#but the amount of times i find myself going. IT IS THE 80S.

[callistocalavarni]

shifting to the 60s

hii I havent posted in a while, I've been trying re group from multiple shifts while getting my life back in order but I think I'm back.. Anyway I have a bunch of stories from so many places I'd like to share and im currently working on how I want to post them. But I don't see a lot of storytimes so I think it would be fun to share some. So i'm gonna rant about some shorter ones here.

shifting with sleep paralysis

I wanted to talk about this shift because it stuck out to me and I can't stop thinking about it.. I had shifted about 2 times in the span of 30 seconds. For a whole week back in October I was waking up at 3-5 am in the morning without being able to go back to sleep. So as you can guess I woke up at around 4 am and was restless. At around 6 am I got tired again so I started my method and I know people say that symptoms don't exist but in the time that I have shifted all I can say is that I disagree.. Anyway, one moment I was saying affimations and then the next I woke up all tingly and in a weird sleep state I've never been in before. I didn't even say to myself I wanted to shift I just did. It was like my mind was on autopilot. Didn't say affimations, didn't go through my script in my head, didn't even try to use the 5 senses. I just started seeing myself in 1st person and what I would be doing in my dr without any forethought and shifted. The first shift, I was on a track running with a couple of men and we all were wearing 60s running wear. I had an orange and red tank top with matching orange shorts. It had felt like there was an orange filter in this reality.. if that makes sense. I was on the track about to run and I just recall looking around laughing.

When I shifted to this moment its like I felt my consciousness leave my body; Which is the weird part because I've never really experinced this before. It felt like I was being pulled up by something and all I could hear was constant noise. I don't even know what noise I was hearing it was like someone was screaming right in my ear or veryyy loud ringing/static. The noise was SO loud. I was in the middle of sprinting when I shifted back because I thought I was the one making the noise, I thought I was screaming..Thankfully it was not me. But When I came back I was still In that state and I could look around me but my eyes were still closed. It's like I was seeing everything from a different perspective. There was a spider crawling on my wall right next to me when I shifted back so I freaked out and the noise got even louder ! The spider was leaving black spots all over my wall,, I could not figure out what was going on in the moment ( when I was writing this in my journal I figured out it was sleep paralysis ) It felt like I was tripping on a bunch of pain killers when I shifted back. I still couldn't move so I shifted again to the same reality but this time I was in the shower... the noise got even louder. The noise made it feel like a bad trip and I ended up shifting back here to try and stop it. It took my like an hour to get out of sleep paralysis. Unlike the method, this reality was very enyjoyable. It felt like a Nina Brodskyaya song, I lived alone and I was successful. I think I worked at a cigarette company, which is ironic because I hate smoking. But I don't know for sure as I didn't stay long enough to find out.

Lumari is a country I scripted, Forlina being one of its nations.

This reality was late 70's early 80's and one of my favorite drs. I stayed here for about a year. I was in Forlina living in an all girls home. Forlina gives free housing to students so I moved out of my parents house to start collage. About six girls are given a room to share together, don't worry they are pretty big. I loved our room. It had big sliding windows that gave a view of the tropical forest. We each had sunken in beds, some girls who were home sick shared beds for a couple of weeks. It took me a while to get use to the amount of noise in the morning. There was this one girl who would blast music on the radio while getting ready. I only had to worry about this sometimes because I woke up pretty early. Art was one of my classes and the professer would make the class times either 7 am or 9 pm which also took me some time to get use to. idk the guy was kind of weird. I rode my bike everywhere here. I miss being able to ride down a bike trail and see the ocean. I've been thinking about shifting back here for some time. I might post more about this reality in more detail later.

<3

[menlove]

listen i understand this is my fault for reading stranger things fanfiction in the first place but the amount of times i will see ppl put the most anachronistic shit in there is insane like on a short list of insane things i have seen in stranger things fanfiction

steve harrington using a keurig machine in the 80s

steve got a tattoo and the recommended aftercare was SECONDSKIN.... IN THE 80S

someone mentioned the ring. which came out in 2002.

the amount of fics where they will just be queer walking around holding hands in RURAL INDIANA. IN THE 80S. that shit does not even fly in 2023 in rural indiana.

someone talked about a character's dvd collection. in the 80s.

any singular time someone talks about modern queer identities and explains it to another character. what the fuck do you MEAN this person is a demiboy THAT WORD ISN'T A THING YET. they would call themselves queers and fags and dykes and maybe ftm/mtf or transsexual they aren't calling themselves nonbinary sapphics/achilleans or a nonbinary homoromantic asexual im going to cry it is the 1980s

[leebrontide]

Every single time I see a take that amounts to "if you write about X happening, or like fiction where X happens, you like X" I'm reminded of this one time I was at a casual friends house as a young kid. We were in her room, pretending to "be orphans" escaping from an evil orphanage and having to take care of each other and fend for ourselves. It was all very Little Orphan Annie/All Dogs Go to Heaven and based on the 80s pop media.

And this girl's mom comes in, hears what we're playing and gets all MAD and UPSET. She says that if we play act something, it's because we want it to happen. So her daughter must WANT HER TO DIE.

First off lady, we were 6 year year olds, so take it down several notches. We barely had a concept of mortality for fucks sake. She made us feel so guilty and ashamed, because she was taking our game personally.

Now I have a 5 year old. And sometimes she looks at me and says "pretend you're dead, and I have to -" Whatever it is. Some adult task she's assigned herself.

And it's just so transparently obvious that she's practicing the idea of having to do things on her own. Which is exactly what 5 year olds are supposed to do. I actually find it very flattering that the only way she can envision me not being available to help her is to be literally deceased. Otherwise, obviously, she wouldn't have to do scary hard things alone.

It's a natural coping mechanism. She's self-soothing about what would happen if I wasn't there by play-acting independence in a perfectly safe environment. She's also practicing skills she needs, and making up excuses for practicing them on her own, without taking on the responsibility of being able to do them by herself all the time yet.

Humans mentally rehearse bad this in their brains all the time. We can do that by ruminating- going over worries over and over again, which tends to lead to anxiety and helplessness and depression. Or we can do it with a sense of play- by recognizing that the fiction is fiction and we can dip our toe into these experiences and expose ourselves to bad things without actually being injured.

My daughter does not want me dead. And I don't want bad things to happen in real life. But fiction and pretend help me face the horrors of the world and think about them without collapsing or messing myself up mentally.

[mustainegf]

So can you do something about inexperienced 80s kirk fucking the reader for the first time and she tells him what to do but he is a natural talent 😉

YESS IVE BEEN DYING FOR MORE KIRK REQS!

Kirk hovered over me, clearly nervous about this, he had told me it was his first time. I was shocked by this, he was such a sweetheart, how could he be a virginn?! Despite this, I did my best to show him the ropes, while still keeping him interested.

