#but that'll be discussed in game ;)

[thelonelyshore-if]

What's the wildest thing Beck and Perri have ever done together that they absolutely regretted in the moment but now look back on and laugh?

I have been thinking about their friendship so much in the past few days, so I am dying for Beck/Perri besties content. Honestly, any fun facts about them will do. I need it.

Also, Beck/Perri poly being dead last in the poll is a C R I M E. They have the best dynamic and I can't wait to slot myself into it like the missing piece they never knew they needed.

Oh I totally agree. I love their polyship soooo much; and their friendship. I'm so excited to dig into their friendship and tear it open with my bare hands. Slotting MC into it will be truly a delight. Beck's skittishness and fear of commitment combined with Perri's tendency towards being clingy and their being a hopeless romantic are just...

*chef's kiss*

Throwing MC into the middle of that is going to be so much fun.

As for your first question, my answer got a little long so you can find it beneath the cut <3

When they were younger--around 19--Perri became obsessed with the creature they believe lives in the lake. Beck got it in his head that the two of them could go out and find the thing.

The problem? It was the middle of winter. But, never fear! Just because it's winter doesn't mean you can't access the lake. Easthaven has a huge fishing culture, and ice fishing is big. So, no problem--they'd sneak into an icehouse, chop the hole open a little farther, and try to get some pictures or something.

Breaking and entering wasn't hard at all. They just picked the biggest one owned by somebody they were convinced wouldn't kick their ass if they got caught. Beck brought a hatchet, Perri brought a camera wrapped in plastic set on a timer and tied together with a rope.

What could go wrong?

It turns out that safely cracking the ice with a hatchet isn't as easy as Beck thought. He went at it a little too hard. The fishing hole opened more, for sure. Wide enough for him to fall in.

Perri lost their camera. Beck did an impromptu polar plunge. They're lucky that Beck didn't drown; even luckier that the ice stopped cracking before the entire icehouse fell in. Luckiest of all, some of the fisherfolk had started arriving, and they were able to help get Beck back on the ice and rushed to the hospital before hypothermia set in.

Scary as hell in the moment. Beck has almost died plenty of times, but that ice-shock of cold still sticks with them. Perri was a wreck.

Now, though? They can't see the lake, covered in fishhouses, without bursting into laughter.

[queenlucythevaliant]

Why did God harden the Pharaoh’s? I’m in a Bible as Lit class and someone brought up “wouldn’t that be against free will,” and why did God let the Israelites stay it in slavery for so long. Why is God different in the Old Testament to the New Testament? I hope this doesn’t bother you, with all these questions

Okay, so there are several different questions here and I'm going to try to address them all. I'm sure I'll miss something somewhere, so other more knowledgeable friends feel free to add on. Follow-ups are also very much welcome.

First off, Bible as literature class! Yikes. I took a Bible as lit class for my English minor years ago and my experience was pretty much wall-to-wall frustration. It was mostly an exercise in coming up with the most transgressive reads on Scripture possible and that really upset me.

I hope that your experience is better than mine. However, assuming that the class is at a secular university, I'd still encourage you to be intentional about talking the things you cover in class over with knowledgeable Christians in your life. I certainly benefitted a lot from doing so, both in the sense that I got to vent a whole bunch and in that I got help contextualizing the secular perspectives within Christian scholarship.

That out of the way: The God of the Bible is the same in both the Old and New Testaments.

I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s not uncommon for people to find God kind of inscrutable in the OT when they're more used to reading the NT. I actually think that's a failure on the part of the contemporary church in the West; large swaths of the OT tend to be understudied among lay-Christians.

Systematic theology can help a lot here. I'm just going to hit a few really broad highlights, but I really can't recommend Wayne Grudem highly enough if you're interested in more in-depth reading. Lots of people start with Bible Doctrine, but my family happened to have a copy of his enormous Systematic Theology tome in the basement when I was in high school and I got a lot out of just poking through that a little at a time too. A few quick bullets though:

Across all the Biblical texts, God is love. He glories in kindness to his people, whether it's in the covenant with Abraham, the Exodus, the faithful ministry of the prophets, Christ's ministry/death/resurrection, or the promised coming of his kingdom.

God is holy; he gives the Law to the Israelites so that they can approach his holiness without fearing for their lives and he sent Jesus so that we can do the same. Both Isaiah and Peter react with fear and awe in the face of God's holiness.

God is just. By virtue of his holiness, he cannot allow sin to go unpunished. As modern westerners, we often chafe against this but has any of us experienced justice that was actually pure? Justice is a form of faithfulness, and the same God who sent his people into exile poured out his wrath on his own son in our place. He has promised that one day, every evil will face his perfect justice.

God is faithful. He keeps his Covenant with Abraham even unto the cross. In the OT he is faithful husband to an adulterous people. In the NT he tells us that when we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself.

Lots of other characteristics but this answer is going to be long enough as it is. The only way to get a real sense for the continuity within the Bible is to read the whole Bible with an eye towards the continuity.

The reason that God is more approachable in the NT than the Old is that he became human. In the Incarnation, all of that holiness and justice and faithfulness and love that was God came to earth in our perfect likeness so that he could live beside us and die for us. God is certainly easier to approach in light of Christ's work, but he is utterly the same as he ever was. Read the Transfiguration and tell me that isn’t the God of Mount Sinai. Read John 1 and tell me it doesn’t remind you of the end of Job. Read the Gospels, Hebrews, and Revelation and play spot-the-OT-parallel. It's beautiful.

Why did God leave his people in slavery for so long? You could ask the same question about the Babylonian captivity and even about why Jesus waits to return and finally defeat Death. Why does he wait? Why let his people suffer?

Well. God is sovereign and he only permits evil to the extent that it ultimately accomplishes the very opposite of what it intends. Because the Israelites were slaves in Egypt, the Exodus was able to occur. The Exodus glorified God in extraordinary fashion, both among his own people and to the peoples of the ancient world. It was also a necessary type and precursor to Jesus's work on the cross. I don't think it's an overstatement to say that redemptive history rests on God's work in the Exodus, which is itself contingent on a period of slavery in Egypt.

“How long, O Lord” and “Come Lord Jesus” are the same sentiment in different words. We are still in exile, even now. We are chronologically exiled from the place where we belong, the New Jerusalem, and we mourn because we live in a fallen world in which sin and death can still hurt us. We can ask, just as the Prophets once asked, why God waits to vanquish the Enemy, extract suffering from the world, and restore our years that the locusts have eaten. And in each case (the slaves in Egypt, the Babylonian captivity, and the period of waiting for Jesus to return), the answer is that God does not fix it yet because He is doing something bigger!

Regarding Pharaoh's heart: this is basically a question of human nature. The easiest way that I can articulate it off the top of my head is using Augustine's fourfold state of man:

Prior to the fall, man was able either to sin or not to sin (posse peccare, posse non peccare)

The natural state of man after the fall is one in which he is unable not to sin (non posse non peccare). This was Pharaoh's state.

Following the work of Christ, regenerate man is able not to sin (posse non peccare)

In eternity, glorified man will be unable to sin (non posse peccare)

When we talk about man's will, we must acknowledge that our wills are subject to our nature. In other words, Pharaoh was a natural, fallen man. His nature was inherently sinful and his heart inherently hard.

What we've got here is sort of a "Jacob I have loved but Esau I have hated" situation. Pharaoh, in his natural state, had a hard heart and a natural enmity with God. God did not intervene to give him a heart of flesh. My people I have loved, but Pharaoh I have hated.

Not a perfect parallel, but I think it serves its purpose. The point is that God's sovereignty isn't in conflict with man's will, since our wills are a function of our natures. Man behaves however his nature inclines him to behave at any given time. We call this free will; however, God is entirely sovereign over all of it.

This is definitely a long, messy answer, but like I said, feel free to continue the conversation. I've got some biochem to work on, but I'm always happy to talk theology :)

[incorrectbatfam]

The batkids (and their partners/crushes/friends) with pride month hcs?

Tim: Lady. Gentleman. Bart. You are about to meet my boyfriend. Now remember, he doesn't know I'm Robin, so you need to act like human people. Can you do that?

Kon, Cassie, and Bart: Yes sir!

Bernard, entering: Hey, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm so glad we're going to Pride together.

Cassie: *lasso immediately falls out of her bag*

Kon: *lasers the ground at Bernard's feet*

Bart: Hi, I'm Impulse.

Tim: *facepalm*

Bart: What? We didn't give away YOUR identity.

———————

Steph, running a food truck: Pride snacks! Get your Pride snacks hot 'n ready! Get two-for-one on the bi-rria tacos!

Margie: I bet you don't have anything for straight pride. You know, the rest of us normal people.

Steph: Yo Cass, one cishet sizzler!

Cass: *throws coffee in Margie's face*

Steph: That'll be $19.99.

Steph: *turns the screen around for tips*

———————

Selina: *wears a shirt saying Free Mom Hugs*

Bruce: *wears a shirt saying Inclusive Dad Jokes*

Alfred: *wears a shirt saying Weird Grandpa Stories*

Kate: *wears a shirt saying I'm Just Gonna Tell You To Dump Them*

———————

Harper: Since this is your first Pride, we're gonna show you the ropes.

Duke: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Harper: Over there we have the Batgirls food truck. Over there is Cullen's evil mafia boyfriend selling Uno cards. And over there is the Justice League in Justice League themed drag.

Cullen: And over there is the porta potty.

Duke: Only one?

Cullen: We ran over budget. But it's gender-neutral.

———————

Renee: Kate's busy telling people to dump their partners. Mind if I hang out here?

Harley: Not a problem! Want a bi-rria taco?

