#but that's a story for another time :'D
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OKAY SO I DID ASK MY PASTOR ABOUT IT AND HE DID GIVE AN ANSWER :DDD
So Mary would've known that her son would become the Messiah, but she wouldn't have known the how of the Messiah's prophesied salvation. See, at the time the Israelites would've known about the Messiah prophecy and that one day He will come down and free Israel of its oppressors and bring them into a golden age-- if anything, they were praying and banking on the possibility that it'll happen soon because they didn't like their arrangement with the Romans, being taxed stifling amounts and dealing with the government corruption and all.
Sooooo the reason why everyone portrays the Nativity as a happy, triumphant event... because no one at the time knew the how of Jesus performing his role as the Messiah. Everyone was expecting a mighty figure leading the people to storm the gates and cast out the Romans, and when Jesus began His ministry at the age of 30, everyone got their hopes up with Him. He had very based takes that most people agreed with, He performed miracles, He was overall very chill and gave a lot of people the comfort and healing they needed, and His name meant "Savior"! Ain't no way this isn't the Messiah! Jesus of Nazareth, the King of Jews!
And then He died about three years into His ministry, accused, condemned and executed for blasphemy.
Yes it all went according to plan, but no one knew that. No one could've foreseen that Jesus was born to live to die, even with a wise man offering Jesus myrrh (which yes is enbalming fluid but is also an acceptable bougie af gift to give at the time) and Simeon's prophecy, which is the vaguest prophecy ever written on paper ("[Jesus] is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul, too." - Luke 2:34-35).
Until Jesus was apprehended at Gethsemane, no one had for a moment thought that their King, their Savior would be put to death before any front could be made behind him. Which I would argue is even angstier :]c A person a good half of the population loved and thought would free them of their oppression, only for that person to be convicted and put to death. And unlike the disciples, who scattered and hid from the Roman guards throughout Jesus' trial, Mary, Mother of Jesus, stayed and watched a few paces away from the cross. Her beloved son, dying in pain, mocked by the Jews, slandered by the Romans, jeered by the criminals on either side of him. The Man who was destined to save Israel.
why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?
#h hey chat did i cook#do with this info what you will haha#my pastor actually found the question a very interesting one ^^#fact you may not know about pastors: depending on the denomination it is commonly expected that pastors have to study to be ordained#it's optional but it's just a thing for the bigger ministry organizations for their pastors to need a Bachelor in Theology or Philosophy#pro-tip: if the pastor can go into a bit of detail about the original Hebrew translation#or talk about the historical cultural context of scenes in the bible#it's not a fool-proof “you can trust this guy's word”#but you can certainly trust their word a little more than the average pastor#source: i used to have a school pastor who was entirely self-taught... and yeeeaaaahhh it showed#man had some of the most RANCID takes i could possibly hear#but that's a story for another time :'D#anyway enjoy that mental image of the nativity byyeeeeeeee
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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Law novel sequel's title will be "Novel Law: The Hour of Kikoku" (Kikoku no Toki).
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... or 'The Time of Kikoku', 'Hour' just sounded catchier.
It's going to be a multichaptered spinoff, the upcoming magazine doesn't conclude the story. Here's an update from the official website.
Seems it's the story behind Law acquiring his sword? Sakagami Shusei (Novel Law author) has shared some initial thoughts (the first tweet was before the title revelation).
Felt the last one 🤝
Once again, Oda's involvement is expected to be minimum. It's almost entirely written by Sakagami Shusei, like its prequel.
Let's hope we finally get to know the names of the other members of the Heart pirates!
Nishimura Kinu's sketch seems to hint at Law's interaction with Hakugan, maybe we'll get to know how he got recruited.
