#but thats… a different topic for a different day i suppose…

[mitskiluvr]

when people say “tragic gay men” to refer to sskk it irks me bc i refuse to think of them as anything but happy They found each other over and over again and fight by each others side and find reflections of each other in everything they do… i think that’s the LEAST tragic thing in all of bsd

[applexi]

.

[lololololchips]

Kim Mingyu || in which love lingers…

synopsis: in which love lingers even after their relationship reaches its end. Mingyu discover that his enduring love and care for his ex will always remain, even if she has now found happiness in a new relationship…

genre: one shot smau, fake texts, fluff, angst, non!idol, lovers to strangers (?)

warnings: fem reader, cursing, mention of alcohol/being intoxicated

a/n: hiiiii i am very happy and excited to announce that this is my first collab!!! soooo allow me to introduce the amazing, talented, and great person that completed this smau @spamgyu !!!!! ces completely ruined me with her opinion on ex!mingyu to the point that it made me want to do an smau on the topic so here it is:)) the amazing writing portion that she did is towards the end so make sure not to skip over it and read it!!! also go show her support on all her great work, she’s gonna make u suffer and cry BUT HEY THATS OKAY🙈🙈 once again i’m truly so happy to have worked with ces so ENJOY WHAT WE PUT TOGETHER HEHE<333

Taking the final bite of his shave ice, Mingyu couldn't help but let out a pitiful chuckle as the cold treat made contact with his tongue - he had gone mad.

He had always wanted to visit the tropical island, looking forward to crossing off all the sights he had on his four year old list in his notes app.

Only difference was, it wasn't meant to just be him completing this list.

You were supposed to be there.

You were the one that had come up and done research for all the places he had paid a visit to.

From the small surf town up north to the local eateries, Mingyu couldn't quite find himself to enjoy the experience fully - knowing that there was something missing.

You.

It had been three years since the two of you had separated, both coming to terms with the end and moving on with your lives. It had been months since he had even thought of you - as a romantic partner, at least.

What was meant to be a birthday trip had turned to somewhat of a trip to tie up all the loose ends he never did seem to get to - nor was he aware had been undone.

This place was supposed to be for you two.

Mingyu knew it was stupid; relating every activity he had been doing back to you instead of fully enjoying the trip.

He was supposed to have moved on; and he has!

But why did his stomach feel like it was constantly sinking? Why did his heart feel as empty as it did the first day he had experienced a life without you?

With each picture he snapped, he found himself mumbling how much you would have loved the place.

It was everything you two had dreamed of, maybe even more.

You always did like the ocean - remembering the first time the two of you had spent at the beach together.

He could remember the smile on your face that day, almost as if it was just a week ago.

He could remember the sweet smell of coconut shampoo that lingered in your hair, wafting into his nose as the wind blew.

He could remember the sunkissed glow on your cheeks as the sun beat down on the two of you.

Would it have been the same if you had made it to the Hawaii trip with him?

Would you still have been using the same shampoo?

Would you still allow him to playfully drag you into the water - pretending as if you didn't want to wet your hair in the cold ocean water?

Probably not.

Time has passed, there was no way you were the same person - just as he wasn't that same foolish boy that he was when he was wrapped around your fingers.

You were most likely using a different shampoo now.

And you probably would have jumped into the ocean first.

He wanted to text you; send you all the images he took, update you that Matsumoto Shave Ice was as delicious as you imagined it be, tell you all about what he had been up to.

You probably wouldn't even care - at least, not like you did before.

You would simply reply casually, just like your other mutual friends.

Letting out a sigh, Mingyu tossed out the now empty cup - shaking his head to try and shake away the thoughts of you.

"I'm a fucking idiot." He scoffed, rereading the word vomit that he had spilled to you just a few minutes ago over text.

You two had been cordial, friends even - and now, that could possibly go down the drain.

All because of this stupid thing called nostalgia.

He had allowed for the emotional tie that the island had to overpower his coherent thoughts - typing all that he had felt the duration of his trip into the messaging app.

Mingyu knew he had to get it out, he had to let you know - he felt as though his chest would burst if he didn't. He had done so well holding back for the past few days, simply talking to you in his head.

But he heard it, someone had played the song the two of you had jokingly dedicated to each other after the break-up - and almost as if his younger self had possessed his body, he opened the messaging app and went on to spill all that his brain had been bothering him with.

His younger self missed you; gravely.

But not the you that was now, no - he didn't know who she is.

She is a stranger.

She may look familiar, having the same features that had once had him so weak in the knees - but she no longer felt like the home he once resided in.

He no longer knew the address to this home, nor does he think it has it's light on for him anymore.

Even if his kept the porch light on; just in case you needed to seek shelter in the darkest of nights.

It will always be on.

[nok-joke]

I think people should consider Viktor with more Zaun kid habits,

viktor sitting on tables and stuff. sometimes you see him sitting on railing or that he's?? Somehow gotten somewhere weird you're not supposed to be? And jayce is just like "WTF THATS DANGEROUS HOW DID YOU GET THERE?" and viktors just like "it's only dangerous if you're stupid"

Jayce is telling childhood stories about getting into trouble and Viktor is nodding along like "i never was able to climb as well as the other kids, but I have spent my fair share of time crawling through pipes and vents" and jayce just "you what"

One day jayce forgets his keys to the lab and so does viktor but viktor is just like "don't worry I got this" and either lock picks the door, or disappears for a while and reappears inside of the lab. Whether through the vents or like a window or smth.

