#but that would be self centered right
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always wondering if it's my writing and the execution that's the problem
#sungbeam strikes again#but that would be self centered right#there r other more glaringly obvious reasons why theres less interaction happening and its not just the writing#im just being pissy and silly sorry!!#dear god i need to breathe outside air and touch grass if i disappear again its cuz of that
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Some Fords! (and Martin K Blackwood is also there)
#Some Ford wips I'm working on! I'll probably post these all seperately later. I dunno yet. just wanted them out of brain jail#The TMA crossover drawings are inspired by a fic which I cannot find the name of right now BECAUSE AO3 is DOWN????#anyway I got more drawings for it I'll post all together later#also I haven't listened to protocals yet and I need to relisten to the og so I hope I remembered Martin's level of lonely avatarship lmao#Also I just think Ford would be a bit mean to himself. ESPECIALLY his immidiately post Fiddleford leaving self#conflicting thoughts of 'I cant risk changing the timeline' and#'I was a miserable self centered idiot and Im afraid I still am so I need to to put my younger self down to feel better'#Gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#gf fanart#fanart#fan art#my art#digital art#martin k blackwood#the magnus archives crossover#Edit: the fic was 'earth becomes sky in the most literal fashion'!!
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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Just wanted to say I'm really happy that you have shared so much about your characters! I've been following you for a long while now, and I think I remember your post expressing worry about talking about your characters. After seeing all the love shown to them, it makes me happy that you decided to!
Aaa thank you for your kind words! ;-;
[22.7. Editing these here]
#you remember right yeah#years ago somewhere along the road I got really skittish and self-conscious about talking about my characters#I would draw them but I was really uncomfortable sharing any of their .... lore or backgrounds or such#the floodgates sort of collapsed late spring or early summer last year#I still get these pangs of embarrassement and hesitation and think “oh god this is humiliating this isn't relevant or useful”#“I don't know why I'm telling you this”#so it really truly boosts my confidence when people show interest in hearing about my dogs#and ask questions and give feedback#it means so much to me#answered#anonymous#it's an ongoing struggle because of course I want to talk about this stuff I think about them every day#but I'm also paranoid about coming across annoying and self-centered#you know?
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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Pathetic man of the day but it's meta knight daily
#kirby#king dedede#dedede#meta knight#greatest warrior in the universe everybody#i just finished kirby fighters 2#the game and the light novel#the light novel shines a lot of light at the events#thats another way of saying that i didnt understan anything in the game#but the light novel is extremely sweet#bandana is sweet king dedede is sweet kirby is sweet meta knight is meta knight#im gonna reveal my hottest kirby takes in the tags#from the main cast bandana is my favorite character#i think the best character objectivly is dedede tho#but my favorite character from the entire franchasi is galacta knight#most of my kirby stuff is probably going to be about king ddd#what can i say he is everything i love from a character#silly greedy self centered big and pathetic#meta knight would probably be my favorite character if hal decided to do anything with him#there's no way theyre ignoring his backatory it has to be on some of the next games right#like we got so much of dedede from forgotten land and he appeared in two scenes#meta knight was literally standing there for half the game#im begging for some crumbs#his info in the gacha was even translated incorrectly we cant have anything good from him#i love meta knight i treat him harshly because i love him
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one day I’m actually going to grab everything I went through last year and pour it into a raritwi breakup fic where they don’t get back together and I don’t do my usual thing where I hint there’s hope for them
And I think that will probably be a very emotional and good fic but also it’ll probably be incredibly crushing more than anything Ive ever done so honestly maybe we should all be grateful I haven’t written it yet
#I’ve been listening to JP Saxe’s ‘A Little Bit Yours’#and i can feel it clawing at me#‘all i do is get over you and I’m so bad at it’#‘maybe if I’d said the right things it never would have gone this way’#‘but maybe that’s the problem cause I still kinda think it was up to me’#‘when I never could have made you stay’#rarity moves away from ponyville because everything is twilight#and she sees twilight just lock it out block it out put it away in a box and move on#and rarity can’t#and she tries#and tries#and a thousand miles away#in the dark of the night#the silence staring her down#she has to live with the idea that twilight got over her like that#that twilight probably already let go long long ago#and yet rarity is there knowing still she’d kill if twilight asked her to#and there’s no victory in that#no poetry or muse#no beauty#it’s just sad and pathetic and a masochism and so self centered#to cling to the hope that twilight still loves her or needs her when she knows it’s not true and it never will be#and the element of generosity wonders when her core got twisted#when generosity and caring and giving became erasing yourself for some pony else#and maybe one day it’ll stop#maybe one day she’ll be fine#but for now#she quietly makes peace with a simple fact#that even if twilight sparkle isn’t hers anymore and never will be again#at least for now rarity is still a little bit twilight’s
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I think what many people are missing in Veilguard is that they are playing with the power inherent to words.
