern keeps up, possibly another Oscar supporting Ruby scene coming this volume! Cause those are always in the later half of the volumes, while the Ruby ones are always in the earlier halves.

Reason 2: How They Inspire Each Other

How Oscar inspires Ruby: While he may not inspire her as much as she inspires him, Oscar still does inspire Ruby in a few ways. She seems to be genuinely impressed with how he handles things despite being so young. Like when he successfully lands the airship despite being just a fourteen year old farm hand. She seemed geniunely surprised and impressed, and this probably isn’t the only time he has made her feel that way, so it seems safe to say that Oscar in some way does inspire Ruby.

How Ruby inspires Oscar: Ruby inspires Oscar in a whole multitude of ways. Ruby is the inspiration that gave Oscar a reason to keep pressing on and keep fighting despite everything, despite how scared he was. She made him realize his true inner strength and bravery, made him realize that he can do this. After that talk she had with him in Volume 5, he seemed much more confident and ready for the road ahead. She also inspired him to see himself as more than just the next Ozpin in Volume 6, or atleast, tried too. It was hard with how much others were kind of holding him back from doing so due to their frustrations with Ozpin at the moment, but It seems Ruby was in some way able to help Oscar realize that he is more than just Ozpin part 2.

Reason 3: Oscar’s (Hinted at) True Feelings

Something that was pretty much confirmed this volume is that Oscar does have some deeper feelings towards Ruby, most likely a crush, whenever he blushes at her just putting her hand on his shoulder and saying that she is glad too see him alright.

But this was not the first hint that Oscar may have some feelings towards Ruby, as there have been a few sprinkled throughout the series if you look close enough. Which is something that I really like about this ship, there have been small subtle hints too it for a while now, in reality, since the very beginning. When Oscar first even meets Ruby, the first thing he seems to notice about her is her eyes, and says the quote “You have silver eyes” but the way he says it and the look on his face, gives more the impression of him finding them unique and beautiful, rather than a source of power like most other people would. (A girls eyes are also often one of the first few things a guy notices about her and finds attractive, which seems to be the case here for the young pine tree)

There was another moment when they first met that also gives the impression Oscar may have started having some sort of feelings for her right off the bat, keep in mind though, I’m not saying this was a crush just yet, rather he just found her pretty and/or attractive in some way. This was that whenever the two first met and Oscar saw Ruby smile and giggle, he immediately blushed and became a little bit nervous around her in an adorkable way. (A smile is often another thing a guy first notices about a girl he finds attractive, as is her laugh)

Another thing I wanna mention is that he almost always looks at Ruby whenever the two of them are in a room together, she doesn’t even have to be saying or doing anything and his eyes will still drift towards Ruby without fail. Which could just be a cute subtle way of showing his growing emotions towards Ruby as the series progresses. And if he ever sees her in any sign of danger he is always quick to call out her name and usually reach out towards her.

Aswell, the next point I’d like to mention in this segment, is how Oscar changed up his outfit to have bits of red in it. But, this red doesn’t really make much sense at first glance if you look at it, as it seems to just be there cause it looks kind of cool on his outfit, but this is RWBY and almost everything has some kind of significance too it, especially colors, so this could be one of those cases where a character adds a color to their outfit too show a fondness or closeness for another character. To show a closer attraction towards them, as it was confirmed people in Remnant do that. But who could this red be for- none other, than Ruby Rose herself. The only one with red as their main color and the one Oscar has grown the closest too across the course of the series. Like how Jaune has red in the form of Pyrrha’s sash, to show he still has a close bond with her, even after her untimely death. Or how Ren and Nora both wear pink, idk if that counts, but I think it does dang it. Anyhow, I think this is possibly a cute little way of showing how Oscar has grown stronger feelings for Ruby, add onto it she was the first one too comment positively on his new combat gear, saying it looks good. Aswell it looks like the exact same shade of Red as her combat gear.

For the final point I’d like to mention this segment, is one that I will spoiler warning the whole post for because of the fact that it just really does mean alot for Oscar’s character. It’s that Oscar was the one to offer a hug to Ruby, not the other way around, when they met up again in Atlas. Ruby has been the one too offer a hug to everyone else but never really the one to get offered a hug, and Oscar has always been the one to recieve hugs from others but not offer them himself. So seeing Oscar offer a hug to Ruby and seeing his smile just seeing her again- my fucking heart y’all-

So I think CRWBY has been dropping small hints all along that Oscar would grow feelings for Ruby somewhere along the way. And he just now is starting to see those feelings as more than just close friends, but rather that he has a developing crush on Ruby.

Reason 4: It Isn’t Really One Sided

Though Ruby may not exactly feel the same way about Oscar that he does her and we don’t have as much evidence for her as we do for Oscar, we do have some small pieces of evidence here and there that suggest Ruby could possibly start feeling similar feelings for Oscar that he does for her.

The first thing I would like to point out is that Ruby seems to look out for Oscar in alot of ways, and she seems to keep an eye on him whenever they’re in a fight or whenever he is in any sort of danger. The first time this happened was during their sparring match where she was quick to call back to Oscar after she knocked him down, like she was asking if he was alright, and then again in the same sparring match when she rushed too his side when Ozpin handed back the controls and he seemed hurt and exhuasted, a clear look of worry across her face. She also kept her eye out for Oscar whenever Hazel went after him during the Volume 5 fight and was quick to let the others know that he needed help, which shows that she was worried for him during this fight despite the fact Ozpin was also there, she was worried for Oscar nonetheless. She was also the first one to ask Oscar if he was okay in Volume 6 when they saw him again, which was honestly adorable. She also kept her eye out for him during the Volume 7 Mantle fight, whenever he killed that sabyr and didn’t notice another jumping up to strike him from behind, she was quick to be the one to respond by shooting it and giving a nod and smile to Oscar, almost as if showing she was proud of Oscar in some ways for how far he’s come as a fighter over such a short time actually fighting, and also reassuring him that she had his back in this. It was also cute how in the first episode of this volume, she was the one who went out to go find Oscar, she was the one who reached out too him when they saw each other again, and she was clearly happy too even just see him again, she likely didn’t even know he was alive or even down in Mantle, but she was still going to go look for him. Then of course there was this past episode, where she noticed that Oscar was right beside Emerald and she immediately went to draw her weapon before Oscar stepped in to stop her, showing pretty much an identical expression and reaction to the one Oscar had whenever he noticed her get knocked down during the fight at Haven. Which, these just seem like really cute and sweet moments on Ruby’s part, how she kind of is always there looking out for Oscar whenever he is possibly in any sort of danger or is hurt in any way and she is actually there to help prevent it, like she’s protective of her farm hand Cinnamon Roll.

Another thing I’d like to mention is that she is a bit awkward around Oscar at times, sort of like he is around her. She seems to hug herself a bit whenever she is around him and it’s just the two of them together, as she did this both in Volume 5 and Volume 7, like she is a little bit nervous, and she gets a little gigglgy and awkward, making it seem like she has some part of her that does have some kind of awkward dorkish feelings toward Oscar, similar to how he can get kind of awkward and nervously flustered around her aswell, she’s just better at not showing it.

Like I said, there are less pieces of evidence for Ruby’s side of things than there are for Oscar, but she does seem to have a few hints here and there that she may at some point reciprocate the feelings he feels for her, just towards him.

Reason 5: Extra Little Details

These are just small things here and there honestly, just cute things about these two that could possibly hint at them being a possible thing in the future. Or maybe they’re just purely coincidental, who knows? I still pretty much just find them cute regardless, needless to say, this is my weakest of the five points. But I still wanted to mention these things cause they do contribute a little bit.

Oscar and Ruby’s main colors are complementary. This is a point that is extremely obvious to anyone who just knows well- anything about colors. Red and Green are complementary colors, and these two have the main colors of Red and Green. This is a bit of a weak point, but it’s still cute none the less and given how important colors are in RWBY, ya never know.

This next point is really pretty weak and honestly just for fun, but, their eyes do complement each other a bit. Light Green and Light Yellow are colors that complement Silver. Though this is probably unintentional, It’s just something cute I wanted to note.

There are other things that could be considered cute small pieces of evidence, like how Oscar has an Aunt and Ruby has an Uncle, or that Miles has defended RoseGarden saying that the ship is fine with the age difference stuff. But those things are pretty much well known by anyone else who ships RoseGarden and more than likely just to RWBY fans in General, so I’d feel a bit wrong putting them here and giving them too much attention. I did want to mention them but that’s about it. Anyways, onto the conclusion.

Conclusion

So in Conclusion, There are quite a few reasons that I ship RoseGarden, but hey, this is just my personal opinion. Honestly I’d love too hear anyone else’s opinions on the ship aswell! And if there are any reasons that you ship these two that I didn’t list here, feel free to tell me, I’d love too hear them! Just please be respectful in replies, after all, these are just ships. We all ship for fun so may aswell just keep discussions about ships fun. But that’s all for now and hope others like this post and like the ship for these reasons aswell! Hope everyone has an amazing day ^^

[x-ladyathena-x]

Who We Were

(also on my AO3 & Wattpad under the name: Grey_Eyed_Athena)

Warnings: Smut, like dirty smut. Don’t read if you’re under 18. Angst, some fluff, enemies to lovers

Bucky x Reader

Word count: 2460

Summary: (one shot) You're an employee at Captain America's family fishing business. When a handsome stranger with a metal arm appears out of the blue, tensions rise.

You were a mutant working for Captain America’s family fishing business. It was a slow day today in the marina store, you hadn’t had a customer in hours. So, you sat with your feet propped up on the counter, reading from an old magazine with crinkled pages.

“Ahem,” a deep voice cleared their throat to get your attention.

You peered over the top of your magazine slightly annoyed.

“I’m looking for Sam Wilson.”

The man was tall, with short dark hair, and tragedy etched into every line of his beautiful face. The type of look people get when they’ve seen horrible things that they’ll never truly be free of.

He looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place him until you noticed his arm. At first, you thought it was a dark compression sleeve, but now you realized that this was the Winter Soldier you were talking to.

You called Sam on the phone, “Hey, Boss, there’s an Avenger here to see you.”

Sam groaned on the other end of the phone, “Which one?”

You didn’t know if it would be rude to call the man in front of you Winter Soldier to his face. That was the name Hydra gave him.

“The quiet one with the metal arm.”

Sam groaned again, “Bring him down.”

You hung up the phone and turned back to the man, “Follow me.”

The two of you walked past the register and into the back hallway. At the end of the hall, you both squeezed into a small service elevator that led to the lower levels. Sam liked to keep his office out of plain sight.

Inside the elevator, the two of you were nearly touching shoulders. It was a little awkward, so you decided to make small talk.

“How did you lose your arm?”

In truth, you didn’t know. You knew exactly who this man was but nothing much about him. You knew he’d renounced Hydra, joined the Avengers and fought Thanos. Everything that could be read in the media.

You, yourself, were one of the lucky?—or unlucky few who were not snapped and left to wander the earth in confusion and fear.

He ignored your question.

The elevator dinged open and the two of you stepped out.

“It’s pretty, your arm. The black and gold.”

He didn’t say anything, just glanced at you.

“What brings you here Mr. Barnes?”

“Bucky,” he corrected you.

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry. That’s what Captain America called you, right? That’s what Steve Rod—”

He slammed you up against the wall, holding you by the neck with his metal arm, “Do not ever mention that name to me.”

At first, you were scared, shocked even, but then you got mad. You slipped your foot behind his heel and knock him off balance. He wasn’t expecting it.

He fell flat on his back and you crouched over him with a fist full of his shirt, and got down in his face, nose to nose, “You ever do that again and we’re gonna have a problem, okay?”

He nodded with resignation.

You patted him roughly on the cheek, “Good, now come on,” You got up off him and began walking away, “The boss’s office is right up here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The woman was strong, he’d give her that. He supposed that he should feel bad that he grabbed her like that, but when she said Steve’s name, he just—he couldn’t think about him right now. Thinking about his old friend made him go to a dark place. He couldn’t blame Steve for what he did, where he went. After an entire lifetime of being the most selfless, self-sacrificing human alive, he deserved to make a selfish decision for himself. It still hurt though. The only person that ever loved him for who he was—was gone. And hearing his best friend’s name come out of the mouth of someone like her? Well, what did she know? She didn’t deserve to speak his name.

She showed him Sam’s office and turned to leave without another word. Bucky watched her walk away as he stood at Sam’s office door. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but admire her (your body type) body as she walked away.

“You’re drooling, Buck.”

Bucky snapped out of his daze to see Sam Wilson smirking at him from inside the office. His red, white, and blue vibranium shield displayed proudly on the wall.

“Good to see you, Cap,” Bucky smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat back in your chair up front. It was a quiet day, the off season. Not many people coming in to buy bait and tackle. As you tried to go back to reading your magazine, your fingers trailed over the place on your neck the Winter Soldier’s fingers had wrapped around.

You say Winter Soldier, because the eyes that were looking back at you as he had you pinned against the wall were not those of Bucky Barnes.

A shiver ran over you and you couldn’t help but press your legs together.

You thought about the cold metal. The whirring noise the plates made as they locked into place. The scent coming off him—he smelled like a cold winter’s night. Like pine and wood smoke.

You shook your head. Get a grip y/n. You still stood by what you told him down there. If he got aggressive with you again, the two of you would have a problem.

Maybe you wanted a problem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what brings you here, Buck?” Sam asked the man seated across from him.

“Mutants,” Bucky said gravely, “Hydra sleeper cells that still believe in the cause, lying in wait. I was just in Prague last week and got attacked by two of them. At first, I thought super soldiers, but no, they had abilities.”

Sam sighed, “Well, you’re not gonna like what I’m about to tell you, then.”

Sam launched into the story of how he was in Europe a month ago, helping investigate odd claims. That’s when he learned of the mutants. While there were many that operated as Bucky described, the majority were refugees, seeking asylum from those that would use them for their powers. Not unlike their friend Wanda and what Hydra did to her.

“That’s when I met y/n.” Sam said.

Bucky’s blood ran cold at the thought of the woman upstairs, “How do you know she’s not a sleeper?”

“Because I trust her,” Sam told him, “There’s still good in people in the world, Buck. Even if you don’t see it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were dreaming tonight. Dreaming of the man with the metal arm. The Winter Soldier. Bucky. Dreaming of the way he smelled. Dreaming of his weight on top of you—wait.

You awoke with a jolt to find Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier pinning you down into your mattress with a knife against your throat.

In your panic, you moved with strength not previously explored. Your hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling the knife away from your neck. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you used the leverage to flip him over.

He was a large man. Burly and heavily muscled with broad shoulders, thick arms, and even thicker thighs. But your mutant strength, along with your adrenaline-fueled panic allowed you to flip him with ease.

You now sat atop him, straddling his waist. The knife in your hand, holding it to his throat.

He looked shocked. There was also something else in his eyes you couldn’t quite place. Not the Winter Soldier, but a darkness that didn’t pass unnoticed by you.

He licked his lips, “Well, now that you have me where you want me, what will you do?”

You pressed the knife harder into his throat, “Why are you in my room?”

“Trying to kill you, I thought that was obvious,” He said with a husky deepness in his voice.

You scoffed, “Good job,” and shifted your weight. You couldn’t help but feel the stiffness in his pants pressing through your thin pajamas.

He knew you felt him because he added, “I may not be able to control how my body reacts to you, but that doesn’t change anything.”

Taking advantage of your distraction and with lightning speed, he flipped the two of you back over again.

“I’m still going to kill you,” he whispered in your ear, “I recognized you the moment I saw you today.”

Your body stiffened. No. That was a long time ago. You weren’t that person anymore, and neither was he.

You’d worked with the Winter Soldier years ago, once on a mission when you both worked for Hydra. He was brainwashed into doing what he did and you supposed you were too. Hydra convinced you that you were doing the right thing. And you thought you were, until you weren’t.

Years of trying to escape until you ran into Captain America. Sam Wilson was the only person to help you, to believe you. He’d helped so much. He got you out of there, helped you start a new life.

You may have changed, but you could see that your chemistry with the Soldat hadn’t. On the mission you worked together, all those years ago, you ended up snowed into the safe house until the next morning. The memory of tangled limbs, sweating bodies, nips, kisses, and screams of ecstasy made you shiver.

You were surprised that the man on top of you even remembered you. Hydra wiped his mind so many times.

“So, you do remember me,” You quipped, at the mercy of his knife’s razor edge.

“Doll, I remember everything,” He growled.

You ground your hips against him, “Even this?”

His eyes fluttered shut as he released a shaky breath, “Yes, especially that.”

His body stilled; he was hesitating. He swallowed hard and threw the knife with all his strength. It plunged to the hilt into the opposite wall with a solid thud.

You lunged for each other at the same time. His lips crashed into yours like a starving man and you fed him graciously.

Your fingers tangled in his short hair as he threaded his metal arm under your body to pull you closer.

He ground into you; his erection painfully obvious now. He pulled away from you for just a moment. Just long enough to help you remove your pajamas and allow you to help him remove his clothing.

Bucky trailed a finger over the front of your black lace thong, down the front and to the strip between your legs. You gasped at the feather light sensations.

Bucky bit his lip, “You’re so fucking wet, Doll.”

In one motion, he tore the panties from your body and dove down between your legs.

You gasped at his sudden movement and rested both legs on his shoulders and tangled your hand in his dark hair as you lost yourself in the sensation.

He ate greedily. You could feel every soft lick, suckle, and kiss. Every second brought you closer to the edge. You were about to—

“Bucky!” You screamed, riding out the wave of pleasure washing over you like a warm breeze.

As soon as you came down from your high, you saw him sitting up, licking his lips.

“I missed your sweet taste, Doll.”

Your breath caught under his hungry gaze. Your eyes trailed down until they landed on him. Every inch of him. You reached out and began to pump.

He closed his eyes and his breath shuddered, “Get on your belly for me.”

You obliged his request with enthusiasm. Opening your legs and lifting your butt ever so slightly into the air. You looked over your shoulder at him as you felt him against your soaking wet core. He crawled on top of you and kissed your shoulder.

“Ready?” He asked tentatively.

You grabbed his thigh with the hand you weren’t using to prop yourself up and shoved him inside you.

The two of you gasped.

His pumps went from slow and sensual, to needy and fast. He snapped into you with a desire that made your second orgasm crash over you before you knew it was upon you.

The feel of your orgasm fluttering around him spurred him on harder. He wrapped his metal arm under your chest and rested the hand lightly on your neck and he pulled your body in closer to his, his face buried in the crook of your neck and the flesh arm wrapped tightly around your waist like he was fearful you’d disappear.

He fucked you like his life depended on it. With desperation and need. And you melted into him as if he were the only thing that was real in this world.

You could feel his thrusts getting shorter, he was about to come. And so were you. Your third orgasm is what pushed him over the edge. You both cried out in unison as you felt him empty inside you.

He continued pumping until you rode out your orgasm. He stayed inside you as he trailed kisses over your shoulder and down your back, catching his breath.

You felt him twitch inside you and he began pumping again. You moaned and cried out nonsensical words as he thrust into you again. Lost in the depths of your own pleasure and the way he made you feel, you didn’t even realize he was coming again until his body collapsed onto yours.

You rolled over to face him, and the sight broke your heart. His face looked sad and worn. Tired.

He buried his face in your chest and you held him, stroking your fingers though his soft hair.

The two of you stayed like that for a long time until he leaned up and kissed you.

“I’m sorry,” He said.

“I’m sorry too. I’m not that person anymore,” You said to him.

He pressed his forehead to yours, “I guess neither of us are.”

You let your fingers trail through his soft curls, “What made you drop the knife?”

Bucky sighed, “Like I said, I recognized you immediately. Sam said I could trust you, but I was still skeptical. Then when I came in here, the Soldat recognized you and I couldn’t..”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“He’s me, and I’m him. I can control him, he doesn’t take control of my body anymore, but I can still feel his influence. He recognized you, and once he did, I couldn’t control my reaction—didn’t want to, because I also remembered.”

He stopped and swallowed hard and you felt him stiffen again against your leg.

“Bucky,” You laughed and kissed him, “You’re gonna be the end of me.”

Super soldiers…

He laughed too as he went in for another kiss, rolling on top of you, “Doll, you have no idea.”

[kamuisthoughts]

The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

[pocket-luv101]

Summary: Since Mahiru was a child, he had been an outcast due to his curse. He is sent into a dragon’s cave as a sacrifice. Kuro is a hunter who is tasked with saving him. (KuroMahi, Fantasy AU)

Mahiru dipped his hand into the pond before him and he watched the ripples travel across the water. He didn’t remember how long he had sat in front of the cave’s entrance. A heavy chain bound his feet to a large boulder and he wasn’t powerful enough to break it. The chains rattled together as Mahiru hugged his knees to his chest.

He wondered if his uncle had returned from his journey yet. How would his uncle react after he learned that their village had sent him to the dragon’s cave? After Mahiru’s mother died, his uncle adopted him and they were a close family. A part of him feared that his uncle would be happy to be rid of him. Who would want a person cursed by the sun?

An oracle had told his village that Mahiru was born with a curse. Once he became an adult, he would burn everything around him as if he were the sun. Mahiru thought of his childhood and the glares that would follow him whenever he walked through the village. His mother and uncle raised him with love despite his curse and they protected him from the villagers who would cast him out.