Jayce looking at some food like "im.. not sure if this is still good, we should throw it out just in case" and viktor just. Takes a bite, shrugs, and goes "no, no, still fine", or viktor just having weird food habits and jayce just. Stands there debating bringing Viktor a real lunch.

Sometimes jayce finds viktor working sitting under the desk and he has come to accept that sometimes viktor can just think easier down there. Gets him a pillow or smth to sit on. Debates testing if enclosed spaces feel more comfortable by seeing if Viktor would sit in a cardboard box (he would)

Jayce is like "oh we are using some chemicals for this, probably need masks so we don't inhale any" and viktors just like "this is pussy shit. Watch this" and commits 18 osha violations.

heimerdinger has regularly longed for the ability to be able to scruff Viktor like a cat bc of the random things he gets up to.

Viktor having a bad habit of nicking small things he thinks no one will notice being gone because that's just how he grew up. It's just part of the life style really.

Viktor being a lot more blunt and open about taboo topics and occasionally rolling his eyes at Piltover customs or how they do things. Once he's truly comfortable around Jayce he will jokingly tease and complain about the differences. Poking fun at how easy it is to embarrass Piltover folk with taboo topics or smth like that

[zeherili-ankhein]

So little rant

There's this old woman teacher in our school and she teaches communication skills (literally dk what that is cuz I didn't learn a single communication skill, I'm still socially anxious)

So coming to the point why I don't like her

In one of the previous class, she asked us to share “an negetive incident that really gave us a thought”

So now all us lockdown era bitchass socially anxious kids with no experience and on top of that feeling sleepy so early in the morning said nothing to her

And most of the class was quite, mind you all the three sections of Humanities were together and the number of girls was high (on that note idk why Humanities has more girls while Commerce has more boys in our school) and most of us were sitting at the left side of class for some reason

But that is that

So now a boy from our class (not to bitch talk but dude always gets favoured by most teachers but he's nice tho, kinda cute... he blushes a lot) got up to speak about his random experience with once helping his friend go on a date or something I won't elaborate

So even tho ma'am was not really satisfied with his yapping she said it was good enough

Now another girl from a different section got up to speak, she was anxious and stumbled a couple of times but spoke about her experience with an unfair math teacher that made her cry and lose confidence.

It was really a good thing to hear, and it felt so good that she took so much courage to share something like that infront of all of us bitchass people.

And ma'am was well with it too, or so we thought....

Untill she started to say and I quote

“thats why boys are more successful because they can talk about anything and everything even if it doesn't makes sense while girls don't succeed because they can't speak like boys do, until there's a good enough topic to talk about”

And OHH MAN I WAS FUCKING BURNING from what she said

Like woman why do you say such misogynistic nonsense to us???

Why TF are you favouring mansplaining and nonsensical yapping of men over women who got social anxiety or/and wants to say the actual things that need to be said???

What's wrong in staying quiet because I FUCKING WANT TO??

NO, WOMEN DON'T SUCCEED NOT BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK. WE DON'T SUCCEED BECAUSE THE SOCIETY REVOLVES AROUND MEN AND ALWAYS FAVOURS THEM

JUST LIKE YOU DID JUST NOW

I was so mad that she said that, because how dare she.

In a school.

As a teacher.

Infront of young girls.

To whom she's supposed to be someone we should be looking up to.

I hate her from that day, and I'm never ever liking that old woman ever again. She's annoying. I hate attending her meaningless classes. I hate seeing her face. I hate listening to her. I hate her. I hate her so much.

[pastadoughie]

other posts abt this are getting deleted

my brother killed himself- the one i actually like somewhat (ryan) & not the nazi shithead who tried to choke me to death this time last year (julian). i am the youngest of 3.

hes kinda a complicated guy, similar to how they treat me i only ever get to hear about him through other family members making fun of him for his every issue - so much of what i know is negative.

most of my opinion of ryan for the past 4 years maybe has been sortof admiring- atleast in comparison to my other family members- hes the only one who actually shielded me from julians constant phisical abuse, & the only one with the sense to realize that my entire family is a bunch of miserable abusive leaching assholes who are best off associated with as little as possible. i may think hes a racist & a bit of an idiot but i still really respect him as the only person who doesnt treat me like eaither a rabid dog or a walking suicide note

its a bit offputting to me honestly- the last time i had a close relationship with him was when he was a terminally online barely legal teenager- boyblogging about my little pony & fat bitches on the internet & trying to escape a deeply abusive home life dispite having no money & no education. primary difference being with me being trans & disabled & my abuse more overt & overarching i dont really get the luxury of having any kind of positive feelings about anyone in my family. i wouldve been dead years ago if i hadnt learned how to deal w/ myself & my emotions entirely independantly. its a recursive cycle i suppose

he called a few family members shitfaced drunk the day of- was made fun of them by every one, a few hours later was supposed to go to work. drove onto an empty road in his lexis at night. driving straight before making an entirely unessasary turn to veer off the road- flipping his car multiple times over. dieing on impact- hes gotten in many accidents before- & had flipped that car & gotten hurt previously & likely rendered much of its safety features unusable.