#one piece#one piece novel Law#trafalgar law#trafalgar d. water law#heart pirates#mine#if there's another spinoff - maybe sakagami san will be able to cover law's journey all the way to rocky port incident#but I want to it to be saved for a different form of adaptation with more of oda's involvement - like a film or anime exclusive#or a manga side story#anyway I'm really looking forward to read this - mainly bc this is the first novel content I can directly read from japanese#I want to translate even though it'll probably take months to complete - but this time I want to do it myself
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FIN. thats a wrap guys!
START | PREVIOUS
Speedrun/Timetravel AU masterlist
#one piece#op fanart#monkey d. luffy#time travel au#speedrun au#bon clay#hahaha i hope that doesnt seem like 2 abrupt of a finish#you’ll get to see what vivi asked bon to do in one of the next installments of the series (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*#not the very next one though. im prolly gonna do usopp or somthin 4 the next one#welp no more daily updates peace guys i hope u had a fun ride#well… until i get another idea for a cover story that is XD
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just got an absolutely despicable idea for a Stevepop fic I need u guys to know I am making this exact face
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#guys i was sweeping n i genuinely stopped n started makijg this face >:D#i looked up n my coworker was stabding there like 🧍♂️#sorry man#i cant explain myself#no words#also i would like to blame this entirely on horsegirlsodapop#for making my ass into a stevepop STUDIER#those boys just spin around in my mind like a microwave all the time#n i love them so much#which is why in every universe i am making their lives worse#love their crazy asses#🫶#heart#but i cannot let them know peace#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#steve randle#stevepop#expect another fucked up sad story from me the second my job releases my ass#(two to three days DAMN [REDACTED RESTAURANT]
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A little Luffy headcanon I have to share with you :3
When he sleeps I moves around ALOT, but when he's sleeping while clinging to someone or just touching them bro does NOT move.
When Asl were kids they figured this out, Sabo was the first to notice, he would notice it first when Luffy would cling to him or Ace, Luffy loves physical touch basically.
After 3D2Y this became more common for him to want to dogpile on his crew, because they were separated for so long. This headcanon also ties on with him saying that being alone hurts more than being injured.
Idk this is a headcanon I've had for awhile so :33
#one piece#im rewatching and im currently on amazon lily#asl brothers#portgas d ace#sabo#monkey d. luffy#luffy loves physical touch 100%#sorce me#trust#its canon#headcanon#i love that rayleigh and luffy are the only men allowed on amazon lily#they're the only two who actually treated Boa like an actual person after finding out about her past sooo#ugh i love boa hancock ♡#but thats a story for another time :33
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stupid dungeon meshi au where laios is an unexplainable eldritch monster thing that constantly eats anything he can get his hands on. everyone in the party treats him like a slightly disorderly raccoon. everyone outside the party gets a fastpass to heaven from just seeing him.
#people meeting the touden party for the first time: GET YO FUCKIN DOG BITCH#falin: he don't bite :)#to some people he's so incomprehensible that he circles right back around to being some white guy#izutsumi joining and properly seeing laios: you're seeing that thing right. i can't be hallucinating you're seeing this shit too right.#marcille and chilchuck who just see some dude: yea it's just our token male tallman#nothing changes in the first half of dungeon meshi except falin didn't die but laios ate the red dragon and thistle forcibly kicks them out#the second half of the story is everyone desperately trying to hide laios from the canaries#while the man himself wanders off to hunt for winged lion meat#kabru: ok so hear me out. the touden party aren't hiding anything haha no falin's brother goes to another dungeon.#but theoretically if he was in the dungeon right now and he was also an ancient eldritch monster capable of eating the world what would u d#mithrun: ...there's another touden?#the winged lion is fucking terrified of laios. the winged lion does not know if eldritch monsters can eat demons.#the winged lion is about to find out.#finale of this au is a kaiju battle between the demon and laios#laios#laios touden#laios thorden#falin touden#falin thorden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#my art#fanart#art#doodle#don't repost or your tibia is going in the broth next
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The sky is dark.