Renee: Nah, but I'll take the les-beans if you don't want them.

Ivy: We were just about to start a game of Gay Uno.

Renee: Gay Uno?

Harley: It's like regular Uno except when you put down a +4 you have to kiss.

Renee: Deal me in.

———————

Jason: You take the Main Street entrance. I'll cover Atlantic up to Washington. Rendezvous here in an hour.

Roy: And then we make out?

Jason, sighing: Sure.

Roy: Sloppy style?

Jason: This is a PG-13 post, Roy.

———————

Dick: Of course I make people question their sexuality with a face like this.

Wally: Sure, your face...

Wally: *glances down*

Donna: You guys are exhausting. I'm joining Roy on patrol.

———————

Barbara: Welcome to the annual conference of Sapphics Who Used To Date Dick Grayson. Helena, what's the first item on our agenda?

Helena: Discussing forming a polycule over dinner.

Bette: I already made a reservation.

Kory: I call braiding everyone's hair.

———————

Luke: Thanks for giving me a hand with the fireworks.

Carrie: Of course. By the way, I have something to tell you. You're the first person I've told.

Luke: I accept you.

Carrie: Thanks, but I was actually gonna say that I scratched your car in the parking lot.

Luke: WHAT?!

Carrie: Also I go by she/they.

———————

Lois: How on Earth did you burn your cape at a Pride festival?

Jon: Well...

[earlier]

Damian and Jon: *watching the fireworks*

Damian: I like that flower one.

Jon: *shoots into the sky to grab it*

Damian: *facepalm*

Tim, sitting nearby: You and me both.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Platonic ¡yan! Dick Grayson x Batsis x Jason Todd

A/N: Another discussion post because we need to talk about Grayson! Thank you for your contribution, mootie! You are so good at bouncing off of ideas. I hope you don’t mind me writing this🤭

@siririus

Context

Masterlist

Craziest thing about all of this is, it's a paradox. Is Dick really only this upset because his batsis is prefers Jason?....Or is it also because it's almost like she's taking his brother away from him and they are becoming each others favorites?

In the previous post, i said how dick has a fear of being pushed to the side and forgotten. He's scared of no longer being needed anymore and this relationship kind of symbolizes that. You never needed Dick, even in the beginning. Jason leaned on Dick a lot as they knew each other the longest and it took so much work to mend the fractures in it. Now Jason is confiding in you more...you understand each other way more.

It's a complex issue.

One solution you might say is just for them to form some kind of trio...But he's tried. LOL Grayson has crashed many of your hangout sessions to use it as an opportunity to become close to you.

He knows you won't leave because you like Jason too much and he also gets to spend time with his brother. perfect. NOT.

Dick cannot seem to grasp the concept that you and Jason have a "parallel play" kind of thing going on. Like you mentioned Jason is subtle. He's not really trying to do something over the top, he just wants to chill and do his own thing. SO you guys might chat for like five minutes then he turns around to go read his book while you're playing a phone game. It's enough for you two to just be near. But Dick, he's internalizing it. He thinks you stopped talking because he's there. He thinks you guys are having way more action packed hangouts when you're alone. To him, just sitting next to each other isn't "hanging out".

He'll try to keep pushing for a conversation and you guys are like...eh. Or he'll try to force you all to do fun games ect. and it usually ends with you leaving first or Jason getting upset then you walking out together.

But that couch thing is so funny. I think that Dick would've been like waving you down to sit next to him all smiley and he has your favorite snacks in a cute little box but Jason just motions his head and you choose that. Stab right in the heart. He's not even watching the movie anymore, he's just paying attention to you guys.

Do not fall asleep on Jason. I think that'll high key bring Dick to tears. He wants that so badly. Dick is super physically affectionate but he's constantly craving hugs and all of that. You falling asleep on Jason reminds him of when Jason and him would have sleepovers in the living room, and Jason would always end up sleeping on his shoulder or lap.

He's tried hugging you before but you just go incredibly stiff and shaky so it's not even fulfilling to him. He wants to carry you on his back, do your hair in the mornings, cuddles, handshakes..ect. He wants to be your best friend. I do think you just even holding his hand would calm him down or holding his arm would help him to feel better.

He does attempt the subtlety of Jason. It doesn't really work the same way because well, he cannot contain himself. He's feral. Plus you assume the seat is for Cass or Babs instead so you never choose it. Like he gets to the dinner table first, saves the seat for you, and you sit next to him but he makes it so weird AHHAHA. Like he's trying to remain calm but he's breathing so hard. You finally chose him. (it was the only seat left) BUT YOU CHOSE HIM. You didn't scurry away like usual. He's just staring at you because he's so happy and you are sending help signals to Jason who is finding this all very amusing. Dick, wont stop talking either and he keeps filling up your plate with food. He gives you a corner piece of the brownie..he loves you so much.

[jellieland]

(Spoilers for. Real life?? I guess???)

---

Five figures stand, solemn, at the celestial summit of nowhere. They discuss matters of great import, and observe the fragile gossamer thread that is all that surrounds them, and-

Oh. No, nope, nevermind. They're just arguing again, aren't they.

"-don't know what you expect ME to do about it!" snaps the Red One.

"I don't know, Grian, how about literally anything?" asks the Scarlet Moon, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, you could at least tell us what's going on out there," says the Ruby Star. "I don't think that's too much to ask, Grian."

"Riiight, like that'll help," says the Bloody Victor, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, for goodness sake, Martyn, do you have to make this difficult every single time?" snaps the Red One. "Anyway, we've got loads of time to work this out. It's only just started, even if it was a bit earlier than I thought it would be," he grumbles, irritated.

"Oh! Look!" calls the Coquelicot Loner, from where he is peering away from their circle at something that would look, to anyone but the five present, entirely indistinguishable from any other patch of the universe. "They must be done! Someone's coming!"

"What?" The Red One frowns. "Don't be ridiculous, Scar, there's no way-"

A brilliant beam of starlight shoots down from the heavens, and tears through their little circle like a formula one car cutting through the middle of a picnic.

It leaves behind...

Huh.

What. What is that.

There is... a. Person? But the proportions are all wrong, nothing this world has ever seen before. The limbs are mismatched, twisted, not quite connected. The movement is... disturbingly smooth, except when it jerks and jumps at seemingly random moments.

Whatever they are, they regain their balance, look around, and... laugh. "Oh, hey guys!" they say. "You know, I really didn't think this counted. But here we are, I guess!"

"Mom?" says the Coquelicot Loner, squinting at her. "Why are you short?"

"Oh my god, Scar, you can't just ask people why they're short," says the Ruby Star, apparently on autopilot.

"Yeah, and, uh, not to be rude, but more like why are you an eldrich horror? But, like, more so than usual?" says the Bloody Victor, backing up and looking rather alarmed.

They raise an eyebrow. "Oh, we're doing this now, are we?" They shake their head. "You know what this is perfectly well. We did another game, and I won. Deeply surprising, I know, but here we are!"

The Scarlet Moon tilts her head. "I mean, not that it's not nice to have you here, I guess, but that seemed real quick for a whole game, Cleo."

"Yes, thank you Pearl," says the Red One, narrowing his eyes. "I quite agree. Just how violent WAS this one that it's already finished? And WHY was I not informed?"

Cleo laughs. "To be honest I don't think anyone expected it to matter. And, I mean, sure it was violent, they always are, but it was all pretty light-hearted to be honest! Not a lot of drama, you know." She looks around, and seems to remember something. "Oh, Scott, I let a zombie kill you at the end! Sorry about that, I didn't realise quite how low you were. It was pretty funny, though."

The Ruby Star blinks, and shrugs. "I mean, fair enough. Hey, that means Divorce Quartet is all here, now!"

The Coquelicot Loner squints. "...Does that make you my stepdad, Scott?"

"No," says Cleo.

"God no," says the Ruby Star. "For, just, so many reasons."

"Yeah, I am not doing that again," says Cleo.

"So... So, hang on," says the Red One. "You're saying, in your game, it was all just. Cool and fine and calm. No pain or blood or sacrifice. No agonising entangled web of alliances. No cold-blooded, cold-hearted backstabbing?"

("Hey!" says the Bloody Victor.)

"I mean there was plenty of blood, technically. And Martyn did sort of try to stab everyone in the back and then run away."

("...Yeah, ok, fine," says the Bloody Victor.)

"But no, not much emotional turmoil, all in all! It was pretty chill, really!" They glance around the circle. "It was nice to see Ren again, too! I think he was off roleplaying with Martyn most of the time, though."

"I'm going to kill you," says the Bloody Victor, despairingly. "How is that fair?!"

"Life isn't fair," says the Scarlet Moon.

"Oh, you-"

"Can you shut up for five minutes," snaps the Red One.

As the bickering continues, the Coquelicot Loner and Ruby Star sidle up to Cleo, avoiding her wavering, eldritch outline.

"So!" says the Coquelicot Loner. "How's dad?"

Cleo gives him a look. "Scar," they say.

He holds up his hands. "Ok, ok! Just asking!"

She shakes her head, not without affection. "Is this really all you do here? Just stand around and irritate each other?"

"No!" says the Coquelicot Loner, seemingly deeply offended.

"Yeah, pretty much," says the Ruby Star.

"Ok well that's stupid," says Cleo.

"Yes," says the Red One, having extricated himself from the continuing altercation between the other two. "This is extremely stupid." He claps his hands, drawing everyone's attention and finally ending the argument, for now. "All in favour of erasing the past few minutes from existence and pretending none this ever happened?"

"Aye," says everyone but Cleo.

"What," says Cleo.