in all likelyhood probably alot about money- a certain degree of reckless drinking & petty theft charges & unpayably expensive car repairs & your problems stop really being fixable- needing a level of both financial & mental health intervention that nobody is wiling/capable of providing to someone they veiw as a drunk.

i dont have many thoughts on this topic that i feel are meaningful- im someone primarily apathetic & only incedentally empathetic- i only show proper emotions in maybe small 20 minute intervals once in a blue moon

my primary source of emotion has just been how angry my entire family seems to be at me specifically- a unanimous & explicit & constant reminder that they would really really really rather i kill myself then them have to ever look at me or deal with my stupid inability to do seemingly easy tasks like work & schooling. i guess theyll never really get any self awareness. in many ways i dont respect any of them- even ignoring everything else theyve ever done thats just kindof a ghoulish & overly cruel thing to say- but you cant tharapyspeak your way out of being atleast a little emotional about your entire family wanting you dead

im just gonna keep silly posting as usual. abiet maybe somewhat lower energy. especially because people are seemingly incapable of treating me like a normal human being & not flattening me down to solely my life situation, out of some strange assumption that treating someone like a 1d characature of a mentally ill person from a tharapy training course is somehow less offensive then saying something mildly triggering by accident

[blackenedsnow]

if you want requests, may i suggest something (oneshot or headcanons, whatever u prefer) w postal dude (any) finding out his partner has self-harm scars? if this topic is too heavy and u dont want to write it, thats perfectly fine

scars don’t fade

WARNING: Discussion of past self harm, healed scars

PAIRING: Postal (2) Dude x Reader

NOTE: Hello dear! This is totally fine with me. I’ve chosen to do P2 for this. I was gonna go with P1 but.. I had a change of heart I suppose. I hope this is alright!

SUMMARY: Dude isn’t the softest person, but when he notices something unusual about his partner’s arms, it sparks a rare moment of reflection.

The heat outside was oppressive, the kind of weather that made you want to crawl out of your own skin. You sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, your mind elsewhere. The sleeves you wore felt heavy, but you couldn’t bring yourself to roll them up. Even in the privacy of your own home, there was a lingering shame that made you hide.

Dude barged in through the front door, tossing a bag of groceries onto the counter. “Place was a madhouse out there,” he muttered, running a hand through his messy hair. “I swear, people are gettin’ dumber by the day. Saw some jackass tryin’ to eat a stick of deodorant like it was a snack.”

You managed a small smile at that, shaking your head. “Sounds like a typical day in this town.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He dropped onto the couch next to you, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

After that, the afternoon had been quiet—unusually so. Dude was slouched on the couch, flicking through channels with his usual apathetic scowl. You were curled up beside him, enjoying the rare moment of peace in the chaos that tended to surround him.

It wasn’t often you got time like this, where there wasn’t some catastrophe or errand dragging him away. The air felt still, heavy with that calm-before-the-storm kind of energy, but for now, it was nice.

Your sweater had ridden up slightly as you stretched, exposing a sliver of your forearm. It was barely noticeable, but then again, Dude noticed things most people didn’t.

“Hold up.” His voice cut through the silence, sharper than you expected.

You looked over, seeing him glance down at your arm, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. For a split second, your heart dropped as you realized what he’d seen: the faint lines, the scars that you thought had long since faded into obscurity. But in this light, they were more visible than usual.

There was a long, tense pause. You shifted, instinctively tugging your sleeve down to cover them again, hoping he wouldn’t push it. But Dude wasn’t the type to just let things go.

“Didn’t know you had those,” he muttered, his tone uncharacteristically low, as if weighing his words.

You swallowed, your throat tight. “Yeah, it was a long time ago. I don’t... I don’t do that anymore.”

His eyes, not covered by sunglasses anymore, flicked up to meet yours, and for a moment, there was something different in his expression. He didn’t say anything for a while, and the silence hung between you like a question you weren’t sure you wanted to answer.

You expected him to say something flippant, maybe make a joke to lighten the mood, but instead, he just gave a slow, thoughtful nod. “Right.”

It was a simple word, but the way he said it wasn’t dismissive. It wasn’t awkward or judgmental. Just... understanding.

He shifted in his seat, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to find his next move. Dude wasn’t exactly known for being emotionally sensitive, but it seemed like even he knew this wasn’t something to blow off with a wisecrack.

“You don’t need to explain,” he said after a while, his voice more subdued than usual. “Not to me, anyway.”

You blinked, caught off guard by his tone. “You’re... not mad?”

Dude snorted, shaking his head. “Mad? What the hell would I be mad about? People deal with their shit in different ways. I’m not here to lecture you.”

That almost made you laugh—him, of all people, saying that. But there was something about the way he said it that soothed the knot of anxiety tightening in your chest.