Id had sex a few times before, and I wanted Kirk's first to be enjoyable. And I could tell that he was super nervous.

He kept fidgeting, his hands were shaking as he undressed me and then himself. But once we got started, he got into it.

Really into it.

"Fuck.." Kirk muttered, dropping his head to my shoulder, his fingers rubbing my clit. I was breathless, not only from the pleasure, but I was taken aback by how skilled those fingers of his were.

"I... I've never done this before," he whispered, looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes. "Well, you're doing- fuck.. so amazing..." I reassured him.

"Keep going." He did.

Kirk slipped his fingers inside of me, pumping them with the perfect amount of curl. How did he do it? "Ohh! Kirk!" I wailed, grabbing his shoulders to brace myself.

"That's it, cum on my fingers, baby," Kirk cooed. I had no idea how he did it, did he read some special porn mag? I had no clue how he managed to make me feel so good, especially for his first time.

"Kirk, Kirk I'm gonna cum!" I yelled, glancing down as his fingers quickened, finding my g spot and working at it.

My hole spasmed around his quick fingers, my head throwing back.

I came hard, the shudders running through my body. As I caught my breath, I glanced down, and found Kirk staring intently at me.

"How'd you do that!?" I said with a breathless look of shock. Kirk giggled, his face going pink, flashing those cute crooked teeth.

"Umm... I have no idea," he stuttered. "You felt so good, I just went with what felt right."

I scoffed, kissing him slowly. "Show me what else you got," I smiled.

Kirk's eyes flashed with nervousness, but it was only brief. His hand found his member, quick strokes as he limited himself with me.

"Just take a deep breath, and push in, don't worry about hurting me," I told him softly. "Don't worry, babe, I know what I'm doing," he grinned.

Those funky teeth of his, they were so endearing, just adding a touch of boyish charm. I was too caught up with his smile to notice that he was seconds from pushing into me. With a loud gasp, I felt him fill me to the brim.

"Fuck, Kirk!" I moaned loudly, groaning into the pillow.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed. "Fuck, you feel so good." With a sudden thrust, he buried himself to the hilt.

"Aghhh!" I whined.

"Yeah, just like that," he panted, his eyes closed.

"This is insane. I can't believe I'm finally getting my cherry popped." He giggled. "Kirk, stop saying that," I told him, cringing with a chuckle. Kirk always said that to get a laugh out of me.

Kirk smiled, leaning down to kiss me as he thrusted.

I cupped his cheeks, my lips melting to his. Christ his dick felt perfect inside of me, curving just slightly and hitting the right spot.

"Kirk, oh, h-how are you so good at this." I groaned.

"I guess I'm just perfect," he shrugged, quickening his hips.

"Yes, you are, Hammett," I chuckled between moans, fuck he was good.

He giggled at the use of his last name, still fucking into me.

"You okay, babe?" He asked. "Fuck, yes, keep going," I moaned, my back arching. "God, you're so tight," he growled.

"Kirk, Kirk, I'm gonna cum again!" The knot in my stomach was quickly tightening.

I tightened my grip on his hips, pushing him deeper. "That's it," he breathed, speeding up even more. I bit my lip as I came, grinding against him.

"Oh, yeah, baby, cum all over my cock," he urged.

I screamed, slamming my hand down on the bed.

He kept driving into me until his own release exploded inside of me. "Fuuuuck!" We both cried out, holding onto each other as our breathing slowed.

After a few minutes, I turned my head to see if Kirk was okay, and realized I didn't need to ask. The smile on his face was enough to tell me he was fine.

Well, more than fine, actually. I blushed, looking away. "So, how was your first time?" I asked, my voice shaking with nerves. Kirk's eyes grew wide, and he stared at me, almost shocked. "The best.”

[natalie668]

Lost Girl

Lost boys fanfic, will be multi-chapter fic.

Lost boys (Michael as well) x reader.

Watching them through your dream had you worried, most people have 1 or 2 soulmates. You believed 3 is the max amount recorded, yet here you are dreaming of 5 men, well if you can call guys in their 20's men.

Sitting up in bed, you peered over at your phone. It hadn't long stopped beeping its annoying tune, it's 7am and you had to hurry up and get ready for work. Rubbing your eyes you swing your legs over the side of the bed, you peer down at the 5 names written on your arm; Michael, David, Marko, Paul & Dwayne. Supposedly the order of names in when you will meet each of them.

You have yet to meet a single one of your soulmates, but you guessed that having only just had your birthday 2 weeks prior it wouldn't really give you much time to have met them anyway.

Walking out of your quaint little bedroom, you make your way over to the bathroom, stripping off you begin turning the knob on the shower toas hot as it can go, (which really is pitiful) the landlord still hasn't been and fixed it even though you had alerted him to the fact its been playing up since you had moved in when you'd turned 20. You guess you can't rush these things.

After you've gotten yourself ready, you set off to work, you've been working as a receptionist in a Library since you had turned 18. You had been to college and finished between the time of finishing high school and turning 21.

As you make your way through the busy town, you can't help but sigh seeing the various couples holding hands making their own ways to work. Every day you see it, heck you even see it with working in the library. You can't help but just wish that one day you'd meet your own soulmates.

The work day went quickly, answering phones, scanning books through which people came and dropped off, passing books onto those who placed them on the correct shelves.

There was a thunder storm wracking through the sky as you made your way home, you were not going to spend a fortune getting a taxi and get stuck in traffic just to go 7 streets over. just as your were rushing past a tree when an almighty bright light shot straight in front of you hitting the tree a massive crack was the last thing you heard and an almighty pain and didn't see again.

~*~*~*~*~

The first thing you heard was screams, and the second thing you noticed was the fact you were lying on a beach, you could feel the grains of sand underneath your fingers, peering down at yourself you were wearing the same clothes you had gone to work in, yet you were nowhere near home, the nearest beach was 200 miles away and you don't think you would have not noticed going in a car to get there. So where the hell were you.

Standing up brushing the sand off my clothes, I looked towards where I could make out some steps, I set off to see where the hell I had turned up.

As soon as I got to the steps I could see rides, people dressed like they were from the 80s and a lot of people running around. I stumbled forward heading towards a shop which I could see had a newspaper stand out front like I'd seen in American movies. I peer in and spot the year 1987, I stared in shock, I looked to the top corner, it said 'Santa Carla' I felt like I was going to throw up, I could feel myself getting light headed. I stumbled over to a bench and placed my head in my hands.

I had somehow ended up in America in the late 80s, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?

I peered around trying not to throw up, my brain was going a million miles a minute, how the hell had I gone back in time. The last thing I remembered was walking home in the thunder storm and seeing a bright light and then nothing.