He didn’t want to burden his uncle who had always treated him like a son. Mahiru decided to move into a cottage that was miles away from the village the year before his curse would activate. Since his uncle had to travel for work, he learned how to care for himself at a young age. He lived alone but his uncle would visit him occasionally.

Then, men from the village came to his cottage.

“What a terrible way to spend my birthday. To be sacrificed to a dragon…” Mahiru sighed to himself. The villagers planned to sacrifice him to the dragon so the creature would stop stealing their sheep. Either Mahiru’s curse would kill the dragon or the beast would eat him. No matter the outcome, the village would have one less worry.

He heard the rocks shuffle behind him and he turned towards the sound. His heart dropped when he saw that it was an innocent cat. The animal must’ve heard his voice and wandered to the cave’s entrance. Mahiru hid behind the boulder and prayed that the cat hadn’t noticed him. He didn’t want his curse to take a life. He prayed to every god he could name to spare the poor animal.

Unfortunately, the sound of footsteps against dirt grew louder. He knew the cat would eventually be overwhelmed by his curse. Mahiru stepped out from behind the boulder and he tried to scare it away. “Go! Run back into the forest.”

The cat continued on its path towards him even as he did everything that he could to scare it away. Finally, he merely turned away and shut his eyes. He knew what would come next because he had seen it many times since his curse came to life. Mahiru felt an intense heat on his back and his chest tightened painfully around his chest. He didn’t open his eyes but he could already see the ashes caused by his curse.

Mahiru splashed water onto his face and ripples distorted the image in the water. As the water settled in place again, he saw a man’s reflection beside him. He turned sharply to where the person should’ve been standing. A black cat sat beside him and he recognized it from earlier. His curse should’ve burned the animal the moment it came close to him.

Yet, the cat was able to place its tiny paw on the chain around his ankle.

“The magic in these chains is strong. Troublesome. Hold still while I break it.” He was further surprised when the cat spoke to him. Magic filled his world but it was rare to meet a talking animal. The cat slammed its tail on the metal a few times before the chain fell away. Mahiru touched his ankle. Even though he was free from the cold steel, he still felt trapped.

He wanted to thank the cat but it already turned away from him to return to the forest. The cat spoke to Mahiru over his shoulder. “Your uncle heard that you were taken to the dragon’s cave. He wanted to save you himself but your curse will make it impossible. He asked me to help you. If you manage to control your curse, tell your uncle that my debt to him is repaid.”

“Don’t go!” Mahiru raced forward before the cat could disappear into the dense forest. He picked up the cat and held it eyelevel. He couldn’t see anything different or special about the cat that would make it immune to his curse. While he had a thousand questions about the cat, he was relieved that his curse didn’t affect the cat. He hoped he found someone he could talk to, even if it was a pet. He needed to ask: “Why aren’t you affected by my curse?”

“I am cursed by the moon and it’s the inverse of the sun curse. Nothing can kill or harm me because my body is water. Your fire will destroy everything around you but it doesn’t affect water. Your uncle was the one who taught me magic and how to control my curse.” Kuro explained. He didn’t like to tell others about his curse but he thought Mahiru would continue to pepper him with questions if he didn’t. “Can you put me down now?”

“My uncle taught a cat how to use magic? He couldn’t have taught you when he’s a simple hunter. If he knew magic that could control a curse, he would’ve told me how to do so.” Mahiru’s brows furrowed. Kuro didn’t have a reason to lie to him though. He wanted to go to his uncle with his questions but that was impossible with his curse.

Suddenly, Kuro became water in his hands and slipped from his embrace. The water flew through the air to reform a few feet from him. Mahiru’s eyes widened when he saw that Kuro was now a large dragon with sapphire scales. Kuro had taken the form with the thought that Mahiru would be too scared to stop him again. He was sympathetic towards Mahiru and his curse but he doubted he could help him.

He lowered his body and spread out his wings to take flight. Kuro was stopped by two arms wrapped around his neck. He looked down and saw Mahiru embracing him. His arms were shaking and he thought it was because he was afraid of his dragon form.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.” Mahiru whispered and pressed his face against his warm scales. “You’re able to control your curse with magic. Maybe I can do the same. I want to go home to ask my uncle why he didn’t teach me how to control my curse like he did with you. It’s impossible though. This is selfish but you’re the only one I can ask. Please, teach me how to use magic. I’ll do anything.”

“Water is much easier to control than fire. If he tried to teach you, there’s a chance you could’ve hurt yourself. Your uncle probably thought he was protecting you from your curse by not teaching you.” Kuro recalled the month Toru had taught him magic. From their conversations, he knew the family was close and cared about each other deeply. He thought of his own family and how he missed them. Mahiru’s plea tugged at his heart. “I don’t want this curse.”

Kuro once again transformed into water and Mahiru assumed that he had used his magic to escape like the previous time. Disappointment settled in Mahiru’s stomach like a rock. Then, he felt a warm hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes to see red ones. A man stood before him and they appeared to be the same age. Mahiru knew that he was Kuro even before he spoke.

“I’ve never taught someone before but I’ll try for you.”

Mahiru held a small log in his hands and he concentrated on containing his curse so it wouldn’t escape him. With Kuro’s help, he learned how to suppress his fire. He narrowed the area around him where people would be burned by approaching him. He wasn’t able to completely rid himself of the curse’s effect like he hoped but he told himself he only needed more practise.

“That’s five minutes.” He said after the sand in the hourglass fell to the bottom. Mahiru placed the log on the ground and his brows furrowed at how it was slightly charred. While he had progressed quicker than most others, Kuro could see that he was impatient. He didn’t know what he could say to encourage him. He knew all too well how difficult it was to live with a curse.

Kuro held out his hand to him. Mahiru understood the gesture and he laid his hand on his palm. His skin was cold in contrast to his but he found it refreshing. He used a spell to surround their hands with water and cool his hand. Mahiru recalled when he first taught him how to use magic. He had trouble controlling his fire and Kuro would heal his burns.

“You have a lot of magic within you and that contributes to your curse. If you can release your magic through small spells throughout the day, your curse will have less power to feed on.” Kuro told him. He picked up the burnt log and tossed it into the fire nearby. “Wood doesn’t immediately burn when I bring it near you so that’s progress.”

“I can see my uncle and speak with him soon. I would’ve never gotten to this point without you, Kuro. Thank you.” Mahiru was grateful for his help. “You’ve done so much for me but I made you live in this cave. It must’ve been troublesome for you. I want to repay you for teaching me how to control my curse. Oh, I will cook a feast for you once I can use my kitchen again.”

“I’m looking forward to it. You’re already a great cook so I can’t imagine how much better the food will taste if you can use a proper stove.” Due to Mahiru’s curse, they made a home in the cave that wouldn’t catch fire. Kuro sat next to Mahiru and said, “I had to travel often because people hunt me for the moon curse. I was never able to stay in a single place for long or make a friend. This has been nice. You don’t need to repay me.”

“I’m surprised someone like you isn’t more popular. Once people spend time with you, they’ll know that you’re a kind person that others could depend on. Just like I did. You’re an attractive guy and people will be drawn to you at least.” Mahiru smiled up at Kuro and he noticed how he was blushing. He realized how his words could sound like flirting and his cheeks became red too. “I mean, I like spending time with you. This month would’ve been more difficult if we haven’t met.”

Mahiru held up his hands and pinched his fingers together. He concentrated his magic in front of him and a flame rose from his fingertips. The flames danced between them before it faded away to reveal a rose. “You said I should use my magic every day so my curse won’t be as powerful. Maybe I can start a garden with my magic. What do you think, Kuro?”

He held out the rose to him with a hopeful smile. Smoke started to rise from the rose and Mahiru began to worry that it would burn. His face fell and Kuro thought of what he could do to encourage him. He cupped his hand around Mahiru’s and the rose. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against his. With a spell whispered between them, he encased the rose in crystal so it wouldn’t be affected by his curse. The rose made Mahiru smile.

“I like your idea to start a garden. Maybe we can work on it together.”

[chaoticevilbean]

What if....

Ahsoka decided to stay with the Order?

What if she looked at Anakin? Looked at her Master, the one who raised her and taught her, the one who told her what she needed to know and prepared her how he could. Looked at the one who she would die for in an instant, who she never wanted to leave. The one who battled tirelessly to save her, who she knew, despite the Jedi way, despite all the time he’d spent as a Knight, was attached to her.

What if she looked at him, as he held out his hand, hopeful, and decided she would do as he had done for her? She would be attached, but learn to be powerful enough to not fail. What if she took his hand, and stayed, not with the Order, but with Anakin?

Anakin is overjoyed, but also worried. He doesn’t know how being betrayed will affect her, how being hunted by clones will change her dynamic while fighting. So he decides to leave immediately to ‘scout’. A different yet familiar setting should help, and they’ll avoid actually battling for at least a little while.

They get on the ship, and Ahsoka sticks close to her Master. The clones are cautious. They all heard the stories and rumors, and also heard the accomplishments of the Commander. Wrongfully accused, wrongfully convicted, and still loyal, still strong. Her life, dedicated to helping others.

Ahsoka is fine, if a little quiet. She participates sparingly in the take-off briefings, and she’s absolutely silent when Anakin informs the Council of his entire plan.

Then Anakin sends her off to rest, so she can fully recover. He drops her off at her quarters, gives her the next day off. The night passes as it used to.

Then the clones comm Anakin in a panic. They say there’s something wrong with Ahsoka. “Come to the cafeteria! Quickly, general!” Rex’s voice is barely audible over the distressed shouts of his fellow soldiers. Anakin rushes over. He’s scared, scared that something has happened to the Padawan he only just got back.

He gets to the cafeteria to find all the clones outside a locked door. The key pad has lightsaber cuts on it, slashed the exact way he taught Ahsoka to do when she didn’t want anyone inside. Rex says that they were all heading to breakfast as scheduled, and Ahsoka was already inside. She seemed fine, but when she saw the clones, she freaked out. She started pushing the tables at them, blocking their way inside and forcing them out. She came closer only to slash the doors before jumping back.

Anakin tells them to go about their days as usual. They’ll have to skip breakfast for now, until Ahsoka is okay. All but Rex leave. Anakin accepts that. It takes a half hour to get inside, opening the door without the keypad and deciding against just cutting a hole through. Every table is piled haphazardly in the way, nearly falling on the duo.

Anakin moves them with the Force. Carefully but not gently. At this point, he can hear crying. He becomes less careful. It takes an extra ten minutes.

The moment he can, Anakin sprints into the cafeteria. It takes him two seconds to spot his Padawan.

She’s in the corner, curled as tight as can be, sobbing. She doesn’t react to the presence of her Master, but the moment she sees Rex, she wails, pressing further and further into the walls. Anakin motions for Rex to stand down, and the clone moves as far back as he can without losing sight of his friend.

Ahsoka lets Anakin walk over, eyes trained on the white behind him. She only looks away when hands start to gently pull her up, pull her in. She doesn’t fight, hiding in the safety of her Master.

“What’s wrong, Snips? What happened?’ She doesn’t respond right away, but there’s no rush here. When she answers, her words are broken, strained.

“I- I was- was back there, and I cou- couldn’t let them get me, but there were so- so many.” Anakin tugs her closer. His heart that had only begun healing from the recent events was breaking all over again.

“You aren’t, Snips, okay? I won’t let that happen again. As long as I’m around, you’ll be okay.”

Ahsoka takes a long time to calm down. It’s a good thing nothing was planned for this day. Rex stays back the entire time, thinking about the pain his sister-in-arms had been brought because he and his brothers refused to disobey orders. He wouldn’t do it again, he promised himself. He wouldn’t let anything like it happen again.

Anakin spends the day comforting Ahsoka. He asks her if she can stay in her quarters that night. She says she’ll be fine, but that’s their personal code for “I’ll push through it.” He lets her stay with him that night, taking the mattress from her room so she can have a bed.

Midnight comes, and Anakin wakes up suddenly. It isn’t a threat, so he stays still.

A smaller hand reaches up to grab his. It squeezes. He squeezes back.

The next day, Anakin never leaves Ahsoka’s side. Even when they have to, he waits for her, never letting her remain alone. The clones keep a bit back, the word having been spread about the Togruta’s fear. They don’t want her to be scared, not when she asks them for honest opinions, speaks to them like she does anyone else, knows each one of them by name and can tell them apart even when they’re wearing the same armor with no characterization.

The next night, Anakin learns about Ahsoka’s nightmares. She sits up, fast, and she’s crying again. He hugs her, whispering that he’s there, that she’s not in danger. They fall asleep like that, the Master and the Padawan, holding onto each other like they’d always done.

A month passes of the same routine. Ahsoka sticks close to her Master, and sleeps on the floor next to him at night. When the darkness gets too much, she grabs his hand, anchors herself with his presence. When the nightmares come, they wake up in the morning as if they hadn’t fallen asleep hugging. The clones gradually get closer, until it’s almost like normal. They’re lucky there haven’t been any battles.

Then the battle does come. They go up against an all-droid ship, and the droids manage to board. Ahsoka gets separated from Anakin, but they’re in the middle of a fight, there’s no time to find him, no time to panic. So Ahsoka goes to the next best comfort: the Force.

It takes all of two minutes to take down the remaining droids in that area. The clones are standing back in shock. In the moment she gave in to the Force’s power, she became a blur. Her mind was no longer filled with the memories of the very men she fought with turning on her. Instead, it was filled with thoughts of how each one had dedicated their lives to the cause, how every last one of the soldiers were literally born and raised for battle. So many had died thinking their sacrifice was worthless, unimportant. So many had died, period. Ahsoka would not let that number grow if she could help it.

With the Force guiding her every move, more powerful now that it was her second companion, she's ten times as strong. Without waiting for the clones to catch up, she rushes through the ship, taking down droids by the dozens.

Every last boarder is destroyed, with minimal casualties. The enemy ship blows up and they make it safely away. Anakin is glad when Ahsoka reaches him, perfectly fine. She’s still wary of the clones, but she can feel their good, their light.

The day after she tries again to let the Force guide her. She’s sitting near Anakin as he fixes a fighter ship. There are clones all around her. She feels the light once again.

Then she feels something else. A little switch in the minds of all the soldiers, one that will change that light to darkness in a heartbeat.

She tells her Master what she felt that night, just before they rest. He says they can tell the Chancellor tomorrow.

The holograph forms of Palpatine. Ahsoka slams her fist down to shut it off.

“What was that‽”

“He isn’t good.”

“What do you mean he isn’t good?”

“I.. don’t know. I saw him, and I just felt so much darkness. He isn’t good, Master.” Anakin accepts the answer for the moment. Then he calls Obi-Wan. The two relay their message about the clones. Obi-Wan promises to look into it. Ahsoka speaks up quickly, much more confidently than before.

“Don’t tell anyone but the Council. Please.”

Obi-Wan agrees.

The days keep passing. The nightmares are more frequent, if less painful. Ahsoka no longer sleeps on the ground. Anakin won’t let his little sister be in so much pain for nothing. The nightmares are better like that.

The clones get closer to their commander. They drop ‘hints’ about how they see her.

“Commander Tano is one of the best people I’ve worked under, hands down.”

“What about the general?”

“Listen, I’d die for either in a heartbeat, but if you forced me to choose, I’d pick Ahsoka every time.”

Ahsoka was sitting a table away in the cafeteria. Anakin smiled at her then, though it was more of a smirk.

“She’s basically one of us at this point.”

“I know. We might as well call her sister.”

Rex was walking into a briefing. Ahsoka hid her face in Anakin’s arm, blushing bright orange at the words.

She lets the Force guide her constantly. Anakin follows her lead, and they both find that their attachment to one another actually helps. They’re bonded through the Force, and they grow stronger as they grow attached to one another. There is no way they’ll separate anytime soon.

Ahsoka can temporarily leave her Master’s side. It takes a lot of courage, and Rex usually has to be nearby, but she pushes away her doubts.

One day, she’s walking with Rex, trying to see how long she can go before her fear grows too large. She still feels that switch, and she hates it. Hates that her friend could become evil in a second and she can’t even tell why. So she reaches towards it. Maybe she can get it stuck on the light side, or something of the sort.

Rex freezes when he feels it. The little voice in his head, the very reason he followed orders he hated, the reason he listened to Krell at all, suddenly disappeared.

Ahsoka didn’t mean to destroy the switch, but she was happy that it happened. The switch was meant for dark, and so the light destroyed it.

Rex looks at Ahsoka, who’s grinning that sharp-toothed grin at him. He’s glad the voice is gone, but he also wants to know what she did. He doesn’t want people messing with his mind unannounced.

“What did you do?”

“I got rid of the switch!” It doesn’t immediately occur to her that Rex doesn’t know about the switch. If every clone has it, then surely they know about it and simply didn’t know the use.

“What switch?”

“The one that was gonna turn you bad. Luckily I felt it after that big battle we had against those droids. Master Obi-Wan’s looking into it, but I wanted to see what I could do myself. I only meant to keep it from working. Apparently, I can get rid of it.”

Rex is still confused, but he’ll ask General Skywalker later. Instead, he grabs a passing soldier’s arm, pulling him into the conversation.

“Does he have one?”

“Yeah! Every clone has one!”

“Can you get rid of it?”

There’s a pause as Ahsoka’s eyes close, then the trooper stiffens. He was highly bemused, even more so now, but he can feel the difference. The constant need to follow orders now seems more like a choice.

Rex and Pint take Ahsoka throughout the entire ship, randomly dragging their brothers towards the Togruta and waiting for her to destroy their switches. Anakin finds them later, having gotten an update from Rex that the Padawan was fine. He’s happy for his men, and for Ahsoka. An hour into their crusade and the clones are coming to the trio, gathering to see what’s going on with only the assurance from their comrades that it’ll be worth it. It is.

Ahsoka doesn’t feel the need to find Anakin that day at any point. She’s ecstatic that she could help the troopers. Rex is glad his family is no longer faced with that voice compelling them. At least not on this ship. Not anymore. He tells her the thought running through each of their heads in replacement of that switch.

“Thank you, sister.”

Anakin almost completely panics on finding a crying Ahsoka, but she says they’re happy tears. Happy tears.

A quick visit from Master Windu is all it takes to undo so much work.

Ahsoka is silent as he visits. Windu asks how she’s recovering. She nods and moves behind Anakin just a little.

The clones notice the change in their sister. She tries to feel their light as she’s been doing for a while now, but the memories of that time, of when she thought no one cared anymore, no one but Anakin, they shove themselves into her heart, undoing the stitches that hold her together.

Windu only came for an update and a small resupply. He leaves within a day. It’s still too late.

Anakin starts thinking it all over that night, while he’s holding Ahsoka close and attempting to ward off her nightmares. Why would his Snips stay if she had so much pain associated with the Order?

He comes to the conclusion just before they have to get up. She stayed for him. If anyone else had asked, she would’ve left. She’d latched onto him for a reason, and they’d both helped each other recover.

If she was willing to stay for him, he’d leave for her.

He forms his plan mentally as he walks with Ahsoka to do their rounds. He’ll prepare a ship, stock it enough they can make it to a more neutral planet. He’ll leave a message for Rex to let him know what had happened. Then Anakin would breach the topic with Ahsoka and convince her that he was okay leaving. She probably wouldn’t mind never having to see the Council again.

It takes a week before Ahsoka can leave her Master’s side again. Rex is by her side as she leaves, but he glances back at his general in suspicion. The man had been acting weird.

Anakin records his message and leaves it on his desk. He goes to the hangar and starts prepping a ship. The clones ask what he’s doing and he brushes them off with a vague excuse. After all, he has a lot of work to do.

He goes to sleep knowing there’s very little work left to be done. Soon, he can help Ahsoka leave behind what has hurt her so much.

He doesn’t notice his message to Rex is gone.

Anakin sends his Padawan off with Pint and Fives before he goes to finish his preparations. None of the clones question him this time, but they seem to look at him in mild amusement. He wonders why...

... until he enters the ship to find it completely empty of the supplies he’d stocked.

He’s confused. It’s not like the clones to play a prank, at least not one like this. A throat is cleared behind him. He turns sharply to find Rex standing in the entrance.

“Uh, Rex. I thought you’d be on the bridge.” Rex doesn’t speak. He instead opens his palm to reveal a holodisk. Anakin’s message plays before their eyes. The Jedi says nothing, shocked that he hadn’t noticed the missing disk and nervous about his commander’s reaction. They both stand in silence for some time, until Rex finally breaks it.

“She’s our sister, and you’re our brother. She gave us freedom. We’ll use it to help you get yours.”

When the general and the commander walk off with smiles on their faces, the surrounding clones cheer. They’d all had to talk it over, and the agreement had been unanimous.

Ahsoka is briefed on what’s happening. She’s concerned, uncertain, and takes her time to think. She eventually agrees. With everything considered, it will be better.

They reprogram the ship, No one will be able to track them easily. Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex plan. They’ll go to an uninhabited planet. They’ll land the ship and start building. If they can grow or craft things to sell, money won’t be a problem.

Ahsoka reminds them that the loss of the ship and its entire crew will lead to the Republic suffering in the war. Rex suggests helping discreetly. Anakin suggests something a bit more... radical.