It’s a common criticism that Veilguard is telling more than it is showing us, and I rather think that’s on purpose.
We only have Solas’s WORD on how things are. Do we believe it? Do we question him? How does that shape his behavior later? Like we can TELL Solas’s memory what we believe he can be like. Then we are SHOWN that he is not that man (yet). Rook will likely shape Solas through the power of words (Solas is with him always; he is also in the Fade; he is also likely a spirit; spirits can change their nature through words - see Cole in DA:I).
Currently I am convinced any and all things that characters only TELL us, but we aren’t SHOWN are written that way on purpose (same thing goes for Caterina, in reference to whom I am even making this post).
The devs made a conscious choice on giving us the codex entry on the Maker’s WORD right from the start, too. The Titans’ song, as little as I know about it after only doing Harding’s first quest, is made up of WORDS, and these words carry power. The Evanuris’s WORDS carry power and influence people. The mayor in that blighted town TELLS us (with a bit of fill-ins from Neve) he had no control over himself once Ghilan'nain tugged at his fear and greed. Then we have the choice to either believe his word or only that which we can see. I never saw this kind of duality in Dragon Age before (we usually are shown more of what happened).
Something is going on with this narrative angle, and I highly doubt it’s a team of experienced writers ignoring one of the most basic guidelines of modern writing (note the emphasis on guidelines and modern - we are simply trained to believe seeing is believing; this was not always the case throughout human history). I expect them to turn it around on us in subtle ways before the end of act one.
I have more thoughts on this including notions of word = magic = power, but I want to see if I catch moments where what we see can’t be trusted first, and if my theory turns out to be true.
#datv#or maybe it falls apart after all but#people always throwing around the ‘bad writing’ criticism ticks me off#I have seen many such media and well - usually (!) when this criticism came around people just. didn’t really… get it#still taken aback by the fact that people were confused about witcher season one#and called it badly written. when it was very clear they just didn’t understand the different timelines and how they met in the present#I am VERY careful with that kind of criticism not only as a reader/gamer/watcher but as a writer myself#sometimes you’re just not the right audience for a piece of media and then it falls flat for you#god it bothers me so much how the conversation about creative media has evolved to a chorus of ‘if I don’t like it that means it’s bad’#the internet created a generation led by self-centered consumerism#but would be another post and ppl aren’t ready to talk about that#datv spoilers#datv theory
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Baffling to me that I continue to see people act like rui was even remotely in the wrong for very calmly telling tsukasa off in the main wxs unit story. Rui brings his childhood best friend who he cares so much about to a group to help her start pursuing her dream again and instead nene just gets a repeat of the worst day of her life with the added bonus of tsukasa berating her. Rui had nothing to apologize for & every right to tell tsukasa off. Tsukasa literally agrees that he was being a dick. I love Tsukasa Tenma I think he’s a great character but the way people will go Well Rui Was Mean To Him :( as if the narrative doesn’t very clearly spell it out for you that tsukasa was 100% in the wrong. Tbh Tsukasa was lucky that Rui isn’t a mean person. He was also very lucky that robonene didn’t have the flame throwers yet.
#if I was in rui’s situation I would have gotten Mean.#& tsukasa knows that rui doesn’t think he’s Not Capable Of Being A Star anymore. rui tells him like every day.#I’m going to throw rocks at your head. take off the tsukasa stan glasses.#also rui was like… literally right. ‘you’ll never be a star if you’re so self centered you can’t work with other ppl’ he did not lie#project sekai#also bugs me that ppl give less of a fuck over tsukasa berating nene than rui politely calling tsukasa a self centered jackass#this is why nene is allowed to be as mean to tsukasa as she wants. also bc it is funny.
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Soooooo I wrote this incredibly self-indulgent thing about Miles. I have many feelings about how he keeps himself so tightly in control. It's gotta go somewhere.
Disclaimer it's quite dark, so mind the trigger warning and keep yourself safe <3
TW: self-harm, not what I would consider graphic descriptions, but it is the central theme and way more than a mention
The lock clicks. He slips his suit jacket off. Loosens then removes his tie. Untucked, buttons undone. It’s all laid out on the bed. Step by step. Shoes set to the side and trousers swapped for silken pajama pants.