I panic, feeling my chest, my arms trying to find burn marks, nothing appeared to be on me, 'I must have died' I couldn't help thinking. 'How else would I have ended up going back in time, to freaking America'. A sob escaped my lips, I couldn't believe this was really happening, I pinched myself sharply on the arm to double check I wasn't dreaming.

I stand up from the bench when I finally feel like my heart isn't going to beat out of my chest, I slowly walk down what appears to be some sort of boardwalk, I get towards the end and lean against some metal bars which over looked the sea. Wiping the tears from my face I start to worry about where I am going to sleep tonight, how I'm going to live.

A sharp pain slices through my arm, I look down at my arm, the name 'Michael' is practically glowing red'. Turning around I spot another person grabbing their arm in pain, his eyes meet my own, his head turns to look me in the eyes as he steps towards me, "Hi, I'm Michael," he says as he takes a tentative step towards me. You can tell he's nervous, hell; I'm nervous. I've just gone back in time, and now I'm meeting on of my soulmates?!

"Uhm, nice to meet you, I'm Y/N" I say stumbling over my words, I look him up and down, he's pretty; wild dark hair, dark eyes. He's beautiful. I can't help but feel plain while stood next to him.

He steps towards me, his hand caresses my arm, in the spot where my soulmate mark is, he looks towards my arm and spots the names written on there. A frown marred his features, he slowly takes in the names; his frown turns into a scowl. It makes his face seem to take a different look, his eyes seeming to yellow out of nowhere, which surely must be the light?

His fingers grasp my wrist bringing it closer to his face, he looks up at me, "I think you should come with me, y/n." he says as he looks around at his surroundings like he's expecting someone to jump out at any moment.

Chapter 2

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

I’ve finally reached a point where I can sit down and do some work on Ash’s game on my own. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Not only because his workflow is incredibly chaotic, but also his design is incredibly complex, far more complex than anything we work on at Rainy Day, but it’s fun to feel challenged again.

I’ve spent every night this week in Ash’s living room while he walks me through everything he has so far, sorting out the design and the mechanics, his ideas for the worlds, characters, storylines, objectives, and so on. Yet, it feels like we’ve only scratched the surface.

We work well together, but we’re also easily distracted, often going off on random tangents and talking about everything from our families to school years and childhood friends to experiences we’ve had or want to have; we talk about how fun it would be to have our own indie gaming company one day, if only we could focus on the actual game for longer than an hour at a time.

Last night a song came on that inspired a whole conversation about music and all the songs we used to sing the wrong lyrics to, and some he still sings wrong just to annoy Lex. We started playing a game where we’d give each other a random word or category and the other would have to play a song they liked that fit. At one point I asked him what his guilty pleasure song is.

“Oh, I have dozens of those,” he said, “uh, but the first one that comes to mind is The Boys of Summer.”

“Your guilty pleasure song is an 80’s song?” I was shocked considering the amount of shit he gives me for the majority of my playlist.

“No no no no,” he shook his head, “I should clarify. The original sucks.”

“Of course you think so.”

“Obviously. Okay, but the one I’m talking about is the cover of The Boys of Summer by The Ataris.

“I like the name, but I have no idea who that is,” I admitted.

He laughed as he pulled up the song and told me, “You’re either going to love this or hate it. I’m not sure which.” When he pressed play, all I could do was watch in awe as he shamelessly enjoyed the song, complete with hand motions, air guitar and lip syncing. At one point he leaned in and sang directly to me, “But I don’t understand what happened to our love. But baby when I get you back, I’m gonna show you what I’m made of!” And then he spun away and started dancing to the chorus.  

Before I had a chance to think too hard about whether he was trying to tell me something through the lyrics, he pulled me off the couch to join him. We sang and danced with everything we had until we collapsed onto the couch, out of breath and wiping tears from our eyes.

When we finally calmed down, he pointed at me, “Your turn. What’s your guilty pleasure song?”

“Oh god,” I covered my face, “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.”

“Tell me.” He demanded.

“Dancing With Myself by Generation X. I can’t hear it and not sing and dance around my apartment like an idiot.”

“Oh, I have got to see this!” He sat up excitedly to find the song and turn it on… and then cheered when I began clapping my hands to the beat… and then completely lost it and fell over laughing when I sang along with my eerily accurate Billy Idol impersonation.

It’s become one of my favorite things, making him laugh. He has about a dozen different laughs from a rush of air through his teeth, to an infectious giggle, to a loud belly laugh… but my favorite is when he’s laughing so hard that no sound comes out aside from a series of clicks until he finally catches his breath.

It’s so easy with him, to get out of my head, to just relax and be myself.

Not everything is easy, though. I keep telling myself that eventually my feelings will fade, that it will get easier to just be his friend and nothing more, but if anything, it’s getting more difficult. Sometimes when we’re together, all I can think about is sliding my hand over to rest it on his leg, or to pick up his hand and interlace our fingers, or to reach up and hold his face, turning it toward me so I can kiss him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about kissing him, his lips, his neck, that inch skin above his waistband that sometimes shows when his shirt rides up just enough, every part of him. Sometimes I let my eye contact linger just a little, desperate for him to give me a sign that he still feels the same way, but he never does. On some level, I’m grateful. It’s better this way. I’d only end up hurting him again.

I hear the front door open and close, bringing me out of my daydream and back to my computer screen. I look over what I’ve done so far to make sure I didn’t screw anything up while I drifted away.

A second later, I hear Dawn enter the room and flop onto my bed behind me and I glance at the clock, it’s only two.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Finished early. What are you doing? I thought you weren’t working on Fridays anymore.”

“I’m not. It’s just a side project I’m working on with Ash.”

“Ooooh I see.”

I roll my eyes and change the subject before she can inquire further. “So, why are you on my bed? What do you want?” As I say the words, I’m overcome by the feeling that we’ve done this before.

“For you to take a break and go do something with me." I'm antsy. "I’m antsy.” Her words come out like an echo from my own mind and my whole body feels fuzzy for a moment.

“Have we had this conversation before?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Hm. I’m having the weirdest déjà vu.”

“Maybe you’ve been staring at that screen too long. We should get out and do something.”

“What do you have in mind?”

I’m open to suggestions. “I’m open to suggestions.”

Weird. This conversation, the song playing through my speaker, Dawn laying on my bed, me at my computer… everything feels so familiar. “Where’s your boyfriend? Why aren’t you dragging him out?” Even as I ask the question, I know I’ve asked it before.

“He’s busy…” Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend. “Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend.”

Okay, I clearly need some fresh air, and she clearly needs my support right now, so I save my work, lock my computer, and spin around to face her. “Oh, that’s why you’re antsy. Okay, I can take a break, but let’s go outside. We can go for a jog, that’ll get your energy out.”

“Fine, I’ll go change.”

Prev // Deja vu // Next

[therandomartmaker]

(In Case I Don’t See You) Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Goodnight.