They have skill on their side. If Ahsoka and Anakin can make their way to different Separatist planets, then maybe the duo can find evidence of the Separatists’ more nefarious deeds that were kept hidden. Seeing that they were lied to could cause some of the planets to turn to the Republic or neutrality, thus aiding in the war.

They begin their journey, taking the more obscure and isolated routes. All calls to the ship were blocked, and there was a team of clones assigned to making sure they weren’t tracked. Ahsoka declared she would teach some of her brothers the finer points of engineering and tech. Anakin declared that she would not, but he would. Instead, she could help them learn to craft some things, or study subjects outside of their war training.

They soon find that some clones are incredibly talented at art, and others at engineering. Rex understands physics better than any of his brothers, and Six-Piece ends up having to be dragged away from his agriculture books just to eat. The clones better at building make a forge out of the incinerator, and some of the others practice smithing. And when that goes wrong, a medical droid starts teaching a small group how to heal small wounds (and not-so-small wounds).

Some clones find that they really are made for fighting. So Ahsoka helps teach them to fight with swords and staffs and knives and every weapon they have onboard.

It takes two months to get to their final destination. A planet void of any sentient species, but with plenty of edible flora and fauna. They land the ship in a wide open space, and the real work begins.

They spend the first few days drawing up plans and unloading what they can. A few dozen clones begin to gather lumber and clear land for buildings. The next few days, those dozen are joined by more, and supplies are organized. They build a storehouse first, basically just a huge room. It will hold whatever they collect for now.

Six-Piece leads some of his brothers in clearing more land for farming. Pint starts collecting seeds. Fives draws blueprints for different tools and crafts. Ahsoka and Echo disappear for several hours one day and return with canine creatures of a scaly nature. Anakin nearly has a heart attack at the sight of the green and purple scaled animals following his Padawan. Rex almost entered a similar state, but managed to avoid it by scolding the two.

The canines were kept, and Echo and Ahsoka started training them to guard against threats and help out on the construction sites.

Within the first month, they have several rows of edible flora sown. The storehouse is built and filled with lumber. They begin reinforcing it. The ship is restructured and reorganized. The forge is upgraded the best they can, and the hangar is converted into an enormous workshop. Fighters are moved around to accommodate the new order, and several clones begin setting up work areas and tables.

They begin separating. Anakin realizes that they’ll need more rations if they want to last long on the planet. He sends some of the men to gather food and some to cultivate the land further. Then he finds the clones that seemed only meant for battle. He tells them to hunt.

They take the canines, begin training them for the trips. There’s plenty of animals to track, and plenty more that seem trainable, if only in the future. They report back with plenty of meat and a list of the more docile creatures. Who knows, maybe they can domesticate them like the canines.

The men start building more rooms to the storehouse, so that they can put the supplies in separate areas. Tools begin to be stored, the food as well. Fuel goes next, and Rex starts making cranes with his new knowledge of physics and Pint’s knowledge of engineering.

Ahsoka helps make the workshop, using the Force to lift the heavier items. Her and Anakin compile everything that isn’t necessary and doesn’t have much value to the group. They load what they can onto a transport and head for the nearest outpost. Out where they are, there are four near enough, and each is neutral.

They sell their wares. It seems what isn’t valuable to them fetches high prices at the market. They use the money to buy tools and rations, along with several books for the clones to read and some textiles. They leave quickly, not wanting to be noticed.

Clothes are made with the textiles, mostly for Ahsoka and Anakin since they’ll be going off-world the most. But some of the clones discard their armor for cloth, and some repurpose the armor for the canines.

Ahsoka names the canines Flurrians. She thinks it sounds cool. Anakin doesn’t bother arguing.

The crops grow faster than expected. The clones are ecstatic to have so much to do and it isn’t fighting.

A few find strange rocks. They crack easily with the new pickaxes their brothers fashioned from spare parts. The smiths melt them to make nuts and bolts and screws and tools and buttons and all sorts of small and large things to help. The builders finish making the storehouse, only to have to build more with all the new supplies coming in.

With the hunters bringing back animals (some simply captured so they can be domesticated), a few clones learn to clean and tan the hides. Some learn to cure the meat. Some begin teaching themselves to cook, and some to sew.

The smiths work together with their new metals to forge Anakin a mask. It looks like that of the notorious Boba Fett, but simpler and softer in the features, painted blue and grey and white. They make a little headpiece for Ahsoka, to wrap around her montrals.

Ahsoka discovers she can see around her with the Force. Anakin can as well, but he doesn’t find the need to use it often. His Padawan trains herself to connect with that sight constantly. She finds her montrals capture more sound, more waves that give her a clearer view of things nearby. Both the Force and her natural ability give her a boost.

A boost that leads to several complaints and near heart failures.

Apparently, being able to ‘see’ so well makes her entirely silent while moving around, unless she’s purposefully making noise. More than a dozen times, Rex screamed at the sudden ‘appearance’ of his sister. Anakin didn’t think much of it until he had his own minor heart attack one day. He tells her to find a way to announce her presence before she gets too close. She does.

It starts with Leo giving her a small stone he found on the ground.

“It’s pretty,” he justified. “I thought of you.” She attached it to the headpiece with help from Pip.

Then Pint handed her a shell, and Echo a feather. Beads and pebbles and scraps of metal, all handed to her because they were shiny or colorful. She slowly began to accumulate long chains of the items. The weight didn’t bother her as she gradually gained more and more prizes. Then one day, Ahsoka looked in the mirror and saw a young Togruta with a beautiful headpiece and montrals and head-tails covered in strings of trinkets. She looked eccentric, but also free.

She finds Six-Piece and he helps her make paint. She uses blue to highlight her face markings, brightening her appearance further. She’s happy.

Rex and some of the others make more paint. They decorate their buildings in colorful pictures and draw on each other’s faces. Ahsoka nearly cried when she saw Rex with paint matching her markings.

Anakin wears his helmet on trips or at night. He puts it on his belt otherwise. He makes retractable staffs that include his and Ahsoka’s lightsabers in the handles. Ahsoka’s can be separated, but is better as a staff when used as one. They would allow the blades to be carried with them, but not noticed.

As they expanded and learned how best to utilize the land, the large group gained a surplus.

“We’re going to have to sell these,” Anakin announced one day, standing in the storehouse that was packed.

“And we still have to go after some of the Separatists,” his little sister reminded.

“You’ll need new names, otherwise there’ll be bounty hunters and troops crawling everywhere,” Echo added, petting his favorite Flurrian, Sil.

“How about Socks?” Anakin smirked at the glare sent his way, but felt pure dread when the look mimicked his own.

“How about Sky?”

“Sky and Socks, sounds good to me,” Rex commented as he walked by.

The two former Jedi attempted to protest.

Sky and Socks begin a routine that becomes well-known to those who meet them. Each of the four outposts are visited at different times. The duo sells their crafts and supplies each time, and always use their money to buy more tools and more materials and more books.

And their wares are always incredibly valuable. Plants that can be used to make fuel, food that can’t be found anywhere else, metals that are so rare some don’t believe in their existence. It seems that the siblings (for that is what they are, as they assured their customers) didn’t know their items were worth so much. They start coming every month to at least one outpost, with the fact that they now know that one of the plants they grow is a highly efficient fuel and they won’t have to buy some for every trip.

Ahsoka often listens to the gossiping beings around her as her brother handles customers. She gains information on nearby planets and the frequent visitors. There are many criminals and bounty hunters around.

The first planet to turn is small. A mysterious pair of beings are said to have broken into the governor’s mansion and found evidence of his misdeeds. They sent it to the entire planet. The Separatists had been separating families and quietly getting rid of the governor’s opponents. The Republic gained a new ally.

Anakin and Ahsoka kept up their work. All planets they could reach quickly, they went and managed to convert to the Republic or to neutrality. Usually, it was to the Republic after the Separatists were proven to be traitorous. Some turned without evidence after hearing tales of what had happened elsewhere.

Sky and Socks always made it back home.

They made their own small civilization, with a farm and stables and workshops and storehouses and barracks.

Sometimes, Sky and Socks came across clones while traveling. The switches were destroyed, and the clones always agreed to go back with the two, even though they never offered, only explained what had happened to Rex Chief and his brothers.

Asajj Ventress came across them at an outpost while they headed back from a newly-aligned Republic planet.

Ahsoka hugs her, much more energetic with all the freedom and light she’s had. She gushes about the many good things that have happened to her since those dreadful days.

Ventress joins them. It takes less than a week before Ahsoka calls her sister. It takes a month before Witch joins Socks and Sky, dressed in a blue and black version of the Nightsisters garb.

Word gets around about the Clone Snatchers and Separatist Traitors.

The Clone Snatchers steal clones from battles, without any signs of struggle. The Separatist Traitors turn Separatist-aligned planets to the Republic.

There are bounties for both in both alliances. Both are wanted alive by the Republic, the Clone Snatchers so they can get their missing soldiers back and the Separatist Traitors so they can meet and possibly join forces. The Separatists want the Traitors dead or alive, preferably dead, and the Snatchers alive so that they can... ally themselves.

After only a month of radio silence from Anakin and his ship, before they established themselves so well, Padme heard the news. All that was known was that the Separatists had nothing to do with the disappearance. The senator was not pleased, and proceeded to call her husband as quickly as possible.

He picked up on the second ring, despite Obi-Wan never managing to get a call through.

“Padme, are you alright?” Anakin is calm, collected. Not at all troubled, it seems.

“Where are you?” the woman demands.

“Um... on our way to an uninhabited planet that we can land on and then live there.”

“Without me?”

“... Do you wanna know the coordinates? I kinda had to deal with changing alignment and reorganizing and reprogramming everything, and I sorta assumed you’d want to remain a senator?”

“Of course I’m going to remain a senator, but I’m still going to visit my husband.”

“HUSBAND‽ Rex, did you hear‽ Anakin and Padme are married! I’ve got a sister! Rex!”

“Is Ahsoka listening?”

“Yeah, she wanted to know why I would answer a call when we’re on radio silence.”

“So, why the change? I thought being a Jedi was everything to you.”

“No. The people I care about are everything to me. Ahsoka wasn’t going to be able to recover while constantly around the Order. Our marriage went against the code. The clones were always dying for what felt like no good reason. It makes sense to get away from what causes so much pain.”

“I understand. I’ll visit as soon as possible.”

“I call you when we land.”

FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE BC I MIGHT NOT (or might, who knows)

[ga-yuu]

~Kurama~Main Story Chapter 11~

Chapter 10

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------Part 1------

After Sueharu left Kurama's room----

Sueharu: "Hey, everyone. Thanks again for having me."

Benkei: "Welcome back."

Yoichi: "Yeah, it's been a long time."

Sueharu: "I've been very busy, thanks to your orders."

Yoshitsune: "You went to the East this time, didn't you? How were the people there?"

When Sueharu arrives, Yoshitsune greets him with a faint smile.

Yoichi and Benkei, who had been waiting for him, also looked relaxed.

Sueharu: "I should be feeling the sign of war, but it seems peaceful here. The East is a place where Yoritomo's rule is strong. The people there trust him very much."

Yoshitsune: "----His talent for capturing and manipulating people's hearts with a single word or breath is still alive and well."

Benkei and Yoichi: ".................."

Sueharu: "Well, as a merchant, I'm glad to see that the city is gaining momentum."

Sueharu smiles as he pulls some stuff out of the carrier he keeps beside him.

Sueharu: "Also. Here's a little something for you guys. A nice potter's wheel for Yoichi."

Yoichi: "Woah."

Sueharu: "Benkei. I've brought tassels for your armor. They're heavy so, I've already kept them in your room along with some spare weapons."

Benkei: "Sorry for the trouble and also thank you. I'll have a look later."

Sueharu: "You're my clients, so you're in good hands."

Talking amiable as a merchant, Sueharu turned to Yoshitsune and held out his hand in a grand gesture.

Sueharu: "-----So. Minamoto no Yoshitsune, the general of the Rebel army. What do you want? Weapons, human resources, information....anything you like. However it's not for free though, remind you."

Sueharu smiles sarcastically, a hint of male sex appeal escaping his lips.

Yoichi: "Ohh, Black marketers are scary these days. Did you turn evil too?"

Sueharu: "Maybe...but no as much as Yoichi-san."

Benkei: "Come on guys, be serious."

Yoshitsune: "I don't think they're both bad."

Sueharu and Yoichi: ".............."

When Yoshitsune replied with a straight face, Yoichi laughed and Sueharu had an indescribable expression on his face.

Sueharu: "Haa....that's because you are very innocent at times."

Benkei: "Idiot! That's one of the great things about Yoshitsune-sama, isn't it?"

Sueharu: "Yes, yes."

Sueharu shrugs his shoulders as Yoshitsune looks on in wonderment.

Yoshitsune: "....? For a start we have a lot of weapons, people, and information that we want. I want enough to beat the Shogunate. Sueharu, I'll take your price."

-----Part 2------

Yoshitsune: "I want enough to beat the Shogunate. Sueharu, I'll take your price."

Sueharu: "Whoa. Are you sure? You can't say that to a merchant."

Yoshitsune: "We've known each other a long time. I trust Sueharu to have been accommodating after we were targeted for defeat as the Rebels. It was only with your help that we survived an army and were able to rebuild Hiraizumi from a shabby state."

Sueharu: "Haa....Just so you know, mine is not a friendship, it's an investment. I'm a businessman."

Yoshitsune: "Even if you are, I'm grateful. That's all I'm saying."

In response to Sueharu's oblique stance with his cheekbones, Yoshitsune spoke plainly.

Sueharu looked away as if he was out of tune.

Sueharu: "....I see. Then, thank you for everything. I'll let you know the price tomorrow and when each item will be delivered."

Yoichi: "You're going to stay here for a while, aren't you, Sueharu? We're having a party tonight!"

Benkei: "I don't know if we'll have any good sake. Kurama drank a lot of it yesterday."

Sueharu: "Worry not, I've got a bottle with me."

Yoichi: "Oh, that's even better~"

Sueharu: "Praise be to you."

After beating his chest with his trumpet, Sueharu opened his mouth as if he remembered something.

Sueharu: "By the way, what happened to Kurama?"

Yoshitsune: "What happened?"

Sueharu: "He seems to be very close with Yoshino....also he reacts in a very human way."

Yoichi: "Hmmm.....you think so too, don't you?"

Sueharu: "No matter how you look at it."

Benkei: "I can't even say that Kurama himself is unaware of it."

They all look at each other and nod.

Sueharu: "As far as I know, Kurama has a very particular taste in things and people. When it comes to being suitable for those glasses, Yoshino is no just a person, but...."

Yoshitsune: "Maybe so..."

Yoshitsune's muttering words made Sueharu a suspicious face.

Sueharu: "She looks ordinary at first glance, doesn't she? Cute and not out of place..."

Yoshitsune: "There's nothing unusual about the way she looks. But....Yoshino looked us straight in the eye."

Yoshitsune continues to speak quietly, as if in deep thought.

Yoshitsune: "Although she is alert and nervous, I don't see any hostility in Yoshino's eyes. That is the gaze of someone who has endured fear and is quietly trying to grasp the essence of us."

Benkei: "....Yeah."

Yoichi: "It's a shame. If only we had been on the same side from the start....." <-they already like her.

Sueharu: "Ohhh, I see now."

-------Part 3-------

Sueharu: "Ohhh, I see now."

Sueharu, who had been listening in silence, let out a breath.

Sueharu: "A mere pharmacist girl, who is bound to the Nine-tail fox, captivated the attention of Karasu Tengu, joined the Shogunate to fight and is adored by the Rebels....It's a shame because if she was a free bird, we would have never let her go."

....................

(I'm very nervous to stand in front of this guy, indeed.)

Yositsune(expressionless): "I see. You want to go with Yoshino to see a silversmith."

Kurama: "Yeah. I want to make her useful."

When it was afternoon, I was taken by Kurama to visit Yoshitsune-sama's room.

Benkei and Yoichi-san were also present, apparently having a meeting about politics.

Benkei: "Did you forget that Yoshino is a prisoner. She's not allowed to have that much freedom."

(Of course, if you think about it calmly, it's only natural that they won't allow me...)

(But for whatever reason, I think it's nice to be able to get out of this building at least.)

Kurama: "Even if she's a prisoner, she should be allowed to do as I say."

Yoichi: "Hmm....just so you know, she's the prisoner of the Rebels, not just your alone."

Yoshitsune: "As long as Kurama is with you, I don't mind."

Yoshino: "Eh?"

I blink my eyes in surprise at the unexpected statement.

Benkei turned his sharp gaze on Yoshitsune-sama.

Benkei: "Yoshitsune-sama is too sweet with Kurama."

Yoshitsune: "If that's the case, it's partly because Kurama has a soft spot for me."

Kurama: "When did I ever have a soft spot for you? I'm sure I've only trained your body and soul."

Yoshitsune(smiling): "Exactly."

Despite the unchanging tone of voice, I was struck by the dreamy smile on Yoshitsune-sama's lips.

(The bond between Yoshitsune-sama and Kurama still feels a little special.)

Yoshitsune(back to expressionless): "Yoshino."

Yoshino: "Y-Yes!"

His amethyst eyes stare at me in silence, and I break out in a cold sweat.

Yoshitsune: "Are you okay with that?"

Yoshino: "Hm?"

Yoshitsune: "Even if you go out there, you can't escape from the flying Kurama. You'll be dragged through the hostile territory, and we'll be forced to do things to you, that we don't want to."

(Does that mean that if I say I don't want to, Yoshitsune-sama will persuade Kurama....?)

Yoshino: "I..."

After thinking, I opened my mouth carefully.

Yoshino: "I think I'll go with Kurama."

(I don't want to know what they'll do to me if I tried.)

(If that means I should be near Kurama, then so be it. But still....)

I wanted to know the true nature of the unfathomable strength and vibrancy of this demon, Kurama.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I don't know if I'm useless.(+4/+4)

2. If there's something I can do to help....

3. I don't know what I can do..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoshino: "I don't know if I'm useless until I've done it."

Kurama: "That's the answer I love to hear. You have my praise."

(Oh)

Kurama, who lifted one end of his lips, pulled my hand.

Kurama: "We're done here. Come, Yoshino."

------Part 4-------

Kurama: "We're done here. Come, Yoshino."

As I was being dragged away, I quickly thanked Yoshitsune-sama and the others.

Yoshino: "P-Please excuse us!"

..............

After Yoshino and Kurama left the room------

Yoichi: "Don't look so worried, Benkei."

Benkei: "I'm not. If it's Yoshitsune-sama's decision, I don't mind."

Yoshitsune: "I'm sorry. I always give you a hard time."

Benkei: "That's not it. But...."

A faint smile played on his lips as he broke off his speech.

Benkei: "But hey, if he's trying to change something by interacting with Yoshino, then maybe that change might not be too bad."

............................

After that------

Yoshino: "Haaa.....finally I'm outside!! It's been a long time and I'm really looking forward to it."

As I breathe in the air and stretch out in the sunshine, Kurama gives me a stare.

Kurama: "Don't even think of running away. It's no fun in killing someone before they've achieved their goal."

(I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about running away at this moment.)

Yoshino: "I know. I also promise I'd be there and I never break my promises."

Kurama: "Obidient woman."

I blinked in confusion at Kurama, who chuckled.

Yoshino: "Kurama, you look happy."

Kurama: "If I get the silversmith to work, I'll make him do more of what I like. It is the right and pleasure of the strong to have what they want."

(You are really obsessed with shiny articles, don't you?)

Kurama: "And today....you're here."

Yoshino: "Yeah, so?"

Kurama: "Do I have to tell you again? well, whatever."

(Ah)

Kurama turns around and pulls me towards him, looking closely into my face.

Kurama: "You often betray my expectations. While frustrating, your attitude certainly keeps boredom at bay. Let me enjoy myself as much as I can today."

(I don't know what you mean by that....)

When he said it in a voice that resonated in the pit of my stomach, my heart raced as if it were a sign.

Yoshino(blushing): "Don't put so much burden on my shoulders."

Kurama: "You have a small amount of freedom to choose whether to endure the pressure or go under."

-----Part 5------

Kurama: "You have a small amount of freedom to choose whether to endure the pressure or go under."

(I think Kurama treats me like a rare insect in a cage....)

(No, don't think that. It makes me feel empty!)

Yoshino: "I don't know, but I'll do my best...."

Kurama: "I'm not sure how to put this but I'll take it. Let's get on with it."

Yoshino: "Mm. So will you let me go?"

Kurama: "Let go? You've got it all wrong..."

Yoshino: "Hm?"

(Kyaa)

As soon as I felt myself being embraced more strongly, I felt a floating sensation.

Kurama: "I can't wait for you to make your move if I'm to achieve my goal as quickly as possible."

(No way!!?)

Yoshino: "Wait! If someone sees us then....."

Kurama: "I've already made sure there was no traffic. Now we just need to fly high."

Yoshino: "No, no, no..."

My protests fall on deaf ears as Kurama continues to fly up high.

.........................

(Haaaaa, I'm feeling dizzyyyy!!!)

Kurama: "I took the whole trouble in bringing you here and you're wobbling?"