“Look,” he added, leaning back on the couch and rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m not exactly a poster child for healthy coping mechanisms. Hell, half the time I’m doing something stupid just to get through the day.”

You could tell he was trying to relate, in his own twisted way. Dude was a lot of things, but he wasn’t clueless. He knew what it was like to fight things in your head—he just fought them with an entirely different arsenal.

He glanced at your arm again, then back at your face. “So you don’t do it anymore, huh?”

You shook your head. “No. I stopped a while ago. I just... sometimes, things got bad, and it was the only way I knew how to handle it.”

His jaw tightened for a second, as if he didn’t like the thought of you being in that kind of pain. “Yeah, I get that.”

And surprisingly, you believed him. He wasn’t the type to dish out platitudes or empty words. If he said he understood, he meant it.

There was another long pause, and you could feel his eyes on you, watching, but not in a way that made you uncomfortable. It was more like he was trying to figure out the right thing to say next, something that wouldn’t come off as patronizing or insensitive.

Eventually, he sighed, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “You know, scars are scars. They don’t mean you’re weak or… some shit. Just means you went through something and made it out the other side.”

You bit your lip, feeling a strange mix of relief and warmth at his words. Coming from anyone else, it might have sounded cliché, but from him, it felt raw, real.

“And hey,” he added, his tone lightening slightly, “if anyone ever gives you shit about it, I’ll make sure they don’t have a chance to say anything ever again.”

You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “Yeah, I’m sure you would.”

His lips quirked into a smirk, but it wasn’t his usual cocky grin. It was something softer, more genuine. “Damn right I would. You think I’m gonna let anyone mess with my partner?”

There was something comforting in the way he said it, the protective edge in his voice.

He reached out, hesitating for a split second before gently—so gently it surprised you—running his fingers along the fabric covering your arm. “This doesn’t change anything. Got it?”

You looked at him, your chest tightening with emotion, but you managed to nod. “Got it.”

Satisfied with your response, he leaned back again, his usual nonchalance returning. “Good. Now, let’s get back to not doing shit. I don’t feel like dealing with the world today.”

You smiled, grateful for the way he effortlessly shifted back to normal, taking the weight of the moment and making it easier to carry. Dude wasn’t perfect, but he knew how to remind you that, in his world, you were more than enough—scars and all.

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[pumpkinsy0]

since its that time of year (only 65 days😝) wb christmas hcs?

can u believe it guys???? christmas!!!! just a week away :D!!! christmas!!!!

•back in haiti, the shepards had to go to church on christmas eve late at night and it pissed them off so bad, ik they were so happy to not do that when they moved to the us LMAOOO

•tim and curly taught pony and darry how to make haitian fanals (these small house things just look it up) and YES, ur supposed to use different colors to act as the windows/light, but pony and darry just make it one solid color (their fav colors) and tim and curly think its cute, a lil dumb, but cute

•the curtis gang do secret santa here n there, but realistically most of their gifts come from donations from others, they dont rlly do the whole

•angela worked as a mall elf for the mall santa once and never again bc the kids AND the adults got on her nerves so bad, she always made either curly or someone from the gang tim made go w her as her protection from creeps n such

•curly and angela love christmas carols, they sing it together sometimes, maybe a lil louder if theyre drunk enough (soda and two love carols too btw)

•darry will take oneeeee look at the nativity scene u der the tree before bed, he wakes up, and all of a sudden baby jesus is riding a horse and the adult figures r doin things they DEFINITELY werent doing that night, he hates leaving the lil figures out and the gang starts roleplaying w em

•tim gave darry kremas and darry stupidly thinking the gang would respect the property of others, left it in the fridge and half of it was gone, their excuse was “we thought it was eggnog”🙎🏽‍♀️

•angela saw curly w a santas hat kissing pony under a mistletoe and he likes referring that night as the “i saw pony kissing santa claws” night, shes so disgusted each and every time

•the curtis parents has a box of ornaments the gangs made before and they always hung it up and thats something darry keeps doin

•sometimes curly and pony find themselves on soc territory just driving past and they see their houses as bright as a bomb blast and make fun of em

•sugar cookies r totally angelas weakness, and on the topic of cookies, curly hates gingerbread cookies, he feels like ppl hyped them up sm and when he tried it, it tasted like SHIT and till this day hes mad about it

•tim in an ugly sweater is keeping me going, he only wears it inside tho

[jazzmckay]

davg day 6:

if anyone needs me i will be over here lying on the floor

i'd already collected all the wolf statuettes apparently so as soon as i got the last from the inky (!!!!!!) i was able to view all the regrets back to back to back to back....

so yes. the floor. im a fun mix of excited and overwhelmed and heartbroken. stunned to find a ton of my headcanons are now actual canon. how intense. poor solas, jfc, but also shiiiiiit the dagger and the titans, thats so damn rough. i understand why lace is as angry as she is. the dwarves absolutely got the worst deal ever here. they are, after all, the ones who have to deal with the darkspawn all the time, not just during a blight. i took so many screenshots during all this.... i loved that the whole team got together like a damn book club to discuss solas' worst memories omg... rip to solas he's been mega exposed. the mortifying ordeal of being known. but my rook is absolutely sympathetic. i'm constantly wishing i could go talk to him whenever i want :( solas :(((( (id REALLY like to write a missing scene where rook goes to talk to him after minrathous vs treviso because who the fuck else would understand the weight of dooming innocents on such a scale? part of her sympathy is because i, the player, am sympathetic, but i also think the harder being a leader gets, the more she understands the complexity of the choices he made)

the topic of curing the titans came up..... houghhh is it really possible? will it happen in this game? aAaAAA

and then im meeting someone in the crossroads with morrigan, who she called "she". am i about to meet mythal? in spirit form after solas took her power at the end of dai??? i realize i can get this answer as soon as i want lmao but theres soooo much i want to do at the same times always!!!!