DPxDC

After a reveal, things go strange for Danny. At first, he thinks it’s just the lingering effects of having his vigilante identity out in the open. Sam and Tucker tell him he’s being paranoid, and Jazz doesn’t talk much with him because she’d left for college. She only listens to his words and talks him through the feelings, a steady presence.

It’s then that he realises that his ghosts had been showing up… regularly. Not erratic and randomly, they were almost scheduled; he’d checked once, and they had always shown up when the time was even. He’d said this to Sam and Tucker, Tucker looked concerned but Sam brushed him off. “They’d have to coordinate for that, Danny,” she said, “Do you really think Skulker wouldn’t take every chance possible to fight you?”

His ghosts were getting more agitated. It wasn’t hard to defeat them, they were just. Angrier. They also went down easier, but got back up faster. They also were disjointed in their banter, and it got worse as time went by, fights quieter and more… emotion filled.

It’s only when Danny spots several white vans nearby his fights that he realised he’d forgotten about the GIW.

Danny rushed home, to the portal- he’s unlucky, or perhaps rather fortunate, that he stumbles upon the GIW in his home, talking to his parents. It’s an easy decision to turn invisible.

“Keeping Patient Zero in the Truman cage is working well, but it might be catching on. Unscheduled fights give us more subjects, so you’ll be lent Subject-E and Subject-SK in two days, in the private laboratory, as they are currently useless in field and hinder the process.”

Patient Zero? Subject-E and Subject-SK? Useless? What process?

Truman Cage? …Danny knew that movie. Watched it with Jazz a few years before, because Jazz had a project on it, wanted to do inquiry on unethical ‘imprisonment’ and isolation.

Static buzzed through the air, and Danny heard the GIW agent pick up an ecto-proof walkie talkie. “Report, Patient Zero has been missing for two minutes, unknown whereabouts, may be heading or already at FW Household.”

Danny swore mentally, flying away to the roof of the Nasty Burger, still invisible.

Shit. What were they doing- what kind of shit had they already done?

…What could Danny do to stop it?

—

Batman stared at the report in his hands. Phase One of the Ghost Investigation Ward’s plan was going well, to capture and learn everything they can about ectoplasmic beings and a ‘villainous creature’ that has taken control of a small town in Illinois. Supposedly, the ‘creature’ was a volatile destructive being that repeatedly put the town through constant attacks.

Everything about it smelt fishy, and he’d found about the ‘GIW’ was flimsy, and a strangely large amount of money was being siphoned into it. The Fenton research being used was also something that shouldn’t’ve been published, biased and clearly contradictory in areas.

The information blockout was just asking for investigation.

sorry that this isn’t more for the story! I may write more for this, but idm this being used as a prompt post either! If you respond to this in a separate post, please tag me, i like to see what y’all make, don’t just link this post and run y’all. Also, i’m like 80% sure someone’s made this already or at least done something similar, so if someone could find and link that, that’d be awesome

On a side note; some notes for this specific thing, but freedom is encouraged and this is mainly for myself because ik i’ll forget about this.

The GIW learnt danny’s id before the reveal and figured out very quickly that they wouldn’t be able to do anything to him because he’s legally human and he hasn’t had biological testing to make sure he isn’t human. They got ghost confirmation via the fenton parents after the public reveal, but had already informed the fentons of the possibility of danny being a ghost and proposed the ‘Truman Plan’ to them.

The plan was to set up another ghost portal with coordinates set to the same area the fenton’s portal lets out and recapture whichever ghosts danny lets go there, and this works exponentially well. They gain a bunch of speech capable ghosts to experiment on, and decide quickly that they’d start ways to put them under control and make them stronger, in order to, eventually, capture danny.

Phase Two is weakening Danny and looking into his skillset and how to counteract it.

Phase Three is actually capturing Danny.

Danny figures out that the GIW has agents everywhere, bugs everywhere and nowhere is safe. The only people he is absolutely certain he can trust to not make the GIW aware he knows he’s entrapped is Jazz, Sam, And Tucker, but since the last tw oare in the bounds of the GIW, he can only talk to Jazz to plan (he flies up up up and calls because tucker had them up on a private network so the only risk was being overheard, really)

B only discovered the GIW while passing over recent government records, and sets up one of his disguises to visit the town, eventually.

He ‘just so happens’ to be bowled over by Danny Fenton one afternoon and sets up a white noise generator to tell the boy the JL was on his side. After all, something wasn’t right, here.

[lilacstro]

🌸frequently asked questions 🌸

i wanted to have suggestions on this one, but I felt I would answer most of them myself so no use as such. I would answer a few questions I received when I first started, and some that people around me ask :)

Why did you name your blog lilacstro what does that even mean?

well, it actually is lilac and astro which was not available so I did some quirky thing and made it lilacstro and I kinda like it lmao. I did not choose the word lilac for any specific reason, it was just cute while I was trying for different usernames. But I later realized purple and its shades are used for psychic depictions as well haha

Are you a professional astrologer?

In all honestly, astrology and tarot are never "professional". There are many people I know who have no degree as such and are exceptionally wonderful at this. I did not do a degree to "prove" something, I just was free so I thought let's just do it for fun. Professional astrologers can be pretty bad as well, so I would recommend choosing an astrologer or tarot reader or psychic based on who you resonate with and connect to and not degrees. It would help.

Are you vedic astrologer? or tropical one?

I actually study both for different purposes but I see people here posted tropical more so I started with that and I saw a good response. And now I actually just do not understand how to type out a vedic astrology post but not that I don't want to or plan to.

Aren't your readings expensive?

well actually, I do not think so AT ALL. The amount of work that goes in typing those readings all by hands is absolutely insane, and it goes so in depth, from fixed stars and points, to many special features and description in your chart that it reaches 80 pages average at 12 font. I cannot even re use scripts at all lmaoo. So I absolutely DO NOT think I am charging a lot considering how much the rate for one session is. You are super free to explore other people who suit your needs :))

How did you get into astrology?

well, i dont know either. I used to study it but idk one day I had a very heavy spiritual download? ig? I just suddenly understood concepts I could not, and eventually I shared this with my sister and she encouraged me to start a blog. I was so scared because I though there are already such cool people here no one's gonna read what I write lmao. SO YEAH TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH

Is astrology absolute?

I have said it enough and I say it again, No. I do not agree with this. Destiny and all of the fated events may exist, but you should not let it hinder what you really want. Some may say what you want is also fated, so be it. Do what you like. You would eventually know if you should do it or not. Do not let anyone hold you back, different people would say different things.

How can I start studying astrology?

Ask yourself what is your purpose of studying astrology and use resources accordingly.

Knowing yourself, just for fun: use tumblr, YouTube, and some people on twitter

Professionally: BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS. Start reading for free or extremely cheap rates, find a teacher you resonate with, online or offline, or even a YouTube channel. No need to blow your money on extremely expensive courses if you cannot.