Even during daytime, the sky is dark, almost as if it were evening. A perpetual twilight. It’s a sight that is very much unnatural, yet there’s very little that is natural about the world nowadays. Not since the day when a horde of cursed spirits suddenly manifested in the heart of New Shinjuku with no warning whatsoever, promptly plunging the freshly-rebuilt city into chaos. And almost as if it had been a signal of sorts, similar incidents had swiftly spread across the globe in the days that followed.
Armageddon, some called it. The End of the World. As the catastrophe progressed, the environment itself changed as well in reflection of the disaster ravaging the now-hostile, dangerous world.
“So this is where you’re hiding, huh?”
Shiki turns around and cranes her head to look upwards. “… Satoru-niichan?”
Her cousin pats her on the head, and plops down on the stone ledge next to her with a gusty sigh. “Needed a break?”
Shiki doesn’t respond to that, instead drawing her legs closer to herself and burying her face into her knees. She receives another headpat from her cousin.
“I get it,” he says. “It’s a lot. Sorcerers aren’t really supposed to do much aside from just killing cursed spirits, but look at us now –shining paragons and defenders of the last, greatest bastions of humanity. What a joke, right? Like, what do I know about running cities or maintaining infrastructure or resource allocation?”
“People are grasping at straws,” Shiki says quietly. Between the two of them… it’s definitely Satoru-niichan who bears the heavier burden. But even so, despite all the responsibilities that he’s laden with, he still does his best to look out for her in moments like these.
The knowledge lights a spark of warmth inside her chest.
“Yeah, they most definitely are,” Satoru-niichan sighs. “And sorcerers happen to look like they have the longest straws, no thanks to the entire mess back in ‘18.”
“… Geto-san’s Cursed Spirit Manipulation would’ve been nice to have right now,” Shiki props up her chin with a hand. Considering that the entire world was overrun with cursed spirits, his cursed technique would’ve been an excellent counter.
He might even be the new ‘Strongest.’
… Although, if Geto-san were still alive, he probably would’ve set off to make his own stronghold, one that strictly, specifically only protected sorcerers.
Shiki sighs.
“Oh, and you know what else would be nice to have? A good bowl of cream anmitsu.”
The girl blinks in surprise at the sudden non-sequitur, and gives her cousin a side-eye.
“What? I thought we were indulging in a bout of wishful thinking here,” the young man sticks his tongue out at her. Food is growing scarce; most fruits are dried or preserved –and that’s to say nothing of how ice cream and such frozen desserts of the like are a luxury rarely seen anymore. Sugar is rationed and restricted, as is salt. “Although I’d take konpeito, too.”
Konpeito would definitely be easier to obtain than something outrageous like cream anmitsu, especially the specific type that Satoru-niichan had once been so fond of.
“Hmm… I think I’ll try to get my hands on some konpeito once we get back to the Tokyo base,” Satoru-niichan decides. Then, with a teasing grin directed towards her, “I might even share some with you if you ask me nicely!”
Shiki rolls her eyes, “I don’t like sweets.”
“You don’t like sweets? Still?” Her cousin shakes his head, “Ehh… you’re really missing out, cute little cousin of mine.”
“Pass.”
“See?! I think you could definitely use a bit of sweetness to lighten up that doom and gloom,” Satoru-niichan informs her, and stretches. “… Man, there’s nothing like an apocalypse to make you realize that so many good foods out there can disappear forever just like that. Once this is all over and everything is on the proper road to recovery, I think I’ll go on a world tour and try out allll the local delicacies I can find.”
“… You mean all the local sweets?” Shiki says dryly.
“Ha! Are you sassing me?” Satoru-niichan sits up straight and laughs, delighted. “See if I bring you along for my future gourmet adventures, then!”
Shiki dips her head and bites back a small smile.
…
The sky is still dark and dreary. But somehow, by the time that Shiki returns to the encampment with her cousin, things still seem to be a bit brighter than they previously were before.