A few hours later, we left the town of Hiraizumi.

Finally, Kurama puts me down and hid his wings.

Kurama: "According to Sueharu's map, it should be around here."

Yoshino: "Yeah. The house that looks like it could be inhabited...."

Looking around, we see a simple hut in the countryside.

Yoshino: "Maybe it's that one?"

Kurama: "It should be."

.........

(Oh my!)

Without any time to stop him, Kurama instantly opened the door and walked inside.

Kurama: "You're the silversmith, right? Come on, work for me."

Old man: "Wh-Who....Who are you?!!?!!?!"

A small old man, who had been sitting alone at the hearth, looked up at Kurama with his soulless eyes.

Kurama: "Don't answer my question with a question, you fool."

(Oh god! He is going to kill the old man!)

Chapter 12

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Headcanons for Hisoka, Illumi, and Chrollo losing their female s/o to childbirth? Like the moment labor starts their s/o is in unbearable pain and she bleeds too much and passes away. How would they cope with losing one of the few people they actually love & having to be responsible for a baby on their own now? Thank u so much :3

Hisoka

This is one of the few occasions when Hisoka is lost for a while. Even as he holds your hand and feels life leaving your body, he just doesn’t react immediately. It’s not he never considered you dying before, it’s just that it doesn’t feel real when it happens. You can’t be gone. You just can’t… It’s like this event has no place in reality. It’s also one of the few occasions when Hisoka becomes a little more… Sentimental. Oh, not while the doctors are in the room (in fact, his lack of bigger reaction will either be considered shock or him being a cold bastard in their eyes), but once they leave him alone with your body… Hisoka doesn’t cry, he doesn’t scream, but he brushes your face gently as he says goodbye…

 All in all, he seems to be taking it rather well, right?

 Wrong. Dear Lord, wrong.

 When he arrives home, Hisoka just sits for a moment… And screams. He isn’t someone who takes refuge in denial, he doesn’t go on how this isn’t happening… But it doesn’t make acceptance easier. As used to death as Hisoka is, he has always been a lone wolf who never cared for anyone else but you. Accepting the death of a loved one is never easy for anyone, but we can’t say Hisoka is exactly well-prepared or adjusted for such things.

 His initial reaction is downright scary. He screams, his bloodlust overflows (it’s the only way he knows how to deal with things), but there isn’t anyone to blame, anyone to go after (it’s sad, but those things do happen), just this awful pain. The façade he keeps just drops and everything just overflows and fills the room. It’s suffocating and terrifying.

 What stops him? The baby crying. Hisoka is not exactly an emotional guy, he isn’t used to dealing with those deeper emotions, but remember that he wouldn’t enter a real relationship (let alone have a child with you) if his feelings weren’t this serious. So, yes, it might be strange to imagine Hisoka caring for a baby, but this is his child. Yours and his. As soon as he hears the cries, he stops and remembers he is a father now. And yes, he does love the baby.

 He isn’t feeling any better, but he holds the baby and tries to calm down.

 Hisoka won’t admit it to anyone ever, however, he is almost scared now. He had admitted to you he had no idea of how to be a father (and was pretty sure he wasn’t the best material for the role), and now he has to be a single father. Does that seem like a good idea? He already admitted to Illumi he has issues. Just because he’s happy with his lifestyle and doesn’t give a crap and has no intention to change, doesn’t mean he is so much of a bastard that he doesn’t care about his own child!

 Simply put, he has no idea what to do.

 Wherever your soul is, you can at least rest knowing Hisoka will do his best. Will he change his lifestyle? No more than he absolutely has to (so, very little). Will he mess up? Yes. Like everyone does. Will he love this child and do the best he can? Yes. Will he care for them? Yes. He might not be the best father ever, but he won’t be an awful one, either.

 Yet, Hisoka will never recover from losing you.

 And just because he calms down after your death because he scared his child, it doesn’t mean he will remain calm. In fact, he may (try to) deal with it the only way he knows how: By turning to violence. He’ll be staying at Heaven’s Arena for a while and people will at once fear that they’ll have to fight him because Hisoka won’t just “not attend” the match. It’s doesn’t matter who it is or how strong they are: Hisoka will be there. And this won’t be even a fight as much as murder: He will be going after blood.

 It won’t help as much as he hopes. By the end of the day, even if he uses fighting as an escape valve for what happened, he is still hurting and you’re still dead.

 Illumi

To put it in one word? Badly.

 Being pregnant with Illumi’s child (well, anyone from the Zoldyck, really) means you’ll have the best care money can afford (and God knows this means top care), but the fact remains that those things still can happen. Not that this means much for Illumi. Remember he doesn’t care for anyone beyond his family, so the fact that he wanted to start a family of his own with you already speaks volumes for how much he valued you. At first, he is in shock. You can’t have just left you, it’s impossible, you’re his wife, you weren’t supposed to die, this was to be the happiest day of both of your lives… But he won’t be able to refuse the fact that you died for more than a couple of seconds.

 If he even suspects there was a mistake, that the doctors weren’t careful enough, anything, he’ll take it out on them (if by a lawsuit or by taking matters in his own hands, it depends), because people often want someone to blame, somewhere to focus their pain on and Illumi is one of them. Once the initial shock of the loss pass, he will want to know exactly what happened and why you died.

 Not that this will bring any comfort. Even if a doctor can be blamed for what happened and Illumi deals with them, this won’t bring you back. There’s no satisfaction. There’s nothing.

 As unemotional as Illumi can be, this is one of those rare cases when it looks like all the emotions he keeps away (or doesn’t seem to have at all) just explode. Think about when he felt Alluka’s power… That is tame compared to how it will be then. The only change is the nature of this explosion. I repeat: The loss of someone you love, no matter how it happens, is always painful and can always be traumatic. It doesn’t help that Illumi is, well, how he is. This event won’t help Illumi’s mental state and it might, in fact, push him further into his darkness (after all, it isn’t as if he sees anything wrong with himself to make him want to change for starters).

 It's hard to tell how Illumi will deal with the loss. We know it won’t be in a normal way, let alone one we could consider healthy, but there is the presence of his family to be taken into account as they will offer support and help as much as they can which might help to reign him back a little. While he might seem to be okay with being killed by someone he “cares about” such as Killua in order to “be kept in their hearts” or controlling them with needles “for their own safety”, but losing them to death? Something that can’t ever be fixed? Not the same.

 As much as his family might try to help (despite being how they are, they are still somewhat more balanced than he is), there is a limit to how much they will be able to do so. Illumi may dedicate himself to the job more than never, go after Killua (in an “I already lost my wife, I won’t lose my brother” frame of mind), or anything else that may give him the sensation of recovering control in his life and that demands attention. Again, hard to predict exactly how he will deal with it, but it won’t be by keeping good memories, remembering he will see her again in heaven or anything remotely healthy.

 Regarding the baby, he won’t abandon them (as if!) and will dedicate himself to raise them well, but the problem is that without you around to “balance” his behaviour and beliefs, his methods might be worse than what his parents did to him. Illumi won’t remember your words or will just “twist” them to fit his views. Not out of disrespect for your memory, but because he truly believes in his family’s methods. Yes, he will love the baby, very much so, but again… This is Illumi we’re talking about.

 On a note, about Alluka, despite his desire to do something about your death, he won’t be dumb/desperate enough to consider using Nanika’s power to bring you back, at least until he is 100% sure this won’t backfire on him (and chances are, it will anyway. I mean, when did this sort of thing ever work for anyone who tried? Read “Pet Sematary”, “Monkey’s Paw” and whatever else deals with the subject. He is twisted, not stupid).

 Chrollo

Surprisingly, despite being a criminal, Chrollo can make sure you are well-cared for during pregnancy and when the time comes to give birth, you’ll have great doctors. Sadly, again, this doesn’t mean death by childbirth cannot happen (it depends on several things, even if you have top healthcare).

 As someone who lives so close to death and who has little to no care for human life, Chrollo doesn’t have a moment of denial. Being in the room while you give birth, he feels life leaving you and a part of him seems to go with you… He tells the doctors to do something, to help you, but it’s too late. And he knows it. He has killed enough people to know when they are gone with no chance of getting back. He stays with you for a while, not talking, not crying, just holding your hand as if you were asleep.

 Because the Spider has so many enemies, he will make sure it was indeed an accident and not someone trying to take revenge by killing you or anything of the sort (and if it turns out this is what happened, well, everyone involved is as good as dead). And also because of his lifestyle, you might think he will be somewhat better prepared for this event and know how to deal with it…

 Well… No, not really. Losing you is worse than losing another member of the Spider, as it is more personal. Chrollo doesn’t make a show of how much this hurts him while there are others around (in fact, even with the Spiders he might keep his emotions under control), but when he is alone, he doesn’t care to keep a façade of calmness. Differently from Hisoka or Illumi, this won’t be an explosion of rage or a long scream, but it won’t be less of a huge blow: Chrollo feels lost and for a moment, he can’t even focus on the Troupe or what to do. He just feels your absence and a future he can no longer have while he holds the baby close.

 Although he is used to “carry on” when a member of the Spider dies (and searching for whoever killed them to get revenge), this is different: Not only because he has no one to blame for, but again, it’s far more personal. You were his partner, the person he wanted to start a family with… He never allowed anyone to get this close, keeping his focus on the Troupe and its objectives and now he has to deal with losing you forever. He knows he needs to carry on. He knows there is nothing he can do now except caring for the baby and continuing with his plans. In a sense, his rational side continues to work because Chrollo basically programmed himself to be like this with the years of being who he is.

 Only that this doesn’t help when emotions, that are far harder to be controlled, get involved. There is no other way of putting this: Your death leaves Chrollo devasted. And this depression may last a long time. He may get to the point of continuing his plans, keeping the Troupe’s goals and all, but underneath it all, there will be this hollowness that just won’t go away. If Senritsu was to hear his heartbeat, she would point out how worse it became.

 The members of the Troupe that are closest to him, such as Machi, will know that Chrollo needs help in this moment, not as a villain or as their boss, but as a human being who lost a loved one (considering how many people they took away from their loved ones without a care, you’re free to call them hypocrites). It must be said that this help will be balanced: Enough to remind Chrollo he is not as alone as he behaves and not pushing to the point of being suffocating.

 Because of that and also due to Chrollo’s ability to not lose focus despite emotional turmoil, as depressed as he gets, he won’t forget that he has a child to think about now: The uncertainty that one feels when having to be a single father is present, he isn’t sure of how he’ll balance being the Troupe’s leader with protecting and raising a child. He isn’t just going to forsake the Spiders, but he won’t just drop the kid in an orphanage and take off (unless there is so much danger closing on him that he literally has no choice, but the chances are preeetty slim). Some members of the Troupe may help Chrollo in this department (such as Machi or Pakunoda, if she is still alive when this happens) as he finds ways to reach this balance between his goals and his personal life.

[monaownsmyass]

Peace of Mind

Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: My Two First Loves

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre: Fluff but again, make it angsty

Rating: G, none

Word Count: 2,402

A/N: Ava comes out to MC but MC has her own confession to make. This is technically a continuation of my previous Ava fic but can be read as a stand-alone. And, I’m also planning to write another part to conclude this ‘series’ sooo👀

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly @samanthadalton @playallthechoices @queensayeed (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

'Can I talk to you?'

I read the message over and over again for the past hour, cracking my head, trying to figure out what on earth she meant by that.

Did I do something wrong? Did I forget something? Was it personal? Or was it school-related? Maybe something happened?

All I knew was that that sentence was the most stress and anxiety-inducing text I could've ever receive.

And here I was, getting it from my best friend.

'Of course,' I replied almost an hour later even though I saw it as soon as I got the message.

Instantly, my phone buzzed with Ava's respond.

'I have to do it in person. Can I come over?'

Okay, that didn't help at all.

'Sure, is everything alright?'

'Yeah, I just have to tell you something.'

I swear I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ear from how fast it was racing.

'Okay...,' I sent back and fell back onto my bed, groaning.

My mind raced with a million possibilities. The curious part of me wished Ava was already here and would just tell me whatever she wanted to. The fear-riddled part of me wanted to run away and avoid Ava.

But I was done with that. I was done running away from my feelings, I was done avoiding the inevitable truth.

And maybe, if Ava wanted to tell me something, I should tell her something back. Something I think she should know. Something I should've told her long ago.

But was I ready?

Just then, I heard a car stop outside. I peered out my window and saw Ava's sedan. I watched her step out and my heart leapt to my throat. It had been a usual occurrence ever since a few month ago and I don't know where it came from but the feeling never left.

Ava always walked as if she owned the place, every stride exuding confidence in a way I could only dream of. It was one of the things I've always admired about here. But today, there was an extra power to each step, as if she was a woman on a mission.

And what that mission was? I would soon find out.

I moved to open my room door to find Ava about to knock on it, which made me jump.

Damn, how did she get here so fast?

"Hi!" she said, clearly startled as well.

"Hey!"

I side-stepped and let her into my room, catching a whiff of her flowery perfume as she passed me, making me lose my bearings for a second.

She awkwardly stood at the foot of the bed as if she was waiting for my approval and I looked at her, confused. She'd normally plop herself right on it as if she were at home because honestly, this might as well be her second home.

"Uh, don't you wanna sit, weirdo?" I asked her and giggled despite the nervousness bubbling in me.

"Oh! Um, yeah, right."

She cautiously took a seat at the edge of the bed and I shook my head at her.

"C'mon, sit properly! You look so uncomfortable," I told her and waved my hand at her to move onto my bed even though it was more for my sake. Seeing her so hesitant and stiff in my room, the place I called my sanctuary, the place I only let people I trust the most into, seeing her like this in my private space I gladly shared with her over the past few years was unnerving.

She chuckled nervously and scooched up to the headboard, resting her back against it with me beside her. She looked on straight ahead and I looked at her. For a moment, it was silent.

Dead silent.

I cleared my throat to break it and asked Ava, "I know you said everything's okay, but is it really?"

She didn't respond, only gulped and took in a deep breath.

"Ava?" I placed a hand on her arm that sent a jolt up my own. Her head shot towards my direction as if she could feel it too.

"Sorry, I'm just really nervous," she breath out, looking at me. "I'm... I'm trying to get my thoughts in order. My mind is all over the place and I want to get this right."

I stared at her intently, my breathing slow and deep, waiting for her say something.

Finally, she spoke.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now," she began quietly.

"Something?"

"About myself."

There was a pause between that.

"Okay...," I drew out in anticipation. "What is it?"

"I...," her voice cracked but she cleared her throat before continuing. "I, uh..."

I waited for her as I watched her shut her eyes before exhaling slowly, too nervous to say anything. Then, she opened her eyes and looked right into mine. The intensity and determination in them made me gasp.

"I'm a lesbian."

Her words knocked the air out of my lungs and my eyes widen slightly in realisation.

Did Ava just come out to me?

I felt a deep sense of relief wash over me and I felt strangely... comforted?

I realised she still looking at me, waiting for a respond but all I could get out was, "Oh!

"Oh?"

"Oh."

Ava sighed and began rambling. "I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you earlier, I swear. But I wasn't ready, and I didn't know how you'd take it! Not that I was assuming you'd react badly, but I couldn't be absolutely sure. And if you did react badly, there's no way for me to know for sure that you won't tell your sister or dad."

I was watching her go on and on but my mind was in another place, trying to make sense of it all, what this would mean for Ava, what it would mean for us and our friendship, this strange sensation of excitement within me, it was taking over my thoughts and overwhelming my entire being.

"And if that happened, it could spread to other people and honestly? I'm terrified of what people will think. Of how they'll start treating me. It's scary not knowing what will happen if I so much as do or say the wrong thing in front of someone."

That snapped me out of my reverie.

"Hey, Ava, it's okay," I reassured her and pulled her into a hug. All my senses were overloading with everything Ava but I managed to composed myself. "You know I don't care. And don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"Thank you," Ava whispered.

"And you don't have to explain, I understand," I closed my eyes and said the next words softly, carefully. "In more ways than one."

She pulled back and looked at me cautiously. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and I gulped.

"What do you mean?"

Well, this was it.

"I... I think... I might like girls too."

Ava's face went from confusion to shock to relief then to excitement and then... hopefulness? All in the span of a few seconds.

Her eyes shined and in a small voice, she asked, "Really?"

I gave her a slow nod.

She stared at me.

And I at her.

Then, I spoke again.

"But I'm not sure," I admitted. I contemplated telling her the next part but damn it, enough was enough. I said I was done avoiding the truth and I meant it. It was time to own up to it. "The only reason I think I might like girls is 'cuz of this one girl in particular."

"Tell me more about this girl," she challenged and looked me in the eyes.

I knew she knew. Even if she wasn't sure, I knew she had a strong feeling she did.

And in that moment, I also knew I was ready to confirm it.

I gazed back into her brilliant eyes and braced myself to pour my heart, soul and mind to her, all my feelings and thoughts, I was ready to bare everything to Ava even if it left me naked with vulnerability.

I was ready.

"This girl, I learnt so much from her. She's taught me to be confident and to stand up for myself and not let others walk over me. But on days where I couldn't do that, she was always the one who had my back. She's always been there for me and it took me a while, but I realised my feelings for her might go beyond platonic." I paused to gauge her reaction but she remain expressionless. The only way I could tell she was soaking in every word was from the way her eyes focused on mine. Pupils dilated, she clung onto every word I spoke. It made me more anxious but I was glad she was listening.

She deserved to know.

"She's the reason for the smile on my face every day. I see her and suddenly, all my worries are gone and my mind is at ease. She's my comfort and my happiness and my stomach lurches just from the sight of her. She's so beautiful and captivating and when she looks at me, I can't help but feel like the luckiest person in the world. These feelings are confusing and messy and uncertain and I've been trying to figure them out for months now. But if there's anything I'm sure about, it's that I like her. I really, really like her. More than I should."

Never breaking eye contact, I reached out to gently touch her hand that was on the sheets between us. Electricity ran through my fingertips and up my arm, leaving goosebumps on my skin. I saw Ava breathing start to deepen but her gaze never wavered.

"And," I added on, feeling my nerves finally get the better of me now.

The moment of truth.

"I think she feels the same about me."

I saw her eyes become glassy as I felt her fingers intertwine with mine.

And she gave me a single nod.

"She does."

I felt a burst of emotions flood through me as a tear trickled down my cheek. The weight on my chest was lifted and I finally got to breathe again. The burden on my shoulders was eased and I felt so light, I was sure I could fly. The thing that was weighing on my mind was gone and I swear I got giddy from the high of being free.

I was free.

Because the wait was over, the truth was out, I didn't have to run anymore.

"You do?" I asked, voice quivering.

"I do!"

That was when I lost it and broke down into sobs, feeling intense bliss take over me.

This time, Ava pulled me into a hug and I immediately buried my face in the crook of her neck, letting myself cry while she tried controlling her own tears as well but I could hear her sniffling.

"I've dreamt of you saying that for so long," she muttered softly into my hair. "It drove me crazy not knowing if I was imagining things or not."

I giggled despite my tears. "Sorry for making you wait."

"I just want to know," Ava spoke as she pulled back to look at my face. "When I told you I love you that day, you knew how I meant it right?"

I slowly nodded, remembering the way those words were spoken. So soft and emotional and vulnerable. It made my breath hitch hearing them. I could sense how genuine and true those words were from her tone and it overwhelmed me.

Ava Lawrence loved me.

"Did you mean it the same way? When you said it back?"

There was hope in her eyes and I felt guilty. I didn't want to lie 'cuz I wasn't even sure myself.

"Honestly, I'm not sure," I looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "I love you, but I'm not sure how I mean it either." I glanced back at her. "But I do like you, Ava. I really like you."

"I can't say it's the exact answer I was hoping for," she gave me a small smile. "But I'll take whatever I can get."

I shook my head. "No, you deserve more than that. You deserve so much more, but I can't promise that to you, at least not yet."

My heart felt heavy reciting my own words but it was true. I didn't want to lead her on in case it wasn't gonna go anywhere even though I was certain it was.

But I just couldn't take the risk and watch her get hurt because of me.

"I need more time, Ava. I need time to figure this out. To figure my feelings out. I don't think I could live with myself if I end up hurting you. Plus, I still have Noah and Mason to think about..."

Even though they were the last things on my mind.

"I'll wait for you," she quickly said.

"Ava, don't."

"Let me, I've waited for you this long already. Might as well go all the way." She took both my hands in hers and said, "We'll figure this out together. You don't have to do this alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my heart and soul."

She smiled. "Yes, I'm sure."

She stood up from the bed and made her way out of my room and out of my house with me in tow.

At the porch, she stopped walking and turned around to face me.

"I love you, Em. And no matter what you choose to do and what your feelings come to be, just know that I love you."

She was about to turn back and head to her car when I stopped her.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"If you meet someone, don't wait for me. Don't let me stop you."

"But I want to."

"I know you do," I tugged her into me left her a small peck on the cheek, whispering against her skin. "But if you ever decide you don't want to anymore, don't wait. I'll catch up to you."

She held my gaze and slowly gave me a small, hesitant nod. I couldn't promise her my love or time or feelings right now, so I promised her the only thing I knew I could.

"I'll be there."

(More fics!)