What are some resources you recommend?

Vedic: BV Raman. His books range from beginner to advanced stuff and it seems pretty cool and written with a balance of modern and traditional though you may need to re read a few times. Do not jump into old ancient texts either you would not understand or completely lose sight and become depressed lmao.

Western: There is this book called "Only astrology book you would ever need". Start with it. Then, there are many books available depending on what you want to do. Natal reading, readings for children and personality, astrocartography, hellensic, relocation, horary, predictive etc.

Any good blogs on tumblr to look out for?

Yes there are many if you ask, but idk if its okay to mention them? But do your own research and do not go into it blindly. Many people understand the same text differently so the adaptation would be different and you do not want to copy someone's style. Reading from source is important.

How to learn tarot?

90% of us would start by learning key words and the placements they represent and keep on practicing to learn and when we read, we do not know what to do. My suggestion? Learn and read a lot. Together. Do not put either on hold. Eventually things would fall into place and start making sense. Give yourself grace of atleast 6 months to a year.

I have xyz placement I am doomed nothing good can ever happen to me

OMG I get this one A LOT. No you are not doomed and NO chart is perfect. I was looking at relocation charts for moving to countries and none of them looked perfect at all, so you know it is how its for many people. Look at celebs for example, they get beauty and money. love or health is absent. Get everything? Someone dies or you die. Nothing is all flowers and roses, but it is fine. You do not have to look at the negatives. Do what you can and I promise you can make it through.

While you do paid readings, do you use Vedic astrology?

Somewhat. Majorly? No. Because when I use Vedic, I would want to give remedies according the nakshatra lord, dasha transits, and afflictions but most of my clients are foreigners and it is not my thing to impose religious stuff on people. I sometimes do suggest basic activities like waking up early, wearing silver rings etc.

Do you believe in numerlogy?

I 100% do, but on this one im going to side with the vedic numerology systems. Much much better, but my personal opinion. Association with zodiac degrees and major arcana helps as well. Destiny Matrix is one more thing I like!

What are your placements?

HAHAH if someone can guess that would be wonderful!

take care xoxo

paid readings open

[live-emotion]

I'm new here! What's the best LP option to use for this new event? (Reiji and Otoya) I'm still stuck gaining 500 points for 1 time play with 2 LP, i want to gain more points...

Welcome!! Apologies in advance for the long reply!

Generally, the most efficient LP usage is 2 LP. For both 1 and 2 LP, you get the same rate of event points rewards (10x for 1 LP, and 20x for 2 LP) but past that the higher you use, you get diminishing returns for event points and general reward drops. 3-5 LP are still pretty good, but not as efficient. 3 LP gives 29x, 4 LP gives 38x, and 5 LP gives 46x.

Of all the options, 10 LP is the least efficient with returns of only 75x. Having said that, of course if you only have time to play one or two songs, then using 5 or 10 LP is better than not playing at all.

Disclaimer that I may be missing some tips since I myself havent been playing 100% efficiently either, but heres some extra tips:

Emotional Pieces / Team composition Tips:

Use pieces with an event bonus skill on all of your teams regardless of attribute.

Level up and idolise pieces with an event bonus as much as you can whenever you get another copy of them. In this case its the racing gacha Eiichi and Kira, and the event Reiji and Otoya. You can 'idolise' pieces by filling out the top line of their Piece Board and reading all of their story.

Guest Tips:

Choose guests with the highest event skill bonus for live shows. You can see the percentage they boost event points by in pink above their right title. Eg. 'ライブで盛られるイベントポイントを40％アップ' meaning it 'raises the received event points by 40%.’

You can reset guests using the 'ゲスト更新' button in the top left when choosing a guest to find the best one. Its a bit tedious, but getting a 40, 60, or higher percentage bonus every time really adds up.

Use your event bonus (glowstick) items to raise event points when you use guests with the super high event bonus skills. I saw an Eiichi with 100% bonus yesterday which was awesome.

Live Tips:

Make sure you're playing the event songs.

It seems best to play on the highest difficulty that you can most consistently full combo. Getting an S combo on normal is likely better than getting a C combo on expert.

Skip tickets used to be not worth much, but after some changes they now give only slightly less than playing manually so they're much more valuable. Thanks to @blueesnow for the comparison!

Only use auto if you can't play yourself and don't want to use skip tickets. If you are auto-ing a song, auto it on expert to get more points (I think).

If you lose your combo you can always exit a song by pressing the button in the top right corner, then pressing left button, then the right button to confirm. You don't lose any LP or items spent on the song. Especially useful if you've used a lot of LP or an event bonus item and don't want it to go to waste.

Play the song that you get the most event points for. In this event, Song Letter generally will give the highest amount of event points. You could also: a. Play a song with the same attribute as applicable pieces with event bonus skill. There are pieces with event bonus for each attribute this time. Playing the two Fresh (yellow) event songs will up the chance of seeing a high event bonus Eiichi guest (plus 80% or plus 100% event points). *I'm unsure how much/if the attribute of the guest bonus skill affects event points gained. b. Play the shortest song to save time.

Other Tips:

Use items marked with a pink speech bubble that reads 日限定 before they expire daily at midnight Japan time.

There are event missions for clearing each event song 3 and 5 times. These missions can be cleared by using 0 LP. They reward LP Charges and Event Bonus items. The LP Charges must be used the day that you claim them from the missions screen, so you may want to wait to claim them until you're sure you have time to use them.

Set pieces with event bonus skill your guest helpers in Menu>Player Detail>ゲスト設定>Pick one per attribute using the 変更する button. This doesn't help you, but its common courtesy since they will be your guest helpers for other players.

If you have time, it may be wise to wait until later in the event to use your event bonus (glowstick) items. By that point you'll have higher leveled event cards to use in your teams, and there'll be more guest players with high event bonus skills.

Follow guests you see with high event bonus skills so theyre more likely (?) to show up as a guest for live shows.

[iwonderwh0]

You know what, I think I'll start blocking gavin stans who deliberately refuse to acknowledge that

1) not every single person who says that gavin canonically acts like an asshole (which is even confirmed within his gallery description that he's arrogant and his (human) colleagues hate him) and in general just acknowledges his flaws is a hater. Not necessarily it is even someone who dislikes the character.

2) actually disliking a character as a person isn't the same as hating and definitely not the same as attacking someone personally

I don't have anything against people who like gavin as a character, I played with him for quite some time myself and have quite significant amount of old posts featuring his name because as a character he's interesting for creating a conflict. But folks who unironically insist that Gavin did nothing wrong, ever, to deserve to be as much as simply disliked, not even hated, and then put words into people's mouths and act like they're actively and systematically being bullied by the fandom (even though 80% of dbh tags is just gavin/reed900 posting) and then go as far as to start assuming some condescending shit about real people is seriously starting to get on my nerve, and I simply do not want to see any more people apologising and denying abusive bully behaviour on my dash, thanks.