#writing#zenith of stars au#hsr au#nobody asked for apocalypse stuff#but hey#more context!#things were hopeful in the beginning#then there's a wave of fear and horror when people start turning into cursed spirits...#but that's a story for another time#:D
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A little thing to celebrate the upcoming anniversary!! 🌟🎊
#Bweeehhehhee another one of these!!!#I hope you like it!!#I love making them actually it's so much fun to get invested and sort all the characters#Especially because like... You start to notice how some people are similar to each other in certain situations#And that's cool I think#Ayyy that's gonna be a lot of tags again... I like Tags#I hope you liked this one :D#mario and luigi#mario and luigi superstar saga#mario and luigi partners in time#mario and luigi bowser's inside story#mario and luigi dream team#mario and luigi paper jam#bowser's inside story#nintendo#super mario#super mario bros#nintendo memes#mario memes#feder's meme pile#luigi#cackletta#fawful#antasma#princess shroob#bowser#dreambert#bowser jr#princess peach#prince peasley
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Most Sherlock Holmes adaptations I've seen tend to place their Final Problem towards the mid point of the series (or even a bit earlier) - it's also in my opinion the best way of going about it, so you have time enough for the characters to adjust after the reunion but they know each other well enough for the events of Fina to be devastating.
Sherlock & Co is done with 20 of the adventures. How many are there? Fifty-something? Almost sixty? Let's say we'll be entering mid-point territory after the 25th story.
So let's pretend for a moment that we have 5 more stories until The Final Problem. Ok.
Estimating an adventure at 3 episodes each, that would mean little over 3 months - maybe 3 and a half? Starting, of course, from the end of Sign of Four, which will be somewhere in December.
So let's say 3, maybe 4 months into 2025. That would be, what? Late march, early april?
Early april?
John having to tell the listeners that Sherlock is dead, in early april?
Quick calendar search reveals what I was praying it would - the 1st of april will be on a Tuesday next year.
So what I'm saying
What I'm saying is Sherlock &Co has the opportunity to do the funniest fucking thing
#fyi I don't mean John pranks us about Sherlock dying#i mean it's just the first Tuesday after sherlock “dies” so that's just when he happens to tell the listeners#maybe he's not even aware of the date#and is surprised to see the reactions are less “oh my god oh no” and more “haha good one” or “funny but actually don't joke about that”#ahhh and then he'd have to double down either on the 2nd or next Tuesday and explain again that his best friend is actually dead#oh that would hurt but it would also be absolutely hilarious#for us who know Sherlock's not actually dead#anywayy#for the record i don't actually think they'll do fina as early as april#(but wouldn't it be funny)#They might do it at the actual midpoint#after the 29th story so let's say june/ july#Hoping they don't place it too late cuz then we won't have enough time to see how it affects all of them#Even if it's around the 3/4 point i think I'd be a bit bummed#Also midpoint is a good place to take a break#Of course fear nr 1 is leaving it for the very end and making empt the last episode#and the reason why the podcast ends is “look what happened if it wasn't for the podcast maybe Moriarty wouldn't have noticed Sherlock”#Like a “it's becoming too dangerous” thing#but that's the evil timeline (not us!!!)#Honestly if it were me I'd make fina the midpoint.... then hiatus...... return...... second half......#and then get another big dangerous villain for the last few eps#Maybe one of them (sherlock) almost gets killed (again) and that's why john decides that#it's been swell but we're ending the podcast cause apparently we're putting (too big of) a target on our backs#Almost lost sherlock again the risks outweigh the benefits etc etc#Of course they'll keep solving crimes together just stop broadcasting them to the world#And that's how I'd do it! :D#God i can't be trusted with tags#If you read this far I love you#sherlock & co#theories
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...The final chapter of The Dichotomy in Our Hearts is out. :') <3
AHHHHHHH my gosh. This is it. We're here. The first finish line of a multi-chapter fic. Oh. My. God. :')))
This mini-series has been very special to me. Its meaning transformed and deepened the more I wrote, and I'm so happy that it got fleshed out to become what it stands as today.