"It means you get to go home and you don't have to stands around in a circle with us lot for the rest of eternity," says the Scarlet Moon.

"Oh. Yeah, definitely do that," says Cleo.

"Wonderful," says the Red One, and clicks his fingers.

...

Five figures stand, solemn, at the celestial summit of nowhere. They discuss matters of great import, and observe the fragile gossamer thread that is all that surrounds them, and-

The Coquelicot Loner speaks. "Well, that was fun, wasn't it! Do you-"

"I thought we just agreed that didn't happen, Scar," snaps the Red One.

Oh, ok. Alright, they're arguing again.

Yeah, we probably don't have to stick around and listen to this any longer, either. I don't expect it's going to change anytime soon.

[snapscube]

i finished AA investigations 1 btw :3 tier list update time!

All in all: Investigations 1 was pretty tough to get through unfortunately. Not that it was like BAD or anything but i really lost the drive somethin fierce with this one. The writing just did not feel even remotely as sharp or fun as the best of even AA1, though i don't think there was ever a low point as low of some of the first trilogy's worst. The very definition of "mid" overall, and I don't mean the new kind of "mid" that actually just means bad.

The last case of AAI1 was actually really good though! Really picked up the pace, it was nice and long and very fun to put the actual mystery together. It tied together the underlying plot of the entire game very nicely, one thing i think Investigations actually did really well overall. I liked how tangibly connected pretty much every case felt, even if the individual stories lost my interest often.

I will say though in regards to the final case, holy shit it goes off the rails near the end. I think there is legitimately 5 instances in a row of the murderer going "okay im going home now" only for some character to rush in at the last second and extend the investigation because of some weird asinine piece of evidence that is infinitely less valuable than everything we've already discussed. I think that final 3rd or so of the case is particularly egregious about treating previous evidence as inconsequential at the slightest bit of opposition in a way that started to really exhaust me by the end. I know that's kinda the whole bit with Ace Attorney, but usually there's a bit of balance in the more well rounded cases. This might be the worst I've seen of it so far, so it left somewhat of a sour taste in my mouth. Still enjoyed it a lot up to that point though, so it gets a solid A rank :)

Sorry I didn't post a lot of screencaps or anything when playin this one, I would have been taking them but my Steam Deck (where i play these most often) has been acting kinda buggy w my controller's screenshot button. It'll work once when I boot up the game fresh and then just not register any of my screenshots after. Hopefully that'll be fixed soon :) Time to move onto AAI2.... sometime in the near future! Maybe tonight! Maybe next week! I dunno! WEEEEE!

[dunmeshistash]

The thing about Laios as well, is what if Kui genuinely didn't intentionally write him to be autistic? It's impossible to know how much she does or doesn't know about autism or if that was ever something she was directly considering in the process of making him. People have been joking (?) about how angry they'll be and how they'll lose faith in her as an author if she says she didn't write him to be autistic and it feels like it's putting really pressure on her (with no knowledge of her personal life and experiences in a culture that stigmatizes autism greatly) and putting autistic fans in a bad situation no matter what happens, because ableists aren't suddenly going to be any more positive about it if she says he is and if she says he's not or doesn't give an answer then that'll just embolden more people to be hateful, especially if people do react badly to that. With the way people have been getting really invasive about Kui's sexuality for ages now, too, I'm worried about how entitled people feel to her living up to their idea of her as a person and that the same kind of parasocial treatment could happen over this.

I'm autistic and think Laios is an autistic character regardless of if Kui would describe him by that word and that it's important to discuss that in a positive light. I don't think that's any less the case even if she does say directly that's not how she wrote him. But it feels like the pressure on her to confirm it is a situation that could go very badly in a lot of ways.

Kui has written about mental health in other situations, more specifically she has a whole one shot that uses being a werewolf as a metaphor to being a special needs child and one which compares socializing to a rythym game because it feels so hard to the main character. (Edit: Oh yeah the werewolf one is a little... idk how much I agree with it, it's negative about medication use so you might want to not read it)

I think is HIGHLY unlikely it wasn't on purpose, there's details about Laios that have no need to be there otherwise like the fact he has texture issues

tbh I think it's a little rude to imply she wrote a perfect autism representation by accident?

People are overreacting as usual about whether she admits it out loud or not tbh. I see it as them having no respect for her as a real person only wanting the image they have of her to fit.

[itsclydebitches]

Zevlor: An Angsty Character Analysis

Hey, Zevlor simps. Can I interest anyone in 4,000 words about our favorite disaster tiefling? 💀

“We can’t stay, but we’ll be slaughtered if we leave—we’re no fighters.”

Back during my first play-through this is the line that turned Zevlor from another dime-a-dozen, exposition spouting NPC to a character I was legitimately interested in. “We’re no fighters.” My DnD ignorance abounds, but even I could see that wasn’t an accurate statement. Here’s a mountain of a man sporting fancier armor than my level 2 Tav knows exists yet, having wrecked half the goblin hoard with his crossbow and, if you let him, he'll happily turn to punching as a solution to verbal disagreements. Plus, he’s clearly the one giving the orders, so what do you mean you’re not a fighter?

Having explored the Grove a bit I chalked it up to a generalized assessment of the refugees as a whole. They’re mostly kids, civilians, and would-be protectors who only look the part of fighters in cobbled-together armor. One woman is grappling with the guilt of killing someone for the first time, even an enemy. Lakrissa is sure they’re all going to get slaughtered and is willing to put money on that fact. Meanwhile, the couple you meet are more concerned with what pet they’ll get when they somehow, someway, make it to the city. Don't worry about how that'll happen. You learn later that even those like Ronan are small potatoes compared to most of the baddies you’ll face. On paper he looks and sounds like the real deal—dressed in robes, talking up an apprenticeship with the famous Lorroakan—but scenes like the celebration light show and his own fury at needing to be saved, again, highlight how far he still has to go. The point is that Zevlor is right: these aren’t fighters and he at 18 strength, paladin, former commander, is definitely the exception.

However, BG3 is the sort of detail-heavy game where I’d expect them to include that exception in the dialogue. “We can’t stay, but we’ll be slaughtered if we leave—these people aren’t fighters.” Zevlor’s inclusion of himself in this assessment continued to nag at me and it didn’t start to make sense until I delved into his tag here on tumblr, with more patient players than myself posting everything there is to know about the tiefling. (Thanks, all.) Zevlor is fascinating to me in part because he has this contradictory nature, one example of which is that he’s a very talented fighter who desperately doesn’t want to be a fighter anymore.

…but also he totally does.

We overhear in his dialogue to Tilses that Zevlor is adamant about shedding the titles he’s earned through combat: Hellrider, Commander, Sir. He insists that they’re just civilians now and it’s not like he’s being disingenuous here—note that he introduces himself as just “Zevlor” to Tav. Zevlor means what he says to Tilses and we can see that he’s trying to both reinforce his point and lesson the blow by referring to her as “Tilly.” The nickname is a sweet one, hinting at their close bond in just a single word, reminding her that he’s not saying this to hurt her, he cares for her… but the nickname is simultaneously something he never would have used as her commander. The intimacy meant to comfort is also a hard blow to weather. They're now people who use nicknames inappropriate for the hierarchy of battle.

So Zevlor means what he says here, means it enough that Tilses is convinced and drops her use of “Commander,” but there’s definitely a hint of bitterness in his voice. At least, I’ve always heard it. Zevlor is steadfast in his conviction here, even going so far as to say, “I’m done soldiering, Tilly” when discussing what will come next at Baldur’s Gate. Yet for all of that his tone conveys (understandable) anger and disappointment that it’s come to this. Zevlor doesn’t act like someone who truly wants this change, but rather someone who’s been forced to accept it.

Is it outside forces unwillingly influencing him then? Did Avernus truly change things irrevocably? No, not really. At least, not in the way Zevlor likes to claim. Tilses herself states that being a Hellrider is for life; nothing can take away that title. You lost your post? Your whole city? Most of the people under your protection? Doesn’t matter! You’re a Hellrider forever, no matter the circumstances. I can easily picture a time in Zevlor's life where he would have agreed with Tilses wholeheartedly. They are Hellriders, dammit, and so long as there’s one person looking for their help they will wield that title alongside their blades. And right now, Zevlor has a lot more than just one person in need of his assistance.

So it’s not that Avernus truly stripped them of that identity. Nothing can do that. Zevlor is not rejecting titles and planning retirement because the mechanisms of fate are forcing him to.

He’s doing all that because he’s lost confidence in himself.

Even as someone with a shaky understanding of DnD classes, I love the parallel between a broken oath and the rejection of a lifelong title. If Zevlor can fail in his oath—or in his faith entirely, according to the memories stemming from his pod—why-ever would he think that any other ‘permanent’ part of his identity was worth fighting for? If you can loose the very thing you’ve built your entire life around, every important aspect of yourself, tied to your very soul… what’s a bestowed title compared to that? Zevlor doesn’t believe himself worthy of being a Hellrider anymore, but I think that goes deeper than a string of horrific circumstances making him feel incompetent. As an Oathbreaker, Zevlor likely believes that if he couldn’t uphold that, he can’t uphold anything. Calling himself a Hellrider would be a lie. A fiction. A pathetic, dangerous, insulting fiction at that. It’s like calling yourself the “Hero” while continually failing those around you. Sure, others might insist it’s a title you’ve earned, one you will always carry with you, but you don’t believe them anymore and at a certain point calling yourself that feels worse than embracing the title of “Villain." You don’t want to be the villain… but you want to pretend you’re the hero even less. Pretending is exhausting.