[holicanth]

Hanging On Threads (2)

@shinoweek​ 2021 Prompt 3 - Sunset/Canon Divergence

Words: 3.7k

Genre: Angst. Drama. Shinohina. Tragedy

Warnings: -

Additional Tags: Shinohina, Kibahina, Naruhina, family issues, Konoha’s noble clans, nepotisme and collusion.

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry y’all. I’ve been extra busy :( Here’s chapter 2 (?) of my Shino week series. I hope you have a great day :)

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

It has been 3 days since Shino disappeared from the Aburame compound.

It has also been 3 days since the Konoha elders re-welcomed the Aburames and reintegrated them into society.

Ever since, Shino has been staying at ROOT, hiding undercover while waiting for Danzo's orders.

And with that, Shino is handed the dreadful task of explaining every little detail to Torune.

 "I just can't understand your logic, Shino." He says, clenching his fists on the table. "You should know better than to just run away from home like that!" 

"What do you think you'll achieve with this?" Torune grits his teeth, "You cant escape this--there's no way Danzo will let you out anymore!"

 Guilt that has previously bubbled inside him was now gone. Shino felt close to nothing as he stays cooped in ROOT. No fear. No anxiety. He was obviously feeling full of himself, believing to have won his side of the bargain. As such, none of Torune's words were ringing bells inside his head. 

Shino tries to keep his facade well-put.

"How is Uncle Shibi taking the news?"

"I've sent some beetles to Father. I can tell he's doing well even without me. Nothing else will change in the household." 

"Not until," Shino's words come to a startled halt. "Until I finish my promise to Danzo."

His brother bangs the table in a display of panic that Shino has never seen. " You don't know what he'll do to you. Shino, you don't know anything..."

His words cut off abruptly. In a split second, Shino senses a tremble in Torune. A slight quiver of his lips. 

 Torune used to live with them, and had expressed massive gratefulness towards his uncle. Shino didn't realize at that time (he was but merely eight), that more than anything, Torune's sacrifice was addressed more towards Shibi. The boy would do anything to protect his uncle—you can see it in the way he devotes himself to his work.

A kindred sort of regret rose in Shino. To think that  he had so easily thrown away the ideal life that Torune had bestowed upon him—and voluntarily at that. 

But both of them know that there is no safer alternative. 

(It's an inevitable fate, they console themselves. It is a necessary sacrifice.)

 "I had to do it for our clan." Shino repeats the fact to his brother. "We were to be killed soon enough. And it would have been Father first."

Shino's eyes flit nervously as he spoke. 

"And who do you think would pull the trigger, Shino?"

Torune didn't ask why. Like he knew all of the details already. 

Shino glanced around the room, thinking. He already knows the answer. Rather, he's trying to figure out how to word it in a manner that doesn't...offend Torune.

 (Shino could list all the names of the ANBU members that have been in contact with particular individuals. Journalists, Governors, Clan heads, people of high posistions. Their agenda was blatant. Shino knows because their names have been whispered in contemplation throughout the Aburame compound.)

"The jonins," Shino says, in a hushed voice. "The jonins will work together with the ANBU. The Sarutobi clan will be extremely involved too."

There is a pattern Shino notices in Konoha's history. It's that the types of people who reign over the village are identical and identifiable amongst each other. A teacher to their student, A blood relative to their predecessor. Lesser clans would do anything to grab ahold of that social circle. 

Replacing an unliked noble clan would be one of such tasks.

 Torune listens keenly, in a hum that neither denies or confirms it. 

 "Not only that," He resumes, "There seems to be equal participation from other clans. Such as the Nara. You know they've been looking to steal our research on bugs."

"They're especially interested in yours, Torune."

He doesn't oblige. Torune was aware of this well before he came to ROOT, too. Fear and suspense were not things Torune had to be worried about. But today, he finds that he had to face it--the abject horror of seeing his little brother in a hostage situation. The pure fear of knowing how hopeless he is engulfs him. Was there nothing that Torune can do?

 (A shinobi must constantly opress their emotions, follow a strict set of rules that they decide among themselves, and avoid extraneous conflict.

This was the first lesson Danzo had stamped inside Torune's memories. 

To disconnect oneself from the act of murder—it was the essence of a shinobi.

Or so Torune thought.)

 "I was to be sent as well, Shino." Torune looks down as he breaks the ice. "They want us gone because of our power. Of our potential. They'll take our knowledge and use it to their own benefit. All the research, medicine, poisons and bugs."

 (The Aburames are notorious for being mysterious. All done in order to conceal oneself, to prevent oneself from having their secret techniques outed in public. Ensuring, that they stay formidable, underestimated,

 and strong.)

 "You heard Danzo say it. They think we're weird. Unsanitary. Off-putting. That our secrecy is a form of betrayal, even when we've been constantly obedient to Konoha."

"And will you die as well?" Shino asks cautiously, "After you've killed all of us, will they dispose of you too, Torune?"

A sorrow smile lit up Torune's face. There was, again, no answer. Shino knows—No, he had plenty of ideas already. Torune’s predisposition was already a valid enough reason for Konoha to justify his death. Killed or not, there are many ways to make a man break. Danzo would have his merry time trying out which one of those methods satisfy him best.

What Konoha was capable of bringing unto the Uchiha was just as likely to happen to the Aburames.

(This exchange ended on a heavy note. Nothing Shino says will add or subtract from the issue at hand. Just a hanging air of dread, looming over their clan's future. Both of them did what they had to preserve their clans. To protect those important to them.

 But this sense of kinship—to protect those that they love. Is it not what Konoha preaches to their young, too?

Or was it the reason that Konoha wants to tear apart the Aburame family ties?)

A knock on the wooden door brings an end to the brothers' conversation. The Yamanaka boy comes in, head held high. 

"Lord Danzo has requested for you, Shino Aburame. Come along, now." 

Shino leaves Torune in the room. Torune knows best that he should not interfere lest he wants to live a day beneath the soil.

 It can be said that ROOT was an illegal form of bodyguards, acting as Danzo's personal squadron. A blatant display of political corruption, despite Danzo’s "fancy" position as Konoha's elder. The facility was well maintained, and there was never a shortage of child soldiers sent there. The clan leaders know Danzo as a demanding figure. 

 The Yamanaka boy—Fuu  Yamanaka stops to knock at a set of tall doors. Shino stops to ponder whether he was related directly to Ino Yamanaka.

An oddly lit room opens up by Shino, displaying machines, scrolls, and different books that are perfectly arranged inside the giant walls of bookshelves. Danzo stood in the center, on a throne chair that he does not deserve.

"You may leave now, Fuu." He spoke in a low tone. 

 Something in Shino buzzes as he watch the Yamanaka eye him begrudgingly while he closes the door. The buzzing didn't stop after he went out.

(His bugs were reacting to something. A feeling that Shino doesn't want to name)

 "You. You're the son of Shibi Aburame, aren't you?" Danzo sneers, "So the Aburames have a dojutsu now, huh? What a nuisance. What, is your dojutsu like the Uchiha's? Prompted by deep emotional pain?"

 (Shino feels the buzzing again. His bugs were on guard, but for what?)

 "Does Shibi have this ability, too?"

"No." Shino spouts a half-lie. 

"And how did you get your hands on this? Are you saying that it just appeared out of nowhere?"

Danzo was gauging for answers. Shino was never good at communication himself, but he was naturally gifted in speaking conspicuously

"It was always in the Aburame blood. Just forgotten through time. Nothing new."

"And you vermins have been hiding this to yourselves, haven't you? Yet you wonder why Konoha has no trust in you."

"The other clans have aces up their sleeves, too. It's why they call it a Hidden Jutsu."

Shino didn't mean to sound snark. But Danzo himself might not have the mental intelligence to understand sarcasm, so Shino thinks it's okay. 

"So this dojutsu of yours—The Senrigan—tell me how this is more useful than the Byakugan."

 Shino bit his tongue before answering. Once more, he'll have to cherry-pick his words exceptionally well. 

"I transfer my sight to my bugs. Depending on how many bugs there are and how they're aligned, my sight can reach other countries."

"The Senrigan requires one to be perfectly still, but the bugs can collect all sounds, sights, and other details without having their chakra traced. Hiding my chakra under the bug's natural chakra will make them unnoticed by sensors"

 Danzo squints his eye, thinking. "Quite the useful spying tool, huh." 

"Still, we need to make sure you're telling the truth. Take off your glasses."

Shino was taken aback from the sudden request, 

 "Now."

 He does as he's told. The sunglasses are safely kept in his pockets. Shino's eyes were dark under the sunlight, and an even deeper shade of obsidian indoors.

"Let's have you demonstrate your Senrigan, shall we? I've sent Fuu to loiter around Konoha's busy streets. Locate him using the senrigan, and tell me every word he's speaking."

And without further ado, Shino created some hand seals, took a deep breath, and a swarm of kikaichu flew out of his body, travelling through the doors and crevices of the ROOT headquarters before dispersing overground. The emerald hue of Shino's eyes looked stunning in the dark. 

 Even from a distance, Danzo can sense an intricate, huge web of chakra dispersing from the boy's body, Undulating, stretching outwards, and going back and forth between Shino's body and his bugs. Then, as if on command, the chakra fell silent and Shino lets out a long exhale. He's successfully established the connection. 

 As Shino stills his senses to callibrate himself to the beetles, he orders them to trace any signs of the familiar Yamanaka chakra signature. He steadily reduces his chakra input. When a preferable balance is reached, Shino waits in silence. Until a bug notifies him of any significant clues

 (Go to the streets. He instructs them. Hover around in small swarms and don't terrify the people. 

A short pause. Don't bump into anyone that I know, He commands again.)

 Danzo watches as the Aburame in front of hin froze into a lotus pose. The stare in his eyes blank, but definitely buzzing with intel and chakra. There is much to be studied with this new forbidden jutsu.

 Shino is notified of a sighting near Konoha's marketplace. He checks in with the bug, and once their visions link he can tell that the person had the same chakra signature. 

"I've located him." Shino said. "He's using a mask and brown cloak, performing jutsus to the local children."

 "And what is he saying?" 

 Shino tries to concentrate as hard as he can. The hand seals that Fuu was using was something he didn't recognize. Apparently memorizing while the Senrigan is activated proved to be more dizzying than he thought.

"Tori, Uma, Ne, Inu, Ne, Tori, Hitsuji, Tatsu, I, Ushi..." Shino recites slowly, making sure that he isn't wrong. "This is a variant of the Water-style technique. He's forming water spouts from his fingers."

 That's absolutely correct, Fuu signals to Danzo, who had been telepathically communicating with him all this time.

"Well done, Shino. You've proven to us that you and your clan can be of use."

And with that Shino scrunches his eyes shut. A little bit disoriented from having to memorize while using the Senrigan. His beetles swiftly fly back to him, bringing him a small amount of chakra they absorbed from the villagers.

 "I've done my part in reintegrating the Aburames. Give me a month and things will be back to normal. Are you ready to fulfill your side of the promise?" Danzo asked, as he stood up from his chair.

Shino gulps nervously. He didn't really plan out what to do next. But Shino was a master at lying, and with a countenance that no one can read, he was indecipherable.

 "Why did you want us gone in the first place?" Shino asks, not realizing that he had voiced the thoughts out loud.

Danzo Shimura was a man who took the Second Hokage's manifesto to heart. Perhaps a bit too much. Shino had suspected, backed with the evidence and observation of his clansmen, that Danzo was pulling strings that led to the Uchiha massacre. It was easy to connect the dots, especially with Shibi and Shino's ability (they were tasked to clean it up. Shibi was fast in doing so, while Shino tended to the unconscious Sasuke.)

From the very formation of Konoha, the Aburame clan was in charge of the most tedious work. Often times having to deal with the brunt of it while Konoha lives scott-free. Border patrols, cleaning up after crimes, interrogation. The Aburames are efficient, but this efficiency ultimately lead to their public consternation.

"You Aburames are skilled, I must admit." Danzo's croaked voice echoed through the chamber. "So much so that any village would want to use you as weapons."

"And that's all there is to it, really. You bunch are too strong. Too skilled. There's too many unknown factors. The higher-ups have agreed to eliminate these threats. After all, Konoha prides itself in being a friendly nation. Your blood brings filth to our soil."

 Shino knows that there is a lie slipped between those words. Danzo was not a friendly type of leader.

 "The Four Noble Clans of Konoha are in need of a change. The Uchihas have proven to be evil. It is in Konoha's best interest to discard the bad, and salvage whatever is left. Haven't you noticed? The only reason we keep the Akimichi is because they're dumb enough to be controlled by the Nara and Yamanaka. And the Hyuuga's reputation are held at our mercy. You're smart enough to figure the rest." Danzo says, walking to approach Shino.

What?

Did he hear his words right? The Akimichi clan? All along, Shino had thought that the lucky title of a 'Noble Clan' are given to clans who had body modifications that cannot be replicated by other ninjas. To think that his fellow team had such a scheme hanging around their backs...Shino wants to believe that Team 10's friendship is genuine.

"Tomorrow," Danzo says, patting the chuunin's back, "You will be promoted as Jonin and will be registered as a member of the ANBU. Of course, that's a lie. Because tomorrow I will personally have you run... special errands for me."

Shino gulped. He didn't like the close proximity.

"Make sure you say your goodbyes today. You'll be listed as dead for security reasons."

 And with that, Shino is let out of the facility. He finds himself pondering aimlessly on a nearby park bench. Autumn has turned the Konohagakure into a beautiful display of warm colors. The trees looked like they've been covered in a rich, velvet cloak and the air was sublime. Shino wonders how long it'll be till he can bask in this scenery again.

 First, he'd visit his father. Then, he'd visit his other family members. After that he'll visit...no one. How could Shino bear to look at his friend's faces after resolving so adamantly to despise them? After convincing himself that they've forgotten him. 

(And Shino still hopes. He hopes that somehow someone will notice eventually.)

But he supposes he'll finish his priorities first. Evade a civil war, restore his clan's honor, and the rest will be his secondary concerns. It is dire that he doesn't get emotional, especially in the current state Konoha is in.

 He looks at the children, playing games under a nearby tree. They were too young for the academy, of course, but if they were old enough to attend, would they all turn out like him? Cold and efficient? 

Shino thinks that he used to be a perfectly good student. A good ninja, but perhaps not so good as a friend. One can see plenty of differences between Shino and the rambunctious Naruto, but do they realize how much he envies his cheerful personality?

(And Shino envies him so much. He's taken the attention of the girl he favors. And now, he has taken everyone's attention away from Shino's disappearance.

 Naruto had outshined Shino. As if Shino was a shadow that should not exist.)

He's had enough of the pointless thoughts. It was almost noon and Shino has to hurry home if he wants to say proper goodbyes.

 But a shrill bark had frozen him to his seat.

 "Akamaru, calm down!" A familiar voice shouted.

 Shino jolted at the sound. It was coming from behind him. He senses two people walking by, and a dog beside them. Shino was already certain of who they were. 

 "Akamaru, what's wrong boy? You shouldn't be barking at strangers." The man—Kiba himself said, as he crouched to rub Akamaru's head.

"Maybe he sees someone, Kiba-kun? I don't think anyone's back home from missions..." Hinata replied, looking around the park.

 Oh heavens. If there was anyone who Shino would avoid the most, it'd be these two—Hinata  and Kiba. He doesn't want to face them. He doesn't even want to be near them. Alas, everytime Shino denies this thought his heart urges him more and more. To simply turn to them. To tell them everything.

(But who was it really who had decided to forget about him in the first place? No one had bothered to ask where he went after the Chuunin exams.)

 Akamaru's barking turned into a soft whine. The canine was visibly confused.

Shino has yet to move from his spot at the bench.

 "Come on now. No one is here. You've mistaken him for someone else, buddy." Kiba says, sounding a little harsh for someone who claims to be Akamaru's partner.

 (Shino wanted to burst out laughing. Doubting a ninja dog's nose? Especially one who has worked with Shino for years? Kiba was a bad liar.

See, even Akamaru notices! Shino thinks to himself, proud to have concluded that the fault was theirs all along.)

 Akamaru still whines when Kiba motions him away from Shino's bench. 

"Why are you being so difficult today?!" Kiba grunts, frustrated. "Come on Akamaru, you don't want to upset Hinata on our date!"

 Oh.

 Oh.

 So it’s like that, huh.

 "K-Kiba-kun! Please don't shout in public..." Hinata whimpers, fiddling her thumbs together.

And with a little nudge, Akamaru finally moves on with them. The couple enjoying the beauty of Konoha's Autumn, oblivious to everything behind it.

 It took minutes. Hours, even for Shino to compose himself enough to process the ordeal.  

 And those hours were filled with empty pondering. With words that were on the tip of falling out of his mouth. With feelings that he had not been brave enough to admit before. With the eternal, everlasting regret of not speaking up.

But there was nothing he could do.

A shinobi must constantly suppress their emotions, follow a strict set of rules that they decide among themselves, and avoid extraneous conflict

 This is for the best. he repeats to himself. Hinata would be better off without him, he thinks.

(But he could have made her happy too. He would've given everything for her.)

 A stroll to wash off these thoughts. Yes, Shino thinks that all he needed was to cool his head, shrug it off, and return to his obligations tomorrow. The warm glow of sunset was eager to mask his unease.

The sunset was particularly shy that day, and had swiftly sank to allow the moon to greet him instead. It's already past six o,clock. He knows that he needs to greet his family, but Shino's distraught conscience told him to look at the sky. The moon was still as luminous as usual.

 Shino had always known how beautiful the moon is. How beautiful its pearly shimmer is. 

(How gentle her eyes were, radiating such a serene, pure love)

 And like an opened dam, suddenly Shino feels his chest aching. Like a hole had opened inside him--one that he can't touch nor see. A hole that, no matter how hard Shino tries, would always engulf him in rain. In a downpour that feels like a thousand needles showering on him.

It feels like such a distant memory. Months ago they were still fine. Hinata was still his comrade. And now, she's floating further away from his grasp.  Was there no more space for Shino in her heart?

 (But Shino was a fool to believe—

 A firefly can't love the moon.

 Its language can't be heard,

Its wings can't reach the sky,

Its light can't compare to the sea of stars.

 It can only do what a firefly does best.

 Illuminate the night in its own glow. 

A token of a love that falls on deaf ears.)

 By the time Shino reaches the Aburame compound, his tears were already dry. Shibi waits for him near the estate gates, and without speaking a word, held his son in a deep embrace. A fitting greeting for a child who's always been forced to grow up before his time.

Shino was going to stay the night in the estate. Saying goodbyes and packing things up. Of course, no further information would be given—everyone was in a state of wary due to the constant supervision.

He had to console them the best he can. Explain the situation. Share his insights. Assure them that this is his job as the Aburame heir. And for that, he would do everything in his capacity to make sure his loved ones don't perish.

 A night is never enough to tell stories. By tomorrow morning, Shibi would have said goodbye to two sons.

[petersasteria]

Still Into You - Haz Osterfield

Pairing: Haz x Singer!Reader

Requested? No.

* * * * 

Love. What really is love? Was it real? Scientists said it was a chemical reaction; it's all in the brain and the rest of our body just reacts to it. If so, is love fake? We all don't know; we all aren't sure. Anybody who has loved somebody has loved differently. Therefore, we all don't know what we're talking about, because we all have different experiences.

Love is complicated. Some people say that love wasn't supposed to hurt. If we get hurt, it wasn't love. Others, however, fail to agree with that. They think that love was all about hurting. They claimed that if it hurt, it was love. Why? Because it was real. If they were right, do we need to get hurt first in order to feel love? Or do we just spend the rest of our lives hurting our hearts and messing our minds by being with the wrong people until we finally meet our so called true love?

Is love about giving? Or is love about receiving? Receiving love is great, but most people say that giving love is greater. How come? Who said it was supposed to be like that? Were there rules about love? If there were rules, who wrote them?

How can we tell when we're in love with someone? Does it just come to you out of the blue? Or do you know right away? Again, it's different for people. We can't ask for the exact answer, because answers vary from person to person. This leads to another set of questions: who are allowed to fall in love? And when are we allowed to fall in love?

People who are in love say that love knows no age; it doesn't matter. Our parents say that we're too young to love, because we still need a lot to learn. It's kind of confusing, because if love is a chemical reaction like what scientists said, aren't we all capable of feeling it despite our age? It's all in our body after all. According to experts, the brain pathways that control "reward" behavior are involved in attraction. There are all these things involved like dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

Another conflicting thing was the people who argue between "love waits" and "if you love them, why wait?". What are we supposed to follow? Do we even have to follow? If we have to follow them, who are we supposed to love? Are we supposed to love the one who was worth the wait? Or the one who's been there and you tell yourself that you'd settle with them, because eventually they're your endgame anyway?

If we don't wait, should we begin looking? People said that your best bet was to wait for the right time and the right person, but what happens when the person you've waited for was already taken by someone else? We've waited for nothing. If so, shall we wait some more? Is it wrong to look for love? If it wasn't wrong to look for love, then why aren't people looking?

There are so many things about love that we don't know about. However, there's something that everyone can agree on when it comes to love: live in the moment and have fun. Don't think about what'll happen tomorrow. Don't worry or you'll mess up your own head until the love you have will fade away and turn into worry and fear instead. No one wants that. Everyone wants their happy ending and for that to happen, we just have to go with the flow and like what they all say, "follow your heart".