The bathroom door closes behind him. The second lock between him and the world. The shower comes on. Towel laid out on the counter.
His drawer, second down on the left. He pulls out the small black bag. Gold zipper. Supple leather. Inside, his collection. Three packs of new razor blades. An open pack of blades; used ones tucked into the back. A single hypodermic needle. A crafting knife. Two unopened band aids.
The rest of the drawer’s contents is ignored, antiseptic and suture kits, butterfly closures and rolls of gauze, in favor of practiced hands sliding the tin of blades from the bag and the blade from the tin.
He sits on the toilet, lid down. Elbow straight. Fist clenched. The first slice with a small inhale. Bright and sharp and stinging. Familiar and comforting. Line after line as red blooms from the wounds. The ecstasy second only to the Kiss. Rivulets follow gravity down. Strategically placed tissues catch the mess.
Stained crimson, they fall into the waste basket. He flexes his wrist, testing the pull of the broken skin, blots the last of the blood away. Blade inspected and stowed; everything returned to it’s place. Pajamas folded on top of the toilet, he steps into the shower.
#path of night podcast#my fic#*clenches fist* i WILL get better about sharing my writing#but yes many many thoughts about how he regulates himself emotionally and the toll that keeping himself in check takes#i dont have actual like coherent thoughts otherwise i would have written more lmao#but i always gotta have some character to slap the self-harm headcanon onto and unfortunately for miles he is The Chosen One this go around#i would imagine hes very methodical and ritualistic about it and finds it very centering and grounding and cathartic but also#tips right into that edge where he NEEDS it and its becoming a coping mechanism he doesn't really have a replacement for when push comes to#shove and how does he cope when this thing that supposedly gives him control leads him to being more out of control v juicy thoughts for me#if i actually bothered to write anything substantial i would probably post it to ao3 but for 250 words im not sure its worth it lmao#i feel like my tenses are all over the place too but im just going to live with it!!!!!!!!!#i also have many many thoughts about how marcos is involved and complicit spoiler hes the one who put all those medical supplies#in the bathroom just in case miles ever needed them#and the blood bond only complicates things
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ngl it always annoys me how they make a running gag out of guda being traumatized by Halloween bc like. What’s the trauma. A kind of weird girl sings loud and is a bit wacky and some wacky stuff happens? Oh no, and you have to get one of your 15 loyal friends to help you out? How terrible, truly you need to spend the next 10 minutes of intro shivering and shaking over how deeply and uniquely horrific it was. Btw you don’t ever really remember those dead civilians you saw get slaughtered from camelot that’s the job of the people who killed them to feel guilt abt even though the versions who did it are confirmed to be fully different from the ones we see in other events <3
#an entire squadron of geniuses and no one can figure out how to make it so you can sit through a girl trying to share her interests with you#without being cursed#bc being a jackass is ‘funnier’ fuck you I hate how mean they are to her#it’s be one thing if it was like ccc where she was also just unpleasant and mean but half the time in fgo she’s legit just trying to do#something nice for the mc#and it’s self centered bc she thinks she’s great but she wants to include them BC SHE THINKS YOURE HER FRIEND AND SHES LONELY/MISUNDERSTOOD#pisses me right the fuck off and I’m SUPER easily annoyed by noises so it’s not like I don’t get why someone would be bothered#but man they just. they don’t try they just make an occasional earplug joke but it’s all vehicle to the greater mockery they always make#of her. like why even give her all these alts if you NEVER LET ANYONE ACTUALLY LIKE HER#she’s stuck being the hated person for no reason except bc she’s Liz#my post
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soft, sleepy moments with your f/os after you had a busy day… cuddling up on the couch with them after you get home, exchanging small pecks all over each other’s faces as everyone’s eyes grow heavy bit by bit, unintentionally drifting off while your f/os hold and snuggle you… alternatively, your f/os leading you to your bedroom so you all can cuddle in bed, nestling under the covers together, feeling warm and safe in their arms amongst the blankets and pillows, letting them take care of you as the drowsiness sets in… <3
#i am sleeby and need to be held :(#i’m not saying being sandwitched between my f/os would fix all my problems but /j#needed to type a poly-centered imagine. lest i exploded#something something the overwhelming feeling of softness and trust that comes with falling asleep and being openly exhausted near someone…#please universe i am down on my hands and knees let me cuddle these boys ONCE PLEASE#f/o imagines#imagine your f/o#polyam self ship#poly self ship#self ship#self shipping#romantic f/o#f/o community#quartzshipping#i don’t know how to tag this so i’m just crossing my fingers that it reaches the right audience >_<