If you read this text and your mind went "This is a Gavin hater and they're talking shit about me" please reach the block button and block me yourself.

Fucking Christ, I wish more people could just say that they simply like [a fictional man] for finding him hot instead of making him into a saint.

[seat-safety-switch]

You can’t save ‘em all. That’s the phrase that everyone says when they finally give up on a project car, and pass it along to the next sucker, or (gasp) to the crusher. Sometimes, a car doesn’t line up with the amount of time you have for it, or the amount of money you have for it, or the amount of patience you have for it. One such car was condemned to the bin by Yours Truly, after several sleepless nights of trying to weld two large chunks of rust together and only ending up finding more rust.

With a heavy heart, I called the local “no questions asked” wrecker, and he took it away. I had lots of excuses. It was “just” a Hyundai Pony, I told my friends, who copped sympathetic looks. Getting rid of it freed up time and space for my other ongoing projects, I repeated to the bartender a few hours later. That Pony will get turned into a wonderful new dishwasher, I said to myself in the mirror. The defeat stung. They weren’t ever going to make another 1983 Hyundai Pony, not even if I seized control of the government and turned the army’s guns on their corporate offices.

That’s when I heard a weird noise. A sort of 80s overhead-cam four-banger burble, unmistakeable. Squeezing too little fuel through too small a carb, a lean-burn system no doubt strangling its power curve in the false pursuit of efficiency. I was shocked, and stared outside, refusing to believe my own ears.

There, I saw the impossible. A Hyundai Pony. Running. Driving. My Hyundai Pony �� I recognized the smashed windshield, the bent wheels. It was back! And I wasn’t driving it. I realized it was one of the younger group of Car Weirds on the next block over. They had resuscitated the car’s flimsy unibody not with welding, but with an elaborate series of papier-maché, using what appeared to be carbon-fiber-coloured novelty wallpaper from the hardware store and expanding-foam door insulation.

Rather than be elated, I began to feel inferior. How could they have saved this car and I had missed such an ingenious fix? It ate at me for weeks, until I noticed the same young gun walking glumly towards the bus stop one morning. Nobody deserved that. I decided to swing past and pick him up. I’d get the whole story.

“I left it out in the rain,” he wept.

[roleplaypositivity]

At this point I am tired. I cannot make everyone happy and it’s taking a serious toll on my mental health.

I came into this blog wanting to counter act the other blogs. From day one I have gotten various hate anons, been told this is useless, all sorts of things. Was accused of being a dozen different people (none of which were true. Seems I kept myself more hidden than I thought till my reveal.) And I’ve had an influx of messages and concerns where I don’t see damaging things or pick up on subtle hints of hostility but others do.

I am, at my heart, a people pleaser. Ask any of my friends. I will take apart every single piece of me to make others happy and to make them feel better. I will destroy myself for the sake of others.

I wanted to give everyone a fair chance at love and support. I have even posted things here from people who dislike me. I have shared support that was sent in for people who have hurt me. Why? Because I want everyone to have a chance to see they are loved and appreciated and cared for.

I am doing my best. And in doing my best I am causing unintended harm to others. In doing my best I am struggling to listen to every point of view that comes in. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I want to give everyone a chance.

Last night I had three separate drama related incidents that are being put on this blog under the guise of support and positivity come to my attention. None of them had anything to do with the other, it just all came flooding in at once. And it’s a lot, it’s a lot to handle and take on and be unbiased on. Maybe if it came one at a time I could handle it better. (Also please note — if you were one who brought something to my attention I am very grateful to you in so many ways, and this is not me angry or anything. Just a bit overwhelmed, overstimulated, and trying my best for everyone ❤️.)

I am struggling. I am struggling and I don’t want to stop the positivity. But, I also can’t pick up on everything or make everyone happy. I dont want this to turn into a subtle hate blog, where people drop shade in backhanded ways. I also don’t want to alienate people who maybe see things shared from those they do have issues with but find this to be a safe place otherwise.

I am not privy to all the drama. Despite being told multiple times I am a popular page — I don’t see it half the time. And I don’t see all the drama out there. It gets lost on me, and I don’t know 80% of the names that get brought up a lot. So many get thrown around, and it’s not my corner of the roleplay world. I apologize for not being sure on everything. Or for missing things.

I also know that if a new negative blog pops up I have opened myself up in a big way to receive an intense amount of hate. I took a risk in revealing myself. I took a risk that I do think was worth it. Even if the hate gets to me. Heaven knows the past few anons on those blogs about me have caused me immense anxiety and stress. (And they were a big reason I wanted to make this place. To ease those feelings in others.)

At the end of the day I don’t want to stop this. I came into this with good and well meaning intentions. I came into this wanting to do what I always do — people please. I am sorry to everyone that I can’t.

I will, however, be doing a clean out of posts here tomorrow. Just for a fresh start. If there is anything you want to save, please, screencap it ❤️❤️❤️

This will not stop the blog. I really don’t want to stop it. However, I am, for my own sake, going to take a mental health day today and tomorrow. Knowing my people pleaser ways, however, I will still be trying to post. I will still be trying to share what I get in when I can. But, to be honest? All I want to do right now is banter with my WP and play Dead By Daylight. And maybe take a nap. But, I also know if I keep getting upset at myself for all this, Louis is going to shake me until I do some self care and show some self love.

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all of you so very much. And for all the support I have received, thank you.

Lots of love,

Peachy — otherwise known as Armand (or Eds)

[n1ghtcrwler]

When I first got my autism diagnosis a few months ago, a handful of people in my family asked if I was okay or how I was taking the news, and that confused me. "This is just data," I told them, "I learned something that is true and can give me information on aspects of myself, there's nothing to feel about that. It simply is." And I meant that, I really did. But it was also very, very new, and I don't tend to respond with snap emotional reactions.

See, this hadn't been a real consideration before. When my brother took his first college psychology course back in, would have been somewhere around 2005-2007, he went to my girlfriend (who was at the same college as him) and told her he'd learned about a thing called Asperger's and that aspects of it reminded him of me. So she told me, and we looked it up, and based on what little info we could find we determined it didn't really fit, and I dropped it there. I later learned that autism existed, and its relationship to the Asperger's I had read about back then, by meeting and befriending a number of autistic people. But because I had ruled it out already, no amount of connection to those people, or visible similarity between us, made me wonder. So I didn't have years of wondering and considering and researching under my belt. I didn't start wondering and then slowly learn it was true of me, as seems to be a commonality in other stories I hear. I only got a neuropsych test because Carol noticed during her ADHD assessment that I sounded neurodivergent, and asked me to get an assessment as well. Then the pre-assessment showed that I should get a more broad-spectrum test instead of an ADHD assessment. Then the pre-assessment for the neuropsych showed that they wanted to focus on a couple things, one of which was autism.