To be perfectly honest, I had to make myself stop writing. I didn't want this beautiful story to end.
But now it is, and now it's yours.
Hope you enjoy - got a lot of cute moments in this one <3333
#this is the end of an ERA#CHRIST#Im gonna go#wipe my tears over in the corner if you need me#:')))#tysm to anyone who has read and supported this work#now we are officially on the S&S D train moving forward#my fics#dipplinshipping#juliana x kieran pokemon#kieran pokemon#kieran x juliana pokemon#juliana pokemon#kieran x juliana#juliana x kieran#can I also just say#this chapter took roughly 24 hours total to write#not counting breaks#what is wrong with me and why is this story specifically my kryptonite#catch me doing an update of S&S D with 6 hours of writing time in the next update LMAO#update: NOT ME CASUALLY EDITING THIS FOR ANOTHER FUCKING HOUR AFTER POSTING#take this goddamn keyboard away from me im done
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if the trope works, it ✨works✨ y’know~
#(aka chizuchan manga ch5 is coming out in 18 1/2 hours and im too excited to sleeeeep)#(s o im reading rofan isekai manhwa as a bedtime story☆ but the story is too interesting to lull me to sleep☆ ✨sad times✨)#still thinking about this rofan webnovel i binged over the weekend with a dynamic like this^#the dude pined for over a hundred chapters before going from 0-100 the moment they were in an enclosed space together it was so funny#the fact that his interest in her started bc she gave him tips on tax evasion was iconic tbhhh#m a n i cant forget that dumb biscotti boi no matter what i do… that novel was pretty good and it had reasons™️ for why the fl was so op…#thinking about them and their hilarious dynamic again kinda makes me want to see lxl in a rofan setting tbh#they’d have the pettiest of arguments esp in a ‘formal’ nobles setting#i d o kinda have a draft/stuff for a lxl villainess isekai au fic… but i think it’d be too sad if they dont un-isekai themselves back#so i havent done much with it… hm. maybe some day…#b u t on another note fanart of meoto rofan aus are always fun to see#their costumes are so complex yet the artists always draw them so beautifully… thank you for the food lxl twt#but… demon x human sacrifice is. lowkey. kinda… beauty & the beast-esque… right…?#except for how demon!aizo prolly wasnt cursed into demonhood. but. still.#oh well… maybe that’s enough rofan lxl thoughts for one day… see y’all when chizuchan ch5 drops later~~~~~~
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yt reccomended kept giving me witcher analysis videos today, so after work i decided to doodle the grumpy old people for the first time in a good while.
i promise you, maiilys and roche usually are NOT this lovey dovey but. tonight, self-indulgent fluff won.
#the witcher#oc x canon#rochelys#fae art#doodle#vernon roche is such a damn rizzless human being but! hey! he brought flowers this time!#or rather ves pushed them into his hands like 'please. ur embarrassing urself.'#and for once maiilys is not being a pain about it! a win is a win#goodness i love it when old bitter people kinda love each other a little uwu#the flowers are a whole. story with these two#cause they met when they were super young (like in their late teens. maiilys is a year or two older than roche)#during one or the other war campaign and. little man kinda developed a crush on the medic lady#followed her around like a lost puppy#even brought her flowers to fukken propose man#she rejected him outright lol#mainly cause she already was engaged to someone else but also. she was kinda done with the men in her life#didn't need another one to make things complicated.#they kept meeting now and then throughout their lives and. kinda stuck together in the end#most of the time things between them are like 'no one knows what the hell is going on' but sometimes. they can be a little affectionate#uhhh. enjoy the lore dump? :D
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been thinking about the adult timeline, oot zelda went from being this pampered 9- or 10-year-old crown princess with servants and maids and a full royal guard and a giant house and so much food and clothing and safety and anything she could ever want, and suddenly this whole-ass child wakes up one night from a prophetic dream, her father doesn't listen, and suddenly she goes from having everything to nothing, her father's probably dead, the castle is no longer home, her one hope disappears, she and her one bodyguard hide away with the threat of being discovered around every corner, and everything has turned into her worst nightmare overnight.