Harrison knew nothing about love. After all, he was just thirteen when he met the girl of his dreams. They weren't friends. They weren't neighbors. They were just school mates; acquaintances. They saw each other at school and they had majority of their classes together and suddenly Harrison started to notice her.

It started really small, though. He noticed that every time it was extra windy, she'd quickly tie her hair up so that it wouldn't fly all over. He noticed that everywhere she went, she always had a notebook and a pen. He always saw her writing non-stop. It started to make him wonder what she was writing about.

Harrison's friends knew of his 'undying love' for the girl. They would constantly tease him and they would taunt him. Tom, his best friend, said that if he didn't ask her out, she'd be taken by someone else. Of course, the thought of her being with someone else scared him. So he did what every thirteen year old boy would do. He waited for her by her locker and awkwardly asked her out. At that time, she thought it was cute. After all, she was awkward herself. She said yes, of course. Harrison was the first and only boy who asked her out and who was she to say no?

Their first date was awkward. It was chaperoned. They went to the mall on their first date and their parents were within their vicinity so that they can keep an eye on them. After all, they were too young to go out on their own anyway. At least they knew their kids were safe. Harrison sneaked in a short and quick kiss on her cheek before she left. It was really wholesome.

Young love is nothing but pure bliss. It's the one that blossomed so young yet they stay unbothered and they lived in the moment. They didn't listen to the naysayers, because what's important was the fact that they loved each other and the fact that they knew they loved each other.

Jealousy started rolling in when they were sixteen. At that point, they've already been together for three years. Harrison loved her with everything in him. They were always together and it made Tom sick to his stomach.

"You're just jealous, because I have a girlfriend." Harrison smirked as he lovingly looked at Y/N. They were out of their weird puberty phase and now they looked different than who they were three years ago.

Tom rolled his eyes and just carried on with whatever he was doing. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but Tom genuinely thought that Y/N really was the one for him. Tom was happy that Harrison was happy.

Y/N started having doubts, though. All the girls in their year wanted to be with Harrison. It would cross her mind that maybe he'll leave her for some other girl. That thought crossed her mind often. After all, he could have chosen anyone yet he settled for her. Not chose, but settled. Those are two different things.

When you choose someone, you pick between options. When you settle for someone, there are no options, because you're sure that the person you're settling with will be with you through everything until the end. That's why it hurts when the person you've settled with leaves you for someone they chose.

"We've been together for three years! If you think I would hurt you, don't you think I would've done that earlier in the relationship??" Harrison huffed. "It's been three years. Why would you think that I'd hurt you now when I'm sure that you're the only one I want for the rest of my life?"

She shook her head and sighed, "Maybe your heart decided to stop beating for me and maybe your heart decided to beat for someone else."

"Well I'm telling you now that, that isn't true. My heart will always beat for you and my heart is yours, always. Please remember that." Harrison pleaded. She gave in, because she felt the sincerity and truth in it. Besides, she trusted Harrison.

Trust. Love is nothing without trust. A relationship is nothing if there's no trust. It's a big thing between couples and friends. It's like when Aladdin asked Jasmine if she trusted him. She said yes. In this situation, Y/N was Jasmine and Harrison was Aladdin. Their love was the magic carpet, because it went through twists and turns. Jasmine had never been on a magic carpet ride before and she trusted Aladdin to keep her safe on it. Y/N had never been in love before and she trusted Harrison despite the fact that he was still learning how to handle falling in love. It was just a leap of faith. Leap of faith doesn't work out without trust.

This trust led to them losing their virginity to each other at seventeen. They planned it out and everything fell into place.  Sure, it wasn't perfect, but it was their most intimate moment. In their eyes, that's what made it perfect. It was theirs and no one else's moment.

Y/N and Harrison were now twenty years old. Y/N was attending university with the degree of music while Harrison is off halfway across the globe with Tom. They've been together for seven years now. No one knew that they'd last this long except for the two of them, of course.

Both of their parents were delighted to know that their relationship was going strong despite the long distance. They made it work and their parents were happy that they pulled it off and succeeded. Y/N's parents absolutely love Harrison for her. Although they might be biased, because Harrison was the only boy Y/N ever loved and dated. They hoped he'd be the last.

Harrison's parents loved Y/N too. They loved her family as well. Sometimes, they'd get together just for lunch or dinner. They got along so well and Y/N and Harrison couldn't be happier. His parents know that she'd be the girl he'd end up marrying, especially Harrison's mum. She knew that no matter what happens, Harrison will marry her. It was a mother's instinct.

Mother's instinct. There's a saying that goes around "mother knows best". When we were younger we would stand by that. When we become teens, we call bullshit and at the end of the day, we knew they were right; we just didn't want to admit that. Then we become adults and we actually mature. We start bonding with our mothers and ask them for advice. If you're a teen reading this, you wouldn't know it right now, but that feeling is the best feeling ever.

Mothers know best, because well, there's no definite reason. They just do. That's what makes them amazing. Mothers and their children fight a lot, because the children know that their mothers are right; the children just hated to admit it and they'd think that at that time, their decision was right.

A mother's love is phenomenal, though. No matter how many fights you have with them or no matter what you do, they'll always love you. They'll love you for your best and they'll love you most during your worst. Only mothers can understand that kind of love and to be honest, they deserve to have a day dedicated to themselves.

Harrison's mother knew that he was having a difficult time abroad, because he was away from Y/N. To test her theory, she called him and asked how he was doing. It took only that question for him to breakdown. Don't get him wrong, Harrison loved what he was doing. He worked really hard, but it's difficult to work hard when your motivation isn't even with you.

The second Harrison broke down, his mother tried to console him as best as she could. Another thing about mothers is the fact that their heart breaks when they see their child in pain. They couldn't stand it especially when they couldn't do anything to fix it. Mothers feel their child's heartache and worry. That's why when their child cries, they cry too.

His mother tried her best to stop her tears, but they wouldn't. When Harrison calmed down, she told him that everything will be okay and that things will turn around soon.

And it did.

Y/N spent her two weeks off from university with Harrison in America. He was delighted and he thanked his mother for telling him that everything will be fine, because it gave him assurance.

Y/N and Harrison were now twenty-two years old and have been together for nine years. It amazed them how they lasted so long. Y/N graduated university, moved in with Harrison, and wanted a head start on her music career. She desperately wanted to be a singer and Harrison supported her for it. He loved hearing her voice. He claimed that her singing blessed his ears. He wanted her to sell albums and she wanted him to have hit movies. Despite wanting different things, they worked.

Two people in a relationship work out, because they assure each other many things to each other. They assure each other that they're never tired of seeing each other's faces. They assure each other that they still feel the love they have for the other like when they first started dating.

Y/N started a YouTube channel and decided that her first video would be a cover of 'Still Into You' by Paramore. She claimed that it was hers and Harrison's theme song. Everyone around them agreed, because it was like the song was written for them.

Some things just, some things just makes sense

And one of those is you and I

Some things just, some things just makes sense

And even after all this time

I'm into you

Baby, not a day goes by

That I'm not into you

Y/N sang beautifully and she hit the notes perfectly. Harrison swore to himself that he fell in love with her more than ever before.

Her cover of the song gained a lot of views and because a certain actor promoted it. She didn't want Tom to help her, but he couldn't help but post her cover on Twitter and Instagram. He genuinely loved it and so did his fans. Soon, they started becoming her fans as well. She posted two videos a week and a record company noticed her and signed her. She was officially a singer.

Harrison was the proudest of all. He couldn't believe that the girl he's been in love with since he was thirteen was now a singer and his long time girlfriend.

The calm before the storm. How can we know if a storm is coming up to ruin the calm? We couldn't. It becomes unexpected. In every calm, there's a storm formulating and waiting for the perfect time to strike. The calm can happen for a short time or it can happen for years before the storm hits and aggressively strikes. An example of this would be Peter Parker and his parents. The calm was the short years he spent with them and the storm was their death.

A relationship is like that. Love is the calm. These are the blissful moments that happen. The calm, love, was the soothing and cool feeling we get when the weather's perfect outside. Hurt is the storm. People would say that it's heartbreak, but along with heartbreak comes hurt. We feel hurt first. Heartbreak is just the second. After all, heartbreak is a type of hurt.

Hurt is the storm that ruins the calmness of love. It destroys it. The impact differs from one relationship to another. In others, hurt strikes quickly and aggressively. In the rest, hurt strikes agonizingly slow until it impacts greatly.

At twenty-three years old, our main protagonists have been together for ten years now and it kind of overwhelmed other people, because in those ten years, they've dated multiple people and haven't found the one. Meanwhile Harrison and Y/N have been together for a decade and they didn't show any plans on leaving each other.

They didn't show any plans on leaving each other, but the storm got in the way and destroyed the calm. Harrison's hurt got in the way of their love that led to both of their heartbreaks. Harrison wasn't asking for much. All he asked for was at least an hour or so to spend with his loving girlfriend of ten years. Being busy in the music industry to make a name for herself, Y/N slowly forgot about him.

She loved him more than she loved anything else in the world, but forgetting about plans was inevitable especially when one is busy. Harrison didn't mind; he understood.

But love is about balance; it's give and take. Harrison kept giving and Y/N kept taking. Harrison was doing his best to make their relationship work and it was unfair that Y/N wasn't doing her part.

"You're just so busy all the time and I understand; I always understand you. But will it hurt you to just spend some time with me?" Harrison cried. "Or at least spend five more minutes in bed with me?"

Y/N was hurt that she broke his heart. Y/N was heartbroken, because the man she loved was hurting.

"Haz, I'm sorry." Y/N said with tears streaming down her face. She didn't know what to do, because she never saw him cry so much. She just pulled him in a tight embrace as they cried together.

That was when they felt the impact. They didn't have to tell each other, because they already knew. It was time to let go.

Y/N knew that even if she made millions of promises to Harrison, things would go back to normal and she'd forget again. Harrison knew that if he kept up what he was doing, the more he'd cry himself to sleep at night.

Love wasn't supposed to be like that.

They pulled away from each other's embrace and looked at each other's eyes. They knew it would be the last time they'd look deep into each other's eyes.

Harrison's eyes held so much emotion that he bottled up over the past few months. His eyes were filled with sadness, hurt, and pain. But what surprised her was despite the sadness, hurt, and pain that were in his blue eyes, there was still love. Pure love that he had for her since the beginning.

Y/N's eyes held love and sadness. She was kind of happy that she was letting him go, though. She knew that he cried himself to sleep at night whenever she missed dates, cancelled plans, or forgot altogether. She was kind of happy that he wouldn't get hurt by another date she'd cancel.

Just by the sad look they gave each other, they knew it was over. Harrison gulped and wiped away his tears, "I love you, okay? I don't think I'll ever stop. I love you. Please don't ever forget that."

Y/N sadly smiled and nodded slightly, "I love you. I don't think I'll ever stop too. You're the only one I loved, after all."

Harrison nodded and grabbed his phone and car keys, "I'll ask Tom to get my stuff. You should stay here."

"But we bought it together after I graduated." Y/N frowned.

"Yeah, but your studio is here and if you moved out, it'll be hard to move those too. I'll stay with Tom, it's alright." Harrison gave her a small smile before leaving.

Neither of them wanted to say goodbye, because they knew it would be real. Part of them knew it was over, but a huge part of them didn't want it to be real.

As soon as Harrison left, Y/N went up to the room they once shared and cried. She even wore his hoodie as she slept. On the other hand, Harrison wasn't doing any better. Tom did his best to console his best friend, but he didn't know how. After all, the couple that made Tom believe in love in the first place, was officially over and he was the first to know. The couple that inspired Tom to look for love, now strayed from the path going to forever. It made him sad.

Love. Love has different meanings and perceptions depending on who you'll ask. Love is real, because we wouldn't feel it if it wasn't. Even if bitter people argue that it doesn't exist and say that it's just a chemical reaction, it still exists judging by the fact that it is a chemical reaction happening in our bodies.

Love. We always talk about what love really is and what love should really be, but we don't talk about what happens when we get heartbroken.

Love is fickle. We all believe that love is beautiful and fun, but when we're in love we get cautious. If we knew that we'd be hurt, why do we keep loving?

Out of the many questions about love, there's an answer on why we keep loving despite knowing we'll get hurt. We keep loving, because we can't not love. We were made to love each other and we should. No matter what we say in person or online; no matter how we act; no matter how high we build up our walls, we still end up loving, because it's beautifully terrifying. It is and it always will be.

* * * *

Part 2 coming soon x

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland @silencetheslaves @peachmaybnx @imeanlifesabitshit @joyleenl @marshxx​ @hjoficrecs

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐳 𝐎𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟

[raven-of-domain-kwaad]

Fine, I give up

Fictober #4 (Am I a day late? Yep. But I didn’t plan on keeping a real schedule anyway. Just wanted to try and write)

1 ABY. Kalarra, the head of the surviving Kine-Rist family recovers some family secrets and puts up with a frustrating companion.

-

Kalarra Kine-Rist was not in a good mood. Admittedly, she had not been in a truly good mood for about a year, not since the destruction of her homeworld.

It was odd, thinking of Alderaan as her homeworld. She had never exactly cared about the planet itself. Her family had used it as a safe haven to escape the Republic and Jedi extermination of her people. It was never meant to be anything more than that. And yet somehow Alderaan had become important to her.

Maybe it was the shock of feeling most of her family die through the force. Maybe it was the anger at learning that those responsible had taken the name of her people for themselves. Maybe she was just human and had come to care for the place that her family had lived for three thousand years.

“So, you going to share your plan with me then or what?”

And maybe none of that mattered when she had a damned ex-jedi assigned to accompany her. Damn Alliance Intelligence and damn that prick in charge, Vernan. She had given them incredible amounts of accurate and actionable intelligence over the past year. Yet they still didn’t trust her. Or they didn’t trust her enough to not send a babysitter to watch over her.

She supposed they had their reasons. And it wasn’t as if she actually cared about restoring their precious Republic. All she wanted was to ensure that these Sith pretenders, Vader and Sidious, were destroyed along with the Empire they had built. 

“Hey, you listening?”

Gent, she doubted very much that was his actual name, waved a hand in front of her face. Kalarra ignored it and kept walking. 

“Fine, I give up,” he grumbled. “Far be it from me to wonder how the hell you plan on getting a Clan of Mandalorians to work with us.”

Kalarra rolled her eyes. If only this poor foolish jedi knew the truth. “They won’t be working with ‘us’ they’ll be working with me. That’s non-negotiable. If Intelligence or High Command has a problem with that then they can forget about getting their support.”

“And why would they want to work for some Alderaanian noble?” Gent asked incredulously. “No offense but you aren’t really the kind of person a Mandalorian would respect.”

She wanted to laugh at that. No, most Mandalorians wouldn’t respect her. But then most didn’t know just how deadly the Kine-Rists really were. “My family had a history before we settled on Alderaan, Gent.”

“About three thousand years worth of history in fact.”

Kalarra did laugh as the new voice made Gent jump and reach for his blaster. “Relax, hero. This is who we’re here to meet.”

A Mandalorian in black and crimson armor stepped out from the shadows and despite being helmeted, it was clear she was smiling. Completely ignoring Gent, she embraced Kalarra. “ Zhol uud tukodi kian letas.” Her voice then grew soft as she pulled back and placed a hand on Kalarra’s shoulder. “Nu sua liudnas lig Alderaan... ir tave jidai.”

Kalarra snorted and glanced back at Gent. “Nu sua liudnas lig tave jidai kian.”

With a hand still resting on top of his blaster, Gent scowled. “That’s not Mando’a.”

“No, it is not,” the Mandalorian confirmed in basic but didn’t say more to him. “Come. We found it.” She then turned on her heel and walked off.

“Really?” Kalarra couldn’t keep a faint tremor from her voice as she walked with the Mandalorian. She had seen images of The Graveyard. It was hard to believe that anything could have survived the Death Star’s attack.

The Mandalorian nodded gravely. “I was surprised myself but...” she shrugged. “Tsis alchemija kash midwanas.”

Kalarra nodded in response. Yes, Sith alchemy was powerful.

The trio made their way to a private hangerbay where several other Mandalorians, also in black and crimson armor, were waiting. Many raised their hands in greeting to Kalarra but all ignored Gent.

“Tym kash delsus," the lead Mandalorian muttered to Kalarra who laughed.

She took another look at Gent and could see the gears in his head turning. He had obviously recognized the cognate "jidai" but many languages didn't have their own word for jedi. He might have recognized "tsis" but from what Kalarra knew, very few jedi had bothered to learn the Sith language before they had been wiped out. Well, he would be learning the truth one way or another soon enough.

Walking into the mandalorian ship's cargo hold, Kalarra couldn't help but gasp. There it was. Her family's vault, incredibly still intact. Even the family crest was still clearly etched into the front. She supposed that no matter what technological terrors the galaxy created, the force really did render them insignificant.

Her hand raised and after a moment of hesitation, she pressed it against the dark metal. If she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend it was still secure in the Juran Mountain estate. She could still feel the faint imprints of all those family members that had touched it before her.

A cough from behind her brought Kalarra back to the present.

"Mind telling me just what the hell is going on here, agent?" Gent's voice was cold and his hand was still resting on his blaster.

The Mandalorian shook her helmeted head in disappointment. "He really is slow, this one. I thought Jedi were cleverer than this."

Gent's eyes flashed and he pulled his blaster from its holster but kept it pointed downwards. "Alright, start talking. What's going on? This obviously isn't recruitment for the Alliance."

Kalarra sighed and raised a hand to keep her distant cousin from killing the former jedi. "Well you're wrong about that. This is a recruitment run. Clan Kine has agreed to help with Alliance operations against the Empire. As for what's going on... well it might be easier to just show you."

Turning back to the vault, Kalarra closed her eyes and reached out with the Force. She could feel the old familiar mechanisms within the vault and gently nudged them into motion.

While nothing seemed to happen on the outside, within the vault a series of complex locks were carefully being moved into position. 

Kalarra, frowned in concentration. The vault was designed to only be opened by a force user. But it was not just a simple switch that any force user could flip. It was a puzzle. Move one piece too much or too little and you would find the door remained stubbornly locked. Fortunately, she had learned the solution to the puzzle before... well before things went wrong.

A small hiss indicated that the vault was now unlocked. 

Opening her eyes, Kalarra resisted the urge to throw open the door and check on the vault’s contents but she resisted the urge and instead turned to Gent whose eyes had gone wide.

"You're force sensitive."

Kalarra nodded.

"Not Jedi."

The Mandalorian snorted but didn't say more.

Again, Kalarra nodded.

"Not Nightsisters. You aren't Kel Dor, so not the Baran Do. Not the Jal Shey... no..."

A small smirk appeared on Kalarra's face as she watched the former Jedi put it together. She always wondered how the Jedi might react to learning that Sith still existed in the galaxy.

For the first time in years, fear gripped Gent’s heart and he took a small step back. Wide eyes flicked from the Mandalorian to Kalarra, only now noticing that the crest on the vault was the same crest that was etched on the Mandalorian's armor. "That's not possible. The Sith are extinct. The Jedi killed them all."

Kalarra's eyes flashed briefly with rage but she forced herself to remain calm. "You certainly tried,” she replied icily. “But you missed a family. And that family has been living in your Republic for the last three thousand years. Now it’s up to you to decide what you’ll do with that information.”

-

Was lazy and used this Sith language translator. But here are the translations anyway.

“Zhol uud tukodi kian letas” - It has been too long

“Nu sua liudnas lig Alderaan... ir tave jidai” - I am sorry about Alderaan... and the jedi

“Nu sua liudnas lig tave jidai kian” - I am sorry about the jedi too

“Tsis alchemija kash midwanas” - Sith alchemy is strong

“Tym kash delsus” - He is slow

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Scheming (with Sandwiches) (5/3/2021)

Alastor talks to Valera @autokrates about her visit from Ruler Of Hell King Alastor @akillingspreeinwhite—and more importantly, what to do about him if he decides he wants to start conquering other Hells.

Alastor's plan: an alliance between as many potentially threatened dimensions as possible.

Alastor

Lunch time! Hello Valera guess who it is, it's Alastor. "I hope you don't mind, I thought it might be nice to have lunch together today! Sandwich?" The sandwich is an innocent gift of friendship with no ulterior motives! And also it's a bribe.

Valera

Lunch time! A great time, usually. A chance to gossip with coworkers AND eat. And look who's here, it's Alastor, with a very innocent sandwich! "Mind? Not at all, by all means my dear, it's a pleasure."

She does TRY to take a bite from the sandwich, but before she can even sink her teeth into it her whole face twists and she has to put it aside to flop her head down and groan. Don't mind her clutching her stomach, this is normal. "Eelizzy is *rioting* back home, oh my *gods*. Feels like I swallowed a radio full of hornets."

Alastor

"Oh, don't you hate that? When you're trying to pick up a station on the radio and there's so much interference all you hear is *buzzing*?" He's proud of himself for that joke. He shouldn't be. "Try this, see if it calms her down any." He sends over a song. <https://youtu.be/2t4iBbfwBLw>

Valera

She'd glare at him for that joke, but she's too busy making her poor floppy at-home body cooperate long enough to open a link. "Louisiana Lullaby? Well by name alone it promises results. She loved New Orleans."