We see this struggle in the many ways that Zevlor fails, or almost fails, to uphold the ideals that originally guided him. I use the term “villain” above deliberately because Zevlor is not merely a former hero-type who’s self confidence has been shattered, or who has been reduced to a civilian, or who thinks themselves useless; he’s actively fighting against temptations that, under less stressful situations, he’d never even consider. I don’t think he is a villain, I think he’s a flawed, struggling victim who sees his own, inevitable mistakes as villainous—and the longer that warped perspective continues the easier it is to fall into bad behaviors. This cycle is perfectly summarized in the autobiography Zevlor keeps by his bed:

“When every passer-by thinks you a thief and a heretic, it is deeply tempting to become one.”

We don’t know if this is Zevlor’s autobiography (as far as I’m aware, anyway) but even if it’s not the words have clearly resonated enough for him to keep them nearby. This particular line paints a pretty clear picture of Zevlor’s struggle. If everyone you meet says you’re devil-kin, vermin, or would-be criminal, isn’t it easier to just give them what they want? If you can’t persuade them otherwise, why put in the effort of trying? If he can’t be Faithful to his God, why have faith in anything at all? If he can’t save these people—setback after setback, mistake after mistake—why is he even making the effort?

Zevlor obviously is trying, very, very hard, which is why such thoughts are merely temptations rather than actual, questionable actions. Still, the Grove gives us numerous examples of the precipice he’s balanced on—and the ways Tav can tip him in one direction or another. You can talk Zevlor down from his anger and get him to acknowledge his disgust in nearly sinking to Aradin’s level. You can also let him boil over and punch the human at a time when the last thing anyone needs is more violence. You can convince Zevlor that there are peaceful ways of stopping Kagha's ritual, or you can help him in pursuing the darker temptation to kill her. It’s a “low” thought, but at his own admission he hasn’t been above entertaining it. Zevlor’s requests for help, though always polite and humble, carry a spark of manipulation in them too. He’s not above leveraging your previously selfless good deed to his advantage—"She owes you for saving this grove"—and if you approach him before speaking with Kagha he’ll claim that the ritual will “be trouble—for all of us.” Except, no? Not really? Tav can make it clear that they’re just here for a healer, they’re only passing through, and as a fighter they are not beholden to the Grove’s sanctuary as the teiflings are. It’s not trouble for everyone involved, yet Zevlor frames it as such in the hopes that (unnecessary) self-interest may motivate you if selflessness fails. Finally, if Zevlor dies in your play-through and you use Speak the Dead on him, he will admit to having “plenty” of secrets, none of which he’ll share. Admittedly, this may be the result of cut content, specifically a story-line in which Zevlor knowingly betrays the tieflings rather than being tricked by the Absolute. Still, the game as it stands is the story we have and within it we’re given a man who is both fighting against these dark urges (ha) and has a past riddled with secrets. If Zevlor is anything, it’s blunt when it comes to his own failings, accurate and otherwise. So how terrible must these secrets be that he outright refuses to divulge them when, generally speaking, most corpses speak freely in death?

However, out of all of this the struggle I’m most intrigued by is the one surrounding the gate. Zevlor represents the tieflings: persecuted refugees, vulnerable civilians, people seeking to survive through cooperation, specifically by joining a community. Kagha represents the druids (or at least a vocal subset of them in Halsin’s absence): bigoted individuals, powerful fighters, people seeking to survive by giving in to their fears, specifically by keeping themselves isolated. This is the moral dichotomy of the Grove and it is symbolized through the gate. Zevlor wants to open it to everyone whereas Kagha wants to close it, permanently.

So isn’t it odd that Zevlor is the one ordering it shut?

When the scene first starts Kanon shouts down that no, he won’t open the gate. Zevlor said that no one is allowed in. Notably, he’s saying this to Aradin and his crew, people that the Grove is at least passingly familiar with, given that Halsin left with them to search the temple. It’s also notable that Zevlor isn’t expecting goblins to attack the Grove. He’s shocked that this is suddenly a problem, brought about by Aradin’s decision—“You lead them here?”— and the entire point of staying at the Grove is that it’s at least comparatively safe. Yes, there have been more attacks lately, but Zevlor seems to be relying on the Grove’s relatively unknown location, as well as the fact that goblins are normally disorganized. The safety is only compromised because Aradin brought a hunting party back, so Zevlor has no reason to expect any visitors, let alone ones that would be a threat.

More importantly, he should welcome such visitors even if he did expect them. After all, that’s precisely what the tieflings are: strangers with no ulterior motives other than to survive. Broadly speaking it makes perfect sense why he'd shut the gates. Zevlor’s first priority is to his people, so anything that keeps them safe is, theoretically, a good thing. But through the lens of his specific characterization and this specific, moral dilemma, it’s an awfully hypocritical decision. Based on everything we’ve seen, our party would not have been welcomed by Zevlor if we’d arrived without danger on our heels and a rescue to endear him to us. So his people should be welcomed, trusted, kept safe, given the benefit of the doubt… but Zevlor isn’t necessarily willing to extend that same trust to others. At the end of the day, he and Kagha want a version of the same thing: safety for those they deem are worthy of it.

It’s precisely these flaws and temptations that make Zevlor such a great character to me, even before he’s tricked by the Absolute. The fandom has leaned hard into Zevlor’s self-loathing and let me tell you, I love it (kisses, hugs, and cookies for you all), but canonically I think he has more reason to fear himself than we tend to portray in the H/C fics. I’m not saying he’s a bad person. Rather, it’s precisely because Zevlor is such a good person that he has the capacity to fall so far. It’s his all-consuming desire to protect his family that leads Zevlor to do and consider so much that a paladin would normally balk at. Denying others the safety you’ve been granted. Subtly manipulating others to do your dirty work. Considering murder.

Zevlor is someone torn between doing the Right Thing and the thing he believes will help those under his care survive. Importantly, when we first meet him he considers these to be two separate courses of action. So can you imagine what goes through his head when he first sees Tav saving everyone and doing so righteously? I think it’s integral to Zevlor’s characterization that the game all but forces you to play the Good Guy in that initial encounter. A cut scene starts, you’re thrown into combat immediately afterwards, and unless you plan to start attacking the Grove members alongside the goblins (which the mechanics discourage through the coloring that distinguishes enemies from allies) you will always finish this fight as Zevlor’s hero. Sure, you can be an asshole afterwards and demand payment. You could already be plotting your betrayal and the slaughter of all the refugees. But in this moment you are nothing but a miracle made flesh in his eyes. Right from the start Tav is succeeding in all the ways Zevlor feels like he's failed. You're the hero.

More specifically, you’re an Every-Man Hero. We might have epic backstories for our Tavs, but within confines of the game you’re largely a nobody when not playing an Origin character. How powerful must that have been to witness then? A total stranger, someone who has no ties to the tieflings or even, depending on your class, any sworn reason to help others, putting their life on the line to save what is most precious to Zevlor? I think a lot about the fact that he never asks Wyll to step in and try to change Kagha’s mind. She owes him just as much as she does Tav—Wyll is an equal participant in that fight and, if your shoddy play style is anything like mine, he likely did more damage—and Wyll is clearly invested in the tiefling’s survival, training the kids as he is. Now, obviously Zevlor’s reticence is largely a question of assigned roles (we need to be the one engaging with Kagha because we’re the protagonist/player) but, like Zevlor’s choice to include himself in the Not a Fighter group, it would have been all too easy to explain this away within the narrative. One comment about how Wyll already tried and failed, or how Kagha doesn’t trust Warlocks, or hell, maybe you don’t meet Wyll in the Grove at all. It’s an easy thing to accomplish and though this is edging more into the realm of headcanon than anything else, I can’t help but think that Wyll isn’t the kind of person that Zevlor could turn to for help right now. Because he’s a folk hero. The Blade of Frontiers, known far and wide for his impressive, selfless deeds. Zevlor is struggling so hard to keep the tieflings safe, tempted by all the unsavory solutions that might achieve that, drowning in self-hatred as his past and current failings catch up with him, wanting nothing more than to be his peoples’ protector:

“I would be a paladin again—with a god’s purpose, a god’s power. Everything I needed to protect my people. And all the while, the cult tortured them. They fought, and ran, and died around me, while I imagined myself their savior.”

Three of the things Zevlor mutters while trapped in the pod are “Hellrider… for… life…,” “Trust… in me…,” and “Children… look away… look at me…” He wants to be the protector, the one children look to for reassurance, he wants his words to Tilly to be a lie and he wants a way to prove that he is a Hellrider for life… but he’s not. At least, Zevlor doesn’t believe it. He lost his titles while Wyll still proudly bears his. Wyll trains the children to fight while Zevlor can only get swept up in anger at them being threatened. The people trust Wyll, adore him, he’s the hero and Zevlor… is not. Not anymore.

It’s too painful to approach Wyll and admit all that. That would be a hell of a blow to Zevlor's pride. But Tav? A stranger? A nobody? The Every-man who had no reason to help or reputation pressuring them, saving them anyway? That’s inspiring. Someone like Tav could be the answer and even, perhaps, the proof that Zevlor could redeem himself. Neither of them are folk heroes, untouchable in their assumed perfection. Tav is a living, breathing example of how the flawed, everyday adventurer can be everything Zevlor strives for.

No wonder he won’t shut up about them in the Shadowlands.

All of this is why it’s so tragic that Zevlor wasn’t given a redemption arc. Sure, you can recruit him for the final battle against the Netherbrain, but there’s no quest to change the cast’s opinion of him—or change Zevlor’s opinion of himself. All his content at the end of Act 2 and Act 3 reinforces that self-hatred.

Let’s make a list, shall we?