TAASH. i need to know everything about you RIGHT NOW

during all these sequences, i found myself so intrigued by everything taash had to add. theyre actually... really fucking smart? brains AND brawn? my DUDE thats hot. i got this vibe from the "taash talks" stuff as well. there is so much to them beneath the Brutal Warrior vibe

also i got a giggle out of taash immediately being like "they were fucking" about solas and mythal, and i got approval for agreeing "oh they were definitely doing it" sdfgmf incredible

i did indeed get a continuation about taash's gender issues and i'm so in love.... it's actually really wonderful to see a character still figuring it out instead of already knowing. cathartic. the struggle of feeling "not normal" and having a different response to gender things than others. simply not having the frame of reference or the terminology, just knowing theres this Feeling. can't wait to see how it plays out

the way solas was responsible for this with the titans and then when he woke up in the current world with the veil, he felt like it HAPPENED AGAIN.... ACCIDENTALLY. TO HIS OWN PEOPLE im going to scream. the way its linked to tranquility. screaming and screaming and

honestly all of this was delicious in a ton of ways, including lace, bellara, and davrin just being present, leaning all this about the dwarves, the elves, and the blight. bellara and lace relating over the need to reevaluate so much of what they understood..... hhh and davrin probably now understands more about the blight than any other warden ever.

when bellara mentioned that solas might be able to possess someone to escape the fade my pupils went blown like an excited cat lol literally instantly "POSSES ME, SOLAS....."

yes yes we're supposed to be wary, we're expecting him to betray us of course of course but listen. rook and solas could be in one body fighting this together as a little treat. im just SAYING

so after this i did emmrichs personal mission in the necropolis gardens, which was fucking beautiful. i do actually find cemeteries really peaceful, personally. ive been to some old canadian ones and had a great time sitting in the grass between the headstones and writing in my journal. so i loved this very much. walked around quite a bit, not sprinting at all, just taking it in and doing the side quest there

also emmrich and bellara are team "upbeat and kind, reveal their traumatizing backstory, then go back to normal like that never came up!" omg they.... i wish there was a "hug companion" button

i went to the anderfels after but i was feeling a bit overstimulated with all the stuff i learned! but i will def play more later because i am dying to find out more

[squeakadeeks]

i havent overshared something extremely complicated and personal on here in awhile so its time to fix that

you might recall that after this past summer i've been trying to recover from anorexia. progress has been....ok. i suppose better than nothing but im certainly in the rocky/awkward phase of it now. Thats part of why i've been doing more illustrative art/doll art as opposed to sharing images of myself/things that relate to my appearance like cosplay.

which brings me to the primary thing thats on my mind which that historically, whenever people give accolades or shout out my strengths as a costumer, a majority of the time its on my shilloweete. and sure, i do work a lot with petticoats and padding to make things more dramatic, but fully and genuinely 90% of that is just because of how disproportionately weird my measurements are with respect to my head and skeleton. its not actually a skill, talent, or anything i've put effort into, its just a consequence of anorexia. and its hard because when people draw attention to it, i cant be like "thanks. its because ive been intentionally and resolutely trying to off myself for the past 10 years."

i guess this is something that i shouldn't be picky about, i feel bad getting upset over compliments but i do wish i could be recognized more for my design work, material strategy, and actual craftsmanship over how i look. especially because of the next thing, which is the fact that i get...a not insignificant amount of feedback from people saying they wished they looked like me in a post, or saying that they dont feel like they can cosplay the same characters because of their body.

and at the risk of being controversial, i know that oftentimes the response to statements like that are "COSPLAY IS FOR EVERYONE <3" or a similar sentiment, but this ignores that fact that cosplay is not the same for everyone. because look, there was a brief period in 2016 when i actually was at a healthy weight and my treatment in the cosplay community was like night and day. i dont know what to say when i know that the way we're going to be viewed for doing idential things is going to be significantly different, and i think back to how much praise i get for things that are disordered behavior. If those comments wernt there...would anything else actually fill that void? if that person wasnt giving me a compliment on how much i "actually look like that character", would they have said anything at all?

one of my goals is to eventually get to the point where i can make good on my word and my internal morals and try to challenge those ideas by existing in spite of them, but dawg. i just simply do not have that mental resolve yet. at the very least ive wanted to address it on tiktok and IG where this problem happens the most, but i both dont know how to approach the topic responsibility and if i could handle the upsetting comments, be them well intentioned or otherwise.