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it's funny to me how many bl/gl fans will watch a series where one of them is a tsundere bully and get righteously angry about it like it's a bug not a feature
#and it's so common a trope/fantasy that i'm just like... you know you don't have to watch these#they're clearly not for you#i still think about that person who was like. mad about fuyu from chaser game w harassing people#harassment is literally in the title. why did you start watching it in the first place?#drama liveblog#anyway this is about seeing ppl get mad about ark being >:( mean >:( like thAT'S THE POINT#at least with ark (rather than with top) i do genuinely find it funny#bc at least with ark the characterization is correct#he is just straight up a meanie who bullies his love interest#(which is understandably not everyone's cup of tea)#meanwhile top was a self-centered but kind person who cared about mew (and cheum) and only was a bitch when other people started it#fans only hated him because he was right about their faves being dickheads and acknowledging that boston coerced him would mean they'd have#to confront the fact that their uwu slutty pookie was a psycho lol
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Very cool and not at all uncomfortable vent sesh (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Emperor Awesome#Commander Peepers#Some friendly Eyesome :D#This is all Awesome's fault lol I thought about him being dramatic and lying on the ground and venting to Peepers and it became an Idea#Awesome stop being fun to draw challenge - at least it's not as hard a challenge as Peepers stop being being fun to draw lol#A lot of his poses were really fun for this as well :D Although I didn't mean to put Awesome behind him initially lol#They're probably at Awesome's actually - Peepers brought something to work on the workaholic needs his enrichment lol#I just can't imagine Awesome being comfortable on the Skullship let alone Peeps' quarters lol ''Damn bitch you live like this?''#Like he can talk ♪ But at least he knows what he likes!#Peepers gets all the vent sessions haha - at least Awesome would probably return the favour! Gossip ♫ It's still probably mismatched#Both for Awesome's selfishness and Peepers' discomfort with relying on others and being kinda repressed#If Awesome pushed him the right way he'd probably spill a lot though hehe#But anyway this is about Awesome! I think actually becoming friends with Peepers after he told him off would recontextualize some things :)#Still some hard feelings but not enough to reignite the fight over haha#And actually letting Peeps in and his words sink into his bones - and as he says watching Peepers work so hard but still just be a minion#What does this say about me??? thinks the self-obsessed shark man lol#Meanwhile Peepers was just expecting a self-centered rant but he actually got caught in the crossfire enough to be complimented hehe#At least Someone around he recognizes how hard he works!#''Alright fine you've got my attention keep puffing my ego'' lol#His little quirked ''brow'' hehe <3
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ughhh I'm always fishing for pity
#ramblelele#I'm so self centered agh#even right now#like why else would I post this#I hate it#how do I stop
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my sister unsurprising a chronic self-centered bitch remains wholly and completely unconvinced that more than one person (herself) can be utterly miserable in a situation (the inherent misery of sharing a car ride with her insufferable ass)
not that i should be surprised i already know shes a hate-able prickly bitch!
#talking to the air#her selfcenterness truly piss me the fuck off#and im so fucking tired of pretending that my reactions to her bitchass attitude#is fucking somehow EQUALLY culpable for the majority of our arguements#WHEN FUCKING NO#ITS HER CHRONIC SELF CENTERED ‘I’m only REAL person that exist’ BULLSHIT MENTALLITY#LIKE FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF??? WHY THE EVER LIVING FUCK WOULD LIVING WITH SOMEONE THAT KIND OF MENTALLITLY NOT INSTICTLY PISS ME OFF????#I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF IT A TRAUMA RESPONSE OR A COPING MECHISM FOR OUR SHITTY CHILDHOOD#OR SOME OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS BULLSHIT#IF YOUR DAY TO DAY INTERACTIONS WITH ME ARE A RESULT OF YOU THINKING YOUR THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS#AND IS CAPABLE OF FEELING ANYTHING EVER??? THEN LEGITAMATELY FUCK RIGHT OFF AND DONT EVER EXPECT ME TO GIVE YOUR ASS GRACE ABOUT ANYTHING#SINCE YOU APPERANTLY CANT HANDLE GIVING THE OTHERS SOME BASIC ASS DECENCY AND GRACE#GOLDEN RULE MOTHER FUCKER#ACT LIKE BITCH? THEN RIGHT THE FUCK BACK AT CHA
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