Nearly every line of his reunion with Tav has Zevlor painting himself in the worst light possible, from “a lie kinder than the truth” to his refusal to join you because he believes he’ll stab you in the back. You cannot convince him of the Absolute’s manipulation and there’s no response to his belief that such horrors start within the person like, “Of course it does! Because we’re all flawed and equally capable of good and evil deeds! That potential doesn’t make you irredeemable, Zevlor, it makes you mortal!!”

He’s utterly failed as his peoples’ champion and he’s also deemed “unworthy” of being a True Soul. Obviously not being chosen by the Absolute is a good thing, but for a man drowning in self-loathing that’s one hell of a complicated rejection.

Nearly all the tieflings hate him now, all those people he’s been sacrificing his soul to keep safe. I found it particularly devastating that this is one of the rare occasions where nailing a persuasion check doesn’t change the person’s mind. There’s at least one tiefling at Moonrise (I’m drawing a blank on her name) who will believe you when you explain how the Absolute influenced Zevlor, but that doesn’t lead to forgiveness.

Zevlor is deemed unimportant on a literal, narrative level. He is very easy to miss in the pods (I nearly did on my first play-through) and the game does incredibly little to dissuade you from that mistake. Putting aside for a moment that obviously an Origin companion is more significant than a minor NPC, compare this to Shadowheart screaming from her own pod, the game making it abundantly clear that this is someone in need of help—someone worth rescuing. She’ll even say later that you could have run past, more concerned with your own survival and the big picture heroics to bother with her. How must it feel then, if Zevlor ever learns that Tav was there and never stopped for him?

If you do miss Zevlor… oh boy. We’ve probably all seen at least a recording of Orin’s so-called gift. There are plenty of characters who can meet untimely and devastating ends, but very few go through this level of horror. Zevlor—after being held captive, remember—is tortured by God’s Favorite Torturer. He is stripped of his personhood and reduced to a mere “message,” a “pet.” Zevlor is further humiliated in death by being literally stripped of his armor—not just vulnerable in his nakedness, but denied the last symbol of his faith, his status, his power—and it’s always struck me that this is the closest we see to him 'enjoying' an intimate moment, this parody in Orin’s painting. Zevlor is one of the NPC’s most in need of physical comfort and instead he’s forced into this torturous mockery of a sex scene. It also hits hard that when Tav first spots his body the narration says that Zevlor “might almost be sleeping.” Undoubtedly this is a man who isn’t taking good care of himself. He needs a good night’s rest, yet this horrifying trick is all he gets.

As if all this weren’t enough, most of your companion are VERY critical of Zevlor while commenting on his demise. It’s one thing for the tieflings to believe the worst given their ignorance and the fact that they are the ones who suffered from Zevlor’s failure, but your company understands the Absolute and the ways that she gets her hooks in people. Still, Astarion calls him a “wet rag” even if he did deserve better than this. Shadowheart wouldn’t have wished this on him either, but she can’t help but slip in a “no matter his failings.” Lae’zel, often the most blunt, straight up says that he was “always destined to fail his people—and to fail us.” Wyll shakes his head and intones that “even good intentions can lead us down deadly paths.” Only Gale and Karlach stick to mourning the dead rather than airing his shortcomings.

When I spoke to my allies before the final battle Zevlor didn’t have a cut scene. It became clear to me later that this must have been a bug in my play-through, but at the time it only reinforced my feelings that his story was incomplete. Looking on Youtube I’ve found recordings of him saying that he is a Hellrider once more and he would “die a proud man if [he] were to die this day”… but that rings as terribly hollow given where we left him. Last we were together, Zevlor was saying in no uncertain terms that he could not be trusted, he would fail again, he was unworthy of forgiveness. Where did this change of heart come from? It makes perfect sense that he would help Tav in this moment—he begs to be of some use after getting free—but not that he would present himself with such confidence. Within the story as it’s been told this feels… fake. Like Zevlor is putting on a mask to fit the mood of this lively, optimistic party. Which, in turn, gives the “I would die a proud man” line a terrifying implication to me. Does Zevlor expect to die this day? Does he intend to? What would persuade him not to lay down his life here and now? His mission is complete. The tieflings are safe—though not by his hand. There's no hero's welcome waiting for him after this battle. They hate him. He hates himself, and by his own admission the one thing that could still make him proud would be to die at Tav’s side, trying to do one last bit of good. If someone said that to me after everything Zevlor has been through I would keep them far away from the front lines.

(I did, for the record lol.)

I’m not saying anything new then when I go, “Larian, PLEASE add more to his story.” Give us a Zevlor side-quest to renew his oath. Let us invite him to our camp. Something to link the broken man mid-game and the confident fighter at the end so that the latter doesn’t feel like an alarm bell with two legs and a tail. I mean yeah, I get hooked on minor characters so 75% of this is simply me wanting more content of a fave, but I also I do legitimately believe that BG3’s story would benefit from tying up loose ends like this.

Zevlor is a fantastic character, someone who contains an astounding amount of complexity for so little screen time. You have to follow up on that complexity though. If he’s meant to be a purely tragic figure, okay, fine, that’s the ending you get with Orin. But one where he joins you with a smile and reclaims a title he's previously rejected with such fervor requires more work in the middle; a through-line that explains how someone with so much self-loathing learns to think of himself as the hero again.

Because it does all come down to Zevlor’s perception of himself. He was always a hero, flaws and all. He always was and always will be a Hellrider.

The UI knows what's up :)

[gigiswhore]

↳ “time to teach ya’” || op zoro fic

╴ until you learn how to properly pleasure yourself, zoro refuses to allow you to leave. now it's too late to have any regrets about admitting to him that you've never masturbated before.

╴word count: 2k

╴pairing/dynamic: top!zoro , bottom!reader

╴content warning: smut like barely any plot, female prns, made with afab body in mind, just zoro being zoro, innocentish reader, guided masturbation, fingering, corruption kink, spit, praising, cussing, overstimulation, begging but from readers own accord

╴requested: no

╴a/n: english isn’t my first language so if there’s grammar errors i apologize. this is for my zoro lovers 🫡, do enjoy!

↳ ZORO

Zoro could sense something was off about you, particularly after the party. Zoro was honestly a bit bewildered; it was a party with your close friends, and you’re acting dryly with him.

Zoro agitated finally decided he was finished being quiet; after all the way you were acting was bugging him.

"what’s wrong. You’re acting’ bizarre," Zoro voices impolitely, glancing at you once more. "Nothing? "I'm acting normally," you mention, baffled at what he’s talking about.

"Stop lyin'; we both know something’s off with you. Just spit it out already," he replies with a little bit more urgency in his voice.

"it’s nothing! I promise. I'm just, to some extent, embarrassed about something that was  discussed."You declared, sitting down on your bed, hoping that answer would appease Zoros curiosity. "And what was discussed?" he replies while glancing at you once more.

He wanted to get to the root of the issue so you wouldn’t continue to act so distant.

"Can’t say! It was just something ridiculous Nami brought up during our game." You say rambling about the game of ‘never have I ever’ that you and the other ladies played.

Zoro raised his eyebrow, looking for you to give him more specifics. You huff at him but finally decide to just get it over with.

"She asked if… I'd ever played…with myself, and I thought she was joking, but when I looked at her face, it was clear she wasn't. " You followed off before resuming. "I said I haven't, and out of shame, I went to go get you so we could go home," you say with a flush of coral on your cheeks, noticing how elementary your actions were.

Zoro quietly laughed. His partner hasn’t masturbated before, and that’s why they were acting in this manner. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, baby, because that'll change soon.." He proceeded to walk towards your bed and then he sat down. With a smirk on his face, he then continues his sentence. "I'd say it’s time to teach ya’ whatcha think, baby?"

"That’s it, pretty girl," Zoro says while helping you keep your legs apart. "Doing so good."

At the praise, you couldn’t help but feel yourself get more wet. He knew what he was doing, especially when he persisted in helping you keep your legs open.

Honestly, all he wanted was to see you play with your pretty pussy, but you weren’t one to protest against it. After all, it somehow made you feel more pleasure.

"Getting all wet for me, babe? How cute." Zoro couldn’t help but feel proud of the fact that he was able to convince you to masturbate.

It was your first time, and it was with him watching, corrupting you, and teaching you where you should touch yourself. Everything was just too perfect to be true, especially after hearing your moans.

"Feel too good." You said playing with your clit and making sure it feels good, just like how Ro' told you.

This ecstasy was enough to melt any thoughts from your brain, just like the sun can melt snow.

Zoro could tell just by looking at you how much you were enjoying yourself, but he just couldn’t let you have all the fun.

He decided to play with you just a little bit, using his fingers to rub your inner thighs, which are closest to your needy hole.

As soon as he did that, you noticed. Wide-eyed and staring at his fingers, you could feel your mind start to wander. Wanting him to stuff you full with his pretty and big fingers.

"Keep your eyes on your own fingers, love." Zoro leans forward, whispering in your ear.

"Don’t wanna… You’re being unfair." You protest to him while looking at his face for any sign of giving in. There was not but a single smirk on his face.

"Sorry, pretty girl, I'm just here to teach. Nothing else…" He pauses for a moment, looking at your needy and begging face. "If you don’t know how to do it when you’re all alone and crying for my dick, then you’ll be more upset. Can’t have that, can we?" He says he is laughing with his deep, sultry voice.

You know what he says is right, but the laugh he made didn’t help your case. You just wanted him to pound into your poor cunt and have him call you the slut you are, but instead you had to give pleasure to yourself.

You opened your mouth to complain again, but Zoro was quick to shut you up by taking your unoccupied hand and spitting on your fingers.