A minute passes, and she slowly sits upright. The sandwich is cautiously picked up, and she nibbles at the crust as she raises both eyebrows at Alastor. She can guess what he really wants to know. "Incredible, even from a distance you're better at wrangling a kid than your more... *royal* alternate." That's an opening if she's ever given one, here you go Alastor.

Alastor

His smile widens. The exact topic he wanted to talk about! "I take it his visit was rather... stomach-turning?"

Valera

She glances around, making sure they're far enough away from any coworkers, then leans in with gossiping intent. "Putting it *mildly*. He's very tall, he's very self assured, and he's got the worst vibes I've ever felt roll off of a man. Like dunking my face in used cooking oil. And get this. The second he stepped into my house, Eelizzy started thrashing like a harpooned whale. She's never reacted so violently to *anything*."

Alastor

A slow nod. "That's never a good sign. I trust the judgment of the as yet unborn, they tend to be less prejudiced. And I take it you don't think it was a mere reaction to his power level?"

Valera

Her head cocks to the right, nose scrunching in thought. "He gave me one of Lucifer's flight feathers, so I assume she felt some of that power too. But I put the thing away and she still spent the entire visit either flailing or spitting static at him every time he got too close."

The hand not holding the sandwich brushes her barbels back, rubbing her forehead. "I suppose it's possible that his energy was simply so foreign she reacted strongly, but I live with *Leal*. She's been around for everything from eldritch magic to his full demonic form and barely even stirred. When she met Alexa? Happily buzzing at him barely a minute in. You saw how well she took to you, too. She's met dragons, gods, demons, sinners, and not a single one had her that pissed. Even Seapup was growling at him and Seapup loves *everyone*."

Alastor

"If she doesn't even react to *gods* like that, I'm going to assume it's the quality rather than the quantity." He sighs. "Well, *that's* telling, isn't it! I'm not sure *what* it's telling us yet—but I don't think I'm going to like the answer, do you?"

Valera

She snorts. "No. No I do *not*. He got to my planet unaided, Alastor. Got into my house without me giving any sort of direction. He knew the planet's name before I ever told him. And I want to chalk that up to just him reading my blog, but... I know he's followed me and Leal around without either of us being able to sense him."

Alastor

Alastor nods. "He mentioned that to me too, your 'being followed' adventure. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the king's done it more than once. Or, considering how strong he has to be to have seized the throne, he might have additional methods of sussing out information. All of which are probably bad news."

Valera

This poor sandwich is never going to get eaten at this rate, there she goes putting it down again. "No kidding. He's been the pinnacle of manners and social grace for now, but.." A shrug, and she offers Alastor a wan smile. "I don't trust that to last. He's an outlier to the already unpredictable Alastor model."

Alastor

"No, I don't trust it either." His voice lowers—not his usual trick of changing his tone of voice to pretend he's being quieter, but an actual lowering of volume. "Here's the thing. I don't trust a single one of my alternates that's joined in the overlord rat race—much less has made king. A propensity toward boredom like mine should *never* be married to earnest political ambitions. When he gets bored, he's going to do what he's always done: conquer. And if there's no more room for him to move *upward,* he'll start moving *outward.* And wouldn't you know it, he's *just* found the multiverse."

Valera

"Exactly." She exhales almost too forcefully for it to be a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. What a headache this was turning out to be. "I *really* don't want to test my mettle against even a normal Alastor alt, the idea of *that* man being able to show up in my house on a whim and start trying to play at the All American Dream of Conquering the Alien Menace is... Not good." An absent minded rubbing of her stomach, self soothing and comforting an egg that was universes away. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I am, on some level, absolutely terrified."

Alastor

"You're not alone," Alastor admits. "Not to downplay your very realistic 'heroic human conquering the savage alien world' fears, but if human history has proven anything, it's that we tend to try conquering our neighbors first and only travel farther after we either succeed or decide it's more trouble than it's worth. And neighbors don't get much closer than a parallel copy of the same place."

Valera

"Oh dear." Grimacing, she lifts a hand like she's about to offer comfort, letting it hover for a moment before slowly putting it back down. No, don't do for the shoulder pat just yet. "I don't like that one bit, Alastor. But for what it's worth, if it came down to it, I'd try to help you."

Alastor

"That is *exactly* what I wanted to discuss." Alastor's eyes glow brighter. "Now, any version of me that's conquered Hell is going to be stronger than any version of me that hasn't, that's practically a given. He could beat any *one* of us hands down. I haven't seen *you* at full power, but frankly that's a boxing match I wouldn't want to bet money on for either side. But—*but*—if enough of us have agreed we'll fight him if he stepped out of line... The more of us agree to fight in defense of each other's dimensions, the better a chance we'll collectively stand. Leclerq and I have already agreed to offer each other mutual support. With three of us, we might have the start of a proper defense."

Valera

She folds her hands, listening as Alastor lays out his plan. Strength in numbers, it was an effective strategy. She could think of a few others who would gladly throw their hats in the ring in the name of keeping the line as well, Alastor or otherwise. "Alright. I'll add myself to that list, and pray we never need it."

Alastor

He laughs wryly. "And I'll be praying for backup in case we *do* need it. Apparently upstairs doesn't care about who's calling the shots in Hell, if they didn't intervene before my alternate could take the crown; but maybe they'll start to care if multiple Hells start uniting in one empire."

Valera

She snorts despite herself, shaking her head. "I hope so! Wouldn't that be something, heaven and hell uniting forces against one common enemy! I just hope we never have to see it."

Alastor

"So do I." He takes a deep breath. "So! Anything else of interest to report from his little visit? You mentioned *you* didn't like his... 'vibes'?"

Valera

"Oh! Yeah. Holy shit." A WELCOME subject change. "He's freaky. And I don't like that I know even one of his kinks. I want to know zero of them." She shrugs and picks her sandwich back up. At last, something she can eat while discussing. "As far as his visit though. He gave me one of Lucifer's flight feathers. Which I _immediately_ handed off to mon cerf."

Alastor

"He certainly has poor taste in kinks." He says this like his ace ass is some sort of elitist kink connoisseur. Like a wine snob judging a broke-ass college kid for drinking box wine. "But is that the *only* sense you meant he's freaky in, or...? Granted, handing an acquaintance a souvenir harvested from the body of one's vanquished nemesis is a hell of an opening statement all by itself, but."

Valera

"I wish." Look at that face scrunch. It won't keep her from taking a bite out of her sandwich, but still. "No, I mean his very presence was like trying to breathe oil. He's.." She frowns, brow furrowing as she tries to think of a less melodramatic way to put it. "He's nice, but in the way people are nice to a pet."

Alastor

A huff. "I got a little bit of that impression from talking to him. Granted, Radio Demons are a naturally condescending lot, but even at that..." He searches for the right words. "He strikes me as the kind of person incapable of seeing anyone as his equal. Even his own alternates."

Valera

She nods. "Yes, I think you're right. We're entertainment more than we are people. Perhaps _especially_ his alternates, come to think of it.." Judging by the way he'd treated his alts on dash..

Alastor

"Could be worse—could be outright loathing—but I'm wary around any alternate who can't even see *himself* as a kindred spirit. I'm hoping I can take advantage of it, though. I've got an open invitation to visit his dimension sometime to provide entertainment—a few Hamilton songs from me in exchange for a tour. I plan on scouting the place out then."

Valera

"Oh yeah! You do, don't you! You should try and see what happened to the other overlords in his Hell. Assuming he didn't kill them as soon as they manifested, I've wondered whats become of them."

Alastor

"So have I. I have to think overlords still exist—what does it matter to a king if the peasants claim ownership of a block or two?—but whether any of them are the same overlords *we* know..." He grimaces. "He said he took power in the fifties, didn't he? If we're assuming a worst case scenario where he executed all the overlords who currently existed, that includes Sir Pentious and Rosie. Maybe Rosie was minor enough to be spared, if anyone was spared at all; but someone else with ambitions for the throne..."

Valera

She scowls, shoving the rest of the sandwich in her mouth to keep from saying anything before she can think it over. He was right, and the thought was.. Deeply uncomfortable. A hard swallow, and she starts brushing the crumbs off her chest. "We're set to have lunch together tomorrow, *out* of my house." She doesn't sound especially *happy* about the arrangement, but oh well. "If I learn anything new, I'll let you know. Between the two of us, we should hopefully be able to get a feel for what situation we're dealing with. Odds are his Pentious was exterminated."

A blink, and she squints. "Actually, he said something to Theodore today. His Hell has had some *significant* technological advancements since he took the throne, he was very proud of that fact. All radio based, obviously, but he doesn't strike me as an inventor."

Alastor

"*Our* Hell's had significant technological advancements since the fifties, too," Alastor pointed out. "He could be collecting newly-dead inventors and pressing them to turn their expertise toward radio-based applications. Or, hell—it could simply be that having V#x out of the way means the technological developments in Hell naturally drifted a different way."

He gives Valera a tired, wan smile. "I'd *like* to imagine that Sir Pentious is happily toiling away as the royal inventor, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't think the majority would be happy with that."

Valera

"Mm, I'm being too optimistic. And he would hate it, so maybe it's for the better that he's probably been exterminated." She sighs. "I don't know if we manage to find trouble, Alastor, or trouble manages to find us. Either way, what a pain. Any other questions before we drag ourselves back to the dreadful chore of watching Hamilton get shot on stage over and over?"

Alastor

"Just one." He nods toward the stage. "Do you think it's been long enough since the last time I got in trouble that I can start singing 'he's never gon' be president now' when the bullet connects?"

Valera

Now that is a very serious question that must be considered.... Hrm... "Yes, but barely. I think the director would throw his clipboard at you, but not much beyond that. He's on his sixth coffee of the day, so the odds of dodging are in your favor."

Alastor

"Maybe he'll forgive me out of pity if I let it connect." He stands, picks up his own sandwich—yeah, he's had a sandwich this whole time—and devours it in five huge bites. "Shall we?"

Valera

For some reason, she's tempted to clap at that display. But no time for more banter, it's back to work. "We shall."

Alastor

Back to work. Time to watch Hamilton get shot again.

Valera

~~Boooooo give us a twist ending next time, add some leopards eating people's faces~~

Alastor

~~Hamilton is the leopard and he tries to eat Alastor's face for singing in the middle of his dramatic death~~

[maluminspace]

Genre: Angst/Vampire

Pairings: Luke/Hemmings Reader (kind of)

Word Count: 2.8k

Written for: 5sos fic event

Prompt: “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.”

Event Masterlist

Trigger warnings: Strong language, references to vampirism and death, fighting, violence, blood, kidnapping

A/N: I was only gonna write one fic for this event but I saw that this au was left on our list and I got this idea for it. Thank you to @mermaidcashton for helping me with the plot and @h0tsos for hyping me up for it. I hope you all enjoy it. I’m fully aware that I’m an evil bitch for leaving this in the place I decided to end it. If you enjoy it, though, I might do a sequel...

***

It’d finally stopped raining; at least you had one thing to be thankful for tonight. The constant barrage of storms sweeping over the city from the nearby coast had made your already difficult job even harder over the past few nights. It was a relief, to say the least, that you were able walk the streets more freely, without your vision being compromised by an unyielding sheet of rain. 

Unfortunately, the newly clear skies not only made your work a little easier - it also helped out your enemies. Not that the rain had ever stopped them from hunting, of course. They were like feral cats, stalking their prey and striking them down with ease regardless of the weather. The lack of rain meant that more people were out tonight, though, meaning that the group you’ve been following will no doubt find it much easier to find and corner their perceived foes.

You know that it won’t be long until they arrive. You’ve been studying them for weeks now; you know their style and their preferred hunting grounds. This particular alleyway behind a row of busy bars on Main Street was always on their hit list, particularly on weekends. It always plays host to every vampire’s favourite kind of prey; drunken youngsters, homeless people and hookers. 

Taking your place beneath the rusting old fire escape of a tiny Chinese takeaway restaurant, you position yourself in the best spot to clearly see as much of the street and the alleyway as possible. 

Life goes on around you as you wait. Dozens of people bustle by mere feet from you, unaware of your presence. Loud music and drunken laughter fill the air above the busy street and you simply build up a wall in your mind, trying to focus on the job at hand.

Just as you expected, your wait doesn’t last long at all. It can’t have been more than a half hour since you took your little hiding spot, when Luke Hemmings and his cronies turn the corner onto Main Street. 

They blend in well, of course. Years of practice has taught them how to hide perfectly in plain sight. They could be any old group of friends, just four young men making their way home or to the next bar. They receive little to no attention from the crowds in the street, save for the odd person that stares at them lustfully before whispering to their friends about how good looking they are. 

Luke and the others pay no attention to anyone or anything around them. All four of them appear calm and focused, just like they always do. 

Despite the fact that they’re the enemy, you can’t help but be a little impressed. They certainly make for intriguing subjects. Luke is tall, effortlessly radiating a sense of importance. His dress sense undoubtedly helps give strength to that nameless confidence. From the shaggy, caramel coloured curls atop his head, all the way down to his shiny black boots, every inch of his 6ft2inch frame screamed fashion. That was perfect for city living, of course. He looked like any other 20 something trying to make his way in life and have as much fun as possible as he does so. You can’t help but watch him for a moment. The way he curls his lip slightly in response to some random drunk getting too close to him, reveals a flash of his gleaming teeth. As much as you hate yourself for it, you allow your eyes to drift over the spot where his designer silk shirt hangs low, exposing a little of his chest. His tight leather trousers draw your eye, too. How could you not admire the way that they hug his legs and hips as though they were made for him specifically.

His three comrades are arguably a little less striking. All of them had an individual identity that they wore clearly for the world to see, yet they were always overshadowed by Luke’s powerful aura.

You watch carefully as the group weaves their way past the various gaggles of tipsy friends until they reach the alleyway you've been waiting for them in.

Not surprisingly, they remain oblivious to your presence. You’ve had a lot of practice at this; you know how to do your job. 

As the group move deeper into the alley, you venture out of your hiding place ensuring that you keep a solid distance between yourself and Luke’s little group, as you follow them carefully.

Despite the fact that two of Luke’s group appear physically stronger than him, the leader’s confidence and his unrivalled air of authority would leave no one in any doubt of who’s in charge. 

Over the past few weeks you’ve learnt a lot about this little group. The ones they call Calum Hood and Ashton Irwin, the strong ones act as Luke’s muscle. Their strength is supported by their quick reflexes and you know they’ll be incredibly tough opponents when the time finally comes to fight them.

The fourth of the group, Michael Clifford, is probably the weakest link. He doesn’t quite have the skill set of the other three, but he still plays an important role. They often use him as bait, as his unthreatening appearance makes it almost impossible for anyone to believe he’s anything but an average man. You’d seen him in action many times now, luring unsuspecting victims into quiet corners before they’re ambushed by the rest of his group. 

This group is definitely your biggest challenge yet, but you’re in no doubt that you can take them down. You know how they work, now. You’ve studied them for weeks and you’re sure that your own power and skill set is no match for them. The key is to pick them off one by one. 

As you follow them deeper into the alleyway, you pay careful attention to the way they communicate with each other using silent hand gestures and facial expressions instead of words like they usually do. Something’s off about them tonight. It’s possible that they’re just trying to lay low but it’s more likely a reaction to something. Perhaps they feel threatened? 

Your suspicions are confirmed when the group pass the open back door of a bar. They’re briefly illuminated by the fluorescent light from the kitchen. Michael’s the dead giveaway. His face is set into a defiant expression but it does little to hide the nervous energy radiating from him or the fear in his eyes. 

For a moment, you’re confused. You know everything that’s happened with this group for the last two months. Studying them as closely as you have, means that there’s very little about them you’re not familiar with. This is unexpected, though. They have seemingly no reason to feel threatened. Why should they? 

As they disappear on the other side of the open doorway, heading into a narrower part of the alleyway, you carefully skirt around the pool of light flooding from the bar. In their heightened state of awareness, you know that the group will react to the slightest sound or glimpse of anything they’re not expecting.

When you return to a darker part of the alley, you stay close to the tall buildings, allowing their shadows to keep you hidden as your eyes adjust to the deeper blackness. Just before you’re ready to continue your task, it suddenly strikes you that the alleyway has fallen silent. You can still hear the faint clattering from the bar’s kitchen just behind you, but Luke’s heavy booted footsteps have stopped. 

Of course. It all makes sense now. Their heightened state of awareness, their apparently unexplained fear… They’ve realised you’re following them.

“You’re not as stealthy as you think you are, y’know.” 

The voice drifting from the shadows is undoubtedly Calum’s. He sounds calm, there’s no trace of nerves or fear in his steady tone, just as you’d expect of him. 

“We’re curious, though.” Luke added, stepping out from behind the dumpster he’d been lurking next to. “Do you have a sinister purpose for following us? Or are you just a big fan?” 

Once again, you can’t help but be impressed by him. Despite his deep, ocean blue eyes and lanky limbs, Hemmings radiates power and a certain formidable quality. Of course, that may just be because you know what he is, perhaps all the others he hunts don’t feel it. 

His cronies giggle at his lame joke but you pay no attention to them. You can easily dispatch all of three of them right here, right now, if it came to it. They might be strong, but you’re stronger.

“Ah, that big ego of yours will be your undoing, Hemmings.” You smirk, focusing on him but ensuring that the rest of his group stay in your peripheral vision. 

He steps a little closer to you, a show of confidence but you can almost smell his nerves and the adrenaline pumping through him. His lightly stubbled jaw is firmly set and his eyes are solely focused on yours. “So you are a big fan of me.” He taunts, “I thought so. I’ve met others like you. Some of them whisper my name before I kill them. I wonder if you’ll be one of them?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, darling.” You smile, tilting your head to one side as you continue to search his eyes for any sign of weakness. “I’d never give you the satisfaction of using your forgettable name as my final word.”

If Luke feels any fear at all as you step closer to him, he doesn’t show it. “Tell that to your countless little friends.” He counters easily, he doesn’t even flinch as you crowd into his personal space. The rest of his group adopt their fighting stances but they don’t move in on you yet.

A cold laugh escapes you as you tear your eyes away from Luke’s in order to spare the other three a quick glance. “You’re too predictable.” You shrug, returning your full attention to the leader. “I’ve studied you for a while now, I know everything there is to know about all four of you. Your chances of getting past me are next to none.”

Lifting a hand, you signal for your backup team to show themselves. You’re glad that you trusted your intuition and hid some of your various ‘friends’ in strategic places. You were confident enough that you could fight these four alone, but it didn’t hurt to even out the numbers. 

Just as you’d expect, Michael, Calum and Ashton close rank, they’re stronger when they fight as one unit and they know it. The key is to split them up, something you’ve given your team clear instructions to do.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll surrender. It’ll be quicker then… Believe me you don’t want to drag this out.”

Luke keeps his steady demeanour, his gaze never faltering. “Well, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I almost never do.” He utters quietly. “But if you’ve been watching me for as long as you say you have, you’ll know that, right?”

He’s playing with you, downplaying his strategy to give you a false sense of security. You’ve seen him do it before so it won’t fool you. 

A slight nod of your head gives your team the go-ahead to start wearing down the companions. 

Luke trusts his group, though. He knows that they have the capability to hold off your allies whilst he deals with you. 

The sounds of the fray fills the small passage, snarls and growls get louder as the humans pull out their weapons. 

It all feels like nothing more than background noise, though. All that truly matters in this moment is Luke. He’s absolutely the most formidable foe you’ve ever come up against and he fascinates you beyond all reasoning.  “I’ve fought too many like you over the years.” You whisper in his ear, hoping that your lack of fear unnerves him.

“Do you know how many of your ‘friends’ have tried that line on me?” Luke scoffs. “None of my predecessors had my ability, my knowledge and my utter rage towards your kind. I’m also the first to admit that this is more of a team sport.”

Another laugh slips from your lips. “You’re not the first to bring your friends along for the ride, darling.” You assure him. “You won’t be the first to cry over their deaths, either.”

That’s it… The tiny sign of weakness you’ve been waiting to see makes a brief appearance as he’s forced to envisage the demise of his little buddies. It’s a fleeting glimmer of fear of sadness but it’s all you need to finalise your plan of action. 

It’s clear from the depleting number of your allies around you, that Luke’s group is winning the fight. That’s of no consequence now, though. Your movements are too fast even for Luke’s incredible reflexes. You step behind him, your strong arms wrapping him in a vice-like grip. You allow your lips to get just close enough to his neck to graze over the pale skin. “You all think you’re the best until you’re in my grasp. You’ll be begging for your own life, long before I feel the need to beg for mine, slayer.” You resist the urge to show your fangs, knowing that even if you managed to kill Luke here and now, your cursed bloodlust would leave you momentarily vulnerable enough for his friends to stake you. It was a risk you weren’t willing to take, you needed to trust in your new plan.

Summoning all of your strength you throw Luke to the ground, delighting in the sickening crack of his head against the damp pavement. He doesn’t stay down for long, though. You notice him stagger to his feet as you grab one of your fellow vampires and whisper your plan of action into his ear. He responds with an evil smirk and immediately sets about following your orders.