[mechanical-marionette-system]

///introduction.wilbur

<wilbur> hey guys 😀

<wilbur> there are. technically two of us so this is gonna be formatted a little differently. sorry.

<wilbur> we aren't actually a subsystem, we just formed at the same time and often front together, so it's easier to just act as a team.

<ghostbur> update we don't really front together or act as a team but we're sharing a post still cause im too lazy to change it

<wilbur> we are collectively aroace.

[fancy divider here]

//introduction.ghostbur

[fancy divider here]

<ghostbur> hey. ghostbur here.

<ghostbur> as of recently i am the host of the system.

<ghostbur> im pretty similar to Shock but i assure you we are different.

<ghostbur> fandoms are. dsmp, ultrakill (wow thats not a lot)

<ghostbur> i use the signoff ---ghostbur

<ghostbur> yeah i mean that's really all there is to say about me sorry

//introduction.revivebur

[fancy divider here]

<wilbur> revivebur. call me wilbur, though

<wilbur> role is probably some variety of traumaholder or depressionholder. not that you needed to know that.

<wilbur> fandoms: dsmp, green day, fall out boy, danger days

<wilbur> signoff ---wilbur

<wilbur> idk what else to put here

[fancy divider here]

///Boundaries

[fancy divider here]

<wilbur> blog-wide DNI is good

//flirting: no

//playful bullying: sure i guess

//nicknames: sure

//sensitive topics: no thanks

[fancy divider here]

<wilbur> are we supposed to put anything down here shock's been missing since before we formed so idk

<wilbur> oh yeah. we do NOT support cc!wilbur. his actions disgust us. in fact don't even bring him up please and thanks

///user.wilbur signing off

///user.ghostbur signing off

[fancy divider here]

//userboxes below cut

guess who has no userboxessssssss

[crybabysunflower]

Thinking about Neil Perry

I watched Dead Poets Society last December and I cannot get that movie out of my head. It is consuming me like a rat getting consumed by a snake. It is constantly in my head and I desperately need to talk about this movie which has grown so dear to me.

Before watching Dead Poets Society, I was aware of some spoilers regarding the movie. I knew Neil Perry is going to take his own life because of his overbearing parents who do not respect his autonomy, his true passion and his real self.

Because I was aware of this spoiler I felt funny whenever I saw Robert Sean Leonard (the actor who played as Neil) in HouseMD (back in December when I watched Dead Poets Society I often got Shorts of HouseMD on my Youtube's for you page). I mean of course he is an actor he is supposed to play different characters. Perhaps because I did not know him well enough (I barely even knew his name and only saw him as the "Neil Perry Actor") I mainly associated him with his character in Dead Poets Society. Whenever I saw Dr Wilson I could not help but keep thinking this would have been Neil if he did not die that night. I am not well versed with the character of Dr Wilson but I imagine in that life Neil would have been unhappy with his life, feeling trapped forever, first in the clutches of his parents and now by the demanding job he performs, even more traumatised than he already has been because he likely would have to watch people die every single day, he would be a living zombie. His dad says he "would be free to do anything" after he pursues his goals of becoming a doctor but I highly doubt if he would have any time for himself at all. The only thing he would crave is few moments of silence which would have become a rare treasure. While I dont endorse suicide I dont blame him for choosing to not exist instead of barely existing at all because death truly feels kinder than the life which was to be ahead of him after the incident.

I knew this was to come and thats why whenever the topic of him acting was mentioned anywhere in the movie I could not help but get apprehensive because I knew this was eventually not going to end well. However I also couldnt help but bask in Neil's joy in getting his role and letting myself hoping for good. Hoping that his father does not appear during the play like Neil expected and everything goes smoothly according to the plan.

Eventually due to my own living situation where I too feel trapped by the worst possible outcome I cant help but seek comfort in Neil's character. Yet his tragic fate discomforts me. Like him I too have considered that death is kinder than what lays ahead of me but....I am instinctively afraid of death, I simply want to be free from my circumstances. I am pretty sure Neil wanted to live too I see his act of taking his own life as a way of self preservation, saving himself from becoming a shell of his former self.

I keep on thinking why did Mr Perry even go to watch the play on the first place. Especially when he thinks stuff like that are mere waste of time, why is HE allowed to waste his time while his son doesnt. And if he went there to perhaps simply support any of his colleague's children. It makes my blood boil. How can he be willing to support the passion of other's children but not of his own son.

Also, in the beginning when Mr Perry reminds Neil of his duty, he talks about how his mother too wanted him to become a doctor, and the way he talks about his wife I assumed that Neil has a dead mother. And while she was technically alive, she was as better as dead mother could be, barely providing her son with an ounce of comfort.

I also think about how Neil doesnt address his father as "dad" but as "sir" and when he does address his father as "dad" after hearing whatever his father tells him...it just shows how distant they are from each other. He doesnt see Mr Perry as his father but simply as an authorative figure for whom he had to perform his expected duties

[delusionalnerdt]

Hey! I'm about to start my medical college journey & am a little confused about the books to read in the first year. Could you please help me? I looked thru your blog & it seems like at your uni they follow a pattern and timeline similar to the Indian medical system, so I thought I'd pop by & ask you for some advice :)

PS: Love your blog, really inspirational!! 🩵 I'm a ex-French learner myself & your posts really inspire me to restart.