Right now, your expression is like a deer in headlights. You didn’t know what he was planning to do, but you knew you had to listen up.

He then led your fingers to your hole, slowly making one at a time enter.

"Zo’ f-feels good." You moan; your finger may not be better than Zoro's, but it still made you feel good.

Zoro just smirked at you after he heard you moan, moving his hand away from yours.

You honestly didn’t know what to do from there, so you just stayed still, mesmerized by the feeling of your own finger inside. It honestly felt a bit weird; it was the feeling of something inside of you not moving. You looked at Zoro for some guidance, which he gave.

He honestly couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, looking at how pretty his innocent baby was. "Move your finger in and out of your pretty hole. If it still isn’t enough, then add a few more fingers,  k'babe?"

"M'kay," you say, just staring at him without even making an effort to move your fingers.

"I already went over this. I’m not going to do it for you; you gotta do it yourself. You're going to make me proud, aren’t you?" Zoro stated he meant it all.

You lived to make Zoro proud, so of course you would do it. The only thing is that you only feel like you can do that when you’re drinking with him or fucking. You don’t mind doing those things either, but sometimes you just wish he’d let you pleasure his cock right now instead.

I mean, there are so many ways he likes it, like when you’re jacking him off, giving him a blowjob, a titjob, or even just letting him fuck your tight little cunt. But right now, you know better than anyone not to ask. You’ll get refused, no matter how needy he is, because he wants you to please yourself only. So instead of sulking, you decided you’d make him proud.

You take your finger and start moving it in and out of you, looking for that one pleasure spot that you continuously miss. You then try adding three fingers, but it’s no use; you can’t find it.

Yes, it's pleasurable enoughto throw your head back every now and then, but it’s not the pleasure you want. You want your spot touched; it’s like your cunt craves it as it continues clenching around your fingers.

"Ro's too hard and can’t find it." You state between mumbles and moans, looking directly at how Zoro just stares at your body, looking like an animal wanting his prey, but he snaps out of it hearing your voice.

"Shouldn’t you know your spot better than me? You can find it, baby." Zoro says with a sly smirk on his face, knowing he’s teasing you.

You continue for a few more minutes, even while paying attention to your needy clitoral, but it's still no use. You can’t find the spot that’ll make you cum faster.

You look at Zoro with puppy dog eyes and say, "Ne-need you, Zo', can’t find it.. wan’ your fingers in me."

That was all it took for Zoro to finally snap and help your pussy out. I mean, who could say no to that?

He looks at you with a stern look on his face and tells you to follow his lead. Before you can take your fingers out, he stops you. Shoving three of his own into you. "Mm f-fuck!!" You screamed not on purpose but because it took all the air out of you.

Your cunt was stretched and full, like it is when he forces his cock into your cunt. Zoro groans hearing you moan like that just from him entering his fingers in.

Zoro then begins fingering you, going back in and back out of your stretched-out hole. You end up following him; it was a pleasure. You felt your body start to burn like lava. So much pleasuring you, almost too much, especially because Zoro ended up finding pleasure spots you completely missed.

At this point in time, you were a babbling mess, just barely able to think—completely overstimulated. Before you could even do anything. Zoro found the spot. You screamed once again, telling him it was too good and how you needed more.

Only to be left with complete disappointment because Zoro’s fingers were no longer in you. "Gotta pleasure it yourself, babe; as hot as it is knowing you’ll get off on my hands, it’s better watching you struggle. Don’t you think? He whispers into your ear, knowing how badly you need to cry.

You huff at him, but you can’t fight back. You know this is for the better. After a few more minutes of trial and error, you find it. You need this to cum, and so you keep shoving your finges in and out of your hot cunt, pleasuring your spot every now and then. "Gonna gonna cum!!" You shout, letting yourself cum.

The orgasm left your body shaking for more, but you were too tired to comply.

"Good girl, I'm very proud of you." Zoro said, looking down at your flushed body and pulsing hole.

"I hope you know I'm not done yet." You pause, getting air, then continuing, "I've got to help you out."

"I would love that, babe." He just smiles at you.

© gigislesbo on tumblr !!

╴a/n: had fun making this, it’s not my best work but i did have fun so it doesn’t matter.

[itpemod]

How does one get into making podfics? Are there like, rules or anything?

So glad you asked!

The only "rule" I can think of really is to make sure you have permission for the stories you record. Some authors have a transformative works policy (often found in their AO3 profile or tagged on their story) that may grant automatic permission (meaning you don't need to ask first) to podfic their stories and others may have a "please ask first, I'll most likely say yes" policy. For people who don't have a visible policy, the norm is to ask the author for permission to podfic their story. This is really the only step you shouldn't skip, otherwise you might invite trouble.

If you're curious about where to find blanket permission to podfic, we have a volunteer-run site called the FPSlist that is a database of authors who have blanket permission for podfic. Another incredibly convenient tool is the Blanket Permission Highlighter, which is an extension that will highlight the name of any ao3 author that's on the FPSlist in green in your browser.

So to get into podfic, first find a story you'd love to record that either has blanket permission or you've received permission to podfic! Anything after that is almost entirely individual. You can record using a gaming headset, or using your phone, or a USB mic! You can edit as much or as little as you want. You can have as much or as little metadata in your podfic intro as you'd like. You can host on a variety of websites! There's a lot steps involved in podficcing that we could discuss for many more paragraphs, but I'll link you to some more comprehensive resources to keep this brief.

Here's a good beginner's guide that'll take you through the whole process.

If that feels too overwhelming, there's also this bare-minimum guide you might find helpful!

This is also a really good resource that links to all different kinds of tutorials for various processes!

And if you have more questions, there's a discord server where you can ask questions and advice. You will be swarmed by excited podficcers who are thrilled to walk you through your first podfic! You can also join the Podfic Community on tumblr!

[octuscle]

Halloween party “Road to Bangalore”

“What do you say I go as an Indian prince?” Clive rolled his eyes. His roommate Parker was a real narcissist. In love with himself to the tips of his toes. Parker only knew about lectures and the library from hearsay. He was actually only to be found in the gym and at cosmetics. The fact that he wasn't collecting any credits for his bachelor's degree? Never mind. If need be, his old man would simply buy him university. Parker's parents were supposedly immensely rich. No wonder Parker could buy anything. The jewels he was adorned with at the Helloween party were probably all real. Freshly bought. Or from his mother's jewelry box, who had once been a famous Hollywood diva. The pigeon egg-sized red ruby that adorned Parker's turban was said to be possessed by an even more powerful curse than the Hope Diamond. Allegedly, unlike its previous owners, it had survived the All Saints' quake in Lisbon, the sinking of the Lusitania, the crash of the Hindenburg and the Great Chicago Fire. Parker didn't care about such stories. He was all about the ahhs and ahhs when he walked into the room. Luckily for him, in 1988 there were no discussions about cultural appropriation and the like. Tonight, all that mattered was glitz and glamor. And that Parker had sex at the end of the evening. Clive knew the game. Once again, no one would be good enough for his roommate. And in the end he would have to fuck him.

Of course, the oohs and ahhs Parker had expected were there. He was the star of the party. The photographer who took pictures of the guests was almost exclusively busy taking pictures of Parker with other guests. Clive, who wore a relatively inconspicuous Tarzan costume, was virtually invisible despite his athletic body. He knew that. Next to Parker, everyone else was invisible unless they stood directly in the radiant light that surrounded Parker. And Clive only stood in this light for a few seconds at a time when he was allowed to bring Parker a drink. Parker's mood got worse and worse. On the one hand because he was getting drunker and drunker. And when he was drunk, he got in a bad mood. And on the other hand, because no one met his high standards as a stud for the night. And the drunker he was, the higher his standards became.

It was 2:00 a.m. when Clive took the initiative. It was time to go home. Parker was drunk and becoming increasingly obnoxious. Clive pushed his way through the equally inebriated crowd to the hall phone and called a cab. The lady at the taxi company promised that a car would be there in ten minutes. Clive pulled the slurring Parker out of a group of admirers, put his coat on him and walked him outside. It was chilly. Hopefully that'll sober him up a bit before sex, Clive thought to himself as he lit a cigarette. Unfortunately, the taxi arrived too Until he started snoring. Oh shit, Clive thought. Parker was a big guy. He wouldn't be able to get him up the stairs by himself. Again, he made eye contact with the driver. The driver winked. They understood each other without words.

They had laboriously taken Parker to their room and laid him on his bed. They had taken off his costume. Clive asked if the cab driver could put the costume on. He would like to see it on a real Indian. His Tarzan loincloth lifted with his boner. The Indian cab driver looked stunning. They kissed passionately. The Indian prince turned his back on Clive. They understood each other again without words. A little later, the tinkling of jewelry, moans, the slap of sweaty skin on sweaty skin and the snoring of Parker could be heard. After Clive and the cab driver collapsed exhausted on the bed and Clive massaged the cum that had spurted onto the Indian chest into his chest hair, he thought why he didn't have a normal roommate. And why Parker, this arrogant creep, didn't finally stop living in a perpetual party, in a fantasy world. In a just world, Parker would work hard for a living. And Clive would share a room in the student dormitory with the cute Indian cab driver.

