crybabysunflower

[crybabysunflower]

I think Neil Perry from Dead Poets Society is one of the best BPD representations in media. Sure his story is tragic but as someone with BPD he means so much to me. Especially given the fact that most of the time people with BPD are often portrayed as violent abusive and deranged and it feels repetitive and stigmatising at the same time. And sure I am not going to say that there arent bad people in the community but we are not a monolith, and in the end we did not consented to have this mental illness. Its like not all autistic people are like Elon Musk or all people with bipolar disorder are like Kanye West for example.

I think Neil from the book is more BPD-coded than him in the movie but I still choose headcannon Neil from the movie as a person with BPD

[crybabysunflower]

Robert Sean Leonard owes me my therapy, psychiatric appointment and psych meds bills

[crybabysunflower]

This is actually Robert Sean Leonard and me constantly watching him die in almost every piece of media he touches upon.

[crybabysunflower]

"Neil from Dead Poets Society is literally me!!"

*proceeds to be exactly like Robert Sean Leonard*

[crybabysunflower]

Neil gets to fulfill his dreams of becoming an actor but the entertainment industry can be very ruthless and exploitative, especially towards someone like him who does not have any connections which would had help him boost his career. I imagine him going to an audition for a role of the lead character he really wanted and his performance was spectacular. The judges even gave him a standing ovation, it was that good. And he was so sure he would get that role. However the role went to a comparitively mediocore actor, and Neil himself was assigned to play as a minor character with a very little screentime.

He goes back to his apartment which he shares with Todd. It was raining outside, like usual he had forgotten to pack an umbrella in his bag but he could care less about it. He was way too occupied thinking about the rejection he faced. Rain would also help him to hide how much he sobbed after the audition, to make Todd worry less about him. Neil always had this tendency to hide his feelings when he gets upset but he is too awful at hiding. He laughs when he vents his feelings out but his teary eyes reveals everything.

Todd was appalled when he opened the door. Neil looked miserable, rainwater dripping down his hair, his clothes, creating a small puddle where he stood, his shoulders were slouched. Yet he smiled, after all Todd's presence was the only thing which could give him solace. Before Todd could say anything Neil walks forward and rests his head against the latter, dampening Todd's dark blue jumper. Todd was about to speak but stopped himself as he felt Neil breaking into a sob, feeling his shoulders rise and fall.

"I was good, I was really good"

he says while crying on Todd's shoulder. Todd's arms instinctually rise and embraces Neil, not giving a care about his own clothes getting wet.

(This is inspired by the song End of The Day by SHINee's Jonghyun)

[crybabysunflower]

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[crybabysunflower]

Despite being aware of some of the major spoilers of the story before I watched Dead Poets Society, I was not aware of the fact that the movie was set in the late 50s. Because it was released in 1989 i assumed it is also set during the late 80s. But I couldnt help but notice how the colour palette of the movie was mostly 50 shades of beige muted reds greens and blues and mostly earthy tones (a striking contrast to how colorful the 80s was or atleast how I visualise the 80s) the devices around them looked quite a bit old fashioned and most importantly the utter lack of any person of color in the entire movie. Like I couldnt help but get a bit weirded out by that until I remembered my history lessons and through my observation (before re reading the wikipedia carefully) that it was set somewhere in the 50s. It cant be older than that and yes I was right.

[crybabysunflower]

Charlie:- *holds up a signboard*

Neil:- *reads*- 'what gender are you'....uhh male?

Charlie:- *reveals more of the signboard*

Neil:-*reads*- 'attracted to-'*breaks into laughter* YOU PRANKSTER *wheezes* YOU SILLY *coughs*...still male tho

[crybabysunflower]

look, yooran is cute (specifically SE/maybe GE yooran), but i've always been iffy over be3 yooran since. yk. there's an obvious power dynamic and there's abuse and implied SA. and maybe it's just me and maybe i'm crazy and a prude bc i'm on tumblr saying i don't like toxic abusive yaoi, but i'm a guy who enjoys ships where two consenting people actually love and care about each other. additionally, i don't care if you have fetishes, or you're into some nausea-inducing shit or dark romance, unless it's like heading towards obvious pedo/incest/bestiality bait. i'll scroll and block if i don't want to see it. but putting fanart of a yooran fic where yoosung is GRAPHICALLY abused and SAed in almost every chapter without tagging it in any way and celebrating it literally feels like one of those "don't click this unless you're curious! >_<" bait into g0re sites that u get on other websites. if you get off to noncon and heavy domestic violence, PLEASE tag it. that's all i'm asking for. jesus christ.