And now she has to scrounge and steal and barter for food instead of having it handed to her, she has to dress herself with whatever they have on hand instead of having a maid do it, she has to sleep on rocks and in grass with nothing but her bodyguard's arms around her in some semblance of safety. She looks at everyone else doing the same and knows that it's her fault. She looks at impa trying to keep her safe, suddenly forcing her into Sheikah training for days on end and making her work herself to the bone for the first time since she was born, and she complains because she's a royal kid, but she knows that impa's training is going to keep her alive in this new hell she's created for herself.
She becomes Sheik, becomes him wholly and completely because he is quick and silent and smarter than she could ever be, and he won't make stupid mistakes and get his subjects killed because of it, and he is tough and unimportant and dedicated and, incredibly, more comfortable than Zelda ever had been. Sheik can stay alive and fight from the shadows and train for hours on end without dropping from exhaustion. He can survive and fix childish mistakes and help his subjects, though they will never know it's him. and then impa has to leave him for one of her many, many reconnaissance trips, but for once, neither of them are scared to leave the other because he won't get himself killed at the first sign of trouble. And she doesn't come back, but he doesn't fret, because she can take care of herself and he can trust her.
And he still worries, just a little bit.
And then he's seventeen, and it's been so long, but he scouts out castletown one more time, hiding from all of Ganon's eyes like second nature, when a flash of light catches his eye from the Temple of Time. So he sneaks over to the stained-glass window that looked down upon the Master Sword. But the Master Sword isn't in its pedestal: it's being held by a gangly teenager with a green tunic, a fairy, and a blue ocarina at his belt.
And maybe Sheik realizes he finally has a real chance to fix his mistake.
ANYway I'm just saying that child timeline Sheik probably had an easier learning curve for his ninja-assassin training
#chicken scratch#sheik#loz sheik#adult timeline#if that's even a tag#oot#loz oot#ocarina of time#transgender#trans sheik#he probably has so many stories of “yeah so i need to get this package to this one guy i met a few years back who punched me in the jaw”#he's so silly i love him#how tf do i tag this#eh i'll tag it later#if someone thinks hmmm this sounds like another character i like#no you do not :D avert your eyes
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Sometimes I think of Amy Pond, who grew up being called mad by those who wielded the word as a tool of exclusion and shame —
Amy Pond, who though forced into the hands of four psychiatrists, still clung to that which they called madness until those systems which elevate psychosocial conformity above humanity stripped it from her —
Amy Pond, whose imaginary friend reappeared for a single hour after twelve years and reignited that faith before disappearing for two more years —
Amy Pond, who spent those those two years under the same implicit threat ingrained in her through psychiatric violence, and thus began to believe the man who stopped the invasion was “just a madman with a box,” only for him to agree, and to also call her “mad, impossible Amy Pond,” reframing madness as non-negative for the first time in her life —
Amy Pond, who ignored the disembodied voice of her imaginary friend even as she ran away with him for real, who still lived each day with the traumatic internalization of deviancy dictated upon her by the psychiatric-industrial complex that shaped her from childhood —
Amy Pond, who wouldn't acknowledge the Doctor's voice, such that it took an Angel in her eye that was literally killing her to ensure she couldn't reality check herself —
Amy Pond, who stood before a room which muttered about “the psychiatrists we brought her to,” and though afraid, escaped their rigid parameters of acceptable existence.