Parker Kumar's parents had been fans of a TV series called “Parker Lewis” in the 1980s. He kept thinking to himself what a silly first name Parker was. It didn't matter, he had been given the nickname “Balu” in the gym at some point and he got through life with that name. In Bangalore, he had graduated with honors. If only he had stayed there. He could certainly have had a better career than becoming a team leader on the helpdesk here. A shitty job! And because he was the only one with a company cell phone, he had to work everywhere and at all times. He had actually just been on his way to the gym. The only place he wanted to be Baloo the bear. But one of those dumbass tie-wearers had been too stupid again to install an update. So he had called Baloo. And Baloo was there. Tonight he had dreamt that he was a stone-rich Indian prince. He sighed… The only filthy rich Indian prince he knew was Clive's husband, the CEO of the company. Well, at least he had been allowed to suck both of their cocks before. And since then, at least he'd had an iPhone as his work phone.

Pics by @ki-kink

[dr-spectre]

Guys, i wanna preach something to y'all.

If you really love a character and if they are really important to you, but you feel like a large majority of fans treat them poorly and they mischaracterise them. Don't be scared to talk about it.

PLEASE!

This is not even focused on Splatoon, no, this is just in general. If you genuinely love a character so much and they are treated in a way where you feel like it doesn't represent the character's true personality, events, arcs, etc, then speak up about it. Make a post on any social media platform or forum. Speak your peace, share your evidence, do what you can to say "hey guys. I think you should all take a second look at this character i really like! They have some cool stuff about them that not a lot of people talk about!"

I think a really great example of a character who's been really mischaracterised is Deadpool. In the comics he's a sad clown sort of guy where he hides his pain, suicidality and depression behind jokes and 4th wall breaks. He's a bad dude who tries his hardest to be a good person, but he fails over and over again and he doesn't believe he can ever be loved or respected. He's funny but he also has depth and layers which is so important to create an everlasting character. Or at least that's what I've heard he's like from comic fans. I haven't read the comics but i plan on to some day because I'm fascinated by his depth and i wanna experience that.

However in his first major solo appearance, which was the game, he was treated as only a loud mouth jokester who sees every woman he comes across as "awooga! boobies and ass!!!!" and all the depth and nuance is gone. Even though they had a comic writer who worked on Deadpool comics for years, he didn't fucking ATTEMPT to give the character any form of intrigue. Just... nothing. Only memes and pop culture references that'll become dated in 5 years.

And a lot of people think that's just who Deadpool is... That's how so many people got introduced to this character which caused misinformation to spread about him for so long... And that fucking sucks dude.

Thankfully the movies have some form of an emotional center with Wade and Vanessa's relationship and they give the character... SOMETHING!!!!! At least the comic fans seem to be pretty okay with movie Deadpool from my knowledge, which is good.

ANYWAYS! BACK TO SPLATOON!

Do you guys remember when Pearl and Marina used to be treated like this? Pearl as some big forehead joke of a character, while Marina was some bimbo with huge honkers and a giant waist.

Oh yeah, this was how they were treated for years. I remember it man, i fucking remember it all. I was there. Sorry to tell the new fans who joined from Splatoon 3. Even after Octo Expansion gave them detailed backstories and further explored their personalities, they were still mischaracterised as flanderised jokes and nothing more in the community.

But after people took the time to get to know these two, after people spent 7 years with them and discussed the interesting things about them online, they are now portrayed significantly better than how they used to be treated in the community and are celebrated as some of the best characters in the franchise. As they fucking deserve to be treated. Fans don't treat them as jokes anymore, casuals don't make tired old jokes anymore. Everyone loves these two now and for the right reasons.

And all it took was a small section of people to praise their best attributes and eventually overshadow the misinformation about them. Pearl is celebrated because she is genuinely a great character with a heart of gold and a want to care for the people around her. To make every day chaotic and to have fun with her CANONICAL GIRLFRIEND!

Marina is celebrated as a character who autistic people can look up to and find comfort in. AND THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME!!! AND IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENED! If no one bothered to look deeper at her character then maybe many peoples lives could have never been changed for the better... Isn't that crazy to think about?

If you can change one person's perspective on a character you love, and they feel that energy and they wanna help you share that energy with more people, then i think you've done something truly amazing. Eventually that shit is gonna spread further and further AND FURTHER!!!!!!

Remember when Shiver and Frye were treated as jokes similar to Pearl and Marina at the start of Splatoon 3? Frye with her big forehead jokes and people calling her ugly due to... well... i'm gonna make some wild accusations here but... there might be an undertone of racism when people call Frye ugly... like... i'm just saying... I'm scared of what these people think about Indian women in the real world... What views they share about them... Frye is inspired by Indian culture and by proxy, Indian women. I'm just saying...

And, of course, fans gooning over Shiver because god forbid a woman exposes her midriff and has curvy hips... ugh...

BUT THANKFULLY IT'S CHANGED NOW! Lots of people see Shiver as a silly yet fun character who has the potential for depth down the line, which people are excited to see. People adore Frye and love her personality and her family.

There are people out there who say that Frye is actually cute and beautiful, AND YOU KNOW WHAT!?? I FUCKING AGREE! If people didn't share their love and takes on Frye then maybe she wouldn't become my favourite Deep Cut member.

Now... To tie it all back to me, I'm seeing this change in perspective for a character.... with Callie Cuttlefish.

During the years 2017 to 2022, Callie was always mischaracterised as some airheaded idiot who ended up getting herself "kidnapped" and "brainwashed" and had to be saved as she was some stupid helpless victim. This was seen in official material and fan comics too. I remember it man, i really do. Hell it STILL happens till this day. That fucking summer 2024 Nintendo magazine? Jesus christ dude...

But now? That perspective is changing... Sure not everyone is gonna fully agree and there probably isn't gonna be massive change in official media, social media such as YouTube and twitter, and of course wikis. Not everyone is gonna know about what Callie is truly like and what she has truly gone through. But....

That's okay.

I really don't wanna come across as some sort of gatekeeping fan, i really hate those kinds of """fans""" so much. I just wanna educate and share my love for a comfort character of mine. Eventually the perspective shared by me and others will be spread to other social media platforms and many more people. Because that's how the internet works baby!!!!

The perspective that Callie was just a girl suffering from fame and loneliness, a girl who wanted an escape from it all, a girl who went under hypnosis to numb her pain and stay in the corruptive darkness she built up for so long, a girl who wanted to help her enemies rather than stay in her current life with a cousin who isn't there for her anymore... A girl who didn't need to be saved, but a girl who needed to be reminded of the good memories she had with her cousin, to remember what she truly stood for and the love she wants to share with everyone via music... A girl who just needed... a fresh start....

She was never kidnapped despite what official sources say... She was never brainwashed despite what they tell you... Callie had agency... Callie was suffering... Just in a more nuanced and fascinating way.

that perspective... is spreading and... I'm so happy about it...

Anyways, that's all i have for you guys. Please share your love for a character with others, share your unique perspectives to the world, you have a voice, USE IT! I DON'T CARE IF IT'LL REACH TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE! ONE THOUSAND! A HUNDRED! ONE PERSON! DON'T FUCKING MATTER!

USE YOUR VOICE! PLEASEEEE!!!!!!!!

[fleetingpetal]

ㅤㅤㅤ╌────┈╌╌┈ㅤㅤ🍷ㅤTHE VAMPIRE'S RESPITE !

　▄︻══━一　⊹　hello and welcome to yours truly's halloween event~ this will contain a series of pieces themed after this particular holiday. i've been organizing this for a while and it's a joy to finally get to it. happy halloween in advance if you celebrate, and happy holidays if you don't. hope you enjoy this mini event. 🖤

content warnings for ACT I that'll contain and openly discuss things like body harm ( self-inflicted and otherwise ) alongside discussions of death and suicide. the specified warnings will be given to each piece during that act.

⋊ ` ACT I :: to those who yearn, to which those dream .

╭ ∘˙ TO THE THORN BY MY SIDE. ° ·

╰ . fragmented voices guide you through a peculiar path to the woods, leading you to a cabin. within such a cabin is a prince, who's fate must be sealed for all eternity. should you leave him be, you won't earn your freedom, and the world will cease to exist... at least, that's what the crow has echoed to you.

╭ ∘˙ LOVING FANG. ° ·

╰ . in the world of teyvat, its inhabitants are divided to two factions; the humans and the vampires. a decent sum of the former chose to risk their lives in pursuit of peace for their kind, but what will the case be when the only reliable healer takes a step forward to the front lines? entangled in secrecy's roots; you blindly stride forward to find a familiar face.

╭ ∘˙ MARCH TO THE UNKNOWN. ° ·

╰ . irminsul has been exhibiting abnormalities that were beyond nahida's comprehension. some have been seeking the young archon for answers about their peculiar dreams, and those still searching for wanderer's whereabouts; as the description of that faceless individual matched his.

⋊ ` ACT II :: within portraits adorned with your tears .

╭ ∘˙ WHAT REMAINS OF IZUMO. ° ·

╰ . “why do you seek the memories of a spring that no longer exists?”

╭ ∘˙ HIS COLOR. ° ·

╰ . “this piece came to me in a dream. he's beautiful, isn't he?”

⋊ ` ACT III :: for a much kinder reality .

╭ ∘˙ O' WANDERING GHOST. ° ·

╰ . this was foolish. truly, yet there you two were; occupied with easing the academic pressure away through playing silly games.

╭ ∘˙ THE HOLIDAY CUSTOM. ° ·

╰ . carven pumpkins, hung doodles on the fridge, and an accidental encounter with the little boy's diary was what led the oh so cold businessman to consider a thing or two today. his figurative destination? the one his child always mused about.

┊ ❀﹚greetings~ credits to the resources used will be listed here. fantastic artwork illustrated by shiMaU_U on twt, animated dividers used for the mini event masterlist made by cafekitsune, and additional dividers used for this event are made by successfulicons.