[crybabysunflower]

From the bottom of my heart I despise how many locals after watching the movie go "oh he is so stupid and coward for killing himself over a silly play" and not "Why is his dad a fucking grown ass man crashing out so hard that he thought it will be a very good idea to forever isolate his son from his beloved friends and teacher so that he the dad could live his unfulfilled dreams vicariously through his son and pay no heed to what he actually wants. WHY IS HE CRASHING OUT OVER A SILLY PLAY"

[crybabysunflower]

One of the main reasons why I haven't been quite open to play any otome game other than mystic messenger is not just because I have a hard time getting a hang of the gacha system a lot of these games tend to have. Not just because some of these games are a one way ticket to gambling addiction especially given my own struggle with being quite an impulsive person.

But it's because I have a hard time finding a character in such games who are similar to Yoosung. And it's not really about being a cute gamer boy but the things he represents- his kindness his optimism his resilience his sincerity his loving self his desire to constantly improve himself and most importantly how relatable he is to me when it comes to things he struggles with. I have yet to find someone from the world of otome games or atleast the ones i have heard of who is similar to him.

Surprisingly I can name multiple characters outside of the world of otome games who are similar to him when it comes to their personalities and the themes they represent. From Anime (Hachi from NANA, Matsuda from Death Note, Eiji from Banana Fish), to K dramas (Jang Hanseo from Vincenzo), to video games which aren't otome games (Daisuke from Mouthwashing) to western classical literature (Charles Bingley from Pride and Prejudice, Razumikhin from Crime and Punishment). Characters like him are pretty widespread in multiple media

Perhaps there are characters who are similar to him in otome games i have yet to know about but till then I am sticking to mysme

[crybabysunflower]

It might be "romantic" to think that after The Incident Todd closed his heart and never got into any relationships for the rest of his life, however I love to believe that Todd eventually found love in the future. This does not mean that he has forgotten Neil, Neil Perry is irreplacable but the last thing Neil would ever want to be for Todd is an obstacle, someone who restricts him from truly living his life to the fullest. Neil Perry is irreplacable but Todd will heal. Maybe after he died and became a ghost of sorts Neil might be a little jealous but I know he will eventually choose Todd's happiness

[crybabysunflower]

getting into Dead Poets Society and connecting with the story and characters (all of the characters are white and majority of them are cis men) in it made me question why do white people have so much gripe with a non white actor being casted as a disney princess (unless we are talking about the ones whose race and culture are closely tied with their storyline). I am a person of color (south asian to be specific) and I am not a cis man yet I was able to see myself and reasonate with Todd Anderson and Neil Perry (and a bit with Richard Cameron) and all of them are white cis boys (of course you can headcannon any of them as trans but my point still stands)

[crybabysunflower]

All you ever need in life is just takemichi hanagaki reblog if you agree

[crybabysunflower]

I would have watched the Troy movie if it had young Robert Sean Leonard in the cast (preferably as either Achilles or Patroclus, he probably wouldve been casted as the latter because of his soft brown eyes and his track record of playing dead gays) I would have put up with all the innacuracies in that movie all for him

[crybabysunflower]

I am hardly into any videogame except Mystic Messenger which is also one of the fandom I have stayed the longest.

Yoosung Kim is my most beloved character, he is everything I would prefer in a man- kind, gentle, honest, empathetic, is sincere in his love and overall makes me feel safe. He is also one of the best depictions of depression in media. There is so much to talk about him

I tag:- @winnielewoo @tom-failure @roman-cup and anyone who is willing to join in

Starting a tag game because why not

Name your favorite game character and why

Mine is Joel Miller from the last of us because..he's joel. Don't need a reason :3

@hiro--aoki @literally-lord-montgomery @bonsai-and-the-suns @roryrorio @thatoneghostcosplayer @sokittykingdom @h00d-tr4sh @jesterthezombie @casimirsstache @aneptunicperson and everyone that sees this 🦇

[crybabysunflower]

Likes Mint Choco chip ice cream-

Charlie, Neil, Pitts

Hates Mint Choco chip ice cream-

Todd, Knox, Meeks

Hates mint choco chip icecream but pretends to like it so that he can fit in not realising that he is allowed hate stuff-

Richard Cameron