#I like seeing it as indicating she began hearing his voice when he was gone for all those years! why else wouldn't she say anything?#actually psychotic Amy agenda#Amy Pond#eleventh doctor#reclaimed language#oh look its another antipsychiatry themed doctor who post#sumn abt in Fairies At The Bottom Of The Garden audio AND Imaginary Enemies comic we see Amelia bein called slurs against psychotic people#(shes called psycho in both)#like!!! and SO MUCH OF AMYS STORY is about her claiming her agency in ways that previous companions weren't allowed to-#companions whose status as a Wife was a signifier of an to end of their value individually- 'this is no place for a married woman' etc#in some cases Wife-ness forced upon them *as* a denial of agency 'I spent all that time trying to find you I'm not going back now!' etc#whereas Amys story deconstructs that; Amys “Choice” is an illusion- Amy being a Wife doesn't demote her agency as an companion#anyways I love that aspect of reclaimed agency for Amy but ALSO#“madness” as an expression of agency against systems of oppression is SO relevant. the mind defends itself and the alternative isnt better#the oppressive system in this case being ableist structures and the psychiatric system ITSELF which is a whole other layer#the moral being that even if the Doctor WAS a delusion? he'd still be a needed coping mechanism for a child who says “ppl always leave”#and instead of examining her feelings of abandonment they insist 'aLiENs DoNt ExIsT' as seen in the 'sTaRs DoNt ExIsT' psychiatrist in TBB#they don't care that she's in PAIN- why would they?- they just care that she's 'abnormal' and therefore not deserving of humanity#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#I mean technically this is about Amy but I once (twice) used that tag on the post about the Master. its the spirit of it!#and Amy Pond + her Raggedy Doctor as “mad” people is very *chefs kiss*#((you know what im putting the tag on my last Amy post :D ))#Mels experienced this very differently and I'll make a post about her at some point- I just wanna make sure my points are got across better#sumn abt Amelia's “crazy” was Mels' “delinquency.” Amy treated as if she doesn't know her own life while Mels treated as threatening#sumn abt adultification of Black girls while Amy is infantilized#Amy Pond who could rewrite reality in a reborn universe because she grew up with a Crack in her wall that no one believed was special —#ableism#saneism#unreality#because I mean Amy's stand against psychiatric dehumanization was to REWRITE THE UNIVERSE with her Crack powers
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Some late Chapter 4 Heinrix romance scene caps and thoughts!
And more potential alt scenes below the cut!
Not sure if you all want my own RT's take with these, but she definitely has not seen any kind of psyker reaction like this as a simple Fortress world deserter (and I know playing as a psyker gives you a little more insight here) and any of her underlings as a crime boss have probably been mutated beyond comprehension or tore through the veil but this certainly seemed... strange.
It's devastating that she could have been the cause of such a thing though. Yes, she's been fighting for him to care more about himself, to think more of himself, for him to recognize he's more than his position within the Imperium but she never thought it could be this dangerous. It was the one lesson she learned with her desertion and it was one of the most difficult lessons to learn given her past as a soldier, but it was the most rewarding one she could offer him. Her struggle in trying to find herself worthy of living beyond what the God-Emperor deigned to be her path is the most personal struggle she grapples with. So while he shared every vulnerability with her, she shared this, her most vulnerable conflict and conclusion she came to, with him.
And yet did such vulnerability, did such a fight cause this? Did she make a mistake in sharing? In daring to ask him to join her in defiance and selfishness by just valuing himself?
THE SHEER SHOCK AND AWE.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY LET US HAVE THIS.
Is it the "bad" ending? Absolutely. There will never be a time where they're safe now that he'd be branded a Heretic. But between a deserter and a heretic, I don't think they chose a long life, but a full one. Let it end in tragedy but let it end without regrets.
And maybe, just maybe, if there's no Lord Inquisitor around......... would there really be anyone to label him a Heretic? :) And then the question becomes what won't she do now that she can grasp at an ending, at a LIFE, she wants?
#W40k#Rogue Trader#warhammer 40k#heinrix van calox#heinrix x von valancius#D plays RT#OC: Aresia von Valancius#don't threaten her with a good time (the good time is killing authority figures who tell her no)#and I'm saying alt scenes just because I have seen some other pts and caps that seem to be the “main” story#but not that one path or another is more or less popular its just what I've observed
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