Hey, first of all, congratulations and welcome to the Fraternity!

As for the books:

Anatomy

General anatomy : get the bdc or vishram singh general anatomy pdf or get the book from library once you are in college and give a read to important topics and go through the terminologies. You can read general anatomy now, before you go to college or during your foundation course classes

Gross anatomy : The preferred book by students is BDC but i read vishram singh. It has very easy to remember diagrams and things are given in points, i suppose you will feel easier to understand and remember. May be, you can go to a store and see both books and decide (goes for all the books, I'll write here about my personal experience only)

Embryology : Get a langman from senior or if it is okay, buy it too. It's an international book but quite good. You don't have to go through everything but the important topics. Vishram singh embryology is also nice. I got to know about it just few days before exam but it was nice. And please don't neglect embryology. Your friends and seniors will say that it doesn't matter, it does. I suppose i could have got distinction in anatomy if only i had read embryo properly since in paper 1, i couldn't write one answer at all. (Like distinction is not everything, it's just kind of an achievement that can boost you?)

Histology : we read IB singh and mostly, our class notes.

Osteology : Again, class notes. But i guess, poddar is being followed here. I had the pdf. So, see if your college has good teacher who teaches you well, take notes of the bones and revise them. Well, vishram singh gross books also have bone sections and its quite nice.

Physiology

Guyton is the best book. If it is possible for you, get that book either from a senior or from a store. Seniors will tell you otherwise most of the time unless you are in AIIMS or the top colleges. Don't listen to them. I regret not studying standard books, they are gem. But you have to start from initial days and again, make notes of important topics. For exam purpose, you can read your notes and Sembulingam. Thats a nice book. You can keep a pdf. We used AK jain too. But in case you are reading Guyton, making notes and using Sembu, you don't need it. And get the AK jain practical book.

Biochemistry

The standard books are Lippincott and Harper. They are review books. Other than that we followed Satyanarayan or Vasudevan. Satyanarayan is better for exams i feel. Since its like a note. You can keep one of them as physical book and other as pdf. Keep whatever pdf you get actually. And as you proceed, you will get to know about more study materials like Jambulkar. That's nice note but use that as a revision tool.

In our college, for practical in biochemistry, we real our practical copies only. So, i have no idea what other colleges follow for practical

Do join telegram channels, you will get whatever pdf you need and important topics. I will suggest you to read every topic but make notes or proper annotation of important topics and of course, revision of them.

That's all i can remember now. Its not like you need to buy all the books right now itself. See those books in library or get the pdfs and go through random topics and whatever you feel nice, you can buy it. And as i said, keep all pdfs. Mbbs is not like preparing for neet. There will be topics easier to understand or easier to present in exam in different book than yours. But you cannot buy all books so pdf works. And do feel free to ask whatever doubt you have!

PS : This means a lot, thank you! And you can definitely restart your language lessons too.

[stageoutoffive]

breakdown

according to kubler ross, there are five stages of grief. i am at number one. shock (or denial)

when i first met you, i thought you talked a lot- it didn't bother me too much i suppose. i had never really met someone who could also talk about nonsense as much as me. even if we had different topics to yap about.

when i first met you, i had dreamt of you. my brain was asleep, but my conscious had made a shape of you. every night after that, i had prayed that i could see it again

when i first met you, i knew that i wanted you. i had told the moon that you were mine ! she winked at me and breezed me a

"good luck"

the moon is dissapointed in me tonight, for her back is turned and she cries with me,

"it's your fault !" she showers.

and it is my fault.

i'm so dumb

so dumb

so. dumb.

i had lost an angel like you, because i figured i was a chore to you.

and i'm sure if i told you all of this instead of mixing emotions and cheap liquor, we would have been fine ! yes, with some problems, but we would have been together ! and thats all i need.

before i had made that stupid impulsive decision of leaving you, i had gone days without eating. i was so used to getting full with your words, that i forgot what being hungry felt like. my colored hair was getting brittle because i had stopped imagining you stroking it. i was no longer myself and i figured you wouldn't want me that way.

lifeless.

i wasn't going to leave you forever, i just wanted you to focus on school and your new hobbies and new friends ! but i didn't tell you that. i just kicked everything to the side and vanished.

and i know in the beginning, we'd say we'd never do that to each other, but i figured that it was best for you to hate me then for you to wait for me (if you even wanted to) it wouldn't be fair.

and please my love,

please please please

feel me when i say,

i am so terribly sorry for putting you through this.

i know it can be hard to believe and its not my place for you to forgive me and if you did this to me-

oh lets get serious, you'd never do this to me.

you have went through so much pain and suffering, and you trusted me enough to tell me those things, and in the end i threw it all away because i was scared to talk to you.

i'd walk to your school and show up with flowers and a boombox and embarrass myself, if it meant i could be around you just once.

i'd learn how to play the guitar and rent a venue with you as the only guest and try to preform for you.

i would take off my makeup and let my hair run wild and cry to you. i would let you see the ugly side of me because i believe you'd love me either way.