And that was the first time I was aware, in nearly two decades, that this was a possibility, though it was one among many. And I didn't put too much thought, or any research, into it at that point because I didn't want to get a notion in my head and then act that notion out and get misdiagnosed with anything. So the results were a bombshell that just didn't fully explode right away.

Because now that I've had a few months to think about it, and learn a little bit, I find myself sad and angry. I went 41 years of my life with no knowledge of this, and no support, and no real answers. And maybe I could have put more effort into it in 2007, maybe I should have tried to get assessed then, but I didn't have money for that! I could barely hold down a job unless it was pizza delivery (I wouldn't realize until THIS WEEK how much my love of that job hinged on my systematic understanding of plotting courses on the fly and the literal hours of my day I spent alone in my car interrupted by brief, largely scripted, social interactions), I didn't have insurance, I was in my early-to-mid 20s and heavily self-medicating. But then my parents are telling me they wish they knew, that if they had known they would have maybe understood what was going on with me better and things could have been different. And I get them not understanding! What, really, could I expect two teenagers in the 80s to have known about autism? I don't think they need to beat themselves up for not recognizing it for what it was. But Carol, talking about her ADHD diagnosis, said something shattering. She was talking about the mockery and the lack of support for her needs, and said that, while it is nice to know she had a reason to be the way she was, it didn't really change the fact that other people had no reason to be cruel. And it really highlighted the question for me, "if things could have been different, why weren't they?" Did you need a diagnosis to see I was struggling? Did you need a diagnosis to know it was cruel to mock your child? Did you need a diagnosis to want to accommodate needs that made me stand out as weird?

Why did it take FORTY ONE YEARS for you to think things could, maybe should, have been different?

We sat down with the younger two kids this afternoon. Our youngest has been formally diagnosed with ADHD, and we wanted to help him understand a little of what that means for him and how much he shares that with his mom. Our daughter, it's obvious to us, has some form of neurodivergence, but since it isn't affecting her grades or her ability to keep out of trouble in school, they haven't noticed it; and without the school noticing it, it is prohibitively expensive to get her tested. So we wanted her to know what to look for, and that she doesn't need a diagnosis to come to us. We don't need a diagnosis to try our best to accommodate her needs. And this will involve breaking some habits, because we learned how to be parents from our parents, and our oldest already lost so many years of possible support to our lack of understanding, and we can't get those back. And I understand, to some degree, why it took a diagnosis for my parents to reconsider the ways they were taught to parent; because, while I tried to break the habits I inherited, it took a diagnosis for me to find a path toward success in that.

Everyone in my household is still learning what all these things mean for us, and how to handle them. And I guess there's a degree to which I'm mourning what my life could have been if I had known, or at least had some kind of help. It isn't just data, it turns out. It's also a history, and a set of needs, and to an extent, permission to meet those needs. I started wearing sunglasses indoors more. I've always wanted to, because the light hurts, but when it was just a stupid thing that's weird, I couldn't justlfy dealing with the fallout and assumptions from others about it. But now that it's an accommodation to a sensitivity, I can maybe get comfortable with it. I feel like there's a long road ahead, and a lot of baggage to unpack, but at least that's possible now. And who knows? Maybe, among my family, things will finally be different.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I’m finding the Rockstar Lestat discussion interesting! Partly that people are saying it would be cringe if set now… as if ‘80’s rock isn’t the cheesiest of all! 😋

Personally, I think Lestat can be a rock star in 2022 (or 2024/5/6 by the time we get to it.)

He only has to do one concert in the end & he isn’t eternally famous or The Most Famous person on the planet. Everyone (human) soon forgets him afterwards… he just has to be famous enough to get a few thousand bodies in a room (a fair amount of them vampires who’ll be there anyway already!) & to make songs/music that would awaken Akasha.

And I think the fact that music stardom is a lesser thing nowadays in a way is a bonus, because while in an era with very defined popular style there are constraints on the musical possibilities that would work, nowadays I think it is totally free so that Lestat could have wondrously weird music… it has to have something vampiric & gothic & rock-based, but I think something really out-there & unusual & unlike any band that exists is better myself, as as well as words relating to Those who must be Kept, the music can be unique enough that it truly would awaken Akasha as she’d never have heard the like before! I want rock violin & rock HARPSICHORD in there myself. And heaviness, yet also influences from the eighteenth century & New Orleans jazz in there! And already Sam has such a unique voice to add to this all!

Yeah, personally I’m really excited by the idea of rock star Lestat!

Book-canonically I can’t imagine Lestat having social media skills, though he’d surely enjoy the popularity! But it’d be so the antithesis of Gothic Romance, I think to go down a more 2020’s fame route would be really sad & disappointing. Also you have Sam’s voice & performance skills to USE! And Lestat’s theatre & music experience & importance to his existence!

I trail off… this isn’t even a question! 😂🤣💀

Anything involving Sam, singing, and performance is going to be fine with me, tbh. 🤪

But yes… glam rock and mesh shirts and leather pants… would definitely be a bonus, ahem 😈

But yes, Lestat was pretty much a one-hit-wonder. IF it happened yet then Akasha didn’t rise…. yet.

Sooooooo. Whatever way they’ll do it - I just hope it will be glorious 🤓 And they are so free for the style!!! I would absolutely adore goth metal and something like Nightwish could fit very well, too, imho.

[vaporwavedoggie]

Ahahahah I should probably explain why I'm not on here as much atm, along with most of my other social media.

It's gonna be long but I know I have some folks on here worried about me so I'll put everything under the cut.

Alright buckle up, this will get long.

To shorten things, my chronic pain is significantly getting worse very quickly, along with heart issues.

Not to mention my shit mental health.

But here's the long story:

There's something up with my heart. I don't know exactly what the diagnosis will be, I have a few more tests including a fun little holter monitor placement or whatever it's called.

It's where I wear this monitor over my heart for a few days and press a button whenever I start having flareups. My flareups consist of my blood pressure suddenly dropping very low (I think the lowest it was clocked was somewhere in the 80s/60s range if I remember correctly), headaches, bad chest pain, limb weakness/numbness, sudden exhaustion/passing out, etc.

They did an echo on my heart but the results didn't tell me much other than I have a dialated left atrium. No idea what that means, don't know if it's even related to the shit going on with me. I won't find out until the other tests are done and looked over.

I'm going as far as to try and give up cigarettes for the time being for this. My doc gave me a ton of nicotine patches, so I'm really hoping those will help with the urges. I'm going to be going from smoking about half a pack or so a day to patches that are 7mg of nic, so uhhh yeah.

Another reason why I'm distancing myself from online spaces more other than my personal discord servers is because stressful stuff, discourse, all that makes my flareups much much worse. I'm doing it not to be a bitch, but for my own health. So for a bit I'll probably only post art I occasionally draw n what not.