[agirlandherquill]

the eleventh day of writemas

day 11 comes to you in the midst of a break in my genetics study all-nighter, because who doesn't love a test on their final day of term? (gotta love uni, no really i'm sequestered in the library with music and hot coco, if only i had the time to write my word count for my current project would be SOARING, but that'll come, tomorrow, when i finally have nothing to study for for a few weeks, thank the gods) and because i have every intention of making myself suffer tonight, i thought why not be a little bit evil and make these prompts about suffering too? - also we're at double digit days now, this is incredible, thank you all for taking part!

the rules, for those of you that are new or simply need a refresher: choose a prompt from the list, write something and share your creation with the rest of writeblr, and share the game with others, because as we all know writing is a gift and it deserves to be shared! and of course, tag me in your responses because i cannot wait to see them!

p.s - the game is open to all, as discussed in the invitation post - which, if you'd like to be added to the tag list, is still being monitored for newcomers and late additions - all are welcome to the game!

now for the part you're all here to see - the prompts!

Prompt List:

Dialogue Prompts:

"What did I do for you to hurt me?"

"Every time I see that look on your face, it hurts."

"I cannot stand the sight of you. Leave."

Setting Prompts:

A clocktower

A nightmare

A battlefield

Narration Prompts:

The shaking in her limbs was loud, she could hear her bones rattling, the nerves crawling under her skin, and it drove her beyond the brink of madness.

He hoped for salvation, he prayed to the Gods, every one he could think of, even though he knew they would never listen.

The cacophony of screams bled into everyone's ears. It was the song of pain, the whisper of vengeance, and everyone knew there was more to come. Worse to come, but it was coming.

Feeling Prompts:

The graze of a blade

The drowning of loneliness

The restlessness of hatred

(because i'm insanely overeager, this post like its predecessor will be going live at 00:01 UK Time, apologies to those of you that receive it early but hey, early presents are still pretty good presents :) )

eagerly awaiting your creations, and as always, happy holidays!

~ A Girl And Her Quill

the invitations have been received so here you all are, i bestow upon you the gift of writemas! p.s if you want to be added to the tag list, interact with this post <3

@365runesofthesystem @glasshouses-and-stones @tildeathiwillwrite @sunakore @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings

@willtheweaver @theverumproject @phoenixradiant @thatuselesshuman @melpomenelamusa

@loverboyxbutch @i-hate-happy-endings @corinneglass @whatwewrotepodcast @aalinaaaaaa

@aseriesofsmallthings @kelseyjade @lauravanarendonkbaugh @i-do-anything-but-write @nuclearr-wessels

@95angeltears @sunflowerrosy @thebadphilosopher @ellowynthenotking @xarrixii

@the-ellia-west @myniceisniceblogbloglog @kitty-is-writing @girl-with-bones @crimsonlyinglilly

@fantasy-things-and-such @shiningstars-world @purplehandshumanfeelings @mxxnlightwriting @aquadestinyswriting

@17panicattacksinatrenchcoat @seastarblue @sacratos @afyerarchive

@sabba-tumbling @aurumni-writes @burntblanc @angelfevr @lead-to-code

@inkoherentbabeler @selfemployedmess @theeccentricraven @sarandipitywrites

@kaylinalexanderbooks @rickie-the-storyteller @grace-thomas @wonda-ch @nyoxy-ghostie

@calliecwrites @happypup-kitcat24 @woodnymphdancinginmoonshine @storycraftcafe

@rhikasa @buffythevampirelover @moltenwrites @vesanal @foyle-writes-things

@thesorcerersapprentice @diabolical-blue @elsie-writes @pepsiwriteswords @sharkblizzardblogs

@zmwrites @satohqbanana @avian-king @wordwizards @theimperiumchronicles

@ryns-ramblings @thewritingcoroner @the960writers @m-r-levine @writingsfromspace

@detective-bird @k--havok @saharasunset @the-letterbox-archives @katwritesshit

@thebookishkiwi @that-expat-girl @lyssthewriter @elligatorrex @fablesandfragments

[solomiracle]

can u do a reader who secretly has a nerdy side, and could talk about their favorite thing (animal, anime, series, book, game, etc) for hours?

awawawa!!! i've never really done a request like this before, so it might not be the best >m< but without further ado >:D

The Brothers With a Reader Who Has a Secret Nerdy Side

— — ☆ — —

LUCIFER will be surprised upon learning about this side of you. Most of the time, he won't actively encourage you to talk about your interest, and will only listen to you talk about it for a little while. But sometimes, when he calls you to his study or room to relax and have a bit of demonus, he'll ask about something related to your interest so he can listen to you ramble. He finds your voice more beautiful than any of his cursed records, after all.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are theatre, alcohol, and factories.

-☆-

MAMMON will be surprised, maybe even a little confused when he learns this. Depending on your interest, he'll either not care, ask you a bunch of questions, or try to somehow make it related to his new money making scheme. Regardless of his reaction, he'll spend the next few days "sneakily" inquiring more info about your interest (aka pestering you about it), and then buying something related to it; say a plushie of your favorite character or book on the subject. And of course, he'll be tsundere as ever when presenting it to you.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are vehicles, jewelry, and mansions.

-☆-

LEVIATHAN will be ecstatic when he finds out! A fellow nerd!!! Even if your interests aren't otaku related (but let's be real, he'll definitely be able to connect them to otaku culture in some way), he'll happily listen to you ramble. If you want, he'll even be willing to buy any merch of your interests if there's some on Akuzon! He'll probably stutter and blush when suggesting this, though.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are anything otaku related (mainly magical girls), video games, and the ocean.

-☆-

SATAN will be intrigued. If he already has knowledge of your interest, it'll end up with you two going back and forth, discussing your favorite details, maybe even learning new facts about it together. If he doesn't have the knowledge, he'll listen to you talk, taking in all the things he finds interesting and looking them up later. Maybe he doesn't care for your interest, but he wants to be well informed and understand the things you like.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are magic, human history, and book series.

-☆-

ASMODEUS... wouldn't really care that much lol. But he's always thrilled to learn more about you, and would love to listen to you talk about your interest. If it's something that can be made into a cute pin or a patch, like an animal or logo from your favorite series, he would love to sew it onto one of your bags or jackets for you. Make sure to thank him properly for it!

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are fashion, horoscopes, and rituals.

-☆-

BEELZEBUB will be fascinated upon learning this. He gets to see a whole new side to you, one that can get you talking for hours? Cool! He'll ask you a question about your interest to get the ball rolling (maybe even unintentionally), then sit down and listen to everything you have to say, even if it means having to wait a bit to eat. But he can hardly ever think about his stomach when he's too busy focusing on you.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are human culture (food and history), sports, and health.

-☆-

BELPHIE... wouldn't really care that much as well. In fact, he might even tease you about it (aka calling you a nerd), and will most likely nod off in the first few of your ramblings. But he makes sure to stay awake after realizing how important your interest to you is; not to mention, he gets to see your happy face for hours, a sight better than any of his dreams could come up with.

Bonus: Topics that'll really grab his attention are human culture (fairs, circuses, etc), astronomy, and magic.

[oreo-oro-orero]

An Arcane Domestic AU prompt I thought up😭

Ekko: "Hello?"

Jyace: "Yes is this Mr. Ekko?"

Ekko: "Yes it is."

Principle: "This is Principle Talis from Piltover School For Gifted Young, you might remember in regards to our discussion about your son and daughter and their behavior in class."

Ekko: "Yeah I do, what's up."

Jayce: "Well you see after another incident I decided to call your Wife instead of you because I figured you already had enough on your plate as it is. It was in regards to your kids getting into another fight and as of now your wife is held up in my office with your kids after having headbutted the mother of the kids your's got into a fight with and she has incapacitated most of school security."

Ekko: "alright I'm on my way"

Jayce: "Oh well I've already called over the local enforcer unit and the she-"

Ekko: "That's not gonna help, if anything that'll probably make it worse an...hold on I'm getting another call"

Caitlyn: "Ekko are you there?"

Ekko: "Yep, I would assume you've gotten the news"

Caitlyn: "Yes I have and apparently Vi, has come up to the school as well, punched the father in the face and referred to the school council as "little bitches I believe she's held up in the room with Jinx as well."

Ekko: "Yep I figured, well I'm...hold on I'm getting another call."

Jinx: "Hey Baby!"

Ekko: "Hey Honey."

Jinx: "Can you believe these fucking Pilties, first they call me after our kids got through kicking the shit out of some stuck up brats and not the parents are trying to us to court. It's not our fault that bitches kids can't throw hands!"

Ekko: "The audacity of them I'm sure, how our are little Firelights doing?"

Jinx: "Oh they're doing fine! Say hello to daddy babies!"

*kids say hello*

Vi: "Is that little man?!"

Jinx: "Yeah it is!"

Ekko: "Hey Vi, hold Caitlyn's on the other end."

Caitlyn: "Hey sweetie."

Vi: "Cupcake! Can you believe these assholes, The-"

Caitlyn: "I know I heard Jinx's recounting of the situation, speaking of which, hello Jinx"

Jinx: "....Caitlyn."

Ekko: "we're both on our way so you too try to physically harm any more people until we get there okay?"

Jinx: "No promises! And Ekko you know you didn't have to ask if the kids we're safe. I would never let-"

Ekko: "I know, honestly I don't know why I asked that. I mean why wouldn't our kids be safe when they have the most craziest and cutest girl in all of Piltover and Zaun watching over them"

*Jinx blushes hard*

Jinx: "You're playing a dangerous game here Little Man, you know how I get when you talk like that."

Ekko: "Maybe I'm doing it on purpose"

Jayce: "Um you guys do know I can hear all of this right"

....Line disconnects