It takes just a few seconds for that one minion to spread the word amongst the other vampires and it seems to light a fire in them all as they fight with a renewed vigour.

Your plan comes together quickly after that. The group of slayers get divided fairly easily. They become scattered along the alleyway, each fighting their own mini battles as you survey the situation. You have a final choice to make and it’s important that it’s done swiftly and smoothly. 

Luke staggers over to his nearest friend, Ashton. They’re a powerful unit when they fight together  but the vampires surrounding them take their entire concentration and focus. 

Calum is fighting a pair of your quickest vampires with an expression that almost resembles enjoyment. He’s the one that feeds off the thrill of a battle the most. When he gets into a rhythm like the one he has now, there’s no stopping him.

That settles it then. You stay close to the wall of the nearest building, stalking through the dense shadows unnoticed. Luke will come looking for you in a moment, but you’ll be long gone with your hostage by then. 

Michael is weakening. His movements have slowed and every punch or kick he receives wears him down that little bit further. He’s an easy target. He’s so focused on trying to stake one of his attackers that he never even notices you sneak up behind him. It takes only one swift movement, a careful yank of his messy blonde locks to knock his head into the wall he’s standing next to. He’s unconscious in a matter of seconds and at your command,  the most muscular vampire in your brood heaves him over his shoulder, disappearing in the direction of your hidden lair before Luke and the other two even know what’s happened.

You take cover behind a dumpster a little further down the alley, waiting to see the terrified expression on Luke’s pretty little face when he realises his friend is gone.

Tag list: @catearscliffo @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @loveroflrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy​ @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @wildmichaelflower​ @wildfl0wer-meg​ @irwinkitten​ @cxddlyash​ @wildmalumflower​ @cashtonasff5sos​ @iovehemmings​ @lowpowermodex​ @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @celticclifford​ @5-secondsofcolor​ @queer-5sos​ @Secret-Diary-of-an-Aquarius @babylon-corgis​ @paradigmax​ @koalacal​ @treatallwithkindness​ @lovelybonesetc​ @morguleth​ @atlcalm​ @mantlereid​ @calumsmermaid​ @punkrockpreferences​ @mermaidcashton​ @mysticalhood​

[nightlight-stardust-and-rain]

I fucking NEED to write a Homestuck reincarnation AU with the ancestors. So I'll do it.

Tbh it'll be mostly our favorites hemoanarchist (gods do I love this word) ; The Signless, the Dolorosa, the Psiioniic and the Disciple. Because I love them, that's why. (let's say the Psiioniic died with the others bc if he's not dead he can't be reborn. He was still the helsman but for a shorter time)

So at first I was thinking "they could be reincarnated as Karkat, Sollux, Nepeta and Kanaya" but then I realized that there would be no Karkat, Nepeta, etc... And I love them. So nope nope nope. So I decided that they would be reborn six or seven sweeps before the beta trolls, with the same sign, same blood color and pre-scratch names. They're raised by the same lusus as their descendants. Now there's three ways to do it. 1) everyone remembers. 2) nobody remembers but they have feelings and dreams. 3) only one of them remember. The 3 would be interesting and sad ! Lots of angst. But as much as I love angst, I couldn't write it to save my life. I'm just overwhelmed by the "I want them to be happy". The 2 would be very interesting to write ! Slow burn and pining and also angst bc "why the fuck am I dreaming about my wrists burning ???". Also "I feel I loved you for so long but we literally just met ???". Nice. But sadly, I'll write the 1 ! Because I want to.

So. They're hatched like seven sweeps before their descendants. At first, they live their life quietly. Since Alternia is... Well, a whole planet, they never met when they were young (that would be too easy. They'll meet way later). They think they are alone :( cue angst. But their life isn't so bad. Kinda. Signless (and holy shit he has a lusus ! With his blood color ! He misses his mother but he's happy to have a lusus : he never had one before so) learns to shout loudly with Crabdad (lol) and doesn't go out much (bc you know mutant) but when he does everyone he mets is baffled bc he's super nice ?? He's like those people who smile at you on the streets and even if you know you'll never see him again you fell a little pale something. Half of his neighborhood got a little pale crush on him (he's totally oblivious because guess what ! He's still in love with Psii and Disciple). He studies psychology and other alien civilisations online bc he thinks it's interesting. That's all. He gives advices to people (he got a blog. He's pretty famous for his advice ! Both because he's wise and because his advices is always pacifist). He thinks he's in a other universe (again !) and then he discovers the story of the Signless (by sheer luck, since the story has been erased everywhere by the Condesce) and he's just baffled because wow, he's thousands of sweeps in the future ! Wow ! And also because "does that means that the Condesce is the same fucking Condesce that killed me/us ? WHEN WILL SHE DIE". The Psiioniic lives with his bipolar lusus (nothing new, he' s bipolar himself) and is the best hacker of all Alternia (come ON, of course he is !). Every goldblood knows him, there's a rumor (that nobody takes seriously) that he's the reincarnation of the Psiioniic ! (every time Psii hears this rumors he laughs so hard he cries. It's just so... So funny) he uses his skills for hacking more or less everything, subtly attacking the Condesce (nothing major he knows he can't win), fucking with highbloods (and if he specifically targets those cerulean that act like pirates, those indigo with bows, those violets orphaners, that's nobody's business) and search for the others three, because despite thinking he is alone, there's still a spark of hope (honestly, if we're being realist, he probably would have found them in one or two sweeps since he's really good. But that would be too easy ! So no). The Dolorosa is not in the caverns (and is thankful for that, because after a lifetime outside, she isn't ready to go back to this claustrophobic darkness where she would search and never find a hint of candy red). She does clothes. She's very good ans even does clothes for highbloods. She's both respected and feared. There are rumors about her, rumors of white light and stains of cobalt and violet blood on her lipstick. But those are only rumors, right ? It's strange for her to be this young, but it's also good. The Disciple lives in the forest, with her lusus. She's the best huntress ! Tbh she's a bit of a cryptid. People talking about the beast in the woods. Most olive bloods knows it's her ; she's not the first olive to live in the woods after all. She tries to find the remaining signlessists (is that how it's written ?) to 1) check if what they teach is really what Signless taught, because she knows how cults can be and 2) if they still have the right idea, maybe join them. Maybe not. She's not exactly a signlessist, after all.

Let's say it's a no game AU because I don't want them to die. Also, to be clear, I ship Psii/Signless/Disciple as in Psii/Signless + Disciple/Signless. I don't really ship Psii/Disciple, I see them as... Very good chaotic friends with blackflirting, could be pale or black or red but have this sort of "ewww" reaction about dating each other so no.

When they're seven sweeps, their lusus brings home a wiggler that looks exactly like them (everyone reacts differently : Disciple squeals because Nepeta is so cute ! Psiioniic look at Sollux like... What ? Is ? This ? Another Captor disaster ? In this house ? We're doomed. Dolorosa is surprised but well. She already raised a child, and this time her lusus will help. Signless is shocked. Really. He stays silent for hours and maybe cries a little. After a while they all figure out that they're their descendants - that leads to a "wait but if this is my descendant... Am I biologically my own descendant ??" confusion but eh). They're all very fucking surprised but well.

Nepeta grows up with her big Sister Meulin and their shared lusus. She never really understood that having a big sister was weird until she met Equius. After all, three of her friends also had siblings ! She loves her big sister ; Meulin is clever and nice and pretty and strong and she wants to be like her when she grows up ! But sometimes her big sister looks at the red blood of the beasts they kill with sad eyes, sometimes she draws a symbol Nepeta doesn't knows, she never kills bees, she has a lot of respect for the jades, and she hates being alone. Her sister hates loneliness more than anything. Sometimes, even with sopor her sister wakes up crying about people she doesn't knows. But her sister is the best of all. And when she tells Nepeta stories of love and equality, Nepeta listens, and understands.

Sollux grows up with his annoying big brother Mituna. They have this sibling rivalry (some trolls think it's blackflirting - ewww). His brother is the best hacker of Alternia and Sollux thinks he's very cool (even if he will never admit it). Sometimes his brother shakes his hands and legs for hours mumbling strange things (still moving still moving still alive not trapped not a helsman she's not here I'm not here) and touches the back of his neck, as if he expected something to be here. Some days his brother flinches just seeing pink. He spends days searching people online - Sollux thinks it's kinda stupid ; nobody has blood that red. His brother wears a necklace with a symbol that isn't his. He has three sharpies with three colors - Sollux expected yellow and blue and red but those are bright red and olive and jade. Sometimes he draws on his hands with those sharpies - always the same symbols. Sometimes he wakes up screaming and he talks in his sleep - about ships, about pink, about blue arrows and bright red blood and someone that was everything. Sollux doesn't really understands. His brother is sad half of the time, but it's okay, because Sollux isn't better. But he wouldn't have it any other way (he sure would like to do without the voices and the bipolarity and his brother's depression but we can't have everything)

Kanaya thinks her big sister Porrim is very wise. Maybe a bit too much for her age. Sometimes her sister seems very old. Porrim is beautiful ; the prettiest troll Kanaya has ever seen really, but there's a old sadness deep in her bones that's always here. Her big sister always hated the ocean. Most trolls feared it (because of the seadwellers) but her big sister hated it. She had an odd look on her face every time she saw a spider and never wore anything with blue or violet or pink. Her sister had a sad smile when she helped her to do her red skirt. Her sister is wonderful. Almost more like a mother to Kanaya than their actual mother. When Kanaya was little, she told Porrim so. Porrim laughed very hard and maybe cried a little, and Kanaya doesn't remember her answer (I have only one child, little sister, and it isn't you).

Karkat thinks his big brother Kankri was someone else, before he was his big brother. He sees many things on him that shouldn't be here. He sees his big brother rubbing his wrists sometimes, and flinches every time Karkat grabs them (Karkat does it because of that ; he wants his brother to know that he doesn't have to be afraid). His brother can't cook meat, because the scent of burned meat makes him gag and cry and rub his wrists harder. His brother never does anything to the little beehive on their house - he says he likes bees. His brother loves meowbeasts, like Karkat's olive friend. His brother believes in rainbow drinkers - it's strange. Rainbow drinkers doesn't exist after all ! When he was very little, Karkat thought that Kankri was a coward - he never fought anyone and was always talking about peace and equality and love ! Lame. But then when he was four sweeps he told his brother that he wanted to be a threshecutioner and Kankri suddenly looked very afraid. He explained him things ; about their blood, about the empress, about the culling, about equality. After that, Karkat decided that Kankri was cool in a very strange manner, and that peace and equality andd love wasn't that bad after all. Karkat thinks that his brother is one of those heroes we never talk about, and nobody remembers them because they did heroics things without hurting anyone or killing monsters. He thinks that being like his big brother would be nice. He knows he has anger problems, he tries to deal with it (it helps that he isn't the only one, with Sollux being bipolar and Nepeta being autistic). His brother helps him with his quadrant confusion, when he says he has a pale crush on Kanaya but he also has a crush on Nepeta and Sollux but it's like on all quadrants ! (yup I ship them all) his brothers laughs and tells him about his own history with his lovers and how they were everything to him without really being in a quadrant. It... Slightly help (Karkat still thinks his crushes are unrequited. Fool).

Those four little trolls grows up with their lusus and someone else, and it changes little things. Nepeta begins to write books of romance and adventure and she tells stories to those who wants to hear them. Sollux knows he can count on his friends and his brother ; he doesn't have to bear everything alone. Kanaya knows that if she doesn't wants to go to the caverns, her big sister will help her. She doesn't have to be an adult before really being one. Karkat is a pacifist and thinks his shouting skills are actually very useful to scold people (he isn't wrong). He wants to deal with conflicts without violence or blood spilled (especially not his !!!). He's working on his anger. It's hard, but he isn't alone. He told his closest friends about his blood color : Sollux Nepeta and Kanaya (he wanted to tell Gamzee as well but Gamzee can't keep a secret).

Honestly the reunion between the ancestors would be very emotional of course. Like at this point Karkat and Kanaya would totally be moirails and Sollux, Karkat and Nepeta would be dating (after a long chat about the quadrant thing they decided to say fuck the quadrant system). So they would like meet in person and their big brothers/sisters would go with them but like... Just to make sure they're alright you know (alternia is dangerous after all :/). And HERE'S the emotional reunion I guess. I won't write it, I don't know how to. But you see.

My main idea was a Reincarnation AU, then it became "Karkat, Sollux, Nepeta and Kanaya growing up with their ancestors but not as their ancestors and noticing strange things about their siblings". Hope you like it, because I sure do !

[stonefreeak]

Wheee! Another update is here! I hope y’all will continue to enjoy this fic as we move forward!

When the news breaks that the case against Mas Amedda and Former-Chancellor Palpatine for corruption charges will go to court breaks, it explodes across the holonet like a supernova.

The recent arrests and trials of Senators from all over the Republic, the arrests-in-absence of Senators formerly of the Republic and currently of the Separatists have been making headlines for weeks, but before now there has been nothing about Mas Amedda or Palpatine themselves.

If there had been nothing to substantiate the claims, the investigation would have ended now with no charges being brought forward against them. The investigation would only have caught these other people, and so far only sent other people to trial. So for this too to come a trial... Well, clearly that means that there is a case against them. There is evidence to be found.

The people start to wonder how far the corruption goes, how big a web it has woven, and how many of the already arrested and sentenced Senators have testimonies against Amedda and Palpatine.

News anchors argue and debate each other into exhaustion regarding what this means not just for Amedda and Palpatine themselves, but for the Republic and Senate at large. If the two who were the most powerful beings in the Republic are found guilty on corruption charges... Does that mean that the Separatist worlds who chose to try and leave the Republic in protest are right?

Or does it mean that someone, Count Dooku perhaps, saw an opportunity to gain power by playing on the corruption they saw in the Senate rather than work towards eliminating those issues from the inside?

~~~~

Obi-Wan doesn't have much time to spend watching the holonet, but what little he sees is enough to exhaust him. He's unsurprised, but he's also worried. He doesn't know what the investigation has found—as he shouldn't, per due process—but he knows the possible ramifications of a guilty verdict.

Yes, the Republic is under new leadership, certainly, but many, if not most, senators remain unchanged. How many of them were in Palpatine or Amedda's pockets? How will this affect the peace discussions and reintegration of returning separatist worlds?

How, exactly will the neutral systems—if there truly can be such a thing in a conflict like this—react? Will some of them finally take a stance beyond "we will not fight"?

He shakes his head and moves out of his chair, to sit down on the floor instead.

He moves into his most favoured meditation position, and tries to clear his mind. He'll need to work through his emotions and thoughts one by one, lest he gets overwhelmed.

He's needed more meditation than he's needed since childhood after his near-death experience. His connection to the force has been shaken, and he's been shaken. It takes him far more effort than usual to calm down.

Perhaps he'll speak to one of the Temple's mind healers when he gets the chance. It is usually a good thing to do after you've faced your death in such a stark way, he knows that.

Still. He's so busy. It feels almost wrong to take any sort of time off between all of his responsibilities.

Hah, no doubt Master Yoda would hit him in the shin if he heard that, and then give him a long-winded lecture on the impossibility of helping others if you do not care for yourself.

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force," he mutters the mantra over and over as he sinks deeper into meditation. Blast and the others will keep watch, and Obi-Wan has it on good authority that Waxer and Boil's treatments are over and they're back on duty as well. He has good men at his back.

There is no need to worry.

~~~~

Anakin stares at the newsreel, uncomprehending.

Mister Palpatine has been arrested, awaiting trial.

It's as if all of his thoughts need to force their way through stone to make sense. He's... blank.

This can't be!

This can't be!

There's no way Palpatine is guilty! The investigation is probably just arresting him and Amedda and setting a trial date due to outside pressure. That's it. Of course.

The trial will just prove Palpatine innocent. They just have to do it. Perhaps there's some doubt in his position due to corruption among his aides. That has to be it.

Palpatine wouldn't do something like this. Anakin knows he wouldn't.

He paces back and forth in his rooms, unable to settle down. He's close to bursting with frustration and agitation and he can't hope to meditate on his emotions as Obi-Wan would tell him to when he's this upset. Meditation is for calmer mindsets.

Perhaps he can talk to Obi-Wan... Or Padmé.

Or maybe both of them?

That... That would be good. That's what he needs right now.

He picks up his comm and sends a group message to them. Byt the Force how he hopes they'll agree. There's no way he can deal with this alone. Palpatine has been his friend and mentor since he was a child... This is just too much to deal with.

Obi-Wan said it was his duty to start the investigation due to the Vote of No-Confidence, but there's no way he thought it would find anything. He can't have. Palpatine is one of the only politicians worth trusting in the Senate.

Surely Obi-Wan knows that?

He's always allowed Anakin to go visit Palpatine, even when he was a child, so he couldn't have thought anything was suspicious. The same goes for the Council for that matter!

They would have stepped in and refused Palpatine's requests for Anakin to visit if they thought he was corrupt. The Council hates politics outside the Order, and they always speak of the need to root out corruption.

They must have found Palpatine trustworthy then, and he's done his best since he became chancellor—no matter what Senator Mandai thinks.

It'll... It'll be fine.

Anakin swallows harshly and clenches his fists in his hair. He just needs to talk to Padmé and Obi-Wan.

He's too ashamed to face Palpatine—Obi-Wan got him into this situation, and Anakin has always vouched for him with the former chancellor—even though he knows his friend probably could use the support. Palpatine is strong, he can no doubt manage until Anakin gets a grip on himself.

~~~~

Padmé watches the news as they break. Former Chancellor Palpatine has been arrested and placed on house arrest pending the trial.

She presses her lips together and fights down the fear and anxiety she feels at the news. She knows Palpatine used the occupation of Naboo to further his career, so in a way she's not... She's not surprised that the investigation has found something...

But at the same time... Using an existing tragedy that you cannot make undone anyway is not the same as actively corrupting the system. Padmé should know, her own career has been helped by her hard work in disaster zones. So even though she knows that Palpatine used her—used Naboo—the thought that he may be entirely corrupt...

It feels foreign. It feels wrong.

It's as if there's an itch in the back of her head, as if there's a voice whispering to her to tread carefully, to doubt everything, because who knows who's truly to be trusted?

Her head hurts.

Her heart hurts when she considers how conflicted and hurt Anakin must feel right now. As if her husband needs more on his plate. One of his dearest friends possibly being a criminal of a terrible degree won't be a devastating blow to him.

She picks up her comm and looks at it, wondering if she should send him a message. He probably needs her, right now.

They never should have married.

At least then that would be one less thing weighing on him. At least then there might be a chance for them, for the dream of a happy ending.

She chokes back a sob. She must be strong.

Anakin will need her to.

~~~~

Bail listens intently to the report, drumming his fingers against the top of his desk. So the corruption stems as far as this, does it?

He glances down at the files and notes Miss Marili gave him just before the explosion in the Senate Office Building. He's still going through them to verify their validity, but so far everything checks out, and her own notes and thoughts are very astute.

Bail has always known, taught as such at his mother's knee, that if you want to truly know what goes on in an institution, you ask the aides and the lower-ranks—those who fade into the background. After all, who thinks of what the secretary overhears when they walk inside with documents? Or even what they can piece together they remain at their station by who comes and goes. Miss Marili, currently the aide of Senator Jacks of Belazura and the former aide of Senator Larr of Saram, is an excellent example.

Her information is very interesting indeed, and dates back decades.

Bail wonders just what it was that caught her eye, what sent her looking in the first place... But he's yet to hear that story from her. He's also curious as to why she came to him rather than Senator Jacks, but it's possible that it's due to his position as a Core World Senator.

And possibly his known friendliness with the Jedi—definitely important considering the content of her research.

Still, Bail can't make any moves as of yet. The information may check out for now, but who knows if she's hidden some falsehoods that could prove damaging within it. After all, she is an unknown factor, and Bail knows very little about her.

In fact, how Bail does not even know how she ended up as Senator Larr's aide in the first place, considering how young she must have been at the time. Perhaps her family moved to Saram at some point. That could, of course, be how Senator Larr found her in the first place since a Twi'lek family taking up residence rather than just going on holiday there would likely draw attention. Aside from the native human population few make Saram their permanent home despite its popularity as a vacation planet, as far as Bail knows.

Regardless, her mysterious past and everything else together makes for quite the puzzle.

Perhaps she'll trust him with the truth at a later time—though no doubt will he need to prove himself first.

All in all, the political situation on Coruscant is growing increasingly complex, even when you don't take the currently ongoing civil war into consideration.

~~~~

So those cretins think they've found something on him, do they?

Well, they'll certainly see about that.

Palpatine has made damn sure that anything more than slightly frowned upon will fall entirely on Amedda. The fool was always set up to take the fall should something go wrong and Palpatine's plot was derailed—as it has been.

At most Palpatine himself will receive a slap on the wrist and an admonishment to hire better staff.

Even so, he suffers the utter humiliation of being stranded on Coruscant, wearing a prisoner's bracelet to ensure he cannot leave the planet. They'll all suffer for this humiliation, the lot of them. Palpatine will grind Kenobi's skull to dust for daring to set this farce in motion.

Blasted Jedi.

He'll bathe in their blood and relish in every single second of it.

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)