"loved" i'm sorry.

i will continue to love you in present and future. even if you don't feel the same way.

it's selfish of me but

no "but" i'm just selfish.

tomorrow i will find a new way to feed off you. maybe in music or a nature documentary. i'll check my phone every 5 minutes in case you'll text me, it likely won't happen though, you're goodbye was so strong.

but my denial is much more stronger.

[cheiyunn]

Kimisute main story [3部 ] Part 2

Side: Argonavis

[Bar]

Wataru: This is…?

Rintaro: One of our favorite bars. Usually you’d have to sign up for it but if it’s empty they’re chill if you jump on and play a few songs

Banri: True that there’s a drum set, base and even guitar but… why'd cha bring us here..?

Ryuusuke: Oooi–, is it fine to use em?

Bar owner: Yeah sure, even reserved em for you this time

Ryuusuke: Thanks!*

Rintaro: hm? …What are you loitering around for? You guys better get ready too

Yuuto: !?

Wataru: Since you suddenly dragged us along, I’m not catching the drift here…

Ryuusuke: What, y’all don’t know our lives or something?

Ryuusuke: Ain’t it obvious by now that we’ve been using support members provided by the label by now

Banri: Yeah we know that part but more like now, here now, are we supposed to be playing that part !?

Rintaro: Play the part. C’mon, get ready

--[ST//RAYTRIDE performance starts, with argo as supporting]--

Wataru: (Ah–, what is this…)

Banri: (You’re joking right, even if we’re all over the place they’re matching us..)

Yuuto: (It feels like I’m being pulled up by Tennoji-san and Yodogawa-san’s voices..)

Yuuto: (Its different from him, and also different from Ren but… this prowess is overpowering…)

Wataru: (These are… the true pros….)

--[Performance ends]--

Ryuusuke: Thanks a bunch–!

Bar owner: That's my line. Cause of your performance the mood here is completely lifted so it helps a bunch

Rintaro: Thats because we’re on friendly terms with you of course. Right? Ryuusuke

Ryuusuke: Yeah! We fancy this place alot so look forward to the next one

Bar owner: These guys over here, are they the juniors you were talking about the other day?

Ryuusuke: Yeah yeah. Well now we know they’re more jello than we thought they’d be though

Ryuusuke: Lemme borrow that place for a bit~

Rintaro: For now, take a seat

Yuuto: r…right…

Wataru: Do you frequent this place alot?

Rintaro: You could say so. We poked in and out here a few times before our major debut so I guess you can say we’ve been long time patrons

Ryuusuke: We can’t go too frequently anymore since we’ll get mobbed by fans so we’re holdin’ back

Ryuusuke: Okay. Let's switch to the main topic here

Ryuusuke: You kiddos, just like your presentation; your playing is just as sugary

Banri: …so you mean to say we’re lacking in skill…?

Rintaro: Half right, but also half wrong

Ryuusuke: I ain’t callin’ ya lacking in skill in total. But yeah, y’all got that roughness that comes with bands newly starting off

Ryuusuke: Just as I said, y’all are all ‘sugar’. Maybe ‘sweetly spoiled’ is a better word

Ryuusuke: When you hit a troubled wall somebody will help you, everyone’s all in this together holdin’ hands kinda stuff….  Its all just fluff

Banri: But, isn’t the internal workings of the band just as important right

Ryuusuke: If ya wanna go off and just casually have fun playin’, then go do it as a side hobby or something

Yuuto: ….!

Rintaro: If you’re really looking into going pro, the current rate you’re at needs to change, stat.

Ryuusuke: …On that note! The special advice lesson cuts off here!

Wataru: sorry…?

Ryuusuke: What, ya thought we’d go from a to z or somethin’?

Ryuusuke: Do we look like a pair of nice seniors like that to you?

Rintaro: Ryuusuke in actuality is a nice person though 

Ryuusuke: Rin-chan ya didn’t need to add that in

Ryuusuke: Yeah but he actually wanted to put a word in with Nanahoshi directly but yeah… maybe it can hold off ‘til next time

Ryuusuke: So, we’re gonna log out now so y’all better hurry back

--[They leave]--

Banri: …hah, from start to finish I don’t get them

Wataru: Yeah… but saying all that, they were amazing. Yu? You’re spacing out, something wrong?

Yuuto: Hm? Oh… oh, yeah… We’re going back right

Banri: Yeah. It feels out of place for us to be here anyways so…

Banri: Ren-kun’s pair, are probably already at home right…?

[Park]

--[A while back]--

Ren: r…Rio, wait!

Rio: Nanahoshi

Ren: Um… about Yuuto

Rio: Yeah, I get it. At the moment, Yuuto is trying to hold it out alone

Rio: …well, there’s also a feeling of disappointment that he didn’t come to talk it out either..

Ren: Same here… I wonder if Yuuto is really okay

Rio: Once some time has passed and he has all his thoughts in place, I’m sure he’ll explain it 

.

— — —

* He says more of the casual equivalent to ‘ty’ I suppose but I’m unsure if it’ll come off easily