Now on to the other issues. My lower back keeps me in damn near constant chronic pain. They did an xray on it, and my MyChart (fun little doctor app) said this about their findings:

"Vertebral body heights and alignment are well-maintained. No fracture or subluxation. Pedicles are intact. Mild loss of disc height at L5-S1."

I'm not entirely sure if that's anything important, again, I go to my pcp about it in the beginning of October since there's a few more issues they'd like to test me for before coming to a diagnosis and treating me.

As for my back pain though, it's to the point where it's nearly disabling me physically.

I've had it for many years. Idk exactly when it all started, but I really started noticing it around the time I was 19-20. I have a theory it's because one of my first jobs that I worked for about a year was at a warehouse. It was very physical labor.

I'd be lifting heavy boxes constantly to the point where when I got home I couldn't bend down from the pain. I'd just have to flop down on my bed and pass out. And this went on about 4 days a week for a year.

At first, it started off as a small patch on my lower back, at the base of my spine, not being able to be touched. The gentlest poke would feel like stabbing pain. And it only got worse over the years, with the area spreading.

Now it's to the point where I can't stand for long, and when I sit or lay down I have to shift my position every 10-20 minutes or it flares up. And I dread going to sleep for a number of reasons. Not just because of the night terrors I have damn near every night due to my CPTSD, but because I wake up in excruciating pain most of the time due to not being able to shift my body in my sleep.

Worst part is, when I sleep, I'm dead to the world. If the night terrors aren't too horrible that night, I'm like a rock. No one can move me. Lord knows my husband has tried. And I'll sleep for about 12-20+ hours at a time at this point.

Funny thing is? No matter how much sleep I get, even if I get the base recommended amount without under or over sleeping, I'm ALWAYS exhausted.

My doc has sent a referral for me to get a sleep study but they have yet to reach out to me. I suspect this may also contribute to my heart issues but idk for sure.

So yeah. It's not enough that I deal with shitty mental health issues on a constant, but also chronic physical health issues as well.

Worst part is my family is borderline poverty. Despite everything I'm STILL trying to get a job because my family needs the money, along with others in the house, including my oldest son and teenage son.

Yet for whatever reason, everyone claims they're hiring, yet won't hire any of us. For me, I understand. I always struggled to keep a job due to various issues. But my sons have a completely clean slate, and my roomie has a great resume with plenty of long history, yet no one will hire anyone. Not even McDonald's.

People act like it's all us. We try everything we can, from dressing up in our nicest clothes for the interview, following up with the job, being friendly, giving the interviewer our skills. Worst part is they act like they're fucking impressed, then turn around and claim they've decided to go with someone more qualified for the position, or they're not hiring anymore.

Yes, I know I'll hurt myself if I try working a job and pushing myself beyond my limits every day, but it's taking too damn long for disability to do shit. Disability is very hard to get in Texas for whatever reason and God it's stupid. It usually takes a minimum of 2-3 years for most, and we don't have that time.

The price of rent, groceries, and everything else keeps skyrocketing, yet my roomies won't get a raise on their disability, my husband won't get a raise on his job other than just a few cents once a year.

We're living by the skin of our teeth. Paycheck to paycheck. Most of our food comes from various food banks in the area we make multiple trips to a week.

Then when it comes to my mental health issues, I'm handling it the best that I possibly can.

My CPTSD has been flaring up. Then there's the other shit going on with my head I won't get into.

I'm nearly constantly haunted by trauma and I'm so fucking tired of it. I have to keep myself busy or it creeps into my mind. And I have somnophobia because every time I sleep I'm almost guaranteed to have a night terror. No, prasosin won't help.

Anyways that's a small portion of the shit im going through and why I probably won't be online much until I get shit sorted out.

Is it weird to be the happiest you've ever been in your life, yet also the most miserable??

[moviesludge]

tagged by @thechurchofsplatterdaysaints

Do you make your bed? Not usually, but oddly enough I did during covid. Something about doing it then made sense to me but I haven't really thought about it. And then I did it when my ex used to nag me about it. I do it sometimes.

Fave number? Don't really care now but I used to like 13 and 14.

What's your job? Unemployed. Would like to be employed but refuse to work a job I hate unless I have no other option. The stress of my last job sucked bad. I help my family though (parents and sister), and there's a lot to do. My dad does absolutely everything and he's 70, so you know. Shit will be changing sooner than later.

Go back to school? I'm not ruling it out.

Can you parallel park? I can. It's weird too, because the first time I ever did it was completely out of necessity and it was a dark night and it was a really small space too. I couldn't believe it when I did it the first time. And I don't consider myself that good of a driver.

Job you had that would surprise people? I guess the most surprising maybe is call center supervisor for eharmony. Or Blockbuster? I dunno.

Aliens real? I feel like the scope of the universe makes this a certainty and it amazes me how many people think it's a ridiculous idea. Talk about main character syndrome!

Can you drive stick? I never had the means to even learn

Guilty pleasure? Eating stuff I know I'm not supposed to (very sparingly!)

Tattoos? no but I think about it sometimes. I feel like I'd get sick of it no matter what it was.

Fave color? too many. earthtones and ryb are up there.

Fave type of music? probably all the stuff in the post-punk/new wave/no wave/power pop sphere. I'm picky about metal, but when I like something I like it a lot. Also been finding out there's a fair amount of rap stuff I dig. I really like soul and funk music and some oldies (50s & 60s, not modern oldies which are 80s).

Do you like puzzles? Word/mind shit, trivia, board games, etc. Yeah I love Jeopardy and I subscribe to NYT games. I do the crosswords, wordle, strands, spelling bee, and connections games every day. I also like nonagrams and I'll do a sudoku once in a while.

Phobias? just making it in the world, especially when my parents are gone. My parents getting sick and/or dying. Climate change causing a global food supply collapse in my lifetime. The U.S. falling fully into fascism. Basically things that are all certain to happen sooner or later

Favorite childhood sport? Basketball and baseball. Never liked playing soccer or football.

Talk to yourself? Yeah mostly when I'm irritated about something.

Movies you adore? Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Evil Dead II, Speed Racer, Starship Troopers, Black Christmas, Bad Santa, My Cousin Vinny, Tremors, Gremlins 2, Better Off Dead, Big Trouble In Little China, Boxer's Omen, Terrorvision, etc

Coffee or Tea? both, but mostly coffee. I tried chai tea recently though and I like it a lot.

1st thing you wanted to be when grew up? The way my mind is, I didn't really think about things this way. All I remember desiring as a kid about being an adult was being on even ground with other adults and being given basic respect instead of being treated like a little kid. Like I wanted to sit on the couch and have my feet touch the floor. I wondered what my face would look like as an adult. The idea of a far off future job was irrelevant to me.

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